Going Steady

by Midnighttomoscow

Summary:

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black have been living a quiet life in the city for a couple of years, enjoying their time where they can but Sirius is looking for a change. After a little bit of convincing, Remus is onboard and they start to look for a property they can build up together.

Sirius presses them closer, “What else do you want?” He takes Remus’s hand in his own, moving it down and letting it settle on the buckle of his jeans. Remus responds, undoing it slowly, letting it fall open before working on the button, then the zipper.

“You.” He doesn’t bother to hide the huskiness in his voice. Hauling Sirius into his lap, pulling him close and yanking off his t-shirt. “I wanna be able to do it all ourselves, just you and me.”

***
A sequel to Steady Rein with a little more angst but still the same amount of sweetness.

Chapter 1

Remus comes up upon the long and winding drive. The big old stable materialises at the top of the hill as his old pick up struggles over the crest. He gives it a little more gas than he should, the motor sputtering along but it continues to pull him forward. Checking his mirror, he already knows no one’s behind him. The black braided leather of his turquoise bolo tie sways when he hits a pothole.

Parking up near the entrance, he waits a minute, watching the early summer sun start to set over the trees. Reaching across to the passenger seat, he grabs his red ball cap, well worn, the edges frayed and the top sunbleached. Some of the embroidery is starting to come undone, the donkey on the front of it missing a chunk of its ear and the words below no longer reading BIG ASS FAN but BIG ASS F.

He pulls it on his head, tucking his hair behind his ears and pocketing his keys. The air is cooler in the shadow of the mountains, a breeze blowing through the open barn doors and across the paddocks.

Remus can just see Moony in the distance, grazing along the fence, flicking his tail and paying him no mind.

Sirius is in the field with him, amongst the lush grass. Flat on his back right ankle over his left knee and that old beat Cattleman balanced on his foot. The silver and turquoise band catches the last rays of sunlight before it dips behind the hills.

Padfoot lifts his head as he ducks between the fence boards, making some noise as he approaches. He lets out a whinny in Remus’s direction, ears perking forward excitedly and Sirius turns his head and smiles.

Even after all this time it makes his stomach flip.

“What’re you doing out here in the dirt?”

He shrugs, facing the sky again and closing his eyes. Sirius’s hands are tucked under his head, t-shirt pulled tight across his chest with the flex and he lets out a long breath.

“I guess I’m thinking about stuff.”

Remus gets on the ground next to him with considerable effort, laying back in the grass and looking up at the clouds. They’re pink and orange, throwing colours across the whole sky and he feels his shoulders settle back into the dirt. His hip is stiff from work, back aching but he lets out a rattling breath when Sirius rolls into him.

He presses against Remus’s side, warm in the cool air, face close to his and he can feel Sirius’s steady breaths.

“What’re you thinking about?” he asks quietly. Sirius is looking at him with those blue eyes of his, darting all over his face, taking him in like he always does.

“How I want a little place of our own.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, I want a little cabin with some paddock space for old Moony and Padfoot—”

“Old Moony, he’s still spry for his age.”

“You and him have matching aches, I see the way you two limp along on our trail rides.” Sirius takes off Remus’s ball cap, trailing his hand along his face and he’s smiling.

“We’re just in tune with each other is all.”

He snorts, placing the cap on the ground next to them and kissing Remus’s nose.

“I just think it would be nice to have something together.” he says quietly, whispering between the two of them, a little prayer that may never be answered.

They’ve talked about it before, a plot of land, a cabin, maybe even some sheep. But Remus’s factory job keeps a roof over their heads, and Sirius’s barn job keeps the horses fed and boarded and happy. After all the bills there isn’t much room for dreaming.

“Don’t you wanna be closer to Pete and Emmeline?” Sirius’s hand has migrated down to Remus’s chest, settling over the buttons on his shirt, fiddling with one of the loose ones. Remus lets out a long sigh, putting an arm around Sirius and rolling him in closer.

“We can crunch some numbers, see if we can swing it in the next few years.” Remus says into the top of Sirius’s head, squeezing him tight. He smells like saddle soap and leather mixed with the freshness of his deodorant.

They lie there for a while and Remus tries to think of what he can do to make this dream a reality.

---

Remus wakes with Sirius curled around him, pressed so tight against his back it’s like they’re one entity. The ceiling fan is on, their one bedroom apartment so hot and sticky it’s like the sun itself is inside it. But Sirius is still rooting around like it’s the dead of winter.

His skin is slick with sweat as he pulls Sirius in closer, kissing the top of his head and breathing him in. Stirring, Sirius burrows closer, covers kicked off and the sun is just starting to crack through the shades. The city hasn’t woken yet, a brief quiet moment before the laundromat they live above springs to life.

Sirius was out late the night before, helping to get some of the newer riders ready for their upcoming rodeos. He spent all afternoon and all evening wrangling a crowd of rowdy teenage girls, getting all their barrel horses ready and bathed and show sheened.

He lets him sleep, untangling himself from the vice grip of Sirius’s arms and heading out into their small kitchen.

The apartment they’re renting is the same one Sirius had lived in before Remus came along. Above a laundromat it’s nothing more than what they need. A front door that opens directly into the kitchen, a cramped living room with a bathroom and a bedroom that barely fits a queen sized bed.

Sirius’s choice of decor had been more ostentatious than Remus’s but it made it easier to move into. After a year of driving back and forth from Casper to Oklahoma, they decided the fourteen hour drive and one hour time difference had been a little much and they wanted to settle.

Oklahoma seemed easier, more job prospects in a larger city and Remus has always been flexible. Without anything to his name other than a pickup truck with a bad starter, he loaded up and headed down.

Pete had given him Moony as a parting gift and the little bay took to the Oklahoma pastures like a bee to honey. Him and Padfoot got on better than anything, bringing out the best in each other.

Remus puts a pot on the stove, bringing water to boil before dumping in a little too much instant coffee. He sets another pan on a burner, cracking eggs and frying bacon before cutting a few slices of crusty bread off a loaf. He makes note of the groceries they’ll need for the week with a plan of bringing Sirius breakfast in bed and heading out to the shops before it gets too warm.

Shoveling everything onto a plate he turns and catches Sirius in the doorway. Sleep mussed, his hair is flat on one side and he’s rubbing his face with both hands. He stands in his underwear, a stray t-shirt pulled over his head and it’s on inside out and backwards. The tag hangs near his throat and when he’s done rubbing his face he tugs on it, pulling his arms into his body and turning it the right way but leaving it inside out.

“What’re you doing up so early?” he croaks, settling into one of their mismatched kitchen chairs. Their bistro table is flush against the back of the couch acting as a partition between the rooms.

“Thought I’d make you breakfast before I went to get groceries.” Remus puts the plate down in front of him, mug of sludgy coffee next to it, turning the handle so it faces him. He settles in across with his own mug, breakfast already eaten while he was cooking.

Sirius has his elbows on the table, hunched forward and he takes a generous sip from his coffee before perking up some.

“I thought we could go and take a look at this property I’ve been eyeing.” he says casually, picking up his fork and cutting up his egg.

“Yeah? And how much is it?”

“It’s reasonable.”

“For us or for the area?”

“I just wanna look.”

There’s a silence between them, Remus staring across the table and he can see the beginnings of a few grays in Sirius’s hair. Right in the front where his hair parts, little bits of silver amongst the black.

“We’ll look.”

---

Sirius had driven them out to the property that evening. It was about an hour outside of the city and when they passed through the cluster of buildings that made up the OKC skyline Remus felt something stir. He hadn’t realised how much living in a city felt different until they were amongst the rolling hills of the countryside.

They had the windows rolled down, the air conditioning in Sirius’s old truck wasn’t working and the radio rattled their entire trip, dancing between channels. This time it had been swinging between Reba MnEntire and old church hymns that made Remus feel sick to his stomach.

When they got there, they were met by a pleasant little real estate agent who took them around. She had been perky, excited to show them all the features of the house and asked if their wives would be coming around.

“No, uh, it’ll just be us.” Remus had said and she picked up the tour.

She pointed out all the amenities, a bathroom with heated floors, kitchen with a brand new dishwasher and a television built directly into the wall. All things Remus had never dreamed of, never felt the need for and had found himself souring at the idea.

It all felt like a little much for the two of them, too much space, too much stuff. Sirius slid up next to him, keeping close the whole time and offering a reassuring touch. Gentle hand on his shoulder, caress to the small of his back, their knuckles brushing as they walked down the tight hall to the bedroom.

“We could turn the second bedroom into a guestroom.” Sirius had whispered when the agent was a few paces ahead of them.

“We could.” He had responded, tight lipped but not as a quip. The whole thing had made his chest hurt. He didn’t want Sirius spending all this money on something that could fail.

That evening, after the trip back home and a terribly thrown together dinner, they lay on the couch together. Their tiny apartment feeling too hot already but Remus lets Sirius put his head in his lap. He’s got a book in his hand, the other dragging lazy slow lines up and down Sirius’s chest.

“Collins has the ball he’s running—”

The TV’s on, but neither of them are paying any attention to it, Remus too busy trying to read his book and Sirius has his eyes closed, leaning into Remus’s touch. Sirius lets out a long breathy sigh when Remus places his palm flat against his sternum, feeling the steady thrum of his heart. A hand comes into view, soft touch on his cheek as Sirius gently turns his face away from the book.

“What’re you thinking about?” he asks quietly, his careful fingers tracing the lines of his forehead.

Remus clenches his jaw for a second, turning over what he should say.

“It’s a lot you know,” he starts, swallowing, keeping his gaze steady on Sirius’s. “You know, all that land, that’s a lot of work. I dunno if I wanna deal with all that.”

Sirius nods, eyes soft, fingers tracing over the stubble on his cheek that’s starting to form and it tickles.

“Well, what do you want?”

Quiet between them and Remus doesn’t think Sirius has ever asked this question outside of the bedroom. Always the one to take up the reins, until now, Remus had been perfectly happy to be along for the ride.

He sits there for a second, hand still on Sirius’s chest, feeling the constant beating of his heart and thinking about how he wants this. Just this. The two of them together, a little bit of peace, maybe a little quiet, but a tiny part of him conjures more.

“Something small,” Sirius’s eyes light up, his mouth opening but he waits for Remus to speak again, “I want a place a little bigger than this, with more counter space.”

“We can do that.” he whispers, excitement coating the words. “Tell me what else you want.”

Remus tents his book on the arm of the couch, slipping his hand under Sirius’s t-shirt. His skin is soft, warm to the touch, goosebumps appearing as he runs the tips of his fingers along the hard muscle of Sirius’s stomach.

“I want chickens,” Sirius’s hand snakes around Remus’s neck, their lips almost touching. “Goats too, maybe a couple of cows to keep Moony company.”

Sirius presses them closer, “What else do you want?” He takes Remus’s hand in his own, moving it down and letting it settle on the buckle of his jeans. Remus responds, undoing it slowly, letting it fall open before working on the button, then the zipper.

“You.” He doesn’t bother to hide the huskiness in his voice. Hauling Sirius into his lap, pulling him close and yanking off his t-shirt. “I wanna be able to do it all ourselves, just you and me.”

Sirius presses their hips together, jeans open, knees on either side of Remus’s legs. He knots his fingers into Remus’s hair, craning his head back, noses brushing.

“You and me.” He repeats.

---

A couple days after viewing the ranch, Remus is on his way home and still thinking about it. The look in Sirius’s eyes when they were on the couch together, how excited he had been, how much Sirius wants to build something with him.

He’s pulling himself into the cab of his truck, hoping and praying it’ll start on the first try when he catches the note clipped to the mirror.

Milk.

He takes it down, Sirius’s messy scrawl on the back of a receipt and slips it into his pocket. Sirius finished the rest of the jug this morning leaving him nothing but he didn’t mind. Still on rodeo duty, he’s been corralling all the competitors at the barn and handling load out so he won’t be home until much later.

Remus pulls out of the parking lot, smacking the radio in hopes it’ll give him more than static and when it doesn’t he turns it off. The silence is letting him think and he can’t tell if that’s better or worse and by the time he’s pulling into the grocery store there’s a little bit of hope wiggling its way through him.

He pulls on his ball cap, tucking his hair behind his ears, touches the note in his pocket and thinks maybe they should get a bit of land.

Someone waves at him in the parking lot, one of the mom’s of a barrel racer he’s seen around and he waves back.

Sirius would have to leave the barn.

The store is brightly lit and air conditioned, fresh produce lining the walls and rows of shelves taking up the middle. Busier than he expected for after dinner time on a Tuesday, he’s caught making small talk with a few more of Sirius’s clients. Boarders at the barn gushing about the competition last weekend and Remus smiles, nodding politely.

Would he be able to give up all this? They’d still be able to come into town but it wouldn’t be as often…

He manages to slip away, passing the checkout on his way to the dairy aisle and catches the date.

July 15

Their anniversary is coming up fast this weekend, two years since Sirius had stampeded into his life and he smiles thinking about it.

Remus takes a detour down the snack section, grabbing a couple of things he knows Sirius loves but never buys—BBQ chips and sour gummy worms—before making another stop at the meat counter.

Arms full, Remus stands and waits in line, steaks balanced on a tub of candy and the gallon of milk. His eyes are on the shiny lotto cards, looking at them and letting himself dream a little.

When he gets to the front he places everything on the counter, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. He’s still looking at the colourful scratch cards, rifling through for a few bills.

“Can I get three lotto tickets too?” He buys three of them, one with his birthday, another with Sirius’s and the last with their anniversary.

Back at his truck, it starts the first try and he lets out a soft huff the second it does. Tossing the bag in the front seat, the radio kicks on and King Of The Road is already half way through.

“Well shit.” he mumbles and the lotto tickets in his wallet feel a little heavier than they should as he drives home.

Chapter 2

Notes:

Canonically Dora is 13 years younger than Sirius / Remus (which would make her 17 in this universe), but I needed a precocious comedic relief preteen to add some levity! Also thank you to Liv for the name Stella <3 even the dogs get named after stars.

Remus comes home late on a Wednesday after pulling a double. Bone tired, he wants nothing more than to sit down and put his feet up. The sun is already half set, tucked away behind a row of buildings and when he gets in the apartments dark.

He struggles with his boots, leaning against the wall he pries them off and makes a mental note about looking for a boot jack next time they’re in the tack store. His knee has been bothering him for the last week, the old and tired injury springing up when he least expects it.

Sirius is at the bistro table, back to the door, hunched forward with his head in his hands. Remus’s heart drops as he moves closer, something scrawled out on the back of a receipt in shaky writing he can’t quite read.

“Hey.” he says quietly, voice cracking as he runs a hand along Sirius’s shoulders.

Looking up, his face is white and there’s something in his eyes Remus has never seen before. Tears well as his face contorts and Remus is kneeling in front of Sirius immediately. He cradles Sirius’s face in his hands so they’re eye to eye, hands shaking.

“Is something wrong? Is it the Potter’s? Did Alice call?” Rapid fire, too many questions and Sirius just shakes his head, blinking away the tears.

He swallows, tears still threatening to spill before he answers, “My parents are dead.”

Remus’s heart is caught up so high in his chest he’s worried he’s going to throw it up. Pounding behind his throat he stares for a second, letting the words sink in.

“What?” Remus doesn’t mean to say it so dully, but the shock of what Sirius has just said has knocked all the sense out of him.

“The hospital just called,” Sirius says before stopping. He sits back, bringing his hands to his face and rubbing it for a second. When he stops his face is pink, eyes bloodshot. “It was a car accident, just like—” He cuts himself off, loud hiccup filling the silent space.

He isn’t looking at Remus anymore, shoulders sagging and he’s trying to hold it together.

“We can go to the hospital if you’d like?” Remus tries and Sirius is shaking his head.

“There’s no use, they’re already gone.” His voice is tight, eyes squeezed shut.

“When did they call? Have you eaten anything yet?” Remus is struggling to stand, hand on the table he hoists himself up. Turning away he just wants to put the kettle on, to preheat the oven or get him some water. To do anything to soothe Sirius.

But Sirius is grabbing his wrist, holding him tight and pulling him back. He buries his face just above Remus’s belt, gripping the back of his shirt tightly. Remus’s hands settle on the nape of Sirius’s neck, holding him close and letting him cry.

---

They make the drive down to Dallas in Sirius’s truck, it has more miles but the starter isn’t shot so there’s no risk of them needing a jump. He gives up on the radio halfway there, tossing in a tape from the depths of the glove compartment.

Remus drives the whole way, only stopping for gas and gummy worms, letting Sirius curl up next to him on the bench seat. They have the windows open, cool breeze blowing in and Sirius’s head is against Remus’s shoulder, his eyes closed. The sound of Sirius’s measured breathing in his ear doesn’t make him any less nervous.

One of his cousins is planning the funeral, someone by the name of Andromeda and he fills Remus in when they get a little closer.

A fellow black sheep of the family Andy, is one of the only people left in his family he actually likes. All his other cousins grew up and married within similar minded rich families in the area.

They pull up to a sweet looking farmhouse on the outskirts of the city with a wraparound porch and a fresh coat of white paint. The high gabled roof has a few windows scattered along for bedrooms and Remus parks behind a newer pickup truck.

Someone who he can only assume to be Andy answers the door, pulling Sirius into such a fierce hug that Remus can see where he gets it from. Once she’s done with him, she does the exact same with Remus, holding him tight, not letting him go until she deems the hug to be over.

Andy has the same clearwater blue eyes, same high cheekbones and arched brows as Sirius. Barely coming up to his shoulder, her long dark hair is pulled into a braid. Where Sirius’s hair is black as night, hers is a deep chestnut brown shot through with highlights from the sun.

Sirius offers a quick introduction, blushing up a storm as he does it while attempting to explain away his absence. He trips over his words, not making eye contact and touching the back of his neck.

“Shut up.” Andy cuts him off, waggling her finger at him in a way only a mother can do. “I don’t care where you’ve been or that you’ve been gone. What matters is that you’re here now.”

He nods meekly, clearly shocked with her response. Remus unloads their bags and Andy shows them up to the spare room. Already late, they creep through the old creaky house as quiet as they can.

The room is completely furnished with antiques. Dark wood polished to shine and the whole room smells like Murphy’s Oil Soap.

Remus lingers in the doorway for a moment, Sirius already making himself at home, plunking his bag down on a chair. Andy’s in the hall, eyes narrowing in a question when Remus turns to her.

“I can sleep on the couch if you’d like, if it’ll be more comfortable for you.” He can’t look at her when he says it but knows he wants to offer. From the corner of his eye he sees Sirius’s face drop.

Andy takes a step forward, graceful, bringing a soft hand to his cheek.

“I’d never make you do that.” she says it with such kindness in her voice, looking him dead in the eye before stepping away. “Ted’s usually up earlier than me, he can fix you breakfast if you need and you’ll get to meet Dora too.”

---

When he wakes it’s to an unfamiliar chill. The blanket that he had fallen asleep with nowhere to be found. Rolling over, Sirius is almost completely buried, clutching the quilt tight and he lets out a snort. Carefully extracting Sirius from his cocoon, he groans the whole time until Remus has him pulled to his chest.

The window is open, soft sounds of the morning rising up from the yard and Sirius is burrowing in closer. They have chickens, Remus can hear the gentle clucks of brooding hens, scratching at the dirt and he closes his eyes.

They could have a plot of land like this. The house is too big for them, three bedrooms for two people is two too many. Remus didn’t have enough sense about him last night to see how much land they’re on, if it’s enough for cows or if they just have fowl.

But as the sweet smell of fresh dew is carried in through the window and Sirius is curled up next to him, Remus can see it.

A place of their own. Somewhere they can live peacefully and enjoy themselves.

He pulls Sirius in, kissing the top of his head when their little bit of peace is interrupted by a ruckus from below. Loud thuds on wood followed by a shrill cry.

“Stella! God dammit stop chasing the chickens!” Bare feet on the porch, Remus thinks this is his first introduction to Dora.

Sirius stirs next to him, stretching all the way down to his toes before slinging an arm across Remus’s middle. They lay like that for a little while longer as the commotion of downstairs continues.

There’s a little more cussing followed by some taunting barks before the troublesome dog is wrangled and Remus decides it’s time to stop being so lazy.

Ted’s cooking breakfast when they get down to the main floor. In the light Remus realizes how homey the house is. Pictures of the three of them hung on the walls, rich wallpaper and warm rugs. Everything lived in, everything cared for.

The kitchen has a lot of counter space, a range below a window looking out into the back garden, and an oven built into the wall. Ted’s frying bacon, his back to them as a wild haired girl talks his ear off. She’s sitting at the peninsula, mouth moving a mile a minute as Ted hums along in his responses.

“Daddy, you don’t understand, all the boys get to ride broncs in the rodeos but the girls gotta do pole bending? Come on, that doesn’t seem real fair now does it? I’ve sat worse bucks than fucking—”

“Dora, language please.”

“Sorry Daddy, but like I was sayin’ I can sit anything some bronc throws at me so why do I gotta fu—ugh pole bend.” She says it with such disdain, throwing her whole body into the eye roll.

“Takes after her mother.” Sirius whispers as he brushes past to sit next to the girl. Ted turns, offering the two of them a smile.

“Hope she didn’t wake you with all that shouting earlier, Stella loves to chase our poor hens.” Ted tosses a disappointed glance to the floor.

The dog in question lifts her head, a cattledog cross of some sort with a wily look in her eye, she’s staring at Remus.

“It’s ‘cause someone likes to leave the door open and she gets out!” Dora shouts animatedly and Ted just shrugs.

Remus is still standing on the outskirts, leaning on the door jamb while Sirius wrings his hands nervously.

Dora’s staring daggers at him, the same blue eyes as her mother’s framed in Ted’s light features. Her dishwater-blonde hair falls in untamed waves, streaked with hints of gold from the sun. She has the same nose as Sirius—just a little smaller and covered in freckles—and when she talks, it’s like she doesn’t feel the need to breathe.

“Damn have you ever gotten big.” Sirius starts and she rolls her eyes again, whole head moving with the motion.

“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t even remember you.” She volleys back and Sirius’s ears turn a bright shade of scarlet. Remus has to hide a chuckle behind his hand.

Girl’s got tenacity.

“Dora.” Ted chastises, spatula in hand, pointing it in her direction menacingly. “You gotta be a little kind to Sirius.”

“Sorry, I know your parents are dead but Mama said you didn’t even like ‘em anyways.”

The room is quiet for a spell, air sucked out like a vacuum. Sirius leans back in the wooden chair, slinging his arm over the back of it, tilting his head with a shrug.

“Are you ever Andy’s kid.” he mutters under his breath and Ted looks back at him in silent agreement.

Andy appears, just as Ted is plating everything and they move to the table. Just off the kitchen, the table matches the rest of the house, dark wood and covered in rustic ornate carvings. Remus pulls out his chair, feeling them under his fingers. Tiny flowers and birds mapped out along the knots of the wood. He takes a second, running his hand along them before sitting down next to Sirius.

Dora sits across from them with Andy and Ted at the respective heads of the table. He glances at his plate, the matching placemats and table runner, everything coordinating.

“I’m sorry Remus, where are my manners?” Ted says suddenly, causing Remus to look over at him. “It’s really nice to meet you, this morning’s been so eventful and dear Dora’s been talking everyone’s ears off.”

“Wish you were here under better circumstances.” Andy mumbles, scooping scrambled eggs onto a disgruntled Dora’s plate.

Stella’s snuck her way under the table, tail thumping against his leg lazily. He peers down at her, catching Dora feeding her a tiny piece of bacon. A sneaky little ritual.

“So,” Dora’s redirecting, drawing the attention away from the dog and back on her. “How did y’all meet?” She takes a generous scoop of eggs, shovelling them into her mouth before continuing. “I can’t imagine Uncle Sirius being real smooth and making the first move.”

Sirius snorts next to Remus, hand to his chest like she’s wounded him. “Thought you didn’t remember me?” he says, raising a brow in her direction.

“I have my inklings with how you are.” Her response is all jest, but Ted chastises her anyway.

“Actually, Sirius was so smooth I didn’t even realise he was hittin’ on me till he had me lassoed in the parking lot.” Remus chimes in and there’s a brief look of shock on her face.

“Sounds like how I got Ted.” Andy says with a smirk and Ted chuckles.

“Practically ran me over with her damn barrel horse while I was mucking stalls in her Daddy’s barn. Saw my whole life flash before my eyes.”

The two of them share a secret smile across the table, one filled with admiration and the rest of breakfast is easy. They all share little stories with one another, filling each other in on the last few years of their lives while Dora sneaks bits of food to Stella under the table.

Everyone gets up to get ready and Remus stays back to help Ted with the dishes. Almost shoulder to shoulder, he stands ready to dry with the dish towel.

“You don’t have to help Remus, we can let ‘em air dry.”

Remus shrugs, taking the mug from his hand, “Least I can do after you’ve welcomed me into your home.”

There’s a quiet comfort with Ted, a fellow outsider amongst the bunch. Remus really doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into for the next few days and he’s looking for an anchor to help him weather whatever’s coming his way. Sirius rarely speaks of his family and when he does it goes one of two ways: something sweet about Reggie or something sour about everyone else.

Remus clears his throat before he asks, “What’s uh, what’s it gonna be like today? You know with everyone gathered for the funeral.” It’s quiet between them, nothing but the ticking of the grandfather clock in the other room. Ted lets out a long and measured breath.

“Well,” he says and Remus almost wishes he hadn’t asked. “Good news for you and me, we’re a lot lesser in the eyes of the Black family so no matter what we do, it’ll be wrong. But for their kin—like Andy and Sirius—the chips will fall where their emotions lie. Those two black sheep have the possibility of redemption so I think it weighs on ‘em a little more.”

After the dishes are done, Remus joins Sirius upstairs to dress in his funeral attire. He takes a second at the top of the stairs, steadying himself on the railing. For the first time in a long while, Remus can feel the cold grip of genuine fear creeping through him.

Sirius has a nervous air about him, muttering to himself as he moves from the suitcase to the bed to the mirror and back again. Remus sits on the old oak linen chest at the end of the bed, fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt cuff. It’s yellowed with age and doesn’t match the rest of the buttons and he hopes no one will notice.

From the corner of his eye he watches as Sirius paces, checking and double checking everything. After the third round he pulls out a different tie, holding it up to himself in the mirror before moving back to the suitcase.

“What’re you thinking about?” he asks quietly, catching Remus’s eyes through the mirror.

“Just that this is a terrible way to meet your family.” Remus answers, he stops playing with the button on his sleeve, worried he’s going to accidentally rip it off.

Sirius is untying the windsor knot of his tie, slipping it over his head and moving back to the suitcase.

“This is the best way to meet my family.” he says, half buried, rooting through their things before pulling a turquoise bolo tie out of the bottom.

“This is kind of the worst circumstance,” Remus puts a little more emphasis on his words and heaves a sigh. “Your parents are dead Sirius.”

He turns, still fixing the collar on his shirt. The button at the top sits right at his throat and he’s pulling the bolo tie so it nestled in tight. Same one from Remus’s truck, he must have grabbed it before they left.

“Honestly, you’re lucky they’re dead, they would have hated you.” Sirius is done fiddling, looking picture perfect in his all black suit. The stark contrast makes his eyes look so much more blue, hair falling in his face Remus is reminded of just how beautiful he is.

“Is it because I’m gay?” he asks quietly and Sirius’s lip curls in the hint of a smile before he shakes his head, crossing the room to stand in front of him.

“No,” he says, taking Remus’s face in his hands, sweeping his thumbs over the high plains of his cheeks like it’ll ease the fear. “They’d hate you because you love me. They could never understand how anyone could ever like me.”

He tucks a few errant curls behind Remus’s ear, eyes dancing over his face like he’s memorising the moment. Remus leans into the touch, closing his eyes and letting it relieve his worries.

---

They all pile into Andy’s Jeep, Sirius in the front with the rest of them in the back. Dora’s sandwiched between him and Ted, arms crossed in her austere black dress and patent leather Mary Janes.

Andy’s managed to tame her hair into a braid that hangs down her back and she almost looks like a little lady.

“I fucking hate dresses.”

But still swears like a sailor.

Sirius is whispering in the passenger seat, leaning on the centre console, touching his face and rubbing his chin like he does when he gets nervous.

“Is Cissy still married to that stick in the mud Malfoy?” he asks, brushing dust off his hat with his hand.

“God of course she is, that woman doesn’t believe in divorce—oh and it’s Narcissa now, the only person who can still call her that is Bellatrix.”

“Shoot huh, no more Bella neither?” Sirius almost sounds like a kid as he says it, shoulders caving forward.

“Oh heavens no, they’re all grown up now, nicknames are for children.” Andy says with sarcasm in her tone as she glances at him.

Dora’s fidgeting next to Remus, looking at her mother through her eyebrows before mumbling, “If anyone ever calls me by only my full name when I’m older I’m gonna clobber ‘em.”

Sirius turns at this, a wide devilish grin on his face that makes Remus’s heart melt, “Oh come on, don’t you just love the name Nymphadora?”

Remus holds back a chuckle as Dora throws her head into Ted’s shoulder, letting out a disgruntled sound. Andy’s already taking up the mantle of explanation, staring at her daughter through the rearview mirror.

“Baby your Daddy and I picked that name out just for you! We wanted you to have something special, you’re a gift to us and we—”

“Yeah, yeah family tradition or whatever bullcrap—” Dora waves her hand in her mother’s direction. “—We don’t even like the side with the tradition, why couldn’t I have had a normal name like Daddy’s side?”

“What do you mean don’t even like!? I’m right here!” Sirius raises his voice a little, feigning hurt with his hat over his heart and he earns a genuine smile from Dora, immediately eating her words.

“You’re an alright uncle, I’ll consider the present company excluded.”

Sirius turns away at that, but Remus catches the blush he gets through the mirror on the side of the car. The way his face lights up at being called uncle.

---

Remus doesn’t really know what he expected of the funeral. If he wanted people to be colder to him or kinder, but they were all indifferent. A whole church full of stone faced people who all resemble Sirius a little too much. All of them looking right through him as if he doesn’t exist.

A sea of varying shades of dark hair and light eyes, high bone structure and strong noses. Stiff backed and dressed impeccably, it makes Remus’s palms sweat. It really gets him when he sees Sirius and Andy together at the front, whispering to each other like a couple of school kids while him, Ted and Dora stick near the back.

It’s alien to him, seeing the same face look so miserable.

He’s so different from his family.

The two outcasts of the Black family, mooring the storm together, attached at the hip and holding a strong front at the head of the church. Remus doesn’t dare think about the closed caskets on the dais, so similar to his own Mother’s.

‘I don’t want them to remember me like that…’

He shakes his head, instead focusing on the walls. It’s painted the prettiest Robin’s egg blue, the vaulted veiling a shade lighter, but the calm colour doesn’t make him feel any better. Church has always made Remus nervous.

His stiff hip is acting up from all the standing and sitting in the unforgiving wooden pews. He moves in his seat looking for relief but just finds a scowl from the woman in front of them. When they have to kneel it takes him longer than he’d like to get down on his knees, stifling a groan as he does it.

Biting his lip he casts his eyes to the front and finds Sirius looking back at him. They share an imperceptible nod, a little moment of reassurance and it gets Remus through the rest of the service.

Even in all this, Sirius is always glancing back at him, making sure he’s okay.

When they finally make it out and down the steps, Remus pulls off to the side of the church near the parking lot. The midday sun is already beating down on the top of his head and it takes him a second to situate his hat. He tucks his hair behind his ears, the old Cutter feeling heavier than it used to.

He rolls his neck, closing his eyes and drinking in the moment to himself, a brief reprieve from the crowd. He moves to the side, shifting his weight and stretching out his hip before shaking out his leg in hopes of getting the feeling back in it.

“What happened?” Dora’s voice catches him off guard and he almost loses his balance. “You got a bug on you or somethin’?” She’s looking up at him, hand shading her eyes from the sun and he shakes his head.

“Nah, no bugs, just a little sore. I worked on a ranch for a spell and the horse I was on spooked.” Her eyes widen, brows almost in her hairline. “He tossed me on a rock before coming down on me. Busted my leg in two so I get stiff.” Ted comes up behind her, catching the end of the conversation and a look akin to pity flits across his light features.

“I’m so sorry Remus.”

He shrugs in response, Dora still staring at him.

“Church doesn’t really agree with me because of it,” he glances at Ted when he says it. “You know, all the standing and kneeling.”

Dora’s brows come together, opening her mouth as she spouts, “I thought Mama said you guys don’t like church cause it doesn’t like you?”

He snorts, Ted getting ready to chastise her but Remus holds up his hand.

“Yeah my way of life is really different than most folks here.” he says and catches Sirius looking for him. Slicking his hair back as he slides his hat on he turns in a quick circle, face lighting up when their eyes meet.

Glancing over his shoulder, Andy is pleasantly excusing herself shuffling after Sirius quickly.

“We gotta make it back to the house before the commotion starts.” she grits out through her teeth and they’re all walking quickly to Andy’s car.

Sirius is right next to Remus as he limps along, hip taking longer to warm up and the gravel making it worse. Their knuckles brush, Sirius placing a reassuring hand between Remus’s shoulder blades.

“You’re doing okay?” he whispers for only Remus to hear and he nods quickly.

“I should be asking you that.” Remus mutters.

At the car, Sirius slips ahead, opening the passenger door and motioning for Remus to get in.

“You don’t wanna sit up front and talk with Andy?”

Sirius shakes his head, “Nah I wanna sit in the back and shoot the shit with my favourite niece!” he says animatedly as Remus climbs in the front.

Ted’s already climbing into his spot, Dora sliding into the middle seat with a huff.

“I’m your only niece.” she grumbles out and Sirius stands there dumbly for a second. Something crosses his face and he tilts his head to the side.

“You’re right, you are my only niece.” He takes his hat off, getting in the last spot and closing the door. “But just ‘cause you’re the only one doesn’t mean you can’t be my favourite.”

“That’s a lie.” Remus cuts him off, “Emmeline is due with a girl in November.”

“Emmeline? Who’s Emmeline? I didn’t know you got other family?” Dora doesn’t hide the shock from her voice.

“I got a whole life you don’t know about kid.”

---

Sirius’s childhood home is devoid of life. Large and expansive it’s more like a compound than a place to raise children in. There’s a well kept barn in the distance, rolling hills and miles and miles of perfect white fencing. The porch wraps around the entire thing, overlooking a quaint pond with a willow on its edge.

The driveway is already full of fancy trucks Remus recognizes from the church parking lot, a few of the stuffy old men gathering on the veranda to smoke. They cluster together, turning into each other to whisper as their group passes.

Sirius’s posture has already changed, once open and playful, he’s retreated. When Remus opens the front door, he ushers Sirius inside first, making sure to place a reassuring hand on his back. A quick touch, nothing too scandalous but something to show he’s there.

Remus falls out of step with them, leaving Andy and Sirius to make the rounds. He hangs back in the foyer for a minute, taking in the expanse of the place. All this space, filled with so many stone-faced people.

Dora’s at his elbow, grabbing it to get his attention.

“I can stay with you if you’d like?” she asks quietly before adding, “I don’t really like any of my cousins.”

There’s a group of cold faced boys clustered together close to one of the doorways that sneer as they pass.

Remus smiles at her, “I’d like that.”

They wander through the halls until they get to the back of the house, finding a quiet spot in one of the living rooms. Dora’s already set to talking, rattling off anything she can think of while Ted adds in what he can. She’s going, words coming out a mile a minute making sure that Remus is up to date on all the possible drama a preteen could have.

She’s part way through regaling him with a prank she pulled on a couple of boys in her class when Remus catches movement. Sirius is skirting past the entry way, slipping up the grand staircase and disappearing upstairs.

“Hold that thought okay? I’ll be back in a little while.” he says standing as quickly as his hip will let him, patting Dora’s head affectionately.

Moving through the crowd, he can hear the people talk, whispering in hushed voices as he passes.

‘That’s Sirius’s ranching friend.’

‘Couldn’t have dressed a little nicer for a funeral?’

‘That boy needs to be wed, he’s always needed someone to care for him.’

‘He shoulda married that little barrel racing girl when he had the chance.’

As Remus climbs the stairs, the voices fade into the distance, quieter on the landing. The upper floor is dark—a long hallway with all the doors closed, save for one at the end. Left slightly ajar, it reveals Sirius alone in a bedroom when he peers inside.

A time capsule of childhood, there’s posters on all the walls with everything from Roy Rogers to The Beatles. A desk in the corner, papers splayed all around it like someone’s coming back for it. Books on shelves with action figures amongst them.

Sirius is laying on a twin sized bed, looking at the ceiling. It’s too small for a grown man to be comfortable in but he looks calm, quilt pulled over himself he’s running his hand along the fabric. Remus steps over the threshold, closing the door quietly, shutting out the last bits of conversation sweeping up from downstairs.

Sirius sits up quickly, eyes wide and that’s when Remus sees it: above the headboard, in big collegiate letters across a pennant flag, REGULUS. There’s a couple of stars sewn around each of the letters, constellations across the felt and Remus’s chest tightens.

He approaches slowly, Sirius making room for him to sit, the quilt now bunched up in his lap. Remus settles in next to him, shoulder to shoulder and Sirius’s gaze is trained on his hands.

“Is your room like this too?” he asks quietly and Sirius snorts before responding.

“Fuck no, mine was stripped of everything the second I left home.”

Remus licks his lips, slipping an arm around Sirius and pulling him in. He lets out a long and shaky breath snaking his arm around Remus’s back, burying his face in his chest.

He just wants to give comfort, to give solace, some form of reprieve. Stroking Sirius’s hair, his grip tightens around Remus’s waist, another deep breath before he finally lifts his head.

“They’re leaving me everything.” he whispers, “They got rid of the animals a while ago, Andy said they didn’t want to pay anyone to deal with them anymore, so it’s just the material stuff we gotta deal with.”

Remus swallows, quiet for a moment, unsure of where Sirius is going with this. “Do you wanna move down here? Make this our place?”

“Ha! No way, I never wanna set food in this place ever again.” He straightens, laying his head on Remus’s shoulder. “I wanna sell it all, take the money and we can get something nice.”

“Sirius, your parents just died, they’re barely in the ground. You can have some time to think on it.”

But he’s already starting, eyes trained forward, words coming out of his mouth a mile a minute.

“We won’t have to board the horses anymore, we can keep ‘em with us. We can find land even, you know? Build something that can suit our needs. Or, or we can find a place and fix it up. We won’t have to live above the laundromat anymore, this opens up so many possibilities.”

He looks up with a twinkle of hope in his eye. Remus slips his hand into Sirius’s, squeezing his fingers tight.

“Sirius…” Remus says his name quietly.

“We aren’t just stuck anymore, just taking what life can give to us. You know we could go to Casper, be closer to Pete and James, watch all their little ones grow up…” His voice trails before he sucks in a breath, tears starting to well in his eyes before he blinks them away.

“You don’t wanna stay close to Andy, Ted and Dora?”

Sirius’s lip quivers for a brief moment, brows coming together before he buries his face again. He’s quiet but Remus can feel the tears starting to soak through his shirt. He knows this is going to be hard, knows Sirius wants to be close. To watch Dora grow up and rekindle all the lost things he has with Andy.

They stay up there for a while, as the commotion continues downstairs and Remus lets him weep.

Notes:

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Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Steady Rein