Kaleidoscope

by kayleesworks822

Summary:

Damian Wayne begins to unpack his complicated feelings for his Best Friend, and faces significant roadblocks that lie between him and what his heart truly wants, to love Jonathan Kent. Between pining, magic, and unwanted familial advice, Damian struggles to process that he is in love with Jon. Time will tell whether this love will only hurt him, or will Jon have some secrets of his own?

Chapter 1: A Good Kind of Hurt

Gotham Heights
7:42 P.M

Damian Wayne knew it all, or at least he thought he did. Except for this slight pain he felt in his stomach as of late, usually triggered by the presence of his half-Kryptonian best friend, Jonathan Kent AKA Superboy. At first, it started whenever he saw Jonathan enter his room through the window late at night like he did often when needing advice or whenever he wanted to chat, and in some cases wanting to sleepover like when they were kids.

Of course he had reacted rationally at first. He had tested himself like crazy in the batcave for every single type of Kryptonian related illnesses and exposures that were in his Father’s records, and then by subtle experiments such as testing Jonathan’s DNA or taking notes on his physical condition after long hours in his company. Damian’s newest experiment was observing Jonathan as he slept one night as they were having a sleepover.

Damian kneeled over Jon as he fell asleep and began to snore, observing the boy in his sleeping bag on the floor while Damian crouched above him. That night, Damian felt that familiar pang in his stomach, and looked away, feeling a light warmth in his body begin to take over. It was that damn kryptonian! He knew that boy had done something to him. He would find more tests later, but for now… He would continue to observe. It was harmless, right?

As he watched him, he admired the way Jon’s wavy hair fell perfectly above his face, how his chest rose and fell so majestically with every breath… He observed Jon’s sweatshirt and how it fell in a way that exposed only a sliver of his toned stomach, but he looked away immediately. It was too much. He felt wrong for feeling this way, and even more wrong as he watched Jon’s phone buzz beside him, a picture of Jon’s current boyfriend, Jay adorning the screen. He felt ashamed for watching Jon in this way, and crawled back into his bed quietly, laying awake and pondering how his feelings for his best friend were at the moment.

Once they worked full time as the Supersons, but after Jon left him with Jor-El to space, and returned somehow older than him, they had drifted apart for a time. But as they often did, they would drift back into each other’s lives after a time. Whether it was through a singular text message, or a spontaneous visit during one of Damian routine patrols, he was always happy to see his friend. They were now 15 and 17 respectively, Jon growing up into a fine young man, and Damian recognized that and was deeply proud of him.

He could never really articulate that into words or actions, but he felt it. Somehow, he did. He was never one for loud exclamations of his feelings, unlike those damn Supers. Damian watched as Jon grew even more, temporarily taking on the mantle of Superman when his father was on Warworld, and eventually telling Damian about his new Reporter boyfriend, Jay. Damian had felt happy for him, I guess. For a time, he had felt that way at least.

But lately, something about being around him felt off. He never had been very forward, but he found himself texting Jonathan often, whether it be a funny animal video or just inviting him over. He wanted to talk to him more and more. Whenever they spent time together, Damian silently reveled in any and all physical touch the older boy seemed to give his way.

Every little shoulder tap, graze of his hands along Damian’s, and especially hugs. Whenever he was embraced by Jon, he felt his whole world disappear and felt himself sink into Superboy’s arms, gaining immense satisfaction from being close to his neck, smelling his timeless, masculine scent. But with Jay there, and with Damian being, well… himself, there was no way he and Jon could ever be together. It just didn’t work. He pondered this idea once or twice, but threw it away immediately for one reason or another.

He hated how these thoughts crept up into his head, and how much he thought of Superboy whenever he was awake. Often enough nowadays he would pour himself into his work as Robin or in School to take his mind off of it, and even tried to put himself out there as Damian thought for a moment he may indeed like Flatline, but that fell away quickly as she left Gotham, and he kept pushing away his true feelings for his Superboy.

The moment that really broke the facade within his emotional bubble was last week, when Jon and Damian were on patrol. During a chase with Killer Croc in the expansive tunnels beneath Gotham, Jon was knocked back by the beast and slammed into Damian, knocking both of them to the ground. As Damian gained his senses, he was mere centimeters away from Jon’s lips, taking in it all from his newly growing light stubble to his piercing blue eyes… He felt heat rise within his face and build in his chest, watching as Superboy rose, cape billowing in his memory as he reached for Damian’s hand, looking deep into his eyes and saying, “Let me help you up…” Damian was sure this memory was altered by some sort of magic spell. He saw Jon in a certain light he suppose, but never like that.

But today, Damian rested in his room after school, surrounded by pictures of himself, family, and friends. He gazed over the memories on the wall from his spot in his bed, settling on a picture of him and Jonathan at the Metropolis Pride Parade. He cherished that picture almost more than anything. He rose from his bed and unhooked it from the corkboard above his desk, bringing it with him back to his bed as he wrote in his journal, pinning the picture of them to his notes from today with a paperclip, closing the book and holding it close to his chest.

He closed his eyes and brought in a deep breath, wishing he could go to Alfred with his dilemma. The old Butler always had the best advice. He opened the moleskin journal again and looked at the way Jon’s eyes gazed toward the camera, his eyelashes falling perfectly along with his dreamy black hair and… The grizzled form of Bruce Wayne, adorned in a bathrobe dotted with the signature “S”, appeared. He knocked at the door once softly, before peeking it open and smiling towards his son.

“Hey, Son. Is there anything I can get for you?” He said as Damian closed his journal and quickly disposed of it beneath his pillow. “No, Father. But thank you. I was just working on a writing assignment for English” He replied nervously. Bruce smiled and walked into the room, “Uh huh. So… anything you wanna talk about? Any girl troubles? What about that one, what was her name?” Bruce said awkwardly, desperately trying to approach the subject delicately as he knew Damian rarely opened up to anyone.

Damian sighed and said, “Father, I don’t really like her like that. Plus she left Gotham.” Bruce gestured for Damian to hold his tongue for a moment and sat down on the bed beside his son, “Any… Boy troubles? I know we haven’t talked about anything like that but you’re always spending so much time with Jon and I thought that-” Bruce said sincerely before being interrupted by his Son, who in a bright flush exclaimed, “Father, please. I… it could never work. He has a boyfriend. I’m me and well… He’s him. It just… doesn’t fit.” Bruce sighed and wrapped his arm around his son, “But… you do feel something for him.” He said softly, in a cadence not dissimilar to Alfred.

Damian looked up to his Father and into his eyes, sensing the sincerity in his voice and as he did with his art, he would show him what his heart really felt.

“Yes… well, maybe? It’s complicated.” Damian replied quietly, looking down as he sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as he sunk his head into the comfortable nook below, shutting everything around him away. Bruce understood this feeling, even felt it a time or two for the numerous women he had involved himself with over the years, even Damian’s mother, Talia.

Bruce removed his arm from around Damian and said, “Whoever it is you like, or whatever it is that you’re feeling, no matter how complicated… it is never wrong. Despite your past, you have a good heart, Son. Never let that go.” He said, rising from the bed and returning back to the door.

Damian listened to his footsteps and as Bruce got to the door, Damian’s head rose and turned to Bruce, “Father… thank you.” He said, a shadow of a smile appearing on his face. Bruce looked back at his son and smiled, and as he closed the door he snuck in one last little comment, “If anything happens please remember to use protection-” he said as Damian yelled, “FATHER.” simultaneously as the door slammed behind Bruce.

Damian rolled over and collapsed in his pillow, turning his head to retrieve his phone from the charger on his bedside table, opening it to see a picture of him and Jon, the one at the Parade he cherished most. Damian’s olive skin and slightly lighter wavy hair than Jon’s was something he liked about himself. But what intrigued him most was the notification at the top of his bar, along with the 243 other unread messages he had was one unread from Jon, about an hour ago,

“hey, dames. Can i come over tn maybe? not sure what time. “ He said.

“yes.” Damian replied, simply.

Despite his texting style, Damian felt that tingle in his chest that had been bugging him for months on end, he almost liked it. He liked the way Jon made him feel sometimes, even if the other 50% of the time he hated it. Damian proceeded to ready himself for bed, donning his favorite pajama shorts and Superman T-shirt as he turned off his lamp and drifted to sleep. After what felt like forever, he felt a shadow move in front of the moonlight of his open window.

His eyes opened softly as he saw the figure of his best friend, Jonathan Kent, clad in his Superboy costume as he entered the room through the window and sat down on the end of the bed by Damian’s feet. “Hey, Kent.” Damian said first. Jon’s mouth curled into that sweet smile that Damian loved and said softly, “Hi, Dames.” Damian sat up and leaned upon his headboard, looking at Jon blankly as he admired his friend. Jon sighed and brought his hands up to his face, sighing and looking back towards Damian as if he had the whole world on his shoulders.

“What’s up, Jon?” he said softly. Jon smiled but it quickly faded as he replied, “Me and Jay had a fight… over something stupid.” Damian held his tongue for a moment, brain going in eight different directions as he both felt sad for his friend but weirdly… elated? He pushed this feeling aside as he replied blankly, “Do… you wanna talk about it?” Jon looked around, trying to keep himself calm as he said, “No, but… thank you.” He said, seemingly impossible to read by Damian as he inched over to his friend and looked into his flush green eyes, moving his hand to hold one of Damian’s.

“Thank you for being someone I can rely on. I don’t have many friends these days.” Jon said. Damian’s heart jumped as he felt his Jon’s hand eclipse his own, digits of his friend’s grazing his as his chest began to feel heavy and brain became light. Damian admired his beautiful wavy hair, the way his skin shined in the moonlight. He was… everything. Damian’s mouth curled into a small smile as he rubbed Jon’s hand with his thumb, feeling over the warm skin and light hair which topped it. Jon’s eyes felt piercing, like they saw everything he had ever thought or felt.

Did this boy truly know the depths of Damian’s feelings for him? Did Damian even know? As these thoughts ran through his head, he let Jon’s hand go reluctantly and returned to a resting position. “If you need somewhere to crash, the room is free. Grayson borrowed the sleeping bag for a camping trip so I'll probably set something up on the floor.” He said with a vacant tone.

Jon chuckled and said, “Scooch over, I cannot sleep on that hard ass floor without a sleeping bag.” Damian’s face flushed and he turned over, facing the wall and moving closer towards it to give Jon room. Superboy removed his cape and borrowed one of Damian’s gray shirts and sweatpants, both coming up too far, looking insanely wrong on him but as Damian peeked over his shoulder, he blushed deep and felt a flush in his cheeks, as he could see the lower half of Jon’s toned abs, light hairs around his stomach shining in the moon as he crawled into the bed and got comfortable, facing away from Damian.

The two were locked in silence, facing opposite directions as Jon said softly but sassily, “Nice shirt, bird boy.” Damian chuckled and replied, “Nice crop top, dweebus.” Jon laughed and quickly shut himself up as to not wake the Bat, and they both settled into sleeping, though Damian was up for longer contemplating the last hour, between Bruce and Jon he felt overwhelmed with feeling. “Ugh.” Damian thought to himself, he was becoming just like those damn Supers.

As the hours waned by and the two dreamed, Damian could swear he felt arms around him, as his consciousness slipped on and off, He wanted to feel like this forever. No matter whether it was real or not, he just wanted it to be. Selfishly Damian thought, he would trade a thousand lifetimes just to be held by Jon for real, he would give it all just to feel his arms cradle him and his love be reciprocated. As Damian woke from this, he felt a notable absence of arms around him, and as he rolled over, he noticed Jon was gone. Damian moved toward his nightstand and checked his phone, seeing a singular text from Jon,

“ty for letting me stay over. love ya dames” Jon said.

Damian sighed and held the phone to his chest, sinking in the words but frowning as he realized what he wished it meant instead of what it actually did. He stared at his closet door, realizing the sleeping bag that Grayson had “borrowed” was peeking out. Damian hoped Jon hadn’t seen it or he would be suspicious. But alas, Damian’s mind went to more important things… like Jon saying he loves him.

“I wish you did.” Damian thought to himself.

Chapter 2: Let You Break My Heart Again

Gotham City, NJ
11:22 A.M

It was a bright, sunny day in Gotham, rare for the season. Barely a handful of wispy clouds in the sky. Damian thought it was just the kind of weather that Jon would thrive in. Gotham’s dreary landscape had some light shone through it for the first time in a while. After last night and the whole debacle with Jon and his incessant ability to swell Damian’s heart, he decided to take a trip across the city and organize a get together with his good friend, Stephanie Brown to catch up. Damian had chosen her as he was closer with her than some others, and often valued her advice as she was very sincere.

Damian himself just needed some time away from everything, and even if it was for a day he knew it would be for the best. He had sent her the invite less than an hour ago, and Stephanie had already responded.

Damian: Hello, Stephanie. I am in need of your advice, and would like to arrange a luncheon to catch up as well. What do you say we meet at Kings? On 7th? Around 12?

Stephanie: oh m gee damian yes id love to!! see you then pal <3 im bringing cass as well btw

Damian read this text and sighed, knowing he could never separate Steph from his Sister, especially as of late. He knew they were living together, and he missed his Sister because of it, but he knew it was better from the often unfeeling dread of Wayne Manor. Damian rode the Gotham metro, as if he was any other Civilian. He often liked this exposure to the reality of living in Gotham that he couldn’t get while living with his Father. The dusty and often dirty train was weirdly comforting for him, and as the Metro train moved towards downtown, he pondered on his immediate future.

Despite Dr. Bashar’s death and Memento’s damage to the Sacred Heart Hospital, Damian had continued to volunteer at the facility and would be applying for an Internship soon, under the tutelage of some of the best doctors in Gotham. Thomas Wayne’s journals had inspired him far more than anything he had read in a while, and he now began to focus his attention on the more grounded things in life. He knew now he could do much more carrying on the Wayne’s legacy through being a Doctor rather than a Vigilante. Bruce reluctantly support him, which was the best part, though he never strayed from suggesting Damian re-enter the fray.

Damian sported a simple cropped Gotham University gray shirt, wide legged cargo jeans, and a plethora of accessories such as twin golden earrings and arabian bracelets. He wore his favorite black converse, and finally a mushroom themed tote bag. His black painted nails were new, but were something that gave him lots of confidence. Damian had combed and then subsequently frazzled his hair into the slightly fun middle-parted mess he enjoyed it being.

Damian sat alone and documented his experience from the night before and pondered over its true significance. He truly wondered how Jon felt about him, and why he decided to hold his hand like that, why? The text message too? It was all too much for him. He was never prepared in the League of Assassins for love, much less complicated teen romance.

Damian exited the metro as it came to a stop in the sprawling downtown station, turning and weaving through the muddled and mixed crowd onto the bustling streets of the financial district. Businessmen, executives, and the homeless populated the street in an ironic picture of Gotham’s dual nature. Damian moved through the streets and could hear sounds of idle conversations, the metro’s loud creaking on the tracks above all else. Damian turned towards 7th Avenue, and entered the Kings Diner, a retro style 50’s diner that was always reliable and was a wonderfully maintained spot in the squalor that naturally sprawled across the city.

Damian entered and heard a bell ring above him as he spotted his Sister, Cass, dressed like Adam Sandler. Beside her was Stephanie, dressed in a purple graphic tank and flared jeans, silvery accessories and bracelets dotting her wrists and neck. She was talking softly towards Cass as his Sister gazed at her intently, the smallest crack of a smile on her face as she listened to the Blonde girl yap. Stephanie looked away for only a moment and saw Damian, “HEY, DAMIAN!!! OVER HERE!!” She boomed enthusiastically as she stood up. The other patrons and servers stared at her as she waved towards him and gestured for him to come over. Cass waved softly and signed Hi in ASL.

Damian sighed, smiled lightly and mentally covered himself as he felt embarrassed slightly. He dropped his tote bag on the other side of the booth from the girls as Steph rose and gave Damian a hug, “It’s so good to see you! It’s been too long.” she said. Damian responded fondly, “It’s good to see you too, still binging Gordon Ramsey shows?” Stephanie chuckled as she exited the embrace and said, “You still aren’t over that, huh?” Stephanie sat down as Cass extended her hand to Damian, and he took it softly, “Hey sis. Father and I miss you.” Cass rubbed his hand with her thumb and said, “Miss you always, but it’s nice where I'm at now. I feel like I've made a lot of progress.”

Damian smiled and let go of her hand, returning it to his side as he smiled at her softly, “I know.” He said. Stephanie interjected and said slyly, “Sooooo, Damian. I’ve heard through the grapevine that you, mister, are volunteering at the Hospital. Nice job, buddy.” Damian fidgeted nervously and looked down as he said, “yeah, yeah. It’s… nice. Rewarding.” Stephanie’s eyebrow raised as she said inquisitively, “But this isn’t what you wanted to talk about, is it? I know you, and so does Cass.”

Damian’s sister signed, “You can tell us about anything.” as he responded with “Thank you.” verbally. Damian wrestled with his brain as it tried to evade, but his heart couldn’t hold it in. Damian held his head in his hands for a moment before looking up at the girls and said as a deep blush crept up into his cheeks, “I… have feelings for Jon, and I’m not sure what to do about it.” He said nervously, rubbing his arm with his hand as Cass moved to sit next to him, simultaneously draping her arm around his shoulder to comfort him.

Stephanie pulled out her phone for a moment as Damian heard a ding exit the device, “Please don’t be telling the group chat, Brown.” He said. Steph put away her phone and waved her hands nervously, “No no i would never, it’s just… Tim owes me so much money now…” She said as she rubbed the back of her neck. Damian felt perplexed and said shocked, “You knew?”

Cass rubbed his shoulder and said, “He is your Stephanie. We all see the way you are around the Kryptonian.” Damian looked at her in confusion, mouth agape, and then back to Steph. “I am so befuddled right now, what do you mean, He is my Stephanie?” The blonde girl laughed and crossed her arms, putting them back down quickly as she reached over and took Cass’ other hand in her own, as she said, “what she means is… Me and Cass have been dating for a bit….”

Damian was about to speak as Cass covered his mouth, and Stephanie said speedily as she listed Damian’s worries while raising her fingers, “And before you say it, Yes I will never hurt, manipulate, endanger, pressure, or throw her across a roof or whatever it is you are imagining. We wanna keep it between us for now, so please don’t tell your Dad. This is new for both of us, y’know?” Damian sighed through his cover and nodded as Cass put her hand back down.

Stephanie sighed and said, “it’s good to get that out. Oh my. Now… back to Jon. I didn’t know you like boys. I’m proud of you for telling us. I just recently realized I like girls as well as guys. It’s a lot, and if you ever need anything I'm-” She said as Damian raised his hand to interject, “I don’t know to what extent my feelings for others go… I’m not really ready for a label or to solidify anything, All I know is that I can’t breathe when he is around… I can’t think. He makes my brain go fuzzy, and my body turns into some kind of gelatin. Figuratively, I mean. He makes me feel ill, but in a way that feels good somehow. He’s… intoxicating. Just last night, he held my hand and it felt as if the ground beneath me disappeared.” He said as he looked her in the eye, showing his heart on full display for his friend and Sister.

Stephanie said softly, “It’s okay. I understand. These things can be complicated, and however you choose to label yourself or however you feel is totally valid. I’m just thankful that you trusted us enough to talk about it. I know that Jon means a lot to you and I know it goes both ways.” She said sincerely, “So what’s the thing darkening up this tunnel of love?” she said deviously.

Damian fidgeted with his hands and said nervously, “He’s… already seeing someone. I mean… Jon told me it was casual and also said they had a fight last night. I know it’s wrong of me to feel… validated by it. I wish I could be like Jon and just be happy for him. But something in me just… can’t accept it. It feels as if there’s a piece of my world that just… isn’t fitting.” Cass waved at their server and ordered Damian some hot cocoa and thanked them as Steph asked, “So… Is this an Aidan vs. Big situation?”

Damian looked at her annoyed, “Stephanie, I appreciate you but I have no idea what you are referencing.”

Stephanie pulled out her phone as she said, “I see. Well, let’s look at his socials to get an idea of the task before us. We gotta know if you have to approach this the Carrie way or Miranda way. God bless your little gay heart, you always end up in the wildest situations.”

Damian said aggravated, “What are you talking about?” as he held his hands in his head. Cass handed him the Cocoa as he thanked her, taking a sip and feeling the warmth of the Chocolate simmer through his core. Damian smiled at Cass and nodded, feeling deep appreciation for his Sister. He knew she felt the same way towards him, even if they didn’t see each other often.

“So… what I can gather is that he does like guys, so that’s a refreshing sign. His current fling is… the gayest looking man i’ve ever seen. I mean, that hair? Slay.” She said while smiling. Damian felt unamused and raised his brow as he stared blankly at her. Steph noticed this and cleared her throat, “Listen… I know this isn’t the answer you want, but unless they break up or he says something, I want you to take a step back. I think you should prioritize yourself, and your life primarily. Keep volunteering at the hospital, continue drawing, and doing what makes you happy. Maybe make some other friends, expand your circle and maybe try to put yourself out there, who knows… You may be surprised who’s out there” She said as she shrugged.

Damian interjected, “I tried that. I really did. It just… didn’t work. I don’t think I have the capacity for liking anyone else. I don’t know how to explain it.” He said defeated.

Steph looked down and replied as Cass leaned her head on Damian’s shoulder to help comfort him through physical pressure as she knew Damian liked, as her Girlfriend replied, “Okay okay. I get it. If you ever need a distraction or need to vent about it, we will be here. I know this isn’t easy, but it is the right way to go. It may also be hard to do what I'm about to suggest, but you cannot allow yourself to emotionally distance yourself from Jon, he doesn’t deserve that from what I know.” She said sincerely, locking eyes with Damian’s shining green eyes, clearly filled with emotions brimming beneath the surface.

“But… if you ever tell him how you feel, do not allow him to ever lead you on or manipulate you by using your feelings for him. If he does i’ll get em myself.” Stephanie said jokingly as she flexed her arm. This made Damian chuckle as he said, “Thanks Steph.” He looked over at Cass and signed, “Thank you, Sister. I love you.” Cass smiled and gave him a hug. Damian said, “Maybe I will be able to get over it, eventually. As the kids say, there are more fish in the sea.” Stephanie softly punched his arm and said, “Buddy… nobody has said that since the 90’s.”

Cass chuckled and released Damian from the embrace. The three chatted for a bit longer, till even the cocoa became cold. Stephanie paid the server and as they were about to leave, Stephanie’s eyes widened as she said, “Speak of the devil.” As she spotted Jon outside the diner, peeking in and spotting the three at their table. She saw him grin widely and signal someone else to his side. He was clad in a stereotypical smallville flannel and blue jeans, black converse inadvertently matching Damian’s. His wide glasses and messy black curls made him look like such a nerd, Steph thought. Damian followed Stephanie’s gaze and turned to see Jon outside as he proceeded to duck into the booth, head down as he attempted to hide.

Stephanie laughed as Cass moved to cover Damian by helping him under the table, “You Waynes are continually surprising.” She said, laughing and almost falling off of her seat from the sheer humor of it all. Cass looked over as Jonathan entered the Diner, striding towards their table with his hands in his pockets casually as Jay followed in tow, looking frazzled and slightly annoyed, arms crossed as Cass noted their demeanor. Stephanie stopped laughing as Jon made it to their table and said, “Hey, Cass… Steph. What’s up?” He said with a smile. His eyebrow raised as Stephanie moved towards the end of the booth and said nervously, “Heyo, Kent. What are you doing here?” Stephanie fidgeted and moved her legs to the center of the booth in an attempt to hide Damian. “Oh, I just heard Damian’s heartbeat close by a minute ago. I wanted to come by and say hi.” as Jay interjected behind him annoyed, “We were supposed to be at the Gotham Gazette tour 10 minutes ago.” Jon waved it off and smiled at the girls, “I always have time for my bat friends.” He said.

Jon looked down as he heard a thud underneath the table as Damian’s head hit the table, Jon’s eyebrow raised, he kneeled down and chuckled, “Damian? What are you doing down there? Here, let me help you up, silly.” He said playfully as he held out his hand. Damian peeked through the barrier of his friend’s legs and took Jon’s hand without even thinking, rising to the surface as he looked into Jon’s intoxicatingly ocean blue eyes and said blankly, “Just making sure everything was clean.” Jon chuckled and replied, “Of course you were.” Damian thought that Jon must’ve been exhausted because his eyes widened and cheeks flushed as Damian observed him, his own heart beating fast and hand feeling warm.

Jon held Damian’s hand for way too long as Steph and Jay both coughed awkwardly simultaneously, Jon dropped Damian’s hand abruptly as the smaller boy crossed his arms and felt a pang of sadness as Jon let go of him. The Kent boy fidgeted nervously with his hand as he said, “Well… I guess we should go.” He said, gesturing towards Jay. “Yes, we should’ve.” Jay said blankly. Jon looked back to Jay nervously and said, “Damian’s my friend, I just thought it’d be nice if-” Jay interrupted and said, “We’ve had these plans for weeks and have had to delay numerous times for whatever reasons you come up with. I’m so tired of this.” He said, words filled with hurt and anger as he turned and stormed out, Jon appeared shocked and hurt as his eyes drifted between Damian and Jay, words slurring and stuttering as he felt overwhelmed and silently decided to follow behind Jay swiftly. They left without any words to Damian or the girls, leaving them confused and shocked.

Stephanie said quietly to Cass as she leaned over to her girlfriend as if telling her the hottest piece of gossip, “Hmm… Trouble in paradise? Maybe our Damian does have a chance?” She said as Damian heard and snapped, “I love you, Steph, but this is not the time.” He said coldly as he gave them both hugs swiftly and gathered his things, “What are you doing?” Cass said, worrying about her Brother as she knew his feelings often built up to a large release. “Following them, I gotta be there for Jon if this goes bad… like you said, Steph.” Damian replied to the girls, rushing out of the Diner and onto the street as the bell above the door rang.

Steph and Cass looked at each other with a mix of shock and interest as the silence came back to thor booth, Steph broke the silence as she said slyly, “Huh… Soooooo… wanna go home and make our favorite popcorn mix? We could continue Sex and the City and get into our Pajamas. What do ya think?” She said softly. Cass smiled and signed, “You read my mind.” Cass smiled at her girlfriend as her whole world sat in front of her.

Damian practically flew out onto the street as he looked around frantically for Jon, spotting him standing still, body stiff, fists clenched as Damian observed Jon from behind, feeling tension in the air as he approached his best friend, the crowds and ambient noises around them seeming irrelevant as they weaved around the two, they didn’t exist in the space between them. Jon turned towards Damian as he said, voice cracking and tears clearly filling his eyes, “I could feel you behind me. I can’t feel him leaving like I can feel you, and I don't know why.”

Jon felt warmth as Damian lunged forward to hug his friend, holding him tight as he said, “He’ll forgive you. I know it. Give him the ol’ Kent charm. For now, maybe it’s better if you focus on him for a bit.” He said, knowing internally that he didn’t want that, but he meant it. Jon raised his arms to embrace Damian back as He said through tears, “Okay. Thanks, Dames. You can be pretty cool sometimes.” Damian chuckled and gave him a playful punch on the shoulder, “That’s what friends are for. Now go get him.” He said smiling as Jon beamed back. The taller boy turned and sped off towards Jay, disappearing into the crowd as Damian waved towards where his Kryptonian used to be. He frowned and said aloud as he looked down… “Friends.”

Hours later, as the Sun set and Damian rested in bed back in Wayne Manor, he idled, scrolling through instagram as he received a notification sound, Stephanie had just texted him a link. He shuffled under his blankets and opened the message,

Stephanie: I’m proud of you, but there is one thing we didn’t touch on, this is a rite of passage for all the lil baby gays like u www.wikihow.com/relationships/am-i-gay-quiz

Damian read this and clicked the link, and as he read the website he said quietly to himself, “goddamn it.”

Chapter 3: I'll Never Get Over It

Wayne Manor
Gotham City
8:42 A.M

The bright hues of the sun shone through the open balcony window, illuminating the room and sending a flashing ray of light into Damian’s eyes, waking him from a deep slumber. Damian sat up and yawned as he looked around his room, groggily taking in his surroundings as he thought of what he would do today. As he glanced at the bedside clock, he realized his father must have let him sleep in. Odd, he thought. Damian swung his blanket off him and got up, stretching and putting on his slippers and comfortable robe as he walked out the door and towards the downstairs kitchen.

Bruce and Damian had recently decided to move back into Wayne Manor, after realizing they missed the drab old place. Alfred may have passed in these very halls, but so much more had happened here. Family dinners, solemn conversations by the fire, and plenty of laughter had echoed through the history of this house. It was time to return home, pending a swift cleaning and revamp that is. Damian shuffled down the stairs and into the kitchen, seeing a note from his Father taped on the Coffee maker, ‘business board meeting, will be home soon.’ He chuckled and threw out the note, how funny it seemed to picture his father, the Batman, in a depressing corporate board meeting. He felt his eyes water with laughter as he imagined his father in his full uniform, yapping about a presentation on business earnings in front of a crowd of mostly old white businessmen.

As this thought left his brain and trailed into new horizons, Damian made himself some Coffee, and as he turned he was practically jumpscared at the sight of someone behind him, his old friend, Colin Wilkes. Colin was still wearing the old beat up red flannel jacket and yellow shirt getup he remembered. His ginger hair was still messy and frazzled, but longer and brushed neatly on his shoulder. He had grown up, his features resembling more of a rough Gotham teen rather than the little boy that Damian had befriended all those years ago. Damian put his hand over his chest as he said, “Christ, Colin. You almost scared me.” humorously.

Colin smiled, waltzing over to lean on the counter beside Damian as he turned and said, “I had to get the better of ya one day. It’s been too long man… y’know, I saw a tabloid cover with you on it recently.” Damian smirked and sipped his coffee, “oh did you now?” Colin waved his hands around as if mimicking a news anchor as he said, “Yes, the mysterious prodigal son of billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne is eyeing medical ambitions. How scandalous!" Damian scoffed and chastised Colin as he said, “You actually read that stuff? I didn’t know you had stooped so low since I last saw you.” Colin laughed and replied, “No, dear god no. I fucking hate that trashy shit. Nah, man. I just wanted an excuse to see you.”

Damian looked at the messy but endearing boy in front of him and blushed, looking away as he said, “Language.” Colin smirked and in a move Damian did not see coming, quickly leaned to bring Damian into a tight embrace, as he said, “Still as prim as ever.” softly. Damian put down his mug and half-attempted to pat Colin on the back before the red headed boy let Damian go and returned his hands to his pockets. Colin rubbed his neck and looked away as he said, “So… any plans for today? Maybe we could hang out?” Damian thought he could see just the smallest blush underneath Colin’s freckled face. As he was about to reply, his phone dinged and he opened it to see a text from Jon.

Jon: Hey can I come over? I’d like to talk.

Damian’s eyes ran circles around the text as his brain questioned what to do next. Would he let Colin down after all this time just to be with his eternal crush who did not like him back? Or would he heed Stephanie’s advice and prioritize his own friendships and connections outside of his complicated relationship with the Kryptonian? His heart dropped as he heard Colin say, “Hey is something wrong? I could go if you’re busy.” Damian looked over to him as he saw Colin looking at him softly, his blue eyes radiating and making his brain feel like he was with someone familiar, like they had never drifted apart. His eyes reminded him of someone… Damian sighed and replied to Jon,

Damian: Not today, Kent. Sorry.

He sighed and silenced his device, “No, Colin. I’m not too busy for an old friend. You’re right. I’m… sorry we haven't talked in a while. Things have really picked up since we last talked.” He said softly then solemnly as he thought of Alfred and all the others he had lost. Colin seemingly understood this and walked towards Damian, stopping just in front of him, "It's okay, I get it. Mother Eliza and Sister Bene have both moved on to other Orphanages, so it’s been an adjustment for me too.” He said. Colin looked up towards Damian and said endearingly, “But, you and me have definitely grown up a bit. I mean… look at you. You could be a supermodel with those features.”

Damian processed these words as he sipped his coffee and nearly spit it out as he said coolly, through a deep blush, “Your flattery is not necessary… but it is appreciated.” Colin inched back and leaned on the counter once more as he said, “I’m serious! I mean, compared to me, you’re Michelangelo’s David and I’m.. just a scrawny Gotham orphan with red hair and a penchant for rubbing elbows with the city’s worst… and most pretty it seems.” He said, slyly uttering the last few words of his response. It was at this moment that Damian realized Colin might be flirting with him. The realization set his brain back, making his thoughts race as he considered going along with it. He loved Jon, but he knew he wasn’t enough for the Kryptonian boy. He wasn’t enough for Colin, or anyone… especially after all he had done. But maybe, just maybe Colin could be something special. Maybe he could have the thing Stephanie was talking about, The other fish in the sea.

“You know about Michelangelo’s David? How… artful.” Damian said awkwardly but with a hint of flirtatiousness, a feeling of butterflies in his stomach taking over his senses. Colin laughed awkwardly as he replied, “Uh… I saw it on an Italian restaurant brochure… thought he was hot.” This time, Damian did spit out his coffee as he started to cough violently, his brain short circuiting as he processed what was going on, Colin didn’t seem to understand as he rushed to pat Damian’s back, “Are you okay? Sorry, Damian. But y’know that coffee stuff is bad for ya.” He said protectively, unaware that his flirtations caused this.

Damian set his mug down and collected himself, coughing one final time as he said, “Have you heard of the Sacred Hearts gala?” Colin smirked and said, “Don’t know about you fancy Waynes, but us Wilkes’ have never been to a gala.” Damian chuckled and grasped Colin’s hand, as the red headed boy looked up and down at their hands and back to Damian’s eyes. “I’ve been trying to get an internship and make some connections since the last Doctor I had an in at the Hospital with kinda… died. It’d help if I had a nice guy at my side to keep me company between all those snotty hospital administrators. What do you say?” Said Damian confidently.

Colin ran a hand through his hair and squeezed Damian’s hand involuntarily as he looked up into the other boy’s green eyes and said, “Oh wow, I uh… yes. I’d love to. Bout time you brought me to one of those fancy ass parties.” Damian smiled, realizing he would make Stephanie and Cass proud by moving on and living his life. Just as he was taking in this sweet moment with Colin, he felt a gust of wind flow in from the kitchen’s open door as he saw his Best friend, Jonathan Kent, standing at the doorway in his full Superboy uniform. Jon was looking clearly confused, unkempt, and slightly angry, Damian noted. “Who the hell is this?” said Jon blankly as Damian recoiled and let go of Colin’s hand. “Wow… you seem to be a pretty popular guy. So many house guests.” Colin said jokingly, as Jon swung his head to glare at him disapprovingly. Colin noticed this stare as he backed off from Damian and kept his hands up as he said, “Sheesh, man.”

Damian turned to Jon and said after sighing, “This is my… Friend, Colin. Colin, meet Jon-” Jon interrupted and said protectively, “I don’t care who the hell he is, what is he doing here? How did he get in?” Damian scoffed, annoyed as he replied, “I don’t know, Jon. What are YOU doing here, huh?” Jon strode towards Damian, standing over him as he said, “I’m your best friend, Dames. I don’t even know who the hell this guy is. Why shouldn’t I be worried?” Jon gestured towards Colin as he said this, the red headed boy inched away from the confrontation and said to Damian, “I see you two have some talking to do.” He gestured towards the door as he said, “I’ll see you later, Damian. I left my new number on the counter.”

Damian nodded towards Colin and then returned his gaze to Jon, who looked weirdly intimidating before him, his usual smile was blank as his eyes showed almost no hints of the sincerity that Damian loved about him.

As Damian heard the front door close, Jon spoke softly, “Listen. I’m sorry I got upset. I was just afraid he was using you… for something.” Damian looked him up and down, attempting to read his friend’s intentions as he realized the gross misuse of privacy that Jon had breached, “Did you listen to our conversation?!” He said angrily as he attempted to push Jon back, as the Kryptonian boy moved less than a millimeter back. “I… couldn’t help it. You sounded scared for a moment and I could hear it, your heart was racing and you blew me off and you never do that so I-”

Damian put his hand up to silence Jon as he replied coldly, “Can I not have a life without you around? Do I have to let you know about every guy I talk to beforehand? Have I ever asked that of you? Seriously, Jon. What is your problem with him? Talk. For the first time ever, I want you to fully explain something.” Jon sighed and looked up and then back down into Damian’s cold green eyed stare, feeling the tension around them grow. It felt as though they were both stuck in a zero gravity room with the amount of pressure he felt between them. He mustered up the courage to speak and replied, “I saw him holding your hand and I was just worried he was… I don’t know. I just didn’t like it.” Damian stepped away and turned his back to Jon, crossing his arm as he said annoyed, “You owe me better than that, Kent.” Jon sighed and tried to find a new topic, “I patched everything up with Jay, that’s originally what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Damian sighed and replied coldly, “Honestly, Jon… I don't care right now. No deflection will change the fact that for some reason or another you hate the fact that someone could possibly… like me. Is that it? Are you worried you’ll lose me? You’ll lose your favorite person to run to when things aren’t going well with your Boyfriend-” Damian winced and turned as he felt the earth rumble around him, a loud thud had seemingly echoed around the old house as he saw Jon had seemingly punched the wall beside him, chunks of old mahogany and plaster falling to the ground as, for the first time, Damian felt intimidated by Jon.

For a moment, he felt the same fear in his stomach that he had felt when faced by Bane as he tortured Alfred. Damian could see the regret flash in Jon’s eyes the moment Damian saw him, as the Kryptonian looked down towards his hands as a rush of feelings clouded him. Jon looked towards his best friend and felt disgusted with himself as he saw genuine fear in Damian’s eyes. In that moment, he felt like the monsters he had been constantly fighting since donning the Symbol of his Father. Damian buried his feelings as he approached Jon, lifting up the hand he used to assault the wall and examining it for cuts or scratches. Jon’s eyes fluttered and filled with water as he said with a cracked voice, “Dami… i… I'm sorry.” His best friend looked up at him softly with those green eyes he adored so much and said gently as he lifted up his index to Jon’s mouth to silence him, “Jonathan.. No more talking.”

Jon sniffled and rubbed his eyes as Damian hugged him, both of them releasing some of the mountain of tension that was continually growing between them. Damian kept his arms wrapped around Jon’s broad shoulders and neck as Jon held Damian by his waist, lifting him ever so slightly as they embraced. Jon lowered him back onto the ground and let go of their embrace as Damian said awkwardly, “I’m gonna go get dressed and take a shower. After that do you wanna hang out? I was going to go tidy up the enclosure for Bat-Cow and spend some time with Titus.” Jon took this proposal in mentally and rubbed his arm anxiously as he realized he hadn’t truly messed everything up as he had believed for a moment, “Yes! I mean…yeah, I'd like to.” He said passionately.

An hour later, Jon sat on the edge of Damian’s bed as he admired the decor around him, taking in the pictures of friends, family, and special occasions that littered the wall. Centrally among the canvas of pictures was one of him and Damian, at the Metropolis Pride parade from last year. Oh, how much fun it had been. Looking at this memory made him happy, but as he realized the space between them had grown in so many ways it was nearly inconceivable. Jon recoiled and moved his hands to his sides as he saw Damian exit the bathroom in front of him, hair soaked and towel rubbing it as he gazed at Damian’s shirtless body. He noticed that Damian had also done some light makeup and it looked radiant on him. One of the many things that Jon admired about Damian was his confidence and ability to break traditional social norms.

After Damian got fully dressed, they spent the next few hours together. Everytime Jon went to speak, Damian would silence him with his index finger and would continue with his current task. Damian fed his Koi fish in their pond, fed and pet Bat-Cow, and spent about an hour playing with Titus and teaching him new tricks. All during this, Jon watched and admired Damian, all of him. He was both the battle hardened superhero that Bruce and the League had made him into, but he was so many more things. He was gentle, compassionate, and absolutely beautiful. Jon was lucky his friend had forgiven him. Their relationship with each other was… complex. But that’s what made it interesting. Jon didn’t know a single person in the world like his Best friend, Damian Wayne. In all honesty, he didn’t care to.

That night, Jon was flying above the clouds, seeking fresh air and perspective. The pale darkness around him was juxtaposed by the bright, beautiful illumination of the moon as it cast a small shadow around him and guided him on his journey. As he flew steadily, he came to realize something which made him come to an abrupt stop and he heard a pang in the air as he paused. He remembered his and Damian’s earlier conversation, and one particular line uttered by Damian during their exchange… “Do I have to let you know about every guy I talk to beforehand?” Echoed in his brain as he realized… Damian implied he likes guys. Jon quickly pulled his smartphone from his pocket and texted Damian, feeling a pit in his stomach and a strange need to be near him.

Jon: Hey Dames. Would you like to join me on patrol tomorrow? For old times sake?

Jon’s stomach recoiled as Damian replied quickly,

Damian: Sure, Kent. Pick me up at Home tomorrow.

Just as Jon was about to mentally celebrate the time he would get to spend with his best friend, he remembered the one term that Jay had when they patched things up. If he was to salvage his relationship, he would have to spend much less time with Damian, and that was something he had reluctantly agreed to. But now after today, he felt a pang of guilt hit his heart as he realized what that term really would mean, and that worst of all, he would have to tell Damian tomorrow.

Chapter 4: A Dream of You and I

Notes:

I'm not very good at writing people in heavy conflict, so bear with me.

Gotham City, NJ
11:42 AM

Today would’ve been just another day for the Super Sons, but of course when you’re a half Kryptonian superhero and the Son of Batman, things tend to get complicated quickly. Today’s patrol started just like any other, they repeated their usual route through Metropolis and after clearing the area of any Tree bound Cats and lost children, they headed towards Damian’s home of Gotham City. As Jon had been carrying Damian through the city, he overheard a local talking about Mad Hatter’s newly built labyrinth within the Gotham Sewer system. Damian of course, sprung into action and demanded they follow up on it.

As they entered the Sewers, they were confronted by Killer Croc, and routinely Jon stepped in front to protect Damian, but as he did so as they had practiced a thousand times, Robin sprang to action, jumping directly in front of Jon and tossing a batarang in Croc’s direction, causing the villain to swim deeper into the deeply submerged areas of the network. This action felt odd, and completely unnecessary from a boy who prides himself on efficiency. Covering Jon like that in an effort to shield the impenetrable Kryptonian was akin to Damian protecting him from a stray chihuahua.

Two hours later, they were stranded in the Underground maze, Jon and Damian wandering endlessly through the dimly lit, cement lined tunnels, as they searched for the villain who would give Warwick Davis’ Leprechaun a run for his money. Jon followed behind Damian, admiring his resolve and determination to find Hatter even as his navigational gadgets stopped working. They had turned into a sort of circular atrium, the water below slightly above their ankles, pouring in what seemed like endless directions from the center.

The dark tunnel was only illuminated by a small flashlight carried by Damian, its weirdly claustrophobic inducing nature ensnared them together in a maze that was reminiscent of the Paris catacombs. Unlike any other Sewer that Jon had wound up in over the years as a superhero, the Gotham Sewers were much more dangerous, dangerous scoundrels of all types called this place their home, both past and present as skulls and bones were draped across the tunnels at certain intervals, painting a macabre portrait of death only rivaled by… Well, to Jon, nothing was as depressing a locale as this. The only noise besides their footsteps and taps of the water as stray droplets fell from the ceiling, accompanied by faint noises reminiscent of an old Victorian house settling.

As Damian examined the many exits from the Atrium with his flashlight, he sighed deeply and turned off his flashlight as he turned to Jon, seeing that the Kryptonian was grinning softly, as dorkily as ever. But something felt… off, about his demeanor. Damian could feel it, even if Jon could put up a mask well enough to hide it. As for Jon, the only thing he could feel was his fists clench uncontrollably, as he heard nothing but the simultaneous noise of both his heart racing from anxiety, as well as the comforting alternating beats of Damian’s heart.

Jon recoiled as he remembered the short altercation with Killer Croc, “Why did you jump in front of Croc? You know he can’t hurt me, right?” he said softly as Damian rubbed the back of his neck nervously, blushing faintly as he replied half confident, half shyly, “You know you’d be toast without me, J.” Jon smiled and chuckled softly as he rolled his eyes, replying charmingly, “Of course, D.” As he finished his sentence, Damian turned, continuing to examine the many possible pathways as he fidgeted with his broken Wayne Tech GPS with his left hand as his flashlight trapezed around the Atrium in his right. As Damian continued to stand in front of Jon, facing away from him, Superboy’s face fell to a frown as his eyes wandered around Damian’s back, up and down his cape as he gazed at the shorter boy’s wavy hair.

The anxiety from their current situation, and lack of sleep combined with the mixed emotions of being with Damian were causing him to his emotional breaking point, as he felt anger, not towards anything in particular as he could deduce, but just pure unbridled anger, simmer beneath his chest as he felt Damian’s eyes pierce his soul unconsented.

 

As Damian stared him up and down, searching for any ounce of emotion that would give it away, Jonathan attempted to soothe Damian’s nerves, “This is just like that level in Cheese Vikings Two, the one where you infiltrate the dairy factory! Haha, classic…” Jon said half nervous, anxiety causing his voice to crack halfway through. Damian’s face wrinkled right around his nose where Jon had always known it to, as Damian scoffed and said blankly, “Can you try and find Hatter with your supposed super vision or do you just really enjoy being in a Sewer?”

Jon smirked and replied with that midwest sass, as he walked in front of Damian, choosing the path in front of them, as he raised his arm to brush Damian’s shoulder reassuringly, “Don’t act as if this doesn’t remind you of home. It’s dark, brooding, and confusing, just like you.” Damian squinted as he paced faster to catch up to Jon, he tapped the taller boy on the Shoulder as he replied, annoyed, “What do you mean by that, J?” The Kryptonian boy sighed as he said blankly, “You’re not the most straightforward kinda guy, that’s all.” Damian scoffed and crossed his arms, looking away as his anger simmered underneath his blank expression. Damian’s frustration with Jon’s recent behavior was growing, and fast. After the near altercation with Colin yesterday and slamming his fist in the wall of his kitchen, Damian felt his Best friend was truly losing it. As Damian pondered this, Jon continued to pace forward, ears blocking out any sort of meaningful words or noises as his brain raced laps around him.

Most prominently, he saw Damian as he blinked and as he felt his eyes close just for the briefest moment, he would see his best friend… he would see Damian’s messy middle parted black hair waving around his beautifully created bronze complexion, smile lines that existed purely in Jon’s imagination protruding just faintly enough to be seen, complimented by his radiant green eyes sprawling across Jon’s mind like the horizon of the greenest meadow in Kansas. Sometimes at night, he didn’t understand why he did this, but he would use his hearing to listen to Damian’s heartbeat as he rested, lulling himself to sleep fondly with the ambience of the soft rhythmic beats, reminding Jon that Damian, his best friend in the whole universe, was alive and well.

The last time he had used his hearing to listen to Damian’s heartbeat was yesterday morning, and to his horror, he heard Damian conversing with this supposed “Old friend” of his, Colin. ‘Ugh, Colin. What a terrible name.’ Jon thought. If he was that important, Damian would’ve told Jon about it long ago. Just hearing Colin talk to him in that way made him want to vomit… it was unbearable. The thought of anyone being close to Damian that way, holding his hand, kissing him… No, he couldn't think about that. It was just too much to bear.

Jon felt his stomach twist as he blurted out, nervously, “Dames, can I ask you a personal question?” Damian shook his head as he said with a sass unmatched by anyone, “Codenames, dummy. And can I stop you?” The two paused their brisk pace and came to a halt as Jon turned to him and smiled lightly, face returning to a frown as he stared down towards his soaked boots, “I know that… you know I overheard your conversation with Colin… Why did you ask him to the hospital ball thingy? Also… I wish you had told me you like guys. seems like a pretty important thing to not tell your best friend.” Jon said shyly then coldly as his eyes drifted up towards Damian’s. The shorter boy’s head turned to the side as his right hand went to his hip, “We’re still on this? I didn’t tell you because… I don’t know, I didn't know till a few days ago, and on the topic of Colin… He likes me, I… like him enough. It works. Simple as that. Why are you still hung up on this? I thought you’d probably bring your perfect little Boyfriend since your Mom and Dad are going for the Planet.” He said sassily as his other hand waved during his mention of Jay.

Jon’s stomach churned as his fists clenched at the mention of the man he was currently dating, and the reason for this last patrol. “Just… okay. Fine. But why do you like him?” Jon said, exasperated, eyes piercing Damian’s as the shorter boy grunted and rubbed his eyes, “I don’t know… He’s nice, and cute, and he’s flattering.” He said as he looked down, avoiding Jon’s bright blue eyes as he blushed, but still feeling butterflies race in his system as their conversation continued. He didn’t know whether it was from the mention of Colin, Jon’s protectiveness over him, or just their closeness physically.

Jon sighed and made a surrender gesture with his arms, “Fine, I was just curious is all.” He said as his heart felt like it was on the brink of shattering at Damian’s praise of Colin, his arms crossing to figuratively shield his heart from Damian. As for Damian, he raised his glare to Jon’s chest and arms, blushing as he admired his friend, feeling himself overcome with heat as he thought ‘he filled out nicely.’ Damian recoiled from this thought, grunted and stormed in front of Jon after this thought, keeping a quick pace, leaving the Kryptonian to try and catch up, “Hey, D!” Jon said as he jogged towards his friend, silence reaching between them as they wandered endlessly, their mission becoming less vivid in Jon’s mind as his thoughts ran wild, and he picked up to overtake Damian in front.

The darkness surrounding Jon did nothing to soothe him from his thoughts, as the warmth of the sun was nonexistent below, the only warmth he felt was Damian’s mere presence, and yet he was torn, mind and body as his brain clashed in a vicious battle with his heart over when, how, and possibly if he should go through with this, as his physical state suffered from it. Jon felt at least that he wouldn’t snap just yet, but then Damian had to go and look at him… like that. His eyes inspecting him inquisitively through his Robin mask.

 

He felt a tidal wave of dread washing upon him, as he kept the dialogue he had prepared for when he would tell Damian to essentially take a step back from his life, as Jay had requested. This dilemma had kept him up for several nights, hours spent lying awake in bed as he tossed and turned, staring at his ceiling and occasionally his window as he hoped that maybe, just maybe… Damian would appear out of thin air as he had so many times over the years. He had hoped that just maybe he could keep them both in his life, and he found it to be an ever increasing problem.

Whenever he spent time away from Jay, his boyfriend would become angry and irritable, but if he spent time away from Damian, he felt something simmer in his heart as he counted down the minutes till he could fly towards his friend. It didn’t make any sense. His relationship was nice, it was uncomplicated, and as a Superhero, it seemed at first glance, exactly like what would be best for him. Why did any meaningful time apart from Damian feel as though his heart was slowly being pulled from his body? There was only one logical conclusion, He was in love with Damian. And in that moment, it finally hit Jon like a truck, His eyes shaking as he fidgeted with his hands, feeling as if all the air in his lungs had been stolen by some mysterious force, he gazed up at Damian and felt nothing but love for the boy he called his Best friend… But truly, what did that mean for him and their relationship? He was seeing Jay, he and Damian argued so much, and had such a complicated history. Even still, if Jon were single, he still felt as if wasn’t good enough for Damian, that beautiful boy deserved so much more than him.

When he was with Jay, things were easy, like a really easy exam, but then when they were together… he would see something, or hear something that would remind him of Damian, and it would make everything feel wrong somehow, as though he wasn’t really there, or that the things he saw and felt around him were some sort of imitation of what his life should be. Jon didn’t understand why, and even what these feelings meant or represented. It felt to him like a jumbled mess of thoughts, memories, and choices that he wasn’t prepared to make, yet alone face directly.

His father told him once that Kent’s love as easy as they breathe… then why was it so hard for him to do either right now? Love was supposed to bring him closer together with those around him, and yet why did he feel as though it was tearing him apart, his soul cleaving in two as his obligation to Jay and his friendship with Damian pulled him apart. From these thoughts, he dreamt of his father, and the mere passing idea of Clark being disappointed in him because of this dilemma nearly brought tears to his eyes.

Jon dismissed these thoughts as he scanned the tunnels for any clue as to Mad Hatter’s whereabouts underground. As he looked, he saw nothing but winding tunnels, no signs of the villain except for the odd rat or two. As he stared longer, his x-ray vision seemed to turn blurry, as he felt his vision recoil back to its “normal” state, and it hurt, as though his eyes burned. He felt shockwaves in his body as he kept this feeling to himself. Was he losing his powers? Or was this some stress response? His body heated up, sending waves of anxiety through him as he tried to expand his hearing, but the only thing he could feel among the usual web of noise was the ambient noises of the Sewers.

Jon paused in his brisk pace, turning to face his Best friend as Damian walked facefirst into Jon’s chest, the force not even moving Jon backward an inch as he recoiled and looked up at the Kryptonian with bated breath, seeing Jon look down at him softly, blueish-violet eyes radiating warmth as he stared, small smirk dotting his mouth as Damian admired his freckles and soft tan, “For some reason, I can’t see him, Dames. Sorry to let you down.” Jon said softly but sadly, fists shaking as he saw Damian’s expression turn from anger to softness with a hint of worry, “Um.. J, what’s going on with you? You don’t seem like yourself. You’ve barely said anything since we started this morning, and you love to talk.”

Jon’s eyes simmered with water underneath as he turned away from Damian and said, “it’s okay, D. Really. I’m fine. Let’s get out of here, I’ve gotta be home for dinner.” Damian reached out his hand, his gaze towards Jon brimming with softness and care, feeling as though the whole world was within his grasp… but the distance between them was too far now. Jon looked up towards the sky, using his heat vision to create an opening for them to leave, a sheet of collapsing rock slamming down onto the ground, water splashing around as Jon stepped back from the newly made exit. The sunlight from the opening shining down and illuminating both of them under the light despite the darkness around them. Damian’s hand recoiled and went back to his side, and he felt as though he had to end this tension.

In a swift motion, Damian raised his right foot and planted it on the end of Jon’s cape, pulling it until Jon felt the force of it begin to tear, as the Kryptonian yanked his shoulder forward, causing Damian to trip up underneath the cape and fall right on his back with a splash. Jon chuckled as he turned and bent down towards his friend, extending his hand towards Damian as his friend looked up towards Jon, hair dripping as his expression turned to sheer anger.

Damian swiped at Jon’s hand angrily as he rose by himself, grunting as Jon replied, “Okay, grumpy pants. Suit yourself.” He said as he noticed Damian’s hands clenched, body twitching as he looked at Jon with sheer contempt, “You will tell me what is wrong with you, now.” Jon’s hands recoiled as his eyes darted around, feeling his heart drop as he knew the jig was up. Jon sighed and relented, “You know me, pal. Trying to please everyone, but I don't know if I can do it this time.” He said sadly. Damian recoiled and took a step back, “What do you mean, Kent?” He said wearily. The Kryptonian saw his friend’s eyes pierce him with so many emotions, fear, anger, among other things. Jon sighed and said, “Codenames, D. Remember?”

Damian grunted angrily and pushed Jon, feeling himself recoil as he could not move Jon even a millimeter, the force of the move hurting his arms, but the adrenaline in his system preventing him from caring, “Fuck codenames, Jon. Why are you acting like this? I know you, I know when you are hiding something. What are you trying to tell me?” he said angrily, arms waving as he held himself back from letting himself fully let go of his inhibitions. Truly he felt it was deeply unfair it was of Jon to hold his true feelings in.

Jon’s eyes began to swell with tears as he began to wipe them away, words barely coming out as he tried to hold himself together, the walls around his heart full breaking as he spoke, “I’ve tried to find a way to keep both you and Jay in my life, but I have to choose now. I’m sorry, Damian. I can’t see you anymore. He thinks I have… feelings for you, and that you have feelings for me.” he said, as his heart was ripped from him and turned into ash, his words stinging with every syllable. Damian’s brain couldn't believe what he just heard, as he took a step back and turned away from Jon. Damian’s heart was dropping fast, the words ‘I can’t see you anymore. He thinks I have… feelings for you’ ringing in his head over and over as his ears rung and stomach dropped, and yet the only response he could muster was one word. After a moment of deafening, brutal silence, Damian spoke.

“Typical.” Damian replied coldly, the silence between them after this becoming deafening, only broken by the smallest noise from Damian. It was a small, quiet but noticeable laugh escaping his mouth as he held himself with his arms, looking down towards the ground as Jon saw a single tear fall from his friend's face and land in the water with a small tap. After that, a seeming avalanche of tears broke through and rained upon the floor, as Damian collapsed to the ground on his knees, holding himself and sobbing as he felt his Best friend leave him again.

Jon couldn’t breathe as he saw Damian cry, his legs barely holding him up as his body trembled, “I’m so sorry.” He said, choking between words. Damian replied coldly, between tears and sniffles, “This is what you always do… whenever we begin to truly be close, whenever I let you in, you leave. You’ve made me realize that Mother was right about you, and about how I feel about you…” Jon walked towards Damian and placed a hand on Damian’s shoulder as the younger boy brushed it off.

Jon stifled his breath through his tears and replied faintly, “What do you mean? Why was she right, Dames?” Damian paused, looking up at Jon with bated breaths as his body relinquished himself enough to rise and stand, looking directly into Jon’s violet blues. Jon saw Damian’s expression turn from soft sadness to a deep anger, as Damian shouted angrily, releasing the first nail in the coffin as if all the unsaid words between him and Jon had come out with just one sentence, “BECAUSE I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!”

Jon held himself as this information sunk in, his expression turning from pure undivided sadness to a deep shock, as if he had been electrocuted a thousand times over in just a few moments. Jon looked at Damian, feeling all their recent and past interactions come into question as he digested this information, a thousand walls between them finally falling with this new revelation, “You… you love me?” Jon said softly, gazing at Damian’s eyes and attempting to anticipate what his Best friend would say next. Damian’s eyes pierced Jon’s with sheer contempt as his mouth quivered, “And what do you feel? Huh, Jon? Spill it.” He said with fiery conviction, pushing Jon once again as if he even expected to move the Kryptonian boy.

Jon’s eyes trembled as he stammered, the words hanging in his throat as they hung heavy in his brain, unable to move, “I…” he said, stepping back in the darkness as Damian moved towards him, and in a swift motion, punched Jon in the face, his fist hurting as he pulled back, watching Jon as the kryptonian boy raised his hand to his face, horrified as he looked back at Damian. Of course it didn’t hurt physically, but his heart felt another nail being put in the coffin of their relationship through this action. Jon said as he looked to the side away from Damian, unable to face him, “It’s not up to me…” Damian scoffed and started to push him again, and again, each time as if he expected something to happen, but pushing Jon was like trying to shove the statue of liberty. He simply could not move. “You know this isn’t what’s right! You know it’s not… what you want. The Jon I know would never do this, especially if he knew it wasn’t right. Who even are you anymore?” He said angrily then pleadingly, gazing up at Jon as he paused from shoving his friend.

“I… don’t know.” He said ashamed, unable to look Damian in the eyes. His friend looked him up and down, face blank as he hammered in the final nail, “Then I don't have a Best friend. He died a long time ago.” He said, turning and storming off from Jon as fast as he could, eyes pouring with tears as he sprinted. Jon’s heart collapsed as he felt himself scream without making a noise, body tightening and mouth agape as his head started to pound violently and erratically. He wanted to chase after Damian, pour his heart out and tell him how much he loved him, but he knew it would only make things worse. Jon was unable to move as he collapsed to his knees, sobbing violently as he saw his reflection in the water, disgusted as he saw himself. The only noise besides the deafening silence was Jon’s loud sobs and tears as they hit the water.

Chapter 5: Wildflower: Part 1

Summary:

Damian's emotional support Sapphics get up to some domestic fun as Bruce asks for a favor, and Damian hits rock bottom.

Notes:

Hi! sorry I have't updated in a while, I started a new semester in college so between that and working full time i'm pretty stacked but i'm working on updating regularly again. love y'all! This is also my first time experimenting with multiple POV's in one chapter so forgive me. This is mostly a setup chapter for the next chapter which will be very long I hope, centered around the Sacred Hearts gala mentioned in chapter 4 :)

“Damian? Do you think you want to grow up and be like your dad someday?” said Jon.

 

It was a dark night above the Kent farm, the stars twinkling above like a radiant light show just for them, their knees tucked in as they lay across from one another on top of goliath’s furry red hide. The first thing Jon noticed as he saw Damian up close without his mask, was his piercing green eyes, staring into his violet-blues as if seeing directly into his soul. For a kid with X-Ray vision, this boy sure could see right through him. 

 

Damian snickered and scrunched his nose as he replied, annoyed, “Old?” Jon felt himself snap out of this trance as he peered at Damian’s soft bronze skin, his words echoing in the Kryptonian boy’s ears as he replied to Damian, sincerely, “Good.” 

 

Damian felt his stomach drop as he felt himself transfixed on Kent’s wavy black hair, his ocean deep blue eyes… He mentally recoiled and blinked, bringing himself back to now as he sighed and said, “You talk too much.” Jon smiled that bright smile of his, making Damian softly blush as the Kryptonian said “I suppose they want us to become Brothers-in-arms or something.” Damian lingered on that one word for a moment too long as he retorted moodily, “worse…. Friends.” 

 

Jon gazed from his friend’s eyes back up to the stars, seeing no difference between the beauty in each as he said tenderly, “Do you think…?” as Damian replied quickly, with a piercing glare, “Never.” Jon’s eyes fluttered as he felt his stomach drop at this rejection, but knowing himself, he’d never give up. “Yeah, right. Never…” he said as the clouds above them continued to glide effortlessly under the stars, illuminating the two boys in the waxing moonlight. 

 

Damian felt himself begin to feel lighter as he felt himself… at ease? It has been a while, but someone had finally managed to crack Damian’s shell. He didn’t know what it was about Jon, but he felt safe with him. Something about this Kryptonian made him feel. He didn’t have the words yet, but he had time to figure out what those words truly meant. Their bodies faded into the pitch black of Damian’s mind as he felt something pull him upwards, his mind lulling him back into consciousness as the sunlight rising outside his window started to block out the moonlight he dreamt of so vividly. 

 

Stephanie Brown trotted around Wayne Manor’s cozy but tasteful kitchen, dressed in her favorite back slip dress, dark suede boots, and long coat as she made Cassandra her favorite cold brew. The mahogany accents underneath the marble counters made for a stunning contrast of modern and classic, the deep sunlight beaming in from the open windows shined beautifully on the two girls, making their shared morning together feel even more picturesque and intimate than it already was.

 

The black haired girl sat cross legged on a stool by the shiny marble counter, wearing a casual pair of flared denim and with a comfy black hoodie, taking passing glances of her girlfriend as she continued her work, eyes traveling up and down her back as she thought about their activities the other night… her cheeks reddened as her chest became heavy, her smile growing wider as the seconds passed. 

 

As Steph poured the last of the 12 sugars Cassandra requested, she turned and passed her Girlfriend’s full yellow mug adorned with cute bats, she saw Cassandra’s brown eyes practically glowing as her eyes fluttered. Steph blushed as she smirked, trailing around the square counter as she gave Cass a kiss on the top of her head, hands trailing across her wavy dark hair as Cassandra purred under her, eyes closing and smile widening as she basked in Stephanie’s touch. Cass opened her eyes as she looked up and saw her girlfriend standing above, chuckling at seeing Stephanie upside down like this.

 

Stephanie beamed as she caressed her girlfriend’s hair, saying, “Aww what’s so funny, baby?” Cassandra leaned forward, pushing herself off up the stool as Steph backed up. Cassandra turned to her girlfriend, pushing her lightly against the counter, arms wandering around Steph’s hips and up her waist as the blonde girl winced and blushed, biting her lip as she smiled. Steph wrapped her arms around Cassandra’s neck and gently twirled the loose black strands before her.

 

The two felt sweet tension rise between them as they gazed into each other’s eyes, feeling the deep love that had grown between them since all those years ago when they first met, Cassandra broke the silence, lips twisting into a seductive expression as she said tenderly, “I want it, Steph...” 

 

Stephanie blushed from head to toe, face turning a shade of red so bright she could be mistaken for a living strawberry. The blonde girl looked around, eyes drifting for anyone possibly lurking around the corner, pausing to look back at her suddenly lust-filled Girlfriend, eyes agape as she said, shocked, “Here?? In the kitchen? You know your Dad is home right now…” Cass purred as she moved her hands up to grip Steph’s waist, fingers lightly digging into the blonde girl’s curves as she winced, eyes trailing down Cass’ body down to her legs, admiring everything. 

 

Eventually, her gaze did travel between her dark haired girlfriend’s thighs, remembering their shared night together and feeling a tense stiffness develop in her body… the girl’s shared urges had to be satisfied, and their eyes both said it. The girl's lips moved together, mouths crashing together softly as Cass purred, vibrations stimulating Steph’s senses as she brought her hands down from her girlfriend’s neck to glide along Cass’ back, moving downwards tantalizingly with each second that passed. 

 

The two were locked in a passionate embrace, the world disappearing around them as the faintest noise appeared in the background, muffled by the ceiling above them but just enough for them to quickly disembark from their embrace. Muffled words streamed from the room above them, as they took their eyes off each other for a moment to scan their surroundings, looking around and then both up at the ceiling as they questioned what was happening, “Damian’s room.” said Cassandra, worried, eyes piercing Steph’s with pent up concern for her Brother as Stephanie replied, reassuringly, “Yeah, he’s not the type to blare loud music or whatever it is.” 

 

Just as Steph finished her sentence, the light taps of Bruce’s footsteps were heard faintly outside of the kitchen, shaking the two girls from their trance fully as they frantically moved back from each other, arms swiftly fixing their clothes and hair as Steph buttoned her coat, attempting to hide all signs of her arousal. As Bruce walked into the room, wearing his signature Superman themed robe and slippers, he was simply looking absolutely disheveled as he drank coffee out of a stainless steel mug. 

 

Stephanie’s anxiety flared, her hands awkwardly forming a soft wave towards her future father-in-law as Bruce acknowledged her, “Hey, girls. Mornin’. I… uh, have a favor to ask you two.” He said fondly, smiling as he poured himself another cup, “What can I do for you, Brucie-poo?” Steph said, fingers gun firing as she held in the waves of second hand embarrassment flooding her system, “One, Stephanie, don’t call me that. Two, it’s about Damian.” replied Bruce, with a tinge of soft concern for his son as Cassandra stepped towards her father, a hand reaching up to softly grasp his shoulder as she said, “Is he okay?” 

 

Bruce responded by reaching up to hold Cass’ hand as he replied, “I think something happened between him and Clark’s boy. He told me about some things he felt for him, but the other day he came home, immediately rushed towards his room, and locked it. He hasn’t come out since then, I've left meals outside his door but he hasn’t eaten any of it. I keep knocking and part of me wants to either barge the door down or beat the pulp out of Superboy. I swear if I ever get my hands on that kid, I’ll…” 

 

Cass rolled her eyes as she smirked, playfully gripping her father’s hands tighter as she said, “Dad, stay on topic.” Bruce smirked, chuckling softly as he replied, “Okay, okay. I’m just worried about him. He feels things so deeply, he always has. I think he needs someone closer to his age, someone he can relate to a bit more than his Father, whose worst breakup was with his mother.” Chills ran down his spine as his long and complicated relationship with Talia Al-Ghul flashed before his eyes. Cass looked down, eyes fluttering with worry as she said to Bruce, “I’ll talk to him.” 

 

Stephanie interjected as she leaned on the marble counter behind them, head to the side as she said with a playful demeanor, “Don’t you worry, Brucie. We’ll have that angsty gay boy up and at em in no time. Spoiler and Batgirl are on the job.” Bruce held a sarcastic comment for Steph in the dark reaches of his mind as he said to Cass, “Thank you, Cass. Y’know one of these days you have to give me an update if you’re ever having any boy troubles, if you’re comfortable.” As Stephanie heard this, her chest rose as she started to howl loudly, dropping to her knees as she laughed, tears falling from her eyes as she could barely contain herself. 

Cassandra’s eyes dropped as she replied in a volume just above a faint whisper, “Sure, Dad.” Bruce smiled, face falling as he saw Stephanie still clutching her chest from the force of the laughter, “Did… i say something funny?” Stephanie rose to her feet as she regained her composure, coughing and donning a smug grin as she said to Bruce, “This is why we love you, Brucie.” Bruce frowned and rolled his eyes, turning to leave the kitchen and prancing out as he retorted, “Call me Brucie one more time and I'll change my credit cards again.” Steph fake pouted and scoffed as she yelled towards him, “You’d never!” And as he finally reached beyond the point of hearing, she said towards Cass’ direction, “Without those, how would I spoil my dear Cassie?” 

 

Cassandra blushed at this sweet nickname, cheeks flushing as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “How about we head upstairs, dearest… check on Damian?” Cass said as a noticeable lyrical storm flew through the ceiling above, ‘ 🎵 IIIIII BET ON LOSING DOGSSSS 🎵’ 

 

Cassandra’s heart dropped as she felt for her brother, clutching a hand over her chest as a wave of concern washed over her mind. As Cassandra dreamt up a thousand scenarios to help her Brother, Stephanie sighed and said, “Yeah, that boy definitely needs us. Christ, if someone associated me with that song I’d fling myself into a vat of chemicals faster than Joker ever could.” Cassandra laughed at Stephanie’s comment as she held out her hand for her girl. It was warm, inviting, it was everything. 

 

Steph smiled and grasped her girlfriend’s hand, the two walking together closely up the grand staircase of Wayne Manor, turning a corner towards Damian’s room, the hard antique wood of the walls and adorned decor providing a cozy backdrop for them as they approached Damian’s door, a litany of cluttered plates dotting the floor surrounding the door. Stephanie covered her nose as she said, “I’ll go grab one of Alfie’s old carts and start cleaning up. You go ahead and talk to Damian, okay baby girl?” Cassandra smiled faintly and looked deep into Stephanie’s blue eyes, feeling a wave of love and reassurance. “Okay, dear.”

 

Cassandra held out her hand to the doorknob, lightly turning it with a creak as she opened it, “Go AWAY!” yelled an angry voice from behind the door. Cassandra winced and pressed on, “It’s just me, Damian.” she said as she came into the room., but the sight before her was something she couldn’t bear to see. Shredded posters littered the walls and floors, torn slips of the paper strewn across the floor along with piles of clothes. She looked towards his corkboard, seeing a torn picture which she recognized, it was Damian’s favorite picture of himself and Jon, the one Cass had taken of them from their day at Pride last year in Metropolis. Jon’s half was ripped out, shreds of the former portrait of love nearly unrecognizable in the atmosphere of sheer heartbreak surrounding them.

 

 Dirty glasses adorned his dresser, piled high as his soundwave speaker blared, ‘🎵 I WANNA FEEEEEEL IT 🎵’, nearly drowning out Cassandra’s brain as she strode over to turn off the speaker on his nightstand, softly sitting next to Damian‘s spot on the bed. Her brother’s blanket was still strewn above his head, covering the physical signs of his distress. As Cassandra pulled it down, she saw just how much this heartbreak had affected him. Damian’s hair was matted, strands flying out in every direction as runny mascara seemingly had flown like a river and settled into his skin under his eyes, bags protruding as stubble rocked his face clearly. Damian looked like he had been hit by a truck, plane, and his biggest heartbreak, emotionally and physically.

 

Cass struggled to find words, her heart breaking as tears welled up in her eyes, slightly stuttering as she said, “Dami… Damian, my dear Brother. We need to talk, okay?” Damian sat up with a groan, arms struggling as his tear and makeup soaked shirt stuck to his body loosely. His eyes welled up for what seemed like the thousandth time that day, his emotional walls crumbling once again as he tried to unsuccessfully put them back together again and again, failing each time as the weight of his hurt seemed to stop him in his tracks. 

 

Damian began to sob loudly, tears flying down and soaking his face as he yelled incoherently, clutching to Cass tightly as if she was his last lifeline, pulling her close as she rubbed his back soothingly, holding him tight as she said, “I’ve got you, always. It’s going to be okay, I promise.” The hurt of the last few days, and even years surrounding Jon swelling in his heart as he let his emotions out, Cassandra tenderly cradling him as if he was the most precious thing in the world. 

Damian controlled himself for just a moment between the sobs, enough to tell her just faintly, “All I ever wanted was to love him, Cass…and now he hates me.”