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Helluva Gacha

Summary:

What happens after we die? Its a question that has plagued humanity since we were fist able to ask it. Reincarnation, some will claim, while others speak of either eternal punishment, or paradise.

What I got was gambling and tasked with helping God's granddaughter run a rehab for demons.

Yeah, that seems about right.

Chapter 1: Roll the Dice

Chapter Text

Death. 

 

It came for all of us eventually. Many hope it does so peacefully, when you can close your eyes for a final time with no regrets about how you lived your life as you fall asleep for the final time, never to wake. 

 

That was not how I died. 

 

No, I died because a fucking firework got shot into a crowd by my drunken dumbass hick of a cousin, and I pushed some poor kid out the way so they didn’t die in a blaze of anything but glory like I did. 

 

Fuck cousin Tod. And, honestly, fuck New Year's Parties. Always knew one of them would get me killed. 

 

But, not much I can do about it now. Unless haunting the prick is an option. Speaking of the afterlife, it was… not quite what I was expecting. No pearly gates. Granted, I was kinda expecting that, but being in what I could only describe as an office mixed with a casino and sat across from the most generic man in existence was not one of them. 

 

“Fuckin’ rude.” The dude, who I was just going to call Greg, spoke up with an almost angelic voice that fiercely contrasted the crude way he spoke-wait, did he hear my internal monologue? 

 

“Yes, I did. Jackass.” 

 

“Uhm… Sorry about thinking you look generic?” 

 

“Damn fuckin’ right you are, boy.” Greg grumbled petulantly. “And my name aint fuckin’ ‘Greg’. Just, look, call me Pops or some shit at least. You Me damn brats get more disrespectful every year, I swear.”

 

“Wait, did you just say ‘Me Damn’? Are you god?” I asked in disbelief. 

 

For the first time since he had gotten here, Gr-Pops actually smiled. 

 

“Now yer catchin’ on! Welcome to my personal slice ah the beyond! Pretty swanky aint it?” 

 

“Um, it's an honor?” I responded, confused. “But, uh, what do you want with me? I was pretty sure I was going to go to the other place for general assholery.” 

 

“Ah Lucas, I aint that harsh. Sure, yer a lil rough aroun’ the edges, but yer a good kid. Not just anyone is willin’ to save someone else on instinct, but I guess that's why you wanted to be a doctor, huh?” Pops chuckled, it was kinda comforting, like a grandparents laugh. “But, it's cause yer one of the good ones that I actually brought ya here rather than lettin’ Peter handle yer welcome topside like usual. See, plenty ah people die every day doing good shit like you did. You were just drawn at random from these fresh souls. But the thing is, I got a favor to ask of ya, if yer willin’?” 

 

“S-sure?” Look when God himself asks you to do something, it's probably important. 

 

“Ah figured you’d agree! That's another reason why I picked ya!” Pops chuckled. “Look kid, my grandkid is workin’ on something, an’ I can’t help her directly due to my own rules. So I’m going to need to send someone else to give her a hand.” 

 

I blinked. That was it? 

 

“Well, here’s the catch.” Oh right, he could hear the internal monologue. “She’s in Hell.”

 

“You… Want me to go to Hell?” I asked bluntly. Ah yes, eternal paradise, or go do a favour for God that sends me to the pit. 

 

“Now, hold yer horses there kid, Hell ain’t exactly what you think it is. It's less ‘Fire, Brimstone and Eternal Torment’ and more, well…” He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Okay, yeah, it's pretty shit. But my point is that ye can live a pretty normal life down there regardless, and Charlie is a sweetheart. She’ll look after ye with no questions asked as long as yer a decent sort like ah now ye are.” 

 

Despite Pop’s reassurances, I was still hesitant. It was still Hell, the place where actual demons and the scum of the Earth roamed free. Sensing this, Pops let out another chuckle. 

 

“Relax Lucas, not like I'm sendin’ ya down with no way to defend yerself. Now, if memory serves, you always enjoyed the occasional gamble, right?” 

 

I laughed sheepishly as Pops smirked at me over the desk. He wasn’t wrong. I was never a big better, but I couldn’t help but indulge in trying my luck sometimes. Bets on the occasional football match, the odd lottery ticket purchase or trip to a small casino. Or, Pops forbid, my FGO account. 

 

The Gacha was a cruel, yet generous, mistress at the best of times. 

 

“Funny ya mention that, actually,” Pops chortled. “See, I’m a bit of a gamblin’ man myself, so I whipped a lil somethin' up a while ago, never got a chance to use it though. Until now, I think you’ll appreciate it.” 

 

A sudden feeling overtook me, warm, comforting, but also seemed to carry an innate danger. And for some reason, it felt like I was standing before a roulette wheel. 

 

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[Multiverse Gacha Bonded to Host!] 

[Welcome User!] 

[For first log in, you receive 3x Gold Gacha Tickets!]

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“You can’t be serious.” I said, deadpan, to the grinning deity. 

 

"Oh come on, think about it. Literally any power, from any work of fiction or whatever tha’ you can think of from the infinite worlds that span the multiverse, right at your fingertips? You can’t deny you’re tempted, not to me.”

 

Fuck. He was right. 

 

I took a moment, took a deep breath, and looked God himself in the eye. 

 

“So what does your grandkid need help with exactly?” 

 

And Pops grinned.

 

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“So, I’ll go to Hell as a Sinner, and just… stay at her Hotel/Rehab and try to be of assistance?” 

 

Honestly, it was a sweet idea. Trying to offer redemption to the twisted souls of Hell. But he had to admit it was also pretty naïve to think every damned soul would be down with changing themselves, even if it was for the better. 

 

“That's the size of it, yeah.” Pops shrugged, taking a drag from a pipe he had just conjured over the course of his explanation. “Course, I expect ya to do yer own thing too. Just cause I want ya to help her, don’t mean I expect ya to be anchored to her. Hell’s a shithole, maybe you’ll take after lil’ Charlie and actually make it better. We’ll see.”

 

“I guess we will,” I said resolutely. There was still some hesitation, despite Pops’ reassurance about the whole thing. It was still literal, actual, Hell after all. He at least gave me a crash-course in the whole workings of the place. Seven rings, with formerly human souls being confined to Pride, while Hellborn had the rest and each ring being ruled by a respective Sin. Pride itself was basically some unholy mishmash of every major metropolis with all the usual shadowy dealings on full and open display. 

 

But, despite my own worries, I had plenty of reasons to agree. Beyond just the potential power of the Gacha. I wanted to help people. That much was true. I didn’t go into med school because I was a sadist, and this? This could help people. I believed in second chances, and clearly this Charlie girl did too. And this offer? This was my second chance, even if it was down in the inferno. 

 

“Glad yer on board kid.” Pops’ smile was genuine, but there was no disguising the eager glint in his eye. “Now what are ya waitin’ for!? I wanna see what you roll!” 

 

Well, who was I to deny God? Honestly, I was curious too. All I had to do was mentally picture one of my tickets burning, and I would get rewarded with… well, potentially anything. Familiars, powers, traits, skills, items, there were literal infinite possibilities. The only caveats were that I could only earn more tickets by doing tasks and overcoming adversity, as well as that I could only have so many powers active at once. Pretty reasonable, all things considered. But it all came down to what I actually rolled.

 

“You done with the exposition, or are you actually going to use the Me damn things?” 

 

Yeah, yeah, I was getting there. 

 

The first ticket went up in mental flames, and the first die was cast. The result was… not what he was expecting. 

 

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[Helltaker]

|Rare Trait|

["You wake up, dreaming of a harem of demon girls." Infernally aligned/Demonic beings find themselves more attracted to you, and it is easier to earn their affection.]

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I stared deadpan as Pops burst out into laughter, cradling his gut and pounding his fist against the desk. 

 

“Did you plan this?” I asked, exasperated. Look, after the half hour I had known the guy, I wouldn’t have put it past him. 

 

“Fuckin’ nope! I got no control over what it gives ya! Good Me, that shits priceless!” Pops’ laughter didn’t diminish in the slightest as he wiped a tear from his eye. “Roll the next one!” 

 

With an eyeroll, I acquiesced to his demand and burned the second ticket, only for me to groan louder as Pops’ laughter gained new life. 

 

“You had to have planned this! You couldn't have not planned this!” 

 

“Lucas, I wish I could have planned something this fucking perfect!” Pops cackled. At this point, any dignity the heavenly father may have had was tossed out the window as he collapsed to the floor laughing mad, while all I could do was glare at him with a petulant blush. 

 

The reason why? 

 

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[Expert Kama Sutra]

|Elite Skill|

[You are an expert in the carnal, being intimately familiar with picking up signs of arousal and pleasuring your partners in bed. Unless your partner is completely frigid, no one will leave your bed unsatisfied, your skill in bed is unmatched by most. If you were given magic you could probably create Eromancy.]

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“Would you stop laughing!? I get it, ‘Haha, the Virgin got the super sex power.’ It’s not that funny!” I growled with a fiery blush.

 

“Yes it is!” Pops howled in mirth. His eyes, amused. His grin, shit eating. 

 

“Should I be worried about what you might do to my poor granddaughter when you find her!?” He cackled. 

 

I grumbled more things under my breath, the all-powerful creator of all still laughing himself sick, and just burned my last ticket hoping it would at least be something that would let me defend myself. 

 

And I was anything but disappointed. 

 

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[Lava]

|Elite Ability|

[Allows you to create and control Magma/Lava at will, such as hurling large volcanic rocks, forming lava whips, lakes of lava, bullets of magma etc.]

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“Well, dress me in a white coat and call me ‘Akainu’.” I smirked, finally a way to protect myself, a pretty powerful way at that. It might not have been one-to-one with the infamous admiral’s powers, but I would gladly take being a walking volcano. 

 

“Hahaha, whew, okay I think I’m done.” Pops pulled himself to his feet, his amused grin still firmly in place. “Alright kid, let's get you on your way.”

 

Pops snapped his fingers, a red circle lighting up beneath me that began to spin. I felt myself getting drawn in like water down a drain. 

 

“Hey, Pops? One thing before I go?”

 

“Yeah Kid?”

 

I paused, the sensation of being pulled down, pausing for a moment as I looked the king of heaven in the eye, gathering myself before I took the plunge. 

 

“Just… Make sure my family is alright for me, yeah?” 

 

Pops huffed a breath out of his nose, his smile getting smaller, but far more genuine and soft. “Yeah kid, I promise they’ll be jus’ fine. Least ah can do since yer lookin’ after mine.” 

 

I let out a breath of relief. I may not have had many friends, but I was close to my parents. Everything had been so chaotic. I hadn’t really thought about them until now, but I wanted to make sure they would be okay. They deserved that much, in lieu of a proper goodbye. 

 

“For what it's worth, I am sorry you went out the way ya did.” Pops said solemnly. “I don’t plan everythin’ for all the folk runnin’ aroun’ down on Earth. No one has a pre-destined death, but you didn’t deserve that. It's one of the other reasons I’m givin’ you this shot. Do me proud kid. I know ya will, jus’... don’ let anyone know I sent ya. Don’t need Luci or Sera gettin’ on ma ass about it, ya know?” 

 

“I understand. And Pops?” 

 

“Yeah Kid?”

 

“Thanks.” 

 

Pops snorted with a wry smile. “Alright, that’s enough outta you, kid. Down ya go. Oh, and watch out for the Exorcists, wouldn’t want ya ta get axed too quick! Just remember they’re weak to holy weapons!” 

 

“Alright P-WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘WATCH OUT FOR THE EXCORCISTS!?’

 

But before any response could come, I was consumed in a crimson flash, leaving the creator of everything alone with a sheepish expression. 

 

“Fuck, I forgot to tell him it was Extermination Day, didn’t I?” He mused with a grimace. “Meh, it's only got less than an hour to go, he should be fine… Probably.”

 

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I was distinctly not fine. 

 

I had never been skydiving, never saw the appeal. So I wasn’t exactly happy as I was sent careening down towards the ground, the wind rushing past my ears for a brief moment before I had a harsh meeting with the asphalt. 

 

“It’s a good thing Sinners are practically immortal.” I grumbled as I picked myself up, looking up at the crimson sky and the vast cityscape that surrounded me. It was oddly quiet, no one, literally not another soul out and about from what I could gather, not unless you counted the sporadically scattered corpses. But now that the sounds of my falling were long gone, I could hear it. 

 

The laughter. And worse, the screams. 

 

“Oh, lookie here, I got me a live one!” I turned to see what I could only really describe as some dark parody of an angel, wearing a battle dress and horned mask that was only coloured in shades of grey, white and black. A nightmarish, glowing grin split across its face like a scar under similarly glowing eyes, one crossed out, both displaying a cruel glint of sadistic amusement. 

 

“Oh, a fresh one too by the smell of things,” the Angel purred, twirling a spear in her hand. "Such a shame, you just died only to get erased. Don’t worry. This will be painless. For me.” 

 

“Yeah, fuck that!” 

 

In an instinctual panic, I called on my only ability. Molten magma lashed out in a heated whip that smacked the charging angel out of the air, and into a nearby building, before I started running in the other direction and ducking into a nearby alley. 

 

Pops had mentioned this, the annual ‘Extermination’ that Hell had to deal with when a bunch of Angels came down to purge the Pride Ring of Sinners to keep the population in check. A sickening practice, really, even if some of the people down here probably did deserve to have their souls ripped asunder. But what Pops had neglected to mention was that I would be getting dropped right in the fucking middle of it! 

 

No matter, I just had to find shelter and hold out for as long as I-

 

“Oof!” / “Hey, watch it assh-oh wow... ” 

 

I stumbled back, but didn’t lose my footing as I unexpectedly collided with someone else. She was a Hellhound. That much was obvious given her wolf-like appearance. A long tail, a body covered in grey and white fur, claws and fangs, wearing goth attire, you get the jist. The only unusual thing about her appearance was the faint bit of red seeming to come from her cheeks as she looked at me. 

 

A moment of tense silence passed, but before either of us could get our bearings, an unholy screech echoed behind me. Without really thinking, I grabbed her in my arms and started running, ignoring her startled yelp as I hooked my arms beneath her legs. 

 

“Sorry about this, but we have to move!” 

 

Instead of any resistance though, she unexpectedly leaned into the sudden princess carry, with what had to be a needy whine. I blinked, instead choosing to focus on dashing through the labyrinthian network of back alleys. 

 

‘Right… might need to think about that later, right now, running for our lives!’

 

“YOU PATHETIC LITTLE RAT! I’M GOING TO MOUNT YOUR HEAD ON MY SPEAR WHEN I CATCH YOU!” 

 

Unfortunately, this was where my luck seemed to run out. 

 

“Hey, hey! Stop you dumbass! This is a dead end!” 

 

I came to a screeching halt, as I came face to face with exactly what my unplanned passenger said. There was a solid wall in front of me.

 

“Shit.” I snarled, placing the demon in my arms down as the Exorcist's screams grew louder as she pursued us. Flight was no longer an option. Fight was the only thing I could do. 

 

“Wait, are you fucking insane!? You can’t fight one of those things!” The hound screamed in a panic, seeing me square up. 

 

“I don’t need to win.” I growled, magma bubbling and building along my arms into a set of molten claws. “I just need to keep her busy for a few minutes.” 

 

I looked over my shoulder at her, the hound still staring in absolute disbelief since I was even considering this.

 

“When you get a chance, start running if you can, and find somewhere safe to hide until this is over.” 

 

“Find a place to- Sweet fuck, you're an idiot.” She scowled.

 

If she had anything more to say, it was cut off as our pursuer finally came into view, her attire damaged by the heat of my earlier attack, revealing glimpses of her grey skin and a golden eye through a crack in her mask. She charged forward, spear raised, and I couldn't help but raise a brow. 

 

Look, I was no expert fighter, far from it. But even I could tell that my enraged opponent had more holes in her guard than a block of Swiss cheese. Did… did she learn nothing from me throwing her into a fucking building?

 

Well, at least it made my life easier. I simply raised a hand and unleashed a torrent of magma that blasted her back, and through several buildings with a cry of pain, as she lost her grip on her spear, the weapon clattering to the floor.

 

A beat of silence passed. The only noises were the screams in the distance and the hiss of magma as I extended a tendril of it to pull the spear into my grasp.

 

“What the fuck are you?” the hound whispered with, what I could only guess to be, a mixture of awe, terror and… was that lust? Questions for later. I turned to them, and smiled softly.

 

“I'm Lucas, it's nice to meet you.” 

 

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{5 minutes earlier, POV Switch: Loona}

 

Sometimes I wonder if I did something to deserve how unapologetically shitty my life could be sometimes. Abandoned at birth, left to rot for eighteen years until you get adopted by the clingiest Imp in the nine circles (which is an entirely different, but no less agonizing, ordeal), work with people you could barely tolerate, get mocked on the daily by other hounds, and a dry spell that had lasted 2 years after her first partner turned out to be a cheating scumbag using her as a sidepiece. Even gives you syphilis on the way out as a final ‘Fuck You.’ 

 

At least Blitzo did something useful for once and left the fucker hogtied outside Cannibal Town, before heading topside to get her the meds to put that nasty little reminder behind herself. 

 

But, yeah. She knew that, generally, she had shit luck. Like, really shit luck. Just take today, for example. She sleeps in because she breaks her phone when the alarm goes off, and Blitzo, for some Satan damn reason, just lets her lie on fucking extermination day of all days. So I wake up late, probably do my make-up shitty because I’m in a rush, and to top it all off, the Extermination begins and the bunker under my apartment building is at capacity, so I have no choice but to run for my miserable life to avoid the homicidal feather fuckers that aren’t even meant to be attacking Hellborn, but like fuck would the angels ever adhere to that rule. 

 

So here I was running through the better part of half the damn Ring, avoiding murderous Exorcists by the skin of my fucking teeth. I was scared, not that I would ever say it aloud, but I was alone and in total danger with no way to call anyone for help. My instincts were screaming at me to be literally anywhere else. 

 

Why hadn’t I just decided to hang in Gluttony or some shit for a few days to get away from this shit? 

 

Well, whatever, it was fucking irrelevant now. So that was how I found myself booking it through a scummy set of alleys filled with piss, shit and Lucifer knows what else, only to collide with someone else. Since I wasn’t dead in a blink, it was safe to assume they weren’t an Exorcist, so I was all too ready to give this fucking moron a piece of my mind. 

 

“Hey, watch it assh-oh wow... ” 

 

But my vitriol died in my throat, and instead I needed to fight down a literal whine. I was used to attractive demons, but this guy? 

 

Woof.

 

He was tall, muscular and mostly humanoid in appearance. Skin obsidian black, alight with cracks that glowed a fiery orange, much like his amber eyes. A mess of short, spiky black hair topped his head, flecked with specks of amber, and he was crowned by a pair of backwards-facing horns that shined like molten steel. 

 

I hadn't even realized I was starting until the screeching of an angry Exorcist echoed out from one of the streets, and Handsome McHottie just…

 

Grabbed me. Full Princess carry at that. Normally, I would bite the face off of anyone that got handsy with me, but all I got out was a strangled yelp. He definitely said something. I think it was an apology, but uh… I had other thoughts at that moment.

 

Mostly because primal hound brain goes Brrrr when big, sexy guy picks you up and starts running away from the definition of homicide with wings. And, this time, there was no suppressing the needy little whine that escaped me as I was held close to his chest. I could only hope to Satan that he didn't hear it, because I was too busy trying to keep my traitor of a tail from wagging.

 

Then, unfortunately, I realised where he was going, and that we were about to be fucked, and not in the fun way. I had wandered these alleys enough today to know he was backing us right into a freaking corner.

 

“Hey, hey! Stop you dumbass! This is a dead end!” 

 

A snarled curse left his lips when he heard me, and it was only the danger of imminent erasure that kept me from focusing on just how deep and sexy my rides voice was. 

 

‘Down girl.’ I had to mentally chastise myself as he let me down, before standing in front of me, slipping into one of the most basic fighting stances she had ever seen. At least it made his tight ass stand out- damnit Loona focus.

 

‘He can’t be planning to- he can’t be that stupid!’

 

“Wait, are you fucking insane!? You can’t fight one of those things!” I screamed incredulously. 

 

“I don’t need to win,” he growled, which in any other situation would be getting her motor running hot, especially once he sprouted claws of literal magma. “I just need to keep her busy for a few minutes.” 

 

What in C-List action movie bullshit was this guy spouting!? 

 

“When you get a chance, start running if you can, and find somewhere safe to hide until this is over.” The Sinner rumbled. 

 

Okay, he was definitely that stupid. 

 

Run? Fucking where!? There was nowhere else to go except towards the fucking Exorcist! 

 

“Find a place to-Sweet fuck, you're an idiot.” I muttered, with a defeated scowl. A feeling that only got stronger as a burnt Exorcist rounded the corner (Stud must have torched her earlier), more murder in her eyes than Millie did during her time of the month. 

 

Well, at least she would die with a decent view-HOLY SHIT!

 

My jaw dropped, a stream of molten magma blasted the Angel back through multiple buildings, and he did it so fucking casually! And that was before reeling in her damn spear from the floor like a dead fish. Honestly, it took a second to process.

 

“What the fuck are you?” I never even meant to say it aloud, but it was a valid question. No Demon she's met has had the balls to stare down an Exorcist and throw hands. Let alone do it to protect….

 

To protect her. 

 

Maybe it was her horny, instinct-driven brain trying to make sense of the pure clusterfuck the past day had been, but it was the only explanation that did make sense for the guys' weird as fuck actions. At least by Hell standards.

 

He tried to get her out of the danger zone when any other demon would have ran past and left her for a soon-to-be corpse. He actively put himself between her and the angel, even telling her to try and get away to safety while he was more than willing to fight. 

 

Look, she knew he was fresh meat, he stank of the living world and probably got dropped down here at the worst possible time. But even so… how the fuck did someone willing to get between a total stranger and Heaven’s final punishment even wind up down here!?

 

She’s Hellborn. She is good at reading people, finding ulterior motives. But this guy? Nothing. Absolutely zilch. He just… protected her because he could.

 

Maybe it was the stress, but she swore her blackened heart skipped a beat. Then he turned and gave her one of the cutest, softest smiles(how dare someone that smouldering have a smile that cute, that's too dangerous) she had ever seen in her life. 

 

“I'm Lucas, it's nice to meet you.” 

 

His smile? Adorable.

 

Her tail? Ramrod straight.

 

Her jaw? Dropped.

 

Her panties? In immediate need of replacement. 

 

“Hot to meet- Fuck, I mean, nice to kiss- Shit, no! I mean I'm Loona!” Fuck she was blowing it! She scrunched her eyes closed as her ears dropped, the blush that was already spreading across her cheeks only getting worse as an awkward silence took hold. When she finally looked at him again, he was staring at her with… was that a blush of his own, and wide eyes? Yes. Yes it was. Okay, he was shy, she could work with that. Or at least she could if she wasn’t still stammering like an idiot. 

 

Oh God, can the exorcist come back? She would like to die right now.

 

An anything but holy screech killed the awkward silence.

 

“I’M GOING TO STUFF YOUR CORPSE WITH MY GRANDFATHER'S PUBES YOU BURNING SHITHEEL!”

 

‘Oh, so now my prayers get answered!? Fuck You!’

 

The angel was in a wild charge, burns even worse than they were before, her mask completely burnt away, revealing a face that could have been beautiful, but was instead twisted by rage and malice, unholy and feral fury burning in their golden eyes. They charged, screaming, utterly blinded by rage, and completely unprepared for what happened next. 

 

But, to be fair, neither was Loona. 

 

Because how could she have been prepared to see something she was taught to be impossible to happen out of nowhere? 

 

The stud (Lucas, his name was Lucas, she reminded herself) just raised the spear he had taken and, in an unfathomable display of stupidity, the Exorcist just… ran into it. 

 

Lucas himself looked absolutely gobsmacked. I mean, who just runs into an outwards-pointing spear!? Exorcists were meant to be unkillable, they couldn’t be permanently hurt. 

 

Except by their own weapons, it would seem. An exception that even the angels themselves were apparently ignorant of since even the Exorcist had an expression of shock as golden ichor pooled around the hole Lucas had just put in her stomach. 

 

“Y-you…” She stuttered before life left her eyes completely, her skin paling before she dropped like a sack of potatoes. Dead. Definitely dead. Kaput and all that. And in the moment of stunned silence that followed, the bell that signalled the end of the extermination rang out. It was over, she had survived. They both had. 

 

So, to recap: New Sinner, hot as fuck, willing to save her from an Exorcist at the drop of a hat and, without hesitation, evidently shy (which was adorable), just killed a freaking Angel and, perhaps most importantly of all: recently dead, means recently single.

 

But that last one wouldn't hold true for long if she had anything to say about it.

 

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{POV switch: Lucas}

 

Well, that had been a trial.

 

Seriously, I hadn't even been in Hell for ten minutes and I got dropped into Heaven’s annual genocide!?

 

‘If I ever see Pops again, I'm socking him in the jaw, God or not.’ 

 

But that was a problem for another day. Right now, he had a demon who apparently found him hot and… sweet fuck that's a lot of tickets. 

 

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Survive extermination(1x gold ticket)

 

Save Loona from Extermination(1x Silver Ticket)

 

Defeat an Exorcist (1x Silver Ticket)

 

Manage to kill an Exorcist/discover their vulnerability to blessed weapons (1x Platinum Ticket)

 

Claim a Blessed weapon (1x Silver Ticket)

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‘... That doesn't make up for being dropped in the middle of a genocide Pops.’

 

Putting aside the immense temptation to start rolling right away, he did still have Loona staring at him like he was a lean cut of steak. Was… was she drooling?

 

‘Okay Lucas, think. We know she’s attracted to you, (thankyou Kama Sutra… what the fuck has my life come to for me to think that.) Now what…Fuck it, improvise!’

 

“Loona, huh? A pretty name for a pretty girl.” Oh God, that was cheesy. Wait, why was she blushing more? 

 

“Oh, um, thanks. Lucas is ah, a pretty name too?” Good lord, they were both awkward. Why did that make him feel better? 

 

“Anyway, you hurt at all?” 

 

“No, I’m good. Thanks to you.” 

 

“Oh, I didn’t do that much.” I said sheepishly, only for her to raise a brow. 

 

“Dude.” She said flatly. “I didn’t even know Exorcists could be hurt until you ran one through.” 

 

“I think she kinda did that more to herself.”

 

“Look, point is, you did try to help me, right?” 

 

“Well- I mean, yeah? I wasn’t just going to leave you in this bitch's path.” 

 

“Then-” When had she gotten that close? I felt myself flush as I realised she had moved practically nose to nose with me, smirking with a confidence she hadn’t had before. “-You are better than most, Lucas.”

 

Was a mouse passing by, or did I just squeak at the way she practically purred my name? Judging by the widening smirk and her ever-increasing confidence, it was probably the latter. Damn it, I thought she was awkward too, given how she was talking earlier! Where did the confidence come from!?

 

She quickly took his hand and drew a pen from her pocket, hastily scrawling something on his palm before giving him a wink. Yeah, that was a number alright. 

 

 

+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+

Get a girl's number! (1x Bronze Ticket)

+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+

 

Oh, piss off. 

 

“I’d offer to show you around as a little thank you, but my boss is probably freaking out, so I should probably go deal with him. Christ getting that clingy fuck to calm his tits is going to be my next two days, I just know it.” She let out an annoyed huff and an eye roll, before her attention turned to him. 

 

“Still, gives you time to get settled, get yourself a phone and then, well, I think you got the hint,” she said coyly. “I'll take you out for a few drinks. Think of it as my little ‘thank you’ for the help."

 

“S-sure.” I nodded. “I-I'll look forward to it.” Curse my stammering. Not even death and Gacha could make me immune to the effects of beautiful women blatantly flirting with me. 

 

“You’d better. Later, Lucas.” Okay, I was going to need to get used to that, apparently. Because freezing up every time anyone does that will not help in the long run. Hell, I barely managed to look over my shoulder and see her saunter away with a wave and a wink over her shoulder before vanishing into the maze of alleys.

 

 

“...Did that just happen?” I pondered aloud, my voice higher-pitched than I had thought I could achieve. I stood there for a moment before collecting myself enough to move, tossing the Exorcist's body into a dumpster and heading off to find somewhere safe-wait, right. In Hell. Just… somewhere I was a bit less likely to get mugged, I guess. To both plan his next move and make those sweet, sweet rolls.

 

Meanwhile, once she was an adequate distance away, Loona was blushing and cradling her burning face in her hands. 

 

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck I can’t believe I did that!” She mewled. “Where did that even come from!?” Still she couldn’t help the slight smile coming over her muzzle. The stud was into it! She probably had a date for the first time in months on her hands. Well… if Lucas actually did call her back, but she had a good feeling about that. 

 

Fuck, Blitz could never know. 

 

Whatever, she shouldn’t have too much trouble keeping things hidden from the oblivious fuckwit, or the Fattie and the Hag, for that matter, if they started sniffing around. But that was a problem for later. For now, she had an obsessive dad(strictly in the legal sense and no other way) to calm the hell down. 

 

Regardless of what came next, as she walked back towards her apartment, Hell once more starting to come to life around her. One thought rang true in her mind. 

 

Things down here were about to get very interesting.