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I. share a talk
the first time they actually 'talked', luke was mortified.
the smuggler was shouting at him and the poor blue-eyed farm boy reminded in the middle of the corridor, a rowel key in hand and an astonished look printed on his face.
“jeez, kid, how did you manage to cut the reactor? we'd have all died there!” the tall and rough looking man screamed, stepping toward the tatooine boy.
“but i was only trying to help.” luke cried, desperately, and took a step back, and then another, until his back hit the wall of the millenium falcon.
“well, your ol' man will have to pay extras for the damages.” han said and the young blond boy looked up, eyes praying.
“no, no, please, do not tell ben.” he shivered.
“and why shouldn't i, kid?” the captain of the falcon eyed him suspiciously.
“i don't want him to think that i am not good enough.. he believes in me, i can't fail him. i have nobody besides him now, and i-” the younger of the two sighed and felt his eyes watering.
'no, no, no' he screamed in his head, feeling big, salty tears rolling down his face.
“hey, hey, kiddo, calm down. i won't hurt you.” han exclaimed and took a hold of his arm.
“hey, look at me.” he pleaded and that made luke shivered because, well, that was surprising.
the younger boy looked up, winced and dried his tears, before sighing.
his cheeks burnt when han stared at him.
“i won't tell him, okay?” the pilot asked him and the boy nodded thankfully.
“wait- there's a 'but'.” han added seriously.
“anything!” luke exclaimed quickly.
“you gotta promise me you're gonna help me with the ship during your stay.” he said.
“i- what? you want me to help you with the falcon? but i nearly crashed it, i'm not sure i-”
han shushed him by a move of his hand.
“you're gonna work well, everyone makes mistakes sometimes.” he sighed.
“plus, i'm gonna keep an eye on you.” he added and, if luke's cheeks weren't deeply red, now they were.
II. share a tool
luke winced, and his eyes watered quickly.
“by the two suns of tatooine..” he swore and han looked up from his work.
“what happened?” he asked and eyed suspiciously luke's part of the central.
“i cut my finger.” the younger shuttered and han began to laugh.
“quit mocking me, i'm actually bleeding.” he winced and showed his pinky finger right in front of han's face.
“you're such a kiddo.” han cackled.
“oh, c'mon, it's not even funny.” luke protested and pouted.
“alright, does your majesty wants me to make a gauze for his highness?”
“should be great.” luke nodded, and bit the inside of his cheeks, swallowing a giggle.
han rolled his eyes and got up.
“wait- what are you-?” luke asked, looking at the smuggler, astonished.
“what does it looks like? i'm getting you a bloody gauze, kiddo.” han replied and began to search in a big first aid box.
after two minutes of intense researches, han looked up, a proud smile lingering at his lips.
“got it!” he exclaimed and beckoned for luke to came closer.
“i'm gonna wash your hand, and then we're gonna put it on, okay? we need to disinfect your finger, or you might get a space illness. i don't remember where i found those tools, to be honest.”
luke nodded apprehensively, and watched wide-eyed as the smuggler take and then put his hand into a weird looking box, and suddenly luke gasped.
“wha-?” he frowned.
it was as if his hand was drowning into a liquid.
the continual movements of the – was it water? no, definitely too.. thick to be so – were almost soothing the young boy, and luke felt his eyes shut quietly.
“hey- hey kid, do not fall asleep now, it's gonna hurt, so be prepared.” han warned but his voice seemed far away from luke.
“hmm..” the ex-farm boy nodded mindlessly and han gave him a tormented look.
“i count from three to one, and then you put your hand off the box, got it?”
luke nodded again, trying to fight the need to keep his hand on the soothing liquid.
“three.. two.. one!” han yelled the last one and luke pushed his hand out of the box.
with a yelp, the younger bite his bottom lips tightly.
“by the force..” he swore and his eyes watered.
“was it necessary?” he swore again, in his head this time, feeling innocent tears rolling down his cheeks from the pain he felt in his pinky finger.
“uncle owen or aunt beru never did such... things, when i was bleeding.” luke began.
“in fact they will never do.” he sighed and watched as han wrapped his finger into a gauze.
“voilà.” the smuggler grinned, proudly.
“looks good, eh?” he laughed then and luke nodded.
“thanks.” he replied timidly.
“any time.” han said, looking into the ex-farm boy's blue eyes.
if he wasn't blushing, now luke was certain he was.
III. share a meal
“mornin'” han greeted when luke entered the kitchenette.
the blond grunted in reply, and fell into the nearest chair.
“so.. how was your first night in the falcon?” han tried to be polite.
the kid was a client, and han always tried to impress clients who were paying a good amount of money, to make relations, mind you.
'nah!' his mind cried. 'you're just finding the kid nice and you'd like to get to know him bett-' he shushed his brain and grinned toward luke's sleepy frame.
“so.. do you wanna have coffee? food? you hungry? hey- hey, kiddo, don't tell me you fell back asleep?” han get up and shook luke.
the young boy let out a scream and looked wide-eyed as the captain of the falcon began to laugh.
“rough night?” he chuckled and luke nodded grumpily.
“my hand kept hurting so i couldn't sleep.” he pouted and han sat back on his chair, looking thoughtful.
“at least it means that you won't get a space illness.” he grinned. “coffee?”
“milk.” luke answered and han looked at him, disbelieved.
“what? i've got something on my face?” the tatooine boy asked.
“n-no, no, just that, well.. milk? how old are you?”
luke flushed.
“nineteen.” he murmured and looked down.
“oh...” han said. “oh.”
“i don't like coffee.” luke bubbled. “it's bad, not tasty, and it smells awful.” he pouted and han laughed.
“whatever, kid.” he smiled genuinely. “here's your milk.” he added and gave the ex-farm boy a glass of blue milk.
“thanks.” luke muttered.
han simply nodded.
“do you wanna eat something, i've got some really well backed cookies, if you want..” he proposed and the ex-farm boy's blue eyes lighted up.
“cookies?” he asked and he seemed younger than ever, with his blond hair all muffled during his sleep, his blue eyes, pinkish cheeks and wide smile.
“uh, yeah. corellian chocolate chip cookies.”
luke nodded profusely.
“i'd like some.” he added.
the smuggler handed him the cookies' box and the young boy ate an amount of them faster than han thought it was humanly possible.
the tatooine boy began suddenly to cough.
“hey, easy, kid.” the corellian laughed.
“you're gonna kill yourself.” he added and hit sightly luke's back while the younger coughed, tears peering at his eyes.
“but they're so.. tasty.” luke mumbled and his red cheeks became even redder.
“we don't have such things on tatooine.” he added and took one another.
feeling han's amused look on him, he blushed. “that's the last one i'll eat this morning.” luke promised.
IV. share a hidden place.
luke looked up at han, panic fleeing through his blue orbs.
“what can we do?” he asked, voice cracking a little with fear.
“i don't know, kid, but i-”
“we'd hide somewhere.” ben interjected between the two younger men. “is there any good place to hide on this ship?” he asked then, turning fully towards han.
the smuggler seemed to think deeply during thirty seconds before nodding.
“chewie, what do you think about the merchandises compartment?” the pilot asked his co-pilot, chewing his bottom lips in a thoughtful manner.
the wookie groaned something that sounded approvingly in answer and han grinned.
“we'll go and hide under the central alley, into the merch compartment. it's kinda small but- never mind, follow me.” he ordered to the old man and the young blond boy. “chewie, could you shut the lights off? we gotta make them believe it's an empty ship.” han proposed and the wookie grunted in response before heading towards the crew rooms.
luke followed behind han, heart racing. he knew that in less than two minutes, imperial's troops would be running on the ship, and if they get caught they might die without having rescued the princess.
“here.” han stopped. “we gotta be two on each compartment. they are really small. maybe you, ol' man, could go on the left one with chewie, and i'd go on the right one with the kid.. if it's alright for you guys.”
ben smiled towards luke and nodded.
“it does sound okay.. i'll see you around.” the tatooine hermit said before entering the compartment.
“okay, kiddo. you can climb on, i gotta call chewbacca, he's taking too long, i'm afraid he will be seen by the troopers. plus i gotta tell him an idea and well.. yeah.”
the younger nodded and climbed as he was told, heart beating furiously when he discovered the very, very small and thin room he would have to share with han.
he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, then exhaling.
and waited for han to come back.
“hey, hey, kid?” han murmured and luke looked up to see the smuggler grinning slightly.
“what, han?” he sighed and the other laughed.
“i'm not sure we're gonna fit that way, so may you actually get out, i climb on, then i sit down and finally you sit on my knees?”
luke eyes went wide, but he kept his face still and nodded.
“no problem.” he smiled to hide his nervousness and took han's hand in his.
“okay, wait two secs.” han lifted him before jumping on the small hole.
“you can jump in, i'm gonna catch you.” he added.
luke swallowed hardly and humped on the black hole.
“oupf” he grunted when han tugged him tightly.
“you 'all right there?” the captain asked and the ex-farm boy nodded quickly.
“yeah, yeah, i-” han shushed him by putting his hand on the blond's mouth.
he murmured a ‘listen’ and his right ear and luke's heartbeats fastened.
he heard swift and heavy footsteps and muffled voices.
the stormtroopers.
luke began to trembled, his breathing increased and he began to shuttered.
“hey, shhh” han whispered and hold him closer.
“they won't find us.”
luke nodded.
“it's not for me, i'm afraid for ben.” luke murmured back. “and the princess. she needs us alive.”
han nodded understandably.
‘damn it’ the smuggler thought. ‘the kid is too innocent for the galaxy. 'will only break him.’
when they heard the footsteps heading towards the main door, han decided that it shall be better if they actually have some troopers' outfits.
so that's how they ended up, chewie as a prisoner, han and luke as troopers and ben.. ben being somewhere anybody knew where.
V. share a goodbye.
they made it.
the rebel princess was safe, and they made it.
ben didn't, though.
the old jedi was killed by darth vader.
in front of luke's eyes.
the young boy couldn't believed it.
his master, the only person he had from back to his old life, was dead.
he had nobody.
maybe the rebel princess could filled this black hole he had as a heart now.
because han was leaving, too.
not the same way, of course, he was just running away now that he got the money.
to be fair, luke would have cried if he hadn't spot biggs on the corner of the hangar.
it made up for his pain a little while, but now that he was certainly going to die, the blond boy felt as if he had missed his chance.
in fact, even if he had told han about his feelings, the smuggler seemed more interested in leia than in him..
maybe the rejection would have been more painful than that.
at least, he wouldn't have to die knowing he had no chance.
the pilot brushed to tears out of his face.
he didn't have the rights to mourn over an impossible love when thousands of people were counting on him.
he had to make it.
of course han showed up and saved him.
‘of course he had to, because he is han solo and han solo doesn't care if you are ready to die. he gotta save you, this stupid, scruffy-looking, smuggler swine.’ luke thought harshly.
but when he spotted him on the hangar, after the battle, after losing biggs and nearly dying, luke couldn't helped to run in his arms, hugged him.
it was as if the force made him hold tightly, came closer and closer to han, like two magnets.
he craved for his touch, and even through his tears for losing biggs and losing ben and losing his aunt and his uncle, he still could saw han grinning and that was all that mattered.
a grin, painful but needed, managed to got his way trough luke's red cheeks, and han grinned back.
VI. share a date..?
it wasn't properly what most of the people'd called a date.
to be more fair, it was something between a death trip and a rescue operation.
or maybe simply a suicide.
luke was lying motionlessly, face buried on the snow, when han spotted him.
the smuggler began to shout, long, painful, shouts, running towards the lifeless frame of his friend.
“kid, kid, c'mon, stay awake, kiddo, hey, hey, don't close your eyes. luke, luke, LUKE. stay awake, luke, kid, please, do not die on me.” han's pleaded were spoke in a rough, croaked, - but still loud, voice.
the tauntaun fell, dead, two feet away, and han knew that he had to save luke, and he thought ‘think think think han you stupid nerf-herder’ or he might even yelled that, but he didn't mind, because he had to save the jedi.
the same one who's reminds of life were actually slipping away through the captain's fingers, and tears were starting to fall from han's eyes but still, he had to rescue him and that was like a mantra, han singing “you gotta save luke, you gotta help him, keep him alive, awake, warm.” because he had to.
han ran as quickly as he could manage without falling toward the dead frame of the animal near them.
he searched briefly into his pockets for a long knife but remembered that in his hurry, he had forget it back a the rebel base.
‘by the force, han, you stupid smuggler, think.’ the captain of the falcon cursed in his head.
all of a sudden, he rose to his feet and ran back to luke.
“hey kiddo, i'm gonna borrow your jedi weapon for a while, okay? i'm gonna give it back, promise, i just- i need it right now... i won't be long, i swear.” he sighed and restrained himself from kissing luke's forehead before jogging back to the dead tauntaun.
han managed to open the beast's stomach with the lightsaber.
he swore when he spotted the awful smell of the tauntaun's interior and began to coughed.
now luke was safe.
well not totally, but that was still better than when he was lying, nearly dead, on the snow.
han gritted his teeth when he heard luke's constant but unconscious moans of pain.
the kid was suffering.
han was able to feel it; he almost felt it as his own pain.
han couldn't sleep, wouldn't, and especially didn't wanted to.
he wouldn't let the kid suffered alone.
luke finally woke up during the night, two or three hours after han put him in the hut he had made with the corpse of the beast and his first aid kit.
“h-han” he managed to whispered with a crooked voice, that made the smuggler cringe.
“hey, kid” he sighed and turned to face the blond boy, the two of them laying on their side, facing each other.
“you alright?” han asked and watched luke swallowing harshly a groan of pain, tears pearling at his blue eyes.
“y-yeah” he breathed. “though i'm a bit cold.” the ex-farm boy admitted and the captain of the falcon cursed his own stupidity.
“jeez, kid, i'm sorry, i'd have bring more blankets, i just- i was so worried and-”
luke cut him quickly.
“will you just hold me already?” he said and han felt himself almost blushing at the thought, swearing in his head, before nodding.
“yeah. yes.” he accepted, controlling his voice from rising too high. “yeah.” he finally get a hold of luke's jacket sleeve and hugged him tightly.
the young boy flinched and han swore.
“shit, kid, i'm sorry, i forgot, i-”
luke shushed him again, this time by posing his head firmly on han's clothed collarbone.
“will you shut up, as well?” he sighed and closed his eyes.
“sorry, i-”
“oh, by the force, han, quit apologising, too.”
“never thought this day would goes like this...” han admitted.
“guess it's not the best.. but you're here” luke breathed deeply in han's sent.
“hm, so we could see that as a date, mister skywalker..?”
“from a certain point of view, yep.” the tatooine boy giggled; weird, a bit painful but still amused giggles, his cheeks reddening slightly... luke'd always blamed it on the bitterness of the cold wind, though han didn't seem to notice as he hugged to boy tighter, but careful and caring.
VII. share a bed.
luke emerged slowly from his sleepy state, groaning.
he had a terrible headache and felt pain all across his body.
his legs were sore and his arms ached.
the luminosity of the room made his eyes fluttered close and he let escape a few curses.
“luke?” a masculine, well-known voice asked and the boy's heart sink.
“h-han?” he mumbled and tried to open his eyes to see his saviour, which only resulted to make him teared up, his eyes being not ready for the bright light.
“hey, shhh” a hand ran on his feverish head, brushing gently trails of hair from his closed eyes.
“you scared me, kid.” han mumbled and luke wasn't sure at first that he wasn't dreaming.
“i-” he grunted in pain. “han i-”
“i know.” he whispered and kissed his temple. “i know you didn't do that in purpose, but you got that power to scare the living daylight outta me. and it happens quite often, too much if you wanna know.” the smuggler laughed, then.
luke sighed contently and let himself be transported into the waves of han's laugh.
after a peaceful silence between them, the older of the two sighed, tracing lightly luke's jaw with his thumbs.
“how are you, kid?”
“sleepy” Luke admitted. “sleepy and cold.”
han looked around the room, trying to find a blanket or something to kept his younger friend warm, but found any.
an idea ran through his mind and the smuggler was happy that luke couldn't see him, because by now, he was deeply blushing, the crude picture he had in mind making it hard to focus on something else than him and luke in a very sensual position and- no.
‘you gotta stop now, you randy swine, luke here is cold. and bruised. that's- you're unbelievable.’
“listen, kiddo, there ain't any stuff to keep you warm on this bloody frozen rock, but me. so if you allow me to, i'm gonna climb in your bed and hold you, okay?”
luke answered nothing.
the captain of the falcon swallowed hardly, the silence during more and more.
“i- eh- ah, kid, if it's making you uncomfortable i understand and i-”
“han?”
“yeah?”
“shut up. seriously. now c'mon, i'm so cold and i feel like if i am going to die if i don't get warmer.”
“yeah, yes. hm, okay, yeah, fine. i- okay.”
the smuggler sighed and climbed on the bed, under the covers.
luke snuggled closer to him, wrapping an arm around his chest.
the younger boy mumbled something but han didn't hear clearly, the voice being muffled by his own chest.
“what? i can't hear you, kid.” the smuggler laughed and the ex-farm boy hold even closer, though his head picked up from han's warm chest.
“thank you.” he said again, this time clearer.
han answered nothing, and even if the smuggler would deny it later, luke could tell that he heard soft snorts coming out of his mouth.
being hold so close to han made luke flushed and snuggled tighter, just in case it was the last time he'd be that close to the older man.
VIII. the first kiss.
“who are you?” the smuggler asked, running his hand trough the stranger's face.
“someone who loves you.” luke whispered, and his breath ghosted on the older man's blind eyes, making him shivered.
“l-luke? i- i can't see anything, luke, i-”
“don't try to speak” the young jedi knight instructed. “just let me help you, and-”
he was cut by han's lips on his, rough and passionate and a little sloppy, too, because of the long period the smuggler lived in his carbonite stab.
luke's cheeks were as red as the two suns of tatooine, and he was glad han couldn't saw him now.
the falcon's owner didn't try anything more than a simple kiss, no tongues involved, only two mouthes moving at the same time, tasting and trying and just feeling each other; and hands grabbing and caressing and holding everything they'd reach : hair, neck, arm, chest.
they were discovering each other's body, mouth, face, taste.
they were learning how to feel each other, how to appreciate each other, and that was pure bliss, until a mean and evil laugh woke them up from their little fairytale; jabba's ugly voice and his court's cheers and that Luke felt like crying, or shouting, or both, but it was a little less horrible because they still have each other's taste and smell on their tongue and nostril and that was what mattered, each other.
IX. the first ‘i love you’.
the cave was cold, dirty and dark.
han rubbed his eyes harshly, but the darkness he was experiencing kept still.
he groaned and tried to turn around when a low whisper made him jumped from surprise.
“i got you” the hushed voice breathed from behind him.
“luke? luke is that you?” the smuggler asked. luke grabbed him and shaked him.
“l-luke... i can't see, pal. what's going on?” han hissed.
“we're here to rescue you.” luke said, voice steady and with a undoubting look in his eyes - though han couldn't see that, his view being an eternal darkness.
“luke? luke, you're crazy. you can't even take care of yourself, much less rescue anybody...”
the smuggler felt the younger man stiffed uncomfortably next to him.
“i'm a jedi knight, now.” he said, voice barely a whisper, embarrassed by han's comment, and suddenly doubting of his plan.
“a jedi knight? jeez, i'm out of it for a little while, everyone gets delusions of grandeur.” the captain of the falcon muttered and luke sighed, patting the brown locks softly, trying to soothe the older man.
|•|
han was punched past the door of his prison cell, and away from luke.
then they made him climb into a speeder or something - he couldn't saw - and he felt a hand hold his, and he didn't need to heard the jedi knight's voice to know that it was him; he just felt it.
“i think my eyes are getting better” the smuggler began. “instead of a big dark blur, i see a big light blur.”
luke sighed, and his voice didn't sounded quite right to han, but he didn't say anything.
“there's nothing to see. i used to live here, you know?”
“you're going to die here, you know. convenient.” he stated, matter of factly.
an uncomfortable silence weighted between them until luke's weirdly horse voice asked, uncertainty.
“you really think we're gonna die?”
han stayed silence for more seconds, before nodding slowly.
“i doubt we're gonna live, 's all.”
“so, uhm, we'd possibly, for you i mean, never see each other again, because we're gonna possibly die here, right?”
“that's what i was saying, yeah” the captain of the falcon nodded. “what do you have in mind?”
“i've got to tell you something, then, in case we're gonna die...” luke began but was cut by solo's laugh.
“i know, kid. i love you too.”
luke looked up, speechless, and without thinking, crashed his lips to han's.
the kiss was brutal, and a little desperate, but neither minded.
“i love you, oh force i love you” luke sighed happily, and han smiled trough their kiss.
“i love you too, kiddo.”
X. the last goodbye.
“she loves you, han, and you love her, too.” luke stated, turning from his friend's - ex lover? - pitiful eyes.
“you two have a son. what we have, back then- i- it was only foolish hope that you'd love me as much as i did. i knew it was stupid, and immature, but i really hoped you could.”
“luke, don't say that, you know i love you and-”
“stop, han” the jedi knight's voice cracked at this point. “you know it's untrue. you two were meant to be, and your son is only one more proof of my statement.”
“my son is dead, luke.”
the jedi knight shifted, and turned back to han in one motion.
“my son is dead, and it is certainly not your fault, you hear me?” the smuggler growled. “it's not your freaking fault, okay? it's not leia's, either, and it's not even mine, understand?”
“i'd have known he was seeing those visions, i'd have known that the darkness he was experiencing wasn't just a phase, but i didn't wanted to, and i was just fucking blind, and now he's gone and it is obviously my fault. now your wedding is ruined, your life is ruined, leia's life too, and my nephew is dead. and it's all my fault, han.”
“luke, no, it's not your fault, for force's sake. it's this demon's fault, it might be darth vader's fault, too, but not yours. you have to stay, luke. we need you.”
“you know it's untrue.” the blond man sighed and ran a hand trough his gold locks.
“and so, what? you're leaving, then? you're leaving us all, the rebellion, just because the dark side is too strong for you to stand alone, but you're too ashamed to ask only help from your friend? because that's pretty selfish and stupid, if you ask me, and that's not how a freaking jedi knight'd act, uh? you know what?” han growled.
“leave. it's better. maybe you're right, in the end. it's your damn fault if the dark side won my son, and that's your damn fault if leia's and i's lives are ruined. you're a failure, luke. you're just the naive farm boy that i picked up back from tatooine years ago, that is only trying to play games he doesn't understand. you're useless, and selfish, and naive and you're a failure. you failed us all. i hate you.“ the smuggler voice cracked at the end, and even if deep down, luke knew that han was only covering up his emotions, it hurt.
so much.
and when tears fell from his blue eyes, han almost ran to hug him, but didn't.
he let him go.
luke didn't planned to leave for so long.
it was the last time they ever met, and when luke felt that pain in his heart, that horrible feeling in his gut, acknowledging that now han was gone, by the hand of his son - no, of kylo ren, he corrected himself - he cried, because his love, his only love was gone.