Sleep Talking

by Anygma

Summary:

Every year since the monsters were freed to the surface, Mettaton has thrown an exclusive party. Papyrus has been invited since the beginning, being strung around by Mettaton's whims.

until things go too far, and Papyrus is stuck with detached relationships, an awful mental state, and a pregnancy.

 

[ Fic title from the song 'Sleep Talking' by Indigo De Souza. ]

Notes:

Where is all the Papyrus mpreg. I have a mental condition called make-all-my-favorite-blorbos-pregnant and another condition called 'beating my favorite characters with sticks'. I am sorely disappointed by the lack of both for Papyrus-though if any of you have any recs...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SEND THEM

btw guys Mettaton doesn't seem like a great guy here. srry. i love mettaton but realistically in this situation i dont think he's the guy for totally healthy relationship stuff.

updates will likely be sporadic and irregular

chapter title is Frozen Pines by Lord Huron

Chapter 1: Frozen Pines

 

The pounding headache that graced Papyrus that bright late morning (afternoon?) almost made him wish that Frisk had never freed the monsters from the underground at all for what was probably the third time in the five years they’d been on the surface.

 

Almost. But alas, Papyrus was an enthusiastic person. Less so these days with all the world wearing him down-work, politics, hate crimes, family drama, and recently… relationship drama.

 

Papyrus felt his stomach, which he decidedly did not have, drop to his pelvis once he managed to pry his eyes open to look down upon where he was…

 

Ooh, Alphys would LOVE to hear about this.

 

He should have known he was in trouble-the bed he’d woken up in had felt simply too lavish than his usual worn down one, and long enough to suit his body and legs, also unlike his usual one. 

 

And he was…naked. Laying next to Mettaton, who was not naked, probably because those ‘clothes’ were built on, but his hair was a mess and he was sweaty and his chest had little orange and pink droplets like condensation sprinkled over his chest.

 

Ah. 

 

Well, Papyrus was no longer a virgin. He could safely put two and two together here, even if he ignored the weird filmy feeling on his soul causing his bones to itch and the droplets he could now see…everywhere, alongside the little flits of memory he could contain from last night.

 

Papyrus had only been blackout drunk…once in his life. And that would be last night. He felt rather crummy about it, because…really, he couldn’t consent in such a form, though neither could Mettaton, and from what he could recall, he too was quite sloshed when they decided to stumble into this room whilst-making out, if you could call it that. Robotic mouth mashing teeth-not a pleasant image. Either way, not being able to remember losing your virginity was also quite a let down.

 

Had…had they even been safe about it? Obviously not, why would he even think about it.

 

Well, surely, nothing could happen if it was the first time.

 

Bzzzzt.

 

Papyrus groaned at the sound now ping-ponging around in his skull. He rubbed the ridge between his eyes before glancing over at the bedside table near Mettaton’s bed, and then looked down. 

 

There was his phone on the floor, buzzing so much it had begun to jolt around on the carpet.

 

He escaped the bed pretty easily without waking the monster beside him who was still snoring softly, then rummaged around the room for his clothes.

 

It was easy enough to locate them, but all the movement involved with tugging on a simple t-shirt, a pair of boxers (he didn’t even need those, but…) and his basketball shorts had his head on fire.

 

He was late to work, but he really couldn’t be too bothered about that right now. There surely was not any big emergency occurring at his office desk in the Mt. Ebbot Police Department. He simply assumed that's what the notifications were for, and continued tugging socks and then his shoes, then he found his keys (thank goodness they stayed in the pocket of his pants), and he was out.

 

He finally opened his phone, frowning at the thirty-eight notifications vying for his attention, and ignored all of them in favor of pulling up he and Mettaton’s messages to send a quick text on his whereabouts while he climbed into his car. Not that the celebrity would even care, but it was a nice thought.

 

It was a good vehicle. He truly loved this convertible…but learning all the things that made it tick was no easy task. Also all the expenses involved? He had to book unholy hours to keep maintenance.

 

Ah, so maybe he should have been more attentive to getting there on time. 

 

Instead, he pulled up he and Undyne’s messages (while driving…his head hurt so bad he didn’t even clock the offense), briefly read all the messages she’d sent…which was over ten of the same variations of ‘Where are you’. 

 

- I went to the party last night, caught something from someone. Can’t come in today. My apologies.

 

So formal. He’d fallen into that lately, though he’d tried in the underground. Life was…somehow brighter when he had to focus on lifting everyone’s spirits, when he had a clear cut goal, when Sans wasn’t cleaning or eating or walking or doing much of anything to the point of alarm. 

 

Things were better when Papyrus was needed. Now all he had to do was file paperwork to pay the bills, and while there was still so much left that Papyrus had left to experience on the surface…the realization that he’d been basically trapped and pinned into the cycle of working to live was a tough one. For some reason, it seemed like everyone else was able to move forward with their lives much simpler, but Papyrus just…couldn’t.

 

On one hand, it was simply too complicated for him. What was easy enough for Sans to understand was rocket science to him. Sans was doing great. He and Toriel were together, and he lived with her, and worked odd jobs still, and he had never been happier.

 

Happier without him.

 

The day Sans had ‘moved out’ was…hard, but only really for Papyrus, who was obviously not going to say that he wouldn’t be okay on his own, or that he needed him around and couldn’t stand being alone, or that it just wasn’t fair how fast his own brother was ready to ditch him. He said none of that, because truthfully he was so unbearably happy that his brother seemed to have regained the life in his eyes and the pep in his step.

 

Like a pendulum, Sans found happiness, and Papyrus found…nothing but stress.

 

Maybe anyone else would be happy in his shoes if it wasn’t him…the only joy he got out of the year was Mettaton’s annual parties, where he invited a select few. Papyrus was lucky enough to be on that list since they were freed to the surface, mainly because he had already been a diehard fan and they’d become something like friends.

 

And because Undyne had asked Alphys to put in the good word. Because they didn’t think he could find companionship on his own, or because they thought they could lift his spirits by shoving him at the pretty robot and calling it a day.

 

If only they ever visited, or even stopped by for a second. No, they stuck with digital communication as they chose new human friends and their jobs over him.

 

Okay, he was bitter. And yes, a part of him was extremely averse to this-but he kept it inside. Maybe outwardly, he had been much more quiet and solemn and tired, but he couldn’t keep the act up forever.

 

And they didn’t need that happy-go-lucky skeleton anymore anyways. They just didn’t want another problem to deal with.

 

Mettaton didn’t really want to deal with him either, he just seemed quite attracted to him. That was rather odd, but Papyrus wasn’t going to push away the only person who thought he was good-looking. Still, sometimes it was simply grating to get flirted with for a straight five hours, then need to be drunk in order to get anything of note done.

 

That wasn’t to say Papyrus didn’t like Mettaton…no, he was quite attracted to him, obviously, and also had some pretty big feelings he couldn’t sort out about the robot. But none of that mattered, because Mettaton was a star blazing bright in the sky and Papyrus was just a lowly monster who filed paperwork and moped about having no friends and no real life.

 

He could just try to talk to his family about it…but what would even change? Nobody changed for him, it had always been the other way around, or they simply found someone else. And they had their own lives he’d just be dragging down. Frisk had school and other ambassador-y duties, Sans had Toriel, Undyne had Alphys, Mettaton had fortune and fame and his pick of any handsome creature he decided was good enough.

 

His only other talking companion would have been Flowey, but…he hadn’t seen him since they were freed. He didn’t like the insinuation of that, but there was nothing to be done. It wasn’t as if a flower had a phone or something.

 

As soon as Papyrus pulled into the lot in front of his apartment, he shook the thoughts from his head. He parked, he locked the car, he went inside, he collapsed on the couch, and stared at the wall.

 

He glared.

 

He shouldn’t be so miserable about everyone’s happiness. That was simply awful of him. He shouldn’t even be miserable! He was on the surface, he got to see stars every night and go wherever he could possibly dream-he could see so many cool cars and meet so many people, go on adventures and so, so much more…

 

So many things…

 

It was too many things. He was faced with a multitude of possibilities, so many that he simply…couldn’t pick anything.

 

So he was stuck.

 

He hated this. He hated being alone. He hated being used for his body by someone he… loved. He hated getting messages from Sans and hated that he was full of so much rage whenever he saw a new notification from him. He hated that he felt so bad about that whole situation. He hated that he couldn’t just find joy. 

 

He hated himself.

 

Papyrus paused at that and blinked a few times. Did he? He’d always tried to force the narrative that he was great, and amazing, and better than his brother, and such a cool dude. Had he ever really believed that? It seemed so fragile, looking back. Like he was compensating.

 

Well, he was. 

 

Yeah, okay. So he hated himself. Nothing new there. Maybe it was even…relieving, to be able to say it.

 

It made his throat hurt a little, though. 

 

Curling up, Papyrus chose to shelf that thought for later, and drifted off to sleep the hangover away.

 

-.-

 

Papyrus woke to the sound of ringing.

 

In the safety of his apartment, he allowed himself to groan loudly, rolling over onto his back whilst snatching his phone up to see who was bothering him.

 

Sans.

 

Seeing that made Papyrus’ mood turn ever more sour, not improving at all with rest. Before he could even think it through, he’d swiped red and the call went silent.

 

Perhaps rather childishly, he threw his phone onto the carpet and chose to go back to sleep.

 

Thank goodness he was off tomorrow, and then it was the weekend…small mercies.

 

-.-

 

It was a beautiful party. Scatters of confetti, balloons hanging from the ceiling, monsters and humans alike gathered in fine suits drinking from shiny glasses.

 

Papyrus was in awe-he never got invited to things! He had to thank Alphys later for introducing him to Mettaton…for more reasons than one. He’d watched him on a television screen for so long, maybe rather starry eyed from viewing the dream that Mettaton lived, then later…

 

Well, everyone found Mettaton rather attractive. Papyrus was only a monster, after all.

 

He’d dressed up so nicely, in a clean black suit with a glittery tie, and his shiniest shoes. Frisk had even helped him, and Sans had chuckled the whole time, teasing him until Papyrus was ready to shout the house down. 

 

He looked good, great even, but he couldn’t help but be rather nervous. Would Mettaton think the same? Would the humans like it? What reputation would he be building-

 

“Papyrus!” he heard from the corner of the room, and had to whip his head around a few times to find the source, and when he did, he felt every bone freeze up.

 

Mettaton would look good in anything, but right now, he looked practically ethereal. Hair spiked slightly on the side and tied up in a neat but small bun adorned by jewelry, lips glossed with black and a dress sparkling so bright every wall within his vicinity would take on the shine of a million little stars.

 

Papyrus’ soul was pounding, and he felt his breath stutter. He felt warm, he felt…enraptured, trapped in one spot. 

 

“Well don’t you look absolutely stunning , darling.” Mettaton quirked a smile, shimmying his way over to place a gloved finger upon his shoulder. He leaned in close, too close, and looked him over with hungry eyes.

 

“I-Yes-” Papyrus chuckled nervously, body tensed up. “Thank you-”

 

Mettaton interrupted whatever failed attempt at communication that would come next with a cordial laugh, hand on his chest. 

 

“Charming.” he hummed once it was out of his system. Then before Papyrus could take a breath, Mettaton’s hand had snatched his waist and his hand and twirled him onto the dance floor, and they were gone.

 

Papyrus simply moved, unable to focus on anything but the gorgeous robot before him, but Mettaton was graceful enough for the both of them. 

 

He had stars in his eyes, he had lips on his neck, he had hands on his vertebrae, he had those curves indented into his very soul. Everything around him was a blur, time simply shifting through his mind. He felt as if he had lost consciousness, and before he knew it, Mettaton had him pinned down onto a mattress, both heaving quick breaths.

 

“Huh.” Mettaton blinked, and Papyrus swore he could count every eyelash that had just fluttered. “Not bad for a bag of bones, I’d say.”

-.-

 

Weekends were great. Papyrus didn’t have to do anything! He could just crawl from the couch to his bed and sleep more and more, and he didn’t have to answer to anyone.

 

It dawned on him the irony of him now revelling in the things he would have been nagging Sans about back in Snowdin, but that thought was quickly dismissed.

 

To be fair, he’d been good before two weeks ago. He only really stopped speaking to Sans recently, when stewing on his feelings just wasn’t cutting it anymore, so he chose pettiness. As for his other friends, well…he was truly pretty responsive, but…

 

He didn’t feel good. The headache was gone, but the queasiness in his soul remained, and his mental well being felt somehow…worse. 

 

Though, the events of last night would probably make anyone quite upset. And he was-upset, that is.

 

Not that anybody would care. He shouldn’t even care, if he were being honest. People had disappointing sexual affairs quite often, didn’t they? It was like, the whole thing. Right? 

 

And this was just disappointing. Nothing else. Not heartbreaking, not depressing, not somewhat alarming, none of the above.

 

It wasn’t like his idol had taken advantage of him or anything. They were both drunk.

 

A little voice in the back of Papyrus’ head inquired as to why Mettaton had only made this move when he was drunk at this party, as opposed to any other of them. He’d made advances, they’d fooled around, but Papyrus was too much of a nervous wreck. When he was drunk, he remembered being rather malleable, he was spacing off so much in order to keep some semblance of control.

 

Okay, so maybe it was in bad faith. But it didn’t really matter anymore, did it? His friends would still force him back into the song and dance, and it’d happen again, or he’d leave feeling dejected instead of used.

 

God, life was disappointing. It really sucked.

 -.-

 

It was that next weekend, following several days of mundane and annoying and friend-less hours of work, when Papyrus felt sick.

 

This was really quite inconvenient…when he got sick, it was usually fevers or colds, not this queasiness in his soul.

 

He didn’t dare to move from his desk, not wishing to lose whatever scraps of food he had consumed the other night…but he had to pee.

 

It was one or the other, and that's how he found himself hunched over the toilet clutching his soul while a physical manifestation of his waste regurgitated itself from the marrow of his bones, through the vertebrae and through his throat and into the toilet. His only clean outfit that week was truly a mess.

 

Papyrus felt disgusting. Tears pricked his eyes as he glared to himself, curling up against the wall.

 

He couldn’t leave the office like this. He couldn’t stay either! His whole body seemed to be a raging storm of nausea. He was so dizzy, likely from dehydration…he couldn’t do it.

 

Escaping took effort though-a lot of it. Knowing his coworkers as he did (nosy dogs and nosy humans alike), Papyrus chose to literally climb out of the little window in the restroom, thankful for once that he was just bones. He cleaned his mess beforehand of course, but immediately spewed magic waste into the bushes.

 

No need to mess with that.

 

Then he snuck home, like some sort of reversed rebellious teenager, crawled into the shower, and sobbed.

 

It did not help his unstable emotions to find out that nobody had even noticed his absence when he woke up the next morning in a freezing cold shower with no texts or calls or anything to be seen.

 -.-

 

Papyrus had to go to a doctor.

 

It’d been two weeks now, and the symptoms hadn’t alleviated. The first day was the worst, but mostly just because he didn’t know how to handle this issue. 

 

He had some soup for nearly every dinner, he took so many over the counter nausea medicine, he took a day off for rest (even though the only thing effected was his payment hours…nobody seemed to be paying attention to his physical attendance as long as the papers were filled.), yet none of it helped. 

 

He felt so awful. 

 

Thankfully, many humans had been consulting with monster doctors (some under Alphys’ guide) to better assist them with their health issues, and so he did not need to bother his friends for help. He knew a particularly excellent clinic which he and Sans had gone to once Alphys had approved them for basic clinical help to get a check-up with their new handy dandy health insurance. 

 

So he headed there.

 

The place smelled rather nice, with winter just leaving (it was late February), so all the plants were going into bloom. This meant though that most of the area was filled with patients in need of care for their allergies-the area was loud with the sound of sneezing and coughing.

 

Papyrus veered into an empty seat in the back of the room after signing himself in, bringing his knees to his chest and earning a few odd looks for such a movement. He hid his face away, not concerned over them.

 

He really hoped he wasn’t dying or something and that it was just a bug. It was odd though-a little part of him desired a fatal outcome…for the attention. It was wrong though, so he shoved that down. 

 

If his family didn’t want to see him while he was healthy, why would they care if he was dying? 

 

What dismal thoughts.

 

It seemed like an eternity before Papyrus was finally called back, and he then had to uncurl himself and shuffle in while his soul roiled sourly. He grimaced at the sensation, hunching his shoulders while he got a couple of dirty looks from some humans in the vicinity.

 

As it turns out, prejudice wasn’t something that could be simply waved away.

 

He was ushered into a small little office, and then the nurse walked away. He sat down on the patient bed, wincing a bit at the noisy paper he was crinkling. It was fine if he sat still, though.

 

The nurse returned with a clipboard soon enough, taking a seat on the rolling chair in front of a computer screen. She was rather young looking, with red hair and blue eyes, chewing the inside of her cheek before facing him.

 

“You came in due to ‘health concerns’...?”

 

Papyrus swallowed, hugging himself. “I’ve been nauseous, and vomiting a lot, for a whole week now.” he looked at the floor studiously.

 

“Hm.” the nurse turned to her computer screen, opening a file and beginning to tap away. “Scale of one to ten, how bad is it?”

 

Papyrus looked upwards, thinking for a second. “I’d say…eight.”

 

The nurse nodded. “Does it occur after you eat, or if you’ve not eaten, or both?”

 

“Both.”

 

“What does the vomit look like?”

Papyrus cringed. “Usually bile, or the food I’ve eaten, sometimes a bit of magic.”

 

The nurse wrinkled her nose, eyebrows stitching together in concern. “Is that due to straining the throat, do you think…?”

 

“It does get pretty sore…”

 

She nodded once more, clicking her tongue. “Oh dear. I’m sorry about that. Just a few more questions left, if you're up to it?”

 

“Of course!”

 

“Are you experiencing any other symptoms, such as a fever, pain, diarrhea…?”

 

“Er-no.”

 

“Do you smoke or drink?”

 

“I…drink on occasion.” Papyrus twisted his fingers together, flushing a bit.

 

The nurse smiled gently at him. “Now, could you be, or have you ever been, pregnant?”

 

Papyrus froze up, eyes widening a bit. It felt like a puzzle piece had clicked into place, and he was now absolutely terrified.

 

Monsters were different from humans… anyone could get pregnant, no matter the partner or gender. He’d thought-nothing could’ve happened after the first time, could it-that felt impossible, it had to be! He couldn’t be…

 

“I…it's possible…?”

 

The nurse’s lips pursed. She appeared sympathetic, picking up on his evident panic. “Well…let's go ahead and get you a test then, alright? I’ll just need you to urinate in a cup, nothing too strenuous."

 

Papyrus was now blushing a bright orange, but he ducked his head in a nod anyway. The nurse left the room for a moment and returned with a little clear cup, handing it to him. He darted into the bathroom she had directed him into, and had to take several deep breaths.

 

There was no way. There wouldn’t be anything on that test. He couldn’t be. 

 

He assured himself and regained a tremulous air of calm before heading back out and giving the nurse his waste, then sat back in the little office, resting the back of his head on the wall. 

 

It would be okay. He wasn’t pregnant. It was just a bug. That sort of thing simply couldn’t happen after his first time. That sort of unluckiness was just-impossible!

 

The wait felt like forever, and it didn’t take long for Papyrus to work himself up enough to feel like he might start vomiting everywhere. He grabbed the little bin in the corner of the room and held it in his lap just in case…

 

For the first time in quite a few days, Papyrus tugged out his phone to scroll through his notifications, trying to take his mind off of things.

 

He was really starting to feel bad, especially seeing so many missed notifications from Sans. Everyone else usually gave up after ten messages, but Sans refused. The only thing keeping his brother from barging into his apartment and giving him an earful was that Papyrus would send small responses in intervals, but he had stopped doing so after that party.

 

( Mettaton hadn’t bothered to reply to his texts either.)

 

Something in him was stopping him from answering Sans. maybe it was the part of him that needed someone to come find him. If Sans actually did show up, he felt like something might heal in the depths of his soul-but that had yet to happen, and it’d been a week.

 

The messages before him were the same variations of how’ve you been and How do skeletons communicate? They answer the damn tele-bone! And I miss you. And wanna hang out sometime? And Alphys and Undyne are worried for you bro. Just call them. And is something wrong? Did I do something? Are you ok? And so, so many more.

 

He couldn’t feel anything more than apathy over it. Why must it all be over the phone? Why couldn’t they just come over and see him? Was he that hard to look at or speak to?

 

His screen became blurry, and the only thing that shook him out of his thoughts was the sound of a tear pattering onto his phone. He clicked it off and rubbed his eyes, glaring at himself.

 

…Just in time for the nurse to return.

 

“Is-is everything okay?” he couldn’t help but blurt out.

 

The nurse turned to face him, giving him a nervous smile. Papyrus felt his soul twist.

 

“Yep! Everything's alright, but…” she took a small breath. “The test came back positive. Mister Papyrus you are…you're pregnant. Um…congratulations?”

 

Papyrus then ducked his head into the small trash can, and proceeded to vomit rather violently.

Chapter 2: Anyone Else But You (interlude)

Notes:

little interlude snippet chapter whoopse

title is Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches

 

It was a gorgeous party. So many more people had shown up! Mettaton truly was making a name for himself up here.

 

Papyrus smiled broadly, flapping his hands at the sight of so many new people, so many shining gold decorations, so much food! 

 

“C’mon Paps, are you just gonna stay here forever?!” Undyne shouted boisterously from behind him, before snatching up Alphys’ hand and darting off onto the floor, shoulder chucking Papyrus on her way out. Papyrus simply laughed at her actions, as Sans followed them sluggishly after patting Papyrus on the back.

 

His heart soared. He loved his family…

 

“My my~”

 

Papyrus spun on his heel, jumping at the sight of Mettaton in front of him. The star was adorned in gold and silver, eyeshadow matching the theme as well. Was that…body glitter? It smelled nice.

 

“I love your outfit.” Mettaton purred, stroking a finger down his glittery orange lapel, before gripping it and tugging him forward.

 

Suddenly, all Papyrus could see were those glossy black lips, moments before they were gnashed against his teeth as he was slammed into a closet wall.

 

Thump thump thump went his soul, and it was all he could do to keep up with Mettaton’s movements.

 

Shining magenta eyes, ebony nails clawing at his bones, the warmth of another’s soul.

 

Sans wouldn’t quit joking about his frazzled appearance for the rest of the evening.

 -.-

 

Starling (Mettaton!!<3433)

 

Sent Yesterday 4:39 pm

 

[ Can we talk? ]

 

Sent Yesterday 4:41 pm

 

[ This is really important! ]

 

Sent Yesterday 5:00 pm

 

[ Please. ]

 

Sent Today 12:00 am

 

[ Mettaton we REALLY need to talk. Please respond. ]

 

Undyne 💪

 

Sent Yesterday 5:05 pm

 

[ I need this week off if possible. Let me know if I can’t. ]

 

Sent Yesterday 5:05 pm

 

→ [ DUDE. Everything ok? ]

 

Sent Yesterday 5:30 pm

 

→ [ We kinda need explanations for that sht ]

 

→ [ Can u call? ]

 

Sent Yesterday 5:32 pm

 

→ [ your lowk scar ing me bro. ]

 

Sent Yesterday 5:35 pm

→ [ DUDE U GOOD????????????????????????????? ]

 

Sent Yesterday 5:40

 

→ [ u can have it off but plz explain why ro someone. Even Sans. bro’s wurried for u.

 

Sent Yesterday 6:01 pm

 

→ [ I hope ur ok.]

Starling (Mettaton!!<3433)

Sent Today 1:09 am

 

[ I know your really busy but PLEASE. ]

 

Brother >:L

 

Sent Yesterday 5:10 pm

 

→ [ Bro? ]

→ [ you ok? Undyne just called. ]

 

Sent Yesterday 5:13 pm

 

→ [ I’m scared for you. Tori is too. The kid has wanted to see you too, if thats anything. ]

 

Sent Yesterday 5:20 pm

 

→ [ ? ]

 

Sent Yesterday 12:14 am

 

→ [ i’m coming over tmrw. ]

Starling (Mettaton!!<3433)

 

Sent Today 3:45 am

 

[ I know you don’t care. I know I’m nothing to you. But please do this for me. Please just answer me. ]

 

…

 

Sent Today 1:00 pm

 

[ Sorry. ]

 

Chapter 3: Gnaw

Notes:

what

anyway here's another chapter . btw even though undertale has been a passive hyperfixation of mine for YEARS, maybe even a DECADE, i only just beat it yesterday. very bittersweet, but it was true pacifist, soooo

here's more of this shitfest tho . title is Gnaw by Alex G

trigger warning for self harm though its [technically] an accident, and depressing stuff

 

Papyrus was exhausted.

 

Staying up all night having a mental breakdown in and out of the shower, curled up on the couch, then the bed, would do that to you though.

 

He’d practically darted from the clinic upon receiving that… news… thanking the nurse for her work without letting her get a word in, then rushing out to have a panic attack in his car. Several times he had to wave people and monsters alike away in the parking lot, until he had a doctor called on him to fix it. When he calmed down, he was so embarrassed…

 

He just barely avoided getting shoved into a psych ward by holding himself together until he was in his apartment, then he had practically lost it. He had whipped out his phone and sent frantic texts to Mettaton, then Undyne, then his brother started texting him, and he couldn’t-he couldn’t-

 

…

 

Sans was coming over today.

 

Papyrus began cleaning his apartment in a frenzy. He was purposefully redirecting his thoughts to and fro, avoiding that topic like a plague. 

 

He was so screwed. He felt insane right now.

 

Just yesterday he had been musing about one of his family members finally intervening, and now he was losing it because of that fact. His apartment was a mess, he was a mess, everything was going wrong, he felt SO sick-

 

Knock knock.

 

Fuck.

 

-.-

 

Opening the door felt way too difficult.

 

Simply knowing Sans was behind it made his head dizzy- had he eaten today? He’d just lose it, but he needed to stay alive, needed to keep the ba-ENOUGH- but he planted his feet and centered himself and threw it open.

 

There he was-his brother, in all his glory. His eyelights were fading, his smile appeared quite stern, his arms were crossed-but upon actually seeing Papyrus, his demeanor changed into one of grave concern.

 

“Whoa bro-you look like shit.”

 

Papyrus frowned as deeply as he could, feeling his hold on the door go limp. 

 

“Hello to you too. Anyway, unless you need anything, I’m afraid I am very busy today-”

 

Sans shut him up rather efficiently by shoving his way into the apartment, though he didn’t have to be all that harsh to Papyrus in order to do so.

 

He felt very weak.

 

Sans perused the area for a moment before snatching Papyrus’ arm and tugging him down to face level with him, glaring.

 

Papyrus gulped, suddenly nervous. It had certainly been a while since the last time Sans had scolded him and not vice versa, but he remembered every single occasion being quite unpleasant.

 

“Papyrus.”

 

Sans pulled him ever closer, and Papyrus flinched. 

 

Something in him cracked a bit when he reopened his eyes to see his brother’s face. He looked so worried. He looked like he actually cared.

 

It felt like a lie. It felt all too real.

 

He couldn’t take all this emotional whiplash.

 

“Sorry.” Papyrus whispered uncharacteristically, shifting his gaze to the floor.

 

Sans seemed taken aback. “What? Bro, no-don’t apologize, what on earth is wrong with you?”

 

Papyrus felt a twinge in his soul, his breath hitching audibly. “I-its nothing, I’m-”

 

“You asked Undyne for a week off. A week! And you called out not long ago, after that party. You’ve been ignoring my dozens of calls and texts, you don’t answer anyone, and to top it all off, I get a call from the fucking clinic! They reached out for a reported panic attack in their damn parking lot, not to mention you rushing out of the office! None of which you even bother talking to me about, What the hell is the matter?!”

Papyrus was fighting the tears hard. He didn’t want to appear immature, or like he was trying to guilt Sans out of this lecture, but his stomach was swarming and his skull felt like it was ready to implode. His emotions were everywhere all at once, and by the end of Sans’ outburst, he couldn’t keep that flood away anymore.

 

It was sudden and maybe alarming, like a knee jerk reaction, and he was sobbing.

 

He cried and cried and cried, tears pouring down his cheeks, and no matter how hard he tried every single one of his words came out as babbles.

 

Shocked, Sans led him gently to the couch to sit him down and rub his back slowly.

 

Papyrus hated himself-this was only becoming a truer fact day by day. He couldn’t even keep himself together long enough for a conversation, and now his crying was making him feel just so sick, and he knew he wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom, and he was right. With utterly no warning whatsoever, he was heaving his meager breakfast upon the carpet.

 

Sans was speaking to him from somewhere far away, and Papyrus couldn’t snap out of his attack to really listen. He felt so awful, he WAS so so awful-he was a horrible brother, a horrible friend, a horrible person-nobody wanted him around, but he was trying so hard! He loved everyone so much but how could he keep doing so if nobody ever loved him back?!

 

He tried to verbally express this, but he wasn’t so sure any of it got through his snot and tears. Sans was still trying to talk, but Papyrus was too far away-he felt like a tunnel was closing over his vision and his earholes, unable to discern anything through his now dry heaves and breathless sobs.

 

Oh. Well, he wasn’t exactly breathing. That wouldn’t help.

 

But he only realized that when it was too late, because before he knew it, the world clicked off.

 

-.-

The world was hazy. Colors twisted and morphed and shifted, all culminating into the ceiling above Papyrus’ bed.

 

He clamped his eyes shut from the light despite how dark it was, groaning quietly. He heard the shuffling of sheets, and had to crane his neck to see around him.

 

Sans was curled upon the sheets beside him, fast asleep.

 

Papyrus felt his soul clench. How long had he been out that Sans had to sleep…? To be fair, that could very well have been a mere twenty minutes, but still.

 

He carefully extracted himself from the bed, careful not to wake Sans, then headed to the bathroom. 

 

Once within, he locked the door and turned the shower on, needing to cleanse the grimy feeling off of his bones that had settled there for far too long at this point. He turned to the mirror whilst tugging his shirt off, and froze still.

 

There was…something…within his ribcage.

 

He dropped his shirt to the ground and edged closer to the mirror, running his fingers across his rib bones. 

 

It looked like a cloud of orange, slowly shifting within his chest, and inside of the object was his very soul near a tiny little white dot.

 

Papyrus’ legs suddenly felt like jelly, and he had to slowly set himself upon the floor as the realization hit him.

 

The tears were back with a vengeance, sending a sharp pain lancing through his skull as his dehydration worsened. 

 

How had he not noticed it before…? Of course, it could have been due to the fact that he hadn’t really been showering or changing clothes as of late, but still…

 

That was his child. He was pregnant. 

 

…

-.-

 

“Everything okay in there bro?”

 

Papyrus jumped, hissing as the sensation of the steaming hot water hit him after his session of disassociation.

 

He switched the water off and wrapped himself up in a towel, drying and dressing quickly before exiting the bathroom.

 

Sans looked quite worried again, and clearly like he wanted to say something but didn’t want to send Papyrus into another fit, and that was enough to make him feel quite heavy all over again-as if it had ever truly left.

 

Papyrus sighs heavily, shuffling out of Sans’ way to go drop his clothes into the hamper. He heard the tell-tale steps of his brother walking behind him as he moved, but chose to ignore that in favor of going through the motions.

 

There wasn’t much to do though…while his cleaning earlier that day had been haphazard and chaotic, he’d still gotten a lot done. If anything, he just had to go put his supplies away and maybe do some laundry. 

 

So he did, Sans following him all the way through, oddly quiet. It was strange behaviour, but Papyrus was simply thankful that there was no confrontation yet. 

 

He cleaned, and when that was done, he started a pot of boiling water up to make some pasta…he hadn’t eaten, it was nearly nine at night, they both likely needed sustenance.

 

Unfortunately, water took time to boil, and Papyrus couldn’t stand even a moment of inactivity…he grabbed out a jar of sauce (he would make his own but…he got in trouble for cracking the counters last month already) and dumped it in a separate pan…that took time to heat too…he grabbed a baguette from within his cupboard (maybe it was a little stale, but ah well) and began buttering it…he had some garlic salt, didn’t he? Yes, thank goodness-

 

“Paps.”

 

Shit.

 

Papyrus swallowed harshly-no matter that he didn’t need to do so-at his brother’s tone of voice. 

 

Pleading. 

 

Papyrus blinked a couple times, not bothering to turn around as he spoke. “Yes…? Can I help you?”

 

That got him an angry scoff. Good. He’d take that over the worry any day.

 

Then he was being turned around rather abruptly by Sans, being forced to maintain eye contact.

 

“Bro, Just tell me what's going on! You're scaring the shit outta me-If anyone’s hurting you, I’ll take care of it, if you're gettin’ REALLY sick, we’ll all help-you know that we’re here for you, don’t ya?”

 

Papyrus cringed inwardly. It wasn’t that he didn’t know that, it was just that he didn’t…exactly…completely… believe it.

 

“O-of course.” His voice sounded like a husk, which really wasn’t helping his case. 

 

“Then talk to me!” his brother hissed through his teeth, fists clenching a bit. Boy, this really seemed to be bothering him…

 

But how on earth could Papyrus possibly spin this? ‘Hello brother, you know that Mettaton fellow? The very same guy you’ve been offloading me onto? Yeah, he knocked me up.’...stuff like that likely didn’t go over very well.

 

Besides, he didn’t really feel ready to speak about it yet. He’d just learned, and his head hadn’t wrapped around it. He didn’t know what to do.

 

Papyrus lifted a palm to his forehead, leaning his back against the stove. He felt the warmth of the pots from behind him seep into his spine…it was somewhat soothing.

 

“I…I really have been sick.” he started, voice coming out a bit thick-sounding. “Must’ve…caught something from someone at that party…”

 

“You’ve been ignoring me since before that…” Sans prompted, raising his eye to watch his brother intently.

 

Papyrus sighed heavily, crossing his arms. Well, it was more like he was hugging himself protectively, but still.

 

Maybe a little truth wouldn’t hurt.

 

“Papyrus, please. ”

 

Well, that’d do it.

 

“You-it’s just-” Papyrus huffed, blinking quickly. “You never even visit anymore.”

 

He grimaced a bit at how his voice cracked at the end of the sentence, feeling rather grossed out by himself. So what if it was a bit of genuine emotion? It seemed so wimpy.

 

He studiously avoided looking at Sans’ reaction by staring at the floor, fidgeting a bit.

 

“I-” Sans finally spoke after a moment, voice low. “I’ve just been busy, and figured you’ve been busy too-and with Toriel and the kid, y’know-”

 

“Oh, I DO know.” Papyrus snapped, feeling his soul start to race as he looked up to face his brother, but he couldn’t really stop himself. “There’s always an excuse-work, kids, partners-no time for me anymore. I understand. ”

 

Sans’ nose scrunched up a bit-odd that he could manage that, as a skeleton. “Well, you haven’t exactly been visiting either. It’s a team effort. ”

 

Papyrus glared, shoulders hunching up. “I HAVE BEEN TRYING! All I’ve done since we got to the surface was try to cling, but then you moved, and suddenly I’m not all that important to anybody! I tried to plan things out, and you cancelled. Everyone cancels! And then you send texts, and you call, as if that is at all the same!”

 

“If I’d known that me moving had bothered you so much-”

 

“Oh please! As if you’d have even thought about asking-”

 

“Forgive me for thinking you could be mature about it!” 

 

Papyrus flinched back, feeling a pang in the center of his chest. Ow. 

 

The silence that followed physically ached, mostly because there was definite truth in that statement.

 

He hadn’t been mature or grown up about it at all. But it was like the one constant in his life had just vanished, and there was no room for understanding or compassion for how he felt. Nobody ever asked either, until things went too far and here they were.

 

Sans took a deep breath, closing his eyes and looking away. “Paps, I-”

 

“You're right.” Papyrus croaked, turning back to the stove. “I apologize. You can go back to living your life, then.”

 

“Bro-”

 

“ Sans. ” Papyrus stressed, feeling suddenly very tired. “Just go. Please. ”

 

And go he did. Quietly, quickly, just a blip of magic. As always.

 

Papyrus groaned, banging his head against the microwave above the stove.

 

A second barely passed before he had snatched the pot of boiling water up as if it was nothing and flung it rather violently against the wall.

-.-

 

He should have been more careful.

 

That certainly applied to more than just his immediate concern-that being the burns on his hands from throwing a whole pot of boiling hot water into a wall.

 

He hadn’t even noticed with how upset he’d been, rushing to take everything off the stove and shove it into the sink and the fridge and the cabinet and- just clean everything. Wipe the slate clean.

 

He was currently running his hands under cold water, observing the odd red tint that his fingers were starting to take. He’d gotten burned before, it was nearly unavoidable with how he and Undyne used to prepare food, but likely not this bad. Usually he just got some scuff marks, but this looked like his bones had burnt enough to start bleeding.

 

Fun.

 

Papyrus was not a big fan of how he had handled that. The rage had, quite frankly, scared him. He was under a lot of stress, but that wasn’t entirely Sans’ fault, he knew that.

 

No, it was mostly himself.

 

He’d put himself in this situation, and now he was lashing out. What was wrong with him?

 

Shutting off the water, Papyrus began wrapping his hands in bandages after applying some antibacterial ointment he’d found in one of his first aid kits. When that was finished, he fixed up a quick sandwich-just some wilted lettuce and bread, really-then crawled into his bed and rolled himself up in his blankets.

 

It didn’t take long for the slow, hot tears to begin sluggishly trickling down his cheeks.

 

At least the burns provided a bit of a distraction, but it wasn’t enough to calm the raging storm happening in his brain.

 

-.-

 

Papyrus didn’t want to move.

 

His phone had been going off for…awhile now, but he couldn’t bring himself to check it. 

 

It’d been a day since the…incident…and he was sure news was going around by now.

 

He felt…awful. Here he was, skipping work for no reason, pushing his brother away, ignoring his family…

 

He needed the money, too. For this apartment…

 

But he couldn’t bring himself to get up. 

 

His bones felt heavy with the weight of his faults, his brain clouded and dull. 

 

Nothing was worth it; he might as well just be dead.

 

That’s when an idea began to form in his head.

 

Chapter 4: And The Hound

Notes:

another snippet chapter OOPS

this is gonna be dark and possibly triggering . its a suicide attempt, i say in a blatant fashion
OH AND IT MIGHT ALSO BE TRIGGERING bc like its alluded to that the baby would also die . i mean obviously but just yk throwing that out there

title is And The Hound by Yaelokre

 

The week was almost over-but Papyrus’ life felt like it might as well just fizzle out then.

 

He’d been thinking… a lot… and…

 

Well, he couldn’t exactly have this child.

 

He didn’t have the time, nor the money, nor the…support…

 

The child’s father wouldn’t even probably be in his life. Papyrus wasn’t actually very sure as to how Mettaton may react to learning about this, but he was a successful robot-and Papyrus was just, well, himself.

 

And what would his family think?

 

They’d be disappointed, probably. Sans would try to be supportive (if he could even count on that after pushing him away so much) but there was only so much he could do, Undyne would probably yell at him a lot but…she’d help, Alphys would either help or things would become incredibly awkward, Frisk was just a child-

 

This wasn’t on any of them, though. He’d burdened them enough.

 

The problem here though was that he couldn’t simply just…get rid of the baby. It was attached to his very soul-this was why having children as a monster had to be a big deal. While fusing souls and such was an exquisite sensation, monsters would usually be careful about it. 

 

He and Mettaton had not been careful.

 

This was not to say accidental pregnancies never happened-of course they did, but nobody really spoke about it, did they? Many were usually smart enough to not let it get so far.

 

Papyrus had gone too far.

 

If he was being honest, this idea wasn’t really all that new to him…especially as of late. You begin to give up on your friends and family, and soon enough, you give up on yourself too.

 

But these thoughts were…scary. He felt alarm in the back of his skull for even pondering this direction, but…

 

There was no way to not have the baby without dying.

-.-

 

Papyrus had a plan.

 

(it was scary. Terrifying. The part of him that still felt like a little kid was petrified.)

 

This would fix everything.

 

(why did this have to be the way?)

 

His family wouldn’t have to bother worrying about him anymore, and he would no longer be weighing them down.

 

(they love you.)

 

Mettaton and he would no longer participate in this accursed song and dance, where the celebrity just took and took and took and took and-

(He wouldn’t want this either.)

 

He wasn’t important anyway-he was just an obligation. All he'd ever been was a nuisance.

 

(you can still try, keep trying, just stay- )

 

No more of this endless monotony, where people simply looked past him. No more working, paying bills, stressing over every little thing…

 

(it’s worth it though…)

 

(right?)

 

-.-

 

Papyrus started writing a letter.

 

He binned it not even a minute later.

 

…

 

He started again.

 

He finished, setting them on the counters.

 

He texted his landlord, ended the lease. Spent nearly all the rest of his money on the remaining payments to be made.

 

He did his research. He gathered his things, threw a lot of it out, addressed the rest to his family and friends.

 

He stepped outside.

 

…

 

It was a beautiful day.

 

-.-

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

Originally, Papyrus hadn’t been completely sure as to how he would do this.

 

There were…many different ways, but some sounded so painful, some not painful enough.

 

He settled on the option that stuck out the most to him.

 

It was, for some reason, a peaceful drive. Simply knowing what he was about to do, that all his problems and grievances would finally end, that his family wouldn’t need to feel pain related to him anymore…

 

It was a relieving thought.

 

When he finally got to his destination, he felt his stomach swoop with guilt.

 

He would try to get his body somewhere else, but…

 

The sight of those golden flowers made a lump form in his throat, one that physically hurt.

 

…

 

He felt bad for having to sneak into Asgore’s courtyard and destroy a part of his property, really bad, but he couldn’t think of anything more fitting.

 

This thought came to him initially while he was thinking of everyone who his death would affect, and he recalled the one friend who would never know.

 

He missed Flowey. More than he ever let himself think, more than he ever thought. Maybe it was the simple fact that Flowey had wanted to talk to him, to hear his thoughts, to provide some form of entertainment.

 

It was that feeling of being needed, of being something to somebody. And maybe that was selfish, but nonetheless, it was real.

 

(would Flowey even want this?)

 

…

-.-

Everyone knew the story of the King and Queen’s fallen children.

 

The death of their human child from the ingestion of golden flowers, then the death of their son from humans. All in a misguided attempt at setting the underground free.

 

It was a great tragedy, one Papyrus had been alive for. He remembered the fateful day, the sorrow that had been implemented upon seemingly everyone-the despair. The hopelessness.

 

He’d been quite upset…they were just children! The fact that their human child had even been so willing to execute themself for the sake of everyone else was baffling to him then. There had been so many further options…

 

Papyrus felt like he understood it now, as he kneeled in a bed of flowers. Maybe not fully-his own intentions were not so valiant. 

 

Sometimes though, death seemed to be the best option. Maybe it was cowardice, maybe it was a valid idea-either way, Papyrus just needed the pain to end.

 

He reached a hand out, caressing a soft petal between his fingers as he stared down, melancholic.

 

He’d left his car and phone parked outside, in case he could possibly drag himself in it to find somewhere secluded and…safe.

 

That wasn’t to say that Asgore’s little mansion he’d gained from being a pretty important political force still, helping govern monsters alongside human politicians, wasn’t safe. While he wasn’t all that close to the former King of the underground, he had only ever been nice to him and his family. 

 

That was probably why he felt so guilty to be doing this…

 

…but he couldn’t just call it off. He’d already taken care of everything, and if he tried to get help or something, things would just go back to the way they were.

 

And he’d be alone all over again.

 

…

 

He was sorry.

 

Papyrus clutched a handful of petals and, before he could hesitate, shoved them down his throat.

 

-.-

 

Briiiiiiiing

 

Briiiiiiiiing

 

Bzzzzzzztttt

 

Briiiiiiiiiiing

 

[ beep ]

 

[ HEY THERE! MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES, BUT IF YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH OUT TO ME, THAT IS SIMPLY NOT POSSIBLE RIGHT NOW!!! I’M SURE I AM VERY BUSY-what? oh-FRISK IS SAYING I DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAIN ALL THIS. BUT I THINK I SHOULD, AS A COURTESY! HEY-! ]

 

…

 

[(laughter.)]

 

[ WELL, FEEL FREE TO LEAVE A MESSAGE! I’LL GET BACK TO IT WHEN I CAN! HAVE A GREAT DAY! ]

 

Blip.

 

…

 

…

 

[ Papyrus, please answer me. ]

 

[ don’t do this. ]

 

[ I’m sorry. ]

 

[ I am BEGGING you. Please be okay. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m- ]

Blip.

 

…

 

…

[ PAPYRUS YOU BETTER BE FUCKING JOKING. ]

 

[ IF YOU REALLY-IF YOUR-I WILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU MYSELF! ]

 

[ I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT-WHY WOULD YOU EVEN- ]

 

[ … ]

 

[ please come back. Please be okay. I cant- ]

 

Blip.

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

[ Papyrus, I know we haven’t…been talking that much, but-oh god- ]

 

[ I understand, I know how it feels…you think you’ve made too many mistakes, you think nobody cares about you, you think this will help you…but trust me, I-I know from experience, this won’t fix anything. ]

 

[ we love you. There’s still so ((choke)) many animes we have to watch, so much things we still need to do, I’m sorry, I-I should have seen this, should have known, I’m sor- ]

 

Blip.

 

…

…

…

…

 

[ Papyrus ? ]

 

[ I read that letter. Mom and Sans didn’t want me to, but I did. I snuck it from them. ]

 

[ I miss you. Please be okay. I love y- ]

 

Blip.

…

…

…

…

…

 

[ Darling. ]

 

[ Darling… ]

 

[ Why…? ]

-.-

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

It was a beautiful night.

Chapter 5: Minor Holiday

Notes:

Now I know what you guys are thinking-ANYGMA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING and to that I say...idk

another shortie in a just as short timespan. im really trying to get this part out so i can work on the REAL stuff-aftermath :v

here's Papyrus' letter ouchie

title is Minor Holiday by Sparkbird and Stephan Nance

also peep that word count at 9,999 haha. I think im pretty funny

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Frisk,

 

I’m sorry. You deserved better. I should have been better about seeing you, letting you know how much you’ve done for us-we’ll always be grateful. I’ll always be grateful.

 

I realize now that a child needing to do the job no adult could do was just-wrong. It was wrong. I don’t know, obviously, all the suffering you likely dealt with while trying to free us. But thinking now, there HAD to have been some. 

 

You were lost. I made it worse. I treated you like you could handle the responsibility, and you could, you absolutely could-but that didn’t mean you had to. I’m sorry. I’ve always felt odd about it, but now that I’m…well, you’ll know soon enough, I might as well tell you now.

 

You deserve a better friend. A better family member-you have a wonderful family as it is, but I just don’t belong.

 

I know you're strong enough to be okay after this. I also know, though, that Toriel will likely never let you see this until you're maybe forty, so. 

 

I’m sorry. I love you.

 

Sincerely, 

 

Papyrus

 

P.S I’ve left you my stuffies, if you’ll have them. Please take care of them for me, okay?

 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-.-

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Alphys, 

 

I care about you a lot, you know? You may not believe it, I know you struggle with knowing how much you are loved, but…you are. Very.

 

I treasure everything we’ve done together. I’ll carry the memory of late nights sending each other messages and videos and pictures from over the Undernet forever and ever-before we even knew each other ‘IRL’, as they say. 

 

This will hurt you. A lot. I’m not stupid enough to not see that. 

 

But in the long run…life will be better without me there for you all to worry about, or for how much I’d just be bothering you.

 

You're a good person. You're a wonderful person. You're a beautiful person.

 

I love you, and I’ll miss you so, so much. Thank you for…everything. 

 

Please take care of Sans and Undyne for me, alright? They’ll need you to be strong.

 

You’ll be okay, I just know it.

 

Take care,

 

Papyrus

 

P.S You can have my figurines. I know you’ll keep them in excellent condition.

 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-.-

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Undyne,  

 

Remember when I was first trying to get into the Royal Guard? How I stayed outside your house all night long? 

 

I do. I’m sure you do. I want you to keep that memory close, but never feel sad about it, because I know I wasn’t. I just wanted friends, I wanted to stop being alone, and even if I didn’t get into the guard…I did get what I had wanted. I got you.

 

(some words are blotted out with tears mixed with ink)

 

…I’ll miss you, so so so so so so so so so much, you were only ever good to me, I never deserved you, you knew what I needed you always looked after me and I’m so sorry

 

Thank you for everything. For the cooking lessons, for the training, for just…being you.

 

You're strong, I know you’ll survive this. Take care of Sans, please. Be strong for him, and everyone else-if you feel that being strong just for yourself isn’t enough.

 

I love you.

 

Yours truly and forever,

 

Papyrus

 

P.S I’m leaving you my armor-the battle bodies, my puzzles…anything you want or need from those, you can have. Thank you.

 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

-.-

 

 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mettaton,

 

I’m sorry. I’ve never really known what I was to you, but I do want you to know that whatever it is…hurts.

 

Maybe you don’t know that. Maybe it isn’t as important or as big of a deal as I am making myself think, but…you did hurt me.

 

I don’t even know if you’ll read this, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough.

 

Nonetheless, I’ll miss you. I don’t really blame you, I don’t hate you-I never could.

 

I, in fact, love you. And I’ve loved you for a long time. Far too long.

 

I hope you get what you’ve always wanted. 

 

Take care of Alphys for me, please. If nobody else is important enough, I know she is. You were never careless about family.

 

Respectfully,

 

Papyrus

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-.-

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sans,

 

If you're reading this, I’m probably dead.

 

It's not your fault. 

 

You know I love you, I hope. You know you're the most important person who was ever in my life, I hope. 

 

Our little fight wasn’t the reason for this, since I’m sure you’ll be blaming yourself. To be honest, I’ve felt pretty hopeless for a long time now, and things just…became too complicated. Too much.

 

There’s a lot to say. Not enough time for me to get it all out. 

 

You were the best brother anyone could have asked for.

 

Love,

 

Papyrus

 

P.S I want you to have my magazine collection-if you’d like, and anything else I haven’t promised to someone else. Remember reading me those as bedtime stories? I miss that. Be safe.

 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-.-

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Toriel,

 

I want to start this by saying that I am sorry. We’ve never really been that close, but Sans loves you, so that makes us family. 

 

That isn’t to say I don’t care about you, or that this won’t be hard for you. I do, however, believe that you would make the best person for what I have to ask of you.

 

Take care of them all, please? You already do, but this will hurt. But it will be okay-you know it will be okay, right? They’ll live, things will be better without me there, I just know it.

 

Please take care of Sans. I love him so, so much, and I regret that this has to be done. He has you though, so I know he’ll survive this. It was always just me and him, you know? Until everyone else came along…he raised me, later on I basically raised him, we’re…we’re a family. Listen to him. Make sure he sleeps and eats, but also goes outside and remembers that life is precious, and he shouldn’t be spending it wasting away.

 

Please keep an eye on Undyne and Alphys-I know they’ll be okay if they have each other, but they are good people. The best, even. Undyne will probably beat herself up for this, Alphys may blame herself-I don’t want them to fall down the same path as myself, and between us…Alphys very well might. She wouldn’t want me to say this, but I trust that you can keep a secret-she’s always had such tendencies, especially toward hating herself and believing we don’t love her dearly. Make sure she knows we care. As for Undyne…she might become someone she’d despise a lot, and please be careful with her. As tough as she is, she’s got a soft heart. Don’t tell her I said that…

 

I know you’ll take care of Frisk. Hopefully they know how much I love them, and how grateful I’ll always be for their sacrifices. Keep them in school, keep them safe, and talk to them, make sure they're okay. I do know that Frisk is resilient, and something like this wouldn’t kill them, but…it might hit really hard. Just…keep them safe.

 

As for finances and other such responsibilities, I’ve taken care of everything so nobody else has to be burdened by me any longer. I ended the lease on my apartment, paid off all the bills, and there’s no need to look for my dust. My resting place is somewhere I know I’d be happy forever and ever in. There isn’t a need for an official funeral-all that is rather expensive, but if you all need closure, you can have one if you like.

 

I am very sorry to put all this on you…I know that anyone else would handle it, maybe they’ll even try to, but they need to grieve. Forgive me, but you have more experience with this than they do. I’m trying hard to be considerate, but goodness, this all sounds quite cruel. I’m very sorry.

 

Warm Regards,

 

Papyrus 

 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6: Tenenbaum

Notes:

why no, dear reader, it is NOT normal for me to be posting so much in short time. its called being bedridden with a fatal illness (a cold) while wanting to be productive

Listen guys. I know some of you aren't sold on papgore, but just IMAGINE a christmas dinner with the skelebros and their divorced partners, that may help

we get...a new shiny pov today ! yippee woohoo tada

if you see me wildly editing tags no you didnt , trigger warnings all around for unpleasantness such as vomiting and possible baby loss and such matters

title is Tenenbaum by The Paper Kites

…

 

The wind was howling. 

 

Asgore sat by his window in his reading chair, ears twitching at the noise. 

 

A storm was brewing.

 

He’d been simply sitting around all of the evening after doing his work and watering the garden, though he had a good book and some tea and some…pie…but it was quite lovely.

 

This is what he lived for, truly. After all the chaos of a day at work, simply settling down was refreshing. 

 

Pitter patter.

 

Ah, there it was-the inevitable downpour. 

 

Asgore smiled softly, tilting his head away from his book and lifting his reading glasses off of his face to set them down as he turned to look out the window.

 

The sky was growing dark, but there was still a bit of daylight fighting to stay present. 

 

He moved his gaze to observe his flowers, lips twitching at the sight of them. He was truly proud of them, even if the sight made him feel melancholic still. Though they were the same things used to take the life of his child, he felt a sort of connection to them through that. Was that weird? Most likely. But…grief was no straightforward path, nor was it picture perfect.

 

Asgore tried his best, and that was all he could do. Even if he was still a pretty high power on the surface, still had a lot of pressure put on him, it was nothing like in the underground. He did still feel personally responsible for the monsters, but now he had help from the humans…it had taken awhile, and a lot of pressure on poor Frisk, but the humans-after a ton of tedious paperwork-managed to allow the monsters into society. There were still plenty of processes to deal with, but nonetheless, as of three years ago, monsters were widely accepted.

 

There would always be issues, that much was inevitable. But it was manageable, and things were…okay. 

 

Asgore was okay.

 

He was lonely, he had many regrets, he had to go to mandated therapy, but…he was alive. Maybe that life had been pretty depressing ever since they’d been freed, but alas.

 

It was just…how things were. He had had time to get over Toriel, and he mostly was, but there’d always be a broken part of him that yearned for her-or, as his therapist claimed, yearned for the familiarity. 

 

But he knew Tori had moved on…they still talked occasionally, mostly about Frisk, sometimes they even would go back underground over Chara and Asriel’s graves on the anniversary of that horrid day together. He was happy for her, though he’d probably always be bitter towards that Sans…though he knew it wasn’t entirely fair.

 

He’d made mistakes, mistakes that could never be fixed. He’d killed, he’d built a whole guard to kill, and he had told himself it was justifiable. As if the death of any innocent was okay.

 

He knew, though, that it was either his people or the humans, and…he would do anything for his people. He still did, still would. Whenever cases of monster hate crimes would pop up, he did everything in his power-maybe to the point of excessiveness-to get justice. 

 

He didn’t think he’d redeemed himself…no, he was pretty sure redemption was something he would never attain. But he could make peace with his actions, he could improve, and he could be the best possible version of himself-

 

What on earth was that in the garden?

 

He swore he’d seen a flash of white, maybe red, begin twitching a bit-but on the other hand, he could’ve just been seeing things.

 

Asgore stood up and walked over to his window, peering out of it and looking over his buttercups…

 

Ah. Was that a scrap of red fabric? He supposed he should check it out.

 

Going over to his door, Asgore pulled on his rainboots and grabbed an umbrella, then set off.

 

The scent of petrichor was thick in the air, and Asgore breathed it in slowly. How soothing.

 

He turned to the area outside of his window from which he saw the unknown object, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. He was sure it was probably something from the kids nearby…

 

When he got to it, he kneeled down to pick up the fabric, which was sticking out from the thick bushels of his garden. 

 

Running his thumb over it, it was very wet, but somehow still soft. It appeared to be a red scarf…He gave it a tug.

 

He expected it to just come out for him as a loose bit of fabric, but no…it was connected to something. How odd.

 

Asgore got down to his knees, setting his umbrella against the bush to his left as he pushed the flowers aside to see what was hiding, wrinkling his nose as a fat drop of rain splashed against his face.

 

…

 

Oh. Oh dear.

 

There, within the buttercups, lay the body of Papyrus. Rain had soaked him mostly by now, but Asgore’s eyes caught a few droplets that began to trickle down his skull and into his eye sockets and mouth…from there, he saw the petals, the blood, the…

 

Asgore’s stomach sank, and he began to get flashes in his mind-a different body, a different life, a different time…vomiting the flowers everywhere, soaked with blood that spattered the ground…

 

This is not THEM.

 

Asgore shook his head to clear away such thoughts, eyebrows creasing as he lifted a paw over his mouth in horror. What…what had happened…? Papyrus was such a happy fellow, he’d thought…had somebody… murdered him? Had somebody killed one of his own…

 

He tried to keep his thoughts calm, tried to keep a strong countenance, but…this was so…horrible. 

 

Papyrus was draped over the hundreds of flowers that had crumpled under his meager weight, and he was wearing a silly red sweater with darkened jeans and that scarf, appearing somehow peaceful, despite the blood and yellow petals scattered about.

 

The skeleton laying out in his garden looked…almost ethereal.

 

For about a second.

 

Then he began convulsing, harsh choking noises wracking his throat, and Asgore sprung into action.

 

He snatched the skeleton into his arms, a bit surprised by how light he was, then darted inside. He laid Papyrus onto the carpet on his side, recognizing this as a seizure…

 

Asgore knew he had to wait it out, but also that he had to get the flowers from his system. He moved away from Papyrus and into his kitchen, where he tugged out a little canister of charcoal he kept around just for this occasion…he took a scoop out and dumped it into a cup he’d had out, quickly swishing some water into it before rushing back to kneel over Papyrus’ body in wait.

 

Eventually the seizure died down, though the length of it had Asgore severely worried. As soon as Papyrus’ jaw had stopped clenching shut, Asgore worked his mouth open to dump the tincture down his throat.

 

One beat…

 

Two beats…

 

Three…

 

…and Papyrus was vomiting all over his floor. 

 

“Shh, shh-” Asgore lifted Papyrus into his lap, directing his face over the floor so he could get it out of his system, while rubbing the skeleton’s shuddering back.

 

He felt his heart clench at the sounds he was making-whimpering, sobs, ugly gagging noises…all while tears poured down his face. He looked to be in agony.

 

How did this happen…?

 

The petals and blood were now everywhere, along with Papyrus’ magic excess, which was an odd transparent orange coloration.

 

It was about then that Asgore’s phone began to ring rather loudly, and he grimaced at the flinch that had shot through Papyrus’ form. He frowned as he looked over-it was still on his coffee table, which was rather close. He was able to view the caller ID-and frowned even deeper. Toriel was calling him.

 

…what happened…

 

Asgore blinked out of his haze as he clocked that Papyrus was trying to form words through his heaves, which was not helpful to his case. Asgore pulled him in closer with one arm while he stretched out the other to snatch a blanket off his chair and wrap them both in it to provide warmth and comfort.

 

“I-mnghhh-soo-er-y-”

 

“Now, now, no need to talk, it’s alright. You’ll be okay…” Asgore hummed, tightening his arms around the skeleton. He tried to press Papyrus up against his chest to feel his racing soul-beat, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. He’d always been comforted to feel Toriel’s, though, so perhaps it would help settle him down…

 

Papyrus began crying, the heaves finally stopping, leaving him trembling violently from exhaustion. Asgore pursed his lips at all the mess, but at least it seemed that it was finally out of his system…the most vital amount, hopefully.

 

Standing up with a groan, Asgore carried Papyrus into his bedroom and laid the skeleton onto his bed. He rushed to place some blankets near him, unraveling the scarf from his neck to dab his skull a bit in an attempt to dry him off a little. He frowned at his soaked clothes…

 

Summoning some flames, Asgore shot them into the fireplace by his bed to start it up, and looked down at Papyrus sadly.

 

“Are your clothes too wet to get comfortable?”

 

Papyrus made no sign that he’d heard what Asgore had asked over his sobs, so Asgore just frowned. Hopefully he wouldn’t mind, this was a necessity.

 

Asgore sat Papyrus up against his pillows and tried hard not to think any other way but practically about this as he slipped Papyrus’ pants off…thankfully the skeleton had worn boxers that were still rather dry, so he just tossed the jeans onto the ground to deal with later and began to tug the shirt off. Papyrus was oddly complacent, although based off of his garbled mumbles and glazed eyes, he wasn’t entirely there.

 

He got the sweater off fairly easily, but had to pause with a jolt at what he saw-within the skeleton’s ribcage…

 

It was odd, and he wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking at…an orange blob surrounding his soul…? 

 

Asgore placed a paw over Papyrus’ ribcage, slotting the tips of his claws upon the bone. He began pumping healing magic into the skeleton, and watched as his soul and the blob both glowed brighter.

 

Inside the formless cloud, a little dot began shining as well, and for some reason, Asgore’s soul was flooded with relief.

 

How odd…

 

He observed Papyrus’ soul for a moment, eyes shining a bit…it had been awhile since he’d seen another monster so closely. He felt a flush dust over his cheeks as he realized how warm his own soul was becoming…he looked down, and lo and behold, his soul had begun glowing-a bright yellow was shining through his wet polo.

 

Asgore glared to himself as he shook his head. What was he doing? This was inappropriate…

 

He immediately began wrapping the blankets over Papyrus’ form and helped him settle down, though thankfully Papyrus had become quite drowsy after the healing magic. Soon enough, the tall skeleton had drifted off to sleep, and Asgore took a deep breath.

 

Now, to figure out what the hell had happened…his friends and brother must be so worried about him…

 

-.-

 

Upon getting his phone, Asgore frowned at the missed calls. Tori had tried to call him five times! Oh goodness…

 

He called back, but he didn’t get any answer, so he simply left a voicemail.

 

[ Hey there Tori-Toriel, er-please call me back when you can. I apologize for missing your call, but I had quite the emergency over here. Speaking of which, is Sans around? I need to talk to him as well. Call back when you can-oh, I’ve said that already, um-goodbye. ]

 

Asgore sighed heavily at himself, setting his phone down and sitting on his chair.

 

Goodness. Things went bad rather quickly…he had no idea that would be how his evening would go.

 

He still felt rather shaken by all of it…he rubbed a paw over his face and picked his phone back up to send his therapist an email…he’d be needing another session after all this…he would need to contact the police so they could figure out what had happened to Papyrus, but the skeleton needed rest right now, not more stress…he did need to go see a doctor, what on earth was that blob? It didn’t raise any alarms in Asgore’s head, and since it didn’t go away with healing, hopefully it wasn’t anything too dangerous-

 

Bzzzzzt bzzzzzzt

 

Oh! Toriel was calling him back…

 

He answered it quickly. “Oh, hello-”

 

“ Asgore!”

 

He frowned deeply, then curled his lip at how achy all this frowning was making his jaws. But Toriel sounded as if she’d been crying quite a bit, even rather frantic, which set Asgore on edge.

 

“What’s happened?” he said, maybe a bit shortly, but he was rather shaken still.

 

“ Oh goodness…Papyrus has-he’s gone, and he left us letters, I’m afraid he m-must’ve done something terrible, Sans is losing his mind, everyone is so scared-he must be dead, Asgore! I can’t take any more- ”

 

“Tori!” Asgore snapped, trying to get a word in edgewise. “Calm down, please. I have Papyrus with me, as a matter of fact-”

 

“WHAT?!”

 

Asgore flinched, tearing the phone away from his ear at her shout. Before he could explain himself, Sans had evidently come over the phone.

 

“ Asgore-is he alive, is he okay, please tell me he’s okay!”

 

“Er-he is alive, and he’s doing okay now…though I am afraid I must ask as to how this happened-”

 

“Thank fucking every deity out there and the sun-” he heard Sans rush out. “I’m coming over. Be prepared for company.”

 

“Wait-” but then the line went dead.

 

Asgore huffed, eyebrows creased. 

 

They seemed so…worried. What had Toriel said? 

 

‘...he left us letters.’

 

Asgore felt his fur prickling as he moved to stand and get his home ready, a sudden sense of knowing coming over him.

 

He wasn’t sure, but he hoped that Papyrus hadn’t…done that.

-.-

 

It was warm.

 

Papyrus tried to open his eyes, but was immediately accosted by bright light that seemed to strike the very center of his skull.

 

He continued trying nonetheless, until he had fully woken up, and could see-

 

…an endless field.

 

Golden flowers were spread throughout, as far as the eyes could see…well, no, there were green and blue mountains as well, and a stormy grey sky that rumbled with thunder. A heavy wind blew past, making Papyrus shiver…

 

“Hey, Azzy! Pass it over here!”

 

Papyrus strained his neck turning his head so quickly, and felt his soul pulse at the sight rather far away from him…

 

He knew what the King and Queen’s human child had looked like based off of paintings, but it had nothing on the sight of them now…blood red short hair whisking in the wind, rosy cheeks, ruby eyes, a carefree laugh. 

 

He certainly also knew what the King and Queen’s other child looked like, but alas. The little goat monster was racing towards the human child, tripping with an OOMPH. 

 

The human child giggled madly at him before running over to get him back up on his feet, and the two continued laughing and playing…

 

It made Papyrus feel…melancholic. They were so young…

 

“For sure.”

 

Papyrus whipped his head around again to find the voice of the unknown but familiar speaker, and froze up at the sight of the flower beside him. Two dotted eyes half closed with sorrow, a weak smile plastered over its features, yellow petals waving slowly with the wind.

 

“F-Flow-”

 

“Shh.” Flowey hummed, and then, oddly enough…rested his flowered head upon Papyrus’ leg from where he was sat down.

 

Papyrus opened his mouth to speak, but all that escaped was a wheeze of air. He clamped his jaw shut and sniffed, lifting a gloved hand to touch his petals…

 

“I missed you…” he murmured, eyes growing watery. 

 

Flowey chuckled softly, and Papyrus was taken aback at how…peaceful…he seemed. None of the passive aggressiveness was left in his stem, he just seemed…happy.

 

Well, maybe sad, too. Papyrus’ chest ached.

 

“I miss you too, friend.”

 

Papyrus almost missed that addition, and felt his body stiffen. A few tears began trickling down his cheeks, and his shoulders shuddered as he tried to prevent the sobs.

 

The two playing children had broken out in raucous cackles, and Papyrus was grateful for the distraction, even if he couldn’t see them from the massive field.

 

“Look at them.” Flowey said, his voice so gentle it seemed almost fragile. “They're…happy. At last.”

 

Papyrus had to look back down at his plant friend, and frowned at what he saw. For some reason, Flowey’s face had morphed, and he looked a bit like…

 

“Wait-are you-”

 

“Shh, don’t ruin it.” Flowey snarked, and Papyrus felt maybe a little comforted by the familiarity.

 

…not enough to stop being curious about this, though. How could that even happen…? Flowey couldn’t really be the prince, could he…?

 

He didn’t get to ponder it much further though, because before he knew it, the royal children had burst through a nearby bush and were chasing each other much closer to them by now. But something had changed-another figure was following now too-

 

They looked skeletal, though an odd transparent swoosh of…what? Hair, maybe, but not with any physicality, was waving from the side of their skull. They were wearing a red flannel shirt and torn up jeans, and they laughed so joyfully, though they had a familiarly smooth tone of voice…

 

Papyrus froze up. If he hadn’t known any better, that almost looked to be…some odd mix of he Mettaton-

 

Wait.

 

“Yes.”

 

“No, I-”

 

“Papyrus.” Flowey looked up at him, face stern. “You already know.”

 

Papyrus whimpered, moving a hand to clutch at his chest. He looked back over at the skeleton child, and he couldn’t seem to move his gaze away.

 

That was his…his child. His baby. 

 

…and he absolutely adored them. 

 

They plucked a golden flower from the ground and smelled it, before throwing it rather ruthlessly into the human child’s hair. The little goat monster burst out laughing, and the human child turned and managed to tackle them both to the ground…

 

“Oh.” Papyrus’ voice sounded so..small.

 

He felt an odd sensation, and looked down to see Flowey nuzzling into his leg. It made him feel only more sad, and there was no stopping the tears.

 

“Wh-what have I done-”

 

“Hey now, friend…” Flowey spoke, voice muffled through fabric. “It’s not too late, y’know.”

 

“Of COURSE it is, what do you mean-I’ve gone and-and-oh goodness-”

 

Flowey shook his head, turning to look up at him.

 

“No…none of this is real, Papyrus. It didn’t work.”

 

“What…”

 

“It didn’t work.”

 

“No, I-”

 

“It didn’t work.”

Chapter 7: would've been you

Notes:

guys??? im so mad. last chapter, ao3 ate all my formatting. MY PRECIOUS EMPHASIS, ALL GONE.......sad day

i really wanna write an x reader. should i write an x reader?? there's not enough papyrus x readers . maybe i should

title is would've been you by sombr

 

Asgore was not thrilled about any of this, but he had to admit some company was not a necessarily terrible idea. He certainly needed it.

 

But the circumstances were not ideal…

 

At least his house was not too terribly dirty. Everything was neat and tidy by the time Toriel and co. showed up knocking at his door.

 

As soon as he let them in, the yelling began. Although, maybe it had already started, but Asgore had not personally witnessed it…

 

It was Toriel who he turned to for order, and even she looked far too frazzled over this, anxiously twisting her paws together.

 

“Asgore, where-”

 

“Just through here.” the former king stated, then began leading them through his house. He did a headcount while they were walking-Undyne, Alphys, Sans, Toriel, Frisk as well…it was perhaps not so surprising the amount of noise these five people could make. 

 

Seeing how they all appeared though was quite depressing. Undyne appeared dejected, though she seemed to be trying very hard to stay strong…Alphys looked scared out of her mind, with an underlying sadness. Sans looked positively frantic, also incredibly upset-but out of all them, he was the most quiet next to Frisk, who looked very worried. Toriel was evidently trying to keep them all from freaking out, though she herself seemed to be on the verge of an attack-

 

Asgore paused outside the bedroom, turning to face them all.

 

“Now, now-I may not be of much authority here, aside from this being my house, but I do know that Papyrus needs his rest…it may be better if you went in one at a time-”

 

“I’m going first.” Sans interrupted, and then magicked away on the spot. Based on the sounds of shuffling from the other room, Asgore knew exactly where he’d gone. Sighing through his nose, he held out his arms and addressed the others.

 

“Would anyone care for some tea?”

-.-

It had been…a rough week for Sans, to say the least.

 

He’d felt…awful. Worse than that, really…he didn’t know what to do. 

 

He’d been frustrated that Papyrus was ignoring him, and confused, very very confused-it just wasn’t like him. Papyrus was unendingly patient, and quite oblivious…or at least, he used to be. Something had changed him, and not for the better.

 

And when he got that call from the clinic, he was prepared to storm over there right then, but Toriel had given him good advice…Papyrus was an adult, and he likely needed some space before Sans butt into his personal business. 

 

So he’d given it a day. He’d hung out with Tori and the kid, they’d had dinner, everything was peaceful, despite the nagging anxiety in the back of his skull.

 

Then he’d gone to see his brother, maybe he’d been rather early, and they fought.

 

Sans felt…bad. He’d said a lot of things, he’d been too harsh, he’d done everything objectively wrong. And when he looked back at it, he’d not been handling it through the lens of someone who was unwell…he didn’t really know what to think or do in this situation, he’d just been worried, and maybe a little pissed that Papyrus didn’t seem to trust him enough with the truth.

 

They were brothers though, of course they’d have fights. They’d had worse ones, in fact, but usually Sans was the target of discussion…neither of them were used to the roles being switched.

 

The irony of him implying that Papyrus was being immature was not lost on him, especially since he’d been treating his brother like a child for…way too long. He had plenty of regrets there.

 

It wasn’t that he necessarily saw Papyrus as a kid, but sometimes they’d talk and he would be transported back two decades ago when he was scolding his brother for silly matters, such as making a mess or drawing on the walls or whatever. Truthfully, their relationship was quite messy for a couple of brothers. Sans had often felt oddly like Papyrus’ parent, and he’d remembered Papyrus expressing during a fight that sometimes Sans acted like Papyrus was his parent…perhaps this was just due to the fact that neither of them had ever had proper guardians, and so they defaulted into one another in a way that they both were and were not taking over those roles.

 

They were brothers, of course. And they had issues, just like any siblings did. 

 

But there was no way for Sans to know that it would get this bad.

 

Standing over the bed, watching his brother sleep fitfully, Sans felt very much like tossing himself off of a bridge.

 

As if that would fix anything.

 

His brother had tried to…his brother had tried to kill himself.

 

And looking at how worn down his body looked, how tired, Sans was hit with the realization that it likely almost worked.

 

…

 

Putting a hand over his mouth, Sans turned away, swallowing down the lump in his throat, and maybe a little vomit. His soul was beating hard.

 

“Oh fuck-”

 

Sans collapsed on the bed, wrapping his arms around his brother’s frame, pressing his face into the dip of his shoulder. Papyrus was evidently not wearing a shirt based on how bony he felt through the blanket, but Sans didn’t really care.

 

He pressed himself closer, as if he could somehow just fuse his form into Papyrus’ body and never, ever, let him go.

 

That was a rather irrational thought, but his brother had almost died.

 

He couldn’t let go, and he felt his bones begin to rattle in a way that they had done when he and Papyrus were younger and they didn’t exactly know how to speak yet, so they communicated through clicks and bonetrousles.

 

He did feel something in his frigid soul warm with the proximity of his brother, which was a tad odd, but it felt relieving. Simply knowing his brother was near and alive and he was able to hold him was…it was everything to him.

 

He’d almost lost it all. 

 

Sans had fully believed, after he read that damn letter, that his brother was gone for good. The wording hadn’t really helped, had it? By the time you read this, I’ll probably be dead.

 

He was surely not going to be forgetting about that anytime soon.

 

Words could not fully express the dread he’d felt when the landlord had called him, explaining that he’d got the number from Papyrus a while back as his emergency contact…the man was afraid that Papyrus may be ‘doing something horrible.’

 

How the landlord had known was a mystery to Sans…he’d heard that some people had pretty good intuition, but entering that apartment and finding everything sorted or thrown away had made Sans wonder if perhaps the man had experience with this sort of situation.

 

Sans runs a hand down the side of his brother, nuzzling him gently. His brother started making little whimpering noises that shot straight to Sans’ heart, and he had to bite back a sob as he began humming softly to him.

 

He wasn’t going to be letting go anytime soon.

-.-

Asgore was pretty tired, to be honest. 

 

He felt personally responsible for making sure that everyone got to see Papyrus and make sure he was alive and (somewhat) well, but that plan hadn’t gone very well from the beginning with Sans refusing to leave his side. Asgore let it slide, though.

 

He’d never had any siblings, but he was sure if he did, he’d probably be acting the same way. So, he simply adjusted and let the others in one at a time while Sans was in there, but that plan also backfired when Undyne refused to leave.

 

…thankfully at least everyone wasn’t rambunctious and stayed relatively calm, even if it was due to the solemn energy in the room.

 

Asgore kept things tidy and orderly, though it was getting very late, and Frisk had school the next day…or they did, before Toriel called them out for a family emergency. That was all good and fine, but quite truthfully, Asgore had gotten used to an empty house, and the sudden change wasn’t really sitting with him well.

 

He did still offer to let them stay over, but Toriel had stated that she and Frisk would return home. Undyne and Alphys though ended up accepting his offer, and Sans was obviously not going to be moving.

 

At first there had been some talk of taking Papyrus with them as opposed to letting him stay, but Asgore had, for some reason, not reacted very well to that suggestion. He wasn’t at all wrong that moving Papyrus so soon after nearly dying was not a great idea, but it was a little odd how against it he was.

 

He had to think about it, and he’d come to the conclusion that it was less him and more his very instinct. Asgore had always been a pretty centered person-he could tell what was his mind, what was his soul, and what he was lying to himself about. He knew for a fact that this feeling could be attributed to his very magic, something having been triggered after he’d seen that blob within Papyrus’ chest-truthfully, he wanted rather badly to inspect that further. 

 

But also…he was still quite shaken from finding him, and he’d always had a bit of a protective streak. There was a bit of curiosity there too…by now, he’d definitely had his fears confirmed-Papyrus had tried to take his own life.

 

But why…? That was something Asgore did not understand, and nobody else seemed to know either. Of course, there wasn’t always a reason for these things, as he’d learned from his therapist. A lot of monsters were mentally unwell, but he had never thought Papyrus would have gone so far.

 

It…hurt, as well. He didn’t know Papyrus all that well, but he’d always enjoyed his company. He was a boisterous and happy fellow, and there wasn’t much to dislike about him. The way he lit up a room, how much his family loved him…

 

At some point, Asgore did faintly recall being a little envious of the tall skeleton. How could he keep spirit? Especially with Undyne constantly turning his inquiries about joining the Royal Guard down again and again and again…any other person would simply give up, but Papyrus never did.

 

What changed? How does someone who seemingly has it all lose it so quickly?

 

…

 

It wasn’t as if Asgore was not entirely unfamiliar with that concept, he supposed.

-.-

Entering the room with a few cups of tea and some pastries (not pie…he couldn’t ever get one that tasted the same as Toriel’s had, so he usually just gave up.) upon a tray, Asgore watched Papyrus’ family.

 

Sans was fast asleep against his brother, still clinging to him tightly…Undyne was on his other side, arms looped behind her neck as she slept fitfully.

 

Alphys however, was awake, and zoning out while watching Papyrus.

 

Asgore approached her quietly, shifting his hold on the tray to only one paw as he set the other one upon Alphys’ shoulder gently.

 

“O-oh!” Alphys squeaked in surprise, just before being shushed by Asgore.

 

“Quiet now dear…they're sleeping.” he hummed.

 

Alphys sank a bit as she nodded, fidgeting with her claws.

 

Asgore pulled a chair beside her and sat down slowly, then handed her a cup of tea and a cookie. She nodded her thanks and took a sip of the drink and a nibble of the food as a courtesy, but otherwise didn’t do much else.

 

He let the silence reign for a moment as he kept an eye on things, then he pulled one leg over his knee.

 

“How have you been, Al?”

 

Alphys sighed, placing a hand over her eyes. Asgore watched her tail begin to move around fretfully, and frowned.

 

“I…I’ve been better.”

 

Asgore watched her, warm brown eyes softening. “He’ll be alright, you know. Thankfully I found him rather early on in the ingestion, and was able to get it out of his system and heal him.”

 

Alphys nodded meekly, her expression turning dark. 

 

“I kn-know.”

 

Asgore clicked his tongue, turning to look at the tray before him. Might as well…he plucked a cookie for himself and took a bite, chewing slowly. Hm. oatmeal raisin.

 

“I just-” Alphys blurted after a moment, startling Asgore. “I don’t understand how it came to this…”

 

“Believe me, I don’t think any of us do.” he rumbled, reaching out to offer Alphys a hug. “There was no way of knowing.”

 

Alphys looked up at him for a moment before ultimately leaning into the embrace, becoming fully engulfed in his big arms.

 

It wasn’t very long before he heard the tell-tale noises of sniffling, and his grip grew tighter.

 

“I-I can’t st-stop thinking th-that this is my fault-” Alphys sobbed against him, voice muffled. “If-if we’d just visited more, we could’ve! B-but we never did, we were too s-sure of ourselves, o-our work, our r-relationship-”

 

“Shh, shh…” Asgore rubbed her back, eyebrows creasing. “It’s not your fault Alphys-surely you know that?”

 

He got no response from that aside from more frequent sniffles, which worried him. 

 

“Hey, listen-” Asgore’s voice went low as he spoke, “I’m no professional, but usually those who resort to- this- have further mental disorders occurring. It’s easy to forget that ailments of the mind are actual diseases…depression tells us a lot of things that aren’t true, but it's hard not to trust your own mind at least a little. It lies, and we become convinced that we aren’t loved, or that people are purposefully against you…it’s a battle, Alphys. Papyrus is struggling, and that means that right now, it isn’t about us. You're allowed to feel betrayed and hurt and even allowed to blame yourself, but you can’t get stuck on it…otherwise, how will any of us heal?”

 

Asgore had no real idea if his words had any merit or gave any comfort, but Alphys did seem to calm down a little. 

 

It was…sad. Of course, as a higher up and someone who cared dearly for people, alongside personal experience, he knew about depression and suicide and such.

 

He still remembered when his therapist had told him, point blank, that his child had committed suicide. It wasn’t martyrdom-perhaps a misguided attempt-but for some reason, he had never thought of it that way. Hearing that no child or even adult of sound mind would purposefully cause themselves harm or try to end their life was…a bit of a revelation.

 

If he had talked more, if he had taken better care, would Chara still be alive? He’d blamed himself forever, still had moments where it was hard to believe otherwise, but…grief and dwelling on the what could have been’s was how he ended up scheming to kill six children in a misguided attempt at giving his people hope.

 

He believed it was the right thing to do, that it would save everyone, and he was prepared to give up his own form to destroy the barrier. 

 

He’d murdered, though. He’d committed a severe crime…the only reason he was still in a position of power was that nobody knew he’d done it aside from the monsters, and they didn’t exactly go around boasting that fact. Not even his therapist knew the full truth.

 

He was a liar, but he knew that he didn’t really view the human children as entirely…real. The guilt ate him up every single day, and the best he could do was live with that anguish, for them…he deserved the pain.

 

It was enough to bring him to the brink several times…in fact, he’d definitely tried many times to take his own life. The only reason he hadn’t succeeded was because he’d stopped trying when he had an end goal-which also involved his death.

 

He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t gone insane yet, but now he had experience, and he had some semblance of peace. Maybe he didn’t deserve that, but that's sort of how life was…nobody was good or bad, and nobody got what they deserved.

That was why, looking down at Papyrus, Asgore felt strongly that he needed to understand. No, there wasn’t always a reason, but if Papyrus was hiding this feeling, this need to end it all, then he would continue to do so. And he’d go down a similar path, if he hadn’t already…

 

Papyrus was making his head go around in circles-the odd soul energy he’d felt, the motivation…why had he chosen this method, instead of any other way? Why would he choose to die in Asgore’s own garden?

 

Confusing. 

 

But, ah well. It was late, and Alphys had evidently fallen asleep in his arms, if the tell-tale snoring was anything to go by. He wouldn’t get any answers tonight.

 

Tomorrow was a new day.