The Felix Effect

by SKZ_Plasma_Torch

Summary:

Felix always thought Hyunjin was his forever—the boy who held his hand through the chaos of K-pop stardom, the best friend who became something more. But fame is fickle, temptation seductive, and one trip to Cannes shatters everything.

Left to pick up the pieces of his heart under the blinding lights, Felix finds unexpected solace beside another star—a tall, honey-eyed actor who sees him in a way no one else ever has. But when old wounds resurface and new sparks ignite, Felix must decide: Does love mean holding on, or finally letting go?

A canon-divergent exploration of what might have happened if things were just a little bit different on a special night in Milan.

Chapter 1: The Ties That Bound Them

Notes:

You can see the visuals that I got inspired by while writing this story on Chapter 26.

Felix had always thought of Hyunjin as his home—a sanctuary in the relentless storm that was their life as idols. From the moment they first crossed paths during training to be in the band, from the night Felix’s name was announced as reinstated to their debut lineup after being eliminated earlier, all the way to years later to today, where Stray Kids has become one of the biggest K-pop bands in the world, Hyunjin had been there. His presence was grounding, like the hum of a nursery rhyme. Felix just leaned into it. How could he not? Years together in the spotlight day in day out, sharing secrets, dreams, and stolen moments away from prying eyes—Hyunjin wasn’t just a partner, his best friend. He was everything.

The early days had been thrilling yet terrifying for a 17-year-old skinny teenager with a lot of swag for his tiny figure, trying to seem tough only with the purpose of concealing his soft heart. After being approached on Facebook -of all places- by a talent scout, within two weeks Felix had moved from his home in Australia to Korea to become a trainee at JYP Entertainment, one of the largest production companies in Seoul representing several successful idols and bands. He was a good dancer and brimming with energy, a baby-faced boy with an unexpectedly deep voice that surprised many but completely foreign to Korea.

He remembered when he first walked into the JYP practice room, the weight of his decision to leave Australia felt heavier than ever. The walls reverberated with music and energy, and the air buzzed with an intensity he wasn’t entirely prepared for. He was nervous—his Korean wasn’t close to being fluent, and everything about the scene felt both thrilling and intimidating. But the moment he stepped in, he was greeted by a whirlwind of personalities and talents that would soon become his new family.

Bang Chan was the first to approach him with a boisterous “Well hello, mate!” and firm hug that immediately made him feel grateful to his fellow Aussie for making him feel at home. Chan was warm and welcoming, his energy immediately calming Felix’s nerves. He exuded a natural leadership that Felix admired. It wasn’t long before Felix realized Chan wasn’t just a leader—he was a musical powerhouse, juggling producing, songwriting, and dance like it was second nature. Lee Know, who seemed to live in his own world—one filled with sharp, fluid dance moves and an undeniable charisma. Lee Know’s precision and artistry on the dance floor were mesmerizing. He had a unique way of making even the most complex choreography look effortless. Felix made a mental note to learn from him.

Then there was Changbin, who immediately impressed Felix with his booming voice and lightning-fast rap skills. His confidence filled the room, but beneath his tough exterior was someone deeply passionate about music. Felix caught glimpses of Changbin scribbling lyrics in a notebook whenever he wasn’t practicing.

Hyunjin was hard to miss. His sharp features and expressive eyes gave him a stage presence that was impossible to ignore. Felix was struck by the way Hyunjin danced—not just with his body but with his emotions. Hyunjin moved like every beat was telling a story. Felix thought, He’s got the kind of presence that can captivate any crowd.

He also admired Han, who seemed to do everything. Rap, sing, write—it didn’t matter; Han excelled in it all. Felix was amazed by his ability to switch effortlessly between witty, lightning-fast raps and soulful melodies. And Han’s humor? It was infectious. Felix quickly realized that Han was the heart of the group, always making everyone laugh during tough moments.
Seungmin, on the other hand, carried himself with a calm confidence. His vocals were pure and stable, the kind of voice that could anchor any song. Felix admired his work ethic; Seungmin was often the first to arrive and the last to leave practice. He wasn’t flashy, but Felix could tell Seungmin’s quiet dedication was what made him shine.

And finally, there was I.N, the youngest. Felix was immediately drawn to his positivity. Despite being the maknae, I.N worked just as hard—if not harder—than the rest of them. His vocals were improving rapidly, and his bright smile brought light to even the most grueling practice sessions. Felix saw a younger version of himself in I.N’s determination.

Felix spent those early days marveling at the sheer talent surrounding him. Each member brought something unique, and together, they felt unstoppable.

The pressure was immense. He was pushed beyond his limits, working relentlessly to keep up with everyone, but somehow it still never felt like enough. The fear of failure and inadequacy loomed large, and he often felt like he was balancing on a razor’s edge, trying not to fall.

Felix still remembered how his world crumbled when he was eliminated during the survival show. He had locked himself in the dorm bathroom for hours, tears falling onto the cold tile floor, certain that he had lost not only his chance at fame but his newfound friends. He did promise Chan, their leader, that he will not give up and continue practicing after elimination and that he did, relentlessly. He and Minho, another amazing dancer who also got eliminated, never stopped practicing their moves and Felix spent all his free time in working to improve his Korean.

Then, weeks later, when the producer called him back, his heart raced with disbelief. Alongside Minho, he had been given a second chance. Yet, the thought of returning churned his stomach with anxiety. Would they even want him back? Would he be happy to see him?

Felix had known he liked boys long before becoming a trainee, but it wasn’t until his elimination that he realized his feelings for Hyunjin. From the first moment, he found him undeniably cool and strikingly handsome, but he had mistaken the discomfort he felt around him for jealousy, not something deeper. It was only in their separation that Felix recognized the distinct longing beneath his disappointment and sadness—a yearning to see Hyunjin again. But he was certain his feelings were unrequited; Hyunjin had never shown him any special attention, after all.

Hyunjin was considered the “visual” of the band, the looker. Even as a skinny lanky teenager, his beauty was undeniable. Hyunjin was tall, natural yet striking, exuding a captivating charisma. His soft yet intense gaze would draw you in immediately, with his dark, perfectly hair framing his face effortlessly. His defined features, particularly his smooth jawline and high cheekbones, gave him an elegant look. What made him even more unforgettable were his lips. Their natural plump shape and the way they complemented his composed demeanor making his face all the more enchanting.

When Felix walked into that practice room for the first time after his return, Hyunjin had bolted toward him once the cameras were off, wrapping him in a hug so tight it stole Felix’s breath. “Don’t ever leave again, Yongbokkie. I will take care of you” Hyunjin had whispered using his Korean name, voice cracking.

From that moment, something unspoken but undeniable grew between them. Felix although always aware of his feelings, allowed their relationship to take its natural course without any definition or expectation. What started as a magnetic friendship evolved into something more. They were best friends first, always teasing but constantly challenging each other to do better. Both of them admired the other for his beauty and talent in both music and dance. Over time, they got closer, their bond deepening in ways neither experienced before. It almost seemed as if an invisible string connected them—always aware of the other in every setting, as if they shared one soul. They couldn’t keep too much from one another, and the connection showed in how they communicated and understood each other without words. Their touches lingered, and their late-night conversations grew deeper, more vulnerable. They’d steal fleeting glances during rehearsals, and behind the blinding stage lights, they found solace in one another’s arms.

The fans noticed—they always noticed—but no amount of speculation or tabloid fodder could stop them. They were soulmates, tethered by something unbreakable. Or so Felix had believed. JYP Management often gave them a hard time, yet paradoxically enjoyed the spikes in online engagement whenever signs of Felix and Hyunjin's infatuation surfaced. It was a constant balancing act for the two—showing just enough affection to captivate fans and boost traffic without being overt enough to confirm rumors of a romantic connection. The tightrope they walked was exhausting, and yet, amidst the suffocating restrictions, they couldn’t help but constantly gravitate towards each other.

He remembered the first time, the exact moment where everything was irrevocably changed between them. It wasn’t long after they debuted. It was customary of them to talk for hours after late night practices and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Felix remembered when one of these nights falling asleep with Hyunjin, he woke up finding himself embracing Hyunjin, with his head nuzzling on the elder’s neck, and with Hyunjin’s hard on undeniable pressing on Felix’s abdomen. He held his breath as a shiver ran down his spine but in the end he couldn’t help himself and pressed his body against Hyunjin to feel him closer, even for just a second. He was sure the elder was sleeping and unaware of his body’s natural reaction, so he was surprised to hear the elder let out a deep moan when he pressed against him. He looked up to see Hyunjin looking at him with pain in his eyes, slowly apologizing. What Hyunjin didn’t know was that his excitement was turning Felix on like never before. He quickly told him not to apologize while pulling himself up to same level as Hyunjin, which made the other realize that Felix was equally aroused. Hyunjin grabbed Felix’s tiny waist and pushed him against himself. Felix remembers trembling under the pressure before bucking his hips against the other begging for more. Before they knew it, they were in deep motion, rutting against each other’s lengths, breathing heavily in each other’s mouths, instinctively grabbing each other’s bodies with months of pent-up desire and longing. They both reached their orgasms within seconds of each by mere friction. Felix had never experienced anything like this before, and he remembered how he felt his heart was racing out of his chest, dizzy, fearing he will pass out. Once they came down from their high, both started giggling like it was a joke, and for so long. They just didn’t know how else to react, Felix was afraid to scare the other and Hyunjin always seemed so oblivious. But something had changed drastically since that moment and they became not only best friends, but special friends with a secret, friends who always “took care of each other” and Felix loved being Hyunjin’s special one.

Chapter 2: Fault Lines

For years, they had kept each other afloat amidst the chaos. The grueling schedules, the suffocating rules, the impossibility of privacy—none of it mattered because they had each other. Felix couldn’t imagine life without Hyunjin’s playful chuckle, his reassuring hand on his back, or the way his voice softened when it was just the two of them, lying in bed, away from the world.
But lately, cracks had started to form. A major fault line named – Troye Sivan.

The Australian singer’s audacious thirst for Hyunjin was impossible to ignore. Troye’s playful Instagram videos, his candid compliments in interviews, the way he asked all of his followers and the world to find Hyunjin for him as if he is a designer bag—it all clawed at Felix’s insecurities. Hyunjin brushed it off clearly enjoying the attention while laughing and calling Troye’s antics “flattering but harmless.” Yet, to Felix, it was anything but. Troye was everything Felix wasn’t; bold, out and proud, a whirlwind of charisma with piercing blue eyes and sun-kissed blonde hair. He was magnetic, the kind of person who demanded attention without even trying. It made Felix painfully aware of his own shortcomings. He never seemed to fully comprehend just how extraordinarily beautiful he truly was.

Felix’s androgynous features—soft, feminine cheekbones adorned with a light dusting of freckles, a perfectly sculpted jawline, his heart shaped full lips, and almond-shaped eyes that seemed to hold galaxies—made him unforgettable. His slim yet toned physique, with muscles carved from years of relentless training, contrasted his ethereal appearance. His voice, deep and resonant, was a stunning contradiction to his angelic look, leaving audiences spellbound. What made Felix even more enchanting was his obliviousness to the power he held over others. His unassuming kindness and warmth added an almost ineffable layer of charm, as though his beauty alone wasn’t already enough to mesmerize.

And yet, standing against Troye’s charm, Felix felt invisible, his insecurities amplifying every flaw he imagined in himself. It was the kind of allure that left Felix questioning whether he could ever compete. It really didn’t help that Hyunjin was a fan of Troye’s from long before and even used to sing his songs as a trainee. Why did it have to be him?

Felix had tried to hide his unease, but Hyunjin knew him too well. “Don’t be silly,” he’d said, holding Felix’s face in his hands one night after a long rehearsal. “You’re it for me. No one else.” And for a while, Felix believed him.

Then came the Cannes trip. Hyunjin, as Versace’s global ambassador, was set to attend one of their most prestigious fashion shows. It wasn’t unusual for him to go solo on these trips; Felix often attended Louis Vuitton events alone as well. But this time felt different. Felix couldn’t shake the gnawing unease that coiled in his stomach as he watched Hyunjin pack his bags.

“You’re going to miss me too much,” Hyunjin teased, leaning in to kiss Felix’s temple. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Felix forced a smile. “Just don’t forget to text me, okay?”

“When do I ever?” Hyunjin winked before slipping out the door.

But this time, he did. It was the next day. Hyunjin texted him once when he landed but that was it. The hours crawled by, then night and early morning. Felix’s phone remained stubbornly silent. Restlessness kept him pacing the dorm, his thoughts spiraling. Then the photos and videos started flooding his feed.

There he was: Hyunjin, seated next to Troye. The blonde Aussie clad in a baby blue suit with no shirt leaned in close, his lips moving with an ease that made Felix’s chest tighten. In one clip, Troye rested a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder, laughing at something unheard over the background chatter. The intimate proximity, the way Hyunjin smiled, his dimples flashing—it was too much.

By then, Felix had sent several messages, each one more desperate than the last. None received a reply. He stayed up until dawn, his mind plagued with worst-case scenarios.

When morning arrived, his bandmates found him in the kitchen, bleary-eyed and hollow. They all had seen the photos by then. Chan, their ever-dependable leader, tried to console him, pulling him aside to assure him that Troye’s presence meant nothing. But Felix’s heart refused to listen. Minho, known for being the harshest of them all, even tried to cheer him up with his usual banter with Han but nothing seemed to have worked that day.

That night, as the dorm grew quiet and the others retired to their rooms, Felix stayed on the couch, waiting. His exhaustion pressed heavy on him, but he couldn’t sleep. Not until Hyunjin returned.

It was nearly 2 a.m. when the door finally opened. Hyunjin stepped inside, his travel bag hanging off his shoulder. He looked drained, his eyes rimmed with shadows, his usual spark dimmed. Felix rose immediately, forcing a smile he didn’t feel.

“Hi, babe,” he said softly, stepping closer.

Hyunjin looked up, and the moment their eyes met, Felix froze. He knew him too well to be mistaken. There was something in Hyunjin’s gaze that he couldn’t place—a devastating mix of regret, sorrow, and…defiance. He could see the tears starting to stream down Hyunjin’s cheeks. And that coupled with the undeniable guilt in Hyunjin’s eyes struck Felix like a physical blow.

The sob escaped him before he could stop it, raw and heart-wrenching. His knees gave out, and he collapsed to the floor, his breath coming in short, panicked bursts.

“Felix,” Hyunjin said, his voice cracking. But he didn’t move. He just stood there, frozen as if he was trapped behind an invisible wall.

Chan was the first to act, emerging from the kitchen where he’d been waiting. He rushed to Felix’s side, gathering him into his arms. “What did you do?” he demanded, his voice sharp as he glared at Hyunjin.

Hyunjin opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. He looked away, his shoulders sagging under the weight of his own guilt. “I… I’m sorry,” was all he managed before Chan cut him off.

“Go to your room,” Chan said firmly.

Hyunjin hesitated but obeyed, picking up his bag and slowly walking down the hall as silent tears streaming down his cheeks. Chan stayed with Felix, holding him tightly as he sobbed uncontrollably. It wasn’t until Felix’s cries quieted into shallow breaths that Chan and Han, who had also emerged from his room hearing Felix’s cries, helped him to bed. They stayed with him all night, one on each side, hugging Felix and caressing his hair, trying to calm his cries. Their presence a fragile comfort as Felix’s world shattered around him.

As sleep finally took him what felt like centuries later, Felix’s last coherent thought was this: everything he had known, everything he had built with Hyunjin, was gone. And he didn’t know how to survive it.

Chapter 3: Shattered Mornings

The morning sunlight crept through the blinds, casting soft streaks across Felix’s face as he stirred awake. For a fleeting moment, he forgot the heaviness of the last two days. But the warmth pressed against his back reminded him of the reality he could no longer escape. Han’s arms were wrapped protectively around him, his slow, steady breathing a quiet solace in the stillness of the room. Felix shifted slightly, and the movement was enough to rouse Han.

Han’s arms tightened briefly before releasing him. “You’re awake,” he murmured, his voice thick with sleep. When Felix didn’t respond, Han’s hand moved gently to Felix’s shoulder, his touch soft and grounding. It was all it took for the tears to come again. They spilled silently at first, but soon his body shook with sobs that felt as though they came from the deepest part of his soul.

Han didn’t say a word. He simply pulled Felix closer, his fingers running soothingly through Felix’s hair as he let the storm pass. When the sobs finally subsided, Felix felt a hollow kind of exhaustion settle over him. He had cried so much that his chest ached, his head throbbed, and his throat felt raw. Every part of him felt heavy—as though the weight of his grief was pressing him into the mattress.

“Come on,” Han said softly, coaxing Felix to sit up. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

With Han’s help, Felix made his way to the bathroom. It was so weird seeing Han act like this; he was the jokester of the band always ready with the wittiest and funniest comebacks and his high energy never wavered. "I must look really bad.", Felix thought and the bathroom mirrors confirmed what he feared. His red, puffy eyes were showing the hours of crying he had endured. The dark circles underneath were a result of sleepless nights, not just the one before but the one prior as well. But what struck him the most was the desperation in his eyes, a sadness so profound it almost made him pity himself. He felt as though he were looking at a stranger—someone hollow and broken. He did his best to keep more tears from falling and turned on the shower.

The warm water of the shower cascaded over him, washing away the remnants of his tears but doing little to lighten the weight in his chest. Still, the simple act of standing under the water brought him a sliver of relief—just enough to remind him that he was still alive, still human, even if he felt broken beyond repair. When he stepped out, dressed and ready, Han was waiting for him with a small, reassuring smile.

“Feeling a little better?” Han asked, though his tone was cautious, as if afraid the wrong words might shatter Felix all over again.

Felix nodded slightly, though he didn’t trust his voice to speak. He followed Han out of the room, grateful for his friend’s steady presence but painfully aware of what it meant. They all knew. Something had happened. And their quiet care for him only confirmed it. Whatever had unfolded, it had left his bandmates treating him like fragile glass.

His eyes stung with unshed tears as he walked into the kitchen, but Han gently steered him forward. “Let’s eat something first,” Han said.

The kitchen was a flurry of activity. Changbin was scrolling through his phone, laughing at some video he’d found, while the others chatted over bowls of rice and fruit. But the second Felix and Han entered, the noise died down. Heads turned, and the pity in their eyes was unmistakable. Felix’s throat tightened as he fought the urge to cry again.

Changbin, ever the loud and obnoxious mood-maker, immediately sprang into action. “Well, look who decided to grace us with his presence!” he boomed, shoving a chair back for Felix to sit. “We were starting to think you’d sleep all day, you lazy bum.”

The exaggerated tone, the ridiculous grin—it was enough to draw a faint smile from Felix, even if it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He let Changbin guide him to the table, where Seungmin quietly placed a plate in front of him.

“You need to eat,” Seungmin said softly, his eyes full of concern. Known for his mellow demeanor and soft-spoken presence, Seungmin rarely spoke unless he had something important to say. But when he did, his words carried a weight that commanded attention. Despite his introverted and observant personality, he was the band’s quiet anchor—the one who saw everything, analyzed deeply, and provided silent but steadfast support. His concern now was palpable as he placed the plate in front of Felix, his thoughtful eyes reflecting a rare mix of worry and affection.

Felix wanted to refuse, but the gentle plea in Seungmin’s gaze left him no choice. He forced himself to take a few bites, though the food felt like ash in his mouth. His senses were numb, his body moving on autopilot. It was as if the part of him that could enjoy something as simple as breakfast had shut down entirely.

He was trying to swallow another bite when the door opened. Chan stepped into the kitchen, his face a mix of worry and exhaustion. His gaze locked onto Felix, and for a moment, the room seemed to freeze.

“Felix,” Chan said softly. “Can we talk?”

Felix’s heart sank. He didn’t need to ask what the conversation would be about. The answer was written all over Chan’s face. Slowly, he nodded, rising from his chair. The others didn’t say anything, but their eyes followed him as he left the kitchen and trailed Chan to the studio.

The room smelled faintly of coffee, the familiar clutter of Chan’s work scattered across the desk alongside his computer and headphones. Chan—often seen as the brain, the muscle, and the father behind all of them—had an energy that was both commanding and comforting. He was the one who brought them all together as a group, he was their leader, their foundation. Alongside Han and Changbin, the trio known as 3Racha, Bang Chan was the main producer and writer of almost all their songs. Felix respected him deeply, not just as a leader, but as the steady foundation holding their chaotic world standing in place. Being older than all other members, he demanded and deserved respect. Chan gestured for Felix to sit on the couch. Felix obeyed, his hands clasped tightly in his lap as he waited for the elder to speak.

Chan sat down across from him, his expression heavy with emotion. “Felix,” he began, his voice steady but low. “You know I love you like family, right? You’re not just a bandmate to me—you’re another version of me, a mini-me, my little brother, so to speak.”

Felix nodded, though his heart pounded in his chest. He could feel the words coming before Chan even said them.

“It kills me to see you hurting like this,” Chan continued, his voice softening. “And it hurts even more knowing that pain came from someone who’s also supposed to be family. I have always feared for this day as much as I have been happy for you.”

The tears Felix had been holding back began to fall again, silently streaming down his cheeks, without saying anything Chan was confirming everything he feared. Chan reached out, brushing them away gently. He squeezed Felix’s shoulders, “You need to be strong for me, Felix. For yourself. He made a mistake. He was drunk, drugged, confused… but that doesn’t make it right. You have to promise me you’ll stay strong. I can’t lose you to this.”

The words hit Felix like a punch to the gut. He wanted to scream, to cry, to beg for an explanation that made sense. But he couldn’t. All he could do was nod, his voice caught in his throat.

“He’s sorry, Felix,” Chan said, his tone pleading. “He’s lost, but we need to give him time to find his way back.”

Felix’s mind swirled with a thousand thoughts, none of which he could articulate. He wanted to believe Chan, to trust that this pain was temporary. But the words felt hollow, echoing in the emptiness inside him.

“Where is he?” Felix finally managed to ask, his voice barely a whisper.

Chan hesitated, lowering his gaze. “He left for Australia.”

The final thread holding Felix’s heart together snapped. The room swayed, and all he felt was an overwhelming numbness. The tears stopped, his breath evened out, and a cold, suffocating darkness enveloped him.

Chan’s voice was distant, his touch on Felix’s shoulder barely registering. Felix sat motionless, staring at the floor, as the reality of it all sunk in. Hyunjin was gone. And with him, the life Felix thought they had built together.

Chapter 4: Fractured Truths

The following days were a blur for Felix. He had kept his promise to Chan and remained strong. He did everything he was supposed to do—woke up, cleaned, ate, worked hard, sang, danced, and fulfilled every expectation placed on him. He even tried to spend time with his bandmates, but no matter how much he forced himself to move through the motions, the pain lingered. It was unmistakable, carved into his every movement and expression. His bandmates tried to hide their pity, but Felix could feel their soft, concerned gazes every time his mind wandered—and it wandered often, following Hyunjin into the abyss of his thoughts.

Three days passed before Hyunjin came back.

The bandmates didn’t know he was coming. Changbin, I.N., and Minho were in the living room, laughing over a ridiculous video on Changbin’s phone, when the door opened. Hyunjin walked in, and the atmosphere shifted instantly. He looked different. His usually sharp, clean appearance was disheveled. His hair was messy, his clothes uncharacteristically casual, and his eyes—those usually sparkling, captivating eyes—were dark and shadowed.

Hyunjin was still breathtaking, as always, the tallest member of the band. His athletic frame carried the precision and power needed for their intricate choreographies, and his handsome face—with its sharp angles, mesmerizing eyes, and famous, luscious lips. Yet, something about him now felt off, like a masterpiece tarnished by an unseen hand.

“Hyunjin, what’s up?” Changbin greeted cautiously, trying to act normal. The others followed suit, though the air was thick with unspoken questions.

Hyunjin greeted them back quietly, his voice barely above a murmur. He seemed unsure, hesitant. That’s when Felix walked in, phone in hand, talking to Han about something inconsequential. The silence in the room drew his attention, and he looked toward the door. His breath caught when he saw Hyunjin.

Felix froze, unable to look away. Hyunjin’s gaze dropped immediately, as though the sight of Felix was too much for him to bear. The room stood still, the weight of their unresolved tension suffocating.

Finally, Hyunjin broke the silence. “Felix, do you have a minute?” His voice cracked, the vulnerability in it raw and unguarded.

Felix nodded softly, turning on his heel and heading back to his room. His heart pounded in his chest, so loud it felt like it echoed in his ears. Hyunjin followed a few steps behind, maintaining a cautious distance. Felix’s breathing was steady, his face a mask of composure, but inside, he felt like he was crumbling.

When they reached his room, Felix stepped inside, leaving the door open for Hyunjin to follow. Hyunjin entered, closing the door behind him. He leaned against the wood as if it was the only thing keeping him upright. His lips parted slightly, as though he wanted to say something, but no words came. It was clear he was struggling—his chest rising and falling with uneven breaths, his eyes darting nervously to the floor. Felix could see the hesitation, the fear that whatever Hyunjin had to say might shatter everything between them beyond repair. The silence stretched, punctuated only by the sound of their unsteady breaths.

Felix spoke first, his voice quiet but firm. “You don’t have to say anything, Hyunjin. I understand. We were always told that nothing lasts forever, and now it’s our time to learn it firsthand.”

Hyunjin looked up at him, tears pooling in his dark eyes, his lips trembling as he struggled to find words. But Felix wasn’t finished.

“I will always love you, Hyunjin,” Felix continued, his voice breaking. “You are my first, my last, and everything in between. You’re my best friend, my partner. I told you before that you give me a reason to live. That hasn’t changed.”

The tears he had fought so hard to hold back began to fall, streaking his cheeks as he looked at Hyunjin. “But I need you to tell me what did change. What happened, and why? Please, I need to know.”

Hyunjin’s tears broke free, his shoulders shaking as he slid down the door to the floor. “I’m so sorry, Felix. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t know he was going to be there. I… I didn’t know what I was doing. I spoke to Chan, and he said it was probably the pills I took at the afterparty. But everyone was taking them. I didn’t want to seem scared. I didn’t mean to do it… it just happened.”

His words came out in a frantic rush, broken by gasps and tears. “Troye and Manu… they were all over me. I couldn’t stop them. I’m sorry, Felix. You’re my angel. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you.”

Felix listened, his mind reeling. It wasn’t as bad as he had feared—it was worse. Troye and Manu Rios, the Spanish actor, who could be seen next to them that day. The images he had seen, the whispers he had heard, they all came rushing back, hitting him like a tidal wave. He wiped his tears away and forced himself to meet Hyunjin’s eyes.

“If you didn’t want to hurt me, Hyunjin,” Felix said, his voice eerily calm, “what were you doing in Australia for the last three days? Was that because of the pills, too?”

Hyunjin’s sobs grew louder, his face crumpling as he avoided Felix’s gaze. “I… I don’t know. He… he said I should come and work with him on a new song. And then… when Chan told me he couldn’t bear to see me the next morning, that I should get out of his sight, I decided to take Troye up on his invitation.”

Felix’s heart shattered all over again. The excuses, the lies—they were all so transparent. He knew Hyunjin too well to be deceived.

“So tell me, Hyunjin,” Felix pressed, his voice soft but cutting. “Did you only work on the song with him in Australia… or did something else happen?”

Hyunjin’s loud, guttural cry was answer enough. He collapsed further into himself, a broken, weeping mess on the floor.

Felix knelt in front of him, his movements slow and deliberate. He cupped Hyunjin’s tear-streaked face in his hands, tilting it up so their eyes met. “Don’t worry about it,” Felix said softly, his voice low and devoid of emotion. “I’m happy if he makes you happy.”

And with that, he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Hyunjin’s lips. It was fleeting, tender, and final. Then he stood, as Hyunjin extended his arms trying to hold him without success, leaving him a sobbing puddle on the floor as he walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Notes:

Feedback, comments always welcome. I cannot wait to hear your thoughts!

Chapter 5: The Invitation

Days stretched into weeks, and then months and Felix’s world continued in muted tones. He was no longer the sunshine of the band, the beacon of light who could brighten even the darkest days. That warmth had dimmed, replaced by a quiet numbness that settled in his soul like an unshakable shadow. He moved through his life on autopilot, doing what was required of him—singing, dancing, performing—but the light behind his eyes remained absent. Even the hugs he used to give so freely, once bursting with affection and energy, now felt hollow.

The band felt the shift acutely. While they tried to maintain a semblance of normalcy, it was impossible to ignore the weight of Felix’s silence or the tension that lingered whenever Hyunjin was near. Hyunjin had retreated into his own world, exuding his brand of a carefully crafted image of carefree indifference. He laughed loudly, partied harder, and frequently disappeared on unexplained trips. Everyone knew about his visits to Australia and to other remote Pacific islands, though no one spoke of them aloud. They all felt the growing chasm within their group, and it left them grasping for fleeting moments of joy—rare laughs, spontaneous jokes—as if to remind themselves they were still a family.

Chan was the one who felt it most profoundly. He saw through the stoic facades Felix and Hyunjin wore so diligently. They had years of experience hiding behind masks and pretending, but it hurt him to see that those masks were still on even when they were back in their dorm. He could tell that beneath the veneer of composure, both were hurting deeply, and it ate away at Chan’s own resolve. He suspected Hyunjin was falling into dangerous habits, though he had no proof. His primary concern, however, was Felix. When Hyunjin was away, Chan saw glimpses of life returning to the younger boy. But when Hyunjin was present, the shadows returned, and the entire band seemed to dim along with him.

Fans noticed too. Once celebrated for their chemistry, Felix and Hyunjin’s interactions had grown cold and distant. Online forums buzzed with speculation, some mourning the loss of their bond, others reveling in the drama. The managers, once relentless in watching every move of the duo like hawks to avoid rumors, now urged them to feign closeness for appearances. It was ironic, cruel even, but Felix complied without complaint. He had no fight left in him.

So they performed their scripted interactions—the hand-holding, the playful water splashes on stage, one arm around the other’s shoulder during interviews along with other carefully curated moments of camaraderie. From the outside, it seemed like nothing had changed. But for Felix, every touch, every glance, was another wound. The sharp pain had dulled into an ache, but it never truly left. Still, he carried on, numbing himself to survive.

At one point, Felix and Hyunjin were tasked with filming a short video for a new dance trend on social media. It was one of the rare moments when they were alone together. Hyunjin looked effortlessly stunning, as always. He wore his signature baggy cargo pants paired with a soft, ribbed sweater that hugged his lean yet muscular frame in all the right ways. His dark hair was tied into a half ponytail, with a few strands falling loosely across his eyes, partially concealing the darkness that had settled there in recent months.
Felix’s breath hitched at the sight of him, his chest tightening in frustration at himself. How could he be still look so gorgeous to him? Why did his heart betray him, fluttering at the smallest glance? Anger simmered beneath the surface as Felix tried to suppress those feelings, hating himself for still being affected. He quickly refocused his attention on the task at hand, burying the conflicting emotions deep within him.

The video came out effortlessly—their movements smooth, their chemistry undeniable, as if the strain between them didn’t exist. Felix smiled lightly for the camera, Hyunjin's hands lingering just a bit too long on his shoulder as they finished the recording.

When the video ended, Hyunjin's voice broke the silence. "Hey Yongbokkie, that was good, right?" he said with a faint smile, attempting to have a conversation, his tone hopeful. "You’re in such a good mood here."

Felix’s smile evaporated instantly. He turned cold, his gaze sharp and distant. “Oh, you think? Yeah, I am so happy, I can't contain myself.” he said flatly.

Hyunjin’s smile faltered, his shoulders tensing. “Give me a chance, Felix. I miss you... I miss us.. so much.”

Felix’s voice rose, his hurt bleeding into anger. “How can you even ask that? Give you a chance for what? How can you stand here and ask for a chance when you were off with Troye barely a week ago? Do you think I’m just supposed to stand by and be your side piece now?”

Hyunjin’s expression turned defiant, though his voice shook. “Is that what you want, Felix? You want me to stay in these dorms, so I can see just how much you hate me? How much everyone hates me now? Do you think it is easy?”

Felix didn’t respond. What could he say? He turned on his heel and left Hyunjin standing there, broken. He stormed into his dorm, brushing past Minho, Seungmin, and I.N., who exchanged worried glances as they watched him go. Felix barely made it inside his room before the sobs wracked his body, his tears muffled behind the closed door while his bandmates hovered quietly outside, unsure of how to help.

It was a few days later, after a grueling dance practice, that Chan knocked on Felix’s door. His door was ajar, and Chan peeked in, his face alight with a rare energy. The younger boy was perched on his bed, hugging a plushie while playing a video game.
“Felix, you’re coming to Milan with me!” Chan announced, bouncing onto the bed with a childlike enthusiasm that caught Felix off guard.

Felix furrowed his brow, his fingers pausing on the controller. “No, I’m not,” he replied flatly, the hint of a smile vanishing almost as quickly as it appeared.

But Chan wasn’t deterred. “Felix, you are coming to the Fendi show in Milan with me. “And while this may sound like a proposition, it actually is a request from your leader.” His tone was playful, but there was an undercurrent of determination.

Felix placed the controller aside, slightly annoyed but his curiosity piqued. “What’s going on? Why do you need me to come with you? You’ve never ‘ordered’ me to do anything before.”

Chan’s smile softened, and he leaned forward, his eyes searching Felix’s. “I’m not ordering you, Felix. I just… I really, really want you to come with me. I’m tired of seeing you like this. I want you to get out of this house, away from this place, this atmosphere. I want you to see something new, something beautiful. I want to see you smile again.” His voice cracked slightly, showing the depth of his worry. “No, it’s not just what I want. It’s what I need. Please, Felix. I know you don’t think it will help, and I know you don’t want to go. But can you do this for me? It will be fun… Please?”

The genuine care in Chan’s voice struck Felix like a blow. He had tried so hard to hide his misery, to shield his bandmates from the storm inside him. But Chan saw through him, as he always did. Guilt gnawed at Felix as he realized how much his pain was affecting those around him.

He set the plushie aside and moved closer to Chan, wrapping an arm around his shoulder in a rare gesture of affection. “I’m sorry for worrying you this much, Chris,” he said softly. “I’ll come to Milan with you.”

Chan’s face lit up with relief and gratitude. “You won’t regret it, Felix. I promise.”

Felix mustered the best smile he could manage. It was small and fleeting, but it was a start.

Chapter 6: A World Away

He should have never accepted Chan’s proposition. What was he thinking? That leaving his home behind and coming to a foreign land would set him free? Far from it. As Felix stared out the car window at the bustling streets of Milan, he felt a deep sense of loneliness settle over him. Without any one of his bandmates except for Chan by his side and surrounded by an air thick with art, history, and the intoxicating aura of love, Felix felt small, fragile, and alone.

Driving through the city, he couldn’t help but marvel at the architecture, the famous Italian statues, and the fountains that dotted the streets. Art seemed to seep out of every corner, and it hurt him—hurt him because it reminded him of Hyunjin. Not just because Hyunjin was an artist, a painter, and a lover of beauty, but because Hyunjin himself looked like one of the statues that lined these streets: lean, muscular, and timelessly captivating. Every sculpture seemed to whisper Hyunjin’s name, and every whisper chipped away at Felix’s composure.

What a mistake this trip was. Going to Italy to forget the Prince of Versace, a joke.

A sharp knock on the door snapped Felix out of his spiraling thoughts. He peered through the peephole and saw Chan, dashing as ever in a yellow tank top paired with pleated flowy pants and a stylish overcoat. He looked ready for the world. Felix inhaled deeply and opened the door.

Chan’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “You’re still not dressed, baby?” he teased lightly.

A knot formed in Felix’s throat at the pet name. Tears stung his eyes before he could stop them. Everyone had called him “Sunshine” or “Angel” at some point, but it was only Hyunjin who had always called him ‘his baby’ behind closed doors. It was too late for Chan to take the words back, and he realized his mistake almost instantly. He stepped forward, wrapping Felix in a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry, Felix,” Chan whispered. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s okay. You didn’t,” Felix replied, pulling away and trying to compose himself. He hated being so fragile. It had been months. He cleared his throat and forced a smile. “I’ll be ready in twenty. Do you want to help me get dressed?”

“I would love that!” Chan exclaimed, immediately perking up. Though music was his passion, Chan also had an eye for fashion and had always admired Felix’s unique style. Felix had a way of presenting himself that was effortlessly gender-fluid and otherworldly, like an elf or a fairy in high fashion events where his day to day would baggy sweats and an oversized T-shirt as if he is a skater. His platinum blond hair, falling around his face in soft, glossy strands, only added to his ethereal charm. He left people in awe wherever he went, often unaware of his striking beauty.

Officially invited to the Fendi show as Chan’s plus one, Felix had been sent a curated rack of the designer’s latest pieces. He already had a favorite, but asked Chan if he had his eye on anything.

“Surprise me,” Chan said with a grin.

Felix’s gaze fell on a sheer black tunic adorned with silver sequins in a scattered floral design. It cinched at the waist, hugging his slender frame, and immediately reminded him of the top he wore during the ‘Maniac’ music video shoot. Back then, Hyunjin couldn’t take his eyes off him. Both Felix and Hyunjin had millions of fans around the world, yet their focus had always been on how the other saw them—how their gazes lingered and spoke volumes when they wore their iconic outfits, moments that felt deeply personal despite the flashing cameras and adoring crowds. That memory felt like a dagger twisting in his chest. Shaking his head as if to clear the thought, Felix grabbed the tunic and paired it with tight black trousers and chunky biker boots. It took him only minutes to dress, leaving ample time for his makeup.

Standing in front of the mirror, Felix meticulously applied smoky eye makeup with silver undertones and a touch of color to his lips. He opted for light concealer and powder to brighten his features but left his freckles untouched, a testament to his natural beauty. When he stepped out of the bathroom, Chan’s wide-eyed expression said it all.

“You’re too sexy, Felix. You’re going to get me in trouble!” Chan teased with an admiring whistle.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Felix smiled wide. It was a genuine smile, one that reached his eyes, even if only for a moment.

He draped a luxurious scarf over his shoulders, the soft material artfully covering his chest and upper arms while leaving the sheer top to reveal his torso and shoulders. He paired it with a sleek black LV clutch. Chan, visibly thrilled, clapped his hands together. “Okay, gorgeous, let’s do this!”

Their limo awaited them outside, though their attempt to avoid the photographers failed spectacularly. Flashes lit up the evening as they slipped into the car. Inside, Chan poured two glasses of scotch from the built-in bar and handed one to Felix.

“Here’s to new horizons and your endless beauty, Felix. Thank you for coming with me. I am so proud of you,” Chan said, raising his glass.

Felix clinked his glass against Chan’s. “To new horizons and Your beauty,” he echoed. The warmth of the liquor spread through his chest, and for the first time in months, the darkness that had suffocated him seemed to loosen its grip, even if just a little.

That fleeting relief evaporated the moment they arrived at the venue. Chan exited first, extending his hand to help Felix out of the car. The younger boy stepped out shyly, immediately overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the crowd. Beautiful people surrounded him, their stunning outfits making him feel even smaller.

Photographers recognized him instantly, their calls for his attention echoing in the air. “Felix! Bang Chan! Over here!” “Felix, look this way!” Flashes went off in rapid succession, blinding him. He hadn’t expected this level of recognition in Milan, far from the usual crowds that followed the band.

Chan and Felix posed for a few moments, but the attention quickly became overwhelming. Felix felt a familiar knot of discomfort tightening in his chest. Panic attacks that hit out of nowhere were becoming a norm since D-day. He reached out and squeezed Chan’s arm, a silent plea.

Chan didn’t hesitate. “Thank you, everyone!” he called out, wrapping an arm protectively around Felix as they made their way inside the venue. Away from the cameras, Felix exhaled a shaky breath, grateful for Chan’s steady presence.

“You did great,” Chan whispered as they entered the grand hall.

Felix nodded, his nerves still raw. The beauty and grandeur of the space were undeniable, but all he could think was how much he wished he could disappear.

Chapter 7: Meeting of the Worlds

Inside was no better. Gorgeous people, well-known artists, models, designers, and the who’s who of the fashion world mingled across the expansive space. Their striking outfits, meticulously coiffed hair, and artful makeup glimmered under the chandelier light. Conversations seemed carefully curated, voices never rising into an uncontrolled laugh. The air buzzed with restrained elegance.

Felix felt even more out of place here than outside, his usual social butterfly persona long gone. Everyone seemed so tall in Europe, and being surrounded by top models—both current and former—had skewed the average height upward. At 5’7” with his slim frame, Felix felt petite and fragile.

Almost as soon as they walked in, Chan, as the ambassador for the brand, was whisked away by event organizers to take photos with the designer and other notable celebrities associated with the brand. He reached for Felix’s arm to pull him along, knowing every photographer would want to snap a picture of the younger, more popular star. But Felix gently pulled back, whispering, “I need a drink and a bit of a breather after the shower of flashes outside. Can you find me once you’re done?”

Chan nodded, well aware of Felix’s limits. “Of course, love. Go ahead and get a drink. There’s a patio right around the bar. I’ll be done before you know it.”

With that, Felix smiled faintly and made his way through the crowd. Unbeknownst to him, multiple heads turned as he passed. His platinum blond hair caught the light, his sheer tunic hugging his tiny waist and shimmering with every step.

Meanwhile, Chan stood in front of a mirrored column, cycling through countless photos for various magazines. He recognized a few faces but was surprised to see Ren Meguro among the crowd—though Ren’s love for high fashion was no secret. From the corner of his eye, Chan noticed another cluster of attention surrounding a tall blond figure. It took him a moment, but he realized it was Nicholas Galitzine.

Nick, the other global ambassador for Fendi, had risen to international fame over the past few years. Known for his striking looks, Nick embodied a perfect blend of masculinity with his tall, muscular frame and a face that balanced delicate beauty with rugged charm. Almond-shaped honey-colored eyes, a Greek-profiled nose, and a tiny mole above his luscious lips had made him a global heartthrob.

The photographers seemed to be recycling the same crowd between Chan and Nick, pulling them into one shot after another. Eventually, the main organizer approached Chan, introducing the two.

“Chan, this is Nick, our other ambassador. I’m sure you’ve heard of him? Nick, this is Chan from Stray Kids, the leader of the band that’s taken over the world in the last four years.”

Chan, silently correcting her to six years, offered his hand with a polite smile. “How are you, mate?”

Nick shook his hand, his eyebrows lifting in surprise. “Do I hear an accent?”

Chan chuckled. “I’m from Australia. Born and raised.”

“Ah, that makes sense! My apologies. I thought I’d heard of Stray Kids before, but I pegged you as strictly K-pop.”

The friendly openness in Nick’ demeanor made Chan laugh. “We are a Korean band, but two of us, including myself, are Aussies. I’m surprised you know about us.”
“A-ha, that makes sense. My ex-girlfriend was from Australia. Whereabouts are you from?” continued, Nick.

Their conversation was punctuated by endless flashes and interruptions as more celebrities joined them for group shots. After ten minutes, Chan finally broke free. His thoughts immediately went to Felix, worry settling in his chest. Had he left him alone for too long?

Scanning the room, Chan spotted Felix near the bar, a couple of photographers surrounding him. The younger man’s polite smiles and poses hinted at discomfort. Chan quickly made his way over, shooing the photographers away.

“Hey, guys, thanks for the photos, but Felix is my guest and on vacation. Let’s let him enjoy his day off, eh? It’s time for the show anyway. We’ll see you all later.”

Relief washed over Felix’s face as Chan guided him toward their seats. “Thanks, Chan. They were getting a little too close.”

The event organizer led them to their front-row seats, and the show began moments after they sat down. The first model strutted out in a cream trench coat paired with checkered pants that resembled Burberry’s, and Felix’s throat tightened at the sight.

It was too similar to an old outfit Hyunjin had worn at the Asian Music Awards in 2020. The memory flooded back— at the end of the night, Felix was the one wearing Hyunjin’s coat in bed, the trench draped over his bare body with nothing underneath. Hyunjin’s hands had wrapped around him, his lips planting kisses along Felix’s skin, igniting a warmth that felt miles away from where he was now. Felix bit his lip, shaking his head to banish the thought and focus on the new models walking down the runway.

That’s when he felt it—an unmistakable energy from his right. Glancing sideways, his gaze locked with honey-colored eyes. Nick was seated a few spots away, his attention fixed on Felix with an intensity that made the younger man’s breath hitch. Felix furrowed his brow in confusion. Wasn't that that actor, what was his name? But why was he looking so intensely at him? Was something wrong with his face?

Nick quickly looked away, as though he’d been caught staring. Felix leaned closer to Chan. “Is there something wrong with my makeup, my face?” he whispered.

Chan smiled gently. “You look perfect.”

Throughout the show, Felix could feel Nick stealing glances. He dared not look back, unsure why the actor’s gaze made it so hard to breathe, he was sure that his right ear is as red as can be by the end of the show. Thankfully, the show ended after ten minutes, and while Felix admired many of the pieces, he couldn’t shake the weight of the earlier moments.

Photographers surrounded them again as they left their seats, begging for a few more photos of the two. Chan obliged, striking poses alongside Felix. Years of living under the public microscope had made them masters of masking emotions with practiced smiles. After five minutes, Chan finally led Felix toward the exit.

Back in the limo, Chan poured them both another glass of scotch. “I really appreciate you coming with me, Felix. I know it’s a lot, but seeing you glow like this makes me so happy.”

Felix clinked his glass against Chan’s. “To glowing,” he said, forcing a smile. As the warmth of the alcohol spread through his chest, he admitted to himself, ‘It’s not so bad.’

Minutes later, they arrived at the after-party, held in a beautifully lit historical mansion. Without the paparazzi outside, both felt a wave of relief. The grand salon inside was breathtaking, with architectural pieces that seemed untouched by time. Ordering wine at the bar, they marveled at the intricate parquet flooring and the art lining the walls.

It was there, amidst the grandeur, that Felix felt it again. Turning, he found Nick approaching from across the grand salon, his eyes fixed on him and lit with determination. “Hey, mate,” Nick said to Chan. “Will you introduce me to your friend?”

"Hi Nick! Long time no see, indeed," Chan chuckled with a wink and turned to Felix. "This is Felix, my bandmate, our sunshine, my baby sibling, and the other Aussie in our band that I mentioned to you. Felix, this is Nicholas Galitzine, he is a world-renowned actor who is the other ambassador for Fendi."

Felix shyly extended his delicate hand towards the actor and muttered, "Pleased to meet you," his famous low tone sounding even lower now, almost guttural. Felix realized Nick' body almost jolted at his words, his eyes wide in surprise, his beautiful mouth left slightly open.

"I... I..." Nick quickly collected himself. "Pleasure is all mine."

Felix could see the astonishment in Nick' eyes and knew exactly what had happened. This was not the first time, and, he was sure, it wasn’t going to be the last.

"You thought I was a girl, right?" Felix chuckled nervously.

"I didn’t think you were...”, he collected himself realizing it was futile to deny and continued “Ok, yes, I thought you were a girl… the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen, to be more precise" he said, eyes pleading at Felix.

Felix couldn’t help but lower his eyes in embarrassment, feeling the heat on his cheeks. Was this a compliment? A curse? He wasn’t sure. "I’m sorry to disappoint you," he said without looking back at him.

"No!" Nick exclaimed. "I’m not disappointed. I’m just... mesmerized."

It was Felix’s turn to be surprised. Did he hear him right? He looked up at the tall actor’s face, trying to decipher what he meant. Hoping the light powder he had applied was enough to cover his blushing cheeks, he felt his heart race. That’s when he noticed the mole—the beauty mark resting on the actor’s upper lip. This man was undeniably beautiful, yet Felix couldn’t help but remember another mole that had enslaved his heart for several years. It was Hyunjin’s beauty mark, as Felix called it, right under his eye.

He didn’t know what to say. All that came out of his mouth was a simple, "Oh..." which made Nick shudder once again.

"Your voice is so low yet so soft at the same time. I can almost feel it in my chest when you speak," Nick said, his gaze unwavering.

Felix’s heart-shaped lips parted in astonishment. Did he really just say that?

Thankfully, Chan joined the conversation with genuine laughter. "The ‘Felix Effect’ strikes once again. Who would have known that famous actor Nicholas Galitzine would be the latest victim?"

"Felix Effect?" asked Nick curiously.

"Oh, it’s a thing," said Chan, still smiling wide.

"Chan, please..." Felix interjected with genuine embarrassment, his eyes pleading, but Chan didn’t stop there.

"As you can see, Felix has a very deep, bass tone to his voice. His voice by itself is enough to shake everyone to their core as it seeps right into your insides, like you said. But when you couple that with the juxtaposition between his angelic looks and voice, it surprises people endlessly. There are a million videos out there where people listen to our songs for the first time and cannot pick their jaws up from the floor after hearing Felix’s voice. It has been one of my biggest pleasures to produce our tracks to include him in the right sweet spot to blow the minds of girls, gays, and everyone in between," Chan chuckled.

Felix jabbed Chan’s arm sternly. "Please, Hyung, stop!" Chan knew he was embarrassed and serious, so he didn’t continue. But Nick wasn’t ready to let it go.

"Felix Effect... I believe that," Nick said, his gaze trailing over Felix’s hair and shoulders. He turned back to Chan. "So how do we hear the effect? Do I just search for 'Felix Effect' online?"

Nick’s seriousness surprised Felix. He had only watched of one of Nick’ movies so far but was aware of his A-list status. Was he really going to go through with this?

Chan replied earnestly, "Well, you can do that, but then you’ll see other people's videos reacting to Felix. If you want the “Felix Effect” for yourself, I recommend a few songs to start with.”

"Yes, I want it all for myself... tell me the songs," Nick muttered, his gaze not leaving Felix's face.

Felix couldn't believe it. Was he really going to search for him? Chan continued with a serious tone, "Well, I think best to start with 'God's Menu,' then probably either 'Maniac' or 'Thunderous.' Once you get used to it, you can move to songs where he starts the song for us, like 'Megaverse' or 'Venom.' If you want to be amazed by his range from high to low as well as across all emotions, his solo song 'Deep End' and also 'Taste' that he performed with the trio within our group called DanceRacha. I would start with these. Then I am sure you can create your own rabbit hole and find more. What do you think, Felix? Is this a good list or what?"

Felix was unable to answer. He felt so ashamed that his elder told the actor all of these things as if they were facts and the other listening seriously, taking notes of the songs that Chan was listing on his phone. Chan quickly realized that the younger was embarrassed, he was looking down not responding. Fearing he hurt the still fragile one, he blurted, "Felix, I am actually going to show you Nick's music videos from his boy band August Moon when we get back to our hotel. You will be amazed at what a great singer he is."

Felix looked up in surprise. "He... he is a singer, too?" He dared not to look at the tall actor, his tall figure hovering over him, he was already feeling his gaze.

"An amazing singer. In fact, he even wrote and produced his own song, what was it, Nick? 'Comfort'?" Chan said.

Oh, how the tables had turned. It was now Nick' time to get shy. "It's nothing really, Chan is exaggerating. I wrote a couple of songs with friends when I was younger," he said, laughing nervously but still able to look at Felix with sparkling eyes.

"And your band? August Moon?" Felix asked with a quiet voice. He couldn't hide how surprised he was.

"Oh, that's just that band that was created for my latest movie. The movie was based around the love affair of a singer from a boy band and an older woman. Not my best work, really, but the best part of it was being able to work with amazing producers that produced songs for the likes of One Direction, Maroon 5! It was an unbelievable experience to be in the studio with such Pros. Although all of the songs were done for the movie, I am quite proud of the work we accomplished. And music is my first love. I really had the time of my life," Nick said with a genuine smile looking at Felix.

Felix felt another wave of flutter in his body with the tall guy's genuine remarks. He couldn't help but tease him by taking out his phone and loudly taking notes. "August Moon, and what did you say Chan? 'Comfort'? Well, now I have my “Nick effect” list complete," he smirked.

They all laughed until Nick cut them with excitement. "Maybe we can do a collaboration!"

Chan immediately threw his hand up asking for a high five. "Well, now that is a genius idea! We should do that! I am serious."

"I am serious, too!" yelled Nick. The two elders started discussing logistics of how they could make it work, buzzing with excitement. Felix was dumbfounded. Were they really going to collab? He couldn't help but look at the tall blonde's side profile as he excitedly spoke with Chan about their plans: how, where, and when. Nick' striking looks—his towering frame, sculpted jawline, and those mesmerizing lips—left Felix feeling both awe and unease. He couldn't help but feel something tense and electric twist inside him as he watched. His mind immediately went to a time when another man had this effect on him, a man no other than the only one, that is.

A few minutes later, the main organizer was back by their side. "I'm sorry gentlemen, but I need to steal Nick away. He was scheduled for a quick video interview before the end of the night. Nick, shall we?"

It felt like Nick had just picked up a ton of weight on his shoulders. It was so apparent that he didn't want to leave, especially for yet another interview. The Aussies knew exactly how it felt and what he had to do.

"Great to meet you, mate! I am going to have my people call your people." he smirked. "I am very excited, seriously can't wait to make music with you," Chan exclaimed in excitement while shaking the tall blonde's hand.

"Same here, Chan. I will be in touch as soon as I can," then he turned his gaze to Felix. "I know you know how much I hate that you will be out of my sight, right? I can't wait to get back to my hotel to hear you and see you again, even if it is on a screen. And I really want to hear how our voices will sound together. You are.. out of this world," and he slowly took the delicate hand Felix extended for a shake to his lips and kissed them so gently without letting go of his gaze piercing Felix's eyes.

Felix, taking another shock going through his body with the kiss, looked at Nick with wide eyes mouth agape unable to say anything.

With another respectful nod to Chan, Nick turned around and followed the organizer outside of the main salon. Chan turned to him after a while. "Can you believe this, Felix? We are going to collaborate with the hottest actor of the year, and all because you said 'nice to meet you.'"

The elder decided to keep his jokes lighter because he didn't want Felix to clam up again with too much excitement. "I doubt it," Felix said, looking away, seemingly lost in thought. "Can we go home, Chan? This... this has been a lot," he pleaded with a cute smile clutching on the elder's arm.

"Of course, sunshine. I think we got the best out of this party anyway," and they left together.

Chapter 8: Mutual Impact

The drive back to their hotel was quiet. Chan, sensing Felix’s exhaustion, refrained from breaking the silence, though he occasionally glanced at the younger man to ensure he was alright. Felix stared out of the window; the dazzling Milan nightscape blurred by his thoughts. He clutched his phone, the faint imprint of Nick’ kiss lingering on his hand.

The car finally pulled into the circular driveway of their hotel. As they entered the grand lobby, Chan casually mentioned, “Do you want to grab a drink at the bar before heading up?”

Felix shook his head. “No, Hyung. I’m just going to head to bed.” His voice was soft, carrying a weariness Chan could feel in his bones.

“Alright, sunshine,” Chan said, offering a small smile. “Get some rest. Tomorrow, we’ll spend the day exploring, just you and me. No crowds, no cameras.”

Felix nodded, grateful for the thoughtfulness. “That sounds amazing. Goodnight, hyung.” And with that he hugged the elder tightly. That’s when Chan knew this was a good idea after all.

As he reached his room, Felix immediately peeled off the glamorous outfit, letting the delicate fabric slide to the floor. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, his platinum hair framing his face like a halo, his freckles visible under the faint remnants of powder. For the first time in months, he allowed himself to truly look. The person staring back seemed both familiar and foreign, but at least he could trace a glimmer of shine in his own eyes that hadn't been there for a long time.

Deciding a shower might help clear his head, Felix stepped into the bathroom. As the warm water cascaded over him, washing away the makeup, he closed his eyes. Nick’ gaze floated into his mind, the way it had lingered on him during the show and the party. He could almost feel the weight of it on his skin again, its intensity cutting through the steam that surrounded him. It was both comforting and disarming, leaving a flutter in his stomach he couldn’t shake. Felix pressed his forehead against the cool tiles, trying to steady himself against the whirlwind of feelings the night had stirred within him. There was an undeniable allure about him, a magnetic blend of beautiful features and effortless charisma. The tall man was just so handsome. The way he moved, the cadence of his voice—it felt as though he was designed to stir something deep within you, to awaken emotions you didn’t realize you had.

Sliding into bed, Felix picked up his phone, intending to distract himself with videos or music. Instead, his fingers hovered over the search bar. *Nick Galitzine.* The name felt heavy on his fingertips, yet he pressed enter. The screen filled with images of the actor: red carpet events, movie posters, candid shots. His filmography revealed a trend—Nick had played many gay characters in movies and shows, a choice that had sparked public curiosity about his personal life. Yet, in interviews, Nick consistently avoided labels, stating he didn’t define his sexuality one way or the other. Among the photos, Felix noticed a couple with a strikingly beautiful IG model of Japanese descent—unbelievably slim, effortlessly elegant. The two had been linked together, their appearances on each other’s feeds fueling rumors.

As he went back to the search, his feed began to populate with photos and videos from the night’s event. Nick’ tall, commanding figure was a recurring sight, often accompanied by Chan. Felix’s heart sank as he replayed the video of Chan and Nick meeting before the fashion show where Nick casually mentioning his ex-girlfriend from Australia upon learning of Chan’s heritage. Why did it sting?

As Felix scrolled further, a video title caught his attention: "Nick Galitzine - Comfort" The song began with a mix of electronic pop beats interwoven with haunting guitar riffs, setting an atmospheric tone. Then Nick’ voice poured through the speakers—deep, resonant, and painfully vulnerable. The lyrics spoke of searching for home in transient places, the hollowness of fleeting connections, and the torment of never finding true comfort despite constant yearning. "I’ve been searching for home in hotel rooms, looking for love where I left it," he sang, the ache in his tone mirroring the words. Felix’s chest tightened as he listened, captivated by the pain laced through every note. He replayed the video twice, mesmerized not only by the raw emotion in Nick’ voice but by how much he could relate to it. The life of a celebrity—constant traveling, endless performances, and a longing for something stable—was perfectly captured in the song. It was as if Nick had pulled the words directly from Felix’s own heart. The hurt in Nick’s delivery struck a chord deep within Felix, leaving him feeling both exposed and understood. He set his phone down, his chest heavy with an unfamiliar ache.

 

Falling asleep was difficult. His mind raced with the imagery of Nick’s interviews and the piercing sincerity of his gaze. It was warm yet uneasy, a feeling Felix couldn’t shake as he tossed and turned. The lingering memory of Nick’ kiss on his hand added to the whirlwind of emotions enveloping him. For the first time in months, he found himself grappling with something new, something unsettling.

---

The morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow over Felix’s room. He groaned, burying his face into the pillow. Despite the restless night, he managed to drag himself out of bed, knowing Chan would be waiting. After a quick shower, he dressed in a casual yet stylish outfit—a loose beige sweater with blue jeans, paired with simple white sneakers. It was comfortable but effortlessly chic.

When Felix reached the lobby, Chan was already there, sipping an espresso and chatting with the concierge about where to visit. He turned and greeted Felix with a bright smile. “Morning, sunshine! Ready to see Milan?”

Felix nodded, offering a small smile in return. “Where are we going first?”

“It’s a surprise,” Chan teased, winking at the concierge and guiding Felix outside where a sleek black car awaited. The driver whisked them through the cobblestone streets, the city bustling with life. Their first stop was a quaint café nestled in a quiet corner of Brera, known for its artistic charm. Chan ordered two cappuccinos and a selection of pastries, insisting that Felix try the famous cannoli.

“This is amazing! Do you think it is something I can bake?” Felix asked with enthusiasm, savoring the flaky pastry filled with creamy ricotta. For the first time in weeks, he felt a genuine sense of ease.

 

Their next stop was the bustling Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. Felix couldn’t help but be awestruck by the grand architecture, its glass dome and ornate mosaics glittering in the midday sun. Chan led him to a boutique where they browsed through high-end clothing, trying on pieces just for fun. It was cute to see the boutique owner, who had no idea who they were, cooing over Felix in awe every time he tried something on.

By the time they sat down for lunch at an elegant rooftop restaurant overlooking the Duomo di Milano, Felix’s spirits had lifted noticeably. The combination of good food, breathtaking views, and Chan’s unwavering warmth made him feel lighter than he had in months. Where Hyunjin was his heart, Chan has always been his lifeline when he needed it the most. He knew in his heart that all those years ago, Chan must have talked to JYP endlessly when he and Minho got eliminated, pleading with him to bring them back. He knew because Chan never stopped calling them and giving them instructions on what to train on even when they were still eliminated. He was always the first to know and first to act whenever one of them had a real problem.

Chan took a sip of his water, leaning back in his chair with a curious smile. “So,” he began, his tone casual but pointed, “what did you think of Nick?”

Felix blinked, caught off guard. “He’s… nice,” he replied, trying to sound nonchalant. “I listened to his song, by the way. ‘Comfort.’ It’s really good.”

Chan’s grin widened. “Just good? You’ve been humming it under your breath all morning.”

Felix’s cheeks flushed. “I liked it, alright? It’s relatable. But don’t make a big deal out of it.”

Chan chuckled, leaning forward conspiratorially. “You know, you completely took his breath away last night.”

Felix scoffed, looking down at his plate. “Nick is straight, Chan. Out of everyone, you should know that. He even mentioned his ex-girlfriend from Australia to you.”

“Oh, please,” Chan dismissed with a wave of his hand. “That doesn’t mean anything. Nick can be anything and everything, but what I do know is that he was struck by you. I mean, the man couldn’t stop looking at you.”

Felix opened his mouth to argue, but Chan quickly pulled out his phone. “Actually, let me show you something.” He tapped on a video saved from the night before. It was a short clip of Nick’s interview after the event. In it, Nick spoke passionately about the fashion show, how much he admired the artistry of the pieces, and how he enjoyed meeting new and exciting artists. “And Bang Chan, what a great guy, so talented and too cool” Nick said, a genuine smile lighting up his face.

When the interviewer asked if there was anyone who surprised him among the new people he met, Nick’s face softened further. “Felix from Stray Kids,” he said without hesitation with an undeniable look of adoration. “Meeting him was definitely the surprise of the evening. He’s captivating—not just his presence, looks, and voice but his whole aura. I have never seen or heard anyone like him. I’m a new fan, for sure.”

Chan paused the video and looked at Felix expectantly. “Care to explain?”

Felix stared at the screen, unable to comprehend. He could still feel Nick’ gaze from the night before, warm yet unsettling. “I… I don’t know what to say,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Chan smiled knowingly. “You don’t have to say anything. Just don’t dismiss it outright. Sometimes, life surprises you.”

“Thank you for this,” Felix said softly as they toasted with sparkling water. He looked at the magnificient view and sighed, “I didn’t realize how much I needed to get out.”

Chan grinned. “That’s what family is for.”

As they continued their day, weaving through Milan’s vibrant streets, Felix couldn’t help but feel a flicker of hope. Maybe, just maybe, he could find his way back to himself.

Chapter 9: Back Home

The flight back home was long, but Chan was determined to make it enjoyable. As the plane leveled out at cruising altitude, Chan tapped Felix on the arm. “I’ve got something to show you. Perfect for the trip home.”

Felix raised an eyebrow, intrigued as Chan pulled out his tablet and handed over a pair of wireless headphones. “What is it?”

“Red, White, & Royal Blue,” Chan replied with a grin. “It’s a romantic comedy. Nick plays a closeted gay prince. Trust me, you’ll love it.”

Felix hesitated for a moment before slipping the headphones on. The screen lit up, and soon, the vibrant, heartfelt story unfolded before him. Nick’s portrayal of the vulnerable yet witty Prince Henry was nothing short of mesmerizing. His chemistry with the U.S. president’s son was electric, the humor sharp, and the romance deeply touching. What struck Felix most, however, was the way Nick captured Henry’s pain for not being able to live a life true to himself and the longing he felt for the other. The character’s quiet strength and eventual submission to his partner in the relationship were a stark contrast to the commanding presence Nick exuded in real life. Felix found himself completely absorbed, marveling at the actor’s ability to embody such duality.

When the credits rolled, Felix took off the headphones and handed them back to Chan, his expression unreadable. Chan chuckled knowingly. “Well?”

Felix hesitated, searching for the right words. “He’s… incredible. I didn’t expect him to play that role so convincingly. It’s hard to believe he’s the same person.”

“That’s what makes him such a great actor,” Chan said, leaning back in his seat. “He’s got range. Kind of like someone else I know.” He winked, earning a small, shy smile from Felix.

---

The house was alive with activity when they returned. Their bandmates greeted them enthusiastically, peppering Chan with questions about Milan and teasing Felix about his glamorous debut at the Fendi show. It wasn’t long before someone brought up Nick’s interview.

Seungmin pulled Felix aside after dinner. “So, tell me,” he said, his voice gentle but curious. “What really happened in Milan? You met Nick Galitzine, didn’t you?”

Felix nodded, keeping his tone light. “It was nothing. We just exchanged pleasantries. Chan did most of the talking.”

Seungmin studied him for a moment before pulling out his phone. “Then how do you explain this?” He showed Felix a blurry photo that had been circulating online. It was taken from a distance, but the image unmistakably showed Nick kissing Felix’s hand. Felix’s expression in the photo was a mix of surprise and something deeper, almost reverent.

Felix sighed, running a hand through his platinum hair. “It’s not what it looks like. He was just being polite. That’s all.”

Seungmin raised an eyebrow. “And?”

“And…” Felix hesitated, his voice dropping to a whisper. “What do you want me to say? Yes, I did have a hard time breathing when he did that, I am human Min. Did you see the guy? But it doesn’t matter. Nick is straight.”

Seungmin’s expression softened. “Felix, you don’t know that.” Seungmin had a knack for seeing theunderlying currents compared to what is visible on the surface. Or he was just cynical but either way he usually saw it coming before others did.

Felix shook his head, unwilling to entertain the thought. “It’s not worth thinking about. It was fun, it was exciting, but I am glad to be back.”

Just as their conversation ended, Hyunjin walked in. His eyes were dark, and a sarcastic smirk tugged at his lips. “How does it feel, Felix? Being admired by A-listers and all? Any trips to Hollywood soon?”

The sharpness in Hyunjin’s tone made Felix’s chest tighten. “Hyunjin… I just met one person at an event, that's all.”

Hyunjin leaned closer, his voice dripping with venom. “Don’t play innocent. You’re all over the internet now, swooning. I’m sure it feels great.”

Felix’s heart sank. “It wasn’t like that,” he whispered.

Hyunjin scoffed, his long fingers gripping Felix’s arm. “I’m still here, Felix. You are still my reason. Don’t forget that.”

The words, once comforting, now felt like chains. Felix pulled his arm away.

Seungmin’s presence saved Felix from further confrontation. He stepped between them, his eyes steady on Hyunjin.

“That’s enough, Hyunjin. Leave him alone.”

Hyunjin seemed like he was going to fight back but the disappointment in both Seungmin and Felix's eyes made him realize he was being unfair, he hated the videos, he hated seeing that spoiled giant actor's lips on Felix's hand, the way he said Felix’s name when he praised him with glassy eyes but he knew he could not blame Felix for any of it. Especially after what he has done. He murmured before retreating swiftly back to his room, "I... I am sorry. I didn’t..." His gaze remained on the floor, unable to meet the eyes of the other two, overtaken by embarrassment. Seungmin nodded at him, showing quiet understanding, but Felix was still shaken trying to stop his lips from trembling. In a matter of seconds, Hyunjin was out of sight.

"Are you okay?" Seungmin cupped Felix’s chin, trying to catch his eyes. Felix struggled to hold back the tears threatening to fall and sighed weakly before looking up. His eyes were clouded, gazing into the depths as if lost in thought.

"To be honest, I don’t know, Seungmin" he said slowly. "I think I’ve lost my way a long time ago."

---

Later that evening, Felix retreated to his room. The house had quieted down, with everyone retiring for the night. He sat on his bed, scrolling through his phone. Photos and videos from Milan were everywhere, and each one seemed to pull him deeper into the memory of Nick’s gaze, his voice, and that fleeting kiss on his hand.

Setting his phone aside, Felix leaned back against the pillows, his thoughts drifting to the past. Memories of Hyunjin surfaced, unbidden but vivid. He thought about the slow revolution of their relationship, once again. For years they remained attached, both physically and emotionally, and never allowed anyone else to get too close to them. Many band members had tried, with a few close calls involving Chan and Changbin being particularly assertive, but neither Felix nor Hyunjin let anyone else into their bubble. Despite this, they never explicitly defined what they were or what they meant to each other. Felix always knew he was in love, and he was just happy to be the only one Hyunjin got intimate with. Everything seemed natural and happy, so Felix avoided delving into those questions for years with the fear of disturbing the most beautiful thing they had in their lives.

It all changed after the Vlog. Every week two band members would shoot a video for their Vlog "Two Kids Room". In it, they would be chatting for a while to highlight their personalities and their one-on-one relationships with each other for their fans. Felix remembered the night Hyunjin came to his room after giving him days of silence after their episode. Felix was a mess by then, embarrassed for days as he had almost confessed his love for Hyunjin in front of the cameras, switching to English as a way to express his feelings more freely and that turned out to be not such a good idea. In the episode, he had told Hyunjin that he was one of the reasons Felix wanted to live, that their relationship was more than friendship—that they were meant to be family. Hyunjin, visibly affected but constrained by the manager’s disapproving gaze, had only managed a thank you, leaving Felix feeling exposed and uncertain. Felix had no idea why management even published that episode. Although he stood by what he said after the fact, some of the things that came out of his mouth that day so freely, well they must have scared Hyunjin.

Hyunjin kept himself away from Felix and others for several days after the episode by locking himself in his room, painting for hours at a time—something he always did when his mind was full. Those few days of silence afterward had been torturous for Felix, who feared he had pushed Hyunjin away. How could he be so bold? He didn’t even expect to say half of what he said but somehow as he spoke, more and more spilled right from his heart and out of his mouth, unveiling how deep his feelings are for the elder as he spoke. It was on the fifth night after the episode was shot that Hyunjin came to him after finally settling his own heart. Felix remembered the gentle knock on his door and how he looked standing in the door frame. He looked tired, pained, and very anxious. Felix immediately went up to him, hugging him asking if he was alright. Simple strokes on Hyunjin’s back were enough to take him over the edge and he started sobbing. It took several minutes of Felix caressing and telling him everything will be ok before Hyunjin could catch his breath and stop sobbing. Finally, he cupped Felix’s face with both hands, confessing to Felix that Felix wasn’t just one of the reasons he wanted to live—that he was "the reason". “I realize now that unless you are looking at me or I am looking at you, even in a crowd of thousands, everything is stale. You bring all the colors to my world, Lixie” He had said. And all Felix could say in return was, “I love you”. So many times that night and since then. This was the first time they talked about their feelings and confessed their love for each other, the first time Hyunjin gave himself to Felix completely. Tears slipped down Felix’s cheeks as he recalled the warmth of those moments, the safety he had once felt in Hyunjin’s arms.

But that warmth was gone now, replaced by a cold distance and lingering pain. Hyunjin didn’t look or sound like the person Felix had loved with all his heart. The sharp edges of Hyunjin’s words and actions now were a stark contrast to the gentle, affectionate man he used to know.

Then there was this whole situation with Nick. It had started with merely exchanging pleasantries; Nick wasn’t the only person impressed by his voice or surprised by the contrast it had with his looks. But still, it left an imprint. He then remembered the feeling of Nick's unfaltering gaze lingering on him, the heat it left on his cheeks as though it carried something unspoken. "Did that really happen?" he thought, his mind still clouded with uncertainty. Felix wiped his tears, his chest aching with a mix of longing and sorrow. As sleep finally claimed him, his dreams wove a tangled web of past and present, Hyunjin’s dark eyes blurring into Nick’ honeyed gaze, their moles shifting places as if teasing his heart with indecision. Hyunjin and Nick, love and loss, all melded into an exhausting but inescapable haze.

Chapter 10: New Beginnings, New Divisions

For the next week or so, life for the band gradually settled back into its usual rhythm. The boys filled their days with dance practices, recording sessions, photoshoots, and interviews—the steady requirements of their demanding schedules bringing a sense of normalcy. Even Hyunjin, after the last confrontation, seemed shy and more reserved, giving Felix the space he so clearly needed. However, their proximity during public appearances was inevitable.

But the somewhat peaceful peace was shattered by a viral bombshell. One morning, the band woke up to find their online presence in chaos. Nick Galitzine, the Hollywood star, had publicly liked Felix’s most viral video to date—a clip of him dancing to Earth, Wind & Fire’s "Let’s Groove." That video seemed to be Felix’s never-ending curse, following him for years everywhere. Felix didn’t mean for the video to be provocative but funny at best. But the way he twirled and moved in the video dancing to the song, paired with his tight-waisted pants accentuating his curvy back and inviting smile, had an undeniably seductive quality. The video had already garnered hundreds of millions of views across thousands of accounts online, but Nick’s endorsement took it yet to another level after so many years.

Chan and a few members gathered around a laptop, their expressions a mix of amusement and exasperation. Felix wandered in, groggy and unaware. “What’s going on?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

Chan turned to him, biting back a smile. “Oh, nothing. Just your friend, Nick Galitzine, deciding to blow up the internet.”

“What?” Felix blinked, confused.

Minho handed him a phone, the screen showing Nick’s like and the avalanche of fan comments that followed. Felix’s heart sank as he scrolled through the frenzy. His social media was flooded with new followers, comments, and fan theories connecting him to Nick. Amid the whirlwind, he felt a strange mix of emotions—partly overwhelmed by the attention and speculation, but also conflicted. While the increased visibility, good or bad, was always good for business as they say, it was also exhausting to have his life dissected, and his name tied to someone else's so publicly. The likes and reposts had skyrocketed, drawing in Nick’s fans and the band’s global audience alike.

“I didn’t ask for this,” Felix murmured, feeling overwhelmed.

“We know,” Han said softly, placing a hand on Felix’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”

Hyunjin, who had been silent for most of the morning, finally snapped. His voice cut through the room, sharp and cold, a reflection of his simmering frustrations and unresolved emotions. “Sure, sunshine. Nothing says I’m not asking for it, like wearing a see-through outfit to a fashion show in Milan, am I right?”

The room fell silent. All eyes turned to Hyunjin, disbelief and discomfort evident. Chan, ever the leader, stepped in. “That’s not right, stop it, Felix had nothing to do with this” he said firmly, his tone unaccepting of any argument.

Hyunjin glared at him but didn’t say another word. Instead, he stormed out, leaving an uneasy tension in his wake. Felix stood frozen, his heart aching from the sting of Hyunjin’s words and the growing weight of the situation. As much as he tried to brush it off, the mix of guilt, surprise, and sadness was impossible to ignore.

---

That evening, as Felix lay in bed trying to quiet his racing thoughts, his phone buzzed with a text message. He frowned at the unknown international number on the screen before opening it, only a few people had his number in the whole world. The message was brief but apologetic: "I’m very sorry if I caused you any trouble today." For a moment, Felix stared at the screen in confusion before realization dawned. It had to be Nick. How did he get his number?

Felix’s fingers hovered over the keyboard. He didn’t know how to respond. Part of him worried about JYP’s reaction if he knew they were talking. Still, he typed back cautiously, "Who is this?".

Nick’s response was immediate. "It is me, Nick. The stupid one in #Galix #Felitzine. God, I hope there were no issues with your management. I swear I didn’t mean to—I just watched the video and must have accidentally clicked on it one too many times."

Felix’s cheeks warmed. He had no idea how to respond to that. Nick continued, "Honestly, I haven’t stopped thinking about you."

The confession sent a jolt through Felix. His thumbs hesitated over the screen, unsure of what to say. Before he could figure it out, his phone buzzed again. This time, it was a call. Nick’s number flashed on the screen.

Nervous but feeling it would be rude to ignore him, Felix answered. “Hello?”

Nick’s voice was warm, tinged with concern. “Hey. Sorry to call so late. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. This whole thing blew up way more than I expected.”

“I’m okay,” Felix said softly. “It’s not your fault.”

“No it is, and I feel bad. We studied into boy bands and their members’ lives and all the pain that comes with that while we were getting ready to film my last movie. I know things are even stricter for you there—I can imagine how much pressure you’re under. I don’t want to make things harder for you,” Nick said earnestly.

Felix’s heart softened. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

They talked for a while, their conversation lightening as Nick began to praise Felix’s talent. “You’re incredible. The way you move, your voice, you are able to high and low, soft and hard, and all other extremes in the best way—I can't stop watching you, listening to you.”

Felix felt his face heat. “Thank you. I’ve seen a couple of your movies, by the way. You’re really talented, too.”

Nick chuckled. “Coming from you, that’s high praise.”

The conversation took on a more playful tone until Nick made a comment about how he wished he could dance just so he can dance with Felix, which made Felix’s breath catch. The words hung in the air, heavy and charged. Nick quickly changed the subject, but the moment lingered.

As they said their goodbyes, Nick’s voice softened. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

Felix’s heart fluttered, even as confusion swirled within him. "How are we going to see each other again?" he wondered. They finally hung up after the longest and most awkward goodbyes ever uttered, Felix laid back, his mind racing. He was shaken but also strangely happy, the attention and care Nick showed leaving thar familiar fuzzy feeling in his chest.

---

 

Chan’s voice cut through the usual morning buzz at breakfast, carrying an unusual weight. All eight members were in the kitchen per his request, and they all quieted down, sensing something significant was coming. He stood at the head of the table, his hands resting on the back of a chair.

“Alright, guys, I’ve got an announcement,” Chan began, his tone firm yet calm. “Starting next week, we’ll be moving into new dorm arrangements. Each dorm will have two members, and they’re all within a five-minute walk of each other.”

 

The table erupted in murmurs of surprise. Felix glanced at Seungmin, who was looking straight ahead at nothing in particular, but he didn't look surprised like the others either. Chan continued, raising a hand to quiet the group.

 

“This is to give everyone more space and privacy,” he explained. “You’ve all worked so hard, and it’s time you have your own rooms to relax and recharge.”

He paused, letting the information sink in before listing the pairings. “I’ll be with I.N. ChangBin and Hyunjin will share a dorm. Han and Minho will be together, and Felix, you’ll be with Seungmin.”

Chan, as always, had made the decisions with purpose. He had chosen I.N., the youngest and maknae of the group, for himself. Not only did Chan want to protect him, but he also had a soft spot for I.N. and knew the youngest would keep him balanced. I.N., despite his youth, was mature, reserved, and incredibly organized—a methodical presence who ensured Chan didn’t overwork himself or skip meals, traits the leader deeply appreciated. Han and Minho, the best-kept-not-really secret of the group, were naturally paired together. Their relationship, though not officially acknowledged, was undeniable. The normally sly Han would transform into a gooey-eyed romantic whenever Minho, the ever-stoic and cynically humorous one, did something playful to grab his attention. Their dynamic was a metamorphosis of opposites that was both fascinating and heartwarming to witness. Changbin, considered the second-in-command after Chan, was paired with Hyunjin. Changbin was known for his vigilance and ability to ground those around him. His watchful nature would ensure Hyunjin had someone to lean on. However, Changbin also harbored an undying crush on Hyunjin—a fact that made Felix’s stomach twist with a familiar pang of jealousy, a feeling he thought he had buried long ago. Seungmin, the conscience of the band, was a natural choice for Felix. Calm, mellow, and introverted, Seungmin rarely led the conversation, but when he spoke, his words mattered. He was the most stable and analytical member, offering a reassuring presence that Felix deeply needed. Seungmin had a quiet way of always being there for Felix, catching him just before he fell, and though he maintained his emotional reserve, his closeness to Felix had always been evident to the others. The entire arrangement made sense, but Felix couldn’t help but wonder if Seungmin had spoken to Chan about his last interaction with Hyunjin. Perhaps this was why the new dorm assignments had come about—to ensure a necessary distance between them. The thought lingered, bittersweet in its implications.

 

The announcement drew mixed reactions. Some were excited at the prospect of more space, while others exchanged glances, aware of the underlying tension that had driven the decision. Seungmin placed a reassuring hand on Felix’s shoulder, sensing his unease.

 

Hyunjin’s voice broke through the murmurs, laced with sarcasm. “Guess I’ll be starting a new life with ChangBin. My new love.” His words hung in the air, drawing awkward chuckles from some of the members.

 

Felix didn’t respond, keeping his gaze fixed on the table. He felt relief but also a wave of sadness. The gap that had formed months ago now seemed to be widening further, each tectonic shift shaking them both to their core. He glanced up briefly to find Hyunjin looking at him, his eyes filled with something unspoken. Both their gazes lingered for a moment before Felix looked away, his chest tightening.

 

---

 

The next few days were a whirlwind of packing and preparation. Seungmin proved to be a calming presence, helping Felix sort through his belongings. They worked quietly for the most part, the occasional joke or comment lightening the mood.

 

While clearing out his room, Hyunjin found a small box tucked in the depths of a side compartment of his travel bag. Inside were his share of their double homaika rings—a couple of years ago Felix and he bought these rings together that they had exchanged during a special moment after confessing their love for each other. Hyunjin thought he lost them, he remembered how he looked for them everywhere for days but decided they must have fallen off on stage. How Felix’s face dropped when he realized he had lost them. Even fans had noticed that he was missing rings, and it had turned into yet another episode of their love affair on the internet. His breath hitched, memories flooding back. Without thinking, he grabbed the box and without thinking made his way to Felix’s room.

 

Felix was folding clothes when Hyunjin entered, his face pale and his eyes red-rimmed. He held up the box. “I found these while packing.” His voice cracked, and he set the box on Felix’s desk, his hands trembling. Felix looked at the rings in the open box remembering exactly what they were. He could feel the knot immediately forming in his throat, unable to speak, he looked at Hyunjin's tortured face. With tears rolling down his cheeks Hyunjin continued “I… I’m sorry, Felix. I am so sorry. For everything. I know I can’t ask for your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. But I want you to know I still… I still love you. I always will.”

 

Felix’s chest tightened as he looked at Hyunjin, the vulnerability in his eyes breaking his resolve. He reached out, taking the box and holding it close. “Thank you, for finding them. But it is too late. My ring.. well you know one of mine is broken.” It wasn’t just the literal ring he meant. One of his delicate homaika rings had snapped soon after Hyunjin lost his own, and he had decided to keep the remaining one safe, protected from breaking. Yet, in this moment, it also represented his heart—broken in a way that felt irreparable, with no turning back.

 

Hyunjin nodded, tears streaming down his face as he grabbed the box again, stumbling back. His hand reached up to cup Felix’s cheek, thumb brushing softly along his skin. He leaned in and kissed his forehead tenderly, inhaling deeply—like Felix was the very air he needed to survive. “Just know, I’ll keep my rings forever. I promise. I will do everything to never lose them again.”

 

As Hyunjin left the room, Felix sank onto his bed. Finally letting the tears he was holding back stream down his cheeks, but he didn’t make a sound. The weight of their shared history pressed heavily on him, yet he knew this separation was necessary.

 

Moving day arrived, bringing with it a mix of excitement and melancholy. Felix and Seungmin’s new apartment was a cozy space with an open-concept kitchen that Felix immediately fell in love with. The sleek countertops and state-of-the-art oven promised hours of baking bliss. The living area flowed seamlessly into the kitchen, creating a welcoming and functional space.

 

Felix’s room was simple but comfortable. He arranged his plushies carefully on the bed, their presence a comforting reminder of home. Contradictions defined Felix—his soft and delicate appearance belied the strength of a black belt in Taekwondo and a collection of 63 medals. Yet he genuinely believed that his plushies kept the monsters away, a thought that made Seungmin chuckle fondly when he noticed.

 

As they unpacked, Seungmin couldn’t help but comment. “You know, Felix, you’re an enigma. Fierce on stage and in the ring, but here you are, making a fortress of plushies.”

 

Felix laughed softly, a sound that felt lighter than it had in weeks. “We all have our quirks, don’t we?”

 

Seungmin nodded and started singing. “We are special. Yeah!”

Chapter 11: Music Begins

The studio was alive with movement, the mirrored walls reflecting the synchronized steps of the band members as they worked through the intricate choreography for their latest song. The main choreographer’s voice echoed commands and corrections, keeping everyone focused. Felix moved with precision, his body flowing effortlessly through the steps, but his mind lingered elsewhere.

Chan was absent from practice, having been pulled into a phone call just as they arrived. “Go ahead and start without me,” he’d said, waving them off as he ducked into one of the changing rooms.

As the members adjusted their movements to the choreographer’s instructions, the door to the studio suddenly burst open. Chan entered, his face lit with uncontainable excitement. “It’s happening! It’s really happening! Guess who just called me?”

The group froze mid-step, puzzled. Even Han and ChangBin, the band’s core producers and writers, exchanged confused glances. Chan didn’t wait for an answer. “Savan Kotecha! The one and only! And he’s coming here in ten days to produce not one, not two, but three tracks with us!”

The room erupted in a mix of disbelief and curiosity. Han’s jaw dropped, his eyes wide. “The Savan Kotecha? The producer who’s written chart-topping hits for nearly every major pop star? The best of the best?”

 

“Yup, that one,” Chan confirmed, grabbing Han’s hands and jumping up and down like an excited child.

 

The other members watched in awe as their usually composed leader and Han acting like little children, their energy contagious. Once Chan composed himself, he turned back to the group. “Let me fill you in. Remember how I told you that Nick and I talked about a future collab in Milan? Well, it’s happening. Savan worked with Nick on the soundtrack for his movie—Nick co-wrote some songs and sang all of them. And apparently, Savan is already a fan of ours.”

 

Chan’s gaze swept the room, his voice tinged with giddiness and gratitude. “We’ll write and produce two songs for Stray Kids as a band for one, Nick will join us. The third song is a special request from Nick—a duet with Felix.”

 

All eyes turned to Felix, who stood rooted in place, his cheeks tinged with pink. Chan continued, his tone gentle. “Nick wants to co-write this duet with you, Felix, but only if you’re interested. No pressure.”

Felix looked down, his voice quiet. “I’m not a writer, Chan. You know that.”

Chan stepped closer, placing a reassuring hand on Felix’s shoulder. “You don’t have to write if you don’t want to, Sunshine. Just your voice will make it magical. But I would appreciate it if you could consider it. This is a huge opportunity for all of us.”

Felix nodded slowly. “Of course, Hyung. I’ll do whatever I can for my family.”

Chan smiled warmly, his hand lingering on Felix’s shoulder. But before anyone could react further, the sound of the studio door slamming shut echoed through the room. Everyone turned to see that Hyunjin had left.

The silence hung heavy for a moment before Chan clapped his hands. “Alright, let’s get back to work. We have a lot to prepare for.”

Felix’s heart was a storm of conflicting emotions. Excitement flickered at the prospect of seeing Nick again, paired with a gnawing terror at the thought of working so closely with him. But beneath it all was a deep sadness that lingered from Hyunjin’s abrupt departure. He worried for Hyunjin, the man who no longer looked, sounded, or acted like the person Felix had loved with all his heart. As they moved through the choreography with one member missing, his mind buzzed with endless thoughts moving in every direction.

Han, who had always been attuned to Felix's emotions, approached him during a break. "You okay?" he asked gently, leaning against the mirrored wall beside him. Felix hesitated, then sighed. "I don't know anymore. My feelings are always at odds with each other lately. I can't even tell what I'm truly feeling half the time since most of my energy is spent trying to numb myself to everything. But I'm trying." Han's sharp eyes softened.

"Are you excited to see Nick again?"

A flicker of something crossed Felix's face, a glimmer of excitement quickly overshadowed by sadness. "I am," he'd he admitted quietly. "But I'm worried about Hyunjin. He's going to lose his mind when Nick is here. I just hope he keeps himself together and not get himself in trouble. I don't want to hurt him."

Han frowned, his gaze steady. "You're not responsible for Hyunjin's comfort, Felix. Not at the expense of your happiness. He made his choices a long time ago." Felix's shoulders sagged, his eyes clouding with doubt. "I know you're right. But it's hard not to feel guilty."

Han reached out, giving Felix's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "You deserve to be happy, Felix. Don't let anyone, not even Hyunjin, take that away from you."

This was yet another irony added to Felix's feelings. Hyunjin, who had always been the main source of happiness for him, was now the potential roadblock to it. The reversal felt surreal, as though Felix had stepped into a twilight zone where everything he once knew had been turned on its head.

---

The crisp air hung thick with anticipation as the Stray Kids members arrived at their studio early in the morning. Everyone knew today was significant, though they carried their usual banter and camaraderie. Felix, however, felt a familiar tightness in his chest. The day’s weight hadn’t fully settled until Chan strode in, his energy contagious, ushering them to the large conference room where their guests awaited.

Inside, the room buzzed with excitement. Seated around the sleek, polished table were Nick Galitzine, Savan Kotecha, and their entourage, which included musicians, production partners, and Nick’s manager as well as JYP, Stray Kids creator and the CEO of their production company JYP Entertainment. Nick was impossible to miss. Dressed in a tailored, deep-green modern blazer that accentuated his broad shoulders, which somehow looked broader than last time, and slim frame, paired with a simple white T-shirt, he exuded effortless elegance. His eyes glimmered with excitement, and his golden hair was neatly combed back, showcasing his sharp jawline and the signature mole above his lip.

Felix couldn’t help but notice how magnetic Nick looked. He knew by now that Nick’s blonde hair was not his natural color but for yet another movie he was in. It still looked exceptionally good on him. In contrast to Nick’s formal attire, Felix himself wore a light lavender knit sweater that hugged his slender form, paired with ripped light blue jeans that showed off his dancer’s legs. His platinum-blonde hair framed his ethereal face, and his freckles seemed to glow in the sunlight streaming through the windows. His sheer presence drew Nick’ eyes immediately.

“Felix,” Nick greeted warmly as he stood, his voice rich and steady. His eyes lingered a beat too long, his admiration evident. “It’s good to see you again.”

Felix’s cheeks flushed faintly, but he smiled softly. “Good to see you too, Nick.” Their handshake lingered just a moment longer than necessary, a quiet exchange noticed by most and charged with meaning. After the tension-filled exchange between Felix and Nick, Chan quickly made introductions, and Nick tried to keep his enthusiasm for each member when he greeted them, although it was pretty obvious that he was continuously sneaking glances at Felix.

Hyunjin, having dodged his turn to shake Nick’s hand, sat across the room and observed the interaction with a sharpness that didn’t go unnoticed by Nick. Though Nick kept his demeanor polite, there was a knowing glint in his eye, as if he understood the undercurrents of Hyunjin’s animosity. Still, both men remained civil, their interactions pointedly professional.

Chan, ever the consummate leader, broke the ice. “Alright, everyone, let’s get started. We’re thrilled to have you all here, especially you, Savan. This collaboration is a dream come true for us.”

Savan, a shorter man with salt-and-pepper hair and a commanding presence, smiled. “The feeling’s mutual. You’re one of the most innovative groups out there. Nick and I were listening to your new song, admiring your ability to mix hip-hop, dubstep, and EDM in such an effortless way while keeping it sound so pop, right Nick?”, he turned to one of his colleagues sitting in the back who nodded laughing. “Let’s make some magic together.”, his excitement was genuine, which reflected on Chan’s smiling face.

The conversation quickly turned to business right away. Savan and Stray Kids’ core team hashed out plans for two tracks. The first would be an energy-driven piece with funk and hip-hop undertones, tailor-made for the band’s dynamic performances. The second, a classic pop song, would feature Nick alongside the group.

When the discussion shifted to the third track—the duet—Nick leaned forward, his gaze steady on Felix. “I’d like to co-write this one with Felix, if he’s willing. I think it’s important for this to be a collaborative effort between us.”

Felix hesitated, his hands fidgeting under the table. “I’m not much of a writer, just so you all know” he murmured, his voice low but barely audible.

Nick smiled gently. “I don’t believe that for a second. I’ve listened to ‘Deep End’ more times than I can count. It’s one of the most moving songs I’ve ever heard. If that’s not writing, I don’t know what is.”

Felix looked up, surprised. His eyes met Chan’s, who gave him a small nod of encouragement. Swallowing his nerves, Felix nodded. “I’ll try.”

Nick’s face lit up, his gratitude shining through. “Thank you, Felix. I promise we’ll make something amazing together.”

ChangBin, seated next to Hyunjin, placed a steadying hand on Hyunjin’s leg, sensing the younger member’s growing tension. Hyunjin’s clenched jaw betrayed his struggle to contain his emotions, and it was clear to ChangBin that Hyunjin was using every ounce of restraint to stay composed. Hyunjin turned sharply to ChangBin his expression flaring with initial irritation, but the anger melted into a wave of sadness when he caught the genuine concern in ChangBin’s eyes. Defeated, Hyunjin slumped back in his chair, the weight of his emotions pressing heavily on him.

---

Later that evening, Nick and Felix found themselves in a smaller studio, their interactions laced with awkwardness. Nick fiddled with a guitar while Felix sat on the edge of the couch, nervously twirling a pen between his fingers. The studio felt both intimate and immense, making the silence between them more pronounced.

Felix couldn’t help but be struck again by Nick’s commanding presence. His height, his shoulders, the way his muscles moved under his fitted shirt—it was hard to ignore. Then there were his lips, full and expressive, often caught between a smile and thoughtfulness. Felix found himself admiring Nick despite his best efforts to remain professional.

Breaking the silence, Nick said, " I’ve been waiting for this moment. The Felix Effect is real, you know." He smiled shyly looking down.

Felix blinked, caught off guard. "You are joking, right?"

Nick grinned, his honey-colored eyes sparkling. "Oh, don’t be modest. I’ve consumed almost everything you and your group have put out—videos, songs, shows. You’re incredible. And your dancing? God, I’ve never been so envious. I’m the worst dancer," he admitted with a laugh, his self-deprecation somehow making him even more endearing.

Felix blushed faintly, his voice soft. "You’re not the worst, I’m sure."

"Oh, trust me, I am," Nick said, leaning forward, his grin widening. "But seriously, your stage presence is something else. Not just your looks, and voice, but your energy. It’s magnetic." He glanced deeply into Felix’s eyes, his gaze lingering on the freckles adorning the bridge of his nose. The intensity in Nick’ expression held admiration—and something akin to desire.
Felix shifted in his seat, suddenly hyper-aware of how close Nick was, how his gaze felt like it could burn straight through him. Heat rushed to his cheeks, and he let out a breathy chuckle. "Careful, if you keep flattering me like that, I might start thinking I’m too cool to hang out with you."
Nick laughed, clearly delighted by the quip, but his eyes never left Felix’s. "Truer words have never been spoken" he said with a wide grin.

After a short while, they turned to the task at hand. “What do you think the theme should be?” Nick asked, sitting casually on a stool, his long legs stretched out.

Felix hesitated. “I know the producers prefer a ballad, and it makes sense, I think our voices will match well with a slow melodic tune but maybe… not a love song. Two guys singing about love could… well, it could create even more unnecessary… chatter.” His voice trailed off, his uncertainty evident.

Nick tilted his head, studying Felix. “Why not? Love is universal. But if that’s a concern, we could frame it differently. What if it’s about a love that transcends human boundaries? Like… a man and an angel?”

Felix’s brows furrowed. “An angel?”

Nick nodded, leaning forward slightly, his honey-colored eyes locking onto Felix’s. “A beauty so pure, so otherworldly, it doesn’t fit into human definitions. The man is captivated by the angel’s beauty, grace, and voice. It’s not about gender. It’s about connection.”

As Nick spoke, his gaze softened, and he seemed to be describing someone right in front of him. Felix felt his heart pounding under Nick’ intense focus.

“I… I think that could work,” Felix said quietly, his mind racing. The idea felt safe yet profound, and Nick’ unwavering confidence in it was contagious.

Nick smiled. “Good. Let’s start there.”

The two began jotting down ideas, their collaboration flowing more naturally than Felix had expected. Despite his initial apprehension, he felt a growing sense of excitement—and a warmth that had nothing to do with the room’s temperature.

As the night wore on, their notes started to take shape, and so did their understanding of each other. Felix’s heart, though still uncertain, began to open, its rhythm matching the soft hum of the melody they were creating together.

Chapter 12: Close Enough to Hurt

The studio buzzed with life. Savan and his entourage had transformed the space into a creative haven, filling it with their own musical instruments, sound equipment, and an air of unbridled enthusiasm. Stray Kids mingled with the guests, their laughter echoing between discussions of chords and lyrics. Meals were shared in the adjoining lounge, fostering a sense of camaraderie that, despite occasional tension, kept the energy high.

The collaboration was progressing brilliantly. Savan’s genius for crafting infectious beats meshed perfectly with Chan’s deep understanding of Stray Kids’ unique sound. The funky, high-energy track meant exclusively for the band was nearly complete, and Chan couldn’t stop grinning as he replayed snippets of it on the console. “This is going to be massive,” he said more than once, his eyes sparkling with excitement. Even the producers who usually worked behind the scenes were swept up in the creative whirlwind, and the energy was contagious. Everyone knew they were working on something special.

Nick was the center of attention, not only for his striking appearance—today he wore a fitted black sweater that accentuated his sculpted frame and simple, distressed jeans that somehow made him look effortlessly stylish—but for his charm and musical prowess. His ability to switch between serious artistic discussions and cheesy banter made him a magnetic presence. Felix, seated quietly beside Seungmin, couldn’t help but steal glances at Nick.

Felix himself was elegant in a lilac-colored oversized cardigan and slim black pants that seemed to amplify his lithe frame. His platinum-blonde hair up in a messy ponytail and his freckles catching the studio light whenever he turned his head.

During lunch, the group dissolved into playful teasing. Seungmin joked about Savan’s tendency to hum off-key when thinking, which earned him a feigned look of indignation from the producer. ChangBin and Minho were locked in a heated debate over which snacks were superior: Korean seaweed chips or Savan’s favorite crisped peas that he shared with them. Laughter filled the room, and for a moment, everyone seemed at ease.

Nick, however, was visibly focused on Felix. He casually mentioned how he had spent hours re-watching Stray Kids’ performances to prepare for the collaboration, praising Felix’s unparalleled stage presence. “Your grace…. I honestly don’t know how you can be so fierce yet so soft at the same time” Nick said, his voice almost reverent as he looked directly at Felix.

Felix’s cheeks flushed, and he mumbled a soft thank you. The intensity of Nick’ gaze didn’t go unnoticed by Hyunjin, who suddenly stood, his chair scraping loudly against the floor.

“Excuse me,” Hyunjin said curtly, exiting the room without a backward glance. The laughter and chatter tapered off, leaving a faint tension behind. Nick shifted in his seat but said nothing, his eyes momentarily clouded with understanding.

---

Later, Chan found Hyunjin in one of the smaller practice rooms, pacing. Hyunjin’s tall, lean, and muscular frame seemed even sharper under the dim lights. His beautiful black hair cascaded to his shoulders, framing a face that was the epitome of masculine beauty. Yet, it was clear that he hadn’t been resting or eating well—dark shadows circled his expressive eyes, and his once effortlessly smiling face now appeared clenched with pain, a reflection of the turmoil within and Chan was certain he lost a good amount of weight in the last months.

“Hyunjin, we need to talk,” Chan said, his tone firm but not unkind.

Hyunjin stopped, his hands clenched at his sides. “If this is about earlier, save it. I’m done with the lecture.”

“It’s not a lecture,” Chan said, stepping closer. “It’s a reminder. What’s happening right now—this collaboration, Savan being here—this is huge for us. I can’t let you jeopardize it because you’re hurting. And I know you’re hurting, Hyunjin, but you’re not the only one. Felix is, too. And you know why this is all happening.”

Hyunjin’s jaw tightened. “You think I don’t know? You think I don’t wake up every day hating myself for what I’ve done?” His voice cracked, and he looked away. “But seeing him with Nick… it’s like I’m losing him all over again.”

Chan’s expression softened. “You have to understand that this didn’t just happen to you. You made choices that drove him away, Hyunjin. And if you can’t handle being around them without being toxic, then maybe you shouldn’t be here right now.”

Hyunjin swallowed hard, his gaze dropping to the floor. Without another word, he walked out of the room. Chan considered following after him but decided it is best to give him some time to cool off and come to his senses.

---

That evening, Felix was in the kitchen of Chan and I.N.’s apartment after a group dinner when Hyunjin approached him. His expression carried a mix of sadness and sarcasm, his voice edged with pain.

"Banned from practice," Hyunjin said, his hands in his pockets, leaning against the counter. "Guess Chan decided it was for the best. You must be happy now, huh? Alone with your Hollywood star."

Felix blinked, his heart sinking. "Hyunjin, no. That’s not true. I didn’t want this to happen."

Hyunjin’s lips twitched into a faint, bitter smile. "Of course, you didn’t. But that doesn’t change anything. I can’t keep doing this to you." He hesitated for a moment, his eyes softening briefly as if wanting to say more. "You still don’t understand," he finally said, his voice quieter now. He closed the distance between them, fingers reaching up to gently tuck a loose strand of hair behind Felix’s ear. He leaned in until they were so close that Felix could feel the warmth of his breath, catch the familiar scent that made his chest ache—and it took everything in him not to give in and hold him.
"You never understood the light you exude, how it draws everyone to you, like moths to a flame. It’s not your fault, baby, but it doesn’t make it any easier and I feel like I can’t breathe." His gaze lingered for a fleeting second, then hardened again. "And Hyunjin out" he muttered before turning and walking away.

Felix stood there, shaking, his chest heavy with unspoken words. He wanted to reach for him, to hold him, to quiet the chaos—but how could he, when Hyunjin kept choosing to walk away, every single time?

The next morning, Hyunjin was gone, his absence silently acknowledged but not discussed.

Chapter 13: Beyond One

The studio was dimly lit, the only light coming from the desk lamp and the soft glow of the computer screen. Nick sat across from Felix, notebook in hand, his beautiful eyes glinting with determination. Today, they were focusing on finishing up the lyrics to their duet. Nick had suggested the title "Beyond" capturing the essence of an impossible love and connection that defied time, space, and reality itself. Felix had nodded, the impossibility settling in his chest like a bittersweet memory.

The writing started slowly. Nick strummed his guitar softly, humming a melody, while Felix scribbled lines that painted a picture of longing and devotion.

"Caught in the tides of an endless sea,
You reached across eternity.
In your light, my shadow fades,
An angel bound by moral chains.
Let me touch the sky through you,
A love that burns, forbidden but true."

The words seemed to pour out of Felix, but they left him raw. His pen trembled as he wrote, his mind drifting to moments with Hyunjin—the love they once shared, now fractured beyond repair. Nick noticed the glint of tears in Felix’s eyes.

"Hey," Nick said softly, his voice pulling Felix back. "Are you okay?"

Felix wiped at his eyes hastily and nodded. "Yeah, it’s just… this song. It’s pulling up a lot."

Nick could tell that it probably had to do with Hyunjin; he had seen and read so much about their supposed relationship and breakup. The complexity of their connection intrigued him—an intense bond formed in the spotlight, tested by time and strict rules, no privacy or normalcy, and now seemingly frayed. Nick found himself drawn to the dynamic, trying to untangle what was real and what had been lost.
Their story made him more cautious with Felix, knowing how delicate yet profound the scars of such a relationship could be. He was already struggling to make sense of his own feelings for him. Men had pursued him all his life, yet hardly anyone had ever held his attention for longer than a few fleeting hours. And now here he was—crossing oceans, traveling to the ends of the world—because he was, in truth, utterly consumed by Felix. That obsession was disorienting enough, but watching Hyunjin in his orbit stirred something in him, a jealousy he hadn’t felt in years.

Of course, none of this was proven or openly acknowledged due to the pressure idols faced, especially in Korea. Still, Nick could see glimpses of truth in their relationship just by watching a few videos, where the mutual admiration and love between the two men shone undeniably through their gestures, stolen glances, and the way they seemed to communicate without words. He wondered if Hyunjin's absence during these sessions was affecting Felix more than he let on. The way Felix's expressions shifted when certain emotions surfaced made Nick suspect there was a depth of pain tied to Hyunjin that hadn't fully healed. The complexity of their connection fascinated Nick. He hesitated, then asked gently, "Can I ask you something? About you and Hyunjin?"

Felix froze, his fingers tightening around his pen. "What about us?"

"I mean, are you two still… together?" Nick asked, his gaze earnest. "Because if you are, I—"

"No," Felix interrupted quickly, his voice firmer than he intended. "We… we were something, once. But it’s been over for a while now."

Nick nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful. "I’ve heard… some stuff," he said carefully. "I’m sorry for whatever happened."

Felix shrugged, looking down, trying to appear nonchalant. "It is what it is. People change. People lose interest."

Nick leaned forward, his eyes locking onto Felix’s. “You deserve someone who will appreciate you and every change you go through. Someone who will never let your light go out of their sight, even for a second.” As he spoke, he extended his hand, gently placing it over Felix’s small, delicate ones, the unexpected contact catching Felix slightly off guard. His heart fluttered uncomfortably at the compliment, his mind reeling not just from the words but the way Nick looked deeply into his eyes. Nick’s gaze seemed to trace every detail on Felix’s face, carrying a mixture of admiration and something more—a tender desire that made Felix's chest tighten. It was as if Nick saw not just his beauty but the weight of everything he carried inside, a vulnerability mirrored in his own uncertain expression.

Sensing Felix’s restless energy, Nick smiled gently. "You seem like you have something on your mind," he said, his tone inviting.

Felix hesitated, his fingers fidgeting slightly. "I was just wondering the same about you… I heard about the model, the one people said you were dating," he admitted shyly, his voice barely above a whisper.
Nick’s expression softened, a flicker of surprise and warmth lighting up his face. "You mean Clara?" he asked, and when Felix nodded, Nick continued, "She’s… well, she was a big part of my life, but the pressure became too much. The gossip, the constant scrutiny—it started to affect her deeply. Even though I’ve been in this world since I was young, the fame I’ve gained over the last few years has been overwhelming, even for me. She couldn’t handle it, and honestly, I didn’t realize how much my world would hurt hers."

Felix nodded in understanding, his gaze steady but filled with empathy. "That must have been hard for both of you," he said softly, his voice tinged with sincerity.

Nick looked at Felix, his admiration deepening. "It was," he admitted. "But hearing you ask about it… now that is a surprise." His voice and gaze hopeful.

Felix felt his cheeks heat up, and he looked away, his heart racing. "I just… I understand what it’s like," he murmured. "The pressure, the loneliness."

For a moment, the two sat in silence, the weight of their shared experiences forming an unspoken bond. Nick’s hand moved slightly, brushing against Felix’s arm. "Loneliness," Nick echoed softly, his voice carrying a note of vulnerability. "It’s strange, isn’t it? Constantly being surrounded by people yet feeling completely alone."

Felix met his gaze again, a small, hesitant smile forming on his lips. "Yeah," he agreed. "It really is."

The moment lingered, heavy with unspoken emotions, before Nick finally leaned back and broke the silence. "Let’s keep going with the song, beautiful" he said, his voice warm but tinged with a new layer of depth.

Even though the duo had a lot of tension that could cut through the air, they still managed to have a lot of fun while working together. Both were deeply emotional people, but they also had the ability to get delightfully cheesy at any moment, no matter how heartfelt the moment was. While writing the main verse, which brimmed with raw emotion, Nick would pick up the guitar and sing it in a flamenco style with an exaggerated Spanish accent, cracking Felix up. They shared stories about their childhoods in England and Australia, opening about their families, dreams, and even a few of their nightmares. Chan, Savan, and other musicians were also stopping by every so often leaving the studio in a constant buzz. Felix found himself amazed at how effortless it was to connect with Nick so quickly. The only challenge was how undeniably striking Nick was. Time and again, Felix would catch his gaze lingering on Nick, captivated and unable to look away. When their eyes met, Nick would hold Felix’s gaze with sparks of something deeper, flipping Felix’s stomach in ways he hadn’t expected.

That night, as Felix lay in bed, his mind swirled with the events of the day. Nick’s words replayed in his head, mingling with every touch and glance. He thought about how Nick always talked about his beauty, his delicate features, and the way he called him "beautiful." Time and time again. Somehow, it made Felix’s chest tighten, not with flattery, but frustration.

He also accepted his relationship with Clara, which proved that he was interested in girls, he was wondering what Nick saw in him, was it his feminine beauty? Felix definitely was not a girl. He was a man—a gorgeous one, yes, but still a man. As he recollected the many compliments Nick gave him, his manly physical gestures like caressing Felix's hair or opening the door for him every time, he became even more convinced. Nick’s comments felt like they came from a place of seeing Felix as someone he wasn’t, as if he were molding Felix into what he wanted him to be rather than who he truly was. And that hurt.

“Does he even see me?” Felix thought bitterly, gripping the edge of his blanket. “Or does he only see what he wants to see? What he saw when he first saw me, a girl?”

The idea festered as he stared at the ceiling, his emotions tangled in anger and confusion. Nick’s intentions seemed genuine, but his words and actions all pointed to a skewed reality that Felix had not realized in the moment.

“Tomorrow,” Felix resolved, his jaw tightening. “I’ll show him exactly who I am.”

With that, he closed his eyes, the resolve burning in his chest as he finally drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 14: Beyond Two

The next day, Felix arrived at their writing session dressed deliberately to make a point. He wore oversized, baggy jeans cinched with a belt, a shapeless long T-shirt that hung loosely on his frame, scuffed sneakers, and a backwards baseball cap. He’d left his makeup bag untouched, his lips bare and his hair tucked haphazardly under the cap.

Nick glanced up as Felix entered, his expression unreadable. "Wow. You look… different."
Felix sat down with a determined air. "Yeah, mate. I am a gamer boy, not a girl or girly angel or whatever. Just wanted to make sure you remember that."
They worked on their song, trading lines and ideas with easy rhythm. Felix wore his toughness like armor—shoulders squared, voice edged with defiance—as if daring Nick to challenge it. But every now and then, a crack appeared: a quick, unguarded laugh, the sparkle in his eyes when a melody clicked, that devastating bright smile that seemed to pull the air out of the room. Nick caught each slip, storing them away like precious contraband. Beneath the bratty-boy act was the soft, luminous Felix he was already dangerously addicted to.
Nick let him play it out, lips curling into a knowing smirk, indulging the performance. Then, without warning, he leaned forward, elbows resting on the table, closing the distance between them. "Felix, I know what you’re trying to do. And I want you to know something." His voice dropped, impossibly tender. "I don’t like you because you look like a girl, and allow me to say, you are not the only boy that’s piqued my interest. I like you because you’re you. Your talent, your strength, your kindness, your fire—everything about you, inside and out. And yes, that includes your beauty that breaks every known norm out there."

Felix’s eyes widened, his breath catching—was he really this transparent? Nick, still leaning across the table, shifted smoothly along the bench until he was beside him, the space between them vanishing in an instant. Felix’s pulse spiked; he could smell the faint trace of Nick’s cologne, warm and unfamiliar yet dangerously intoxicating.
Nick’s hand came to rest lightly on his arm, the weight of it sending a subtle jolt through him. Before Felix could process it, those fingers trailed lower, slipping under the loose hem of his t-shirt to brush against his waist.The touch was unhurried, deliberate, fingertips grazing the ridges of his abs as if committing them to memory.
Felix’s mind was screaming at him to move, to say something, to do anything—but his body refused to listen. Every nerve felt wired to the point of breaking, each brush of Nick’s hand sending ripples of heat spiraling through him. He hated how much he didn’t want him to stop.

"And for the record," Nick added with a small smile, "I’m very aware that you’re a man. A very gorgeous, strong man."

Before Felix could process the words, Nick leaned in, closing the distance between them. His lips met Felix’s in a kiss that was at first gentle yet brimming with intent. It was so sudden, leaving Felix breathless and shaken. With both hands he grabbed Felix’s tiny waist pulling him closer. Felix, soon found himself responding Nick’s kiss with a hunger he didn’t know he possessed, his hands going through the taller man’s hair while their tongues explored each other’s mouth with a fiery urgency. The kiss deepened with Nick’s moans until he parted their lips and started leaving open mouthed kisses on Felix’s neck, Felix couldn’t help when a deep moan escaped his lips which drove Nick crazy to the point that his hands trailed down Felix’s back and grabbed and pushed Felix closer to him. Felix’s eyes opened wide and let out a low protest in confusion.

Felix’s hand instinctively rose to his lips, still tingling from the closeness. His voice came out unsteady. “Nick… I don’t… I don’t even know what to say right now.” His heart was pounding so hard he swore Nick could hear it.
Nick smiled softly, though his eyes still burned with desire. “Yeah… don’t worry. You don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry—I got caught up. Again.”
Felix’s breath hitched, guilt and panic twisting in his chest. “I think… I need a break. Just a few minutes.”
Nick’s jaw tightened, but he nodded. “Of course.”
Felix slipped out of the studio, the air outside feeling cooler, sharper against his flushed skin. He leaned back against the wall in the hallway, closing his eyes. His thoughts were a mess—excitement at Nick’s touch, nerves at what it might mean, and guilt gnawing at him like teeth. Hyunjin’s face kept flashing in his mind, colliding with the memory of Nick’s hand on his waist. What am I doing? He gripped his hair, forcing a few deep breaths before he could walk back in.
When he returned, the atmosphere in the studio had shifted. A few more people had joined—Han perched on the arm of the couch, Chan leaning against the console, chatting with one of the producers. The earlier intimacy between him and Nick was buried under the casual noise of the group.
The rest of the session passed in a haze. Nick suggested new lyrics that mirrored fragments of their conversation—lines about masks, about holding back, about light that refuses to dim. Felix sang them, his voice carrying a depth and vulnerability that made the others glance at him curiously, though no one commented.

Lyrics:
"I was alone in a sea of people
A shadow chasing a fragile dream.
In your arms, I am whole,
A human’s heart fallen for an angel’s soul.
Let the world fade into ash,
As we ignite in our final clash."

Every now and then, Felix caught Nick watching him, his gaze lingering just a fraction longer than it should before flicking away. Once, when Felix handed him a lyric sheet, their fingers brushed, and he swore he felt the same spark as before. Nick smirked faintly, as if to say I remember too, before leaning back in his seat, all casual nonchalance for anyone who might be looking.
Felix tried to focus on the music, but the weight of those looks clung to him. The lyrics they were recording suddenly felt like secrets passed between them in plain sight, each note carrying a charge only the two of them understood. And though the room was full of voices and laughter, for Felix, the session felt like a long, unbroken thread tying him to Nick, tension humming just beneath the noise.
By the time they wrapped up, the song felt like a part of them, a shared creation that blurred the lines between art and reality. As they packed up for the night, Nick gave Felix a lingering look.

"Thank you for trusting me," he said simply.

Felix’s heart felt like it might burst. "This has been… really wonderful, Nick."

---

Felix wandered into the band’s main studio late in the afternoon, hoping to find some distraction from the whirlwind of emotions that had occupied his thoughts since the recording sessions. The familiar hum of activity greeted him as he approached the doors, but as he stepped inside, he immediately noticed the subdued atmosphere.

ChangBin, Chan, and Han were huddled near the console, their voices low but urgent. Felix paused for a moment, their words drifting to him before they realized he had entered.

“Yeah, he’s been back but he doesn’t come out, guys,” ChangBin said, frustration and concern mingling in his voice. “He’s always in his room. I don’t think he eats or drinks—God, I’m not even sure if he’s sleeping properly. The few times I saw him, he was covered in paint, dark eyes, doesn't talk. I don't know, he keeps his door locked, too. I don't like that part one bit."

 

Chan sighed deeply, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know. I tried talking to him yesterday, but it’s like he’s not even there. He’s shutting everyone out. We can’t let it go on like this.”

Han, typically the joker of the group, sat in uncharacteristic silence with his pouty lips pursed, his head bowed as if he were searching for the right words but coming up empty. The weight of the conversation hung heavy in the room.

Felix’s chest tightened as he listened, piecing together whom they were talking about. His suspicions were confirmed when the room fell silent when all three turned to see him standing near the doorway. Their expressions shifted quickly, trying to mask their worry with polite smiles.

“Oh, hey, Felix,” ChangBin greeted him, his tone forcedly light. “You need something?”

Felix shook his head, his eyes narrowing slightly. “You’re talking about Hyunjin, aren’t you?”

Chan hesitated, glancing at ChangBin and Han before nodding reluctantly. “Yeah,” he admitted.

 

Felix’s heart sank. Hyunjin’s absence from the recording sessions and rehearsals had been glaring, but he had convinced himself that it was better this way, that he was probably partying somewhere remote with Troye. Hearing that he is again running away from everyone and not letting anyone in made him worry.

“Is he… okay?” Felix asked cautiously, his voice barely above a whisper.

“We don’t know,” ChangBin admitted, his frustration evident.

Chan placed a reassuring hand on Felix’s shoulder. “We’ll figure it out,” he said firmly. “But don’t worry about it too much. Focus on what you need to do right now.”

Felix nodded slowly, though his thoughts were anything but settled. As he made his way to his usual spot in the studio, he couldn’t help but replay their words in his mind. Hyunjin’s struggles were evident, yet Felix felt powerless to help. And then there was the ever-present question gnawing at the back of his mind: should he even try? Hyunjin had left him—emotionally, physically, and in every way that mattered.

 

“He’s the one who walked away,” Felix thought, gripping the edges of the chair he sat in. But even as he told himself that, the worry lingered, as stubborn as ever. His mind was racing. Nick’s words, his touch, his kiss… They filled him with both fear and exhilaration. He couldn’t help his mind going back to Hyunjin, though. Despite everything, Hyunjin’s reclusion gnawed at the edges of his thoughts, adding another layer of confusion to his emotions.

Chapter 15: Wrap Party

The recording sessions were intense, layered with creativity and emotion as the three songs neared completion. The studio was filled with never-ending activity, a perfect blend of Stray Kids' core writers, Savan’s talented team, and Nick's creative input. Each day brought its own challenges and breakthroughs, but the collaboration was seamless. Their styles meshed effortlessly, producing tracks that felt fresh yet familiar—a fusion of artistry and emotion. 3Racha was having the time of their lives with Savan and his team. Felix couldn’t remember seeing Chan this happy and energized in a long time.

Nick and Felix stood together in the recording booth, headphones in place, waiting for the cue. The duet, titled "Beyond," was finally being recorded. The initial nerves about their contrasting vocal styles melted away as they began to sing.

Felix’s deep, resonant tone opened the song, rich with emotion, drawing listeners into the story. His voice climbed effortlessly to ethereal high notes, pouring vulnerability and raw feeling into every line. Nick followed, his warm, tender voice wrapping around Felix’s like a comforting embrace. Despite their tonal differences, their voices intertwined beautifully, creating a unique harmony that was both delicate and powerful during the main verse.

“Beyond the land and sea,
The only one my eyes see.
Beyond heaven and hell,
With one look at you, I believe.”

As they recorded, the producers outside the booth exchanged impressed glances. Chan leaned toward Savan and whispered, “They’re magic together. It’s unreal.” Savan nodded in agreement, "You have the most talented crew here, Chan, but Felix, I sometimes find it hard to believe that someone like him really exists among us. He is a surreal piece of art." Chan smiled with pride, agreeing with the producer.

Nick stole glances at Felix between takes, his admiration evident in the way his gaze lingered. Felix, focused on the music, occasionally caught Nick’s looks but pretended not to notice, his heart pounding in ways he wasn’t ready to confront and praying that his cheeks were not reflecting the heat he felt from within every time Nick gave him an intense look.

The band’s group recordings were a mix of hard work and lighthearted moments. The funky, high-energy track—crafted by Savan and Chan—was nearing completion. Chan’s excitement was infectious as he declared it would be a massive hit. “This is *the* song, guys. I am so ready for this.”

Nick joined them for the second collaborative song, his experience working on August Moon songs showing allowing him to blend effortlessly with the members. The group songs weren’t recorded all together; instead, each member came in separately, usually one or two at a time. Neither Nick nor Felix saw Hyunjin, but Felix overheard at one point during the sessions Chan and Han discussing how Hyunjin had gone unexpectedly raw in his last recording, earning their admiration. It made Felix happy to hear that Hyunjin was doing well. Between takes, the banter was relentless. ChangBin’s sharp wit kept everyone laughing, while Seungmin’s quiet humor added unexpected punchlines. Savan was expectedly witty as well, quickly joining in the chatter where Nick was often the target of jokes about his supposed Hollywood perfection. He took it all in stride, however, even when they teased him about being “a secret K-pop trainee.”

“You say that now,” Nick shot back, laughing. “Wait till you see me try to dance.”

The members groaned in mock dread, and Chan added, “We’re not ready for that. Spare us, mate.”

Even as the group laughed, Felix couldn’t help but notice Nick’s unwavering gaze on him.

---

Later when the recording session was over, Han pulled Felix aside, his tone casual but his gaze sharp. “Felix, what’s going on with Nick?”

“What do you mean?” Felix asked, feigning ignorance.

“Come on,” Han said, leaning against the wall. “The man is head over heels. He literally cannot keep his eyes off you. Everyone can see it. What’s happening between you two?”

Felix hesitated, his heart racing. Was it that obvious? “Nothing… really. We’re just… working together.”

“Working together, huh?” Han’s grin widened. “So the kiss didn’t happen?”

Felix’s eyes widened. “Who told you—”

“You just did,” Han said with a laugh, patting Felix’s shoulder. Felix furrowed his eyebrows, pissed off at himself for falling for Han’s trick right away. Realizing Felix’s discomfort Han quickly “Look, I’m not judging at all. Heck, leave me in a room with that guy for over 5 minutes and I might even climb on that giant frame like a little koala.” Felix chuckled at his friend’s fake yearning expression, Han continued, “Maybe it’s time to let yourself move forward. You deserve to be happy, Felix.”

Felix’s throat tightened. “I don’t know if I can. Hyunjin… he’s still…”

“Hyunjin made his choices,” Han said gently. “You’re allowed to make yours.”

Felix wished it was as easy as that, that it was either black or white, but he knew that most everything around him was a shade of gray even though he has been trying so hard to find the light at the end of this gray tunnel called life.

---

When the recordings wrapped, they decided a proper celebration was in order. All three songs were almost completed, waiting for the final touches from the producers and everyone agreed that each of the three songs was a masterpiece. Chan could not believe his luck. He knew that these songs would take them to heights they have never attained before, exposing them to a whole new audience, especially Nick’s fans. And he surely had a lot of them. He spoke with JYP and got the ok to throw a big celebration. They booked an exclusive rooftop bar atop a luxury hotel, ensuring privacy. The space was stunning, with twinkling lights and a panoramic view of Seoul. The night was filled with laughter, food, and music.

All the bandmates except Hyunjin attended the celebration party. Alongside them were Nick, Savan, his entourage, and a few close friends of the band. It was a vibrant gathering, full of life and laughter, a testament to the hard work everyone had poured into the collaboration.
Felix knew Hyunjin had just left to visit home—he’d seen the videos Hyunjin had posted of himself playing with his dog, Kkami, the kind of tender, endearing clips that made his chest ache. After overhearing Changbin and the others speaking in hushed tones about Hyunjin, their voices edged with worry, Felix had tried to reach out many times—calls that rang endlessly, texts that, at best, earned a one-word reply to maybe one out of every five messages. Every failed attempt carved the distance deeper, pressing into his ribs until it was hard to breathe.

He missed Hyunjin in his bones, but it was becoming painfully clear Hyunjin didn’t want to hear from him. And that hurt—not the kind of sharp, fleeting pain you can shake off, but the dull, relentless kind that lingers. Still, Felix couldn’t keep waiting by the phone for a message that might never come. Tonight, he told himself, would be different. Tonight, he’d step into the noise and lights, even if part of him felt guilty for it, even if the thought of laughing without Hyunjin there felt like betrayal.
Felix’s outfit for the evening was carefully chosen by I.N., who loved styling his bandmates: sleek black pants, a sleeveless silver top that hugged his frame, and chunky black boots that added a touch of edge. His makeup was understated yet flawless, accentuating his natural beauty. Nick’s eyes lit up when he saw him, though he himself looked equally stunning in fitted light jeans and a crisp black t-shirt that hugged his body, accentuating his broad shoulders and muscular frame.

The evening was lively. Nick’s “dancing” became the highlight of the night. After much teasing, he attempted a few simple steps from one of the band’s choreographies, only to reveal his complete lack of coordination. The group was in stitches, especially when he dramatically threw himself into the moves, failing spectacularly but endearingly.

“How is he so bad?” Minho asked, clutching his sides. He was one of the main dancers with wealth of experience in both creating choreographies and training dancers and he did not recall a trainee half as bad as Nick was. It was impressive in the worst way.

“Talent isn’t universal,” Nick said with mock seriousness, bowing to his amused audience.

----

Later in the evening, as Felix left the restroom, he bumped into Nick, who was just entering. Their eyes met, and Felix couldn’t help but smirk. “Still can’t move in the right direction, huh?”

Nick put a hand over his heart, feigning offense. “You wound me.” He stepped closer, his broad frame towering over Felix. “Maybe you should give me private lessons.”

Felix rolled his eyes playfully. “I don’t think even I can help you.”

Nick’s expression shifted, his teasing replaced by something more intense. “You’re lucky I like you,” he murmured, his voice low.

Before Felix could respond, Nick pressed him against the wall, his large hands immediately bracketing Felix’s waist again. The kiss that followed was deep and consuming, leaving Felix breathless. His mind whirled, torn between resisting and surrendering to the moment. While his mouth tortured the elder with touch and go kisses, he let his hands grab and squeeze Nick’s arms and pecs. Something he has been wanting to do for a long time. Nick put one of his hand under Felix’s chin to tilt his head up catching his gaze, “Do you like touching my body? If you don’t stop, I cannot be responsible for my next move..” he whispered never breaking eye contact with Felix. Felix felt a wave of embarrassment hit his face, “I’m sorry” he mumbled biting his bottom lip but his hands remained firmly on the elder chest. Nick let chuckled at his pretend regret before pressing his lips against Felix with more intensity, pressing his whole body against him with hunger.

Footsteps echoed in the hallway, breaking the spell. Nick pulled back, his breathing unsteady. “You are going to be the end of me,” he whispered, his eyes searching Felix’s face.

Felix stepped back unknowingly touching his swollen lips, his voice barely audible. “We should get back.”

Nick nodded, stepping aside to let Felix pass, but his gaze lingered, filled with unspoken words.

When they finally went back home in the early hours of the morning and retired to their rooms, Felix took a deep breath and threw himself face forward onto his bed, exhausted from dancing, singing, but most of all from the tension and consuming physical connection he’d shared with Nick. It was too much to handle.
He stepped into the shower, letting the warm water cascade over him, pounding against his skin like it could scrub away the tangle in his chest. Steam curled around him, wrapping him in a heat that should have been comforting but only made him feel trapped with his thoughts. People kept telling him he should move on, that he deserved to be happy—and here was this man, impossibly handsome, talented enough to have millions of fans, and clearly interested in him. Yet Felix still couldn’t let himself go, couldn’t enjoy a single moment without feeling the sharp pang of Hyunjin’s absence.

He pressed his forehead against the cool tile, eyes closing as the water streamed over his face. It felt so unfair—Hyunjin hadn’t looked back once when he’d started seeing Troye, and yet Felix still felt as if letting Nick touch him made him a cheater. He stayed there until the water began to run lukewarm, wishing it could rinse away the guilt lodged deep inside him.

Finally, Felix drifted into an uneasy sleep, haunted by dreams where honey-colored eyes and dark ones blurred together, Hyunjin and Nick shape-shifting into each other as Felix tried desperately to catch one but couldn’t.

Chapter 16: Sweet Farewell

The morning after the rooftop celebration, the air in the JYP building was a mix of excitement and finality. Nick, Savan, and their entourage were set to leave the following day, wrapping up what had been one of the most productive and exhilarating couple of weeks of collaboration for Stray Kids. The final meeting was a high-stakes discussion between Nick, Savan, 3Racha, and JYP, the head of Stray Kids’ management, to finalize plans for the next steps in promoting their joint project.

---

The group gathered in JYP’s expansive office, a sleek, glass-walled room overlooking Seoul. On the agenda were critical decisions about the collaboration: the release schedule, live performance opportunities, and choreography logistics.

Savan took the lead, outlining how the songs were shaping up. "We’ve got two solid tracks for the group, and the duet... that’s something special," he said, glancing at Nick and 3Racha. "I think the Billboard Music Awards are the perfect venue for its debut."

JYP leaned back in his chair, nodding approvingly. "It aligns perfectly. Stray Kids have made waves on the charts and won multiple awards already, and Nick’s fictional band August Moon projects have cemented their name there, too. This duet will be the centerpiece of the show. I love it, fantastic."

The idea was met with unanimous agreement. While Chan and Han discussed choreography plans, Nick hesitated. "About the choreography," he started, a sheepish grin spreading across his face, "You’ve all seen my ‘skills.’ Let’s not set the bar too high."

The room erupted into laughter. Chan reassured him, "We’ll keep it manageable, mate. You’ll be back in a few weeks for rehearsals. Let’s see what the choreographers cook up and we'll be sure to mention them the level of your ‘skills.’" Everyone laughed once again remembering Nick' awkward moves on the dance floor just the night before.

JYP took a moment to pull Nick aside and asked him to please spare him a few minutes in his office regarding an important issue, as the meeting wound down. Nick followed the elder into the next room, which had equally stunning views. Sitting in his large modern black desk, JYP asked him to sit down. When he started speaking, his tone was calm but edged with authority. "Nick, I’ve been observing you, and I’ve heard things about your... interest in Felix."

Nick stiffened but maintained eye contact, his posture respectful but firm.

"I need to remind you," JYP continued, "our industry and our culture are not as forgiving as what you may be used to. Felix, as talented as he is, is also vulnerable. And he is truly our angel, that is not a marketing gimmick. He shines so brightly over the whole band, and I cannot afford him getting hurt… again.” He looked down with genuine worry in his eyes, “If you care for him—and I believe you do—then tread carefully. He deserves someone who won’t just admire him but will protect him, too."

Nick’s gaze softened. "I understand your concerns, sir. I care about Felix deeply—his talent, his heart, everything. I won’t hurt him. But," he added, his voice growing resolute, "he’s not someone I can keep quiet about forever. I will do my best to protect us, but if he decides to give me a chance, I am not sure I can keep it in for too long. He literally makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs."

JYP regarded Nick silently for a moment before offering a slight nod of understanding. "Just ensure that your song doesn’t become the noise that disrupts his life."

---

Back at his new dorm, Felix moved around the kitchen, the scent of freshly baked cookies filling the air. Baking had always been his escape when emotions became too tangled to unravel. Wearing soft lounge clothes, his bare feet padded against the tiled floor as he arranged the cookies on a tray. Despite the warmth in the room, a subtle sadness clung to him. The collaboration was coming to an end, and with it, Nick was leaving. Felix didn’t expect the subtle ache in his chest. His worry for Hyunjin has only grown in the last days as well. "I am a mess, a colossal mess," he thought while taking out the cookie tray from the oven.

His phone buzzed on the counter.

Nick: *Are you ready for our final clash?*

Felix’s heart skipped. *Final clash?* he replied, knowing full well that Nick was referring to the lyrics of their song.

Nick: *You know, the epic end of the collaboration, the farewell. What are you up to?*

Felix hesitated before typing back: *Baking cookies.*

Nick: *Perfect, sweet cookies for our sweet farewell. I’ll be right up to taste them.*

Felix’s eyes widened as the next message followed quickly: *I’m almost there.*

Before Felix could respond, there was a knock at the door. He opened it to find Nick standing there with a bright smile that put millions under its spell, dressed casually in a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants, his ever-present charm lighting up the dim hallway.

"How do you know where I live?" Felix asked, unable to hide his surprise while stepping aside to let him in.

Nick shrugged with a grin. "Chan mentioned it while we were passing by in the car. He was telling me about all the dorms and how close they are to one another, but I memorized yours. And your floor is the only one with the lights on tonight. Figured I’d try my chance!" he exclaimed cheerfully.

The tension was palpable as Nick leaned against the kitchen island, watching Felix arrange the cookies. "So, you are a pro baker," he remarked, looking at the full tray.

Felix chuckled softly, avoiding his gaze. "It’s just a hobby," he said, though his mind wandered briefly to memories of how baking had always been his thing. Everyone loved his cookies and brownies, to the point that he’d once earned the affectionate nickname "cookie boy." He recalled Hyunjin’s reaction most vividly—how his eyes would light up the brightest at the smell of freshly baked cookies or brownies, and how he’d devour them with a boyish enthusiasm that never failed to make Felix smile.

Nick reached for one of the cookies on the plate between them, taking a bite. His brows lifted in immediate appreciation, and he let out a soft hum. “Okay… this is insane. You seriously made these? They’re perfect—soft in the middle, just the right amount of chew, and that flavor…” He shook his head in disbelief, a slow smile spreading across his face. “You could win awards with these, Felix.”

Felix’s lips curved into his signature, million-dollar smile—radiant, unguarded, the kind that seemed to light him from within. It was the kind of smile that made people feel special just for being on the receiving end of it, and Nick felt the impact hit him square in the chest.

They ate in silence for a moment before Nick spoke again. “I leave tomorrow.”

Felix’s hands stilled, his heart tightening. "I know."

Nick’s voice dropped, his usual confidence replaced with something gentler. "I’ll be back soon, though. For rehearsals."

Felix nodded but said nothing, his emotions swirling too intensely to articulate. Nick took a step closer, his presence overwhelming.

His hand reached out, brushing Felix’s cheek lightly before sliding to cup his face. "You make it impossible to walk away."

Nick’s inner turmoil was evident in the way his words came out both hesitant and intense. He felt drawn to Felix in a way that unsettled him, unsure of what to do with the emotions that had taken root so quickly. All he knew was that he felt like he was under Felix's spell, unable to resist or even understand the depth of his obsession.

"I spoke to JYP about us," Nick admitted, his voice quieter now.

Felix’s eyes widened, embarrassment flooding his cheeks. "You did what?"

Nick nodded. "He wanted to ensure I knew what I was doing. To remind me of how precious you are." He smiled softly, brushing a strand of Felix’s hair behind his ear. "He said you’re an angel... and he’s not wrong. But he also told me to be careful. And I will be. I’ll do everything in my power to protect you, if you let me."

Nick’s voice softened even more. "You have no idea how much I’ve observed you. You’re not just talented or beautiful, Felix. You’re the most caring, loving soul I’ve ever met. Watching how you interact with your team, the kindness and support you give to everyone... it’s no wonder anyone who meets you falls... in love."

Felix’s breath hitched, his emotions a whirlwind of disbelief and tentative hope. Before he could overthink, Nick closed the gap between them, tilting Felix’s chin to capture his lips in a kiss that was charged with desire. For a moment, the world fell away, leaving only the scent of cookies and the warmth between them.

After a while, Nick reluctantly pulled away, his chin resting lightly against Felix’s forehead as both of them tried to catch their breaths. His gaze was deep, filled with an intensity that seemed to reach into Felix’s very soul. "I should go before I completely lose myself here, I don’t want to do anything you are not ready for" Nick murmured, his voice tinged with regret but also something stronger.

Felix nodded with gratitude for his understanding. He followed Nick to the door, his heart still racing. It was obvious they’d been caught in the spell that neither had planned. As Nick stepped into the dimly lit hallway, he turned back one last time, his beautiful eyes locking with Felix’s. The look he gave wasn’t just tender—it was reverent, as though he were seeing something precious and irreplaceable.

"Goodnight, Felix," Nick said softly, his voice like a warm embrace. "I’ll see you soon."

"Goodnight," Felix replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

As the door clicked shut, Felix stood there for a long moment, leaning against it. His heart was a riot of emotions—excitement, fear, confusion, and a lingering ache.

Shaking his head, Felix whispered to himself, "I’m not going to think about it tonight. Not Nick. Not Hyunjin. Not anything." He pressed his palms against his chest, feeling the rapid drumbeat of his heart beneath them. "Please... don’t let me get hurt again."

He climbed into bed, the scent of cookies still faintly hanging in the air and pulled the covers up. His mind refused to quiet at first, flitting between honey-colored eyes and the lingering echo of kisses, but exhaustion eventually claimed him. With a final whispered prayer to let fate decide what lay ahead, Felix drifted into an uneasy sleep.

Chapter 17: Museum of our History

The museum was quiet—eerily so. Felix stepped into the grand entrance of the Art De Paris Museum, the familiar glass doors sighing shut behind him. He’d been here before with Hyunjin what felt like a lifetime ago, a beautiful day - one of the best. But this time the air felt different—thicker, warmer, intimate in a way that defied logic in the grand halls of the museum.

Hyunjin was already there, waiting near the first gallery. No words passed between them. Instead, they began to walk, side by side, their steps echoing softly across the marble floors.

There was no one else in sight. No guards. No visitors. No distant chatter. The galleries stretched out like an endless series of private rooms, the soft hum of the air conditioning the only sound besides their footsteps.

Felix stole glances at Hyunjin as they moved through the exhibits. He looked… better. Healthier. There was a light in his face, a steadiness in his movements that Felix hadn’t seen in months. Just being near him made Felix’s chest feel full—like breathing for the first time after holding it too long.

They took their time, letting the paintings and sculptures wash over them without rush, taking photos of their favorite pieces. Neither felt the need to break the silence. It wasn’t empty—it was peaceful, weighted with all the things they didn’t have to say aloud.

In one of the larger galleries, Felix paused before an enormous canvas awash with deep blues and golds. The glow of the spotlights warmed the walls, casting soft shadows that seemed to breathe.

“Felix,” Hyunjin’s voice called from behind.

Felix turned and froze. Out of nowhere, Hyunjin was standing behind a tall easel, a palette in one hand, brushes in the other. His hair fell loosely around his face, catching the light in fine strands.

“I want to paint you,” Hyunjin said simply. “Would you pose for me? Take your shirt off?”

Felix blinked, caught off guard. “What if… what if someone sees us?”

Hyunjin’s lips curved faintly, but his eyes carried something heavier. “Don’t worry, baby. This is our world. No one else can enter it—it’s for us alone. I created it for you, for us… but I’ve been alone in it so far.” His gaze dipped, shadowed with quiet hurt. “Because you chose to stay beyond… its limits.”

The sadness in his tone pierced through Felix like glass. He swallowed, his voice barely audible. “Hyunjin…”

Hyunjin asked once again with genuine hope in his voice. “Will you let me paint you, now?”

Felix didn’t hesitate this time. He pulled his shirt over his head, the air cool against his skin.

“Turn around,” Hyunjin instructed softly. “Look at the painting on the wall.”

Felix obeyed, his eyes finding the gilded frame in front of him. He felt the quiet rustle of Hyunjin’s movements behind him, the faint clink of brushes in a jar.

The scene was achingly familiar—almost identical to a morning long ago, in the privacy of Hyunjin’s room, when the sunlight had just begun to creep through the blinds after a night together and Hyunjin had made him sit in bed facing the sunlight and traced his back in graphite lines and stolen glances.

And then Hyunjin spoke. Word for word, he repeated the things he had told Felix that morning:

“Just when I think I’ve seen, memorized, and fallen in love with all your angles, you turn in some unexpected way… and I see another side of you I’ve never seen before. You make me fall in love with you every day, again and again, with these new angles. How do you do that?”

Felix’s throat tightened, his eyes already stinging.

“You keep inspiring me as my muse. I must have done something good in my past life… because God gave me you as my soulmate.”

Hearing those words again, exactly as they had been said in real life was like being pulled under by a wave of memory.

And that was when Felix knew—this wasn’t real. It was a dream.

The realization burned, and his eyes filled with tears without his permission. Still, he didn’t move. He couldn’t. The soft sound of brushstrokes, Hyunjin’s quiet breathing, the weight of his gaze on Felix’s back, it had been so long since he’d felt them that he clung to every second of this warmth and joy, desperate not to wake.

His silent tears slid down his cheeks, warm against the cool air. The ache in his chest was sharp but sweet, like pressing on an old bruise, knowing it would hurt and doing it anyway just to remember what it felt like.

A hand on his shoulder jolted him.

“Felix! Hey... wake up.” Seungmin’s voice, pulling him out.

The gallery dissolved into darkness, replaced by the familiar walls of his dorm room. Felix gasped, his cheeks damp, heart pounding.

“Why—why did you wake me up?!” His voice cracked, louder than he intended. “You took me away from him!”

Seungmin didn’t flinch. He just sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Felix into his arms. “You were crying in your sleep. I thought you were having a nightmare.”

Felix resisted at first, but the fight bled out of him. His sobs came harder now, raw, unrestrained, spilling weeks, months of held-back grief. Seungmin held him through all of it, his hand moving in slow, steady circles on Felix’s back.

It had been a long time since Felix had cried like this, and Seungmin’s worry was plain.

When the tears finally ebbed, shame crept in. Felix muttered, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I—”

But he did know. The pain was still there, alive and sharp. And no matter how much he tried to bury it, his heart still yearned for Hyunjin.

Chapter 18: The Shore Still Distant

The morning after Nick and Savan left, things gradually returned to routine for the band.
The others seemed lighter, joking and teasing their way through practices and schedules, but Felix couldn’t match their mood.
He was still feeling the aftershocks of the dream he’d had the night before.

It had been so vivid that waking up from it felt like a loss all over again. The image of Hyunjin behind the easel, paintbrush in hand, the warmth of his voice repeating the words he had once said in real life… it clung to Felix’s mind like wet fabric, impossible to shake off. He’d woken up with his skin still tingling as if Hyunjin’s gaze had been real.

Now, standing in the practice room, he could feel the distance between himself and the rest of the group. They laughed easily, their energy buoyed by the fresh start after Nick’s departure, but Felix’s heart was still heavy, his thoughts scattered between the past and present. Nick’s recent and Hyunjin’s long-ago departures, both leaving him feel hollow.

Still, he moved through the motions as days went by. Choreography sessions for the new songs began in earnest, with the members teasing each other about Nick’s well-documented lack of rhythm.

"Do you think Nick will survive this choreography?" I.N. joked during a break, panting from their latest run-through.

Minho smirked. "I’m more worried about the choreographers. They might quit halfway through."

The room erupted into laughter, the playful conversations being the only relief from the grueling practice. Despite the lighthearted mood, Felix felt a weight pressing on him. Nick had been texting and calling, making Felix’s heart race with every notification, but guilt gnawed at him. Hyunjin’s absence from these moments cast a shadow over the progress they were making.

Felix overheard Chan on a call during one of their breaks, his voice low but unmistakably serious. “He’s not looking good, boss. ChangBin says he barely comes out of his room—maybe once every other day. He’s asked for the choreography videos to study alone, but he hasn’t joined a single session. If this keeps up, we might need to take stronger measures, maybe a facility. ChangBin thinks..." Chan hesitated before continuing, "He thinks that Hyunjin might be using... I’m worried.”

Chan didn’t notice Felix standing nearby, but every word sliced through Felix like a blade. Felix’s stomach twisted. He didn’t hear the rest of the conversation. Tears blurred his vision as he left the studio, his feet carrying him instinctively to ChangBin and Hyunjin’s apartment.

Knocking on the door, Felix called out softly, “Hyunjin? It’s me.”

Silence.

He tried again, louder this time. “Hyunjin, please. Let me in.”

His calls went unanswered. The door remained closed, and Hyunjin’s phone went straight to voicemail. Defeated, Felix turned away after a few more knocks and calls, tears streaming down his face as he walked home.

Back at his apartment, Seungmin and I.N. were in the kitchen preparing dinner. The scent of garlic and sesame oil filled the air as they chatted softly, but their voices faded when they saw Felix’s tear-streaked face.

“What happened?” Seungmin asked gently, his worry evident.

Felix sat at the table, his head in his hands. “I heard Chan talking about Hyunjin. He’s… not okay. I tried to see him, but he didn’t answer. I don’t know what to do.”

Seungmin exchanged a glance with I.N., their concern mirroring each other’s. “We’ve been worried too,” Seungmin admitted, sitting across from Felix. “But this isn’t your fault. You’ve done everything you could for him.”

I.N. nodded. “You’ve carried enough pain.”

Their words were kind, but Felix couldn’t shake the overwhelming guilt. After dinner, he found himself restless, pacing the apartment. He couldn’t stay still, not with Hyunjin’s absence swirling in his mind.

“I’m going out, I can't stay here and think about this, or I am going to lose my mind” he announced, grabbing his gym bag. Seungmin gave him a worried look but didn’t stop him.

The dance studio was dimly lit when Felix arrived, the familiar space offering a semblance of comfort after a long, restless day. As he walked down the hallway, the faint sound of music drifted toward him—melancholic notes echoing off the walls, pulling him closer. He recognized the song instantly: “Another Love” by Tom Odell, a heart-wrenching piano ballad Hyunjin had always gravitated to when his emotions ran deep.

Felix pushed the door open quietly, and the sight before him rooted him to the spot. Hyunjin was there, moving alone under the muted glow of the overhead lights, his body swaying and twisting in a way that seemed to pour every ounce of his heart into each step. Relief washed through Felix in a sudden, dizzying wave—he’d been trying to reach Hyunjin for days, fearing he’d disappear entirely. Yet surprise tangled with that relief; he hadn’t expected to find him here, not like this, lost in a world of music and movement.

For a moment, Felix just stood there, struck by how familiar and yet unreachable Hyunjin seemed—like seeing a lighthouse from far out at sea, its light clear but the shore still impossibly distant.

Hyunjin’s movements were hauntingly beautiful, his long, expressive fingers painting a story of loss and longing. His lean, muscular frame moved with poetic fluidity, every step and gesture weighted with emotion. There was a stark contrast between their unique beauties. Felix’s angelic aura, bright with smiles that reached his eyes, often unaware of its effect on others, could drop people to their knees with a single grin or a side eye. Hyunjin, on the other hand, was an intentional art piece, a master at wielding his face, body, and hands in a way that left people mesmerized. The distinct differences between their beauties highlighted their individuality while complementing each other especially undeniable connection that tied them together.

As the lyrics, “And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight, but my hand's been broken one too many times,” poured out of the speakers, Hyunjin lifted his hands, his fingers curling as if they were crumbling. He twisted his wrists dramatically, as if his hands were breaking apart under an unbearable weight.

His famous hands—admired for their elegance and artistry—were covered in paint, hinting at hours spent pouring his emotions into canvases. The smudges of color on his tank top and arms added to the rawness of the scene, a physical manifestation of his inner turmoil. With every motion, Hyunjin vividly depicted the emotional and physical toll of the words. The gestures were raw, visceral, showing his anguish in a way that was almost too painful to watch. His body swayed, bent, and jerked as if punishing itself, and his face contorted in a mix of longing and sorrow.

“So I’ll use my voice, I’ll be so fucking rude,” the lyrics continued, and Hyunjin’s hands moved to his throat, his fingers trembling as if choking back the words. His every motion screamed defiance and defeat, a battle he knew he couldn’t win. Felix stood frozen, his heart breaking at the sight.

Hyunjin had always been the most expressive dancer among them, his emotions pouring into every move. But this wasn’t just a performance—it was a confession.

As the final notes faded, Hyunjin collapsed to the ground, his sobs filling the silence. Felix stepped forward, his footsteps soft but deliberate.

“Hyunjin,” he said softly, kneeling beside him.

Hyunjin looked up, startled. Felix sat down in front of him and reached out, cupping his face, brushing away the tears. His thumb lingered on the mole beneath Hyunjin’s eye. “I've been looking for you,” Felix whispered.

Hyunjin’s defenses crumbled, and he leaned into Felix’s touch, their limbs and tears mingling as they embraced. They rocked together on the floor, their cries the only sound in the studio. Both were flooded with the warm memories of their past, the love they had shared so freely. Felix felt intoxicated by Hyunjin’s familiar scent—a mix of sweat and something distinctly Hyunjin. He had always loved how Hyunjin smelled, even at his sweatiest, and it was grounding, stirring emotions he thought he had buried.

Then Hyunjin leaned in, pressing a desperate kiss to Felix’s lips. At first, Felix froze—but the familiarity, the taste, the heat of it swallowed him whole. He felt almost intoxicated, dizzy as if he were endlessly falling into the past. In seconds, he was completely lost in it, his hands clutching at Hyunjin’s shirt as if anchoring himself to something he thought he’d never have again.

They pulled at each other with a kind of frantic urgency, mouths moving together in a rhythm that felt both remembered and brand new. Every shift, every brush of lips and tongue, carried the weight of months of longing and the ache of separation.

Hyunjin broke the kiss only to trail his lips elsewhere—pressing warm, breathless kisses to the corners of Felix’s mouth, across his cheeks, along the constellation of freckles that dotted his skin. His voice came between kisses, raw and almost pleading.

“Baby… you’re my baby… I miss you… I’ve missed you so much.”

His lips found Felix’s jaw, then moved down to the curve of his throat, lingering there, tasting him like he was afraid Felix might vanish.

For a moment, Felix let himself melt into it, the rush of affection and the sheer force of Hyunjin’s presence making it impossible to think. But then the reality pushed through—sharp and cold. We’re not together. We haven’t been for a long time. I can’t let myself go like this… I can’t risk it again.

The fear of being hurt, of falling back into a cycle that might break him all over again, gripped him.

Felix’s hands moved to Hyunjin’s shoulders, applying gentle but firm pressure. His voice was shaky but kind as he whispered, “Hyunjin… no.”

Hyunjin’s brows pulled together, his voice soft but urgent, echoing the tenderness he’d just poured into every kiss. “Please… don’t do this. Don’t push me away. I’ve missed you so much, baby. Please… forgive me.”

He stepped forward again, his hands brushing Felix’s arms as if trying to pull him back into that space they’d just shared. Felix’s gaze dropped for a fleeting second—paint smudged across Hyunjin’s fingers, streaking his knuckles, the same hands that had just traced his face and kissed every freckle. The same image from his dream the night before—Hyunjin at the easel, brush in hand, painting him—flashed through his mind, vivid enough to steal his breath.

“Don’t run away from me anymore,” Hyunjin murmured, the words almost breaking.

Felix’s heart twisted painfully. Every instinct screamed to give in, to close the gap and lose himself in Hyunjin again. But the shadow of doubt—Troye’s face hovering over Hyunjin’s in his memory—stabbed at him like cold steel. The question of whether Hyunjin’s heart truly belonged to him had no answer, and the uncertainty was its own kind of wound.

“I… I can’t,” Felix said at last, his voice low and unsteady. “I can’t trust you.”

Hyunjin froze, the plea in his eyes faltering before hardening into something sharper. “Why? Because I’m not a fucking Hollywood star?” he spat.

“That’s not fair,” Felix replied, his voice breaking. “You know he has nothing to do with this.”

Hyunjin stood up, his movements shaky but determined. “Do I? Do you know how it feels when I hear you sing about love with him?”

“Hyunjin—”

But Hyunjin was already walking away, his steps unsteady. Felix watched him go, his heart shattered into pieces, the weight of their shared pain suffocating him. Left alone in the studio, he sank to the floor, tears streaming down his face as the echoes of “Another Love” haunted his mind.

Chapter 19: A Heart In-Between

Felix sat on his bed, staring at his phone as it buzzed on the nightstand with another message from Nick. He liked it—no, he really liked it when Nick texted, their jokes had become the highlight of his otherwise bleak days. Every notification sent a wave of excitement. And undoubtedly with that joy lurked the familiar pain. Honestly, even he was sick of it, but Hyunjin’s condition weighed heavily on him, and every exchange with Nick only deepened the chasm of conflict inside him. He hadn't seen Hyunjin since their last encounter in the dance studio. 

According to ChangBin, Hyunjin was still a ghost of himself, he emerged from his room only when absolutely necessary, his once vibrant energy replaced with a hollow, despondent presence. For weeks now, he hadn’t left for any trips with Troye or his usual escapades. It was as if he was trapped in his own spiral, unable—or unwilling—to climb out.

The band had finally completed the group choreographies for their new songs, which meant Hyunjin had no choice but to join them for practice. When he arrived at the studio, the atmosphere shifted. Everyone tried to act like nothing was wrong, but it was impossible to ignore Hyunjin’s appearance. His face was pale, shadows clinging to the hollows of his dark eyes. His frame, once lean and strong, now seemed frail, as if he might break under the weight of his own movements.

They practiced several times, running through the choreography under the watchful eye of their dance coach. Hyunjin followed through, hitting every step and movement with the precision he was known for, but his energy was off. Felix couldn’t stop glancing at him, torn between admiration for Hyunjin’s resilience and overwhelming concern.

By the end of the session, Hyunjin stumbled and collapsed onto the floor.

“Hyunjin!” Felix’s voice cracked as he rushed toward him, but Hyunjin held up a shaky hand.

“I’m fine,” Hyunjin muttered, his voice barely audible. He weakly pushed away anyone who tried to help, allowing only ChangBin to lift him up.

The room was filled with uneasy silence as ChangBin carefully steadied Hyunjin, holding him close like a fragile piece of glass. Felix watched, frozen, his heart breaking all over again.

As they all started leaving, Felix hesitated by the door. Leaning into Hyunjin, he said softly, “Please take care of yourself.”

Hyunjin’s lips twitched into a sad smile, his tired eyes meeting Felix’s. “I’ll do whatever my baby wants,” he murmured before leaning heavily on ChangBin and disappearing out the door.

---

The following days pulled Felix in a dozen directions at once, each thought tugging at him until it was impossible to be fully present in any moment. Guilt weighed on him heavily, clouding everything he did, and no distraction was strong enough to cut through it. Finally, he went to Chan, the one person he could always count on to talk him through the chaos.

“You’ve got to stop blaming yourself,” Chan said, his tone steady but not unkind. Leaning against the counter, he looked Felix squarely in the eyes. “This isn’t your fault. We’ve all been doing everything we can to help him. But he has to take that step too—face his faults and believe that we care. Until he’s ready, there’s only so much any of us can do… and you can’t carry all of that on your own.”

“But I feel responsible,” Felix whispered, his expression clouded with sadness. “Hyunjin and I—we’ve always taken care of each other. That’s what we do. I still feel like… that’s what I’m meant to do.”

Chan’s expression softened. “Felix, you can’t keep carrying this weight. What’s happening to Hyunjin—it’s not because of you. He’s making choices, and those choices have consequences.”

Felix opened his mouth to argue but closed it again, knowing Chan was right. As much as he wanted to fix everything, he couldn’t.

Chan placed a comforting hand on Felix’s shoulder. “You’re allowed to be happy. You’ve been through enough, and you deserve to move forward. If that is what you want. Speaking of which,” he added, “Nick’s manager just called. He’s scheduled to arrive in three days to start working on the choreography for ‘Beyond’”

Felix blinked, surprised. “Three days? Nick didn’t mention anything.”

Chan raised an eyebrow, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, so you two have been talking? When were you going to let me in on that?"

Felix felt heat rush to his face. "It's not like that, hyung, we sometimes text" he stammered, trying to play it down. But Chan’s smirk only deepened his embarrassment.

“Apparently, his manager just finalized it. They’ll be here for a week to work on the dance, and the Billboard Awards are two weeks away.” Chan’s grin widened. “Don’t worry, though. We’ve kept Nick’s part simple. You’ll have to do the heavy lifting, but I have no doubt you will have the moves down in no time.”

Felix left the conversation with mixed feelings. As he headed back to his dorm, his phone buzzed with a text from Nick.

Nick: *“CALL ME BACK!!!!!!!”*

Felix couldn’t help but smile. He hit the call button, and Nick picked up on the first ring.

“Felix!” Nick’s voice was bright, almost giddy. “Did you hear the news? I’m coming back in three days!”

“Yeah, Chan just told me,” Felix said, his lips twitching into a smile despite his heavy heart.

Nick laughed. “I just found out myself. Can you believe they didn’t even tell me until now? Anyway, you’ve got to take me to all your favorite spots. We’ve got a week—so let’s make it count.”

Felix’s smile faltered. “Nick… we can’t just go out. Not just the two of us, at least. That’s not how idol life works here.”

Nick’s excitement dimmed. “Why not? You can have dinner with a friend.”

“It’s not that simple. There are already enough rumors about us out there. Also…” Felix said softly. “It’s… our culture. People tend to be less forgiving to different lifestyles.”

Nick sighed, his tone turning defensive. “So what? People always judge and try to bring you down, we all know that. But you’re an adult, Felix. You need to start at some point to live your life for yourself.”

The words stung, not because they were wrong, but because they brushed too close to truths Felix wasn’t ready to face. “I know that, Nick,” he murmured. “But it’s not just about me.”

Nick was quiet for a moment, then his tone lightened. “Alright, alright… we’ll play it your way. Honestly, after hours of trying to keep up with you in rehearsals, I’ll probably be too sore to move anyway. And since the dance studio’s your favorite place in the world, maybe we just have a picnic right there on the floor.”

Felix let out a small chuckle despite himself. “That’s… not the worst idea you’ve had.”

“See? I’m full of good ideas,” Nick teased.

When the call ended, Felix set his phone down with a faint smile. Nick’s easy banter had left the conversation on a lighter note, yet it was clear he didn’t truly understand the walls Felix lived behind every day.

Felix lay in bed that night, his heart heavy with guilt, longing, and a thousand other emotions he couldn’t sort through.

Was there ever going to be a day when his heart wasn’t pulled in every direction at once? Guilt for Hyunjin. Excitement for Nick. Longing for something he couldn’t even name. It was wearing him down. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath and exhaled. He had made a promise long ago to a beautiful boy with a beauty mark under his eye, and he was going to continue to keep it ; he had to “ always stay strong ” . 

Chapter 20: Invisible Strings

Nick arrived at the dance studio alone, a surprising move for someone who is usually accompanied by his manager and an entourage. Inside, Chan, Minho, and the choreographer were already setting up. A mock window frame, central to the choreography of ‘Beyond’, was being adjusted. The air was filled with the faint smell of floor cleaner, a silent anticipation settling over the room.

Felix stood by the mirror, dressed in sweats and a loose t-shirt. Though his outfit seemed casual, Chan’s trained eye could see the careful thought behind it. His hair was deliberately tousled, the messy perfection that took time to craft. His lips were just a touch fuller, glossed slightly, giving them a natural allure. Despite the relaxed attire, Felix’s presence radiated quiet effort and an unspoken desire to impress.

When Nick entered, the energy shifted. His sleeveless workout top showcased his broad chest and defined biceps, drawing immediate attention. His usual calm confidence was amplified by his athletic build, but his eyes softened the impression, finding Felix in an instant as if magnetized.

“Hey, everyone,” Nick greeted, flashing a quick smile. He gave a big hug to Chan and nodded at the others, but his strides led him directly to Felix. Without hesitation, Nick pulled him into a firm embrace, his strong arms circling Felix in a way that felt both protective and possessive. As he held him close, Nick whispered just softly enough for Felix to hear, "I have been counting days."

The band was accustomed to displays of affection, but even Minho raised an eyebrow. There was a palpable difference in this hug—a lingering tenderness. Felix stiffened momentarily before melting into the embrace, his heart pounding as Nick’s warmth surrounded him. Excitement surged through him, but so did a wave of shyness. Despite himself, Felix couldn’t help but give Nick a bright smile as they parted, a smile that visibly affected Nick, who looked momentarily dazed. Chan’s sharp gaze noticed it immediately, though he said nothing.

“Ready to dance?” Nick murmured softly as they parted, his hands lingering a moment too long on Felix’s shoulders.

The session began with an explanation of the concept. In the choreography, Nick played the earthly man, and Felix was the heavenly angel—a love story depicted through longing movements. The large, framed glass window symbolized the barrier between their worlds, with the two characters mirroring each other and reaching out, unable to touch.

“Nick,” Chan said, half-joking, “your job is to act like you can’t dance but still trying to follow your love’s moves.”

Everyone laughed, Nick included. “Perfect. That’s my natural state.” His sensual eyes lingered on Felix as he spoke, admiration glinting within them. Felix felt heat rise to his cheeks, a blush creeping across his face despite his attempts to stay composed.

As the music swelled, they started working on the choreography. Nick was instructed to follow Felix’s movements in the mirror, their actions synchronized yet separate. For Felix, this came naturally, his fluid grace flowing through each move. His abs flashed every so often under his shirt as he stretched and turned, catching Nick’s attention more than once.
For Nick, every step was a learning curve. His movements were stiff at first, but he compensated with his ability to emote. His eyes burned with admiration and desire as he watched Felix dance. It was questionable whether he was acting or not, but he surely showed a lot of emotions. When they mirrored each other, Nick’s gaze locked onto Felix’s, and the intensity almost broke Felix’s concentration.

Despite Nick’s limitations, the first session was more productive than anyone had expected. By lunch, they had worked through a significant portion of the choreography.

---

While everyone else stepped out for lunch, Nick lingered in the studio with Felix. The silence was heavy as they both sipped water, leaning against opposite walls.

Nick crossed the space, closing the distance between them. Without warning, he enveloped Felix in another hug, tighter this time. His lips brushed against Felix’s ear as he whispered, “I missed this… you.”

Felix’s heart raced, and he felt the unmistakable tension in Nick’s body pressing against him. A mix of excitement and fear coursed through him.

“Nick,” he managed, his voice trembling. “We can’t… not here.”

Nick sighed in frustration but let go. “I know. I just… I can’t help it sometimes.”

Felix stepped back, running his fingers through his hair. He forced a smile. “I think you need to focus on the dance for now,” Felix said, rolling his eyes with a hint of a smirk. “Unless, of course, you’d like another lesson on how not to trip over your own feet?”

Nick’s laughter echoed in the empty studio, breaking the tension. “What a meanie!”

---

Over the next couple of days, the choreography came together. The slower, sensual movements of the ballad relied more on Nick’s acting than his technical dancing skills. When Felix picked up the pace with intricate sequences, Nick stuck to smaller, deliberate motions, since his role was primarily to admire and long for Felix, the angel.

Despite their professionalism, moments of tension seeped through. During one rehearsal, Nick’s gaze lingered too long on Felix’s lips during a mirrored sequence. Felix’s blush didn’t go unnoticed by Chan, who intervened with a clap and a joking remark to break the spell.

Felix’s thoughts remained divided. Between sessions, he asked Chan about Hyunjin, and Chan’s response left him conflicted.

“He left,” Chan admitted simply.

Felix felt a Chan of guilt and anger. “Troye?”

Chan’s silence was answer enough. "You need to focus, Felix. There’s nothing you can do for him right now." Felix’s thoughts churned, a mix of frustration and sadness swirling within him. He felt foolish for holding onto the hope that there might still be something left between him and Hyunjin, something worth salvaging after their last embrace at the dance studio. At the same time, he was stupid for worrying so much about Hyunjin while feeling guilt for letting himself be drawn to Nick’s attention. It felt like a betrayal, even if Hyunjin was the one who had left him first, repeatedly breaking their bond with every disappearance.

---

On the last night of Nick’s stay, he asked if Felix could help him with the last few moves that he still had a problem with. Felix could tell he was being genuine with his frustration as he still got confused during a couple of the intricate moves, so he agreed, though he also knew he was going into dangerous territory being alone with him at night. He still felt unresolved, uneasy that taking things further would deepen his vulnerability.

The studio was dimmer than usual when Felix arrived, his nerves on edge and his heart racing with anticipation. He couldn’t ignore the excitement, nor the apprehension that tightened in his chest. Nick was already in the studio, wearing baggy sweatpants and a light gray tank top. He greeted Felix with an easy smile that only heightened the tension, his eyes holding a flicker of something electric.

“Let’s skip the frame,” Nick suggested. “Let’s just focus on us.”

They moved through the choreography, their bodies perfectly aligned. During one intricate sequence, Nick stumbled, his foot catching Felix’s. The two fell in a tangled heap, Felix, thanks to his extensive Taekwondo training, landing expertly on his back and further away, keeping Nick from crushing him.

Nick groaned, his pride clearly bruised. “Well, that was graceful. Are you ok?”

Felix laughed, the sound echoing in the empty studio. “Yeah, I am fine, trust me this happens a lot during dance practice but… I am just going go out and say it, Nick. Maybe dancing isn’t your thing.”

Nick rolled onto his side with a genuine laugh, propping himself up on one elbow. His eyes glinted in the low light. “Do you want to know what my thing is?” he said, his voice low.
Before Felix could respond, Nick closed the distance, rolling on top of Felix and capturing his lips in a fervent kiss. The passion between them ignited, their hands roaming each other’s bodies as Nick let more of his weight on Felix who was lying under him. Felix’s fingers tangled in Nick’s hair, then down his wide back as he pushed Nick closer. Nick used his leg to push Felix’s legs apart and nesting in between his legs. Felix let out a loud moan when he felt the massive bulge pressing against his inner thigh. This was too much.

Nick was in no better shape, his eyes lidded with passion, his mouth possessing Felix’s with pure passion. “Felix, you are driving me crazy,” Nick exhaled while pulling on Felix’s t-shirt to get it off him. His large and sheer force almost paralyzed Felix into submission and he barely realized that he was half naked.

Nick pulled himself up on his arms to get a better look at Felix’s naked torso before he decided to punish him with little bites and kisses across his collar bones, muttering praises as he went along, “You are a dream, so soft, so hard, so beautiful for me” When his lips reached Felix’s hardened nipples and he sucked on them, his body jolted with intense pleasure and he felt a twitch. Time seemed to stop, and he had no idea how long they kissed but his eyes opened back up when Nick rolled over on his back and pulled Felix on top of him. With that one move, Felix gained his awareness back as to where they were and what they were doing. Invisible strings pulled him back, off Nick and he fell awkwardly on the floor, next to Nick. Nick protested the lack of touch and stretched his hands over to him with longing and pulled him back on top of him as he weighed nothing. But Felix remained still.

“Nick,” he whispered. They both looked wrecked, trying to catch their breaths, Felix’s hair frazzled, both of them with swollen red lips that evidenced their passionate exchange mere moments ago. “I am.. not ready for this. I don't know if I will ever be. Or if I will ever be able to give you what you want. I don't even know what you want... if anything”, Felix chuckled nervously looking down so Nick cannot see how shaken he is. 

Nick sighed but nodded, a small, pained smile tugging at his lips. He wrapped Felix into one of his strong hugs, his broad chest enveloping Felix entirely. Nick’s muscular arms, firm yet gentle, circled Felix securely as he caressed his hair back to order. Felix felt almost dwarfed by Nick’s size. As Nick pressed Felix’s head against his chest, the steady rhythm of Nick’s drumming heartbeat resonated against Felix’s ear. “You know what I want... But, we don’t have to rush. You’re worth longing for,” Nick murmured, his voice deep and reassuring.

---

Later that night, while washing his face, Felix looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, his lips and body still tingling from Nick’s kisses. His hand traced over his collar bones as he replayed the moment, his heartbeat gaining speed.

He closed his eyes, caught by the lingering warmth of Nick’s touch. Where was this going? Why couldn’t he ever find peace in happiness? Every sliver of joy seemed laced with pain, a reminder of what was lost. His lips, still tender from the passionate kiss, would ache tomorrow. And every time his mind wandered to Nick, a distant cry echoed within him, hauntingly familiar and sounding so much like Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin… who was probably lying in Troye’s bed right now.

Chapter 21: The Final Clash

It was a few days later, and Felix was halfway through folding a jacket into his suitcase when something on the floor caught his eye—an envelope, its corner just visible under the edge of his door. He froze.

Kneeling, he picked it up. No name on the front, no handwriting he recognized instantly—until he turned it over and saw the small, careful script sealing the flap. Hyunjin.

He held his breath. He had no idea how long it had been there.

Hyunjin had been around the band the past couple of days, but only in the loosest sense of the word present. He’d moved quietly, keeping to the edges of rooms, his tall frame blending into the shadows. He smiled when people looked at him, but it was the kind of smile that never reached his eyes—flat, mechanical, as if pulled into place by something stronger than habit, maybe even medication.

Whenever Felix tried to approach him, Hyunjin would slip away with an excuse or no words at all. And yet, he was always there—on the periphery, just close enough to notice, never close enough to reach.

Felix sat on the edge of his bed, tore the envelope open, and unfolded a single sheet of paper. The handwriting was neat but uneven, as if each word had been fought for.

---

Felix,

I am so sick of being sorry.
It’s all I ever seem to say to you.
And the truth is—I don’t even think I deserve to say it anymore.

I hate myself for having the audacity
to pity myself.
For expecting you to carry
my fragile explanations,
my excuses that fall apart
the moment they touch the air.

Keep you from my selfish apologies,
and my weakness that clings to you
like a shadow you never asked for,

I run, I run, I always run.

Far as I am, I can’t stop.
I can’t stop living in your orbit.
Even from a distance,
you shine on me in without knowing.

Lately, everything feels cold.
Even the air in my lungs feels borrowed.
I feel exposed—
like I’ve been stripped of all the things
that once made me whole.

I am desolate.
I am lost.

And yet—
loving you is still my safe place.

If you keep this,
then maybe some part of me
will have stayed with you,

then maybe I’m still safe.

—Hyunjin

By the time Felix reached the last word, his tears had blurred the ink. He set the letter down, his hands trembling, and fumbled for his phone.

He called Hyunjin.

One ring. Straight to voicemail.

Felix pressed the phone to his ear anyway, as if somehow Hyunjin could hear him through the silence. His chest tightened, and the tears came harder.

The phone slid from his grasp, landing beside him on the carpet. Felix curled in on himself, knees pulled tight, Hyunjin’s words still echoing in his head.

The suitcase lay open on the bed, forgotten. 

----

The hum of the jet engines was a steady background noise as Felix stared out of the window, his thoughts swirling. The plush seating and subdued lighting of the plane added to the surreal feeling of heading to the Billboard Music Awards. Around him, Chan was fast asleep, his head lolled to the side. JYP sat across from him, reviewing documents on a tablet, his expression as unreadable as ever. Managers and staff were scattered throughout, chatting in low tones or typing away on their laptops.

“Excited about the performance?” JYP’s voice cut through Felix’s thoughts.

Felix nodded. “Of course. It’s a big moment for us.”

JYP’s eyes lingered on him, sharper than usual. “And about seeing Nick?”

The question caught Felix off guard. JYP rarely, if ever, ventured into personal matters. Felix shifted in his seat, trying to read his tone. “I… I guess,” he said, stumbling over the words.

“Don’t look so shocked,” JYP replied, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “I’m not blind, Felix. I see things, I hear things. And I care. You’re all family to me, it’s my job to protect you.”

Heat rose to Felix’s face. The conversation felt surreal, unexpected.

“I know I’ve been strict with you and Hyunjin,” JYP continued, his voice even, as if this were the most ordinary discussion between them. “You probably thought I was heartless, controlling. But it wasn’t because I didn’t care—it was because I did. Watching you two find each other in the chaos of this industry… it made me happy. I just had to balance that happiness with the reality of our world. But…” His voice trailed off.

“But?” Felix asked, cautious yet oddly exhilarated to be having this conversation with him.

“Now I see Nick.” There was weight in JYP’s tone. “I’ve spoken to him. He’s clearly infatuated with you. But his world, his freedom—it’s different from ours. I’m not worried he’ll hurt you on purpose. I’m worried he won’t understand what’s at stake. Our culture, our industry… it demands discretion, discipline, privacy. I don’t want to see you exposed, or hurt, ever again.”

He leaned back slightly, expression softening. “I want you to be happy, Felix. If Nick is part of that, I’ll do what I can to support and protect you. Just… be careful. Think things through.”

Felix swallowed hard, emotions tightening in his chest. “Thank you, JYP. That means a lot. I have thought a lot—and I still do. I understand you, more than you know.”

Something in Felix’s tone caught JYP off guard. The conviction there was unexpected.

“I’m glad to hear that,” JYP said quietly.

Felix leaned forward, a spark in his eyes that hadn’t been there in a long time. “I know what I have to do now, and no matter the outcome, I’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about me.” He ended with a small, steady smile.

JYP’s answering nod carried both pride and relief.

The conversation slipped into silence as the plane descended, trading the quiet hum of the cabin for the electric glow of Las Vegas. Outside, the glittering skyline of Sin City pulsed with life—a dazzling, restless backdrop to the weight of Felix’s thoughts.

----

Felix arrived at the luxurious Las Vegas hotel with JYP, Chan, and staff members the night before the show. The day of the Billboard Music Awards was as nerve-wracking as it was exhilarating. Felix had done his best to keep hydrated and well rested to get over his jet lag and to keep himself from drying up under the strenuous desert climate. His room was a large suite decorated with modern and colorful furniture with sprawling views of the desert city, glittering under the late morning sun.

As Felix admired the skyline, his phone vibrated with a message. It was from Nick: “Just landed. Nervous as hell but can’t wait to see you.”

A flicker of warmth spread through Felix’s chest, chasing away some of the nervous energy building inside him. He texted back: “You’ll do great. See you soon.”

The rehearsal was scheduled for early afternoon at the award show venue. Felix’s nerves mingled with excitement as he prepared. Although he was in his workout clothes for now, for the show, his stylist chose a look that embodied elegance and androgenicity, much like the image he had curated for their performance. The sleek asymmetrical white shirt clung to his frame in all the right places, while tailored silver pants elongated his delicate figure.

Completing his angelic look, Felix was to wear a light cape with a cut and details that resembled feathery wings with a subtle shimmer. The delicate feathers seemed to glow softly under the lights, adding an almost otherworldly aura to his appearance as the angel in the performance.

His hair was straightened and smooth as it fell past his shoulders. A few loose strands framed his face, softening the sharp lines of his features. From the crown, a thin braid wove neatly along each side, tucked into the half-up style that held the rest in place. The loose length behind him giving the impression of quiet elegance without trying too hard. When he looked in the mirror, he thought fleetingly of how Hyunjin used to say “You are an angel. Angel!” with such conviction.

The venue was buzzing with activity. The massive stage was a technical marvel, dominated by the giant framed window prop that would be the centerpiece of their performance. Felix arrived with his team drawing admiring glances.

Nick arrived moments later, his casual workout clothes doing little to downplay his commanding presence. His grin was a mixture of excitement and nervous energy.

“Hey,” Nick greeted, pulling Felix into a hug that lingered just a moment too long. Felix’s heart raced as he stepped back, his cheeks warming.

Rehearsal began immediately. The two of them moved on either side of the massive, framed window. The choreography was poignant, their movements mirrored at first, then diverging as the music swelled. They danced as if reaching for one another, pressing their palms against the glass, their faces etched with longing. Even though it was just a practice, Nick’s raw emotion and Felix’s graceful precision created a palpable energy that made everyone around stop and watch.

When the frame turned for the final sequence, Felix’s moves made him seem like an angel trapped in a gilded cage. Nick’s charged energy as he ran toward the window and raised his fist gave the performance a sense of inevitability, a collision of two worlds.

The lights went out just before the sound of shattering glass filled the venue. Even during rehearsal, the effect was stunning.

---

After the final checks, Felix and Nick found a quiet corner backstage. Nick leaned against a table, his gaze fixed on Felix, his expression vulnerable. “I hate that this is the last thing we have planned,” he said, his voice low. “I don’t want this to be the last time I see you.”

Felix hesitated. “Nick...”

“I’m serious,” Nick interrupted, his tone earnest. “Come with me to Greece. My family has a summer house on an island. No one will bother us. We can just be... us.”

The offer was tempting but Felix shook his head. “I can’t. You know that.”

Nick frowned. “Why not? No one will care. It’s Greece, not Seoul.”

Felix sighed, his voice heavy with the weight of his reality. “It’ll take one fan, Nick. One photo, one post, and it’ll be chaos. Horrible comments, death threats... I can’t. I have a responsibility to my band, my fans, my company. It’s written in my contract.”

Nick scoffed. “You’re hiding like this when everyone thinks you’re with Hyunjin anyway? Don’t you think it’s time you take matters in your own hands?”

The words stung. Felix’s face hardened, and his voice quivered with suppressed frustration. “You don’t get it. I can’t just think about myself. My choices affect everyone in my band. Even if I am ready to go all out, I can’t jeopardize their careers. They are my family and we all worked so hard to get here.”

Nick’s expression softened, guilt flickering in his eyes. “I’m sorry. That was... wrong of me.” He reached out, his hand brushing Felix’s arm. “I promised to protect you, and I meant it. I’ll do whatever it takes, Felix. Please, tell me what you need.”

Felix allowed Nick to hug him. It was warm, reassuring, but the chasm between their worlds felt insurmountable.

---

The audience was buzzing with anticipation as the performance began. Felix and Nick appeared on opposite sides of the giant window frame, their presence commanding attention. Felix’s white outfit gleamed under the lights, his movements fluid and angelic, while Nick’s dark attire and grounded movements provided a striking contrast.

The choreography told a story of yearning and impossibility. Their mirrored movements gave way to desperate attempts to break the barrier between them. Nick pressed his hand against the glass, his face a mix of anguish and hope, while Felix’s delicate fingers traced the invisible divide, his expression one of quiet despair.

As the song reached its climax, Nick’s raw passion took center stage. He ran toward the window, his fist raised, and the lights went out. The sound of shattering glass echoed through the arena. When the lights returned, the audience gasped. Nick and Felix stood together, the broken window separating them no more. Nick’s arms enveloped Felix, whose delicate hands rested on Nick’s back. It was breathtaking, symbolic, and unforgettable.

The audience erupted into applause, their cheers echoing through the venue. Social media exploded, declaring the performance an instant classic.

---

At the after party, the atmosphere was electric. Felix arrived with Chan, looking effortlessly stunning in a simple yet elegant ensemble. Nick was already there, chatting with Savan, but his eyes constantly sought out Felix.

When their gazes met, Felix approached. “Want to get a drink?”

Nick grinned, following him to the bar. They talked about the performance as they sipped their drinks, but Felix’s heart was heavy with the words he needed to say. He led Nick to the balcony, the cool desert air wrapping around them.

Felix, having finally reached clarity in his mind and soul while removing his make up after the show, broke the silence. “Nick… I need to thank you.”

Nick looked at him, his expression soft but questioning. “For what?”

“For making me feel alive again,” Felix confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. “When we met in Milan, something shifted in me. You made me realize I could feel things again—excitement, hope. For that, I’ll always be grateful.”

Nick’s eyes caught his, a wave of fearful curiosity in them. “Then why does it feel like you’re about to say goodbye?”

Felix looked down at his drink, slowly playing with the straw unable to look at Nick. “As much as I wish things were different, they’re not. Our worlds are too far apart. I can’t ask you to change your life for me, and I can’t change mine for you. I know you will say that it is okay, that you will do anything, but I know that in time, you will come to resent me for all of it. It is not fair for you to not be able to live your life the way you want, just because I am bound by so many responsibilities.”

Nick tried to interject, “I will never resent you, Felix... I can do this...,” but Felix stopped him. “There’s another reason, Nick. My heart... it’s still tied to someone else. I can’t give you all of me when I’m still haunted by him. Even though I fear there’s nothing left to salvage, as Hyunjin has proven time and time again with his actions,” he smiled with sadness in his eyes, “I still can’t seem to stop caring for him and loving him. I worry for him constantly. These ties—these bonds forged over so many years. And well, they feel impossible break, not now, maybe not ever.”

Nick’s face was a mix of heartbreak and understanding. He stepped closer, his hand reaching out to gently tilt Felix’s chin up. “I get it,” he said softly. “I don’t like it, but I get it.”

A tear slipped down Felix’s cheek, and Nick wiped it away with his thumb. “You deserve happiness, Felix, I hope he realizes what he is doing, before it is too late” Nick whispered.

Before Felix could respond, Nick leaned in and pressed a tender, lingering kiss to his lips. It was bittersweet, filled with all the words they couldn’t say. When they pulled apart, Nick managed a faint smile. “I guess this is our final clash.”

Felix let out a choked laugh, the words cutting through the ache in his chest. “Yeah. I guess it is.”

They stood there for a moment longer, the weight of their unspoken emotions hanging in the air. Then Nick turned and walked away, his figure disappearing into the glow of the party inside.

Felix stayed on the balcony, staring out at the stars. His heart was heavy, but for the first time in a long while, it felt like he had peace in his heavy heart. 

Chapter 22: The Longest Flight

Notes:

Trigger warning: Implied Suicide attempt

Lights of the Sin City blurred into streaks of gold, white, and red outside Felix’s hotel window, softened by the hum of the air conditioner. He sat at the edge of his bed, peeling off the day’s clothes, the weight in his chest pressing heavier with each slow movement. Sadness still clung to him—Nick’s retreating figure, shoulders slumped, quiet hurt in every step—but for the first time in weeks, acceptance edged its way to the front. He’d made the right choice tonight. Happiness still felt impossibly far, but the unjustified guilt he’d carried for so long had loosened its grip.

Hyunjin had not honored their promises, but Felix had resolved to remain true to his own heart—even if it meant carrying the ache alone. They were scheduled to return to Seoul the following afternoon, but before then, Felix still had commitments for Billboard’s social media in the morning: short videos, photos, and a promotional shoot.

He crossed the room to the bathroom, letting the hot shower steam up the mirror. The warmth soothed his aching muscles and, for a moment, rinsed away the heaviness in his thoughts. When he emerged, wrapped in a towel, the room felt hushed, as if holding its breath. He dressed in loose, comfortable clothes and set his phone on the nightstand, the glow from the screen dimming as he turned toward the bed.

A knock interrupted the quiet. Thinking it was a member of the staff confirming call times for tomorrow, Felix opened the door without hesitation.

Chan stood there, his eyes red and brimming with tears. His expression was a raw mix of anguish and urgency.

“We have to go,” Chan said, his voice breaking.

The words hit Felix like a slap. “What happened? Is it Hyunjin?”

Chan’s throat tightened as he nodded, sobbing now. “We have to go now, Felix.”

The world around him blurred as adrenaline surged through Felix. He grabbed his travel bag, stuffing it haphazardly with the closest items he could find, not caring about what they were. Within minutes, he was dressed and downstairs with Chan.

The car ride to the airport was a blur. Felix’s voice trembled as he pressed Chan for answers. “What happened? Is he… okay?”

Chan shook his head, tears sliding freely. “I don’t know. Nobody’s allowed to talk about it. But… I don’t think so.”

JYP had instructed them to take the flight ahead of him while he stayed behind to finalize details with Billboard executives. He promised to cover for Felix’s absence from the planned promo videos, citing an emergency. On the plane, the minutes stretched into eternity. Felix checked his phone compulsively, but there was no news from Seoul or his bandmates. The silence gnawed at him.

At one point, Chan whispered into his phone leaving a voicemail. “We’re about six hours out. Take care of him until we get there.” His face contorted in pain. “Please, just… hold onto him.”

Felix’s chest tightened. The fear of the unknown, coupled with Chan’s guilt and worry, made him feel helpless. His phone buzzed with a message from Nick, it was already early morning in Vegas by then.

Nick: *Hey, where are you? Didn’t see you at the shoot.*

Felix: *Sorry, something came up. I had to leave. Emergency at home.*

A pause.

Nick: *I hope everything is okay. Just… remember, Felix, I’ll be here if you need me.*

Felix: *Thank you.*

Nick’s words gave him a fleeting sense of comfort, but the looming fear for Hyunjin overshadowed it. When they landed in Seoul, a car awaited them. To Felix’s devastation, it drove them not to their dorms but toward the hospital. His chest tightened fearing the worst, it had to be bad if he was at the hospital.

Chan finally broke the silence after getting a text message. “He’s stable now. But you need to be strong, Felix. For him.”

Felix barely heard the words. His heart pounded as they reached the hospital. The process of checking in, getting clearance to see Hyunjin, and navigating the hallways felt never-ending. Every second felt like an eternity.

As they approached Hyunjin’s room, they passed their bandmates sitting in the corridor. Their faces were pale; their eyes filled with worry and exhaustion. ChangBin nodded solemnly, his expression a mix of relief and despair.

Inside the room, the sight of Hyunjin nearly brought Felix to his knees. The man he once held so dear was almost unrecognizable. His lean, muscular frame had almost wasted away, his pallor so stark it seemed unnatural. IV lines ran to his famous hands, now limp and devoid of their usual expressive beauty. Hyunjin’s lips, once vibrant and full, were now colorless. The sight of him hooked to machines, unresponsive, shattered Felix.

He stumbled forward, collapsing at Hyunjin’s bedside. His trembling hands reached for Hyunjin’s face, caressing his pale skin and gently brushing the hair from his forehead. “Hyunjin,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Please wake up. Please…”

ChangBin stood in the corner of the room, watching the scene solemnly. Felix turned to him. “What happened?” he asked, his voice trembling.

ChangBin hesitated, his eyes glazing over as he recounted the events. “He wasn’t leaving his room. He was completely shut in. After your performance aired…” ChangBin paused, his voice faltering. “I heard loud crashes from his room. It sounded like he was breaking everything. Then it went silent. I gave him some time, but when he didn’t respond, I broke down the door.”

Felix’s breath hitched as ChangBin continued. “The room… it was a mess." Something in his eyes made Felix believe that it was more than a mess, whatever he saw, ChangBin decided not to get into details. "He… he also had pills, prescription stuff, definitely not from here. He must have taken them. We got him to the hospital in time, but he hasn’t woken up yet.”

Tears streamed down Felix’s face as he turned back to Hyunjin. “Why?”

A couple of hours passed with Felix by Hyunjin’s side, speaking to him softly, stroking his hair, and pressing gentle kisses to his hand. He whispered apologies, regrets, and hopes into the sterile air. As night fell, Han gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Felix, you need rest. I’ll stay with him tonight. You can come back in the morning.”

“I can’t leave him,” Felix protested.

“You’re in no shape to stay, it looks like you are about to collapse.” Han insisted. “Please, Felix. Trust me.”

Reluctantly, Felix leaned down and kissed Hyunjin’s forehead. “I love you,” he murmured, his voice trembling. As he pulled away, he thought he saw Hyunjin’s eyelids flutter, but it might have been his imagination.

He left the room heartbroken, his soul tethered to the hope that Hyunjin would wake up.

Chapter 23: A Room of Shadows and Light

Even though he had to leave the hospital, he couldn’t stay away from Hyunjin. Felix needed to be closer to him—if not to the person, then to the things he’d touched, the scent he’d left behind, and all the small traces of him. He told himself it was about Hyunjin’s recent favorite - the purple plushie - and his sleep mask, both missing from the hospital room. But he knew those were weak excuses. The truth was, he felt helpless, and this was something he could do. Something to make him feel connected when he couldn’t be by Hyunjin’s side. If he could put even one familiar thing within reach, maybe it would offer Hyunjin a little comfort—and maybe it would ease the ache in his own chest.

Felix arrived at Hyunjin’s dorm with a mix of determination and apprehension. ChangBin opened the door, his face etched with exhaustion and concern. He blinked in surprise at Felix but quickly stepped aside to let him in. Inside, I.N., Minho, and Seungmin sat together in a tense silence. Their eyes lit up with recognition, and they rushed to embrace Felix.

Tears spilled from Felix’s eyes as the group held him. He choked out words of guilt, his voice trembling. “I am so sorry…”

“It’s not your fault,” Minho said firmly. Seungmin and I.N. nodded in agreement, their faces somber.

But Felix couldn’t be consoled. He made his way to Hyunjin’s room with a single-minded focus. ChangBin stepped in front of him, his expression protective. “Felix, wait. You don’t need to see it like this. It’s… it’s too much.”

“I need to,” Felix said, his voice breaking. “I have to find the plushie.” He pushed past ChangBin, ignoring his protests, and opened the door.

The sight stopped him cold.

The room was a storm frozen in time. Furniture lay overturned, shards of glass from a shattered frame sparkled faintly in the dim light. Clothes and personal items were strewn everywhere. But what stood out most were the drawings. They covered every available surface—walls, the floor, even the broken furniture. Pages upon pages of sketches littered the space, each one raw and haunting.

Felix stepped inside, his breath catching as he took in the images. Most of the drawings were of him. They captured his face in startling detail, highlighting his beauty, his vulnerability, and an ethereal purity that made Felix’s heart ache. Some depicted him as an angel, his features glowing with a celestial light. Others contrasted Hyunjin’s self-image, rendering him as a distorted, tormented figure—a devil in the shadows.

The sketches were some of Hyunjin’s finest work, brimming with pain and artistry. They were beautiful, but they were also devastating.

ChangBin’s voice came from the doorway. “He’s been drawing like this for weeks. Every time he locked himself in here, this is what he was doing.”

Felix’s knees buckled, and he sank to the floor, clutching the plushie he had found near the bed. Tears streamed down his face as he whispered, “He… still draws me.”

ChangBin responded softly. “Yeah but, Felix… the state of this room… it’s how he feels inside. He’s been living in hell.”

Felix’s sobs wracked his body. The drawings were a testament to Hyunjin’s torment, a visual diary of a love that had both sustained and destroyed him. Clutching the plushie to his chest, Felix whispered, “I have to go back to him.”

He didn’t listen to the protests of his bandmates and left in a hurry, he couldn’t stay away a minute more. It was early morning hours when Felix arrived back at the hospital, and he hadn’t slept in over 24 hours by then running on autopilot, but he knew there was no way he could stay away in that moment. The staff initially refused him entry, citing visiting hours, but the desperation in his doe eyes swayed the guards.

When Felix entered Hyunjin’s room, Han was lying on a bench by the window, his eyes fluttering open at the sound of the door. He sat up quickly, startled to see Felix. “What are you doing here?”

Felix held up the plushie, his voice trembling. “I needed to bring this. I couldn’t stay away. Please, Han, let me stay with him. I can’t leave him.”

Han studied Felix’s tear-streaked face and nodded with understanding. He walked over and embraced Felix, whispering, “Take care of yourself, too. You need to be strong for him.”

After Han left, Felix placed the plushie at the foot of Hyunjin’s bed. He then climbed carefully onto the large hospital bed, curling his slim frame beside Hyunjin’s. His arm draped gently over Hyunjin’s chest, his face nestled against his neck. He whispered his love and promises of never leaving. Exhaustion finally claimed him, and he drifted in and out of restless sleep.

When Felix woke, the room was still dim, and the steady beeping of monitors filled the air. He realized he had wrapped himself around Hyunjin in his sleep, his leg draped over him, his arm around his chest. He pulled back slightly to look at Hyunjin’s face—and froze.

Hyunjin’s eyes were open, tears streaming silently down his cheeks.

“Jinnie!” Felix cried, his voice a mix of shock and relief. Felix quickly unwrapped himself, afraid he might have hurt Hyunjin but Hyunjin’s grip tightened and held him in place.

Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered closed briefly, a pained expression crossing his face. “Don’t… leave me,” he whispered weakly.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said firmly. “I promise.” while getting closer to him.

Hyunjin’s voice was fragile but insistent. “When I felt you beside me… I thought I was dreaming. Or that I… I was in heaven.”

Felix’s heart broke at the words. He cupped Hyunjin’s face gently, his thumb brushing away the tears. “I’m here. I’m real. And I’m not leaving you.”

They held each other’s gaze, Felix’s chest tightening with questions he wasn’t sure he wanted the answers to. But the need to know outweighed the fear. His voice was careful, almost cautious. “Why, Hyunjin? Why did you…?”

Hyunjin’s eyes filled with shame. “It was an accident, Lix, I swear. I would never do anything like this on purpose.” he murmured. “I just… I hadn’t slept in so long. I was losing my mind. And then, when I saw your performance with Nick… I felt like a hurricane inside. I just wanted everything to stop for a minute. I took too much, Felix. I didn’t mean to…”

Felix’s tears flowed freely as he listened. He stroked Hyunjin’s hair, his voice shaking. “I thought I was losing you, Hyunjin. Please, don’t ever…. again.”

Hyunjin nodded weakly. “I won’t. I promise.”

Felix pressed his forehead to Hyunjin’s. “I’ll be here. Always.”

A flicker of hope ignited in Hyunjin’s tired eyes. "Always?"

Felix smiled through his tears. “As long as you want me to be.”

"What about Nick?"

Felix hesitated for a moment, his chest tightening as he thought of Nick. Then, with quiet resolve, he said, "I told Nick there’s no future for us. We won’t be seeing each other again."

Hyunjin blinked, clearly caught off guard. "Was it JYP?" he asked, his tone edging on bitterness. "He was so hard on us, I can’t imagine how much stricter he’d be with someone like Nick."

A faint smile crossed Felix’s lips as he shook his head. "It’s not JYP," he said softly. "As I told Nick, it’s a gorgeous yet stupid-stupid boy who stole my heart long ago. And no matter what I do, or what he does, I can’t seem to take it back from him."

Hyunjin swallowed hard, tears spilling over as he stared at Felix in disbelief. Silently, he reached out, and their hands met, trembling. The next moment, they were in each other’s arms, their lips colliding in a kiss filled with desperation and longing. Time seemed to stop as they clung to one another, as if the world outside no longer existed, and for the first time in weeks, they both felt a true sense of peace as the first rays of rising sun seeped through the blinds.

Chapter 24: Bedtime Confessions

A Day later, Hyunjin was finally discharged. The band members took it upon themselves to clean and restore his room. They couldn’t involve staff or cleaners, fearing outsiders might catch wind of the turmoil Hyunjin had been going through. Together, they quietly picked up the pieces, physical and emotional, as they set his space back to rights.

Despite the challenges of the last few months, the atmosphere felt lighter. Hyunjin, who had been so reserved and distant, was now the complete opposite. He clung to Felix like a lifeline, never wanting to stop touching him, holding him, or keeping him within arm’s reach. The other band members, while teasing him occasionally, were nothing but supportive. They understood.

To celebrate Hyunjin’s return, they planned a low-key dinner at home. Everyone pitched in with preparations, but as always, it was Minho who took charge of the cooking. The smell of his famous kimchi stew and Felix’s freshly baked brownies filled the air, drawing everyone to the table. Chan, Han, ChangBin, Seungmin, I.N., and Minho all sat around, laughing and chatting.

“You’re going to eat everything tonight,” Minho poked Hyunjin on the side with a serious tone, plopping an extra serving onto his plate.

“Yeah, you need to gain some weight back, hyung,” I.N. chimed in, grinning.

Hyunjin smiled, genuinely for the first time in weeks. His gaze often drifted to Felix, gratitude and love shining in his eyes.

As the meal wound down, Hyunjin cleared his throat, his expression growing serious. “I just… I need to say something,” he began, his voice wavering slightly.

The room quieted, everyone watching him intently.

“I don’t deserve any of you,” Hyunjin began, his voice low but steady, though his fingers trembled at his sides. “I got trapped in myself and shut everyone out—because I hated myself. And maybe I had good reason… but I was too afraid to let anyone see just how far I’d fallen. I was bound by my own thoughts, my fears, and I didn’t know how to reach for help. You all gave me space when I pushed you, but none of you ever turned your backs on me.”

His gaze found Chan first.
“Hyung… thank you for always checking in, even when I barely answered, even when I made it hard. You never stopped.”

Then he turned to I.N and Minho.
“You both tried relentlessly to pull me out of my shell. You kept showing up, kept trying—no matter how many times I gave you nothing back. That meant more than I can ever put into words.”

When his eyes landed on Changbin, his voice faltered.
“And you…” He swallowed hard, his throat tight. “You’ve always been there. Always caring. Never judging. Always trying to save me from myself. That night—you broke down that door, hyung. You saved my life. I owe my life to you.”

Changbin’s jaw tightened, his own eyes glistening. Without a word, he stepped forward and pulled Hyunjin into a fierce embrace. “You don’t owe me anything,” he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. “You just have to get better. That’s all I want.”

Finally, Hyunjin turned to Felix. The moment their eyes met, his voice wavered.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me, because I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I lost my way the second I realized I lost you… and I haven’t been myself since. I didn’t know how to get back to you, so I just kept getting more and more lost, falling deeper into the hole I dug for myself. I’ve been immature, unfair—selfish.” His voice cracked, but he pushed through, eyes shining. “And even though I don’t deserve you, you came back. You held me when you had every reason to walk away. Lixie… you’re my best friend, my soulmate… and I love you so much.”

The room grew quiet as a few of them wiped away their tears. Felix’s cheeks flushed, but he didn’t shy away from Hyunjin’s gaze. Instead, he smiled, his eyes shimmering and held out his hand to Hyunjin asking him to come close.

When the others left for their dorms later, nobody questioned Felix staying behind with Hyunjin. Changbin lingered by the doorway, keys in hand, glancing between the two of them. “I, uh… need to work on something with Chan in the studio,” he said casually, though the look in his eyes made it clear he was giving them space. “Don’t wait up.”

Hyunjin gave a small nod, not calling him out, and Changbin squeezed his shoulder before heading out. The door clicked shut, leaving only the hum of the refrigerator.

The atmosphere shifted the moment the door closed behind them. Hyunjin reached for Felix’s hand and gently guided him toward his room. “We need to talk,” he said quietly, though there was no mistaking the resolve in his voice. “About everything.”

Felix hesitated at the threshold, shaking his head. “You don’t have to explain right now, Hyunjin. We can do this later. You just got back from the hospital—”

“No.” Hyunjin’s voice cut in, firmer this time. “It’s not too soon. I’ve been silent for too long. If “I’d had the courage to say these things back then… maybe we wouldn’t have lost so much time.”
Hyunjin laid it all bare—his mistakes in Milan, the first trip to Australia, and how things with Troye had spiraled out of control. He admitted that while something had happened during their first two encounters, he’d been heavily drugged both times, and that was where it ended. He wasn’t making excuses, but the drugs Troye and his friends used were brutally strong; he could only recall fragments of what happened, like disjointed flashes in a nightmare. In those moments, he’d had little to no control over himself.

By the third meeting, Troye had realized Hyunjin wasn’t interested in him at all—he was only showing up to score more drugs, desperate to numb the deep pain Felix’s absence had left behind. Soon, he stopped spending any time with Troye or his entourage altogether. He would meet them just long enough to get what he wanted, then disappear into some lonely corner to sink deeper into the haze.

“I was drowning, Felix,” Hyunjin choked out, tears sliding freely down his face. “I thought I’d lost you forever. I saw the judgment—the disappointment—in everyone’s eyes, and I couldn’t even stand to look in the mirror. So I ran. Troye handed me the pills, and then he left… and I took them because it was easier than feeling anything. But nothing happened after that. Nothing ever could. My heart was already gone. Maybe Troye felt bad, like he was partly to blame… I don’t know. I just know I couldn’t feel anything anymore.”

Felix’s brow furrowed, “Then why, Hyunjin? Why didn’t you ever deny it when everyone assumed you were going to see him? Why let them believe?”

Hyunjin’s voice broke as he shook his head. “Because I couldn’t tell them the truth. I couldn’t admit I was falling deeper and deeper into drugs. I didn’t know how else to cope. I thought… if they already hated me, if they already judged me, what difference did it make? I was weak. I let them think what they wanted, because I didn’t have the strength to fight it. I didn’t even have the strength to fight myself.” His sobs shook him.

Felix couldn’t hold back any longer. He pulled Hyunjin into his arms, holding him tightly as the weight of his confession hung in the air. His own tears blurred his vision, but his voice came out steady, gentle, and full of love. “I forgive you, Hyunjin. It’s ok. We’re here together now.”

The truth still stung, each word lingering in his chest like an echo, but there was relief in hearing it—relief in knowing it hadn’t been the consuming passion or mutual desire Felix always feared with Troye. Instead, it had been a fogged, drug-heavy haze in which Hyunjin had simply let things happen. And Felix believed him when he said nothing had happened since.

Hyunjin might retreat into silence or falter when trying to explain himself, but Felix knew one thing with absolute certainty—he had never lied to him. That truth, unshaken, was enough.

Felix reached out, his thumb brushing gently across Hyunjin’s cheek, drying the tear tracks that remained. Hyunjin had stopped crying, but Felix lingered, his eyes locked on Hyunjin’s with a depth of feeling that said more than words ever could.

Hyunjin’s jaw tightened, a flicker of hesitation passing through his gaze before he finally gave voice to the question that had been haunting him.
“Did anything… happen with Nick?”

Felix hesitated but nodded. “We kissed…fooled around” he admitted, his heart sinking. “That’s all. I’ve not been with anyone else. Only you.”

Relief washed over Hyunjin’s face. “Oh baby, I don’t deserve you,” he said, his voice trembling. “And I swear to you, I will never take you for granted again. You’re my mate, Felix. My soul. Life means nothing when you are not with me.”

Felix felt the words he had been yearning to hear wash over him like a tidal wave, filling him with a happiness so profound it left him breathless. He pulled Hyunjin closer, and his lips were on Hyunjin’s before he could even think. This kiss was different—urgent, almost desperate, as if they were racing against the clock, terrified the other might vanish if they stopped. Their mouths moved with a feverish need, tasting, taking, giving, the air between them burning hot.

Hyunjin’s fingers slid under the hem of Felix’s shirt, dragging along the skin of his waist in a slow, deliberate trail that made Felix’s entire body tighten. The touch was charged and filled with need, and something inside him shifted instantly. His gaze dropped to Hyunjin’s lips, then back to his eyes—those dark, magnetic eyes that had haunted him for months—as Hyunjin grabbed on him pulling him close with urgency, Felix felt the change surge through him.

His own eyes darkened, the warm glow in them hardening into something fierce and unyielding. The softness in his face vanished; his jaw clenched, the muscle ticking as if he were restraining himself by the thinnest thread. The corners of his lips barely moved, but the set of his mouth carried authority, possession. His posture straightened, his presence filling the room, and when he spoke, his voice came out low, dangerous, almost vibrating through the air.

“Do you miss me?”

The sound of it alone sent a rush of exhilaration through Hyunjin’s body. His eyes fluttered shut, his breath catching, as if the question itself had reached deep inside him. Felix lingered there for a heartbeat, letting the silence coil tight between them before speaking again, his tone dropping even lower, a rasp threading through it.

“Take off your shirt… and sit on the bed.”

Hyunjin obeyed instantly, his hands trembling slightly as he pulled the fabric over his head. When he looked up again, his breath caught in his throat. Felix’s gaze was unwavering, sharp with power and intent. Hyunjin knew this side of him—only he knew this side of him. When Felix switched like this, which was rare, Hyunjin felt like a puddle, ready to obey him with full want and compliance.

This was The Felix Effect—the side of him that was hidden from the world, another irony added to the list of attributes in extremes that Felix embodied so effortlessly, an expression, complete masculine dominance no one else could imagine. Felix would never show this side of him to anyone else and knowing it was reserved for him alone filled Hyunjin with pride and a happiness so intense it made his chest ache. His heart felt as if it might burst.

Felix knelt in between his knees, hands sliding up Hyunjin’s thighs before cupping his face and claiming his mouth. The kiss was deliberate at first, but soon deepened, the urgency building in slow waves. His lips wandered down—along Hyunjin’s jaw, his neck, the line of his collarbone. When Felix’s teeth grazed sensitive skin and trailed with small bites, Hyunjin let out a low, breathless sound that melted into a moan, the mix of pleasure and pain pulling him apart in the best way.

Felix kept control, unhurried, savoring every reaction as he moved down Hyunjin’s torso. As he reached Hyunjin’s groins, his fingers clenched in the bedsheets before moving to tug at Felix’s shirt, his voice cracking into a plea. “Please…”

Felix pulled back just enough to meet his eyes. “What do you want?”

“You know it is you,” Hyunjin breathed, his voice almost breaking.

Felix’s lips curved in a faint, smirk. He stripped both of their clothes away slowly, keeping his gaze locked on Hyunjin’s. When the last barrier fell and Hyunjin was bare beneath him, Felix’s hands explored with a reverence that made Hyunjin shiver.

They moved together as if no time had passed, their bodies remembering what their hearts had never forgotten. Their moves grew hungrier, their touches more desperate, until the air between them felt alive with heat and the tension snapped—both of them losing themselves in the closeness they’d craved for months.

Hyunjjin couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through his body. It had been so long since he felt Felix this way, and he had missed it all the way in his bones. His eyes were half lidded, his mind gone, all he could do was squirm and moan breathlessly under his sweet torture. They moved together, their bodies in sync as they chased their orgasms. Felix could feel himself getting closer with his thrusts becoming more erratic as he neared his release, his breathing ragged and uneven. The sight of Hyunjin—head tipped back, eyes fluttering closed, swollen lips parted and calling his name in a voice thick with need—was all it took to push them over the edge. And then, with one final thrust, they both came, their moans mingling together as they reached their peak. Felix collapsed onto Hyunjin, his breath hot and heavy against his neck.

    "I love you," Hyunjin whispered, his voice filled with emotion trying to catch his breath.

    "I love you," Felix replied, his voice just as breathy.

They lay side by side, trying to catch their breathing, hands clasped, fingers intertwined, gazing up at the ceiling. Satisfied smiles curved their lips—smiles filled with a genuine happiness neither had felt in so long. Their breaths slowed down, their hearts felt lighter, overflowing with quiet joy. Wrapped in that rare, perfect peace, sleep claimed them both, carrying them into the most restful night they’d had in ages.

Chapter 25: A Deep Promise in Ink

Felix woke first, the light from the curtains spilling across Hyunjin’s face. He lay on his side, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest, the way a few strands of hair fell over his closed eyes. Without thinking, Felix reached out, brushing them back and tracing the curve of Hyunjin’s jaw with his fingertips.

Hyunjin stirred, his plump lips curving into the faintest smile. “You’re staring,” he murmured before his eyes opened, voice still rough from sleep.

Felix’s hand lingered on his cheek. “Just making sure you’re really next to me.”

Hyunjin caught his hand, lacing their fingers together. “I am and I will stay forever, as long as you want me to stay,” he whispered.

Felix leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “Stay. I’ve had enough of losing you for a lifetime.”
Hyunjin took a deep breath, reaching into a drawer and pulling out a small box. “I’ve been holding onto these,” he said, revealing their old couple rings. “Do you want to wear them again? Maybe you can wear one and I can wear the other. Or new ones? What do you think?”

Felix’s smile was soft, almost wistful, as he shook his head. “We’ve moved far beyond that, Jinnie. What we share is greater than a pair of glass rings that can be easily lost or shattered. I believe we are more resilient than them now. Plus, I don’t need a symbol on my finger to carry you with me. You’re already here, not just in my skin, but carved deep into my heart.”

Felix reached into his bag and pulled out a small box of his own. “Which reminds me… I have something for you,” he said, his voice softening. “It was given to me by my best friend a long time ago, back when I was struggling to come to terms with who I am and what—well, who—I truly want. It’s already done its part in helping me. Now, I want you to have it.”

He handed the box to Hyunjin. Inside was a necklace—a delicate chain adorned with a safety pin and a single pearl. 

Hyunjin took it in with impressed eyes.

“The safety pin is a promise,” Felix said. “A promise to yourself, to me, to never hurt yourself again and that you will talk to us if you are getting lost in your head. And the pearl… well, I want to be the pearl, for no particular reason other than I want you to think of how much I love you when you feel down.”

Hyunjin’s voice broke as he whispered, “Felix…”

“You don’t have to wear it,” Felix said, his own tears spilling over. “But promise me. Promise me you’ll never shut us all out and do anything stupid like that again.”

Hyunjin put the necklace on immediately, pulling Felix into a tight embrace. “I promise. I’ll never hurt myself again. I’ll never hurt you again.”

They lay together on the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. Hyunjin’s hand traced lazy patterns on Felix’s back as an idea struck him.

“You know,” Hyunjin said, his voice thoughtful, “our contracts don’t forbid tattoos anymore.”

Felix laughed softly. “What are you thinking?”

“Something just for us, nothing visible but carved on us.” Hyunjin said, grabbing a sketchpad and pen. He quickly began scribbling, his face alight with concentration.

Felix had expected a simple symbol or maybe a flower, but when Hyunjin turned the pad toward him, his heart skipped a beat. In Hyunjin’s elegant handwriting was a single word: STAY. It was perfect—STAY, the name of their fans, the ones who had made everything possible, voted them to debut together, made them who they are, and kept them together in the spotlight all these years. But it was more than that. In this moment, it also meant stay with me—a quiet promise, a plea, and a shared hope that they would remain by each other’s side, always. The added plausible deniability—that they could always attribute it to their fans—only deepened their private satisfaction, a secret meaning hidden in plain sight.

“It’s perfect,” Felix said, his voice thick with emotion.

They embraced again, their lips meeting in a kiss full of love and promise. They knew they would carry this moment with them forever, imprinted not just on their skin, but on their souls.

Chapter 26: Visuals

Hyunjin, Troye Sivan and Manu Rios sitting together at Versace Cannes show. 

Troye and Hyunjin

Hyunjin at Versace After Party 

Bang Chan & Nick Galitzine at Fendi Show in Milan 2024

Felix Fendi Show Outfit Inspirations

Maniac Outfit

Fendi Mesh Top SS2025

Hyunjin Dancing to "Another Love"

 

Felix Angel-like for "Beyond" 

Hyunjin Safety Pin Necklace

Notes:

I got inspired by a photo of Bang Chan and Nicholas Galitzine at the Fendi SS2025 fashion show in Milan which happened early 2024. I wondered what would happen if things were just a little bit different. I am really looking forward to hearing your thoughts and comments. Hope you like it!