Hellfire

by LaunchesKayaks

Summary:

Nearly a century before the Absolute Crisis, a victim of Petras, Astarion's brother in undeath, escaped before she could be turned over to Cazador. Long after being declared dead from a fire caused by Petras' slip, she showed up at the camp late one night. She was hurtled into the war against the Absolute and back into the life of Astarion. Though they had only met briefly before, Astarion had never forgotten the encounter with the woman

 

TL;DR: What if Tav was a mysterious person from Astarion's past?

Chapter 1: Hungry Intruder

Astarion stopped just before he was about to step foot back into the lighted safety of camp. He had been out hunting, and had found a small boar. It was an okay meal, but not nearly as filling as he had hoped and lef thim bored. Now his boredom was gone. There was an intruder. Cloaked, but obviously rather small in frame. The person was helping themselves to the last of the night’s dinner that still sat by the fire. They ate like they were starving. Astarion was tempted to leave them to it, understanding how desperate hunger can make you, but he knew the others would see the visitor as a threat, and he was curious about the person.

He crept behind the person, unnoticed. In one swift motion, he pulled the person's cloak hood down and held his dagger to their throat. It was a woman, from what he could see from his position behind her. An elf. And thin as a rail.

“I only wanted the leftovers.” Squeaked the woman, who held her hands up to show she wasn't a threat.

Astarion thought the voice sounded familiar. He turn the woman around to face him. The woman looked at him with large, storm-colored eyes. Her lips were pressed into a thin, nervous line, and her brown hair was short and messy. A large burn scar started on her right cheek and extended down the right side of her face, down her neck, and disappeared under her shirt collar.

Before Astarion could say anything, his tadpole and the one that was nestled in the intruder's brain communicated, answering the question Astarion had been wanting to ask.

He found himself in the woman's memory. She was on the doorstep of Cazador’s palace, holding onto the arm of Petras, who had been her date for the evening. She was looking between him and another man. That man appeared to have also brought a date there, but Petras hadn't mentioned living with anyone else.

Petras and the other man looked panicked, as if they weren't supposed to meet.

“Petras, what's going on?” The woman asked, clearly not as entranced with her date as the other woman was.

“Oh, nothing. My brother here is just home from his trip a bit earlier than anticipated. Looks like his missus is here, too.” Petras said, sounding wonderfully calm, but the strain in his jaw was unnerving.

“Oh, if you're having family over, I can go. You can show me that collection of yours another time.” The woman said, letting go of Petras’ arm.

“There's no need for delay. There's more than enough space in the family home for all of us.” Petras replied, smiling a smile that no longer seemed as charming to the woman.

She glanced over at the other man and made eye contact. She saw a warning in them. Concern. Every instinct in her told her to flee, so she did. She felt a grip on her wrist and a hand cover her mouth. She bit down as hard as she could on the hand, the grip on her loosening enough for her to break free. She sprinted off as fast as her legs could carry her and she didn't stop until she was home, behind locked doors and windows.

When Astarion broke free of the memory, he let the woman out of his grasp out of surprise. She immediately took several steps back, pressing her palm to her eye. She was shaking, terrified.

“I remember you.” Astarion said, laughing a sharp laugh, “You were shaking just as hard as you are now. I'm surprised you're still alive!”

Astarion watched the woman's eyes flit towards the knife Gale had used to prepare dinner. She dove for it, but Astarion reached her just as her hands wrapped around the handle. He twisted her wrist painfully behind her back, causing her to cry out and drop the knife. He gripped her hair tightly to have more leverage over her body, though he doubted he would have needed it. She was weak and in no condition to fight.

“And here I was, thinking that we could have a civil conversation.” Astarion said harshly, twisting the woman's wrist a bit further.

The others were awake, and approaching with their weapons drawn.

“Who's this, then?” Shadowheart asked bluntly, glaring at the woman.

“I found her pilfering what was left of dinner. I tried to be polite, but she went for the knife.” Astarion replied, forcing the woman to her knees.

The woman was silent. She felt a probing at her mind that unnerved her. She tried to put up some kind of wall, but Astarion's sudden pulling on her hair made it impossible. She felt a presence enter her mind, not an unkind one.

“Get out of my head!” She hissed, “It doesn't belong to you!”

“She's like us, then?” Karlach asked, looking almost hopefully at Gale.

“It appears so. Though she wasn't forthcoming with anything like the rest of us were when we met.” Gale said.

“Can we keep her? Look at her! She's starving!” Karlach said, her tail wagging.

“Absolutely not!” Astarion barked, “She just came after me with a knife! We should kill her and be done with it! She knows our secret and where we're camped! She's dangerous!”

Astarion saw her as a liability, a danger to his relatice safety outside of Cazador’s compulsion.

The woman tensed up considerably at Astarion's words but did not try to escape. She looked at everyone assembled before her. It was the strangest group she'd ever seen. A gith, a devil, a tiefling, a half-elf, and a human, and the man that held her, all seemingly companions.

“I agree with the spawn. This intruder is nothing but a threat!” Lae'zel said, gripping the handle of her sword tighter.

“We should at least interrogate her. See why she's here.” Wyll suggested.

“I suppose that's a fair idea.” Gale said, stroking his beard, “It's settled. We'll interrogate her before we make a decision. Though if she is an ememy, keeping her under close watch may be a good idea.”

“Do you want me to tie her up or just keep holding her like this all night?” Astarion asked nobody in particular, sounding irritated.

Wyll rifled though one of the packs kept by the fire and procured some rope. He approached and removed the woman's cloak. He began to bind the woman's wrists behind her with Astarion's assistance. She didn't put up any resistance.

“These are some awful scars you have.” Wyll noted, referencing the burn scars that seemed to litter the woman's body, “Are they recent?”

“No.” The woman said softly, looking at the ground.

“How did you get them?” Wyll asked gently.

“My house was burned down with me in it.” The woman replied.

Astarion stopped his work for a brief second, looking at the back of the woman's head in surprise. He had heard that Petras was ordered to hunt down and kill the woman who escaped him, but he hadn't realized Petras never confirmed if his mark actually died in that fire.

“I'm so sorry that happened to you.” Wyll said, frowning.

The woman was silent, and allowed herself to be bound and placed before the fire. Gale was beginning to cook something and that got the woman's attention.He was chopping onions and mushrooms. The others had retreated to their tents, watching Gale and the woman with keen interest thorugh open tent flaps.

“What is your name?” Gale asked as he cooked.

“Tavenna, but you can call me Tav.” the woman, Tav, said

“Do you have a last name?”

“I do, but if you want to look me up in any records, everything says I’m dead.” the woman sounded almost bitter.

“Why is that?” Gale asked, looking intirgued.

“I guess if you spurn the right men in the Gate, they’ll set your house alight with you in it and have every record of you in the city updated saying you died in the fire.” Tav had a far away look in her eyes.

“What did you do before that happened?” Gale was frowning, his voice a bit somber.

“I fixed things. Mostly clothes, but I could fix armor and tools too when I got my hands on them.” A small smile graced Tav’s face when she spoke of her trade.

“Can you do that still?”

“Of course. I’ve been forced to keep my skills sharp all these years.”

“Years? How long have you been ‘dead’?” Gale asked, cracking an egg into the pan he had over the fire.

“About a century.”

“I see. Well, we are in need of someone with skills like yours. And you’re in need of a meal and a safe place to sleep. How about we trade?” Gale added the mushrooms and onions to the pan.

“I’d be a fool to say no to that offer.” Tav eyed the pan Gale held.

“That settles it, then.” Gale smiled and plated the food before handing it to Tav, along with a fork, “We ran out of cheese, I’m afraid.” he added.

“Thank you.” Tav said before she started eating, trying to savor the food but compelled by instinct to fill her empty belly.

“We don’t have another tent, but I am sure we can find you one the next time we are in the grove. For now, you can share with Astarion. He doesn’t use it that much at night anyway.” Gale said, waving at the vampire spawn, signalling for him to come over.

“I’d prefer anyone but him.” Tav said, her eyes wide.

“He won’t hurt you. He’s harmless. Right, Astarion?” Gale reassured, looking at Astarion when he walked over.

“I don’t bite unless asked.” Astarion said, making his voice more sultry than normal

It wasn’t unlike the voice Petras had used to lure her in. He’d been such a sweet talker. She couldn’t believe she’d been so naive for three whole dates. Three! She didn’t see the danger until it was almost too late. She was terrified of what might have happened to her. She was terrified Astarion was going to finish what Petras had started that night.

Tav couldn’t respond verbally. She only looked at her hands and nodded.

“Astarion, Tav here is going to share your tent with you until we can get her her own.” Gale said to the vampire spawn, who was immediately irked.

“Are you serious!? You’re going to make me share my space with her!?” Astarion shouted, making Tav flinch.

“I am serious. You hardly use the thing at night anyway. I know you come slinking back in just before down to get your rest in.” Gale scolded

Astarion huffed, but didn’t argue.

“It’ll be fine, Tav. We’ll get you your own tent in a few days.” Gale said, placing a hand on Tav’s trembling shoulder.

Chapter 2: The First Day

Tav couldn’t sleep. Not with Astarion’s glare boring into her and his presence poking at her mind the whole night. It was just after dawn and everyone was beginning to get started with their morning rituals.

“What do you want?” Tav asked aloud.

Astarion was silent, only increasing his knocking at the door to her brain.

“For fuckssake, fine!” Tav whispered in exasperation.

“What did you tell him?” Astarion asked as soon as Tav let him into her thoughts

“I didn’t tell him we’ve met. I didn’t mention you at all.” She replied

“Good. These people don’t know anything about that. And I intend to keep it that way.”

“Need to bring more warm bodies home, I take it?” Tav’s tone was bitter, angry

“Just make sure none of them get away. You’d have to go burn down so many homes. Change so many records. You’d also have to make damn well sure they actually die in those fires. These people seem like they’d hunt you down if you pulled what Petras did to me.” she hissed

“I only plan on traveling with these people for protection, darling. None of them are special enough to bring home.” Astarion sounded bored

“What do you mean special enough? These people seem incredible.”

“But they aren’t helpless. Pretty and helpless are what we were told to bring back.”

“And I was helpless?”

“Petras seemed to think so.”

“Then why did you look at me like you did? Like you were telling me to get the Hells out of there.”

“Because I knew you weren’t helpless.”

Tav cut off the connection between her mind and Astarion’s. Moments later, muffled sobs could be heard from inside his tent. Astarion tried to busy himself with reading, growing annoyed.

“You’ve already gone and upset her, I see.” Shadowheart sneered as she walked over, bathing supplies and laundry in hand.

Astarion just rolled his eyes in response and Shadowheart made her way into the tent.

“Tav, is it?” She said

“Yes?” Tav sniffled, wiping away her tears.

“The girls and I were wondering if you’d like to join us for a bath in the river?” Shadowheart asked.

“I probably should. I can’t remember the last time I washed my hair...” Tav replied, sitting up from where she was curled up in the tent.

She was out of the way of all of Astarion’s things and hadn’t touched any of his blankets or pillows. She didn’t want to dirty them. She knew she was a mess. She was a mess before she’d been abducted from mindflayers. Her last place of rest before the nautaloid was under a bridge in Rivington, after all.

“Bastard didn’t even give you a blanket.” Shadowheart muttered, shaking her head.

“I’m Shadowheart, by the way.” Shadowheart said with a smile as Tav left the tent..

“Tav.” Tav said, forcing a smile.

Tav stopped in her tracks when they got to the river. Lae’zel and Karlach were already waist-deep in the water, bathing themselves.

“Oh this is a community thing. I, uh, I’ll come back later and wash up.” Tav said, staring at the ground.

“We won’t judge you, Tav. We’re here to clean ourselves and the laundry. And I’d like to give you a check-up if you’re okay with it. I am the cleric of the group, and I like to be sure that everyone is in their best condition.” Shadowheart said reassuringly.

“Like Shads said, we’re judgement free here! We all have parts of us we don’t like!” Karlach called.

“Speak for yourself! I am a perfect gith specimen!” Lae’zel retorted, raising her chin proudly. “I have nothing to be ashamed of!”

Tav sighed, “A check-up would probably be a good idea. I haven’t seen a doctor in a long time. “

Shadowheart nodded and took her laundry down to the river.

“Undress at your own pace, I’ll be here when you’re ready!” she called.

Tav began to peel off her clothes, not realizing just how filthy they were until she held them in her hands. She made her way to Shadowheart, looking everywhere but at the three women who busied themselves with washing. She felt so exposed and vulnerable.

“I’m ready.” She squeaked

“Very good.” Shadowheart said. She stood and began her examination, frowning at each new improperly healed injury and each thing that made it clear that Tav hadn’t had the means to properly care for herself in ages.

“How long have you been homeless?” the cleric asked.

“Too long.” Tav muttered.

“Are you aware that you have a fractured rib?” Shadowheart asked as she gently prodded Tav’s abdomen.

“I figured something wasn’t right after I took a tumble the other day. It doesn’t hurt to breathe anymore, so it must be healing.” Tav said, trying to play off her injury as nothing major.

“Once we’ve finished here, I’ll heal it properly. But you must tell me when you are injured or sick. We can’t have the most useful member of our group going around like this.” Shadowheart said as she continued her examination.

She held Tav’s hand and examined her fingernails and joints.

“What is your diet like?” she asked.

“Whatever I can get my hands on, really.” Tav said nonchalantly.

“Well from now on, it’s going to be adequate.” Shadowheart said, concluding her examination.

She took Tav;s clothes, which she had discarded on the ground, and added them to the rest of the laundry.

“I can wash my things if you don’t want to. I know they’re pretty grimey.” Tav said.

“It’s my turn for laundry duty. You just worry about cleaning yourself up.” Shadowheart said, “I’m sure that a lot of these garments will need fixing anyway, so you’ll be doing your part in no time.”

Tav nodded and waded into the water, surprised by how warm it was.

“Is it warm enough for you, soldier?” Karlach asked.

“The Chionthar isn’t supposed to be so nice this time of year.” Tav replied.

Karlach knocked on her glowing chest with a fist, “It’s the engine.”

Tav nodded, her eyes wide.

“I’m Karlach, by the way.” The tiefling said, pushing over a small bucket with some soaps and rags in it.

“Nice to meet you.” Tav said, grabbing a rag and a bar of soap.

“That ray of sunshine is Lae’zel.” Karlach said, gesturing to the gith who just glared in response.

Tav nodded at Lae’zel in greeting as she lathered up a rag and began to clean the grime from her skin. She let her mind wander as she cleaned herself. She hadn’t expected to get caught pilfering leftovers the night before. She hadn’t been caught by any other group of people, or goblins, she’d stolen off of since crash landing in the nautaloid nearly a week before. She certainly hadn’t expected seeing someone from her past again. She thought everything from her life before that night was dead and buried. The eradication of her previous life was thorough. Astarion was the first person in a century to recognize her. She knew her burns didn’t disfigure her beyond recognition. She’d always wondered how she was able to remain in the city for years without anyone recognizing who she was. Her fear kept her from seeking help or investigating further. Whoever Petras truly was, was not someone to be trifled with.

She didn’t even register the girls telling her they were headed back to camp. She just kept thinking of that night. She absentmindedly scrubbed the wrist that Petras had grabbed when she tried to flee. She replayed it all over and over in her mind. Petras’ smile, Astarion’s eyes, the beating of her heart, the fear that gripped her. She didn’t hear the men of the camp approach the bathing site, didn’t hear them call her name. She wasn’t in the present moment until a hand touched her shoulder.

She turned as quickly as she could, fists raised in preparation to fight whoever touched her. She lowered her fists when she saw that it was Gale who had gotten her attention. The man was holding a towel out to her with one hand, and covering his eyes with the other.

“Are you alright?” Gale asked, sounding concerned.

Tav took the towel and quickly wrapped it around herself.

“Y-yes.” Tav stammered, obviously lying, “Thank you.”

She scurried off towards camp without another word.

“You are far too kind, Gale.” Astarion complained, as he sat on the rock beside the river and began washing his clothes.

“Well someone had to be, and I don’t think she would have reacted well if Wyll had been the one to pull her out of whatever she had going on. No offense to you, Wyll.” Gale said.

“No offense taken. My new devilish appearance is definitely off-putting.” The Blade of Frontiers agreed as he stripped and waded into the water to bathe.

Gale followed suit and after a couple of quiet moments he said to nobody in particular, “I didn’t think those scars would have covered so much of her.” he sounded a bit shaken as he recalled the burn scars that trailed and twisted around much of Tav’s body.

“Well fire does tend to spread.” Astarion replied in the usual catty tone he used when speaking to Gale.

“Not like that, it doesn’t.” Wyll said, “Her scars looked almost designed, methodical even.”

“I don’t like what you’re implying.” Gale replied warily.

“Hellfire can be bent and shaped by those with the ability to wield it.”

Astarion let out a sharp laugh. Of course a fiend would be involved. What’s more monsters on top of a vampire lord, devils, and mindflayers? Astarion wondered if the woman was a warlock, or if she was of infernal blood herself. She looked completely harmless, truth be told. But looks could be deceiving, he knew that better than anyone else there. He contemplated the nature of Tav, her burns, and their meeting so long ago. He was trying to piece everything together.

It wasn’t long before Gale and Wyll finished bathing and left the river, leaving Astarion alone with his thoughts. He bathed himself quickly and headed back to camp himself.

When he arrived, he saw Tav examining a plush toy outside of Karlach’s tent. Karlach watched anxiously. Tav began to remove the stuffing from the detached arm of the toy bear, causing Karlach to gasp.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll put it all back in.” Tav reassured as she began to reattach the arm of the bear with a needle and thread.

Astarion rolled his eyes and went into his tent, pinning the flaps open so he could bask in the sun. He took a book from the pile of tomes he had pilfered on their short journey and opened it. It was some kind of encyclopedia of plants. He peered over the top of the page, watching Tav expertly fix Karlach’s toy, delighting the tiefling.

Gale approached Karlach and Tav and started talking, occasionally glancing at the cauldron over the fire, which was cooking the day’s breakfast. He seemed cordial enough towards Tav, but the elven woman didn’t seem to reciprocate with the same level of friendliness. She was on edge, muscles coiled tight and ready to spring forth should she need to fight or flee. She didn’t seem to trust the wizard, which amused Astarion. Gale seemed to be one of the more likable of the group, based upon their interactions with people they encountered during their travels.

It wasn’t long before breakfast was serverd. Astarion found himself wandering over to the group and taking a seat among them, between Shadowheart and Tav.

“Finally decided to join the living? I’m surprised.” Shadowheart snarked

“I can be sociable when it suits me.” Astarion said with a scoff.

Tav slowly inched away from Astarion, trying not to be obvious about it. When she was close to Lae’zel, she opted to start a conversation, to take her mind off of Astarion being so close.

“How are you?” Tav asked the gith nervously before taking a bit of her food, a lovely porridge with berries.

“I’m as good as I can be with a ghaik parasite wriggling inside my skull.” Lae’zel replied.

“I see.” Tav said, unsure of how to proceed any further with the conversation. It was clear Lae’zel was in no mood to talk.

“So, soldier, can you fight at all? Sling any spells or use a blade?” Karlach asked, her mouth partially full of food.

“Not really. I know a couple of spells, but they aren’t anything that would be useful in combat.” Tav said quietly

“What spells do you know? Where did you learn them?” Gale asked, clearly interested

“I can produce light, create a small flame, and make a little floating hand.”

“All useful spells! Would you be interested in learning more? I’d love to teach you!”

“Um, sure.” Tav agreed, not wanting to anger the man.

“Excellent! We can start your lessons today! I’d also like you to make a list of things you’ll need for your duties fixing things here at camp. We’ll be back at the Emerald Grove tomorrow and it’ll be a good time to get you everything you’ll need.”

“I think it would help me if I was shown everything you need fixed currently.That way I could get an idea of what I will need. I would also like to see if you have any extras of anything like armor or clothes to see if anything can be salvaged for parts.”

“That can certainly be arranged!”

Astarion scoffed and interrupted, “I don’t see why we are even keeping this woman here. She could be a danger to us! How do we know she isn’t working for the Absolute as a spy?”

“We went over this earlier, Astarion.” Gale said firmly, “I trust her. Everyone here seems to trust her other than you. She stays. If she is an enemy, haivng her here under our eye would be useful.”

Astarion glared at the wizard before standing and stalking off to his tent with a huff.

“He really is the most dramatic man I’ve ever met.” Shadowheart commented.

Gale sighed and shook his head.

“Um...” Tav spoke up, “What’s the Absolute?”

Everyone stopped eating and looked at each other and then at Tav.

“You don’t know?” Wyll asked.

“No. I’ve been literally living under a rock since that ship crashed. I heard some goblins talking about something called the Absolute, but I didn’t pay much mind to it. I was too busy taking their food.”

“Well we should get you informed, then. Best that you know what we are up against.” Gale said with a smile.

Chapter 3: Part of the Group

Astarion watched Karlach introduce Tav to Dammon. As with all men, Tav looked a bit scared to be around him. She stood as close to Karlach as she comfortably could. When Dammon extended his hand, Tav took it in hers apprehensively, shaking it quickly then letting it go as if it would burn her. She turned her attention to Dammon’s tools, pointing at a pair of tongs.

“Staring is rude, you know.” Shadowheart said as she took a seat on a crate by where Astarion stood, “You’ve had your eyes on her all day. It seems a bit sinister. You aren’t planning to harm her, are you?”

Astarion scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, “And risk the rest of you coming after me? Don’t make me laugh. I simply don’t trust her, is all.”

“I don’t think she could harm any of us, if that’s what you’re worried about. She’s weaker than Gale.” Shadowheart said, “Poor thing seems to have been living on the streets for ages, now.”

Astarion rolled his eyes.

“She had better be as useful as Gale thinks. She’s using up all of our gold.” he complained

“We can’t let her go unoutfitted, Astarion. She needs supplies and some kind of protection.”

Lae’zel approached Tav and held out a large sword. Tav took the sword from her and almost toppled from the weight. Karlach burst into laughter, while Lae’zel looked annoyed.

“Those two don’t seem to understand that someone of her size will need a weapon with finesse.” Astarion commented, “That’s the third weopon Lae’zel has brought her that she hasn’t been able to wield.”

“Why don’t you just go help them instead of standing over here brooding?” Shadowheart suggested

“I think they’ll get it figured out eventually.”

Lae’zel handed Tav a slightly smaller sword. Tav was able to hold it, but the end touched the ground. The elf tried to lift it, but could hardly get it more than a few centimeters from the dirt.

“Fine. But only because I don’t want to be here all day.”

Astarion approached the group.

“She’s much too weak for anything you have been suggesting.” Astarion said, gesturing to the pile of weapons Tav had tried to wield.

Tav moved behind Lae’zel as Astarion spoke, and flinched when he unsheathed his rapier with a flourish and presented it to Tav. Tav looked at it warily.

“Well go on, try it out!” Astarion snapped.

Tav flinched again and took the blade. She held it awkwardly, but it didn’t look cumbersome in the least.

“Now what?” Tav asked.

“Strike me.” Lae’zel commanded, stepping back and drawing her sword., “I will block the blow.”

Tav nodded and swung the rapier at Lae’zel. Her movements were clumsy, but there was obvious potential for vast improvement.

“Pathetic!” Lae’zel hissed.

“I know!” Tav agreed, cracking a smile.

“Have you ever even held a blade before?” Astarion mocked.

“No.” Tav said bluntly, “Unless a kitchen knife counts?”

Astarion laughed at Tav and snatched his rapier from her, shaking his head. Tav backed away quickly when Astarion grabbed his weapon, her eyes fearful.Wyll came rushing over to Tav, his arms full of armor. Tav moved away from Wyll, but found she had drawn nearer to Astarion. She saw Shadowheart sitting on crates and booked it towards her. She sat down on a crate beside the cleric, trying to act as if she didn’t just panic and flee.

“You’re going to have to get used to being around them. You’re part of the group now.” Shadowheart chided.

“It’s... hard... for me to be around men. I’ve had some bad experiences.” Tav said apprehensively

“That’s obvious. I can sit with you, if you’d like, while you get to know them.”

“What, who said anything about that?”

“I did. You’re going to sit down at dinner tonight and pick one of them to talk to.”

“Do I get a say in this...?”

“No, you don’t.” Shadowheart had a bit of attitude in her voice, but her smile showed she did not mean any ill will.

That evening, much to Tav’s reluctance, Shadowheart sat the elf down by the fire and elbowed her. Tav gave Shadowheart a panicked look.

“Go on.” Shadowheart encouraged.

Tav flexed her hands nervously and said, “Um, Wyll?”

Wyll looked up from his stew and smiled cordially, “What can I do for you, my friend?”

Tav looked at Shadowheart for help, and the cleric just shook her head.

“Um, so you’re The Blade of Frontiers... How did that come to be?” Tav asked nervously.

She looked back at Shadowheart who nodded in approval. Wyll’s eyes lit up and he began telling the story about how he became the famed folk hero. Tav began to relax over the course of the story, clearly invested in it. Wyll regaled Tav, and the rest of the camp aside from Astarion, with tale after tale of his adventures. The moon was high in the sky when Tav drifted to sleep, leaning against Shadowheart. She looked at peace for the first time since she had entered the camp.

Gale gathered a bedroll, pillow, and blanket and laid them by the fire. Shadowheart carefully laid Tav down on the bedroll and tucked her in.

“You’re treating her like a child.” Astarion scoffed as he walked by.

“She hasn’t slept in three days. I didn’t want to wake her and risk her not being able to sleep again.” Shadowheart snapped quietly

Astarion rolled his eyes and continued his walk into the woods.

Chapter 4: Finesse

Astarion, as usual, was pretending to read while watching Tav. She was training with Lae’zel, and doing terribly. The githyanki was all strength, when what Tav needed to learn was finesse. The elven woman was much too weak to rely on brute force alone. As much as he didn’t trust her, Astarion realized that the women of camp, even the formidable Lae’zel, had grown an attachment to Tav and wanted her to venture out with them more often.

With a frustrated sigh, Astarion set his book aside and ventured over to where Tav was attempting to learn how to fight.

“She’s never going to be able to adopt your style of fighting, Lae’zel. Look at how spindly she is. She needs to learn how to move quickly and effectively, relying on dexterity and knowledge of key anatomy in order to survive.” Astarion said haughtily.

Out of the corner of his eye, Astarion noticed Tav turn slightly towards him and grip her rapier more securely. She looked more confident, and Astarion wondered if that had anything to do with the pep-talk Karlach had given her that morning.

“If you would like to try to teach this whelp how to fight, so be it! She is hopeless!” Lae’zel barked before stomping off to her tent.

Astarion turned towards Tav and gave a little bow, grinning with all the charm he could muster.

“Well, darling, what say you? Would you like to learn from a master?” he cooed

“If I have no other choice.” Tav said softly, glaring at Astarion, “But don’t call me ‘darling’. I’m sure it’s what you called everyone you led back there.”

Astarion laughed, “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Now, show me how you think you should wield that weapon.”

Tav nodded and swung the weapon with all her might, her feet far apart.

“How cute.” Astarion giggled, “But that is a thrusting sword. Swinging it will just bend and break the thin blade.”

“Show me. Please.” Tav said, nodding at the rapier Astarion had belted to his hip.

“With pleasure, my dear.” Astarion said, drawing the weapon.

He showed Tav the proper movements for a basic thrust with the blade. Tav tried to copy him, but her movements were far too stiff.

“No no no. You’ve got it all wrong.” Astarion groaned.

He approached Tav and reached out to her, intent on physically correcting her stance.

Tav backed away, holding the rapier out.

“Oh please do stop being so damned dramatic. I’m in no position to lure you away, and even if I was, I wouldn’t.” Astarion said bluntly, putting a hand to his hip.

“Fine.” Tav said apprehensively.

Astarion stood behind Tav and adjusted her stance, nudging her feet into the proper position with his own. Tav shivered when Astarion’s cold hands touched her shoulders.

“Are you alright, dearest?” Astarion asked.

“You’re freezing.”

“I’m dead.” Astarion said nluntly as he manipulated Tav’s arms.

“You want to stand like this.” he said, gesturing to Tav as a whole.

“Okay. Now what?” Tav asked

“Now you practice getting into that position.”

Tav practiced getting into the proper position for some time, grimacing every time Astarion found even the slightest flaw. It took an hour before the vampire stopped Tav and told her they were going to move on.

Astarion positioned himself against Tav, his body flush against hers. He took her arms in his hands, intent on guiding her through the motions. Tav felt her face heat up, both out of embarassment and anger. She was livid that she was allowing herself to be touched by Astarion, but knew that she needed the guidance to learn.

“Are you always so tense?” Astarion asked, “I’ve seen corpses more limber than you.”

“Yes.” Tav replied simply, “Can we please get on with this? I really don’t want you touching me for longer than you need to.”

“Fine, fine. The Gods seem fit to prevent me from holding a beautiful woman in my arms yet again.” Astarion sighed dramatically

“Piss off with that shit.” Tav scolded harshly, “We both know that I am far from beautiful.”

Astarion frowned for a split second, wondering if Tav truly believed that about herself, before he regained focus on the lesson. He guided her through the motions slowly several times before stepping away from Tav, allowing her to try on her own.

“You’re still far too stiff. You’ll need to find some way to relax those tense muscles of yours if you want to be effective in combat.” Astarion said, “Keep practicing that moe and when I believe you’ve gotten it down, we can see how you do going at a fighting pace.”

Tav nodded and began practicing what Astarion had taught. The vampire watched her for a while, arms crossed over his chest, before he got a bored expression and walked away. Tav kept practicing. She spent hours going through the motions before her muscles screamed at her to stop. Gale was almost ready to serve dinner at that point, so Tav approached the fire where everyone had gathered and all but collapsed beside Shadowheart.

“Hey Shadowheart.” Tav said.

“Yes, Tav?” The cleric asked.

“Do you have a potion or anything that can help me physically relax? I’m too tense to fight well apparently.” Tav replied.

“I don’t have any potions for that, but I did learn therapeutic massage during my cleric training. We can do a bit of that if you’d like and see if it helps you.”

“I’d like that. I’d really hate to burden you by getting injured in battle.”

“I appreciate your consideration. I have my work cut out for me enough with everyone here being so eager to jump into the fray.”

“I resent that!” Astarion scoffed.

“As you should. I was talking about you after all. You really should just stay back with that bow of yours, you know.” Shadowheart retorted.

“And miss the wonderful feeling of plunging my blades into some helpless fool? I think not!”

Tav listened to Shadowheart and Astarion bicker while Gale served dinner.

“What is your favorite food, Gale?” Karlach nearly shouted, trying to diffuse the argument

“That is a very hard question to answer!” Gale exclaimed, “Waterdeep has so many types of cuisine! I find myself hard-pressed to think of one thing that is better than the rest!”

The wizard began to ramble on about the food that can be found in the City of Splendors. Tav listened, enraptured with Gale’s almost theatric ways of speaking. She didn’t notice Astarion slink off and head into the forest.

After dinner, Shadowheart gathered the lavendar and sage scented oil she had found on the road and headed to Tav’s tent.

“Tav?” The cleric called, “Can I come in?”

“Yes you can.” Tav replied.

Shadowheart entered the tent and found that it was completely empty other than the bare necessities. Tav was sitting cross-legged on the shabby bedroll, looking nervous.

“You don’t need to be nervous. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” Shadowheart reassured, “You can get undressed at your own pace.”

Tav started to undress and said, “I’m really self-conscious about my scars. I know they’re ghastly. I try to keep them covered so people don’t stare.”

Once Tav was down to her underwear, Shadowheart motioned for her to lie down on her bedroll. Tav obeyed.

“They are eye-catching, I will admit.” Shadowheart said as she poured a tiny amount of oil onto her hands, “But I don’t think they look awful.”

“You don’t have to lie to me to spare my feelings.” Tav said, tensing up when Shadowheart put her hands on Tav’s shoulders.

“I need you to try to relax a little, please.” Shadowheart commented.

Tav took a calming breath and was able to relax enough for Shadowheart to begin her work. She expertly rubbed the knots out of Tav’s shoulders, slowly working down her back.

“Do they hurt?” Shadowheart inquired as she ran her thumbs along Tav’s spine.

“No. I can’t really feel anything where I was burned, actually.” Tav replied, her voice muffled by the pillow she had her face pressed into.

“I see. ”

Shadowheart moved on to Tav’s legs, stretching them as she worked out the tightness.

“So how is your training going? Is Astarion treating you poorly?” Shadowheart asked

“It’s going okay? I guess? Astarion was a bit too hands-on for my liking today, but he seemed to be genuinely trying to help me learn. At least I think he was. My survival seems to benefit him somehow.” Tav replied.

“And what of your work with Gale?”

“Ugh. I cannot understand spells for the life of me. I’ve been casting the three I know for so long. I just mess around with my sewing kit and think about them every morning. My foster parents did the same thing, only ma used her leatherworking tools and pa used his clockwork kit. They’re the ones who taught me the spells to begin with.”

“Have you told Gale any of that?”

“No. Why would I need to?”

“Clerics and wizards and sorcerers all cast spells differently. What Gale is trying to teach you may not be sinking in because he is teaching you the wrong way.”

“Oh! That makes a lot of sense! I’ll have to let him know when we finish up here.”

“Well we’re almost done. I just have to do your arms. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt so relaxed, to be honest.”

“Good. With any luck, you’ll do much better with your training.”

“I sure hope so. I really don’t want to have to be Astarion’s student for long.”

“What is your problem with him? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I just don’t trust him. He’s lying to every one of us with those words and face of his. All charm, but dead eyes showing the rot hidden underneath. Don’t take anything he says at face value. Don’t let yourself be alone with him.” Tav’s tone was grim, her voice trembling, and her jaw clenched.

“You speak like you know him.” Shadowheart sounded a bit concerned

“I knew someone just like him once. It’s how I ended up like I am.” Tav said bitterly.

Astarion listened to the conversation unfolding from within his tent. He felt a pang of guilt and shame course through him. He was disgusted with himself.

“Rot underneath...” he muttered, sounding almost heartbroken.

Chapter 5: The Devil She Knows

Notes:

Pls let me know what y'all think so far! I'm kinda doubting my work on this fic and don't know if I should just abandon it.

The party was ambling down one of the paths at the Emerald Grove, Karlach and Wyll chatting away, when someone appeared in a puff of smoke with the smell of brimstone. The man was handsome, with a seductive smile. Tav felt panic rise within her. She remembered that smell, that smile. It was the last thing she saw as the flames engulfed her. She could barely discern his presence through the window that night as he watched her burn.

Tav stopped in her tracks, frozen on the spot. The man, Raphael, stopped his pitch for a deal and eyed Tav, his smile growing.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost. I know what will fix you up.” he said.

With a snap of his fingers, their surroundings changed. They were suddenly in a lavish dining room. A spread of delicacies were set out on beautifully crafted tables. A hearth blazed, coating the room in an inviting light.

“Go on! Eat! Enjoy yourselves!” Raphael enticed.

“We won’t be partaking in your meal, thank you.” Gale said defiantly, “Now tell us what you want.”

Karlach pouted and put down the sweet roll she had picked up.

“What I want isn’t important. What is important, is getting those worms out of your heads. I can provide that service.” Raphael said, doing his best to be persuasive. His voice was as smooth as silk.

“Who are you to be making such promises?” Gale asked.

Raphael laughed and transformed into a cambion, complete with red skin, horns, and wings.

“Oh.” Gale muttered, his eyes wide.

“So what about it?”

“We’ll think on it.” Gale said, neither agreeing or disagreeing.

Raphael frowned, “Such a tease. But before a send you back, let me say this? What is better than a devil you don’t know?” he paused, his grin growing, “A devil you do.”

Raphael made direct eye contact with Tav as he said, “I’ll see you later.”

He clapped his hands and the party was back where they had started, a path in the Emerald Grove. Tav staggered a bit before the contents of her stomach came back up rather violently. She dropped to her knees, shaking and pale.

Astarion made a disgusted noise before shouting, “You got it on my boots!”

Tav tried to apologize, but her throat felt tight. Her chest felt like it had the weight of the world on it, and her ears rang louder and louder. She barely registered Astarion berating her as she struggled to breathe. Someone was calling her name but she couldn’t tell who. Her vision started to go purple, then white, then... nothing.

She came to, but barely, feeling herself being carried by someone, being cradled carefully. The hands she felt on her were lithe but strong, and cool, just like the leather that her cheek rested against. She struggled to open her eyes, and when she did she couldn’t make out who she was looking at. The sun blinded her and her vision blurred before she faded into unconsciousness again.

***

“Ugh! They’re stained!” Tav heard Astarionyell as she woke.

Her head began to pound as she opened her eyes. She wasn’t in her tent, but Astarion’s. She was flat on her back on his bedroll, with her feet propped up high on a stack of cushions.

“You don’t even like those boots!” Shadowheart yelled in response.

“Yes, but they’re mine!” Astarion retorted angrily.

“Can’t you just have some compassion for once!?”

“Why should I?! She’s treated me like I’m going to kill her since she showed up!”

“I wonder why!? You watch her all day and night!”

“Enough!” Lae’zel screamed, effectively shutting down the argument, “Yelling at each other like children won’t do anything! What happened happened and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

Astarion huffed and Tav could hear his unmistakable stomps approaching. The vampire threw back the flap to his tent and scowled when he saw Tav was awake.

“You’re up. Good. Get out.” He said, lifting Tav to her feet and all but pushing her outside.

Shadowheart, Karlach, and Gale fussed over the elf for the remainder of the night, trying to figure out what exactly had happened. Tav lied, saying she occasionally had a weak constitution. She didn’t want them to know that she recognized Raphael. She didn’t know that it was fire from the Hells that burned her and her home. She didn’t want them to know that the flames had erupted from her own skin that night, and spread to her surroundings.

***

Tav snuck down to the river, doing her best not to make a sound. She had seen him appear at the edge of the water, long after everyone else had fallen asleep. Raphael. She needed answers. She needed to know why she lived, but was seen as dead to the world that knew her.

“Good evening.” Raphael said with a bow as Tav got closer.

“Why am I alive? By all accounts, I died in that fire. Yet I still breathe and walk and suffer a century later.” Tav barked, her voice full of malice.

“I was instructed to end your life, and that I did. Nobody ever specified whether or not they mean literally or metaphorically.” Raphael replied matter-of-factly.

“It would have been better if you had ended it literally.” Tav growled.

“But that isn’t any fun. I hadn’t expected you to team up with one of his spawn, but here we are. I can’t wait to hear how he squirms when he sees your face, scarred but lovely, show up on his doorstep.”

“What do you mean ‘his spawn’?”

“Astarion. He’s one of Cazador Szarr’s slaves, and quite an important one at that. I tell you what, let’s make a deal. I give you the power to survive and help Astarion kill his master and maybe even that fool Petras, too.”

“And what do you get?”

“I get to watch.”

Chapter 6: Truce

“Now how do I use this power you gave me?” Tav asked Raphael, hands on her hips.

“Most of it you’ll have to figure out on your own with time, but I can teach you how to conjure a powerful blast.” Raphael replied.

“Well I’m waiting. Teach.” Tav demanded, tapping her foot impatiently.

Raphael disappeared and reappeared behind Tav. He put his hands on her shoulders, his face next to her ear. She could feel his breath on her skin and smell the spiced cologne he wore, cloves and cedarwood.

“Imagine someone awful is before you. Petras, perhaps.Take all that rage, all that hatred and fear I know is burning within you and channel it. Let it all out in an instant, aiming right at Petras’ heart.” Raphael whispered, giving Tav’s shoulders an encouraging squeeze before taking a few steps back.

Tav closed her eyes and imagined Petras standing in front of her, where the river gently met the shore. She imagined his smile, his beautiful words and soft lips. She remembered his grasp on her. She remembered the flames. She remembered her own mother not recognizing her. She remembered reading of her death in the newspaper. She remembered a century of homelessness, sleepless nights and scarce food. She remembers being terrified that Petras would return to end her for good. Death frightened her, enough so that she endured the hardships she had for so long.

Tav opened her eyes and let out a blistering scream, stretching her hand towards the river, channeling all of her emotions into a single point as Raphael had instructed. A crimson bolt of energy leapt from her palm and hurtled through the empty space, letting out an awful, otherworldly crackling noise that echoed around camp.

“Very good!” Raphael praised, “That scream made it all the more powerful to watch. Keep it up and nothing will stand in your way. Just remember our deal.”

Tav heard the footsteps of multiple people quickly approaching. She turned around just as every member of the party rushed into view, looking panicked. All that was left of Raphael was slowly disappating smoke, the smell of brimstone, and a neatly folded piece of parchment where he had stood.

“What the Hells was that? What happened?” Gale demanded.

“It was nothing. Just me, uhm, venting my frustration.” Tav lied.

“I know a spell when I hear one, Tav.” Gale said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“And I know the smell of Avernus. Was there a devil here bothering you? Was it Mizora?” Karlach said, looking worried.

Tav ran a hand through her hair.

“No. Just me.” she said, breaking into a nervous laugh, “And the food I tried cooking myself. Burnt it so bad that I tossed it in the river to get rid of the stink. Burnt my hand a little, too.”

“You have burn scars on your hands.” Shadowheart said, “You told me you can’t feel anything where the scars are.”

The cleric was glaring at Tav, clearly not believing a word she said.

Tav saw Astarion moving in swiftly, eyes on the parchment. Tav made a dash for it, but Astarion got to it first. Tav got a panicked expression when Astarion unfolded the document and read it silently. His brows raised and he let out an amused chuckle.

“Who would have thought you’d do something like this after being such a mess earlier today.” the vampire drawled.

“Give that back!” Tav demanded.

“Sure, sure. It’s your contract, after all, sweetness.” Astarion replied cordially, a devious look in his eyes as he handed Tav the parchment, her contract with Raphael.

“You don’t know anything.” Tav said defensively, “I had to.”

“Vengeance is a tempting mistress.” Astarion grinned before turning on his heel and starting back towards the main part of camp.

“Soldier, what did he mean by contract?” Karlach asked, her concern obviously growing.

“I, uh, made a deal with Raphael.” Tav said reluctantly

“Tav, deals with devils are nothing to play around with!” Karlach scolded.

“Why didn’t you come to us for help, Tav?” Shadowheart asked.

“My reasons are my own.” Tav said, her jaw clenching

“What does he get from you?” Wyll asked.

“That’s none of your business!” Tav snapped.before immediately apologizing for her outburst.

“I pray that you haven’t given away too much.” Shadowheart sighed, her brow furrowed.

“It is my burden to bear. A burden I chose willingly. I won’t betray you all or use my newfound power against you, I swear it. I need to reach the city, and I cannot do it alone.”

“Do you just see us as a means to an end? As just help getting to your destination?” Karlach asked, looking genuinely hurt.

Tav’s lips pressed together in a tight line..

“I don’t know.” she admitted.

She was still so unsure of friendships, of getting close to people. She trusted her newfound companions not to cause her harm, but would she be dead to them once the tadpoles were free, just like Astarion’s vampiric weaknesses might return? Would she be doomed to roam Toril alone? The prospect of getting her heart broken by losing everyone again was not one she liked to think about. If she distanced herself, if she stopped building a rapport, she could save herself so much trouble. She berated herself for getting as close as she already had with the group. She was so starved for connection that she lost sight of her survival.

Without another word, Tav started back toward camp, her contract clutched to her chest.

 

***

 

Tav felt an insistent prodding at her mind as she lay wide awake in her tent, a prodding she knew was Astarion. She allowed him entrance, knowing that he had questions about what he read in the contract.

“So your revenge is wrapped up in mine?” Astarion asked through the tadpole connection.

“It seems so.” Tav responded.

“You would really risk your soul to kill Petras?”

“And Cazador, the man truly behind it all.”

“What if we can’t win?”

“Then whatever happens to me, happens. I don’t think anything could be worse than what I’ve gone through.”

“You say that, but have you truly known Hell?! What it is like to be tortured day in and day out?! To be gripped by an endless hunger?!” Astarion’s tone was sharp and angry.

“Hell on this plane is subjective.” Tav hissed, “I have known darkness and isolation. I have seen the face of my mother look at me without recognition. I saw myself erased from existence in an instant. I have felt hellfire erupt from my very being, forever marking me and leaving nearly half of my body without feeling. I have known hunger. I have known the bitter cold of winter without shelter. I have known what it is to be betrayed by someone you thought you could have loved. I have known what it is like to be dead to the world. So yes, I know Hell.”

Astarion was silent for a moment before responding, his tone softer, “I’m sorry. It seems we both have been through a lot. From the same source.”

“We have.”

“I propose a truce, then. At least until we end those who have put us through Hell.”

“Truce. For now.” Tav agreed before adding, “This doesn’t make us friends, either. I have aready made the mistake of getting to know the others. I won’t make it again.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. Good night, my dear. Rest well!”

Astarion severed the connection between them. Tav pressed her pillow to her face and let out a frustrated yell, the sound muffled by the pillow.

Chapter 7: Getting Close

Notes:

This chapter is purely a bit of self-indulgent spice. Please let me know how it is! I am new to writing spicy stuff

Astarion loomed over Tav with a satisfied smirk on his face. Tav was flat on her back, Astarion’s boot planted on her chest, keeping her in place. His rapier was just barely tocuhing her neck, over her jugular. Tav’s chest heaved, and she seemed completely out of breath. Her eyes were the size of dinner plates. Astarion’s gaze roamed over her. Her loose, purple tunic was in disarray, revealing her midriff and one of her shoulders. Her neck was on perfect display. She had filled out considerably in the weeks she had been with the group, with Gale’s hearty cooking to thank. No longer was she thin and spindly. She had begun to develop curves that were quite pleasing to the eye. Her breeches hugged her hips and legs in all the right places.

“Do you concede?” Astarion asked, meeting the elf’s gaze after taking in every inch of her, his eyes lingering on her neck.

Tav grinned and whispered something quickly, and so quietly even Astarion couldn’t hear. She was enveloped in a shroud of silver mist in an instant and disappeared from under Astarion’s foot. The vampire lost his balance without Tav underfoot. Before he could regain balance, he felt someone tackle him to the ground. He landed on his back with a thud and a grunt. Tav landed on top of him, straddling his hips and holding a finely made wooden stake above his heart. It had the word “Petras” carved into the side. Tav didn’t notice the dagger Astarion pulled at the last moment.

“I think I have the upper hand here.” Tav said, her grin just as satisfied as Astarion’s had been moments before.

“Do you?” Astarion purred, pressing the flat of his blade against Tav’s ribs.

“Hey! Tav!” Karlach yelled from across camp, “Are you two gonna fuck or do you want some lunch!?”

Tav’s face turned beet red and she quickly removed herself from Astarion, putting the stake in the holster on her belt. She brushed herself off as best as she could before grabbing her rapier, having dropped it when Astarion had knocked her into the dirt. She sheathed the blade and practically ran to where lunch was being served, sitting between Shadowheart and Karlach.

Astarion laid where he had fallen, stunned by how easily Tav had turned the tides of combat. She couldn’t have been better than him with so little training. He wondered if he was weakening because he hadn’t had a satisfying meal since he had found that boar in the beginning of the journey. His thoughts went from his hunger, to the sight of Tav beneath him. Chest heaving, skin glistening with sweat, her neck bared.

He ran his hands over his face, trying to banish the images from his mind. He stood and retreated to his tent. He needed to clear his head, and being able to see Tav would hinder that immensely.

As he got settled in his tent, intending to actually read for once, he heard Karlach say, “I don’t know, Tav, Fangs is probably a fantastic fuck. What I’d give to go for a ride.”

Astarion heard someone begin to choke. After a moment Tav spoke up.

“I think you’re misunderstanding, Karlach.” Tav started, “He and I are allies by necessity only. I don’t have an interest in anything more and he probably feels the same. I mean, c’mon, look at me. Not exactly the Belle of the Ball.” Her tone had become less embarassed and more ashamed.

“For what it’s worth, Tav, I’d fuck you if I could.” Karlach said, causing Tav to burst into laughter.

“Karlach, you’d fuck anyone at this point.” Tav replied through her laughter.

“You’re right about that, mate. But for real, though, you need to stop being so hard on yourself.”

“You’re starting to sound more and more like God’s favorite princess over here.” Tav gestured to Shadowheart with her thumb.

“What?” Shadowheart asked, bewildered.

“Huh?” Tav replied, smoothly.

Karlach started to giggle at Tav’s teasing.

‘So much for not getting close to them.’ Astarion thought, sending it to Tav through the tadpole connection.

‘Fuck off.’ Tav replied before envisioning an image of herself proudly showing off her middle fingers.

 

***

 

Late that night, after Astarion had thought everyone else was asleep, he heard Tav whisper from just outside his tent, “Hey, you up?

“I am, did you need something?” Astarion closed the book he had finally started to read and set it aside.

“Yeah. Can I come in?”

“Of course. I do love it when a gorgeous woman joins me in my quarters.” Astarion flirted.

“You know what, never mind.” Tav replied, sounding irritated.

“I was joking.” Astarion said with a laugh, “No need to get yourself in a tizzy.”

Tav huffed and entered the tent, looking annoyed. She was in her bedclothes, which consisted of a cropped tunic and pants that stopped at her mid thigh. Astarion couldn’t help but look at her scars, following the twisting patterns trailing up her legs, around her waist and disappearing into her shirt before reappearing from beneath her collar and extending to her neck before finally ending on her right cheek. The burns looked artistic, like they’d been done deliberately and with careful consideration.

“I’ll go cover up. Hold on.” Tav said, frowning. She turned and started to leave, but Astarion bolted up from where he was lounging.

He went to grab her wrist to stop her, but remembered how Petras had tried to stop her in the same way a century before. He gently grasped her elbow instead, letting it go when she stopped and faced him again.

“It’s fine, dear. Really. They don’t bother me a bit.” He said truthfully, his features soft.

“Like I’ve told Karlach and Shadowheart, you don’t have to lie. I’m a big girl and can handle knowing that I am unsightly...” Tav replied, trying to mask just how ashamed she was of her looks.

Astarion frowned, unsure of how to proceed without upsetting Tav further. He decided to just change the subject entirely.

“You said you needed something?” he asked.

“I just wanted to apologize for pulling a stake on you while we were sparring today. I realized later that it was an incredibly rude thing for me to do to an ally like yourself.” Tav apologized, her eyes on Astarion’s face again.

Astarion chuckled, “It’ll take more than that to offend me, love. You were brilliant.”

“You think so?” Tav looked confused by Astarion’s compliment.

“I do. But only because I haven’t been at my best.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s the hunger, dear. I haven’t had a satisfying meal in ages and it has me... weak.”

“Are you okay to take on the goblin camp tomorrow?” Tav sounded genuinely concerned.

“I would be more than okay if I could get something that would really quench this thirst.” Astarion’s eyes flitted to Tav’s exposed neck.

“Ah there it is.” Tav said, sounding unamused.

“There’s what?” Astarion frowned.

“The attempt at gaining something after paying someone a compliment. Always trying to get something for yourself out of every interaction.”

Tav put a hand on her hip, clearly scrutinizing the man before her. After a long, awkward moment, she spoke.

“You should have just asked me for help before you got to this state.” She said plainly, “I need you alive if I am going to fulfill my contract. That means you need to get through this godsdamned goblin camp with your head still attached. By the sounds of it, you could very well keel over from a strong breeze.”

“Are you... offering your blood?”

“You really are dumb as rocks sometimes.” Tav deadpanned, “Yes. I’ll be your dinner so you don’t get chopped to bits and put in goblin stew tomorrow.”

Astarion’s face lit up.

“Well make yourself comfortable.” he said, gesturing to the nest of cushions and blankets he had been lounging in.

Tav sat down and looked at Astarion expectantly.

“I don’t have all night, you know.” She said impatiently.

Astarion nodded and knelt on his knees behind her, looking at her neck with hungry eyes.

“It’ll hurt, you know.” He whispered.

“It won’t. I feel absolutely no sensation where my scars are, so have at it. I’ll stop you if you start taking too much..” Tav retorted.

“I wouldn’t kill my closest ally. We’re stuck together, after all. You made damn sure of that.” Astarion said, his lips brushing against the scars on Tav’s neck.

“Just have your dinner before I change my mind.” Tav scolded.

“You’re no fun.” Astarion pouted, “Fine, have it your way.”

He traced along Tav’s neck with his lips, looking for the perfect place to bite. Tav didn’t react to his touch in the slightest, which was a little disconcerting. Everyone he had ever touched like that before had melted into a puddle of lust. He pushed the thought out of his mind and sank his fangs into the flesh before him.

Tav held perfectly still as Astarion fed, trying to ignore the pleased noises he was letting out. But then it hit her all at once, a cool numbness throughout her body aside from a sudden lustful fire within. She became acutely aware of Astarion’s hands on her waist. She didn’t make moves to stop him as his hands began to roam, groping whatever flesh he could. She shuddered when his fingers trailed over the unscarred parts of her stomach before firmly grasping her hip. She leaned against him, her thoughts muddled from the unexpected ecstasy. Astarion, without unlatching himself from Tav’s neck, pulled her flush against himself, his hand on her hip gripping her tighter, and the other slipping under her shirt to caress her breasts.

“We really should stop before we do something we’ll regret.” Tav suggested before gasping when Astarion’s hand wandered from her hip to her thigh, digging his fingers into the supple flesh.

She reached back and tangled her fingers in his hair as the vampire continued to touch her in ways she hadn’t been touched in a very long time. She hadn’t realized how touch-starved she was until Astarion’s hands were on her. She had sworn to herself for nearly a century that she couldn’t let anyone close in any sense of the word. But now she wanted nothing more than to be close to Astarion, to feel his touch and to touch him in return. Her whole being blazed with desire. She didn’t want him to stop, even as she began to feel hazy and frigid.

Astarion fell back into a seated position, bringing Tav with him. Tav could feel his arousal, and that only intensified her own. She pressed her hips against his, causing him to groan against her neck. She repeated the action, letting out a quiet, needy moan. Her vision began to dim. She let out a whimper as Astarion gripped her ass and held her hips against his, slowly grinding against her. Tav’s breaths were quick and shallow and she didn’t even try to hold back the wanton noises that slipped from her lips. She dragged her nails along the back of Astarion’s neck.

“Oh, Astarion.” She whispered breathlessly, clinging to him, needing to feel more of him. She felt like she was choking on her own lust and her vision flickered.

“Oh no.” she muttered, when her instinct to survive finally usurped her carnal needs. She was fading fast and didn’t have the strength to stop Astarion’s feeding.

The last thing she uttered before she fell into oblivion was, “Fuck.”

Her whole body went limp in Astarion’s arms. Astarion broke out of his frenzy in alarm when Tav stopped moving and the flow of her blood slowed considerably. Panicked, he laid her on his bedroll. He couldn’t hear her heartbeat anymore. He pressed his ear to her chest and was able to make out faint beats that were much too far apart. Tav was paler than he was, and had almost a gray tone to her skin. Breath hardly left her.

“Shit! Shit shit shit!” Astarion shouted, pulling at his hair.

He screamed for Shadowheart as he began pacing his tent, his eyes never leaving Tav. Shadowheart came bounding into the tent, her hair loose and messy.

“What’s the -” She started, concerned, as she burst in. Her tone changed drastically when she saw Tav lying seemingly lifeless with bloody puncture wounds in her neck.

“What did you do!?” She bellowed, rushing to Tav and kneeling beside her. She checked for signs of life before she started casting spell after spell.

Gale entered the tent next, clad in an extravagant purple bathrobe, and gasped in horror.

“Did you kill her!?” he shouted

“No! I didn’t mean to harm her! She offered and said she’d stop me when she couldn’t handle any more!” Astarion stammered.

Astarion saw the light from Karlach’s fire raging through the fabric walls of his tent and knew the tielfing was hearing everything.

“I will cut him down where he stands! Out of my way!” Lae’zel ordered from behind Gale, her sword in hand.

“Stop it, all of you!” Wyll yelled, shoving his way into the tent to stand between Astarion and those who would harm him, “Raphael wouldn’t let someone with an unfulfilled contract die before they fulfilled their end of the bargain. If he was genuinely fearful of her passing, he would have intefered by now.”

“That doesn’t justify this!” Shadowheart replied, checking Tav’s pulse again.

“It was a mistake!” Astarion said, “I truly didn’t mean to cause this! I’m sorry!”

“Tell that to her when she wakes up.” Shadowheart growled, “She’s stable, but weak. It is going to take time for her to recuperate.”

“If you want to atone, you’d better start now, Astarion.” Gale said angrily.

“I already said I’m sorry! I don’t know what more you want!” Astarion cried.

“You’ll be taking care of her until she has recovered. Follow Shadowheart’s instructions to the letter. I will incinerate you, slowly, if you even think of taking another drop of her blood. Have I made myself clear?” Gale was suddenly more intimidating than he’d ever been.

“I understand.” Astarion muttered.

For the first time since meeting the group, he seemed truly remorseful.

Chapter 8: Recuperation

Astarion waved to everyone as they left camp, destined to take on the goblin camp and rescue the druid Halsin. When they were out of sight, he sighed, and went back into his tent. Tav still laid on his bedroll, only now she had pillows under her head and a blanket covering her. Astarion sat down cross-legged beside her, picking up the book he doubted he’d ever finish. He opened the book, but before he could even attempt to read, his eyes were drawn to Tav.

Had she always had such pretty lips? Had her lashes always been so long? The longer he looked at her face, the more he began to feel strange. Almost like he was going to be sick, but not quite the same. He reached out and gingerly touched her cheek. Her skin was softer than he had remembered it being in their sparring matches, her features more delicate. The color had begun to return to her, and it was a relief to the vampire. He wasn’t sure why. She was just a means to an end. A tool that walked and talked. And smiled. And laughed. And gave him quite the run for his money.

Frustrated with his confusing new feelings, he turned his back to Tav and managed to actually focus on his book. He was nearly finished with the second chapter when he heard Tav shifting behind him. He turned and saw Tav pulling the blanket tighter around hersel, grimacing. She hadn’t opened her eyes yet.

“Are you cold?” Astarion asked.

“A bit, yeah.” Tav mumbled.

Astarion fetched another blanket from the pile he had stashed in the corner of his tent and covered Tav with it, tucking her in.

“Thanks.” Tav smiled slightly.

“You really should drink some water now that you’re awake.” Astarion said, “Shadowheart said that you need far more than normal.”

“Can I rest a little more first?” Tav asked, finally opening her eyes. She squinted as she adjusted to the sunlight streming in through the opened tent flaps.

“I’m afraid I must insist that you have at least a sip, dear. Then you can nap.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my undead heart.”

“Fine.”

Tav tried to push herself into a sitting position, but struggled. Astarion put one arm behind Tav’s shoulders and the other on her arm, helping her sit up. He then meticulously rearranged every cushion he had to create a comfortable back and head rest for her. When he was satisfied, he retrieved another blanket and draped it over Tav’s shoulders.

“Comfortable?” he asked

Tav smiled and nodded. Astarion smiled as well, one of the soft, genuine smiles that were rarely seen. Tav blushed and looked away briefly to get control of herself, hoping Astarion didn’t notice her cheeks redden. She tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, reminding herself that Astarion was nothing more than a weapon for her revenge. He was an asset and nothing more.

Astarion turned around and took an extravagant silver pitcher in his hand. He poured water into a matching goblet and presented it to Tav. Tav took the goblet, examining the fine encrusted jewels and delicate gold inlay.

“This is a bit fancy for water.” She joked.

“Only the best for you and I.” Astarion said with a wink, taking a seat in his armchair now that Tav was awake.

Tav took a sip of water, then almost immediately downed the rest of the goblet like she had just spent a month in a desert. Some of the water spilled from the cup onto her chin, where it slowly started to trickle down her neck. Astarion watched the water on her skin, remembering the exquisite taste of her blood.

“Can I have the pitcher?” Tav asked, setting the goblet down.

“Of course.” Astarion replied, handing her the pitcher. Tav held it in both hands and began to drink directly from it.

“Careful, dear. You’ll get sick if you drink too much.” Astarion said, as he moved to Tav and knelt down before her, gently prying the pitcher from her hands. His fingers lingered over hers for a few seconds and the feeling he couldn’t shake intensified.

“I’m sorry.” Tav said softly.

“If anyone needs to apologize, it’s me. I nearly killed you.” Astarion frowned. His mask was beginning to slip and he was having a difficult time focusing on correcting it.

“I didn’t stop you, though.” Tav stared at her hands, a blush spreading across her face. She looked almost ashamed.

“That’s no excuse. I should have more control over myself than that.”

“So should I, but here we are.” Tav said, leaning back against the cushions, closing her eyes in an attempt to curb her embarassment.

Astarion started to leave when he thought Tav had fallen asleep.

Without opening her eyes, she mumbled, “Stay with me?”

“Of course.” Astarion replied, taking a seat in his armchair again.

 

***
It took almost two days for the others to return from the goblin camp. They looked haggard and were covered in grime and blood. They were much worse for wear. Astarion was sitting by the fire, Tav beside him. Their sides were pressed together, a tome open with one cover on Astarion’s leg and the other on Tav’s. Tav was pointing to something on the page with an animated expression, talking about whatever it was that had captured her interest. Astarion’s attention, however, was on the woman beside him. His expression was unguarded, relaxed. The others hadn’t seen his face look like that before.

Karlach elbowed Shadowheart and said with a grin, “And you were afraid she’d try to tear him to shreds.”

Shadowheart rolled her eyes. At the sound of Karlach’s laughter, Tav looked up and beamed at the others.

“You’re back!” she exclaimed

Her expression soured when she saw how damaged their belongings were, “And you’ve destroyed all your shit.”

“You are definitely going to have your work cut out for you, my friend.” Gale said with a laugh.

“I see that. Just start piling everything up here by the fire while I get my tools.” Tav said, standing and stretching.

She went off to her tent to get her tools, Astarion following.

“Do you need any help carrying things?” he asked.

“That would be really helpful, actually. I think we’ll need Karlach for the anvil, though.” Tav said, chewing her lip as she looked through the many toolkits and supplies she had accumulated.

“Fuck it, we’re taking it all.” she decided, and started gathering everything, handing some of it to Astarion.

Soon she was hard at work, fixing the damaged equipment. Astarion sat nearby, watching her curiously and asking questions about what she was doing. Tav eagerly replied, rambling about this and that, a happy smile on her face.

Chapter 9: Party

Tav held out the shirt that Karlach had given her. It was a tiny thing, essentially a bodice but made of softer fabric.

“You need to have fun tonight!” the tiefling had told her with a wink and a grin.

Tav sighed and put on the garment, very aware of how revealing it was. It barely covered her breasts, while also firmly holding them in a position that showed them off. She frowned and ran her hands over her scars.

“I’ll just get too drunk to care about them.” She whispered to herself, hoping that copious amounts of alcohol would make her disgust with her own body fade away at least for a little while.

She donned the shirt and left her tent, heading straight for where Karlach and Shadowheart were standing, talking to Dammon. The music was lively and the alcohol was flowing. The children played, and the adults made merry. The moon was high in the sky and the bonfire in the middle of camp blazed.

“You look great!” Karlach said with a smile.

“Thank you.” Tav said, forcing a smile.

She said hello to Dammon, desperate to change the subject. Dammon smiled wide and said hello, taking a step closer to Tav.

“How are those tools working for you?” he asked, his eyes flitting to Tav’s chest for a split second.

“Oh they’re great! I was using them this morning, in fact. One of Lae’zel’s bracers got dented to the Hells and back. Nothing a little heat and a hammer couldn’t fix, though.” Tav replied, beaming. She adored her work, and it showed when she got to speak about it.

“That’s great to hear! Have you made anything new?” Dammon took another step closer.

“Unfortunately not, I’m afraid, but I have had an idea for a contraption in my head.”

“Oh?”

“It’s a sort of automatic hammer designed to make the arduous process of flattening metal easier on the arms.”

“That sounds incredible! I’d love to hear more!”

Tav’s face lit up.

“Follow me! I’ll tell you all about it!” She said.

Dammon smiled and the two went off to a different part of camp, leaving Shadowheart and Karlach alone, grinning.

***

Tav knelt on the ground, Dammon beside her, close enough that they were nearly touching. Before them were several pieces of parchment, spread out to show a detailed schematic of Tav’s contraption.

She pointed to part of the schematic and said, “I’m not sure how much counterweight will be needed to imitate the strength of my swings. Of course, there will need to be multiple weights to swap out depending on what needs to be hammered. Tin is much softer than infernal iron, after all. I was thinking of having the counterweights be arranged in a way where no lifting of them is required. The end of the pully could just come off and be attached to whatever weight you need.”

“That’s all brilliant.” Dammon said, resting a hand on Tav’s shoulder, “But I’m dying to know what your ingenious mind came up with to make this thing swing on it’s own.”

“That’s the most interesting part!” Tav exclaimed, “Steam!”

“Steam?” Dammon looked a little confused.

“My parents, well the couple who adopted me, were artificers in the city. They were fascinated with the potential of steam-powered contraptions. It has enough energy to do what a roaring flame can if the water is heated enough.” Tav explained.

“That’s incredible! I truly look forward to seeing this project come to life! I’d be more than willing to help with it when you begin its construction. If you’ll have me, that is.” Dammon said.

“Oh, I’ll need all the help I can get! I don’t have any contacts in the city at this point, so I was prepared to do it all myself.”

“We can’t have someone like yourself doing all the labor alone. It’d be a crime to allow it.”

Tav thanked Dammon for his offer before turning her attention to the schematic again. She was just about to start explaining part of it when Silfy and Mattis ran over.

“Silfy wanted to know if she could ride on your shoulders again.” Mattis said, obviously faking annoyance.

Silfy looked at Dammon with hopeful eyes.

“Please?” the little girl said shyly.

“I can’t say no to you two.” Dammon sighed with a smile, “It was so nice of you to show me all of this. It was illuminating. I look forward to seeing more of it. Perhaps later tonight once things have calmed down?”

“That sounds great! I’ll make sure to put the schematics somewhere safe until then.” Tav said excitedly.

Dammon grinned, “I’ll see you later then.” before picking up both tiefling children, one under each arm, and running off through camp. Mattis squirmed and Silfy laughed.

Tav collected her schematics and took them to her tent, placing them safely in the chest she stored her more expensive tools in. When she turned to leave, she noticed a bottle of liquor on her bedroll, unopened. Tav picked it up and looked at the label. It was expensive, and very potent. A note was attached to the bottom of the bottle.

“Have fun, Soldier!” it read. Tav smiled and left her tent with the bottle. She tried to uncork it with her stake, but struggled.

“Do you need some help with that bottle?” Astarion asked through the tadpole connection.

Tav didn’t answer, instead just walking over to where Astarion was sitting, a bottle of wine in his hand.

“I’d love some help.” Tav said, holding out the bottle.

“And I’d love to provide assistance.” Astarion replied, taking the bottle.

“Can I join you?” Tav asked.

“Of course. I always welcome company such as yours.”

“And what kind of company is that?”

“The fascinating kind.” Astarion said, uncorking the bottle of liquor with ease and handing it to Tav.

Tav took a swig, grimacing at the taste.
“This is absolute shite. Why on earth do people rave about it?” She said, disgusted.

“Probably because it gets them thoroughly intoxicated better than other liquors of that type.” Astarion said, smirking at the face Tav was making.

“Maybe it’ll get better over time. An aquired taste.”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

***

Astarion lounged in the nest of pillows and blankets he and Tav had made in the little secluded ruin in camp. The strange glowing mirror provided an etheral light to the area. Tav sat by Astarion, drunk, and rambling about her contraption.

“Dammon even said he’d help me with it!” she said, “It’ll be nice to have the help.”

“You are aware he was trying to woo you, right?” Astarion said, taking a drink of his wine.

“He was just interested in my work!” Tav said

“Is that what the kids are calling them?” Astarion said, his eyes flicking to Tav’s chest.

“He could have any woman here.” Tav said, “I cannot believe that he’d want me. Nobody wants me, and it’s understandable. I wouldn’t either.”

She took a long drink from the bottle of liquor, hoping more alcohol would numb her to the sting of her self-hatred. She closed one eye and peered inside the bottle, seeing how much was left. It wasn’t much, so she finished it off and tossed the bottle aside. A lively song started, the tune drifting through camp. Astarion, without thinking, Stood and offered Tav his hand.

“Could I have this dance?” He asked with a smile, one of the real ones he so seldom used.

Tav took his hand and he pulled her to her feet with ease, making her giggle. Astarion couldn’t tell that she blushed when he put a hand on her waist, the alcohol had already reddened her cheeks. Astarion was surprised at how well she stayed in step, as he led her through a basic dance. She stumbled quite a bit, of course, she was drunk after all. But she knew how it was supposed to go. Every misstep, every toe accidentally stepped on made her laugh, and Astarion found himself laughing with her.

Eventually, though, the music slowed and so did their dance. They had drawn closer together, and the pounding of Tav’s heart was beginning to get to the vampire.He caught himself staring at her neck on more than one occasion, before quickly returning his eyes to her face.

 

“Are you hungry?” Tav asked.

“Always.” Astarion replied, looking away. He still felt awful about how he had almost drained her dry. She had given him a gift and he got far too greedy.

“You made a mistake the first time, but I am confident that both of us won’t let it go as far as it did.” Tav said, putting her hand on Astarion’s cheek and turning his head so he could look at her.

The light from the mirror illuminated her, and Astarion couldn’t remember ever seeing a sight so beautiful to him. Even the sunrise couldn’t compare.

“Very well.” He said softly before he leaned in, nuzzling Tav’s neck, trying to find the best place to bite.

As before, Tav didn’t react. She stayed still while Astarion began to feed, but eventually rested her hands on his chest. She was enjoying the moment. It felt intimate. It felt right. She felt the same intense desire that she had before. She didn’t act on it, but oh how she wanted to. She couldn’t help but think of how he touched her that night, how his hands felt on her skin. Much sooner than she had wanted him to, Astarion withdrew from her neck. He looked at her, his eyes meeting hers. His pupils were blown, concealing his irises almost entirely. His gaze dropped to Tav’s lips and slowly roamed over her, taking in her breasts and bared stomach. When his eyes met hers again, he saw a blaze in them.

The alcohol in Tav’s blood was hitting Astarion incredibly fast, clouding his mind to everything but his lust. He and Tav held each other’s gaze for what felt like ages, both intoxicated, both desperately wanting to make a decision they knew they’d regret. Then they both acted at once, pressing their lips together in a fiery kiss.

Chapter 10: Rendevous

Summary:

Here's the first bit of smut. I feel like It's really bad lmao. Lmk if you have any suggestions so I can improve the next smut chapter lol

Tav reluctantly pulled out of the heated kiss she shared with Astarion.

“You're drunk.” She whispered, her lips almost touching his.

“So are you.” Astarion replied, his hands finding their way to Tav’s ass and giving an enticing squeeze, “And my drunkenness is entirely your fault, you know. The amount of alcohol in your blood is outrageous.”

“And whose fault is that?” Tav asked.

“Karlach's. She gave you the liquor.” Astarion drawled as he planted kisses on Tav’s jaw and neck.

Tav sighed, leaning into Astarion’s touch.

“I think we'll regret this in the morning.” She said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“That sounds like a problem for future us.” Astarion replied, pulling Tav against him.

Tav let her hands wander to Astarion's ears. She ran her fingers along the shell of them, giving the tips a squeeze. Astarion shuddered and buried his face into Tav’s shoulder. Tav smirked and repeated the actions again and again, clearly succeeding in driving the man crazy. He quickly backed her against the nearby wall, pinning her wrists above her head before kissing her again. He pressed himself against her, making sure she could feel his arousal. Tav moaned quietly into his mouth, and Astarion took the opportunity to explore her mouth with his tongue.

She broke away from the kiss long enough to whimper, “I want to touch you. Please.”

Astarion released Tav’s hands and immediately removed his shirt before he bagan to unlace hers. Tav’s hands explored the expanse of Astarion’s chest, leaving no spot untouched. When the vampire had her shirt unlaced, she shrugged it off and let it fall to the ground.

“Breathtaking.” He complimented, his mask removed entirely, before moving close again and trailing kisses from her jaw, down her neck and chest before his lips landed on her unscarred nipple.

He took her in his mouth, suckling as he ran his fingers over her unmarred skin. Tav moaned and arched her back against the wall, only encouraging Astarion. The vampire nibbled on her breast before sinking his fangs in. Tav let out a pleased cry and gripped Astarion's shoulder witth one hand and covered her mouth with the other.

Astarion withdrew his fangs and purred, “Afraid someone will hear us?”

“There are kids in camp.” Tav whispered.

“They should all be asleep by now.” Astarion said between kisses on Tav's sternum, “Let me hear the delicious sounds you can make. Please.”

He latched onto her other breast as his hands slid slowly down her sides. Tav bit her lip, whining. Astarion’s hands came to rest on the waistband of her pants. He hooked his thumbs in the belt loops before pulling away from her breast. He looked at her, his eyes searching for consent.

“Please.” Tav whimpered.

Astarion grinned and lowered himself to his knees, pulling Tav’s pants along with him. Tav stepped out of the pants and Astarion flung them away without a care. He placed hot, open-mouthed kisses on her hipbone, caressing her thigh, his hands wandering close to her heat. He trailed his kisses down her hip and to her inner thigh. His hands gripped her hips again, gripping the waistband of her underwear, as his mouth moved ever higher.

“Yes.” Tav moaned, giving Astarion the consent he wanted.

The vampire wasted no time and tore the garment from Tav's body, ruining it. Tav gripped Astarion's hair when his lips were finally brought to her core. Unabashed, he started devouring her with his tongue, digging his fingers into her hips hard enough to leave bruises.. His tongue moved with expert precision, lapping at the most sensitive parts of her folds with fervor. He was obviously enjoying himself by the almost obscene sounds he was making. Tav mewled and moaned, her head falling back against the wall behind her.

Tav threaded her fingers in his hair, giving a sharp tug that made him groan against her. She let out a loud moan as Astarion picked up his pace, introducing his fingers.

“Just like that!” Tav cried, her thighs beginning to clench around Astarion's head.

Astarion’s hands drifted to Tav’s ass before he pulled her hips closer, gaining more access to her. Tav arched her back, her shoulders digging into the rough surface of the wall. She felt it leaving scrapes on her unscarred skin, but it only added to the mounting ecstasy.She curled her toes against the stone floors, rising to balance on the balls of her feet. The muscles in her legs were being pushed to their limit and she loved it.

Tav’s moans and gasps grew louder, and she sharply tugged on Astarion's hair as she started to come undone.

“Gods yes!” She cried as Astarion brought her to her release.

Astarion continued his ministrations with vigor, savoring the sound of Tav’s wanton moans that only grew louder. She cried his name over and over. He was sure that the party goers would be able to hear her with how loud she was being. Her nails dug into his scalp, as he kept her orgasm going for as long as he could. Tav’s legs began to tremble and it was clear she couldn't take much more. Astarion continued to work his lips and tongue, slowly bringing her down from her high.

Tav’s chest heaved and her bare form was soaked with sweat. She dropped to her knees, utterly out of breath. She leaned forward, resting against Astarion, her arms draped over his shoulder.

“Holy shit.” She said through ragged breaths.

“I take it you enjoyed yourself?” Astarion asked, moving into a seated position and pulling Tav into his lap.

He traced circles along her still body quivering body, nibbling her ear almost affectionately.

“Hells yes.” Tav replied, kissing Astarion's jaw lazily, after she caught her breath. The two sat like that for a few intimate minutes before Tav pressed her hips into Astarion's, slowly grinding against him. Her legs still trembled and her arms were obviously weak.

“Your turn.” She whispered in his ear, before licking it all the way to its point.

“You seem utterly spent, love.” Astarion replied, holding back a moan, “Maybe next time?”

Gods, he wanted to fuck her. To have her seeing stars again and again. To feel her clench around him as he drove into her with abandon. But he forced himself to hold back, already regretting his actions.

“You sure?” Tav asked, peppering Astarion's neck and shoulders with nips and sucks, clearly trying to leave marks.

“I am. But we can stay like this for a while, if you'd like.” Astarion said softly, beginning to mark Tav in kind. He scolded himself mentally, but couldn’t stop himself. The intimacy of it all was addictive.

“I'd like that.” Tav whispered against his skin, “I've been so lonely for so long. I don't want this night to end.”

Her drunken confession caught Astarion off-guard and he felt a pang of guilt course through him. He had used her, having planned everything from the moment he heard there was going to be a party. The shirt from Karlach? He made sure that she saw him admiring it when they went to get supplies for the party. The note on the bottle? A forgery. The unrelenting cork? Shoved into the bottle in such a way that only he knew how to remove it. The only thing he hadn’t planned was the dancing, which he knew only drew her in further.

He hoped that getting her drunk and giving her the time of her life would keep her with him. He enjoyed himself immensley, which unsettled him. He was supposed to be the sober one. He wasn’t supposed to have fun. He was supposed to survive. He wasn’t supposed to feel.

He needed the protection Tav provided now that her prowess in battle was starting to show. He was also beginning to feel unsure if she'd actually help him defeat Cazador. It was in her contract with Raphael, sure, but he overheard Wyll trying to come up with loopholes for her to escape the terms. The man seemed determined to get her out of the infernal binding. Astarion needed her protection. He needed her help. He needed her.

Tav’s actions slowed as the night wore on, exhaustion overtaking her. She drifted to sleep in Astarion’s arms, her face resting in the crook of his neck. Astarion lifted her carefully as he stood, walking over to the blankets and cushions and placing her down gently.

Tav stirred slightly. She reached out a hand to Astarion and mumbled, “Stay with me tonight?”

“Of course.” Astarion said, screwing on a smile.

Tav smiled and drifted back to sleep almost instantly when Astarion laid down beside her. He gazed at her sleeping form, the feeling in his gut becoming unbearable. Furious with himself, he got up, covered Tav with a blanket, and retreated to his tent.

Chapter 11: The Morning After

“Oh man oh man oh man.” Karlach giggled as she bounced towards the little ruin on the edge of camp. When she came across Tav’s pants on the way there, she only giggled more. When she came across the elf's torn underwear, she had to cover her mouth with her hands to keep herself from bursting into laughter.

She poked her head around the corner of the broken wall and gasped at what she saw, frowning, her giddiness fading.

Tav was alone in a makeshift bed clearly meant for two, dozing peacefully. The spot beside her, where someone had obviously been at one point, was empty. Karlach noticed the bruises that littered Tav’s neck and shoulders, and the obvious bite mark on her neck. Karlach turned and went back to the fire.

“I was wondering when they'd finally get it over with.”Shadowheart said when Karlach returned, “I just wish Tav hadn't been so godsdamned obnoxious about it.”

“Hopefully they'll both be more amicable now that they've got all that tension settled.” Gale said, stirring the bubbling cauldron of porridge.

“I don't think they will.” Karlach said, about to explain what she saw and the assumption she had made, but stopped speaking when Astarion left his tent, yawning.

“Long night?” Shadowheart asked pointedly.

“Not much longer than usual.” Astarion said casually.

Karlach noticed Tav first. She was disheveled, her clothes obviously put on in a rush. She was fuming. She stalked over and stood before Astarion, glaring daggers at him.

“You left.” She stated, her voice dripping with venom.

“Yes.” Astarion said, his mask up

“You said you'd stay.” Tav stated.

“Well I changed my mind.” his expression was one of non-chalance, but inside he was in shreds.

He hadn't been able to shake the feeling Tav elicited in him. His stomach was fluttering even then, even when she was more furious than anyone had ever seen. He was angry with himself for feeling anything towards her, let alone whatever the new emotion was.

“You're a bastard, you know that?” Tav hissed.

Then Astarion, unable to keep his frustration with himself at bay, said something he could never take back, “Why are you so upset? It's not like it meant anything.”

Tav’s expression became unreadable.

“You're right. It didn't.” She said plainly before walking to her tent.

Astarion was struck immediately with regret, knowing that he had probably just lost his only ally in securing his freedom. He didn’t let the regret show as he strolled into the forest as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

***

Tav left her tent later that afternoon, looking even worse than she had that morning. She was wearing a sleeveless shirt Shadowheart had given her a while back. Her eyelids were puffy and red. It was obvious she had been crying. More bruises had begun to form on her, and scrapes from the ruin were visible on her exposed shoulders. She hadn't bothered to brush her hair, and it was an absolute wreck. She made her way to the river and sat down on a driftwood log beside where Karlach sat in the sand.

“Hey soldier.” Karlach said quietly

“Hey.” Tav croaked.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Tav nodded.

After a moment, she said, “I hate how isolated I have forced myself to be and didn't realize it until I was in his arms. I like being close to him and I couldn't admit it to myself. It wasn't just what we did last night, it's been building. He was a completely different person when he was caring for me after nearly draining me dry. Soft and sweet and gentle. It seemed genuine. He seemed genuine.”

Karlach listened intently, frowning sympathetically.

“I thought I hated him. I thought I was only associating with him because I have to… I'm not so sure now.”

Tav began to cry again.

“I'm terrified of it all, truth be told.” She said, wiping her tears with the back of her hand, “My instincts are telling me to run, but I can't bring myself to, even after he said last night meant nothing.”

“You're allowed to feel, Tav.” Karlach answered, “It’s okay to have opened your heart, even though it hurt right now”

“I was burned in more ways than one by a man almost exactly like him. I can't believe I started to fall for the same charming manipulation again.” Tav replied, her voice going from sad to bitter.

“Is that man the fella whose name you have carved into that stake you always have with you?” Karlach asked.

“Petras… He had such a way with words, saying the most flattering things with the most charming smile. He brought me flowers and took me dancing. He swept me off my feet and I really thought that I could love him. I thought that he could love me.”

“I'm so sorry.”

“I’ve known from the start that Astarion probably doesn't have room in his heart for anyone but himself, but after a while a little part of me began to hope, you know? I refused to acknowledge that hope because I was so focused on keeping what little stability I had gained when Gale decided to make me part of the group.”

Tav let her tears flow freely as she continued her rant.

“He said I was breathtaking ... I don't know if it was the alcohol in my system, but I actually believed him. He's the only person whose compliment I've thought was truthful since I was burned. I haven't even been able to look at my own reflection without being disgusted. But I felt beautiful last night. For the first time in what seemed like forever. I want to cherish that feeling… but I am afraid I'll be holding a manipulation close to my heart.”

Tav let herself slip off of the log and onto the sand. She drew her knees to her chest and hugged them, weeping. She couldn’t look at Karlach. Not after baring her emotions like she had.

“Do you want to be alone?” Karlach asked.

“Yes please.” Tav replied, her voice breaking.

“Alright. I'll be a shout away if you need me.”

Karlach stood and headed off, leaving Tav alone.

***

Astarion sat on a rock that was hidden from view of the rest of camp, but still had a view of the river and setting sun. It was a place he had gone to several times to think heavy thoughts that plagued him. He ran his hands through his hair, guilt and regret shooting through him like poisoned arrows. He had heard everything Tav had said to Karlach. His ears were assaulted by the elf’s sobs as she suffered alone. He was spiraling, feeling like he was suffocating. He'd never felt awful for manipulating someone as he had manipulated Tav. It had become second nature over the years. A tool to be used. Survival.

He tried to push the feelings deep down, to put on his cracked mask and go back to camp where he hopefully wouldn't be able to hear the woman he had hurt so deeply. He managed to calm himself enough to think he could be seen as his usual self, arrogant, suave, uncaring. He walked into the main part camp and the entire group turned to glare at him from where they sat around the fire.

“I’m glad that you feel rotten.” Shadowheart said angrily, “Leading her on like you have…It's cruel, especially considering the life she's had.”

“She'll get over it. Time heals all wounds after all.” Astarion said, waving his hand and doing his very best to sound non-chalant. He was fumbling with his mask, too caught up in his emotions.

“You're such a cad.” Gale insulted, looking disgusted.

“And you're a literal timebomb still caught up in an affair with a goddess that ended long ago. Everyone in this whole bloody camp has something going on that makes them an utter piece of shit. You've all just seen mine.” Astarion said coldly before stalking off to his tent, barely making it inside before his mask fell and shattered.

Chapter 12: It Couldn't Be Love

The bulette loomed over Astarion, more than ready to tear him in two. Nobody was around to help, the bulette had singled him out and had come charging over. Astarion looked at the others in his line of sight, Gale, Lae’zel, Shadowheart, Wyll… All just out of range of being able to help. The creature reared up and Astarion prepared himself for the end. He went to close his eyes, but a glint of light from above the bulette caught his attention.

He watched Tav fall towards the creature, a look of pure fury on her face. She held her rapier with both hands and as soon as she landed on the bullete’s head, she plunged her long blade into its eye again and again. It let out awful shrieks before it fell to its side with a death rattle, Tav deftly sliding off of it’s carapace and landing beside Astarion. She lifted Astarion out of the dirt by his arm then jogged away towards the others.

Astarion followed close behind.

“Thank you.” He said to her, “Truly.” he was still a bit shaken, clearly.

“It’s not like it meant anything.” Tav replied coldly, causing Astarion to stop in his tracks.

“Tav, that was incredible!” The Karlach complimented when Tav reached the group.

Gale also spoke up, “It was an ingenious use of misty step! Albeit incredibly risky! What would you have done if you hadn’t been placed exactly where you had been? The Weave is fickle and has been known to betray people before. Attempting to teleport to a point in mid-air is a gamble.”

“Well I would have fallen to my death.” Tav said simply, “But I didn’t. Guess the Weave likes me or something. Did you put a good word in about me with Mystra or something?” She cracked a grin when Gale rolled his eyes at her.

“How did you think to do that?” Wyll asked, “That armor it had seemed impenetrable!”

“I mean, typically behind the eyes lies a brain. At least I think that’s how it is with most things if I’m remembering my anatomy lessons right. I figured this thing might be the same? I just went for it.” Tav said.

“So you had no idea if it would work?” Wyll asked

“No.”

“And you still went with that awful plan anyway!?” Shadowheart yelled, smacking Tav on the back of the head, “What if you had died!?”

Tav shrugged.

 

“Don’t throw your life around so carelessly like everyone else around here. I want at least one person to not have to worry about.” Shadowheart scolded, her brow furrowed

“I’ll do my best. I really didn’t see any good option back there, though, and the thing was distracted from the rest of us. It was either take that risk or die.” Tav said as Astarion caught up with the group.

“Let’s just move on before more show up.” Gale said, motioning for the group to move out.

Astarion didn’t like the idea of Tav taking risks, especially when trusting magic was involved. He didn’t like how she’d been so eager to fight lately, inserting herself into battle where she could. She was vicious and cold and Astarion was terrified that it’d land her in her grave.

“She left camp to cry again last night. ” Astarion heard Shadowheart whisper to Gale, “I made sure to stay up late enough to see her return.”

“Should we set up a new watch system? Have someone stay up long enough each night to make sure she comes back?”

”I think that’d be wise. She’s left every night since that bastard broke her heart.”

“I’ll get something drawn up. I hadn’t realized she cared for him that deeply. She seemed to detest him, from what I had gathered.”

“She didn’t even know she was head over heels for him, and I think that made it worse for her. She realized she had allowed herself to feel something she had been purposefully avoiding and then had that feeling squashed. All in one conversation.”

“Is there anything we can do?”

“I don’t think so. I tried telling her about my Lady of Loss, as a comfort, but she told me she was in no mood to be converted.”

“I see. I’ll use the rest of the above-ground rations tonight and make her favorite. Maybe that’ll do something.”

“I sure hope so.”

Astarion held back a frown. How hadn’t he heard her leave camp? He had been more aware of her heartbeat than anyone else’s before the night of the party… She had been on his mind constantly since then. He wondered if he’d let his skills of perception diminish while trying to figure out what he was feeling and how to end it before he got himself into more trouble.

***

The group had made camp on a rocky area that seemed easily defensible, one way in or out. Gale had said that they were going to camp in only places like that from then on. Lae’zel was first on the new watch order. Instead of being able to stay awake and on guard anywhere in camp, whoever was on watch now had to stay at the entrance to camp. Tav was not told she was the reason for the change, and Astarion was put at the bottom of the rotation. Gale hoped that Astarion would make amends before his turn to be on watch came up.

It was late when Tav left camp.

“Just taking a walk Lae.” Tav said, “I won’t be gone long.” The elf put on an obviously fake smile.

“Tread carefully, istik.” Lae’sel said.

Tav gave Lae’zel a little wave and said, “Always am!”

Not even ten minutes later, Astarion also tried to leave camp.

“And where are you going?” Lae’zel asked, glaring daggers at the vampire.

“Hunting. If you must know. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but the mushrooms in camp don’t have blood.” Astarion said sarcastically.

“Begone, then.” Lae’zel dismissed.

Astarion followed Tav’s scent, one he had begun to crave being close to. Lavender and sage. When Tav had realized the scents of Shadowheart’s massage oils helped calm her thoughts, she had soaps and perfume made at the druid grove. The vampire followed her scent down a footpath on a nearby rocky outcropping. It twisted and turned and came to end at a little clearing. A giant glowing mushroom sat in the center, with Tav sitting on top of it, her feet dangling of the sides. She was crying, her soft sobs echoing slightly.

“Stupid… I’m so stupid…” She hissed, “Never again. Never.”

Astarion hid behind a boulder, listening.

“I’ll take up Shadowheart’s offer when all is done. Have him purged from my mind. Devote myself to Shar… I just have to get through this. I can do this. I can be brave. I can close off my heart again. I don’t need love. Friends are enough. I am enough. I’ll be chaste. Priestesses do that, right?” Tav said through her tears, trying to figure out a path forward. Something to focus on. She was spiraling, as she had every night.

She grew silent for a few minutes, her tears subsiding, before she shouted, “Fuck!” and her sobs came back even stronger than before.

“Gods damn him! Gods damn him and his stupid beautiful face and stupid beautiful words and his stupid fucking act! Gods damn me for falling for it!” she yelled, sniffling.

Astarion’s heart ached. Guilt, and one of the new feelings he still couldn’t place, exploded into being. He wondered if he should apologize. Admit he was wrong. Tell Tav about how she makes him feel. Maybe that would make the feeling go away. But how could he face her? He didn’t know how to even begin righting his many wrongs. The others seem to despise him now, so they would be of no help… Perhaps that Halsin fellow would be new enough to the group, neutral enough, to give him guidance. Astarion hated the thought of asking for help, but he couldn’t keep going on like he was. He set his jaw and headed back towards camp.

***

Halsin smiled wide at Astarion, mirth in his eyes, and let out a small chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” Astarion asked, squinting.

“I usually have to have these kinds of discussions with people far younger than yourself.” the druid replied.

Astarion frowned, crossing his arms over his chest, “I haven’t really been given the opportunity to have a regular life, you know. I don’t remember anything from… before.”

“And that is nothing to be ashamed of. I am glad to be of help. I know you and Tav have both been very distressed.”

Astarion looked at the ground, fresh guilt welling up in him.

“What you are feeling sounds like the beginnings of love, along with deep longing.” Halsin said with a smile.

“No. No that can’t be right.” Astarion said defensively, his eyes wide, “I don’t love. I can’t. I use and manipulate and survive. This has to be something different. What else feels like this?”

“Nothing that I have known or heard of.” Halsin said, pausing for a moment, “It’s okay to let yourself feel like this, you know. It’s okay to want something like love. It’s natural.”

“Not for me, it isn’t” Astarion sighed bitterly before changing the subject, “How do I apologize? I don’t know how to face her.”
“A letter, perhaps?” Halsin suggested.

“That could work…” Astarion stood from where he sat on the edge of camp with the druid and dusted himself off.

“Thank you. You’ve given me… a lot to think about…” Astarion said.

“It was my pleasure.” Halsin replied with a smile.

Astarion headed back to his tent and laid awake, his mind reeling with what Halsin had told him. It couldn’t be love. It just couldn’t be, could it?

Notes:

As always, constructive criticism welcome!

Chapter 13: Myconids

Notes:

made a whoopsie and skipped a chapter! Read this before the one called Reckless

Tav became absolutely invested in the Myconid colony when the group came across it, promising the leader, Sovereign Spaw, that they would help defeat the hostile intruders as soon as they could. Gale had protested her speaking for the entirety of the group, but Tav wouldn’t listen.

“These folks need our help. I’ll be aiding them with or without your approval.” Tav said defiantly to the wizard.

“What’s gotten into you?” Gale asked, surprised, “You’ve yet to be this invested in any of the people we’ve encountered so far.”

“They’re being attacked in their own home, Gale. I know what it’s like to have the sacred safety of home usurped.” Tav replied, pointing to her scarred face, “I won’t let them be displaced.”

“Very well.” Gale said, “You have been by far the least demanding person in this ragtag group of ours. We can make time for this, since it means so much to you.”

Tav beamed, thanking Gale.

“So now we go around saving mushrooms?! We’ll never get to Baldur’s Gate at this rate!” Astarion complained.

“We do not need your commentary.” Lae’zel said to Astarion, her usual glare intensifying.

“Are you really defending this?! You!? You’ve wanted to get to that damned creche of yours since we all met!” Astarion scoffed.

“The whelp needs to strengthen her body and mind if she is going to be cured by the zaithisk. This endeavor will provide her with vital practice.” Lae’zel said plainly.

Astarion huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. He watched Tav silently communicate with Sovereign Spaw. She looked thoughtful, and was writing things down in the little notebook she had obtained from Gale. After Tav was finished with Spaw, she started going to other myconids, communicating with them and adding to her notes. Her eyes were bright for the first time since Astarion had broken her heart, and she seemed genuinely invested in something for once.

“You don’t deserve to be able to pine after her like that.” Shadowheart said with hostility.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Astarion said with a charming smile, tearing his eyes from Tav.

Shadowheart rolled her eyes and made a disgusted noise before joining Tav, a placing a protective hand on her shoulder and glaring back at Astarion.

 

***

They had been granted access to a normally closed-off part of the myconid colony to set up their camp. The cave was vast and warm, with glowing fungi and flora. The floor of the cave was covered in moss that lit up when pressure was placed on it. Glowing worms covered the cave ceiling, making the cave ceiling look like the night sky on a cloudless night. A small waterfall from somewhere above allowed water into a series of pools. The water in the pools was wonderfully warm, heated, according to Gale, by the natural geothermic processes that occur so deep under the ground. Whatever the reason, Tav was thrilled to be able to have a warm bath without needing Karlach to heat the water first.

Tav padded towards the furthest pool from the center of camp. It felt like it was very late, but she couldn’t be sure without the sun or moon. She couldn’t rest, either, her mind on Astarion again. She kept thinking about that night, about how unguarded he looked while they were dancing, his compliments, his smile, the way his lips felt… Tav slapped herself gently on the cheek, trying to break out of the spiral.

She undressed and waded into the water, sighing as the heat immediately began to soothe her aching muscles. She found a little rocky outcropping below the water and sat down on it, leaning her head back against the cave wall and closing her eyes. She remained like that for a while, trying to clear her mind. Shadowheart had taught her a meditation and she was struggling with it. She almost had it figured out when she heard soft footsteps approaching.

“Oh! My apologies! I didn’t realize anyone was still up.” Astarion said, slightly surprised.

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” Tav said plainly, not opening her eyes, “Don’t let me stop you from cleaning up, but I have no intention to move from where I’m at. You’ll have to make do in the other pools.”

“Very well.” Astarion said, his voice softer than Tav had expected.

She tried not to think anything of it. She tried to ignore his presence. She tried to ignore the desire to open an eye and take a peek what he looked like completely bare.

“You don’t have to keep your eyes closed, you know. The water is deep enough to cover everything below the waist.” Astarion said.

“It’s cute that you think I’m keeping my eyes closed for your sake.” Tav said.

“I didn’t think that. I just wanted to let you know you could look at me if you wanted to talk.” Astarion sounded meek, almost nervous.

“And what would we have to talk about?” Tav asked her tone cold

“I’m not sure, to be perfectly honest. I didn’t think I’d get this far.”

Tav exhaled sharply through her nose, supressing a chuckle. Astarion felt elated at the noise Tav made, knowing that she didn’t completely hate him after all.

“How are you liking the Underdark so far?” Astarion inquired.

“Well enough. The flora is fascinating, as are the denizens.” Tav paused for a moment before saying, “How has it been for you? Are you getting enough to eat?”

Astarion stopped his washing and looked towards Tav, surprised by her words. She was looking at him with a frown, her eyes seeming to search for something. She immediately looked away when they made eye contact.

“I’ve been eating well enough.” Astarion replied.

An awkward silence settled over them and remained for some time, until Tav spoke up again.

“If you ever find yourself unable to find anything to eat, let me know. I need you alive to fulfill my contract, after all.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Much quicker than Tav had hoped, Astarion finished his washing and was gone. Tav’s heart felt heavy, and the pool she was in seemed much colder without Astarion nearby. With a sigh, she took her soap and started to wash away the grime of the day. By the time she had returned to her tent, everyone, including Astarion, seemed to be at rest.

She entered her tent and stopped almost immediately. On her pillow sat a bouquet… of mushrooms. All exotic-looking, glowing, and the ones she had expressed as her favorites. The bouquet was held together neatly with a golden cord. On closer inspection, Tav saw that the cord was made of carefully woven embroidery floss, obviously done by hand. She assumed it was the girls’ doing, and it made her overjoyed that they cared so much, even Lae’zel though the gith wouldn’t admit it.

She smiled and removed the cord from the bouquet, securing it around her wrist, before placing the bouquet in the little tin cup with a bird on it that she found on the road. It was the only decorative item she owned, and it looked even more adorable, in her opinion, with the mushroom bouquet in it. She laid down on her bedroll and gazed at the glowing bouquet until she fell asleep.

Chapter 14: Reckless

Notes:

Please let me know what y'all think of the action in this chapter. I was struggling with it lol

She’d been too reckless, too angry, and tried to kill the bastard without a thought when he said he wanted the myconids to suffer. She was slumped against ancient stone rubble, surrounded by the lava of the Grymforge, holding pressure on a wound on her side, the result of her recklessness. True Soul Nere’s rapier had gotten through a weakened spot in her leather breastplate, and had nearly run her through. She mentally cursed the drow and their incredible craftmanship. Blood oozed from under her breastplate and through the hole Nere had made in the material. She peered over the top of the rubble and saw her companions struggling to keep the fight in their favor.

She saw an archer on a raised platform take aim at Astarion, the vampire unaware as he fended off an attacker in front of him, a duaeger with an axe. Tav whispered the misty step incantation and teleported herself behind the archer. She remembered her lessons with Astarion, recalling the technique of snapping someone’s neck. She’d never done it, but her rapier was gone, thrown into the lava by Nere after he wounded her, and she was too close to use offensive spells safely.

She grabbed the archer and closed her eyes. She envisioned Astarion’s demonstrative movements and tried to mimic them, applying as much force as she could. She felt resistance for a moment, then the archer went limp. She opened her eyes and found the archer dead at her feet. She spit on his corpse and kicked it off of the platform, letting out a cry as she felt her wound tear. Her knees buckled and she collapsed.

Her wound was bleeding heavier now and she struggled to staunch it with her armor still on. She unbuckled her breastplate, gasping in pain. She lifted her shirt and saw the wound was much bigger than she had thought. She took off her shirt, letting out a pained hiss. She started stuffing the fabric into the hole in her side, trying to plug it like one would cork a bottle of wine.

“Motherfucker!” She shouted, her vision going momentarily white from pain. She held one hand tight against her side and cast an eldritch blast with another. She aimed for Nere and hit him square in the chest. It didn’t take him out, but he went flying back into some rubble, definitely getting further injuries from the impact.

Tav looked at her side again, almost her entire shirt had turned red from blood.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” She said, trying to staunch the bleeding with both hands. She was starting to feel woozy.

“Tav! A little help would be great right about now!” Gale called, sending a volley of magic missiles flying at the hammer-wielding enemy that almost had him overpowered.

Tav took a hand off of her side for a second, ready to send another blast, but blood came rushing out. She put her hand back on the wound. She sent a message to Astarion through their tadpole connection. They had completely opened their minds to each other for this purpose after forming their alliance, but only used it when they needed to.

“I’m in real bad shape. I don’t know if I can help with the fight anymore.”

“I’m aware.” Astarion replied firmly, “This place reeks of blood, but yours stands out among the rest. Just stay awake and keep pressure on that wound.”

“I’m doing my best. It’s bad.” Tav thought, trying to seem calm. She was absolutely terrified, and Astarion felt it through their connection.

“Tell me a story.” the vampire demanded, “Something about your childhood.”

“Did I ever tell you about my parents?”

“You haven’t. What were they like?”

Astarion parried the sword of an enemy with his dagger and thrust his rapier into the woman’s belly with a perfect counter-attack.

“Gnomes.” Tav’s tone was nostalgic and bittersweet, “They adopted me after my actual parents died in an accident in one of the city’s artificer labs.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I was still a baby.”

“What did your parents do in the lab? The gnomish ones.”

Astarion dropped his blades and took out his bow, taking aim at the enemy Gale was struggling with. He landed the shot, taking the man down.

“Mum did leatherwork and dad did smithing and fine machine work. His hobby was watchmaking, though.”

“And you learned your trade from them?”

Tav’s response came after a brief, unsettling pause, “Yeah. And the other artificers in the safe parts of the lab. They brought me with them as soon as I was talking and walking. They all took turns giving me an education.”

“What is your favorite thing to tinker with?”

Only Nere was left. The group went after him, giving him everything they had. The man was tough, one of the toughest foes they’d encountered so far.

“I really like machinery. I was… supposed to start learning…” Tav’s thought trailed off.

“Stay awake, Tav! What were you supposed to learn?” Astarion prompted, growing panicked.

“Steam powered things… but then the fire…”

Astarion felt the connection between him and Tav weakening considerably.

“We need to hurry!” He shouted to everyone else.

“We’re trying!” Gale shouted back, “I’m running low on spells if you haven’t noticed!”

“Try harder, dammit! She’s going to die at this rate!” Astarion retorted, his voice filled with fear.

“Just go to her! You’re the fastest here! Dump all your potions down her throat!” Shadowheart commanded, looking alarmed, “I’ll come to you as soon as I can!”

“Tav where are you at?” Astarion asked through their connection.

“Platform… with the long ladder. I can’t stay awake, Astarion.” Tav replied.

“You need to! I’m on my way to you now.” Astarion said, running as fast as he could to where Tav was, using a scroll of misty step when he was within the spell’s range.

He teleported to where Tav was and knelt beside her, grabbing the potions from his pack. Tav smiled weakly at him.

“You’re so godsdamned pretty, even covered in gore.” She said weakly.

“Yes, yes, I know.” Astarion said, uncorking a potion and putting it to Tav’s slightly parted lips. He poured the liquid into her mouth, trying to prevent her from choking.

He gave Tav every potion he had before he started examining her wound. The bleeding had stopped and some of the flesh deep inside had mended, but she was still gravely injured. Astarion, relieved that the bleeding had stopped at least, searched his bag for anything else that could be of use but found nothing. He helped her into a more comfortable position, her head resting on his lap. He brushed a lock of sweat-soaked hair from her face.

“Tell me another story. Please.” He said, trying to keep the panic from his voice.

“I can’t remember any… I’m too tired…” Tav said.

“Stay awake! I order you to stay awake!” Astarion barked.

Tav grinned slightly and mumbled, “Look at you thinking you can boss me around.” She took a shaky breath, “You’re lucky I love you.”

Tav, overcome with weakness and pain, began to slip into unconsciousness.

“You what? Tav, Tav! I need you to repeat what you said!” Astarion said, an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Tav didn’t answer.

“You stupid woman!” Astarion yelled, gritting his teeth, “Don’t you dare die! I’ll never forgive you if you do!”

He saw movement in the corner of his eye and saw the others rushing over. Shadowheart immediately got to work on Tav, using the rest of the magic she had at her disposal, which wasn’t much.

“We need to get her back to camp. Halsin can help her better than I can right now.” Shadowheart said.

“Camp is a long way. Do you think she can make it?” Karlach asked, her brows knit with worry.

“She has to!” Astarion snapped.

He cradled Tav in his arms and lifted her as he stood. He held her protectively, carefully, as if she were made of class. He started out of the ruins the way they came in without another word

Chapter 15: Something to Live For

Notes:

Got some fluff goin in this one!

Also, updates will be far more infrequent in the coming days/weeks. I am moving my horse to a new barn and it's a whole thing.

Astarion knelt by the pools in camp, scrubbing Tav’s blood off of his armor. His scrubbing was harsh, nearly obsessive. His brow was creased with worry and his eyes fearful. She had started bleeding again on their way back to camp and had coughed up blood all over herself and the vampire. She’d been in her tent with Halsin and Shadowheart for hours now. Each passing minute only amplified the vampire’s anxiety.

“I don't think those boots can get any cleaner, Fangs.” Karlach said, taking a seat on a nearby rock.

“My hands are quite stained from her blood. I must scrub it from something else it touched so I don't go after my own hands.” Astarion said quietly, “I would be absolutely useless if my fingers and palms were scrubbed raw.”

“When was the last time you've eaten?” Karlach asked.

Astarion grimaced, “I can't even think about eating right now. Her nearly bleeding to death from the strike of a blade makes the smell of her blood foul. It wasn't freely given. It's tainted when it's stolen.”

“Is that really a thing?” Karlach asked.

“It is with me. Tav is the only thinking creature whose blood I've imbibed. It's special. She's…special.” Astarion said, scrubbing his boots with renewed vigor.

“She's in good hands.” Karlach reassured.

“I know, but that knowledge doesn't untie the knots in my stomach.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Do you mind if I stay here for a while?”

“You can do whatever you wish.”

It wasn't long before Gale and Wyll joined Astarion and Karlach by the pools, saying nothing of why they appeared. Gale stood, telling a fantastic story and acting out parts for flair. Wyll sat on the ground beside Karlach, he and the tiefling enraptured by Gale’s tale.

Astarion, usually loathe to entertain the wizard’s theatrics, was observing, having ceased his scrubbing. He was relieved by the distraction and company, thankful, even. He'd never confess to that, however. He didn't want the others to think he was their friend. That would only make them more of a nuisance to him.

His focus on Gale’s story evaporated when Shadowheart approached, looking exhausted. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the cleric anxiously.

“She's going to be just fine. She will need rest, though. Her major injury is healed internally, and has been stitched closed. Her body has been through a lot. It will take a while for her to return to normal.” Shadowheart said.

Astarion let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, relief spreading through him. Karlach and Wyll high-fived and Gale beamed.

“She's asked for you, Astarion.” Shadowheart said, “But know that she looks awful. She hit her face on the stone when she fell on the platform. The bruises started to form as we were able to heal her enough for her body to start producing its own blood without trouble. They'll most likely worsen before they get better. “

Astarion nodded before standing and rushing to Tav’s tent. He entered the tent and his heart broke at the condition Tav was in.

The entire left side of her face was black and blue and a little swollen. Her skin was pallid and her lips dry and chapped. She was propped up in her bedroll with a few pillows. Her chest was bound with bandages and a blanket covered her legs. She was fiddling with something on her wrist, looking troubled. When Astarion entered her tent, she perked up, smiling.

“Hey you.” She said, her voice hoarse.

“Hello.” Astarion said, trying his best to return Tav’s smile.

“You don't need to look so upset. I'll make a full recovery.” Tav said reassuringly.

“Yes, but that doesn't make what you did okay. You lost control and almost died.” Astarion said.

“I didn't die, though.” Tav looked at her hands again.

“Why were you so reckless? Why did you go after Nere without a thought?” Astarion’s voice was raised slightly.

“I was upset… angry.. sad…I couldn't handle how I felt. I needed something to hurt like I was. Nere was there, threatening the myconids. I just kind of snapped…” Tav said, fiddling with whatever was on her wrist.

Astarion sat down beside Tav and sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“I'm under the assumption that I was the reason you have been feeling so terribly.” He said quietly

Tav nodded.

“I'm…I'm sorry. For everything.” Astarion started, “I wronged you and I cannot take back everything I've said and done.”

Tav was silent for a long time before she asked, “Why did you lead me on?”

“It's all I know how to do.” Astarion said, ashamed.

“I see.”

A silence settled over them again and it was Astarion that broke it. He kept his gaze at the fire in the middle of camp, barely visible through the gap between the tent flaps.

“I'd like to learn something else, truth be told. I've grown weary of falsehoods and tricks.”

“Something real, then?”

“Yes, though I don't know if I deserve it. And I'd probably just ruin it all anyway.”

Tav placed her hand on Astarion's. The vampire looked at her hand, and saw that around her wrist was the cord he had made to secure her mushroom bouquet. He had taken the embroidery out of the armor he was abducted in in order to make it. He spent days working on it, and had even consulted Halsin on how to improve his technique.

“I didn't know you turned that into a bracelet.” He said softly.

“And I didn't know it was from you. Until Halsin clued me in.” Tav replied.

She brushed her thumb over the top of Astarion's hand, “I can teach you.” she started after a moment, sounding nervous, “How to have something real… if you'll have me.”

Astarion looked at her bruised face and saw fear in her eyes, but something else. Hope, maybe? Her lips were curved into a slight smile.

“I would like that.” Astarion replied, a small but genuine smile on his face.

“Good. It would have gotten really weird in here if you'd said no.” Tav smirked, causing Astarion to let out a small laugh.

“So what happens now?” Astarion asked, suddenly sounding nervous.

“I'm going to take a nap.”

“I meant overall.” Astarion laughed.

“Just… be. But together.” Tav replied, lifting Astarion's hand and pressing a kiss to his palm, “You don't have to pretend. You don't have to lie. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I fell for the true Astarion. The man behind the mask.”

“I don't know how to be the man you fell for.” Astarion said, frowning.

“That's why I'm here to teach you. If you start to put that mask back on, I'll remind you that you don't have to wear it.”

“What do you get out of this arrangement?”

“Something I never thought I'd have again.”

“And what is that?”

“Something to live for.”

Chapter 16: Boundaries

Notes:

👏Communication👏is 👏hot👏

 

Goddamn why do these chapters keep posting out of order

Astarion stood by the pools in camp with Tav, helping her undress. He carefully unwrapped the bandages around her chest while she removed the clothing on her lower half.

“Thank you for the help.” Tav said softly.

“You don't need to thank me. I'm more than happy to assist.” Astarion said as he took Tav’s hand and helped her into the nearest pool.

Tav sighed with relief when she submerged her body in the water. She dipped her head under to wet her hair before surfacing and resting her head on the edge of the pool, gazing up at Astarion, who looked thoughtful.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Tav asked.

“Could I… could I wash your hair?” He asked nervously.

Tav smiled and replied, “Of course. I won't say no to getting pampered by the most gorgeous person I've ever met.”

She sat up so Astarion could access her hair. It had grown a lot since she joined the group, now reaching her chin. Astarion the soap and brought it to a thick lather in his hands. He ran his hands through Tav’s hair, making sure it was thoroughly coated. Then his fingers got to work, massaging Tav’s scalp.

“I should have you do this more often.” Tav said after a few minutes, obviously relaxed, “I can already feel my headache going away.”

“You're in pain?” Astarion asked, concerned.

“It's nothing too bad. I get tension headaches every now and again, usually from a stiff neck. Turns out sleeping rough for years isn't good for you and has lasting effects.” Tav said in a tone that was clearly poking fun at her former living conditions.

“I can guarantee that you'll never have to worry about sleeping like that again once this is all over. I'm thinking the largest bed money can buy. With silk sheets.”

“Oooo, and goose down pillows.”

“And a canopy for flair.”

“Of course. You need to be fashionable in all aspects of life.”

“I'm glad you understand that. Most people don't.”

“I need to look my best if I'm going to be with you in public. I don't want to bring down your beauty with my lack thereof.”

“You wouldn't ever bring me down. You're gorgeous, and I mean it. Those scars you hate so much only add to it. They're unique, and show you're strong and a true survivor.” Astarion said, his voice soft and sincere, “I wish you had sensation on them because I want nothing more than for you to feel me caress them.”

Tears welled in Tav’s eye. She quickly wiped them away.

“I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.” She said, trying to hold back tears, “Thank you.”

“There will be far more compliments to come, my love.” Astarion said, moving his hands to the back of Tav’s neck where he ran his thumbs along her spine.

“What did you call me?” Tav asked.

“My love. Is that alright? I've never called anyone else that before. I know you didn't want me to use any pet names that I've used with… others.”

“I love it.” Tav said, “Nobody has ever called me that. I've always gotten babe, or honey, or sweetie. All overused to the point they bored me. I don't think I'll ever tire of you calling me your love, though.”

“Good.” Astarion said with a smile.

“Can I call you Star?” Tav asked.

Astarion stoped his ministrations, looking a bit surprised. Tav turned around, frowning.

“I'm sorry if that upset you.” She said apologetically.

“No, no it didn't upset me at all. Quite the opposite. I've never had a pet name before. It feels… warm.” Astarion said.

Tav beamed, “I’m glad to hear it.”, before turning back around.

Astarion worked Tav’s tight muscles, making sure that she get as much relief as she could.

“There's something I'd like to discuss, if you don't mind.” Astarion started.

“I don't mind at all.” Tav hummed

“Cazador… he used sex as a weapon. I used sex as a means to lure people in. I would like to take it slow in regards to the sexual part of our relationship.”

Tav turned to face Astarion, putting her hands delicately on his cheeks. She gazed at him lovingly.

“We can take things as slow as you would like. Sex isn't essential to me. Your comfort and happiness, however, are the most important things in my life.” She said, smiling reassuringly, “What kind of things are you comfortable with? What is off limits?”

Astarion looked thoughtful, looking around. Tav could see the gears turning in his head.

“Honestly, I wouldn't want to be touched below the belt. I want intimacy to focus on you, at least for now. Of course, I wouldn't say no to kisses.”

“What about cuddles?”

“I've never really cuddled before. I'd have to give it a try to see. What about you? What are your boundaries?”

“I'm pretty open to things, to be honest. At least I was a century ago, I don't know if that’s changed, though.” Tav said before she pressed a kiss to the tip of Astarion's nose.

She submersed herself in the water to rinse her hair. When she surfaced, sputtering, her hair was stuck to her face.

“That was supposed to be a much cooler looking exit, I promise.” She said, laughing.

Astarion chuckled and moved her hair from her face. His hand lingered on her cheek, brushing his thumb over the scars there.

“I’d very much like to kiss you.” He whispered.

“Then kiss me. I'm not going to stop you.” Tav replied just as quietly.

Astarion smiled and closed the gap between their lips, kissing Tav gently, genuinely. There was not lust and need in this kiss, unlike the others they shared the night of the party. Tav placed her hand over Astarion’s as she returned his kiss.

“Your dinner’s getting cold, Soldier, are you going to come eat or-” Karlach said as she rounded the corner, stopping when she saw Tav and Astarion, “oh ho ho! It's about fucking time you two got your heads out of your asses!” The tiefling exclaimed.

Both Tav and Astarion jumped at the loudness of Karlach’s voice. Tav put her hand over her manic heart, her eyes wide. Astarion bristled, trying not to show that he was taken off-guard.

“Karlach, you scared the fuck out of me!” Tav scolded.

Karlach laughed heartily, “Looks like I scared both of you! But don't let me interrupt!”

“You already have.” Astarion deadpanned, making Karlach laugh even harder.

“Shoo!” Tav said with a rural accent, waving her hands at Karlach, “Go on! Git!”

“You sound like a farmer!” Karlach said, tears forming in her eyes.

“One that herds cats! Leave so I can get dressed!” Tav said, now laughing as well.

Karalch gave Tav and Astarion a little wave before leaving, still laughing.

“You really did sound like a farmer for a second there.” Astarion teased.

“Well maybe my great grandmother was a milkmaid or something. I could get it honestly.” Tav joked, smiling as she carefully got out of the pool, taking Astarion's hand when he offered it.

“This was nice.” Tav said as she started to get dressed.

She accidentally brushed her fingers over the wound on her side and flinched, the flesh still very tender.

“How do you think it's looking?” She asked Astarion, who held fresh bandages in his hand.

Astarion crouched beside Tav and looked at the wound.

“It doesn't seem infected, and the blood flow to the area is superb. I think it's healing wonderfully.” Astarion replied, “I do think we should get it bandaged up, though, lest whatever exotic filth lives here in the Underdark get into it.”

Tav nodded and Astarion began the bandaging, being as gentle as he could. He could tell the process was still rather painful for Tav by how her jaw was clenched.

“You'd think it'd feel a little bit better after a week.” Tav said after Astarion had finished.

“It's going to take time, my love.” Astarion comforted, pressing a kiss to Tav's shoulder.

“Time we don't have. I'm slowing us all down. We can't just sit idle…”

“We are being anything but idle.” Astarion said, offering Tav his arm.

Tav took the vampire's arm without hesitation and he started leading her to the center of camp, where the warmth of the fire and her dinner were waiting.

“What do you mean?” Tav asked.

“While you've been sleeping, we've gotten a lot of our objectives completed and have found the definitive path forward to the Shadow Cursed Lands.” Astarion said, “Though if we continue there, we'll have passed up the creche. Gale wants to turn around and make sure we investigate the creche, since we need every lead we can get.”

“When do we head out, then? To the creche?”

Gale, sitting at the fire with a book, answered for Astarion, “When you're healed and feeling better.”

Tav sighed, frustrated.

“I'm sorry.” She said, “I went and fucked up your whole plan. For the Grymforge, for Nere, for this whole godsdamned journey. I was an idiot and I'm sorry.”

“Apology accepted, though one wasn't needed. I was close to acting similarly, but you had taken Nere’s baiting words just before I could have.” Gale admitted.

“Really? You were falling for it too?” Tav asked.

“I was.”

“Well now I don't feel like a complete fool.” Tav laughed.

“Good. Because you're not one. Now please, enjoy your dinner before I have to chase Karlach away from it again.” Gale replied warmly.

“I will. Thank you.” Tav moved to sit on one of the mushroom stem logs by the fire, Astarion keeping her steady the whole time. When she was seated and comfortable, Astarion handed her her dinner before taking the towel that was around her shoulders. He started gently drying her hair, making her giggle.

“You'll catch a cold if you go around with wet hair, you know.” Astarion said.

“Now I see why Karlach was so giddy when she came barrelling through here not too long ago.” Gale teased.

Tav blushed and stuck her tongue out at the wizard.

Chapter 17: Demons

Astarion woke to the sound of Tav crying. He rolled over and found her place beside him empty. He got up and left the tent they shared, following the sound of Tav’s sobs. He found her by the dying embers of the fire, poking the coals with a spare sword. He sat down beside her without a word.

“Things feel heavier at night. The weight of loss, the century of isolation, the unanswered questions about the fire.” Tav said, “I just want to be okay, but nights like tonight, though far less frequent than they were, keep me broken. Just seeing my scarred hands is enough to send me spiraling.”

She leaned on Astarion's shoulder, and Astarion wrapped his arm around her, resting his chin on the top of her head.

“I don't know how to help you right now.” He said quietly, “But I'm here and have no intentions of leaving.”

“That's all I need.” Tav replied, wiping away her tears, “I don't want to face my demons alone. I can't. I don't think I'd survive it.”

“You won't.” Astarion reassured, “We will defeat both of our demons together, both literal and metaphorical. We have to.”

“What if we fail? What if we can't beat Cazador? We'd succumb to all our demons and be worse off than we are now. I feel like we don't know enough about the bastard to defeat him.”

Astarion sighed, “I can show you something that might help…” he sounded nervous.

Tav looked at him with surprise and said, “Anything at all would be useful.”

“Can we go back to our tent for this? I'd prefer some privacy.”

“Of course.”

When the two were back in their tent, Astarion turned his back to Tav and removed his shirt, baring his gruesome scars to her for the first time. Tav let out a soft gasp, stepping closer to Astarion. She reached out to trace her fingers over the marks but stopped, instead pressing a gentle kiss to them.

“I'm going to feed him his own entrails.” She whispered between kisses, her breath warm against Astarion's skin “He will suffer by our hands before he's put down like the mangy cur he is.”

Astarion turned to face Tav and took her chin gently in his hand. He looked into her eyes and saw rage like he'd never seen before. Even Cazador's ire didn't burn so bright. Tav was like the sun, blazing and brilliant. He knew that if he was forced back into the night after everything was said and done, he wouldn't care as long as Tav’s light was by his side lighting the way.

“What ever did I do to earn your affection?” he whispered before pulling Tav into a brief but tender kiss.

***

“I think I recognize some of the characters on your back…” Tav said, chewing her lip as she examined Astarion's scars. The vampire laid on his stomach, while Tav straddled his hips. She had her journal in her hand and was carefully drawing the scar.

“Raphael signed my contract in Infernal, and some of the characters are very similar to your scars… I don't know if I can translate it, though. The signature alone might not be enough to complete even a partial translation.” Tav said, leaning closer to Astarion to see the most minute details.

“Are you sure it's Infernal?” Astarion asked, concerned.

“Pretty sure. I'll have to compare this sketch to my contract to be certain.” Tav said before asking, “May I touch them?”

“Yes.” Astarion said, sounding unsure.

“You can tell me no, Star. I won't be mad at you.”

“I want you to, my love, I'm just a tad frightened. They've always been sensitive.”

“I’ll be gentle and you can stop me at any time if it becomes too much. Is that okay?”

“It is.”

“Okay. Remember, stop me if it's too much.”

Tav gingerly touched Astarion's scars, carefully feeling each bump and ridge, comparing it to her sketch and altering it slightly as she went.

“I don't think Cazador got this as refined as he had wished.”

“That would explain all of the revisions.”

“Scars don't always heal in exactly the same shape as the wound. Especially scars that are raised like this.” Tav said softly.

 

“You know a little bit about everything, don't you?” Astarion asked.

Tav let out a chuckle, “Hardly. I've picked up some things over the years, but nothing as comprehensive as what my parents and their peers taught me. Most of my medical knowledge came from observing the nurses who treated me after the fire.”

“I have a question about that, if you don't mind answering.”

“I don't mind answering any of your questions.” Tav said affectionately, leaning closer to Astarion’s back and squinting as she felt the smaller ridges.

“Did the nurses not put two and two together and realize that you were the victim in that fire? Did they not ask you your name?”

“They didn't really seem to register anything I said about my identity or what had happened. They just treated my burns and made sure I was comfortable. It was all very impersonal, but I am grateful for their help.”

“No doubt there was some strange magic involved.”

“I know there was.” Tav admitted, “It was Raphael who started the blaze, after all.”

Astarion turned his head to look at Tav, “And you made a pact with the man!?” He exclaimed.

“I did. I'm hoping it will bring answers in the end. I've accepted what happened, but I want to know why I lived. I asked and he didn't really give me anything concrete other than he intentionally exploited a loophole in his orders that night.”

“And you believe his orders came from Petras?”

“I know Petras was involved. I've known since it happened. The timing was too perfect. Raphael only confirmed it when he made killing Petras part of the contract. I just don't know what part your brother played in it all.”

“We'll make sure brother dearest spills the truth before we spill his blood.” Astarion promised.

“Of course we will.” Tav set her notebook aside and pressed a kiss to Astarion's scars, “We'll kill him and Cazador and anyone who stands in our way.”

She kissed him again and continued, ending each sentence with a kiss, “We'll string up their corpses. Then we'll bathe in their blood while you indulge in mine. When we're done and satisfied, we can burn the whole place to the ground.”

“Do you mean that?” Astarion whispered, his voice breaking ever so slightly.

“Every word. I want to take our time with our revenge. Relish in the vengeance we so rightfully deserve to bring upon those who wronged us. It'll taste all the sweeter because we'll finally be free. Free together and unfettered by our demons.” Tav said sincerely, hatred burning in her eyes as she continued to press her lips to Astarion's scars, wanting nothing more than to be able to kiss away his hurt.

Notes:

I love characters with strange morality. What do you think of Tav's?

Chapter 18: Disaster at Rosymorn

Gale sat beside Tav in one of the sunny corners of the Rosymorn Monastery. The rays of sun shone through the cracked panes of stained glass, lighting up the floor with a myriad of colors. Blood, slowly drying, covered their clothes and skin. Tav wept, tears streaking the blood on her face. She held her rapier limply in her hand, the blade coated in red.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gale asked hesitatingly.

Tav mumbled something that Gale couldn't hear.

“I didn't quite catch what you said.” Gale said softly.

“They were just kids!” Tav shouted through her sobs, “We killed people who had their whole lives ahead of them!”

“They didn't give us a choice, Tav.” Gale replied, frowning.

“There's always a choice! Always! We could have fled! We didn't need to kill them!” Tav screamed, her voice growing louder and angrier, “We slaughtered them! They were just kids!”

“I know.” Gale sighed, hanging his head, “I regret even bringing us here. Why does everything end in bloodshed and tears?”

“Because we're all awful people trying to save our own skin! We aren't doing this to save Faerun! We aren't doing this to protect people! We're on this journey to cure ourselves, plain and simple! We're selfish! I'm selfish!” Tav yelled with a shuddered breath, “There's no coming back from this! Their blood is on our hands!”

“I know. Godsdammit, I know!” Gale's voice began to rise, “I feel as rotten about this as you do! Do you think I wanted to take their lives!?”

“You made the choice to stay and fight!” Tav growled.

“You made the same choice!” Gale shouted

“Because I give a damn about you all! I wanted to leave! I wanted to run! But I have this awful fucking sense of loyalty now!” Tav shouted back, standing and clenching her rapier so tightly that her knuckles were white.

Gale stood as well, preparing to defend himself.

Tav poked the wizard harshly in the chest with her forefinger and said in a low, almost threatening voice, “You’d best start using that brain of yours to think about others when making decisions. Before you end up alone on the wrong side of a blade.”

Tav let out an angry shout before sheathing her rapier and stalking off. She couldn't be near Gale any longer. She was close to boiling over and making a choice she'd regret.

She found another place in the monastery, more secluded. She stayed there, even when the others were calling her name. She felt like a monster. Like maybe she deserved to die in the fire instead of live on only to kill her way around the Coast.

“There you are.” Shadowheart said quietly, stepping into the little alcove Tav was in, “We're heading back to camp now.”

“I'll follow in a bit. I want to be alone right now.” Tav said, her voice raspy.

“Alright. Make sure to see me when you get back so I can give you a quick once over for injuries.” Shadowheart replied with a worried frown.

“I will.”

After Shadowheart had left, and the sounds of people had faded, Tav made her way to the creche. She drug every corpse, every adult and youth, to the training room. She placed them all in dignified positions, making sure they each had their weapons in their hands. She wanted them armed for whatever their souls faced next.

She recited the prayer she had found on a scrap of paper in an abandoned house.

“Lathander to light. Selune to guide. Kelemvor to judge, and passage provide.” She said, choking back tears.

She took one of the oil lamps that hung on a nearby wall and tossed it by the fallen githyanki, setting a blaze that she hoped would consume the entire monastery. A blaze to burn away all the wickedness that happened in that place.

She watched the flames slowly spread for a moment, before deciding that she needed a drink. A stiff one. She searched several rooms and found what she was looking for. Moonshine she guessed was made by the people who resided at the monastery before the githyanki. It had Lathander’s holy symbol painted on it.

Tav grabbed as many jars as she could carry and left the creche and the monastery behind, retreating to a nearby cliff. She opened one of the jars and took a drink, coughing at the strength of the beverage. She held up the jar and saw a flicker of flame from the blaze below shine through the glass. She took another drink. And then another. She'd finished one jar and had opened a second by the time the entire Rosymorn Monastery was engulfed in flames.

She stayed for a while longer, finishing her second jar of moonshine. When the jar was emptied, she chucked it off of the cliff and stood. She felt the whole world spin, but managed to steady herself enough to pick up the remaining jars of and stumble off towards camp.

***

Wyll was the first one to see Tav return to camp. He saw her unsteady gait and how she clutched her chest, and assumed the worst.

“Shadowheart! You're needed!” The warlock shouted before rushing over to Tav.

“Hey Wyll!” Tav exclaimed, grinning, “How's it hanging!?”

“You're drunk!” Wyll said, relieved.

“Sure am, bucko! Those Lathander priests knew how to make some good booze, lemme tell you what.” Tav slurred, shoving a jar of moonshine into Wyll's hands.

Tav did the same to Shadowheart when she ran over.

“It's not wine, I know, but it's really good. God’s favorite princess needs fine hooch.” Tav giggled, swaying.

“How many of these did you drink?!” Shadowheart asked, eyes wide.

“Two.” Tav laughed, “I would have had more, but the smoke was getting annoying so I came back.”

“Smoke?” Wyll asked.

“Yup. I lit the whole place up.” Tav said, stumbling towards the tent she and Astarion shared.

“Star!” Tav called, giggling, “Star I got you something!”

Shadowheart and Wyll hurried after Tav, ready to catch her in case she fell.

“He's out hunting.” Shadowheart said, “He should be back soon.”

“You set the whole monastery ablaze?” Wyll asked, “Why?! It could have been restored!”

“To purge our sin from that place.” Tav said, suddenly serious.

“Tav, you can't just go around starting fires like that. What if you were hurt?” Shadowheart scolded.

“I’m not afraid of fire.” Tav said, suddenly angry, “Not even hellfire could rid Toril of my transgressions. My sins were seared into my flesh for all the world to see.”

“I think you should go rest.” Wyll said, trying to diffuse the situation.

“I think you should shut the fuck up!” Tav snapped.

“You don't need to be rude.” Shadowheart said firmly.

“And you don't need to fret over me like a mother hen! I'm still alive, despite everything! I'm still alive!” Tav shouted, “Maybe I shouldn't be! Maybe I don't deserve it! But here I am! Living! Despite! It! All!”

Tav dropped the jars in her hands and balled her hand into a fist, winding up to punch Shadowheart. Before she could swing, she felt herself being dragged backwards by the collar of her armor, cold fingers brushing the back of her neck. She watched camp pass by, fresh tears forming in her eyes, before she was unceremoniously deposited on the cushions she shared with Astarion.

Astarion knelt beside her without a word and removed her armor as she completely broke down. He washed the blood from her with the water in the pitcher he always kept full for her before dressing her in her bed clothes. He laid down, pulling her with him and held her close as she cried herself to sleep.

Notes:

Being forced to fight the entire creche in my first playthrough felt really bad ngl.

Chapter 19: Sins of the Past

Notes:

Really questioning this chapter's ability to keep y'all interested. Pls let me know if it isn't engaging so I can make future chapters better!

Tav woke to the smell of eggs and sausage and immediately felt her stomach rise into her throat. A bucket was thrust into her arms.

“Don't you dare get it on my shoes this time.” Astarion said, pulling Tav’s hair back gently just before she retched

“Fucking end me.” Tav groaned before her stomach spilled again.

“What have you learned from this experience?” Astarion asked

“To drink in moderation.” Tav mumbled, leaning against Astarion.

“Good. You could have very well ended up poisoned. Or worse: be on the cleric’s bad side.” Astarion said, sounding almost amused.

“What exactly happened last night?” Tav asked before suddenly gagging.

She leaned over the bucket and heaved.

“From what I gathered, you burned the monastery down, got inebriated, came back, and tried to fight Shadowheart. I got back from hunting just in time to keep you from punching her.” Astarion replied, “You really made a complete ass of yourself.”

Tav remembered the monastery. The fighting. The corpses. The fire. Everything she said in her anger. All of her sins. Everything.

“I do have some questions, but they can wait for when you're feeling better.” Astarion said, sounding to Tav like he was underwater.

Tav’s mind clouded with anxiety. Fear. Hatred for herself. She hadn't thought about what she'd done in so long. What would everyone think when they found out? What would Astarion think? Would he still care for her if he knew the truth?

Tav felt Astarion's hand on her shoulder, gently tapping her. She couldn't reply. Couldn't think. The guilt of her sins swirled in her mind. Both ones committed before and after she was burned. Astarion’s hand moved to her cheek, his thumb rubbing soothing circles.

“Come back to me, my love.” He said softly, “You're here with me.”

Tav tried to follow Astarion’s voice out of the past and into the present, but she couldn't. She was stuck, spiraling, falling into a swamp of despair and guilt that she had forgotten existed until the disaster at Rosymorn.

She heard Astarion’s voice try to call her back a few more times before he seemed to give up. She felt herself being laid down and covered with a blanket, but the only thing she could see were the faces of the people she'd wronged so terribly. The reasons she felt she deserved to burn again and again.

Astarion went through his day as usual, stopping every now and again to check on Tav, who was nearly catatonic. His brow was creased with worry the entire day and he was considering asking the others for help getting Tav out of the state she was in. Just as everyone was nearly finished with dinner, Tav approached the bubbling cauldron, ladled out a helping of food, and began to eat in silence.

Her eyes still looked far away. Almost as if she was running on instinct alone and her mind was somewhere else entirely. Astarion wasn't a stranger to that state of mind. He had entered it every day for two hundred years. It pained him to see Tav like that, so clearly haunted by something. He put his hand on her shoulder and she didn't react. She ate, then retreated back to their tent, with Astarion following close behind.

“My love, what is bothering you? You can talk to me.” Astarion said, almost pleading.

“No. I can't.” Tav muttered, “My sins are mine to bear. I cannot bring you into the fire. You don't deserve to burn like me.”

Without another word, Tav curled up into a tight ball and closed her eyes, mouthing something silently to herself. Astarion sighed, but did not press Tav to talk. He simply prepared himself for bed and laid beside Tav, somehow managing to get some rest.

He was woken by Tav’s voice in the middle of the night. It was faint, sounding like it was coming from the edge of camp. Another voice was with it, male, Raphael. Astarion slowly peered out of the tent, not wanting to intervene on any official warlock business. He wasn't sure how the whole contractual power thing worked, but he knew that devils didn't like to be interrupted.

“Why, Raphael!?” Tav hissed.

Raphael was in his human form, a grin on his face and his eyes burning.

“I think of myself as an artist, Tav. I'd never seen a more enticing canvas than you.” Raphael said, caressing Tav’s scars from her cheek to where it disappeared under her shirt collar.

“You could have made me your art and granted the mercy of death.” Tav said indignantly.

“Ah, you see, Tav… that's where you're wrong. I'm not just an artist. I'm a poet, a musician, a playwright. I knew you had a part in my magnum opus from the moment I laid eyes on you.” Raphael started circling Tav, looking her over slowly, “I do have to say you're shaping up to be quite the heroine. Still the sparkle of goodness under all that blood on your hands.”

“Don't you dare speak to me of goodness!” Tav snapped, “You know my sins! You heard me repent as you painted my body with fire! You've kept track of me for a century! You know what I've done! You know damn well there isn't any goodness on these hands! Only blood!”

“But those hands, stained red as they are, hold that vampire of yours so gently. The mouth that uttered lie after lie, threat after threat, whispers sweet truths in his ear. That cold, walled-off heart of yours knows love despite your efforts to not let any feeling in. You're saving him, Tav. Only goodness does that.” Raphael teased from behind the elven woman.

Tav spun on her heel and slapped Raphael across the cheek.

“Stop it!” She commanded, enraged.

Raphael transformed into his cambion form and gripped Tav harshly by the jaw, lifting her slightly off the ground.

“Careful there, girl. You're playing with fire.” Raphael warned, tightening his grip on Tav, his claws digging into her flesh.

“I'm not afraid to get burned.” Tav replied, meeting Raphael's white-hot gaze and refusing to look away.

Raphael squeezed Tav’s jaw tighter, lifting her higher, before snarling and tossing her like a doll. He disappeared as Tav’s body hit the ground in camp with a thump, knocking the wind from her lungs. She had been dangerously close to landing in the fire.

Tav gasped for breath, beating against the dirt with a fist until she was able to draw air from her lungs. She let out a bitter laugh that turned into silent sobs.

She draped an arm over her eyes and muttered through her tears, “Lathander to light, Selune to guide. Kelemvor to judge and passage provide.”

She repeated the prayer over and over until her tears had stopped. She picked herself up out of the dirt and brushed herself off. Astarion retreated back into the tent and pretended to be resting when he realized Tav was going back to the tent.

Astarion felt Tav lay down beside him, felt her gaze upon him.

“I've made such a mistake by loving you.” She whispered, “And it's one I can't stop making no matter how hard I try. I've doomed you, I fear.”

Astarion felt her hand on his cheek, her touch featherlight so she wouldn't disturb his rest.