Chapter 1: To Be A Princess
Chapter Text
“Mama, I want to be a princess!”
I blatantly stared at the busy street, my feet barely reaching the surface of the bridge. I was clothed in my favorite dress, with frills and lace that was draped over my figure. A crown bejeweled with luminous gems rested on my pained head. Spasms of centralized pain burst in the corridors of my mind, although I couldn't care less about the pain. I held my dolly in my hand, holding her with sincerity as I was about to make my exit. Before me was a beautiful expanse, in the distance was a castle that gleamed brightly in the rays of a shimmering rainbow. I could see unicorns prancing in the clouds, inviting me to join them. A smile creeped on my beaten face, my hand extending to the unicorn's luscious mane. Just before I could board the unicorn, I felt a sudden tug on my sleeve.
My head jerked in the direction of the force, a figure of authority grabbing me and pulling me off of the edge. At this touch, I screamed a blood-curdling screech and my body trembled. I began crying hysterically, I hate when people touch me like this. It reminds me too much of things I don't want to remember. I could feel straps restrain me as the environment changed from a hollow expanse to a screaming brightness that assaulted my eyes. My breaths became more fragile and uneven, perils of impending doom seeping into the darkest corners of my brain. My dolly stared at me with an almost judgemental glare. I made another mistake yet again. My throat continued to scream with pain, a substance of some sort finding its way into my system through a tiny tube that penetrated through my skin. It wasn't like any of the drugs I've injected before. It made me sleepy. The sound of sirens faded into the darling melodies of my mother's old music box. The concerto of elysian sonnets concluded with one's eyes finally closing.
I woke up in a bed that wasn't mine, the walls were a plain white, not fit for any princess. There was an amalgamation of tubes connected to me— little networks that supplemented life.
A nurse sat beside me, I gazed at her with a pair of dead-set eyes. The first thought that infiltrated my already tired mind was my dolly.
“..where's my dolly..? I need her.. she needs me.. she's scared. ..she's scared.” I incoherently muttered, head heavily turning side to side in search of my dolly.
The nurse handed me my dolly, disgust written all over her face. She then spoke in a groggy voice laced with judgement.
“Miss.. Kang. Kang Yoon-ah of Kang Corporation,” She stared at the clipboard in her hands, eyeing me up and down in disinterest. “Just get up and follow me.”
I tried gaining momentum in my legs, they quivered in pain as I grasped tightly onto both my dolly and the IV drip. There was evident difficulty in my step, yet this nurse couldn't care any less. I shakily followed her into the depths of the desolate abyss of the corridors stained in a glaring white and the souls of those within them.
I was placed into a room with a desk and two chairs, one on both sides. The chairs represented the status of each opposing side; one office chair draped in professionalism, trinkets spread across the respective side, showing the nature of a loving family behind this job. A computer stood on the side, tilted towards the chair— displaying secrets that are not meant to be seen by the eyes of the damned. One regular chair, soaked in an attempt of comfort. They intended to console the patient, although it's just a sick joke to further prove that the person sitting down in this damn chair has something horrible inside them. I took a seat on the patient chair, sitting with my knees to my chest while clenching my dolly. The idea of a chimerical wonderland reverie pondered in my mind, the sights of rainbows and sparkles unveiling themselves in the view of my vision. I released my grasp on reality for a moment, not wanting to care about anything.
I didn't realize that the doctor was already right in front of me. Her eyes were concealed with lenses, a kind smile on his lips.
“Hello, I'm Dr. Cha, You're Kang Yoon-ah, right? You may be wondering why you're her—”
“Yoon-ah. Just Yoon-ah, please. I don't want to be referred by that horrible surname.” I interrupted, highly uncomfortable by even the slightest mention of the name I was stained with.
She simply nodded, seemingly taking note of it for future events.
“Sorry, I'll be sure to remember it. I'm sorry once again, Yoon-ah,” She apologized in a warm tone. “To continue, you may be wondering why you're here. To answer that question, I'm here to help you. If you wouldn't mind, could you please answer a few questions for me?”
“Okay.” I spurted out, anxious of what she might ask. My grip on my doll tightened further, it felt like my veins could pop at any minute. I had a feeling that he took notice of my action.
“Alright, to begin, I'd just like to say that you can choose to not say anything if you feel uncomfortable to do so. Just tell me that you're uncomfortable and I'll make sure to avoid asking similar questions.” She smiled, hands resting on the keyboard.
“What caused you to attempt ending your life? Was it because of a certain reason or was there somebody or something telling you to do so? Could you recall what happened on that night?” She straightforwardly asked, looking at me intently.
I displayed visible discomfort, letting out a small sigh before attempting to open up for once.
“I was just trying to go to the castle. There's a magical kingdom that I must go to. And there was a path that led me to a bridge. I got on the railing and there were unicorns that were inviting me to board them and then they would fly me to the castle. I really wanted to go but then someone stopped me. My dolly got really mad at me and that made me mad and sad and I screamed and cried a lot because I didn't like that the person was grabbing me and then I was strapped into a thingy and now I'm here.” I spurred out, panicking over the immense dump I just spat out. I fidgeted with my clothes, the crevices crashing against each other like waves.
She slowly nodded, typing on her computer.
“Tell me more about this world that you see, what is it like? How often do you see it? Could you please tell me more about your doll as well? Has she always been telling you things?”
“It's a really beautiful kingdom filled with flowers and sparkles. There's many townspeople and I'm the princess. I sometimes talk to them when I visit. Although my visits aren't permanent. My most recent visit was about to be, but it didn't work because of that stupid person that had to stop me. I always see it when I get hurt or when I'm sad. I first saw it when.. I.. when I got.. really hurt. When..”
I had to take a pause, looking down at the table and pressing my fingers against my lips. Flashbacks of horrid visions whirred in the darkest corners of my mind, visions of stolen youth. I rocked myself back and forth repeatedly, comforting myself. Shortly I regained my strength and continued to explain, “And about my dolly, my mama gave her to me before she passed away. My mama is a queen and I inherited her dolly so her dolly is my dolly now. My dolly's name is Mi-na. But she doesn't like her name so I just call her my dolly. She makes all my decisions for me, she says that it's because she knows what's better for me. I trust her.”
Dr. Cha continued to type on her computer, clearing her throat. I saw a small sweat droplet dripping down her face.
“Let's talk about your emotions. How do you regulate your emotions? Does your doll influence how you feel?” She questioned, strands of her inky hair moving to the tilt of her head.
“My dolly tells me how I should be feeling but I can't control any of my emotions. I'm always sad and the sadness doesn't go away and my dolly gets mad at me because of that. But.. sometimes I'm really happy for a while and then I get really mad and then I become sad again. It's hard for me to distinguish anything between that so.. yeah. Sometimes I feel too much and sometimes I feel nothing at all.” I reluctantly answered, feeling the air thickening.
“And do you possibly get these sudden urges to destroy or hurt objects/people? Are they also out of your control?” She added, eyes shifting from the computer to me.
“More often than usual nowadays. I feel the need to destroy something right now but I’m trying to control it because I don't want to be mean because princesses aren't mean.” I clawed at my clothes, trying to distract myself as I could feel these urges creeping up my chest.
“I can't be mean.. I shouldn't be mean.. because if I'm mean then they'll come to get me.. I'll be hurt again.. again and again and again and again and again and again. ..what a selfish.. stupid.. little girl i am… thats all i'll ever amount to be.. right..?” I rambled continuously, feeling more eyes staring at me.
I curled myself into a ball in my chair, nails digging into the sides of my calves. I began destroying my clothes, ripping the fabric on the holes of my pants and the sleeves of my shirt, giggling to myself. I like when I get to destroy things. It's really fun. But princesses are supposed to be dainty and delicate. Why couldn't I be like that? What could possibly be wrong with me? The air whispered dirty little secrets in my ears, a loud pressurized ringing gradually increasing in volume. My breaths were short and corroded, my lungs locking themselves in place. I couldn't breathe. I began spacing myself out of reality, fleeing to the kingdom as a countdown began.
FIVE. Bountiful flower fields that I could roll around in.
FOUR. The sunshine basking my skin, causing me to giggle even more.
THREE. Little critters flutter around me as I prance down these magical fields. I bumped into a few trees but I didn't mind.
TWO. Frills and lace draped among my body, swirling ever so elegantly as rainbows emerged from my step. I smacked away the evil chimeras that flew in the air, expelling them from my kingdom.
My back rested among the tulips and chrysanthemums, my soul relaxing. I could faintly hear the critters humming sweet melodies as I rested. This was perfect.
ONE.
Chapter 2: Fairies And Mattresses
Notes:
hey it's me again, international best-selling author yoonskii /ref
I honestly don't know what to say lol I'm just putting this here . hopefully nothing bad happens to me this week ! (i don't wanna succumb to the ao3 curse .)
- with lots of love, yoonskii <3
Chapter Text
My eyes slowly opened, eyes darting around this unfamiliar setting. I was in a blank room with padding on the wall and floor. I never felt more empty inside, the restraints that wrapped around me being a reminder of just how horrible I am. The emptiness ignited an unwanted flashback, one so cruel to the point that every second of it was engraved into both my body and my mind.
I tried to free myself from the straps, my attempt not succeeding at all.
“Damn it.. how am I supposed to get out of this…?” I uttered out, teeth grinding against each other. I ultimately decided to give up, laying flat on the bed. It allowed me some time to wallow in my misery. I really didn't want to be here. I want to go home to my princess castle. It's significantly nicer there. Or, maybe it was just the feeling of home that I missed.
All of a sudden, the door opened. Light gleamed brightly from this entity who entered the room. It was a woman with wavy brown hair, her facial features soft. There seemed to be large, beautiful wings on her back as well, they were colored a range of coral and turquoise hues. She was so beautiful to me.
“Hello, Miss Kang. I'm Miss Jung, and I'll be your designated nurse during your stay here.” She smiled gently, undoing the restraints on my body. She brought along a cart with some items on it.
“..Are you my fairy godmother?” I asked, looking at the wings on her back.
“..Well, I can be if you want me to be.” She replied in a soft tone, preparing something on the cart.
“... What are you doing there..? ..and.. where's my dolly..?” I mumbled, getting more panic-stricken, “.. I need her.. she needs me..”
“Would it be alright if I took your blood pressure?” She requested, holding a BP monitor in her hands. I simply nodded, holding out my arm. Miss fairy godmother held my arm, wrapping the strap around it. She then proceeded to monitor whatever she was monitoring. It was a pretty quick process, and she smiled at me when it was finished.
“Would you like a small tour of the place? The rest of your things are there as well.” She suggested, my response being a nod once again. She assisted me in getting out of bed, my body feeling heavy. But, I followed her out of the room diligently, like any princess would.
As soon as I stepped out of the room, I could feel millions of eyes staring at me. Eyes of those who probably want me dead. I could hear her speaking, but none of the information really stuck in my head. I was too fixated on the eyes looking at me. It was honestly draining me greatly, and my mind couldn't just keep up with any word that was being said. I just walked and walked and walked. One foot in front of the other, a monotonous action that somehow made the world seem like it was going both faster and slower at the same time.
We paused suddenly, standing at a doorway to a room. There I felt more of these eyes wearily keeping their gaze on me. People were judging me, I knew it almost immediately.
“This is where you'll be staying, we've already put your things on your bed. You got the window spot in the corner.” Miss fairy godmother pointed to a bed, clean with my belongings placed atop of it.
“Who brought all my stuff..? ..I don't recall bringing anything other than my phone and my dolly..” I inquired, seeing a bag packed with some clothes and books, a few of my plushies, my dolly, and another bag with hygienic items and makeup.
“..The lady who brought it here said that she was your next-door neighbor, do you recall anybody living next to your home?” She responded, watching as I ruffled through my things.
“Oh.. that's right. Miss Choi, the really nice seamstress that lives in the village. I like her. I do remember giving her the extra key to my castle. She takes care of my flower patches when I'm not around. ..I do hope my flowers are alright..” I nodded, recalling previous events.
Miss fairy godmother informed me about the daily routines of this palace, which was beneficial to know about. I did enjoy routines quite a lot, it made me feel a sense of security. After a short while, she bid me farewell and told me to go find her if I needed anything. I was left to unpack my belongings and settle into this humble abode that I would be inhabiting for what seemed like a while. It might have not been quite the place for a princess such as I, however I did feel a sense of comfort in here. I aligned my plushies to the wall in an order that was sensible, making an adorable gradient since they were organized by color. Then, I sorted my books on the small shelf I was given, making sure they were perfectly lined up by height. Placing small little trinkets I found amongst my bag of things, a sense of home was growing within me. I placed the rest of my things in a closet that was attached to the shelf, neatly organizing them. Sitting down on my bed, I sighed deeply, my gaze lingering to the bed across from mine. It stood empty, lonely almost. This was the first time I could ever feel sympathy for a bed.
It was stupid honestly, but yet I still felt it. Solidarity found its way to this mattress, making it crave that feeling of a body resting upon it. Its sole job is to comfort a person, after all. That's all it'll ever be useful for, anyways. Staring at the bed reminded me of the fairytale ‘The Princess and The Pea’. The princess couldn't sleep despite the millions of mattresses piled on top of a little pea, which made me think about how beds try so hard to give us comfort but sometimes we aren't ever satisfied. Is there ever a time that humans are satisfied?
Satisfaction is something that seethes deeply into your brain; you think you want more. It's this sick, constant cycle that this stupid little chunk of grinded up meat wants you to go crazy about. I know that he was never satisfied. No matter how much pain I endured, no matter how long I would scream, no matter how young I was, no matter what. He kept going and going and going. Non-stop. There's that cycle again. This whirlwind that ceases to stop. It hates stopping. It just wants to consume you whole and throw away everything you thought you had left.
Sometimes I wish I could've been born stupid. Maybe then I wouldn't be thinking of such things. I could just enjoy my life as the dumb, naïve princess I'm supposed to be. No kingdom would ever want a princess who's this fucked up in the head, would they now?
Account Deleted on Chapter 1 Fri 29 Aug 2025 06:55AM UTC
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