Chapter Text
Rumi does not know for the life of her where everything went wrong.
Maybe where it all went wrong was the very beginning. The night that had started everything. It wasn't exactly Zoey's fault that she made the girls promised that they would all go karaoking to celebrate sealing the Honmoon, and it was for sure not Zoey's fault that she made everyone take so many shots that she herself ended up passed out in the corner. Lastly, it definitely wasn't Zoey's fault that the alcohol in her teammate's system had them in the other corner making out.
It was not Zoey's fault that Mira and Rumi had secretly been sneaking around ever since.
But tonight, Rumi sure felt like it was Zoey's fault.
One moment, Mira had texted her a simple come over? The next, they were happily making out on Mira's very comfortable bed.
It was impressive how fast everything came crashing down each time.
She knows why everything had gone to shit this time. Of course she had been the one to ruin the moment. Rumi had let those godforsaken words slipped out again.
She knew that the taller girl hated when she would so devotedly confessed her feelings in between stolen moments like this. Moments where it was just them in the giant apartment complex. Knew because she had been told that several times. Knew because every time the words “I’m in love with you” had ever left her mouth the results had always been the same.
And yet, she found herself spilling those words like a prayers before bed every time.
How could she stop herself from telling Mira that she was in love with her when every single touch to her skin made her patterns light up and her heart flutter so fast it felt like she was running a goddamn marathon?
And if what she felt for Jinu was categorize as love, then this, this was something that was unexplainable in words. Something that was worth swallowing all her insecruities up just to able to tell Mira how she felt. This was something that was worth being selfish for.
The first time she had so boldly declared those words (after several practices standing in front of her mirror mind you) Mira had laughed it off and even said “Good one Rumi, try it on Zoey next time.” But as the words kept coming back louder and clearer during these secret sessions the less funny it seemed Mira gradually found them.
Poor Rumi didn’t know what to do. A declaration of love would get her promptly kicked out of the room and Mira, cruel Mira, out of spite or maybe out of the desire to keep things the way that they are, would pretend like it never happened and no less than a week later they would end up on the same bed, in the same position, with the same problem.
But something was different this time.
Mira again had pushed her off harshly and even with her newfound 6th demon sense and years of training it caught Rumi off guard enough to land her ass first on the ground. She stood up rubbing her sore elbow and looked at Mira.
Really looked at her.
Looked at the way her eyes were narrowed and the way her nose was scrunched up in disgust.
Was that it?
That was new.
Looked at the way her hands were gripping so tightly into the bedsheet it looked like her fingers were going to fall right off.
'From this angle,' Rumi thought to herself, 'she looks like an angry caged bird.'
“You say you can’t stand it, me being in love with you, but-”
Rumi felt her heart clenched.
She didn’t really know why she paused, after spending so many years denying herself of all the things she wanted it was no surpised when she got addict to the feeling of saying and doing whaever she wants, the feeling of being selfish. It wsa freeing, grounding even.
Kissing Mira that night while they both quietly laughed about Zoey's enthusiasm at karaoke and stole glances at her passed out state was just that. Freeing.
But something was wrong, because the aftermath of uttering those words felt more like suffocation this time.
“What? Brave enough to start but not to finish?” Mira said bitterly.
Maybe a couple weeks ago Rumi would have flinched and left it be, left the heartbreak unsaid but the hurt had settled in her skin far too long for that. The shorter girl turned her head to the side and as her eyes caught the mirror in Mira’s room. Something finally wore down.
Has her reflection always looked so tired?
She could feel her hand trembling with the urge to reach up and try to trace the line of tireless away.
Try.
That’s all she feels like she’s been doing.
Trying.
“No, I just realized,” words stuck in her throat, “how pointless this is.”
“Then leave,” Mira snaps “It’s not like I force you to come.”
“You never had to.” Rumi said softly.
The silence swallowing every unspoken word between the two.
And as the clock keeps ticking and the sound of Rumi heart keeps breaking, she stands up to walks towards the door.
“I’m sorry,” hand gripping the door. “You and Zoey told me to be selfish, to be-"
A deep breath in.
She feels trapped because of you. Look at her. So angry, so disgusted, all because of you.
“I didn’t mean to make you feel suffocated by my-"
“You don't get to be sorry.” Mira interrupted angrily as she strolls up to the door and aggressively pokes a finger at the other girl’s chest and stares.
“You can apologize all you want, but you'll do it again. You always do. It’s like your small feeble demon mind can’t comprehend the fact that I don't love you,” She throws the girl’s hand off the door handle, “Just because I call doesn’t mean I’m in love with you. I never have been, I never will be.”
It’s a good thing she doesn’t love you, anyone’s who’s ever loved you has died anyways.
Rumi stood quiet, softly reaching for the door handle again, unlocking it like a lifeline.
“I know,” a pause “I'm sorry”
“I don’t want you to be sorry.” Mira said tiredly, “I just want you to stop.”
Rumi nodded, stepping halfway out the hallway and willed herself to looked at Mira one last time.
And gentle as ever, whispered one last devotion into the space between them, “I promise I won’t anymore.” Rumi smiled sadly, “I promise that you'll never have to listen to me apologize for being in love with you again.”
For as quietly as Rumi had shut the door, Mira had never thought the sound of it clicking close could ever haunt her so much in the following days.
Everyone knew, Rumi had always been a woman of her words.