open conversations

by kaalee

Summary:

here’s the deal: freckle exists. The world is better for it. Fuck off I don’t make the rules. The collection this story is a part of is a bunch of fics and drabbles and things wot celebrate the wonder that is freckle. In a nutshell: brilliant, kind, hilarious AF, and a stellar damn writer. It would be very easy to hate them if they weren’t so freaking likeable.

Freckle is like... writer goals.

Anyway, I was going to write something sort of unhinged. But then I got talking with Yee about the importance of conversations about sex and gender and consent and etc… and how Nick and Charlie might be as parents. And now here’s my first ever 5 +1 story.

Five times Nick and Charlie were #parentinggoals for talking about sex and gender and consent and 1 time it carried over. Chapters will be posted every day or two, once I get over jet lag and edit and etc…

Also, I'm realizing that most of this should have been in the author's note and not in the summary... oops?

Notes:

• For chocolatefreckle.

luscious and sbundant thanks to Tee & Emmy for flails, cheerleading, beta-work, etc… and general all around awesomeness. 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

Chapter 1: Take penis off?

 

---

 

Sammi finishes brushing her teeth in her dads’ bathroom and then steps back to look in the mirror while she washes her face carefully. She can hear her little siblings, Tegan and Raylan, in the other bathroom talking to Daddy Nick.

She feels pretty proud of herself. Because she’s received three good reports at the dentist, her dads let her do bedtime routines by herself and she gets to use their bathroom, like a grown up. Especially? They have so many bottles and creams and liquids in that bathroom. They’re not the same liquids as the bottles they keep near the side of their bed, but Sammi is starting to be able to read really well and soon she’ll be able to read the labels on all of the bottles and jars and squeezies in their bathroom and know what they’re all for. Maybe they’ll let her use some of their fancy stuff one day, too.

As she goes down the corridor to her bedroom, she hears the low voice of her daddy Nick as he talks to the twins. Both her brother and sister have been talking so much more recently.

“Pee-nis! Pee-nis! Pee-nis!” Raylan chants, and Samira rolls her eyes. Both siblings have been talking about penises and vulvas a lot. Too much. She knows it’s normal, but that doesn’t mean she has to like it.

Her siblings are about two and a half, and they can say two and three word sentences now, instead of just pointing and saying “tree” or “ball.” Sammi could always understand her siblings, but now that they’re saying more, it’s like her dads can finally understand instead of just pretending to. Sometimes grownups don’t understand kids all the way, like other kids do. A lot of grown ups don’t understand kids at all. Her dads understand kids much more than any other grownups she knows, except for Uncle Olly, who seems to just understand everything. But now that the twins are saying more, Sammi loves that other people can finally see how cool and smart they are.

“Take penis off?”

Samira stops short at that. She hears a kind of strangled noise from the bathroom and then Daddy says, “What, Raby?”

“Take penis off?”

“No, Raby-baby, you can’t take your penis off.”

“Take penis off? Give Teeny?”

“No, Raby, your penis doesn’t come off. Teeny has a vulva and Raby has a penis.”

Samira hurries into her bedroom. She loves her brother and sister, but they also can be a lot. She brushes her hair, then goes to choose a few books to read before bed.

Her Daddy Charlie comes to sit with her tonight. They snuggle together as he reads through the four books she’s chosen, doing different voices for the characters, and talking to her about illustrations and some of her favourite parts. Sammi tries not to put her thumb in her mouth, even though snuggling her daddy and holding Floppy Dog always makes her want to suck her thumb, she is not a baby anymore. 

“Daddy, how come people have penises and vulvas?”

Her daddy looks at her and says, “What made you think of that, love?”

“Teeny and Raby keep talking about them now that they’re trying to use the potty, and I know like... mostly why we have them, but... why do we have them again?”

Her dads have always been really honest with her, and she can see Daddy Charlie thinking about how to answer. “Well, the simple answer is that they help people make babies. There are a lot of parts inside our bodies that do a lot of that work, but we can’t see them. You need sperm from a person with a penis and an egg from a person with a vulva to make a baby.”

Samira thinks about that. “But... how did we get Teeny and Raby?” She knows she was adopted, so that has never been a question in her mind. “But you and Daddy both have penises, so how did you get a vulva so you could make a baby?”

“There are people who donate sperm or donate eggs so other people can have babies. We saved our money for a long time and then paid someone named Simran to carry the twins for us. So one of the twins was made with Daddy’s sperm, and one of the twins was made with my sperm, and they were both made from eggs that Simran donated.”

“Did you both do the sex with her?”

“No, baby. You know that we think sex is a wonderful thing, but it’s also something private. Daddy and I only like to have sex with each other. There were scientists that helped put the sperm together with Simran’s eggs.”

“Do you know if Raby or Teeny is your sperm?”

Charlie grinned. “We don’t, actually. Every once in a while I think I know, but I am never sure. Mostly they just seem like their own unique people, so we don’t know.”

“Sometimes adult stuff is conflicated.”

“It can be complicated, yeah. And you can always ask, Sammi... you know that, right?”

“Yeah. Penises don’t come off, right?”

Her daddy snuffles a laugh, it sounds almost like a hiccup. “No, definitely not! Why do you ask?”

“Raylan wanted to take his off and give it to Tegan.”

Charlie laughs aloud. “I’ll bet Nick was dying. I’m not sure that’s a question I ever thought someone would ask.”

“Okay. Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I’m ready for sleep now.”

Her daddy tucks her in, kisses her forehead, both eyelids, then her nose. They sing the Sammi song that her daddy Nick made up when she was one, and her daddy Charlie tells her he loves her past the farthest star.

As Sammi snuggles Floppy Dog and starts to drift off to sleep, she can still feel her daddy’s kisses on her face. She feels warm, and safe, and loved.

 

---

 

 

Chapter 2: a white volcano

Summary:

5 + 1 of Nick and Charlie being #parentinggoals -- this is part 2

last time: Samira was six and talked to her daddy about penises and vulvas and some questions she had

this tim: Sammi is eleven and is taking Sex Ed...

 

~800 words

Notes:

on my knees thanks to the glorious Tee & Emmy for flails, cheerleading, beta-work, commas, extra words, and snickers, etc…

thank you for being you 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

and for freckle? still #writergoals, so fuck the fuck off. I said what I said. 😘😘😘😘

 

---

 

Nick chops vegetables for their evening meal as Samira bangs through the front door after drama rehearsal.

“Hi Sammi!” he calls out. “How was school?”

Sammi drops her bag and clomps into the kitchen. She sits down and sighs heavily. “Still doing sex ed and I’m ready for it to be over. Like yesterday.”

“Not enjoying all the penis talk?” Nick says with a grin.

“We talked about ejaculation!” She sounds scandalised.

Nick laughs. “It’s like a white volcano!”

“Eww, Daddy. Gross.” But Sammi grins in spite of herself.

“It is sort of weird, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I mean, I get that the sperm has to come out some way, and I understand biologically it needs to be forceful so it can go find eggs for reproduction, but like...” Samira shudders. “That seems like a really weird way to get it out?”

Nick pauses. He puts down the knife. “You do know that it’s... pleasurable? For the person with a penis that’s ejaculating?”

Sammi looks at him.

“It’s called an orgasm. And they feel really good. You can have them, too. It’s just different for people that have vul–”

Sammi’s look stops Nick mid-sentence.

“Look, you can have them, too. You don’t ejaculate. Well, I mean not... well, that’s a talk for a different day. But orgasms are really good. And yeah, this is all weird. But I just wanted you to know that? Because I’m pretty sure the curriculum tells you more fact-based things and less about other things.”

“Daddy, I don’t need Ms. Davies telling us how great it is to have an orgasm!”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

The door bursts open (Nick really needs to have a talk with his children about being a bit more gentle with the door) and Tegan comes chattering in loud and animated, telling Charlie about her class's newest pet. Raylan is on Charlie’s back – he’s been all into piggyback rides these days, and while Nick and Charlie keep telling Raylan that seven year olds are a bit big for piggybacks, both men secretly hope he’ll still want them for at least another year – resting his head on Charlie’s neck. It’s unlike Raylan to be so quiet and subdued. Maybe he’s getting sick?

“What are you two talking about?” Charlie asks, kissing Nick and turning to look at Samira at the table.

“Sex ed.” Samira answers, rolling her eyes. “I’m done. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

She grabs her bag and walks out of the kitchen. “I’m going to work on my homework.”

Charlie looks at Nick with raised eyebrows and Nick mouths I’ll tell you later.

Meanwhile, Tegan sits down at the table, in front of the pile of grapes, cheese, and buttered toast Nick has laid out.

“What did Seck say?”

“What?”

“Samira said you were talking about what ‘Seck said.’ What did Seck say? And who is Seck anyway?”

Raylan slides down Charlie’s back and comes to the table. “I don’t know Seck either. Is he a friend of Sammi’s?”

“Why do you assume they’re a ‘he?’” Tegan frowns at her brother. “Not everyone is always right away a he or a she. What about Entie Darcy?”

Raylan shrugs. “Sounds like a boy's name.”

Nick replays everything Sammi had said and what Tegan said and finally he is able to get his brain to think like that of a seven year old.

“Oh!” he says. “Sammi said ‘sex ed’ not ‘ Seck said.’ She’s learning about sex in school. It’s part of her coursework right now.”

“Like penises and vulvas and boobs and babies?” Raylan asks around a mouthful of toast and grapes.

“Essentially, yeah.”

Charlie snickers. He and Nick share a glance over the heads of their twins and grin.

Life with children is always an adventure.

---

 

“So what were you and Sammi talking about when we came in today?” Charlie asks Nick as they both pull back their sides of the duvet and slide into bed together.

“Oh!” Nick snickers. “Apparently they talked about ejaculation today.”

“Nice. Bet she loved that.”

“Definitely. She was a bit horrified. Worse when I compared it to a white volcano.”

“Evil Dad Nicholas comes to play.” Charlie giggles. 

“You like it when I come,” Nick says, sliding over and pulling Charlie’s body full against his.

“Mmm, that I do.”

They kiss, long and lazy and languid. These are unrushed kisses of parents whose children no longer wake them up countless times at night. Nick knows that these evenings are bound to change soon. Charlie’s been accepted to a PhD program which will change some of their carefully planned structure, but it’ll be worth it. Charlie deserves the time to study what lights his eyes.

“C’mere husband,” Charlie says, pulling Nick on top of him. “Let’s investigate just how forceful your white volcano is…”

---

Chapter 3: a sports analogy...

Summary:

last time: Sammi was taking sex ed...

this time: Someone at football camp keeps touching Raylan and he doesn't know how to get them to stop...

~2k

Notes:

abundant thanks to the luscious Tee & Emmy for generally cheering me on and making sure each bit makes sense! 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

---

 

Charlie squints at the sat nav. He’s on for the summer footie carpool today, picking up the twins and three of their friends from football camp. Thank goodness for the carpool, because fuck, it’s far from home.

He pulls into the carpark and sees the building where he’s meant to sign everyone out. One of the reasons they chose this camp is that there is an indoor space they use daily to cool down, take a break, and have some down time before they jump into afternoon drills and scrimmages.

Inside, he sees Raylan and Tegan with their friends, and all five kids jump up and run over to him. God, Charlie really loves this age. They’re all between the ages of ten and eleven and a half, and such good friends, but they still really like him. Their eldest, Samira, is fourteen and vacillates wildly between loving her parents more than anything and finding everything he and Nick do, say, and think, to be the most annoying thing ever.

“Mr. Charlie!” Tegan’s best friend, Gemma, hugs him. Tegan has literally been best friends with Gemma since they were five, so it’s been a long time. Charlie hugs her back and then opens his arms and all five children crowd in.

He laughs. He’s pretty sure this outward joy is partly for show – Gemma did it first – but he will take the hugs, honestly. He really loves the twins’ friends. They’re such interesting, layered, wonderful people.

Charlie talks to one of the coaches for a minute (they remind him of a younger Nicholas Luke Nelson and that is something he’ll need to talk to his fit husband about later tonight because the memory of Nick Nelson at eighteen is giving him some very naughty thoughts, indeed), signs them out, and herds all of the kids out to the car.

Their family rule is “no phones in the car” and neither Tegan nor Raylan are allowed phones yet. Not that they haven’t been asking almost weekly for the past year (by “asking” what he really means is whining and complaining about how they’re the ‘only ones in their yeeeeeeeear’ that don’t have phones, which is a load of bollocks because both Nick and Charlie can name at least eight other parents that have agreed not to allow their children to have phones until they’ve turned thirteen), but a couple of their friends do have phones. It’s been the rule ever since Samira got one last year.

Charlie hands his phone off to Raylan’s friend, Miah, to set the music and then hand it back up to him so he can put the navigational directions back on. Charlie would definitely prefer different music, but this compromise is one he’s honestly fine with, because the kids get the music they want and then there’s no argument about phones. Plus, the kids have to talk to each other.

Everyone buckles in. Tegan, Gemma, and Jonah sit in the way back with Raylan and Miah in the middle. Yes, Charlie feels a bit like a chauffeur, but that’s almost a daily experience as a parent, he’s discovered.

The conversation goes in and out and Charlie spends some time considering something from work that he wants to get Nick’s advice about. Then the kids’ conversation pulls his attention back out of his musing and Charlie tunes into what Raylan is talking about.

“She just won’t leave me alone!”

Charlie immediately tenses up and has to adjust his body language and remember to just listen first. This is a constant struggle for both him and Nick. (Less so for Nick, because Nick does it regularly in his job. But, even working with kids every day, it’s still different when it’s your own kid).

So Charlie takes a deep breath and just listens.

The kids are offering different bits of advice to Raylan, and from what Charlie is able to piece together, there is someone at camp that keeps touching Raylan when he doesn’t want them to.

“Just tell her to stop!”

“I have,” Raylan sounds dejected when he says it. “But she just won’t.”

“Push her hands off,” Miah says.

“I can’t really do that, though.”

Charlie can see Raylan’s face in the rearview mirror and he looks genuinely concerned.

“Why not?” Jonah calls from the back. “You told her to stop; she didn’t stop.”

“What’s going on, though?” Tegan finally joins the conversation.

“One of the girls from camp keeps touching me. Like it started with high fiving when we were doing drills, but now she touches me at lunchtime, tickles me, comes up behind me and puts her arms around me. It feels really... icky? I don’t like it.”

“And you told her to stop?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t do any good. Like I know I’m a boy, so I just should just... um–”

Charlie turns down the radio a bit. He needs to concentrate.

Raylan tries again. “Like I feel like because she’s a girl, this shouldn’t bother me so much. And maybe it’s really not a big deal?”

The car explodes with disagreement – all four kids tell Raylan that he is allowed to feel icky. The advice Charlie can make out runs the gamut from: “tell someone” to “kick her in the tits” and he’s hoping at least some of the advice is just a joke.

“Son?” he says.

Raylan catches his eye in the rearview mirror.

“You told someone to stop and they didn’t. That’s wrong. Full stop. You don’t have to deal with it just because you’re a boy and they’re a girl.”

There’s a quiet, full silence in the car right now, and Charlie can almost feel all of the kids paying attention, so he chooses his words carefully.

“You are all such amazing people,” he says honestly. “You listen to others, you call each other out on things, and you’re also loud and kind and funny and smart. And you’re still learning so much and taking so many things to heart. I know you’re all aware of toxic masculinity and you take that seriously. But this isn’t that. No matter who you are, you still get to be in charge of your body.”

“But I don’t want to, like, overstep, or be too much.”

“I told Raylan maybe it means she likes him,” Jonah adds.

“That could be,” Charlie says. “But touching someone in a way they didn’t consent to will always be wrong.”

All of the kids roll their eyes. Miah says, “Yeah, everyone says this like over and over and over again.”

Charlie grins. “Good. And this is the same thing. Someone who keeps touching someone who asks them to stop – even if they like them – is doing it wrong.”

“Maybe you can tell one of the coaches?” Gemma says.

“But what if they tell her I told them?”

“Hey, at least it’ll stop!” Jonah says.

“You know,” Tegan says from the back. “Maybe you can think about it like this: you told her to stop and she didn’t stop. It’s like football. If you do something wrong, you get a yellow card. If you keep doing it, you get another yellow or a red card or get ejected. She was out of line and you gave her a yellow card. But if she doesn’t stop doing it, then that’s on her. If she finds out you told one of the coaches and is mad? Like, she should be mad at herself!”

Charlie never fails to be amazed at how deeply and intuitively children understand things. Nick has waxed poetic for years about empathy and child development and the magic and wonder of children’s brains, and he always appreciated it (well, and it also turns him the fuck on to hear his gorgeous husband talk about something he’s passionate about), but being able to see it first hand in their children, is nothing short of amazing.

“That’s a really great analogy,” Charlie says. “And that’s what coaches are there for. Not only to make you run drills, and help you learn the skills, but also to learn how to be a team player and act like it.”

He catches Raylan’s eye in the rearview mirror again and can see that Raylan’s hit that wall of being the center of attention. He knows it well. So Charlie quickly thinks of something to change the subject. “Miah, didn’t you and your older sister go see the Eras Tour?”

“Yessssss!!!!” Miah says. And they’re off, talking about what the stadium was like, what they wore, what their sister wore, the set list...

After a few minutes, Charlie checks back and Raylan’s laughing at something Miah is saying about someone trying to get up onstage. His body language is comfortable again and the light is back in his eyes.

 

---

 

Before bed, Charlie sits on the end of Raylan’s bed and asks if he’s okay if they talk more about what they talked about in the car. Raylan explains what has been happening at camp, and it’s pretty much what Charlie gleaned from listening to the conversation.

Raylan still looks uncomfortable. “It’s just... like I know that I’m a white boy, and so I need to think about that. And I don’t want to take advantage or anything.”

Tears of pride, of empathy, of sadness, prick the back of Charlie’s eyes. “I know, Raby,” Raylan doesn’t love his old nickname, but sometimes in tender moments like this, Charlie can still get away with it. “I know, and I love that you are thinking about that. It means that you listen and learn and reflect. That you’re aware of your privilege. But–” and Charlie lifts Raylan’s chin and looks into his eyes. “Your body belongs to you. You still have the right to consent to anyone touching you. If someone touches you in a way you don’t want them to? They have to stop. Being a cis-gender, white boy doesn’t change that.”

“Okay.” Raylan’s voice is really quiet.

He puts his head down on Charlie’s shoulder and lets Charlie pull him into a long hug.

“Dad?”

“Yeah?” Charlie keeps his voice as quiet as Raylan’s whisper.

“Can you let me try to solve it tomorrow? And then if I need your help or Daddy’s help, I can ask you?”

“Of course.”

“And you can tell Daddy later. I know you guys talk.”

“I’ll tell him. Do you want him to come talk to you tonight?”

“No, I’m really tired.”

“Alright, baby.”

Charlie tucks him in and kisses him goodnight and goes to say goodnight to his other children.

 

---

 

Nick is quiet while Charlie explains the car discussion and the conversation he had with Raylan at bedtime. They’re facing each other on the sofa, each reclining against the sofa back, their feet tangled together. Daisy and Arlo are both on the floor, waiting for when Charlie and Nick snuggle together so they can take their proper place on the sofa.

“That sweet boy,” Nick says. “God. Both people pleasing instincts and the idea of being hyper aware of his masculinity and not wanting to take advantage. I’m so glad he was able to talk to you.”

“Is there anything else I should’ve said? Can you think of something?”

Nick shakes his head. He reaches out for Charlie’s hand and motions him over to snuggle. Charlie insinuates himself in between Nick and the back of the sofa and Nick curls his arms around him. They purchased a very deep sofa for this very reason. The dogs take the opportunity to hop up on the sofa, and Daisy licks Charlie’s toes before laying her head down on Nick’s shins.

“You’re amazing,” Nick breathes into Charlie’s hair. “It’s like... I thought I couldn’t love you more, and then I watch you as a parent, the way you support and take care of our children, and I fall in love all over again.”

Charlie wrinkles his nose. He can feel his cheeks heat up.

“Plus,” Nick says, his voice low and hungry. “It’s hot as hell.”

“Yeah?” Charlie licks under Nick’s earlobe, then pulls it into his mouth. “Well, how about we go get naked and then you can tell me just how hot I am?”

“How long have you got?” Nick asks before leaning down for a messy kiss.

“For you? I have all night.”

 

---

Chapter 4: a lot of baggy t-shirts...

Summary:

last time: Raylan learned that consent is still a thing, even for boys.

this time: Tegan has an important question for their dads, but they're not quite sure how to talk to them about it.

1.3k

Notes:

deep thanks to Tee & Emmy for beta, cheerleading, and love. 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

~bonus thank you to frankie to giving this chapter a sensitivity read. I really wanted to do right by Tegan in this bit.

 

---

 

Tegan remembers not knowing how to talk to their dads about what they were feeling inside. At the time, both Nick and Charlie were always open for any of their children to express themselves outwardly in whatever way worked for them. Even though their dads were thoughtful, clever, and loved all three of their children out loud and unreservedly, Tegan could never quite figure out how to tell them… this. It just felt so big.

For two years, Tegan had eschewed the tiny skirts that so many of their friends chose, instead going for flared or cargo trousers, with really baggy tops. They didn’t want to wear the baggy tops, but there was sort of a step in the middle that they were so afraid of before they could get to the tops they wanted to wear.

They remember pulling out their Tegan-Dad notebook, and writing: “I love you. I want to talk to you both. But not with Raylan or Sammi.”

They put it on their Dads’ bed during the bustle of after dinner clean up, tooth brushing, showering and all of the jobs their Daddy Nick had put on a poster years ago. Now that all three of them are older, it’s spattered with toothpaste dots and random doodles. Almost none of them even notice it anymore, it was fully in the background, but Tegan loved the predictability of it. Daddy always put things on paper or posters if it was something they were expected to remember.

Tegan finished getting ready for bed, got their backpack ready for school, then sat on their bed to read. Charlie came in, holding the notebook and sat down on the other end of the bed. “Hey Teeny,” he said. “Daddy’s finishing up a few things. Do you want to talk tonight?”

“Yeah, but I want to talk to both of you.”

“I’ll tell him. I’ll go get my book and can I sit and read, too?”

Tegan nods.

When he gets back, they both settle into companionable silence. Tegan has a daybed, so they have pillows all along the wall. They’re sitting on their bed, and Charlie has pulled over their desk chair and is sat with his socked feet propped up on their bed.

When Nick comes in, they see him smile and sit on the other end of the daybed, absently rubbing Charlie’s feet. Their dads are both so physical with each other. They’re always touching, hugging, snuggling. As much as they roll their eyes about it, Tegan’s pretty sure they want to find a partner like that in the future.

“Okay,” they say. Both of their dads look at them, books closed and attention fully on Tegan.

“You know how I went shopping with Marta and Gemma?” Their dads nod. “I bought a purple crop top that says I’m too clumsy to be around fragile masculinity.”

Nick laughs aloud and Charlie swats him. “Nick, will you be serious?”

“Your dad had one just like it when he was at uni. It looked really good on him.”

Both of them looked at each other with soft eyes for a minute. And while Tegan doesn’t actually mind the fact that their dads are still so ridiculously in love after all these years – not like how Raylan and Sammi loudly object – they really do have something they needed to talk about.

“Focus!” they say.

“Sorry.” Nick’s freckles always get brighter when he blushes, and he still blushes when he’s caught being soppy.

“Why don’t you show us the shirt?” Charlie asks.

“Okay.”

Tegan gets out the shirt and holds it up in front of them. They can see their dads exchange a glance and they wonder if they already have an inkling what Tegan wants to ask. They often do, which is both helpful and annoying as fuck.

“Do you want to model it for us?” Charlie asks.

Tegan shakes their head immediately.

“Why not?”

“It doesn’t fit.”

They’re both quiet and Tegan knows that’s their in. They know both of their dads are ready to hear anything they need to say.

“I mean,” Tegan continues. “It fits, but the, um... parts of me that stick out, make it– um, it means the shirt doesn’t look how I want it to look on me.”

They say all of that in a rush and then they see both of their dads’ eyes get glassy.

“Your breasts?”

“Yeah.”

Tegan feels their face flame and they look down at the floor for a minute. “I love the crop top, though. I think it would look really good on me and show a little bit of my stomach. I don’t want to keep wearing baggy shirts all the time.”

“Maybe if your breasts didn’t stick out so much then the shirt would look how you want it to look?” Nick says.

Tegan nods. Their vision gets a little swimmy and wobbly.

“It’s like... my chest is the part of me that feels... wrong.”

They burst into tears and Nick immediately pulls them into a hug. Their dad rubs their leg sympathetically.

“Oh baby,” Charlie says. “That is so much on you. Thank you for telling us.”

Tegan cries for a while, their head on Nick’s shoulder, while Charlie rubs their back gently. They can see both dads holding each other’s hand, stroking the backs of each other’s hands with thumbs absently. Tegan has figured out it’s for strength. For connection. And usually they find it sort of banal, but right now it adds another layer of comfort and they don’t mind it at all. Their dads are always a together unit.

When they stop crying, they pull away.

“I think... I think I’m ready for you to ask me questions.”

Nick goes first. “Do you feel like the baggy shirts aren’t... right for you?”

They nod. “They’re fine for sleeping and stuff, but at school I’m just all hunchy when I wear them.”

Then Charlie asks, “Do you have an idea of what would make it better?”

They nod.

“Do you want us to try to ask the right question so you don’t have to say it?”

They nod again.

Their dads look at each other for a moment and then Nick says, “Do you think wearing a binder might help you feel more like yourself?”

Tegan thought they’d stopped crying, but tears spill over again as they nod.

“Is there more of your body that makes you feel like this?” Charlie asks.

“No!” they say immediately. “I love my body. I’m so strong from football and I run so fast. I have muscles and my arms and legs are long, and now that I have these braids–” they gesture to the two braids they usually wear, but that their Aunt Elle helped them dye half purple a few weeks ago when she and Uncle Tao were visiting. “My stomach, too. I can do more sit ups than anyone on my team and my PE class. More than anyone I know.”

“How about your–” Tegan sees Charlie blush and blanch the tiniest bit, but recovers. “About your vulva and vagina? Do those make you feel any sense of dysphoria?”

“No!” Tegan says. “All of the rest of my body just feels like... me. It’s just–” they gesture angrily towards their chest, “–these that feel like they don’t belong to me.”

“Teeny,” Charlie says. “You know we support you. And if you want to try wearing a binder to see how that makes you feel? That’s the very least we can do.”

Nick nods. Then he says, “Do you want to shop with one of us to find one to try? Or maybe go with Entie Darcy?”

“We could also order some online,” Charlie adds.

Tegan thinks about that for a minute. “No, I think I want to be able to try them on. Maybe I can go with one of you and Darcy?”

“Whatever you want, Teeny,” Nick says.

Tegan can’t actually remember all of the minutia of coordinating and google searches for shops with binders and Darcy’s loud joy to be included, but a date and time gets scheduled, and for the first time after a lot of baggy t-shirts, Tegan starts to feel a lot more like themself again.

 

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Chapter 5: instinct...

Summary:

last time: Tegan had an important thing to talk to their dads about.

this time: David is visiting. Tegan and Raylan walk Tegan's friend home and get spooked.

~1.4k

Notes:

David surprised me in this. Some actual personal growth. Who knew?

~thank you for following along in this. Last bit needs to be finished and I'm hoping to put it up this weekend! 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

 

---

 

“They are so loud,” Charlie says, rolling his eyes.

Nick nods, not looking up from his book.

“Are they always like this?” David asks, looking up from his phone. He’s been typing furiously with his thumbs for the last five minutes or so. Nick’s brother, David, is in town on business. He’s here for a visit and is going to spend the night before heading home in the morning. It gives him time to see his niblings, but it’s short enough that they don’t have to navigate any tricky territory like politics.

“I mean…” Nick considers. “They are loud just sort of... existing. But Gemma is here because they all want to watch a particular movie together. I think it’s more of a ‘hate watch’ even though they all loved all the previous movies. It’s been a long week at school, so they all need an outlet.”

Tegan and Raylan are in the downstairs lounge watching Zombies 4: Dawn of the Vampires with Tegan’s best friend, Gemma. Gemma lives about a ten minute walk away, so she came over after footie practice and they all ordered pizza and have been downstairs watching the movie and yelling at the screen for almost two hours now. Samira is out on a group date with some friends, which essentially means a bunch of people going to a movie and then wandering around the arcade in pairs.

Eventually, Gemma and the twins emerge from the basement and fall on the sofa dramatically. They talk over each other, telling Nick, Charlie, and David about all of the terrible special effects, the horrendous make-up work, and how the ending was ‘the stupidest thing they’d ever seen.’

Nick texts Gemma’s mum to let her know that the twins will walk Gemma home after they spend the next ten minutes debriefing their hate watch.

They’re just as loud as they were downstairs, the energy almost manic and rising off of them like quivering heat above hot pavement. After another five minutes, Nick tells them that Gemma’s mum is expecting her and they should take a flashlight, the house cell phone, and Arlo with them.

Charlie hustles the trio and Arlo out the door and then comes back to the lounge. “Want a beer?” he asks both Nelson brothers.

“Please,” David says, as Nick shakes his head. “That was... a lot.”

“They’re usually loud, but they were especially over-excited tonight. I think it’s been a long week; they had some exams, and they were just feeding off of each other’s energy.”

Charlie and David drink their beer while they all talk about plans for Sarah’s birthday, then Nick’s phone rings and he glances down to see that it’s the house cell phone the twins brought with them on their walk.

“Hey, what’s up?” he says.

“Dad!” Tegan sounds breathless. “We dropped off Gemma, but there’s this strange car that I think is following us, and there are too many people out walking their dogs and Raylan and I are just feeling weird. Even Arlo isn’t acting right.”

“It’s okay,” Nick says immediately. “Where are you? I’ll come get you.”

“We’re on Windsor, close to Mill Lane.”

“I’ll be right there.”

He disconnects the call and looks at Charlie. “Tegan said they think a car is following them and they feel weird, so I’m going to get them.”

David huffs. “Oh, it’s nothing. They were already all jacked up when they went out for a walk.”

Charlie gives David a side eye, but nods at Nick.

“I’ve got my phone on.”

Nick grabs his wallet and keys and heads out. The street Tegan mentioned isn’t that far away. He doesn’t see them at first, but finally sees Raylan’s telltale hoodie reflecting the light and he pulls up next to them, rolling down the window and immediately identifying himself. The twins scramble in and Arlo hops in, jumping up onto one of the seats, but his tail looks off.

Both twins are in a heightened state, they’re co-telling the story, but Nick is only able to understand a few words at a time:

“...and we saw it like twice more.”

“...people walking, but... ”

“...too many dogs for nighttime!”

“...dressed all dark.”

“...you have to believe us!”

“Babies,” Nick says. They hush immediately. They’re not babies at all, but both he and Charlie each have a word they can say to get their children’s attention immediately, and they don’t use it lightly. “I believe everything you’ve said. You did the right thing. Something didn’t feel right to you, so you reached out for help. That was smart, and you should be really proud of yourselves.”

“But what if it was nothing?” Tegan asks.

“If it was? Who cares? But you both felt uncomfortable for some reason. You called me, and I came to get you. Trust your instincts. So I had to leave our house for five whole minutes to come pick up my children and my dog, all of whom I love more than life. This is not a hardship, I promise.”

Nick says this just as he pulls into the driveway, and the twins hurry out, Raylan taking Arlo’s lead and then letting him into the house ahead of all of them. In the lounge, Tegan tells Charlie what happened and both he and David listen, rapt.

“It was probably nothing, though,” David says. “You both and Gemma were so on edge, you were in a state where you were probably looking for things to freak you out.”

Tegan’s shoulders wilt the tiniest bit, and Raylan pushes his hair behind his ear nervously.

“Yeah,” Raylan starts to say. “We were a–”

“Wait, though,” Nick interrupts. “The point here is this: the two of you were out walking home from Gemma’s house and you felt uncomfortable. You can’t quite name what it was, but you listened to your instincts and you got help. Full stop. That’s the only point of this story. This is where it ends.”

He gives David a firm, but kind look, pleading with him to let it be. To his credit, David nods and shuts up.

There’s a moment of quiet in the lounge that’s interrupted when Daisy lets out a huge dog snore. They all look at each other and laugh. Charlie stands up.

“What I think Daisy is trying to tell us, is that it’s time for bed. The two of you definitely need some rest before your game tomorrow.”

The twins hug David goodnight and Nick promises to come tuck them in when they’re ready. When he looks at David, he sees a thoughtful expression on his brother’s face.

“You were right about all of that. That was really smart.”

“I... was?”

“Yeah. Adults never teach kids to listen to their instincts. That’s brilliant. You’re an amazing dad.”

“I... am?” Nick’s entire vocabulary has melted and he’s reduced to single syllable words.

“Yeah. God, can you imagine if Stephane was a dad to us like you are to your kids? I’d be so much less of a dick. I’d be a totally different person.”

“You, um, kind of seem like one now?”

“Like a dick?”

“No!! A totally different person.”

“Well,” David takes a long drink from his bottle. “I figured the whole ‘act like a total wanker to my brother because I’m jealous and an emotionally stunted bellend’ just isn’t a good look on me anymore.’”

Nick still can’t say a word.

David grins, a real smile that lights his entire face. “I’m seeing a therapist and I’m just... I dunno, I’m tired of being a jerk. I want to be a better person. I actually like you. And Charlie. And your kids. I figure I can learn from you instead of relying on what I learned from like the shittiest father ever.”

Nick’s throat tightens with emotion and he manages to say, “I think I need a beer now.”

His brother laughs. “Is that what your instincts are telling you?”

His brain finally catches up with his feelings and Nick grins back at David. “No, my instincts are telling me to listen to my brother, even though I can’t quite believe what I’ve just heard.”

David stands up. “I’ll get you that beer.”

As Nick sags back into the sofa, he can hear Charlie talking to their children, and he can hear his brother – his brother who has been less of a dick, but has verbally shared that he’s seeing a therapist and trying to be a better person – in the kitchen getting him a beer. Nick feels a wave of relief, then of gratitude.

Charlie is not going to believe it when he tells him.

 

---

Notes:

hope you enjoyed this -- while you're waiting, go check out literally all of freckle's work. Including, but not limited to:

✨ The Campsite Rule

✨ ✨ Well, this is awkward (particularly ch 5)

✨ ✨ ✨ Climb you like a tree (for meeeeeeeeeee)

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 9 of future verse...