Chapter Text
The last call Sam had with Bucky was three weeks ago. Bucky had tried explaining how he tried everything but he wasn’t able to get that bitch to change the name. And that he couldn’t leave the others even if he hated Valentina with all his heart. Sam had felt sorry about his decision to cut any contact with Bucky until at least the copyright claim had been settled and the title ‘The New Avengers’ had been changed. But Sam couldn’t budge on this, that name meant so much, and yet Bucky still was a part of the team that stole it. Not to mention Valentina was horrible, experimenting on those people. Bucky had gone through that shit for years yet he still stayed on the team, Sam couldn’t believe it at first.
Sam had felt betrayed. Bucky had been there, he had been a part of it all and still he chose to stay on that team, said he couldn’t leave them. Sam didn’t want to hear it.
Bucky had tried calling him for the first two weeks.. it was rough to handle missing Bucky and resisting the temptation to accept the calls at the same time.
By the third week Bucky’s calls stopped coming in and while part of him was relieved that he wouldn’t have to deal with the constant teaser of Bucky’s name showing up on his phone with the ‘Accept call’ button… Another part of Sam felt sad, or worried? Wondering why Bucky stopped trying to call.
But Sam couldn’t spend his time sulking over that. He was the one who decided to not speak to Bucky in the first place.
Sam fulfilled his duties as Captain America every day, but that also meant he was busy so he couldn’t spend time checking his phone for family calls.
Long story short, Sam was busy and he wasn’t talking to Bucky.
And that was fine, he could deal with it. He could handle not talking to his closest friend.
But then came the part where he was gonna visit his sister and nephews… and last time he visited, Bucky had came along like usual. The kids had gotten used to seeing uncle Bucky along with uncle Sam. And he had explained the situation to Sarah, who had disapproved of the choice to not talk to Bucky at all but understood how betrayed Sam must feel.
His nephews obviously wouldn’t understand the whole situation, they’re just kids.. And they shouldn’t have to understand it.
So when he arrived and they screamed “Uncle Sam!” And ran into his arms, he was allowed momentary relief of thinking they might not notice Bucky wasn’t there too. But he was silly for thinking that.
“Where’s uncle Bucky?..” Aj sounded slightly disappointed and sad and it broke Sam’s heart to hear it.
“Uncle Bucky couldn’t come this time.” Sarah had swooped in and saved Sam but he still felt more and more like his heart was being squeezed by hands covered in sharp glass shards whenever he would see the two missing their unofficial other uncle.
Cass had even gotten a cool toy gun he wanted to show Bucky, the kid had been practicing to hit the target he had every time and he’d been so proud and excited to show the super soldier. Sam had almost cried that night.
The breaking point was when three days after he had returned back home, he saw on the news that Bucky had apparently become ‘sick’ the last two to three weeks. which is why the public hadn’t seen him among the rest of the team that stole the Avengers name. That confused Sam. sure he knew Bucky could get sick, but the super soldier serum should help him get over any common sickness pretty easily.
Sam didn’t believe it, is what he meant. So despite having stayed strong in not seeing or talking to Bucky for so long, his resolve couldn’t win over the worry that something was wrong. He still cared about Bucky. Bucky was still his closest friend even if Sam was currently mad at him.
So Sam had hurried to Bucky’s home.
He hesitated when he stood in front of the door. The lights in the house were off. Which was a red flag already, and when he knocked and Bucky didn’t open, he wondered if Bucky wasn’t home. But he could see through the window that Alpine’s food bowl had been filled recently. And that Bucky’s shoes were still there because Alpine was playing with them, batting at one of the shoes’s shoe laces.
So Sam resorted to kicking the door open, which hey, normally he wouldn’t do so but this was a matter about a loved one’s safety. And admittedly the ‘loved’ part of that was a bit of a different type of ‘love’ than the love he has for his family and friends. He had been in denial at first but over time as he dealt with not talking to Bucky and then being reminded of the soldier’s presence almost everywhere… it became hard to ignore the obvious longing in his chest.
What he first noticed when he got inside was that familiar brown hair that sticked out from the couch. And when he approached his stomach dropped as he spotted a bottle of medical drugs that helped against depression and similar problems. And that bottle was missing a dangerous amount. When he looked over at Bucky with wide eyes the man was passed out, luckily still breathing, but he didn’t know how long the man had been passed out.
He felt regret as he shook Bucky’s unconscious body. Regret and guilt, like it was his fault Bucky was in this state.. which it might be. Yes he was mad at Bucky and wanted the man to deal with the consequences of his actions but he didn’t want Bucky to drug himself to the point of passing out! He didn’t even know that simply not seeing or talking to Bucky for a few weeks would cause Bucky so much pain to the point of this!
Sam let out a sigh of relief he didn’t know he was holding when Bucky stirred.
Hazy blue eyes looked at him and the first thing Bucky said made Sam want to tear his own heart out.
“Am i hallucinating again?..”
Again? AGAIN?! Just how many times had Bucky ended up in this state? Sam didn’t wanna know. For now he just wanted to focus on getting Bucky to his bed and then getting the man some proper food and water. Which guessing by all the empty takeout on the kitchen counter, Bucky hadn’t had a lot of.
“Goodness Buck you stupid asshole! No you aren’t hallucinating! Come on i can’t carry your weight by myself and i’m not keen on falling over and getting crushed by you.”
Sam coaxed the soldier to get up, the man stumbled a bit in the process while looking at Sam like he was a benign and beautiful being. And Sam felt his face begin to burn the longer he looked at Bucky’s awe filled stare. So he looked away and tried to guide Bucky to his room. After bumping into more than a few objects and stumbling even more, Sam finally succeeded as the soldier laid slack in his bed, still staring.
And then.. and this surprised Sam because he’d only seen Bucky cry a few times, most of which was after something really big or after he had woken from a nightmare… Bucky began silently crying, first just a single tear drop running down his face. Then many. And Sam’s mind screamed at him to find a way to make those tears stop coming.
He had to distract himself soon. And he decided it was best to go make his ‘friend’ some food. He had to make a meal that didn’t take a lot of time so that Bucky would consume something healthy as soon as possible.
When he returned, Bucky still looked as shocked as before. And Sam could hear him quietly say,
“You didn’t leave..”
Sam worked really hard to ignore the urge to kiss that stupid swoon worthy kicked puppy looking face. Gosh his defenses were weak for that expression and he doesn’t think Bucky even realises, the man is too focused on the untrue fact that he is too hard to love.
“Of course I wouldn’t leave you like this.. don’t think i have forgiven you yet though.”
Sam watched the tiny hopeful shine in those ocean blue eyes grow a bit duller at his words and he felt a pang of regret saying that in the current situation he had discovered.
Bucky opened his mouth to speak but Sam just shook his head and cut him off.
“We talk about this later, for now you gotta eat.”
He waited for Bucky to silently sit up in bed and then he placed the plate of food, watching Bucky eat and his mind denying how warm inside it made him as he watched the soldier have the ghost of a smile while tasting the food Sam made him.
Bucky had protested when Sam told him to get some sleep. He still wanted to talk to Sam of course and Sam knew that. But he only had to give one glare that said “don’t try me on this.” And Bucky shut his mouth and reluctantly laid down to sleep.
Still Sam wasn’t able to head out of the room. He could tell Bucky was worried he’d leave again and continue to not talk to him at all. So he sat at the end of the bed with his back facing the other.
They’d talk about this in the morning..