Wishful Thinking in Hell

by ZappyBoiKenobi

Summary:

Shortly after the battle at the hotel, Charlie finds a strange lamp on her bed.

In short: Genie Adam

Notes:

Saw the skit by Chris and Jack about outsmarting a genie and thought it would be funny to write this.

Hope you guys like it.

After the battle with the Exorcists, Charlie slept like a rock the following night—dreamless, heavy, and far too short for what her nerves deserved. When she finally stirred, her body ached like never before.

She stretched with a groan, rolling over, when something cold and metallic clinked against her arm.

"Huh?" she muttered, blinking the sleep from her eyes. There, on the crimson sheets, sat a lamp. Not an oil lamp, not even one of those tacky Victorian numbers. No, this looked like something straight out of a fairy tale: brass, ornate, etched with strange runes that shimmered faintly in the dim light.

"... Okay," Charlie murmured, sitting up. "This wasn't here last night ... Vaggie? Husk? Angel? ... Alastor?"

But no answer came. She carefully peered around the room, making sure that there wasn't some hidden camera filming her.

Curiosity itched at her fingers. Against every ounce of better judgment, Charlie picked it up. The surface was warm, almost alive, and as her thumb brushed across one of the etched markings, the entire thing gave a low, melodic hum.

Turning it over, she finds a sticky note.

"Use him well." - Love, G.

"G?" Charlie blinked at the note again, as if the jaunty, looping handwriting might rearrange into something that made sense.

"G...?" she whispered. The only "G" she could think of was—

"God?" She laughed nervously. "Right, because that would make sense. Sure. Totally."

The lamp thrummed again, this time louder, vibrating faintly in her hands like a living heartbeat.

"Okay, nope, this is officially weird," Charlie muttered, placing it back on the bed. "Maybe it's some kind of—"

The hum pitched into a resonant chord, and then the room exploded in golden light. Charlie yelped, shielding her face and the next thing she knew, the riff of an electric guitar along with the voice of the man she had watched die less then twenty-four hours ago.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND BITCHES!" He boomed, dripping with charisma and theatrics. "THE WAIT IS OVER. THE MAN, THE LEGEND, THE DICKMASTER—IS BACK!"

Smoke poured from the lamp, glowing gold and indigo as it swirled violently before condensing into the shape of a man. Boots slammed onto the bed frame with the force of a drumbeat, and the first thing Charlie saw was a silhouette and an all too familiar face coming into view.

"Adam!?" Charlie's jaw dropped so far it might've hit the floor if her bed wasn't in the way. Standing there, in all his smug glory, was Adam.

"Miss me, sweetheart?" he purred, strumming a chord that sent actual sparks shooting across the room.

Charlie blinked, her brain stalling somewhere between confusion and existential crisis. "You—you DIED! I saw you—Niffty—everyone saw you!"

Adam twirled the guitar and slung it over his back like an afterthought, grinning with enough wattage to power Hell's grid for a century. "Yeah and that sucked but doesn't matter cause I'm fucking back! Courtesy of … well, let's just say your friendly neighborhood G-man."

"Big G upstairs apparently liked your moxie yesterday and decided to give you this opportunity. Sure I died and all but hey, who am I to argue with the man." He tapped the lamp with his boot, and it chimed like a bell. "So guess what, princess? I'm your genie. Three wishes. Anything you want. And of course, I got to warn you: standard genie disclaimer—every wish may or may not come with a loophole." Adam finished, wagging a finger and flashing a grin that was equal parts charming and wolfish. "You know, 'be careful what you wish for.' 'don't get greedy.' all that jazz. But hey—don't sweat it. I'm sure you'll manage."

Charlie's mouth opened, closed, then opened again like a fish yanked out of water. "You're… my genie? You?"

"That's right babe!" Adam said, spreading his arms as golden sparks curled off his arms. "Mostly powerful fucking genie!"

"Mostly?" Charlie repeated. "Don't you mean all-powerful?"

"Bitch, if I was all powerful, do you think I'll be here granting your fucking ass wishes instead of sipping mojitos on a cloud made of ribs with Lute between my legs?" Adam barked out a laugh. "But don't worry, sweetheart—I'm powerful enough for your wildest fucking dreams … or your dumbest mistakes."

Charlie narrowed her eyes, pulling the blanket tighter around her. "This is … this is insane."

Adam plopped down beside her on the bed, entirely too comfortable, sending a bounce through the mattress that nearly launched her off the edge.

"Oh come on, Skinny." he said, elbowing her playfully. "You fought off Heaven yesterday and this is where you draw the line? A sexy dead guy popping out of a lamp?"

"Fair enough." Charlie grumbled, brushing her hair out of her face with one hand while eyeing Adam like he might suddenly combust again. "So, uhhh, what did you mean by 'loopholes' earlier?"

Adam's grin widened, sharp and dazzling. He leaned back on his hands, stretching like a cat, the gold-tinged smoke still curling faintly off his cassock.

"Oh, that," he said, voice dripping nonchalance. "See, sweetheart, every wish is a game. You tell me what you want, and I fucking make it happen. Exactly as you said." He punctuated the words with finger guns and a smug wink.

Charlie frowned. "So … if I say, 'I want peace on Earth,' you'd …"

"Well, I'm not suppose to say but for you, first one's free." Adam replied cheerfully, spinning the lamp on one finger like a basketball. "Wipe out all life on the planet, baby. Boom. Instant peace. Zero complaints."

Her stomach twisted. "That's—horrible!"

"That's genie law, princess. We thrive on creative interpretation." His grin softened into something almost fond as he watched her recoil. "Relax, though. You're smarter than that. Aren't you?"

"Wait, you don't really have that kind of power do you?"

"Not before. But ever since Big G paid me a visit, I've been feeling fucking FANTASTIC!" The lamp pulsed as if echoing his words, sending ripples of light crawling across the sheets. Charlie flinched when the guitar slung across his back strummed on its own, a low, sultry chord that seemed to vibrate through her bones.

"Anyway, chop chop princess. What's your first wish?"

Charlie thought long and hard, biting her lip so hard it almost hurt. Her brain spun like a roulette wheel of disasters. Wishes. Three wishes. The kind of power that could change everything—or ruin everything even faster. And the guy offering it was Adam, of all people.

She could think of a million wishes but the fact that loophole clause existed loomed like a guillotine above her head made her stomach churn.

If only she knew what the loophole could be for each wish.

...

Of course!

Why not just wish for it!?

"I got it!" Charlie declared, sitting up straighter, determination sparking in her crimson eyes.

Adam arched a brow, clearly entertained. "Well, that was quick. Lay it on me, bitch."

She drew in a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. "I, Charlie Morningstar, of sound mind and body, wish for the ability to run any potential subsequent wishes by YOU, and have YOU tell me what the secret catch would be before I officially lock it in as my selected wish."

For a moment, silence hung in the air. Adam just stared at her, blinking slowly as if trying to process what she'd just said. Then, he threw his head back and laughed—a deep, barking laugh that shook the bed frame.

"Holy shit balls!" he wheezed between snickers, clutching his stomach like it was the funniest joke in all of creation. "That's your big play? You want a goddamn genie consultation package?"

Charlie bristled. "It's smart! This way I can avoid any—"

"Any loopholes?" Adam interrupted, still grinning ear to ear. "Pfft, knew you were a fucking nerd."

"Yeah, well, forgive me for wanting to make sure I don't accidentally end the world!" she shot back, cheeks flushing.

Adam rolled his shoulders, gold smoke curling lazily around him as he considered her words. Then, with a shrug that was somehow both nonchalant and theatrical, he snapped his fingers.

"Done."

Charlie blinked. "Wait, really?"

"Yep." Adam popped the "p" with infuriating smugness. "Your wish is my command. From now on, I'll give you the fine print on any dumb-ass idea you cook up before we lock it in. Happy?"

Charlie narrowed her eyes. "That … feels way too easy."

Adam simply kept quiet and that silence said everything.

Charlie's stomach knotted. "You're smiling like you know something I don't."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't." Adam grinned wider, the kind of grin that could curdle milk. "But hey, now you got two wishes to make your dreams fucking come true."

Charlie racked her brain and tried to narrow down the list that immediately began screaming in her skull. Two wishes left. Just two. And the stakes? Literally everything. Her hotel. Her mission to redeem souls. Every single ounce of her being screamed to think carefully, and yet the weight of Adam's cocky smirk and the lingering hum of the lamp made it impossible to think clearly.

"Okay …" she said slowly, fingers drumming nervously against her knee. "What if I wish for the Exterminations to end?"

"I blow up Heaven." Adam replied curtly. "Would suck but hey, its what you want."

"Blow up—!?" Charlie choked, staring at him in outright horror. "Why!?"

"Hey, no Heaven means no Exorcists and no Exorcists means no Exterminations."

Charlie pinched the bridge of her nose so hard she nearly drew blood. "That's not what I meant!"

Adam shrugged like the world's smuggest cat. "Doesn't matter what you meant, babe. Genie Law is all about what you said. Intentions are cute, but wording? That's fucking king."

Charlie groaned, her stomach doing Olympic-level flips. "Okay. Fine. Not that, then." She muttered, tapping her temples as if she could force a perfect wish out of her frazzled brain. "What if I wish for the Exorcists to stop conducting the Exterminations?"

"Then I'll just rename them to something else." Adam spread his arms like a magician revealing his grand finale. "Call it … oh, I dunno—'Purification Parties.' Different name, same slaughter, baby."

"Ok, lets skip the whole stopping the Exterminations." Charlie threw her hands up. "Ummm, what if I wish everyone to be sinless?"

"Boom, you don't exist anymore." Adam snapped his fingers, causing a little puff of glittering smoke to appear above Charlie's head.

"Huh!? How does that—"

"Well, to make everyone sinless, I would have to go back in time and kill those fucking dipshit parents of yours to stop them from tricking Eve into eating the apple. Which means—poof! No sin, no Hell, no Daddy Morningstar, no sweet little Charlie." Adam finished with a flourish, snapping his fingers again so a shower of glittering sparks rained down onto the bedspread. "You would be doing humanity a great service. A noble sacrifice that no one will ever know about. Just say the words and I can make it happen!"

"... Lets, uhhh, put a pin in it for now."

"Of course ... fucking bitch." Adam whispered before chuckling, leaning back on his elbows with the kind of lazy arrogance that said he had all the time in the world—and enjoyed watching her squirm. "Come on, Princess. Two more shots. Let's spin the wheel of fate. Wish something wild. Fun. Dangerous." He gave her a wink. "Live a little."

Well, instead of that, Charlie decides to do the exact opposite and considers making her wish as simple as possible.

"What if I wish to know where my Mom is?" Charlie sat frozen for a long moment after the words slipped from her lips, barely above a whisper.

"Oh please wish for that." Adam's voice dropped an octave, smoky and sinful, curling around her like a velvet noose. "No catch to that one. I WANT to tell you."

With how eager Adam sounded, every instinct in Charlie screamed trap.

"On second thought, maybe …" Charlie swallowed hard, her throat suddenly bone-dry. "Maybe I shouldn't."

Adam tilted his head, that wolfish grin stretching wider, like a predator scenting blood. "Oh, come on, Princess. Don't pussy out now. You've been wondering, haven't you? Where mommy dearest is hiding? What she's been up to?" His voice dipped to a near-whisper, laced with something darkly sweet. "You've been dying to know why she left."

Charlie's heart jackhammered in her chest. Of course she wanted to know. Wanted it more than almost anything. But the way Adam said it—like he was dangling a poisoned apple—made every alarm in her soul scream don't bite.

Besides, she shouldn't be thinking so small. This was her chance to actually change everything. To fix Hell. To save lives. To make her dream real.

"What if I wish for no more discrimination amongst the Hellborn?"

"Pfft—oh, that's adorable. You really are Daddy's little dreamer." Adam sat up, his grin sharpening. "For that, I'll remove the barrier blocking the Sinners from leaving Pride."

"That ... doesn't sound too bad." Charlie said cautiously, narrowing her eyes. "But how does that help?"

"With the Sinners making life shit for everyone, the Hellborn unite to hate on Sinners."

"At least they're united."

"With the Sinners making life shit for everyone, they unite to hate on Sinners. Because of their hatred, the Sinners get pissed off and wage war on the Hellborn. Since Sinners can't die, the Hellborn are slaughtered en masse."

...

"An immortal unending human wave tatic is quite a bitch to deal with." Adam said, tapping his chin. "And it'll be quite the sight."

Charlie stared at him, her stomach plummeting like a stone. "That's not uniting them—that's starting a war!"

Adam grinned like a cat who'd just tossed a mouse into a blender. "Hey, you said 'no discrimination,' Princess. I gave you unity. Can't help it if unity's built on good old-fashioned hate."

"What if I wish for every Sinner in Hell to be redeemed!?"

Adam let out a low whistle, sitting up straighter with a gleam in his eye that could cut glass.

"Ooooh. Now that's a spicy one," he said, rubbing his hands together. "You sure you don't want to start smaller? Like wishing for a latte that doesn't taste like ass?"

Charlie folded her arms. "Just tell me what the loophole is!"

"Geez, chillax!" Adam leaned in. "So for that, I make everyone sinless."

"... That's not so b—"

"By making everything bad not a Sin." Adam finished with a wolfish grin, his voice dripping with mock innocence.

Charlie froze. "… seriously?"

Adam spread his arms like a showman unveiling the grand finale. "Simple, princess! No sins means no sinners. No sinners means—congrats! They're all redeemed. Boom. Just like that."

Charlie's brows knit together. "You're saying you'd just … redefine sin?"

"Hell yeah, I would." Adam snapped his fingers, and a shower of golden sparks fizzled into the air. "From now on, murder? Totally fine. Tax fraud? Sexy. Cannibalism? Gourmet experience, baby!" He winked. "You can't sin if nothing counts as sin anymore. The whole moral compass? Tossed that bitch straight into the shredder."

Charlie's jaw dropped. "That would make everything worse!"

"Would it?" Adam cocked his head, eyes glinting like molten gold. "No guilt. No shame. No pesky little consequences. Just raw, unfiltered chaos. I'm sure Sera would thank you."

"Argh!" Frustrated, Charlie slammed her face into her pillow, muffling a groan that sounded more like a growl. "I wish you'd stop being such an asshole for five seconds!"

The room went still.

Charlie bolted upright, eyes wide as dinner plates. "Wait, no! That wasn't—! I didn't mean it like—!"

Too late.

Adam snapped his fingers and the grin vanished from his face like a light switch flicked off. His body stilled, his usual restless swagger gone. For the first time since he'd exploded out of that lamp, Adam looked … blank. Not sad, not angry—just eerily neutral, like someone had hit pause on his entire personality.

The silence stretched. A silence so heavy it crushed the oxygen out of the room.

"… Oh fuck." Charlie whispered, hands flying to her mouth. "I didn't—oh shit—I didn't mean it! That wish doesn't count!"

Adam slowly turned his head toward her, movements smooth and mechanical. When he spoke, his voice was flat. Cold. Lacking every ounce of that infuriating warmth and cocky bravado.

"Sorry but wish granted." he said simply.

"One … two … three …" Adam started counting, voice monotone, staring at her like a predator who'd decided the hunt wasn't worth the effort.

Those five seconds dragged like a century. His golden eyes, normally blazing with smug delight, were dead glass marbles, reflecting nothing.

"… four" His fingers flexed once—slow, deliberate—like a snake testing the air.

"…five."

The change was instantaneous.

Adam's grin exploded back onto his face like fireworks. Color rushed back into his tone as he barked out a laugh so loud it rattled the lamp. "Holy SHIT, Princess!" Adam doubled over, laughing so hard he nearly toppled off the bed. "You—" he gasped between wheezes, clutching his stomach, "—you actually wasted a wish on THAT?!"

Charlie buried her face in her hands with a groan loud enough to wake the dead. "I didn't mean it as a wish! It was just—ugh!"

"'I wish you'd stop being an asshole for five seconds,'" Adam mimicked in a high-pitched falsetto, fluttering his hands dramatically. "'Oh, Adam, please be nice to me for five whole seconds!'" He collapsed into another fit of laughter, kicking his boots against the bed like a kid throwing a tantrum of pure joy.

"And you're down to ONE wish, babe." Adam propped himself up on his elbows, grinning like a wolf that had just found a flock of unattended lambs. His voice dropped, smoky and smug. "Better make it a good one."

Charlie's stomach twisted like a wet rag. One wish left. ONE. And she'd blown the second on a sarcastic outburst. She wanted to scream, cry, maybe throw the lamp across the room, but none of that would change the reality that Adam now looked more thrilled than a cat with two canaries in its mouth.

Fuck it, at this point, any wish, big or small will have to do.

"What if I wish for you replace Vaggie's missing eye!?" Charlie asked.

"I take out her other eye and put it in. Come on Charlie, this is super easy."

Charlie's voice cracked like shattering glass. "Why would you do that?!"

Adam shrugged, leaning back on his elbows with the lazy elegance of a predator after a full meal. "Hey, sweetheart, you said replace, not restore. Big difference. You want me to pop in a shiny new one, you gotta say that." He smirked, teeth flashing like knives. "Precision matters, Princess."

"Okay! What if I wish for you to restore Vaggie's missing eye!?"

"Restore, huh?" His voice dripped with mock sweetness, every syllable a velvet trap. "Oh, I can do that. Easy-peasy. I'll just rewind her to the moment she had both eyes. You know, back when she was still all stabby stab but like, at Sinners. All that with a grand total of zero memories of you."

Charlie's heart plummeted like a stone into a bottomless pit. "What? No! That's not—"

"Not what you meant, sure." Adam's tone turned sing-song, like a teacher scolding a particularly slow student.

"Fuck! Ugh! What if I wish for the knowledge of how someone gets into Heaven!?"

"All of it in book form, right into your hands, crushed." Adam waggled his brows. "I never really knew how extensive it was but let me tell you, the fucking thing is THICC."

"What if I wish for it to be a compact size?"

Then it becomes a blackhole that eats everything within a hundred-mile radius, including your cute little hotel." Adam finished cheerfully, twirling his fingers as if conjuring the image. "Poof. Congratulations, Princess—you just turned Redemption into an extinction event."

Charlie's hands flew to her hair, fingers tangling as she let out a strangled scream. "You're impossible! There is literally no way to win with you!"

"Well, then maybe you should wish to know how to win." Adam grinned, teeth gleaming like a loaded gun. "C'mon, Charlie. Say it. Say the words. 'I wish to know how to win.' What's the worst that could happen?"

Charlie stared at him, silent. The gears in her head ground together, slower now, weighed down by exhaustion and dread. Her fingers trembled against her temple as she forced herself to think, to really think. Every wish so far had been like navigating a minefield blindfolded—with Adam gleefully planting more explosives under every hopeful step.

"… Okay," she said at last, voice quiet and wary, "If I did wish to know how to win … what's the loophole?"

"The loophole would be that it'll be your third wish—and your last." Adam's grin stretched like a blade, every tooth gleaming with wicked delight. "You'd get your answer, sure. Every little detail on how to 'win.' but no more wishing for you. But of course, you could mitigate that by getting someone else to wish it for you."

Charlie eyes widened at the realization that she could just get someone else to wish for her. It wasn't like Adam and his lamp is going anywhere and there were plenty of people in the Hotel that could help her.

IT'S FOOLPROOF!

"Alright! I wish to know how to win against you!"

Adam quickly snapped his fingers and Charlie mind was immediately assaulted with a tidal wave of knowledge so intense it nearly knocked her unconscious. She could see the right words that was needed to be said so that EVERYTHING would be fixed with Adam's genie powers.

Charlie lunged for the nightstand, nearly tearing the drawer off its hinges before finding a battered notepad and a half-dried pen. Her fingers shook as she scrawled down the specific words that the next person needed to say in order to make the perfect wish.

Her breath came in harsh, ragged gasps. Sweat dripped down her temple as her hand cramped from the sheer speed of her writing. She didn't dare stop—not for a second. If she paused, the knowledge would start slipping through her mental fingers like sand in a storm.

Finally after what felt like hours but in reality was barely five minutes, the last jagged line of text hit the page. Charlie's pen clattered from her trembling fingers, ink smudged across her palm and streaking the notepad in desperate scratches. Her heart pounded like a war drum, her breath hitching in frantic bursts as she stared at what she'd written.

Without a moment to spare, Charlie made a beeline for the door, nearly ripping the door off its hinges as she stumbled into the hallway, clutching the notepad like it was the last lifeboat on a sinking ship.

Lucifer barely had time to register the sound of the door slamming open before Charlie collided with his chest. The impact wasn't much—she was still shaking like a leaf—but the sheer desperation in her grip as she clutched that ink-smeared notepad made him freeze.

"Charlie?" His voice sharpened, all the usual playful lilt gone. "What happened? Are you hurt?"

She shook her head violently, eyes wild and too bright. "No—no, I'm fine—I just—Dad, you have to listen to me. Come with me! I need you to say these EXACT words to him!"

"Who?"

"Just come with me!" Charlie pulled a flabbergasted Lucifer into her room and shoved the genie lamp into his hands. "Now rub it, quickly!"

Lucifer stared at the lamp in his hands, brows arching so high they nearly vanished into his hair.

"… Duckie." he said slowly, voice silk over steel. "Why are you handing me this?"

"No time to explain! Just DO it!" Charlie shoved at his hands like a frantic child urging a parent to pull the fire alarm. "Please, Dad—just rub it!"

With a lot of reluctance on his part, Lucifer rubbed the lamp. Golden smoke erupted instantly, swirling in chaotic ribbons before slamming into the shape of Adam—still grinning like he'd never left.

"Well, well, well!" Adam drawled, his voice rolling like thunder and honey, eyes flaring molten gold as they locked onto Lucifer. "Look who it is. Didn't think I'd see you slumming it with the plebs in this tacky hotel."

"I'll have you know that I made this hotel with my own two hands." Lucifer finished coolly, his eyes narrowing like blades of glass. His tone was calm, but the faint flick of his tail and the tightening of his jaw betrayed the storm roiling beneath the surface. "What the hell are you doing here, Adam?"

"Oh, you know me. Just hanging out. With your daughter ... in her bed." He leaned against the bedpost like he owned it, the lamp's glow pulsing faintly at his boots. "Anyway, I gotta give you the whole genie disclaimer and—"

"You what!?" Lucifer's voice cracked like a whip, his tail snapping behind him like a living thunderbolt. "You assaulted my daughter!?"

"Dad! He didn't!" Charlie quickly clarified. "Please read this note!"

Charlie tries pushing the paper into Lucifer's hands but he opted to ignore it and instead focus on the man in front of him. He doesn't know how Adam is alive or why he is here but the fact that Charlie is clearly shaken sets his every paternal alarm bell ringing.

"Stay away from my daughter!" Lucifer roared threateningly.

"Is that your wish?" Adam asked with his head tilted.

"Wish!?" Lucifer's words cracked through the room like a thunderclap. "That's right! I wish you would get out of my sight!"

Adam's grin sharpened—slow, deliberate—as if Lucifer had just handed him the juiciest steak in the history of existence. The golden glow of the lamp pulsed once, twice, before flaring like a miniature sun.

"Your wish …" Adam purred, voice silken and venomous, "… is my command."

He snapped his fingers.

Lucifer didn't even have time to flinch.

There was no flash, no explosion—just a sound. A wet, obscene pop, like corks yanked from champagne bottles, followed by the soft plop of something hitting the floor.

Charlie's scream ripped through the room as her father staggered back, hands clawing at his face. Where his eyes had been, there was now—nothing. Just hollow sockets, dark and slick.

"ADAM!" His voice wasn't just a shout—it was an apocalypse condensed into sound, a sonic tidal wave that blasted through every hallway of the Hazbin Hotel. "WHAT—HAVE—YOU—DONE?!"

Adam twirled a finger lazily in the air, utterly unfazed by the infernal pressure crushing the room like a vice. "You told me to get out of your sight. So … no more sight. Problem solved."

Lucifer's roar of agony shook the very foundations of the hotel, making chandeliers sway and walls crack.

"Well, maybe now you'll listen—"

"Dad!" Charlie shrieked, catching him by the arm before he could stumble into the dresser. Her stomach churned at the sight of gold ichor seeping from his hollow sockets, trailing down his cheeks. "Oh fuck—Adam, FIX THIS!"

"Uh-uh-uh." Adam wagged a finger, gold smoke curling lazily around his hand like smug little halos. His grin gleamed sharp enough to cut steel. "Not how this works, Princess. That was Daddy Dearest's wish. And lemme tell you—genie law? Ironclad. No take-backsies."

"Shit! Dad listen to me! You need to wish for it but before you do, you need to say these exact words to—"

"I WISH MY EYES WERE BACK!" Lucifer roared, voice laced with fury and desperation.

Charlie's soul dropped into her heels. "No! Dad, stop—!"

But the snap came first. Adam's fingers clicked like a gunshot. The lamp flared, and with a sickening squelch, two eyes popped back into Lucifer's sockets. For half a breath, Charlie almost sagged with relief—until she saw them.

His eyes were facing backwards.

The irises and pupils pressed inward toward his skull, the optic nerves grotesquely exposed, writhing like pale worms against the air. They twitched, seeking something they could never see again.

"What is going on!?" Lucifer voice was a strangled mix of rage and horror, every syllable dripping with venom and barely restrained panic.

"Well, maybe if you would just listen to your daughter—"

"GET OUT! I want you gone!" Lucifer shouted, already conjuring up a fireball but not entirely sure where he should aim it.

"You sure about that?" Adam drawled, voice honeyed venom, his words slithering through the cracks in the room. "Because, you know … third time's the charm. And this would make three." He held up three fingers slowly, one by one, like a firing squad cocking their rifles.

"NOW!" Lucifer's voice cracked like a planet splitting in half, the raw authority of the Morningstar flooding every syllable.

"I need to hear those magic words."

"Dad! Don't—" Charlie tries covering his mouth but it was too late.

"I wish you would leave us alone!"

"DAD! NO!"

Adam's grin stretched so wide it looked like it might split his face in half. He didn't snap his fingers this time.

He clapped. Once. Twice. A slow, mocking rhythm that echoed through the room.

"Oh, Luci." Adam said softly, almost tenderly, as if savoring the taste of the words. His voice rolled like smoke, curling into every dark corner of the room. "That … is a beautiful wish."

"Adam, wait!"

Adam raised a single finger to her lips, shushing her with the kind of slow, deliberate intimacy that made Charlie's stomach knot. "Ah-ah-ah, Princess. Genie law, remember? You know the drill. Three wishes. Daddy just cashed in the last chip. Next time, choose your words wisely … oh wait. There won't be a fucking next time."

He snapped his fingers and in the next moment, Adam and his lamp vanished.

Charlie looked down at the paper that still held the perfect wish, the one that could have fixed everything. Her hands trembled so hard the page nearly tore in her grip. Black ink scrawled across the white, every curve and slash burned into her mind like scripture.

She could have fixed it all ... and now it was useless.

Just ink on paper.

"FUCK!"

Notes:

Poor Charlie