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She’s stomping into the crunchy snow, Robin making her way down the mountain. The door to their house slamming behind her, Demetrius’s voice heavy and drawling in intelligent condescension as he snarks to his perfect image of a daughter who most definitely goes to the library to crack open books and not the meek girl who works there’s legs.
“Dear Yoba! I cannot believe that woman's temper, you’d think a woman would know the difference between a fruit and vegetable”, he snides and Maru rolls her eyes texting said meek girl that she’s sure her father must be gay. Penny quickly responds, “Maybe keep a close eye on Harvey when your dad is next in the clinic”. You didn’t hear that from Penny though, in fact it was Linus who somehow found that out.
Maru’s jaw drops as she then, a week later, sees her father pounding the quiet awkward Harvey in the medical room and she wonders fleetingly if cracking nerdy awkward introverts runs in her family.
A week before any of that happens however, we find out that it must do as Maru’s step mum discovers she actually hates her nerdy husband and wants to fuck the magical arcane brains out of her emo sons mistaken girlfriend, and with the way she swings swords, she is definitely not meek.
Robin only realises then that in fact Abigail must never have been her sons girlfriend since she’s pretty sure she’s just watched her and Haley very dramatically and explosively break up in the town centre. Quite literally explosive as the blonde throws a bunch of polaroid's that seem to be nudes at the other woman before cursing at her and storming off not before she sets them on fire and Abigail starts throwing rocks at her retreating figure shouting, “Cause Sam’s small dick is better than an arcane prismatic tentacle dildo, fuck you Haley!”, Haley’s voice heard shouting back something that sounds like “eat rocks Abbie”.
Robin wonders if all sapphic breakups end like that. She should probably warn Maru.
…
Also what the fuck is an arcane prismatic tentacle dildo?!
—
Both women later find themselves in the saloon. The ginger sat in thought just across from Gus, with Abigail sat perpendicular to her side. Urgh that was a Demetrius word..
The air is stuffy and smells homey and vaguely like either Shane or Pam’s vomit, which, at this point one should really consider part of the valleys natural scent granted how it’s always lingering. Though this time Robin hopes her own can reach their infamous ranks as she plans on getting positively ionisingly nucleaurly- longitudinally- whatever fucking bullshit demetrius says- shitfaced, before announcing the divorce to her stupid intelligent lousy husband who always uses big sciencey words she never understands just to win in their arguments. The asshole.
In comparison to her pre-divorce drinking, it seems Abigail has the same idea, only she’s now post-breakup drinking. Robin watches as she throws back four tequila shots in a row and raises her eyebrows. Huh, could Haley have really been as bad as Demetrius? She wonders looking at her own four shots of tequila she ordered special for this occasion.
As she downs the shots herself, she wonders if her husband can pull out a scientific explanation backed with statistics and fancy studies to explain their inevitable divorce, or if that bullshit is just for classifying fucking tomatoes.
God, she hopes they get divorced.
She barely registers Gus cheerfully addressing Pam with their new special of 4 for the price of 3 tequila shots very new and popular perfect for any occasion! And who said Gus could escape the capitalist hate fucking between Pierre and Morris, the newest old man yaoi throuple in the valley! Capitalising off of the horny regretful endeavours of the valleys villagers, fuck business owners have stooped so low. At least none of them have golden statues yet…
.
.
.
Anyway.
—
A week before any of this had happened, Abigail found herself screaming as her sword swings slicing straight through a prismatic slime. Serves the bitch right, she thinks angrily as she grinds the remains of a quartz rock between her teeth. She cant believe Haley actually had the audacity to break up with her just to continue chasing after Alex. Again! Alex who Abigail knows for sure is getting his dick wet in Sebastian. Linus for the record, is also absolutely a freak and was who told her about it.
And maybe her and Haley weren’t together to begin with, but she’s pissed. She’s used to Sam ditching her for makeshift corny dates with lesbian Penny whose totally into Sebbys nerdy stepsis. And Sebs always five lightyears away either fucking Alex or high or- in the city- or or- fucking Alex high IN the city, Urgh!
Haley was someone who even in the way she would simply lay like a rock under her, was someone who Abigail felt like appreciated her. But now she cant pretend that she doesn’t feel lonely, after getting back together a couple days ago, to only really break up for real this time she’s not sure what to do with herself so a week later she finds herself in the saloon and she asks Gus for four shots of tequila. One for every person whose pissed her off recently. Sam, Haley, Sebastian and fucking Alex cause why the hell not.
She’s sure none of them even listened to her when she’s trying to tell them about her arcane adventures, or how she fucking summoned the farmers dead grandpa in her bedroom. So of course she’s sat at the saloon alone again for two weeks straight. Her eyes barely lift as she sees Sebbys mum enter the saloon and she shifts in her seat, a flicker of hope that her pathetic emo friend will be trailing behind her but as the door opens a little more and Clint of all people walk in after her she scoffs and her head drops into her hands.
Yeah fuck Alex too.
—
I need a drink.
That’s the thought that’s synonymous with Pam and Shane but most importantly Abigail and Robin, and pretty much everyone in this shitty town, particularly since the farmer has now become a multi millionaire and has been gifting everyone alcohol, it seems Pam and Shane aren’t the only alcoholics any more.
(Adding the farmer to growing polycule of capitalist exploiters)
“How's everyone up on the mountain Robin?”, Gus chirps bustling behind the bar with Emily sorting orders and preparing another pale ale for Pam as a wise chaser for those four shots Gus had already bribed her with.
Robin feels her arms tense and her nose flares faintly as she’s just sat down, rigid at the bar and her eyes tired and glued to a random spot on the table. “Fine. They’re just- great.” She says in a tone that speaks the opposite.
Gus slows down at that, his eyes darting at her curiously before placing the pale ale that was for Pam, in front of Robin. His tongue clicks and he smiles wearily. “It’s on the house”.
The glass is cool with condensation, the liquid a similar colour to her hair and she sighs taking the glass. “Thanks”, She mutters bringing the glass to her lips and easily knocking out half the pint in a couple gulps. From a couple seats over, Abigail eyes her, sipping slowly on her own drink and Shane whistles, “Atta girl!”
Abigail did not know much about Robin aside from the grumbled complaints from Seb, but the woman in front of her, slightly sweaty under the dim saloon light, gulping down alcohol and an annoyed crease to her brow? She gnaws the inside of her cheek. Robins kinda…hot? She decides.
A huff leaves her nose as she silently praises Alex for keeping Seb away from the saloon for once, because he would not like to know what she’s thinking about his mother right now.
—
Hours pass and it’s getting later into the night, the saloon only getting livelier, there’s loud chatter in the air, Shane’s drunkenly rambling to Emily, Elliot and Leah dancing both declaring lines from random musicals also very much drunk, and Lewis is unfortunately very very unfortunately making out with Marnie from across the table.
Robin and Abigail too, are both drunk, knees randomly knocking into each others. Neither of them are sure when exactly it happened, but the younger had slid her way over to sit beside Robin and for the past hour they had been drinking and complaining about all the bothersome people in their lives. Abigail barely registers Gus trying to keep Pam from calling the cops for whatever reason, when she hears Robin sigh deeply.
“Mngh… w-wanna divorce..” She slurs frowning, her hands rough and calloused, finger gently tracing shapes over her glass. Abigail’s eyes are drawn to the motion and she swallows. Her head is heavy and she cant tell if it’s the atmosphere in the saloon or the alcohol that’s causing the heat under her clothes. “d-divorce…?” she mutters out, her eyes blinking lazily to meet the older woman's.
She watches as Robin nods sluggish, watches the way her throat moves slowly in the light as she swallows around her next words which Abigail wishes she didn’t say. “S-so… you and uh.. Haley huh?” Robin mumbles and for safe measure adds on, “I didn’t realise- y-you two were fucking”. Thanks Robin.
Abigail groans against her hand at the mere mention of her, drunken flickers of memories of the blonde lying under her and-. Well. That was pretty much it. She kinda just laid there. She didn’t touch Abigail at all, her hands would just be clung in her strawberry bedsheets and she’d be breathing airily making these soft whimpering noises which at the time Abigail had thought were cute but now they just piss her off more.
Man their sex life sucked. She sparingly mourns the short-lived hook-ups she had had with Sandy in the desert before she had solidified her relationship with Emily. Getting bent over an ancient treasure chest deep in skull cavern and her brains blown out like that by a woman who practically looked like a fucking mermaid-
Maybe she should add a fifth shot to her four… Fuck Emily.
Abigail grunts feeling urgh. This is so urgh. She sniffles her mind not aware of how deeply she actually feels about everything recently as she honestly speaks, “I just-.. W-want to feel appreciated-.. I guess”, she murmurs and misses the way Robin eyes her as she begins to wallow in her drunken self pity. Robin doesn’t exactly remember what she had said to cause the other woman to open up like that but she nods anyway in understanding. If there was one thing she did relate to even in her drunken state, it was feeling under appreciated.
Luckily for them both, Robin has grown sexually frustrated after the years of being with a man who doesn’t believe in sex for pleasure and she frankly cuts through the younger woman's pity to grasp at her slightly sweaty hand to very drunkenly slur. “..I-..f-fuck. Wan- ‘preiciate-..yu.. L-les..fuck?..”.
And with those wise and in Abigail’s inebriated mind, very catching and romantic words, is what leads them hand in hand stumbling out of the saloon. The feeling of a warm hand squeezing hers manages to vaguely bring a single thought through her lazy mind. She needs to see Robins rough sweaty hands holding her sword. Urgh.
Especially those hands gripping her arcane prismatic tentacle dildo- and it seems the spirits today are feeling prosperous because she doesn’t have to wait long, with the power of her lesbian ancestors through her veins, they both quickly stumble through their drunken idle conversation to a place hidden in the woods. Namely making a very clumsy and way too loud visit to Abigail’s house for the aforementioned appendage beforehand.
Fully equipped now and away from their nosey homeless population and possible capitalist awaiting schemers, they’re making out heavily, breathing synchronised and hot drunken words spilling between them alongside items of clothing.
—
Robin practically purrs against her ear that a real woman can treat her right, and fuck Abigail could really think about how she’s got the experience, she’s a mother and anyone with eyes can see she’s insanely hot. Though Abigail feels like she’s drowning both in her mind, sweat and in Robin. But god she’d be MILFing out about this later, if she remembers.
Her forehead is sweaty and her head heavy against her shoulder, Abigail’s arms wrap clumsily around her where she acutely notices that Robin feels different to Haley too, wider hips, she’s shorter than her but there feels more, more woman, more muscle, more heat between them and she groans between her teeth, sweat building at her own hairline. She barely registers the tongue that laps at her sticky skin because she feels hips press into her own and there’s Robin between her thighs, somehow already equipped with the strap, she doesn’t remember that happening but it’s pressing into her pussy. There’s pressure, faint at her entrance, her eyes squeeze shut, a faint smell of wood in Robins hair as she buries her nose in the ginger strands and grips her tighter moaning softly as the arcane tentacle sinks into her roughly.
Godd it felt good. How could Haley just lay there without going insane was beyond her, annnd that train of thought quickly dissipates as Robins hips pull away before slapping back against her and Abigail’s breath gets caught in her throat and an embarrassing whine leaves her chest as her hips don’t actually stop moving. Holy shit Robin's fucking her. Holy shit Robin is fucking her, and it feels good.
Wet plaps sound through the air and Abigail gets a flare of desperation in her as she pushes the older woman up and off of her, Robin looking caught off guard, her eyes blinking hazily and she’s panting being knocked on her ass, her hands out behind her holding her up. The strap in all its arcane glory standing up between her legs, practically glistening with Abigail’s slick and the woman groans immediately crawling over her to settle down on the strap again. Shed be dammed if she was going to just lay there. Abigail’s feeling greedy and it’s very important to the plot AND Robin, that she knows that fact. So she bounces on the magical purple strap, her hands hot and sticky glued to Robins shoulders as she leans forward, her tits in Robins face and she just fucks herself on Robins lap.
To anyone else it would appear as if they’re wrestling in the woods, with the way they’re pushing and pulling at each other, evidently the loneliness and simmering tension they’ve both felt being in lacklustre relationships has exploded in that saloon and has led them here. It’s aggressive, the way Robin tries holding her down, only for Abigail to get her hands drunkenly around her neck squeezing and rolling them over to grind down on her. They’re both sweating and muscular and way too drunk and it’s just great. They should get drunk and fuck their frustrations out in the form of wrestling in the woods more often.
Moans and drunk slurring passes between them as they somehow manage to successfully hook up without injury despite being very much drunk, Abigail coming around her arcane dildo which in her mind is pretty much now Robins tentacle cock because she’s drunk and the power of the strap is very real. Neither of them can even recall if Robin came and honestly thinking back to this particular time neither can I LOL
After nearly collapsing and falling asleep standing up, the women make their way somehow to the mountain where Robin lives, because very tellingly they’ve both also forgotten everyone who lives there. They stumble in and fall sleep on Robins bed. Demetrius apparently not noticing such fact since he’s also now fast asleep in the local doctors room because he is very very unwell. Obviously.
—
The next morning when the pair wake up, it’s actually Robin that groans awaking first, her hands aching and red as she rubs her eyes getting an immediate rush of pain to her head and straight after that when her eyes open, the sight of Abigail's tits in her face? Ohhhh, right, she remembers now. She grunts and lazily face palms into them, the only possible reaction really.
Abigail wakes up shortly after feeling a weight on her chest and she simply hugs whatever it is that’s leeching off of her body heat. Within minutes they decide the only way to combat a raging hangover is to make out with a pretty woman and they would be right.
It isn’t awkward as they wander out from the bedroom, having made a minimal effort to fix their appearances. In the kitchen is where the younger woman is the first to really speak since well- when they were sloppily moaning into each others mouths in the woods. “…I think quartz should be a normalised healthy replacement for salt, y’know?”, she hums contently around a pancake and Robin blinks around her cup of coffee very slowly registering the random words. When she does manage to wrap her hazy brain around the sentence, a flickering thought in her mind hums, she really should replace their salt with quartz because Abigail's logic will absolutely cause Demetrius to faint.
And on the mental topic of Demetrius, she even more so should really get those divorce papers ready and signed.
—
There’s the faint sound of the front door closing, someone having returned home.
Sebastian raises an eyebrow, stopping in his tracks his hair slightly tousled, and smelling strongly of male sweat and testosterone which is odd because as far as anyone’s concerned Sebastian doesn’t actually move enough to even produce a smell, he’s just… kinda stale. Alas, he blinks and his eyebrows furrow at the sight of Abigail leaning on his mums work counter, twirling her hair?…and his mum is- smirking at her? What? What…..
.
.
…there’s no way-.
Luckily for him, much like his stepfather (never allow him to know there’s a single similarity between them because I fear for the valley), he was also out, very very ill and sleeping in an althete’s bed? Does Gridball count as a sport? So he managed to narrowly miss out on the sloppy kissing between his mother and his friend in his parents bed. Not lucky enough though to miss out on them seconds away from doing it again apparently.
He feels green and gags before rushing past them and into the basement slamming the door behind him. Neither women notice as they continue eye fucking and flirting. There are divorce papers just under Abigail’s ass that are awaiting a signature from a particular individual, and said individual enters the house. His luck evidently worse than his stepsons as he walks in on the sight of, is that Sebastian’s girlfriend?- perched on Robins counter making out with his wife.
“Dear Yoba-! You’d think that-”
....
We’re cutting him off there!