Convergence: A Compilation of Confessions Special Chapters

by fromtheAshes_8

Summary:

Just special chapters from the past of the characters from Confessions.

That first meeting? The first date? First fight? A special chapter of backstories, firsts, and way back when's.

Chapter 1: concinnity

Summary:

The plan was to be supportive and maybe quietly slip out. Anya never intended to find herself in a conversation with the prettiest, most intriguing, slightly too confident, familiar stranger who happened to guess her drink of choice. She could have spent all night talking to her, maybe more. Until…

Notes:

Everyone who had been asking how Miki and Anya met? Here’s your answer.

The air was getting a little too thick for her liking. It was early in the evening, probably around 10, but she was already getting mildly suffocated by the freezing blast of the airconditioning unit, mixed with the tunes playing in the private parlor that her cousin booked for them. Anya sits alone at the bar, like she owns the place, her eyes fixed on her younger sister across the room. JJ, straight from school, sleepless and obviously on edge about something, was already halfway to being drunk. Anya took a sip of her Gin & Tonic, pacing herself. It was going to be a long night. She shifts her gaze at the reason why they were even out partying. 

Louisa dances like she had every reason in the world to celebrate. And she does. She rented out the entire penthouse parlor to celebrate the fact that she had just closed her first deal. Fresh out of college and she was already making a name for herself. She dances to the music of her choice, a drink in one hand, Nixi in another. Anya smiles to herself. Nixi, her best friend, already looks so sleepy and worried about how far this night is going to go, but she still radiates whenever she gets looks and small kisses from her girlfriend.  

Anya had known Nixi practically all her life. She may be acting reserved right now, but she is practically bursting with pride at how Louisa managed to book one of the biggest Art Festivals and Exhibits to be held in their newest property. Those two, she didn’t have to worry about tonight. They always find each other, no matter how the night ends. 

What she does have to worry about are the two new guests that just arrived. One of them, she already went out with. The other, well… the other was who Louisa said she should go out with if the first one didn’t work out. 

Anya takes one look at them, downs her drinks, and just mutters “no” before taking her leather jacket off the back of her seat and quietly slips out of the venue. She wanted to head down to the lounge or the cafe or maybe even the restaurant. But she didn’t want to run into more of her cousin’s or her sister’s friends.

No more dates, Anya promised. Going out with people she had nothing in common with has thoroughly exhausted her. Besides, a relationship is never going to be her priority. 

So instead of riding the elevator down, she pressed the button for the outdoor pool and stepped out into warmer yet open air. She drapes her jacket over her shoulders and over her long silky white dress, then sits on the nearest couch. The whole place was basically empty, save for a few servers and a few foreign-looking guests at the far end of the pool, jamming to their own music in their portable speakers. 

Anya finds the whole situation amusing and a welcome relief. She needs the quiet but she also knows she doesn’t want to be alone. One of the servers asks for her order but she said she just wanted a few minutes to herself, a breather from the drink she just downed and the scene where she managed to escape unscathed. She was left in peace for a solid half an hour before she gets a text from her cousin, asking where she is. She leaves it on read and decides to open some reading materials on her phone. Another half hour later, the same server places a glass of Gin & Tonic on the table next to her. 

“I didn’t order po…”

“Pinapabigay po ni Ma’am na nakaupo sa bar” the waiter smiled at her as he retreated. 

Anya adjusts her eyes away from her screen to the dark, barely lit bar next to the pool. 

She didn’t even notice the young woman when she stepped out here. She frowns at her and slowly sits up straight and proper when the girl – red hair, leather pants, and a plain black tank top – walks towards her with a sly, almost shy grin. She had warm eyes to go with an unexplainable edgy vibe. 

She looks like a bad idea, like something that Anya would regret even just knowing. Yet she has this smile– the kind that Anya never really knew she would find attractive. Enthralling, even. It is both unassuming yet unusually sure. Half-way between an inward chuckle to cover for an inside joke and a smirk that was way too arrogant to be on such a pretty face. 

“Hello” the girl says in a low, raspy voice.

She runs her hand through her red hair, slightly brushing it up but also messing it in a way that captures Anya’s attention unwillingly. On a normal day, under any other circumstances, she would have paid for the drinks on her own and would have walked out by now. This girl was awfully…getting close. And…this really was a bad idea. Upstairs, all the bad ideas were already happening. That’s why she left. Right now, she cannot for the life of her figure out why she hasn’t walked out. Yet. 

Manners. Yes, Antonia. It’s rude to just leave. 

“I figured you needed another drink” the girl says again, this time with a little bit more color in her voice. 

“I don’t” Anya answers flatly, making the other girl smirk like she already knows better. 

There was something about this young woman. The confidence – maybe audacity – to just send her a drink and walk up to her? Or perhaps, there is a curiosity in her now, or a familiarity. That sense when you just know the stranger and trust that she is not strange at all. Whatever it is, Anya can already feel the air shift between them. And she was feeling a weird sense of wanting to stay. 

Of wanting to maybe take on a bad idea. Of maybe trying to take on a red flag dressed as a red-haired girl who somehow managed to guess her drink of choice.

“I beg to disagree,” the red-haired girl pouts slightly, like her assumption was being treated unfairly. “Who goes to the poolside bar to study? Especially when they look the way you look.”

“How do I look ba?”

The girl takes a second, like she didn’t really have an answer prepared, which surprises Anya. She was expecting a line, the ones that she’s heard over and over before. The kind that she knows how to rebuff with expert grace.

“Um… Rather perfect, actually” the girl replies, her smile faltering and giving way to a confused smile. “Um.”

It feels almost like she too did not expect or prepare that answer. She recovers quickly enough, like a lightbulb just clicks and she approves of her own reply. Her smile turns shy but also brighter. Like she is certain now and she’s merely apologizing for the split-second delay. Like she’s apologizing for not being able to state the obvious. Her smile is leaning towards sheepish, the kind that young school girls wear when they realize they’re having an interaction with their first ever crush. It’s endearing. Anya is quick to guard her thoughts about it. 

“Yes, you do,” the girl says again. “You look rather perfect.”

Anya rolls her eyes and sips at the drink, against her better judgment. Finally, something that she’s heard before and something that she already knows where it might lead. Yet, the girl just stands there, not exactly waiting for an invitation but allowing her to process what she had already accepted.

“If this has lason, I have family in this building and they know I’m here” Anya warns her. On the inside, she immediately regrets not replying to Louisa. “They’ll have you behind bars before my body gets cold.”

“That doesn’t have lason, Miss” the girl just chuckles, taking a seat on the same couch, just a few inches from her. “Hindi ka ba tired?”

She smells of comfort, of lazy Saturday nights curled up with a book and a drink. Anya can’t quite wrap her mind around it. There is a familiarity, a recognition, but not of the girl’s face or voice. She cannot place her anywhere. She has never heard her voice before. Yet, here she was. Intrusive, yet inviting. Shy, yet all-too confident. She makes her nervous, but at the same time…unbothered. 

“Excuse me?”

“Hindi ka ba tired?” the girl repeated, eyes genuinely concerned about the reply, but the twitch on the corner of her lips hinted that she was already teasing. “Pagod ka na ba?”

“What? Why would you ask me that?”

“Your mind has traveled far already. I haven’t even introduced myself yet, napakulong mo na ako.”

Anya frowns at her and the girl just simply grins back. It was a warm smile. Friendly, even. Agreeable and borderline, tempting. It isn’t as rude as Anya expected and definitely not as flirtatious. But it definitely tiptoes the line between cheeky and just absurd. Between cute and ridiculous. Like a temptress offering you a cup of tea laced with the world’s most potent love potion. This girl’s smile is alluring, almost intoxicating. Anya finds herself being lured into this sirenlike call, like she wants to spend time just…staring. 

But she shouldn’t. 

“Anywhere, there’s no lason” the girl shrugs and Anya manages to escape the trappings of that smile, but only to be drawn to the curve of the girl’s shoulders. “I’ve been here since this afternoon. I’m pagod already.”

“You’re pagod already?” Anya mimics her with a raised eyebrow. She pries her eyes away from the girl’s exposed collarbone and manages to give her a questioning look. “And that’s supposed to make me feel safer?”

“Mhmm.”

“How exactly?”

The girl sighs, like she knows the answer is so simple.

“If I wanted to do anything with you, or to you, we’d be doing it already.”

Again, she shrugs like that was a given. Like it’s really the simplest situation in the world, her eyes holding court with Anya’s.

“You’re not pagod…” Anya points out, almost angry at herself for not being able to look away. “You’re makapal and I appreciate the drink but I would like to be left alone now.”

The girl’s smiles grow wider, warmer, and if it were at all possible, naughtier. Like she knew that part of Anya is lying. Even if that part does not even know it yet. The girl smiles at her like it was her mission to make Anya forget all she has learned about stranger-danger. Like she knows that if she just keeps smiling, Anya will disregard the fact that she’s taken two sips of a drink from a complete stranger. 

It was stupid and reckless but that grin was so bright, Anya almost forgot that she doesn’t even know her. 

“I’m Miki, by the way” the girl continues, as though she can read minds. She contemplates a little, perhaps debating whether to offer a handshake but her eyes subtly zeroes in at Anya’s hands which were as tensed as can be. “Oh. And you’re free to leave naman.”

“And you’re not?” Anya challenges. “Bakit?”

“First of all, I got here first. And even if I wanted to – which I don’t – I can’t.”

“Why not, Miss I-Got-Here-First?”

Miki smiles. Warmly again. Like she enjoys being called a made-up name. Or, like she enjoys being tolerated by a stranger who is, for her, sending mixed signals. 

“It’s Miki.”

“Okay.”

Miki half-laughs and half-scoffs and Anya feels the intrigue coming from a concealed melody of her voice. Miki laughs, speaks and even moves like she laces all her intentions with just enough danger to keep you interested. But she can’t quite hide the softness in her tones and Anya keeps getting drawn into it. She keeps feeling like the sharp eyes piercing into her is masking a soul that seems hungry to connect. 

Perhaps a soul that hers also wanted to connect with.

On an ordinary night, she would have recognized this for what it is– something she should never be involved with. 

But Miki holds her eyes with hers and it’s something that not a lot of people have achieved with Anya. It is new. It is strange. It is keeping her seated in place.  

“I’m looking after those fools in the pool,” Miki explains, voice tired and bored. “I’ve been tasked to make sure none of them drown or die before their fathers can sign a rather important deal.”

Anya studies her for a few seconds before her eyes trail to the people in the pool she noticed when she walked in. Of course. She was here for the kind of work that is actually outside of regular business. But who was she? She doesn’t know anyone named Miki. And where has she been hiding? Anya had done a quick scan of the place when she arrived. She would have noticed a pretty girl in the bar. 

She stops herself. That was a reckless thought, too.

Especially since the pretty girl was still sitting on the same couch as her. Especially when she can literally feel her warmth, take in her perfume, practically hear her steady breaths. Especially when she’s already fighting the urge to just keep staring. Especially when she’s starting to want to lose that battle. 

“Nakakapagod sila but I guess if they were not here, I wouldn’t be either” Miki says, that same naughty hint keeps getting betrayed by her eyes. “And then I wouldn’t have seen you walk in.”

“You saw me walk in?”

“Yeah.”

Anya squints in skepticism and suspicion. 

“But I didn’t see you.”

Miki chuckles to herself, like she has some inside joke that Anya was not quite getting. 

“What’s so funny?” Anya demands, pushing the drink away.

Miki leans over and pushes it back closer to her, like it was still part of a peace offering.

“You weren’t really looking naman eh.”

Anya frowns, taking offense at that observation. She prides herself at being careful and being observant. She knows she’s trained herself to never walk in a room without knowing the exit and without scanning for possible sources of conflict. She is sure no one was at that bar. She is sure that she would have noticed Miki. The girl has a head full of red hair and a smile brighter than the bar lights put together.

“I was looking.”

“You were scanning.”

Miki’s voice is sweet as she corrects her. But there was a bit of smugness to it, like she already knew she was right. For someone who isn’t really used to being wrong, Anya hates it. 

Ang yabang naman nito, she thought. 

“You were scanning for people you might know,” Miki points out. “Or people who might know you. People who might think that it was okay to invade your quiet time.”

“Yet, you’re here.”

“I waited until you looked bored, too.”

“You’ve been watching me all night?” Anya asked, the alarm in her voice already rising.

“Ang OA naman ng all night. Since you walked in lang.”

“Since I walked in? Were you even here? I didn’t see you.”

“You weren’t looking for me.”

“What are you even talking about?”

Miki sighs at her. She gazes at her, eyes both patient and smug. She smiles nervously then bites her lower lip, maybe out of excitement, maybe nervousness. She clears her throat and keeps her grin. Like she really was about to confirm that she’s right, but in the nicest way possible.

Anya notes that she takes a very subtle beat every time she’s about to speak. Like she actually thinks before she lets words go. It’s a surprising thing for Anya to suddenly just notice. Especially about a stranger who she really has no business talking to for this long. But this girl has a bit of hesitant consideration about her and it's masked in such a smooth show of charisma. Something tells Anya that Miki is someone who seems naturally cool…but has a bit of contained fire behind those striking eyes.

It should be a sign for her to end this. She didn’t need to add any more things to think about. She went down here to find peace. Why was she entertaining what feels like a complication? Why was she drawn to what feels like a mistake? 

Except, something keeps telling her that this was not a mistake.

Not really.  

Miki watches her with a kind of patience that understands overthinking. She stares like she doesn’t mind the wait or the silence or the confusion. She even hints that she enjoys how this must be throwing Anya off her game, if there ever was a game. She anticipates her, and in her silence, she seems to loudly say that they were in no rush for anything. She waits like she knows when a train of thought comes to a stop. She smiles at Anya with quiet excitement, points to the bar and then glances back at her, to see if she was paying attention. 

Anya is surprised to realize that she finds it cute– this sudden burst of excited energy from someone who had just said that she was tired. It’s innocent, pure, almost-childlike. It is contradictory and Miki seems to enjoy being all of those things. 

It’s rather adorable.

“Look, look, there” Miki points again. “I was just standing there. You walked in and scanned the area. You sighed, maybe in relief, maybe out of pagod also. Then you didn’t even bother checking who the idiots in the pool are. Hindi mo sila kilala and wala kang pakialam sa kanila. You’re not looking for a drink so your eyes didn’t linger doon sa bar. And you’re definitely not looking for company kaya you did not pansin me.”

“I did not pansin you…” Anya repeats slowly before suppressing a snort.

Miki smiles in victory, like she had just proven her point and completely misses the mockery in Anya’s voice. 

“No, you did not” Miki confirms, her energy a lot calmer but not less interested. Or interesting. “It’s okay. Napansin kita and I think that’s more important.”

She says it in such a serene and stoic way that Anya chooses to believe this suited her looks more. Maybe she’s actually just a zen person who gets excited about the smallest things.

“It’s okay?” Anya asks, unsure if she was asking herself or Miki.

The breeze around them blows a little harder and she gets a cold kiss on the cheek. She shivers a little, tugs on her jacket, and Miki definitely notices. Miki stands up and pulls on the curtains on one side of their little area. Anya didn’t notice those too. They were a little bit warmer now which she appreciated immediately. Then again, they’re also more secluded and she could not for the life of her decide if she was comfortable with that or not. 

What she was starting to feel was…a shift within her own sense of guardedness. She was starting to be less so. As in less guarded. Less wary. Less annoyed. Less wanting to leave.

Maybe less of who she usually is. 

Maybe less of who she is expected to be. 

“Mhmm…”

“Mhmm?”

“Yeah” Miki says with another confident nod. “Ako I noticed you agad but don’t worry, depending on how tonight’s conversation goes, baka I can never walk in a room without you noticing.”

Anya snorts and it makes Miki laugh in surprise.

“Oh, bakit ka natawa, Miss Skeptical?”

“Bold of you to assume that we’ll find ourselves in the same room ever again, Miki.”

Miki nods in agreement.

“I do enjoy making bold assumptions but also, it’s a well-calculated manifestation” she says, clearly proud of herself. “May I join you? It’s sad to drink alone.”

“I didn’t even plan on drinking at all.”

“See how I managed to change that already?”

Anya sighs and leans back, not quite understanding why she didn’t just leave. Or why she didn’t ask for Miki to. 

“You’re really… something.”

Miki nods at her, wordlessly agreeing and waiting for her to add more. Anya has nothing else to say, her mind is still very much abuzz and confused about what was going on. She should be feeling like she was closely being watched, and she has always hated that feeling. She should be trying to look for more air because normally this kind of attention from a stranger makes it harder for her to relax. She should be wanting to leave because this was a pointless use of her time. 

But Miki smiles and says nothing. She stares like she just knows her.

No. That’s not it. 

Miki gazes at her like she sees her. All of her. The her that she keeps hidden, the her that she controls, the her that she has yet to be.

“I’m Anya” she says before she could stop herself.  

“Oh. Hmm. Oh. Hello, Anya.”

“Oh, bakit naman your face is like that?”

“You don’t look like an Anya eh.”

“What do I look like?”

“Like someone with a long, maybe unusual name? Like from the past? You look like you have such a timeless name. Yung parang galing sa ibang timeline. Or ibang multiverse.”

Anya could have laughed at the reference if she isn’t all too concerned about keeping herself from staring. 

“You judge people for a living, Miki?”

Miki shifts in her seat and frowns. Again, she effortlessly pulls off looking like the shrug she gives was nothing more than a mannerism, and not a sign of discomfort. Or a sign that she does not enjoy being figured out too. Miki’s hand brushes her hair up again and Anya just wishes she would stop doing that. She bites her lower lip and Anya cursed in her head– she should stop doing that too. 

“I read the room for a living, I guess” Miki finally says. “I read patterns.”

Anya’s eyebrows raised at how carefully those sentences were delivered.

“Alam mo, hindi ako sure if you’re… I don’t know if you’re serious or not. Or if you have a sense of humor or you’re just mambobola.”

Miki inches closer to her and Anya doesn’t stop her. 

“Why is that so?” Miki asks, voice almost a whisper again. 

“I don’t know yet” Anya whispers back and she realizes that she’s nervous. But the kind of nervous that she enjoys. 

“Oh?”

“Hmm.”

Miki inches closer and Anya forgets how to move. No. She does not forget. She simply does not want to. She straightens her back and leans - very slightly and very carefully - forward, making Miki always jump back in surprise.

“Sorry” Miki mumbles.

She stays in place but she’s flushed and Anya sees it.

“There’s something about you, Miki. Something I can’t quite place yet.”

“Sana naman something good.”

Anya mimics her shrug with one of her own. Honestly, who knows at this point? All Anya knows as of right now is that she is still taking sips from the drink she was given. She is still sitting in place. And for some reason that neither heaven nor hell knows, she was the one leaning towards Miki. The other girl somehow sat frozen now. Like her being receptive was a factor that Miki had failed to consider.

“So you read patterns for a living?” Anya asks, placing her chin on the palm of her hand, as she leans on one arm resting on knees. “What does that mean?”

Miki blinks.

“You want to hear about my boring job?”

“Your eyes get sharper when you talk about it, Miki.”

“So?”

“So, something tells me you don’t find it that boring.”

Miki tries to hide a shy smile. She fails as it widens into a grin.

“Basically, I observe trends,” she explains. “I have to come up with systems and safeguards to make sure that what could be a problem will not be a problem. Or if it does become a problem, there are immediate solutions to it. Usually, band-aid for emergencies. Sometimes a sturdier approach. But I have yet to figure out how to have a long-term solution for a problem that just recently surfaced.”

“But even if it only recently surfaced, you would have thought about it already. That’s your job eh. So, while you were thinking about it, you would have– should have– thought of both a short-term address and a long-term fix. Or are you not doing your job correctly ba?”

Miki opens her mouth but no words come out. She tries to speak again but all that came out was a hoarse and surprised ghost of a giggle. Anya raises her eyebrows at her and Miki simply tilts her head to the side with a well-pronounced frown etching on her face. She blinks at Anya, not quite sure if she heard what she heard correctly. 

“You were listening” she manages to croak. “Like, you were actually listening to me talk about my job.”

Anya mirrored her confused frown before smiling. 

“I asked you about it… why wouldn’t I listen? And hindi mo pa sinasagot ang tanong ko.”

Miki takes a deep breath and sits upright. Like she was preparing to take on the world. But instead of answering right away, she angles her body to face Anya more. She leans her elbow on the backrest of the couch and places her head on the palm of her hand. Then she stares at Anya.

“What?” Anya frowns at her, a smile threatening on her lip. “Try not to look at me like that.”

“Like you just fascinate me? Sorry, I can’t help it.”

“You’ll creep me out” Anya warns. 

“I’m sorry” Miki says and Anya believes her. “I’m guessing you work in policy? You’re not an R&D girl. I would know. But you don’t look like you enjoy Operations. Or Marketing. I’m getting Policy.”

“And how would you know?”

“Your question kasi. Very madam. Very boss lady. Very…bakit wala pa rin solution ang problema na hindi naman problema kanina?” 

Anya could not help but laugh at how accusatory Miki sounded just now.

“You’re pikon.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You sound like you are though. For the record, ikaw naman nagsabi na trabaho mo to look for solutions. If wala kang solution sa problema, then are you even doing your job?”

“Ewan” Miki says, finally looking away from her. 

Anya laughs again and against her better judgment, she reaches over and brushes the back of her hand against Miki’s face to call her attention. The spot where the skin touches hers burns.

An electric touch, a welcoming hearth. 

And it will burn hours after she pulls it away, she just doesn’t know it yet. 

“I apologize” she says when Miki gazes at her again. “I didn’t mean to offend.”

Miki smiles like it wasn’t a big deal. But if they were being watched, if anyone at all saw them, they would be able to tell that Miki perked up. Anya does not know it, but she sees it. There is a glint in Miki’s eyes that she had thought she already scared away. 

“It’s alright. You speak so serenely. You speak in lullabies, you know that?”

“Miki, I don’t even know what that means.”

“I feel like you’re so sanay to give bad news in the sweetest way possible. And if I predict problems and solve them, feeling ko you’re the type they send in to manage situations.”

Anya raises her eyebrow at her. A question. Miki smiles wider. She has the answer.

“You have such a calming presence.”

“My sister calls me a ball of nervous energy,” Anya tells her.

“Well, maybe that’s what you are. Maybe that’s part of who you are when you’re around people you have to take care of. Or impress. Or serve. Or lead.”

“And you’re none of those?”

Miki shakes her head in sweet defiance.

“Ako, I only see the you that is here right now. And you are the epitome of serene, Anya” she says sincerely. She reaches over and just brushes the back of her hand on Anya’s cheek, as though she’s just checking that she’s real. That she’s really there.

Anya holds her breath, scared that if she moves even in the most minuscule bit, Miki might turn out to be nothing but an imagination.

 “And you don’t have to apologize” Miki continues softly, almost cooing. “Hindi naman ako na offend. Tama ka naman. It’s something that I have been wrestling with naman talaga.”

Anya nods slowly, not sure which part of what was just said did she find easier to process.

“Okay. But?”

“But problems are usually dynamic eh. I can’t think that far ahead. Sometimes, you have safeguards for one thing and then when it actually happens, you were guarding the wrong thing pala. So mag-iiba naman ang approach.”

“Hindi ba ganoon naman talaga?” Anya poses, wanting her words to sound comforting and less tactical. “In life, in business?”

Miki nods, keeping her smile. 

“Minsan pupunta ka sa hotel, akala mo your problem is the idiots you have keep happy. Then ‘lo and behold, the problem is how to not look one in front of the prettiest girl you have ever seen.”

“And now we’re back to you being ridiculous” Anya rolls her eyes at her. “Ginawa mo pa akong problema.”

Miki takes a beat, like she does not know if she should make another joke or allow the serious turn of this conversation to keep going.

“I wouldn’t want to solve you” she says quietly. 

“Ano?”

“If you were a problem, I wouldn’t want to solve you.”

“And why not?”

“That would mean you would go away.”

“Smooth, Miki.”

“Good.”

They stare at each other for a second or before bursting out in laughter.

It’s harmonious really– Anya’s almost uncharacteristic maniacal chortle paired with Miki’s low and almost wheezy hysterics. When Anya laughs like she just did, her eyes disappear. When Miki does the same, she almost throws her body back so hard that she nearly disappears behind the couch. They should not sound like music when they laugh together but to Anya’s ears, as surprising as it is, they do. She finds it exhilarating yet soothing– like the prospect of sleeping in your own bed after days and days of adventuring in the wild.  

She is definitely rattled now. She should not be thinking and feeling all this for someone she just met less than an hour ago. 

Then again… this means nothing.

 

It’s a conversation. It ends. Eventually. Might as well enjoy it while it’s happening.

 

“Do you like it?” Anya asks when their silence became comfortable enough that they literally were just trying to talk with their eyes.

Miki shakes her head. 

“Do I like what I do? No, I don’t.”

Again, Anya finds the candor surprising. 

“Alright. What would you like to do for a living then, Miki?”

Miki looks away again. She doesn’t really say or do anything that she has not been doing or has not done all night. She still bites her lip or the inside of her cheeks. She still uses her fingers to brush up her hair. She still steals glances at Anya, as though checking if she was still there. She still offers a sigh, as though she needed the extra release so she could find more space for the patience required to answer that question. Anya, at first, thought she was pissed. But when she finally meets her eyes again, she realizes that fiery look of annoyance was hiding something far worse– self-doubt.

For the first time that night, Miki looks vulnerable, no matter how hard she tries to hide it. 

And Anya, for the first time that night, notices she’s young. Perhaps younger than she seems, definitely younger than she is. Younger and newer but Anya already knows that Miki understands more than she lets on. There is a recognition in her gaze that Anya names to be a kind of comprehension and empathy that most scions could not muster in decades and decades of building empires. Miki is… new. She is new to a lot which explains the honesty… and the unease. 

A new player in the corporate world. Definitely, a new name. Someone so young but she already carries herself so well. So young, yet she speaks with so much depth that she might put half of their company’s board room to shame. Perhaps, that was the idealism of someone so new. Or…perhaps, she dreads to admit it, maybe that’s just who this Miki is. 

“Sorry, I touched a sensitive question? I’m sorry” Anya says sincerely.

“No. Just one I never get asked.”

“Ah.”

Anya’s laugh was hollow which Miki immediately catches. She stares at her with a curious worry.

“I know how that feels,” Anya adds and Miki nods at her almost automatically.

“I’m sure you do.”

“Ayan ka na naman.” 

“Ayaw mo siguro na someone reads you so easily?”

“I’m not easily read, I’ve been told.”

Miki smirks. 

“That’s just ‘cause we just met.”

Anya rolls her eyes and Miki winks at her playfully. Anya figures she should be feeling butterflies or annoyance or both. No, instead she feels…free.

Free to banter. Free to converse. Free to stay. 

“You’re ridiculous.”

Anya tries to sound annoyed but she simply sounds like she was challenging her. And Miki, who barely missed anything tonight, catches it. 

“Oh? Tell me I’m wrong then” she says, resuming her previous position of facing Anya and throwing all of her attention at her. “Someone as pretty as you, on a Friday night, sitting alone by the pool after making sure that no one who knows you is around? And then you get comfortable enough that you end up…studying? Something tells me na you went here against your will nga eh.”

“Not against my will naman. I would rather just be doing something else.”

“Like studying at home instead?” Miki almost sounds like she was insulted. “Why are you here anyway, Anya?”

Anya sighs in defeat.

“My cousin is having a party upstairs. To celebrate a special milestone in her career. I’m being supportive.”

“Yet, you’re not there.”

“No. No, I am not.”

Miki takes a beat again, and Anya knows to expect an unconventional question coming her way.

“Napapagod ka siguro maging perfect?”

“Is that a line?”

“No, it’s a question. But, did you find it flattering?”

“Ewan ko sa’yo.”

Miki snorts, finding Anya’s reaction funny and amusing. When the other girl frowns some more at her, she lets out an apologetic chuckle. 

“Why are you down here and not up there?”

Anya thinks about it. She’s been wondering the same thing. She went down here to escape what’s up there. She wanted to be able to hear her thoughts. She wanted a few moments of not having to worry if JJ was too drunk or too stressed from whatever was stressing her out. She wanted to…not be suffocated.

“I needed the air,” she replies.

“Buti nalang pala mahangin ako.”

“First correct thing you’ve said so far.”

Miki chuckles, freely. Like laughing was air to her lungs. Like she welcomed the luxury of having clean air to breathe.

“Sanay ka ba?”

“To talk to pretty girls in bars?”

“Ang annoying mo na.”

“Sorry” Miki mutters and Anya again finds herself believing it. “What did you mean?”

“When people call you mayabang or mahangin.”

Miki tilts her head at her again. Like a puppy that’s surprised at an offered treat. 

“Yes.”

“But you’re not, are you?”

“What makes you say that?”

“I’ve been around way too many people who are mayabang and mahangin. They mistake courage for kapal ng mukha…and confidence with sheer arrogance.”

Anya tries to say it without bitterness or disdain but she fails. She hates judging people. She tries her best not to judge someone by their appearance, or even by their reputation. But there are people who are just loud in their ways. They are loud when they’re insecure, and louder when they’re wrong. They are loud when they show off what is not even theirs to show. Oftentimes, they think they are tough. They think they are smarter. They think they know better. No, they think they are better.

To Anya, they are just loud. They take up space that might be better used by someone who does good. They suck out the air and life in every room they walk in.

The girl in front of her? Worlds apart from that.

“Hmm…”

“And if you wanted to hit on me, you would have done it already.”

“Oh…”

“But you have, for the most part, been quite respectful. Kahit you want to appear maangas.”

“Oh.”

“I think it’s a front. Gusto mo mukhang intimidating ka para hindi ka rin lapitan ng mga fake people. Or people you just don’t like. But I think deep down? You’re just a simple girl who likes an honest conversation. Maybe with a bit of a flirtatious flare?”

“Hmm.”

Anya just watches the wheels turn in Miki’s head and the color rising on her cheeks. It is satisfying that someone who seemed so stoic and seemingly zen a few minutes ago was starting to combust internally, and with subtitles flashing on her gorgeous face. 

“Oh, now you have nothing to say?” Anya teases. “Saan na ‘yung kanina na bilib na bilib sa self?”

“Um.”

Anya turns to the side, her dimples showing as she tries to suppress a laugh. This was enough to shake Miki off her spiral. 

“Do you read people for a living too, Anya?” she asks.

“No. But I should probably start.”

“Hmm…” Miki ponders on that reply, slowly regaining her composure. “Masters? Law? Medicine?”

Anya shakes her head. She really can’t believe this girl.

“You guess all that just from what I said?”

“Bagay din sa’yo maging kahit ano sa choices” Miki smiles, that same one that aims both to flatter you and to put you at ease. “Which is it ba?”

“Law.”

“Oh, no” Miki bemoans, clutching her chest rather dramatically.

Anya grimaces in actual indignation. 

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Well, it’s a demanding course” Miki replies, not even being sorry about the pout that was creeping its way to her face. “I wonder if you’d even have time to grab a coffee with me?”

Anya was already prepared to argue with her but she relaxes as soon as she hears the words and as soon as she sees that Miki was actually still just being playful. She wonders when was the last time she ever had this kind of exchange with anyone. Not to be misjudged, if anyone would ask her, Miki was still partly infuriating. Conversing with her means you always have to catch the smallest nuances and to always consider her tone and her face, more than her words. And it feels like it would be highly embarrassing to miss one of her subtle cues.

Then again, Miki has yet to judge her. Or correct her in a way that disparages her confidence or her belief systems. And Miki has yet to show signs of only listening so she could use something against her. Or so she could use her. Miki has not even asked for her full name, where she lives, or where she works. Anya almost gasped at the realization that Miki seems genuinely disinterested in all those. Yet, no one can deny it– she has heard, processed, and somehow even validated every single word, action, and non-verbal cue that Anya has displayed.

Miki pretends to sigh impatiently but Anya already knows that it was merely for show.

“I probably won’t have time for anything with you” she replies, coy and cold, expecting that Miki was going to malfunction again.

“It’s a good thing I already got you the drink then.”

Damn.

“Well. Perhaps.”

Miki takes another beat, as if she was deciding if she should pursue where Anya was leading them. She quickly decides against it. They were both facing each other now, more comfortably, invisible walls all brought down by an unknown force.

“Why do you want to become a lawyer, Anya?” she asks.

Anya’s been asked this question so many times. Sometimes by her own family who don’t understand why she just wouldn’t take her place in their company yet.

“Ayoko mag doctor or mag business eh” she gives Miki the answer that she has not given to anyone, not even to her sister. “I really don’t have a reason why. Ayoko lang. I don’t think those fields are for me.”

“Ah, that’s the only one left?”

Anya appreciates Miki’s tone as she takes in that answer. She sounds neither surprised nor judgmental. There was no hint of disappointment or difficulty in understanding. She asks her for confirmation. Not more explanation. And her eyes, when inquiring, gives her a sense of validation– like it is perfectly normal to decide this way. And that this decision is perfectly acceptable. 

Anya does not know why. Maybe it’s because they don’t know each other. They don’t know each other’s family. Miki has never seen her at school or in any setting in which her life choices are watched, evaluated, and held to a standard she never asked for. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t seem to matter to Miki. She has no stakes in any of it.

Or, Miki could just be playing her because Anya does not realize it yet, their knees were now touching and Miki’s been blushing about it for a solid minute now. Anya doesn’t feel it, really. She doesn’t move. She’s perfectly comfortable with the way they are right now.

“And we don’t have a lawyer in the family” Anya continues. “I suppose, when the day comes that I will tell my father na ayaw ko mag negosyo, I’d still be able to offer him something. I can still help out with the family business. I can still have a purpose.”

“And that’s important to you?”

“Helping my family? Oo naman.”

“No. Having a purpose that neither disrupts or disappoints your family.”

Anya stares at her, as though that would make the question easier to understand. She thinks about it, aware that Miki wasn’t watching her as closely now. She was just sitting there, an immovable object clothed with layers of wonderful contradiction which blend in glorious harmony.

Miki glances at her, eyes filled with curiousity. But she never says anything. It’s like she knows exactly why Anya was taking her time to come up with an answer. 

Anya grapples with that reality. No one has ever put things like that before.

“Hmm…” Miki hums when Anya sits up right and their knees break contact.

“What’s with your ‘hmm’ this time?”

“I’m pagod, Anya” she says, stretching her arms and turning away so she could rest her back on the sofa. She lets her arms fall on top of the backrest, with her hand mere millimeters from Anya’s shoulder. “Would you mind if I close my eyes for a little bit?”

“You’re the one who came here…”

“Mhmm” Miki agrees, eyes shining in both mischief and wonder. “I find you rather magnetic.”

“Now that’s a line,” Anya says with a line. 

“It’s a statement of fact.”

“Sure, it is.”

“I think you’ll appreciate my silence,” Miki says, tired but sure in her resolve. “Maybe…almost as much as I would like to hear more of what goes on in your pretty head.”

“What makes you think I’ll keep talking?”

“Hmm. You’re a very well-disciplined person. You’re cautious, guarded, and I must say, your walls are high and well-built. You’re warm and gentle. And I can already tell you’re as tough as one can be. And hindi ka nakikipag-usap sa hindi mo kilala or sa hindi mo trusted.”

“Mahangin ka nga.”

“Yet, you haven’t left. And you haven’t noticed that I’ve moved closer to you. And our hands are almost touching. Also, ang bango mo.”

Miki pauses like she knows that she already crossed a line. She opens her mouth and Anya waits for an apology. Their eyes meet and right away, Anya realizes that Miki’s apology will not be verbalized.

“If you wanted to leave, you would have already” Miki declares quietly. 

Contentedly.

This girl enjoys being right. It’s starting to annoy Anya but also…it was starting to become… well, she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know what she’s feeling right now. But she knows that Miki is right. She could have left an hour ago. She could have realized that it’s already been over an hour. But she has not. And she clearly wasn’t even fixing herself to leave yet.

“I’ll close my eyes lang” Miki tells her like she’s someone she’s known her whole life. “You can talk lang. Actually, please talk lang. I like listening to your voice. You sound so very mabait.”

Anya rolls her eyes, careful not to allow whatever thudding inside her chest to escape into her face.

“How about the visitors na you’re supposed to be watching over?”

“Oh, they can drown for all I care. For the first time all day, I can finally breathe well again. Nasabi ko na ba na ang bango mo?”

“You’re a crazy girl, Miki.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

Miki does not argue, does not offer an explanation. She knows she does not need to… nor does she want to. There is a comfortable silence, a melodic lull in the air that was both strange yet familiar. Anya does not know what to do with it. She hasn’t known what to do with much of anything since Miki walked up to her. She only seems to have questions and this nagging desire to keep asking and keep talking to the unmoving and sleepy beauty beside her.

“Why are you doing your job if you don’t like it?” Anya asks in a small voice.

It was not exactly a question that demanded an answer. She’s not even sure that Miki was still awake. But the girl hums, acknowledging her and her inquiry. 

“I don’t have enough money or power to leave and keep my life?”

“What kind of answer is that?” Anya asks, in genuine surprise. Again, there’s a reply that was as honest, as it was, careless. 

“The truth.”

Somehow, while she still doesn’t quite get the sentiment, Anya doesn’t question the authenticity. 

“So, what would you rather be doing nga?”

“Right now?”Miki smirks, almost like she was waiting for that question and was ever grateful that the other ones were abandoned. “I’m content sitting here and flirting with you.”

“Flirting with me? You?”

“Hala, hindi mo nahalata?”

“Parang hindi” Anya teases.

“Well, shit.”

“Ewan ko sa’yo. What would you rather be doing nga sa buhay mo, Miki?”

“Bukas, I hope to go on a proper date?”

“Again, I already said, that’s probably not going to happen.”

Miki grunted like she highly doubted Anya would not eventually reconsider. 

“In five years? I want to be free of my father.”

“And what would you do with your freedom, Miki?”

“I don’t know yet. Start my own company. Do shit that actually matters?”

“What’s shit that actually matters?”

“Hindi ko pa alam” Miki admits as she nervously ruffles her hair. “My field is in tech. I’ve studied tech and business and how they go together. My father’s business is pretty diverse naman but we’re not big in the finance district. He’s not into tech also. Mas gusto niya lupa. Mas gusto niya something concrete. Constructions, mining, exports and trading... And hell knows what else. Alam mo I find it ironic? He wants to keep building things of permanence but all he’s actually doing is destroying the planet. But… I really don’t know. Hindi ako fit sa company namin.”

“It’s okay to feel that way” Anya assures her. “So, if you don’t like your dad and you don’t like your business. What do you like?"

“I like talking to you.”

“Sabi ko na nga ba. Sorry, I’m not an option.”

“I think I’m willing to find out how it is to live life with you” she says quietly and Anya cannot decide if that was a pick up line or not. “I think it would be…fun.”

“You want fun for a career?” Anya asks, ignoring the rest of the sentence just so she wouldn’t blush harder.

“Bakit hindi?” Miki challenges, her body language shifting to something more dynamic again. “Gusto ko masaya? I want to play games. I want both business majors and techies to have fun learning. And be able to make a living with whatever fun they’re having. I want to be able to contribute to that somehow. I don’t know? Gawa ako video games that don't just involve killing to win? Hindi ko pa alam. I want to bring advanced technology closer to people who don’t trust it. I want people to appreciate working hand-in-hand with computers and not enslave it…or be enslaved by it. Gusto ko makagawa ng something na mas mapapadali ang buhay. Hindi lang ang trabaho. I want to be able to do all that na malayo sa sira ulo kong ama.”

“Wow.”

“I know, right? Nagkakacrush ka na rin ba sa akin?”

Anya rolls her eyes. At this rate, her eyeballs could beat both the Earth’s rotation and revolution.

“Whatever you say, pretty girl” she says, just to see how Miki would react.

Miki stops breathing for a second and Anya finds it all the more precious.

“Sige nga? Tell me more about this plan.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, pretty girl.”

“Anya, if ako mag faint dito, you’ll have to resuscitate me…”

“Are you going to kwento or not?”

Miki sighs in defeat but smiles in glorious triumph.

She starts talking about her plans and Anya takes a sip from her almost empty glass, eyes never leaving Miki. She enjoys noting Miki’s little mannerisms and quirks every time she gets excited or uncomfortable or goes full-on techie mode. 

Despite how she looks - and she looks damn good -  Miki was a bit of a carefree nerd. From what she can tell right now, the girl dresses well or carries herself well but Anya only realizes that she is not at all vain. She doesn’t really care much about image or appearances. She hasn’t talked about any of that. But get her talking about video games? She can yap. And she glows too. It is highly endearing, maybe even intoxicating for Anya. She is just drawn to how excited and passionate Miki’s tone is when she’s talking about a future where she gets to do what she wants, what she finds purpose in. 

It is a happy bonus that she literally gets a twinkle in her eye when she “talks smart.” Or at least in terms that are not as familiar to someone who does not dwell in that world or industry too often or too long. As Miki continues to talk about video games and robots and how she envisions having an “ecosystem” that takes technological advancement in as a friend, Anya wonders if Miki’s eye color is her natural one or if she’s wearing contacts…does she need glasses to read? 

Unaware, she leans in closer, trying to catch the light in Miki’s eye. It’s difficult. While Miki was practically staring only at her, Anya kept missing her eye color. All she manages to see are all the expressions Miki has while she’s talking. She sees a hunger for change in the business district, a healthy ambition to be given a chance to show the world who she is and what she can do, a playful child with dreams bigger than the world. A gentle spirit who has already been through too much that it cocoons its very essence behind masked exteriors made of bravado and nonchalance. 

Anya can’t see Miki’s damn eye color cause she keeps seeing glimpses of her soul.

Ang stupid mo lang, Antonia. Get it a grip.

Miki pauses and wonders why Anya had fallen silent. 

“You’re having thoughts about my thoughts” she says, her smile contained and nervous. “Share?”

Anya hears the edge in Miki’s voice. She really was nervous but honestly curious. Anya has this impression that Miki must be very good at controlling most of her intrusive thoughts and she must be quite patient in waiting for a perfect moment to do whatever. Tonight is already an indication. But when she wants to know something, she almost always asks. Right on the spot. Again, it was new for Anya. Miki might be one of the most calculative people she has ever met…but the only one who does not overthink how to ask a simple question. 

And again… Miki waits. In the silence, knees still touching, the inches between them almost completely obliterated. 

 “I feel like…” Anya starts, not knowing how to verbalize her thoughts in a way that is also as simple as Miki makes things seem. 

“Hmm. You can just say what you think, Anya. Hindi naman ako magagalit. Or mapipilkon.”

“You can do all that now, no? The things you’ve listed, parang kaya mo na gawin ngayon. I have the impression na pwede mo na nga simulan ang own company mo…”

“Hmm… Yeah, technically.”

“But whatever you create, ayaw mo na mahawakan ng father mo?”

Miki nods.

“Because?”

“Sira ulo nga siya.”

“Seryoso, Miki.”

Miki stretches in her seat again before stopping her hand from reaching for Anya’s.

Anya literally sees the movement, and the decision made against it. She appreciates it while at the same time she wonders how that contact would feel like. Suddenly, the air was both colder and warmer, both lighter and heavier. Like she was breathing in both comfort and confusion. Yet like most things tonight, her lungs just accept it. Like it’s always meant to take in whatever this is. 

“Anya, if you knew my father…I don’t think you’d be asking.”

“Eh kasi hindi?”

Miki chuckles. 

“You can be suplada pala?” she poses. “It’s hot.”

Anya doesn’t say anything. She simply clicks her tongue, a sign of her impatience. Miki gets the message loud and clear. She winks her acknowledgment.

“The man destroys half the things he holds” Miki says a little too quietly, a darkness weighing her down. “The other half, he profits off of. Hindi worth na bigyan siya ng chance to shape the next generation. He’s already failed massively with his children.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It is what it is.”

“You seem to have turned out okay” Anya offers and she means it. 

Miki shakes her head, unwilling to accept that.

“I’ve done my part to stay away from him. But sometimes, destiny calls and you don’t really have a choice until you’re strong enough to hang up.”

Those words are as foreign to Anya as Miki is. But they also ring true and familiar…just like Miki does. They probably have different problems and different issues. They probably have different causes to fight for. Miki’s resentment is as loud as the joy in her eyes when she talks about future plans. Anya’s own pressures are tamer, quieter, like a voice that had already been taught silence before it was ever taught to speak.  As opposite or as different as they may seem, they converge at a common point. 

They meet tonight. They talk tonight. They find an ally of sorts tonight.

For Miki, she notices a force in Anya that she is simply drawn to. 

For Anya, she recognizes a soul that she neither sought nor noticed until it greeted hers.

As soon as she comes up with this realization, Anya feels the haunting and gnawing pang of…not knowing what to do with an information you did not ask for.

“What’s your father like?” Miki asks.

Anya stares at her.

It’s the way she asks these questions. Like she is genuinely interested in knowing what kind of father Anya has. Miki does everything so casually but she can tell that she’s actually quite conscious about something. Like she’s really curious but she doesn’t want to overstep. Like she knows that with just one wrong question, Anya will walk out of there without a single warning. Like she’s doing everything she can to make sure that does not happen. But at the same time…she still has to appear cool. Anya bites the inside of her cheek. This strange girl does not have to try. Everything about Miki, from what she can see anyway, already has her interested.

“Difficult. But good.”

“Hala, may something in common sila ng Papa ko. The una mong sinabi na part.”

Anya’s smile is small, the kind she gives to people who may judge her for what she’s about to say. 

“My dad… he’s a good dad,” she says as carefully and as thoughtful as possible. “He’s a very dedicated man. He’s a faithful husband. He’s a loving father. Magaling siya sa lahat ng ginagawa niya.”

“But?”

“That means dapat magaling ka also sa lahat ng ginagawa mo.”

“Ah. Something tells me you’ve never failed at anything, Anya.”

Anya laughs, as if to say that she’s failed countless times. But that’s not the truth and before she can even think of a buffer, her face already betrays her.

“Oh, shit. Perfect ka nga.”

“Far from it” Anya counters. “But I love being…his daughter. Sila ng mom ko. Ang sarap maging anak nila. Mahirap nga lang. And I guess hindi man ako nag fail, that does not always mean na hindi ko sila nadidisappoint. I love them but it’s not the easiest to be loved by them…” 

Miki hums, again, like she understands more than she lets on. She reaches over and tucks a stray hair behind Anya’s ear. 

Anya’s face warms at the contact but she doesn’t recoil. It’s unsettling, this comfort she keeps finding with her. 

“It’s a balance,” Miki declares.

“What?”

“Privilege is usually offset by freedom.”

Anya raises her eyebrow. Miki smirks at it. Anya loses her train of thought for but a second until Miki nods at her encouragingly.

“Akala ko privilege buys it?” Anya finally asks. 

“It buys you another prison.”

If this was a drinking game, and Anya were to drink every time this girl in front of her says something that one does not usually say to a person you’re trying to be cute with, she would be drunk by now. 

Like, really drunk. 

So drunk that everything she has avoided committing all her life, she just might fall prey for. 

“Let’s not dance around it?” Miki starts. “Mayaman ka, Anya. You had the penthouse closed. I could not bribe this hotel enough to give me that penthouse for our guests. Meaning, you have money and power. You have privilege. You can buy most of what you want. Probably in doubles or triples. Hindi ka worried na magkasakit cause you can probably buy the hospital, too. You never had to worry about clothes or food or where ka matutulog.”

That should have sounded like an accusation but because Miki doesn’t speak like that, the whole statement just feels like a reminder to Anya about how blessed she is.

“You talk of things you know.”

“Of course,” Miki agrees. “We’re privileged enough to recognize that ang pera, nakakabukas ng mga pinto that some people don’t even know exist. And yet, you and I are both here…talking about lives I don’t think we’re living to the fullest. Tell me… hindi ka ba talaga nakakulong?”

Anya gulps at the truth of it, but she isn’t ready to say it out loud. Instead, she inches her hand closer to Miki’s. Perhaps seeking a lifeline in the slimmest and slightest of contact. Miki reads it well enough and she gently pushes her hand forward, too. Their fingertips touch, but they don’t move further. 

A touch, the tiniest of points, the smallest of contacts. But they don’t hold hands. 

Something tells Anya not yet , and Miki can read it on her face. 

They settle. In steady rhythms of their heartbeats. In a singular point of contact. In silent anticipation. 

“We can travel the world all we want, Anya…and you know what?” Miki says again, her fingers slightly tapping at Anya’s. “I’m starting to want to see the world with you. But you have to admit… we’re both stuck. Burdened. Imprisoned.”

“You, by your father?”

Miki shakes her head, like she already has a solution to that particular problem.

“Me, by fear, I suppose,” she says. “And… You, by expectations.”

That last line hits Anya like a truth bomb. She wanted to reach for her drink but that will mean losing contact with Miki’s hand. Instead, she tries to force a smile, except she ends up in a sort of trance. Like a spell was cast upon her and while she’s aware, she’s actually debating if she wants free of it.

“You’re staring, Anya.”

It was a whisper. Both a warning and an invite.

“How have we never met?” Anya bursts before stopping herself. 

“Now, there’s a line.”

“Everyone’s kid is up in that penthouse parlor. Every spoiled nepo baby is up there partying, cozying up to my cousin, my best friend, my sister… How does my family not know yours?”

“I think that’s what you call a blessing.”

“No… it’s rather… new.”

“Well. To ease your overthinking, Miss Beautiful. I studied abroad. So, we could have never met at your college party scene. I also don’t like anything about politics or anything that requires me to read books without pictures. So, of course I wouldn’t be hanging out with your crowd. As for my family… I’m not sure my father has friends. And I have a feeling that yours only work with friends…”

Anya nods but says nothing more about that. It was the way that Miki said that last part, which partly triggered a nervous ball in her stomach. She cannot figure out why. She tries to hide it and for the most part, she does as they keep talking. Miki orders a drink for herself, a Sidecar and Anya smirks because she guessed right. She’s been taking in whiffs of citrus and whiskey or perhaps brandy all night. As the night went on, they both could have made too long of a list of topics that they talked about or argued about, and time would still have been too short. The night’s deadline was not enough to list down the things they have both noticed of each other.

Anya realizes that when Miki laughs, she has a tendency to throw her head back or her body over. And in the last few jokes they’ve shared, Miki’s laugh grows deeper, fuller and instead of throwing her head back, she’s almost…falling over.

Towards her. On her. 

“Nakakainis ka” she tells Miki after she finally comes close to hugging her after laughing over the corniest of jokes. 

“I’m sure you’re right but do tell me why?”

“Bakit cute ka?”

Miki laughs, her face turning almost as red as her hair.

“Cute pala ha. Tell me, Anya. Am I a cute mistake you’re willing to make?”

“I don’t know what that means, Miki.”

“Oh, I think you do.”

Anya’s thoughts linger at all the ways that this could go wrong. Most of them, she doesn’t mind. There’s just one thing that she knows she can never be okay with.

“I can be the one thing your father does not approve of” Miki says in jest, but with a side of serious offering. She says it both as a suggestion and as a strong statement to prove that she understands her. “The one thing you do that will make them go crazy.”

“Again, I don’t know what that means.”

“Everything you do, your father approves of. What if ako ‘yung una na hindi?”

When Anya purses her lips to replay the statement in her head, Miki immediately realizes the context of what she said and she quickly fumbles her words.

“I don’t mean you do me as ‘do’ me– I wasn’t– Hang on– Why are you laughing?”

“You’re– flushed” Anya replies, her words barely making it out of her giggles. “Ang pula– mo.”

“Hindi…” Miki scratches her head in panic. “Hang on! I didn’t mean how it sounded.”

“Didn’t you?”

“Ha?”

Anya laughs harder and Miki stomps her foot like a child losing an argument. Anya reaches for her, this time, really holding her hand and tugging on it.

“I know what you meant” she says, trying to pacify what was looking like a tantrum. She calms herself enough to stop her laughter. “Don’t worry. I understand what you were saying.”

“Okay… Wait. Anya, do you need me to clarify it para we don’t misunderstand each other?”

“So what if we misunderstand each other?”

“Ayoko.”

“Why?”

“Because ayoko.”

Anya smiles, again not knowing why. Another wave of comfortable silence dances in the air between them, the gap from earlier already fully obliterated. Their knees are touching again and Anya finally notices but does not move. She can feel her cheeks grow warm but it doesn’t matter. There is more tranquility in this singular point of moment than she has ever felt from people who have held her hand or even embraced her before.

Miki slowly holds her hand with both of hers. Anya lets her. 

“Anya…?” 

“Yes?”

“I like talking to you.”

“I can tell.”

“But I’m really pagod eh.”

Anya squeezes Miki’s hand gently. A reassurance of sorts.

“Close your eyes, Miki” she says. “Kanina ka pa tired but you haven’t really been resting.”

“You’ll wake me up if you have to leave?”

“What for?”

“I’ll give you my number.”

Anya blinks at her, waiting for the punchline. Miki shrugs before leaning back on the couch, head resting comfortable on the back rest, one hand still holding Anya’s.

“I didn’t ask for your number,” Anya tells her. “I don’t need it.”

“But you want it?” Miki asks, sounding like she was already half-asleep.

She still sounds so confident but also nervous. And hopeful. Anya watches her before her eyes linger at their hands. Now, she really does not know what to do with… that. She just stares at Miki– silent, unmoving, chest rising and falling to a melody in the air that only both of them could probably hear.

“I don’t know” she replies, more to herself than to anyone.

Miki smiles, like she was dreaming of the happiest things.

“I could kiss you right now,” she mumbles.

“I won’t let you” Anya whispers back.

“Hmm. Okay.”

Anya waits until there is more but Miki seemed to just be fine with agreeing with her. Her breathing grows steadier and her hold on her hand loosens up but she doesn’t let go. And Anya doesn’t pull away. A few minutes pass as Anya just watches her, before mimicking her position of leaning back and staring out into the business district’s sky line. Anya lets this napping Miki keep her hand while she starts reading messages on her phone. Louisa said the party was still going but she’s about to leave with Nixi. JJ already left with her friends. They both asked if she wanted to join them. Anya replies a simple “no” and “ingat.” Then she glances at the girl beside her, thinking she probably should have said “No” to Miki and “ingat” to herself. But even after hours of just conversation…she still has trouble with those words.

The feeling is new. Too new. She sets her phone on the table and fights the constant temptation to check Miki’s phone that keeps on buzzing. She steals glances and the caller ID has no picture and just says “Si Papa — IGNORE” . Beside it is Miki’s wallet that she just left on the table without a care in the world. If Anya could just muster up the nerve, she would have checked an ID and finally have answers on whose hand she’s holding. And not even on a first proper date. 

Goodness, Antonia. You’re losing your mind.

The server comes by and leaves the tab with Miki’s credit card on it. Anya could see the “M” and just as she was about to take a peek, Miki stirs awake.

“You’ve already paid?” Anya asks, turning her attention to her. “That’s unusual.”

“Mhmm.”

“Bakit?”

Miki yawns and as if just remembering that she still had Anya’s hand in hers, she sits in alert and stares at her lap where both rest.

“Huh” she says in pleasant surprise before settling back and closing her eyes again.

“Hello? Bakit?”

“Something told me you’re not the kind of girl that stays out until the sun rises.”

“And your guests?”

“I’m guessing they’re passed out…”

“Yes…”

“Not in the pool?” 

“No naman.”

“I’ll have some people bring them to their rooms” Miki says, sounding so bored and so done with them. “They’ll have the worst judgment tomorrow and they’ll just tell their fathers to sign those contracts.”

“Dirty games, Miki.”

“Yes.”

“You sound…burdened. And bored. But more burdened.”

Miki nods sleepily, her eyes still shut and Anya’s hand still held.

“I told you…privilege comes with a price. No… it comes at a cost.”

Miki wakes fully. She looks so refreshed from a nap that barely happened, it was almost unfair. She immediately smiles at her, unrestrained and unabashed by the fact that she just caught Anya staring. 

Anya should be blushing. Or she should be feeling her chest tighten and her insides squirm. That’s how nervousness feels like, right? That’s how it should feel when you just got caught doing something you shouldn’t be doing? That’s how it should feel when you’re about to be judged or when something is about to be used against you, whether seriously or not? But no, that’s not what it feels like.

When Miki smiles at her, where a tightened chest or where troubled breathing were, there is only lightness now. Where knotted guts or boiling acid attacks were, there is only steady anticipation now. Where the walls were once closing in, there is only open space with free air and revitalizing breeze.

 

That’s what Miki feels like.

The breeze she needed when everything started to blur upstairs.

That’s what talking to Miki feels like.

Walking out into a field of newly-discovered flowers, with familiar yet at the same time new scents kissing your senses.

That’s what being around Miki feels like.

Fresh air. It feels like breathing in fresh air after not knowing what it is for so long.

“Anya?”

Miki’s soft and low hum of a question takes Anya back to where they’re still seated. She was fully awake now, and was just waiting for Anya’s attention to turn back to her.

“Oh, what?”

“I have enjoyed flirting with you,” Miki grins.

Anya gulps and she hopes it was subtle enough that the girl sitting barely a breath away would have missed it.

“Oh, is that what you were doing pala talaga?”

“Mhmm. I would like to do it again.”

“I’m sure you would,” Anya quips.

“Mahangin ka rin pala” Miki responds. “It’s cute.”

“I know my worth.”

“And that’s hot.”

“Shut up.”

“Hmm. Yes, you do know your worth. Do you know what would make you happy?”

Again, the question throws Anya off. It was easier when Miki was sleeping and not asking things Anya knows deep down she already had all the answers for, but is unsure of whether she wants to say them out loud. Was the world even ready to hear her answers?

“I suppose you would say you?”

Miki laughs, leaning in to whisper.

“I don’t know you well enough to say that.”

“Oh?”

“Mhmm” Miki keeps her lips just by Anya’s ear. She tries her best not to faint at how good Anya smells and feels around her. “But if you’ll have coffee with me, I could certainly have a better answer.”

“Is that so…?”

“I could certainly try and find out. Who knows? I can figure it out before you do.”

“What good would that do?” Anya challenges her by pulling back just a little, so that instead of having Miki’s lips around her ear, she has her nose almost pressed against hers. “Hmm?”

“It’s an excuse to keep me around…” 

“You are quite smooth, Miki. For a nerd.”

“I’m not a nerd.”

“Sayang” Anya says, unmoving and unwilling to be the first one to back down. “I find nerds hot.”

“I’m such a nerd.”

Anya laughs but still does not pull away. She can smell…roses and jasmine blending beautifully with a kind of musk…and maybe oakmoss. Her head spins at wondering what perfume this must be. None of her friends wear it. Her family doesn’t. Thank goodness JJ doesn’t. This scent…striking yet soothing. It’s fresh and new, something that old people don’t really wear. It’s classic but redefined. It’s distinctly…Miki. And she can’t get enough of it.

Miki watches as Anya closed her eyes to try and guess what perfume she was smelling. She takes this as an opportunity and kisses her on the cheek.

“What was that for?” Anya asks, eyes wide in alarm but not in outrage.

“A good night?”

“Bakit bigla hindi ka sure?”

“Bigla ayoko umalis. And ayoko rin yata if aalis ka na.”

“You’re the one who paid the bill already.”

Miki nods, chastising herself.

“Right…Anya… Hmm” she takes a breath first. “Do you find this a mistake, Anya?”

“This…?”

“Being this close to someone you just met?”

Miki raises their hands before stealing another kiss on Anya’s other cheek.

“And that.”

“Perhaps it is…”

“I’m asking you. Not someone else’s judgment.”

“Perhaps I do…”

“Then perhaps you should push me away now?”

“Perhaps I’m not afraid of making mistakes…”

“Would you like to find out?”

They were speaking in whispers, in voices so hushed and low the world had no business hearing. Anya takes in her scent again and she swears she was starting to smell like home and adventure all poured into a single bottle. She feels Miki move closer, lips angling towards her and before she knew it, before she can even close her eyes, or close the gap – she will never be able to decide which one she was going for – they both found themselves hitting the ground as Miki loses her balances and manages to pull them off the couch.

Miki groans, clearly embarrassed and Anya laughs, finding it all too adorable. She holds Miki by the chin, calmly and wordlessly telling her that it was okay. Miki nods before pressing her forehead against hers.

Again. 

Maybe they can try again. Miki kisses her on the cheek again and Anya has given up trying to ignore how warm and buzzing her skin feels against Miki’s lips. Or how parts of her misses the touch whenever Miki breaks contact. She feels Miki’s tiniest of exhales as she trails her lips lightly - almost featherlike, almost as light as whispers from beyond – towards Anya’s. It’s warm. They’re both warm and Anya leans closer, giving her permission. 

Miki tilts her head gently, as her hand cups the back of Anya’s neck. 

And, by fate, by chance, by the darkest of lucks– Anya sees it.

The full name on the credit card.

She gasps. Miki stops and immediately pulls back. 

They stare at each other. Anya in utter disappointment and Miki in horror. 

Of course this whole thing was too good to be true.

“You have to stop.”

Miki nods even if she doesn’t understand. She scoots backward, immediately giving Anya the space that she needs.

“I’m sorry” she says, voice clearly confused. “I read that wrong. I should have asked for verbal consent.”

“No, no, that’s not it” Anya replies, realizing that she wants to cry. “I just… we can’t… we shouldn’t. This is… this is dangerous”

“I’m sorry” Miki repeats. She glances at the drink that Anya had finished off. “Are you…intoxicated? Lasing ka ba?”

Anya shakes her head, fighting her tears back. Miki just frowns.

“Hindi ikaw lasing?”

“Not enough, apparently.”

“Listen…” Miki takes a deep breath, her body rigid in defeat and being baffled. “I don’t want you to think I’m a hook-up kind of girl. I don’t normally just kiss girls I just met. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t,” Anya assures her. She would have reached for her hand again but that credit card was practically screaming at her. 

“Okay? You don’t have to explain naman why you wanted me to stop. I just—”

“It’s not what you think” Anya stops her. “Miki… Miki, do you know me?”

“You’re…Anya?”

“Like really know me. Hindi mo ba talaga ako kilala?”

“No? No” Miki’s frown was so pronounced, her forehead was creased. “Sorry, may magagalit ba? I was under the impression that you’re single. Walang singsing and walang…anything to say that you’re committed?”

“I am. I mean, I am single.”

“Are you…straight?”

“What? No!”

Miki seems to have a checklist in her head on why she was just rebuffed.

“Are you not allowed to kiss?”

Anya laughed.

“No. That’s not it either.”

“Mabaho breath ko?”

“You’re actually kind of perfect…for a stranger.”

“I’m also kind of confused but “no” and “stop” are a full sentences and if you say them, then that’s it. You don’t have to explain yourself, Miss Anya…?”

Anya could really cry at how cute this girl was being. 

“There’s the problem.”

“I’m not following…”

“Anya…Aragon.”

“Huh?”

“There’s the problem, Miki.”

Miki blinks at her. 

Oh.

“I’m an Aragon… and you’re a Liamzon.”

“Oh.”

 

Oh, shit.

 

Notes:

Thank you for reading po! I hope all the "how did Miki and Anya start" questions are now answered. If not, as always, you're free to leave me comments and messages po. Thank you and I appreciate you for reading.

Let's talk po:
X: @ashwantstowrite
NGL: ngl.link/ashwantstowrite

Chapter 2: concinnity part 2

Summary:

How does one ask out someone she's not even supposed to be with? Miki intends to find out...and it seems no one -- not even Anya -- can stop her.

Notes:

First date, anyone?

It’s been a week. She has tried everything.

It has been a week since that night by the pool and Miki still cannot get Anya Aragon out of her mind. 

It has been endlessly frustrating her that she cannot even randomly bump into her.

Miki has, quite literally, done everything she could to contact Anya in the past week. She looked for her on social media, but all her accounts and profiles were locked. The only thing she ever managed to read was Anya’s profile on the Aragon, Inc. website. She found articles of her from her college days, articles on her charity works, and even those pieces done by lifestyle magazines. Miki laughs at the memory of her buying everything she could then coming to the awkward moment of wondering why she never read those kinds of literature before– only to be reminded that she is thoroughly uninterested in reading about other people’s lives. Especially the ones who flaunt their wealth by “being humble” about it. 

But that’s not Anya. 

Anya never spoke about herself. If the piece was about a local up-and-coming designer whose works she wears, then that’s all she spoke about. If it was about her mother’s lifelong work dedicated to women’s causes and charities, then she will only highlight that. If it was about bringing attention to the fact that there is an educational crisis in the country, Anya spoke in length about what she believes were the causes and effects of that. And for someone who stands to inherit one of the richest fortunes in the country – and in all of Asia – Anya was rather vocal about her politics. She has, in the past, surprisingly joined rallies and door-to-door campaigns for public servants that stood for integrity, fairness, and a strong sense of morals and empathy. She is steadfast in only voting for candidates with an irrefutable record of good governance. She is pro-environment, anti-political dynasties, and very anti-corruption. Miki remembers sighing one night after reading all she could find. Anya, on paper, is everything she wants in her life– and Anya hates everything that Miki’s family is. 

And even then, as admirable and crush-worthy all these things are, she wants more.

She wants to get to know the person behind the image. She wants more of the girl she met– the one who talked about dogs, and street food, and wanting to learn how to cook. The girl who lit up every time she talked about travelling to remote places, and rescuing animals from each one. Or how she would love to travel to some random island and…read. Miki wants to hear her laugh again, to see those magical dimples that seem to only surface when she’s shy and flustered.

Miki wants to fall asleep to that melodic voice, the kind that made her feel…home.

I think I have a crush on Anya Aragon, Miki thought a few nights ago. 

I shouldn’t but I think I do. 

Miki knows this is a bad idea. She knows the consequences of asking out someone who will probably never be okay with her family…and her family history. She knows the consequences of hopefully being with someone who her father would never approve of. Or worse, will exploit, endanger, or use against her. 

Miki sighs. She knows exactly how selfish this is. No matter, she still finds herself leaning on a huge boulder by the beach, waiting if her invitation will get accepted. 

No. Not her invitation… someone else’s invitation.

In her beige linen shorts and an old, white concert t-shirt, she awaits the arrival of the woman she cannot seem to stop thinking about. Her feet, bare on the stand, are starting to wrinkle as she holds onto a pair of flip flops. She starts tapping them, keeping her eyes on the secluded parking space, overlooking the cliff,  high above where she stands. There is a small area where people who have booked this beach house for a private event can leave their cars. Two cars maximum and she already parked her ford mustang in the first spot. She has left very clear instructions that the gate to that parking area remain closed, the CCTV’s remain off for the night, and no personnel must work tonight. There was one bodyguard waiting– hers. The kind that has been with her since college, and more importantly, has never been on her father’s payroll.  

Miki’s heart stops as she sees a pair of headlights arrive from the main highway. It will take a couple more curbs until it reaches the parking area. Her eyes never left the pair of lights until she sees her– Anya, again immaculate in a white top and matching flowing pants. She glows against the purple sky, as if the sun decided to linger a few seconds longer just for her. 

Anya descends the flights of stairs that lead to the front of the beach house. There, Miki’s bodyguard points to where Miki is waiting, before he disappears inside the house. Anya approaches her slowly, her eyes revealing her comprehension before the rest of her face does. She glides, or at least that’s how Miki sees her. She glides on the sandy and rocky shore as though she isn’t wearing a pair of heels.

“You?” Anya greets her with a well-pronounced frown that screams betrayal.

She stops just a few steps away from Miki, her posture ready to pounce in dignified anger, but her voice soft and modest against the sound of the crashing waves. She places both her hands on her waist, her fingers impatiently tapping against her sides. 

“You?!” she repeats in utter indignation.

“Me.” Miki replies with the widest smile. 

“This isn’t the Yaos’ restaurant?”

“No.”

“Then whose house is that?”

“The beach house is owned by my mom but no one uses it na,” Miki explains, still smiling. “Hi, Anya. How are you?”

Anya blinks at her, clearly still trying to process what is happening.

“What the hell? I thought it really was someone from Mr. Yao’s office! Ang sabi pa someone needed my help to engage with our company.”

“Well, you wouldn’t take my calls” Miki shrugs. “And I really do need to engage with your company.”

Miki hears herself and she knows how ridiculous she sounds. If she was an outsider listening to this conversation, she would be rolling her eyes and cringing too. She has never been the type to have to pull out stops and lines and get creative. One, because she finds that too corny, too much work, and just too…much. 

And two…she never had to. 

She realizes as she looks at Anya’s scowl and confusion, being framed by the moon’s reflection on the sea behind them, that she will have to embrace the parts of her which cowers before softness and vulnerability…the parts which forget how to be calm, and cool in front of breathtaking beauty. 

“You have a death wish—calling my office!” Anya finally manages to speak, stomping her high-heeled foot on the sand. “What if my dad found out?”

Miki shrugs, not really having an answer to that. Her gaze had already drifted towards Anya’s feet.

“Anya, do you want to change your shoes? I got you slippers…”

“Miki, focus!” Anya all but begs, her words coming out in a half-cry, half-laugh, all-tired voice. “What is it? What is so important that you dragged me all the way here in secrecy?”

“Anya, would you like to have dinner?”

“Wha– what?”

Miki squints her eyes at her, not sure if Anya just didn’t hear her correctly or is still skeptical about being asked out on a date. When Anya raises her eyebrow – scarily defiant and attractively challenging her – the way she did on the night they first met, Miki understands that Anya knows exactly what is going on. She’s just refusing to accept it. 

Challenge accepted, cutie. Hala, Miki. You sound disgusting. Focus, Micaela. Focus.

She clears her throat and smiles again– that mischievous yet kind smile that Anya remembers perfectly, even when she has tried her best to erase it from her memories.

“Miki…” Anya calls for her attention.  

“Would? You? Like? To? Have? Dinner?”

Anya– poised, elegant, looks like she just descended from heaven – glares like she’s a furie fresh from the Underworld.

“You had me drive all the way for that?!

“Yes…?”

“Yes? Miki, yes?”

“Well…yeah,” Miki confirms again, holding her proffered slippers in one hand so she can mess her hair up with the other. “Yeah… and you’re here na? Let’s go?”

Anya flings her hands in the air between them, like she is either grasping for answers in the nothingness of the atmosphere…or just flailing as she loses control of a situation she was never going to win in any case. 

“Miki!” she says, exasperatedly. She takes a deep breath, scared and careful not to sound rude or disrespectful. “Micaela. Liamzon. Are you…mentally…impaired?”

“No, I’m just…gutom.”

“Why?!”

“I haven’t eaten yet.”

“Why do you want to have dinner?”

“Well, I’m hungry nga” Miki replies and Anya’s frown becomes louder than the waves behind them. “I didn’t have lunch eh. What time do you usually have dinner ba? We can eat naman later if you’re not gutom pa. Let’s just talk?”

“Micaela Liamzon, are you crazy?”

“Crazy about how my name sounds when you say it” Miki answers before she could bite her own tongue.

Anya blinks at her, not quite registering what the hell is going on. But while her frustration is palpable, Miki is loving how she can literally see Anya entertaining the idea. It’s the way her hands dropped to her sides and how her breaths aren’t as heavy as when she was huffing and puffing earlier. And… weirdly, interestingly, it’s how thoughtful she suddenly became. Her shoulders relax, and instead of death glares at Miki, she now avoids her eyes completely.

“I don’t…” she mutters, rather surprised at the admission. “I get busy…”

“Well, this is awkward…” Miki says, seeking her eyes out. “Anya, is it okay if you look at me please?”

“Ayoko.”

“Why?”

“I’m still naiinis.”

“Okay...” Miki relents. “I’m sorry I lured you out here under false– Actually, no.”

“No?” Anya repeats the word as she stares at Miki again. “No? No, you’re not sorry?”

Miki shakes her head, wearing a shy but definitely not sorry smile. 

“No,” she says louder. “No, I am not sorry that I did everything to get you here.”

“Why…?” Anya asks again, almost in a whine. “Why would you want me here, Miki?”

“I kinda want you…anywhere, Anya… I mean, I would like to enjoy your presence anywhere.”

“Ano ba trip mo?” Anya asks. “Why are you doing this?”

Instead of answering, Miki nods at her, as if telling her that everything is okay. It’s her way of letting Anya know that she is well-aware of everything that is happening, and the consequences of going through with this. She smiles to assure Anya that this is not something she did out of whim or impulse. She really has thought this through. 

“Why are we really here, Miki?” Anya asks again, her voice smaller, almost hesitant, almost scared.

Miki hates it. She hates the sound of someone having to dull their voice, someone having to succumb to their fears. 

“Kakain lang eh,” she replies, making sure that she is very clear that she wants and expects nothing from Anya, other than the pleasure of sharing a meal with her. “People eat when they’re hungry, right? Does your family not feed you?”

Anya rolls her eyes at her, but her shoulders relax a little more and Miki breathes a little more easily. They stare at each other, neither one wanting to press the other to the point of more discomfort. Miki keeps her smile as she tries not to study and memorize Anya’s face, just in case she decides to leave. For her, it feels like it’s a no-brainer. When you see art, you look at it. You stare at it. You marvel at it, in all its glory. She can feel her face burning and when Anya obviously notices it, she clears her throat to ward off her nerves.

Anya takes a deep breath. Her eyes soften and she finally offers Miki a smile. It’s small, cautious, bordering on…sad.

“You know what I mean,” she says quietly. “Do you know how big of a scandal it will be if people see us share a meal together?

“Bakit?” Miki asks with a sly smile.

She takes a step forward and glances at Anya’s hand. She quickly debates against taking it.

Not yet, Miki. Boundaries. Safe space. She looks like she can outrun you, anyway. Don’t scare her off.

“Miki, you know why…”

“Bakit nga? It’s dinner, Anya. We’re gonna pay for our food naman ah? And I promise you, we’ll keep our hands off each other.”

“Hoy!” Anya crosses the remaining steps between them to hit her squarely on the shoulders. 

Miki laughs loudly, massaging the spot. She lets her arms fall, shaking awkwardly on her sides. She figures Anya must be quite strong because the spot stings and she didn’t even hold back. But that is fine because the second that she grimaced, Anya’s eyes widened in horror and apology. Even if she doesn’t verbalize anything.

“I’m kidding, Anya,” she says slightly more seriously. “I have no intentions other than to have a  conversation over food. No business talk. Na miss kitang kausap.”

“We talked once, Miki,” Anya points out, careful not to take another step forward.

There’s only one step left between them anyway.

Anya holds in her breath without even realizing it. They were so close now and she can smell that perfume again. Roses, jasmines, oakmoss and…Miki.

“Kaya nga bitin eh” Miki drops her voice as she replies. 

“You’re so crazy for this” Anya whispers back, keeping her eyes on hers, hoping that Miki sees just how anxious she is getting. “You’re courting danger.”

“Hmm. Something in me says that it’s not danger that I might want to court.”

Miki says it as banter but they both must have heard the weight to it. She intended for that to be a joke. It comes out like a proposal. Anya hears it as a promise.

They don’t say anything else for a while. Miki’s eyes tell Anya that she’s just waiting for her. When her gaze drifts to Anya’s hand again and Anya catches it, Miki gulps and blushes. But the side of Anya’s mouth twitches as she fights to hide a smile. When their eyes meet again, Anya’s are basically conversational. She’s just waiting for Miki too. 

Miki, involuntarily licks her lower lip and Anya releases the breath she’s been holding onto.

They hear the silence playing with Anya’s…concession. No, they hear their heartbeats thudding, loudly, almost competing with absent animal sounds and the sudden calming of the waves. Like nature wants them to be able to think this through. Properly.

Miki smirks— shy but sure.

Anya finds the smirk alluring and the person wearing it interesting. As soon as she catches her thoughts, she silently gives herself a lecture

You are so crazy for this, Antonia. 

“You are out of your mind, Liamzon…” she murmurs, her suggested protest only half-convincing.

“My mom would agree with you,” Miki says as she turns serious again. “Look… I know what you mean. Kaya nga naging creative ako in asking you here eh. I did my research. Our companies are interested in the same player. Apparently, pag-aagawan palang ng Papa ko and ng Daddy mo si Mr. Yao. And he is a reclusive old man who – according to legend – lives by the sea.”

“So, that explains the beach house.”

Miki nods.

“There’s a story about that beach house. It’s entirely different from the one we’re kinda writing right now... But I would love to tell you...someday. Maybe someday.”

Anya exhales sharply, again.

“I know, Anya.” Miki says, her energy directed towards making sure that she doesn’t reach out to hold Anya. “I know this is crazy… I didn’t know how to get you here without putting either of us in scarier waters. So I name-dropped. By the way, Mr. Yao has shady businesses all over Asia. I question why he’s hiding all the time. The fact that my father wants him? Red flag.”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk business?”

“Hmm. All you need to know is this… I’m pleasantly surprised you showed up. I don’t regret anything.”

“Ang dami mong sinabi…ang dami mong ginawa and just–”

“Yes, because I feel like I have to justify my need to be with you. And I'm willing to.”

“That’s…what? This is dangerous, Miki. Hindi ka nag-iingat!”

“I didn’t use my number, and we’re not even eating there sa beach house,” Miki explains excitedly. “See that speed boat? We’ll use that to cross to that island oh. Hiniram ko lang ang boat at ibabalik ko later. Neither our families will know. Unless you’re microchipped by your father, hindi nila tayo mate-trace. I have my location off din. Do you?”

“Naka off naman” Anya sighs after remembering that she usually doesn't turn it on anyway. 

Miki senses she’s about to win her over. 

Why does it feel like she trusts me already? Why does that make me happy? And nervous?

Damn it, I really do have a crush on her.

“So… will you have dinner with me, please?”

“Why are you even asking me out?” Anya asks quietly. 

“Would you prefer to be kidnapped?” Miki says, smiling like the tease that she is. She looks around, oddly proud of the location she picked. “Secluded naman enough dito. But I don’t carry kidnap tools with me eh.”

“Ang gulo mo na kausap, Liamzon!”

“Ayusin mo kasi your tanong, Aragon.”

Anya lets out a frustrated chuckle and Miki loves it.

I am being so stupid right now, I am so nakakahiya, Miki keeps scolding herself but for some reason, she is both confident jerk and a messy fool around Anya. 

“What do you want ba?”

“Dinner nga! Or snacks. Any meal with you.”

“Miki–”

“Tonight” Miki says, her voice grave, almost matching the night sky steadily taking shape around them. “I’ll lose my mind if I wait another day.”

“Why?” Anya matches the seriousness in Miki’s voice. “Why do you want to share a meal with me tonight?”

Miki clears her throat and subconsciously runs her hand through her hair. Anya reminds herself to breathe. She reminds herself that there are people she should not be associated with…or attracted to. 

But Miki’s cream skin against her red hair and against the moonlit sky? 

Damn, she really needs to stop doing that. Focus, Antonia. 

“Oh, see?” she says nervously, like she fears to confirm her own statement.

She realizes quickly that she isn’t ready for whatever this is, to just be a game to Miki. She shakes that feeling off as best as she could.

“Bored ka lang siguro? Can you do this with some—"

“You’re captivating” Miki says softly.

She steps forward, effectively erasing the remaining space between them. She doesn’t reach for Anya’s hand. She does not have to. She can feel her steady breathing on her face. She can smell her perfume, her shampoo, hell, she was sure she can smell hope and peace and sunshine on her. Her breathing feels like heaven’s breeze, and that is not something Miki knows of concretely. But if she is made to infer, she would think that is how the breeze in heaven feels like.

Anya blinks slowly, as though even her eyes were in-synced with the twinkling lights of the North Star above them. Miki forgets where she is for a second. She forgets to be careful…forgets the absent space between them. She tries to smile but it comes off as a squint. Because if she focuses well enough, she can hear Anya’s heartbeat.

Miki doesn’t have a favorite song but right now, she decides that Anya’s heartbeat was the intro to her favorite musical piece.

Ang corny. Ang sappy. Nakakahiya ka, Micaela. 

“You’re light, Anya” she continues, realizing that Anya was just staring at her like she too has forgotten how to speak.

Miki steadies her voice more. Because it may not yet be evident to the other girl but she is, in fact, sure of every word that comes out of her mouth.

“Like feather, like clouds, like the sun” she says carefully, her smile growing brighter with every word she utters. “Ang gaan mo sa puso ko. Feeling ko ang liwanag ng mundo noong magkausap tayo.”

Anya opens her mouth to negate or dispute whatever she just heard but her ability to speak seems to have left her around the same time as her concept of self-preservation.

“You’re easy to get along with,” Miki continues, afraid that she will chicken out if she hears Anya’s argument. “You’re smart but not pretentious. You’re kind. You’re funny in a strict kind of way. Magna Cum Laude, number 3 sa Board? You’re in law school while working for your father. I saw pictures of your charity work with dogs and animals. Yet the entire night that we talked? You never mentioned any of your achievements.”

“That’s… oh.” 

“Mhmm. Pero as impressive as those are? Your eyes? They speak? Like, even before you say anything. I’m very attracted to your eyes. And to your smile. And how soft your voice is. Ang lambing-lambing mo, Anya, no?” Miki raises her hand slowly and gently brushes the back of her fingers on the side of Anya’s face. “Gusto ko lang makinig sa’yo. Gusto kitang kausap.”

She smiles, seeing how focused Anya is on what she is saying.

She smiles harder because Anya doesn’t step away.

“Even if you’re mataray, you sound angelic. You made me feel like I can…be me.”

“Miki.” Anya finally manages to speak. “Do you hear yourself?”

“Our talk that night?” Miki replies thoughtfully after nodding. She shifts her weight from leg to leg as though that will help her think and speak better.

“What about it?”

“It was the most interesting conversation I have had in a really long time. I feel like you are also the most genuine person I have met since I got back.”

Anya clears her throat. She tries to look away but Miki’s eyes seem to have imprisoned hers. 

“I can go on…” Miki whispers. “Okay lang ba?”

“Good Lord, Micaela.”

“I want to get to know you more, Anya Aragon” Miki says, her whisper steady and sure. “I want to learn your favorite color, your favorite flower, or kaya… nagkakape ka ba? What’s your coffee order? I just learned you don’t eat dinner when you get busy. Are you more of a breakfast person? How do you like your eggs? Rice or bread? Oats? Fruits? What’s your favorite fruit?”

“Gosh–”

“Are you allergic to anything? Where else do you want to travel? Do you have pets? Do you want to save lions in Africa with me? Do you want me to join you the next time you rescue strays? Do you really want to become a lawyer? Hindi ba awkward na boss mo daddy mo? Sino ba ang mga nandoon na need mo tumakas from your cousin’s party? Anong klaseng kapatid ka? Anong klaseng anak? ”

“Miki–”

 

“Ano pa mga hilig mo sa buhay? Ano ba talaga gusto mo sa buhay? Pwede ka bang makasama sa pang habangbuhay?”

 

Miki takes a deep breath. She realizes she was rambling and scratches her head sheepishly. She waits for Anya to process all of that and says a silent prayer that she didn’t just blow her shot. 

Anya subtly gulps before regaining her composure. She feigns disinterest and defeat but she can feel herself relaxing. She should be hating how easily she lets her guard down around this crazy girl. But somehow, as annoyed as she is around her, being calm and rested is the easiest state to be in when Miki’s being…Miki.

“Saan mo gustong kumain, Micaela Liamzon?”

Miki laughs, her nerves dissipating.

“Did I overwhelm you, Anya? Sabi ng mom ko kasi I only have two modes: naka lowbatt or naka full-charge. I’m sorry if that was too overwhelming.”

Anya rolls her eyes at her. There really was no escaping what is about to come next. If she were honest with herself, she doesn’t want to. She’s been trying to come up with a reason why she should say "no" other than Miki’s last name. Ever since that night, she hasn’t been able to find one.

And if Miki does become overwhelming, she is…well, she doesn’t really care.

“I think I can handle you just fine, Micaela.” 

Miki gulps.

“Is that the truth, Miss Aragon?”

“I hope so,” Anya says a little too quickly and too honestly for her liking. “That’s enough na nga. Where do you want to eat? Ano gusto ng siraulong kausap ko?”

Miki smiles knowingly at her.

Gets.

This is how she avoids tension. Or being cornered into something she doesn’t know how to feel about yet.

How cute. Crush ko talaga.  

“My friend owns a cozy seafood and Thai fusion restaurant just on that island nga. They are closed. I can have my dinner while you can have your pick at lighter options. May private bar din also upstairs, if you would like a nightcap.”

 

Anya nods, mostly to herself, her eyes scanning the horizon. She’s been stealing glances on that island, it’s not far. It would take probably less than 10 minutes on a speedboat. She looks over Miki’s shoulder and sees the boat that she was referring to earlier. Then, she remembers the car she parked next to in the overlooking parking lot. Something tells her that Miki likes a bit of speed. 

“Ready?” Miki asks, stepping aside so Anya can assess the scene laid out in front of her.

Miki offers out her hand, finally asking permission to hold Anya’s.

Anya takes it…again, a little too quickly for her liking.

“So, doon tayo? Akala ko close ang place?”

“My god, Miss Aragon,” Miki says dramatically, as they walk towards the speed boat. “Do you know how big of a scandal it will be if people see us share a meal together?”

Anya laughs at her, and swings their hands playfully. It surprises Miki and she nearly stumbles.

“Ano ba naman yan?” Anya asks in a teasing voice. “I would almost guess na you’re nervous eh.”

Miki shakes her head in denial.

“Kasi ang tangkad mo naman. And then…your heels are sinking sa sand so na—“

“You’re cute,” Anya says as she watches her flush and fumble her way into denial. “Sige na nga? May I borrow the slippers you prepared for me?”

Miki pauses, her smile practically lighting their way. 

“Really?” she asks.

“Oo nga.”

“Okay.”

Anya holds out her hand for the slippers only to scoff affectionately, when Miki bends down and places the slippers by her feet. She looks up, her eyes still shining.

“May I?” she asks, pointing at Anya’s strapped heels. 

“Fine?” Anya replies, trying not to sound impressed or at the very least, mildly amused.

“Why are you in heels when you’re invited to a beach house?”

“Alam ko ba, Micaela, na hindi work dinner ito?” Anya snaps. “Alam ko ba na we will be crossing to an island?”

“Sabi ko nga okay lang naka heels ka kasi I’m prepared with slippers naman eh.”

Anya giggles at how careful and meticulous Miki is as she helps her take her heels off. When she’s done. Miki stands up and waits until she slips the flipflops on then takes her hand again. This time without permission. Anya is aware that Miki knows she does not need help to get to the boat. The shore is not that rocky and if she didn’t have problems walking in heels, she doesn’t have a problem now.

But Miki’s hand is warm, and her hold is sure. So, whether she needs her hand held or not, Anya doesn’t really care right now. She doesn’t let go, and she doesn’t pull away. When Miki helps her up the boat and starts the engine, she’s the one to take Miki’s free hand as they drive to the island.

Miki steals occasional glances at her…and their intertwined hands.

“And, if mahulog ako?” Anya asks her the third time she catches Miki grinning.

“Sana…”

“What?”

“I said kapit lang”

“That’s not what you said, Micaela.”

“I wouldn’t mind you falling, Anya,” Miki says loudly over the engine.

Anya slowly looks away, suddenly feeling that this boat ride was taking longer than she estimated.

When they dock, Miki lets the anchor down and helps Anya balance her way on top of make-shift planks.

“You okay?” she asks while Anya stares at an unassuming three storey restaurant that looks more like a shack than an establishment.

Anya nods then shakes her head before laughing nervously.

“This feels like the start of a really bad decision” she mutters.

“I think it feels like one of the best decisions of your life.”

Anya shakes her head in disbelief, as the other girl gives her the biggest smirk.

 

Ang yabang pa rin niya. Pero bakit ang cute? Stop it, Anya.

 

“May I hold your hand again?” Miki asks, her smile smug, like she already knows the answer.

“If I say no?” Anya tests.

“I’ll keep asking until you say ‘yes.'”

“I don’t like repetition.”

“It’s not. It’s called being consistent.”

“Ang dami mong alam” Anya scoffs, but she holds out her hand anyway. “Oh, hold me na nga.”

Miki takes it quickly but she stays rooted where she stands. 

“What is it na naman?” Anya asks.

“I’m…memorizing this moment.”

Anya raises her eyebrow but doesn’t say anything else. She just waits until Miki stops staring sheepishly then grins and gently tugs on their hands. They walk side by side, and Anya realizes that this might be the first date she’s ever been on that her date doesn’t necessarily lead. Miki doesn’t walk ahead, or doesn’t make her walk in first. Or at least…as she takes her seat inside, she realizes that maybe Miki does all that. She just doesn’t make a show of it. Again, it’s refreshing. It feels…real. 

Miki feels real to her and she doesn’t know what to do with it.

And as this cutest of conundrums studies the menu, Anya studies their surroundings.

From the outside earlier, the place looks like any other modest island beach house. She expected the interior to be a bit fancier but she is pleasantly surprised to find it cozier. Inside it feels more like a house and since they are seated by the window, the air from outside adds to the feeling of comfort and…freedom.

Miki watches as Anya relaxes some more then subtly makes sure that curtains are drawn to a close. 

“So you are being careful,” Anya says appreciatively. 

“On your behalf? Yeah.” Miki shrugs like it’s a no-brainer. 

“Umorder ka na nga.”

“What do you want ba?”

“You pick.”

“Are you testing my taste, Antonia?”

“So, what if I am, Micaela?”

“You don’t have to.”

“Oh?”

“I like you, don’t I? That should tell you all you need to know.”

Miki smiles. A challenge, again. 

Anya sighs. A concession, again.

“Just order our food, Miki.”

Anya listens to the rundown of food that Miki orders. She appreciates how confident this girl is but there is something about how she does things that tempers her overpouring confidence. She doesn’t over-order. She picks dishes that may balance the palette. She says 'please' and 'thank you' sincerely. She’s considerate enough to ask for both spoon and fork and pairs of chopsticks. She doesn’t assume that they will drink alcohol and doesn’t assume that Anya wants tea or milk or whatever. She asks for water and waits if Anya will add or change anything.

She doesn’t.

As soon as the server leaves, Miki sits in silence, allowing Anya’s hyper active brain to do a self-assessment. 

Anya is thinking about how to explain this night to anyone. Then realizes that there is no way she is telling anyone about this. She doesn’t even know what this is yet. She doesn’t know if this will turn to anything worth telling people about. She doesn't know if she's ready in case that it does. 

Miki enjoys studying Anya. She enjoys trying to take note of all her small quirks and mannerisms. She even finds it interesting how deep in thought she can be but still manages to somehow be present with her. Miki knows she should be thinking about their situation too. She should be nervous. She should be making plans to make sure this whole thing doesn’t backfire. Hell, she should be saying a prayer her father doesn’t find out, completely loses his mind, and ships her off to God-knows-where, never to see Anya again. And that’s the best case scenario. 

But what Anya doesn’t know is that this night has been planned out already. And Miki simply refuses to think beyond tonight.

“Anya, I’m sorry” she says. “Not for getting you here. But…for choosing this place na sort of malayo. Kahit earlier… walang help with the boat and even the servers here. I had asked na isang staff lang mag serve, walang welcome committee, and even the kitchen guys. I asked that they don’t come out. The chef usually does eh. Nagtatanong if okay ang food. Sabi ko…no interactions tonight.”

“Because this is…a secret.”

Miki nods.

“I don’t take our positions lightly. But I really want to have this dinner with you.”

Anya beams at her with appreciation. She should have known that someone with Miki’s credentials would have figured a way around a very tricky situation.

“Tell me about your day, Micaela. What does a Financial Engineer from Princeton, and the AVP for Production of Liamzon International do on an ordinary weekend?”

Miki’s breath hitches, her hand on the tables twitch as she tries to stop reaching for Anya’s. It seems that she’s not the only one who read up.

Yes, Anya’s done her research too. Not that she’s going to let Miki know right now. She is far too busy admiring the soft blush on Miki’s face and the easy excitement rising behind her eyes. It’s that same spirit that didn’t make her sleep the night that they first met. She googled and read everything she could find about the rather elusive, shy, no-nonsense Micaela Liamzon. Everything about Miki screamed academically impressive and socially dangerous. Miki never planned to go back to the Philippines and she was even quoted to have said that she intends to get the hell out as soon as she can. 

Yet they were both here, about to have their fill of Pad Thai, Tom Yum Goong, Kiao, and Beef in Red Curry. 

Anya watches as Miki asks the server to place the non-spicy version of the soup on one side and the spicier one on the other. She notes that when their fried rice arrives, Miki eyes the one with scrambled eggs and subtly pushes the one with fried eggs aside. 

“I don’t know your spice tolerance kasi,” Miki says when she catches Anya staring. “And I didn’t know what kind of eggs you wanted so I ordered two versions.”

“Thank you, Miki. That’s thoughtful of you naman” Anya said, reaching for the rice with the fried egg.

Her heart softens when Miki excitedly digs through the remaining option. 

They start eating and Anya remembers reading something about how Miki didn’t like being made to talk back in college. There was an article in Princeton written about this Wonder Girl who hated being asked so many things…even if she had answers for most of her classmates’ queries. As their meal progresses, Anya’s smile does too, because that piece is vastly a contrast to the Miki that is animated whenever she asks her the smallest and simplest of questions.

And nothing like the Miki that asks her…everything. It turns out Miki was not kidding about all the things she needed answers to earlier. 

They exchange small talks and banters in between asking each other their favorites… or their pet peeves... or their life plans. Miki asks about law school and Anya asks about Princeton. Miki asks about Anya’s love for dogs and Anya asks about why Miki wants to save lions in Africa. Then they would debate about the use of AI in banking, or what really is the most efficient and alternative energy source they can use without exploiting the dwindling natural resources of the world. 

Anya learns very quickly that Miki looks towards the future. She has so many ideas that could revolutionize the way companies and industries work in a third-world country. The things that scare her are the things that Miki wants to dive into. 

Miki slowly realizes just how deeply Anya is rooted in tradition. She values the history of things and while she does not shy away from change or innovation, she places importance in the preservation of history and how or why things were done before their generations. She has such a healthy respect for the role of government and institutions that Miki forgets how frustrated she gets dealing with both. She’s very much an old soul even in how she approaches school, plans, works…relationships. The things that Miki never really pays attention to are the things that probably bring simple joys to Anya.  

They both know that the other has been paying close attention– learning what she can, absorbing all that she could. What neither of them knows at that moment, is that they were both feeling the exact same thing. 

Miki finds herself more relaxed now than she has all week. 

Anya relishes being unguarded for the first time since…that night. 

They can both hear the breeze and the sea and even insects and birds outside. They can hear the kitchen clutters a few paces away. They can hear the clanking of their spoon or chopsticks on their plates. And they can hear it, too – the peace that they have both been craving. Even if they don’t know it yet, even if they don’t know it’s happening. Even if they don’t know what to call or name it. 

Anya sighs, and Miki has been paying attention closely enough to realize that it was one of contentment and release. 

“So?” she asks, playing with the remaining Pad Thai on her plate. 

“What?”

“Are the stories true? About our families?”

Anya smirks and sets her chopsticks down. She reaches over and scoops an additional helping of curry on Miki’s plate, just by the sprouts and noodles. She’s been observing her and notices that she enjoys a less spicy curry, she separates her vegetables, and she has been eyeing that bowl in the last five minutes. Anya guesses — correctly — that Miki was being polite, not wanting to eat the last batch of that dish.

“Eat,” she says before picking up her chopsticks and feeding herself a ball of Kiao.

“Okay, maybe I should phrase it differently?” Miki asks again, after swallowing a mouthful of curry. “Do you believe the stories are true?”

Anya thinks about it as she drinks from her glass of water.

“Hmm?” she hums thoughtfully. “Ninakaw ng great-grandfather mo ang lupain namin before?”

“Kasi ninakaw daw ng great-grandfather mo ang fiancé niya?”

“I heard that too,” Anya acknowledges the long-standing tale of her family’s history. “But I heard na hindi ninakaw. Kusa naman daw sumama ah?”

“Hmm.”

Anya reaches over and refills Miki’s bowl with soup. She tries to push back the thought that she enjoys the simplicity of having to offer someone food and they never say “no.” When Miki starts feeding herself soup again, Anya chuckles. The girl has an appetite and it doesn’t matter if they were on a date. She will indulge in a good meal.

She’s cute. Too cute.

Anya clears her throat to shake away the giddiness she is wrestling with. Miki reads that as her cue to answer.

“Baka. I don’t know. I don’t really care.”

“Eh, you brought it up,” Anya points out. “From what I heard is they were arranged to be married, but she was already in love with Antonio Aragon, Sr… but if someone asks me if she was stolen by my great-grandfather? No? Even if her parents promised her to someone else, if sumama siya sa tunay niya na mahal, I don’t think that’s nakaw.”

“Fair. I was just curious about your take on it."

"Really?"

"It’s really not that important to me… Mas importante sa akin if tinanong ka…”

“Na?”

“Did I steal you away tonight, Anya? Or did you come willingly?”

Anya scoffs at her, more playfully than she intended. It makes Miki chuckle and she goes back to picking on her food while Anya tries and makes sense of her thoughts. She drove all the way there willingly, hoping that this was a business deal in the making. Had she known it’s actually a date with Miki Liamzon, would she have done the same? Probably not. But she does not deny the fact that when she saw her standing on the beach, that smile radiating against the afterglow of the sunset, she had walked a little faster. Whether it was to give her a piece of her mind, or to have for herself a piece of that glowing grin? She’s not sure. The truth is, every rational part of her had tried to talk her out of saying yes to getting on that boat.

Yet, Miki’s presence soothes her. She has tried questioning her motives and she comes up short. She has tried telling herself this was ridiculous and she should be feeling alarmed. But Miki’s smile is disarming, her voice is melodic. And when they hold hands, Anya knows…trust. 

Is this stupid? Is she blind? Is this the biggest scam in the history of the Aragon-Liamzon Feud? 

Perhaps.

But Miki, her last name and their family histories and all, has never once made her feel like running or hiding. She has yet to make her feel wrong or pressured or unsafe. And while her stomach does flutter with butterflies…they very quickly settle at Miki’s touch. 

“You’re so annoying,” Anya says with a stern look

“You haven’t taken your eyes off me since we got here,” Miki replies with a knowing grin. “Is that how you are when you’re annoyed?”

“Shut up.”

“So, what’s your take on it?”

“Sa family history natin?”

“Mhmm.”

“It’s… it’s nakakapagod. Don’t you think we’re exhausting so much hate for something that we had nothing to do with?”

“Like I said, personally, I don’t really care. But I think you do. I think it bothers you.”

Anya nods, resigned to the fact that Miki reads her well. 

“I respect that there is a basis on why we don’t do business with your family…” she says after phrasing her thoughts in her head. “There’s really no point in trying to build relationships with those you can’t trust eh. I wasn’t really aware of everything yet but I remember the height of our lolos’ feud, be it business or personal. I remember having bodyguards as a child. My lolo was…harsh. He still is. He’s as vindictive as your lolo was…vicious.”

“Hmm. That man died and not a tear was shed.”

"Miki, don't say that."

“Totoo naman. He was a scary man, Anya. And kuhang-kuha ng Papa ko."

"Well... Yeah."

"You think things are better now?”

Miki finally gives in and reaches for Anya’s hand across the table. She sends up a prayer of thanks when Anya meets it easily. For a while, as Anya thinks about the question, they just let their fingers interlap playfully, absentmindedly.

“I think now lang nag lay low ang war na ‘to…since Lolo is old and sick na” Anya says. “And my dad…he has done his best to steer clear of an active warzone, I think. Yeah…”

“Hmmm… may gusto ka pang sabihin” Miki points out when Anya hesitates. “It’s alright, Anya. You can say it.”

“And no offense, I read up on your father naman. He doesn’t have a good rep…”

Miki laughs. It’s hollow and harrowing.

It makes Anya wonder just what kind of childhood Miki must have endured to have this much bitterness at a man who was supposed to make a daughter feel safe and loved. She wonders how much strength and character Miki’s whole being must contain. To still show up out of duty, to acknowledge her place and position in their family, to know that leaving has its consequences, too. She smiles, making Miki raise an eyebrow at her. She shakes her head, gesturing for Miki to just keep talking. She isn’t going to tell her just how she finds her so courageous. For risking tonight. For risking herself. And all that she must have worked for already.

What courage there must be inside the heart of one Micaela Liamzon to even dare ask her out. 

She’s…wow.

Anya realizes she’s staring again when Miki smirks at her.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. Ama mo pa rin siya.”

“He’s not a good man, Anya” Miki says gravely. “When you say he doesn’t have a good rep? You’re being far too kind.”

“Miki…”

“That’s the truth naman eh” Miki shrugs like she has long accepted her cursed fate. She takes a peek out the window, her face intent and slightly worried. “And am I endangering you by asking you out? Maybe. Surely. But I’ll do my best to keep you safe.”

“I can handle myself.”

Miki scoffs and it surprises Anya how quickly her mood shifts to something she has not seen before.

Stern.

“Do you usually drive yourself to clandestine business meetings?” she asks, her voice soft, quite leveled but with an authority that is new to Anya. “Is it normal for you to meet strangers? Alone? With your location off?”

Anya knows she will lose the argument with either “yes” or “no.” So, she stays silent and just waits for how Miki will handle a non-response response.  

“Don’t do it again” Miki says flatly.

“Kung makautos?”

“I intend to have more meals with you, Anya. I don’t want you harmed.”

“If I didn’t go, we wouldn’t be having this dinner.”

“Fair.”

“Talaga.”

“I promise never again to ask you out under false pretenses. If you promise never to answer a stranger’s meeting request.”

Anya eyes her incredulously. The nerve of this woman to make demands and propositions to her. Where does she ever get the sheer audacity? She ought to stand up and leave right now. Anyone who knows her knows just how much she hates being dictated upon. She is about to tell Miki exactly that, except that Miki is already waiting. 

Miki looks all-too prepared for that kind of reaction. She looks like she either has a response to it or she’s just set to walk her back to the boat and never hear from her again. But she also looks like she really doesn’t care how she is perceived. Just that she is seen…and known. And that Anya will understand where she is coming from. And for the most part, Anya does. She rolls her eyes because staring into Miki’s any longer, she just might melt.

MIki has kindness behind the mask that she wears. And Anya knows that she has not even taken off her facade. Anya somehow knows that maybe Miki isn’t the best at showing off because she isn’t really used to showing feelings at all. She understands that. And for one reason or another, they always seem to unravel around each other. 

Miki forgets to hide her softness. Anya forgets to hold onto her composure. 

“Fine,” Anya says, stabbing the mango on the dessert that they were just served. 

“Yes” Miki says, eyes intent on her. “You are.”

“Kumain ka na.”

Miki smiles at her, the earlier seriousness gone. They joke around as they have their desserts, never again talking about their feud, or their business, or their plans for the future. They don’t even talk about how tomorrow is going to look like. Miki tells Anya about her friends. She claims she only has three. She tells her they’re basically family. She’s closer to her best friend’s mom than she is to her own father. She sees her other best friend’s grandmother more than she sees her mother who was abroad. And she talks more about business with her best friend's sister who was still in college than she does to her own brothers. In turn, Anya tells her about her sister and how deeply bonded they are. She tells her that she dreams for the day when her baby sister learns to see just how amazing she is. She tells her she has had the same best friend since she was in diapers. When she mentions her name, Miki flinches in recognition. Anya lets it pass. 

Eventually, when Miki asks her if she's ready to go, they argue about the bill. Miki jokes that maybe they should compare bank accounts. Anya doesn’t back down. 

“I know you can pay for dinner, Anya” Miki pouts. “But this is a date. I asked you out. I will pay.”

“You paid for drinks last time.”

“You know kung gusto mo talaga opportunity na mag labas ng pera mo… ask me out.”

“Ang yabang mo.”

“Malandi, also. For you.”

“Just pay the damn bill, Micaela.”

“Bayad na. Kahapon pa.”

"Then why-- ugh."

Miki chuckles victoriously. She takes out a wad of 1000-peso bills and leaves it on the tab. Anya is almost surprised that she carries that much cash. She raises an eyebrow at her. 

“Tip. And… it’s for their silence” MIki explains. “Let’s go?"

“Miki…did you–”

“Don’t worry. No one will know we were here. It's settled, okay? You want to walk with me? It’s madilim enough outside na we should be just fine… They prepared a lantern for us.”

Anya thinks about it. She checks her watch. It was actually still quite early, for both their standards.

“Okay, but we should drive back na ha?” she replies, taking Miki’s hand. “Baka hanapin ako.”

“Yeah. You drive out first. Speed limit ka lang ha–”

“Hindi ako ang naka sports car, Micaela.”

“I’ll follow you maybe five or ten minutes later.”

Anya nods, her eyes already adjusting to the darkness of the beach. Miki brings them closer to the shore, just by their anchored speedboat. When Anya takes her slippers off, she picks it up and tosses the pair on the boat. They hold hands in silence, walking just where the waves meet the sand. They allow their feet to get wet and cold, and the sand to stick to their bare feet as they talk about all the beaches they have yet to go to. At some point, Anya mentions her favorite time of the day is when the sun kisses the sea and then just disappears. Miki jokes if that’s what happened to them the first night they met.

“Ang kapal ng mukha mo,” Anya exclaims, trying to take her hand away from Miki.

She fails because Miki brings it closer to her lips…close enough to kiss. But she doesn’t. She does it more to distract Anya. Or to ask for her attention. Or be cute.

Or…just because she can. 

Because Anya does not protest. She simply purses her lips and raises an eyebrow– daring Miki to make the next move. 

Miki gulps and slowly lowers their hands. She turns so they can keep walking.

“We didn’t kiss,” Anya says after a few minutes.

“I could have sworn we did,” Miki argues.

“Hindi nga. We did not.”

“But would you want to?””

Anya pauses and looks at her. 

“Do you?” she returns the question.

“Um.”

Miki’s lips tremble as her eyes travel to Anya’s smirk. She feels her hand grow sweaty, or warm, or maybe she was shaking? Maybe that’s just the evening breeze. Or is it cause it’s cold? But also warm? She hears a ringing? Were there sirens? Were they getting caught? No. Nothing was happening around them. Anya isn’t even saying anything. She’s not even moving. She’s…waiting.

I am losing my mind. 

“Umm…” Miki says again, not quite finding the right words.

Anya clicks her tongue as though she expected better.

“Let’s go na nga” she says, pulling Miki gently. “I don’t want you driving late.”

“Ummm. Yeah.”

Anya stares at their feet as she hides a huge smile on her face. A flustered Miki is just the cutest for her. She is dangerously close to saying it out loud, she starts saying a prayer in her head instead. Partly that Miki doesn’t catch her blushing, although she has a feeling that Miki already knows. Partly, she starts praying for another night like this. She’s praying for more conversations with Miki, more moments that’s just them. She even finds herself thinking where they should go next. Because surely there must be a next time. 

“So, what’s the story between you and Nichols?” Miki asks her as they near the boat.

“Nix? She’s my best friend nga.”

“Did you ever…?”

Anya stops abruptly and since their fingers were still intertwined, she thought the action would cause Miki to go off-balance. But she only manages to prove her thoughts earlier…this date of hers never walks ahead of her, nor does she walk a step slower. She notices that Miki has been keeping pace with her since earlier. Always just by her side, never pulling her to walk faster, or making her wait for no reason. 

Nakakainis. Why do I notice these things? You are so gone, Antonia. 

“Wait” she says, analyzing Miki’s question. “Are you asking if we ever dated?”

“Um..”

“Ew! No. Parang kapatid ko na si Nixi.”

Miki doesn’t bother hiding the huge grin plastered on her face. In fact, she turns squarely at Anya, the moon beaming on her smooth skin and perfect teeth. She shows her just how pleased she is with that response. “So, she’s not an ex anything?”

“God, no,” Anya laughs, the thought horrifying her. “We never dated. She’s been with my cousin since High School. And…seriously, even if she wasn’t, she’s a sister to me. That’s it.”

“Good” Miki says contentedly as they start walking again.

“Why?”

“Why do you think?”

“I’m not in the business of assuming, Miss Liamzon.”

“You can make my business your business, Miss Aragon.”

Anya groans out her annoyance and frustration at how replies like that make her feel. She wants to complain how much she hates how effective it is when Miki says things like that. She wants to tell her off and let her know that she hates being caught off guard over and over again. But she can’t. Not when that would lead to her admitting that she hates how she doesn’t hate it.

“Crazy girl, I just want a short answer sana kasi malapit na tayong umuwi,” she says trying to pout and look serious when she was already smiling.

“Fine. Ang pikon mo naman. Mas lalo ka nagiging pretty.”

“Micaela, isa.”

Miki chuckles and this time, when she brings Anya’s hand up, she doesn’t tease to kiss it. Instead she presses it against her cheek. Anya watches in surprise…and in undeniable affection. Miki hums, enjoying Anya’s warmth and peace. 

“Okay, don’t get mad ha?”

“Ano nga?”

“Nichols and I are friends” Miki says. “Nagsama kami sa isang summer program.”

“Okay? What does that have to do with me?”

Miki presses her face on Anya’s hand again. Like that will soften the blow of what she was about to say.

“I don’t want to date exes of good friends eh.”

Anya half-smiles and half-sighs.

“Ah, okay” she says. “Girl Code. Sure, sure.”

Miki nods and for the first time since they walked out of the restaurant, she lets go of Anya’s hand so she can prepare the boat. When she’s done, she comes down again to help Anya, before following her and turning the engine on. She turns to her before driving.

“Besides, Nichols and I have different personalities,” she says.

“Oh, I know. So, what?”

“If you liked her before, you might not like me. I can’t really have that.”

“Ah…”

“Are you always like this ba, Anya?” Miki asks. “You ask for explanations tapos you’ll go quiet lang?”

“Only when I’m satisfied with the answer. And the one who gave it.”

Miki feels her face grow warm and she panics because it’s been happening all night and she really hasn’t been very successful about hiding it. Now, under the glow of the moon, she irrationally believes that it’s more obvious.  

“Right…”

“It’s okay, Miki” Anya assures her. “It’s really, really fine.”

“What is?”

 

“When you blush, it doesn’t make you less cool. When you say something flirty, it doesn’t make you look bad. Not in my eyes. And when you get serious, or you show me possible darker sides of who you are, you’re not scaring me away. And I don’t think that you're weak for being soft…or easy for being kind. I think you’re a good person, even if you want to make the world believe otherwise. I think you wear masks to protect yourself. But your eyes are the most honest ones I have ever been so lucky to gaze into. So, yeah… it’s really fine. You’re doing just fine, Miki Liamzon.” 

 

Miki freezes. She doesn’t recognize what she’s feeling. When Anya reaches over and wipes a stray tear from the side of her eye, she realizes just how much of her walls have just crumbled in front of this girl she is strongly crushing on. She realizes how much of herself was already attached to what little she knows of this person, and how the rest of her just wants to know and learn…more. She should be feeling scared right now…but she isn’t. Right now she’s just sad…but determined.

“I’m… I’m sorry–” she mutters, not quite sure what to do next.

Anya stands next to her and gives her a hug. 

“Don’t be sorry for being who you are, Miki,” she whispers, conscious of how limp Miki is in her embrace. 

She doesn't let her go. She holds her, crumbles and all.

They stay still. Even as the waves, stronger than earlier, start to rock the boat. Miki lets her head fall on Anya's shoulders, and Anya steadies them both.

A minute passes, two, three…maybe five, maybe ten. Anya finally admits it. She doesn’t mind whatever this is. She doesn’t really care if this gets her into trouble or if she has to work extra hard to preserve it. She doesn’t want it to end anytime soon. Not the date, not the hug, not the conversations. When Miki pulls away and gives her a shy but grateful smile, Anya immediately feels the absence and hates it. So much so that she holds on to Miki’s hand again while the other girl drives. She only lets go when Miki helps her with her shoes, then she holds onto it while they walk wordlessly all the way to the parking space where their cars are parked. They let go when the realization hits. They are about to part.

“Anya” Miki says, breaking the silence with her hum of a voice. “Did you enjoy tonight?”

“That’s a very dangerous question, Miki.”

“Yeah. Handa naman ako sa sagot.”

Anya’s gaze drifted towards the parked cars and how they will be heading into different directions soon. It’s starting to make her chest hurt or her head ache. She takes a deep breath, wanting desperately to be rational about this whole thing. She really isn’t. And in a span of less than a minute, she’s growing exhausted, fighting a battle she knows she will lose, for a cause she no longer believes in.

“Yes” she replies. “For a few hours, I think I forgot about the rest of the world.”

Miki takes a step closer to her, her eyes welling up again. She hates having to say good bye, too... and as much as she felt assured earlier that it doesn’t make her less to cry, she still despises being this emotional over something so utterly ridiculous as a…crush.

“I want to get to know you more, Anya Aragon.”

Anya smiles sadly at her. 

Because they both know what that means. And they both know that it’s probably going to be one of the hardest things they ever get to do. 

“Anya” Miki calls for her, her hand reaching slowly for Anya’s, as she hopes her whisper was louder than the storms inside her chest. 

“Yes?”

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes…”

“I would like to see you again,” Miki says, her resolve growing stronger when Anya squeezes her hand. “Please.”

Anya nods, still wearing the same sad smile. The one that’s resigned to accept whatever the fates hold, the kind that sends Miki to a spiral… the smile that makes her believe this is going to be worth it. Whatever this might be, and how ever it turns out. Miki knows she wants days and days of making Anya smile brighter, happier…freeer. 

 

Patay. I just might like her more than a crush.

 

“I know our fathers are scary. Mine is unreasonable and has a cruel-streak when crossed. I’ve lived in fear of him my whole life, Anya…” Miki says softly. “Pero iniisip ko palang ang bukas na hindi kita makikita or makakausap, I’m having nightmares habang gising.”

Anya chuckles, hiding her nerves and the fact that she is close to losing control of the whirlwind of feelings she is having. 

“You are so crazy!” she teased, pushing Miki back a little too forcefully. 

Miki stumbles a few steps backward, hand still hanging to Anya. She stands up properly and pouts.

“Why are you dramatic?” Anya asks.

Miki takes the smallest step forward. 

Anya takes a step back, her smile matches Miki’s mischief. 

“I don’t know. Why have you enchanted me kasi?”

“Matanong kang tao, aren’t you?”

“Maganda kang nilalang, yes?”

Miki takes another step forward, her hold on Anya’s hand getting loose.

Anya takes one step back, tightening her grip on Miki. 

“Ang landi mo, Liamzon.”

“Then…fight back, Aragon.”

Miki takes a bigger step forward and audibly gasps. She holds her breath when at the same time, Anya moves a step towards her too.

The space between them is inexistent.

Miki’s free hand settles on Anya’s waist, even as it quakes in nervous anticipation.

Anya smirks like she’s got her exactly where she wants– no, needs– her to be. She reaches over and Miki for a split second believes that she’s getting kissed. Except Anya picks at her back pocket and takes out her phone.

“Your phone is locked…” she notes, voice just above a whisper. “Too bad, I can’t save my number.”

“645…435”

“What?”

“The code to my phone,” Miki explains, standing so still and breathing so slow, she could pass off a statue.

Anya smiles, quickly saves her number, dials it, then returns the phone in Miki’s back pocket. 

“You trust me with your code?” she asks, unmoving too.

“Hmm. Why do you trust me to be this close to you?” 

Anya could have given Miki a round of applause for that question. The same one she’s been asking herself all night. She raises her free hand slowly and reaches for the stray hair on Miki’s face. She brushes it loosely behind her ear, so that it falls gently on her shoulder– still a little messy, out of place, but frames the gorgeous face it belongs to.

Miki barely breathes the entire time. Her eyes are screaming panic and pandemonium.

Anya can only see and hear the genuineness and vulnerability. She hopes her own gaze mirrors that. She prays desperately that she is able to convey a sense of peace and security…instead of just her stupidly ogling at the most attractive smile she’s laid her eyes on. 

“I don’t know why I trust you, Miki.” she confesses.

She recognizes the feeling swirling between them. It’s the same one that had completely engulfed her the night that they first met. 

Peace, where there should be…everything but. 

Security, where there should only be fear.

Calm, where nothing even makes sense.

There are answers beyond the questions that were never meant to be asked, much less solved. 

There were points coming together when they were never supposed to meet. 

There is a balance, a harmony…between all that makes her the person that she is…and all that makes Miki…Miki.

Miki.

Miki brings her peace, security, and a calm she has not known.

Miki feels like an answer to so many questions in Anya’s head…even when she has no business being anywhere near Anya’s mind.

This moment…this woman…is home and adventure packaged in a singular soul. 

“Would you want to find out the reason?” Miki asks her.

“Perhaps.”

 

Miki makes a move to kiss her. She angles her head, just like the night they met. Their intertwined fingers tingle as Miki tugs on it nervously. Their breaths sync, heartbeats one. Anya waits as she makes the slightest lean forward.

“Tell me to stop,” Miki whispers, shaking.

“I wish I could.”

Miki hums again, her lips but a breath away from Anya’s

“I want to kiss you,” she says.

“Why haven’t you?” Anya asks.

Miki doesn’t have an answer.

She doesn’t know why she hasn’t yet when every fiber of her being wants to. When everything about her craves everything about Anya. When she so desperately prays for this moment to last forever.

She wonders if she’s merely intoxicated by how Anya still smells fresh and sweet even as she was exposed to all the spices of Thai cuisine, and the sticky and salty sea air. She wonders if it’s because she may have literally forgotten how to kiss a girl the minute she fell off that couch. 

Or maybe…she knows…for the first time in her life. 

She doesn’t want just a kiss. 

She wants…her. 

She wants…this. 

Miki sighs, her disappointment filling the air along with Anya’s surprise. 

She smiles, almost apologetically at Anya before pulling her head back and leaving a soft kiss on her cheek. Safely away from her lips. 

“I will,” she promises. “When you’re ready for me to kiss you… I will.”

Anya shakes her head in disbelief but she smiles appreciatively.

“I’m gonna go now.”

“Hmm.” Miki says, stepping aside so Anya can get to her car. “I’ll follow you, okay? In ten minutes? Just so it’s not halata.”

“Okay… Miki?”

"Yeah?"

"Within speed limit, please?"

"Fine..."

Miki avoids Anya’s eyes as she opens her car door for her. Something tells her she’s going to cry the minute they inevitably say goodbye. She signals for her bodyguard to open the gate and to help Anya navigate out. When the engine roars to life, so does the pang in Miki’s chest. She takes a step back so Anya has more space to maneuver. 

“Micaela Liamzon.” Anya calls to her from her rolled down window.

“Yes?”

“I want to keep seeing you too.”

Miki smiles and Anya winks at her before rolling the windows up and pulling out of the parking lot.

 

She is going to drive me insane, that Anya Aragon. If she hasn't already. 

 

Miki waits until Anya’s taillights disappear around the curb before getting inside her car. She can see the motorcycle through her rearview mirror. The man on it is meant to follow her until she is at a safer area, before disappearing until called upon again. She turns her engine on, puts on a random song, and watches the clock intently. She pulls up her phone and sees Anya’s number saved under “A.A.” She wants to call it right now, just to hear her voice. She wants to be able to talk to her as they both drive home, to a world where it feels almost impossible to be together. 

She cannot have that. 

Miki decides she cannot live in a world where even calling Anya feels like a crime. She doubts she can go to sleep tonight without dialing that number.

“Fuck it” she curses loudly before pressing number 1 on her speed dial. 

The line rings.

Once. Twice. Thrice before someone from the other line picks up.

“Glenn?” Miki speaks into her phone. “Help.”

She promised Anya a ten minute head start. 

Miki spends most of it explaining to her best friend that maybe she has a crush on someone she shouldn’t be crushing on. When that phone call ends, and she drives out of her mom’s property, only two things are on her mind.

One is Anya.

Two are the only words Glenn told her. 

 

“It’s not going to be easy, Miki…but okay.”

 

Miki smiles to herself, picking up speed, actually believing she can catch up to Anya’s car. When she does about 20 minutes later, she relaxes and slows down again. She knows Anya can see her. She knows Anya can recognize her car. She will have to drive under her usual speed. She will have to be patient. She will have to adjust. She will have to get used to the fact that it's not just herself she has to consider now. She will have to learn patience, and compromise, even when she doesn't want to.

Because Anya’s out there. Just within reach. 

 

“It’s not going to be easy, Miki…but okay.”

 

Notes:

That's it for Miki and Anya's firsts! I hope you enjoyed and whoever is reading this from Confessions (if there are any haha), I hope that answers some of your questions po. Thank you for reading. See you at the finale? Or until the next special chapter drops.

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Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of CONFESSIONS