Chapter 1: Magpies
Notes:
I think we are going to start off slow before we get into all the action.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Sebastian! Those magpies are trying to build a nest on the porch again!” Painter shouted from outside. “Did you remember to remove the old nests to deter them from coming there again?” Sebastian shouted, busy with washing cucumbers from the store. “Yes! This one keeps swooping at me!” He shouted. “Did you make it mad?” “No!” Sebastian watched as Painter fumbled around with the birds, trying to get them away from him. He stopped what he was doing and turned off the sink, slithered outside and grabbed the water shooter and sprayed the birds, who then fled into a nearby tree to avoid being sprayed. “There. No more magpies.” He placed the water gun into its usual spot. “Thanks Seb.” Painter chirped. “No problem kid.” He then went back inside.
The house was quiet. Perhaps a little too quiet. An uncomfortable quiet. Painter switches back from drawing the view of the waves that crashed against the cliff side at the bay. He glared at the magpies from earlier today, sitting in the trees, acting like they totally didn’t harass him that morning. He diverted his attention to the sudden noise of drywall crumbling from the hallway. “Whoops.” Sebastian looked at the hole in the wall. “Eh. I’ll fix that later.” He shook his hand that created the hole.
Things were relatively peaceful about now, and that’s how what it could have stayed, but the time comes when unforeseen circumstances will determine whether staying cozy and comfortable is still an appropriate option.
Notes:
Short chapter.
Chapter 2: The Trespasser
Summary:
Sebastian deals with a rather peculiar trespasser.
Notes:
I’m starting out slowly before we get into all the heavy action. Let it cook.
Chapter Text
The sun was shining far too brightly for Sebastian’s discomfort. Unfortunately it was a very hot day, and he’d rather stay indoors the whole day but there were many weeds in the garden. It was nice having one, but an absolute pain to maintain. He could put this task behind him and reserve it for later, but no progress would be completed. So if he did it in the present, he wouldn’t have to deal with it later.
the cats, having grown up from small kittens when they were taken in were absolutely no help whatsoever in weeding the garden, but were a pleasant distraction from the task at hand.
His mother would be very proud of him for actually keeping more than one plant alive this time around. He thought briefly about accidentally killing the pansies after overwatering them. Pulling one of the weeds out of the ground and throwing it into the ‘weed pile’ which was never going to be cleaned up after the task was done. Sebastian would rather be figuring out how to get a better source of energy for the lighthouse than pulling out weeds, a very undesirable task right now.
a rustling in the bushes alerted him. He looked up at the bushes and narrowed his gaze at it. Tightening his fists, he slowly approached the bushes, ready for whatever was in them.
a somewhat slender entity pounced out of the bushes as its feathery features poofed up like a cat’s fur, its eyes, dark as night, seemed to be more scared of Sebastian than he was of it. Actually, despite the entity’s efforts to appear terrifying, he thought it was kind of cute. It stood away from him, tip toeing on its four paws, as an extra pair wasn’t touching the ground at all. He tilted his head at it with slight curiosity.
the entity let out a loud hiss and then contorted its own body horrifically as it bolted, attempting to scramble up the wall. “Hey, no-“ Sebastian yelled, as the claw marks were blemishing the side of the house. The entity contorted, bumbling up the wall as it hauled its weight onto the roof, reenacting a scene from the Lion King movie and plopped itself onto the roof and hissed at Sebastian again before falling asleep up there. “Well….. crud.”
He took the route he usually took to get a better radio reception to signal towards Innovation Inc. this time around however, instead of just sitting on the balcony and waiting for a signal, he was going to investigate the peculiar entity currently sleeping on the roof, which would be an acrobatic nightmare. He wasn’t built for such agile work, but this was going to be slightly more challenging than his escapades around the Blacksite, from one hiding place to another. He wrapped his tail around the balcony as he climbed over the edge and hesitated for a moment.
“should I really be doing this?” He speculated, analyzing the distance between the balcony and the roof. “Apparently I am. How can I do this without breaking something..” he climbed back over the railing and then went back downstairs after ruling that it wasn’t a good idea.
Sebastian speculated on the situation, as to how he would get it off the roof without sending himself to the emergency room. What if it’s hungry? He then checked the fridge for anything that might interest the entity but couldn’t find anything that would make a good meal for it. Maybe he could ask Painter on how he managed to lead Good People around? No, the computer was currently resting at the moment. So what could he do? Then he got an idea.
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“hello there. How much is this uhhh….. caveman steak worth?” Sebastian ventured, standing there at the butcher shop with a large camaraderie of steaks on the counter. The clerk looked up at him, flabbergasted. He hadn’t done as well of a job on his disguise, and was hoping that it wasn’t too bad. “139.99 dollars… what do you need this much meat for?” The clerk droned. “It’s for a big family reunion cookout.” Sebastian alleged. “Uhhh… we like to go big and all out.” He gestured subtly. “Okay then…. Have fun with that I guess.” The clerk uttered, as Sebastian was about to leave after paying for the steak (and some bacon hehe). He turned towards the door and then briefly paused as the reporter guy he liked to bother (from a distance) walked in looking like crap.
Sebastian immediately shrunk into the corner and attempted to look like another ordinary customer. The clerk piped up when the reporter guy came to the counter with a small piece of meat. “Hi there Gene! I’m sorry that Mrs Glindale fired you from your job.” The clerk babbles. “Morning. I’ll be having this brisket.” Gene muttered. “I’ve got a date with my girlfriend tomorrow night and I I’m taking her to that new restaurant called the Champagne Shrimp.” He perked up proudly. “That’s wonderful. Hope you can afford it.” The clerk said. “Well, I would still be MAKING money if Mrs Glindale DIDN’T FIRE ME because of that enigmatic company confiscating my precious footage of the infamous Vulture Mansion Massacre incident which was all the proof I needed to show the world that monsters are real!” Gene slammed his fist onto the counter, and Sebastian was certain that Gene was foaming at the mouth like a dog with rabies.
Sebastian quickly left the scene, but he had a horrible sinking feeling that Urbanshade was nearby. Better time than never to stay off that radar.
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He returned to the lighthouse where he and Painter were safe, and he hoped that the entity would come off the roof.
The entity rises from its nap, and contorts its body with a stretch before sliding off the roof and falling onto the ground with a heavy thud, before getting up and walking towards the steak like it hadn’t even fallen at all. The entity’s name was probably Contortionist, due to the horrific way it twisted its body without a trace of pain. It flipped its head upside down and sniffed the steak gently before turning its head back the correct way and biting into the meat hungrily.
Sebastian, keeping his distance, got a better look at it, flipping through the files he had brought with him, and attempted to find it, but there was nothing about Contortionist anywhere. Contortionist probably wasn’t even captured by Urbanshade at all, because there was absolutely no way that thing could possibly swim. However, by the way it waited until the food was prepared, there was no chance that it would be wild. Maybe it was one of the few entities from the infamous Vulture Mansion he’d been hearing about.
something strange was around Contortionist’s neck and it seemed to be a little camera. He needed to get that camera off of it immediately. Sebastian slithers forward, carefully reaching towards Contortionist’s neck and grabbing the strap that the camera was attached to, touching the fluffy feathers that were soft as a new blanket. He pulls the camera off, alerting Contortionist, who hisses, displeased with having been touched. He backs away slowly, holding the camera, then bolting inside the house and slamming the door shut as Contortionist charged at him and got a face full of door. He holds the door closed as he hears it hissing and scratching, trying to get in. He places a heavy object against the door, as Contortionist is trying to push its way inside.
the noise wakes up Painter, who then finds Sebastian standing there in the middle of the kitchen with a tiny camera with the back door barricaded. “Seb? What happened here?” He asked. “This camera is not from Urbanshade. That’s a relief.” Sebastian stated, inspecting the tiny device. Painter looks outside the window and sees Contortionist standing in front of the door. “Who’s that?” Painter asks. “I have no idea. It’s a little trespasser, and I’m calling it Contortionist for now.” Sebastian answers. “Okay, why is it called Contortionist though?” “It twists itself into unimaginable shapes that would be infinitely painful.” “Oh.”
Painter approaches Sebastian with the camera. “So this camera isn’t from Urbanshade?” “Yep. If it was, it would have the logo.” Sebastian inspected the camera for several more minutes.
“I think I know who it belongs to.”
Chapter 3: Smackdown
Summary:
Painter reviews the footage on the camera while Sebastian goes to a bar due to boredom.
Notes:
Hey, I do mention a few cryptids in this chapter, but you can see if you recognize any of them.
Also, some of them might appear later on in the future!
Chapter Text
Urbanshade agents were practically crawling around town by now. Sebastian and Painter hated it. Obviously, they weren’t looking for them. Painter overheard a conversation between two of them that they thought both of them were still “dead” and the last known traces of them were from Painter previously being smashed at the Blacksite, and the last remaining camera footage of Sebastian swimming away from the Blacksite. It was a relief for now. According to the Urbanshade Agents, there was no possible way that he could have survived the veil. Well, they clearly underestimated him. When Sebastian was told about this, obviously, he was alarmed by the breakthrough, but he thought it was hilarious that they couldn’t find him past old camera footage.
but for now, it was time to look at some footage of the person who was spying on them.
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“hey Painter.” Sebastian asks the computer. “What?” He responds. “There’s a lot of stuff on this device and you can help me figure out how much footage of us is on here.” Sebastian tosses the camera over to him. “Yeah. Once I figure out how much footage is on here, I’ll be happy to wait for the next step on what we should do next.” Painter chirps. “What do you want to do with the camera, kid?” Sebastian asked, waiting for Painter to answer.
” I think that we COULD delete all of the footage on this and render it without any evidence, OR we literally just keep the camera to ourselves.” He suggested. “I’m just in favor of the second option right now.” Sebastian muttered. “Hold up, I wasn’t done yet.” Painter continues. “Or……. We can delete all the footage from the camera after reviewing it, and then we’ll film a video of our own, then we’ll mail it back to the owner.” He tapped his head, gesturing at the idea. “I don’t know. It could work.” Sebastian said, wanting to remain a smidge hopeful for his friend. “You do that right when you’re ready, and I’ll go out to find the address to mail it there.” Sebastian told him. “That’s fine with me. I’ve been alone before. You find that address and please be back by 8:30 pm.” Painter then went to go review the camera while Sebastian was going to find out where it came from.
Obviously, they both knew that it belonged to Gene, but they didn’t know where the guy was, or where he lived, because stalking is rather sketchy and they both didn’t want to befriend him. Gene didn’t even bother writing down an address and it creeped Sebastian out that Gene WAS the one who was being all stalker-y. The last time he saw him, Gene looked like he’d not even seen a therapist in his life. And that was a day ago. Sebastian knew that the guy worked with the news, so that was a good starting point. Not very many people were outside right now, and the ones that were outside, they were occupied with other people or doomscrolling on their phones. He didn’t know people in town, despite living there for 5 months, and was starting to think that he should have been the one reviewing the camera footage instead. And here he was, going to talk to people who weren’t Expendables, Scientists, or Business Employees who had varying degrees of reactions. If he could handle it with them, he could certainly do it again. He got ready to ask people some questions.
Painter was reviewing the film and found out that it predated his and Sebastian’s arrival to town. He looked at blurry images of attempts to find Sasquatch, The Loch Ness Monster, The Rusalka, Leprechauns, The Hidden People, The Dullahan, The Beast of the Charred Forest, The Fresno Night-Crawler, Heck, even the Owl Man and so much more. It seemed that Gene had traveled around the globe to find these cryptids, and it made Painter wonder whether Urbanshade ever found any of them…….. ugh, he hoped not. anyway, it seemed that he and Sebastian appeared to be worthy enough to be added to the list of creatures that Gene has tried and failed to prove the existence of to a bunch of skeptics. Jackalope, Charybdis, Bodach, Bunyip, Werehyena, sirens…… there was a lot. Painter was hoping that Sebastian was having some luck with finding the address.
”Ugh. This is taking forever.” Sebastian groaned, dragging his tail across the sidewalk sluggishly. “I need nicotine right now….” He growled. It had been far too long since he’d had something to stimulate him. Conveniently, there was a log cabin like building on his left, across the street. He scrambled across while nobody was looking and hoped that someone could give him some answers on where Gene lived so he and Painter could return the dang camera with a little surprise with it to the guy. He inched forward when suddenly…..
“AaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuugghhghhhhhhhhh”
a man was thrown out of the window and then promptly got back up like everything was fine and then walked back inside. Sebastian flinched back, second guessing the whole decision to come over here. But he needed answers, and hopefully he could get some here.
Sebastian entered the bar and the doors swung open like in one of those old western films, and he slithered in and sat at a barstool, staring down at his hands. “Welcome.” The bartender said. “How may I help you? Care to order a drink?” He asked. “I will have a….” Sebastian looks up at the menu, scanning the items on it. “How about a dirty soda.” He responded. “What flavor of dirty soda?” “Flavor? I don’t care what flavor it is, I haven’t had any in years.” The bartender then whispered to another one. “Roll out the Dirty Laundry for this lad.” The bartender asked. “What’s the Dirty Laundry?”
the dirty laundry turned out to be an amalgamation of all of the various dirty sodas on the menu. “Ah.” Sebastian gripped the side of the cup, slightly tense. “Nobody else has ordered the Dirty Laundry. Nobody except her.” The bartender pointed across the room to a rowdy blonde woman who was joking around with her friends. “Isn’t that the news anchor lady?” He asked. “Sunny Glindale? Oh! Her! Sunny Glindale!” The bartender said. “I need to speak to her about something.” “Oh, you must think she’s pretty.” “No! Not that! It’s about one of her former colleagues! The nut job who was fired a few months ago!” Sebastian clarified.
“- and then Reggie snapped his pencil when he learned that his daughter taught the dog how to drive the car!” Miss Glindale joked with her friends, who were all laughing uncontrollably.
“Hey! Miss Glindale! I would like to talk to you for a minute.” Sebastian perked up. The women then went silent. “This better not be about cat-calling.” She muttered. “I’m not even flirting with you ma’am.” He politely informed. He was usually much harsher talking to the expendables than other people. “What’s your name?” She asked, crossing her arms. “You seem to be rather peculiar…. I don’t think I’ve seen you in town before.” She narrowed her eyes. “ Faris. Faris Defaux.” He fibbed. “Alright then Faris. What do you need my attention for?” She asked. “Well, it’s about one of your former coworkers.” Sebastian informed. “I moved to town a few months back, and I think that one guy, Gene Jargon, he set up a camera in my yard for some reason, and I think he might be stalking me.” Right when he said that, Glindale slapped her forehead. “Well, why didn’t you just call the cops on him?” She asked.
shoot. Why didn’t he just think of it earlier? He would have to tell Painter that the plan’s changed. “Thanks for bringing this to my attention Mr Defaux, if that is even your real name. I’ve had quite a night.” Miss Glindale then exited the bar.
Sebastian then walked over to the available phone in the building to talk to his friend.
”Hey kid. Plan’s changed.”
”what do you mean?”
”uh so ya know how Gene’s been a mega creep and we didn’t know?”
” Yeah.”
”just got the revelation from someone that we should call the police on him.”
“and show the footage of the camera as evidence? I think I realized that soon as you left.”
”exactly.”
”but what about the footage of us? Wouldn’t that just immediately bring Urbanshade right to the lighthouse as soon we present the evidence to the police?”
“you’re right…….. we could just discard of the footage of us.”
”I think we should think this through a little more.”
”yes. See you kid.”
just as he hung up on the phone, there was a loud crash in the background.
Sebastian turned around, to see a crowd surrounding a very clearly intoxicated man who just smashed a bottle over the head of a furious motorist who was equally drunk. “You bozo!” The motorist pointed at the other man, who literally had no idea what he just did.
“hey, calm down now you two, there’s nothing to be fighting about here.” An employee attempted de-escalating the situation. Unfortunately, neither of them were listening. “I’m going to put you in your place.” The motorist hissed, then picking up a chair and missing the guy, and the chair smacked the person standing behind him. They fell to the ground with a huge thump. “You hit our trip back home with a chair!” Another person shouted, walking up with his buddies up to the motorist, whose buddies came over to defend him.
Sebastian watched it from the background, his eyes fixated on the nearest exit. “He has a right to be angry.” One of them piped up. “Well, he threw a chair at our driver!” “Maybe your driver DESERVED to get smacked with a chair!” A fist smacked into the other man’s face who then shoved his attacker backwards into the crowd.
within seconds, the bar exploded into absolute chaos. Sebastian dodges a wine glass thrown in his direction. He needs to exit. Now.
someone throws a pool ball at someone else’s face. Sebastian reacts as he inches closer to the door. A group of men using a table as a shield are then thrusted against him. He feels crushed against the wall for a moment. The heavy scent of liquor enters his lungs as he pushes the table away from him. He lets out a deep breath. “Leave me alone.” He hissed. A lady tripped over him, not realizing his tail and fell flat on her face, got up and then launched herself onto another woman, both of whom fighting like cats.
he dodged another chair, slamming against the wall with a loud bang. He flinched back. A participant in the fight gets the great idea to shine a light in people’s eyes. The ceiling light falls from the ceiling with a crack, somehow not broken. It still shines. The person decides to go in Sebastian’s direction for some scatter-brained reason and then there’s the trigger.
too many times being flashed in the face by expendables infuriated him in an instant. That obnoxiously handheld mini sun needed to be buried alive in a coffin. His muscles remembered what happens when that happens. He picks up the person and throws him across the room. “$&@$?!)($&/?!##* EXPENDABLE! YOU COME IN HERE LIKE NOBODY ASKED FOR THIS INTRUSION! CRY ME AN ENTIRE @)$?!%^~< RIVER.” He snapped. He blinked again and realized that he wasn’t in the Hadal Blacksite. A few people glared at him angrily.
“I hope you get your the taste of your own medicine.” one of them spat out like the words were poison. “Just so you know, I despise every single one of you guys right now.” Sebastian retorted. “And there are SEVERAL synonyms to despise that would mean the same thing.”
someone jumped up to tackle him, he caught them and threw them away. “I can break your jaw any moment now…” he hissed. And then sirens went off outside.
Chapter 4: I’m Not Mad, Just Disappointed
Notes:
Oh! The reason why Contortionist was sleeping on top of the car was because the engine was warm.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sebastian wasn’t back when expected. Painter found himself waiting for about half an hour before the phone rang. He scrambled over to answer it.
“yes? Who is it?” He singsonged.
”Painter. It’s me.”
”oh! Hi Sebastian! Glad you finally called me.”
”listen kid, you need to come and pick me up from the police station.”
”what?! Why?”
” I got into a bar fight.”
”YOU GOT INTO A BAR FIGHT?! SEBASTIAN! YOU COULD HAVE SOLD US OUT?!”
”im sorry! Jeez! No need to worry about me. Just come to the front desk and ask for Mr. Faux and drive me back.”
”SEBASTIAN!”
“Well, most of them were drunk and I can guarantee that the officers were half asleep when they arrived.”
”Are you kidding me?” Painter slapped his screen. “You better not be hurt that bad.”
“ Relax, I only got punched in the jaw and I have a black eye and a bloody nose.”
”you should tell me when you get hurt!”
” I don’t want you to worry too much about me. It’s because I care about you. I would rather have you safe and sound and happy than being hurt. It’s because I care about you and I cannot lose you again.”
”I care about you too. Just be careful about what you do out there, okay? I’ll come and pick you up.” Painter hung up the phone and then went to where the car was.
“Hey! Shoo!” He gestured for Contortionist to get off the car. The entity let out a low rumble as it tried to persuade him to let it keep sleeping there. “I- am not falling for that.” He stood his ground. His memory flashed back to the Deep Sea Bunnies attempting to live in his area at the Blacksite one time and it was sort of hard to politely get the adorable little bunnies to leave without hurting their feelings. He hopped into the car and watched as the Contortionist stared at him with puppy eyes. “Fine. You can resume sleeping on the car when me and Sebastian get back.” He said.
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“Hello there. I’m here to bail out a Mr Faux. Can you please tell me where he is?” Painter asked the front desk. “Of course. An officer should show you where he is.” The front desk lady directed him.
Painter followed the officer to where Sebastian was contained and then nearly panicked, as he and Sebastian both didn’t like places like this and let out a sigh of relief as he saw Sebastian standing there, in a cell comedically a little too full of people being taller than all of them with a scowl on his face. “This is not funny.” He said. “I know. I want to get out as much as you do.” He agreed. “Are you mad at me for getting in a bar fight?” He asked. “No. I’m not mad. Just disappointed.” Painter responded. “You sounded like mama when I left the sink on accidentally once.” He pointed out. “Is that a problem?” “No. No it’s not. Just reminded me of her.” “Let’s get you back home.”
driving back from the station to the lighthouse, nobody said anything. Painter made Sebastian promise to not get involved in another bar fight and if he does, bring him along and they can think of a quick escape route to avoid getting trapped in a dingy cell. The car pulls into the driveway and Painter and Sebastian get out of the car and head inside. There’s no talking for the rest of the night.
Notes:
Alright then, I have an announcement to make. Only one more “calm” chapter left before things start to go downhill.
MackNChezzie on Chapter 1 Sat 09 Aug 2025 08:13AM UTC
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