What I possess seems far away to me, and what is gone becomes reality.

by luciferscowgirl

Summary:

Frater Imperator’s elevator acquaintance is feeling a little bit under the weather. That’s why Copia decides to join and pamper her until she’s feeling better again.

Back at work, some not so pleasant news awake an inner turmoil…

I recommend reading parts 1-4 of my series “Stuck with You” first. <3

Chapter 1

Notes:

Title:
Quoted from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust, First Part

Hey guys!! I am back hehe. And I have brought you something.🫴🏼

I hope it’s to your liking. Let the ride begin!

I was back rotting in my office. Daily life had finally reached me again, full speed, and I was tired and achy and feeling rather unwell than anything else. It had been quite a ride, and honestly, I didn’t regret a thing.

I had met up with Copia the weekend after I had left the Ministry. Trying to hide my guilt, and trying to ignore Copia’s tense demeanour that had vanished as soon as he fucked me up against the window of his chambers, making me scream from the sheer force of his feral need.

I hadn’t known what it was exactly, but something had fuelled him in ways that were beyond my understanding of insanity. But I never complained. It was hot.

I sighed, typing along on my keyboard and wishing to be free from these chains already. To be honest, I was about to call in sick, because something just felt off. It was all so boring and more exhausting than ever. I felt like was spoiled by the care of the Ministry and its members. Something pulled me there, and I couldn’t even put my finger on it.

My boss had tried to “wake me up” several times. I was sitting there, dazed and unfocused, and at some point, she actually looked concerned.
“You look pale, dear.” She said, with round eyes and furrowed eyebrows. I could just smile weakly.
“Yeah, I don’t know. Shouldn’t have had the leftover sushi from two days ago last night.” I explained, and honestly, I had already felt it in my guts - literally - that eating the leftovers was a bad idea once I had taken the first bite. My hunger was bigger, though.

“Why don’t you go home?” She asked me. “I need you fit and rested.” I shook my head. “Absolutely not. There’s so much wo-“

“I command you to go home.”

Her voice was stern and stiff, and I actually tensed when she suddenly looked at me like I was a child that was about to be chided to Hell.

“I need you fit, and I don’t want you to infect other coworkers. In case it’s a stomach flu.”

She was right. I could not afford to threaten all the other people sharing our office. So I nodded weakly, sighing as I packed my stuff and got up. Only then did I realise how bad I was really feeling. I was nauseous and dizzy, and I figured it was a good idea to get back home as soon as possible.

I felt like I was walking through a tunnel, getting weaker and paler by the minute, until I thought that maybe, I wouldn’t be able to reach home without having to involuntarily and spontaneously relieve myself beforehand.

I made it back home safe, though, but the minute I entered my flat the first thing I did was sprint to the bathroom and hunch myself over the toilet as I retched and spat into it like I wanted to get rid of my guts. I felt like I was dying. I hadn’t thrown up like this in quite a while, the last times were when I generously overestimated my alcohol tolerance. I felt like it never stopped.

I was starting to tear up from the sheer acidic feeling in my mouth and throat, weakly leaning against the ceramic as I waited in agony for the absolutely disgusting feeling to be over.

It made me shiver. All of a sudden, I was sweating and cold all at the same time. I felt like I was thrown into pure ice water. I could feel the beads of my horror running down my forehead as I tried to somewhat focus my eyes and understand what the fuck was happening to me. If this went on for longer, then I was sure I was going to fucking faint for real.

I could feel my stomach tense again and I tried to spit out what remained in there, but nothing was left after this horrendous escapade. Everything moved around me, and I didn’t even know what was above or below, all I knew was that I wanted this to end now. I coughed, grimacing at the disgusting taste in my mouth and attempting to slowly sit myself upright somehow - just to breathe.

Only after fifteen minutes of pure agony which felt like it lasted forever, I suddenly felt a little bit better. The room stopped spinning and my teeth stopped clattering. I was weak, though, and still shivering. Still, I somehow managed to get myself up and lean against the sink, so I could check myself in the mirror. Fucking Hell. I was pale as death itself.

My eyes went wide when I saw myself like this, and I almost retched again. I caught myself this time, though, and decided to wash my fucked up face with some water, and also wanted to brush my teeth. Using mouthwash and everything I else I had at home, I tried my best to get rid of the stinging taste in my mouth. I longed to wash my mouth out with a bar of soap.

“What the fuck was that?” I asked myself, and I flinched at the way my voice sounded raspy and weak. I sounded like my stomach acid fucking ate away my vocal cords. I’d never been such a mess before.

Contemplating what to do, I decided to start slow with some herbal tea and some rest on my couch. I needed it. I was a fucking wreck.
Wrapping myself up in a blanket, I took some meds to mend the nausea, and sighed when the tea calmed my agitated oesophagus. I still felt like shit, though.

 

I must have somehow managed to fall asleep, though, because I awoke from a much needed slumber when I heard my phone buzz in the distance, the sound only slowly coming closer and more present. I opened my eyes, crusty and tired, when I realised that someone was trying to call me. Trying to understand what was happening, I lifted my phone and saw that it was Copia trying to reach me. I smiled weakly.

“Hey.” I said, immediately after picking up, trying to not sound as tired as I was.
“Cara, hey. Am I disturbing you?” He asked softly, and my stomach turned again when I heard the concern in his voice. I knew that he was just checking in, but I almost felt like he’d caught me. Caught me doing something I didn’t know myself.

“No, it’s fine. I just woke up from a nap, is all.” I wasn’t lying.

“Hmm, a nap? You’re not at work?” He suddenly sounded accusatory, and I flinched. I knew he was trying to hide it behind his concern. He was doing it well, but my paranoia knew better.
“A- are you? Are you sick, cara?” His voice was now a little harder to interpret, and I swallowed hard. Some sentiment loomed over me, and I didn’t want to acknowledge it myself.

I took a shaky breath. “Yeah.” I just said, more flatly than I’d intended. “A simple stomach bug I believe. Had bad sushi last night. My boss sent me home because I couldn’t concentrate.” No lies here. It had all been the truth.

Copia’s breath hitched. His concern was growing. “Oh Satanas, cara! A- are you okay? D- do you need something? Did you throw up?” He rushed, and it seemed like he was almost sorry for calling. I didn’t understand-

“C, it’s okay.” I reassured him. “I’m fine now. Took some meds. Why d’you call?”
I felt another rush of tiredness washing over me, but I welcomed it, honestly. It felt less painful than the dread I’d been feeling before.

Copia took a short break. “Just- just checking in. I thought of you all day today.” There was no lust in his voice. No pressure. Just… honesty. Maybe a tad of what I interpreted as melancholy?
I smiled, but it was weak all over again. “That’s it?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood. “You just wanted to hear my voice?”

To be completely honest, I just didn’t know what to say to him. That’s why I asked. Copia hummed. “Well yeah, I do enjoy hearing your voice.” He admitted, and I could hear him fiddle with some what I guessed was plastic on the other end of the line. “Thought we could talk a little. But eh, anyways. Are you sure that you do not need anything, cara? I am worried.”

Talk a little. He’d never been this clingy before. Especially in this kinda way. He was… weird. Something was off. He had been since the last weekend.
“I’m fine C, thank you, really. I just need some rest and I’ll be back again.” I reassured him. It didn’t come across as very convincing, and right in this moment, I felt my stomach act up again. Oh fuck no.

“Do you want me to come ov-“ he began to ask, but I cut him off, since I was already on my way to the bathroom.
“Not now, C, I’m sorry, I-,” I blurted out, and without telling him anything more, I had to end the conversation.

I was reacquainting myself with the toilet faster than I could even process myself. This time, it wasn’t as bad as it had been an hour or so ago. Still, I fucking hated it. In a few days, luckily, this shit would be over. Stomach bugs usually didn’t last that long, and this was the only thing that gave me hope.

—

Copia, who was standing there in his bedroom like a pillar of salt, listened to the beeping sound, his phone still pressed against his ear and his eyes wide. He let the pen hit the floor, and felt his eyes growing wetter by the second. How dare he confront her when she was feeling like hell?

He let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes, trying to ground himself into reason. What was he even doing there? Why on earth was he so disgustingly jealous of a girl that wasn’t even his? In reality, at least. In his fucked up mind, however, she’d been his since the very first time they’d indulged. He had made her hiss. The sharp sound that gave him shivers, and the intense feeling that made him go feral.

She was free. And yet he felt obliged to take care of her. The male mind, he thought, was a simple one. Territorial, in a way. He wanted to hate it so much, yet he could not help but go insane over the fact that he had been lucky enough to have her, and her only at the moment. He despised the fact that she was free, and it scared him beyond belief. Especially after discovering what he had not been supposed to know. All of it was mere assumption, all of it was rooted in pure jealousy. In irrationality, perhaps.

He opened his eyes again, but all he could see was the blurred lines of his own chamber’s walls, a place that felt foreign to him now that she was gone.

She wasn’t gone, though.

He was being overly dramatic, and he knew it. Damn him for making it all about himself, when she was the one suffering. And damn him for just standing there, doing nothing but whine about his own incapability. He knew that he needed to do something. And yet he felt like he was chained to the floor, unmoving and lazy. He was aware, however, that he could not let these feelings consume him. There was something deeper to her sentiment, and he needed to find out what it was. If he had to dig, he would. Albeit fearful of scaring her away. He was not the type of person to be nosy. And yet there he was, trying to get to the bone of what he had just witnessed. It rooted in something indescribable that concerned him.

In his inner despair, he decided to force himself out of his frozen state, and actually do something to help her. She would be grateful for sure, if she hadn’t yet already met someone else to save her. Copia finally decided to go to the pharmacy. Even though he knew that she probably wanted to be left alone, his urge to protect her was stronger. He could not even exactly pinpoint why, but something was wrong, and he could taste it.

Notes:

See you soon. <3

Chapter 2

I woke up again, absolutely exhausted and drenched in sweat. It was the most disgusting feeling I’d ever felt, and I wanted to fucking crawl out of my skin. If I hadn’t been this tired, I would have done so already. I wanted to take a shower so fucking bad, yet I just could not bring myself to do it.

I laid there in bed, dead eyed and tired, contemplating all of my life’s decisions as I tried to wet my dried out mouth, still hating the acidly taste I could not get rid of from the night before. My eyes were swollen and I felt like actual death, also because I had the impression of being burned alive in my apartment. The sun had been relentless these past few days.

It was evening by then, when I suddenly heard my flat’s doorbell ring. Who or what?
I hadn’t ordered any food (in what twisted world would I ever be able to think about food right now?!), there was no package due to being delivered, and I didn’t expect any visitors either. Whoever it was, they may have just confused me with someone else.
However, the ringing didn’t stop. And it made me go insane in the head. The shrill sound of this fucking bell was the last thing I needed in that moment. I chose to ignore it as best as I could, so that they would take the hint and leave me the fuck alone.

I wanted to keep thinking about this dream I’d had. It was unbelievably hot, and I kind of hated this, because honestly, my feelings being a complete mess, too, didn’t help me at all right now. I felt insanely disgusting physically, so, in what world would I ever be able to carry the emotional burden of my very real actions as well?! What had happened wasn’t entirely wrong, but in my current state, I felt like it wasn’t quite right either.

Before I could dwell on so much self pity, though, I heard my phone ring. Oh God, why could I not be left alone for once in my life?!
With a pained sigh, I tried to right myself, looking for that damned thing on my nightstand. I felt heavy and extremely tired.
But to my surprise, it was not some random coworker wanting to yap about the oh so very interesting things I’d missed today. I rolled my eyes thinking about it. Janette yelled at Marcus again. Jamie fucked up the coffee machine as always. Get better soon. Yadda yadda…
But no. It was not that. It was Copia, and I gasped, I felt the shock and discomfort boiling up inside me.

It was past 6 pm already. What could he possibly want except for-
“C? Hey, what’s up?” I asked instead, of course accepting his call. I heard a careful sigh of relief coming from the other end of the line.
“Cara, are you not home? I-, I had tried to ring and-“
My eyes went wide. “Oh Copia, I’m sorry! I was asleep. Are- are you here?!”
I think I sounded more accusatory and exasperated than I’d ever intended, but I just could not believe that he would really come and visit me just like this, when I was a disgusting miserable blob that just wanted to rot in peace.

“Do you- do you not want me? … here?” He asked timidly, and I already shook my head before I could even reply to him.
“No! I mean yes! I mean… yes I do want you here. I was just-“ I gasped.
“Just let me in, cara.” He said more suavely then, and I swallowed hard at his words. I didn’t know if it was his position or presence that made me do whatever the fuck he told me to do, or if it was my brain wanting to obey him. It thrilled me.
“Of course. But don’t scream!” I just replied, and hung up, wrenching myself out of bed and fighting hard against the last ebbs of nausea and dizziness which I’d involuntarily acquired over the past few hours.

I let him in then, standing in front of my door like the unkempt wet poodle I was, sweaty and icky and hot.
Copia came in, concern written all over his face, and several bags in hand.
“What are you up to?!” I almost snapped, pointing at the items he was carrying in both his hands. Copia was clad in his red track suit. He looked domestic, and way fresher than I did. However, to be truthful, this wasn’t hard to accomplish.

“Someone told me you were feeling a little bit under the weather today,” he said, placing the bags on the floor. “I couldn’t shake the feeling that you needed some help here and there. Cara, you look very exhausted.”
He came in, and I gasped when I realised he had been to the pharmacy, getting me all different kinds of meds. He had also brought what I thought was soup?

I looked down and fished some of the meds out of the bag. “Copia, those are only available on prescription?!” I said, my eyes wide as he fished out the soup he had surely gotten from the great and expensive restaurant close to my apartment. He had also brought mouthwash and fresh ginger and mint.
“Sì, and I am Frater Imperator. We have a pharmacy inside the Ministry, cara.”

He got up again and looked me up and down. He was really, really concerned, looking at my frayed self.
“That’s… not how it works.” I tried to reason, but all I wanted to do was shrink under his gaze, and suddenly I wished I’d had the motivation to take a fucking shower before.
He cocked an eyebrow. “Hmm, it does where I come from. Here, cara, would you like some veggie stock? Not much in here to chew on, just electrolytes to get you going again.” He offered, and even though his gesture was so sweet, I could not even imagine to eat or drink anything right in that moment.

“That’s so sweet of you, C. But I fear I won’t be able to keep it all inside. I… I was just gonna take a shower while you can, uh, make yourself feel at home?” I giggled awkwardly and I wanted to punch myself for it. I could barely look him in the eye. Not after… not after….
His shoulders sank, and he sighed.
“Mhm, alright. I think a shower is needed, hm? You look like you’ve sweated a lot.” He said softly, gently tugging my hair back behind my ear. The way he treated me, it was almost as if we were an old couple who hadn’t yet lost its spark.

“Yeah, quite hot in here, huh?” I chuckled again, trying to somehow fake some energy. He saw right through me, though.
“Mmmhmm,” he hummed dreamily, and I couldn’t read him in that moment. “Go, cara. Do you need… need help with anything?”

I would’ve loved to shower with him. Or to take a bath with him. But I felt way too disgusting to even try and let him any closer to me.
“I-, no. Not right now.” I declined, and Copia was not at all displeased with my answer, nor was he happy. He was just… neutral. He gave me space.

“Alright, cara. But take care and be careful, yes? You are weak right now.” He reminded me, and I nodded. I threw him a weak smile and thanked him, before I made my way to the bathroom, stripping myself of all of my disgusting wet and sticky clothes. It already made me feel better.

But the dizziness would not leave me alone. Maybe I should have had his soup before I went to take shower. Or some sweets with sugar.
I left the bathroom door open, in case I did need help, so he could come to rescue me. I hoped that nothing like this would happen, though.

I let the cold water run down my face for a while, ravelling in the way it cooled my body down, and letting it lull me into some kind of trance that helped me relax again. I stood there for a good five minutes, my mind blank. But when I tried to find my peace, the dizziness came back, and I soon realised that maybe my body was not able to handle the hot-cold transition so easily. I gasped, feeling myself black out, and when I searched for the shower wall to steady myself against, I accidentally knocked over some random shampoo bottle that fell to the floor, making a lot of noise in the small shower stall. I spat out a weary slur, and tried to paw my way to find it again.

Like a blood hound on duty, I already heard Copia’s steps coming up fast and determined, wanting to reach the bathroom door.
“Cara?” He knocked with an urgency, “is everything okay in there? Are you hurt?”
I was impressed by his protectiveness over me, and I just smiled weakly, unable to reply for a hot second. Too long for him.
“Cara, may I come in?” He inquired again, and I was sure that if I hadn’t said a word to accept him immediately, he would have burst inside anyways.

He found me drowsy and unfocused. “Asmodeus, bella.” He gasped, catching me right before I almost fell over. He yanked me up, uncaring of the way his tracksuit got all wet. He was in the shower stall with me faster than I could even process, and I sighed when I felt myself fall into his arms, wondering why it made me feel safe. I should’ve been cringing at the wet fabric touching my skin instead.

“Mhmm,” I hummed. “M’sorry.” I pawed my way along his arms until I found myself standing soundly again.
“No no, do not apologise.” He told me then, his voice so soothing I could’ve just molten away right then and there. He turned to face me better, and sooner than I could anticipate, his hands were cupping my chin, and he made me look up at him. His eyes were glimmering with concern, his brows furrowed, and I watched him looking for something in my eyes that would grant an explanation for my awful physical state. I could feel, however, that he was utterly unsuccessful.

“Cara, maybe you need a break, hm?” He offered, brushing his sweet thumbs over my wet cheeks, and I smiled, delusional as I was. I was defiant.
“Stay here with me?” I argued, smiling and chuckling as I felt his warm hands so perfectly fitting my face. Copia’s eyes widened.
“I- in the shower?” He asked, and then looked down at himself. He was soaking wet.
“Yeah, get naked.” I told him, because suddenly, he looked so good all wet and with his hair all over the place, and his makeup running down his face. I wanted him, and suddenly the dream I’d had before didn’t affect me so much anymore.

His breath hitched, and he nodded. “Sì signora,” he hissed, obedient as he was, and then let go of my face to get rid of all the clothes he had still been wearing, discarding them in the bathtub right next to my shower. They were heavy and soaked with water. I didn’t care about his clothes for now. All I cared about was Copia joining me in the shower once again. His salt and peppery chest hair, his happy trail. His soft skin. All of this made my mouth water.

“C,” I whispered, bringing my hands to his chest and rubbing them up and down his warm skin, feeling him and wishing I could just eat him up.
“Hmm?” He hummed, clearly attempting not to focus on my drowsy attempts to seduce him. “Cara.” He woke me up again, “let me help you wash the grime off your sweet self, hm?”

I agreed in the most half assed way, not really listening, as I let my hands wander along his sides, closing my eyes and biting my lip as I felt him warm against my wet palms, and relishing in the way the muscles of his ass tensed when I squeezed him lightly there. He groaned, and before I could work him up further, he grabbed my hands and quickly brought them up above my head, pressing me against the shower wall. I gasped and opened my eyes, the rush of lust I felt was incredible.

“Listen to me,” he purred against my ear. “You are not feeling well, cara. If I fuck you now, you’re not gonna enjoy this. We both aren’t. Now be a good girl and let me help you clean up, and I promise I will fuck the living Hell out of you once you’re better. Take you so hard you’re rather gonna faint on my cock this time, how about that, hmmm?”

What in the Wattpad? And I was supposed to be normal? Under these conditions?!
I was putty in his hands, and I could not believe he pushed the right buttons to make me whimper hands free. His voice was so hot against my ear, and we were engulfed by steam and hot water. I could die like this.
“Yes.” I husked meekly, and Copia looked at me, dissatisfied.

“What was that?” He asked, squeezing my wrists harder. I bit back a groan.

“Yes, Sir.” I corrected myself, hoping it was what he wanted to hear. Copia let out a hum that sounded more than satisfied with my reply. He then released my wrists and smiled, placing a chaste kiss to my temple.
“That’s my good girl.” He whispered, and then gently turned me around, starting to massage my head, putting shampoo here and there, and letting me relax under his touch. I did not feel like I deserved this.

“Does that feel good?” He interrupted my emerging dreadful train of thought, and I only nodded, sighing when he brought the shower head up to gently wash the shampoo off my hair. I was actually surprised when he then started working a hair mask into my hair. This man knew what he was doing. He left it in as long as he started washing my whole body with my favourite shower gel, one that smelled a bit of lime and ginger.

Copia laid his chin on my shoulder when he started roaming his hands over my stomach and chest, then down to my legs and up again. I thought that maybe he was very close to kissing my neck while doing so, but despite the situation we were already in, it would be way too intimate like this. But still, I very much enjoyed his gentle touch.

We stayed like this for a little longer, he washed the foam off of me, quickly washed himself as well, and then wrapped me in a warm towel, rubbing me dry. Well, even though I was so relaxed by then, I was the one who wanted to rub him dry instead. But I knew my limits. He had made himself very clear that didn’t want to exhaust me any further, so I obliged. And I was probably going to thank him for it later on.

He helped me get into new pyjamas, even fucking blow dried, combed and braided my hair, and sat me down on my couch wrapped in a blanket then, telling me to just breathe and wait for him. I had never in my life felt so tended to. And it hurt my soul, knowing that I wasn’t his. Or well, that he wasn’t mine. I kinda enjoyed playing house like this, but I could never, never ever commit to an actual relationship like this. It was like chocolate. It was nice having some bits and pieces here and there, but I was easily overfed by it. I was too used to being all on my own and enjoying my freedom that I needed so much more personal space than any other human being on this very planet.

Apparently, I was zoning out, because I hadn’t noticed a boxer clad Copia sauntering back to the couch again, two steaming bowls with reheated veggie stock in his hands, and some of the medicine he had brought. Truth be told, I was already feeling a lot better. Still guilty, but better when it came to my physical condition.

“Prego, dolcezza.” He smirked, and handed me my bowl. It took me a moment to react, because I was marvelling at the way his fluffy, freshly dried hair fell over his forehead, and his belly formed those lovely little rolls as he leaned forward, hiding his happy trail for a little moment. He watched me watching him, and suddenly a knowing, cocky smirk played on his sweet face. I snorted.

“Oh dear.” I sighed, happily this time. “You are one of a kind. Thank you so much.” I fished my arms from below the blanket, and I took the warm bowl in my hands, ready to drink the stock. But before I could do anything, Copia spoke to me again.
“Un momento, cara,” he said gently, and when I looked up, he took my chin between his fingers. I gasped when his bare thumb brushed my bottom lip and his aftershave and freshly put on cologne hit my senses. “Open up.”

Of course I obliged, but I didn’t let him take away my sinful thought of me teasingly looking into his eyes. They were so warm and caring, and I wondered what he was gonna do. I was so wound up that I knew he was gonna give me interesting dreams later that night.
Copia had put his bowl on the coffee table and then put some pills on my tongue. I trusted him, because I had not a single idea what they were good for.
“That’ll help you feel less nauseous.” He whispered, and then leaned over to grab a glass with a straw from the coffee table (a glass which I hadn’t even noticed before) with his free hand. “Now swallow.” Copia ordered a little more sternly than necessary, and I decided to make a show out of it. If he could tease me, then I could, too.

I looked up at him from below, and lasciviously wrapped my lips around the straw, sucking the water out of the glass, and swallowing down everything he had to offer. I reluctantly let go of the straw, licking it up a little bit, and then stuck out my tongue out to show him that I had indeed swallowed everything. I could watch Copia’s composure crumble by the second, and I felt so much power when I saw his eyebrows crinkle just the tiniest bit. The muscles in his jaw were twitching, and I could basically see that he was contemplating whether to scold or just kiss me stupid. The thoughts he was having were downright sinful, I could tell.

I heard a rumble in his chest, and he let go of my chin, only to swat my cheek lightly and playfully to make me chuckle. “Minx.” He quipped, clearly trying to conceal the effect I was having on him. I could already giggle again.

Copia plopped down next to me, and also wrapped himself with the blanket, reaching forward to fetch his own bowl. I watched him, and when he turned his head to look at me again, he found me pouting.
“What’s up, cara, eh? Come drink your stock.” He prompted me, but I just tapped my fingers on the bowl.

“Do you really need to lay under the blanket as well?” I asked, and the cocky look on his face immediately turned into one of concern. “You do not want-? I- I can leave if-“
“NO!” I almost screamed out, and Copia actually winced as I unexpectedly raised my voice. I couldn’t even believe how loud I became. He stared at me, wide eyed and puzzled like a frightened little puppy, and fuck, the way I wanted tear him apart and eat him whole.

“I just… you know…,” I contemplated how I was gonna explain this to him. He didn’t move, tense as he was. I looked him up and down, even though he was hidden underneath the warm fabric. “You’re lovely to look at.” I just burst out. “And you’re hiding yourself.” Honesty was the best way to handle this, wasn’t it?

“Oh- oh?” He asked, and I could tell he was completely taken by surprise. “I-“

“Forget what I said.” I immediately countered, my cheeks flushing a deep pink. Oh, I wished he would kiss me right then and there. But he held back, instead the smug look on his face returned.
“Cara, you may stare at me as much as you like. But do you know what I think is even better now?” I looked at him, clueless, and he wrapped an arm around me, urging me closer to him.

“C’mere, let me keep you warm.”
I scooted closer to him, careful not to spill the stock, and I was immediately greeted by his warm skin beneath the blanket, where I fit perfectly against him. Copia put his feet on the coffee table, and switched on the TV, looking through Netflix and settling on an episode of fucking Malcolm in the Middle. Why not, I thought. Hadn’t watched this one in ages.

We finished our veggie stock (which was surprisingly good in my opinion, for just some stock) and then I could already feel myself being lulled to sleep by the TV in the background, Copia’s warmth, and his thumb gently stroking my upper arm. I was trying not to allow myself to take all of this for granted or to take it too seriously. Because if this was the definition of Heaven or Hell, then fuck, I wanted to stay there forever.

Notes:

Hmm… boxer clad fluffy Copia who cannot hide his need for her… save me… 🤤

Copia is giving himself a break from work related stress while our elevator girl is stressing more than ever. God! You guys! TALK TO EACH OTHER FFS.

Chapter 3

Notes:

NSFW warning 🔞

I must’ve fallen asleep hard. Because damn, I hadn’t even noticed that Copia had taken me back to bed. Because when I woke up, I blinked a few times, trying to focus my eyes again and attempting to understand where I was.

I was in my bed. The soft early morning light was cautiously peaking through the blinds, barely illuminating the room. I yawned, reaching up to my nightstand to check the time on my phone. 6:45 am. It was super early still. I contemplated going back to sleep. I was not gonna get up that early on a Saturday morning.

Before I could close my eyes again, though, I heard a stirring behind me, and a deep, unconscious breath. Oh fuck. Was he-?

I turned around slowly, and yes, he was. He was in bed with me. Oh my God. The poor guy fucking stayed the night because I was a whiny, somewhat sick bitch.

I studied his face, calm and relaxed as he breathed evenly through his nose. He was so quiet. So calm. And he took such good care of me.
As my eyes adjusted to the faint light in the room, I realised that he had even changed the bedsheets. When had he even done that?! I was sure that I’d slept like a fucking marmot.

I did not deserve this. I fucking did not. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. What the fuck was wrong with me?! I was never a person to cry so easily. But when I saw him like this, when I thought about how well he’d taken care of me… oh, my heart!

I let out an involuntary sob, and that’s what woke him up. Fuck. Oh no no no. I wanted to hide, but Copia already cracked his eye open, smiling at me warmly for a short second, before he rushed up to prop himself on his elbow and cup my cheek with his other hand.
“Cara, oh,” he croaked, and I could tell he was most concerned. “What’s wrong? Hey. It’s all good, shhh.” He calmed me down, brushing his thumb along my cheek. Little did he know he only made everything worse like this.

I couldn’t reply, I just started crying for real now, and I didn’t even know why. Since when had I become such… such a sissy?!

“Oh dolcezza, non piangere, sono qui, hm?” He murmured, his voice so sickeningly sweet and warm that it made me wanna melt into him. I wanted to crawl under his skin. And when he pulled me in to press a light kiss to my forehead, I could not stop myself from burying my head against his neck, letting his warm embrace engulf me.

He let me cry like this for a while. Where words wouldn’t leave my mouth, he was just there to hold me patiently, letting me let go of all the strong emotions I was feeling for a reason I did not understand.

When I caught myself again, after a while which took longer than I wanted it to, I looked up again, finally finding the words to describe my sentiment. “I’m- I’m so sorry,” I started, but he just tutted me. I took a breath. “I just- I don’t deserve you. I don’t I-“

I was close to crashing out again, but Copia shushed me gently, wiping the tears off my cheeks. He placed a kiss on each one. “Nonsense, cara.” He said softly, “you… you deserve more than I can give you. Ever give you.” He pressed another, lingering kiss to my forehead, and I sobbed again, feeling the weight of his words in my bones. I thought understood what they meant. And a piece of me broke again. He was probably so very correct. And it was my fault.

Instead of starting to cry uncontrollably again, I tried asking him a question that had been burning on my tongue for way too long.
“Why?” I whimpered. “Why do you do this? For me?”

Copia looked at me, his mouth twitching as if he wanted to say something, but clearly sorting his thoughts instead. It seemed like he didn’t know how to answer the question without further shattering my already so frail self.

“Because…,” he started, and I could hear his own voice cracking, “perché cerco sempre di toccare stelle che non sono alla mia portata. Mi sento così protettivo nei tuoi confronti, e nemmeno so perché. Cazzo, mi fa male, dolcezza.” He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, and I felt my eyebrows wrinkle, wanting to chide him for switching to Italian. But I could see the pain in his eyes. I knew I should not press him more. It was hard enough for him as it was.

I just nodded in wordless understanding, closing my eyes and sighing wearily when I felt his lips on my forehead again. The chaste kiss tasted of words he wanted to say, but couldn’t. All in due time…. And I accepted it.

A last tear rolled down my cheek, and I finally let myself smile again. If he was willing to give me affection, then I would need to learn how to let him. I reached up to gently grab his chin, pulling his lips down to mine. I just needed to taste him again, and he let me. He let me set the pace and intensity, he followed my lead. The kiss felt reverent and warm, and I felt like it transferred the things that we could not express vocally. If we were either both too stubborn or too scared, we didn’t know. I didn’t know.

The room was so quiet that I could hear the rumble deep in his chest again. I could tell it was Copia trying to hold back groans of pleasure, especially when I slipped my tongue beneath his lips to deepen the kiss. My hand found the back of his head, and I tugged on his hair just the slightest bit, making him moan into my mouth. Copia was putty in my hands, and when I pushed him harder against my mouth, he sucked on my tongue, growing more passionate, and it made my whole being throb with an untameable, inexplicable need for him. I didn’t know what it was, but I felt it growing stronger and stronger every time we’d indulge.

The kiss turned sloppy, and as a break for air, I pulled him down again to work my neck instead, opening up to him and growing restless. Copia obliged, albeit careful, trying not to overdo it. I wanted him, though. And I was sure I could take it.

“Please…” I begged, arching myself against his mouth, revelling in the way he pulled my pyjamas down by the neck to kiss as much of my chest as possible. He hummed against my skin.
“Please what, cara?” Looking up, I saw his puffy lips and rosy cheeks in the dim light, and I wished he would just fuck me senseless right then and there. I wanted to get rid of the thoughts that I’d been having, and I needed him so bad it hurt. I needed him to hurt me. But I knew the request was ridiculous. He was still too wary about my physical (and probably also mental) condition.

So I cupped his cheek, wanting to prove my abilities in other ways. I kissed him once again, deeply and with a lot more hunger, before I pushed him down, making him gasp in surprise. He put his hands up in defeat, wide eyed when I began to straddle him, holding back a moan myself as I felt him hard and straining in his boxers beneath me. I wasted no time to get rid of my pyjama shirt, and Copia’s eyes went round when he saw my tits, immediately letting his hands run up my stomach to cup them.

“Fuck, cara,” he gritted his teeth, “d- do you think you can-“
But I muffled his concerns with a roll of my hips against his erection, sending his eyes rolling back to the back of his head and his hands squeezing my tits harder. I let out a gasp, determined to dry hump his worries away. He focused on me again, and one of his hands came down to draw circles over my clothed clit, the pressure nice and steady. I threw my head back, put one of my hands on top of his on my breast, and the other one on his chest for stability. He hissed, in awe of the performance there in front of him, an early morning lap dance he surely hadn’t expected.

We both dampened the fabric of our clothes, and I knew we needed to get rid of them so very soon.
“Need you.” I whimpered, and he let me off his lap to get rid of my pyjama pants, while he quickly pulled his boxers down just enough for his cock to spring free.

I admired the view, the way his rock hard dick laid leaking against his stomach, which was heaving from his heavy breaths. He looked so fucking delicious. He looked hotter, more handsome, more desirable than he’d ever looked before. And I couldn’t even tell why. It terrified me.

Copia must’ve thought the same, bc he’d been gawking at me for just as long as I had been staring at him. Once our eyes met again, we both scrambled to entangle each other anew, kissing each other wildly and moaning into each other’s mouths as I humped his shaft, guided by his hands on my ass and his beautiful groans that spurred me on further.

It was passionate all of a sudden, hot beneath the blankets and I squeaked every time his tip brushed my clit, making me shiver against him. Copia grabbed handfuls of my ass, moaning when I tugged on his hair again to angle his kisses better, and relishing in the way I put my whole weight on him.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he groaned, bucking up and proving the point of the slippery mess between us, making me gasp with need. He still hadn’t slipped in.
“That’s what you do to me,” I breathed out, biting his bottom lip and rubbing my breasts against his bare, hairy chest.

Copia’s groan was outright hellish. He stilled me, holding me there, before he reached down to grab himself, swiping his tip through my folds to make me shiver.
“That’s what I do to you, huh? Now would you look at that?” He purred against my ear, and I squealed when I finally felt him push inside, impaling me on his own obscenity. Copia moaned against me, my mouth agape as I felt him slowly fill me up. Nothing ever compared to the way his dick stretched me. No one could compare.

“See?” He gasped as he rocked himself up into me further. “That’s what you do to me, you little beast.”

It felt like I could trace every single vein of his, as pathetic as it was, and feel every inch fill me so perfectly as if I was molded for only his cock. He was so thick and girthy that it hurt, but I fucking adored the pain. I could not wait for him to be inside me fully. I never wanted him to leave. I wanted him to pump me full of his-

“Cazzo-,” I was brought back from my insane thoughts. Copia cursed, feeling me clench around him as we stilled.
His hand came up to brush some loose hair behind my ear. “What are you thinking, cara?” He whispered quietly, either wanting to know which sinful thoughts made me clench around him, or why I wouldn’t move.

I tried to keep my composure as I righted myself. “H- how- oh fuck!” I moaned, unable to speak from only the slight shift he made underneath me to make himself more comfortable. The head of his cock pressed delicious parts inside of me. Copia smirked, smoothing his hands up and down my back.

“Thought about how much I want you inside of me. Always.” I admitted. “You feel so good. You feel so fucking g- good.” I started rolling my hips, making the both of us gasp. I was so incredibly turned on by him, especially since last night where he took such good care of me. It was only fair to give some of it back to him.

“So hot.” I gasped again, starting to ride him with abandon then. Copia’s mouth hung open, entranced by the sight in front of him, and the feeling of his cock so deep inside of me. It made me proud. The way I had such power over him for once.

“Sì, dolcezza. Just like that. Fuck.” He groaned, giving my ass a little spank to make me yelp. I shivered on top of him and clenched, making him choke on his own moan. A playful smirk appeared on his face as I ground down hard on him. He had felt some kind of revelation, I knew it.
“Oh, you like that, don’t you?” He asked me, massaging the stinging flesh.

“I love it.” I admitted, squeaking as he did it again. My clit throbbed, and it needed attention, so I got to work as he fumbled my nipple. With by free hand, I found leverage on his thigh behind me, riding him silly, and showing myself off to him. I was so fucking close, and he could tell.

“Are you gonna come for me, cara? Show me how well you can take this cock?” He encouraged me, flexing his thigh against my palm. I could feel him twitch inside me, and the experienced massage he was giving my right breast was taking me higher by the second as well.
“F- fill me up in return?” I asked, as delusional as I was, and so fucking thankful for the existence of birth control. Copia’s eyes flashed with something I could only describe as pure, primal insanity.

“Sì, look at you.” He spat, bringing his hand down from by breast and beneath my working arm, splaying it all over my lower belly. “Feel how deep I am inside if you.” He groaned, bucking up himself then. I didn’t know whether he was murmuring those words to himself or to me, but it set something off inside of me.

“Come for me, cara.” He ordered, and with a last flick of my hand, another good spank and a tight squeeze, I came hard on his cock, surely milking him dry and shivering on top of him, scared I was gonna fuck him into overstimulation. I was still coming so hard when he followed me, filling me up good just like he had promised. Oh fuck, I had never thought I had a breeding kink. But whatever it was about Copia, it felt so fucking good. The way he flooded me and twitched inside, it almost made me come all over again.

Copia choked back a moan. “That’s it, take it.” He ordered again and again, gripping me right by the waist then to make sure I kept it all inside. My heart and stomach fluttered. “Don’t waste a single drop. You take what I give you.”

I nodded vigorously. The way it all felt so possessive made me clench. He looked at me as if I was his for the taking, his to breed and his to take care of. Only his. Fuck. If we were a couple, I would have already introduced him to my secret free use kink.

I leaned down, exhausted and weary, revelling in the way he kept himself inside, and sighing against his hot and sweaty chest. I could stay like this forever, with his hands on my back and head, drawing lazy circles into my skin.

“That was so fucking good, thank you so much.” I finally said, feeling him slip free with a hiss. Copia breathed in sharply.
“I have to thank you, cara.” He said. “I’ve never been ridden so fucking good ever before.”

I playfully swatted his chest. “Don’t flatter me.” I said weakly, and he purred in response. “You know that isn’t true.”
Copia raised an eyebrow. “Never had the pleasure of coming so deep inside such a pretty pussy like yours before, cara. Not like this, I mean.” And there it was again. This deep flush of something I felt. Like I was being claimed by him. By his affection. And I didn’t at all hate the idea.

Leaning forward, I was about to kiss and thank him, but all of a sudden, my stomach did not only flutter because of the emotions I was feeling. There was something else there, too. Something… rather urgent.

I looked up into the void for a second, and Copia stared at me, too, concerned and confused.
“Cara?” He asked timidly, and when I didn’t respond, he felt even more alarmed beneath me. “Cara? Hey, you okay?”

Before I could answer, I jumped off of him, covering my mouth and fighting the tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. And in my naked, humbling misery, with plenty of cum dripping out of my used pussy, I was on my way back to the bathroom.

Fuck.

Notes:

I’m sorry to ruin the moment.

Also, man. This story is turning out to be way more raw and emotional than I’d ever intended, and I’m not talking about this specific chapter.

Anyways. I do hope you enjoyed this one as well.💓

Chapter 4

Copia was somewhat clueless when it came to her physical condition. Right after they had indulged in the morning, she’d rushed back to the bathroom to relieve herself all over again, shaking and whimpering as he’d held her hair. Of course, Copia jumped up to help her only a millisecond after she’d headed to the bathroom.

It was a pitiful scene. She had apologised several times for causing such a mess, clearly embarrassed that she’d just sat there, naked and weak, hunched over the toilet, feeling like as if she was the definition of misery itself.

Copia had done what he did best. He cooed her, and made sure she was better, and made her take a warm bath while he got some electrolytes and meds back into her. He wasn’t questioning it. This stomach bug was something. He was sure the medication must’ve worn off overnight.

She was so very delicate. Not only had she been somewhat delusional after she’d relieved herself, she was also very picky when it came to the bath additives he was gonna choose for her. Everything would set her off, make her nauseous all over again. They’d settled on some lavender and rose petals, and if Copia was being honest, he thought it weirdly romantic despite the general situation. He kept this in mind, in case he would ever have the chance to enjoy someone romantically.

He was back at the office then. And he fucking hated it. Copia had told her to stay home and rest, and never hesitate to call him. Hell, if he wasn’t the one to join her himself due to some fucking meetings, he would send her a personal assistant instead.
Copia didn’t really know what he was doing. He sat there in front of his new “desk”, absentmindedly playing with his pen, and stared into the void. There were so many documents that he still had to review. Some of them, what else could it ever be, were some financial issues sent in by V. He felt his blood beginning to boil when he only wasted a single thought on him.

It made it worse when once again, Copia had to deal with his weird and risky financial decisions. Copia barely even had the time to dismiss his strange ideas. Because V would send his documents so fucking late that third institutions were already impatiently waiting for the Ministry to give feedback. Copia was sure that it was because V was a stoner. He had never smelled the stench of weed as many times before as he did around the ministry now. It all started when V had come around!

Rather than thinking about tax related bullshit, Copia preferred thinking back to the night before where everything had been fine for a little while. Where he had her wrapped up in her blanket, relaxing on the couch and basically cuddling with him. The way she teased him. It made him shiver, and Copia knew that she knew that she’d been lucky that he’d been so careful with her. Because usually, such behaviour would’ve led to him mercilessly bending her over the couch and fucking her so hard she wouldn’t have been able to walk for at least a week.

He had composed himself, though, and made sure she was tucked in and happy. She had fallen asleep in his arms rather quickly, and it would have been of no issue for Copia if it wasn’t for her hand falling onto his crotch beneath the blanket. Apparently she liked to squeeze things in her sleep, because it led Copia to semi hardness, and later to a full on raging boner as some memories had surfaced from the depths of his mind. He knew he needed to do something, so he wriggled away from her sleeping form after an agonising while of careful contemplation (apparently the meds made her very tired, she didn’t even flinch when he left).

First off, Copia (after he’d decided to change her bedsheets before he was gonna carry her to her bed) had made his way to her bathroom where he had the most shameful wank of his life. Propped against the sink, he let his head fall and closed his eyes as he imagined her jerking him off, a way better thought than watching his own hand work himself. He tried to stay quiet, tried to summon every sinful thought of his to get it over with quickly. He imagined taking her on the couch, preferably from behind. Or on the kitchen counter. Or maybe on the altar bed over at the Ministry. Hell, he needed to fuck her in that stupid elevator where everything had first begun.

He came hard and fast, muffling his moans by biting his fist and shooting his load right into the sink. Eh well, better than shitting in it he thought to himself, and shrugged.
Copia was pathetic like this, but oh well, what else was he supposed to do when she was such an enticing being?
What terrified him, though, was that Copia wished he would’ve cum inside her again. He never knew he had a breeding kink. Well, he’d always used protection and/or pulled out right on time. But with her, he allowed himself to indulge, and fuck, did he love it. Over fifty years of his life basically wasted when it came to this exquisite experience, and now he could role play as much as he liked.

It made him feel weirdly protective over her. And maybe that was the point as well. He felt like she was his and his only. Copia hoped it turned her on just as much as it turned him on. He wanted her full of his cum and full of his dick always. That’s why he didn’t let her sleep in her freshly prepared bed all on her own. Not only did he not want her to feel alone. He also wanted to be there to help her, and, to make sure she was safe and well. Copia couldn’t explain it. He was obsessed with her, and it terrified him. He wanted to consume her, and he despised the fact that she was probably also seeing other people as well. She was a free woman. She could do whatever the fuck she wanted. He could not blame her. But the mere thought of another man’s hands on her, in her, it already made him want to hunt the guy down.

It was toxic and pathetic, and he knew it. But he couldn’t help himself. He felt too strongly about her. It was a new feeling that he still had to process. Part of his sexual obsession with her was that he wanted to reclaim her over and over again, make her realise that wherever she was gonna go, whoever she was gonna fuck, in the end of the day, it was gonna be him to seal the deal. It was gonn-

“Frater?” A voice interrupted his raging thoughts. He looked up in shock, clearly previously unaware of the guest in his room. The person there pulled him out of his daydreaming. Of course, it was Judith.
“Judith, hello.” He said apologetically, righting himself behind his desk with a deep sigh. “Mi dispiace, I apologise. I was absent. What can I do for you?”

The woman looked at him, her warm smile illuminating the room. She was radiant as always, and Copia wondered how the fuck one managed to always shine like this. Never a bad day, never even a hint of grumpiness.

“It is alright, Frater. I reckoned you must be tired. There is so much new work to deal with, right?” She definitely tried to lighten the mood, but Copia wasn’t having it. He was still so concerned about the situation earlier that he could barely think straight.

“It is, eh…, I am accommodating.” He lied, shooting her a weak smile and making sure she was satisfied with his reply.
“Good, good. Me too.” Said Judith, handing him another letter. “It is from Mister Psaltarian. He told me it is urgent and that I need to hand it to you personally.”
As she leaned forward, Copia caught a little whiff of her perfume, and it sent a bolt of lust right down to his dick. What the actual fuck was that?

“G- grazie.” He said, warily so, and then reluctantly took the letter in his gloved hand, feeling the tips of her fingers brush his through the leather. Her smile was so bright that it hurt him.
“You are very welcome, Frater.” With a little nod, she righted herself again. “Can I bring you anything else? Coffee? Tea? Should I order a masseuse to relief some of your tension?”

While she was asking him, Copia basically zoned out again, staring at the letter. He still perked up. “They have a fucking masseuse here now?!” He gawked, looking at her with wide, disbelieving eyes. He had never heard of this before. What the fuck did the ministry spend money on?! Copia balled his hands to fists. When he was gonna get this fucking-

Judith pulled out one of her fucking paper business cards once again and handed it to him. Copia’s eyes went even round in his shocked state.
“I am certified.” She smiled, a little proudly, and Copia’s jaw almost dropped. He had to physically stop it from hitting the ground. “So whenever you need some relief, just… call me.” She made a gesture with her hand, indicating a simple phone call.

He didn’t know what to say. Because whatever this was, it was insane.
“Uh, thank you. Thank you.” He stammered, wishing nothing more than to explode right in that moment. “I…, per favore. B- bring me a coffee around four. Uhm, I need..,” he looked around the room, and finally down to the letter Mr. Psaltarian had sent him. “… I need to finish this mountain of work here now. Thank you, Judith.”

“Noted.” She did a curtsy with a nod and thanked him as well, before she turned around and made her way out of the office. Her hair bounced beautifully, and once again there was the scent of her perfume lingering in the air. Whatever this shit was, it was powerful, he had to admit.

Copia put the business card thingy to the side and opened the letter with a sigh. He already knew it was gonna be awful news anyways. He began to read.

To: Frater Imperator, Head of the Clergy

Frater,

There are several things that need to be discussed as of late. I will list them right now.

 

1. Ministry Gardens shifts

I have been told by several members of the Clergy that the working hours are inappropriately scheduled, and that some of the Sisters and Brothers of Sin have been working slower than usual. There have been speculations that they may have been consuming certain plants there, which reduced their productivity. The Clergy is wondering when you, as the Head of the Clergy, will finally review their requests.

 

2. Tax returns

It has come to my attention that the tax returns are not as accurate as they should be. It is your responsibility to review them properly and send them back to the people responsible to fix every single error. We are already disliked by the government and the financial department. We need to at least stay clean legally. I need you to fix this problem as well, and soon, please.

 

3. The Ministry’s Future

As I had told you in person before, we need the Clergy to have strong leaders. You yourself aren’t the youngest one anymore. I write to inform you that I, among other high ranking members of the Clergy, am currently reviewing applications.

 

4. Extended food supply

Ever since you are Frater Imperator now, more and more requests have come in to extend the Ministry’s menu to be more accessible for vegan members…

At some point, Copia stopped reading. All of this must have been a joke. He hadn’t even been Frater for a long time, and yet there he was, already drowning in a kind of responsibility that wasn’t even his. Ever since his mother had died, ever since she was gone, all of the things she had managed before, which he had dreaded to even try to deal with himself, had become his bitter reality. He was in her position now, and he felt nothing but emptiness as well as overwhelming responsibility.
He was boiling inside again, half of the issues only existed because of this fucking V guy. Copia was so close to banning everything V related on these grounds. He could barely take it anymore, and he hadn’t even met the guy yet!

And he despised the way this damned Clergy wanted to form his future and didn’t let him decide things for himself. He was a grown ass man. But they didn’t see it!

Copia’s shoulders were high and tight. His back hurt from sitting all day long, and all he wanted to do was curl up on the couch again, together with his minx, and give her the time of her life. Because that’s what they both deserved - and needed.

He was about to daydream again, but when he realised that his phone was buzzing, he was pulled out of his delusional, weirdly nostalgic state. It was her. Copia squinted warily. What was going on?

He picked up.

“C?” He heard her voice on the other end of the line. It was shaky, almost anxious.

“Yes, cara? What’s up? Are you alright?!” He tried to calm her down immediately, but her tight breathing sent a chill down his spine. She sounded terrified.

“I think- I-… I think I have a problem. And I’m gonna-“ and then he could only hear how she lurched herself over what he thought was the toilet again, relieving herself. That was it for him. She needed to see a doctor right then and there.

“Cara, hey. Per favore, wait for me, yes? I’ll be there in a few minutes. Hold tight.” Copia was already on his feet, scrambling to get his car’s keys as he ran out of the building.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck.” He murmured, rushing past confused groups of Siblings of Sin, not available for their chitchat at all. He was a man on a mission. Copia could feel himself beginning to sweat already. He was so overly protective over his girl, and he felt like there was something deeper to her sentiment. Whatever this stomach thing was, she was rapidly losing fluids and electrolytes. And he couldn’t have her fainting alone somewhere in her cold tiled bathroom. It was way too dangerous.

Left forgotten on his table laid Mr. Psaltarian’s letter, the business card, and much later on, the coffee that Judith had put there as per his request had turned cold.

Notes:

well… fuck.

See you soon.😌

Chapter 5

“They did what?!” Copia was fuming. I could taste his rage from a mile away. There I was, still weak and trembling from when I wasn’t feeling too well the days before. Now I felt even worse, for different reasons.

“Yeah… I don’t know! It wasn’t even my boss. It was her superior.” I felt deflated, pathetic and angry at them, and also at myself. I just shouldn’t have gone home that day. I should’ve taken some pills to help with my nausea and kept working. Copia wasn’t sick yet either. So I was probably not even gonna infect anyone.

“You eh… know that this is… cazzo, cara. We need to do something about this! They can’t just…” Copia was really trying to compose himself, but of course that didn’t work out. This man was about to snap and I couldn’t even blame him.

“It’s okay, C. I… I will sort this out. I just needed someone to… you know? To listen to me.” I admitted, awkwardly fumbling with my fingers. We sat across each other in my kitchen, resting our arms on the table. This felt insane.
Copia’s gaze softened the tiniest bit, and he finally leaned back and took a deeper breath. Closing his eyes, I knew he was actively attempting to ground himself.

“Cara, but they cannot fire you just because you skipped work one day and went home the other because you were sick. Especially since that one day your fucking car broke down, eh?!” He was trying to reason me into fighting my workplace, but I felt an intense tiredness that I couldn’t even explain. I was thinking of sorting things whenever. I was a thrifty person, I knew I was gonna handle it somehow.

“Yeah… you know. That’s what my boss tried to explain to them as well. But oh well, there seem to be better secretaries out there. They have already found a replacement.” I tried to sound unbothered, but I could feel the tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes. Why the fuck did I cry so disgustingly much?!

“This is unbelievable, cara. It is unacceptable behaviour!” Copia clenched his jaw, and he looked at me sternly, angrily even, a gaze so intense it would’ve haunted me to death if it was directed at me personally. He tapped his fingers on the kitchen table, the only sound in the room for the moment, except for my kitchen clock’s steady ticking. I felt stifled and numb. I just… wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

I sighed. “I know it is. But I really… hey, C? Can we… can I…” I tried to form a question, but the words wouldn’t leave my mouth. There it was again. This insane, overwhelming urge for the need be left alone. Where every ounce of attention was too much. Where every bit of affection was threatening to scare me away. Where every word could tear a gaping hole into my stitched up soul. I felt disgusting, calling him to save me when I all wanted was to be left alone. I tried to fight it. I really did. But it won this time.

“Please, I need some time for myself. I’m- I’m so sorry. I called you for nothing.” I felt the tears welling up again, and I looked up to save myself. Fuck. I hated this. Copia was quietly watching me for a moment. I could tell he wasn’t pleased. Not with me calling him for “nothing.” But with the fact that it didn’t sit right with him to leave me alone. But he knew better. He nodded once he saw my pleading eyes.

He took another deep breath, holding it for a moment before he released his lungs from the pressure.
“Of course, cara.” He said calmly, and got up to leave me. “Take your time.”
He gave me one last, observing look. And then he was gone.

I was left with my own thoughts and the steady ticking of my kitchen’s clock, the only thing connecting me to reality as I disassociated.
It wasn’t just that they’d kicked me out. It wasn’t just that. It was the feeling of me not being enough and too much at the very same time. I was not enough to do a good job. And I was too much for others to handle. I didn’t want to be miserable. I didn’t want to unload the burden of having to console me on anyone else. Everyone had their own weights to carry on their shoulders. They should not hold mine as well.

I chose to get up, the clock in my kitchen slowly becoming too loud to bear, as did the silence around it all, and I made my way over to the couch in my living room and sat down, glassy and empty eyed, staring somewhere into the void where I focused on nothing at all and everything at once. I felt detached from everything, detached from myself. From what I loved and owned, and from whatever feeling I felt. I couldn’t even cry. I lost my job. So what? I would find another. Or maybe not. It wasn’t a now problem, I kept telling myself.

The nausea hadn’t left me, though. It was sitting low in my stomach, like some kind of active volcano that was boiling and bubbling inside, ready to erupt all over again whenever it felt like it. I tried to ignore it. There were many active volcanos on this planet that left everyone alone. So my nausea would be able to do that, too. I was sure. I was capable of keeping myself together anymore anyways. So I let my body do whatever it wanted.

I didn’t know for how long I sat there, stiff and unblinking. It was a kind of loneliness I needed, or so I thought. It felt empty, and yet I longed for something I had never received before. Never ever.

Something substantial, maybe.

After a while of quietness, I heard tentative footsteps coming from the wooden floor that led to my bathroom.
So he wasn’t gone. He was still there. I couldn’t bear to look at him. I couldn’t even move. I was frozen, and I didn’t know why. It was not like losing my job would set me off like this. It was the entirety of many past experiences that made me feel like this, concentrated in a small powder keg that was dangerous and unyielding. I couldn’t speak. I just sat there, staring into the void.

But then, for the first time in my entire life, I felt something I had never felt before. I felt an arm wrapped around my shoulder, quiet and light. Not commanding. Just resting. Just there. Grounding, maybe. A thin lifeline that suddenly connected me to reality.

It took me a while to accept it. And for the first time ever, I felt no pressure to accept help instantly. He gave me all the time I needed, and yet I found myself curled into his side faster than I would have ever dreamt.
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t look for solutions. He didn’t pity me. He was just there for me to hold onto when I needed it the most. I had never realised before how much this would soothe me. I was more broken than I’d ever wanted to admit. More repulsed by human interactions than probably anyone else. Because I was scared of it. And scared by it. I had sworn to myself that I would always fight my fights alone, because everything, everyone, was going to vanish one day anyways.

The reason I never let him closer to me was because I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t strong enough to deal with the rejection that would sooner or later come and haunt me. Because it always happened. I always trusted to soon but not hard enough.
And I would deserve this rejection. After all that I’d done, I would.

It seemed like I didn’t even realise how I started weeping into his chest again. How I clung to him as if I was gonna lose him if I didn’t claw him. Still, he didn’t say anything. He just took my head in his hand and gently brushed my irritated skin with his thumb. Something I hadn’t even felt before, since I was so caught up in my disastrous thoughts. I hated myself for it, and yet he didn’t give me any reason for it.

What if this was what love was supposed to look like? Unrequested, silent understanding. Being a rock for each other that shielded off the heavy waves of inner turmoil. Unconditional support and shared quiet moments?
A feeling I’d never felt before and never allowed myself to feel. Did I love him?

Was this what everyone talked about? It was not just about the sexual attraction and occasional text or deep talk? It was about… this?
I stopped crying a while ago, as I switched to contemplating my whole life again. He soothed me. I felt him actively searching for said stitches in my soul so he could mend them. Not to fix them entirely, but to strengthen them. Like it was an intrinsic motivation to help me feel better. No second thoughts. No ulterior motives. It was entirely new to me.

I looked up at him, and he didn’t immediately meet my gaze. He looked at the wall, his expression calm. Not relaxed, but relaxing in a way. It was hard to explain.
Only then did he look down, his warm, mismatched eyes meeting mine, and the whisper of a small, content smile played on his lips.

His eyes grounded me. They pulled me back to life, and suddenly there was a reason to step out of this infernal self pitying insanity that I’d been feeling ever since I could remember.
I reached up to his chin, my own delicate fingers ghosting over the slightly scruffy skin there, and he let me. He just let me. I was trembling.

“Thank you.” was the only thing I could say. And my eyes felt red and puffy from my relentless crying. Copia smiled a little more, relieved and calm.
“Thank you, cara,” he said softly. “For letting me hold you like this.”
I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. I swallowed hard, and cupped his chin.

“I… I-,” I wanted to get the words out, whatever I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. My throat was too sore. My thoughts had been too loud. They swept my mind empty of everything else as they flowed down the drain into the pits of Hell.
Copia felt how I struggled, and he shushed me gently. “Shhh, cara,” he whispered. “I know. I know.”

And he leaned in to place a kiss to my lips. Lingering and soft, a silent understanding. So chaste that it was barely there. All in due time I thought. And I was beyond relieved that he gave me as much as I needed.

There was something I still had to explain to him. Something I needed to get off my chest. Something that was only fair to share. Something he needed to be aware of. And something I still needed to understand myself.

I was on a journey of getting to know myself. And I knew it was gonna take a lot of time. And only the latter could tell if he was ready to wait for me. If something could bloom from the once so rotten soil that was my soul. If the seed of affection that he offered would take and turn my inner garden colourful again. Maybe that was what had made me nauseous. The fear of me not being able to let him in. And of losing him.

Only Satan knew, that was for sure. Maybe I would find answers one day. Until then, I would have to learn how to steer this ship.

All in due time, I thought again, as I sighed against his welcoming, warm lips.

Notes:

Okay guys, this is it for this part.

HOWEVER…, I am already diligently working on the next. So don’t worry, Copia and our elevator girl will be back. ;)

I honestly never intended to make this story so emotional and deep. But here we are. I may or may not have weeped a little while writing this chapter here.

It was intense, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

There are still questions that need to be answered. So let’s see where this story takes us.

 

Until then, please, since this is a series, you may have to bookmark it if you want to keep getting notified about new parts. Just as a reminder. <3

I have received so many beautiful comments over the past few days. You guys are amazing and I feel incredibly blessed and grateful for every single reader enjoying this silly little work of mine. I can’t even believe it!

I want to thank you so much for this. You all’s sweetness is what keeps me going!💓

Until then, enjoy your time. See you again soon, with a brand new (spicy and emotional) part.💓

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 5 of Stuck With You