Chapter Text
Akutagawa had learned long ago that silence was safer than answers. The dark room smelt faintly of mold and cigarette smoke; Dazai stood in front of Akutagawa. Dazai never yelled; he didn’t need to. His words did the work for him, sharp, deliberate, his tongue a razor to other people's ears. “You’re so pathetic,” His voice was calm, almost bored, as though talking about the weather. Dazai’s unnaturally calm voice always made his skin prickle in discomfort.
Akutagawa hadn’t answered. The silence between the two was suffocating. Akutagawa had always, strangely, preserved Dazai as a form of father figure, despite Dazai only being 2 years older than him. After he had given him the chance to get out of the slums and a chance to have a home, he had always felt a strange need to please Dazai.
Dazai cleared his throat through the deafening silence that had filled the dim basement. He stepped closer, the air thin with each soft footstep. He didn’t touch Akutagawa, at least not yet. But it was clear who held the leash around Akutagawa’s entire being. “Dogs can endure quite a lot. I loathe them.”
Akutagawa gazed up at Dazai, his knees beginning to ache from being knelt down on the hard concrete below his body. His fingers digging into the meaty palm of his hand, a last-ditch effort to try and ground himself, to prevent himself from shaking.
“Tell me,” Dazai’s voice came out slow and measured, as if a cat were creeping up onto its prey. His voice caused a tightness in Akutagawa’s throat. “Are you trying to impress me?” His eyes lingered on Akutagawa’s lips as if daring him to speak.
Akutagawa continued to hang his head down, not looking Dazai in the eyes. His mouth opened but was quickly shut. He didn’t have anything to say. He never dared speak to Dazai, even if being asked a direct question.
Dazai chuckled softly at the silence, shaking his head softly. “Still nothing?” He mused. “I suppose I should be proud of you, finally learning to keep that dirty mouth of yours shut.” He let out a soft sigh as he stared down at Akutagawa with nothing but a look of disappointment. “Unfortunately for you, I can’t find it within me to be even a little proud.” Dazai never praised Akutagawa. Dazai would most likely only praise him for dying.
Akutagawa’s gaze stayed fixed on the floor; his eyes traced the deep cracks in the concrete that had been a result of the poor building. If he could focus hard enough, he could pretend Dazai wasn’t there, that he was anywhere else, someone else.
Dazai’s hand brushed against his cheek, not a caress, but an inspection, like one might handle flawed pottery. Akutagawa felt his throat tighten further; a growing sense of unease made his stomach feel heavy. “Do you know why I keep you around? ” He snickered softly, roughly removing his hand from his face, his nails scraping against the pale skin of Akutagawa’s cheek. He spoke before letting Akutagawa even try to speak or guess. “Because watching you try, try so desperately for my approval in even the smallest amount, brings me endless amusement.”
As Dazai’s hand scraped across Akutagawa’s face, it left behind shame that felt far too heavy for his bony body. He raised his head finally and looked at Dazai. He knew Dazai’s features, his dark brown hair, his narrow brown eyes, and the bandages that covered his neck, arms, and one side of his face. He knew these features belonged to Dazai. But when he looked at Dazai, he felt like he didn’t look natural. His features almost…alien on his face.
“I will spare you the teasing.” He spoke softly to Akutagawa as he locked his eyes onto the younger boy’s. “Strip down.” Dazai demanded in his same calm and measured voice. Akutagawa’s hands felt clammy as he stared at Dazai. He knew he should listen, that Dazai had seen him naked multiple times, but his arms made no motion.
Dazai’s face contorted at Akutagawa’s hesitation. “What is with you today?!” He cocked his leg back, sending a harsh kick into Akutagawa’s side. Akutagawa fell back, his head hitting the concrete with a thud. He gasped out, his hands clutching his aching side; it was hard to breathe. “Take your clothes off NOW!” Dazai barked out at him, not caring in the slightest about Akutagawa catching his breath that had been knocked out of him.
Akutagawa’s eyes got glossy, but he knew better than to cry. His hands urgently grabbed at his clothes. He stripped them off as if his life depended on it. Dazai watched with a pleased smile at Akutagawa’s fear; it was beautiful to him.
Akutagawa knelt bare in front of Dazai. He had always felt a strong discomfort about Dazai seeing him naked. Dazai walked closer, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small switchblade. Akutagawa’s body twitched ever so slightly as Dazai flicked the blade out, running it along his skin in inspection.
He glided the blade carefully along Akutagawa’s flesh, taking note of each bruise and speck on his pale flesh. He took note of the way Akutagawa’s skin prickled up as the cold blade danced across his skin. One of the only things Dazai liked about Akutagawa was his ghostly pale skin; it always contrasted nicely against the bruises and cuts he always had.
Without a moment to spare, Dazai dug the blade deep into Akutagawa’s side, directly opposite to the side he had kicked brutally, leaving both sides of the younger boy aching. The gash was deep. Akutagawa gasped out in pain; a quite deep groan rumbled in his chest. “How pretty is that? ” Dazai guffawed at the pained groan, his free hand trailing up Akutagawa’s body. His fingers traced the edge of the wound in an almost intimate way. Akutagawa hissed out in discomfort, quickly shutting his mouth at the irritated look Dazai had shot him. He continued his teasing at Akutagawa’s wound, his mouth a twisted smirk. He began to dig his fingers deep into the gash with a somewhat fingering motion.
Akutagawa’s face contorted in horror and pain as he watched, a scream tearing through his throat, his hands flying up to grasp at Dazai’s wrist in a desperate plea for him to stop. “S-stop… Please..” Akutagawa choked out, his voice trembling and rough from not talking much at all for such a long time, these words just happened to slip out.
Dazai’s fingers stilled on his wound, his face became still. Akutagawa knew that he had messed up badly, that he should have shut up long before he had let those words slip out. “What did you say to me? ” Dazai asked, his eyes fixated on Akutagawa’s as he watched them dart around over his features. He didn’t talk again, afraid to make a wrong choice, afraid that it was one of those questions he wasn’t really supposed to answer. Dazai’s eyes narrowed further. “You don’t get a say in things, you mutt.” He grabbed him by the lower jaw and pushed his head down roughly. His hand wrapped around the blade as Akutagawa began to thrash around under him. Dazai held his bottom jaw in place with his knee as his hand began to pull at Akutagawa’s tongue. Aktagawa’s eyes were wide with fear, tears rolling down his face as his body struggled against Dazai’s weight. The room fell silent, besides the giggles that slipped from Dazai’s lips. He had cut Akutagawa’s tongue off.
Akutagawa’s eyes widened in utter alarm. The feeling of warm metallic blood began to flood his mouth. His hands began to beat weakly against Dazai’s chest as sobs tore through his scrawny body. Dazai leaned forward, his lips pressing firmly to Akutagawa’s as he murmured against his mouth. “You knew better than you talk.” He let out a moan as he slipped his tongue into Akutagawa’s bloody mouth, adoring the taste of the younger boy’s blood. His tongue swiped across the smooth bone of Akutagawa’s teeth in an almost obsessive way. Akutagawa felt dread creeping up his spine, his body responding to this primal affection he had never been shown before. Despite getting Dazai’s attention, something he had craved for so long, he didn’t like it; he didn't want it in this way, this grotesque, dirty way.
Dazai continued to dig his fingers into the gash he had made in Akutagawa’s fair skin, pulling back from the kiss with blood dripping from his lips. He leaned down, his hands gripping Akutagawa’s hips firmly in place as he pressed his lips to the cut. His tongue darted out and licked the wound. Akutagawa continued to cry out in agony, his hands tied in Dazai’s hair trying to push him away. He tried again to speak but couldn’t find a way to make a coherent sound with his newly found lack of tongue.
Dazai finally pulled back. His hand glided through Akutagawa’s hair, strangely soothing the injured boy, causing his hands to fall down to his sides as he lay on the concrete ground staring up at Dazai. Blood continued to gurgle in his throat, his face soaked in tears. “I never liked your face, your hair, your sickening eyes.” He gripped the blade once more, pointing it to Akutagawa’s hairline. “So I want it gone. ALL of it.”