Chapter Text
It hurts. To stand here like a statue, utterly frozen on the other side of the glass. Watching as a child– his child–cried to be let out, begging to not go. It was taking everything within Technoblade to not take back everything, to gather the boy into his arms and to hold him tight. Despite every reassurance that comes from him, from Blue, from Philza– Nothing could placate Tommy.
Tommy, who had fought Xsdí on his own ship and came out alive and with a trophy to show for it. The same trophy that sat in his room on a shelf, tucked away from view. A reminder that Tommy, a Human child who had barely become a young adult by their standards and barely nearing the age of adulthood for Humans, had survived.
Tommy, a Human who had protected Blue despite the danger—despite the looming threat of Xsdí—-and made it out alive. A Human who looked at everything with the wide-eyed wonder of innocence of a child, who saw the things around him and still tried to take things in stride.
Tommy, who had been a prisoner of Xsdí’s, terrified of potentially being locked in another cage no matter how nice it was. Who was shown that no one would lock him up again, even if they tried.
Tommy, who had shrunk away from Fundy when they had introduced him.Tommy, who stopped speaking for weeks because the reality of Tommy being a Human, while a child, was still a Human child; something that he had used to his advantage when the Human soldiers had boarded the ship. Tommy, despite seeing his own kind and communicating with them, had turned against them to protect them. Tommy, who got angry on their behalf and spoke out for them. Tommy, who had told them they had given more love-safety-home-security-care-affection to him than his own species had in the entirety of his life-
Tommy, who claimed them—regardless of the obvious species difference and ongoing hostility towards Humans—as his people. As his family.
Tommy. Their Starchild.
Tommy. Techno’s brave boy.
The brave boy that believed that he hadn’t been strong enough to protect Nook,Tubbo, Blue, anyone from Xsdí, a disgrace to the Enol’ka. The megalomaniac bastard who had attacked them-Daroda-Eret, something that Tommy decided he was responsible for, that he had to be responsible for. Technoblade had heard what Tommy had told the Human soldiers, that if he had been stronger, faster, if he had just taken the chance he had to kill Xsdí then—
The son he was sending away, in order to protect him like he should have done for Zhay. Sending him away even though he could feel his heart break in two. Sending him away from this damned war.
With the Nova Corps soldiers.
Away from them.
Blue was trying to reassure him that Tommy would be safe with the Humans; that they were going back to their fleet, because he would be among his people. Tommy was yelling-crying-begging that the Nova Corps—that the Humans— weren’t his people, they were strangers. He banged on the door of the escape pod that refused to open, only for his body to go rigid and his eyes searched Blue.
He knew.
He knew that Blue had put something in his drink; something that was causing him to react sluggishly, something that he was fighting against. Techno watched as Tommy tried again to break through the glass, begging. Philza bowed his head, as if the apology coming from him would do anything but further aggravate the boy, as if he wasn’t trying to not cry himself. His feathers were ruffled, clearly at war with the decision like Blue. Like Techno.
“No I won’t!”
“Tommy, they’re your kind—”
“WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MATTER‽” Tommy begins to ram into the glass with a renewed fire, pummeling his fists into the glass, following a pattern that only Tommy seemed to know and understand. The other Humans sat there in their seats, sharing looks between them as if they were wondering why he was fighting so hard against the glass. At some point, both Sneeg and Punz had backed away from the group, as if they were worried that Tommy would manage to break through and go on a rampage. Because all they were seeing wasn’t Tommy, not the boy who had fought with them at Daroda, not the boy who despised Xsdí possibly even more than they did.
They could only see a Human, one that could potentially attack them because Humans—despite the little time spent within the company of both the soldiers and Tommy— were still first and foremost thought of as a violent and warmongering species.
“None of you are the same yet you decided that you’re all one another’s family,” he snarls, throwing his words like blades at them. “You’re—you’re a fucking boar and a bird and blue . None of you are the same,” every single enunciated word driving knives further and further into Techno’s heart. Not just because of what Tommy was saying, but because he was right, because—
“If-- if it’s because of what I did to Tubbo—”
No-no— It’s not that— edmaï níh , please understand— that’s not why, awníhyr níh please—
“That was an accident. I swear— I swear it was an accident; I never meant to hurt him. I was trying to protect him. I wouldn’t ever— I wouldn’t ever hurt you ,” Tommy’s voice cracked, begging to be understood. His hands were shaking as they came to a halt, crimson blood smeared on the glass.
Blue started to cry, his ears folded to his skull and arms wrapped around himself in some pre notion of a hug as if it would comfort him, to help him block out the horribleness-fear-anguish of this moment.
Techno feels sick, so incredibly physically sick, and suddenly, they’re not aboard the Ericitcratna; the scene shifting into another one so familiar to Techno that the dread-fear-hate-utter distress nearly causes him to stumble—
It’s Rissahlan.
All of it, all over again…
For a moment, it’s not Tommy begging Technoblade to understand. Listen. It’s Zhay .
Zhay, his other brave boy. The one that he chose to leave amongst his brothers and sisters, his son that tried to fight alongside him at Nætera, who had the strength-durability-dexterity to fight alongside them, another soul that he couldn’t keep safe. But now—
Now he could keep one of his sons safe, even if his body keeps trying to reach out for his child, to keep him near because he left Zhay behind at Rissahlan; when all he wants to do at this moment to hug Tommy close, to keep history from repeating—
“YOU’RE MEANT TO BE BETTER THAN HUMANS! YOU SAID I WAS STARCHILD! YOU SAID I WAS THE EXCEPTION !!” Tommy practically screamed those words, not in English, but in Thíetue . Words that were deafening-ringing-echoing-piercing in Techno’s ears, everything single word spoken and each rang true. They had told Tommy he was one of them, the exception among his kind. And that was no lie, not even the barest speck of dust to hint a single falsehood.
Every single thing they had told him was true, and would still be true after today despite the desire to send him away from the war. One that was becoming far more hard to accomplish as Tommy continued to beg-plead.
“Techno, Techno please—”
The pleading was mixed with both tears and snarling, the boy’s chest heaving hard, every breath becoming shakier to the point that it seemed Tommy might actually break from pleading with them. With Techno.
And he can’t; Techno can’t, not this time, and for all the effort to attempt and step back from the glass only to feel as though his hooves were filled with lead.
“No. Don’t go—Don’t— Don’t throw me away!”
What? Why would he even think that? They’re not throwing Tommy away. They’re—Techno is trying to keep him safe.
He has lost too much from this war, back then and now, he will not let it take Tommy away with it. So if the best option is having his boy go with those Human soldiers— no it’s not, he’s safer with him, Philza is right no he’s not-he can’t let this happen- so be it.
Techno sees Blue begin to weep near him, choking out a sob that feels far too much like a final goodbye as he turns to leave to another part of the Ericitcratna when it’s not, because it can't— it won’t be.
They would see their Starchild again.
They had to-
“I know— I know I’m not as strong as you,” Tommy says, his voice raw and utterly ragged, still pleading, pleading with Techno and Philza. “I know I don’t know things and I’m trying—please—I’m trying. Tell me-tell me what I can do. I can-I can be stronger. I can be better. I will be better,” Tommy begs. Promises.
“I’ll be Starchild.”
Philza is shaking his head, tears staining his face and it’s not like Techno is any better. His own tears are free falling from his eyes, leaving shiny trails in their wake. Unlike Philza, who has turned his head away from Tommy, he maintains eye contact with his boy, seeing that he is still refusing to back down even now.
And just when he thinks his heart couldn’t possibly break any further from this, it did. And all it took was one singular word. One that he thought he would never hear be spoken to him again for the rest of his existence, one so softly spoken that it was barely above a whisper.
“Dad?”
No— No, no please—
“Dad, let me fight alongside you! I can fight- so stars damn us all, let me! I have the skills necessary and-”
Stars and the dust that all become… please not again.. He-he can’t do this.
Not again.
“Dad please,” Tommy begs, a sliver of hope breaking through his voice. The words are so small and fragile, far too fragile. It sounds unreal coming from Tommy and it scares Techno; terrifies him far more than Xsdí ever did; terrifies him because his son is begging him to stay. Tommy, who has never once backed down. Tommy, who never begged for anything.
Except for now….
Tommy is begging him— Him , and something within Techno starts to deteriorate. He might be renowned for his skills in fighting, his place among what remains of his kind; being revered as the Tor’uk Tædarítai, being Eret’s Sentinel— Anything and everything he went through in existence, absolutely none of that could have mattered when Tommy-child- awníhyr -Starchild, had to beg to be finally heard.
When another one of his sons was begging to be heard, to be understood.
Dad…
Aní! Please!
Techno feels himself stumble back, an all too familiar weight and dread filling his bones, flooding every part of his existence. That familiar title and word, one that meant far more to him than being Eret’s Sentinel ever did. The one he thought had been ripped away from him four years after Rissahlan, the one that he never truly realized Tommy had given back to him. One which made him fully understand the gravity of the situation, creating a terrifying picture that caused Techno’s mind to race wild with fear.
The singular word that makes him want to take this moronic-idiotic decision back, to demand that Sam lets Tommy out of the escape pod, to gather his boy— to gather his son into his arms and keep him there. Because damn it all, he wanted to protect his son; even if it meant doing what seemed like following through with the wrong choice, despite what logical choices-options that still remained. But— but—
No- no , not again. He couldn’t lose— not again —
“Wait— Dad— Please—” Tommy keeps trying to talk to him but between Techno’s thoughts, the sudden rise of two of the Human soldiers’s voices; Philza turning towards him, face contorting with recognition-fear-anxiety, Sam switching from his barely noticeable green to a sudden wash of a cold blue, all the systems in the escape pod immediately engaging; a panicked shout from Tommy snapping Techno out of his downward spiral, only for him to see Tommy to be thrown forward from the rapid increase in speed and for his head to collide sickenly with the shielded door, appearing to completely knock Tommy out cold.
Bile rises in Techno’s throat, the glow from the ship’s thrusters taking both the Human soldiers and Tommy with them. The final sight of his son; Tommy standing on the other side of the glass, his hands stained with dark blood as he tried to get to them. Fighting against the drug that Blue had put in his drink in their last moments as a family. Tommy, who had looked so small, so young, as he pleaded with Philza. Blue.
With him.
And for a moment, Techno wonders if this was truly the best course of action, regardless of what Philza had suggested because none—absolutely none that seemed to matter. He had sent away his child for safety, not because he wanted to-far from it. Techno didn’t know if he would be strong enough to protect him. But instead of feeling as if he had the ability to keep him safe, it felt as if Techno had doomed Tommy to a fate he didn’t fully understand, watching the escape pod disappear into the vast expanses of space.
“Technoblade—Tech, please speak to me,” spoke Philza, gently attempting to coax Techno into something, anything that held a semblance to conversation. His tone of voice was calm, but did little to soothe Techno’s nerves. While he normally would have appreciated his brother-in-arm’s attempt to comfort him, Techno didn’t want to talk. Not when he felt as though his world had once again shattered in front of his eyes–drowning in old memories that had resurfaced, the old wounds from years ago feeling fresh once again. Whatever Philza was going to say–whether in assurance or to dissuade any possible concerns that Techno could hold–was cut off as the sound of raised voices and the pitter-patter of feet, both leaving and entering, began to make their way over to where they still stood.
“Tubbo, you should still be resting,” expressed Philza, moving away from Techno and over to Tubbo and Ranboo; Techno observing with little enthusiasm although it was certainly an all too familiar sight as the pair made their way over. Tubbo was using Ranboo as transportation of sorts, switching from sitting near the base of the Enol’ka’s head to hanging onto their neck, with Purpled trailing behind the pair of them although he opted to remain closer to the edge of the cargo bay. Tubbo’s arm was still wrapped in the protective lattice from when they first got aboard the Ericitcratna, only now instead of a pained expression on his face from the injury, he would have appeared calm except for the annoyance currently emanating from his body.
“Where’s Tommy?” Tubbo’s voice was buzzing with exasperation-annoyance-anger-fear? Philza pauses before sending a look in Techno’s direction, but he wasn’t going to say anything.
Not when it had been Phil to talk him into placing Tommy with the Humans for Tommy’s safety.
“Where is Tommy, Philza?”
“He… he went with the Human soldiers,” supplied Philza, attempting to keep his feathers and emotions in check, as if by appearing calm and collected enough would help hide any inner turmoil that he was still facing Tommy. Not that it did much good, he himself was obviously rattled from their last conversation with him. If they could call that a conversation. It wasn’t fooling Techno, and it was obviously not fooling Tubbo either; sharing a look with Ranboo and Purpled that clearing meant something between the three of them.
“What do you mean that Tommy went with them? Why?”
“They are going to head back to their fleet and talk with their commanders, to see if there any way that they may be able to better help with the war—”
“I meant about Tommy! Why did he go with them? There was a reason he actively tried to avoid them!” interrupted Tubbo, his voice rising. “He doesn’t even like them, so why by all the stars would he willingly go with them?”
The way that Tubbo spoke to Phil would have normally have gotten him in serious trouble with High Command; not just for the tone directed towards one of Tubbo’s superiors, but primarily due the tone attitude he was directing towards one of the last remaining Sentinels of the Enol’ka. Not that Philza or Techno were going to do anything about it, primarily since both of them knew that Tubbo was never one to stand on ceremony—not to mention that neither of them really cared. Certainly not with either of them or even with Ranboo and Dream, in addition to the fact that Techno was too busy being wrapped up in his head and Phil attempting to break the news to the youngest among them.
But something about Tubbo’s words nagged at Techno, speaking of Tommy avoiding the soldiers and willingly going with them, as to why Tommy would choose to do that. Techno knew about that, of course he did.
He knew of how Tommy would avoid them, even when Blue had expressed his desire to communicate with them, Tommy would do everything within his power to stay away from them and any space they were inhabiting. In fact, the only time he would spend any time amongst them would involve Tommy having to actively work alongside them, or the occasional night Techno would find him unable to sleep and taking his energy out on one of the punching bags and would be ignoring any of the Humans who happened to be in the same vicinity as them. He had thought that since Tommy was a young Human, he might want to speak with them but he turned down every opportunity he could. Still—
“What do you mean by ‘actively avoiding them?’ There were times Tommy did speak to the Humans.”
Techno made a sound between a scoff and a laugh, finding Phil’s words both amusing and thoughtless. Had he forgotten about the little tiff the boy had had against the broad Human—Boomer—on Srulæn? How the Human had tried to compare past experiences between the two of them only for Tommy to shut it down practically immediately? Yes Philza, enlighten everyone present as to Tommy speaking with the older Humans where it didn’t backfire on them—oh, there were times where he did speak with them, didn’t he? The tsauâ -Niki- She had spoken for Tommy shortly before he had come to the dining hall, when he had asked for help regarding Nook.
“I doubt he did if he had a choice,” huffed Tubbo, irritation still buzzing throughout his voice as he answered Phil’s question. He twisted from his spot at the base of Ranboo’s neck and gently floated down, his feet touching the ship with light feet. Tubbo began to stalk over to where Philza and Techno were still standing. “So tell me, exactly why did Tommy go with the Humans? I know it’s not because he is one— stars, I’d hope that wouldn’t be the reason because I don’t think either of you,” he gestures between both Philza and Techno, with an odd roll of his claw and a cracking of his beak, “-would be so idiotic as to force him to go anywhere he doesn’t want to be.”
Techno could hear the accusation in his words, even as his voice became a bit shaky. Whether it was out of fear-concern-anger he didn’t know. But for Tubbo to stand there and question them only seemed to prod at the already emotionally volatile Hylochoerian, not to mention the Æiryto who had lost his only chance to ever see his goddess again, one that everyone had known just how devoted Philza was to Kirithíen but Techno knew just how deep that devotion to the Enol’ka ran.
And he knew just how devastating the loss of Daroda, the loss of Eret-losing any chance of seeing her ever again.
“Tubbo, enough,” came Ranboo’s voice, firm and soft-faint-muted, not the usual quiet level their voice seemed to typically resonate at, instead it was solid and unyielding. Tubbo makes his way back to where Ranboo is—a bit pissed no doubt— but back to Ranboo nonetheless. “Philza, Techno, answer the question.”
“Kotrest,” said Techno, speaking for the first time since the younger ones had arrived. Gone. “He went with the Humans. Philza and I decided that it would be best if Tommy went with the soldiers-”
“You? You. You decided. For him. For Tommy,” interjected Tubbo, his beak clicking with disdain-disbelief. His wings were raised, the fur across his upper back puffed up, arms somewhat down and claws clenched tightly— well as tightly as he could with an injured arm. The image struck Techno as familiar, all too eerily familiar to—
“Did you even ask—no, no you didn't ask, because you decided for him and now he's gone and the Humans—You sent him with the humans. You sent him to the Humans. You—YOU–”
“Tubbo enough,” Sneeg barked, cutting off Tubbo’s ranting. Techno’s gaze moved from Tubbo near-shouting at him to where Sneeg stood near Purpled at the edge of the cargo bay, although any attempt for him to get closer was blocked by Purpled. Sneeg’s wings and fur were also raised, albeit more in a display of intimidation instead of anger. “Tubbo, you need to shut up right now.”
“You shut up, it’s not your turn to speak,” Tubbo snapped back; beak clicking in irritation-exasperated-aggravation. “You don’t understand what these idiots have done.”
“Then explain to me why you feel the need to defend a Human—”
“Philza, Technoblade, we have a situation,” came Sam’s voice, brimming with urgency. “Blue is missing, I lost sight of him as he made his way back to his room.” Those words cut through the air, piercing through the cargo bay and a chill seemed to fill the air. Techno watched as Philza froze, he could see how his friend was fearful. They had just barely gotten away at Daroda, Tommy and the other Humans were gone, what else was happening now? If they had missed anything after fleeing, Sam would have found it by now. So what-
“Sam, do you have any footage of Blue before he disappeared?” Sam’s normal green filled the room as they saw a life-sized image of Blue leaving the cargo bay, making his way up to his room only to pause at Tommy’s. His claws hover parallel to the door, as if wanting to knock on it and hoping that if he does, there will be an answer. Hoping for an answer. His slumped figure reflected that he still was distressed over the events in the cargo bay; over what they had done in regards to Tommy, ears still pressed down to his skull, his color pale. As he made his way across the hall to his room, Blue seemed to pale even further-to a color Techno knew reflected his fear-eyes wide and his ears were twitching, clearly alert for something. Something but what?
And then, he was gone. One moment Blue stood tense and alert, and the next gone; only the sound of quiet laughter as Blue seemed to vanish into thin air.
Techno’s heart seemed to drop further. Someone, something was on the Ericitcratna and it had taken Blue. And it was somewhere Sam couldn’t find.