Chapter Text
The Devil of Paradis had already lost his captain’s faith once in the past life, but Eren wouldn't let a second one happen in this lifetime.
Those words that felt like a stab into his heart, boiled his insides and left Eren unable to sleep for the next couple of days. What's worse was the fact that whenever the sun shone bright, turning his dizzy head into a churning mess, he would see flashes of memories behind his eyelids. It took him awhile to realize the memories of his past life as well as this one was beginning to collide.
How he wished Levi were here to distract him, to banter with him and take his mind off his conscience. And yet, Levi had gone on another business trip for a couple of days.
Today had to be the day Levi was supposed to return, so Eren anticipated meeting him by the first period.
“Your biology teacher couldn't be present today because he had to be the representative to the City Hall, so I'll be here to substitute him.” Hange beamed, inviting shouts of joy and giddy jumps from the rest of the class, except for the boy sitting at the front seat by the window.
Eren's heart sank, as though a massive weight was pressing down on it. Could it be true… was Levi actually leaving him?
Those words he said last time they met… were the exact words Levi had said in their previous life, back when Levi had decided to give up on him for good. Why did he say that now, when everything was going just fine?
If he was so embarrassed about that ‘incident’ due to his thin face, then Eren would be the very person to give him the benefit of the doubt.
After all, Eren already had countless intentional arousals towards that man… What would an accidental one from Levi even matter to him? He wanted to ask Levi to forget it, wanted to get down on his knees and kowtow, wanted to beg for Levi to please just don't leave me, can’t we start over?
Eren would rather die than having to live a life where his Levi turned his back towards him. But how many lifetimes would fate ever spare him? Having experienced rebirth in this world was already an abundant grace for the Devil of Paradis. For someone who was fated to massacre eighty percent of humanity on this earth, he expected he would be thrown into the deepest pit of hell due to his unforgivable sins, so his soul would never reincarnate.
Yet Eren was reborn. And not only that, now he had a life of warmth here where he could freely choose to show his love and care to his beloveds… and to his Levi.
Eren wouldn’t want to lose all of these, for the life of him. This boy who wore his heart on his sleeve, thought he had lost the ability to express himself in the past after he obtained the Founder's power and was thrown into the hurling mess of time. But maybe having been rebirthed into the body of his sixteen-years old self also turned his mentality a bit more childish.
And it sure wasn't easy for Hange to ignore the constant taps of the boy's foot against the floor, tick tack tick of his pen against the still-empty notebook, his stolen glances of worry every now and then towards the door.
Hange had heard about Eren a lot from Levi. How this boy was extraordinary, very attentive to the class, and—though the man was reluctant to admit it—Eren had to be Levi's student he took the most pride in his class.
But the distraught on the boy's face was so apparent. Like a book opened wide till it broke its bindings just for everyone to see. His layers of emotions changed like peeling off each ply of tissue slowly. Hange found it intriguing… and mind-boggling. When they finished the class, they stopped Eren who was almost the first one to bolt out of the class.
“Eren, where are you heading?”
It went without saying, Eren's mind was a complete mess. The only thing on his mind was to find Levi, but when he almost blurted out the words ‘biology lab’, he stopped himself.
Wouldn't it be too obvious if he said that? Would Hange—in all their quick wit and attention to details—caught wind of Eren's impure intentions towards Levi? If so, wouldn't Levi's reputation be in shambles?
Hange initially hadn't caught wind. But seeing the boy's hesitation, the gears in their head started working. So they ventured to say, “Levi didn't come to school today, but he asked me to tell you something.”
The light in those emerald eyes was instant.
“He requested me to sort these out and give them to him.”
“I'll help.”
Hange handed over the stack of papers to Eren and ruffled his head. “If you insist. Thank you, Eren.”
“When am I supposed to submit them to Mr. Ackerman?”
Of course, when Levi went in for work again. But Hange felt mischief stirring in their heart and said ambiguously, “I heard you're next door neighbors with Levi, no?”
In the end, that's how Eren found himself standing before that familiar white front door. The boy had made a resolve that he would brace himself, knock on the door, and get Levi to talk to him, no matter what, even if he had to use some sort of force. He was not having Levi walk out from his life that easily, not this time.
But apparently it was easier thought than done… because why was Eren still frozen in front of that damn door even though ten minutes had passed?
After all, Eren didn’t really know what to say when he met Levi.
Was he supposed to tell him about the papers he had sorted out from Hange and wanted to give them to him? It dawned on him too late on why didn’t he wait until Levi went back to work? Wasn’t Eren bothering him on his day off if he barged into his house like this?
Was he supposed to talk about… ‘that’ incident? Two possibilities. One, Levi would pretend it never happened and Eren would look stupid as hell. Two, Levi would whack his head and call him an impudent brat for even bringing it up. Also, didn’t Eren promise himself he would act like it didn’t bother him? If he brought it up, wouldn’t it feel like he was accusing Levi for having impure thoughts towards his own student?
Should he just… return home for the day?
Eren leaned back on the door with a dejected sigh. At the end of the day, he really couldn’t get a read of this man. He kept pissing Levi off no matter what he did or said, and not to mention the slip-ups of his affection that might alarm Levi of his intentions.
And that was when he fell.
“Ouch!” Eren tumbled with a thud on his butt, suddenly finding himself plopped down between the opened door and wooden porch.
Then came a booming voice from on top of his head. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Sir,” Eren called woefully as he looked up from where he's plopped, finding those grey eyes that he had missed for a while now. “You're home.”
Levi gazed at him with a mild look. “Are you looking for Mikasa?”
“No,” Eren pushed himself to stand, clutching the tote bag he was carrying close to his chest. “I'm here for you.”
Of course, Levi hadn't expected such a response, not after what transpired between them last time. Feigning composure, his brow raised in question. “What for?”
What for…? Eren considered the two options he had drafted in his mind before, and eventually settled with a “I heard you just got back from a business trip. I wanted to make sure you're eating well.”
The second those words left his mouth, Eren regretted it. Did he sound too pushy? What was he, Levi's little wife? Telling him to eat and making sure he's well?
So Eren immediately added, “Oh, my mom was cooking stew! So, she thought I'd share it with you…”
Upon this explanation, Levi couldn't possibly refuse the boy's offer. He accepted the tote bag of packed stew and some… paperworks? “Thanks, tell your mom that I'm grateful for it. You can go back now.”
Just when the door was about to close, Eren stuck his foot at the gap, then grabbed the edge as he forced it back open.
“What now?”
“My mom told me that I need to reheat the stew.”
“I can reheat it myself.”
“But aren't you tired…”
“I'm just jet lagged, not handicapped.” Levi frowned. “It's just reheating stew, nothing I can't handle myself.”
Eren forced the door to open wider. “But I'd like to do it for you.”
Levi was at a loss, he was truly done for. When being subjected by those pleading emerald eyes, he really had no choice but to: “Fine. Throw this for me and get the hell in.”
Eren received the trash bag Levi had initially wanted to take out when he happened to stumble upon Eren at his front door. When the implication of permission dawned on Eren, his face instantly brightened up. Skipping towards the trash can at the end of the pathway, he immediately ran back to catch the door that was swaying closed behind Levi, yelping, “Sir, wait! I'm coming!”
Levi tripped over his own home slippers. “Don't say something like that.”
“Something like what?” Eren already stepped through the threshold, door closing behind him as he gazed at Levi with a smile. His cheeks were slightly flushed, puffing breaths out of his lungs from the small run he did, while a sheen layer of sweat covered his forehead. When he caught sight of Levi's sloppiness, Eren found it almost cute.
Levi's eyes were glaring at Eren, obviously a mere facade for the embarrassment at his conscience. “Don't say something like I'm coming, it's noisy.”
“Why though? If I don't say it, wouldn't you think I'm impolite?”
Levi's glare got even harsher, bulging like his eyes were gonna come out from the sockets. “Whether I think you're impolite or not, you're still gonna force your way into my house! Just shut your shitty mouth up while you're at it.”
Eren was baffled when Levi left him at that for the kitchen. Then he smiled even wider, his mood immediately lifted up when he thought: It seemed that Levi had decided to forgive and forget what transpired between them. Telling Eren not to say "I'm coming!" and letting him into his house freely would be the first step that he'd welcome Eren no matter what.
Of course, it was a given thought for any normal person. It was such a normal phrase one would hear everywhere.
But to Levi… it was a bit different. When he saw the boy breathing hard, chest heaving up and down from the small adrenaline rush, cheeks tinted pink and sweat rolled down from his forehead… It made Levi think of the way the boy would look when he laid beneath Levi, eyes tearing up and lips slightly agape as he gasped for breath, Sir, I’m coming…
Levi's already elevated body temperature due to being sleep-deprived burned even hotter. What was he, a fucking teenager with raging hormones going through a puberty? How vile!
“Sir, you should go back to rest. I will reheat it for you.”
Levi watched as Eren took away the pot and spatula from his hands. The boy already busying about in his kitchen like it was second nature to him, so Levi went to his pantry corner for tea.
“Ah,” Eren caught his hands just as he reached for a teabag. His hot breath blowing against Levi's raven hair, gently brushing against the man's nape, as he said, “Let me make you the tea as well. You can wait for me at the living room.”
Those palms against Levi's cold ones engulfed him with warmth that he had always longed for. It made Levi want to be greedy for more… and that's why he had always ran and shy away from the boy's fiery passion.
Levi knew Eren was off-limits for him.
Levi pulled his hands away, as natural as possible, not sparing the boy another word as he obliged and went to the living room. He had no energy to banter with the boy, and a help while resting after a trip was appreciated regardless, so Levi plopped down on his couch and laid his head on the backrest with a hum.
Eren lost track of time as he waited for the stew to boil and the tea to brew. By the time he carried a bowl of stew and a glass of hot tea to the living room, Levi had drifted asleep on the couch.
Left with nothing else to do yet not wanting to return back home yet, Eren initiated to grab a broom and started cleaning the house. Levi had left for a week, and Mikasa… had never been the one very fond of cleaning.
Maybe it was due to Levi's sensitivity to noises, but it was only a few minutes later that he woke up to the sounds of robot vacuum and mop.
“Sorry, sir. Did I wake you up?”
Levi pushed himself to sit back up on the couch, catching a glance of the boy wiping his TV shelf with vigor. He had wanted to get the boy to scram after reheating the stew, but now he had fallen asleep and gave the boy all the more reason to stay longer in his house.
“The stew is still warm, and I managed to make the tea at the right temperature. They should still be warm enough to enjoy.”
Levi nodded. “Thank you, Eren.” Then he grabbed a pair of chopsticks and froze. Why is there only one bowl of stew and one glass of hot tea? “Eren, aren't you eating?”
“I already ate at home, all of those are yours.”
Eren's answer left the man speechless. He thought Eren barged his way in to reheat the stew so he could eat together with Levi, like how the little boy always did in the past, but… forget it. Levi tried his best to shrug off the disappointment in his heart, cooling his expression before Eren could notice the gloom on his face.
“I'm done cleaning here, sir. Where can I wash off the mop and rag?”
“The water faucet at the back porch.”
“Oh, through the door next to the kitchen?”
Levi hummed. “Careful, though. It can get slippery.”
So Eren threw a yes, sir over his shoulder as he skipped his way to the back door. It was a closed back porch with water faucet, washing machine, and a shelf. Another sliding door in front of him would probably lead to the backyard. He rolled up his pants before going to wash the rag and mop. Once he hung the cloths at a nearby hanger, Eren thought the cold water was refreshing against the late summer air, so he washed his hands and dunked his head under the water faucet as well.
“Haaa…” Eren let out a satisfied chuckle. He stepped towards the door, wanting to ask Levi for a towel to dry his hair and face with, when he accidentally caught sight of purple from the corner of his eyes. He quirked an eyebrow, "Hm?"
When curiosity got the best of the boy, he gingerly pushed the sliding door leading towards the backyard to get a better look.
What greeted his sight had him struck dumb.
In front of him was a field of purple bellflowers, blooming all around every corner possible, amongst the sumptuous lush greenery. Eren wasn’t at all surprised that Levi would have a small garden, in fact Eren thought that the man would be very well-suited, due to his caring nature and discipline to tend to them diligently.
What baffled Eren was that, “Aren’t these bellflowers the one I planted in front of my own house?”
The thought came to Eren so naturally, as if it was his own memory that he had. However, it was only a second later when realization dawned on him that the memory of planting those bellflowers in front of his house was the one belonging to this world’s Eren… who originally had this body before the Devil of Paradis was rebirthed.
It was only then when he remembered… or more like, he peeked into those old memories.
The days that little boy had planted the bellflower to accompany the big tree in front of his house, the weeks that little boy had shared pots and pots of flowers for Levi, the years of thinking that Eren’s affection for the man next door was for naught when Levi told him he had thrown away all those pots of flower.
But Levi had kept the flowers.
Eren was astonished, to say the least. Why would Levi keep the flowers that he so desperately convinced this world’s Eren he had thrown away?
Could it be… that Levi… actually liked Eren from a long time ago? No, no, no. No way, that couldn’t be.
If that was the case, then what was the Devil of Paradis supposed to do? He knew of Levi’s feelings, and he could return those feelings as well… but did the Devil of Paradis have the right to return the love Levi had for the boy?
What would Levi think… if he knew that the one he fell in love with had ‘died’ somewhere along the way and was replaced by this filthy devil who took over his body? This Devil of Paradis who was an impostor with blood in his hands, sins unable to be atoned for eternity, playing a good boy act in a high schooler’s body when this fiend should be burned in the deepest pit of hell?
What was… Eren supposed to do?
Levi was just dumping his dishes to the sink when the door beside him swung open and slammed shut with a bang. He wasn’t one to easily startle though, so he only glanced at Eren with a questioning gaze.
“Sorry, I almost slipped. The floor was way too slippery.” Eren said. The hem of his clothes was thoroughly soaked, having wiped his wet hair and face with his T-shirt, and it clung uncomfortably against his skin. “I also… turned the faucet too big so now I’m drenched.”
Levi shook his head. “You’re gonna catch a cold like that. Go grab some clothes from my wardrobe and get changed.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine! I’m gonna head home anyway!”
Levi’s hands that were washing the dishes paused for a second, then he resumed like nothing bothered him at all. “Good, it’s about time anyway.”
“Then, I’ll go back home now, sir.” Eren smiled, reaching for the front door and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow at the school festival, sir! Make sure you come to my class’ cafe, alright?” before the door was shut behind his disappearing back.
In the kitchen, Levi had finished washing the dishes. Thinking to grab the rag to wipe the coffee table, he stepped through the kitchen back door and halted.
Huh?
“Huh?”
For a moment, his heart seemed to drop from where it settled in his chest, down to his full stomach. Levi felt like he was gonna puke out the stew he had just eaten. His hand reached for the sliding door that was wide open, leading to the backyard of purple bellflowers, as if trying to show off its vibrant petals for anyone to see.
He took a step over the sliding door then looked downwards.
Ah.
There were fresh drops of water still pooling near the sliding door.
Levi had left home for a week and only landed this morning so he hadn’t tended to the garden, and Mikasa never once stepped foot to the backyard after he told her not to, all those years ago. That meant only one person had visited here—the one who just left in a hurry.
The grip on the sliding door was trembling. Had Levi exerted more force, he might snap the door into two. When nobody was in his periphery, Levi let his facade slip. The worry in his gaze, the way his face turned from pale white to blue then to flushed red, the juddering of his heart in his ribcage, and the muted noise in his ears.
Levi had kept the garden of bellflowers, every single stalk a gift from the boy, hidden behind the sliding door where no one could lay eyes upon them for many, many years. Levi had kept his feelings hidden behind his facade, his lies, and his harsh reprimands for as many years.
But now, suddenly they were out in the open, found by none other than the object of his affection. Eren had seen his garden of bellflowers, one gifted to Levi and one he had dedicated back to the boy.
Eren had seen his feelings in its rawest form. And after catching Levi red-handed, he ran away in a hurry… as if to pretend it didn’t bother him, or maybe to turn a blind eye to this old man’s feelings.
“Fuck.” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
FUCK!
There was no way out for Levi. Not even if the world was ending right now where the earth beneath him opened and swallowed him whole would save him from this.
When one found out that the object of their affection had discovered their secretive crush, the normal response would be surprise—usually, out of happiness.
But Levi had passed his mid-thirties last year. In this life, he had spent his entire life alone.
Sure, he had dated a couple of times during his teenage years back then—everyone had a phase like that, no?—but all of them broke up with him for the same reasons: “Your words are too blunt,” or “You’re too heartless,” or “You’re good-looking, but you really are not caring enough.” And that was not to mention how the students in the school acted around this tyrannical teacher.
When one was subjected to a stereotype for too long, they eventually started to take those words into reflection and bore them to his own self. Opinions of others started to become reality to him and when Levi thought of how to view himself, the words that’d come up in his head were blunt, and heartless, and uncaring. And, not to mention, he was very fucking old already.
Thus, without missing a beat, Levi just knew that Eren was sure to think him disgusting, vile and preposterous, absolutely shameless. What kind of hideous old man would harbor such affection for a teenager half his fucking age?
How dare this person have the audacity to like… to covet such a young boy, not to mention his own student?
If Eren caught wind of Levi’s feelings, he would definitely freak out. Would… Eren hate him for it?
Levi sighed. “He sure would.”
When Levi thought about how those emerald jewels might look at him with apparent fear lingering beneath those dimmed light in his eyes, Levi thought he might as well be the one running away before Eren ever confronted him at all.
Should he prepare now… Maybe he should take a day off tomorrow…
But when the wind blew, Eren’s voice rang in his ears: “I’ll see you tomorrow at the school festival, sir! Make sure you come to my class’s cafe, alright?”
Eren. Eren. Eren.
This boy that had caught a hold of Levi’s heart for so many years. How could he still invite Levi to visit him at school even after finding out about Levi’s appalling intentions towards him? Wasn’t he scared of this old man harboring a crush on him at all?
Levi glanced back at the fluttering bellflowers against the breeze, then he kneeled down to stroke at its little petals. He thought of how Eren was thriving in his young age, how he had the beauty to attract kids his age and date whoever he wanted.
If… if only Levi was as pretty and mild-tempered as Mikasa… or as youthful and gallant as Jean… or if he were as smart and friendly as Armin. If he was younger and more pleasant to be around with… then could he stand a chance?
Levi shook his head, he dared not to entertain more of the ifs, because he knew he’d only end up with regrets in his heart. He was pleased enough with what he had right now. He was a next door neighbor that Eren took a liking to, and even Eren wasn’t scared of him despite his tyrannical behavior at school… at least, not yet.
At the end of the day, Levi found his hands tied. He really couldn’t do anything but to wait and see what would happen. So he admonished himself to remain calm and gazed at the lunchbox Eren had left, still half-filled with stew.
If Eren wanted Levi to come visit his class’ cafe tomorrow, then who was Levi to refuse the offer? He might as well took this one last chance to see the boy before he left the boy’s life for good.