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Prompts: can I request roman having a nightmare that leads to him avoiding everyone and just flat out not sleeping because every time he does he gets these really bad nightmares?? – anon
remus being soft with his brother because that's what roman needs especially with his declining mental health from the others treatment of him and while filming a video with thomas, roman gets a bruise from a scathing comment and remus switches instantly from goofing to protective and soft big bro and the others are standing like 'what just happened??' – anon
hi lovely, I was wondering could we please have a fic with something trying to harm roman? in some of your fics theres almost always remus sitting between roman and the door "if something tries to come through that door to hurt ro, they'll have to go through me first" I believe the line was , so I thinking if there was something that was trying to get to roman and hurt him , succeeds and then tries again but remus and the other sides are there to protect ro , maybe ro tried telling the others beforehand that something was wrong, he was hurt, no one listened apart from remus – anon
roman angst with some creativitwins where remus gets protective and pissed after finding out how shit the others are to roman esp after the events of the wedding, the callback and everything else that followed?? maybe roman has an autistic meltdown as a result, cue protective remus (obvs) and logan i ADORE logan calling roman 'little one' in your fics and I love the way remus just protects and loves his brother, makes me cry tbf – anon
I'm a huge sucker for "Janus realizes that being cruel to Roman was a Bad Decision" fics. Id love if you could write some roman angst with that trope – anon
hi!! i really like your fics and ive sent in a couple asks before so here is something bouncing around my brain: a lot of your fics contain janus comforting roman, which is good shit and i love it, and i wonder about a situation where janus has been doing that for so long that he forgets he sometimes needs comfort too. like he's always been in "help roman" mode and forgets about his own needs and issues. (maybe this is guilt related, maybe it is just protectiveness). but roman realizes this and is like please please let me return the favor and help you now. a la "please let me be soft with you". because roman comforting others is ALSO good shit. thank you for listening to my ted talk and keep up the good work bc your fics slap – anon
hihi!! a new ss incorrect quotes just came out and there's a scene where janus calls roman sweetheart. I'd love an hurt/comfort where roman gets hurt (physically and mentally) by some of the others and janus and logan sweep in and comfort him, using the sweetheart and little one pet names because they know that comforts roman (and maybe a side order of remus being a protective big bro and hitting everyone who hurt roman with his morningstar) – anon
"Well, maybe if you weren't so needy and self-obsessed, you'd realize how exhausting dealing with you and all of your constant problems is!"
The instant the bruise spreads across Roman's cheek, Janus comes to a series of abrupt, horrifying realizations.
It was no secret that Janus's chosen path of ingratiating himself to Thomas and the audience at large had been to use the power of the narrative to his advantage. Twisting videos to center around him, often without the others even realizing it at first, gently tugging them this way and that until they danced along to the tune that only he could hear, even replacing them outright when they didn't have a history of compliance. Just as it was no secret that two Sides he'd happily turned into rungs on his own personal ladder had yet to fully extricate themselves from it. Logan, at the very least, had shaken Janus off and gone right back to work: taking care of Thomas, especially given the prevalence of Remus's thought traps sprinkled about the Mindscape, hardly paying Janus any mind when it wasn't important. The other, however…
Roman. Oh, Roman. When he'd first put his plan into action, he'd been thrilled at the thought of how easy this was going to be. Here was Roman, a Core Side, a fanciful presence towards whom attention naturally gravitated, already at odds with every other member of the cast in some way or another, quite literally starved for positive attention and praise? Desperate for his moment in the spotlight, hungry for someone to just listen to him, to have his ideas put front and center? Oh, it was perfect. Creativity, Hopes and Dreams, Passion all held at bay by the verging-on cold indifference of the others, kept on the sidelines until it was time for him to play a little supporting role before being relegated back to the wings. And so deluded by his own self-righteousness that he had no idea it was happening.
Janus couldn't have asked for a better opportunity even if he'd scripted it himself.
It was easy. Painfully easy, to the point where he'd found himself idly wondering if perhaps he should take it a little bit easier on them, slow it down, draw it out, but no, he was hungry for it, and he could see Thomas slowly beginning to respond, being more receptive, more open to the idea of what he represented, and really, what harm could he be doing? Everyone could use a little more Self-Preservation in their lives, protecting oneself was hardly ever the wrong decision. And it was so dreadfully simple to do, releasing Remus when the time was right to upset the trust between Virgil, Patton, and Thomas—let Logan have the spotlight for a little, the poor thing was also terribly ignored sometimes—staging the courtroom just to show that he wasn't just spouting his nonsense from nowhere, he did actually know what he was talking about and they knew it too, and then oops, dropping just a word or two here and there behind the scenes, lingering just a little longer to give a certain Side a certain look. And every time Patton would cry out about him being a bad guy or Virgil would hiss that he wasn't to be trusted—hissing lies was his job, after all, he had half a mind to talk to Virgil about stealing his thunder, heh— well, then it only made him all the more determined.
The wedding was…a lot. In ways even he couldn't have predicted. And watching it back from the audience's perspective after the video had been released, well…perhaps that was the start of his slow realization.
Janus is relatively self-aware. Is he perfect? No, but he challenges any of them to be. The point is that he'd known, somewhere, that the way he was going about things was unfair to certain Sides. Look at his reaction at the end where Logan had popped back up—the real Logan. Logan had every right to be mad at him—and he was, oh, he was, he doesn't think he's ever felt so scolded as he did during the talking-to Logan gave him after that video was over and done with. But part of that conversation had also been Logan reassuring him that he was not altogether displeased with Janus joining the main cast, nor did he disagree entirely with points Janus had brought up over the years.
But Roman hadn't so much as looked at him. Granted, he hadn't really spoken or looked at anyone else, but that had stung just a little bit. Not as bad as his open disdain for Janus's name, not enough for Janus to actually do anything about it, but it had hurt. He'd brushed it off as Roman's feelings being hurt, as had everyone else, and when Roman had returned only to become the sole object and target of Remus's heckling, he'd privately assumed that's what Roman's new role was to be: exasperated brother always on the receiving end of pranks, teasing, and badgering.
Watching the dark, almost bloody purple blossom across his cheek, however, dumps a bucket of ice down Janus's spine.
"Holy shit, Princey," Virgil breathes, his face rapidly paling, "what—what the fuck is that?"
"Language," Patton scolds, but even he looks a little taken aback by it— as he should be. "Roman, care to explain why that happened?"
"I—I—" Roman's hand flies up to cover to bruise, turning his face away— "it's nothing, it's fine—"
"It's not fucking fine, you look like someone just busted a chair across your face, lemme see—"
"No!"
Janus flinches at the volume. He's not the only one. Roman shudders, his shoulders hunching as he all but cowers against the wall. His hand is shaking.
"Roman—"
"Virgil, enough." Logan moves in front of him. "You're making it worse."
Virgil presses his lips together in a familiar expression. It's familiar in the way something settles hot and heavy in the back of Janus's throat and his gut starts to roil. It's familiar in the way Patton's hands start to twitch at his sides.
"Roman," Logan says, "Roman, can you look at me, please?"
"I'm fine, Specs," Roman says from behind his hand, gaze still firmly on the floor, "I'm f-fine."
"I'm not saying you aren't, but can you look at me anyways?"
The gulp is audible. Roman's fingers are trembling. He looks small, still leaning back from Logan as though the wall would swallow him whole. His feet shuffle across the carpet. "I can't."
"Why can't you, little one?"
Roman whimpers. It strikes Janus right between the ribs. "I c-can't. I'm sorry, I can't do it, I have to g-go, I'm sorry I'll miss the rest of the meeting, I just—I'm sorry—"
" Shh, shh, it's okay, Roman, the meeting is over, you won't miss anything," Logan soothes, his hands reaching for Roman, "don't fret—"
Roman whimpers again, recoiling from Logan's hands. Logan falters, devastation flickering over his features for just a moment before it settles again on that soft neutrality. His gaze flickers to Virgil for a split second—Virgil's shoulders hunch and he looks down—before he looks at the staircase and reaches out.
"Ooh, what double and trouble have we cooked up now?" Remus rubs his hands together gleefully as he appears. "You never summon me, Lolo, what's going…"
Then he catches sight of Roman.
In an instant, Janus watches everything that makes Remus Remus disappear. His manic grin drops off his face. His hands still completely. His spine straightens. Even his costume looks like just that: a costume. He stares at Roman for long, painful seconds as Roman's hitched breaths echo off the wall. Then slowly, his stare focuses on Virgil. Virgil shrinks under it.
Remus snaps his fingers. His costume vanishes into a soft green T-shirt and black shorts. Logan moves out of the way as he goes to his brother—his brother, of course Remus loves Roman, they're brothers, nothing Janus or anyone else could do would change that.
"Roro," Remus says, his voice softer than Janus has ever heard it be, "Roro, I need to see, please. Let me see it."
"N-no."
"Why not?"
"You'll be m-mad at me."
Janus has to close his eyes. Roman sounds so young. He sounds like a scared little kid who won't ask his parents for help because he thinks they'll be upset at him for needing it in the first place.
"I'm not gonna be mad at you, Roro. I promise. But you gotta let me see, okay?"
He manages to open his eyes in time for Remus's sharp intake of breath at the bruise sprawling over the side of Roman's face. Of course, it could also have been at the red-rimmed eyes, the swollen nose, or blood trickling from the side of his mouth where he'd bitten his lip to keep himself quiet. Any of those things.
"I tried to m-move it like the others," Roman whispers as Remus's thumb ghosts over the worst of it, "b-but I couldn't, it was—I'm so—"
"Shh, Roro, you don't have to explain it, not to me. Are there more?"
Roman's frightened gaze darts over his shoulder and Remus shakes his head.
"Nuh-uh, Ro, I don't give a shit about them. Are there more? How bad are they?"
"…bad."
"Lolo?"
"I'm here," Logan says, quickly stepping closer, "what can I do?"
"Ro, can Lolo hold onto you while we get you back to my room? I need to be able to sink us carefully, but I can't do that by myself. He's not gonna hurt you, I swear."
"I won't, little one, you have my word." Roman eyes him warily over Remus's shoulder. "Remus will be with us the whole time and I'll leave as soon as you tell me to."
"C'mon, Roro, I swear, it'll be okay, you just gotta trust me for a little bit," Remus coaxes, slowly wrapping his arms around Roman's shoulders, "you just hold onto me and Lolo, okay? I'm gonna get you to my room and look after you there, you'll be safe, I'll open the door so the Wolf can—"
"No!" Roman suddenly grabs onto Remus's shirt, eyes wide with terror. "Don't—don't open the door, don't go in there, it's—it's still after me, I can't—I'm—"
"Oh, shit, okay, okay, I won't open it, I promise," Remus says quickly, "it's okay, it's okay, we—what if we go to the Dark Sides living room? Is that better? Then we're further away?"
"If you want privacy," Logan says, "you could always use my room, as well, if you wanted? It's the most insulated from the affects of the Imagination and you'd be able to close two doors if you used my bathroom."
The sheer disbelief at what's being offered reaches deep into Janus's chest and squeezes. Roman looks so confused that someone is willing to offer something to help him. God, his eyes…
"Yeah, that's a good idea, huh? Does that sound okay, Roro?" Roman nods, tears still brimming along his lashes. "Okay. Logan's going to have to be the one to sink us, then, so you're gonna hold onto both of us for a second."
Logan stoops slightly so he can get one of Roman's arms over his shoulders. Their prince, so bold and broad, suddenly so small behind Logan and Remus, his hand shaking like he's not sure if he has permission to touch either of them—and he's so hurt, too, and did he say there were others? Other bruises they couldn't see—other bruises he'd moved so they wouldn't be able to see them?
"It's gonna be okay, okay? We're gonna look after you."
Just before they sink out, Remus casts a fierce glare around the room. The sentiment, however wordless, is clear: Don't fucking move.
And they're gone.
Virgil collapses into a muttering, fidgeting mess. Patton is sniffling. And Janus—
Janus is breaking apart.
Of course. Of course it was painfully easy. Of course Roman was desperate for praise, reassurance, guidance, something. Of course Roman winced and recoiled away from anything that could possibly be a rejection or ridicule. Of course Roman bruised when they spat venom at him.
Roman is the Ego.
And Janus, in his selfish, short-sighted, self-obsessed drive to claw his way into Thomas's good graces, wrecked the one thing that could possibly have kept Thomas intact. Thomas's sense of self, his hopes and dreams, his self-esteem, his soul , because while Patton may be his heart, he isn't the thing driving what makes Thomas Thomas, he's taken it and broken it under his heels to make pretty ladder rungs to climb. And he hadn't cared when their larger-than-life prince was suddenly bowing his head and hunching his shoulders, he hadn't noticed when Roman started covering more and more of himself so they couldn't see the bruises they were surely leaving, he hadn't bothered when Roman had come to him, his head hung and his hands shaking, saying there was something in the Imagination that was after him.
God, none of them had taken him seriously, had they? They'd all scoffed when he came to them and said he was scared, that there was something wrong and he was hurt because something attacked him, and he needed help. They hadn't believed him, or trusted him, when he came to them practically on his knees because when had they ever just let him ask for help, and they'd turned him away with barely a scoff. No, Logan had scoffed, because Roman making up monsters in the Imagination was what he did, and Virgil had laughed and Patton had rolled his eyes and Janus—
Janus had asked him what kind of a prince he was if he couldn't slay a single beast on his own.
He's on the floor, he realizes distantly, he's crouched on the floor with his hands over his face. His throat is burning. So are his eyes. He's crying.
Oh, Roman, what have I done?
Logan has a miracle of a bathroom.
A glass shower in one corner, a large tub in the other. Soft warm lights bathe the dark tile as he spreads out a thick towel, helping Remus ease Roman down onto its plush comfort as the low hum of the fan drowns out the worst of his sniffles. He sits at one end, arms open. Remus carefully leans Roman up against his chest and he could whimper again at how warm Logan is, especially when his arms wrap around his waist in a comforting hold.
"You let me know if I hurt you," he murmurs into Roman's ear, "or if you need to adjust at all."
Roman just nods. Remus crouches in front of him, a soft smile on his face. "Alright, Roro, can we get you outta this? I wanna see if anything needs to be wrapped up and I've got the bruise cream here too."
"They're gonna be mad that we left."
"No," Logan says, "no, they won't, little one."
"And even if they are, fuck them. You're hurt and scared and my fucking brother, so if I wanna take you away from the things that are hurting you and scaring you and make you feel better, then I'm gonna, and I'll kick whoever's ass I need to in order to do it. So no more worrying about anything outside of this room for you and more worrying about taking care of you for me."
Roman sniffles. He can't help it. He's in Logan's arms, for crying out loud, he's in Logan's arms while Logan calls him pet names and talks to him softly and he's in Logan's bathroom because Logan knows his room is the safest from anything in the Imagination and Logan's got two doors in between him and anything else and Logan's helping Remus look after him but it's Logan, and Logan doesn't like him except maybe Logan does? Because every time his breath catches and his tummy does the painful jump Logan's smoothing his hand over it and shushing him like he's something precious and Logan doesn't do things he doesn't want to but he's here and he's got his arms around Roman and—
"Hush, little one, hush, just focus on me, it's alright." Logan's lips brush the curve of his ear, breath fanning over the crook of his neck. "Just close your eyes, it's okay. You're safe, nothing will happen to you here. Remus won't let a thing hurt you."
"You're damn right," comes Remus's mumble from somewhere around Roman's ribs. "That includes the nasty words your head's spitting out."
"Focus on me, Roman, I have you. You're doing so well, you're being so brave. I know you're scared. I know you're overwhelmed."
" L-Logan—"
"I'm right here, little one, right here."
"Logan—" he hiccups— "Logan I don'—don' know what to do!"
"What to do about what? Shh, shh, take your time, it's okay, I'm not going anywhere," he says when Roman can't get his words out right, "it's alright…what to do about the others? Is that it?"
"Oh, you won't have to worry about that," Remus says darkly, "I'm gonna talk to them."
"Remus," Logan chides, and Roman doesn't even have the energy to spare to feel all warm and fuzzy about Remus wanting to protect him, shaking his head, "no? Not about the others?"
"Is it about the thing in the Imagination?" Roman's breath hitches on another sob and Remus rubs his knee. "Okay, Roro, okay. Can you—is it too much to ask you to explain it? I sort of know what it is but I know you'll be better at explaining it that I will, and Lolo's smart so he'll probably pick up something I don't."
"Flatterer." Logan gives him a gentle squeeze around the waist. "But I will listen to whatever you want to tell me."
"You didn't last time," Roman bites out.
"I know, I know, little one, and I'm sorry for that. I should have listened to you, I should have been there for you. But I'm here now, if you let me be."
"I…" he swallows. "I thought it was a nightmare. At first. I was—I was in the Imagination in my astral form 'cause—'cause Re needed help with the—the swamp on his side an' I—I couldn't come while I was 'wake, so I—"
"Why not? Sorry, that's not relevant, you don't have to—"
Roman shrinks in on himself. "Not allowed to go into the Imagination."
"What do you mean? It's—well, isn't it yours? Yours and Remus's, to the extent that it belongs to anyone?"
"Yeah," Remus growls, "but Patton's a dick and doesn't understand that we have to work in there too. And you agreed with him about Roman cutting down on distractions."
"Re," Roman croaks, but Logan's already breathing out a curse and tucking his chin over Roman's shoulder to hold him closer.
"I'm so sorry, little one. I've been awfully cruel to you, haven't I? Let me make it up to you, let me earn your forgiveness, please."
"You didn'—didn' mean it like they d-did, 's okay—"
"No," he breaks in gently, "don't do that. Don't minimize the hurt I caused you. It's alright if you're still hurting over what I've done to you, Roman, especially if it…contributed to this nightmare."
Roman's throat grows tight. Logan just holds him, doesn't get angry, doesn't demand anything, just holds him, and he's going to start crying before he finishes the story if he doesn't talk faster. " Thought it was just a nigh'mare, but it—it got too close."
"Too close?"
"When certain things in the Imagination get too close to us," Remus explains, hands still tending to the bruises littering Roman's ribs, the pain finally starting to ease, "they can latch on to the part of us that can bring things out of the Imagination."
He feels more than hears Logan's breath catch. "So if whatever this is got close enough…"
"It could use us to get into the Mindscape."
"Oh, Roman… and it's been after you for how long?"
Roman shakes his head. "Dunno. Been trying not to…go t'sleep 'cause then it'll find me. Bad nightmares."
Logan lets out a soft, broken noise, rocking Roman back and forth. "Oh, little one…you've been so strong and so brave…you must be exhausted."
You'd realize how exhausting dealing with you and all your problems is!
He whimpers when the bruise on his face throbs anew, only for Logan to quickly cup his jaw, turning his face so he can—he whimpers again when Logan kisses his bruised cheek, lips brushing so gently against the purpled skin.
" You are not exhausting," he rumbles, "you are not too much, you are not too needy or too clingy. You are struggling, and that is okay, and you're reaching out for help because you are brave."
"Dial it back a little, Lolo," Remus says, though he sounds far more amused than anything else, "he's a little too fragile for all of that."
"My apologies," even though he doesn't sound the slightest bit apologetic, leaning back to let Roman rest his head against his shoulder. "I can't imagine how tired you must feel. Do you want to try and sleep here? My room should shelter you from the majority of the Imagination, and the both of us will be here the whole time. I imagine Remus can safeguard you in some way as well?"
"We've tried. Unfortunately, I have to be near Roro to protect him in there, and having both of us together just makes us more obvious."
"Which means it can find you," Logan finishes, "damn. Is there anything that's helped? Anything at all?"
"I gotta get to the part of dreaming that makes my astral form appear. If…if I get woken up before then, I can…escape it."
"But that's not a restful sleep."
Roman shrugs. "Better than nothing."
Better than nothing. That's how he's lived for the past…God, he doesn't even know anymore. Sneaking an extra granola bar into his sleeve in the morning because having a tiny snack was better than getting grilled on his lack of progress over a lunch that he always found himself picking at. Looking at the happy comments under the older videos was better than trying to fumble his way through scripts that Thomas never seemed happy with or wanted to finish. Stealing little bits of comfort during movie nights while watching stuff he didn't want to or worse, things that scared him, was better than not being touched at all. Going to the meetings on the off chance that someone might tell him he'd done something right was better than not going at all. Sleeping fitfully in short bursts until he yanked himself away was better than not sleeping at all.
Remus being there for him, even if it was just off camera, was better than no one being there for him at all.
Tears prickle at the corners of his eyes again. Now that Logan's put words to it, fatigue seeps into every part of his body. He couldn't flinch as Remus covers the worst of his bruises even if he wanted to. He just wants to rest. Without feeling guilty that he's not doing the work that needs to be done, without worrying about whether the others will make him feel guilty for not doing something, without the itching feeling under his skin that he has to be doing something, doing something, earning the right to still be there with them, but he's just so goddamn tired.
"C-can I try?"
"Try what, little one?"
"Sleeping here? With you? I-I mean, not with you, with you, just, u-um—I want to try sleeping in here. With, um, if that's okay with you—"
Logan chuckles, giving him another gentle squeeze. "Of course you can, little one. Do you want to let us move you out to the bed, or—no? Alright, that's okay. Here, lie down, put your head in my lap, yes, there you go…"
Remus grabs a soft blanket from a tall cabinet and tucks him in on his makeshift towel bed. He rolls up another and tucks them underneath the small of Roman's back and his calves, making sure he can lie comfortably with Logan's hand carding through his hair. Just the gentle movement has his eyes drifting shut before he can muster up so much as a thank you.
"Don't you worry about anything right now," Logan bids, "just try and sleep. Remus and I will be here to look after you."
"Actually, I'll be right back. I'm just gonna go grab the teddy bear real quick, okay?"
"Teddy bear?"
"Bear cub that exists both here and in the Imagination. Good tether for nightmares." Remus presses a swift kiss to his unbruised cheek. "Be right back, Roro, you go on and get sleeping."
Roman's eyes droop further and further. The last thing he registers before falling asleep is the cold tug of fear in his stomach.
Janus doesn't see Roman or Remus for days.
He doesn't really expect to. Not when Remus hadn't returned to the living room for hours and when he did, he nearly took Virgil's head off with his morningstar and snarled that if he ever said anything like that to Roman again, he'd regret it, and Virgil had jerked his head in a nod before Remus vanished again. Janus hadn't moved from that spot for hours after, still, not until Patton came down the next morning and saw him still sitting there.
"We couldn't have known," he tried to say, only for Janus to look up with a hoarse voice.
"I did know. I just didn't care."
He isn't the only one to blame here, he knows. There's a reason Roman was so starved for positive attention and a reason he knew the soft spots in Roman's armor. There's a reason Roman was primed for someone to hate him right off the bat for almost no reason and a reason for Roman gravitating instantly towards an authority figure who would be kind as well as harsh. And there's a reason Roman wouldn't want to bring up the fact that he was hurting from something one of them did to hurt him.
But none of the others were as surgical or intentional about hurting Roman as he was. Not that they let that stay a secret, no, they saw how he reacted when Virgil bruised Roman and they had questions. Then they had anger, and now they all float in a strange half-daze where they all desperately need to make it up to Roman and none of them have seen him.
Logan has seen him. Logan's taking care of him. No small part of Janus bristled when he first realized that; he's Self-Preservation, he's the one who should be caring for the most vulnerable part of Thomas, he's the one who should be caring for Roman, but he's also the one who's hurt Roman so badly, so he can't do that. The looks Logan's given him when he summons up enough courage to go and ask if Roman's okay tells him all he needs to know about how much Roman and Remus have told Logan.
He stops trying pretty quickly.
But he can't just do nothing. Not when he knows how to help. That might be the worst part of all of this, he realizes one night when he's carefully putting together a basket of bath salts, bath bombs, and the little scented candles he saw Roman eyeing longingly the last time they went to one of those big shopping centers. It's that he knows exactly what to do to try and help Roman feel better. He knows that Roman doesn't let himself have the snacks he really wants because there won't be enough room for everyone to have their own snacks and so he doesn't buy any at all. He knows that Roman loves cuddling with his plushies but he won't let himself keep them out because someone might make fun of them. He knows that Roman squishes himself into the armchair with the weighted blanket at night because he just wants someone to hold him and he's cold without being cold.
He reaches out and picks up the little snail plushie sitting on his desk. It has a pouch of lavender sewed inside to give it a bit of weight and a nice smell—it can even be heated for a few seconds in the microwave. He sets it carefully in the basket and leaves the whole thing outside Logan's door.
Logan finds him the next day and gives him a nod.
Alright. This he can do. He can make amends from a distance. He can keep Roman supplied with soft things and warm comforts and his favorite snacks. He can do that for Roman.
He leaves a basket of candy—Roman's guilty pleasures only— and spies its wrappers in the trash. He leaves another plushie, a little dragon, and Logan tells him thank you from Roman the next morning. He leaves a weighted blanket that has a plush side and a smooth side and he sees Remus for the first time.
"You fucked up."
"I know."
"It's really bad, Janny."
"I know."
"He's scared to go anywhere without me or Logan right now."
"I know."
Remus looks at him hard. Then he reaches out and squeezes Janus's shoulder. Tight. "Keep doing what you're doing. It's helping."
Janus nearly sags in relief. "I will."
"And when Ro's better, you and I are gonna have a sparring session."
He winces but nods. Remus nods sharply and sinks out. He blows out a breath and heads down to the kitchen to help Patton make lunch.
He's not sure what the others are doing to make it up to Roman, if they're doing anything at all. Patton's tried to talk to Roman a few times, he knows, but Remus or Logan has always headed him off. Virgil he's pretty sure has had an…interesting time, just because Virgil gets summoned every time Roman gets scared, which…is a lot. Now that Roman's letting himself be scared, and doesn't that just twist the knife a little deeper? He's not gone to pry about it, because he's busy with his own atonement, thank you very much, but there is something to the fact that he can see Virgil texting Roman sometimes and Roman will actually reply.
Is he mainly upset because he didn't think of that first? Perhaps.
He's perfectly content to keep this going until Roman decides he wants to talk again. He's resigned himself for not seeing either Creativity for any extended period of time until the next video—which probably isn't going to be for a long, long time—and he's…well, happy is the wrong word to use here, but he is fine with it.
Which is why he's taken completely by surprise when he opens his door after a late-night knock only to see, wrapped up in a weighted blanket, clutching a little snail plushie, a teary-eyed, red-nosed, glaring Roman.
For long seconds, neither of them moves. Janus's mouth hovers open, caught between calling for Remus and trying to comfort Roman. Roman's lower lip trembles, glare fixed on Janus's face, until he swallows heavily.
"Pretend it isn't you."
Janus blinks. "What?"
"Pretend it isn't you who hurt me," Roman says, glaring at him with that wonderful, fiery determination, "pretend it was something else. Pretend you're not involved."
"O…kay?"
Roman glares at him harder. "You did this. You gave me things and snacks and things to make me feel better. You know how to take care of me even though I never told you."
Janus swallows. "Roman, I—"
"So do it," Roman interrupts, "take care of me."
Oh.
Oh.
Janus takes a deep breath. He cannot afford to fuck this up.
"Come in," he says, his voice as soft as it's been longing to be, stepping back so Roman can shuffle inside, blanket and plushie and all, "come with me, please."
He wraps one arm around Roman's shoulders and the other around the blanket trailing along the floor, scooping it up so Roman won't trip on it. He leads him over to the corner where his heat lamp is and guides him down onto the soft pillows. Making sure Roman can see him, he takes off each of his gloves and sets them on his nightstand.
"Hello, sweetheart," he murmurs, carding two hands through Roman's hair, "why don't you open up that blanket so I can cuddle you a little?"
Roman sniffles, lip still wobbling, but he slowly opens one arm. Janus ducks underneath it, wrapping one arm firmly around his waist to lie them both down, another hand rubbing soothing circles over his chest as he kisses his temple. A choked sob meets his throat and he snags another blanket with a free hand, tucking the both of them in.
"There you go," he says gently, "is that better? All nice and snug and safe now, I've got you."
"'S not safe," Roman whispers, clutching the plushie to his face, "'s not safe."
"Why not, sweetheart?"
"It's still coming. It's still there and I can't—I'm not strong enough."
"What's coming? Tell me." And Roman sniffles and sobs his way through a description of something that sounds far more like it comes from Remus's side of the Imagination, and Janus presses another kiss to his temple. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart, that sounds scary."
"I can't sleep, Janus. I can't let it get us."
"Listen to me, sweetheart, just listen." Janus interlaces his fingers with one of Roman's hands, bringing it to his lips. As he speaks, they brush his knuckles. "You are safe. The Imagination is locked. Nothing comes in or out of it without you or Remus giving it permission. The Wolf is strong. Your dragon is strong. Oliver is strong. Remus is strong. And you are strong."
Roman shakes his head. "'M not. 'M not strong."
"You are. You think I don't see how hard you fight for all of us? How hard you work to make us happy, to make Thomas happy? You're the strongest one out of all of us, sweetheart, look at you. Look at how hard you've fought to keep us safe, look at how hard you're fighting to stay awake when I know you must be so tired."
Sure enough, Roman's eyes begin to droop. Janus pulls him closer, more arms wrapping around him.
"It's okay, sweetheart. You are safe. You're okay. It's my turn to be strong for you, okay?" He tucks Roman into the cradle of his arms, his head pillowed against his shoulder. "Sleep, sweet prince, let me look after you."
He almost holds his breath as Roman falls asleep in his arms. He closes his eyes and puts his lips to Roman's forehead. He can feel the Lie twisting around in there, making itself a home.
"Get out of there," he warns, "or I will make you."
Things get better.
It's slow, because it always is for things like this, but they get better.
He talks to Virgil. He talks to Patton. He leans on Remus and Logan. And Janus…
Janus starts coming with him to the Imagination.
It's a surreal experience, at least at first, to see Janus walking behind him as he goes about his duties. The steward, in true fashion, barely glances at him after Roman stumbles through an introduction, save to ask if he will be staying for dinner. The tailor takes one look at his clothes and rolls her eyes, promptly whisking him away to make up something more suitable—he does get a laugh at how affronted Janus looks at her disdain. But that's it. Janus walks along behind him, quietly over his shoulder, offering a reassuring word or hand whenever Roman starts to worry about anything.
He's still not quite sure how Janus made his nightmares go away. He's not quite sure he wants to.
And outside of the Imagination, they talk. They talk about a lot of things. Sometimes Roman has to go hide with Logan again, sometimes Remus has to be there while they talk, and sometimes they end up in each other's arms, crying again.
But it's okay. It's getting better.
Good enough that when Roman notices Janus itching at his scales a little more that usual, there's only the slightest bit of hesitation before he's picking up a basket of his own and going to knock on Janus's door.
"Roman? What's going on, sweetheart?"
"It's my turn," he says, holding up the basket full of exfoliant and other creature care Remus had helped him put together, "let me be soft with you."
"Sweetheart, you don't have to—"
"I want to. Please," he adds when Janus still hesitates, "you said it yourself: I look after everyone, right? Let me look after you this time."
Janus looks at him for a moment longer, before he sighs, a soft smile coming to his face. "As you wish, sweetheart."
Roman smiles back.