The Constellations Between Us

by Honsoolmood

Summary:

"Matthew feels so full of love he sometimes thinks he’ll suffocate on it. When he’s in love, he spills it out in kisses and sweet words, letting little bits of his heart release to keep from exploding. To the people that love him, he offers his lips, his body, his cock, anything to pass some of his overwhelming love onto them. He yearns to open a vein to his heart and ask them to drink him in until their thirst for love is fully quenched, and his is momentarily calmed."

-or-

Hanbin, Hao, and Matthew's stable triad relationship is knocked off balance by Matthew's crush on a cutie from his gym.

Chapter 1: Pegasus

Matthew fusses with his shirt. Tries tucking it into his tight jeans and then untucking it again, rolling the sleeves just one notch higher, undoing just one more button in the front. No, that looks too desperate, better to do it up again. It’s frustrating, the way his sweaty hands keep slipping off the buttons, not at all the cool image he’s trying to achieve today.

“You look handsome, don’t worry so much, Seokmae-yah” A soft voice caresses his ear as a pair of gentle arms wrap around him. 

“Hyung, you don’t count,” Matthew pouts, “You always think I look handsome.”

In the mirror, Matthew meets his hyung’s eyes - sees the affection shining in them. Hanbin is the perfect height to rest his chin on Matthew’s shoulder when he holds him like this. It’s Matthew’s favorite place. Warm, secure, and safe in Hanbin’s arms. He’d walk around everywhere like this, if he could. Carry Hanbin around like a backpack so that he’s always there when he needs a dance partner, or a kiss. 

Matthew wants a kiss now, so he turns around to face Hanbin and takes his face in his hands but Hanbin kisses him first. He always kisses him first. 

They melt into the kiss, exchanging air, and love, and spit, until Matthew pulls away to catch his breath. 

“If you keep up like that, I won’t want to leave, hyung.” Matthew says, pushing Hanbin away. 

Hanbin pouts and keeps reaching for Matthew even after he loses purchase on his waist. Matthew can’t help but smile. His hyung is so cute, fingers trailing down his forearm before clutching his fingers. The way he stares at him so earnestly. 

“It'll go great, baby, you’re easy to fall in love with,” Hanbin whispers.

“Mmm,” Matthew hums, “say it again, hyung.”

Hanbin chuckles and presses his lips to the tip of Matthew’s nose.

“I love you, you big dummy,” he laughs.

Matthew returns the kiss by biting his hyung’s cheek. 

“I love you, too,” he says, turning back to the mirror, “Now, can you call hyung in here so I can get some actually helpful advice on this outfit?”

Hanbin settles onto the bed and calls out to the other room, “Hao hyung! Matthew says he’s ready to get ‘Queer Eye’d’ now!” 

Matthew’s look of absolute betrayal sends Hanbin into a fit of giggles. The kind of glee explosion that takes over his whole body and he just rolls with it. Hanbin laughs loudly and without holding back these days. It makes a warm nostalgia bloom in Matthew’s chest, seeing Hanbin laugh with the same abandon that he did when they were teenagers. 

“Darling, you cannot be ‘Queer Eye’d’ by the two men who took you to Paris just because you said you wanted to try Eiffel Towering in view of the actual Eiffel Tower.” Zhang Hao plants a kiss on Matthew’s cheek before settling on the bed next to Hanbin. 

Matthew turns around, indignant, “THAT’S NOT FAIR! I only said that as a joke! It was Hanbin Hyung -”

He’s cut off by Hao and Hanbin wrapping him in a tight hug and pulling him onto the bed with them. 

“Sorry, Seokmae” Hanbin murmurs, “I know you’re nervous, we shouldn’t have teased you.”

Hao nuzzles at Matthew’s jaw with his nose, “I was too mean to my boyfriend, wasn’t I Matthew-yah?”

For about .5 seconds, Matthew tries to sulk, but there’s nowhere to hide in the close embrace of his hyungs. When the three of them are in bed together, Matthew isn’t usually in the middle, so he lets himself enjoy this rare moment of being their center of attention. Lets their warm gazes melt him from the inside out until he feels the fluttering in his stomach quiet down a bit.

“I just .. want to make a good impression.” He admits.

Hanbin and Hao snuggle closer. 

“We know it’s been a while since you’ve gone on a first date, sweetheart,” Hao reassures him, “What are you anxious about?”

“He’s so prettttttyyyy! ” Matthew groans.

At his words, his hyungs needle his sides, making him break out in fresh laughter. Hanbin tries to clutch at Matthew’s waist again, always ready to burrow inside his tummy, but Hao pulls them both up so that they’re seated in a cozy circle on the bed. He casts a quick, careful, glance at Hanbin before taking both of Matthew’s hands in his.

“Don’t you know how cute you look when you’re excited?” Hao teases. 

Matthew blushes, Hao is always straightforward in his affection. It’s a trait they have in common, but somehow it always manages to destabilize him. He feels caught off guard by how much Hao cares for him, even after all this time. 

“But hyung, my plan is to play it cool,” Matthew whines.

Hao laughs, his big, brown eyes sparkling with mischief. 

“Please, Matthew, nothing about you is cool right now!” Hao giggles.

Matthew huffs, “That’s because I’m with you two! My two favorite hyungs who I love , and am comfortable enough to be vulnerable around!” 

Hanbin pulls Matthew up off the bed and pats his ass encouragingly. 

“Alright then,” he says, “let’s see how you’re gonna act on this date, Mr. Calm Cool and Collected.”

Matthew closes his eyes and takes a breath to gather himself. He inhales while thinking about the way his date looked when they exchanged numbers, how mature and intelligent he seemed. On the exhale he pictures the cafe around the corner where they’ve planned to meet up today. At the end of his breath, he imagines a version of himself that gets a second date.

“Oh hey, Gunwook-ssi! I’m glad we’re finally doing this, no, I wasn’t wait-!” Matthew breaks character and sighs, “hyung, come on, I’m trying!”

On the bed, Hanbin drapes himself completely on top of Zhang Hao after collapsing in yet another fit of boyish giggles. He wheezes and gasps for breath in between squeaky outbursts of, “oh my god he’s so cute”. Zhang Hao simply pats his back while gazing up at Matthew fondly. 

“It’s clear to anyone that you’re excited about this, Matthew,” Hao says, stating the obvious, “Why not just lean into that and let him know how into him you are?”

Matthew turns back to the mirror, “I don’t know, hyung, I feel like that would put too much pressure on him. You know I can come on pretty strong when I try to.”

Hanbin snorts, “You can say that again!”

That earns him a swift slap on the ass from Hao who gives Hanbin a pointed look and hisses, “we’re supposed to be helping him!” under his breath. Hanbin looks back at him with wide, innocent eyes that almost always get him out of whatever Hao is mad at him for, and sure enough, they do this time. Hao’s eyes soften and he gives Hanbin a quick peck on the lips before turning his attention back to their boyfriend. 

Luckily, Matthew doesn’t notice any of their exchange because he’s turned his attention back to finding the right number of buttons to leave undone on his shirt. He settles on three and pauses to admire his reflection.

“Hao hyung, do I look slutty like this?” He asks, meeting Hao’s eyes through the mirror.

Hao smirks, “Honey, with our history, there’s nothing you could wear that wouldn’t make you look slutty to me.”

This sets off the Hanbin giggle alarm again and Matthew just rolls his eyes. 

“What is the point of having two boyfriends if neither of them will tell me if I look good enough to get laid?!” He whines. 

“Wait, that’s the question?” Hanbin perks up, “You do. You absolutely look fuckable ohmygod.”

Hao nods his head vigorously, “Truly bangable, my darling. If you weren’t literally about to head out the door we’d take you right here and now! I mean he’s-” Hao palms Hanbin’s crotch, “He’s at least two-thirds hard already.”

Hanbin scowls, betrayed, but Matthew’s eyes light up, then dim just slightly when he glances at the clock.

“No, there’s no time for that,” Matthew mutters, half joking. 

A part of Matthew wants to call the whole thing off. Cancel this first date while the water is still smooth, and no waves can come knock against the ship that he sails with his hyungs. He’s happy with them! He likes the easy routine they’ve developed. The one where they fill their nights and weekends with each other’s company, where they plan dinner and vacations and the future together. It’s been a while now that Matthew has spent most of his nights at Hao and Hanbin’s apartment, easily tucking himself into their lives and beds.

It’s a routine they fell into after the initial tsunami of Matthew reentering Hanbin’s life smoothed into a lake that the three of them could easily wade across. A routine that wouldn’t have been possible if Hao hadn’t opened his big heart to Matthew, if Matthew hadn’t discovered his heart was also capable of more.

None of them have been on a first date in the past year. The winds of life picked up speed and  beat against their little boats, so they decided to anchor each other through the choppy water. Hao and Matthew circled close around Hanbin when he was signing the lease on his new dance studio and hiring his first co-teacher. When Matthew faced rejection after rejection while submitting his poetry to publishers last year, Hao and Hanbin were the ones to lift him up out of his depression and try again. As Hao fell under a fog of homesickness, he held tight to Matthew and Hanbin’s hands and felt their commitment to this home, this family. 

They weathered the storms hand in hand in hand.

But they’ve talked about it, and their lives are more stable now. They all have more time to explore their passions and interests, they don’t need to be as singularly focused on making it through each day anymore. 

And Matthew has a crush! When he first told his boyfriends that he wanted to pursue the crush, it caused a little ripple. But the waters were calm enough for those ripples to disperse with just a little time, patience, and a lot of processing of their feelings. Now, they’re all on the same page — Hao and Hanbin want their lover to have a good time on his date and then come back home to them.

Hao smiles, knowing and sweet, at Matthew’s uneasiness. He feels Matthew’s butterflies in his own stomach like they’re his own nerves. After all, in a way, they are. 

“Do you want to come back here tonight?” Hao asks.

Matthew presses the back of his hand to his cheek as he considers it. 

“I think I should probably sleep at my place, I wouldn’t want to cancel on you if the date goes well, you know?” Matthew grins cheekily. 

Hao laughs and stretches out his leg to lightly kick at him, “Our feelings wouldn’t be hurt if you canceled on us to get laid, you know this.”

“Gege doesn’t speak for both of us!” Hanbin butts in, “I would be, you can’t cancel a date with me to fuck some guy you just met, I’m your first love!’ 

Hao chuckles, “How you managed to become successfully polyamorous with this absurdly possessive streak I will never understand.” 

Matthew comes over and wraps his arms around both of them, squishing all their faces together.

“I love you,” he whispers, “I love you both so much.”

Hao kisses his cheek, “Why don’t you come over for breakfast in the morning, you can tell us how it goes?”

Matthew smiles brightly and nods, “I’d love that, thanks hyung.”

A buzz in Matthew’s pocket sends him into a tizzy. He dashes around the room grabbing his wallet, keys, an extra dash of cologne. Soon, he’s fluttering out the door, blowing a kiss back at Hanbin and Hao. 

“Wish me luck!” He shouts, “I love you!”. 

As the door shuts behind him, Hao feels Hanbin deflate a little. He takes his hand, reassuring them both. 

“He’ll be fine, Hanbin-ah” Hao murmurs, “and you’ll be fine, we’ll all be fine, okay?”

Hanbin looks back at him and bites his lip. 

“He’ll be fine,” Hanbin repeats, “He won’t get hurt, he’ll be fine.” 

 

-

 

Despite his desire to come off as cool and nonchalant, Matthew’s legs move at the speed of his heart and somehow he still ends up at the cafe 20 minutes before they agreed to meet. He pauses on the sidewalk, considering. Is it rude to already have a drink in hand when his date arrives? Should he order something for the both of them and really lean into a responsible hyung vibe? 

There’s a small back up of people trying to enter the cafe, so Matthew quickly opts for the safest option and just grabs a small table by the windows. He sets his bag down and pulls out a small leather notebook. There’s still time, so Matthew grabs a pen and jots down a few phrases as thoughts swirl around his mind. 

Surging toward the cliff as if I don’t see it’s sharp plummet

Are your bones waiting at the bottom for me?

Matthew pauses before tying the strap around his journal and stowing it away again. His thoughts are always clearer after he writes them on paper and sees them reflected back. This particular feeling shouldn’t have been so hard to detangle, it's his first first-date in a while!

When he called his sister last night, she teased him about his nerves. 

“What have you got to lose?”  She laughed, “Worst case scenario you just go home to those two beautiful boys who, for some reason I cannot understand, really seem to love you.”

It stung, to hear her dismiss his worries that way, but she wasn’t technically wrong . From the outside, maybe he looks greedy. Everyone else in the world seems to get along just fine with one person to love, so why should he be an exception? 

But Matthew feels so full of love he sometimes thinks he’ll suffocate on it. 

When he’s in love, he spills it out in kisses and sweet words, letting little bits of his heart release to keep from exploding. To the people that love him, he offers his lips, his body, his cock, anything to pass some of his overwhelming love onto them. He yearns to open a vein to his heart and ask them to drink him in until their thirst for love is fully quenched, and his is momentarily calmed. 

With Hao and Hanbin he doesn’t have to hold back. They know his big heart, and they make space for everything he wants to give them. Sometimes, it has a magnifying effect, where all of their wants and needs, their love and heat, amplifies against each other. Their love roars like a forest blaze, exhilarating and terrifying. 

That blaze is enough for Hanbin. He opens his heart up to Matthew and Hao and holds them safely within its chambers, content. 

“It’s not that I’m ruling out the possibility of there being another person out there for me” Hanbin likes to say, “But, I’m not going out of my way to find them.”

Of course, that doesn’t mean he isn’t down to play along whenever Zhang Hao gets the urge to share . 

Matthew shakes his head to clear his memories. It’s probably not the best idea to be thinking about watching your lover and your boyfriend get railed right before meeting a new crush on a first date. Better to keep his mind, heart, and dick in check until he has a better idea of how this day will turn out. He should focus on safer things, like the coffee menu or the people passing by on the street. 

As he turns his attention out toward the window, Matthew can see his date approaching. He’s far enough away that there’s little chance he could have spotted him yet, so Matthew takes the opportunity to drink him in. His date looks incredible, clean and put together in a crisp white button up tucked into a pair of very well fitted navy slacks. His dark hair hangs soft and wavy on his forehead and sort of bounces in the wind as he walks.

It’s not just his sharp outfit that draws Matthew’s attention, it’s the aura around him. An almost boyish glow surrounds him as he moves easily through the crowd. Through the whole world, most likely. Maybe it’s because he’s tall, or because he’s broad, or handsome, or maybe it’s just the way he moves with unshakeable assuredness. 

Matthew noticed it when they first met at the gym. 

Obviously, he had to take notice when someone with that kind of physique started frequenting the weight room, but there was something else too. A determination in the boy’s eyes as he pushed through his final sets, a kind of hunger that mirrored his own. After three sessions of adjusting his routine to make sure he ended up on the equipment near his crush, two unsuccessful attempts at flirting in the locker room, and one very helpful pep talk from Zhang Hao, Matthew gathered up enough courage to ask for his number. 

His gym crush, Gunwook , turned out to be a charming and prolific texter and now, here they are! About to have coffee! On a date!

Matthew feels giddy. 

Gunwook spots Matthew as soon as he opens the door to the cafe. Something warm and soft blooms in Matthew’s chest as he sees the man’s face break into a bright grin. Feeling light headed, Matthew stands up from the table to greet him. 

“Gunwook-ssi! It’s good to see you,” Matthew starts, hoping he looks nonchalant, just like he practiced.

“Hyung!” Gunwook’s eyes sparkle as he bounds over to their table, “Did I keep you waiting long?”

He’s cute. Matthew thinks, feeling his ears heat up at the greeting. 

“No, I wasn’t waiting long at all,” he replies, “Just wanted to grab a two-top before they were all taken. Otherwise we might’ve ended up with a few extra people on this date!” Matthew wriggles his eyebrows and hopes the mostly empty cafe doesn’t give away his obvious lie. 

Gunwook’s nose crinkles as his smile gets, impossibly, bigger. Matthew’s heart pounds. He can feel every atom in the air between them. The electricity of want vibrating in and around them. When he takes his next breath, he’s surprised by how shaky it is. 

“Aren’t you into that, though?” Gunwook’s eyes flash with mischief, and a touch of curiosity. 

“Oh, that’s not really what I- I mean yes I have other-” Matthew flounders, feeling knocked off balance by Gunwook’s direct remark. His expression is warm though, and Matthew wants to believe there wasn’t any malice or judgement in his words, but he’s been fooled by a warm smile before. 

He clears his throat, “What I mean is, I’ve been looking forward to this date with you , Gunwook-ssi.”

At Matthew’s words, Gunwook’s cheeks flush a deep, pretty, shade of pink. 

“Ah, you can drop the formalities, hyung,” Gunwook says as he sets his bag down opposite Matthew, “You’re definitely older than me, and besides, I already feel like we’re close.”

Now it’s Matthew’s turn to blush.

“Sure, Gunwook-ah,” He says directly, holding Gunwook’s gaze across the small table, “I already feel like we’re close too.”

 

-

 

Hanbin feels his phone vibrate and tries to stop himself from checking it immediately. It’s not that he’s been sitting around moping, waiting to hear from Matthew, but he hasn’t been … not doing that either. He’s not like Hao, who can feel the excitement and joy of the people he loves as though those feelings originated from his own heart. It takes him more time. 

It’s especially difficult when he hasn’t met his new metamour yet; when they’re still a faceless blob that he can pour all his anxieties into. Someone so formlessly big and threatening that he can hold every fear that’s built up in Hanbin’s heart. 

Maybe Matthew’s new guy is his soulmate that will make him realize that he’s just been killing time with Hanbin and Hao and now he can move on to a life that’s a little less complicated. A little more normal. Maybe he’ll finally realize that Hanbin isn’t worth sticking around for after all. 

“Hyung, I thought I was open to having more than one person meet my romantic needs, but it turns out it was just a problem with you!” Matthew could say, “ You’re just not enough for me.”

The more content Hanbin feels with Matthew and Hao, the more the dread of losing them threatens to choke him. 

Hanbin decides it’s been long enough to check his phone again. 

 

New Message from My First Love <3 

 

His contact photo for Matthew is one they took when they first met on that cruise as teenagers. A blurry photo booth snapshot of two kids who fell in love quickly and disappeared from each other’s lives just as fast. Hanbin carried the original print of that photo strip in his wallet for years as a reminder that his heart is capable of such love, but never expected to reconnect with the boy in the photo. 

Nowadays, the photostrip lives safely in its small frame on his dresser next to the ring they made together. 

 

My First Love <3

Hyung!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The date went so well I can’t wait to tell you everything :D 

*flailing arms gif* 

 

Hanbin knows he should reply, so he steels himself and starts typing. He tries writing “so glad to hear it!” but seeing the words in front of him make him want to gag; better to delete all that and try again. Maybe some combination of emojis will work. He’s scrolling through the many different colored hearts trying to decide which one feels the most supportive when his phone buzzes again. 

 

My First Love <3

Also, even though I know you’re very mature and cool and probably don’t need to hear this

But he’s not you

No one could ever be you

Love ya

 

Hanbin smiles and feels his stomach unclench. He easily types his response. 

 

To: My First Love <3

You always know what hyung needs to hear

I’m glad you had fun, seokmae

I love you, too

 

They’ll talk tomorrow. It won’t feel as overwhelming when he has the weight of Matthew there to ground him. He’ll be fine once they talk. 

 

-

 

Matthew lets himself into his partners’ apartment in the morning. It’s second nature to him now. Not quite like going home to his own studio, but still something like home. His key turns in their door and he knows he’ll hear Zhang Hao’s motorboat snores echoing down the hall and the soft bubble of the cat’s water fountain. 

He tiptoes into the apartment gingerly, his arms full of heavy groceries. Somehow, he manages to catch the door with his toe and ease it shut with a gentle click. Proud of himself, he softly pads over the kitchen to get to work.

This morning, he wants to surprise them.

He’s so happy, he can almost hear an upbeat soundtrack in his mind. Its playful rhythms tingle through his limbs and he almost dances around the kitchen. Hao and Hanbin are light sleepers though, so Matthew resists his urge to hum while he cooks.  

Whisking pancake batter together he lets his mind wander. Back to the day before, back to his date with Gunwook. 

It turns out they have more in common than he imagined! They watch the same shows, like to yap endlessly about their special interests, and share a same playful edge in their humor. Matthew kept finding himself leaning in as Gunwook told him about this and that, transfixed by the intensity that showed through in his every word. 

The energy was electric. Matthew was hyper aware of every time their knees would brush against each other under the table. How they kept getting closer and closer together as the date went on. The memory of it brings a hot flush to his face. 

“Oh? My boyfriend’s making breakfast?” A sleepy voice calls out to him.

Matthew beams, “Hao-hyung!” 

Zhang Hao’s hair sticks out in all directions and his puffy eyes are barely open as he shuffles into the kitchen. 

“Pancakes again, Matthew?” He mumbles. 

Matthew scoffs, “They’re my specialty, hyung, you know that.”

Hao murmurs something under his breath in Chinese but sends a sweet air kiss toward his boyfriend anyway. 

“Is Binnie up yet?” Hao asks.

Matthew glances toward Hanbin’s door. It’s closed.

“He didn’t sleep with you last night?” He asks.

Hao shakes his head and grabs a strawberry to pop in his mouth. “I’ll let him tell you about it, but last night Binnie shut down a little.” 

“Did something happen? Or was it,” Matthew pauses, “Was it because of me?”

His boyfriend looks up at him and smiles, but doesn’t say anything more. 

“I’ll go wake him up,” Matthew turns off the stove and pushes the bowls of toppings toward Hao, “hyung, can you make the pancakes look really yummy for when he comes out here?”

Zhang Hao’s bright laugh echoes off the walls of the kitchen, “No amount of whipped cream will make them not burned, sweetheart!” he calls after Matthew, teasing.

Hanbin’s room is still dark, the curtains pulled tightly shut to keep all evidence of day hidden away. Matthew gives his eyes a moment to adjust and then gingerly crouches near the head of Hanbin’s bed. He gently cards his fingers through his hyung’s hair and relishes the way Hanbin leans into his touch. Then waits as Hanbin’s eyes slowly blink open.

“Hey you,” Matthew breathes. 

It’s different when it’s just the two of them. They operate on a different wavelength, intuitively knowing what the other is thinking, wanting. This morning isn’t any different.

“Mmmm, morning Seokmae,” Hanbin’s voice is low and raspy with sleep, he reaches out to pull Matthew onto the bed with him, “Hyung missed you.” he whispers.

Matthew wriggles into Hanbin’s embrace, nuzzling into his neck and letting his lips linger there. Wrapped up so close with his favorite person he feels a surge of affection, a need to let out some of his overwhelming love. 

“I missed you too,” Matthew murmurs against Hanbin’s skin, feeling his hyung flush under his lips. 

He presses closer, peppering kisses down Hanbin’s neck and drinking in the little sounds he makes in return. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, Matthew remembers that there is a Hao-hyung and a stack of pancakes waiting for them in the kitchen, but it’s hard to keep that in perspective when he’s in bed next to a pliant Hanbin softly gasping his name.

“Hyung,” he groans as he presses his lips to the tattoo on his collar bone, “Hanbin-hyung, I really missed you”

Hanbin arches into Matthew’s touch and desperately clutches at his face, bringing their lips together in a hungry kiss. Even like this, kissing Hanbin feels like coming home to Matthew. He could spend hours licking into his hyung’s mouth, breathing through his lungs, and drinking in Hanbin’s small whimpers like wine. Matthew moves to straddle Hanbin, bracketing his waist with his strong thighs. Wanting more, always more.

Hanbin bites down on Matthew’s lower lip, pulling a loud whine from the depths of his chest. Suddenly there’s a sharp knock at the door.

“Are you two having sex?” Hao calls, the grin evident in his voice.

Matthew and Hanbin break apart giggling.

“Not yet, hyung!” Hanbin calls back.

“Good!” Hao laughs, opening the door and turning on the light, “I was starting to feel left out.”

Hanbin rolls out of bed and scurries over to wrap Zhang Hao in a loose hug. Hao taps his cheek while pursing his lips and Hanbin doesn’t hesitate to obediently plant a kiss there.

“Don’t lie, Gege,” Hanbin teases, “We know you love an opportunity to listen through the door.”

Hao flushes, because it’s true. 

From the bed, Matthew throws his head back in hearty laughter. He sort of squeaks in the middle as joy rolls through him.

“Enough, you pervs,” He calls to his partners, “Why don’t we go eat the breakfast I worked very hard to make you.”

Hanbin and Hao each offer a hand to Matthew to pull him up out of the bed. Hand in hand, they find their way to the cozy kitchen table where Zhang Hao has already set up Matthew’s large stack of (only slightly burnt!) pancakes. Matthew only has the chance to take one bite before Zhang Hao fixes him with a determined expression.

“Time to stop being coy, Matthew,” Hao smiles and feeds Hanbin a strawberry before continuing, “You owe us date details!” 

Hanbin, cheeks stuffed full of berries, nods in agreement, “Maffyu huwwy up! We wan’ th’ spicy detailsh!”

They both look at him expectantly. Not wanting to disappoint, Matthew smiles wide and launches into it.

“It was even better than I hoped, I still feel kinda, like, jittery from it?” Matthew knows his ears must be beet red. 

His partners exchange a knowing glance and then lean in. There’s a split second of silence and then their questions come spilling out, cascading on top of each other.

“So, he still looks good away from the weight room?”

“Was he interesting?”

“Did you kiss?”

“Did you fuck?!”

Matthew just laughs, his eyes scrunching up in delight. 

“Yes, YES, and no, neither of those.” 

Hao stands up in mock disgust, “WHAT is the point of sending you out on dates if you don’t come back with anything good to share with us!” His voice rings dramatically.

Hanbin wheezes with laughter, “Cut him some slack, gege, not everything he does is for you to get off to!”

“Excuse you! I’ll have you know that I can get off to everything our Matthew does, that’s how much I love him!” 

The conversation devolves amid Hao’s heightened dramatics and Hanbin and Matthew’s fond laughter. It’s soft and easy. When the pancake stack dwindles Hanbin catches Matthew’s eye and blows him a kiss; Matthew’s heart squeezes as he blows one back. 

 

- 

 

Walking back to his apartment, Matthew feels bubbly and more than a little relieved. Although he knows that his hyungs love him and support him in pursuing Gunwook, there had been a part of him that worried about how they’d react to the reality of hearing about the date. Seeing Hanbin’s bright smile lifted a weight off his shoulders he didn’t even realize he’d been carrying. 

They were fine! All morning they laughed and flirted with him, filling Matthew’s heart until he thought it would burst. As Matthew got ready to leave, Hanbin pulled him aside and kissed him tenderly. 

“It sounds like you really like him, Seokmae” Hanbin murmured, holding Matthew’s face in his hands, “I want you to go for it without regrets, love.”

The memory of his hyung’s supportive embrace fills Matthew with warmth. If Hanbin wants him to go for it and he wants to go for it, why shouldn’t he try his best and, as his hyung said, live without regrets?

With the sun blazing overhead, he pulls out his phone and calls Gunwook.

The call rings once, twice, three times. Panic rises in Matthew’s throat. Was it too soon to call like this? They just met up yesterday, maybe calling looks desperate. Maybe he should have waited for Gunwook to call first, or texted him something innocuous, or-

“Mmm, g’morning hyung,” Gunwook’s voice is gravelly with sleep. 

Matthew grins, his panic subsiding, “Did I wake you up? It’s almost noon Gunwook-ssi” he teases. 

Gunwook groans, deep and low. Even through the grainy phone connection, Matthew feels it vibrate in his bones. His breath hitches. 

“I was up late working on a brief,” Gunwok murmurs, “besides, I couldn’t rest much thinking about this cute guy I met for coffee yesterday.”

If Matthew’s cheeks burn it’s because the sun’s out. That’s it. 

“You met a cute guy? You should introduce him to me.” 

Gunwook chuckles softly, “Don’t be like that, Tthew-ya, or I’ll say something worse.”

Matthew exhales slowly, determined to not give away how much Gunwook dropping honorifics flustered him. 

“I’m not convinced you could, actually.” Matthew lilts, hoping to strike the same teasing tone as before. 

“I think I could,” Gunwook hums, “I think I could tell you exactly what kinds of thoughts of you kept me up all night.”

Excitement thrums in Matthew’s veins but this isn’t the Time or Place. He’s outside! Walking down his street where any one of his neighbors could see him! Matthew presses the back of his hand against his cheek to cool the burn. 

Through the phone, Matthew hears a soft rustling and tries not to picture Gunwook in bed, head thrown back against his pillows, thighs spread open to-

“Guess that was effective, ey hyung?” Gunwook’s voice pulls Matthew out of his reverie. 

“Oh, shut up.” 

Gunwook giggles. It’s a higher pitch than when he’s laughed around Matthew before, softer and more carefree. Something less guarded and more vulnerable. Matthew melts a little. 

He’s so cute . He thinks. I wish I had kissed him yesterday, I wish I could kiss him right now. 

“Why’d you call, hyung?” Gunwook asks, “Just to wake me up? That’s sweet.” 

Matthew giggles, “I was just walking home and wanted to hear your voice.”

The phone is quiet, Matthew can feel Gunwook thinking. 

“Did you, uh, did you have another date after me?” He asks, hesitating. 

“Only with Gia,” Matthew jokes.

Gunwook clears his throat, “But ah, I mean, you’re walking home and it’s morning so I just thought-”

“You thought I went out and had a booty call because I was unsatisfied after our G rated coffee date yesterday?” Matthew teases. 

Gunwook grumbles, “Well, when you put it like that..”

Matthew smiles, “It’s okay, silly. I just met up with my hyungs this morning to have breakfast and tell them about how things went with you. Y’know how I told you yesterday that I haven’t dated much since I got together with them, so this is new for us. They wanted to know how I was doing.” 

“Oh,” Gunwook’s voice is significantly brighter, “Well, in that case, did you give me a good grade?”

It’s almost too much. Gunwook’s eagerness for Matthew’s approval, the way he sounds cutely desperate for it. Every nerve in Matthew’s body is attuned to that desperation. He wants . 

“I gave you full marks, don’t worry.” 

Over the line he hears Gunwook swallow thickly and Matthew gleams with satisfaction. He pictures Gunwook’s cheeks flushing prettily, the way they do when he’s just finished a workout. He wishes he could see it for himself.

“Ah, Hyung, that’s what I wanted to hear,” Gunwook’s voice is thick, his speech slurring a little, “but now that you’ve said it I can’t help but be a bit disappointed”

 “Oh?” The corners of Matthew’s mouth quirk up, “why is that, baby?” 

“If hyung gives me full marks now, how can I improve next time?” Matthew doesn’t miss the slight whine that slips into the boy’s tone. 

Matthew lowers his voice, “You’re so competitive, Mr. Park.”

The hairs stand up on the back of Matthew’s neck as Gunwook’s moan crackles through the phone, low and needy. 

“I asked you to call me by my name,” Gunwook breathes, “Won’t you call me by my name? Please, hyung, I’ll be good for you.” 

Matthew eyes his apartment door, just a few feet away, and stops walking. A part of him yearns to race inside and fuck his fist with Gunwook’s pretty moans in his ear. To hear the boy falling apart over his words and crying out his name as he cums. To call him a good boy, so good for his hyung. To praise him for being so patient until Matthew finally releases everything with Gunwook’s name on his lips.

The other part of him wants to drag it out.

”Gunwook-ah, hyung has to go now,” Matthew murmurs.

“But, I don’t want you to go,” Gunwook’s low voice pushes against Matthew’s attempted restraint, “Hyung, your voice sounds so sexy right now.” 

“Hah, did you forget that I’m in public?” Matthew chokes out.

Gunwook chuckles, his confident edginess returning, “Why would that be a problem, hyung? Unless…”

Matthew starts walking towards his door again.

“Are you hard, Matthew?” 

Without the honorifics, Gunwook’s voice has an edge that’s enough to break Matthew’s resolve entirely. In a flash, he’s through his door, slamming it shut behind him, and pressing his burning face against its cool surface. All while Gunwook’s low moans ring in his ear. Yes, he’s hard.

“ Fuck. ” He gasps as his cock drags against the unrelenting frame, his first bit of relief. 

“Did you call me for this, hyung?” Gunwook’s voice breaks over the line, full of heat and want. 

“N-no,” Matthew stammers.

“I think you did,” Gunwook whispers, “I think you called because you stayed up all night imagining fucking me and wanted to know if I did too. I think you knew that I would be hard and aching for you, and I think you waited until you left your boyfriends’ house to do it because you wanted me all to yourself, isn’t that right, Matthew?”

Matthew lets out a cry and ruts his hips against the hard wood of his door. What Gunwook said isn’t true at all really, but between his drawling voice and his filthy moans Matthew can’t help but play into it, to let the fantasy consume him. He grasps the door handle and imagines Gunwook’s larger frame caging him in; pressing him hard into the wall. How he’d chase his release desperately, humping Matthew’s thighs and ass. Like a puppy. 

”I thought you wanted to be good,” Matthew pants, his voice breaking with desire.

Gunwook’s breath hitches and Matthew can hear him bite back a moan.

“You’re right, hyung, I wanna be good” he groans, low and wonton, “I’ll hang up now and show you how good I can be for you, okay?”

Matthew swallows and shoves his hand into his pants to desperately fist his cock. He’s close, so close he should be embarrassed, but he’s not. Desire overwhelms him in a way he hasn’t felt in years and he’s drunk on it. Gunwook’s soft gasps have flown through his bloodstream and left him completely intoxicated; nothing but lust coiling and churning in his gut. He tries to tell Gunwook that he’s already being good, that he doesn’t have to stop here, but his thoughts are too thick and slow. Instead of responding he groans out something that resembles Gunwook’s name and pants, a little drool falling from his mouth.

Gunwook’s voice pulls him in again, “Hyung? Will you think of me when you finish? Please, Matthew-hyung.” he begs.

“Fuck, yes,” Matthew curses, “Gunwook, I’ll think of you.” 

The line cuts out and Matthew’s body seizes in pleasure. Cum splatters across the door and onto the floor as Matthew rests his head. His chest heaves as he catches his breath, but all he can think of is what Gunwook sounds like. Do his cries get higher and more broken? Does he beg to cum? Does he curse? 

Mind hazy, Matthew pulls out his phone.

 

To: Gym Hottie

Don’t hang up on me next time 

I want to hear you 

 

He gets a response almost immediately.

 

Gym Hottie

You’re in luck then

*audio message*

 

With trembling hands Matthew puts in his headphones and clicks on the message. Immediately, Gunwook’s hot, panting gasps flood his ears. Matthew’s body is on fire as he hears Gunwook cry out his name. 

 

Matthew, ah, -tthew hyung I want you so bad. You’ll forgive me for doing this even though I promised to be good, won’t you? Shit. Fuck, I’m close, but I wanna hold out for you. Matthew, you sounded so hot getting worked up over me, I want to hear what you sound like under me. Under my hands, my tongue. …You’re so put together but I want to see you fall apart for me. God, you’re so small, can your hand even wrap around my cock like this? Can you, fuck, can you take me in that small mouth of yours? Hyung, I think I would break you and that turns me on so much. …You said you’d think of me, did you? Did you cum imagining me touching you? If you did, it’s okay that I do too, right? Hyung, I’m sorry, I want to hold on more, to show you how good I can be for you, but i- ah, hyung I really can’t, it feels so good, I need to - ah, fuck I’m gonna cum. Matthew-hyung, fuck!

 

Matthew sits slumped against the door, pulse pounding in his ears as Gunwook’s desperate whines echo in his ears. Dazed, he begins to type.

 

To: Gym Hottie

Good boy

Chapter 2: Eridanus

Summary:

Gunwook seeks out advice from his friends while Hanbin and Matthew have a date night

Notes:

Please note the updated tags! This chapter deals heavily with anxiety.

“Wait, so is he cheating with you?!” Gyuvin fixes Gunwook with a profoundly confused expression.

Gunwook groans. He’d started today excited to tell his two best friends about his budding relationship with Matthew but over the past hour it’s become clear that his excitement was premature. Somehow, the two people who cheered him on through his, famously ill-advised, college slut phase have a lot of skepticism over the fact that he’s seeing a man who has other boyfriends.

“No, dude,” He explains, “He’s in an open relationship, they’re polyamorous! His boyfriends know about me, I know about them, it’s all above board, I swear.” 

“I don’t know, man, sounds fishy to me,” Ricky chimes in.

Gyuvin nods, gazing at his partner adoringly. 

“What he said, fishy!” Gyuvin blusters, “Besides, you’ve never been interested in this kind of relationship before, so even if it is all above board as you say, why are you okay with it?”

His words make Gunwook pause. It’s true that he’s never been in an open relationship before, but he’s never really given it much thought, if he’s being honest. His past relationships have all followed a similar trajectory; flirting, fucking, becoming exclusive, moving in together (twice), adopting a puppy together (once), and then finally breaking up. They moved along the relationship escalator until things eventually went wrong and he hopped off. It’s what people expected from him, so it’s what he gave them. He never considered doing things another way.

Since meeting Matthew, he’s been reading up on polyamory and he’s learned a lot. New terms, like what to call your boyfriend’s lover ( metamour ), new strategies for managing calendars, new ways for thinking about connections between people. There are so many shapes that relationships can take, it interests him! He finds that he likes mapping out all their connections like he’s an ancient astronomer charting the stars. There’s beauty in the sparkling lines between lovers and partners and friends.

It would be a lie to say he didn’t have any concerns, however. Gunwook knows he can be possessive and jealous. He likes having the attention of people he likes, maybe that means he’s not hard wired for polyamory. After all, in all his reading, he hasn’t really identified with any of the authors’ apparent struggle with monogamy. It’s never been hard for him to be in relationships, he likes being someone’s partner. Closing off the opportunity to meet new people has never left him feeling stifled or desperate for love in other ways.

Still, he knew about Matthew’s relationship style from the very beginning and never thought twice. He’d seen the way Matthew’s eyes sparkled while talking about his partners and even though envy had prickled under his skin, the desire to keep seeing Matthew that happy drowned it out. This relationship with Matthew is still new and Gunwook is still young. If he can’t try out something like this now, when will he ever get the chance?

“Does it have to be that deep?” Gunwook sighs, leaning back in his chair, “I like him so I’m giving it a try! Besides, we haven’t even fucked properly yet, so it’s not like its serious.” 

Both friends look at him in shock.

“WHAT?!” Ricky screeches, “YOU?!”

Gyuvin throws his head back in laughter, “You’re telling us that Park I-Always-Put-Out-On-The-First-Date Gunwook has been having an affair with a man for WEEKS without actually sealing the deal?”

Gunwook knows his cheeks are bright red, he can feel them burning. At this point he wouldn’t be surprised if there were actual flames.

“Shut up, I don’t always ,” he grumbles. 

His obvious distress just makes his evil, evil friends laugh harder as they pinch and poke and tickle him mercilessly. It’s Ricky that calms them in the end.

“So, you’re taking it slow because you like him that much?” Ricky asks gently.

Gunwook swallows, feeling exposed. 

“Yeah. I don’t know, maybe it’s because he’s a little older than me and it’s all new, but I-“ Gunwook cringes, “ugh, don’t make me say it.”

Gyuvin cackles, “Nuh uh, bro, you gotta say it or we won’t leave you alone!”

“You two won’t leave me alone anyway!” Gunwook whines.

Ricky and Gyuvin make eye contact with each other and then proceed to grin at Gunwook in a way that can only be described as predatory. Long arms and legs wrap around Gunwook, pinning him between the two, completely immobile.

“It’s trueeee” Ricky sing-songs, “You can never get rid of us!”

His friends start making good on the promise by bullying him into playing LOL with them for the rest of night. The vibes are high and eventually they forget about why they started teasing him in the first place. Their concerns are assuaged seeing their best friend smile, so they don’t remember that there was something more he held back. 

Gunwook, on the other hand, doesn’t forget. 

Maybe it’s because he’s a little older than me and it’s all new but I-

He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud, not here. But the words appeared clear as day in his mind and now they won’t leave. They ring true in every atom of his being, from the small fibres of hair that rise with the chill that runs down his arms, to the chambers of his heart thudding monstrously. Every synapse in his brain confirms it to be true. 

I’ve never felt like this before. 

 

-

 

Hanbin paces. It’s 6:30 and Matthew isn’t here yet. 

It’s not like Matthew to be late, especially not to their weekly date night. They have a nice routine; Matthew picks him up from work at the dance studio, they cook dinner together at Matthew’s apartment, and Hanbin sleeps over in Matthew’s cozy double bed. He knows that Matthew looks forward to this, he’s told him so! Matthew loves him, he would’ve texted him if he knew he was going to be late. 

If he’s late and Hanbin hasn’t heard from him, something must be Wrong. 

Images of Matthew in danger suddenly flood Hanbin’s mind. Matthew collapsed on the side of the street, or bloodied and beaten in an alley somewhere. He squeezes his eyes shut, but he can’t make it stop. In every corner there’s another way that Matthew could get hurt, another way he could lose him. Again. 

His knees buckle. He hits the floor, hard. The tinnitus in his ears screams and he can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. He can’t-

“Hyung!” 

Matthew’s bright smile drops as he spots his hyung shivering in a small ball in the corner of the room. He drops his bag in the door and rushes over, gathering Hanbin in his arms and holding him in a firm hug. He doesn’t say anything, just squeezes Hanbin tight, breathing deeply to help Hanbin’s lungs match his rhythm. 

They’ve been here before, when they were teenagers. Hanbin had looked out at the vast ocean surrounding the cruise ship and couldn’t stop picturing all the ways the sea would crush them all. It hit him like waves. Images of the cruise ship cracking in half, his father, mother, sister, falling out of sight. Like the tide, he couldn’t push it back. He just froze as his mind supplied him with images of his new friend, that beautiful Canadian boy, reaching for his hand as the waves sucked him under. The thoughts drowned him. His lungs burned and his head swam; he thought he was having a heart attack. Thought he was about to die at 16, right there in that tiny room in the middle of that immense sea. 

But then a pair of strong arms wrapped around him. They held him tight to earth and didn’t let him drift away. He learned how to breathe again through that embrace. It was the moment he knew he’d love Matthew forever. 

“I’ve got you, hyung” Matthew said then, and now, “You’re here with me, I’ve got you, you’re safe.”

Matthew rubs soft, reassuring circles into Hanbin’s back as he slowly comes back into his body. The room stops spinning, he feels Matthew’s breath on his skin. He looks up to see tears threatening to fall from his lover’s eyes.

“My baby,” Hanbin breathes, “My Mashu.”

One tear spills down Matthew’s cheek but he reaches up quickly to wipe it away.

“What happened, hyung?” Matthew asks, searching Hanbin’s face intently, “I haven’t seen you like this in ages! You-“

He sighs.

“ It scared me.” 

Hanbin’s gut clenches. It was the thought of Matthew hurt that made him crumble in the first place, he can’t be the one hurting him now. He can't . Gently, he takes Matthew’s hand and presses it to his lips. 

“Hyung is sorry, baby,” Hanbin whispers against Matthew’s skin.

“Hyuuung,” Matthew almost whines, “Why are you apologizing? You don’t need to do that with me, just tell me what’s wrong, hm?”

It’s Matthew, his Matthew, he should be able to be honest. He’ll understand. 

Hanbin swallows.

“You were late, I hadn’t heard from you all day and I sort of … spiraled.” Hanbin confesses.

The muscle near Matthew’s jaw tenses, almost imperceptibly.

 “Ah, I see,” Matthew says softly, “So you were, like that, because of me?”

No. Hanbin thinks, no, this is wron g. Panic rises in his throat and he can feel himself slipping under those waves again. He’s disappointed his Seokmae. He’s made him feel guilty and hurt, he’s being selfish for needing his care. He needs to Fix It. 

“No, no, Seokmae I-” Hanbin’s words tumble out, frenzied. His pitch gradually increasing with his heart rate. “Not because of you, never because of you, love. Hyung was wrong, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it that way. Forgive me? Please? You didn’t do anything, hyung is the one that is in the wrong, I’m the one that’s bad. Mashu, baby, please understand me-”

Hanbin doesn’t realize that he’s crying until he feels Matthew’s gentle hands brush the tears off his cheeks. 

“You were worried I was hurt, weren’t you?” Matthew whispers, softly carding his fingers through his hyung’s hair. 

Hanbin blinks, “Yeah, how did you know?”

Matthew smiles, his eyes crinkling as he gazes at Hanbin lovingly. 

“My caring hyung.” He teases. “You’re predictable because you love me, silly. When are you going to realize that I’m not a little kid anymore? I can take care of myself!”

Calmed by Matthew’s gentle caresses, Hanbin’s heart rate slows. The sun rises in his chest and quells the raging tides within him. He smiles at his lover; his big, dark eyes, sparkling with warmth. 

“I’ll always want to care for you, though.” Hanbin murmurs.

Matthew leans in, pressing his forehead to Hanbin’s, letting their breaths intermingle in the stillness between them. For Hanbin, the world shrinks. The violent ocean and the empty streets disappear until all that’s left is the small bubble around him and his first love. There’s nothing threatening, nothing distracting. He’s safe with the beat of Matthew’s pulse against his skin, Matthew’s nose nuzzling playfully against his own. 

“I love you, Hanbin-hyung,” Matthew presses his words into Hanbin’s lips.

Hanbin, drawn in by Matthew’s gravity, melts into the kiss. Grounded in Matthew’s arms he finally relaxes, trusting this person to hold him up out of the water. In gratitude, he moans Matthew’s name into his mouth. 

Matthew reacts immediately, clutching at Hanbin’s waist and pulling him fully onto his lap. He kisses Hanbin hungrily, greedily. Hanbin rolls his hips down and Matthew gasps, breaking the kiss to bury his head in Hanbin’s neck. It’s divine. The pressure of Matthew’s lips, the sharp sting of his teeth. Hanbin arches his back to encourage his lover to take more, more, more.

Abruptly, Matthew breaks the kiss, grabbing Hanbin’s arms to hold him back. Confused, Hanbin blinks open his eyes to see a flushed and out of breath Matthew biting his lower lip, anxiously. 

“Hyung, are you sure you wanna,” Matthew can’t quite meet Hanbin’s eyes, “I mean, you were just in a really vulnerable place, I don’t-”

“Baby,” Hanbin purrs, “Can’t I keep being vulnerable with you?”

Slowly, Hanbin pulls his shirt off over his head, relishing the way Matthew’s eyes devour his exposed skin. Matthew’s body is practically shivering with want, but he’s also careful with Hanbin. He won’t do anything if there’s a chance that Hanbin will be hurt or regret it. 

Hanbin knows to be careful in return.

“Thank you for checking in, Seaokmae-yah” He continues, gazing directly into Matthew’s worried eyes, “But it’s okay, I’m okay. I just really need to be close to you right now.”

Matthew’s face softens and he cups Hanbin’s cheeks gently, “I’ll come as close as you’ll let me, hyung.”

Hanbin presses his lips to Matthew’s, sweet and chaste.

“Thank you, baby,” he whispers. 

Matthew giggles fondly and detangles their limbs. Hanbin watches as Matthew grabs Hanbin’s shirt from where he threw it earlier and helps it over his hyung’s head. He’s thoughtful, this boy. Hanbin has always thought so, but recently he keeps noticing these little moments. Moments where Matthew is truly taking care of him, and he likes it. He likes it maybe more than he should, but before Hanbin can get completely lost in his thoughts, Matthew reaches out a hand and pulls them both up onto their feet. 

“Let’s get out of here, hyung” Matthew beams. 

Matthew helps him lock up the studio and they walk to his car hand in hand. These dates are the only time that Hanbin lets Matthew drive them around, so he settles into the passenger seat and leans back, admiring the way his lover looks behind the wheel.

“So, why were you late?” Hanbin asks once they’re on the road. “I don’t think you told me.”

“Ah.” Matthew’s cheeks color slightly. “I was writing and I lost track of time, sorry hyung.” 

Hanbin smiles from the inside out, happy to hear that Matthew is writing again. It’s been a little while since Matthew has talked about his art with anything other than frustration. Writer’s block and the sting of too many rejections have taken the glow out of Matthew’s pen these days; if he liked writing so much that he lost track of time, it’s a good sign. 

Selfishly, Hanbin is excited to have new things to read from his favorite poet.

“Can’t be mad at you for that, Seokmae.” Hanbin sighs dreamily, ruffling Matthew’s hair as he does.

Matthew giggles. “You’re so transparent, hyung! If you want to read some, you can. My notebook’s in the small pocket of my bag.”

Hanbin digs around past the handful of old receipts and a few loose cough drops to find Matthew’s small leather notebook. Feeling its smooth skin in his hands, Hanbin smiles, remembering the day they picked it out together. He remembers Matthew’s sullen expression lightening as he pictured himself writing in its discrete pages. Remembers the way Matthew’s eyes sparkled as he called to him from across the shop.

“Hyung! Wouldn’t I look like a real poet writing in something like this?” Matthew had giggled, posing comically.

His words struck something in Hanbin’s core then, something was so profoundly wrong with Matthew doubting himself. From the moment they met, Hanbin had always thought Matthew was talented, he hated seeing Matthew feel insecure. It wasn’t right for someone that special to make jokes putting themself down.

“You’re a real poet now, baby.” He insisted, practically dragging Matthew to the checkout line and buying the book for him. 

After years of loving use, the little leather notebook is well worn. The color shifts and twists where Matthew’s hands have repeatedly bent its spine. Hanbin flips it open and sees his own handwriting on the first page.

 

For Mashu. 

May this be a place where some of your big heart can be put into words. The world is lucky for any piece of yourself that you choose to share with it. 

More than that, I am lucky for all the pieces of yourself you choose to share with me. I love you like the stars.

 

The ink is smudged in places and the edges of the page are frayed, but it makes Hanbin smile to see this relic of the early days of their relationship. When things between them were still new and electric. When it felt like every thought that passed through his mind was colored with images of Matthew and he memorized all of Matthew’s quirks and needs with a feverish intensity. There’s something intoxicating about that kind of energy, but, of course, it doesn’t last forever. 

Hanbin glances at his younger lover and feels a familiar, solid, warmth bloom in his chest. This might be even better, he thinks. 

“Weren’t you going to check out the poems I was working on today?” Matthew laughs after catching Hanbin staring. 

“Maybe I decided I would rather check out the poet.” Hanbin teases back, his voice light and airy.

“Loser.” Matthew scoffs lovingly. He turns his attention back to the road, seemingly unaffected, but Hanbin can’t help but notice the pretty pink flush at the tips of his ears. Predictable. Matthew has always liked a little flirting.

Satisfied, Hanbin settles back and flips through the pages of Matthew’s notebook. Matthew’s mind and heart sprawl over its pages; fragments of his incandescent soul tucked into its spine. Hanbin lingers over some of his favorite pieces. Insomnia , the poem Matthew wrote the night he slept over at Hanbin and Hao’s apartment for the first time. Say Yes , the poem Matthew refused to let him read until he handed Hanbin a copy with shaky hands on the day they made a pair of matching rings together. The poem Hanbin keeps folded inside that small ring box on his nightstand.  

He flips a few more pages until he reaches Matthew’s most recent scribbles. The top of this page has a few titles crossed out. Thunderous. Fuck Me. Streaks of You. Eventually, Matthew’s pen skips the first line entirely and just one word appears about a third of the way down the page.

Sweat.

The poem that follows is visceral and rhythmic. Matthew’s language is sensual and lusty, heavy with heat and thick with desire. It makes Hanbin feel as though he’s inside Matthew’s heart, feeling the race of his blood as it pounds relentlessly. He feels his cheeks and ears heat up.

“It’s uh, pretty sexy, seokmae.” Hanbin mumbles, mortified at his prudish reaction. 

Matthew glances at him and smiles bashfully. “Is it too much?” he asks. 

There it is again, that tightness in his chest, that sweat on the back of his neck. Hanbin feels guilt claw at his esophagus. Matthew can’t doubt himself, not about this, and definitely not because Hanbin is too flustered by his body’s own reaction to get his words right. He can’t be the reason Matthew feels insecure.

“Not at all.” Hanbin manages to get out. “You’re never too much, Mashu.”

Matthew reaches over and squeezes his hand. “I knew you would say that.” He murmurs.

Hanbin squeezes back. 

They sit in comfortable silence for the rest of the ride to Matthew’s apartment and Hanbin finds his mind circling back and back again to the poem. To its dizzying, raw sexuality. It’s so clear what inspired Matthew’s writing; so obvious why he was so worked up that he lost track of time. Every line of that poem drips with the energy of Matthew’s new partner.

After all these years, Hanbin knows how Matthew writes about him in poetry. He shows up in Matthew’s poems as a deep ocean or a glimmering moon beam; things that sparkle and flow. He’s always liked that his lover views him as something so constant and necessary, but as his mind replays the words of Matthew’s most recent poem, he wonders what it would feel like to be seen as something dark and burning. 

 

-

 

Hanbin’s body feels twice as heavy as he drags himself up the stairs to his apartment the next morning. Usually, he leaves his dates with Matthew walking on clouds, buoyant with the love that his lover pours into him. He floats home to his place, shares some of that radiant energy with Hao, and goes about his day feeling refreshed, and ready. 

Today, no matter what Matthew said, he couldn’t shake the clouds off. 

And it makes him feel like shit. Seeing Matthew treat him so tenderly, careful with all his fragile pieces, and still not being able to be present with him in the way they both wanted. Matthew kissed him goodbye with a pained smile and Hanbin cursed himself all the way home. 

“Hao Gege!” He calls out for his person as soon as he gets in the door. 

In a flurry, Hao rushes over and gathers him in his arms. With his head cradled against Zhang Hao’s neck, Hanbin lets himself be rocked.

“My baby is home,” Hao coos gently into the top of Hanbin’s head. As the sway in the doorway, Hao strokes Hanbin’s back and hums an unfamiliar tune in his ear. It’s comforting, peaceful. 

After a while, Hanbin wriggles out of the embrace and brushes his fingers through Hao’s bangs, straightening up the places where his nuzzling had mussed them. 

“Was it this hard for you,” Hanbin’s voice is small, “When I started seeing Matthew?”

Hao’s eyes soften, “No, not really.” he says simply.

Hanbin sort of chokes on a laugh. Something burns, dark and putrid in his core. 

“Just like that! Wow, hyung, you —” He sighs and turns away, “You must be a much better person than me.”

Hanbin stalks away. Past the kitchen and directly to his room, leaving a flustered Zhang Hao scurrying behind in his wake. He ignores the soft meows of the cat around his ankles, doesn’t listen to his hyung calling after him, and doesn’t think twice before slamming his bedroom door shut. He hears a distinctive huff on the other side.

But Hao, determined and brilliant Hao, is not one to be stopped by a simple closed door. He bursts right through it and fixes Hanbin with a withering glare. 

“Sung Hanbin! Sit down and listen to me!” Hao’s voice is level, stern. A little loud, but then, he always is.

Feeling a little sheepish, Hanbin reluctantly plops down on his bed and looks up at his hyung obediently. 

“Alright, good boy,” Hao smirks before taking a deep breath, “Now listen . When I say it wasn’t as hard for me when you started seeing Matthew that’s because I’m a pervert and you two look absolutely insane together. I’d always gotten off on you getting off Hanbin-ah, and this felt like a perfect extension of that. Even though it was new, it just clicked for me.”

Hanbin feels his shame burning him alive. Who is he to deserve such kind and understanding partners? Why when he’s just a monster made of pure desire? He locked himself in a strait-jacket of jealousy, anyone would be stupid to hand him the key. Hao was understanding and supportive in the past, but he can’t do the same for Matthew now, so obviously something is wrong with him! He should – 

“Ya! Hanbin-ah, I’m not done yet!” Hao kneels down and grips Hanbin’s hands, stopping his racing thoughts immediately. Everything that isn’t Hao’s determined face blurs and Hanbin listens, really listens, to his partner’s words.

“I wonder if it would’ve been harder if I hadn’t been with you when you first ran into Matthew again after all those years,” Hao continues, his voice taking on a much softer cadence, “If I had watched you fall in love with him from the side, not knowing what he was like or how you two worked together. If he and I had been only characters in each other's lives, and not people who spoke, and ate, and laughed together. If I only ever heard about him but never got to know him, I think that would have been much harder.”

“Gege.” Hanbin’s voice catches in his throat. 

Hao kisses Hanbin’s palms tenderly, “You’re not a bad person for struggling with this, baby. But you should talk to him, be honest about how you’re feeling. Don’t try to keep everything bottled up inside, you know you can’t hide anything from us anyway.” He teases.

“Hyung, you’re so smart,” Hanbin’s eyes sparkle adoringly up at Hao, who smirks. 

“Yes, darling, I know,” Hao trills, then softens, “It will be okay, Hanbin. Things might change , but that doesn’t mean they’ll change for the worse.”

Hanbin takes a deep breath and texts Matthew.

 

To: My First Love

Baby~

Can we go out together this week? 

You, me, hyung 

And Gunwook if he’s available

I think meeting him will settle my anxiety a bit

Can you do this for me?

 

His heart hammers in his chest, but Hao is there with his soft hands and sweet voice. He works Hanbin open and fills him up with praise, driving his affection deep into him. Hao wraps his arms around him and holds him tight to his chest, keeping him grounded and safe. Hanbin lets himself melt into Hao’s sweet lovemaking and knows that he trusts him. Knows that he loves him. Tears gather in his eyes as his overwhelming love builds with intensity and he cries out Hao’s name as it breaks. With all his senses filled with Zhang Hao, Hanbin falls asleep and dreams of a dinner party with the table set for four.

 

-

 

The fact that Hanbin wants to meet Gunwook doesn’t bother Matthew, really. To be honest, he doesn’t even know why he’s put it off this long. He’s certain that Gunwook is going to like his hyungs and that they’ll be charmed by him in turn. 

Everyday he finds more things he likes about Gunwook.

Like how he knows a lot of unexpected facts. No matter where they are, or what they’re doing, he’s always able to jump in with an anecdote he read in an article, or a tidbit he learned listening to a podcast. Gunwook speaks without a filter, freely and excitedly pouring his interests directly into Matthew’s bloodstream, and in return Matthew can’t help but take it all.

They’ve hung out three times since their first date. First, for a picnic at the rose garden near Gunwook’s apartment, then at the contemporary art museum downtown complete with a game of Fuck-Marry-Kill in each exhibition room, then at a movie theatre for a film neither of them paid much attention to. Each time, Matthew floated back home in a giddy haze, the champagne-like bubbles of a new relationship keeping him from coming back down to earth. 

They haven’t had sex yet, though. 

It seemed inevitable after that phone call, like they would pounce the next time they saw each other in person, rip off their clothes and just go for it. Matthew buzzed with that anticipation, pulse pounding in his ears as he rang Gunwook’s door to pick him up for their picnic. But they didn’t pounce on each other at all! Gunwook met him at the door with his pink cheeks and bright smile and simply held Matthew’s hand as they walked to the car. Throughout the date he made little excuses to touch Matthew’s skin; brushing his fingers across the nape of his neck, caressing the sliver of skin peeking out through a hole in his jeans. At every touch, Matthew melted. 

After all the food was gone, they laid in the warm sunshine curled up in each other. Matthew noticed a slight furrow in Gunwook’s brows and reached up to lightly tap him on the forehead.

“What’s got you thinking, Wookie?” he murmured. 

Gunwook hummed, Matthew felt it vibrate through him. 

“It might sound stupid if I say it out loud, hyung.” Gunwook admitted. 

Matthew’s nose scrunched, “I literally don’t think it’s possible for you to sound stupid. You’re, like, annoyingly smart.”

Gunwook rolled onto his side and took a deep breath.

“I like you.” he began.

He looked at Matthew with such sweet sincerity, Matthew was overwhelmed with the sudden urge to bite him. Just take one big chomp out of those pink cheeks. It didn’t really seem like the vibe, though, so he settled on stroking his hair instead.

“Yeah, I kinda knew that already.” Matthew teased.

“Okay, and… I don’t want to have sex today,” Gunwook blinked nervously, “I think.”

His words took Matthew by surprise, but he controlled his face and tried not to let it show. He could tell Gunwook had more to say, so he stayed quiet, continuing to brush his fingers through Gunwook’s hair.

“I know this might be a little confusing after I, uh, came on so strong the other day over the phone,” Gunwook continued, “and I’ve been going out of my mind the past few days wanting to touch you for real, but I think I need to pump the brakes because I really don’t want to mess this up by rushing ahead.”

His cheeks were so red by this point, so sweetly flushed. He couldn’t quite meet Matthew’s gaze, but Matthew didn’t force him to. 

“Bro,” Matthew smiled, “I’m not mad about that.”

Gunwook’s eyes widened.

“AH, hyung no I didn’t mean- I mean, I know you’re not the kind of guy that would get mad about it, I just,” He sighed, “Ugh, it’s harder to say this now that you’re here in front of me looking this cute.”

Matthew grinned, “c’mere you big puppy,” he cooed, pulling Gunwook into his arms. Gunwook sort of huffed at being manhandled like that, but soon enough he nestled himself cozily on Matthew’s chest. They simply laid like that for the rest of the afternoon; heartbeats intertwining in the sweet spring breeze. 

Since then, Matthew has grown familiar with the look in Gunwook’s eyes when he feels like he should get a kiss and the way he sighs into Matthew’s mouth when he gets what he wants. In return, he’s shown Gunwook how he likes to be held and how easily the skin of his neck blooms purple. It makes Matthew feel like a teenager again, all giddy and silly and desperate. Sure it’s slow, but it’s been fun. It’s good. 

Things with Gunwook are still sweet. Matthew is sure that life will only get sweeter once all his people know each other. 

So it’s time.

It takes some calendar wizardry to find a date that works for all four of them to get drinks, and then another kind of sorcery to find the perfect spot to meet. There are too many factors! Matthew quickly rules out any kind of sit down restaurant, and meeting up at any of their apartments is out too. It has to be comfortable but not too loud, somewhere they can hear well enough to get to know each other, but also where they can hit the dance floor if they need an easy icebreaker. 

He settles on whynot?; the first gay bar he went to after moving to Seoul and still one of his favorite haunts. It’s a friendly space and he thinks everyone will like it there. Besides, since it’s his partners meeting for the first time, he feels he deserves the home court advantage.  (Yeah, he’s a little nervous.)

Matthew gets to the bar first, just like he planned, but instead of finding somewhere for them to sit he goes directly to the restroom to check his appearance in the mirror. Despite his anxiety, he looks good. With his all-black outfit complimenting his newly dyed jet-black hair, his red lips pop just a little more than usual and, thanks to the product Hao hyung recommended, his hair still looks effortlessly pushed back off his forehead. 

His phone buzzes.

 

Hao Jiejie

Sweetheart! 

We’re here! 

Where are youuuu

 

Matthew takes one last glance in the mirror and leaves to meet them.

Chapter 3: Hydra

Summary:

It's time to meet the metamours!

Notes:

Note that this chapter has some discussion of kink!

Hanbin has been a nervous wreck all day, but Zhang Hao doesn’t blame him. There’s always a special pressure when you’re meeting a partner’s special person for the first time, it’s normal for baseline executive functioning to be affected. Even Hao, King of Compersion, is full of nervous excitement around this meeting! 

However, there are ways to keep those big feelings from overwhelming everything, so Hao decided to take charge of the evening. He picked out their outfits, decided how they would get to the bar and when they needed to leave to arrive on time, and, upon realizing they were the first there, found a cozy four top in a quiet area of the bar for them to sit. 

Essentially, he’s killing it, girl. 

Hanbin shows he’s grateful for it in his Hanbin way. He looks at Hao with those big eyes and adoring expression on his face; whispering sweet words so that only the two of them can hear. 

Hao drums his fingers on the table with one hand while holding Hanbin’s with the other. Where is Matthew? He was certain that he would be here before any of them, making sure the energy was right for when everyone arrived in his thoughtful Matthew way. Hao frowns as he checks his phone again. Matthew read his texts, so why–?

Beside him, Hanbin gasps excitedly and Zhang Hao looks up to see their boyfriend walking towards the table. He steals a glance at Hanbin and his heart swells at the absolutely infatuated smile on his face. This is his favorite thing. Feeling the intensity of Hanbin’s love reverberate and multiply within his own chest until it becomes something entirely new and completely his own. 

He loves these two shiny boys so damn much. 

As Matthew approaches their table Zhang Hao jumps up and grabs his hands, “You dyed your hair!” he squeals “Love, you look delicious!”

Matthew flushes, “Ah, thanks hyung. I’m actually able to use that pomade you recommended now that my hair isn’t dying from all the bleach.” 

Hao beams, “I knew you would like it! Bin-ah, please compliment me for my grooming genius.”

Hanbin, still seated at the table, just gazes up at the two of them adoringly. The tender sweetness of his eyes makes Hao want to melt into a molten puddle, but he keeps it together by reminding himself that Hanbin used all their hot water this morning. That handsome little shit.

“You’re a genius, Gege.” Hanbin coos. 

“Uh oh, hyung you’re like, super whipped,” Matthew teases before giving Hanbin a kiss on the cheek and sitting down across from him. 

Zhang Hao settles back into his seat next to Hanbin and takes his hand again. He gives it a small squeeze for good measure. 

“Matthew, love,” Hao says, a playful devilishness in his voice, “Where is this handsome suitor we’ve heard so much about?!”

“Well, he should be —“

Matthew glances down and his phone then quickly scans the bar, his brows furrowed in concentration. His tongue sticks out just a little bit, a cat-like blep that sends a bloom of affection through Zhang Hao’s chest. Despite his attempts to seem otherwise, Hao can tell that Matthew is brimming with nervousness. With gentle determination Hao reaches across the table to hold Matthew’s hand and pull him a little closer. He can anchor all three of them if he needs to.

Matthew’s eyes shine with gratitude. 

“Thanks gege.” Matthew murmurs.

All of a sudden the energy of the bar shifts as a tall, broad, stranger lazily saunters in. There’s something about him that draws Hao’s attention immediately. Not just his height or good looks, but the way his clothes move when he walks, the way his body seems utterly at ease and yet perfectly coiled to pounce at any moment. With his dark hair styled up off his head he’s masculine and stylish and from the way his eyes zero in on Matthew, Hao knows. 

Ah, this is Gunwook. 

Spotting him, Matthew lights up immediately. A spark flickers in his gaze as his eyes rake up and down Gunwook’s handsome figure. It’s unmistakable. The heat and hunger in Matthew’s look almost makes Hao self conscious to see, it’s too open, too raw— a side of Matthew he hasn’t seen in a long time. 

“Gunwookie is here!” Matthew exclaims.

As Gunwook nears them his expression changes, the furrow of his brow softening as his face breaks into a bright grin. Hao is surprised to see such an innocent expression of joy from someone with such an intimidating aura. It intrigues him.

“Matthew, wow. Hyung, you look so hot.” Gunwook stammers, sounding absolutely smitten. 

Beside him, Hanbin tenses, his eyes narrowing. Hao leans his head on his shoulder reassuringly and tries to send his internal calm through their clasped palms. Be brave, Baobei, he thinks, stay open to this kind of happiness too.

Maybe Hanbin gets the message because he grits out a smile and stands, extending a hand toward Gunwook. Hao smiles to himself. Good boy.

“Gunwook-ssi,” Hanbin says, “it’s good to finally meet you I’m-“

“Hanbin-nim!” Gunwook cuts in excitedly, “Matthew has talked about you so much, I knew right away.”

The tips of Hanbin’s ears grow redder as he turns to grin at Matthew.

“Is that so?” He says, a cute tone creeping into his voice, “You talk about me a lot?”

Matthew laughs, “Yeah, yeah, as if you didn’t know, hyung!”

Hao clears his throat loudly. 

“Sorry, Gege,” Matthew says bashfully, “Gunwook, this is my boyfriend, Zhang Hao.”

The full force of Gunwook’s attention is a little overwhelming. His bright eyes and warm smile, the feeling of his two large hands completely engulfing Hao’s smaller ones. He’s intent and direct, but Hao likes the way he subtly bites the edge of his lip and blinks a few times before greeting him. The ways his youth and innocence sneak out at the edges. 

“Aren’t you cute?” Zhang Hao practically purrs. 

Gunwook goes bright red. Lovely. 

“I guess I should have taken Matthew more seriously when he said you were a menace.” Gunwook mumbles. 

“Yes,” Hao grins wickedly, “You should have.”

Then Hao kisses Matthew smack on the lips. Full and passionate.

In the moment after, Hao quickly takes in each of their expressions. His partners are easy to read; Hanbin’s stifled giggle, Matthew’s deep flush; they’re both flustered in their own way. It’s delicious but not the point right now, he needs to focus on their new addition. He studies Gunwook carefully to find a tell in his smooth expression, any indication that he isn’t as understanding of their dynamic as he had led Matthew to believe. After a beat, a low chuckle rumbles across the table. 

“Was that a test?” Gunwook settles himself easily in the chair next to Matthew, “Will you kiss me next, hyung?” 

Hao sighs, content with his observations. 

“You pass,” He waves his hand and rolls his eyes with exaggerated annoyance, “Now can you put your long legs to use and grab us a cocktail menu from the bar? I have to check in with Kitten.”

Gunwook raises a quizzical brow at Matthew, who grins at him in response.

“Not a real cat! Kitten is a pet name for Hao-hyung’s submissive.” Matthew waggles his eyebrows and Gunwook’s eyes get impossibly wide. 

“You make it sound extreme, Seokmae,” Hanbin cuts in, “This isn’t a 50 shades of grey thing.”

“Of course not, dear,” Hao adds, not looking up from his phone, “because that sham of a movie is about as close to real kink as Matthew is to 6 feet tall.”

Matthew’s indignant “ Hey !” is completely drowned out by Hanbin and Gunwook’s ringing laughter. 

Hao notices it then, the way Hanbin’s body relaxes once he hears the sweet peal of Gunwook’s giggles. He feels Hanbin’s death grip on his hand loosen the longer Gunwook’s sparkling eyes shine on them. Things are changing, but they’re changing with this real person that Hanbin can hear and see and feel. Here in the flesh this new boy isn’t so large that Hanbin’s heart can’t find space for him. 

“Anyway!” Hao sing-songs, “Aside from being very devoted to me, Kitten is a fashion designer and lives abroad. Hanbin and I met him when he was still in Korea, at a masquerade.”

“The same masquerade they met me at, funnily enough!” Matthew adds, excitedly. 

Gunwook leans in, utterly engrossed. “Are all polyamorous people this glamorous?” he asks.

Matthew giggles, “It’s not as glamorous as it sounds, Gunwookie.”

“The masquerade was more of a, well –” Hanbin clears his throat awkwardly. 

“It was a sex party, darling!” Hao finishes for him.

Gunwook’s cheeks flush. “Oh! So you all went to a – I mean, not that I have anything against that kind of party. I’ve had a threesome before so I get the appeal of – wait that came out wrong. What I mean is –”

Matthew kisses him to stop his rambling. 

Hao admires the pair as they kiss. They look good together, there’s a certain visual chemistry in addition to whatever else is going on between them. Matthew is so small against Gunwook’s broad frame, much more delicate than he looks when he’s kissing Hanbin or Hao. It’s undeniably hot. 

“Hello~! Earth to Hao-hyung!” Matthew’s hand waving in front of his face knocks Hao out of whatever horny stupor he was about to fall into. 

“Sorry, where were we?” Hao asks no one in particular, “Are we still talking about Kitten?”

The other three break into fond laughter. 

“We can still be talking about Jiwoon-hyung, if that’s what you want, gege.” Matthew teases.  

Hao sighs melodramatically. “If Kitten knew you still said his name like that I would never hear the end of it! It’s the perfect combination of his humiliation kink and crush on you.”

There’s a flash of emotion on Hanbin’s face before he abruptly stands up from the table. 

“We should get drinks!” Hanbin says, a bit too loudly. “Gunwook-ah, come help me with it?”

Gunwook nods brightly and follows Hanbin to the bar. 

 

-

 

It’s not as awkward as Gunwook had worried it might be. Matthew’s hyungs are nice and they seem much more open to Gunwook coming into their lives than the internet had led him to believe primary partners would be. Well, Zhang Hao seems open to him, he can’t get a good read on Hanbin yet. He’s glad for this moment alone as they walk to the bar together. 

“Matthew really does talk a lot about you, Hanbin hyung!” Gunwook says, testing out the friendly honorific. “I can tell how much you mean to him.”

Hanbin smiles. It’s bright and kind, but Gunwook can’t help but feel like there’s still something holding Hanbin back. There’s a wall that he’s not letting Gunwook see behind yet.

“Well, he means a lot to me too.” Hanbin murmurs, glancing back at where Hao and Matthew still sit. 

An awkward silence surrounds them as they scan the menu and wait for the bartender’s attention. Gunwook feels himself getting fidgety. He blinks his eyes hard and quick a few times in succession to try and refocus his attention. 

“Me too.” Gunwook blurts out, immediately feeling foolish. It’s been way too long since they last said anything to each other, he must sound so scattered. But Hanbin just smiles at him, his eyes crinkling a bit more this time.

They open a tab and order their drinks (soju bombs for Gunwook and Matthew, a vodka cranberry for Hanbin, and a dry chardonnay for Hao) and still barely say anything real. Sure they exchange remarks about the price of drinks in Seoul these days, and Hanbin laughs at Gunwook’s impression of Matthew when he wants something, but they don’t talk. Gunwook goes back to the table unable to shake the cloud of disappointment hovering over his head.

 

-

 

While Gunwook and Hanbin buy their drinks, Matthew leans on Hao’s shoulder. “Did I do something wrong?” He murmurs softly.

“Of course not, sweetheart,” Hao soothes, “Hanbin’s just eager to make a good impression on your sweet young thing.”

Matthew bites his lip, “Are you sure?” He asks. “You don’t think it’s because I mentioned Jiwoon-hyung? And that orgy?”

Hao chuckles, “Matthew, love, no one would be upset remembering the way you pounded into Kitten as he sobbed your name that night. We were all blessed to see it!”

“Alright then, hyung.” Matthew smiles warily before glancing at the bar. “But, uh, maybe we don’t mention that part of the story to Gunwookie just yet? I don’t want to scare off the ‘sweet young thing .‘” he finishes with a giggle.

“Your slutty secret is safe with me!” Hao whispers dramatically, holding up his pinky. Matthew quickly locks his with it as Gunwook and Hanbin come back to the table with their drinks. 

“Here you go, Hao-hyung!” Gunwook says sweetly. ”Uh, if you don’t like it, I also grabbed the menu so you can choose something else.” 

There’s no hidden motive in his words or actions, Hao realizes, that’s what’s so surprising about him. Hao is used to men sauntering in with a little bit of charisma and good looks thinking that makes them entitled to anything else they want. But there’s none of that here. Gunwook is just thoughtful and kind. A cute dongsaeng. 

Hao regards him fondly.

“You know, Matthew,” Hao drawls, “You continue to have excellent taste.”

Matthew glows with pride, “I know, right?!”

Hanbin and Gunwook both blush slightly.

“Ah, hyung!” Gunwook chimes in, clearing his throat, “How did you and Hanbin hyung meet? Was it also an orgy? Tthew hasn’t told me.”

The boy’s eyes sparkle with interest, it’s refreshing. It’s disarming. Hao finds himself drawn in by Gunwook’s inquisitive gaze, his open expression. 

“Sorry to disappoint, but we met in college.” Hanbin starts, holding Hao’s hand above the table. “We were both enrolled in this Early Childhood Development seminar and things got a bit, uh, competitive.”

Hao’s eyes twinkle. “Binnie wasn’t used to not being the top of the class, and I wasn’t used to having classmates who were as handsome as me.” 

Gunwook leans in and raises his eyebrows, a goofy expression decorating his handsome features. “It’s a good thing I wasn’t in any of your classes then, hyung-nim.”

Hanbin spits out his drink. Beside him, Hao squeals with delight. 

“You keep that up and I’ll be the one taking you home tonight!” Hao flirts easily. “We can make these two” he cocks his head towards Hanbin and Matthew, “watch.” 

Gunwook’s cheeks get unbelievably pink and he breaks eye contact with Hao. Hao thrills at the little victory. He loves making handsome boys flustered, and he’s very good at it!

Hanbin puts on an exaggerated pout. “Hey! I thought we had a cuddle date planned after this!” He whines playfully.

“Yes, dear,” Hao tuts, “Don’t worry, I’m only teasing the kid.”

Looking mollified, Hanbin closes his eyes and smiles contentedly, leaning on Hao’s shoulder. 

“They’re the worst, aren’t they?” Matthew teases, knocking his shoulder against Gunwook. 

“I don’t know, Matthew,” Gunwook hesitates a moment, his bright eyes twinkling, “I think they’re pretty cute.”

Hao perks up immediately. “Matthew! Learn something from him! You tease your hyungs too much!” He cries out.

Gunwook positively glows at the praise. Hao tucks that bit of information away in case he can make use of it later. Pretty boys with a submissive streak are his weakness, after all. 

They all relax a little with drinks in their hands. Conversation flows naturally for the most part, and when it doesn’t Hao simply starts teasing Matthew and that gets them all back on the same page. It’s an easy cheat code and has the added benefit of flustering his cute, little, boyfriend. (One of Hao’s favorite pastimes.)

“Anyone feel like dancing?” Gunwook asks after their second round of drinks.

Matthew’s eyes light up. “Yes!” He says, getting up from the table right away. He turns and fixes his hyungs with a playful expression. “You two have to come as well, I’ve been bragging about you to Wookie and if you don’t dance with us he’ll accuse me of lying.” 

“That’s true!” Gunwook says, backing him up with an exaggerated nod.

Hao stands up and starts vogueing, earning a hearty laugh from Matthew. He loves making his boyfriend laugh. He loves the way Matthew’s body doubles over in joy; loves the way his entire face crinkles with the force of his bright smile. Hao fell in love with Matthew while listening to him laugh. 

Eventually they all make their way toward the center of the bar and stake out a little section of the dance floor. Hao feels the heady pulse of the music and lets it move his hips and shoulders as he watches Hanbin and Matthew dance together. Sure, he likes dancing, but he likes how his partners look while they dance more.

They move fluidly, playfully pushing and pulling the beat between them. It’s mesmerizing. It’s hot. Matthew confidently wraps his arm around Hanbin’s waist to encourage his hyung to bend against him and of course, Hanbin does. They’re a tangle of limbs – sharp angles and soft touches breaking up the air between them. 

By now, Hao is used to the physical ease between Hanbin and Matthew, you could even say he’s become a fan of it. But as he looks at Gunwook’s tight expression he remembers when it wasn’t as easy. Hao’s heart reaches out as he sees Gunwook bite his lip with his eyes glued to Matthew and Hanbin’s easy movement. 

Hao glides into Gunwook’s space and wraps his arms around him. They’re not moving too much, but at a glance you would think they were dancing “They look great together, don’t you think?” he asks gently. 

Gunwook swallows in response, not really meeting Hao’s gaze. 

“Hanbin is special to Matthew.” Hao murmurs, rubbing Gunwook’s back in small comforting circles. “You’ve got to get okay with that if you want to be special to him too.”

At his words, Gunwook stills and pulls his eyes away from where Matthew and Hanbin are dancing. He brings his big eyes to Hao’s and looks unbelievably small despite his height. 

“Hao hyung, I am okay with it.” Gunwook starts. “I’m definitely okay with it! Matthew’s never hidden what you and Hanbin mean to him, and even though this is new to me I’m not trying to break you guys up. I promise.” His eyes shine with sincerity. 

Zhang Hao giggles. “Ah, you’re so cute.”

Gunwook beams. “Hao hyung is cute.” He replies cheekily. 

“Whatever you say, baby.” Hao mutters, fondly. “But look, if you ever need someone to talk to about Hanbin and Matthew, you can come to me. I know it might be hard to imagine, but I had to work through some of my own insecurities when they reconnected back then. It’s not every day your anchor partner brings home his long lost first love, after all.”

Gunwook’s brow furrows and he repeats the term anchor partner silently. Hao can picture him mentally logging it to look up online later. Maybe Gunwook will sneakily pull up Naver in the bathroom stall and come back pretending he knew what it meant all along. Cute. Hao hopes he’s around to see Matthew’s reaction when Gunwook first tries slipping the term into conversation.

“Thanks, hyung.” Gunwook murmurs gratefully. “You three seem really solid now, though, so how–?”

Just then, the music shifts into “Queencard” by (G)I-DLE and Hao squeals, jumping out of Gunwook’s embrace. He breaks into the energetic choreography on instinct, earning the attention of everyone around them, including Matthew and Hanbin. As a circle forms around him, Hao calls out to Gunwook over the music.  

“It just took time!” Hao shouts, “Also group sex, but mostly time!” He breaks into the chorus still laughing at the surprise on the taller boy’s face. 

It doesn’t take long for Matthew and Hanbin to groove their way over to Gunwok once Hao leaves his side. Hao watches, amused, as Matthew cozies into Gunwook’s space and cheekily slides his hands into the boy’s back pockets. They really do look good together.

Under the warm glow of Gunwook’s attention, Matthew sparkles. Joy radiates off him like a furnace, drawing others to him like moths to the flame. More than one unlucky bar patron is drawn into that light – each trying to get near enough to touch the source of it. They dance close to Matthew, maybe leave a few lingering touches on his arm or shoulder, but it never gets further than that. Each and every hopeful dancer backs away when they realize that there’s no chance of Matthew looking in anyone’s direction but Gunwook’s.

In return, the boy never takes his eyes off of Matthew, his desire written plainly on his face. Once Matthew is within arms reach, Gunwook keeps him there. He pulls on Matthew’s fingers or curls a possessive hand around Matthew’s neck. The longer they dance, the closer Gunwook pulls Matthew to him until eventually their bodies are almost flush. It’s barely even a dance anymore as Matthew stands on his tiptoes, his arms flung around Gunwook’s neck. 

Hao pulls Hanbin to him in a similar embrace. “Isn’t it fun to see him like this?” he murmurs into his lover’s ear. 

Hanbin sighs and wiggles in Hao’s arms. “It’s not not fun.” Hanbin admits. “He’s so shiny. It makes me think of the old days.”

“Well, it makes me hard .” Hao’s voice sends shivers down Hanbin’s spine. 

“Hao-ge.” He whines. “You can’t say things like that when we’re in public!”

Hao smiles wickedly. “Can’t I?” 

Hanbin pulls out of Hao’s embrace and glares at him cutely. Hao bites back an endeared giggle. 

“Gunwook-ah!” Hanbin calls, loud enough to startle both Gunwook and Matthew out of their easy embrace. “It’s time to close our tabs, come on!”

As they walk away, Hao takes Matthew’s arm and leans affectionately on his shoulder. “Gunwook wants you to take him home, you know.”

Matthew’s small hand squeezes Hao’s bicep, “I know, gege, and I want to! It’s just—“ he sighs, “I’d feel bad abandoning you and Hanbin-hyung.”

“Thoughtful boy,” Hao coos, kissing Matthew’s cheek, “Still thinking of everyone except yourself.”

“Why are you teasing me for loving you?” Matthew pouts.

He’s acting cute, but Hao doesn’t miss the way Matthew’s eyes flit over to where Hanbin and Gunwook are walking to the bar to close out their tabs. Nor does he miss the dark hunger in that gaze. It’s crystal clear to Zhang Hao what Matthew wants. 

“Sweetheart, why don’t you just enjoy this?” Hao offers, turning to follow Matthew’s gaze toward the other pair.

 

-

 

“Hyung!” Gunwook calls to Hanbin as they walk together toward the bar. “Can we talk?”

“Haven’t we been talking all night?” Hanbin replies briskly.

Gunwook huffs and cuts him off, placing a hesitant hand on Hanbin’s shoulder. “I’ll be direct, then.” He says, taking a breath. “Ever since I got here I’ve felt like there’s a wall between us, like there’s something you don’t want me to know.”

Hanbin bites his lip and breaks eye contact. The boy isn’t wrong. In truth, Hanbin’s been enjoying himself more tonight than he expected he would, but all of it has been peppered with flashes of intense jealousy. Thanks to Hao’s steady presence nothing has been bad enough to send him spiraling, but maybe he wasn’t doing as well at hiding it as he thought. If Gunwook thinks he has a wall up it’s because he does.

“I’m sorry, Gunwook.” Hanbin says carefully. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

“Do you not like me?” Gunwook’s voice is small, vulnerable. 

“No!” Hanbin’s eyes widen. “No, I do like you! You seem like a good guy, and you obviously care a lot about Matthew, I’ve liked getting to know you tonight.” 

“Then why—?”

“Because I’m trying to be a good partner to him, and it’s hard for me!” Hanbin shouts, louder than he means to.

Gunwook freezes. He swallows visibly but doesn’t say anything in response. Hanbin thinks of the way Matthew’s eyes have shone on this boy all night and a wave of guilt crashes over him. 

“Look I’m—, I’m not actually very good at this.” Hanbin admits. “I see the way Matthew looks at you and I can’t stop wondering if he’ll forget about me now. You’re handsome and charming, you’ve got a great job, you’re everything he could want in a partner. I’m just waiting for him to realize that too, because then he’ll realize that he doesn’t need Hao hyung or me anymore.” 

“Hyung, you know it’s not like that.” Gunwook’s voice is soft and soothing. It makes Hanbin feel like shit.

“Actually, Gunwook, I think I know what it’s like a lot better than you do.” Hanbin snaps. Gunwook flinches as his words hit him like a slap.

“That’s probably true.” Gunwook says after a moment, not quite meeting Hanbin’s eyes. “But I know my heart better than any of you do.”

Hanbin sees the determination in Gunwook’s fierce expression and softens a bit. 

“I knew that Matthew hyung was part of a package deal when I decided to get involved with him.” Gunwook continues, picking up speed as the words tumble from his lips. “I want to be in his life, but not at the expense of who he loves. I swear, I’m not trying to take him away from you! I know he doesn’t want that, so I don’t want it either.”

Hanbin stares. “You’re pretty mature for such a young kid.” He murmurs.

Gunwook blushes and sticks his lower lip out, pouting. “Hyung! I’m an adult too, you know!” He whines, childishly. 

Maybe it’s the buzzing atmosphere, or the way the purple lights hit Gunwook right at that moment. Maybe it’s the way the boy laid his heart bare before him or just that Hanbin’s own heart has grown tired of being locked behind that impenetrable wall. Whatever the reason, Hanbin lets the warmth he feels fill up his chest and he laughs, a real and hearty laugh.

“I’m glad that when Matthew decided to open his heart, someone like you was waiting outside that door, Gunwook-ah.” Hanbin beams, feeling lighter after saying it.

When Gunwook smiles it touches every part of his face. His eyes crinkle and he shows all his teeth. He’s sunshine. It reminds Hanbin of Matthew and the butterflies in his stomach flutter at the realization.

“There you are.” Gunwook murmurs. “It’s nice to see you really smile, Hanbin hyung.”

 

-

 

Back on the dance floor, Matthew bites his lip. “Does it not seem like I’m enjoying it?”

“Not … entirely.” Hao responds thoughtfully. “What’s bothering you, darling?”

Lit by a sudden stream of purple light, Hanbin and Gunwook laugh at something on the other side of the room. Hanbin leans his weight on the taller boy as the laughter takes over his whole body. Watching them, Matthew fiddles with the edge of his clothes anxiously.

 “Do you think it’s just New Relationship Energy?” Matthew asks after a moment.

Hao furrows his brow. “ Just New Relationship Energy?” He repeats.

“Yeah!” Matthew turns back to Hao with sincere concern on his face. “What if I only feel this way about Gunwook because he’s a shiny new thing?”

“Well, that depends, love. How do you feel about him?” Hao’s voice is gentle, kind.

 “I can’t stop thinking about him!” Matthew bursts out, a little frantic, “Whenever he’s near me I go crazy just looking at him, wanting to touch him. Wanting him to touch me. I-I don’t think it’s love, not yet anyway. Maybe it could be? I don’t know, it’s so different from what I feel for you or Hanbin-hyung. But it’s consuming me.”

“I’m not really understanding the problem, darling.” Hao says, tucking a bit of Matthew’s hair behind his ear.

“I’m scared.” Matthew whispers, "Hyung, I’m scared this feeling will burn up everything and if it’s just NRE then I’ll be left smoldering alone. For nothing.” 

Matthew’s hands tremble but Hao holds them steady. “You can warm yourself at that fire, my love, we won’t let you burn. Hanbin and I are waiting here with buckets of water ready to douse you and bring you safely home to us.” 

“Hyung.” Matthew’s voice shakes.

“Don’t cry, dummy.” Hao chuckles fondly. “You’re not a pretty crier like I am.”

“Shut up?!” Matthew gasps, equal parts exasperated and fond.

Across the room Hanbin and Gunwook wrap their arms around each other in a warm hug. Hao turns Matthew’s head to it.

“Look at that,” He murmurs, “your boys are getting along.”

“Do you think if we left them alone long enough they would start making out?” Matthew giggles, threading his fingers through Hao’s.

“Mmm, I hope so!” 

Matthew’s soft laughter wraps in and around them and Hao lets himself feel proud for a moment. He’s held them all together tonight. Although the foundation of his home shook and warped, he stretched out his arms and reminded the walls that they were built to last. 

Gunwook and Hanbin walk back towards them, arm in arm, and Zhang Hao feels a shift in the constellations between them. As though they slipped through to a new dimension, their gravity is different. Matthew’s pull toward Gunwook is undeniable, but it won’t knock any of them out of orbit. This he is sure of now.

“Hanbin-ah!” He calls once his partner is within earshot, “I’m tired! Take me home please!”

Hanbin says something to Gunwook who laughs heartily in response. Hao takes the chance to whisper one last reassurance to Matthew. 

“Don’t worry and just go for it!” He mutters against Matthew’s ear. He gives his hand a tight squeeze before letting go.

Hao drapes his arm around Hanbin’s shoulders and leads them out of the club. Outside, they stand in a cozy clump for a moment, adjusting to the cool and the quiet of the night air. 

“Gunwook-ah.” Hanbin clears his throat awkwardly. “Thanks for coming out tonight. It was nice getting to see for ourselves why Matthew hasn’t been able to shut up about you.” He finishes with a laugh. 

Gunwook blushes. “I’m thankful too, hyung.” he mumbles.

Giggling, Hao attempts to wrap all four of them in his arms. He’s moderately successful. To everyone’s delight Matthew ends up squished in the middle. Hao inhales dramatically.

“Time for bed!” He shouts.

Everyone laughs, Matthew kisses Hanbin and Zhang Hao goodnight, and they go their separate ways.

On the way home, Hao snuggles up against Hanbin in the back of their taxi and curls his fingers in his hair. He takes the moment to admire how beautiful his partner looks in the soft glow of the street lights. His cheeks are flushed from the liquor and the dancing. He looks so alive, so radiantly soft. Hao falls in love with him all over again.

“You’re staring.” Hanbin mumbles, his voice gravelly and low. 

“You’re beautiful.” Hao responds simply. 

Hanbin chuckles softly and nuzzles into Hao’s embrace. “Tonight went well, don’t you think?” 

Hao hums in response and cards his fingers through Hanbin’s hair, relishing in how much more relaxed he is now than before the date, how much softer. For days, Hanbin had been tense and agitated, now he’s liquid and pliant in Hao’s arms. 

“I like Gunwook.” Hanbin adds, his voice softer than before. “I didn’t want to like him. It felt like I was betraying my own heart by liking  him, but I couldn’t help it. He’s nice.”

“I like him too.” Hao agrees, still stroking Hanbin’s hair. “We should have him over sometime soon.”

Hanbin yawns. “Keep it in your pants, gege.” he teases sleepily. 

Hao widens his eyes in mock surprise. “Whatever could you mean, Hanbin-ssi?!” He gasps. “I’ll have you know that my motives are purely platonic.” 

"Uh huh, whatever you say, loverboy.” Hanbin giggles. 

Hao swats at him playfully before snuggling closer and holding him tightly the rest of the ride home. 

 

Notes:

Thank you to Omen for the beta on this chapter, I appreciate you so much!

I hope you all are enjoying this story so far, I really love reading your comments and seeing your reactions! This fic is really personal to me, so to see it resonate with folks is extremely cool. I likely won't update next week because jebepoly is posting, but I'll be back soon with more for these boys!

Chapter 4: Serpens

Summary:

After meeting his other partners, Gunwook and Matthew get closer

Gunwook has his hands on Matthew the moment they leave the bar. His fingers wander idly across Matthew’s neck, the planes of his back, the thick swell of his ass and thighs. Once they make it to the subway he leans on Matthew’s shoulder and nuzzles his nose against his neck. It sets Matthew on fire everywhere.

It’s late enough that their subway car is mostly deserted. A few exhausted-looking  people obviously just getting off from work, one middle aged man, reeking of alcohol, nodding off against the window. Matthew and Gunwook are tucked in the back corner with a few rows of privacy between them and the nearest passenger. It’s cozy, but definitely still public. 

Not that it’s stopping Gunwook. He’s singularly focused and unashamed in it. His long arms wrap around Matthew, pulling him closer and practically engulfing him in his much larger frame. 

“Your boyfriends are so pretty, hyung.” Gunwook murmurs into Matthew’s ear secretively. “It’s a little greedy, don’t you think?”

Matthew grits back a moan as Gunwook bites at his earlobe. It's tempting. Gunwook’s teasing lips against his sensitive skin, the thrill of getting riled up in public. His breath grows ragged from the want of it.

“The irony of calling me greedy when your hand is fully underneath my shirt right now.” Matthew scolds, squeezing Gunwook’s thigh as he does.

“Ha, I know what I am, hyung.” Gunwook breathes, completely undeterred. “But you. You have those two beautiful boys doting on you and you still came looking for me. You’re on a whole other level of greed.”

Matthew flushes. Under Gunwook’s arm and intense gaze he feels utterly transparent. All his unquenchable thirst laid bare for Gunwook to root around in. He wonders if the boy will find anything there other than how badly he wants him.

“Gunwook-ah,” Matthew murmurs, “our stop is next.”

“Thank god.” Gunwook’s voice rumbles low, Matthew feels it in his chest. 

The raw need in Gunwook’s voice cracks something open in Matthew. It shakes up his core and leaves him breathless and wanting. Everything else fades into the background; the people on the train, the time until their stop, the societal expectations for what is and isn’t appropriate in public. All of it is just noise in the face of Gunwook’s insistent heart beat, the bright flush of his cheeks, his hot skin. Dizzy with fever, Matthew doesn’t know if he’s ever wanted anything as much as he wants this. 

When the train stops, Matthew pulls them both to their feet and out onto the platform. He purposefully doesn’t look at the way Gunwook bends down slightly to avoid hitting his head on the door as they exit, he’s not strong enough for that right now. The main priority is making it back to his apartment when he can finally, finally, have Gunwook alone. He can’t be distracted now, not when they’re so close and the tension between them is so high. Now is not the time to lose focus – especially not because of tall boys with ridiculous proportions who will still be tall and ridiculously well proportioned when they are inside. 

When they’re alone he can let his eyes and hands explore the vast expanse of Gunwook’s back, the curve of his shoulders. Like a cartographer, he can map out each scar, each pretty mole until he’s mastered the geography of Gunwook’s peaks and valleys. When it’s just the two of them he can let himself climb his way up the 14 cm difference between their heights and plant his flag at the summit. 

Matthew shakes his head and picks up his pace. Later! He can do all that later! 

Gunwook laughs loudly as Matthew power walks away. “Hyung!” He calls out, “What’s the rush?”

Matthew abruptly stops and turns to face him. “I want to enjoy you!” He huffs, a little louder than he expected. 

They stand like that for a moment, Matthew’s confession ringing in the air around them. Gunwook’s face is a mixture of surprise and infatuation. He blinks rapidly, it’s cute. Matthew puts his hands on his hips and fixes Gunwook with a challenging stare, daring him to cross the distance between them. 

To Matthew’s delight, he does.

In three long strides Gunwook catches up to Matthew. Gunwook doesn’t waste any time, just wraps his arms around him, holding him firmly against his chest. Matthew startles a little at the impact, but quickly melts into Gunwook’s warm embrace. He threads his arms around Gunwook’s waist and squeezes, relishing the feeling of their thudding hearts, insistent and out of unison. Gunwook’s breath is uneven and his hands shake as he clutches at Matthew’s shirt.

“I like you so much,” Gunwook whispers, “So much it scares me, hyung.”

Matthew hums and rubs Gunwook’s back. “Mmm, but you do like me.” He teases softly. 

Gunwook laughs and lets his head fall against the top of Matthew’s. A shiver runs down Matthew’s spine as he feels Gunwook’s lips graze the top of his ear. He pulls out of the hug and reaches up to take Gunwook’s face in his hands. The sparkle in his eyes gives Matthew all the courage he needs. 

“I thought you wanted to come home with me.” Matthew says shyly, “My apartment is right over there, come on.”

So Gunwook takes his hand and follows his hyung inside. 

 

-

 

“Gia!” Matthew calls as soon as they enter the apartment, “Daddy’s home!” 

There’s a small “mrrrrp!” in the other room, and then a small tan cat with a splotchy black face and ears rounds the corner. He runs right up to Matthew, rubbing against his legs affectionately, but pauses to inspect the intruder in his house. Gunwook squats down to meet the cat at his level and holds out his hand gingerly. The cat, Gia, walks hesitatingly up to Gunwook and gives him an exploratory sniff. 

“He likes you!” Matthew whispers, kneeling down next to Gunwook. 

Gunwook thrills at his words. He always wants to be liked, even if just by someone’s pet. Gia bumps his little head against Gunwook’s outstretched hand and it feels like a certain kind of victory. Even more so when Matthew starts giggling and leans on his shoulder affectionately. 

“This is seriously crazy. He’s being nicer to you than he is to me!” Matthew coos as Gia comes over and proceeds to playfully bite at his fingers. 

Even when they’re both crouched down like this, the difference between their sizes is prominent. It makes Gunwook’s heart race. The way Matthew’s torso is completely dwarfed by his own, how his small hands disappear behind Gunwook’s large ones. It makes his mouth water. He scootches nearer to his hyung so that their thighs rub up against each other, leans in close so that he can feel the beat of Matthew heart thump in his own chest. 

“Hyung.” Gunwook’s voice comes out needier than he expects.

”Hmm?” 

Matthew doesn’t look at him when he responds, instead keeping his attention on the cat. Matthew scratches Gia affectionately under the chin and a ripple of want quakes through Gunwook. It’s maddening. A smirk plays at the corner of Matthew’s lips and his warm gaze sparkles knowingly, but still he keeps his back to him. It would be so easy, Gunwook thinks, to just reach out and pull Matthew in. To take his hyung’s small face in his hands and show him how he’s been dying to touch him. 

But Gunwook wants more than just his hands on Matthew’s skin. “Hyung, pay attention to me too.” He whines.

Still refusing to face him, Matthew laughs and leans back on his heels. More of his weight rests on Gunwook’s chest now and his skin burns everywhere they touch. Gunwook leans in just slightly to nuzzle against the side of Matthew’s neck. 

 “Matthew,” Gunwook murmurs, “hyung, I want to kiss you.”

Finally, Matthew turns to face him. He shifts his gaze to Gunwook’s lips before slowly dragging it up to his eyes. “Why don’t you?” He hums, leaning in. 

Then Matthew’s hungry eyes are back on Gunwook’s mouth and the heat sears him. He’s been wanted before, but never like this. Never like he was a fresh spring in the desert or a bite of food during a famine. Matthew wants him with a force that could crash galaxies together and Gunwook isn’t much better. He’s falling fast into his hyung’s slipstream.

“I dunno,” Gunwook mumbles, running a hand through his hair bashfully, “Seemed rude to do it in front of your cat.”

Matthew licks his lips and blinks once, slowly. He looks up at Gunwook through hooded eyes, his expression hazy with desire. 

“Please,” Matthew’s voice breaks, “Gunwook-ah, please.”

Gunwook can’t help the way his breath hitches at his hyung’s words. Nor can he stop the whine that slips past his lips. His hands move on their own to cup Matthew’s cheeks and guide his hyung’s pretty lips closer to his own. Matthew’s eyes flutter closed as he leans in.

Breaths away from Matthew’s skin, Gunwook stops. He waits. Weeks of anticipation thrum in his veins but he doesn’t want to rush through this part. Not when he can feel the butterfly wing of Matthew’s eyelashes soft and teasing against his cheek. Not when Matthew’s burning desire for him is so real in the wet gasp of his breath. Things between them are too precious, too precariously balanced to dive in head first. 

Gunwook’s breathing falters as a secret anxiety twists in his gut. 

What if Matthew only wants him this badly because Gunwook has kept a few pieces of himself just out of reach? After all, it’s not like Gunwook is that special. He’s not artistic or glamorous like Matthew’s other partners; he doesn’t frequent sex parties or take on long-distance bdsm relationships. What could Matthew possibly want from him that he couldn’t get somewhere else?

When those questions swirl at the dark corners of his self esteem he can only come up with one answer to them. For the first time in his life Gunwook hopes he got the answer wrong.

Gunwook forces himself to stay stone still and tries to burn this image into his memory. Just in case. If his shine dulls once Matthew has seen him laid bare then at least he’ll have this moment to remember. If this is his only chance to have him this close, he needs to keep these details from slipping away in the springs of memory.

His tiny hyung, kneeling in front of him, shivering with how much he wants Gunwook to touch him. It’s a pretty picture.

“Matthew.” Gunwook breathes over Matthew’s lips and delights in the shudder that runs down his hyung’s spine. 

“Mmm.” Matthew hums, not opening his eyes. “Gunwookie, are you teasing me?”

“No, hyung.” Gunwook replies, “I’m enjoying you.”

Matthew keeps his eyes closed as he laughs. “Cheeky.” He teases. 

Gunwook’s heart thuds dangerously in his chest. He knows that by staying still Matthew is leaving the ball in his court. Knows that he’ll sit there patiently until Gunwook chooses to close the distance between them. Matthew is being careful with him, allowing Gunwook the time he needs. 

So Gunwook takes his time. He takes it all in with wonder. Matthew looks too pretty like this. Too exposed. With his eyes closed and lips parted, Matthew is the most beautiful thing Gunwook has ever seen. 

It’s hard not to be swayed by Matthew’s vulnerability so Gunwook closes his eyes too. He leans forward and presses his forehead to Matthew’s, releasing a shaky breath at the contact. He holds on to the back of Matthew’s head with trembling hands.

“I want to be special to you.” Gunwook whispers. 

“Gunwook.” His name sounds like a prayer on Matthew’s tongue. “Don’t you know that you already are?”

Gunwook crumbles. He presses against Matthew where their skin meets but it’s not enough. Maybe his lips, then. With desperation he presses hot, open mouthed kisses to Matthew’s cheeks and forehead. His lips trail the sharp line of Matthew’s jaw and down his neck, drawing broken whimpers from deep in Gunwook’s own chest. 

Matthew moans his name over and over, pleading. It goes to Gunwook’s head like wine, like whiskey. His tongue is thick and his thoughts are slow as his mind slowly unravels. He pulls Matthew into his lap and buries his face in his hyung’s neck. Matthew’s hands clutch at him frantically, grabbing his hair, his arms, his waist. Gunwook chases the truth of those touches with his tongue and teeth.

With a sharp cry, Matthew pulls Gunwook away from his neck and holds him firmly at arms distance. His chest is heaving and his skin is flushed; pretty red marks bloom across his neck where Gunwook kissed him. Where Matthew was patient and pliant before he is now tense and ravenous. Vaguely, Gunwook registers that Matthew’s eyes are finally open. A thick lump forms in Gunwook’s throat as their gazes meet.

“Baby.” Matthew murmurs, cradling Gunwook’s face in his small hands. “Why are you avoiding my lips?”

Gunwook swallows. “I want to make it last, hyung.” He confesses.

Matthew’s eyes go wide and a twinkle of mirth creeps into his expression. “Oh, baby I don’t care about that!” He giggless. “You’ve got me so hot and bothered I might not last long either.” He adds with a wink.

Gunwook sighs and pulls Matthew closer to him, hoping to impress his sincerity into his embrace. “No, I mean, I want to make us last. A long time.”

At his words, Matthew’s eyes soften. He runs his fingers through Gunwook’s hair. “So do I, Gunwook. Even though that’s not something we can always control, I want us to last a long time too.” He says kindly. 

Then Matthew cocks his head to the side, confused. “But what does that have to do with not kissing me on the lips?!”

Gunwook looks away, unable to meet his hyung’s direct gaze. “I just—“ Gunwook starts and then shakes his head slightly. “I don’t want to ever mess anything up with you.”

“Mess things up–” Matthew says slowly and carefully, “with me?”

At his words, Gunwook drags his eyes up to meet his gaze and nods, almost imperceptibly. A broken sound cracks out of Matthew’s mouth and all of a sudden he’s kissing Gunwook.

Matthew kisses him hungrily, hard and deep. He presses his lips to Gunwook’s urgently and tugs on Gunwook’s lower lip with his teeth. His legs wrap around Gunwook as he drinks him in.

“I don’t care.” Matthew gasps into his mouth. There’s a new urgency to his movements as he grinds in Gunwook’s lap. “Bro, I’m so into you. You couldn’t mess this up if you tried.” He moans the confession directly into Gunwook’s bloodstream. He pulls the air out of Gunwook’s lungs and leaves nothing but his sweet hunger behind.

“Hyung.” Gunwook’s voice breaks as he gasps for breath. “Matthew hyung, wait.” 

 When Matthew pulls away his gaze is wild. His lips, red and glossy, are parted just enough for Gunwook to spot his little pink tongue behind. Blood pounds in his ears and Gunwook forgets why he stopped them. He forgets everything that isn’t Matthew’s pretty pink lips or the spit glistening on his tongue.

As if possessed, Gunwook reaches out to rub his thumb across Matthew’s swollen lower lip. It’s so soft that he does it again, and again, pulling Matthew’s lips open further as he does. Without thinking he pushes his thumb inside Matthew’s warm mouth.

“We’re still on the floor, hyung.” Gunwook says slowly, unable to pull his gaze away from the way Matthew’s plush lips wrap around his thumb. 

Matthew hums in response and pulls off Gunwook’s finger with a small pop. A trail of spit connects them even after he leans back. He looks radiant. He looks ravenous. Matthew’s hungry gaze glides lazily down Gunwook’s body and settles on the straining bulge at his crotch.

“So?” Matthew says, soft and dangerous. “I could take you right here.”

Gunwook’s cock twitches obviously and his cheeks burn with embarrassment. “Fuck, hyung.” He groans.

“Would you rather I took you to my bed?” Matthew’s hands begin to roam, squeezing every soft place on Gunwook’s body, making him twitch and squirm. Gunwook’s muscles tremble as he starts to fall apart under his hyung’s teasing touch. 

“Please.” Gunwook whimpers. “Take me to your bed. Take me on your bed. You can have me any way you want me.” He rolls his hips up against Matthew’s ass. “God, hyung, I need to feel you.”

Matthew grins and kisses Gunwook on the tip of his nose. “Now, how could you not be special when you talk like that?” He coos. 

Gunwook doesn’t really mean to, but when Matthew climbs out of his lap he lets out an honest to god whimper. His ears burn hearing the desperate noise echo in Matthew’s hallway, but it doesn’t stop him from reaching out for Matthew’s fingers. Clinging on as his hyung pulls away.

“Don’t go.” Gunwook pouts.

Matthew smiles spring sunshine at him as he gently tugs on their entwined fingers. “Didn’t you just say you’d come to my bed?” He teases. “Be a good boy and follow me.”

So he does. Gunwook lets Matthew guide him to his feet and holds in his moan when Matthew’s small, strong hand gives him a firm spank for his efforts. Matthew, going up on his tiptoes, kisses Gunwook soft and slow. He winds his arms around Gunwook’s neck, just like when they were dancing, and licks into his mouth. 

Gunwook holds on for dear life.

“God, hyung.” He gasps between kisses as Matthew slowly guides them down the hall toward his room. “You’re so fucking small in my arms.”

Matthew whines then and pushes Gunwook up against the wall. “I’m gonna ruin you.” He moans filthily into Gunwook’s ear. 

Taking both of Gunwook’s wrists and pressing them firmly into the wall, Matthew slots his legs between the taller boy’s and grinds. The roll of his hips is hell. It’s heaven. Gunwook whimpers helplessly as he loses himself in the firm press of Matthew’s hands and hips.

Suddenly, Matthew breaks away and looks up at Gunwook. He releases his grip on Gunwook’s wrists and moves a tentative hand to his belt. Gunwook is sure that his heart is beating loud enough for the neighbors to hear it clanging. 

“Can I?” Matthew asks, voice rough and raspy. 

The way Matthew licks his lips makes it obvious what he wants. Gunwook wants it too. He’s wanted it for so long and now, with Matthew looking up at him like this, he is 100% certain that he is done waiting for it. Swallowing thickly, Gunwook leans down and presses his lips to Matthew’s.

“Yeah, you can.” Gunwook breathes the words into his hyung’s mouth.

Matthew smiles as he kisses him back. It’s sweet for a moment, then —

“Fuck, you’re huge.” Matthew gasps as he presses his hand against Gunwook’s straining cock.

Gunwook groans at Matthew’s words and the feel of his hand over his jeans. Even now, Matthew is still teasing him, still playing with him. That evil menace grins wickedly as Gunwook desperately thrusts forward into his palm. 

“I hoped you would be like this.” Matthew murmurs, making quick work of Gunwook’s belt, button, and zipper. 

He holds eye contact as he slides Gunwook’s pants down and settles on his knees in front of him. Matthew gazes up at Gunwook hungrily and Gunwook can feel his cock leak embarrassingly in response. He wants to feel the warmth of Matthew’s mouth, the sweet, slick glide of his tongue. He wants it so badly.

Knowing this, Matthew hums cruelly and plays with the waistband of Gunwook’s boxers. The elastic snaps against his skin and Gunwook bites his lips, trying to hold on to the last shred of his dignity.  Matthew doesn’t give him any relief, just teases, dragging his fingers over the wet evidence of Gunwook’s arousal.

“Please, Matthew.” Gunwook whines. “I need you to touch me or I’ll die.”

Matthew grins. “Someone’s dramatic.” He snickers, finally pulling Gunwook’s boxers down. 

The image is right out of one of Gunwook’s wet dreams. Matthew on his knees in front of him, lips slightly parted, staring ravenously at Gunwook’s thick cock. He shudders as Matthew wraps a hand around his dick and struggles to close his fist around its girth. His cock has never looked bigger than it does right now being lazily pumped in Matthew’s small hands. 

“I want to taste you.” Matthew whispers, looking up at Gunwook sinfully. Gunwook lets out an affirmative cry in response. 

“God.” Matthew moans, licking at the tip of Gunwook’s cock. “You’re so fucking big, maybe you really will break me, baby.”

Gunwook trembles. Matthew’s words and the vibration of his voice as he suckles on his cock are too much. He’s losing control too quickly. Matthew hasn’t even taken him all the way into his mouth yet and Gunwook is at the very edge. Tears gather in his eyes as he tries to regain control of himself.

Then Matthew is sliding down, taking more and more of him into the warm, wet heat of his mouth. He can tell that it’s a stretch at the way Matthew moans and drool pools around his lips, but that doesn’t stop his determined lover. Matthew relaxes his jaw and opens his throat, continually taking him deeper until finally Gunwook is completely buried in his mouth. 

“Hyung.” Gunwook’s voice breaks. 

Matthew moans and bobs his head, working his plush lips and soft tongue over the entire length of Gunwook’s cock. Gunwook forgets everything that isn’t this feeling. Anything that happened before this moment and anything that could ever happen after completely disappears. All he knows is the sensation of Matthew’s mouth around his cock and the growing tightness in his gut as his entire being is overwhelmed by pleasure. 

It’s too much. He threads his fingers in Matthew’s hair and grips tightly, holding him in place. With his mouth stuffed full of cock, Matthew blinks up at him with hazy eyes. He moans and opens his mouth even further, encouraging Gunwook to go ahead and take what he wants. 

It’s enough to break him.  

Whimpering, he thrusts desperately into Matthew’s mouth, feeling his hyung gag on his thick dick.

“Fuck, Matthew, you’re amazing.” Gunwook cries as his thrusts get faster and sloppier. “Everything about you is so small, but you’re taking my cock so well. You’re so good, oh god, I’m gonna cum soon. I can’t help it, your mouth feels so fucking good, hyung.”

Matthew moans at the praise and that’s enough to send Gunwook tumbling over the edge. He cries out Matthew’s name and tugs hard on his hair as it hits him. He spills hot and fast down his throat and Matthew swallows it all. When Matthew slowly pulls off, his lips sucking the last of Gunwook’s release as he does, Gunwook almost blacks out.  

“You’re so fucking sexy.” Matthew murmurs, crawling his way back up to where Gunwook is standing. His voice is fucked out and raspy and it send shivers down Gunwook’s spine. When Matthew kisses him he can taste his own cum on his lips and it should feel dirty but it doesn’t. Gunwook just feels close to him. 

He pulls Matthew into his arms and doesn’t even care that he’s the only one that’s naked. Matthew’s lips are soft and his breath is sweet, he melts into Gunwook’s embrace. 

Gunwook’s heart thuds, strong and insistent. He knows what this feeling is. He knows it like he knows to take oxygen into his lungs; it’s obvious and instinctual. As he kisses Matthew feels it everywhere. Feels it in every touch, every gasp, every whimper. 

”We can stop here if you want.” Matthew whispers, pulling away to meet Gunwook’s eyes. “I mean, I definitely will fuck you if you want me to, but also I know this was a big step for us already.”

It’s hard for Gunwook to think rationally when Matthew’s hard cock is pressed up against his thigh, but he tries anyway. He tries to imagine tomorrow, how his heart will feel if he wakes up knowing the contours of Matthew’s body even more intimately. He wonders if he’ll be able to hold anything back once Matthew breaks him open, if there will be any secrets left in his heart that Matthew won’t be able to read written plainly on his face. He thinks about that new feeling fluttering its wings inside his lungs and knows it’s too soon to risk it being breathed aloud.

“I want you to fuck me.” Gunwook says finally. “God, Matthew I want you to fuck me so badly.”

Matthew visibly shivers but waits for him to continue.

“And I want to fuck you too, hyung.” Gunwook whispers, low and careful. “I want to fill you so completely and so well that all you can think of is me.” 

From the way Matthew groans out his name Gunwook gets the impression that his hyung is also into that idea. Good. Matthew clutches at Gunwook’s sides as he grinds up on him; it’s hot and almost enough to break his resolve entirely. 

“But you’re right.” He murmurs into Matthew’s ear. “This was already a big step for us, and unless you want me to lose my mind and do something crazy like proposing to you in the morning, I think we should wait.”

The sound that comes out of Matthew’s mouth is something between a laugh and a moan and it’s the cutest thing Gunwook has ever heard. 

“I can’t believe you don’t want to have sex with me because you like me too much!” Matthew teases. “That’s so gay.”

Gunwook huffs. “Hey, I’m bi, you know that.”

“Yeah, yeah, but you’re gay for me, so–”

Gunwook kisses him to stop them both from saying something stupid. 

“I still want to get you off, though.” Gunwook murmurs against Matthew’s lips. “You’re hard, let me help you.”

“Sure, I guess I can let you help with that.” Matthew laughs, breaking the kiss. “But how about we actually make it to my bed first?”

Gunwook giggles. “You’re the one who couldn’t wait to get your hands on me, hyung!”

Matthew flushes. “Okay, that may be true, but so rude of you to point out.”

Wrapping his arms around Matthew’s mid section, Gunwook pulls him close and lifts him into the air slightly. It takes Matthew by surprise, but once he realizes what’s happening, he throws his head back and laughs. His expression is so open and joyous that Gunwook can’t help but join in. He feels light headed, drunk on Matthew’s laughter and the joy of holding him in his arms.

“This isn’t fair, put me down!” Matthew whines after a moment. 

“No!” Gunwook screws up his face in an exaggerated pout. “Hyung is mine, I’m not letting go!”

That sets off Matthew giggling again and Gunwook feels waves of joy crest and crash in his chest. 

“Alright then, you big baby.” Matthew takes a more active grip on Gunwook’s shoulders as he raises his legs to wrap them around the younger boy’s waist. “If I’m yours, why don’t you carry me over to the bed? You did say you wanted to help me.”

Gunwook adjusts his grip under Matthew’s thighs and hikes him up a little higher. Matthew gasps a little as he does, making a blossom of pride bloom in his chest. I made Matthew gasp. Even the smallest reaction feels like a trophy. 

It’s only a few feet to Matthew’s double bed at the end of the apartment, though it feels longer with Matthew teasing his tongue along Gunwook’s ear during the ride there. Once he reaches their destination, Gunwook places Matthew down on the mattress like he’s something precious. 

After all, he is. 

Suddenly feeling serious, Gunwook leans down and pulls Matthew’s shirt off over his head. Matthew shivers as the cool air hits his skin, but he gazes up at Gunwook with stars in his eyes. Slowly, so slowly, he pulls Gunwook toward him until he’s kneeling on the floor in front of the bed. 

Like this, Gunwook’s face is the perfect height to lean in and kiss Matthew’s neck, so he does. He presses his lips to the pretty length of Matthew’s neck and relishes the way Matthew’s back arches in response. He feels greedy. Without hesitation, he lets his lips and tongue explore, tasting the salty sweat on Matthew’s skin. In response, Matthew writhes. He moans and clutches at Gunwook, guiding him in how he likes to be touched. And Gunwook is a fast learner. 

“Hyung, your pecs are sexy.” Gunwook groans, mouthing at Matthew’s nipple. “Have you thought about getting this pierced?”

A full body shudder rips through Matthew’s body. “Gunwook, ah, please I’m too sensitive there!” He cries.

Gunwook grins, feeling quite pleased with himself. He holds Matthew’s waist in his big hands and kisses him everywhere. Across all his pretty tattoos, in the hollow between his collarbones, down the planes of his stomach. Matthew whines and cries out, repeating Gunwook’s name like a prayer. Drawn in by Matthew’s cries, Gunwook pushes him backward on the bed and crawls on top of him to take him apart, piece by piece. 

“What do you want, Matthew?” Gunwook murmurs, sliding off Matthew’s too-tight pants and tossing them over his shoulder. “My mouth? My hands?”

“Your hands!” Matthew gasps, his hips bucking into the air as Gunwook hovers above him. “Please, baby.” he begs. 

“I was sorta hoping you would say that.” Gunwook smiles and straddles Matthew before wrapping a hand around Matthew’s cock. Matthew isn’t small by any means, but Gunwook’s large hand easily covers the length without much effort. A thrill goes down his spine as Matthew throws his head back and lets out a moan that sounds like his name.

“Hyung, you’re so handsome.” Gunwook whispers. 

Matthew lets out something like a laugh and purses his lips toward Gunwook. Feeling smitten, Gunwook leans in close to give him what he’s asking for.

“Baby, you’re so fucking good at this.” Matthew moans into his mouth.

Gunwook glows at the praise. He stops his ministrations momentarily to take Matthew’s face in his hands and kiss him deeply. Tries to press everything he’s not quite ready to say into Matthew’s lips. 

His own cock, hard and leaking again, hangs heavy between them. Without really thinking, he grinds down once, rubbing it along the length of Matthew’s erection.

Matthew gasps and his eyes go wide. “Oh, oh, fuck!”

“You liked that?” Gunwook asks, breathless. 

All Matthew can manage in response is a desperate nod.

Gunwook grinds down again, seeking that same bliss. It’s almost like they’re fucking. Feeling the rough drag of Matthew’s cock against his own, watching Matthew tremble as he thrusts against him. Gunwook’s mind goes hazy as he grinds harder and faster, wanting more. More friction and more heat. More of Matthew. 

Desperately, Gunwook wraps a hand around both of their erections and thrusts into the hold. Precum spills steadily from his tip, making the glide of their cocks slick and sloppy. Matthew shudders beneath him as he jerks them off steadily. 

“God, you’re so – you’re – ah, fuck!” Matthew curses and shakes, his breathing going ragged. 

“Do you like it when I touch you?” Gunwook gasps out, feeling wild and uncontrolled. 

Matthew whimpers. “Yes!” he cries. “I like it so much. Too much.”

“Can anyone else touch you like this?” Gunwook’s words tumble out, he’s not in control of them anymore. 

“Gunwook –” Matthew’s breath catches. 

“I – I’ve never felt like this touching someone, hyung.” Gunwook can tell he’s gone too far, he should stop. He should. “Never. Not once.”

He’s out of his mind with pleasure, he can’t think straight. He picks up speed and pumps their cocks with vigor. Below him, Matthew’s whole body is flushed but his eyes are screwed shut and he fists the sheets. Something primal grips Gunwook. 

“Matthew, look at me.” He begs. “Hyung please.”

Matthew’s eyes flutter open and he looks directly at Gunwook. 

“Gunwook-ah.” Matthew gasps. “Fuck, I’m close.”

“Me too.” Gunwook grits out, trying to hold on just a little longer. “Kiss me?”

With a broken whine, Matthew does. 

He kisses Gunwook and it all goes pretty quickly from there. Gunwook feels his orgasm build but manages to keep his hand moving until he feels Matthew tense and spasm beneath him. Matthew’s cries sound so pretty, Gunwook tries to lock the sound in his memory even as pleasure overwhelms him. They tumble through their release gasping into each other’s mouths, their cum mixing with the sweat and heat between them. 

Exhausted, Gunwook collapses on top of Matthew and clings to him. It’s a little too hot and sticky but Gunwook’s mind floats somewhere above it all. 

From somewhere in Matthew’s ceiling he sees himself wipe them both down with a washcloth, making Matthew laugh with some small joke as he does. He sees Matthew take his face in his hands and tell him that he’s amazing, that Matthew had a really good time. 

“You seem far away.” Matthew murmurs as he strokes Gunwook’s hair. 

“Yeah, I sometimes get like this – after.” Gunwook manages to respond, his voice feeling echoey and strange. 

Matthew’s brow furrows. He bites his lip and rubs small, steady circles on Gunwook’s back. As he rubs, he hums a low, easy tune that vibrates Gunwook’s chest. Each firm press of his hand, each lilting note of the song, draws Gunwook back into his body. Back beside Matthew, connected.

“Thank you.” Gunwook whispers, his voice cracking around the tears that threaten to fall from his eyes. “No one has ever done that for me before.”

“You deserve it.” Matthew hums, continuing to rub Gunwook’s back. “You deserve tenderness.”

Gunwook’s eyes grow heavy. “I like it when hyung is tender to me.” He murmurs.

Matthew pulls him closer. “Me too.” He whispers.

 

-

 

Gunwook sleeps cutely. He cuddles a pillow into his arms and purses his lips out, like he’s looking for sweet affection even in his sleep. There’s something vulnerable and sweet about it, Matthew runs his fingers through Gunwook’s hair as he watches him sleep.

It’s been a long time since anyone other than Hanbin has spent the night in his bed. Gunwook is new. He takes up more space, choosing to stretch to his full height rather than curling up tight against Matthew’s back the way Hanbin does. He’s louder too, mumbling and humming slightly as he dreams. It’s different. It’s cute. 

But Matthew can’t fall asleep. 

He can’t get his brain to wind down and shift into the easy haze of dreams. Instead, his nerves buzz as his mind plays and replays the night. The way he felt with Gunwook’s cock down his throat, the things they said to each other, the surge of protection he felt toward the other boy after. It rings in his ears like tinnitus. 

It was good, it was definitely good. Matthew felt on fire the whole time, consumed with lust and need. And something more. 

It’s the something more that keeps him awake. The something more that had been nagging at the back of his mind all night, that he’d tried to explain away and brush aside. There’s no denying it now. Not when his heart beats so thunderously just watching Gunwook sleep. 

He loves him.

It’s different. It’s always different. Matthew falls in love easily, but no love feels the same as any other; even the love he feels for Hanbin and Hao as a couple is different from the love that he feels for each of them individually. This new love is a dark maroon against Hanbin’s steady navy and Hao’s bright lavender, but all these feelings fit in the part of his heart he calls being in love.

Watching Gunwook sleep, Matthew delves deeper into this feeling. He digs at the corners of it and pushes at its edges. It’s warm and big, something that glows and burns. It lingers on his skin, in his pulse, on the tip of his tongue. It’s love that is ravenous, love that is possessive. 

The thought makes Matthew pause. 

He thinks about the way he tingled when Gunwook said “Hyung is mine”, the way he shivered when Gunwook asked if anyone else touched him like that. Maybe the love he feels isn’t possessive, but possessed. It’s a new feeling. 

Finally, Matthew feels his body go heavy. Dreamily, he reaches out to the sleeping boy in his bed and wraps his arms around him. He falls asleep with Gunwook’s heart beat on his skin and “I think I love you.” on his lips.

Notes:

Thank you for continuing to read this, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I really appreciate everyone who has left comments :D keep letting me know what you think!

Notes:

I got the idea to write this because I wanted to write polyamory in fic that feels like the real life polyamorous community that I have been part of for most of my adult life. This is more of a relationship study than a plot based fic, but I'm excited to explore the various dynamics at play within this polycule!

Big thanks to murs and tay for the betas when I was feeling very discouraged with this fic, I probably would have abandoned it if not for y'all.

I'd love to hear what you think in the comments or on twitter !