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you know this group chat is monitored right?

Summary:

the yellowjackets team have a shocking screentime

(connected to the universe of “homework? what homework?”)

Notes:

users:

jackienojill: jackie
nattywatty: natalie
tai: taissa
lottamoneymatthews: lottie
saltynsweet: mari
vantheman: van
lady doe: laura lee
shauna shitman: shauna
kikilove: akilah
africangrey: misty
coachscott72: ben
hatattacker: melissa
robbie: robin
brittanyspierce: britt
generalgen: gen

Chapter 1: game day tomorrow

Notes:

hi guys i posted about this on my tumblr but if you dont have it (@emmiescatorccio if u want it) im basically doing a spin off of my other chatfic this time involving the whole team!!

Chapter Text

the yellowjackits

 


 

[7:34 pm]

jackienojill: game day tomorrow who’s ready?!?!

 

saltynsweet: girl no

 

lottamoneymatthews: LMFAO mood actually

 

tai: ready to get a fat slurpee after

 

saltynsweet: sign me up asap

 

nattywatty: fat slurp lol

 

tai: get ur mind out the gutter scatorccio 🖕

 

nattywatty: don’t be an easy target turner 🖕

 

saltynsweet: the girls are fighting!!!!!

 

ladydoe: Take it out on the field please girls, we don’t condone violence :)

 

vantheman: lady doe has spoken!

 

shauna shitman: @jackienojill Are we meant to do anything with our hair for the game? Just checking because last time Nat and Van forgot to match.

 

vantheman: woah woah woah shauna don’t go pinning the blame on me and my brother 

 

nattywatty: shauna stick up her ass shipman 😒😒

 

shauna shitman:

 

nattywatty: LMFAO ur funny today i’ll let it slide

 

shauna shitman: Glad I got your approval 😐

 

jackienojill: Guys let’s all do matching gold ribbons! Any hairstyles as long as you have a gold ribbon <3

 

saltynsweet: what if i put it on my dick jackie? would that work?

 

jackienojill: fuck off mari

 

lottamoneymatthews: is this game even gonna be important?

 

nattywatty: yeah there is gonna be quite a few recruiters actually

 

lottamoneymatthews: WHHAT

 

vantheman: 🚨 🚨 🚨 

 

tai: FROM WHERE??

 

jackienojill: THIS IS FANTASTIC 

 

shauna shitman: IS THIS OUR FIRST TIME HAVING RECRUITERS THERE?

 

ladydoe: IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2025?!?!

 

kikilove: WOAH WHAT

 

saltynsweet: HI AKILAH BUT YEAH WHAT?!?!

 

nattywatty: err basically i was in coach scott’s classroom cus thats twin and he was telling me that for this game there is gonna be people scouting for scholarships pretty much, and that we should make sure to play our best

 

nattywatty: also akilah when did u get here?

 

kikilove: because the rest of the jv girls are asleep lol :)

 

jackienojill: so you guys better be ready for real im NOT messing around

 

vantheman: AYE AYE CAPTAIN

 

tai: van ur already on thin ice with jack id be cautious 

 

vantheman: yeesh sorry babe 😓

 

saltynsweet: girl WHO is saying “yeesh” 🥀🥀

 

vantheman: 

 

saltynsweet: damn mb ill just sthu 😟

 

africangrey: Hi guys! What are you doing?

 

nattywatty: lottie

 

jackienojill: OH MY GOD

 

nattywatty: yeah she said that

 

vantheman: STOP THIS lotties a fuckin saint these days 💔

 

nattywatty: no, she’s a-fucking nat 

 

tai: IM PUTTING A STOP TO THIS

 

saltynsweet: you gay asf

 

shauna shitman: You fucked Nat in freshman year? Under the bleachers? Question mark?

 

saltynsweet: i revoke my words

 

jackienojill: that was uncalled for shaun omfl 😭

 

ladydoe: @africangrey I apologise for Nat’s bluntness, I’m currently doing history homework :)

 

africangrey: That’s cool! Which option did you pick?

 

ladydoe: I picked the cardboard castle option because it seemed much more fun ☺️

 

lottamoneymatthews: i really don’t get a say in this huh

 

tai: yeah you’re so quiet today

 

vantheman: thought u were getting violently railed???

 

jackienojill: VIOLENTLY?????

 

lottamoneymatthews: as much as id love that to come true me and nat are actually playing grow a garden :)

 

vantheman: no FUCKING way you got nat on grow a garden

 

lottamoneymatthews: she’s compromising, i promised to play arsenal with her after

 

shauna shitman: Lottie has to have magic powers or some shit…

 

tai: yeah cus what do you mean THE natalie eleanor scatorccio is playing grow a harden

 

jackienojill: no tbf i think she’s just whipped asf

 

nattywatty: i could sue you for slander

 

jackienojill: and i’d get off to it!

 

nattywatty:

 

tai: phone on the table jack.

 

vantheman: asap please!

 

jackienojill: ykw im actually gonna go make dinner see you guys tomorrow for the game!!

 

nattywatty: bye jax

 

jackienojill: bye natty love u!

 

saltynsweet: entering a gc with jackie must be a public humiliation ritual for nat

 

lottamoneymatthews: agreed

 

nattywatty: feels like walking the plank…

Chapter 2: well you did describe how you apparently violently railed me

Notes:

hi guyss im so tired but also new nat+ben oneshot otw be proud of me

users:

jackienojill: jackie
nattywatty: natalie
tai: taissa
lottamoneymatthews: lottie
saltynsweet: mari
vantheman: van
lady doe: laura lee
shauna shitman: shauna
kikilove: akilah
africangrey: misty
coachscott72: ben
hatattacker: melissa
robbie: robin
brittanyspierce: britt
generalgen: gen

Chapter Text

the yellowjackits

 


 

 

[6:33 am]

ladydoe: So I take it you guys forgot that the team group chat is monitored?…

 

vantheman: come again?

 

shauna shitman: FUCK I forgot about that.

 

nattywatty: oh im so done

 

lottamoneymatthews: well you did describe how you apparently violently railed me

 

jackienojill: WHY DO YOU KEEP DESCRIBING IT AS VIOLENTLY

 

tai: more importantly, why did no one stop her 😭

 

nattywatty: you guys set me up this is so ragebait

 

saltynsweet: what if coach being here is just a theory

 

lottamoneymatthews: yeah what if we just had one big psychological orgy

 

vantheman: BITCH IM CRYING DO YOU MEAN A MUTUAL DREAM

 

lottamoneymatthews: yeah thatd be it

 

saltynsweet: brb printing that message on a flag for my wall 🩷

 

coachscott72: Not a theory. Still monitoring. Please stop talking about sexual relations.

 

nattywatty: FUCK IM SO DONE

 

jackienojill: maybe stop talking about fucking your girlfriend

 

lottamoneymatthews: hey shes just a passionate woman with aspirations let her be!

 

shauna shitman: Lottie you really make me laugh sometimes

shauna shitman: Emphasis on sometimes.

 

lottamoneymatthews: wow i really thought we had something shauna

 

tai: see this is why we stick to the homework group chat that literally never gets used for homework

 

saltynsweet: would say im pissed for no invite but i dont think i want one if its just you guys being horny

 

vantheman: yeah we just crave sex in that gc 24/7

 

jackienojill: we literally claw at the walls for it

 

lottamoneymatthews: we play minecraft sometimes too

 

saltynsweet: EWWWW STOP IT

 

nattywatty: hey mari

 

saltynsweet: what…

 

nattywatty: sex! BOO! I GOT YOU 👻 

 

saltynsweet: STOP IT NATALIE

 

vantheman: id say theres sexual tension but i respect lottie too much

 

nattywatty: mari was my starter pack if you will

 

*saltynsweet has notifications silenced*

 

vantheman: CRYINGGGG

 

coachscott72: Is my presence that forgettable?

 

nattywatty: im meant to be mysterious to the staff im actually fumbling so hard

 

coachscott72: Natalie, you “fumbled” when you requested to watch cartoons in my classroom after an arguably stupid adventure round the school.

 

coachscott72: In fact, you probably “fumbled” far before that.

 

nattywatty: why would you out me like that i thought we were chill 💔

 

ladydoe: Clocked, as Van would say :)

 

vantheman: lee i love you so much

 

nattywatty: shut up laura lee im mourning my severely injured ego

 

vantheman: woah woah woah natalie eleanor scatorccio i won’t have this violence upon lady doe’s not-name.

 

ladydoe: Why thank you for the support Van! 

 

vantheman: anything for our leader

 

lottamoneymatthews: YOU BITCH I WAS THE LEADER

 

vantheman: you WERE the leader when you predicted the game score that one time, but lady doe took over like 3 weeks ago after you fell over nat’s shoe

 

tai: yeah no we couldn’t have our leader making us look like fools

 

vantheman: yeah lee gives us a good rep

 

ladydoe: Glad to be your leader I think?

 

lottamoneymatthews: im actually so distraught right now

 

nattywatty: its ok lot ur still my leader

 

tai: check the gc members for me again please nat?

 

nattywatty: WAIT FUCK I FORGOT

nattywatty: DELETE DELETE

nattywatty: WHY CANT YOU DELETE SHIT ON HERE

 

africangrey: In case we ever get in trouble with the police and this group chat has important evidence and/or our alibis!

 

vantheman: misty im all about no judgement but what could you possibly be doing in your free time…

 

jackienojill: [Replying to nattywatty: WAIT…] lmao what a fucking loser

 

nattywatty: i’ll get jessie ranch on you

 

jackienojill: STOP. @coachscott72 who is jessie ranch and can i bench nat for emotional distress against the team captain 

 

coachscott72: Jessie Ranch is a girl who passed away in your freshman year by falling into the basement. And no, you can’t bench someone for emotional distress.

 

jackienojill: YOU GUYS TOOK ME INTO A BASEMENT WHERE SOMEONE DIED?!

 

vantheman: correction, multiple people died

 

lottamoneymatthews: ew dont bring the memory back

 

nattywatty: just one of those times we should’ve just let the curiosity slaughter us

 

africangrey: My reddit post didn’t even gain a lot of traction. Lame.

 

tai: oh yes because the top problem after finding a decaying body is misty’s reddit post

 

coachscott72: Okay so that needs to go to police. Please just eat and stay hydrated for the game.

 

jackienojill: not even the worst we’ve found tbh

 

shauna shitman: Remember the con-cubicle? The one opposite the duck cubicle?

 

tai: dont even bring up the con-cubicle

 

vantheman: the council has decided that the con-cubicle is a banned subject

 

shauna shitman: I thought the council couldn’t make decisions without the leader?

 

vantheman: oh shit yeah @ladydoe

 

ladydoe: As the discoverer of the treacherous con-cubicle, I rule it as a banned subject.

 

nattywatty: i really want a watermelon ice pop

 

lottamoneymatthews: i’ll get you one otw to school if u want?

 

nattywatty: ugh i love you so much

 

lottamoneymatthews: love you too baby 

 

shauna shitman: So much for being nonchalant.

 

nattywatty: suck my ass cheek shitman

 

vantheman: …why only one?

 

nattywatty: off topic next question 

 

tai: can you log off and get to school?

 

nattywatty: yeah i reckon i could

nattywatty: also jax can you please bring me a gold ribbon i dont have mine anymore @jackienojill

 

jackienojill: ofc no problem! where did yours go?

 

nattywatty: errrrrr pineapple on pizza

 

jackienojill: oh shit, yeah i’ll bring you a new one don’t worry, sleepover tonight?

 

nattywatty: oh yes lets 🙏 im bored out of my existentially fragile and melancholy mind

 

jackienojill: okay shakespeare ill make sure to get dragonfruit

 

nattywatty: fucking angel

 

shauna shitman: What does pineapple on pizza mean?

 

nattywatty: code, i’ll tell you some of it later

 

shauna shitman: Alright, see you at school.

 

lottamoneymatthews: see you guys!!!

 

vantheman: goodbye for thirty minutes

 

ladydoe: And I wish us all the best luck for the day!

Chapter 3: deny THIS

Summary:

the general population discover nat and van’s tiktok account, lottie needs to shut up, nat fucking dies and coach scott does NOT get paid enough

Notes:

users:

jackienojill: jackie
nattywatty: natalie
tai: taissa
lottamoneymatthews: lottie
saltynsweet: mari
vantheman: van
lady doe: laura lee
shauna shitman: shauna
kikilove: akilah
africangrey: misty
coachscott72: ben
hatattacker: melissa
robbie: robin
brittanyspierce: britt
generalgen: gen

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

the yellowjackits:

 


 

saltynsweet: @nattywatty @vantheman you’ll never guess what i just uncovered

 

hatattacker: if its the tt account then ill have you know i found that first

 

saltynsweet: WHAT THE FUCK MELISSA WAY TO GIVE AWAY MY PLAN??

 

vantheman: NAT GET ONLINE ASAP THE MASSES HAVE DISCOVERED SHARPCUCUMBERDOG @nattywatty @nattywatty

 

nattywatty: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THIS

 

generalgen: brb searching the user up

 

kikilove: you guys have ten THOUSAND followers?

 

vantheman: YES BUT YOU GUYS DONT NEED TO ADD TO THAT NUMBER

 

jackienojill: omg i love sharpcucumberdog

 

lottamoneymatthews: LMAO literally we are the ogs here

 

saltynsweet: IM ACTUALLY CRYING AT THE HOBBY LOBBY VIDEO

 

brittanyspierce: no genuinely guys this is actually gold

 

robbie: 😂😁

 

vantheman: wait who r u two i dont have ur numbers saved??

 

brittanyspierce: im britt the new transfer and thats robin she only texts in emojis tho

 

saltynsweet: nat if i reposted this would you slit my throat

 

nattywatty: ??? is the grass green

 

tai: LMFAO

 

coachscott72: Please stop resorting to violence.

 

tai: cant believe someone beat lee to the no violence patrol what IS this????

 

lottamoneymatthews: shes on a phone ban again 🥀🥀

 

vantheman: rip lady doe but lottie have a good quality image challenge level impossible 💔

 

nattywatty: bro the fuck happened this time

 

lottamoneymatthews: idk there was a leak in her bathroom after she used it to bathe her bunny and her parents are mad at her 🙁🙁

 

shauna shitman: Bless, bring Laura-Lee home.

 

jackienojill: SPEAKING OF LEAKED YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE GOT LEAKED

 

nattywatty: JACKIE NO DONT DO IT

 

saltynsweet: JACKIE YES DO IT

 

jackienojill: NATS PERSONAL INSTAGRAM 🥹🥹

 

nattywatty: lol whaaaaaat who is nat?? 😭

 

vantheman: …you? i hope?

 

nattywatty:

 

 

vantheman: LMFAOOOOO

 

tai: leaked and then followed by lotties OBSCENE comments

 

lottamoneymatthews: god forbid a girl has sexual desires for her girlfriend??

 

shauna shitman: Lot, you commented that she deserves her ass ate for posting a photo.

 

lottamoneymatthews: AM I WRONG THOUGH??

 

nattywatty: @saltynsweet so yk how you said you wanted to kill me last week?

 

saltynsweet: deals DONESO brotato chip 💔✌️

 

nattywatty: 

 

jackienojill: she comments on her photos every day at 10:23pm specifically its so funny

 

lottamoneymatthews: pov you’re a treat after dinner every night kind of girl

 

hatattacker: fav niche reference 

 

generalgen: every reference of urs is niche mel

 

lottamoneymatthews: no but guys have you SEEN nat??!

 

tai: thirsting in a public gc is crazy work 🥀

 

shauna shitman: Deadass.

 

nattywatty: im sick of you guys god forbid a girl wants to post a photo dump 

 

saltynsweet: someone drop the user please!

 

africangrey: @fetchtheboltcutters on Instagram!

 

saltynsweet: quigley you angel

 

vantheman: mari just a straight up gooner bro 💔

 

tai: van PLEASE dont use that word again you sound like ur gonna make a 67 joke

 

lottamoneymatthews: LMFAOO

 

kikilove: nat ur instagram set out is so cute !!

 

nattywatty: thanks akilah

 

africangrey: Guys, I have orders.

 

saltynsweet: the fuck?? 😭😭

 

*africangrey has removed lottamoneymatthews*

 

vantheman: QUIGLEY WHAT THE HELL

 

nattywatty: #bringlottiehome2k25

 

africangrey: I had orders! I did give you guys a heads up :/

 

jackienojill: stop being vague WHO gave you the orders

 

coachscott72: Me. This was supposed to be a civilised and strictly professional team chat. It has become lawless.

 

nattywatty: what the FUCK

 

vantheman: nats rolling in her grave rn

 

tai: …why is she in a grave?

 

vantheman: cus coach scott killed her by banishing her only love 💔

 

shauna shitman: Tragic, truly.

 

jackienojill: rest in peace to my beautiful best friend natalie scatorccio, killed by none other than her once trusted soccer coach 💔💔

 

saltynsweet: she will be missed by many

 

hatattacker: i wish i could’ve got to know her better 😕

 

generalgen: our star midfielder down…

 

kikilove: a natalie shaped hole will never leave our hearts 😔

 

robbie: 😭😭💔

 

brittanyspierce: she was the person who first gave me my jersey when i transferred 🙁

 

africangrey: I’m deeply guilty for having taken part in her demise. 

 

coachscott72: I did not kill Natalie. 😐

 

vantheman: deny THIS

 

 

*africangrey has added lottamoneymatthews*

 

africangrey: I received further orders.

 

lottamoneymatthews: nat come home 💔💔

 

nattywatty: wow guys your powerful words resurrected me 🥹✌️

 

jackienojill: and now, order is restored in wiskayok ❤️

Notes:

this is kind of a filler chap but im tired as hell also i found out that my hg reads fanfic and so we both have each others accounts now 🥹 my faith in the world is restored /j

Chapter 4: remember prom?

Summary:

the older yellowjackets recall last year’s prom

Notes:

hi guys ik i said this a low priority post but im struggling with my writing at the moment and tend to be dissatisfied with everything i write so im just posting this for now!!

users:

jackienojill: jackie
nattywatty: natalie
tai: taissa
lottamoneymatthews: lottie
saltynsweet: mari
vantheman: van
lady doe: laura lee
shauna shitman: shauna
kikilove: akilah
africangrey: misty
coachscott72: ben
hatattacker: melissa
robbie: robin
brittanyspierce: britt
generalgen: gen

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

the yellowjackits:

 


 

jackienojill: prom next month everybody who’s excited?!?!?!

 

kikilove: not for us 😔 ours is next week

 

saltynsweet: rip to us being younger 💔

 

vantheman: remember prom?

vantheman: last year?

 

shauna shitman: Don’t even bring that up Van, it’s a sore subject for dear Nat.

 

tai: LMFAO

 

nattywatty: prom last year is why im not going this year

 

lottamoneymatthews: BRO I LITERALLY HAVE MY PROMPOSAL READY FOR NEXT WEEK THE FUCK

 

tai: calling ur gf bro is crazy work man

 

vantheman: brozoned her

 

ladydoe: I’m sure Nat doesn’t mind!

 

jackienojill: no i agree with taivan

 

shauna shitman: Taivan??

 

vantheman: we’re a collective

 

tai: package deal

 

saltynsweet: bruh tf happened at that prom

 

lottamoneymatthews: blood and tears

 

vantheman: and vomit

 

jackienojill: and we mean that literally

 

saltynsweet: storytime?…question mark?

 

lottamoneymatthews: so basically we were all on the dance floor

 

nattywatty: because what else would you do at prom?

 

jackienojill: so then i run off with shauna to get a drink

 

vantheman: at this point it’s just me tai and lottienat

 

tai: then nat decides her stomach hurts!

 

lottamoneymatthews: so i go to take her to the bathroom like the doting wife i am

 

nattywatty: the bathroom being where all hell broke loose

 

jackienojill: cus then i get a call from lottie telling me to come to the bathroom

 

shauna shitman: So obviously, I come with and we both entered the bathroom.

 

vantheman: me and tai are still on the dance floor as this is happening

 

tai: completely oblivious to whats happening in the bathroom

 

lottamoneymatthews: so when jackieshauna make it to the bathroom i ask both of them if they have any toiletries cus nat started hell week and neither of us had anything on us

 

nattywatty: because stupidly, we only brought our phones and chewing gum

 

jackienojill: so then i start drunk crying because i felt bad i was also only carrying my phone and had nothing with me

 

shauna shitman: Which is why I decided to call Tai to come to the bathroom.

 

vantheman: being a package deal of course, i go with and we enter the mass of teenagers in the bathroom

 

tai: and unfortunately, me and van literally only had our phones on us and a pack of m&ms

 

lottamoneymatthews: so THENNNN we called lee who came in and started talking about “staying positive”

 

nattywatty: yeah because the sun shines out of laura-lee’s ass

 

ladydoe: Sorry. :(

 

nattywatty: ur good lee

 

jackienojill: so at this point, nat’s frantic in the toilet stall, im crying, shaunas ATTEMPTING to console me and the rest of them are trying to figure out a plan!

 

vantheman: because of our profound genius, we decide to go find coach because he always has medical shit in his office

 

tai: but because of our godforsaken luck, coach is NOWHERE to be seen.

 

coachscott: I was at home watching TV, lowkey.

 

tai: who tf told him what lowkey means

 

nattywatty: about that!

 

lottamoneymatthews: so then at this point we all start panicking cus wtf do we do in this situation??????

 

nattywatty: meanwhile i start pounding on the door to get their attention cus i suddenly felt like i was gonna vomit!

 

jackienojill: which was unsurprising considering we were all fairly drunk except shauna and tai

 

shauna shitman: We were the designated drivers.

 

vantheman: we FINALLY hear nat over our panic and realise shes like actually about to vomit

 

tai: so i rush around unlocking the shall from the outside while lottie runs in to hold her hair back

 

lottamoneymatthews: and nat starts chucking everything up in the toilet so we all start panicking harder cus she never vomits like that

 

nattywatty: im sat crouched on the floor sobbing and vomiting while also not knowing what the fuck is happening

 

jackienojill: i start suggesting that we call coach scotts emergency phone number he left us, and so van pulls out her phone

 

vantheman: i punch the number in as quickly as i could, just to get hit with “Yello?” as the phone picked up 😐

 

tai: so then IM trying to speak to him calmly but of course it cant be heard over literally everything happening in the bathroom

 

coachscott72: The only bits I could hear where “Nat, Vomit, Blood, Crying, Jackie.” I was confused.

 

lottamoneymatthews: but THEN after nat stops vomiting she literally passes out causing even MORE panic

 

jackienojill: im still uncontrollably crying, and get on the floor shaking her body cus i was convinced she was dead

 

shauna shitman: I had to physically lift her off the floor.

 

vantheman: so then coach agrees to come get nat and lottie to get nat to the emergency room because lowkey she was concerning us all

 

tai: BUT that meant we had to figure out a way to get nat out of the bathroom without everyone seeing her because everyone knows she’d never speak to us again if that  happened

 

lottamoneymatthews: and being the noble woman i am, i climb out of the window as taivan lift her through to me

 

nattywatty: im still knocked out cold at this point while lottie princess carries me to the car

 

jackienojill: i then call lauralee back and ask her to start praying for nat to come back to life

 

ladydoe: I prayed for her to return to health!

 

shauna shitman: Me and Taivan(?) then decide to take Jackie home because she’s too panicky to go back to dancing.

 

vantheman: so then i take jackies left arm while shauna takes her right so we can lift her into shaunas car

 

tai: then we go back to my car after saying goodbye, and call lottie to see how nats doing

 

lottamoneymatthews: so i answer the phone, telling tai that the doctors said she has some weird ass chest and stomach infection and needs antibiotics for a few weeks

 

nattywatty: and my stomach is still in excruciating pain, so they gave me painkillers and sent us home!

 

jackienojill: and so that is why nat isn’t going to prom this year!

 

saltynsweet: and you decided to? 😟

Notes:

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