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Waverly is an idiot. That’s got to be the reason she didn't realize how badly Wynonna was doing.
They've been a bit off since everything with Willa. Theoretically they're both in mourning, even though Waverly can admit to herself down in the corner of her brain where all the bad un-sisterly thoughts tend to live that she isn't taking their sister's death nearly as hard as she should. She hardly remembers Willa and what she remembers is awful: bits of teasing, shoving, pulling her hair, hours of taking up all of Wynonna's attention and keeping Waverly out for being too young, too annoying. Stupid baby Waverly always ruins everything. She tries to feel bad about Willa anyway because she's still family and it's the human thing to do, right? She certainly understands that everything Willa went through was terrible and she drew the family short straw but it's the sympathy she might have for a complete stranger. Distant and incomplete.
She feels like crap about that, for sure.
Wynonna isn't mourning a stranger. Waverly would've noticed that if she wasn't so busy with her head up her own butt. Or up Nicole's shirt, a voice that sounds too much like Wynonna says in her head.
So they get back from the funeral and Wynonna says she's fine. It was bad, it happened, it can't be changed, moving on. She doesn't shed more than a couple tears when they lower the coffin and when she's done with those she wipes her face and doesn't cry again. Waverly has a brief flash of memory: Willa's young voice saying, you can't cry over little pains like this, Wave, we're supposed to be Earps, when she'd fallen and scraped her knees. Wynonna had licked her thumb and rubbed at the cut because even then she was a disgusting animal and so darn considerate. She hadn't made fun of Waverly for crying, she'd just brushed her tears away and smiled at her sadly, older than her age.
"Phew, that was heavy," Wynonna says after the funeral with a levity that makes her cringe. "I don't know about you but I could use a drink!"
They go home and they drink, because that's how Daddy taught them to handle their feelings. Nicole is there though so it's not so bad and Gus cooks them all dinner. In the morning Wynonna is still just fine, still rockin and rollin', and if Waverly watches her pour bourbon into her coffee, well it isn't the first time by a long shot.
The thing is she doesn't think Wynonna really stops drinking after that.
It takes a while to notice because Wynonna has been like that since she popped back into Waverly's life. Cool, funny and emotionally distant, Waverly's badass older sister who used to sneak into town in high school to arm wrestle men down at Shorty's. Her smudged eyeliner and eye bags were part of her whole shtick, they weren't supposed to be proof of her deteriorating mental state.
A week after Willa's death Waverly wakes up: first to the very distinctive crunch of a pickup truck driving through a fence, which she ignores because she heard that sound a couple days ago, then again to the front door banging open and swinging shut, and then lastly to Wynonna stumbling against her door and banging it open.
"Guess what, chicken butt?"
"Oh my god," Waverly groans, eyes still squeezed tight. "Please, go to bed."
"Oh I'll go to bed alright," Wynonna says nonsensically. She hears her stumble over. "I'll go to bed all over you."
With that she wobbles over and collapses onto the other side of the bed, partially on top of Waverly, arms splayed everywhere. Waverly opens her eyes with a sigh and the clock informs her that it's 3:02AM.
"You really shouldn't have driven like this."
Wynonna does the little snort laugh she does when she's way too drunk. "Can't undrive that drive so it's a little too late, baby girl. Shove over."
Wynonna pushes her closer to the edge as she tries to climb under the sheets.
"Wynonna—hey! No shoes in my bed!"
"Aw, don't be such a tight ass, baby. A little snow never killed anyone."
"Its literally killed so many people!" Waverly slaps at her hands as she tries to pull back the covers.
"Alright, alright! I know when I'm beat."
Mercifully she wiggles out of her boots, and her jacket too without Waverly having to ask. Asking for more seems like too much effort so she lets Wynonna crawl in like that, tight pants, bralet, and snow damp curls.
One of many common un-sisterly thoughts tries to poke its head up. Waverly puts a cup on the thought, slides a piece of paper underneath and dumps it outside.
"God, you're warm, baby girl," Wynonna says, moving them so she can be the big spoon. "Warm and pretty and sweet. Should put you in the display at the bakery. Or eat you."
Waverly yelps at the touch of a cold foot against the back of her calf. "No toes! Too cold!"
Wynonna makes a noise of agreement and then brings her other foot up to steal Waverly's warmth.
"Jerk," Waverly mumbles.
She feels Wynonna smile against the back of her neck. "Bitch."
"Don't call me that, that's sexist."
Wynonna tightens her grip around her waist with a laugh. Her arms are cold too and Waverly instinctively rubs at them to get some warmth back.
"How come you aren't with Haught? Getting hot and heavy?"
"She's got work tonight."
"Booooo. Leaving you alone all night." Wynonna scoots in closer, drunk and sloppy. Her nose is cold on the back of her neck. The brief accidental brush of dry lips makes her shiver in an entirely different way. "Anyone could come and snatch you up."
"Because I'm a pastry in a bakery?" she says indulgently.
"Like a pie, or a cupcake or danish."
"I think you might just be hungry. Did you eat dinner?"
"I'll eat you," Wynonna says, voice going lower. A deathly serious quiet washes over them. Waverly realizes that it's her own fault and she's supposed to have had some kind of response.
"Um..."
Wynonna snorts and then bursts into giggles, to Waverly's relief.
"Hey," she says through her giggles. "Hey do you remember--do you remember when you were like this big--" She holds her fingers an inch apart from each other. "And I taught you how to flick the bean?"
Waverly shoots upright, knocking her sister over. "No I don't remember that!"
"You sure?" Wynonna asks. There's a glazed look to her eyes like she isn't entirely seeing Waverly and she's smiling, which she’s only done these days when she's drunk. "I don't think we were that young. Do you at least remember when Mama caught you rubbing one out in the barn and made us sit there while she gave us the talk?"
"Wynonna, you're drunk."
"What did I call it back then?" she says wistfully. "I didn't know about the glories of the word clit or whatever secret one the lesbians are hiding but I had some cute name for it. Secret Button? Something like that."
"Happy Place," Waverly says miserably. "That was your euphemism."
"Happy Place! That's right." Wynonna dumps her head in her lap. "You do remember then."
"I was a tween, not a baby. I could form memories."
"Yeah, course you could." Wynonna rubs her face against Waverly's thighs, just below the fabric of her sleep shorts. It must be a bit prickly, Waverly hasn't shaved in days, but she seems to be enjoying herself. "Are you all fucked in the head about it? I'll be fucked up about it if you're fucked up about it."
It certainly gave her fodder for a lot of weird fantasies over the years but, "No, you didn't traumatize me, silly. It was just dumb kid stuff."
"Yeah?"
It had been her and Wynonna in Willa's old room, Wynonna with her back against the wall and Waverly between her legs, back to chest. She can still picture Wynonna's hand in her underwear, making a livewire of sensation spark up her body with one finger. The magazines say boys don't know about this.
"Yeah," Waverly says, blinking.
"That's good. Willa taught me, I taught you, big happy family."
Waverly feels her heart sink at the mention of Willa. "You guys did it too?"
Wynonna chuckles. "Big time. We would trade."
"Holy heck." Waverly's chest hurts and it takes several long embarrassing moments to realize that she's once again jealous of her dead sister for tainting something. It wasn't something special between them, it was a habit that Wynonna had.
"What's that baby face mean?" Wynonna pokes her under the chin. "You mad at me for playing Barbie with Willa? It's a good thing, meant sensei was ready to teach you all that she knew. And now look at you! World class bean flicker I'd bet."
"Can we stop talking about this?" Waverly pushes her hair out of her face. "It's the middle of the night and you're drunk."
Wynonna sits up slowly, looking more serious than she has all night. Her hair is lank and there are goose bumps on her bare shoulders.
"Don't be mad at me, baby girl," Wynonna says, softer. She tilts Waverly's face closer, so gently its agonizing. "I always liked playing with you more."
The second she realizes that Wynonna is too close it's already too late, and she's being kissed.
Her lips are chapped and rough from the cold but it's a shockingly soft kiss. Almost unbearably chaste, and the unreality of it all makes her lose precious seconds before she snaps out of it to rocket off the bed.
"Oh no. Oh no no no." Waverly starts to pace. "We are sist—well I guess we might not—no, for the purposes of this we are sisters!"
"We're never not." Wynonna catches her hands and pulls her back in. "Always sisters. Come here and let me kiss you some more."
"You're drunk!"
"I heard you the first million times. So what? I only fuck girls when I'm drunk."
"That means you shouldn't—" Waverly's mind judders and rewinds. "You what?! When you're drunk?! When were you—you doing things with women?!"
"Just in the loony bin." Wynonna shrugs. And then she makes the conversation infinitely harder by tugging down her tight pants. "I'm fine as hell and I could make back alley hooch with a roll of quarters and a dream. The dykes were begging to play hot potato with my crazy ass."
"Oh my god!"
"Sorry, sorry, the sapphics. You know I didn't go to college."
The pants come off and are kicked unceremoniously to the floor. Even when she's clearly losing it, and a drunk horrible mess, her underwear is black and lacey. She's never once not been beautiful and badass to Waverly, even now that's she's—she's—
"I guess there were a couple times out of the nut house too," Wynonna says, "but you know, they were both the ones that started buying me drinks. And what am I gonna do? Turn down a free drink and some finger action? Come on.”
"Wynonna, what are you trying to do?"
Wynonna blinks at her and then stands up. Unsteady, way too unsteady.
"I don't wanna flick anyone else's bean. You're my favorite, Waves. You've always bean my favorite," she says, laughing and grabbing Waverly by the arms. There's tequila on her breath. There's tequila on her breath more often than not these days. Her arms go around Waverly's shoulders.
"What does that even mean," Waverly asks, voice shaking.
"Shh, it's okay." She kisses Waverly's forehead and then cheek. "I'm sad about Willa, really I am. Like, super bummed. But if it'd been you I'd have given Peacemaker a blowjob if you know what I mean."
Waverly jerks back, eyes widening. "Oh god," she breathes, "oh no, Wynonna."
"Aww come on, cutie, don't be sad," Wynonna says with a wink. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean I love you. You get it."
Waverly starts to respond but her sister's mouth finds hers before she gets the chance.
This time it's not nearly as chaste. Wynonna's tongue finds its way into her mouth and a second later she's kissing back, terrified and desperate and so so guilty. All this time a cruel selfish part of her has wanted to hear that, wanted to know that what she had with Wynonna was better than what Wynonna had with Willa. As much as she had felt bad about Willa dying the first time she'd had to work so hard to not be happy to have Wynonna all to herself.
But now it was just her and Wynonna again and—oh, she really needs to get a hold of herself.
"Yeah, you know," Wynonna says, eyes lidded. Her hands are heavy on Waverly's hips. "You get it, dontcha?"
"Um, no," Waverly says, even as she lets herself be led backwards towards the bed. "Maybe we can dig a little deeper into all the suicidal ideation?"
"No way, I'm already, like, so close to barfing." She pushes Waverly over and then climbs the bed to be on top of her. "Did enough of that in the nut house. 'Sides, all I meant is that I'd kill myself if anything happened to you."
"Ah-ha!" Waverly points a finger in her face. "And that's really bad! You realize that it's bad, right?"
"What, you wouldn't kill yourself if I died?" Pouting, Wynonna puts a hand over her heart. "That really hurts my feelings."
Without waiting for any answer, Wynonna shuffles down the bed.
"Oh!" Waverly fails the first order of business by spreading her legs to let Wynonna between them. Her sister seems to take that as a loud invitation and she smiles as she noses at the line of Waverly's shorts.
"We...shouldn't be doing this. This is so bad. Isn't it? Isn't this terrible?"
"Doesn't feel so terrible to me." Wynonna slides lower and she feels her take a deep breath through the cotton fabric. Waverly squeaks.
"Morally! Morally terrible, I mean."
Wynonna hums, nosing lower. Then she destroys any chance Waverly has of coming back from this sane by rubbing her face into the fabric like if she tries hard enough she can get at her cunt.
Well. She did sort of learn that she might not really be an Earp, much less Wynonna's sister. Maybe Wynonna doesn't know that but...legally speaking there was nothing wrong with it. Sure it was bad but maybe this could be a good thing.
For the first time since she read Willa's diary she doesn't hate the thought of not being an Earp. Which is just in time since during her mini crisis Wynonna has tugged her shorts down and off her legs.
Wynonna whistles poorly. "The news didn't tell me a flood watch was in effect."
Waverly blinks down at her in confusion before she groans and tries to close her legs. "You don't get to have sex with me if you're going to talk about my poor beautiful vulva like that."
"I'm being very respectful of your splash zone," Wynonna says, kissing at her upper thighs. "And I happen to be a very strong swimmer."
Waverly groans, first in exasperation and then again much louder because Wynonna has swiped her tongue up the already damp spot in her underwear. Her fingers scramble to catch onto the sheets as Wynonna sets her tongue against the folds of her cunt, getting it wet from the outside.
It doesn't feel any less messed up, knowing they might not be biologically related, big emphasis on the might but that's definitely a silver lining. Or a very dark grey lining. Wynonna being really drunk might be making this worse but Wynonna coming on her in the first place totally makes it better. If you were to pop out Waverly's heart and weigh it on a scale it'd only be a bit heavier than a feather. Unless you threw Nicole into the equation, oh crap.
Her hands have gone from being caught in her sheets to caught up in Wynonna's hair. Wynonna seems really happy about that, and Waverly nearly bucks off the bed when her sister—her not sister—her maybe not sister—sucks at her clit through her underwear.
"Easy, baby girl," Wynonna says, smiling wryly. "Don't want to break the old schnoz do you?"
"Keep going, keep going."
Wynonna hums against her clit, sending a jolt of heat through her. "If you say so."
They both get Waverly out of her underwear, neither of them patient enough to slow down. Both of them groan when Wynonna gets her mouth on her again, and Waverly understands why she's enjoying herself but her sister, who she was previously pretty sure was straight, seems like she wants nothing more in life than to be right there, buried in between Waverly's legs.
"Prickly," Wynonna says, rubbing her cheek against her mound, and Waverly feels herself blush.
"I wasn't expecting to have sex tonight, was I?"
"Too bad." She drags her tongue from a brief flick at Waverly's clit all the way through her hair and up to her naval. "Officer Haught doesn't go for a little bush?"
Waverly winces a little. "It's a personal decision, you goof. I just like how it looks."
"Boring." Her every aggravating word is being spoken against her thick swollen, clit. "I like a little jungle exploration."
"That's-ohh!" She jerks as Wynonna sucks at her clit directly.
It's not that she couldn't guess that her sister has done this before from her attitude and her comments, but the way she alternates between gently lapping at her clit and sucking at it like she wants to drain her soul out of her body speaks of experience.
"Think you can come like this, baby girl, or do you need something in you?"
Waverly squeezes a handful of hair, trying to catch her breath. She's really starting to doubt if she'll ever be able to hear her sister call her baby girl again without blacking out on the spot. Oh, she was such a bad person, no ifs ands or buts about it. "I....Wynonna."
"Yeah, I'll bet you do," Wynonna says, lips grazing her inner thigh. She bites down gently. "I gotta have something in me if I wanna come. Think we have that in common?"
Waverly stares pleadingly up at the ceiling. "Someone should probably smite me."
"If you're in the mood to see God," Wynonna says, suddenly slipping two fingers into her, "I can get you an appointment."
Waverly shouts before Wynonna even gets her mouth back on her. She hardly has to move her fingers before Waverly goes tense, clenching tight over his sister's fingers as she comes.
She shakes like she's come down with a fever in the aftermath, whole body going haywire at the sheer perversity of it all and how badly she wanted it. Her spine unwinds slowly down from where she'd been shoving her cunt into Wynonna's face and Wynonna follows her down, fingers still in her.
Wynonna looks up at her, heated and with her mouth drenched. "You taste as sweet as you are, baby girl."
"Wynonna," she says heavily, "you're still—?"
Wynonna answers the question she was going to ask by fucking her fingers back into her while looking her straight in the eyes.
"Oh!" A perfectly good opportunity to stop goes completely ignored as Waverly pushes back against her sister's fingers. As drunk as she is Wynonna really knows what she's doing, because she's definitely done this and Waverly is for sure going to ask her about that later, but wow, now really isn't the time.
She's not sure when one of her legs ends up over Wynonna's shoulder but it's there now. Her skin is buzzing from her first orgasm and she's primed for another, nerves hot and buzzing. Her second orgasm hits her fast and hard. She yanks on her hair, digging her heel into Wynonna's back.
Wynonna hums happily when she's done, wiping her mouth on her wrist. She climbs over her and presses her mouth to Waverly's neck, kissing her and smelling of Waverly's cunt the whole time. The evidence of how wet and excited she was for it.
"Wanted a taste so bad," she mumbles, nibbling at her throat.
Waverly moans and arches her neck into her mouth for just a second before her upstairs brain turns back on. "No hickeys! No hickeys!"
"You're killing me," Wynonna says, lowering herself down half on the bed and half on Waverly. Her weight feels comfortable and solid.
"I have a girlfriend. Oh god, I have a girlfriend, I'm so screwed!"
"You're really harshing my buzz, baby." Wynonna kisses her on the arm sloppily. "You're lucky I love you so bad.”
Waverly pushes down the warm feeling that rises in her at those words. She swallows tightly before asking, "Wynonna, are you okay? Like, okay-okay?"
She thinks if Wynonna were sober things would've gotten awkward, or maybe honest and vulnerable. As it is Wynonna snorts and snuggles deeper into her side, saying nothing at all.
Waverly's mind whirls. This was bad, obviously. Super freaken bad. But they would bounce back from it. Maybe Wynonna will realize that eating her sister out was rock bottom and think about putting the bottle down every now and then. Then they'll talk about Willa, put her behind them and move on.
Or maybe Waverly just enabled her and she'll want to do it again, with liquor as her excuse once more.
Beneath her hot, sweaty sister, Waverly shivers. Equal parts fear and delight.