the bet

by Anonymous

Summary:

Louis suspects that Daniel might be bi. To prove him wrong, Daniel asks his new acquaintance, Armand, to play a little game of pretend.

Chapter 1

Hangover rushed through Daniel’s prefrontal cortex before the smell of coffee or sunlight peeking between the curtains had a chance. He groaned, shoved his face into a pillow and tried to trick his aching body to fall back asleep. He could almost taste the seawater from his fragmented dream before realizing that the salty water was more like bile churning at the back of his throat.

He was up in seconds and staggering into the bathroom, where the pale pink color scheme straight out of the ’70s turned out to be the last straw for his abused stomach. His lazy attempt to aim somewhere in the right direction was rewarded when his guts spilled into the stale toilet seat.

“Lessstat”, Daniel moaned and pressed his sweaty forehead against the cool tile of the toilet. “You skipped cleaning the fucking seat again, dickhead.”

The bathroom door banged open and Daniel didn’t even have to turn his head to sense Lestat’s smug aura in the doorway. “My turn?” the fucker repeated, stretching the words out in his thick French accent. “My turn when it’s hardly me who’s pissing all over it!”

“Oh, so it’s all my fault? I’m doing all the pissing around here?”

“Well, you are the one with the limp dick, so yes.”

“Oh, that’s rich, man. You have a dick, and it’s seemed pretty limp to me the nights I’ve been forced to see you cleaning the house naked, pumped up with enough cocaine to power an entire army.”

“I know how to use mine, limp or not.” Lestat flicked his hair over his shoulder. “And I have not pissed around the seat all week as I’ve barely been in here.”

“Oh fuck off, I know you were here humping Louis’ leg on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday!” Daniel snapped and lifted his undoubtedly greenish face from the toilet. “And speaking of which, you’re fucking disgusting, clean the cum stains off the sofa next time you decide to ejaculate on it.”

“It’s my couch!”

“Which I have to sit on because you’ve fucked on every other piece of furniture in this apartment! And now on the god fucking damn sofa as well, so thanks a lot, man!”

Lestat raised a sleek hand to his chest, appalled, and opened his mouth to reward Daniel’s insolence with venomous words. But before he could get a word out, Louis’ amused voice trailed down from the kitchen: “Lestat, leave it. The boy’s got a point, don’t you think.”

Daniel wasn’t a fan of them referring to him as the boy (he was barely two years younger than Lestat and a year and a half younger than Louis – honestly, the nerve of these guys), but he’d learned to grab the olive branches Louis offered. Lestat could get stuck on an argument for hours; he could bicker, yell, stomp his feet, tear up paper and threaten to eat it, cry or stab with the cruelest possible words he had a habit of collecting on his good days. When he clicked his mouth shut like that and rolled his eyes, Daniel accepted the victory, however unsatisfying.

Lestat slammed the door shut with enough force for it to swing open again before crawling back to Louis with a whine: “Dear Louis, you know what a pig the boy is.”

Daniel couldn’t hear Louis’ reply, as the flush of the toilet drowned out both the distant conversation and the muttering of the coffee machine.

It was the thought of coffee that finally got him on his feet and brushing his teeth. He leaned his hip on the sink and let the merciless toothpaste-stained mirror reveal the damage. His murky green eyes were framed by dark bags and there was a trace of stubble on his narrow jaw. The worst was waiting on the top of his head; his dark curls had been rubbing against a dirty pillow the entire night, sticking out in something reminiscent of bad contemporary art. Shit – he really was kind of a pig, wasn’t he?

Daniel desperately needed a shower (he could smell not only his own sweat but the sweat of the entire clientele of the bar, plus an estimated two ashtrays worth of cigarettes), but brushing his teeth and splashing cold water on his face provided some much-needed first aid.

When he stumbled back into the living room, Lestat was curled up in an armchair, browsing his phone (and stubbornly not looking up despite the loud pat of Daniel’s bare feet against the worn plank floor).

Louis was doing the dishes; when he heard Daniel’s entrance, he glanced over his shoulder and greeted him with a smile. “So, how was it? There’s still some coffee in the pot.”

With shaky hands, Daniel poured himself a cup and downed half of it in one gulp. It was lukewarm and bitter from sitting in the pot but still tasted heavenly even through the toothpaste. “Thanks”, he breathed out and leaned his ass against the counter. “Yeah, it was alright, the house was full.”

“Got any gossip? Anybody I know?”

Daniel gulped down the rest of the coffee and leaned over Louis’ shoulder to pour himself a cup of cold water. “Gossip, no. People, some. Lily. Fareed.” He remembered the guy who had suddenly appeared in the small hours of the night; the guy with an intense dark stare that he wouldn’t tear away from Daniel. “There was this dude staring at me all night.”

“Daniel,” he says, then repeats the name silently as if to feel how it falls into his mouth. “Would you let me buy you a drink?”

“Yeah? I know him?”

“Nah, just some weirdo.”

“Eugene is full of creeps”, Louis admitted and pulled the stopper from the sink. The water rattled down the pipes. “It’s the cheap beer that lures them in. And you’re way too cherubic for the place, your face is like an invitation for every single one of them.”

Lestat gave Daniel a grim look over his phone, even though he had pretended not to listen while lazily sweeping the screen. Not a fan of Louis calling anyone but him cherubic.

“I’m six feet tall, I wear a leather jacket and I smoke and curse like a sailor who lives on whiskey and whale oil. What the fuck can I possibly do to leave hints that I’m not this dainty little thing in need of a gay awakening?”

Louis grinned and wiped his hands on a dish towel. The sunlight made his dark eyes glint and his dutifully shaven cheeks look smooth enough to compete with those of a baby. As Daniel watched him, he couldn’t help but wonder for the umpteenth time how Lestat had managed to catch him and not fumble the bag just yet. (Though it had been a close call.)

“Grow a beard. Shave off those angelic curls of yours.”

“Wear a shirt that says I’m straight, unless drunk”, Lestat suggested all too sweetly. Both Daniel and Louis scowled at that, and Louis boosted his glare with a silent shut it.

Lestat wouldn’t have known about his habit of kissing boys while drunk had it been in Daniel’s hands. Unfortunately, Lestat knew exactly because of his first-hand experience.

(Daniel lost all sense of judgement after one tequila shot, let alone three. Neither of them had ever spoken of that particular night again; it was buried in a shallow grave by a mutual agreement that Louis would never have to hear about it, even if it had happened before his time. There had been a weirdly incestuous, inappropriate vibe to the sloppy kisses they had shared that neither wanted to dwell on.)

Louis rolled his eyes and smiled at Daniel with something like regret – it was all too often left to him to act as the apologetic lackey on Lestat’s behalf. Daniel had never seen him complain about it, but he personally would’ve dumped Lestat about four times in the nine months they’d been fooling around.

Daniel knew Lestat had redeeming qualities. According to his vague recollections, he was quite good at kissing (though used his tongue far too creatively for Daniel’s taste – it was probably the French in him). And despite Daniel’s shittalk about a limp dick, if the frequent nocturnal attempts to fuck quietly were any indication, Lestat wasn’t all talk and no action either. Sometimes he could be downright gallant; he hadn’t asked Daniel for rent in all of June because he had been penniless when Pita Palace hadn’t offered the usual number of shifts. And when he wanted to, he was as charismatic as a snake, ready to hypnotize anyone with his smooth tongue and eager eyes. Every once in a while he got into his affectionate moods, which usually led to him sort of hanging onto Daniel and calling him ‘a dear friend of his’.

Then dawned a hangover morning like this when they were both moody enough to rage a war. They were like mismatched electronics that sparked against each other without a glimmer of sexual chemistry, which at least was something that glued Louis and Lestat together despite their tireless arguments.

Daniel left Lestat’s remark to its own devices and started to set up another pot of coffee, because on hangover mornings one cup would get him into a semi-conscious state at best. “I guess it was some improvement that he wasn’t an old perv or a cougar looking for a boytoy this time.”

He was oblivious to the look Louis and Lestat shared. They communicated with just their eyes and eyebrows for a silent moment that stretched on for so long that Daniel began to sense a shift in the room’s vibe.

“Okay”, Louis said in a tone that strived too hard for neutrality to be anywhere near natural. Lestat’s gaze darted between them with the intensity of a hungry tiger waking from a nap. “So what was he like, then?”

Daniel shrugged and took a swig of yogurt straight from the carton. “Dark hair. Curls. Dark eyes. Pretty young, but older than me. About your age, I’d say.”

“He’s not gay, Louis”, Lestat said, turning back to his phone as if he’d lost interest.

Yogurt, that had been in Daniel’s mouth 0.8 seconds ago, spilled all over the floor, accompanied with: “Excuse me?”

Louis groaned and raised a hand to his nose as Lestat straightened in his chair and put the phone down against his thigh. “You”, he said, waving his hand in Daniel’s general direction, as if it were self-explanatory. “Not gay.”

“Wh- huh? I mean, true, but how the fuck did you come to that conclusion?”

Lestat sighed and looked at Daniel as if he had to use the last remains of his patience to explain something so obvious. “You described that man like a shopping list. Dark hair, curls – I think he had eyes. No passion.”

“No, I mean – I know I’m not gay, man. I’m asking how would that even be on the table?”

Lestat glanced at Louis. “Oh, well, Louis has suspected you might be gay, but I wasn’t convinced. Turned out to be right, as usual.”

Slowly Daniel turned to Louis, who threw his hands up. “Daniel, I literally never said that”, he clarified, saving enough time to glare at Lestat. “I was just wondering if you…” He waved his hands as if trying to pick the right word from the air. “Might be bi?” He got it out as something closer to a whisper and accompanied with a grimace, as if fearing the reaction.

“Bi”, Daniel repeated, letting his gaze bounce from Louis to Lestat. “Bi?”

“You kiss boys when you’re drunk”, Louis said softly, finally lowering his hands as if he had made the decision that Daniel wasn’t going to kick or bite after all. Daniel himself wasn’t fully convinced yet – he was still in shock that the two had been talking about him behind his back. His habit of kissing boys when drunk.

“Occasionally!”

“Daniel”, Louis said solemnly. “Every time.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, yes”, Lestat interjected, ever so fucking helpful. “Every time, I can prove it.”

“I, it’s just –” Daniel tried to save face and put the yoghurt carton down on the counter with an awkward chuckle. “Stop it, man, this is starting to feel like an intervention. Let me kiss boys every now and then, it ain’t that deep.”

“I’m literally just trying to get you to kiss more boys, and maybe once in a while when you’re sober as well. I’m just…” There was suddenly something vulnerable in Louis’ voice, until he fell silent and tried to offer a smile. The pitying, almost pained look on his face finally awakened a dormant rage in the pit of Daniel’s stomach. “It doesn’t have to be like that, okay?”

“Okay, and stay the fuck out of my business”, Daniel shot with an icy tone and bent down to wipe the yogurt off the floor with an old rag. Although he didn’t look at them, he could feel Louis and Lestat communicating silently again – this time perhaps less expressively.

“Daniel, I didn’t mean to – “

“Right, I’m going back to bed.” Daniel poured himself another mug of coffee and slipped into his room.

As he curled up in bed, he heard their low conversation on the other side of the wall. The apartment that had been in Lestat’s family from the early 20th century had thick stone walls and sturdy oak doors, so the words didn’t reach Daniel’s ears which lay on the bed with the rest of his body. Maybe it was better that way, he realized as he closed his eyes and took a bitter sip of coffee. They were probably still speculating about his homosexual tendencies, which had their peculiar way of suddenly awakening whenever he got a drop of alcohol in his system.

He really didn’t need that kind of negativity to mess with his hung over head.

---

The beginning of September was warmer than ever before, as every online article headline, climate panel and anxious millennial on Twitter screamed. There was no place in all of France where it felt as carnally as in Daniel’s musty room and the university library. In both, the air was stagnant, as the valuable buildings from the 1700s and 1800s had to be preserved in their original glory. That meant that the only means of cooling were lazily churning fans and wet towels draped all over a naked body (Daniel relied on the latter, perhaps understandably, only within the walls of his room).

The first week of September was always the most energetic period for Daniel personally, as the times weren’t too desperate to resort to drugs for some extra motivation (they were dedicated for fun this time of the year), but the library was still quiet as a graveyard. Only a few students were huddled over their computers or an old textbook that was too heavy to haul home. The librarian offered Daniel a pained smile within her sweaty, flushed face as he wandered in to borrow Durkheim’s The Division of Labour in Society.

He was on his way straight back outside, where it might have been +32 degrees but it was accompanied at least with a slight chance of breeze, when his crusade was interrupted by just some guy sitting in the corner.

Daniel’s gaze swept past him at first, but then returned to find the guy staring. He felt his step slow and finally halt completely as he squinted his eyes and stared back. Daniel didn’t have his glasses on because forgetting them on his bedside table – or the edge of the sink, the pocket of his leather jacket, his forehead – was like second nature to him, which meant that the face staring back at him was a little blurry. But there was something familiar, something...

And suddenly Daniel remembered. Judging by the guy’s slight smile, he caught the exact moment he got recognized.

“Daniel”, he almost purrs, swirling a gin and tonic in his glass. “Would you let me buy you a drink?”

Daniel kicked himself back into motion and turned his gaze towards the front doors. The guy had been alright – polite, friendly – but his dark eyes had the same self-assured intensity as a beast cleaning its teeth with claws. Nope.

Not to mention that his face reminded Daniel of Louis’ words the next morning. It doesn’t have to be like that.

He had nearly made it to the door when a voice trailed from behind: “Daniel, was it?“

It made Daniel stop and look over his shoulder, as if he didn’t know who the voice belonged to. It had the same purring undertone, though in daylight (well, in the dimness of the lobby, where light flooded in only through the narrow, dust-covered windows) it was not as intimate as in a sweaty bar, where they had leaned against one another to hear over the music and chatter.

The closer he got, the better Daniel could make out his features; the sharp cheekbones, big dark eyes and damp-looking curls that licked his long neck like those of Saint Sebastian’s.

“Yeah?“ Daniel asked as if they didn’t know each other.

(Well – they kind of didn’t. The dude had bought him a drink and they had talked some, that was it.)

The guy in question smiled like he was familiar with the rules of this game. “Eugene“, he reminded softly and took his last steps towards Daniel slowly, as if he had all the time in the world. “You let me buy you a drink.“

Why did he have to phrase it like that? He made it sound like Daniel had made some fateful choice by accepting his offer. “Right, sorry man, my memories of that night are a bit fuzzy“, he replied in the tone that universally meant sorry, I don’t remember, or if I do, how about we just let it slide. Just accept it and move on, buddy.

It didn’t make the guy flinch. “I understand. After all, I was hardly the only one courting you with drinks.“

His words made Daniel’s face flush. He hoped the lobby was dim enough to hide the pink on his cheeks or chest, which was revealed under his partially unbuttoned silk shirt (not his brightest idea to wear that in this weather; his armpits were soaking wet and the silk clung to his back).

“Oh, yeah, you insisted on getting me that gin. Thanks, it was fucking terrible.” It seemed like he was forced to stick to the conversation, so he decided not to seem like an absolute asshole. His mama hadn’t raised an asshole – though his dad had tried his best to intervene. “Sorry but I really can’t recall your name.“

“Armand“, the guy replied softly and held out his hand, which Daniel accepted. The grip was firm and surprisingly cool for such a warm day, like he didn’t abide by the biological rules. “Law, fourth year.“

Daniel hadn’t remembered he studied law. Based on their somewhat brief encounter, he had to admit that the guy had the kind of confidence shady defense lawyers in crime series did. The thought made him grin. “Right. Armand. That was it. Now, how the fuck did you, a law student, find your way to the literary students’ party and more importantly, why the hell would you stay?“

“I know Fareed.“ Armand looked at him without blinking and let his gaze fall briefly on Daniel’s lips. “And I saw something I liked.“

Oh, he was in for the kill, then.

Daniel had to give it to him – it was kind of working.

He grinned, feeling the familiar tickle in the pit of his stomach that he always got when flattered and admired. He knew he was good-looking, knew his jawline made some women go wild and the curve of his upper lip, which made him constantly look like he was in on a private joke, haunted some men’s dreams. But for fifteen and a half years of his life (a late bloomer alright) Daniel had been the weird curly-haired boy with a nose too dominant and crooked for his face, who wore round glasses and faked an asthma attack in gym class to get out of playing dodgeball. Anyone’s attention, however fleeting or insincere, still got to his head as easily as a line of Fareed’s good coke.

“What are you reading?“ Armand asked and nodded towards his armpit, where Daniel had stuffed the book (perhaps not the brightest idea considering the sweat situation – oh, he was on a roll). Daniel slipped the book out and flashed the cover at Armand, who nodded in agreement. “Durkheim. A classic.“

“You’ve read it?“

“I’ve dabbled in sociology. Course literature?“

“I mean, not really“, Daniel admitted. “I study journalism, so I should probably be reading something that wasn’t written by a guy who has been a corpse for a century.“

“I don’t think you can go too wrong with corpses who are still relevant a century later. Where are you headed?“

“Uh, just home. It’s my turn to clean the apartment.“

Armand’s eyebrow rose slightly. “Boyfriend?“

Daniel burst out laughing. “Nah, man. I live with a roommate.“ After the words slipped out he realized the assumption Armand had made. “Oh, uh, and I – I’m not dating anyone. And, uh, especially men. I don’t date men, I mean.“

Both of Armand’s eyebrows peaked up even though his face had been so masterfully controlled until then. “Oh“, he said, letting his eyebrows fall. “Sorry, I just assumed.”

“Yeah, nothing against it, it’s cool you guys can get married and stuff but I just – don’t indulge in that.” Daniel wanted to punch himself, he’d ended up sounding like a complete dick. It’s not like I have a problem with it, but how could you assume that of me? His face had to shine like an extravagant Christmas light in the dark. For a moment, there was an awkward silence between them, which Daniel eventually covered by clearing his throat. A trail of warm sweat ran down his neck. “I, uh, should probably get going.”

Armand looked at him as if he were an insect trapped on a silk pillow with a pin. A fascinating one, oily and shimmering, from which Armand couldn’t quite pry his eyes off. “Which way are you going?”

“Rue des Jardins.” His French was a pathetic attempt, but Armand didn’t even grimace. Kudos to him.

Daniel moved towards the door, Armand right at his heel. “I’m going in the same direction. Mind if I follow?” the guy had the nerve to ask.

Daniel couldn’t help but grin and turned to walk backwards to see Armand’s face. “I mean, I can’t help it if you choose to stalk me, can I?”

Armand smiled gently, like he thought Daniel was a bit dense. “Yes you can, Daniel.”

He almost lost his footing – Armand made his name sound like a sweet note that rolled off his tongue so effortlessly. “Yeah, alright. I don’t mind. Come along.” He nudged the door open with his shoulder to let Armand be the first to face the relentless autumn afternoon.

The heat was almost more suffocating than inside, as the breeze brushing their faces was stiflingly hot. Armand unfolded a pair of round sunglasses from his pocket and flicked them up his nose while Daniel tugged at the front of his silk shirt to get it off his soggy skin even for a second.

“Aesthetics first“, Armand commented, pointing to his shirt with a hint of tease in his tone.

“You’re one to talk.“ The guy was clad in black pants and a black, long-sleeved blouse. Admittedly, the clothes did look light and flowy enough to let the breeze underneath, but Daniel personally would not have been fooled into that fit even with the promise of free shots, and he was notorious for doing disastrous things for free shots.

“I guarantee you I can take it”, Armand said, raising an eyebrow in amusement. “I’m not a pale boy from the United States of America.”

It made Daniel laugh. “Man, don’t say it out loud like that – I don’t think I’ve been caught yet. Do you?” Armand rolled his eyes, playing along the joke. “Besides, I’m from Modesto, California”, he corrected, because in his delusional mind it made a difference. “But pale and in absolute pain from this heat, I’ll give you that.”

Armand lifted his gaze to the blue sky, where not a single cloud was to be found, and smiled with a flash of white teeth. He was an almost ridiculously beautiful man, Daniel suddenly realized. He could have swept the city away with the blink of his eyes, that’s how long his lashes were. “You’ve ended up far from home. Are you homesick yet?“

“Every fucking day, and not least because of my insufferable flatmate. Him and his boyfriend are fucking like rabbits all over the flat. Our flat, might Marx say, mind you. They’re still in some honeymoon phase after the ugliest breakup I’ve ever witnessed, and I’ve had my share.”

It might’ve been a tad bit manipulative, but Daniel wasn’t above it; he let that little nugget of information out purely so Armand wouldn’t think he was some hill-billy homophobe. Look, I’m so cool with gay sex, trust me. My friends, both male, keep fucking around the apartment and my issue is with them being annoying about it, not the fucking itself. You see, I just don’t want anyone to think I’m one of you guys.

It made Armand look at Daniel over his sunglasses. “Get a new one? They don’t all fuck that loud and obnoxious, you know.“

Daniel squirmed and swapped the book into another armpit, perhaps just slightly less soggy. An eternal optimist had Louis once called him. “Maybe – just maybe – there are some redeeming qualities to the man. Like – well, fine, he’s absolutely loaded. And it’s old money. Sometimes it’s an advantage that he can’t quite remember the rent I’m supposed to pay.”

Armand’s mouth spread into a sly grin. “Daniel”, he said slowly, savoring the word on his tongue. It was getting clear that Armand really liked his name – and it was starting to have an effect on Daniel as well. He was just a weak man who, despite being straight, was not immune to having his name pronounced like that by beautiful things, be they men or women or something else entirely. “Stealing from thy neighbor?”

“What are you, a fucking snitch? You don’t look like you’re old money, you have to feel me. Class solidarity and all, man.”

“Me? It’s complicated”, Armand shrugged.

Daniel waited as they walked in silence for a while, the heat rising from the asphalt almost vigorous enough to make his knees buckle. Finally, just as Daniel was about to crack and open his mouth to fill the growing awkwardness, Armand gave in.

“No, I’m not from old money”, he said, slowly. ”But I’ve, uh, dabbled in it, I suppose. I was given a scholarship from a private donor. I was supposed to study art history, but it didn’t really work out.”

“What happened? You decided to chase the bag?”

“Something like that”, he laughed, but didn’t sound like he found the topic very amusing. “But in all seriousness, art history never felt like a passion for me, just something I did to please others. I did a lot of pleasing others back in the day – I think I’m done now.”

“Hm.” Daniel knew the feeling. A part of him had dreamed of studying creative writing, but his mother had persuaded him to choose journalism by begging, threatening and eventually using the weapons of mass destruction: her tears. Daniel didn’t necessarily regret the choice, but still, it hadn’t been entirely his own. “Explains why you like being near literary students, they must feel kind of familiar to you after studying art history.”

“I don’t like being near them”, Armand replied in a laconic way that made Daniel crack up. “I just like Fareed. The rest of them are just a bunch of airheads.”

“We do it purely for your entertainment, sire“, Daniel replied, grinning and bowing like a court jester. He felt like an idiot the second he’d done it. Oh, he was getting into mimicry all of a sudden? Very normal behavior.

Armand’s eyes twinkled. “You’re not one of them, though, are you?”

“Two kinda close buddies of mine are and it’s my minor, so close enough to join in on the clownery.”

They turned onto Rue des Jardins, where the towering stone houses and sturdy oaks almost felt like a parody of every Western European city ever. The trees offered meager solace in the heat by providing shade, but the air was still stale, mixing the aromatic scents of bins that had been left to stew for a day or two too long and the marinated meat of a nearby kebab stall.

“This is where I live”, Daniel told, pointing to the white building on the left. They had a reasonably sized apartment on the fourth floor, but it had turned out far too small for his and Lestat’s ego.

“It was nice bumping into you”, Armand said, glancing around the building as if to commit it to memory. Then he glanced back at Daniel with a small smile. “I hope I’ll see you again in better company than some literary students.”

“I make no promises. As airheaded as they might be, they’re kind of my people. I’m but a loyal creature.” Daniel headed for the stairs and kind of expected Armand to stare after him, but when he glanced over his shoulder, the guy had already moved on.

---

Louis and Daniel had met several times after the fateful bi-discussion (biscussion, Daniel’s ruined brain would insist), but the encounters had been coolly neutral. Louis might have been the kindest person Daniel had ever had in his orbit, but he’d been exceeding himself for the past week. He had made coffee, bought toilet paper without asking (because Lestat would never have done anything so mundane, so the rolls that had appeared in the cupboard were not his doing – and fine, yeah, Daniel never bought any either, so he guessed it was Louis’ responsibility anyway) and feigned interest about Daniel’s fourth replay of Disco Elysium.

Little by little, a delicate harmony returned. Daniel was typically quick to lose his temper, but just as quick to forgive and forget. Yet this time, the wound had hit surprisingly deep, and he couldn’t fully even grasp why. As much as he had felt the need to prove his ally-status to Armand, Daniel had never really had any problems with guys kissing guys. For fuck’s sake, didn’t the fact that he participated (while drunk) kind of prove it?

Somehow Louis’ words – the thought of Louis and Lestat talking about him and analyzing his actions behind his back – had just felt humiliating. To get back at them, Daniel swore he’d never kiss any boys again anywhere they might have a chance to witness it. 

That Friday, after a short shift at Pita Palace, Daniel came home and scooted straight for the shower to wash the rancid stink of grease off his skin. Louis was sitting on the couch typing away on his laptop and listening to jazz on Lestat’s vinyl player (because of course Lestat collected records).

“Ready for the night?” Daniel asked him, waving a shaver around his face a bit dangerously. The door between the living room and bathroom was wide open as a sign of reconciliation; they had nothing to hide from each other, neither in the towel wrapped around Daniel’s hips nor in Louis’ shirtlessness, which was a direct result of the heat that was trapped inside the thick walls of their flat.

“As ready as my introverted ass will ever be”, Louis replied, softly closing the laptop lid with two fingers. “Just finished my last assignment. What about you, any grand plans for the night?”

“Nah, man, no great expectations. Best parties come from being a humble servant of the night.” Daniel lifted his chin to really get to the side of his neck. “I’m waiting to get plastered, though. I really need it after this fucking week.”

Lestat slammed his door open and wandered in to join them, apparently already dressed. He was wearing a white linen shirt straight out of Pride and Prejudice and black leather pants straight out of Jim Morrison’s wardrobe, but he really made the outfit work.

The bastard. As insufferable as he was, he did look like an angel that had been left out by the gates of Heaven, perhaps because the rest of the bunch felt like he was threateningly beautiful and would steal all of Dad’s attention. His pale, almost strawberry-colored hair whipped the air as he hobbled over the sofa and buried his head in Louis’ lap.

They curled up there and babbled something to each other in quiet French which Daniel neither heard nor understood, thank God. Judging by their tones and expressions, it was just some sweet talk with a hint of obscenity, and Daniel didn’t need to be exposed to that any more than he already was. The idiots were disgustingly in love and made it everyone else’s problem.

After getting his jaw in shape, Daniel wiped his face with a damp towel, swirled deodorant in his armpits and shook his damp hair like a dog.

“We go?” Lestat asked, sprawled all over Louis’ lap and leaning back on his elbows.

“Give me a second, your little sweetheart isn’t dressed yet either.” Daniel hurried off to his room. “And you’re definitely going to get sweaty balls in those pants and we’re all gonna suffer the consequences!”

But Lestat stubbornly stomped out of the apartment in his leather pants when they were all done. They headed to Eugene, where the beer was so cheap it endangered Daniel’s liver and where Louis had promised to meet Lily.

The two were inseparable, one of those pairs who were on the same frequency from the very first meeting and could soon communicate on a secret level that no one else could get in on. They had met on their first day of uni, but Daniel assumed their bond had grown to sibling-like levels in less than two weeks after the encounter. It had only grown stronger since the beginning of Lestat and Louis’ messy relationship. Lily had remained supportive through the chaotic phases of meet Lestat, he’s my soulmate, we’ve known for 18 hours and I can’t believe his pasty ass just fucked some white girl when I was out of town for a week and actually never mind, we’re soulmates after all and I’m ready to give him another chance so, uh, maybe don’t mention all the nasty things we’ve called him for the last few weeks.

Eugene sparkled with that Friday night frenzy that always got Daniel buzzed even before his first shot. It was lovely to feel the vibration of people’s laughter, to be encapsulated in the warmth of bodies.

Lestat ordered them the first round and even got a sincere thank you and a smile from Daniel, to which he responded with an approving nod like some fucking benefactor. At times he exuded the aura of a rich but generous fatherly figure from a Charles Dickens novel, surrounded by poor children working 12-hour days in a factory. But he did pay for the drinks, so fuck it, Daniel was ready to act his part as a coughing orphan.

Lily rushed across the bar to their table. In the span of three seconds she hung herself around Louis’ neck, kissed Lestat’s cheek and waved across the table at Daniel. “What’s up, boys?” she asked in that low voice of hers and took a sip from Lestat’s glass.

The first time Daniel had met her and Louis, he had secretly dreamed of ending up sandwiched by them. They had looked like a judgmental, aristocratic and genetically superior couple who wouldn’t hesitate to order Daniel around. Then Daniel had gotten closer to them through Lestat and realized that they were just a bunch of nerds and besides devastatingly gay, making the charm wear off a bit.

Lestat opened his mouth to reply, but Louis cut him short: “Take a seat, I have to share some gossip about professor Abadie and the student he’s screwing.”

Lily did as instructed and Daniel saw his cue; for the next hour the table would be subjected to almost incomprehensible gossip that could get messier than ugly and overpriced Instagram paintings. He and Lestat locked eyes and Daniel almost felt sorry for the guy – he didn’t have the privilege of just fucking off from his boyfriend’s side. But Daniel had no obligations, and so he grabbed his beer and hurried to the counter.

On a small stage, a wistful young man was hunched around his guitar playing some suicide ballad. As Daniel sipped beer to the sound of lousy guitar strumming, his gaze caught a head full of dark curls by the counter. He couldn’t be sure since the guy had his back on him, but he seemed a bit too familiar to be a stranger.

Daniel stared at the back of his skull, trying to persuade him to turn around, and failed to register that there was actually a guy standing next to the curly head. And that the guy sort of noticed his hard stare and started to look a bit uncomfortable. So much so that he eventually leaned over to say something to his friend, causing the curly-haired head to turn, and suddenly Armand’s dark eyes were staring at Daniel.

With a grin, Daniel raised Armand his pint and got a raised glass of gin in return. Armand turned back to his friend, and Daniel tried to soothe the feeling that curled in the pit of his stomach, ominously reminiscent of disappointment. Some part of him had wished that Armand would leave the cute blonde and come greet him. Wasn’t he, after all, the guy Armand had chased not two weeks ago?

And just as Daniel was ready to slog back to Lestat’s table with the tail between his legs, his heart almost did a blank as Armand hopped down from his bar stool, patted his friend’s cheek and headed towards Daniel.

Shit, maybe manifesting really did work.

“Hello, Daniel”, Armand said when he got close enough and looked at Daniel discreetly from head to toe. Daniel didn’t know what he thought of his worn Jefferson Airplane band shirt and shabby jeans, but Armand’s eyes smiled when they caught his. “We’ve got to stop meeting at places filled with lit students, I’m getting a reputation.”

They had met in the doorway of Fareed’s party last Wednesday – Daniel had been about to get in as Armand had been leaving at midnight. They had been stuck there shooting the shit for what had felt like hours before Armand had finally left, apparently reluctantly, to meet a friend.

“What, a reputation for having good taste?” Daniel grinned. “And you’re getting so obsessed you’re seeing literary students everywhere. Tell me, are you schizophrenic, Armand? How many are you seeing right now?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, I’d start counting from that corner.” Armand nodded towards a 15-headed group who had conquered the corner to babble and laugh. The average age of the group was on each side of 20 and the majority was dressed in vintage silk shirts, fanny packs, golden nose rings and worn sneakers. Daniel even spotted a few perm mullets.

“Well. Shit. I know when to admit my defeat.”

“That’s a desirable quality in a man. So, how’s Durkheim coming along?“

“I mean – it’s interesting, for sure. I just haven’t got very far yet.“

There was something like the ghost of a smirk on Armand’s lips. “No? How come?” He gave a pregnant pause. “Does Fareed have something to do with it?“

“What? No, of course not.” Daniel grinned and feigned sniffing a line off the air. “I’ve been home studying all week.”

“A good boy then, are you?”

Oh. Okay. Daniel was glad he hadn’t had any beer in his mouth because his jaw did drop, just a little. “Why yes. How’d you even suspect anything else. I have morals, man. And also a load of student loans that I wouldn’t risk by doing anything other than studying in my free time. Anyway!” Before Armand had time to throw a jab at his certainly flimsy morals. “Were you late from meeting that friend of yours, back on Wednesday?”

Apparently not. Armand passed the topic quickly, but shared more of his long week and the bitter gin in his glass, which he intended to make the most of. Conversation flowed with an ease Daniel was familiar with, because he was a people person after all. But even by his standards, the connection between them was weirdly natural, like in good time they perhaps could try having telepathic conversations like Lily and Louis.

“Who’s your friend?” Daniel asked, nodding his head towards the blonde who was stuck at the counter and pretended not to spy on them. “That the one you were meeting? Kind of rude of you to leave him like that.” For me, he wanted to say, but he didn’t need to. It lingered in the air.

Armand barely took a glance at the man before turning his attention back to Daniel. “Just an acquaintance”, he said, tilting his head slightly. “I’m now where I most want to be.” He had that familiar look on his face, like he was examining every micro-expression on Daniel’s face. “Are you here alone?”

Daniel waved in the direction where Lestat, Louis and Lily were sitting and was only mildly surprised to find that they were all looking at him and talking in low voices. At the sight of his gaze, Louis raised his hand and flashed a smile. The man was a talented fucker, but not in the challenging field of fake smiling.

“My roommate, his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s soulmate”, Daniel introduced in order. “And they were probably just talking about me. And you. You and me.” Louis raised a hand to his mouth as he leaned over to say something to Lily, minimizing every risk of his lips being read. Didn’t matter, Daniel had become a body language expert by watching hours of YouTube and knew that they were analyzing every piece of evidence of his potential bisexuality. “About us, that is.”

“Hm? What about us?”

But Daniel didn’t elaborate. He shook his head, destroyed the remaining traces of his beer and ordered another.

The conversation kept flowing as Daniel’s glass kept getting lighter. He was starting to get buzzed, not just from the people this time but the booze as well. He’d barely eaten all day and was drinking too damn fast, even for his well-trained liver. Armand was still swirling the same old glass of gin against the counter and Daniel found himself staring at his long, kind of dainty fingers. He wore a few gold rings, plain but elegant.

The noise level started to rise as the clock ticked and alcohol pumped through people’s veins. The young man strumming his guitar was forced to diminish to a distant buzz – not even the fact that he almost gobbled the mic helped his voice carry out.

In the middle of Armand’s sentence, Daniel leaned towards him and almost yelled over the noise: “Hey, you mind if I ask you something?” Armand raised an eyebrow, which Daniel’s tipsy ass took as a permission. “You looked surprised when I said I didn’t like men.”

Daniel hadn’t realized before he pulled back that his heart was pounding. Armand looked at him and a small, slightly crooked smile lifted a corner of his mouth. “Yes?”

Daniel thought he’d been pretty fucking clear in his vague question that had been disguised as a statement. “Yeah.” He gathered some drunken courage to finish the mission. “I mean. How come?”

“Daniel. You really want to know?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t. Come on, man.”

“Well.” Armand gave him a glance before chugging the gin in his glass, causing the bitter smell to whisper against Daniel’s face. “You looked at me like you were just waiting to be picked.”

“Oh.” Daniel could feel his face flushing hot, and he was man enough to admit it had nothing to do with the beer or the air that rivaled in humidity and heat with the outside world.

Armand looked at him and satisfaction crept into his expression. “That’s it”, he said, studying Daniel’s face. “That’s the face. Big doe eyes and a willing mouth. Kind of needy, like you’re just waiting for someone to tell you what to do.”

Daniel’s heart beat so fast he could feel it in his hot fingertips against the sticky pint. He swallowed, a ridiculously loud sound which fortunately couldn’t be heard over the chatter, though the awkward rise and fall of his Adam’s apple had to be painfully obvious. He couldn’t turn his gaze away until Armand broke the eye contact and raised his finger to the bartender.

Daniel felt like saying Armand couldn’t just go around saying something like that, but of course he could. Of course he did.

“I, uh”, he started, uncertain about what he was about to say but feeling the pressure to open his mouth. He stared at Armand’s fingers as the guy picked up his fresh glass of gin and paid it with a swift movement of his credit card. He made even that look elegant. “My roommate’s boyfriend is convinced I’m bi.”

Armand looked at him, suddenly curious. “Are you?”

“Oh, absolutely not. I just like kissing boys when I’m a bit drunk.”

“Right. Like any regular straight boy.”

“Exactly! You get it, man.“

Laughing, Daniel took a big gulp from his pint. He recognized the sarcasm in Armand’s tone, but he wouldn’t be bullied out of his stance. If drunken girls (according to rumors) could kiss each other in restrooms, he would’ve liked to believe that guys could swap some saliva samples without being immediately thrust into some category.

Armand looked over his shoulder and reported back: “Your roommate’s boyfriend is staring at us. I think he’s analyzing your every move and expression to gather some evidence.”

“Yeah, I know. He already gave me an intervention last weekend.” Daniel rolled his eyes. An idea popped into his head (probably influenced by two and a half pints) and without any second thoughts he leaned in closer: “Hey, man, you wanna play a game?“

Armand turned to look at him. “Sure. I’m really fucking good at games.“ He grinned like a shark that had gotten a whiff of blood in the salty seawater.

---

Daniel woke up with a dry mouth that was the result of an unholy union of drinking six pints and sleeping with his mouth open. He was about to cough up his lungs and choke on them before he managed to get a big gulp of water from a glass that had been left on his bedside table. It wasn’t his doing, because the drunk Daniel hated the sober Daniel and would never have had the required level of empathy – and besides, he’d been plastered when he’d gotten home. Daniel promised to make it up to Louis by finally letting him off the hook and promising to put the pointless biscussion behind them. Fuck, intervention. Biscussion was literally never going to be a thing.

The window was open, thrusting in a whiff of hot air and the bustle of the street. The sound of cars was joined by some distant rock music from the living room.

Daniel rolled onto his side and opened his eyes. His room bathed in sunlight; a messy desk with Mr. Durkheim folded impolitely in half and some wandering cigarettes looking for a home. A chair on which he’d piled both clean and dirty clothes because he chose to live on the edge. Lou Reed gave him a disapproving glare from the wall, although he out of anyone had no right to.

From the bedside table Daniel grabbed his phone, the screen of which was shattered – thankfully not from last night. He just hadn’t been able to repair it after the summer’s financial catastrophe that had left him living for weeks on cigarettes, porridge and Lestat’s generosity.

The screen was flooded with notifications of new WhatsApp and Instagram messages, including a cat video sent by Louis with the request to help him persuade Lestat to get a cat and Lestat’s less kind message at 02:08 telling Daniel to STOP FUCKING SINGING T. REX YOU SOUND LIKE A BABOON GO TO BED.

But his interest was piqued by a WhatsApp message from an unknown number with a mysterious profile picture.

Let’s kick the plan to motion. How’s your Tuesday looking?

Daniel clicked the profile picture just to find himself staring at Armand clad in a long, gray wool coat. The guy looked over his shoulder at the camera with a serious, kind of stern look, as if the person taking the picture was some irritating glitch in his daily life. It made Daniel smile and zoom in on his small, blurry face.

The plan.

Memories came flooding back in.

Daniel was pretty sure he and Armand had cooked up a plan with enough maliciousness to make some true crime podcasters pale. The point had been faking a relationship and making Louis believe that he had been right to inspect Daniel’s sexuality, just for Daniel to eventually laugh at his naive little face.

The idea had amused them throughout the long evening to the point that when they’d left, Daniel had practically hung around Armand’s neck and explained various long and complicated plotlines to him like a feverish conspiracy theorist. But suddenly the certainty of his mastermind qualities had worn off and he wasn’t quite so sure about the plan anymore – his gaze fell on the tall glass of water that had been left on his bedside table.

Hey man, I just woke up and I’m looking into the abyss to meet my idiotic, drunken reflection… I don’t know if the plan is such a great idea after all, maybe we should put it on hold? Sorry

Daniel didn’t even have time to close the chat before Armand already showed up. It took the guy a short moment to read the message before he started typing back.

I personally thought it was hilarious.

Daniel couldn’t help but grin, even if he felt a bit like grimacing.

Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel?

Yes, and? came the immediate reply.

Right, let’s call it off. Sorry and thanks for your support, you have good taste man

Whatever you say popped up in the top of his screen before Daniel put the phone down and emptied his glass of water. That finally motivated him to wrestle himself out of bed and rush to the toilet.

He got out with fresh teeth and an empty bladder to meet Louis and Lestat cuddled up on the sofa. Lestat played Candy Crush and Louis read some article on his cell phone. The vinyl player was blasting The Velvet Underground, an undeniably brilliant band, but a bit too much for Daniel’s fragile skull that was plagued by hangover. He went to turn the volume down, but the lovebirds didn’t even look up.

“Good morning”, Louis greeted but kept his eyes firmly on the screen. Which was more than fine – Daniel wasn’t a sight to behold.

“Morning”, he grunted and poured himself a cup of coffee. He gnawed on some piece of bread (which had probably been left on the table last year based on the stone-like quality of it) and jumped to sit on the counter. “When’d you guys get home?”

“We walked home together”, Lestat pointed out, still concentrated on making his addictive little game tinkle. Slaves for their phones, the lot of them.

“You seemed to be having a good one”, Louis said and sort of wiggled his eyebrows with some mysterious suggestion. The topic seemed to be finally interesting enough to distract him from his phone. “Who was the guy you were chatting up all night?”

“Oh, him? That was Armand. We ran into each other at Eugene like a week ago or something. He was the guy who wasn’t being all weird about getting me a drink.” Though he had been a bit weird, hadn’t he. Literal proof of pretty privilege, Daniel feared.

The words made Louis jump up on the sofa so violently that Lestat, perched on top of him, almost fell. The blonde muttered a selection of French curse words and crawled to the safer side of the sofa. “That’s the guy?” Louis asked. “The dark hair dark eyes guy? That was him?”

Daniel nodded with his mouth full of coffee, incapable of speaking.

Louis stared back at him, his brown eyes puzzled. “Lestat, are you hearing this?” He stubbed his toe on Lestat’s bare thigh, but didn’t even bother to wait for his reaction. “Well, did you two make out? The signs were there, you know. He’s kind of your type.”

“No, man”, Daniel laughed. “It’s not like that. Wait, what’s my type?”

Louis squinted his eyes. His toe was still poking Lestat, who had deemed the conversation too tedious to be dragged away from his game. “You guys got along really well though.”

“I mean, yeah. He’s cool, I can’t deny that. He studies law but he’s got history with arts and sociology. Really smart.”

“Really handsome”, Louis purred. The words caused Lestat’s head to bob up and his eyes to narrow, but even that didn’t make Louis shy away from the conversation – oh, he was in it for real.

Right. Daniel was an idiot, but he wasn’t an idiot. He knew what Louis was up to. He squinted his eyes and prepared himself to participate in the staring competition. This was about life and death, no less. “I guess he fits the beauty standards – wouldn’t know, since he’s a dude and I’m not into men.”

Louis smirked as a sign that he thought he was reading Daniel like the Sunday paper. “Handsome”, he repeated slowly. “Smart. Studies law. Kind of kissable, right?”

Lestat had finally given up on Candy Crush and leaned backwards to take the show in.

“I don’t know.” Daniel tilted his head feigning innocence. “Sounds like you’ve been thinking about it, Louis.”

“Me? No, I was just wondering. Lestat, did you think he was handsome?”

“The guy hitting on Daniel all night?“ Lestat asked. Daniel tried to keep his face from falling, but judging by Louis’ smug expression, he didn’t quite succeed. “I don’t know. Someone might think so. I suppose he was mid.”

Daniel wanted to say that Armand was fucking divine even by the high standards of those two. Lestat literally could have worked as a Balenciaga model and Louis neared perfection, but next to Armand they looked like a bunch of nobodies picked from the side of the street. But that would probably have been classified as evidence in Louis’ case, so Daniel kept his lip tight.

The Velvet Underground album dragged to its end and the record player was left spinning until Lestat finally got up to feed it another one. Daniel slowly turned his gaze from Louis because all that staring hardly relieved his hammering headache.

“Give it two months”, Louis said softly, almost like he didn’t want to be heard. But when Daniel looked at him, the corners of his mouth were turned upwards and there was a devilish twinkle in his eye. “I bet you’ll crack and crawl to my door for dating tips.”

“Why not my door?” Lestat complained but received no attention. If he really thought Daniel was going to follow suit of his serial flirting and temper tantrums, let alone seek advice, he was thicker than he looked.

“Oh, you wanna bet, do you?” Daniel jumped off the counter. Louis shrugged and made an expression that tried to express that he was entirely indifferent to the idea. Whatever, man, his eyes seemed to say, but there was a mischievous look underneath, which made the corners of his eyes gleam with laughter. He was an absolute snack and he drove Daniel fucking mad. “Alright, fuck it. Let’s bet on it, then. Two months you said?”

Daniel staggered over to him and held out his hand, which Louis took.

“Louis de Pointe du Lac, this’ll be the ruin of you.”

When Daniel returned to his room after two cups of coffee, he grabbed his phone from the bedside table and texted Armand: Hey, so – was your Tuesday free?

---

On Tuesday night, Louis sat unsuspecting at the kitchen table when Daniel sneaked out of his room. By his (admittedly low) standards he was properly dressed up; he had combed his hair, slipped himself into a green silk shirt and put a single golden ring on his left earlobe (which Louis kept insisting made him look like a ripe homosexual fruit waiting to be picked, which – yeah, perhaps true, but it just made the accessory now more appropriate than ever).

Daniel had to flaunt himself a bit before Louis looked up from his hummus sandwich and the magazine he’d been leafing through, but once he did, his gaze remained fixed on Daniel.

“Well you’re looking good. Like suspiciously good. You going somewhere?”

“Yeah, kind of”, Daniel replied, aiming for a casual tone as he laced up his worn-out Dr. Martens’ boots. “I’ll grab some coffee with Armand.”

Louis furrowed his brows, not immediately remembering why the name felt familiar, before his eyes widened and he dropped the paper. “You’re going out with Armand?” he repeated, eyes feverish and wide. Daniel could almost see him vibrate with excitement. “Whu-, wait, how’d this happen? You didn’t say anything!”

“It’s not that deep, man.” Daniel tousled his curls in front of the mirror. “We changed numbers last Friday and he invited me out.” Through the mirror he could see Louis staring at the back of his head as if trying to reach all the way in. “We just hit it off and wanna meet over coffee. As friends. Let me live, you demon.”

“Riiiight”, Louis said, grinning in that shit-eating way of his that suggested he didn’t buy Daniel’s shit for a second. “I am, Danny, I’m letting you live. Send my warmest regards to Armand, maybe we’ll see more of him some day.”

“Yeah, I’ll let him know you called him handsome.”

Louis glanced at Lestat’s door, which was mercifully closed (Lestat’s hearing was on a bat frequency if he even sensed Louis complimenting another man’s appearance) and muttered: “Don’t play with fire, boy. That’s my ass on the line.”

Rolling his eyes, Daniel slipped a leather jacket on, swung the keys around his finger and got out. It was half past six and the cool veil of autumn night had fallen outside, even though the air still held some of the day’s lingering heat. The street was bursting with students, who had already gotten themselves tipsy, and office workers, who desperately tried to stretch out the evening so the next day filled with a pointless bullshit job wouldn’t start quite yet. It made Daniel feel all the more free; just for tonight, he didn’t have any deadlines or strings attached.

The place seemed crowded, but Daniel still managed to spot Armand through the window. The man was focused to tapping his laptop, but his head bobbed up when Daniel rapidly knocked on the window. He gave Daniel a smile through the glass and gestured towards the table where two mugs were already waiting.

The air in the room was stagnant. Various thick smells mixed into an unflattering cocktail – cinnamon rolls, coffee, sweat and musky fragrances of thirsty college dudes who were hoping to get laid. By the time Daniel got himself to Armand, the man had already stood up and captured him in a hug. After many days of plotting (which had often side-tracked from Durkheim to Disco Elysium to their shared gym class trauma), their bond had undeniably grown so thick that it would’ve been weird not to hug. There hadn’t been two hours in a day that they hadn’t texted each other.

Daniel wrapped his arms around Armand, although he was unable to stop himself from smacking Armand’s back like an awkward jock who couldn’t risk anyone questioning his sexuality. What was actually wrong with him, he knew better than to feel emasculated by hugging other dudes.

The hug itself was tight and suffocatingly hot, but in a pleasant way. Armand was just a hair taller than Daniel, just enough to make them fit together like pieces of a puzzle, his scent drowning the chaos in the room. He smelled like cedar wood, fresh and somber at the same time, and to his shame Daniel took a long and loud sniff of him.

When Armand pulled back, he was grinning in a way that suggested it hadn’t been left unnoticed. “Good to see you. How’s it going?”

“No complaints, man.” Daniel found his seat on the table and looked at the coffee mug planted in front of him. “Shit, you ordered for me? You paid for it and all?”

“Yeah, I’ve figured you’re no Rockefeller. It wasn’t much.” Armand studied him. “I wasn’t entirely sure how you take your coffee. How’d I do?”

Daniel took a sip, feeling a weird tingle at the upper part of his stomach, like heartburn or something. “Fuck. It’s really nice. It’s either black or with a splash of milk. You been spying on me?”

Armand grinned. “Just a lucky guess. So – should we get straight to business?”

“Right. I planted some seeds in Louis on my way out. He says hi by the way, and hopes he’ll see more of you in the future.”

Armand raised an eyebrow. “You think he will?”

“Yeah, you’ll have to come visit some day. How’s your next week looking?”

“I’m all yours, Daniel.” The way he said it, looking at Daniel with his head tilted, made Daniel’s spine go all pins and needles. “But before we go all the way, I feel like I really need to ask. Daniel – how far are you willing to take this?”

“Uh, I haven’t given that much thought. Let’s keep it casual, yeah? Just see where this leads?”

Armand sipped his coffee and pursed his lips. “Mm, no, I don’t think that’ll work for me. We would both be more comfortable with some boundaries.”

“You make it sound like we’re negotiating kinky business”, Daniel grinned, trying to lighten the mood. Armand gave a pause which lasted long enough for Daniel to catch the drill. “Oh. Right, of course. So you’ve got experience of that. Gotcha.”

“So, what would be a hard pass for you? Or what would be all right?”

Daniel scratched the back of his neck. “Well, I do kinda kiss a lot of guys I guess, although not half as many as Louis and Lestat claim. So kissing is fine for me.”

The thought of kissing Armand was surprisingly fine. Actually really fine. Okay, buddy, let’s get you drunk first, Daniel thought and took another sip of coffee to drown the ascending thirst.

“With tongue?” Armand rubbed the handle of his mug with his finger, a movement that caught Daniel’s attention. There was something intimate, almost erotic about it.

“Yeah, that won’t be no issue. However, I’d like to apologize in advance for my messy kisses. I tend to get all sloppy when I’m drunk.”

The other corner of Armand’s mouth quirked up. “I’m sure I’ll survive. So, am I right to assume that anything less than that is okay? Like hugs or holding hands, whenever we get to that stage?“

“Well, I’m not the biggest PDA person, but sure. It just can’t come too soon”, Daniel warned. “Louis thinks my ass is so deep in the closet and self-denial that you’ll have to pass through Narnia into another dimension to fetch it. So really, we should let this thing simmer – start as an innocent friend crush and a drunken kiss, and then progress to an intense romance.”

Armand nodded. “Yeah, I can give you an intense romance.”

“I’m sure you’re the right man for the job. So, uh, how about your limits?”

“I’m not the one pretending to be bi to fuck with my arrogant friend. I’m the only incurable queer in my year among sad beige heteros, so I have no problem kissing straight boys”, he replied. His voice was soft, but Daniel still feared it might carry to every single table in the room. “Or sucking and fucking them. Matter of fact, not even tenderly loving them.”

A quick glance around proved that no one was interested and Daniel was just an ignorant moron. He tried to laugh, even though the words kind of gnawed at him. Something made him want to separate himself from the group of dull straights Armand had described, but that was where he belonged. Right into the sad beige crowd, where he had never fit in with his DnD obsession and his snarky tongue and his innate hatred of sports. “Right, yeah, good to know.”

Armand lowered his gaze to the mug. It might’ve been the first time Daniel saw a crack in his confident shell. He swallowed so hard Daniel could see it until eventually slowly raising his dark gaze. “But Daniel... I really need you to be honest with me. If there’s anything you don’t like, or if you – uh – if you get any iffy feelings, you should tell me. I need to know.”

Daniel nodded violently, wanting to assure Armand of his sincerity. “Yeah, sure. Right back at you, man, you have to tell me too. Pinkie promise?”

Armand smiled, but didn’t curl his pinkie around Daniel’s, which made him feel like he was three years old. Pinkie promise, Jesus Christ. Luckily Armand guided the conversation on by throwing him a question about Durkheim, although Daniel had little news on the guy. He hadn’t opened the book since their last conversation – the man might’ve earned his reputation but he still was dull as fuck.

It was really easy to talk to Armand, almost unnervingly so. They got new cups of coffee (which Daniel tried to pay for but Armand wouldn’t hear any of that – oh, he was just lavished with riches) and came out of the closet as caffeine junkies. Daniel added that he could drink sometimes seven cups a day which Armand topped with his ten which, yeah, was getting a bit too much.

Armand confessed to being addicted to true crime and monologued for a good fifteen minutes about his favorite podcast, the latest episode of which had dealt with an exceptionally brutal dismemberment murder. Just your typical case of a cheating sociopathic man getting rid of his pregnant wife while trying to arrange a new marriage, Armand described nonchalantly. But that whirred them into another heated debate about why anyone would turn to murder to solve a marital crisis instead of trying the usual way; getting kids, cutting ties with them and eventually turning to alcoholism. Still, they ended up advocating for their preferred methods of getting rid of their potential spouses.

(Armand’s choice of weapon was bleeding them dry, dismemberment and dumping the body parts in the sea. Daniel swore by shooting and shallow graves.)

As the clock neared nine and the employee behind the café counter seemed ready to drive them both out, Daniel finally started stretching to insinuate his need to return back to the men in his life.

“Can I walk you home?” Armand asked, getting up on his long legs and sliding a leather briefcase on his shoulder.

“Oh, so the courtship starts now. You’re diligent. But sure, walk me home. You live around here?”

Armand seemed to consider before going for the truth: “No, my place is in the opposite direction. I just really want to walk you home, if that’s fine for you.”

Daniel couldn’t help but grin. “A proper loverboy – I didn’t think I’d live to see this day after all the complaining Louis has done about gay dating.” They got off the table and Daniel waved his hand to the employee, who tried to stare them to pieces with sheer willpower. “You live alone?”

“I’ve got a flatmate, this Patrick Bateman-esque lesbian from law school. But she’s close to graduation and mostly hangs out at her girlfriend’s place so I practically live alone.”

“God, I wish Lestat would be like that. I know Louis’ flat is empty half the time so they would have the entire place for their debauchery, but for some reason they still feel the compelling need to fuck on our couch during the four minutes I’m out getting cigarettes.“

“Four? That’s ambitious.”

“No, just a regular missionary for them, I’m afraid.”

Armand held the door for Daniel as they stepped out and headed for Rue des Jardins. Darkness had finally fallen all over the city, but there was no blanket of stars to be found in the sky. The air was still hazy, filled with exhaust fumes and the smell of hot asphalt that had been trampled by the townsfolk. The smell wasn’t exactly pleasant, but somehow familiar. Still, Daniel tried to detect the North Star among the murky sky and longed for a crispness in the air.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but were you, uh, born and raised here?” Daniel asked suddenly, gesturing vaguely around as if Armand might need some clarification.

“No, can’t say I was.”

“Right. You like it here?“

“It beats being at home, but that’s not saying a lot.“ Armand laughed mirthlessly and shoved his hands into the pockets of his loose, high-waisted pants. The leather bag swaying on his shoulder finished the look, made him look like he could’ve stepped down a catwalk run themed ‘90s nerd haute couture. All he was missing were slutty little glasses dangling at the end of his magnificent nose.

“Sooo – where’s your home? Like home home? Where’d you go for Christmas?”

Daniel immediately regretted asking, because Armand stiffened and pressed his mouth into a tight line. For a tense moment, the silence hung between them, Daniel frantically trying to come up with literally any topic off the top of his blanking mind. Until Armand finally caved in: “All over the place, I guess.”

Daniel was so relieved at not being left to wallow in an endless awkward silence from which there would’ve been no return to normalcy that his mouth started just spitting shit he hadn’t even known was lurking inside his brain: “Cool, man, that’s so cool. You wanna know something? I’d never left California before I got here. Never. Like literally, can you imagine that this was my first trip outside of California, and I fucking moved here. I mean it’s fine, I’ve had a good time, but I’m not going to stay. The boy can leave the Golden State, but...“

His rant made Armand relax again and the situation crawled closer to what it had been before Daniel’s idiocy. What had Daniel even done to make the situation go to shit, he didn’t know – but it had to be something grave judging by the reaction.

When they’d almost reached Rue des Jardins and were in the midst of an in-depth discussion about spaghetti western, because Daniel had been obsessed since he’d seen The Good, The Bad and The Ugly at the tender age of six, Armand touched on the awkwardness.

“Hey, I’m sorry by the way”, he said, slowing his steps as they were nearing the familiar building. “I didn’t mean to get all weird about my, uh, home. I was just surprised that you asked.” Daniel concentrated on keeping his mouth shut and looking at Armand, trying to ooze empathy. He hoped his big eyes were giving I may be a straight jerk with diagnosed ADHD, but I can also listen. “It’s a long story, and not an interesting one. I’ve lived all over Western and Southern Europe, but I don’t really... consider any place home, if that makes any sense. There’s no place on Earth where I’d feel welcome spending Christmas.”

“Yeah, I think I get it”, Daniel said. They’d reached the building and he leaned against it. The warm air it had inhaled during the day radiated against his back. “I mean I’d never left California like I said, but my mom’s grandparents moved to New York in the early 1900’s, so I guess I can sort of imagine what that would be like. Not having a proper home.“

Armand smiled and finally met his gaze. He had an incredibly soft expression in his eyes, which tickled Daniel in places he hadn't known even existed.

He thought about hugging Armand. He thought about inviting Armand up. He almost thought about a few abominable things he would’ve liked to do to the guy, but managed to control his brain in time.

“I’d invite you up”, he said, suddenly a little breathless, “but it’s probably too soon. In terms of the plot, I mean.”

Armand nodded in agreement. “Yeah. From what you’ve told me, I expect Louis to wait for you in the kitchen like you promised to be home by nine with your hymen still intact. He might just check under your skirt to see that you haven’t been running around with strangers.”

Daniel laughed and shifted awkwardly, ready to be invited in for a hug, but not quite daring to cross the line himself.

Armand raised his eyebrow, clearly holding back a smile. “See you later.”

“Yeah“, Daniel breathed out, and Armand enveloped him in a tight hug.

Daniel watched his receding footsteps accompanied with a pounding heart; Armand was digging for his Air Pods while continuing the casual, catwalk-like strides. Daniel felt like he should’ve been somewhere else, in some truly ancient city, where his smooth face and dark angelic curls wouldn’t have so thoroughly overshadowed the surroundings.

But Daniel was glad he was here.

Louis was waiting for him, just as Armand had suspected, lying on the sofa petting Lestat’s hair and watching TV. They were in the middle of the latest episode of John Oliver and Daniel accompanied them on the sofa after pulling his boots off.

“How’d it go?“ Louis asked, not quite managing to hide the forced calmness in his voice.

“It was fine.”

“You were out late”, Louis continued, giving Daniel glances out of the corner of his eye.

“Where’d our boy go?” Lestat raised his head, looking totally zonked out by sleep and a joint, the faint smell of which still lingered in the air. The reddened whites of his eyes made them look even bluer.

“Our boy was seeing Armand”, Louis replied at the same time as Daniel replied, very much calculated: “Seeing a friend.”

His and Louis’ gaze met and Louis’ hand paused on Lestat’s undoubtedly silky, conditioner-soaked locks.

“Louis, give up,” Lestat sighed, reading the tension even with his stoned senses. “There’s not a queer bone in the boy, and besides, that man is entirely mediocre.”

“It doesn’t take any bones, Lestat, just temptations of the flesh”, Louis almost sang.

“Mediocre?” Daniel interrupted, leaning over to kick Lestat with a stinky foot that had sat in his boots for hours. The defense of Armand’s honor was partly for the sake of the plot, but it was even more connected to sincere annoyance that Lestat would’ve dared to claim something like that with a straight fucking face.

Lestat tried to crawl over Louis to get back at Daniel in the way big brothers would discipline annoying little brothers, but Louis ceased the potential wrestling match by yanking the man firmly back into his lap.

“Armand is divine – don’t fucking try to feed me that bullshit”, Daniel hissed through his teeth, gaining boldness from Louis’ protection. “You would jump at the offer immediately if he’d sink low enough!”

“I certainly wouldn’t!” Lestat snorted. “Mediocre! Ordinary! Boring!”

“Divine”, Louis repeated, amused.

“Fuck y’all, I’m going to bed!” Daniel declared with a huff and headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He couldn’t help but grin at his reflection in the stained mirror. It was even better than he could’ve ever scripted – Lestat truly was the greatest showman without even knowing it.

---

Daniel hadn’t expected to work his ass off on Friday to convince Louis and Lestat to join one of his classmate’s party. The target of the persuasion had to be Louis, because it was most urgent that he was the one to witness the unraveling of Daniel’s plot, and besides Lestat would show up to a barbecue in Hell just for his man.

Daniel tried mentioning the party in passing early on Friday morning, but Louis – preparing for a Zoom class on the couch in Lestat’s fancy dressing gown and with a bucket-sized oat milk latte in his hand – didn’t seem too enthusiastic. As per usual, Daniel was late and had to run for class, from where he kept spamming Louis with increasingly alluring (read manipulative) messages:

A lot of my classmates are hc vegan nerds. You might just find your true soulmate there, Lou. Never say never?

Btw my friend also has a cat and it’s only seven months old, so it’s basically a kitten. Like a teenager kitty, you know.

(Which wasn’t entirely true, but Machiavelli really was onto something with the end justifies the means.)

And he lives right near that nice falafel place, we could stop by on our way back home.

His attempts fell on deaf ears, until he finally realized what he’d have to plead to when he got home.

“By the way, Armand is coming too”, Daniel said, eating a few days (too) old mac and cheese straight from a plastic box. It had this slightly off and a bit too intense nacho-like aftertaste to be entirely edible, but thanks to years of stale food, alcohol and cigarette overindulgence, Daniel’s stomach was made of pure steel.

Louis’ gaze lifted from the laptop, unable to stop the curious itch in his eyebrow. The wheels in his head were turning.

“Hmm”, he pondered out loud, unaware that Daniel practically had him in his pocket already. “That so.”

“Yeah, I…” Daniel ruffled his curls all coy. “I really look forward to seeing him, we haven’t seen each other since Tuesday’s date. I mean coffee, since we had coffee.”

It was way too over the top to be anywhere near believable, but Louis truly was too deep in the act to suspect a thing. He poorly concealed his smile as he continued tapping away on his laptop.

“Hmmm”, he said again and that was the final nail in the coffin. Daniel had just hunted him down and the poor boy had no clue. “I suppose we could stop by.”

They’re coming, Daniel texted Armand the minute he got into his room. The guy was online to read the message pretty much immediately Daniel sent it.

I take it there will be some sloppy kissing happening tonight?

Baby, get your lip gloss ready.

They took the bus because Daniel’s friend lived on the other side of town. And so there they sat on the bus, Lestat in his typical content as long as Louis is involved -state, Lily rolling herself a joint and Louis tapping his finger to the beat of some melody playing in his head.

There was a tickling sensation at the bottom of Daniel’s stomach, like expensive champagne bubbles. An understandable reaction, he would’ve liked to think, because it had been a while since he’d kissed anyone, and Armand was unknown territory.

Oh, and the party would probably be kind of fun too, or whatever.

Some random guy let them into the flat that was cramped to begin with, but especially now that the word had gotten around among fellow journalists. Something like forty people were squashed into the two bedroom apartment and there was an ecstatic buzz in the air that was definitely enhanced by drugs. Talking Heads played in the background as a distant interlude and the hallway was filled with black Dr. Martens’, among which Daniel left his own pathetically unoriginal pair. He left a cigarette in one boot to remember which was his, although he didn’t believe it would survive the night.

A bag of chips and a bong circulated in the living room, and Lily rushed over, tucking her joint behind her ear to save it for later. Louis and Lestat looked around with calmer demeanor, Lestat leaning over to whisper something that tricked a smile to the corner of Louis’ mouth.

Daniel scouted the crowd for Armand. He went through the kitchen and the two bedrooms, each of which was occupied by several couples making out, but Armand wasn’t there yet. Daniel sent him a message to let him know the eagle had landed, and Armand’s response was immediate: give me two seconds.

On the other side of the room Daniel spotted David, who recognized him and started strutting towards with a joyful pace. He was an acquaintance who seemed to think he was the king of news because he was about seven years older than the rest of them and had actually worked for a real newspaper (if one could call a local paper that, anyway).

“Hey, Daniel”, he said and offered his fist, against which Daniel awkwardly bumped his own. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, man. Good to see you.”

“Have you done Pernet’s assignment yet?”

Ouch. The reminder of Pernet’s course caught the rug under Daniel’s feet. “Uh, no, man, not yet. I’m still, uh, gathering some material.”

David took it as a green light to start going on about who he had interviewed and how many words he had compiled. News alert: it was 4056 more than Daniel had. Matter of fact, he hadn’t started the thing and the mere reminder that its deadline was on Monday brought a cold sweat to his skin. The longer David went on about it, the stronger the anxiety grew – Daniel felt his fingers and toes getting cold and his stomach growing heavier, and he couldn’t find the force to interrupt David’s intense monologue. He needed a drink – he really needed a god damn drink.

Until someone touched his elbow lightly: “Daniel?”

Daniel turned to face Armand, who looked at him with his eyes filled with questions. “Hey, man”, Daniel breathed out and slipped into his embrace. The tightness of the hug grounded him as much as Armand’s scent that didn’t feel like a stranger any longer. Today it was combined with musk, like he’d put on some perfume or done his hair differently. “You don’t understand how good it is to see you – fuck am I glad you could make it.”

“Of course”, Armand smiled and studied Daniel’s face before turning his attention to David. “You two know each other?”

“Yeah, David studies journalism too. David, this is Armand.”

They shook hands. “Ah – how come this is the first I’ve heard of you, Armand? You two seem close.” David looked at Armand with something like hunger.

Daniel scrunched his nose. “Yeah, we’re real close. See you around, man.” And before David could get anything out of Armand, Daniel dragged him along to get a drink.

Since it was a house party and the tenant with zero hospitality had provided nothing but cheap chips, Daniel dug his backpack for a can of the cheapest store-bought beer.

“No”, Armand shot the offer down mercilessly, having barely even glanced at the can. “I should get compensated for even considering drinking that piss.”

“Oh my god, you’re such a fucking snob. It would be a stretch to say you even considered.” Daniel rolled his eyes and snapped the can open for himself. The corner of Armand’s mouth quivered. “How’s it going?”

“Fine, I guess. I just finished working.” He glanced at a dainty leather watch on his wrist as if to check that he had indeed worked until ten o’clock at night.

“Long day, huh.” Talking Heads in the background had changed to some random pop song that thumped against the paper-thin walls. “So sorry I can’t reward your bougie ass with gin. I’m sure you’d deserve it.”

Armand smiled. “Maybe rewarding yourself with alcohol is a bit short-sighted anyway.”

“What? Who said that?“ Daniel pretended to be taken aback and got Armand to grin, but there was a grain of truth in his reaction. Okay, so maybe he was a bit too used to Fridays being all about unwinding from the long week and sleepless nights, letting go – too often in the form of some pills or beer or preferably both. He looked at the can of beer in his hand and took a long swig. It really was heinous, but he was a poor student in need of his little mental health Friday beer.

“So based on the speed you’re devouring that poison with, I assume you’ve had a rough week?”

“Yeah, I really gotta get this assignment done but I can’t force my ass to sit down to work on it. The deadline is looming over me like some bird of prey.” Daniel shivered, spotting David’s fluffy hair over the mass of people. “And customers at Pita Palace are little assholes – I fucking hate this TikTok generation. And my mom has already started to pressure me to come home for Christmas, but I’ve got no desire to suffer the jetlag just to sit through a tense family dinner where everyone pretends to be all buddy-buddy just to break their ties by the end of the day.”

“I could keep you company here. I’m not going anywhere either.”

“Yeah? I like the sound of that. We could buy some beer and get frozen Christmas dinners and watch Rear window”, Daniel grinned.

“I’d say it’s hardly any Christmas if we don’t watch Psycho as well.”

Four beer cans and half a joint later they’d moved to the cramped corner of the sofa. Their thighs were pressed together and someone’s elbow kept nudging Daniel in the ribs, but Armand’s eyes held him as if bewitched. The air was thick with smoke and the smell of his cedar wood perfume.

“Have you changed your perfume?” Daniel leaned in to ask him, sniffing the air a bit theatrically.

Armand looked amused. “Not that I know of.”

“Oh, okay. You smell good. I mean, fuck, you always smell good, but now it’s, like, a bit different than usual.”

Daniel was really close to Armand, could feel the warmth of his breath against his face.

“You know some men find the smell of other men’s sweat pleasant?” Armand asked, low. His gaze slowly trickled down to Daniel’s lips and back up to his eyes.

“Oh? No, can’t say that I knew. You think that has something to do with me?”

Armand raised his eyebrows a little and lifted a hand to touch Daniel’s neck, just gently with his knuckles.

“Don’t know. Do you?”

Daniel kind of wanted to ask Armand to grab his neck, but made the decision to lean in closer and touch Armand’s nose with his own. “Probably not”, he whispered.

And it seemed to be the invitation Armand was waiting for. He grazed Daniel’s cupid’s bow with his lips before leaning fully in and kissing him.

The kiss was light and almost innocent without a remnant of sloppiness. Until Armand’s fingers ran from Daniel’s ear to the nape of his neck and wrapped around it, a moan forced its way out of Daniel’s mouth. After that, all was fair game; Armand’s tongue touched his lower lip, wet and hot, and Daniel allowed him inside.

His dizzy head vaguely realized that the kiss was accompanied by Fleetwood Mac and the hum of people’s chatter, but it all felt distant. Armand’s grip on his neck tightened a little, softened again, and Daniel wasn’t sure if he was trying to keep Daniel or himself under control, but it was weirdly sexy either way. Like without Armand being the conductor of this symphony, they might’ve lost their minds and done something nasty right then and there on the sofa.

When Daniel pulled away from the kiss to catch his breath, he pressed his nose against Armand’s hot cheek and sighed, eyes closed: “Hold it there.”

“Hm?”

“Your hand. Keep it there, on the back of my neck.”

Armand grinned, Daniel could feel it against his neck. “That would make you happy? Being held like a kitten?”

“Mm.”

“Whatever you ask for.” A shiver swept over Daniel’s body, made him tense up and open his eyes. To his disappointment, Armand’s gaze wasn’t glued to his face but directed somewhere over his shoulder. “He’s watching”, Armand  said, but grabbed the back of Daniel’s neck tightly before he could turn around. “Louis. Don’t make it obvious.”

Louis? Right, fuck, he’d almost forgot about the plot. Daniel was lucky one of them had any working brain cells after that kiss.

Armand looked back at him and loosened his grip on the back of Daniel’s neck, making him shiver under the gaze. His hand ran down onto Daniel’s neck, his thumb tracing the curve of his Adam’s apple.

“Beautiful boy”, Armand whispered very, very softly before leaning in to kiss Daniel again. 

Every nerve in his body tingled.

It was just too much, and at the same time not nearly enough. Daniel wanted to slip his thigh over Armand’s and sit on his lap, straddle him and help place his palms on Daniel’s ass, but Armand’s grip very deliberately held him still. He guided Daniel’s head with his hand, making it tilt to the left when he decided to and back again when he wanted to press a chaste kiss to his neck.

In something like ten minutes it managed to be wilder and more sensual than any of the drunken kissing Daniel had ever done. It usually tended to involve more beer-flavored spit, giggling and boyish groping. Armand made an art of it.

When Armand let go of Daniel – literally let go by gently pushing him off and removing his hands from Daniel’s neck –, Daniel was left sitting there breathless and dazed, staring at him like some brainless and barely functioning thing that had been abandoned.

“Louis is leaving.”

“Huh?” Daniel asked because he was staring at Armand’s mouth, but the words just wouldn’t go through.

“Louis”, Armand repeated, amused, “is leaving. Should you go with them?”

When the words finally penetrated Daniel’s mushy thoughts, he turned to look over his shoulder. He was mildly surprised to find that the world hadn’t stopped or people hadn’t taken off their clothes and thrown themselves into an orgy, because his world was oscillating and the only reason he didn’t have a boner was – never mind, he actually did have a boner.

Sure enough, Lestat was in the hallway pulling on his leather jacket (Givenchy, as he often reminded) and Louis was hugging Lily goodbye.

“Yeah”, Daniel managed to say, even though his knees, mouth and skull were all mashed. “Yeah, I probably should, shouldn’t I…” He turned to look at Armand, who had slipped his hand on Daniel’s thigh. “I really wanna stay though.”

“You should go”, he urged, squeezing his thigh. “I’ll see you later.”

“This weekend?” Daniel asked, although there was more than a little begging in it. He was too gone to care.

“You’ll be busy writing that assignment of yours.” Armand’s thumb was making an unbearably lovely swirling motion against Daniel’s thigh. “Tuesday is fine though.”

“Yeah”, Daniel said, nodding and smiling like the brainless thing he had turned into. “Yeah, Tuesday is fine.” His head started to clear up and the boner situation was under control, so he managed to get himself somewhat upright.

Armand got up after him and hugged Daniel tightly. “Send me a message when you get home”, he commanded against his ear. His voice was low and hot, making Daniel tremble.

“Yeah, I will.”

Daniel caught up with Louis and Lestat on the street, where they were walking home with their arms wrapped around each other’s waists. Louis was grinning as he demanded: “Did you find his tonsils? You really put the effort into it, boy.”

“No, I might have to continue next week”, Daniel replied with a bashful grin. “Otherwise, quite a successful evening, wouldn’t you say?”

“Didn’t get to see the cat, but it was okay.”

When they got home, Daniel locked himself into his room, slipped out of everything besides boxers and fell into the bed to eat the falafel dish they’d fetched on the way. He dug out his iPhone and, with one eye closed, tapped a message to Armand: msde it home. Thanks

Good boy. It was my pleasure.

If the words made his dick twitch, nobody needed to know, and he himself could always choose to forget.

---

It took until Wednesday for Daniel and Armand to meet again. That didn’t mean their WhatsApp conversation wasn’t flooded when the newest episode of White Lotus dropped or when they started to compete with each other to find the most grotesque and surreal memes imaginable. They’d give updates on their uneventful little lives, from a screenshot of Daniel’s school assignment that ended up being returned three minutes before midnight to Armand posting a picture of his lesbian roommate’s militant makeup organization in their shared bathroom.

And so Wednesday dawned, and crawled on towards the night. Daniel had invited Armand over, as he happened to know that Louis and Lestat were planning to nest the night away in their room. According to the plan, it was about time for them to witness the sudden deepening of Daniel’s innocent crush.

Daniel had promised to cook, which he already regretted as he poured the overcooked pasta into a strainer and rushed to pull the boiling pasta sauce from the stove. The kitchen was full of steam and suspicious smells when the doorbell rang. Cursing, Daniel wiped his hands on a kitchen towel before rushing to open the door, but Lestat beat him to it.

Daniel couldn’t hear anything over Shuggie Otis caressing his guitar on the record player, but he did see Lestat and Armand exchange a few seemingly polite words. Armand looked quite calm, though there was not a hint of smile on his face, and Lestat’s eyebrows were slightly furrowed. It didn’t look like they’d become the best of friends, but weirdly there was something more than animosity between them. Daniel didn’t want to call it sexual chemistry (not the least because he felt like he should have the dibs on that), but couldn’t really come up with any other term.

“Hi”, Daniel called out to interrupt their short-lived conversation or staring match, and Armand’s gaze immediately caught his. “Come on in.”

Armand stepped over to the kitchen and kind of grimaced at the sight of a limp pile of pasta.

“I’m no Gordon Ramsay”, Daniel warned.

“Right, I think I’ve seen enough proof.” Armand pressed his mouth into a tight line. “Mind if I offer a hand?”

And so he took over – he fixed the sauce with the remains of a bottle of red wine that had been sitting in the fridge for ages, some sliced garlic and a splash of soy sauce. Daniel followed him around the kitchen helplessly, trying to obey the requests before Armand even voiced them. (“Do you have garlic? Get me some soy sauce. We need to boil a new set of pasta, that’s unusable. It’s gotta be al dente, baby.”)

“This is like straight out of some cheesy romcom”, Daniel finally said, when Armand seemed somewhat satisfied with the taste of the sauce. The lack of reaction from Armand told Daniel enough. “Oh, not a fan of romcom? And you call yourself a cinephile. Pathetic. Bet you haven’t even seen When Harry Met Sally.”

Armand handed Daniel a spoonful of the sauce without a word. And fine, it was a good way to shut him up; Daniel could almost feel his pupils dilate at the taste.

“Wow, okay.” Daniel opened his mouth to beg for another spoonful, which he was blessed with. “I wasn’t aware of your game. You turned my shit into gold.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“You don’t need to protect my ego. I’ve been my worst critic since I was 11, when my grandfather died and left it to me. If there’s nothing else I can do, I can always shit on myself.”

Their eyes met and they both smiled, though there seemed to be something thoughtful behind Armand’s gaze.

Daniel nearly jumped when his eye wandered over Armand’s shoulder and found Louis leaning casually against the wall, watching them with his head tilted. “Fuck”, escaped Daniel’s mouth and he had to take a heavy breath to recover from the jumpscare. “What are you, a fucking ghost? Stop sneaking around, man.”

“Hi”, Louis said to Armand, like Daniel’s entire presence was air to him. He eyed Armand, who had turned to face him, before holding out his hand. “Louis. I don’t think we’ve met.”

Armand took his hand. “Armand”, he said in a soft voice, which Daniel had started to call his charismatic cult leader voice. He could’ve used it to whisper wicked yet sultry thoughts into people’s heads if he were an undead cult leader, and Daniel suspected that not one soul could’ve resisted his commands, not even those telling people to jump into the fire for his sake. “I’ve heard a lot about you. All good, naturally.”

“Likewise”, Louis admitted. “You’re good influence on our boy.”

Daniel would’ve paid real money to see the look on Armand’s face when he heard our boy leave Louis’ lips. “Good to hear”, Armand said after a long pause and turned a bit to give Daniel a poignant glance, which Daniel returned with a sheepish grin.

Armand hadn’t called him a good boy since Friday, but the word had dangled in the air between them – and Daniel had been pretty much incapable of thinking just about anything else ever since.

“Do you guys wanna eat with us?” he asked, pushing the praise to the back of his head where it had made its home. Louis threw a slightly hesitant look at the pasta sauce that gently sizzled on the stove, so Daniel felt forced to confess: “I’m not gonna lie – it was awful at first, but Armand fixed it. I promise it’s edible.”

Louis looked at Armand and almost seemed to be weighing up whether to give the guy a chance or not. “Yeah, okay”, he finally agreed with a nod. “We could eat. I’ll go get Lestat.”

“You’re really good”, Daniel whispered to Armand after Louis had left. He reached over to grab a stack of plates from the cupboard. “You’ll have him eating right out of your palm.”

Armand shrugged. “I’m used to dealing with pretty boys like him.”

Daniel felt a dark, almost possessive twist in the pit of his stomach (pretty boys – well, at least he was a beautiful boy), but didn’t want to get stuck there. He slammed the plates on the table and dug out some wine glasses while Armand corked the bottle he had brought.

By the time Lestat and Louis arrived, the table was set and Daniel had turned the B-side of Shuggie Otis. For a moment, the atmosphere was tense – Louis sat down in an overly composed posture while Daniel had a hard time looking him in the eye. 

“So, Armand”, Louis began as he elegantly rolled the pasta against his spoon. “I heard you’re studying law.”

Daniel felt like rolling his eyes – the man sounded like a dubious father-in-law and looked equally old-fashioned in his green vintage wool vest and corduroy pants.

“Yeah, it’s my fourth year here.”

“Are you from around here?”

“Jesus fucking Christ”, Daniel interrupted, pouring some red wine for Louis. “He’s not my date and you’re not my dad.”

Louis had a mouthful of pasta and looked like he was trying to chew as fast as possible to throw a snarky comment back, but his eyes widened in the process. “Wait, this is actually good”, he said, visibly relaxing in his chair. “What did you do? Daniel’s food is usually inedible.”

“That’s a lie and you know it. I make a mean mac and cheese.”

“Straight from the package”, Lestat snickered, and Daniel didn’t have enough evidence to defend himself. Fine, maybe he wasn’t tradwife potential – he had other virtues.

“Adding salt and garlic usually saves any dish”, Armand replied to Louis and took a generous sip of his wine.

Louis imitated the gesture with his own glass and grimaced. “Can’t give you compliments on the wine, though.”

“What? You’re joking – I’m sure my mom would love a glass”, Daniel teased, swirling the nasty stuff in his glass.

Louis caught the drift. “I take it back. Hell, it would be good enough for the fucking pope.”

“Alright, lay it off”, Armand huffed. “So I didn’t get the most expensive bottle in the store, whatever.”

“Anyway, how did you two meet? It wasn’t that long ago”, Louis got back on track with his questioning.

Armand and Daniel look at each other. “At the bar”, Daniel said as Armand finished chewing. “He bought me a drink and we talked.”

“Right, but the next morning you sounded like nothing was gonna come of it”, Louis said sweetly. “Just some weirdo at the bar, if I remember your words correctly.” The bastard knew exactly what he was doing.

Daniel coughed because Armand didn’t know any of this and he didn’t want to delve too deep into it. “Nothing is gonna come of it, stop forcing us into a gay romance.”

“Oh, you’re forcing yourself, dear boy. I’m just enjoying the show.”

Armand looked amused as he replied to Louis: “I bumped into Daniel in the library afterwards and we got stuck talking. I suppose my weird demeanor cracked his shell.”

It was rare that they ate around the table, as the typical way for them was to slump on the sofa and eat sandwiches together. So perhaps it was not surprising that their dinner had begun with some tension – but now the worst seemed to be over. The conversation flowed with more ease, especially after Louis and Armand found a common thread in jazz, and Lestat, against his will, was forced to discover that he and Armand had both been theatre kids.

The theatre reveal came as a surprise to Daniel, but it probably explained both the ambitious way Armand had woven their plot and his naturalness at the scenes they had acted out. There at the table, as the evening dimmed beyond the windows but the atmosphere in their kitchen became all the warmer, it almost didn’t feel like a plot anymore. Daniel found himself staring at Armand a couple of times and caught him at least once looking back and giving the faintest smile.

After the dinner, Armand took another glass of wine (which everyone else refused to drink) and joined Louis and Lestat on the sofa while Daniel cleared the table and dealt with the dishes. There were sounds of some random French film playing on the TV and a low conversation between Louis and Armand.

It felt odd, almost cozy. Daniel, Lestat and Louis had become a weird little family despite (or because of) months of bickering and tantrums. But that wasn’t all they were – every week they found time to just lounge on the sofa in their pajamas watching shitty movies, giggling and getting stoned.

Armand’s vibrant voice fit the room well, made it sound like he was meant to be there. Like he could’ve become a part of that family.

Near twelve, Louis and Lestat retired to their room, and Daniel was not naive enough to think they were going to sleep. The second the door to their room closed, he leaned in to whisper to Armand: “They’re gonna be fucking. The walls are thick, but not thick enough. You wanna escape to my room?”

Armand looked at his wristwatch with a frown. “I don’t know, it’s getting kind of late. I should probably head home, it’ll take me a while to walk.”

The thought made Daniel flatten. “Come on, man. You can stay over. My bed is no king size, but two people have slept in it before. Three people once or twice, actually, so you have no excuses.”

Armand studied his face for a long moment. “Boundaries?” he finally asked almost like a warning, but his pupils were huge. They reminded Daniel of a large predatory cat pausing in the grass to observe its unsuspecting prey. Being the object of it was thrilling.

“No problem”, he whispered with a grin, squeezing Armand’s thigh like he was just some dude among a sea of dudes he used to spoon with. “Your tongue has already been down my throat, what more intimate could you do to me?” The corners of Armand’s mouth twitched and his eyes squinted a little – the impression of an apex predator was only reinforced. “Okay, yeah, I take it back – I bet there’s plenty you could do, loverboy. But you know what I mean.”

“I didn’t take a toothbrush”, Armand said. He didn’t sound reluctant at all, more like he was offering Daniel a way out.

“You can use mine.”

“Disgusting”, Armand said, but didn’t sound like he thought so.

“Like I said, your tongue has already been down my throat.” Daniel gave him a moment to think before demanding: “Well? You staying?”

“Hm. If you insist.”

And with that, Armand let Daniel wash his teeth first before taking over the bathroom. While the guy was washing himself, Daniel tiptoed into his bedroom to strip down to his boxers and dig out a t-shirt that didn’t stink or have a hole in it. He panicked a little when he realized he hadn’t changed the sheets in a couple of weeks, but a quick dusting of some chips crumbs on the floor helped a bit.

Armand sneaked in while Daniel was frantically cleaning up the worst piles of trash from the desk. (Old receipts, half-eaten bags of chips, beer cans, empty cigarette packages, dirty disposable coffee cups with exotic mold growing in the inch of coffee that had been left at the bottom. Lestat had it so right – he was a pig.) Daniel stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

Armand answered with a grin and closed the door quietly behind him. “They truly are fucking”, he said, making Daniel snicker. “The bed is squeaking and everything.”

“Yes, thank God they had the decency not to go at it in the living room. They’ve often driven me to my room with that neat little trick.”

Daniel handed Armand a t-shirt and tried not to give too much weight to the way his heart stumbled when he saw Armand in his Black Sabbath shirt, his curls loose and his eyes drowsy from the wine.

“Uh, go ahead”, Daniel said stupidly, gesturing towards his narrow wooden bed. “Welcome to my crib and all.”

Armand shook his head in amusement. “Is this where you sleep? Like every night? Boy, you have to come and stay at mine one day, it’ll change your life.” The boy he casually dropped made Daniel shiver. “I refuse to sleep in anything smaller than 160 centimeters anymore, but I’ll make an exception for you. Go on, get comfortable. I’m more of a big spoon.”

Armand went to turn off the ceiling light while Daniel did as he was told and slipped under the covers. He was still trying to get a comfortable position when the mattress bent under Armand’s weight and Daniel felt his body heat glow against his back. Daniel was so neatly tucked between Armand’s body and the wall that he couldn’t have turned over without elbowing the guy in the nose or rubbing his ass all over Armand’s crotch, even though it couldn’t exactly be called spooning.

“You okay?” Armand asked, his hot breath against the back of Daniel’s neck. For a moment, Daniel’s head was spinning and he was unable to answer, his heart pounding furiously and rushing blood into his ears. “Daniel. I could leave. It’s not a problem.”

It brought Daniel back to earth, back to the sheets softened by weeks of heat and restless sleep, back to Armand’s body behind him. “Yeah”, he mumbled, only realizing as he felt Armand stiffen that maybe he thought Daniel was asking him to leave. “Shit, I didn’t mean that. I mean everything’s fine. Please, don’t go.”

Armand relaxed, but slowly, as if to give Daniel room to change his mind.

“It was a successful evening. You could become a star at the local theatre.”

Armand laughed hoarsely. “Thanks. I think I’ll try the lawyer route first, but it’s good to know there are other options if it all goes to shit.”

Daniel smiled. “Louis likes you, too.”

“And Lestat hates me.”

“Nah, he just opens up slowly. And you don’t want to be liked by him – that’s usually a sign that he’s up to no good.”

Daniel felt Armand nodding slowly as if going through a reel in his head. “Right. Good to know.”

Daniel was a known night owl and so was Armand based on their nocturnal conversations, but after just some chatting, Daniel’s lids started to droop. Armand’s scent filled the air and made his muscles finally give in, like he could relax after the long evening.

“Sleep well, will you”, Daniel muttered with his mouth against the pillow. He barely had time to hear Armand’s soft reply before the lights went out.

---

The morning dawned with a violent alarm, as it always did on weekdays. Groaning, Daniel smashed the snooze button, though he’d already set the alarm late enough to know he wouldn’t make it in time for class. He was used to abusing his bright eyes and clumsy French begging privileges, but most of the professors were by now becoming immune to his charm.

The alarm also led to the guy spooning Daniel wrapping himself tighter around him. The hug was so penetratingly tight that Daniel had no way of wriggling out of it unless the guy would kindly loosen his grip.

Armand, Daniel remembered after a moment of confused blinking at the wall. He had stayed for the night. Daniel relaxed into the grip and let his eyelids roll shut. When he woke up five minutes later to the sound of his iPhone again, Armand growled against the back of his neck: “Shut it. Fucking smash it if you have to.”

His hot lips and the tight tone made Daniel’s stomach tighten. “Yeah, I gotta get up anyway”, he whispered, battling to untangle himself from the tight embrace.

Armand just wouldn't let go. “Stay“, he tried to command, his words slurred with sleep. “Skip the lecture. We’ll sleep in.”

“I really need to go, it’s a mandatory class.”

Grumping, Armand released his grip so that Daniel could slip over his limp body and onto his feet. Armand immediately grabbed a pillow as a substitute for Daniel and seemed to ease right back to sleep. He had sometimes complained about insomnia, but Daniel (not entirely without bitterness) estimated that he had no issues right then and there.

With a peculiar mix of envy and affection, Daniel watched Armand’s back rise and fall in time with a calm breath as he pulled on jeans and the first t-shirt he could find, on which Marc Bolan unaudibly strummed his guitar. Daniel grabbed his backpack and stuffed it with his laptop, a notebook, a single pen and a pack of cigarettes.

Daniel sneaked out of the room to find Louis sitting at the kitchen table with his familiar set of coffee and a hummus sandwich. He silently greeted Daniel with a wave before turning his attention back to the paperback he was reading.

Daniel brushed his teeth for barely twenty seconds (he could never beat the nasty rat allegations), ran a comb through his curls to stop them from standing all the way up and rushed to grab something to eat. “Fuuuck”, he cursed, trying to scan the contents of the fridge. “Why don’t we have anything to take on the go, I’m already fucking late!”

Louis handed over his half-eaten hummus sandwich, which Daniel grabbed and almost fell to his knees with gratitude. “Louis de Pointe du Lac, you’re a fucking saint and I will pay you back when I’m rich and famous and won my two Pulitzer prizes.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it, Danny.” The man and the myth smiled and turned a page. “Did Armand stay late? He seems like a sensible guy. A good influence on you for sure.”

“Oh yeah, he stayed the night”, Daniel said and shoved the sandwich into his mouth while tying his boots.

Louis slowly raised his eyes and stared at Daniel. “He stayed the night?” he repeated, blinking. “He – in your room?”

“No, I put him on the bathroom floor like a dog – of course in my room, man.”

“In the same bed?” Louis asked, but Daniel couldn’t answer because his mouth was again filled with hummus, and he was slipping his leather jacket on. “Wait, is he – he’s still here?”

Daniel blew Louis a kiss as he rushed out the door.

---

Armand reported via WhatsApp that he had been subjected to the third-degree interrogation that Daniel had narrowly managed to escape.

But I think I got good grades, he continued with a selfie of him smiling in his cunty little sunglasses. I think he likes me.

Who wouldn’t? I’m afraid you’re the perfect son-in-law, Daniel wrote back.

It’s just because he doesn't know the nasty things I’d do to his perfect little flower.

Daniel wasn’t proud of it, but he barked a violent laugh out loud. Shut up, he texted Armand the words he sensed everyone else in the auditorium mentally bombarded him with.

When Daniel stopped by home just to change before his shift, he found Louis in a suspiciously good mood. So the guy really did like Armand. Luckily the interrogation techniques he’d used on Armand had satisfied his need for gossip and so he let Daniel sneak into his room without raising hell. 

Being the perfect houseguest he was, Armand had neatly folded the Black Sabbath shirt on the corner of Daniel’s bed. Daniel sat down for a moment (which he technically had no time for, but he liked living on the edge), lifted the shirt to his face and sniffed in the scent that clung to the fabric.

It warmed him from toe to fingertip. (And was entirely normal behavior, he wanted to believe.)

Armand’s weekends were often long and busy, so their communication was limited to WhatsApp, which pinged all day long in the form of casual chitchat and obscure memes. Daniel had no illusions that Armand would have time for his needy ass, so on Sunday after his shift, Daniel took a quick shower at Pita Palace and headed straight for Eugene.

There was always a familiar face at Eugene – and even if there wasn't, Daniel was the type of chaotic extrovert that could always find himself company. But he didn't need to resort to that as the second he got in, Lily jumped up in a table filled with her classmates and waved Daniel over.

Being a literature student, Lily had told Daniel that every woman in her class could be categorized into one of two leagues: they were either depressed lesbians, who hadn’t had the energy to open a book in two years, or optimistic, cottage-core vibing straight girls, who wrote fragmentary poetry into the margins of their bullet journals. Lily herself was true to her words: during the three years of uni studies, she had apparently read one and a half books from start to finish. So her categorization system was not only tinged but filled with self-deprecation.

Despite her harsh words, Daniel actually found himself enjoying the company of her classmates. They were clever and got him to laugh so hard he burst some beer out of his nose, before the pint had even had time to lighten up his mood.

There was a girl that specifically caught his attention. Julia had dark curly hair and brown eyes, but it was the elegant gestures and the way she teased Daniel by raising her eyebrows that really intrigued him.

She was no lesbian (but pan), but she was not this fragmentary poem type of girl either. She didn’t fit into the strict juxtaposition Lily had created and Daniel was quick to tell her so, hoping to get a laugh out of her.

No such luck – Julia rolled her eyes and said: “Oh, that’s just her internalized misogyny. Why does everyone have to force binaries where they don’t belong?”

Daniel perked up. “I believe you, totally – I mean, I believe all women – but how exactly can a girl be misogynistic?”

“Come on now. You should take some gender studies.”

Daniel grinned. “Maybe I will. In the meantime, can I get you a drink?”

Julia looked at him, considering the offer for a while. There was a spark in her eyes, though. “Fine”, she finally agreed, as if giving Daniel a great gift of mercy. That’s what it felt like. “I guess you could get me a Moscow Mule if you insisted.”

Daniel was up and on the counter in seconds. The bar was getting more crowded and the noise level was increasing. Daniel was waiting for the drinks when he noticed a familiar figure in the distance. 

If it wasn’t Armand standing there in his long black jacket, his curls elegantly combed back to something reminiscent of waves. A smile curled his lips, his expression suddenly so seductive that Daniel almost expected to see a spark of light caught in a fatal little fang as Armand tilted his head back and laughed. No such thing, of course.

Warmth trickled down Daniel’s entire body and a smile forced the corners of his mouth. Immediately after getting the drinks into his hands, he wandered through the crowd to get closer to Armand.

Daniel hadn’t quite reached him when something in the picture suddenly felt wrong. He paused in the middle of the bar to realize that Armand was leaning overly casually against a wall, chatting to someone – a man with big dark eyes and shyly upturned lips. The guy gazed up at Armand, his mouth agape with adoration he didn’t bother disguising. And Armand wasn’t any more discreet as he raised his hand to touch the boy’s chin, lifted it a little and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

Stupid.

A heavy sensation tumbled down Daniel’s stomach and spread around into his lungs until it reached all the way to the top of his head. Stupid, Daniel thought again, but couldn’t get his feet to move – he just stared at the gentle kiss, Armand’s slender fingers on the boy’s chin.

As if sensing a change in the room’s vibe, Armand broke away from the kiss and looked to the side.

His eyes locked with Daniel’s, and time just stood.

At first, Armand’s face was struck by a delighted smile, which quickly drained away at the lack of response.

Yeah, fuck this, Daniel thought. With hurried steps he fled back to Lily’s table, because suddenly he couldn’t bear to stand there for a moment longer staring either at the tender moment he’d interrupted or Armand’s surprised doe eyes.

“There you go”, he said with a cold, machine-like tone, as he shoved the Moscow Mule on the table in front of Julia. He watched the freckles on her dark cheeks, her soft lips as she slipped a straw between them and took a sip. “Uh, would you mind if I kissed you?”

“Oh.” She looked surprised, but her small mouth widened into a smile and she set the drink down on the table. “I think you should work a bit more for it, don’t you?”

“I do”, Daniel admitted, but didn’t have time to continue as Julia leaned towards him and held him by the chin.

The kiss was light and sweet, but somehow deceptive. Julia smelled and felt good, her hand even turned Daniel’s head a little, which managed to strike a chord in the pit of his stomach.

But it still felt bitter.

As they pulled away from each other, Julia seemed to share the thought. She turned to her drink, not meeting Daniel’s eyes.

“Sorry”, Daniel managed to say over the buzzing in his head. “That was…” But he had no words to describe any of it. Julia licked her lips, sugary from the drink, and looked at him with raised eyebrows, expecting something. Daniel felt his panic grow so he did what he usually did. “I’ll drop by the bathroom, promise I’ll be right back.”

And he ran away – with his pint.

Daniel didn’t know exactly where he was headed when a tight grip on his arm made him stop. Of course it was Armand, as Daniel realized that his body had hoped for. The thought was more than a bit unnerving.

“Hey”, Armand kind of yelled to be heard over the chatter and loud music surrounding them. “Wanna go out for a cigarette?”

He just held Daniel’s arm, waiting, until Daniel realized that nothing was going to happen before he’d give an answer. “Sure”, he said, and let Armand lead them out.

In the last few days, the climate change hellscape had eased a bit, although it was still milder than usually this time in October. Armand leaned against the brick wall of the bar and watched intently as Daniel dug a cigarette out of his pocket.

The light Armand offered came as a surprise, but Daniel allowed it. There was something intimate about the gesture, something tender.

Daniel thanked him with a nod as he took his first drag. “I didn’t know you’d be here tonight”, he said, blowing the smoke away from them.

“I didn’t know you’d be here.” Armand kept watching him, his eyes unblinking and all-seeing. “Just so you know – and not that I think it’s any of your business at all – I had set that date up weeks ago. Way before our agreement.”

Daniel nodded and sucked on the cigarette, his hand trembling. “Right. You’re not accountable to me.” He didn’t quite dare to look at Armand. “You two having fun?”

Armand glanced around before saying, low: “He’s a great guy. Pretty and nice and very... willing.” He looked at Daniel’s mouth and blinked slowly. “But I can’t help but feel like it’s missing… something.”

Daniel’s chest ached at the words. “Yeah? What does that mean?”

Armand shrugged. “Whatever you want it to mean.”

Daniel hoped he was interpreting the words like they were intended to. He couldn’t help but smile, satisfaction bubbling and growing inside him. “Armand”, he said and burst out laughing. “God help me, this sounds so fucking stupid. Uh – would you be willing to be exclusive with me for the duration of this fake relationship?”

Armand grinned. “It does sound fucking stupid, Daniel.”

“I know! But I just found out that I don’t particularly like watching you lick someone else’s face while we’re in a non-situationship.”

“I could have kissed my grandmother the way I did that poor boy.”

But Armand was already laughing, and Daniel was relieved that he took this madness with amusement. Daniel wouldn’t have even minded if he said no and went back inside to french kiss that pretty boy into oblivion. Just the fact that he took the time to listen, to look at Daniel, to talk to him in that laughing voice of his made Daniel feel seen.

“Right, and what would’ve been the next step?” he teased. “You would have been handing out cross stitch tips and filling sudoku puzzles together?”

But Armand refused to be tricked into Daniel’s shenanigans. “No, you’re right – I would’ve taken him to my apartment and broken his back. So, you want me to stop sleeping around for the duration of your stupid game?”

Daniel, shaken by the bluntness, stuttered: “I mean... Yeah. I guess that’s what I’m asking for. Uh – would you?”

Armand stared at him. Finally, he shook his head a little, leaned in to grab the cigarette between Daniel’s lips and took a long drag of it. He looked hot as hell with his hair slicked back and his eyes sparkling soft like that. “Fine”, he said, smiling, and slipped the cigarette back in Daniel’s mouth. “I can go a month without getting laid. What about you?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t try me, I saw you kissing that girl. Are you going to take part in celibacy as well?”

It was not a problem per se, but Daniel was well aware of his tendency to turn into an advocate of free love (slut – he meant slut) the second he got some intoxicants in his system.

“You don’t have to”, Armand laughed and sounded suddenly almost cruel. “I’ll give you another option: you could just invite me to watch.”

Daniel’s face turned scorching hot and, given his pathetically pale complexion, he was guaranteed to have flushed pink. After a brief self-reflection, he was man enough to admit to himself that he might just be up for it. The thought of Armand sitting in the corner of the room watching and talking in his low voice while Daniel kissed the between of Julia’s thighs felt like Fareed’s quality junk.

“Um – let me put a pin on that,” he finally stammered. “But yeah, sure, I’m in. Let’s commit to this monogamous fake situationship.” He held out his hand to seal the deal.

Armand looked at it, raising an eyebrow: “I’d say we’re past the handshake stage, don’t you think?”

They shared a smile until Armand reached out to take the cigarette from Daniel’s lips, pressed him surprisingly tight against the brick wall and touched the end of his nose with his own. It felt intoxicating, but Daniel got even more drowsy when Armand finally put his hand on Daniel’s neck and kissed him. Just as softly as he had kissed the boy inside, but he ran his tongue teasingly over Daniel’s lower lip.

Just as Daniel was about to open his mouth to deepen the kiss, Armand pulled back and took a drag of the cigarette. “It’s a deal”, he smiled. What a fucking tease – Daniel’s balls wouldn't be blue but fucking black by the end of this thing. “Shall we go back inside?”

Like a very happy dog on a leash, Daniel followed.

---

Although the heat had started to recede over the last few days, it suddenly saw appropriate to return twice as devastating. The morning dawned hot and sunny in Daniel’s musty room. He woke up to sunlight creeping down his bare thigh and leaving a burn in its wake. 

Being spooned already felt safe and almost familiar, but there was something previously undiscovered in the experience that morning. When Daniel stretched himself in Armand’s embrace, something poked him in the back of his thigh.

He froze.

It was perfectly natural – they had been kissing torturously slow and gentle the night before and Daniel’s ass must’ve been rubbing against Armand’s cock all night. It was flattering really, enough so that there was a twitch in Daniel’s own dick.

He didn’t know what supernatural sense made Armand stir despite Daniel barely even breathing to stay as still as possible just to bask in the sleepy moment. (Hey, he wasn’t gay, but he was apparently not immune to dicks pressing against his ass and the overwhelming presence of a cedar-scented man either.)

Lovely little kitten-like noises trickled out of Armand’s mouth as he tried to get himself to wake up and pulled Daniel tighter against his chest.

Until he stiffened, just like Daniel had less than three minutes ago.

“Shit”, he said and was already pushing Daniel away. “Fuck. Daniel, I’m so sorry.”

Daniel grabbed his arm, refusing to let him go. “It’s okay, man”, he replied, feverishly trying to think of an even slightly heterosexual way of saying I kinda like it when you’re so close that our skin melts together and I can feel your dickprint between my buttocks. Armand’s whole body was still stiff, except his boner which was softening from the fright, so Daniel petted the dark hair on his forearm with his thumb. “Hey, I’m so fucking serious when I say this: it’s fine. It’s not my first time at the rodeo.”

Armand seemed to stiffen even more. “Excuse me?”

Daniel didn’t want to brag or anything, but once he’d started... “I’ve given a friend or two a handjob. You know how it goes – boys being boys.”

Armand was silent for a long moment before he huffed an almost inaudible laugh into Daniel’s neck. “Daniel, clearly I do not know how it goes, since to me that’s just gay sex.” His body relaxed a little, encapsulated Daniel back into his warmth. “The longer we keep doing this, the more aggravating things you reveal. Maybe I should put up my money for Louis after all.”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “Okay, wow. If that’s your attitude, I won’t even mention that time I sucked a friend off.”

Armand’s uncontrolled burst of laughter sent shivers all over Daniel’s body.

Daniel thought back to last night – how they’d left the party around eleven just to wander into a nearby park, share a joint and stare at the stars. They’d kept talking, sometimes over each other, and ended up sloppily kissing. Classic Daniel high as a kite behavior, when there didn’t seem to be any reason not to straddle someone and get them to pull your hair a bit.

“There’s no one around to even see us kissing, how do you justify this”, Armand had laughed and stroked Daniel’s hair with an adoring look in his eyes. Daniel had started to suspect that he had to sweat oxytocin to make a man smile like that.

“Oh, I’ll tell Louis all about it”, Daniel had promised, nibbling Armand’s lower lip to coax him back into the kissing business. “I won’t spare a detail. I promise your service won’t go to waste, brave soldier.”

Daniel didn’t know what time they had stumbled home, but now his iPhone informed him it was half past nine. His guts rumbled to signal his body’s need to be fed, and he wouldn’t have minded a painkiller either, even though he didn’t have a proper hangover. He had been surprisingly well-behaved the night before, Louis would have been proud.

Louis.

“We gotta get breakfast”, Daniel realized, fighting his way out of Armand’s magnetic pull. “Louis has to see us!”

“You’re so diligent”, Armand muttered as he climbed to his feet after Daniel. He didn’t bother changing out of the worn Black Sabbath shirt, he just slipped some pants on to be decent for their audience. Seeing him so relaxed, as if Daniel’s shirt somehow belonged on his body, made Daniel’s heart skip a beat. It didn’t help at all that Armand grabbed a scrunchie from the corner of the table and wrapped his hair in a little bun over the nape of his neck.

Daniel wanted to kiss and bite his neck, a realization which shook him a bit. “Yeah”, he said, because he couldn’t keep quiet when his head was boiling and bubbling like that. “I’m so diligent you wouldn’t believe.”

Armand turned to look at him, smiling, and slid the round eyeglasses over Daniel’s nose. Daniel could see his face more clearly than he had the entire night before, because in his typical fashion he had spent the evening half-blind. He couldn’t stop beaming at Armand’s big eyes and long lashes.

“Oh, I believe you, beautiful boy. Now let’s go.”

Daniel – a beautiful boy – obeyed his command.

Lestat lounged on the red velvet sofa in his dressing gown and pajamas like some 19th century idle nobleman. The historical portrait was destroyed by the tinkling mobile phone that seemed to have bewitched him. His Candy Crush addiction would’ve been something worth exploring if school and drinking didn’t take up all of Daniel’s time.

“Good morning”, Lestat greeted, looking at Armand with a face so devoid of expression that there had to be a sea of emotions bubbling inside.

“Morning, man. How was your night?” Daniel asked, digging some yoghurt and bread out of the fridge. Armand put the coffee pot on and soon the familiar smell took over the room.

“It was all right.” Which translated into we fought, not at all unusual to them. “Louis went home, he’s got this assignment that requires his attention.” Oh, so it was actually serious. When Daniel took a closer look at Lestat, his eyes were indeed a little puffy and red, like he’d either bawled violently last night or sobbed a little this morning – or most likely both.

Daniel looked at Armand, who raised his eyebrows helplessly. “Do you want to, um – should we go or...?”

“No, no!” Lestat stuttered and blinked rapidly at Daniel, a little panicked.

He was one of the most codependent people Daniel knew; when he was not hanging around Louis (which he did 98% of the time), he was doing his best to get on Daniel’s nerves or hung out at Antoinette’s. They seemed to be his best substitutes for Louis’ company.

After a year of living together, Daniel had started to realize that Lestat was not too popular among his own peers. It almost seemed like he was too direct and quick-tempered, or in some strange ways too beautiful and charismatic (which Daniel would never have admitted out loud) to make genuine friends easily. He had this aura of too much perfection (and smugness) which Daniel supposed was unattractive to most people. Beneath his cool demeanor there was someone who craved intimacy. Daniel had learned to see beyond it, but it had taken him time. 

As if realizing the desperation in his words, Lestat continued, in a slightly cooler tone: “I mean, it’s your place just as much. You can stay here if you’d like.”

Daniel rolled his eyes at Armand with his back to Lestat so that the guy wouldn’t put up a fight just to let off steam. “Okay”, Daniel replied, loading three pieces of cheese on a thin slice of bread. “Wanna watch the new episode of White Lotus with us?”

Lestat kind of sniffled, before finally confessing, on the verge of tears: “Louis will kill me if I watch it without him.”

“Oh, he doesn’t need to know.”

Lestat shot a short glance at Armand before admitting: “I guess it can’t hurt him… as long as he never finds out.”

“That’s right, man. It’ll be our little secret.”

And so the three of them settled down on the sofa among the blankets and cushions to stare at the lush glow of Thailand.

In the middle of the episode, Armand’s palm slipped under the blanket and squeezed Daniel’s thigh.

---

The days flew and merged into each other; Louis and Lestat made up just to end up almost blocking each other again. Then they made up again, very publicly and obscenely on the couch, in Lestat’s bedroom and in the bathroom, although Daniel was delighted to hear that their nasty business was interrupted by the hot water running out.

Daniel drowned himself in schoolwork and making pitas at Pita Palace. It was all situation normal, except that he and Armand played house like they were award winning actors on Broadway.

Daniel invited Armand to visit Pita Palace, where he made the guy three different kinds of bread for free.

“And you claim you can’t cook”, Armand grinned as he stuffed the second one into his mouth. “Some day some lucky girl is going to make a great housewife out of you.”

“If you’re prepared to live on pita bread that decomposes slower than plastic then sure, I’d take care of the kids and clean the kitchen.”

“I’ve already got microplastics all over my brain, so I could probably live with that. Not with the kids, though. Can we negotiate those?”

“No, I want two – that’s my final offer. One of them is going to play the piano like an angel.”

“Well, shit.”

Claudia sat on the counter sucking a coke through a straw and watching them like some alien species. “So, you’re doing this to fuck with your roommate’s head”, she interrupted their larping. Alongside Armand, she was the only one who knew about the plot. Daniel had decided that the secret was safe with her, because Louis never visited Pita Palace – and Claudia was just too talented at digging stuff out of Daniel.

“Yep”, Daniel confirmed as he filled Armand’s third pita bread with marinated soy strips, jalapeno, tomato and plastic-flavored cheddar.

Claudia was quiet with the straw still in her mouth. Finally, she blurted: “There’s something deeply wrong with you. You’re taking this way too seriously.”

“Shut up, kiddo. You’re in high school, you wouldn’t get it.”

“No, I’m serious. You’re weird and you know it.” And like she’d gotten the last word, she went to the backroom to unpack some pita boxes.

“Crazy girl”, Daniel shook his head while placing the third pita bread on the counter.

Armand looked at Daniel and leaned his chin on his palm. With something like hesitance, he opened his mouth: “I wonder if she’s right. Maybe it’s time to come out of the closet and tell Louis that you’re definitely straight and we’ve been making out in front of him just for laughs.”

“No, Armand, don’t believe that little girl! You out of anyone should realize that this thing is still missing the grande finale!” Daniel got all worked up, until he realized something and lowered his voice. “Unless, of course, you don’t want to go on. Is that it? You don’t wanna kiss me anymore? We can quit immediately, I promise you. Just say the word, yeah?”

“Nah, I’m grand”, Armand said, but looked at his fizzling drink in a short silence. “You’re not... You’re not having any thoughts, though? Regrets or – or something else. Feelings. Something. Anything?”

“No”, Daniel replied, surprised by the sensitive tone and approach. “Don’t worry about me, man, I’m just fine.”

Armand was about to say something, but the bell above the door jingled and a horde of teenagers rushed in. Daniel recognized the type by their loud expressions; they were definitely going to buy a ton of drinks and practice TikTok dances in the corner of the room. “Sorry, I’ll take care of them”, Daniel whispered to Armand and moved towards the kids. “Enjoy your pita, we’ll get back to this.”

But they never got back to it.

During the next few days Armand took him to the cinema to watch a shitty slasher movie, before which they’d smoked a fat blunt which made them giggle the entire movie and gobble two buckets of popcorn. Armand also helped Daniel understand EU legislation for his next schoolwork and held his hand on Daniel’s thigh while they sat on the couch watching the Triangle of Sadness (it was hilarious; it was terrifying; it almost made Lestat throw up during the famous vomiting scene).

Armand stayed for the night.

When Daniel woke up, it was due to the morning light creeping up the walls and a hard-on pressing against his ass. It felt natural, just like the feeling of Armand’s chest glued to his back did. They had kicked the blanket down to their feet during the night, and now Armand was close enough to breathe hotly against the back of Daniel’s neck.

Daniel’s dick desperately wanted him to know that it volunteered to be used. Being the chaotic and twisted individual that he was, always chasing the next possible high, Daniel wiggled his ass against Armand.

Armand whined and moved, but didn’t awaken from his slumber. Daniel grinded his hips again and this time he could feel Armand slowly waking up – he could hear it in the changing rhythm of his breathing. Completely silent in the golden sunshine, Armand seemed to observe for a moment. Daniel hardly gave him enough time to evaluate; he started a light, teasing grind against the dick that had sunk between his cheeks.

Armand’s hand slid across Daniel’s belly to his chest, and from there all the way to his neck. It was heavy there, like a warning. “Boy”, he said in a very quiet voice, hoarse after sleep. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Daniel’s stomach dropped – a flood of thoughts rushed into his head. Fuck, he had overstepped their boundaries. Armand hated it – Armand hated him and his hairy fucking ass. What the fuck had he been thinking.

Until Armand went on: “If you keep up, I’m gonna…”

He didn’t need to finish his threat. Daniel’s insides returned to their familiar place and the breath he hadn’t even realized was trapped in his lungs got out in a shudder. “You’re gonna what?” he said and squirmed his ass. Armand’s hand on his neck tightened a little. “Put me into my place? Maybe that’s what I’m after.”

“Oh, you don’t know what you’re asking for.”

Armand’s hand slid down to touch his nipple. There was no shirt in the way because the heat had forced them out of everything but their boxers. The touch made Daniel open his mouth, and the way Armand twisted his nipple made him moan like a whore with a Bachelor’s degree in whoring.

“You’re so easy”, Armand laughed, leaning in to nuzzle Daniel’s neck. With startling ease Armand tossed Daniel onto his stomach and slid on his back, his cock hard and leaking against Daniel. “I don’t think you’d have the stamina for me putting you into your place. You’d just make a mess in your pants.”

“No, I could take it”, Daniel almost whimpered, kind of proving Armand’s point.

He was totally willing to let Armand take – hell, just plain old have – all the control, as he plunged deep into almost dreamlike pleasure. His dick was now rock hard against the sheets as Armand rocked against him. His mouth on Daniel’s neck changed from soft to violent, running his tongue against Daniel’s jawbone and nibbling his earlobe.

“You’re so fucking easy”, Armand repeated. “I can see you begging for it. Are you this much of a slut for all the girls you fuck?”

“Shit, Armand. Yeah, I am.”

“Just begging for someone to come and put you on your knees where you belong. A lot of girls ride you, don’t they? And you like it that way. You like being put to good use.”

A moan escaped Daniel’s mouth and his eyes squeezed shut. Armand’s hand came up to his lips and fed him two fingers. Daniel accepted them immediately, swirling his tongue around them. A feverish thought crossed his mind – was he being a good boy for Armand, was he?

“That’s it. That’s my good boy”, Armand panted, like he had read Daniel’s mind. “I’d love to hear every sound you make, but we’d better keep quiet, love. The walls aren’t thick enough for me to make you scream.”

Daniel’s mind traveled somewhere far, to unknown frontiers and then beyond. Armand started slowly fucking him through their boxers, his grinding making Daniel’s dick rub against the mattress. He couldn’t help but think what Armand’s cock would look like – what it would smell or taste like.

What it would feel like inside of him. How Armand would spread his thighs and slap his ass and praise what a good and tight and open hole he was.

Shit, he couldn’t take it, his body took over.

“Oh, God”, he slurred, Armand’s fingers still in his mouth, lazily fucking the wetness. “Oh fuck, oh shit, Armand.”

And he splashed all over the sheets, the inside of his skull flashing white, Armand pressing his forehead into the back of his head and trembling. Daniel vaguely registered him panting and muttering something that sounded a lot like beloved and my good boy and I’ll make you feel so good if you let me, if you just let me.

It felt like the orgasm was sizzling in every single one of Daniel’s limbs, and all he could do was lie there with Armand’s cum on his back. He could feel the wetness under his dick, but after an orgasm like that, he didn’t even mind having to wash the sheets he’d changed just a few days ago.

Armand rolled off his back to slump next to him. Daniel’s cheek was pressed into the pillow with his face turned away, and he couldn’t possibly force himself to move, even though he felt like he might die if he wouldn’t see the look on Armand’s face in ten seconds.

“Oh, God”, he repeated, his voice smothered by the pillow. “Fuck. Where’d you learn to fuck like that.”

Armand laughed hoarsely but lifted his hand to the top of Daniel’s head to run his fingers through his sweaty curls. “I’ve had some practice. Are you okay?“ he asked, pressing a soft, light kiss to his pale shoulder blade.

“Yeah, I’m okay”, Daniel managed to get out, even though he felt like he’d gotten a personal invitation to ninth cloud. He managed to muster enough willpower and body control to turn his head to see Armand basking in the sunlight – his tousled hair and the gold in his dark eyes. “Can’t believe you don’t mind my hairy ass. Or I assume you don’t since you just dry humped me to the moon and back and you’re not, you know, complaining.”

“I don’t mind your hairy ass? Daniel, as long as we’re not dating, you’re not allowed to shave anything below your chin. That’s a new boundary for me.”

Daniel grinned sleepily, burying his nose into his shoulder. “Oh, you’re into hairy dudes. Like bears or something.”

Armand smiled but not entirely carefree. “I don’t know. I’m mostly into you right now, I‘m afraid.”

“Admirable dedication to your part.”

“Right.” Armand was quiet for a while before brushing a sweaty curl away from Daniel’s brow. “But all jokes aside, that had to be kind of... intense.” He studied Daniel’s face carefully.

“Yeah, not quite the same as a hand job in high school”, Daniel muttered and Armand’s grip, which had slid back to his hair, tightened. A moan crawled out of Daniel’s mouth and through narrowed eyes he examined Armand clearly trying to conceal his smile. “Did you do that on purpose?”

“Which part?”

“My, um…” Armand’s grip on his scalp tightened again. “Well, that, for example. Or the good boy thing. Or how I, uh... beg for it. The girls. All of that.”

Armand smiled and leaned in to poke Daniel’s nose with his. Daniel was dying to kiss him, lazy and wet, but it was probably wise of Armand to keep it light and sweet. Daniel’s breath was certainly not at its freshest and the threat of another boner so soon after such a violent orgasm felt unthinkable, but was entirely plausible.

“Everything I do is on purpose, Daniel.” Armand made his name sound like good boy. Daniel bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” He opened his eyes slowly. “I want to brush my teeth, drink a cup of coffee, have some breakfast and kiss you. Not necessarily in that order.”

Armand leaned in to press such a chaste kiss on his neck that it made Daniel’s stomach flutter. “Let’s go then.”

When they left the room (separately, because suddenly Daniel got shy and wanted to take a quick shower alone) and finally found some breakfast in the kitchen, Louis was already seated at the table and kept watching them behind a coffee mug with his head slightly tilted.

Maybe he thought he saw something; something in the ease of Daniel’s smile or the way he turned towards Armand like a sunflower worshipping the sun. Or in Armand’s serenity, or the casual way with which he moved Daniel out of his way by patting his ass.

Maybe he saw something real.

How the fuck was Daniel supposed to know.

Chapter 2

Notes:

I added some tags because this gets a bit heavy (I have to hit you with hammers before rotting your teeth).

Everyone reading, commenting and giving kudos - I'm kissing your foreheads. <3

Armand had barely dropped the take-away coffee on Daniel’s cluttered desk when the lid was already off and Daniel taking a greedy sip.

“I owe you my life”, he said from the bottom of his heart and turned his squeaky chair around to look at Armand, who had thrown himself on the bed with a cup of his own. “Not literally though, because I’ve drank like three Red Bulls today and I’ve been getting some heart palpitations, so you might just contribute to my downfall before I get the chance to join the 27 Club.”

Armand took a comfortable position on the bed, crossing his long legs. “I wouldn’t worry about that, I’m an expert in mouth-to-mouth. How’s the essay coming along?”

“Could be worse – I’ve got 3021 words already.” Daniel squinted at the Word document. ”It’s kind of starting to lose its grasp on reality, but I still need to get a thousand words. That’s tomorrow’s problem though, I’m so fucking ready to crack a cold one.”

Beyond the door, he could hear Louis and Lestat blasting music and getting ready for the night. Well, Lestat mostly – Louis’ idea of getting ready was spraying some bergamot perfume on, because the guy was just about flawless without even trying.

“Give me another hundred words.” 

“Huh?” Daniel turned around in his chair, not sure he’d heard right.

“Another hundred words”, Armand repeated and took an innocent sip of his coffee.

“Man, we’re leaving in a minute. Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Because I told you to”, Armand said, finally meeting Daniel’s gaze. When Daniel fell silent and tried to stare him down, he raised his eyebrows in a challenge; like he expected Daniel to protest. “Do you really need another reason?”

It was a test, Daniel was pretty sure of it. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was being tested for – but after a short pause he didn’t even try to fight the instinct that made him turn to the computer and start typing.

Another hundred words later, he slammed the laptop lid down. He sort of expected Armand to give him something for being so obedient, but wasn’t about to beg for it. He headed for his wardrobe to change the loose Kermit shirt he had spent the last twentyfour hours in for something a little more sophisticated and, for example, clean.

“That’s my good boy,” Armand said from the bed and gave a smile when Daniel glanced at him. “So eager to please. Not a brat then.”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “Oh, I could give you brat”, he threatened, but it was half-hearted. He felt more like straddling Armand and forcing the man to repeat his praise. I’m your good boy? Say it again, pretty please. For some reason, the way Armand gave Daniel that word tickled him in places that he hadn’t known existed – or maybe places he had grown used to hiding.

They hadn’t talked about it, just like they hadn’t talked about the fact that they had fucked a couple of times. Just a few handjobs and some dry humping, which in Daniel’s books wasn’t proper sex, although it was taken on a next level when it was done face to face.

Armand had tried to start a serious conversation once or twice, but Daniel had been quick to brush the attempt aside. Was there anything more tedious than talking about feelings? Conversations about where the relationship was headed were entirely pointless in his humble opinion – why would they willingly ruin the fun by trying to put some labels on it? To him, it was clear that it was all just a harmless continuation to the drunken kissing and groping that their scheme required.

(Although perhaps he had some difficulties denying how ridiculously fast he had come one late night when they’d been stoned beyond the Central European time zone, and Armand had put his finger against Daniel’s hole. It would be so easy slipping into you, he had said, husky and hot against Daniel’s ear. Make you warm my cock for me. So yeah, maybe Daniel had ruined his pants in a record-breaking performance – and okay, maybe that night had caused him his first wet dream since miserable teenage years. But who was counting these homosexual incidences? Certainly not him.)

Lestat knocked on the door and yelled: “We’re leaving now, take it or leave it!”

“Wait a god damn minute!” Daniel roared before fighting his way into jeans and swallowing the lukewarm contents of his coffee cup in one go. “Shall we go, master, or is there anything else you’d want me to do? Sir?”

“If I were you, I’d be very careful with my words.”

“Oh, you’re not into being called a master?”

“I might just be too into it, Daniel. Did you consider that?”

Daniel hadn’t. He swallowed, feeling the beginning of a blush that barely had time to spread when Armand had already got out of bed. He was calm and ever so fucking stylish in his loose clothes as he swept past Daniel to the door, a glimmer of a smile on his lips.

His scent wafted against Daniel, taking him even further along this sheer border of arousal he hadn’t even realized landing on during their little interaction. Armand if anyone was capable of getting a shy boner out of him with mere words or one look, but in the past they had been accompanied at least by the possibility of some actual filth.

Feeling a bit dizzy, Daniel followed him.

They walked to the party, Louis and Lestat hand in hand ahead of them. Lestat gave his boyfriend long adoring (and pathetic) looks as the boyfriend in question passionately explained the details of Lily’s latest U-haul romance, which was doomed in the way only lesbian amour could be.

Armand and Daniel walked a few steps behind, the latter smoking a cigarette and Armand with his hands deep in his pockets. The heat still hung over the city, somehow even more suffocating than it had been before. Even the crescent moon in the sky looked juicier than usual, ripe and luscious enough to take a bite of. There was a dark vibration dangling in the air, both in the air pressure and the unreleased sexual tension between the two of them.

“Conan the Barbarian or Terminator 2?” Daniel asked in the middle of the silence that was comfortable but constantly growing.

“Hm.” Armand raised his eyes to the starry sky. “Terminator 2.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to go with that one as well.”

“The cultural impact just can’t be ignored.” Armand looked at Daniel with a faint smile. “And if I’m completely honest, I saw it at the tender age of nine, so Arnold’s cleavage is imprinted on the back of my eyelids. But I’d show you Conan the Barbarian if I wanted to get into your pants, and Terminator 2 if I wanted to cuddle the entire night watching movies.”

It had been a week since their last movie marathon that had included both slipping into Daniel’s pants and cuddling. With his roommate gone, Armand had invited Daniel to his place for the first time, and so they had sat on the big, beige couch and watched movie after movie after movie.

Armand’s apartment was more minimalist and less cozy than the chaotic nest that Lestat and Daniel had filled with both their scum and riches. Somehow Daniel got the vibe that Armand preferred staying at theirs, and after seeing his place he kind of got why. It was as if his place lacked some soul – it wasn’t a home as much as a place to sleep in.

But Armand’s library of DVD’s was impressive, so the list of movie options was endless. They had finally settled for Blade Runner, John Wick and an Italian horror film from the seventies. They had jacked off during John Wick (because Blade Runner was sacred to Armand and he barely allowed any comments during it), and during the last film Daniel had started to doze off.

“You’re snoring”, Armand had chuckled, waking Daniel from his sleep around two am.

“The fuck I am”, Daniel had replied despite having definitely woken up with a loud snort. “I was commenting on the film and you weren’t listening, actually.”

“Right.”

Daniel traveled through the memories back to the street, back to Armand, who was still looking at him. “We should have a new marathon”, Daniel suggested and raised his little finger. This time Armand didn’t leave him hanging but wrapped his pinkie around it. “Oh! Oh! You’re not above pinkie promises anymore.”

“I never was. It just takes a certain level of trust, don’t you think.”

Daniel couldn’t help but grin. “So you trust me?”

Armand laughed. “I do. God help me but I do.”

They arrived at the party during that sweet timeframe when people were already a bit wasted; alcohol had persuaded them out of the corners of the house to dance and kiss and babble in the open. The house itself was surprisingly large and elegant, probably someone’s parents’ home, as the paintings on the walls and the locked wine cabinet in the kitchen indicated some upper middle class money.

They grabbed some nearly undrinkable punch from the kitchen and headed to the backyard. It was a little easier to hear and the air was a bit fresher out there, although Daniel was going to ruin it for all of them immediately.

He dug out his pack of cigarettes, but there was only a lazy spark flickering out of his lighter. “Hey, babe”, he called out to Armand, who was stuck talking with some blonde guy. “Got a light?”

Armand looked at him and blinked. “Yeah.” He crossed over to Daniel, rummaging through his pockets.

When he offered a light, Daniel curled his palm around the flame, his fingers brushing against Armand’s.

“Nice touch”, Armand praised softly, pink light from the flare glistening in his eyes for a few seconds.

“Hm?”

“Babe”, he whispered, his eyes back to their usual bottomless black as the flame died down.

Daniel’s heart gave a few pathetic thumps in his ribcage when he realized that he had actually been the one to call Armand that. Armand had showered him with some pet names – the obvious good boy and some absent-minded loves or beloveds, mostly during sex – but Daniel hadn’t really participated in the act.

He glanced to the side and noticed Louis within an earshot, although admittedly focused on listening to Lily’s drunken rant. Still, he served as the perfect scapegoat.

“Oh, yeah”, he said, trying to ooze confidence and nodding towards Louis. “You know I’m a master tactician.”

Armand clicked his lighter shut and leaned in to take a drag from Daniel’s cigarette.  “Sun Tzu wishes he had what you’ve got.”

And with that, he was off again, back to chat with the blonde dude. Daniel couldn’t drag his eyes off them before Lestat, abandoned by Louis, wrapped his arm around Daniel’s neck and leaned his sharp little chin on Daniel’s shoulder.

“My dear friend Daniel,” he said with obviously feigned warmth. ”I’d like to ask you something.”

“Well, shoot.”

“You and Armand aren’t fucking on my couch, are you?”

“How fucking dare you. After the shit you’ve put me through, I wish we were fucking on your couch.”

“So you haven’t lost your virginity yet?”

Daniel shook him off his shoulder with a scowl. “Lestat – we need to know less about each other.” And without giving him a chance to continue, Daniel took off.

He wandered the yard, searching for a familiar face in the sea of people. He sipped some punch and grimaced at the aftertaste of cheap vodka. Three Sabrina Carpenter songs later he was ready to coax Armand into heading home and helping him lose his virginity on Lestat’s sofa. Suddenly, his eye caught a dark-haired girl who looked at him with her head slightly tilted.

“Hey”, Daniel said, although there were like ten feet between them, so there was no way she could hear him over the music. “I know you.”

The girl grinned back at him and came closer. “Hey, stranger.”

“No way. It’s been like three weeks or something. How are you doing?”

“I mean, as good as can be expected after being left at the bar after the lousiest kiss ever.” Lovely crow’s feet curled around her eyes as she let out a husky chuckle. She looked just as kissable as last time.

Daniel grinned sheepishly. “Fuck – sorry about that. I was an absolute ass. And I’ll have to keep being one ‘cause I really can’t recall your name. Alice, was it?”

“Careful now. But to be honest, I can’t recall yours either.” She stretched her hand out and caught Daniel’s in a firm grip. “It’s Julia.”

“Daniel. Hey. Hi. Nice to meet you again.”

They talked for a while, about the madness of White Lotus and rich people and climate change before the topic returned to where it had started – the lousy kiss and Daniel fleeing afterwards.

“Yeah”, Daniel said, scratching the back of his head. “Guilty as charged. It’s just that – there’s this person.”

Julia raised her eyebrows, a teasing twinkle in her eyes. “This person? Is he a lanky dude with black curls?”

Daniel blinked. “Um, yeah, how come?”

“Someone matching the description just happens to stand over there and keeps looking our way.”

A splash of heat warmed Daniel’s chest. He turned to look over his shoulder and his gaze met Armand’s, who seemed to be listening to the blonde dude but couldn't tear his gaze away from Daniel. Despite the distance, there was a shared smile and some cosmic mutual understanding between them. “That’s him alright.”

“How long have you been dating?”

Daniel’s first impulse was to feel awkward about the question. He didn’t date dudes, lanky, curly-haired and divine as they might be.

His second impulse was to tell the truth, because there were sparks between him and Julia. She felt like someone who could be worth taking out – someone worth kissing again.

But Daniel glanced at Armand again and saw him crack up at something the blonde had said; saw his nose crinkle in that oddly attractive way of his.

“I’m not sure I would call it dating”, he said. The sight of Armand made him smile so hard his cheeks hurt a bit, even if something heavy churned in his stomach. “We’re – just seeing where it leads. No labels and shit. I’m not, like – ”

But he wasn’t forced to defend his mess of a sexuality because a friend of Julia’s sprang up to them and clung to her neck. Daniel felt like it was his cue, so he moved on with a wave of his hand.

He smoked some more and filled his cup with punch (still undrinkable). When Daniel finally made his slightly tipsier return to Armand, his man was still talking to the same blonde dude who had made him laugh so uncontrollably Daniel felt a bit jealous of it.

Now that Daniel really got his eyes on the blonde, he actually looked just a hair (or  ten years) too old to be at a student party. He had a tight black t-shirt that gave a generous display of his biceps and almost platinum blonde hair that had been slicked back towards the strong, ox-like nape of his neck.

“Daniel”, Armand said and waved vaguely towards the guy. “This is Santiago, an old friend of mine.”

Santiago gave Daniel such a toothy grin that it almost felt like a grimace. “So, this is your new toy?” he asked Armand, as if Daniel was not someone made of actual flesh and blood and fully capable of speaking for himself. The words made Daniel raise his eyebrows and grin awkwardly, because that was his coping mechanism to people being assholes to him – just acting like he was in on the joke.

“Santiago”, Armand said with a firm voice that didn’t entirely manage to hide his amusement. “Don’t start with that shit.”

Santiago’s grin only widened as he turned back to Daniel. “I’m not starting anything, Maître. I mean, I get it, he’s pretty. So, David.”

“Daniel”, Daniel corrected before Armand had the chance.

“Daniel, right. What is it that you do?”

“Mostly just look pretty. I take it we’re not in the same line of work.”

Santiago barked out a laugh, not showing any signs that the remark had wounded him. “No, unfortunately I have been blessed with a brain so I can’t rely on my looks alone. But I do this and that.” He gave that same shark smile that didn’t reach his pale green eyes. “Mostly just eat pretty things alive.”

What might have sounded like flirting in Armand’s mouth sounded like violence in his.

Daniel couldn’t help but wonder what Armand saw in the guy. Friendship with him was starting to sound like something Dante could have written about in The Inferno. Santiago quite clearly was the kinda guy to whom every form of communication was a power struggle, a matter of who attacked or bit the quickest and the deadliest. Just the few exchanged sentences proved that he was not in for a fruitful relationship with Daniel – the man oozed a top dog aura that was starting to get on Daniel's nerves.

But Santiago seemed to respect Armand, who kept an eye on Daniel’s face. He could  probably read something underneath Daniel’s mask of casualty as he finally spoke with a tone so gentle it nearly didn’t carry over the blasting music: “Santiago, leave it. Now.”

And miraculously it was enough. Witnessing that was almost intoxicating, as Daniel very carnally felt the effect Armand had on him, but he hadn’t expected the same to apply to grownass men.

The conversation dribbled down to their inner circle, gossiping about people they knew but hadn’t kept in touch with. Daniel realized that it was more painless for him if he just followed their conversation from the sidelines without even trying to get his voice heard.

When Santiago finally left to get a drink, Daniel muttered: “Well isn’t he just lovely. Would love to introduce him to my family.”

Armand laughed. “Santiago is a bit eccentric. But we’ve known each other for a long time and we’ve had our… arrangements together.”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.” It was ridiculous, but Armand didn’t seem to be joking. “He’s fucked you?”

Armand tut-tutted and looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Daniel, you must know me better than that already.”

The idea shouldn’t probably have felt so out of the box. Yet Daniel had trouble imagining beefy, cruel-eyed Santiago on his knees in front of Armand after the show he had just put on for them. Though maybe it just proved it; a lot of bark with barely any bite.

“Oh, okay”, Daniel said and peered somewhere inside the house where the blonde top of Santiago’s head had disappeared. “I get it. So you’ve fucked him. Um – were you together?”

“Ha, aren’t you being hilarious tonight. No. Like I said, it was an arrangement. We’re friends, or something like that.” Armand lit himself a cigarette and took a long drag.

“Santiago is a bit eccentric”, Daniel repeated his words. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Armand grinned, the cigarette sticking out between his teeth. “Freak. He’s a freak.”

“Freakier than me?”

“Freakier than me, Daniel, and you haven’t seen a glimpse of it yet.”

The thought made the hair on his arms stand up. It felt threatening and arousing at the same time, Daniel couldn’t quite make sense of the jumble of emotions. Suddenly Armand’s and Santiago’s relationship intrigued him on a whole new level – he wondered whether Armand had ever called him a good boy.

Daniel couldn’t decide whether it would have been creepy or in some twisted way kind of hot.

“Right. Um, what was that he called you? Met-, metre?”

Armand burst out laughing so hard two strings of smoke wafted out of his nostrils. “It’s just something he calls me. To show his respect. Don’t worry about it.”

Before Daniel could open his mouth to torture Armand with more questions, Armand slid his palm against Daniel’s lower back and led him off into the house. They ended up arguing about Blade Runner 2049 with two absolutely dense filmbros.

On their way home two and a half hours later, Santiago came back to Daniel’s mind. The clock was about to strike 2 am and they wandered the empty streets, since the people still drinking and chasing STDs quite obviously were not on their way home.

“Just how long have you known Santiago?” Daniel asked, lighting another joint, though the last thing he needed was any more intoxicants into his system.

“Four years, give or take.”

“And was it just sex, or were you – were you ever in love with him?” Booze made his words tumble all over the place.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were jealous.” Armand looked at Daniel and suddenly squinted his eyes as if trying to get a closer look inside his head. “Or kind of into it?”

“Dude, I don’t even know anymore,” Daniel laughed, filled with the pleasing buzz of alcohol and pot. “I don’t know what my type is supposed to be but I feel like it wouldn’t be him.”

Armand grinned. “No, I don’t think so either. He’s kind of an asshole anyway.”

“Yeah? But you still fucked him for four years. So he had to have some redeeming qualities, kinda like Lestat.”

“It was more like two years. But I suppose he had some. No gag reflex for one.”

Okay, Daniel was definitely jealous now. He really wanted Armand to test his gag reflex – his delusional head was convinced that he could top Santiago’s performance. “Does that mean you’re still pining after him?”

“Daniel, there’s no need to be jealous. I have no intention of doing anything with him ever again – enough time has passed.” Armand wrapped his arm around Daniel’s shoulder, grabbed the doobie from his lips and took a drag. “And if I decide to go for it, I promise to invite you along.”

“So that he could eat me alive? Man, I think I’ll pass.”

“You should try having some faith in me, Daniel. I’d take care of him. He’d lick your boots by the end of it.”

Daniel laughed, though he felt like it probably wasn’t a joke.

---

On a Friday night, Louis caught Daniel getting ready. The guy was already about to walk past the toilet when he stopped, sneaked back to lean on the doorframe and examined Daniel like he had all the time in the world.

”What?” Daniel asked in the middle of flossing because the stare was starting to unnerve him.

”Is something special ’bout to happen? Should we throw a party? Should we invite Bella Hadid?”

”Nothing special is going to happen, man.”

Louis looked at the shot of mouthwash and the toothbrush that waited for their turn on the edge of the sink. ”No? You sure about that? Like, you’re not about to pop the cherry or something?”

”Jesus Christ, dude. Why are you both all up in my business?” Daniel grunted.

”I’m just making sure you know I’m available whenever you’d like those dating tips.”

”Louis, I love you, but my non-romantic, non-sexual thing with Armand is already steadier than yours with Lestat, so I’ll kindly decline.”

Louis grinned. ”Okay, but you don’t have ten years’ worth of experience in dating men.” He looked at his nails as if he’d suddenly become a walking and talking stereotype of a homosexual. ”You’ll come crawling to me the second you get into a fight.”

”Oh, please. Based on your stories you have ten years experience in dating demons so, with all my love, Louis, I’m not sure what you could offer me”, Daniel answered sweetly, his toothbrush already halfway to his mouth.

That made Louis crack up. ”Yeah, okay. You won that round, I’ll give you that. I still stand by what I said – you’ll be clawing at my door, sooner or later.”

Daniel rolled his eyes, but too late – Louis was already on his way to Lestat’s room. Weird, not their usual fucking sounds trailed down from under the door when Daniel was finally ready to leave. It made him glad they’d agreed to meet at Armand’s tonight.

His stride was light that night. It wasn’t too late, they’d have plenty of time for a movie or two, as well as handjobs in the dark. Maybe Daniel would even let Armand kiss his dick, like he’d asked a few days ago. I’d like it a lot, the guy had said, his eyes filled with lust that had been thick enough to make Daniel palm his dick and groan. If you’d let me.

Daniel just might.

He called Armand when he’d covered half of the distance because he was lonely and, yeah, alright, maybe he had missed Armand – they hadn’t seen each other in two days, after all. They babbled on, argued about Ari Aster and Quentin Tarantino and their alleged genius, until Daniel reached the building and stood behind Armand’s door just waiting to be let in.

And there he was, at last. ”Hey, you”, Armand smiled and pulled Daniel into the warmth of his apartment. They shared a quick kiss that turned into something less quick and a bit dirtier.

Daniel no longer tried to fool himself that the kissing was at Louis’ expense. That shit was on him, but it just felt nice to share something that intimate and tender with Armand. Being close to him felt good, weirdly natural, like it had from the very start.

”I’ll have to work for a bit”, Armand said, leading Daniel into his room, which had become familiar by now. ”Like half an hour or something. You’ll probably find something to entertain yourself.”

”Sure. I could smoke a joint.”

Armand, settling in front of his computer, gave him a look from underneath his brows. ”Look, I don’t mean to get all mommy, but have you ever considered that you might, I don’t know, be using too much?”

Daniel stared at him. ”What? Like drugs? Oh, no, man, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s not like I’m microdosing or anything!” The thought made him burst out laughing while he waved his hand dismissively. ”Then I might get worried, but I only do drugs at parties or when I’m studying or when I can’t catch any sleep.” He thought on it for a while. ”Maybe occasionally when I’m really stressed. Okay, and once or twice a year when I’m fucking, just to enhance my performance.”

Armand snorted, but he had opened his computer and turned his attention to it. ”Right, sounds like you’ve got it entirely under control. Totally unrelated to that, but I’ve been wondering – how do you even stay alive? Like, what do you eat? It seems like all you consume are drugs and my spit every now and then.”

The way he phrased it made Daniel feel heat rise on his cheeks. ”I do eat”, he insisted, running a fingertip on Armand’s bookcase, which was mostly filled with law-related books and a few novels in Italian and French. But after some hard thinking, he had to admit that he didn’t find too many tiles in his food pyramid. ”Not a lot though, I guess. Cigarettes. Noodles. Sure, your spit – it has great nutritional value.”

”You eat cigarettes?” Armand interrupted, now fully laughing. ”Jesus. You sound like a manchild, Daniel – like you’re entirely useless. What else can you do besides look pretty?”

”Open a bra with one hand. Write. Eat pussy, I guess.” Armand paused over his computer and turned to look at Daniel so swiftly that he felt compelled to fight for his cause. ”Or so I’ve been told.”

”Right.” Armand caught his lower lip between his teeth. ”If you don’t mind me asking, does that apply to eating ass as well?”

”Don’t know, actually. I’ve never tried that one.”

”Interesting.” Armand grinned, turning back to his computer.

He started typing as Daniel wandered around the small room. He ogled at the familiar Blade Runner poster on the wall, shabby from its corners like Armand had gotten it as a kid and loved it a bit too much. Daniel picked up one of the books from the shelf, although it was in French.

He knew Armand was trying to concentrate, but Daniel couldn’t keep his mouth shut. ”You speak French, right?”

”We’re in France so yeah, obviously.”

Daniel licked his lips. ”I can’t speak shit. Um – would you say something dirty to me?”

”You’re in a mood tonight”, Armand sighed, not even glancing away from the screen. ”It’s all eating pussy and talking dirty to you.”

There was a small pause, heavy with Daniel grinning and waiting for Armand to give in, like he always did.

And it didn’t take long. Armand sighed again.

He spoke French with such fluency that it mostly flew over Daniel’s head – but it did make him afraid he’d pop a boner right there in the middle of Armand’s room. He stared at the guy, unable to articulate anything that didn’t sound like a moan.

”Oh my God”, he finally managed. ”I think my panties got all wet.”

That made Armand chuckle. ”Yeah? Can I try?”

”Sure – right after you’re done with your work.” Daniel dropped the book back on the shelf and fiddled with a beautiful, ornamental box that lay next to the books. ”By the way, I had no idea what you said just now.”

”How come you’ve lived here for over a year and only know some basic phrases?”

”I mean, shit, I’m just here to study. I’ll be off in a few years. And I can’t help it that I’m thick-headed – but maybe you could teach me some?”

Armand laughed and said something in French that Daniel thought meant something like you wouldn’t appreciate my methods. He was pretty sure Armand was wrong.

Without anything to do, Daniel took the ornamental box and backed up to sit on the bed. He stroked the sides of the thing, tracing the pattern with his finger. Finally, he tried the lock just to find out that it was open.

He glanced at Armand, who was focused on his work, and returned back to the box. Very carefully, a bit scared he might let out an evil spirit or two, he lifted the lid.

There was just some jewelry inside; a few bracelets, some gold rings, some earrings. Daniel’s heart, which had quickened for a moment, settled down again.

Until his fingers found a leather collar and picked it up.

Daniel stared at it and felt a wave of – fuck – something.

”Oh, wow”, he said out loud.

Armand barely glanced at him, having already gone back to his work when his fingers suddenly paused. Slowly, he turned to look at Daniel and the thing in his hand. His face was emotionless.

For a while, there was a strange tension in the room. Until Armand gave a slight, almost shallow smile. ”You like that?”

”Um.” What the hell was he supposed to say? ”It’s pretty.” Daniel stroked the black leather and put his thumb inside the metal ring in the middle.

”I could get you one, if you’d like.”

The words swooped through Daniel’s stomach. The thought was as exciting as it was nerve-wracking. He laughed, a bit flustered. ”Yeah? You’d do that for me?”

Armand looked at him, his eyes all dark again. ”You’d wear it for me?”

Daniel didn’t know what to say. His finger traced the endearment, Pet, that had been engraved into the leather. Suddenly he was struck by something. ”Wait. Who does this belong to?”

Armand didn’t reply immediately, watching the collar dangling in Daniel’s hand.

Daniel came to the conclusion all by himself (see, he wasn’t an idiot after all). ”Shit. It’s yours?”

”Um.” There was suddenly something uneasy about Armand, almost like he was embarrassed. He fell silent again for a long while. ”Yeah, it belonged to me, a long time ago. But it’s not something I’d ever wear again. Maybe I’ll tell you about it some other time.”

”Oh. Okay.” Daniel looked at the letters again. P-E-T. Armand had been called Pet once. ”I thought you said you trusted me?” Realizing what he sounded like, he hurried to continue: ”I mean, you don’t have to tell me, but – just in case, if you’d want to, you could. I won’t tell a soul, I swear.”

There was a delicate little smile on the corner of Armand’s mouth. ”I do trust you, Daniel. I just don’t think it’s a story you’d want to hear.”

It felt like something cold spread through Daniel’s veins, a slow but sure realization that he already knew what the story would be about – at least the gist of it, if not the details. The thought was abysmally sad, and in a weird way he thought it explained why Armand was so patient and gentle with him, so insistent on boundaries.

”Yeah”, Daniel said eventually. He raised his head and looked at Armand, who, for just a second, looked a bit like a lost little boy. ”I’d like to hear it, whenever you’re ready to share it. Even if it’s something sad. I won’t break or anything.”

There was silence between them. Finally Armand gently closed the lid of his computer, got up and stretched, revealing a strip of his stomach under his shirt.

Then he sneaked into the bed and nestled into Daniel’s armpit, burying his nose into Daniel’s neck. He was strong and warm there, and his hair tickled Daniel’s nose as he petted it. He wanted to call Armand something sweet, but couldn’t get his mouth to open.

”Maybe we should watch a movie”, Armand whispered.

”Yeah. In a minute”, Daniel promised and tightened his grip. ”We’re not in a hurry, baby.”

---

Daniel woke up to the sound of rain dribbling against the window, which sent him back home for a nostalgic blink of an eye. If he kept his eyelids closed, he could imagine himself lying in his old bed, listening to the sounds of his mother washing the dishes on the other side of the door. A thin string of music would trail from the radio, the air thick with the smell of childhood.

Until rain started pouring and he realized that Armand was asleep almost on top of him, his face tucked in the hollow of Daniel’s neck. He was wheezing without a care in the world, and Daniel got stuck just staring at his long eyelashes and pretty mouth that had fallen slightly ajar.

Daniel lifted his hand and sneaked it into the silky curls. He scratched Armand’s scalp until a satisfied grunt escaped his mouth.

Being near him felt almost overwhelmingly good. Daniel was a clingy person at heart; a people-pleaser as much as he was the people’s princess. He was ready to admit that he was as addicted to big personalities as he was to attention himself. He had been begging for love his entire little life, starved of it for so many years.

It was easy to get him hooked on it – sometimes frighteningly so.

“Hey”, he whispered, gently petting Armand’s scalp.

Armand’s eyes cracked open and he lifted his messy head, meeting Daniel with sleepy eyes. “Hi”, he managed to mumble, totally out of it. “What time is it?”

“I don’t know.” Daniel couldn’t take his eyes off him. “A lot.”

“Oh shit. I have an appointment today.”

Daniel squeezed his hands around the guy and pressed his nose into Armand’s hair, the scent of which had become a synonym for an almost unbearably fuzzy feeling of pleasure. “Don’t go,” he whispered, taking his assigned spot as the devil on Armand’s shoulder. “It’s raining outside. Cold and wet, your curls are going to get all frizzy.”

Armand snorted against his neck, but did press himself back against Daniel. An easy win.

The rain rattled against the windowsills mercilessly. After these long, sweaty weeks, the tension was finally released. Summer was over, once and for all. Goodbye to getting high in the park under the stars and heavy branches; goodbye to shirtless nights with warm skin against skin. Goodbye to sweaty balls and the pungent stench of garbage floating down the hot streets.

Daniel felt Armand softening against him, surrendering to his body’s instinct to fall back asleep. His breathing became slow and heavy as Daniel absentmindedly caressed his hair and listened to the rain. The walls around them weren’t thick enough to block the sounds of Armand’s roommate waking up, the smothered rumble of a coffee machine.

Daniel was struck by the realization that there was no place he would’ve rather been in.

---

“Hey, by the way, um – if given the choice, would you fuck me?”

Armand, seated across the room on Daniel's unmade bed with his loudly whirring laptop, raised an unimpressed eyebrow. His hair was in a messy little bun on the back of his head and there was a pencil behind his ear, because for some reason he was the only person on the planet besides Gordon Ramsay who actually did that. “We have fucked”, he replied, staring at the laptop. “Unless you call the tip of your dick greeting my mouth camaraderie.”

“That’s not what I asked, though. Like not fuck me but fuck me, you feel me.” Daniel stretched his arms behind his head as if he wasn’t anticipating Armand’s verdict. “Like would you, I don’t know – would you put me on all fours and take me doggystyle?”

Armand slowly raised his head and blinked at Daniel. This time there was something fiery in his gaze. “Yeah”, he said immediately, not needing to chew on the question for long. “Doggystyle. Missionary. Sixty-nine. On your bed. On the sofa. Against the wall. Maybe make you reverse cowgirl me on Lestat’s sofa. Why are you asking?”

Just the thought made Daniel’s stomach feel all loose and it took him a while to recover. He crossed his legs and leaned back in the desk chair, which creaked under his healthy weight.

Suddenly the room was a bit too small and hot for the two of them, though at the same time there was way too much space between them. Daniel should’ve been on top of Armand, making him prove his word.

With a sheepish grin he said: “I was just wondering whether you’d do it if I asked nicely.”

Armand’s mouth curled into a smile and he snatched the pen behind his ear, pressing it against his upper lip. “Oh, I would. You wouldn’t even have to beg, but it would be a plus.” He shifted on the bed. “But bottoming is not something you can just wing most of the time. It’ll take some preparation.”

“Right, like douching?”

Armand blinked in surprise and the pencil fell from his grip, clanking to the floor. “Sorry, I – did you just say douching?”

Daniel couldn’t help but grin at the look on his face. “Yeah.”

“Okay, I’m gonna need more context. How come you know what douching is and, uh, just how intimate are you with the act?”

“Well, I had a summer fling with this girl who was kind of obsessed with my ass, and I, uh... I didn’t really object to it, I guess.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.” Armand had put his palms up and was clearly fighting off a grin. “I need to chew on this.” He closed his eyes for a moment and went on, eyes still closed: “First of all, I feel your girl, ’cause your ass is...” He opened his eyes and bit his lip, leaving the silent words hanging between them. 

Daniel felt hot – the mere thought of Armand noticing his ass, petting it, squeezing it, maybe giving it a good smack made him lose all the willpower he already lacked.

“Second of all – you’ve got experience of ass stuff? And douching?”

“Ass stuff – duh, of course. Who doesn’t?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised by how suppressed some men are.”

“Well, certainly not me.” Armand snorted. “And douching – well, I’m hardly a professional but I think Google had sufficient knowledge to teach me the basic idea. I’ve done it a few times.”

Armand laughed somehow delighted, as if he wasn’t sure whether to be horny or just amused, making him land on some previously uncharted zone between the two. “Daniel, I never know what the fuck is gonna come out of your mouth. What’s next – you’ve been tied to a bedpost and fucked?”

“Weeell, I, uh...” Daniel bit his bottom lip and turned his gaze to the ceiling, trying to think of a way to either deny it without lying or give something that managed to be both funny but flirtatious at the same time.

“You’re shitting me.” Armand had caught his lower lip between his teeth and was looking at Daniel, unblinking.

“I mean it wasn’t as methodological as anything you seem to do! It’s not like she was a domme or anything – we were both young and stoned and it was fucking chaotic. All this freaky shit is so different with you. It’s… Shit. Safe, I guess.”

Armand didn’t say anything for a long moment, just stared at Daniel with his black eyes wide open. Over the weeks Daniel had learned to read his face so effortlessly that he could clock the moment it all finally sunk in and Armand started losing it. It was the slow blink he gave, after which his eyes were filled with misty hunger. 

“How did it feel?” Armand finally asked slowly, as if whatever Daniel would say carried an enormous weight in his life. “I mean – did you like it? Being tied?”

Daniel wiped his nose and looked away again, because suddenly it was hard to face Armand’s intense stare. “Like I said, I was really stoned. But I... yeah, it was nice. I bust my nut twice which doesn’t happen unless Mercury is in retrograde, so I guess I did like it quite a lot. But would I do it again with her...” He glanced at Armand who nodded as if to encourage him to continue. “I don’t know, I like being with you better, even if there hasn’t been much freaky shit like that between us. I get the feeling like you’d look after me.”

Armand stared at him for a long moment before closing the lid of his laptop and moving it next to him on the bed. He looked like he was struggling internally, and Daniel found himself wishing the guy would just get the fuck up, walk over to him and have his way.

“Daniel”, Armand finally said in a purring tone, that familiar one that made his name sound like praise. “That’s good to hear. I do want to look after you. Take care of you.” He raised his hand and waved his fingers.

It was an invitation, not a command.

And it made Daniel jump out of his chair with an almost embarrassing sense of urgency and wander over to him. Armand slid to the edge of the bed, spread his legs and invited Daniel to stand between them.

Watching him from above felt strange – Armand was actually just a hair taller than Daniel, so this point of view wasn’t too familiar to him. Armand’s full attention was on Daniel, a thoughtful little curve on his sweet mouth that had given Daniel the blowjob of his life three days ago.

Armand just looked at him before saying, with a tone more persuasive than commanding: “Get on your knees.”

It was easy to stop thinking and just use all his energy to obey. Daniel dropped to his knees and looked at Armand from an angle he was more familiar with. His breathing felt thick and he couldn’t quite fill his lungs, his body tense and vibrating with ecstasy. He just wanted to let go, and when Armand talked to him like this, that was usually exactly what he was in for.

“Good. You know, I have been wondering what to call you. What would make you really purr for me.” He studied Daniel’s face unhurriedly. “I highly doubt it’s piggy. Or is it?”

Daniel softly shook his head.

“Thought so. Would it be darling?”

Daniel blinked slowly, but said nothing.

“Babygirl?”

Daniel shifted on the carpet.

“No, not that one. How about puppy?”

Daniel’s eyes almost fluttered shut and a pathetic little whine escaped his lips.

The look on Armand’s face was ecstatic. “Oh, you like that one. You could be my puppy if you wanted to.”

Jesus Christ – Daniel really did. He was ready to show his belly and bark and get collared if Armand so desired.

Armand smiled and slid his hand down Daniel’s cheek to the nape of his neck, his palm resting there heavy. “There’s one more I know you like.” He dragged the moment on, petting the side of Daniel’s neck with his thumb, not giving into his pleading eyes.

But the heat of his gaze made Daniel’s mouth open just a notch. Armand instantly took advantage of it and slipped his thumb on Daniel’s bottom lip, helping his mouth widen up.

Daniel let him – would’ve let him do just about anything. He would’ve let Armand fuck him, even if it would’ve been messy and difficult and – 

He didn’t have time to think about anything more as Armand’s thumb sank against his tongue and went in as deep as it could.

“That’s my good boy”, Armand whispered, silky, and Daniel all but moaned with the finger in his mouth.

He didn’t have a very sensitive gag reflex and Armand was thoughtful enough not to tease it. Some instinct made Daniel keep his body in place, not closing his lips around the finger until Armand finally nodded.

Given the permission, Daniel let his tongue curl against the thumb; sucked it, gently, like a very polite puppy with a brand new chewing toy.

Armand lifted his left hand to the back of Daniel’s head, gathered some of his curls into his fist. What began as a tight grip turned into guiding Daniel’s head forward a bit.

“So pliant for me”, Armand murmured. “Such a wet little mouth. It would be very difficult not to fuck your throat.” And he started moving his thumb back and forth, until he really was fucking Daniel’s mouth with it. “You’d let me, wouldn’t you? The good boy that you are. You’d want me to feel good.”

Somewhere very far away in his brain, which was rapidly turning into nothing more than a buzzing pile of half-dead neural pathways, Daniel realized that Armand was teaching him. Giving him a show or testing his limits or whatever.

Well fuck that – Daniel wanted Armand to make it real, wanted to genuinely please him. Wanted to give him the best nonblowjob of his entire life. So Daniel put his all in, sucked the thumb, licked the tip when Armand allowed him to get his head off for a second.

His dick was beginning to tent his pants, but he barely noticed it until the sole of Armand’s foot touched the bulge. It was a gentle and teasing touch, barely giving any pressure, but Daniel felt like Armand could’ve made him come with one more puppy.

And it was really fucking nice all the way until the door slammed open.

“Daniel, can you OH MY GOD”, Louis squealed and tossed palms over his eyes. “Jesus CHRIST, guys!”

Armand had pulled his finger out of Daniel’s mouth (which had also let out a girlish little shriek) and stared at Louis, surprisingly calm and collected.

“You should fucking knock!” Daniel shouted, mortified. He felt like his face was both flaming red and drained out of any color at the same time. “This is my fucking room! I can be on my knees if I want to!”

“Oh my fucking God”, Louis was still groaning. His reaction was so over the top it had reached campy dimensions, but Daniel was too filled with embarrassment to find it funny. Louis still held a hand over his eyes, but for some fucking reason he couldn’t get the door shut. “What did I just see? Are you two decent?”

“We’re decent”, Armand said nonchalantly, like the chaos didn’t affect him in any way.

Lestat appeared behind Louis, peering over his shoulder with mild interest. Nothing lured the bastard in quite like the promise of sexual misdemeanor and drama.

“Get the fuck outta here!” Daniel yelled, but Louis had finally got a grip and was already fucking off, hands still over his eyes and muttering something to himself.

Lestat instead wasn’t in a hurry, having just found his spot leaning against the doorframe. He crossed his arms and judged Daniel with sharp eyes. “What’s all the fuss?” he asked. “You’re on your knees – wow, groundbreaking. Next you’ll hold his hand over the blanket.”

Maybe there was a grain of truth in his words, but the pit of Daniel’s stomach was just as lead-heavy and anxious as back when he’d been 13 and his dad had caught him touching himself.

“Lestat”, he managed to grit through his teeth. “Stop psychoanalyzing me and get the fuck out or you’ll never see a trace of your Givenchy leather jacket again.”

”That’s emotional violence and an illegal threat. I’m not convinced you want to take that route, boy.”

But Lestat did slam the door mercifully shut.

Daniel lowered his face to rest on Armand’s thigh and took a deep, shuddering breath. Lestat had it all wrong – cutting and burning his jacket would be the easiest fucking thing Daniel had ever done and he’d be happy to suffer the consequences.

But he wasn’t convinced that he could ever look Armand in the eye again. Or Louis, for that matter.

Fuck.

Armand’s warm palm landed on his back and stroked. “Hey”, he said softly. “It’s okay. I hate to agree with the guy but Lestat’s kind of right. We had our clothes on; you weren’t showing hole, I wasn’t blowing your back. There was practically nothing going on.”

“Yeah, I just...” Daniel didn’t even know why, but there was a stinging feeling in his eyes. “It feels fucking humiliating.”

Armand’s reassuring petting ceased, his thigh under Daniel’s face stiffened. “What does?” he asked, his voice still soft but somehow flatter.

Daniel couldn’t say anything, he just took shallow rapid breaths, squeezing his watery eyes shut. He couldn’t believe they’d seen him like that, seen him on his –  

“Daniel, talk to me. I need to know what’s going on, love, and I don’t have access to your thoughts.”

God, wouldn’t that have been easy. If only Armand could have effortlessly dug every sentence, every vague feeling, every thread of thought and distant memory of shame out of his brain without Daniel ever having to open his mouth.

He didn’t want to talk, but he had to. So finally he whispered, his voice hoarse: “Being on my knees.”

Armand seemed to relax against Daniel, like he had braced himself for something else. His heavy palm on Daniel’s back went back to its soothing stroking.

“Yeah, I get it. I’m not gonna lie to you – some people will be weirded the fuck out if they find out. But not those who know and actually love you. It was an entire situation just now, but you should give it some time. You’ll all be just fine. He’s not gonna abandon you for something like this, Daniel, and you know it. In a few days you’ll be cracking jokes about getting walked on.”

“I don’t want them to see me like that”, Daniel whispered, his voice weak against Armand’s thigh.

“They won’t. It’s none of their business, beloved. I promise you. It’s between you and me.”

Armand’s hand slipped into Daniel’s hair and stroked, until lightly pulling, then stroking again. He knew how to do it just perfectly, switching from soft to firm and back again in a rhythm that made Daniel’s body sing.

Daniel sighed, nuzzled Armand’s thigh. He was dangerously close to his crotch, but surprisingly there was nothing erotic in the situation, just all-encompassing acceptance.

“And as for being on your knees…” Armand said softly, his hand gentler than ever. “As long as you want it, it’s the most natural thing in the world.”

That released the last remnants of tension in Daniel’s body. Nuzzling turned into rubbing his face all over Armand’s thigh, soaking up his scent. It took a while before he dared to lift his face, stained with some tears and a little snot.

Armand caught a tear off Daniel’s cheek with his thumb and licked it.

“You’re such a freak”, Daniel said, as if his dick hadn’t twitched at the sight.

Armand smiled and pressed his forehead against Daniel’s. “Yeah”, he admitted. “Takes one to know one.”

---

An agonizing call of nature woke Daniel up and forced him to climb out of Armand’s warm embrace. He tiptoed to the bathroom with the lights off, because it was still so early that he planned on slipping back under the covers and drifting off to sleep as soon as he’d done his deed.

But on the way back to his room, he noticed a figure on their little balcony and felt a heavy tug in his stomach. Maybe now, with the rest of the apartment and the city still asleep, was the perfect time to face Louis.

Daniel slipped into jeans and grabbed a leather jacket to give him shelter from the chilly November wind before sneaking on the balcony.

Louis looked over his shoulder with raised eyebrows. His expression waned at the sight of Daniel, but he was visibly trying his best to smile as naturally as possible. There was tension in his body language, but no malice – never malice with him.

“Hi”, Daniel whispered, because the city around them was so exceptionally quiet that it didn’t feel quite right to bother it with any noise. The smell of morning dew wafted through the air and birds gliding against the pale pink clouds screamed, but the sound was distant.

“Hey”, Louis replied, just as quietly.

Daniel dug his pockets for a cigarette and offered one to Louis, who accepted it with a grateful nod. Daniel lit them both and for a while they just stood there, smoking quietly.

“Look – I’m really sorry”, Louis finally said. “Like so fucking sorry, for all of our sakes. But yours especially, of course. I swear to God I’ll never come to your room ever again without knocking.”

Daniel had seriously thought Armand was out of his mind the night before when he had promised that they would laugh about the entire incident later. But lo and behold, he could already feel a smile tugging the corners of his mouth.

Louis glanced at him a bit warily, but Daniel’s smile seemed to take some weight off him. He relaxed against the railing.

“I mean, fuck. It’s probably pure luck I haven’t caught you two rawdogging on the kitchen table yet. This could have happened any time to any of us, I guess. At least we had our clothes on and, you know, nothing was actually going on.”

Louis shook his head, laughing. “First of all, we haven’t done it on the kitchen table and we’re not planning to. And secondly, I should have knocked, it was proper asshole behavior of me. Really, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine”, Daniel said softly and shoved Louis’ shoulder.

The familiarity between them felt good. They had never had the kind of bond Louis did with Lily or Lestat, the kind where they’d share vulnerabilities and frustrations effortlessly with each other. But they had spent so much time rotting on the couch together that there was not a chance in hell Daniel would’ve endured life without Louis anymore. It was not a package deal any longer – even if Louis broke up with Lestat (again), Daniel would’ve clung to the guy. He didn’t remember ever knowing anyone quite so thoughtful, so self-sacrificing, so willing to push their own boundaries to the point of getting hurt in the process. His kind presence wasn’t something Daniel was willing to give up.

For a second he remembered that this was not an actual problem they were talking about. Him getting caught on his knees with Armand’s fingers in his mouth was all just a part of the scheme to fuck with Louis’ head.

The thought of it felt suddenly so violent and wrong, so dirty, that Daniel took a desperate drag out of the cigarette and exhaled the thought in unison with smoke.

Fuck it – he didn’t need to think about it now.

“Things are going well with you guys”, Louis finally said to fill in the silence that Daniel hadn’t even realized had stretched between them. Louis looked at him with his chin slightly up in a way that made him look beautiful (like always) and smug (like slightly less often). The man really thought he was a cupid in the making.

“Yeah, he’s great.” To put it like a heterosexual man with very heterosexual feelings for another man.

Louis seemed to be thinking along those lines because he snorted and shook his head. “You really have a way with words, Daniel. So, is it official yet?”

“Come on, man. We’re just fooling around.”

“It looks pretty serious”, Louis pointed out and dropped a chunk of ash from the tip of his cigarette. “You sure Armand thinks it’s just fooling around?”

The harsh wind slithered under Daniel’s leather jacket and made him shiver. He looked at the horizon and spotted two birds curving around each other, swooping downward in a dramatic descent. For some reason, the sight filled his body with melancholy.

“I – I think so. We don’t really talk about it.”

Louis nudged him in turn, cutting off his gloomy thoughts. “Okay. Well, whatever it is, I’m happy for you, boy. I really am.”

Melancholy wasn’t strong enough to fight off the wave of embarrassment. “Uh, you might wanna leave that one out of your vocabulary.”

Louis furrowed his brows, opened his mouth as if to ask what before realizing. “Oh my God”, he hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Daniel, there are limits.”

“I didn’t say anything! You walked in on us and interrupted us, you fucking prude! Don’t act like you don’t do shit way freakier with Lestat. Like why does he call you babygirl, Louis?”

“Limits!” Louis repeated, but he was laughing. The puritanism was at least partly an attempt of humoristic act, because the warmth and sincerity in Louis’ eyes had none of it left. Armand had been right when he had said that the people closest to Daniel wouldn’t care after recovering from the immediate shock of him being a bitch boy willing to be put on his knees.

Daniel’s cigarette was on its last leg, he let the ashes scatter in the wind and was already mentally preparing to slip under the covers into Armand’s warmth. His filthy fantasy was interrupted by Louis opening his mouth again.

His soft voice was barely audible even in the still of the morning. “Not to sound like an old emotional gay man but it’s, uh – it’s actually beautiful watching you guys together. Seeing you open up. Not only in your relationship with Armand” – seeing Daniel’s expression he rushed to correct himself – “situationship, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. But you know, just in general. I feel like you’re somehow more yourself now. Like this version of you has always existed, but underneath the surface. I don’t know, maybe it was a bit nosy of me to psychologize your sexuality behind your back – or to your face, matter of fact. But you should probably know that it’s just...”

Daniel’s heart was pounding so incredibly fast he felt a bit dizzy. The morning cigarette and the cold, damp November air was probably partly to blame, but it was Louis’ words that really hit him. He was not prepared for such vulnerability.

Louis looked up and gave him the faintest smile. “I don’t wanna start a therapy session but I, uh, didn’t have it too easy in my family. Being back home felt like a shell, or like a cage. The shit people expected of me – my mom, she – ” But he didn’t continue, his lower lip trembling a bit.

Daniel cleared his throat. “Louis, I – had no idea.”

“Yeah, the shit you learn to bottle up, no matter how much it sabotages you. I’ve cut contact with my mom, which definitely is the right choice, but it does leave you lonely. Motherless child and all that shit. But you just gotta… choose the people around you. Like Lestat – God, the gray hair that man has caused me. But it’s still worth it, in the end. He’s good to me. He’s honest – well, as honest as he’s capable of.”

Daniel thought of the breakup they’d gone through some months ago. It wasn’t something he’d be able to forget any time soon, the suffocating way Lestat’s grief had hung over the apartment. The poor man had tried to call and text Louis for days, but naturally he’d been blocked on every possible channel. By then Daniel had been convinced that their fatal romance had been over for good – kaput before it could even start.

“You know, I’m glad you figured your shit out”, Daniel said. The words came out of his mouth, but he felt a little disconnected from his body. “I’m not gonna lie to you – I think you deserve better, but he’s the one you’ve chosen, so fuck it.”

Louis laughed, stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and leaned over the railing. He watched the city, which was slowly showing the first signs of life; a lone dog-walker loitered in the street corner and a yellow Volvo with a broken tail light crawled lazily under their balcony.

“Yeah”, Louis said, smiling. “He’s the one I’m choosing. Anyway, this wasn’t supposed to be about me – it was about you finding your people. I’m glad there’s someone out there for you.” He straightened up and patted Daniel on the shoulder. “Go get some more sleep, kiddo”, he called out before closing the door behind him.

Daniel stood frozen in place. Everything about him, about the world around him, was a little out of place.

The last inch of his cigarette escaped his fingers, fell on the street. There was probably a shellshocked look on his face as he stared at its landing.

Stupid.

Jesus Christ – how could he ever have been so fucking stupid.

Suddenly the thought of revealing his little scheme and cackling at Louis’ face was closer to a nightmare. He tried to recall the Daniel who some months ago had thought it would be such a great idea; like sure, he had thought Louis would roll his eyes and complain about it, but there was not a question in his mind that he’d end up laughing before long. But after the stuff he’d just said, it was probably delusional to hope Louis would find any of it even slightly amusing.

Daniel almost felt some distant pity for his naivety. Like what the fuck had he thought. What the fuck had he done.

When he crawled into Armand’s arms, they snaked around his ribs and waist, accepted him as if he belonged there.

But he couldn’t sleep another wink.

---

Daniel felt like he had stumbled into the mirror world since his conversation with Louis. His day began and ended in an anxious cycle, and the next ones weren’t any easier. It was as if a part of his head and body had been left stuck on the balcony, shivering from the biting wind and the words Louis had spoken so softly.

His head ran a constant trailer of potential ways Louis would react to the shit Daniel had pulled, starting from screaming and pushing him off the balcony and ending in the worst possible option: Louis crying.

Daniel wasn’t strong enough to tear himself away from the anxiety and for the first time in months, neither was Armand, although he clearly tried in a constantly growing state of worry. He tried throwing Daniel some sensitive questions about how he was doing (which Daniel ignored, as per usual – look, wasn’t it obvious already that he wasn’t a talker?) before resorting to memes, cuddles and eventually Back to the Future I (which had been Daniel’s favorite movie as a kid – a nugget of information he had no idea Armand had heard, much less paid attention to).

With only three days left until the end of the infamous bet, Daniel was starting to think of ways to fake his own death and cross the Atlantic to return home.

The worst part was that if Daniel was entirely honest with himself, he actually felt kind of angry. It was just so unfair that everything couldn’t remain the way it was – him and Armand in the middle of this vague thing that had them sharing the bed, memes, orgasms and tender kisses without any commitments. Them as part of this weird chosen family that had formed under their roof; a group of guys who argued and ended up sometimes hating each other’s (well, mostly Lestat’s) guts, but coming back together for movie nights and pot.

And now it was supposed to be over?

Fuck, if it wasn’t the consequences of his own actions.

But God, why did it have to be him? Hadn’t he suffered enough already?

A random Wednesday night had him lying in Armand’s bed, staring at the ceiling with his arms crossed over his chest like an anxious vampire. Fleetwood Mac and the soft tapping of a laptop were his background soundtrack as Armand was busy finishing some schoolwork.

It was totally fine – Daniel’s head was busy buzzing with increasingly morbid visions of his future. Not like him at all to be dramatic (ha), but he was kind of convinced that his entire life was ruined.

He was so deeply lost in thought that he didn’t notice the laptop had gone quiet before someone lightly touched his arm.

“Fuck”, he said, flinching violently and jumping up to stare at Armand’s worried face.

“Hey”, Armand said softly and leaned back on his chair. His hands were up, like he was approaching a frightened animal and tried to convince it of his kindness. “Daniel. Where are you?”

“What? Here”, Daniel snapped, curling up in the corner of the bed. Even he didn’t buy the bullshit he was trying to sell. “I’m here.”

“No.” Armand studied his face, his brow furrowed. “You’re not though. Feels like you’re miles away, and like you’ve been there for days. What’s going on?”

Daniel wiped his face only to find it cold and clammy. He kind of wanted to make begging eyes and ask Armand to hold him, pet his head and give him an orgasm that would allow him 15 anxiousless minutes, but even opening his mouth to ask for it felt like an overwhelming effort.

“Daniel. I can’t read your mind.”

And there was the argument that never failed to work. No, he couldn’t, could he. Hence why Daniel had to open his mouth and talk – so that at least some part of him, of them, existed in a context that was real instead of some twisted web of lies and schemes.

“I, um.” Daniel lifted his hands from his face. “I talked with Louis some days ago. He’s really happy for us. For me.” Armand gave an approving nod. “And I, uh, kind of got to thinking that this fun little scheme of mine was probably kind of a terrible fucking idea and Louis is definitely going to hate me.”

Armand licked his lips, looking like he tried to find the words. “Well, yeah”, he finally said slowly. “I guess I have to admit that the more I’ve gotten to know Louis, the more I’ve been wondering what you were thinking. It was surprisingly sociopathic of you.”

“God, I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking”, Daniel groaned and buried his face in his hands. “I just wanted to… Man, I don’t know. He sounded so fucking smug about it. Like he knew something about me – no, like he was fucking sure of it. And now I just wanna – I just want – fuck, why can’t everything just stay the way it is right now.”

Armand was quiet for so long that Daniel dug himself out of the shelter of his palms to take a peek at the guy. Armand looked at him from under his eyebrows, clearly trying to weigh something on his tongue. Daniel noticed his thumb rubbing the tips of his finger, a gesture that felt like it was meant to try and soothe him. Why on earth would he need that, Daniel barely had time to think before Armand opened his mouth.

“Daniel”, Armand began quietly, not quite meeting his gaze. “I, uh, have wondered whether there’s more at stake here than just getting back at Louis.”

Daniel blinked at him. “Like what?”

Armand looked at him, stern and silent.

“Like what?” Daniel repeated, this time with a hint of frustration and accusation in his tone. His fingers were freezing and his chest felt thick with something, like he was on the verge of a panic attack; on thin ice that crackled underneath despite him trying to stay as still as possible.

“You’re really gonna keep up with the act?”

“What are you on about, man? What fucking act?”

“Really? Really, Daniel?” Armand’s eyes flashed. “We’ve been sucking and fucking for weeks, but you’re still feeling totally straight? You wanna tell Louis you only got your dick sucked to prove him wrong? You’re my good boy, but it’s no homo?”

It slammed the air out of Daniel. Speechless, he felt a hot, infuriated blush spread across his face and neck. “It’s not like that and you know it.”

“Oh, really? Then tell me how it is!” Armand said, the beginning of a growl underneath his tone. “Please, I’m fucking begging here, because I don’t get you at all. You want me to stop fucking other dudes – fine. But no, better not get my hopes up, because it’s not like this is real or anything. Fine. But you do want me to fuck you – fine, I’d be happy to. But wait, it’s all just tactics and master manipulation. Fine. But you actually feel really bad about all of this and you just want to continue casual blowjobs and french-kissing all over town. Fine. But you’re straight, Daniel? Is that right?”

“I”, Daniel stuttered, but Armand was only getting started.

“I can’t fucking figure you out! When I ask about it, you brush me aside because you don’t want to deal with anything that makes you feel even an ounce of discomfort. And if that shit hits, you get stoned or drunk or crawl all over my lap to drown out the anxiety. You don’t even bother thinking about what you might actually want or need.”

Daniel stared at him, anger bubbling slowly in his guts. “And I suppose you’re an expert on what I want?” he finally whispered, pale and sore.

Armand had stuck up his chin as if to say that’s fucking right. “Well, I’d say it’s fucking obvious to anyone but you.” Daniel wanted to beg him not to say it out loud – he wasn’t sure if he could bear hearing it from his mouth. “Louis hit the fucking nail on the head. It’s a real shame it would kill you to admit it.”

“Oh, fuck off. You’re well fucking aware Louis made some crazy interpretations of me based on the shit he’s been going through”, Daniel snarled, filled with seeping rage for Armand, Louis and without any specific reason Lestat. Fuck that guy, too. “Like it’s basic fucking psychology, man! You’ve heard this shit in high school! He projected his own fears and experiences on me, it’s not like I’m –”

But he couldn’t get himself to say it. Armand waited with the tiniest vicious smile in the corner of his mouth.

“That’s right. Can’t even fucking say it”, he said, his voice dripping with resentment. “You’ve been five and some inches in my mouth but God forbid you consider being bi. Or consider that we could have anything remotely serious that isn’t just some fucked up game. I don’t know why I thought I could even have a chance of understanding you when you don’t have the slightest idea of who you are.”

Daniel stared at him, lost for a hot second.

He wanted to slam Armand’s laptop to the wall and scream and cry and ask Armand to shut the fuck up and kiss him instead.

But Armand was beautiful and fierce in his rage in a way he had never before been. He was completely out of Daniel’s reach – this was not the Armand who tenderly guided Daniel, showed endless patience by petting him and calling him a good boy. This was the Armand who was sick of Daniel’s shit and wanted him to take responsibility.

“Right”, Daniel finally got out, his voice tinged with coldness, really wanting to hurt him this time. “‘Cause it’s been so serious between us, huh? Is this you telling me you’re falling in love with me or some stupid fucking shit like that?”

The sound of Armand’s chuckle was suddenly more cruel than anything he had said. “I nearly fucking was, Daniel – now I’m not so sure after all. Didn’t think I could fall for someone so pathetically cowardly.”

It hit like a bag of bricks.

Pathetically cowardly? That’s how Armand saw him?

With his hands trembling, Daniel started gathering his stuff.

Armand leaned back into his office chair with his arms crossed. “Great, and now you’re leaving. The first trace of discomfort and you’re fucking off. Wouldn’t be very Daniel coded to face a problem, let alone talk about it. Daniel, you’re so fucking...”

He shook his head and his upper lip curled as if in disgust.

Daniel didn’t want to give him the time to find the rest of his words. He left the room, pulled his shoes on and slammed the door behind him as hard as he could. Let the neighbors know, what the hell – let Armand’s roommate (who had probably been unfortunate enough to hear the entire thing, including the stuff about Daniel’s inches) know that Daniel was never ever coming over again.

Daniel walked the two miles in a freezing drizzle and spent the entire time wanting to scream or push himself into a man-sized paper cutter. All he could do was just grind his teeth together and keep walking.

When he made it home, he slammed the door to his room shut without a word to Louis and Lestat, who sat on the sofa stunned by the sight.

Sobs were already strangling his throat when he slumped on the bed, but they didn’t get out until a gentle knock hit the door, accompanied with softly spoken words: “Daniel, are you in there? All good?”

Daniel curled into himself, pushed his hands into his wet curls and pulled so hard it hurt.

It felt kind of good to finally let it out. He hoped he’d suffocate on it – he really hoped Armand would be the one to find his body, black and bloated. He hoped Armand would be haunted by the memory of him.

Louis stood behind the door for some minutes before finally tiptoeing away when he didn’t get a response.

But Daniel’s weeping went on for hours.

---

Daniel woke up and fell asleep basking in a wave of gloom. The furious crying, which had almost made him vomit at its height, eased, but the feeling did not.

Daniel wasn’t entirely sure how many days had passed by because they blended together in a cold, damp and hectic period of darkness. He skipped all his lectures because he couldn’t get out of bed except to creep into bars he’d never visited before (to minimize his chances of running into Armand or Louis) and Pita Palace to handle his shifts. He figured that he could maybe survive getting kicked out of classes, but he wouldn’t survive getting thrown on the street for not being able to pay his rent. But that’s how far his sense of responsibility got him, because he did spend half the shifts stoned or hungover, not capable of forcing himself to give a shit anymore.

His days found a routine of their own; he’d stumble outside at night to get high and/or drunk, and he’d wake up in gray afternoons to spend the short bright moments of the day hungover or still drunk laying in bed. He had only scattered memories of his nightly adventures – some included glimpses of strange faces and faded attempts to find any connection by dirty, emotionless handjobs in equally dirty toilets.

There were a few knocks on his door, but Louis was the last person Daniel wanted to see. The knocks decreased to one per day until they eventually stopped entirely. Knowing the guy, Louis was still sick with worry, but restrained himself to keep the extent of it to himself.

It made Daniel feel even guiltier.

The mark for their bet with Louis passed – Daniel left all his friends on read, except Fareed, whom he met out in the rain to pick up some junk. (The guy didn’t care enough to comment on his rotten appearance – an ideal dealer.)

Thanksgiving passed – Daniel left his Mom on read.

He vomited in the kitchen on two occasions, but cleaned up after himself only once. He hoped it was Lestat who had to take care of his mess, but he couldn’t be sure – but the puddle of puke was gone the next time he stumbled into the room, trembling with a hangover.

The communication between Daniel and Armand had died so suddenly it felt like Daniel hadn’t had time to cut the umbilical cord. He would spend day after another trying to wake up, laying in his bed smoking a joint and scrolling through their WhatsApp history. What seemed like an endless amount of memes, mundane offers (I’ll bring you some food omw, I bet you haven’t eaten anything again), selfies bordering on thirst traps, nasty banter (you talk back like I didn’t deepthroat you last night, man), some words of affirmation (a casual puppy here and there made Daniel wince, beautiful boy hurt enough to close the chat). Their last messages to each other were eerily normal, showing no sign of how the day – or their entire relationship for that matter – would end just two hours later.

Many mornings, Daniel could only fall asleep to the sound of Armand’s long voice message of some sadistic professor he was dealing with. He spoke close to the microphone, his voice husky and calm despite the loathing he felt for the man.

Depending on the day, Daniel often ended up either jerking off or crying to the sound of his voice.

Daniel was terrified of running into Louis or Armand, so he had become used to sneaking in and out of the apartment with sunglasses on and his hood pulled up, as if the costume granted him anonymity. That night he crawled into Pita Palace in his uniform, relieved of not having run into either of the guys, but not enthusiastic about facing Claudia.

She sat on the counter and stared at him unimpressed, chewing her gum.

“You look dead”, she said, even less impressed when Daniel took his sunglasses off. “Oh wow, you have huge bags under your eyes. When’s the last time you showered? Your hair is dripping oil. And you smell like something crawled inside your – ”

“Yeah, thanks, buddy”, he interrupted, forcing Claudia’s voice to fade into the background. She blew a bubble and popped it so loud it made Daniel flinch. “Jesus, could you stop that. My head’s killing me.”

“Did something happen or are you just decaying for the hell of it?”

“Claudia, you’re barely 18, I’m not going to open up to you.”

Telling her about the bet in the first place had been a grave mistake. The memory of it made Daniel pause for a moment and remember the relaxed way Armand had sat on the counter shoveling pita bread into his mouth. Sudden grief gripped him so sharply it felt capable of paralyzing him. There was irony in that little mental episode that didn’t escape him; there he was, standing in the middle of a pita place, smelling the grease and feeling lightheaded and pining after his boy-, shit, something. Very cinematic.

He slipped back to reality and into the middle of Claudia’s monologue, which apparently was her trying to persuade Daniel to confess to her. It was not like she gave a shit about Daniel’s sorry little life – and she shouldn’t, either. They were colleagues in the noble field of filling pita breads and she was like seven years younger than him. It all boiled down to her just craving some gossip.

“Look, I really don’t feel like talking about it.” Daniel tried his best to sound firm but he sounded just dog-tired even in his own ears. “Let’s just get on with the fucking bread.”

Claudia snapped her mouth shut, pouting, but it only lasted some seconds. “It’s about your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my fucking boyfriend.”

“Oh, sorry, your fake boyfriend”, she corrected, rolling her eyes.

Daniel couldn’t help but wonder why the hell did everyone think it was appropriate to bust his balls all of a sudden. As if he’d done some crimes against humanity instead of just running around for some months without a care in the world and walking all over everyone’s (and his own in the process) emotions. Why was he being punished like this?

He kept his mouth shut, causing Claudia to jump into conclusions. “So you broke up.”

“We did not break up”, Daniel tried to take a cleansing zen inhale, “because we were never together.”

“Fine. But you’re fighting though.”

Daniel couldn’t deny that, so he closed his mouth and started stacking pita bread into the oven.

Claudia dangled on the edge of the counter and almost vibrated with renewed energy now that she’d gotten a grain of information out of him. “Is this about that bet you were talking about?”

Daniel’s silence answered her again without him having to.

Claudia’s sharp eyes followed him around. She lifted her Converse shoes to the counter and leaned her cheek on one knee. “So they found out already.”

“No”, Daniel finally said, because he didn’t have an ounce of self-control. “Okay, you’re gonna leave me alone if I lay it on you?”

Claudia blinked at him, not making promises, but Daniel didn’t bother waiting for any.

Shit, maybe he really just needed to talk to someone.

“So here’s the thing. I’ve just fucked up two things in my life, but there’s still a thin chance that I could keep one of them. The other one – that’s gone, no saving that one.” Saying it out loud made his chest ache, but that didn’t change the fact that it was true. “But if I play my cards right – which I haven’t so far, so it’s not looking too promising – I might be able to save the other thing, you know.”

“Look, you’re gonna have to use words instead of just concepts. I’m not following at all. What have you lost?”

“Okay, so.” Daniel placed his palms on the counter and emptied his lungs of a breath that felt like it had been stuck in there since the fight. “Me and Armand – I really thought we had a good thing going on. Nothing too serious, you know, just enjoying life and shit.”

“That wasn’t serious to you?” Claudia asked, raising her eyebrows. “God, Daniel, you’re so blind.”

“Shut up. Anyway, he – wasn’t on the same page, I guess. He kind of tore me a new one, said I’m pathetic and whatnot.” He swallowed. “Nothing I don’t know already. But he… I think he’s serious about it. I don’t think there’s going back to the way we were before.”

“Oh my God. He was in love with you?”

“I – no, it wasn’t like that.” The memory curled in the pit of his stomach. I nearly fucking was. “Anyway, that’s over. I fucked it up. But maybe, just maybe, I could still save my friendship with Louis – but he can never ever hear about this stupid fucking scheme I’ve planned behind his back, because he’s objectively the nicest person in the world, but nobody’s that nice, right? So, now I’m sat on this secret that could cost me my life, too busy dreading the moment it comes out.”

Man, he was really at the top of his game, opening up to his 18-year-old co-worker, hungover and stinky.

Claudia tilted her head, causing the buns on either side of her head to swing. “You need to come clean to your roommate.”

“My roommate’s boyfriend.”

“Whatever the hell he is to you. You just gotta lay it on him. It’s always better to confess before they catch you – you could even get a plea deal.”

Daniel laughed with zero grain of joy. “Wow, thanks, you have a promising career as a TikTok psychologist.”

“No but seriously. I see you having two options, that’s it. Either you swallow the secret, never share it with another soul, change your identity and move out of the country.” Claudia blew a bubble half the size of her head and popped it. Daniel winced. “Or you come clean.”

“You don’t get it”, Daniel said through gritted teeth.

She got under his skin, mainly because she was absolutely right. He had been running the same options through in his mind, leaning heavily towards running away (and faking his own death, although Claudia hadn’t gone quite that far).

Claudia shrugged. “I don’t have to get it, dude. It’s not my problem.”

And wasn’t she all too right.

---

The first set of rapid knocks wasn’t urgent enough to alarm Daniel. It probably should have – it had been almost a week since Louis had tried to reach him, although his worry had slithered under the doorframe like a transparent, odourless toxic gas. Some afternoons Daniel could almost sense him just standing outside the door, trying to hear whether Daniel was still breathing.

But this time the knocking didn’t stop – it continued, in accelerating and growingly urgent series, until Louis called out his name, too.

Daniel lay on the dirty sheets in his boxers and stared at the door, his fingers and toes so cold they were practically numb. A growing sense of anxiety finally got him up – he took twenty seconds to sweep the nearest empty beer cans under the bed and press the joint lightly against a plate to snuff out the cherry. The room had to be swimming with smoke, even though the opened window tried its best to suck some of it out and push some rainy November air in.

Daniel hadn’t cleaned in a while; even underneath the thick cloud of smoke, the room probably smelled like beer and some nearly mummified Chinese takeaway boxes that had been left on the table. There was only so much he could do to fix it, so he sneaked to the door and opened it, his heart pounding.

He was forced to back off as Louis stormed into the room. He stopped in the middle of it to take a look around, a little stunned, as if he had expected it to be bad but not quite this caliber of desperation.

He didn’t look too good himself, Daniel realized when the guy turned to look at him with his brow furrowed. He was kind of gray and exhausted, and he hadn’t shaved his light stubble.

“So, you’re alive then”, was the first thing he said.

“Uh – yeah, man. I kinda thought you knew.” Daniel scratched the back of his head. “Didn’t mean to worry you or anything.”

“Right.” Louis stopped and pursed his lips into a thin line. He looked like he wanted to say something, but decided against it. “You know, I went to Pita Palace today – I thought I’d have a chance of catching you out there, maybe ask how you’re doing, since you’ve been kind of avoiding me. I met your co-worker – Claudia, was it? She’s quite something.”

Daniel was struck by a fatal sense of shit hitting the fan like it had never before. Trepidation grew in his body, tingling his limbs ominously.

“Um – yeah, she destroys my ego approximately twice per shift, and she doesn’t even get compensation for it. What, uh – so, did you guys – talk?”

Louis looked him in the eye, startled and somehow almost pleading, like whatever Daniel was about to say could be a lifeline for him. He opened his mouth, closed it, considered.

“She had an interesting story to tell”, he finally got out. “One that includes you trying to – uh, how did she put in. Fuck with me, I guess? With that thing between you and Armand.”

Daniel was slightly surprised to find his heart didn’t drop all the way to his intestines. It was as if his body had prepared for it. The second Louis had started banging on his door, some part of him had known.

Daniel swallowed.

There was a look in Louis’ eyes that suggested he already knew as well. There was nothing to say that could’ve lessened the blow anymore.

“She said that it was never real for you.”

Louis stepped forward on the carpet, crunching an empty beer can under his heel as he went. His gaze slid to the ash-filled plate and past it to the desk where Daniel’s forgotten course books lay, starved for attention. Daniel hadn’t opened them since his argument with Armand.

“I tried to ask her if she’s seen the two of you. Anyone with eyes could see that it wasn’t… That if you were doing all that just to fuck with me, it was really fucking cruel. Like, to Armand, as well.”

Daniel’s throat was dry, his nervous gulping in the room almost as loud as his hammering heart. He wasn’t proud of it, but he considered denying the whole thing – don’t believe a word she’s saying, she’s a bitter little girl who wants to wreak havoc.

He closed his eyes and wiped his face. The silence (though it sure wasn’t silent in his pounding head) was unsettling, just waiting for the string to snap. Daniel tried to search his insides for a flicker of courage to just fuck it and let go. Just let go. To plead guilty since Louis had kindly made it so very easy for him.

He opened his eyes and looked at Louis, who seemed to be just about heartbroken.

Yeah, Daniel was done for.

“Louis, I... I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I told her that I just don’t get why you’d do that”, Louis said, his voice cracking. “Like what would you even get out of it.”

The words shoved Daniel so hard he took a step back and fell into his chair. He took a deep breath – perhaps the least he could do was try to offer some context, however useless. “Uh, it kind of started when you accused me of being bi.”

“I did not say that”, Louis said immediately, his voice already agitated and growing. “I did not accuse you. I was wondering if that would explain your tendency to kiss boys every fucking time you get a drop of alcohol in your system. I was offering an alternative, Daniel.”

“Well, it felt like an accusation to me”, Daniel said with resentment. Louis rolled his eyes and was clearly about to open his mouth, so Daniel beat him to it: “We met with Armand and got to talking and I got this stupid fucking idea to, uh, fuck with you. God, it sounds stupid after all of this, but I was supposed to laugh in your face for making those stupid assumptions of me. But it was never meant to go this far.”

Louis raised a hand to the bridge of his nose and squeezed with it his eyes tightly shut. The air was tense in the way it tended to be before a storm, before the first rumble of thunder.

Finally, his eyes still closed, Louis whispered: “What the fuck actually is your issue, Daniel? How in the world is that a normal reaction to what I said to you?”

“It’s not”, Daniel admitted immediately, barely even listening to him. “I know, I’m so fucking stupid. I just can’t do shit right.”

Louis dropped his hand and stared at him, his eyes wide and glassy with rage. “You know what? I’m not even that mad about the lie. Like whatever, maybe I deserved that for getting into your business like that. But how fucking dare you fuck it up like this? How fucking dare you not give a shit about yourself or the people around you? You can’t afford to be that fucking selfish anymore, Daniel. People love you. Stop fucking belittling or feeling sorry for yourself. You’re not stupid, Daniel. You’re an incredibly sharp guy who finds the most interesting cracks in people and meets them with compassion. How can you be so blind, or so fucking lazy that you aren’t interested in finding them in yourself?”

Louis’ rage was quiet – less explosive than Armand’s, but just as destructive. His disappointed expression twisted a knife in Daniel’s gut. It felt like there was no going back from this – Daniel had taken it too far and Louis had followed him, but wasn’t willing to go on any longer.

“You dragged us all into some fucking perverted performance. I really thought things could be that fucking good, like we finally had something good together, something like a – “, but Louis cut his own words abruptly, swallowing. “Then you shit on all those things. Shit on yourself. Shit on whatever the two of you had going on, because it sure didn’t look like a show anymore. You were in it for real, Daniel, don’t try to bullshit me. He was in it for real. And look at you now, man. You’ve lost weight, there’s barely been a day when you haven’t been drunk or stoned. You just had to make us all love you and then make us worry ourselves sick because you don’t love yourself.

Daniel’s hands trembled as he tried to come up with any way to bridge the emotional distance between them, any way to reach out to Louis, to make him understand.

“Louis, fuck”, he said, hoarse. “I wish I could take it back.”

“What’s the point of that? What’s the point of being sorry? You’ve broken something here. Judging by the way you’ve been rotting here in your room, you’ve broken the thing between you and Armand as well. Fucking good for him for getting away before your self-destruction swallows him whole.”

It felt like a punch.

Louis looked at him, rage flaring in his eyes. His lower lip trembled, not with grief but something deeper and even more ancient. “Daniel... For a guy who is so sweet and good, you’re such a fucking cruel bastard sometimes. Don’t bother talking to me ever again”, he hissed and brushed past Daniel to the door. “I’m fucking done worrying for you when you don’t give a shit about yourself. Go rot in your self-loathing.”

The door slammed behind him.

Daniel sat there in silence that was suddenly palpable even through the cloud of smoke that still lingered in. But it wasn’t silence really, was it; Louis’ words echoed in the room like the wandering, moaning presence of a ghost that Daniel could already imagine haunting his dreams.

The words spinned in his head in a merciless loop, blending together with some of Armand’s, some of Daniel’s own self-loathing. He sat there long enough to clear his head from the few beers he’d had, the joint he’d smoked and the words he’d sucked in (as much as it was possible to sober up from that).

Such a fucking cruel bastard.

Yeah, okay.

Fucking good for him for getting away.

Yeah. Daniel had thought about it in his darkest moments – very helpful to get it confirmed.

He cried a bit. He tried to pull himself together, tried to roll another joint – then cried on the bed again, crumbs all over the sheets.

And okay, maybe he hadn’t thought about Armand properly in a while, too busy drowning his sorrow and convincing himself that it was gone, time spent on it was wasted.

And of course it was. But suddenly it all flooded over him: the thought of Armand’s laughter, his cedarwood scent, his slender hand on Daniel’s inner thigh. His lips on Daniel’s neck before falling asleep, muttering some nonsense, or the way his nose crinkled when he laughed real hard (God – that one really hurt). His wet kisses, his sense of humor, the way he said good boy, the cups of coffee he’d bring. The ecstasy on his face when Daniel so effortlessly, so willingly let him have all control. The movie nights. The cooking. Feeding him pita bread and getting satisfaction from caring for him, for doing something for him. Babbling half the night away, yawning and continuing talking because there was always something urgent to discuss, some tangent they hadn’t covered yet.

In a shuddering wave that almost made Daniel wish he was still drunk, he was overcome with the realization that he actually really liked Armand.

That he probably liked boys in general, but especially Armand.

And now it was fucking good that Armand had gotten away, like Louis had kindly reminded.

---

Daniel kind of threw himself into a two-day drinking binge. He ended up with a lost memory, bruises all over his legs and a hangover so severe he couldn’t eat, drink or almost breathe for a day. After the worst of it relented, he tossed and turned in his bed, until falling into a cold-sweated nightmare.

It was a strangely erotic one about Armand and Louis entangled together into this Substance-esque creature (though one Daniel still found somehow sexy, which was rather concerning), kissing and whispering to one another about his deceitful nature, their eyes glowing in the dark like those of predators. His head was so filled with paranoia and guilt that when he woke up, he had to dig up a warm can of beer from under his bed and crack it open.

He did feel guilty about it – of course he did. Hadn’t Louis kind of asked him to love himself a bit more, whatever Queer Eye -bullshit that was. But Daniel couldn’t convince himself of the pros of quitting now. He’d just end up alone but now also with probable withdrawal symptoms in addition to the anxiety.

By nightfall, he finally crawled out of his room, his stomach growling and his body begging for even half a glass of water.

The first thing Daniel noticed was that the flat was dark and quiet. He sneaked into the toilet (and avoided his reflection as he didn’t need to see it to know it was disastrous), but dared to straighten his back when he got to the kitchen, because there really seemed to be no one home.

The second thing he noticed was that Louis’ milk frother – something Daniel had definitely called a completely useless product of middle-class sloth but had gotten used to using himself – was missing. So he was probably slowly retreating from Lestat’s apartment to get some space.

Daniel was about to notice the third thing (his brain was doing its best, but it still whirred quite slow) when the front door creaked open.

And there in the doorway stood Lestat, staring at Daniel like he was some crusty creature rising from the swamp and smelling of sunken corpses and rats.

Daniel, sat at the kitchen table with a glass of water, stared at him like a deer in the headlights.

Daniel had gotten so paranoid that he had become over-sensitive to every little detail (call it Spidey-senses but with anxiety). Was there contempt on Lestat’s flat face? Fuck, there definitely was. Daniel didn’t have the time to decide whether to fight or flight when Lestat broke the ice.

“Well, hello”, he said, closing the door behind him and taking a step forward. “I see you’ve made your return to civilization.”

“I guess so.” Daniel’s voice was raspy from a whole day of not talking to anyone. He coughed, felt an ash-flavored clump of mucus in the back of his throat and confidently swallowed it. “Gotta say I was surprised myself that there’s still some will to live in me.”

Lestat had kicked his shoes off and was now approaching the table with soft little steps. He looked at Daniel properly; the water in his hand, the unruly curls, the stained glasses on the edge of his nose.

Daniel gathered some courage to raise his chin and fully meet Lestat’s face.

They looked at each other for a while, tense little silence between them, until something in Lestat’s expression softened. It was so subtle it might’ve flown past Daniel hadn’t he been so sensitive to every shift in the vibe.

“Daniel”, Lestat said, quietly. “It’s good to see you on your feet.”

Daniel stared at him, not believing his ears. “Come again? Your boyfriend and your nemesis have stomped my balls to the ground for my little stunt, but you talk to me like a real person. Lestat, blink twice if you’ve been possessed.”

Lestat sneered and brushed his locks over his shoulder. That act of arrogance from him was more familiar, and after being isolated for so long (either among a group of strangers or the ghosts of his own room), a sight so close to normalcy made Daniel’s eyes water.

“Well, I figured why bother beating you up when Louis has taken care of it already”, Lestat said, shrugging. “And I didn’t buy ‘that little stunt of yours’ for a second. You’re still not gay, Daniel, and that’s final.”

Daniel couldn’t help but burst out laughing so hard some snot and sneakily trickled tears exploded out of him. Still laughing, he wiped his nose on his sleeve. “Jesus Christ, Lestat. Great timing, man.” After all, it had been like two days since he’d realized that, yeah, maybe he was into guys as well.

Lestat looked at him with his head tilted. “Anyway, I can’t let you think that things are okay between you and me. For Louis’ sake I have to hold a grudge against you – but should we have pizza on Saturday?”

“Let me guess, Louis is out of town on Saturday.”

“Well, yes. So, it’s a deal?”

Daniel shook his head, relief bubbling out of him in little bursts of laughter. At least there was something in the world he hadn’t managed to entirely ruin. At least there was Lestat, as insufferable and wonderful as he was. “Look, I don’t know yet. Let’s see, yeah?”

“Fine.” Lestat moved towards his room, but paused for a moment with his hand on the doorknob. “Personally, I found it hilarious”, he said, quietly. “But, uh, he’s not taking it too well. So maybe for his sake, if not for your own, you could... look after yourself a bit.”

He left Daniel sitting in the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand.

The silence was even heavier than before Lestat’s entrance. Louis’ absence was like an ache, as if the apartment was missing half of its lifeforce.

Staring at the trembling surface tension of the water, Daniel decided to get a grip on himself. It was about time after running amok for the last few weeks. Maybe truly the least he could do for Louis and, shit, himself, was to stop with the self-destructive train wreck once and for all. Louis probably didn’t need an ounce of extra concern about Daniel mistreating himself.

He didn’t even dare to think if that was something Armand had thought about, something Armand might’ve worried about. He tried to stop the thought evolving, but he didn’t have full control over his brain quite yet, so he couldn’t help but think how Armand would’ve reacted had he heard of the mess Daniel had created – and the fact that Daniel was about to put an end to it.

He really didn’t want to think about Armand’s dark eyes softening, the corner of his mouth twitching. That’s my good boy, doing exactly what I need you to do. But of course he did think of it, long and hard.

And so, come morning, he woke up to an alarm at eight and started by cleaning his room. Knowing he would have to break the cycle of escalated overconsumption of beer and drugs, he promised himself one more line of speed, just to get him started. It had all the elements of being a lie he’d tell himself, but against all odds he did stick to it.

Daniel got two garbage bags worth of trash and empty cans out of his room. He changed the sheets and kept his window open for two days straight to get some of the stench of stale smoke and spilled beer out of the room. He scrubbed himself thoroughly in the shower (with Lestat’s vanilla-flavored soap) and shaved his stubble. He even made himself a warm bowl of noodles, which was a nice change to chips, Chinese food and dry sandwiches he had mostly lived on during the last weeks.

In the evening, he popped two more sleeping pills, once again swearing that it wouldn’t get out of hand anymore – it was just to get some rhythm into his fucked-up sleeping schedule. He slept through the night without any nightmares and woke up after fourteen hours to something that felt like two weeks’ worth of hangover hitting him with all its might, as if it had just waited for him to wake up from his drunken slumber to really strike.

Some painkillers and coffee made Daniel feel normal enough to log into his university email and even open one of the course books. Two and a half weeks away from school was a disaster, but perhaps not the end of the world. Some professors really liked him – maybe he could convince them to keep him in their classes.

At the end of the day, he was hit by the first waves of withdrawal symptoms – but it was actually nothing to Daniel’s need to be held and kissed on the forehead that he had (somewhat) already survived. So, fuck it, he’d survive this as well.

Before crawling to bed, he pushed a bag of his leftover weed and pills under Lestat’s door and sent him a short text: thanks, man

---

It wasn’t a miracle that Armand and Daniel hadn’t run into each other since their fight, because Daniel had done his very best to avoid every single place where Armand could’ve been. But now that he was trying to become an honorable citizen of the society again, he had to return to the danger zone – the campus.

He returned to the game with his guards up; sneaking into the library in his biggest hoodie and barely stopping to greet some acquaintances after lectures. He didn’t bother telling anyone of the extent of his nervous breakdown and no one asked. After all, he kind of had a reputation as a laid-back party boy and those definitely never had any issues with substance abuse, right? Right?

Daniel spent nearly every spare hour on schoolwork because he was so far behind and the semester was coming to an end. He’d be the last one to leave the library, where he spent hours upon hours on extra assignments and essays. Still, it turned out pretty well; most of the professors showed astonishing compassion towards him, with only one kicking him off his class.

Christmas season hadn’t creeped closer but arrived with a bang; there were lights everywhere to sugarcoat the darkness and dampness that had befallen their city. Lestat ran around Christmas markets and tried to convince Daniel to come once (when Louis undoubtedly had better things to do), but he appealed to all of his schoolwork. After all, it wasn’t really a lie, and he was mostly happy just nesting in his room or some corner of the library.

But now that Daniel was back in the game, he knew that it was only a matter of time before his and Armand’s paths would cross. He certainly wasn’t ready, but the universe didn’t bother asking him.

It was a chilly Friday.

Daniel, who had become a little less timid as the days went by, stepped between two bookshelves. The first thing he noticed was the smell of both old and brand-new books being interrupted by something that, despite faint, almost managed to send him into a PTSD episode.

The second thing he noticed was Armand standing at the end of the line of shelves. Even with his back turned to him, Daniel recognized those dark, well-kept curls.

There were several feet between them – it would’ve been easy for Daniel to slip back, sneak away without ever having to face him. But his feet were heavy, stuck to the ground as if he’d stepped on tar. He was mesmerized by it all; cloudy light trickling from skylight windows, playing in Armand’s black hair. Armand’s long coat he’d never seen before, because the temperature had finally turned cold enough for winter coats. The trace of cedar wood that lingered in the air, winding Daniel up slowly but surely, until at some point he’d snap and lose it all.

But Daniel couldn’t ignore the fact that Armand had some guy with him. They talked with low voices, their heads turned to each other, so Daniel couldn’t deduce the nature of their relationship, but he wasn’t an idiot. The guy looked at Armand with adoration, which made Daniel briefly wonder whether he’d looked that starstruck just some weeks ago.

Whether he looked that starstruck just now, having seen a man so beautiful he was incapable of moving.

Without his brain giving its permission, Daniel’s feet took a step closer. The creak of his boots made Armand’s companion turn his head, giving Daniel the kind of look you gave to random people passing by. Armand didn’t react, his back still to Daniel.

But seconds ticked and Daniel continued staring, hardly even blinking, until his ogling had reached such abnormal stranger danger levels that the random guy took another look at Daniel with his eyebrows furrowed. And he said something in a soft tone that didn’t reach Daniel and

fuck

Armand turned to look over his shoulder.

He froze as he recognized Daniel, something he’d been saying fading on his lips.

A level of pain and longing Daniel hadn’t felt in a while washed over his body, strong enough to drown him. Oh, he felt like saying, his head swirling. It really is you.

In a blink of an eye, his head was filled with several parallel universes of Armand sweeping in to kiss his face tenderly; clawing the skin off his face; leashing him and calling him his puppy and asking why’d he run away like that; stepping past him without another glance.

In the current universe, Armand just stood there for a long while, blinked at Daniel and turned back to his friend.

His low voice continued talking, not seemingly interrupted by the scene that had left Daniel crumbling on the floor all but physically.

He stood there like the saddest clown in the universe for God knows how many minutes, sniffing the cedar wood scented air and staring at the back of Armand’s head. When he finally got his feet to move, they led him straight to his studying spot, not willing to spend another minute around the shelves trying to find the book he’d ended up there for.

He sat there staring at an open book on the table and mulled over the encounter, over and over and over, despite the fact that there really wasn’t shit to analyze.

Armand had looked fine – Jesus Christ had he looked fine. Healthy and normal, like he probably hadn’t spent the weeks apart smoking and drinking and self-sabotaging. Daniel couldn’t stop thinking about him; Armand conquered his head the entire time in the library, all the way home, and eventually as he lay on his back in bed and stared at the ceiling.

He thought of Armand’s mouth and dark eyes, which hadn’t shown any kindness today, but Daniel knew that once, not that long ago, they had. And not just kindness, but desire.

He repeated Armand’s voice message for like five times for the first time in a long while, because during his rehab he had tried his best to get rid of that habit (not too successfully – well, reducing his dose to once per day was a win for him). His recovering body reacted to Armand’s low murmur with a boner, but he didn’t dare touching himself, letting it die on its own.

The relapse made him yearn enough to dig through his closet to find any rag that might still carry a whiff of Armand’s scent, but every piece of clothing he found either smelled like cigarettes or Louis’ laundry detergent (which caused a pain of its own).

Daniel missed Armand so vastly that he was willing to go to desperate lengths (as if him jacking off to voice messages or sniffing t-shirts wasn’t desperate enough). Which really explained why he got up at 7 pm to pull on his freshest and most attractive clothes. It wasn’t a lot, to be honest – but he did know that Armand had always liked him in a worn-out band shirt and his leather jacket, so that’s what he resorted to. To put a final touch on it, he brushed his teeth (twice, just to be sure) and rolled on some deodorant.

The walk to Armand’s flat felt shorter than it had ever before. Daniel tried not to remember the night he had fought his way back home in an icy drizzle, fueled by rage and grief. Today the air was pungent with the scent of the Christmas holiday and leaves that had already started to decompose. The chill of the air made Daniel shove his trembling hands into his pockets.

The building met him way too soon. He didn’t wait before ringing the bell, because he was pretty sure he would’ve cowered and ran back home with his tail between his legs (so pathetically cowardly).

Footsteps approached from the inside and a tall, pale, red-haired young woman opened the door. “Yes?” she said with an unkindly expression and looked at Daniel from head to toe like he might’ve been a hobo who had wandered to their door.

“Hi”, Daniel said and cracked his best people’s princess smile. It didn’t pierce her cool, suspicious shell. Fine, straight to the point. “Is, uh, Armand home?”

“Armand!” she shrieked into the apartment with such sharpness that Daniel took a step back. She gave him one more look before stomping off to her room.

And behind her, from the cozy, almost misty light of the apartment, came Armand. He was dressed casually in something black and looked devastatingly beautiful. The sight of him kicked the air out of Daniel – fuck, the chokehold this man had on him.

“Hi”, Daniel said quietly when Armand noticed him and slowed his stride. He seemed to consider just a few seconds, his steps slow and tiny, but finally he came all the way to the door and leaned against the doorframe with crossed arms. “Could I, er, come in?”

Armand studied Daniel’s face in his familiar silent, mysterious way, but didn’t budge. Alright.

Daniel clenched his hands in his pockets and opened them back up, because it had been a while since he’d been this nervous. It didn’t help that Armand said nothing, just kept looking at him in that calm way of his.

It felt like he was further away from Daniel than the few silly feet between them. There was nothing on his face, like the last months between them had never taken place – not the laughter, not the kissing, not even that shitshow of an argument. That was probably the worst of all; he didn’t even seem angry so much as incredibly indifferent.

Like it just didn’t matter. At all.

“I just wanted to see you”, Daniel said, suddenly too aware of the fact that he hadn’t thought of anything to say. “Um. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. If it matters to you, I’ve, uh, been sorting things out with myself.”

Armand waited in silence.

“So, Louis found out. He really put me in my place, man. Just like you did, and rightfully so.” Daniel rubbed his hands together, but the December chill and anxiety kept him from feeling his numb fingertips.

“Daniel”, Armand interrupted, and although his voice was coolly polite, he didn’t manage to keep the slightest trace of warmth out of his name. A glimmer of hope flickered through Daniel’s body. “What are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to apologize”, Daniel said softly, his heart thudding in his chest. “Would you wanna – I don’t know, could I come in or something?”

Armand stood still for a long moment, studying Daniel’s face, before glancing over his shoulder. When he turned his gaze back to Daniel, there was something almost apologetic on his face. “Daniel, I don’t... I’m not alone.”

Daniel raised his eyebrows and leaned closer as if he hadn’t quite heard, because his head needed its time to recover from the sight of Armand. “Huh?” escaped his mouth before his gaze rolled past Armand. First he saw the two empty wine glasses on the kitchen table, then the pair of sneakers Armand never would’ve worn on the hallway floor. That was all it took for him to finally get it. “Ah. Shit. Man, I’m sorry. You’ve got someone over – fuck, of course you do.”

Look at clown Daniel go. Fuck, what an idiot he was – it was early Friday night, of course Armand planned on spending the night with a glass of red wine and some beautiful boy sprawled on his lap. Something dark that Daniel barely managed to suppress wondered whether it was the pretty boy from the library.

“I’m so fucking sorry”, Daniel said, but what it actually sounded like was I’m a fucking idiot. Armand looked like he was about to say something, but Daniel put his palms up. “I’ll get out of your way. Hey, have fun. I, uh, I’ll see you around.”

And he started walking away with his hands deep in his pockets and his back hunched. Some part of him expected Armand to call after him, but the evening remained eerily quiet.

---

The growing pile of assignments and increasingly urgent phone calls and text messages from Mom were the final sign of Christmas approaching. Daniel had texted his Mom a lousy apology after his rehab, but it had left him feeling pressured to take every call – especially since he was not about to come home despite her begging, bribing and eventually threatening. He couldn’t think of a worse idea in his crappy state.

What would he have done there? Curled up in his teenage bed and stared at the walls that he had covered in band posters. Thought of all the repressed dreams he’d had of men and boys, their lips on his, and eventually their hands on his dick. Wept from boredom and grief, tried to shake Armand out of his head without success. Suffocated in the grayness of December in Modesto. He would’ve felt adrift, because suddenly home was no longer either in their small, wonky house in Modesto or the flat he shared with Lestat.

Besides, Daniel would have the apartment to himself, which probably was a risk considering his recent drug-fueled adventures, but one he was willing to take. Lestat was getting ready to fuck off with Louis – where to, Daniel didn’t know because he hadn’t seen Louis since their fight and although Lestat was loyal enough to talk to him, he was absolutely tight-lipped about Louis.

With not much to think about, Daniel thought about their trip maybe more than was healthy. He thought whether they’d visit New Orleans – would returning there hurt Louis, would he feel lonely in the city he’d grown up in, but had been forced to leave behind.

Or would they visit Lestat’s mom somewhere around Paris, where she had settled down after her mid-life crisis and lesbian awakening. Maybe Lestat and Louis would roam the silent city, maybe even witness the late first snow.

Or maybe they’d fuck off to Bali to fuck nasty and smoke some pot, to escape all the shit this autumn had brought with it. If that was the plan, Daniel was happy for them.

Uncle Charlie is going to be very disappointed, a text from Mom popped up at the top of his screen while Daniel was lying on the sofa playing Wordle. Lestat was bolting around the flat, collecting stuff into his big burgundy suitcase. His method of packing was so chaotic that Daniel almost got stressed just watching it, and if Daniel got stressed, it had to be serious.

Mom, Uncle Charlie is a bigot and a piece of shit, you’ve said so yourself, Daniel typed back.

Love thy neighbor, came the immediate reply.

He hates gays. That was the first thing that came to his mind, and he sorta regretted it the second he had sent the message.

?? what does that have to do with anything

Daniel chortled. Of course some random guys who had known him for months immediately clocked him, but after twenty-five years, his mother hadn’t sensed anything suspicious.

There was a tight, anxious knot in the pit of Daniel’s stomach when he started typing back. He scratched the message, wrote it again, scratched it. Mom stayed on the line, waiting, her presence a heavy green orb at the top of their chat.

Mom, do you know what “bi” means? Daniel wrote, scratched it again. Mom, have you ever heard – Mom, did you ever notice that when I was a kid I loved to watch – Okay, so I’ve been thinking and – So there’s this guy and –

He blinked at the screen, the tightness in his stomach growing.

Baby, Mom wrote, a question baked into the endearment she’d always used of him, even through his anti-social and awkward teenage years.

Mom, I think I’m bi, Daniel tapped and sent the message without thinking.

He was pretty sure it wasn’t something that would lead to him being orphaned – his Mom was one of those people who loved dropping hints that she was cultured and some of her best friends were gay.

But pretty sure wasn’t convinced.

Daniel thought of Louis’ words on the balcony, his heart hammering in his ears and trying its best to break through his t-shirt.

The conversation was quiet for a moment, Mom sitting silently on the line. Until there was the symbol of her typing and soon a message bounced out: If it’s about that, I’m kicking Charlie out. Will you come then?

It made Daniel laugh; then his laughter slipped out of control and all of a sudden he was crying.

He closed the conversation, put his palms on his face and gave in to the tears, his whole body shaking. Something erupted from him, something he hadn’t even realized had been lurking in there somewhere, deep enough to never see the light of the day. But it felt good to cry; it felt cleansing.

“Daniel?” Lestat asked, his voice cautious.

Daniel yanked his hands off his face, tears and snot still bursting out. Lestat stood beside the sofa, his face contorted with worry.

“It’s fine”, Daniel tried to reassure him, although he probably sounded a bit psychotic saying it with a big toothy smile and tears all over his face and neck. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I just, uh, came out to my mom, I guess.”

Lestat’s eyes bulged in his head, and Daniel realized that he had kind of just come out to him, too.

“Oh”, Lestat said, opening his mouth and closing it again before finding the words. “Uh – congratulations?”

“You were right though. I’m not gay.”

“You came out as straight?” Lestat grinned.

“Right on”, Daniel laughed. Everything felt strangely light, and kind of right. Except that for a second he could imagine Louis sitting there on the sofa, smacking his thigh and grinning that wide, smug smile of his and yelling that he’d fucking known, hadn’t he, fucking hell.

Fuck.

Daniel’s tears turned so violent that he had to sit up not to choke on his stuffy nose.

Lestat’s tentative hand brushed his shoulder, just a fleeting touch, before squeezing gently. “Hey, Daniel, well done”, he said quietly. “I’m proud of you.”

Daniel nodded. His tears eventually ran out, Lestat returned to his chaotic packing business and Daniel grabbed his phone. Mom had sent him some more texts, heart emojis and lousy excuses for him to just come home.

Love you, Mom. Still not coming. Good luck finding something safe to talk about with Uncle Charlie (it won’t be reproductive rights btw)

Mom’s reply came quickly: Next year no one’s invited but you. I’ll make sure you’re coming. Love you too, baby.

---

It was uncannily quiet in the apartment after Lestat’s departure. Daniel dragged himself around the rooms, both enjoying the lonesome state and feeling weirdly left out, out of place. He quite literally had a home, but for a moment, he felt like he understood what Armand had said about not having one. The conversation felt like something that had taken place two lifetimes ago.

Daniel spent his time typing out his last essay, jerking off and chain-smoking on the balcony while spying on people who huddled below, busy getting everything done in time before locking themselves into their homes or driving away for the holidays. Come evening, Daniel dug out a bag of weed he had bought from Fareed (who still didn’t give a shit, asking Daniel only if he wanted a new patch of molly, which he politely declined), rolled himself a beautiful little joint and smoked it while watching Conan the Barbarian. The experience was magnificent and raw; he thought of Armand slipping into his pants while vibing the greatest soundtrack in the history of cinema.

Maybe it would be all right, he found himself thinking while witnessing Conan mourn the love of his life. Maybe it would all be all right in the end.

He fell asleep on the couch with the TV on and when he woke up, it was already Christmas Day. The world felt stagnant, like he’d managed to make a crack in the temporal dimension. He sneaked out for a little mental walk and the world was quiet in a way it was in zombie films. He smoked a cigarette and soaked up the silence, only a slight breeze ruffling his curls. Finally, the light of day started to fade and he headed home.

He froze in the stairwell, breathless, when he saw a figure standing and waiting at his front door. He definitely had punctured the temporal dimension, because he hadn’t seen those curls in this stairwell in a long while.

“Armand?” he asked, as if he suspected him to be a ghost that had wandered into the house. That’s what it felt like, his presence having hung around Daniel’s room for all these weeks, never potent enough to be seen but always there.

Armand turned. When he spotted Daniel, his mouth gave the tiniest smile in the world. “Daniel”, he said, and Daniel had never heard anything so sweet. They stood there like two idiots for a moment before Armand nodded towards the door and asked: “Were you going in?”

“Right, yeah, hang on a sec.” Daniel fumbled with his keys and got the door for them. Armand followed him like a shadow, carefully closing the door behind.

Daniel didn’t realize Armand was holding a plastic bag until he got his shoes off and handed him the bag. Puzzled, Daniel grabbed it and peeked inside to find two frozen Christmas dinners.

He stared at them until his eyes were blurry and he couldn’t make them out anymore. He didn’t dare to lift his head, knowing that the tears welling up in his eyes would’ve made him weep like a baby in front of Armand, but he couldn’t bring himself to move to the freezer either. So he just stood there, staring at the bag.

“Hey”, Armand said quietly, coming closer and lifting Daniel’s chin gently with his finger. “Bad idea, huh?” But the smug bastard was smiling, knowing full well that was not the case.

“No”, Daniel managed to say in a trembling voice. The tears still hadn’t rolled down his cheeks, though the surface tension would break any second. And when he blinked, it finally did.

Armand leaned in to kiss his tear-stained cheeks and that really made him cry. Like ugly, desperate weeping, bottomless in the way only babies (and Daniel, apparently) had mastered.

“No, man”, Daniel laughed and slipped his arms around Armand. The plastic bag fell at their feet, but fuck it – Daniel’s head and lungs and body were finally properly filled with Armand’s scent, Armand’s warmth, Armand’s familiar shape. He felt like his body hadn’t forgotten for a moment how unmistakably Armand belonged against him. “A great fucking idea. I might be biased, but I feel like it’s the best you’ve ever had.”

Armand laughed, put his hands on Daniel’s neck and pressed their foreheads together. “That’s good”, he whispered before pulling back and brushing Daniel’s cheeks with his thumbs. “Go blow your nose. We need to talk.”

And yeah, there was no squirming out of that, so Daniel obeyed. (Besides, there wasn’t much he would’ve refused to do for the starry-eyed man in front of him – it was a blessing Armand wasn’t in the mood to misuse his influence.)

When he returned from the toilet (after blowing his nose three violent times and washing his puffy face with icy water), Armand was already seated on the sofa and the frozen dinners had presumably made their entrance into the freezer. Armand patted the seat next to him and Daniel planted his scrawny ass on it.

Armand looked at him, waiting.

Right.

“So, um”, Daniel began, but he was still totally out of it.

His head and body hadn’t quite caught up with the fact that the guy he was ready to get all syrupy and cringy with/for sat next to him, watching patiently. Daniel’s body was screaming to touch Armand – to curl up in his arms, kiss him, bend him over the couch and nuzzle his neck and slip underneath his skin. Daniel’s head was begging him to... well, do the exact same thing, but shockingly with even more hunger than his body.

“I didn’t actually prepare anything because I didn’t – I had no idea that you would – um, you didn’t call or anything, so I really didn’t –”

“You didn’t need to prepare anything”, Armand replied, calm and collected as always. “I just need you to tell me everything.”

Okay. That he could do.

He kind of started with their fight, but then having the concentration skills of a toddler, he ended up actually telling him about Louis; how they’d first met, how Louis had swooped him underneath his wing, how Daniel had always thought Lestat would be the one to fuck Louis up for good. And then, in an uncharacteristic plot twist, he’d ended up being the one.

Then he talked a bit about Armand and how fucking perfect he was and how he had never known anyone like him. Then he talked about his drinking binge, and then he talked about his childhood because of course he did – it was all relevant information, he thought, except maybe the fact that during the ages 14 to 16, he had jacked off approximately once per day to the thought of this jock on the school team. Not the one who had ruled the school and bullied every kid (including Daniel), but the one who, every once in a while, had smiled kindly at Daniel, even though they hadn’t known each other. The one who kept his hair long and curly, even if the guys on the team bullied him for being a hippie fag. Daniel really liked his hair, thought about it while touching himself, biting his wrist not only to keep himself quiet, but also because the pain felt good.

He talked about all the guilt and longing and grief that had nearly swallowed him whole – and that reminded him of the thing Louis had said, of Armand dodging a bullet, and that he didn’t want to be a bullet. He wanted to be someone good, someone Armand could trust, someone to pet his hair and comfort him and take care of him.

He talked and talked and talked, enough for Armand to get up at some point and get them both glasses of water, and Daniel wouldn’t shut up even for that. He barely took a sip of his glass before words spilled out of him again. He felt bad for taking up all of the space, but then again Armand had asked, and he really, really, really needed to talk to someone.

Well, not just anyone.

To Armand.

And so Daniel ended up telling him everything, but the last things felt sticky on his tongue, difficult and dangerous to voice out loud. Vulnerable enough to crack if he’d fuck it up, or if Armand wouldn’t catch it. But it still needed to be let out, because Daniel couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“So, uh, when I was talking with Louis, or more like he tore me a brand new asshole and poked it with a broken light bulb – I repest myself, rightfully so –, I kind of realized that I – that – ”

He had thought about it over and over, so many times that saying it out loud almost felt superstitious.

Armand looked at him, tilting his head, waiting. What a divine man he was.

“Yeah, so. I realized that I actually – really – like you incredibly much. Really hard. Like ridiculously hard, way too much. Not a normal amount, the opposite of that. You ever read Wuthering Heights? It’s that level of intensity and chaos and mental illness. Like I might die if I can’t be with you. If you go to the bathroom now, I might want you to leave the door open just so I can bask in your presence. I want you inside of me and under my skin, I need you to dig a hole in my ribs and make yourself a nice little nest in there. I want your fingers deep in my head and my thoughts, I want you to read me like a book. I wanna share my blood with you and be fucked up and messy with you forever. And I actually want to embrace all the fucked up and messy and broken parts of you. If you wanna eat me out or up, I’m open to it. Go on, take a bite out of me, devour me, man. I just really, really need to be with you.”

And wasn’t it convenient that after that all just tumbled out of his mouth, he realized that he actually had no clue whether that was something Armand had come here for. Whether he wanted any of that. Sure, the guy had kissed Daniel’s tears away, but after the shit Daniel had pulled, he couldn’t be sure whether that was just normal behavior between two dudes.

Armand looked at Daniel, biting his lower lip as if trying to keep from smiling. If Daniel was not mistaken, his eyes were a little misty. He wondered whether that was a good sign or if Armand just felt sorry for Daniel for throwing himself to the wolves like that.

“I mean – if you wanted to”, he added. “And if you don’t, then I’d be happy to be your friend and yearn for you for decades, until we’re old and gray and you finally realize that we’re actually soulmates and you’re ready to do this with me after all. It won’t be too late, Armand, I promise you. I can wait.”

Armand laughed – a beautiful, ringing sound that made Daniel’s heart leap –, definitely crying now. Like he was afraid that Daniel might try and slip away, he put his hands on Daniel’s cheeks and leaned in to kiss him hard, all clunky and awkward with urgency.

It got hot and wet, both because of Daniel’s wandering, thirsty tongue and the tears that seeped from both of them.

“My beautiful boy”, Armand whispered against Daniel’s mouth, making him hiccup. “I do want it. I want you.”

Daniel’s insides didn’t just flutter but absolutely shattered, leaving him grinning. “Well that’s good”, he whispered back. “You’ll save us both decades of our lives.”

---

They wouldn’t shut up all night, except to share some kisses. But even while eating their frozen meals and watching some tacky Christmas movie from the TV, they’d talk so feverishly they hardly knew anything about the movie’s plot and barely had time to take a few bites of the dinner before it was all cold again. Daniel had mostly let it all out in his little therapy session, but he was really curious to know what Armand had been up to during the last few weeks.

He sure hoped the answer wasn’t fucking pretty boys, but if it was, he needed to hear it. So he asked about it, plain and simple.

That got Armand to crack up. “Wouldn’t that paint a picture of me. You were grieving after the love of your life and I was all over town getting laid.”

“I can’t really judge you, though. I was kind of getting sad little handjobs as well and, after all, I’m the one who made you choose celibacy, but wasn’t ready to follow through.”

Armand looked at him, tenderly, and brushed his cheek with a thumb. “I wasn’t whoring around town.” His voice was unbearably soft. “I was mostly just living my daily life, though a little heartbroken over everything I’d lost.”

“Just a little?” Daniel protested, grinning. “Man, I’d think I deserve more than that.”

“Well, yes.” Armand laughed. “I missed you sorely, but I didn’t want to approach you until you’d come crawling back. So I mainly just waited for you to wake up – in case that’d ever happen.”

“It’s good you realized that me coming over was a desperate attempt to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness.”

“You would’ve been more successful had you done that immediately. I would’ve thrown that guy out of my room in nanoseconds.”

That made Daniel grin again, so hard he was afraid Armand would be able to see all the way to his wisdom teeth. “Yeah? You would’ve preferred me?”

Armand’s eyes got all dark as he got closer, raised his hand on Daniel’s neck and brushed his lips with his own. “I’d hope that’s obvious by now.”

They shared half a joint, which made everything feel vibrant and soft. They kissed for what felt like hours, slowly, wasting time to taste and tease each other. There was a lovely cycle of getting hard and softening again to the rhythm of their kisses intensifying and softening. There was no rush – nobody needed them and they needed nobody now that they had each other.

Until finally Armand put his hand on Daniel’s thigh, looked at him with dilated pupils and asked: “What do you want, beloved?”

“I uh, would really want you inside me”, Daniel whispered out loud, just in case Armand couldn’t read his thoughts.

Armand’s body practically vibrated against Daniel. “Sweet boy”, he whispered, his voice hoarse, nibbling Daniel’s lower lip. There was urgency in his hands, like he tried his best to remain very calm, but was almost too excited. “I will devour you if you let me.”

“Please do”, Daniel managed to say before Armand’s lips made him shut up.

They got lost in sloppy kisses again until Daniel had to push Armand off of him. “Um, I didn’t have to time to prepare for it, but –”

“You don’t need to”, Armand interrupted, catching Daniel’s lip between his teeth again. “Just wash yourself properly. It’s good, Daniel – I can handle it.”

“Yeah. Alright.”

Armand seemed to sense some tension in him and studied his face for a long while. “Can I come with you?” he eventually asked. “I could wash you.”

“God, yeah, please do.” With a breath of relief, Daniel helped them both up.

It was almost strangely mundane watching Armand take his clothes off and leave them in a heap on the bathroom floor. The sight of him slowly taking off his sleek little gold rings definitely made Daniel’s dick twitch, but he didn’t have enough time to analyze it before Armand pulled him into the shower underneath the warm water.

He helped wash Daniel all over – planted his fingertips into Daniel’s wet hair to go through them with shampoo, glided along his armpits to spread (Lestat’s) soap all over them. Then his fingers traveled over Daniel’s ribs, found his lower stomach, his loins, and eventually cupped his balls. Daniel sighed, leaning into the touch.

“Yes, sweet boy.” Armand nuzzled his neck, his hand drifting to Daniel’s crack, spreading his buttocks and finding the soft skin between. Daniel’s mouth opened and he was glad he didn’t ruin the moment with choking on some water. “I’ll wash you properly and then take you out of the shower. Does that sound good?”

“Yes, it does”, Daniel gasped as he felt Armand’s soaped finger gently rub his hole. He would’ve been ready to lean into the touch, but Armand was adamant about getting out of the bathroom – maybe he had some bad experiences with soap as lube.

He washed between Daniel’s buttocks and his hands before turning the shower off and guiding Daniel out of the bathroom. They found condoms and lube from Daniel’s room, but with a sense of determination, Daniel pulled Armand back into the living room.

“We’re doing it here?” Armand asked, amused, as Daniel got cozy on the sofa, naked as a jaybird and ready to open his legs. “On his sofa? Are you sure you wanna take that road?”

“Oh, hundred percent. Please make sure I come on the sofa as well.”

Armand shook his head, but did fold a blanket underneath Daniel’s back anyway before sneaking between his legs. He was heavy and warm there, somehow familiar in his weight. His body was hot from the warm water and Daniel felt his half-hard dick brush against the back of his thigh. Just the brief touch made him lose all his ability to speak for a second.

Armand popped open the cap of the lube, lifted Daniel’s left thigh and just squeezed a generous amount over Daniel’s hole. The cold made him shiver and flinch, but Armand’s tight grip kept him in place. He couldn’t be able to squirm away.

“Can I try you out a little bit?” Armand asked, soft, his finger teasing Daniel’s hole.

“Yeah, yes, Jesus”, Daniel pleaded. “You can do anything to me. I’m yours to take and use, however you want.”

Armand had lifted himself up, his dark little laughter against Daniel’s ear making his skin shiver. “You’re mine? I like the sound of that.” The lubed up tip of his finger tried Daniel’s hole, pushed a little inside. “That’s my good boy. Try to relax, it’ll be easier that way.” The finger went in just an inch or so, making Daniel gasp. “And touch yourself, but make sure you don’t come.”

“Yeah? What would you do if I misbehaved? If I can’t help but nut all over my hand?” Daniel panted, wrapping a hand around his dick.

“Well, naturally I’d have to punish you”, Armand said, calm and low, and Daniel had to squeeze his cock tight, because for a hot second he was afraid he’d actually come. Probably not a genuine thing to fear as he was barely half hard, but Armand’s words had struck some chord in his spinal cord and blasted a wave of pleasure throughout his body.

“Fuck”, he moaned, and more felt than heard Armand chuckle against his neck.

“I thought you might like the sound of that. We’ll try it later,” he promised. “Tonight I’d rather not punish you. I want to be really good to you.” And he slipped the first finger in, all the way.

The soft rocking felt good, almost familiar, as Daniel slowly jacked off to keep riding the wave of pleasure. It didn’t take long until Daniel’s body felt like the finger was a natural part of him and he actually really, really desperately needed more of Armand inside. The second finger was only a short-lived solace, and soon he tried his best to squirm his way against the fingers to get more.

“So needy”, Armand laughed, but did give him the third one, which made Daniel sigh and sound like a tenderly loved instrument. Armand was so gentle with him, almost to the point of torture. When he tried to push against the fingers again, just to get them deeper and maybe even faster, Armand made sure he was left begging for being entirely filled.

“Cruel”, Daniel finally gasped in frustration. “What a mean, cruel, fucked up little man you are. Are you sure you like me as much as you’ve claimed? Because it sure doesn’t feel that way.”

Armand had dropped down on his body and leaned in to kiss his thigh; he licked and sucked the sensitive skin so hard it had to leave a mark.

Fucking good. Daniel wanted more of them – wanted to be fully marked by Armand, so that anyone could take one look at him and know who he belonged to.

Both the thought and the act itself made him whine, but that only convinced Armand to suck harder.

When he finally let go, he laughed a round, purring laugh against Daniel’s thigh, making the boy in his arms tremble: “You don’t know the half of it. I can’t wait to be cruel to you, sweet thing.” And Daniel finally felt him hold four fingers to his opening.

Up to it everything had happened so painlessly that the slight discomfort of the fourth finger almost took Daniel by surprise. Armand gave it to him with a slower, more shallow thrust, letting his hole get used to being stretched. He wrapped his arm around Daniel and lifted his body a little, leaned down to give his navel and chest and neck wet kisses, alternating between soft and hard while fingering him open gently.

His dutiful, loving work made Daniel go from a stiff position to something like his spine had turned to liquid. He bent his back and made the kind of sounds you’d hear in amateur porn. “Fuck, Armand, I’m ready”, he panted, unwrapping his hand from his dick because he was suddenly convinced he’d come all over it like a teenager if they kept going. “Please, God, I’m so ready, you need to get me filled now.” The thought made his mouth water – he really needed Armand all the way, up to his guts.

“I’m sure it’s good, love, but no need to worship me like that”, Armand laughed. His tip brushed against Daniel’s thigh again, hard and leaking just from fingering Daniel and watching his pleasure. The thought flared through Daniel and made him mad enough with lust to reach and touch the dick, but Armand slapped his hand away.

“Don’t touch me”, he said, not angry but stern. “I’ll put my load into you, alright? And you’ll take it like the good boy you are.”

Oh, okay. “Yeah, let me have your load”, Daniel begged. “I’m so fucking ready.”

Armand’s fingers slowed down, pulled almost out of him. “Yeah, it does seem that way. Good to see it’s still so very easy to make you beg.”

“Oh fuck you, there’s nothing easy about me”, Daniel managed to laugh before Armand ripped the corner of a condom with his teeth, pulled it on his dick and leaned over Daniel again. “Especially when it comes to beg–”, but his mouth was shut real fucking fast when he felt the tip of Armand’s dick against his hole.

“You’re not what?” Armand asked, gently pushing against the tight ring. “You’re not what, puppy?”

It took all of Daniel’s concentration and self-worth to hold back both a laughter and a plea that rose to his tongue. “Um – I’m not easy”, he finally got out, articulating slowly. “You heard it here first.” What a fucking joke – meanwhile his hole was all but begging Armand inside, balls deep.

Armand poked his nose with his own, suddenly a soft smile on his lips. “No, you’re actually right, I take it back. There really is nothing easy about you. You made me chase you, prey on you, darling boy, all the way from the start.”

“Yeah? Was it worth it?”

Armand dribbled some lube into his hand and spread it on his cock that made a proud curve. For a second, Daniel was lost in a fantasy where he’d get that thing in his mouth. But Armand leaned into him again, his cock clearly against Daniel’s hole for real and not just teasing this time. He looked Daniel in the eyes – searching his gaze, like looking for something in them. Judging by the softness of his expression, he found what he was searching for. “It was”, he said softly and kissed Daniel. “I’d do it all over again.”

When he slowly thrust inside, Daniel was so relaxed and so meticulously fingered open that it felt incredibly natural apart from the slightest discomfort – and there was already enough of a freak in Daniel that the small sense of pain actually made him harden a bit more.

When Armand reached bottom and halted, Daniel let out a moan that he’d been holding inside, his back arching. He could barely open his eyes to see Armand watching him, breathing fast and asking: ”Talk to me, love. How does it feel?”

Daniel’s eyes slipped closed again. “Real fucking full. Jesus Christ, I’m so filled. Fuck, were you always this big?”

Armand laughed, although the sound was breathy. “I don’t think I’ve grown any inches even though your tightness is tempting. Is this ok?” He pushed out of Daniel just a fraction to grind back in, his thrust shallow and gentle.

“God”, Daniel moaned, grinning with sudden exhilaration and running his nails over Armand’s shoulders. “Oh, trust me, it’s good. Please, give it to me harder?”

“You’ve learned to ask so nicely. How could I say no to that.”

And Armand picked up the pace, and Daniel begged for more, harder, until the room was filled with lewd, wet noises and both of them groaning. On and on Armand talked, praised him and his tightness, how perfect it was to finally feel his insides. How he’d let Daniel sit on his face the next time; he’d grab his thighs and wouldn’t let him off his tongue until Daniel had come twice. The words aroused him enough to really start pounding – he stopped just to lift Daniel’s thigh even higher so he could reach deeper, and it made Daniel cry out. Still jacking off, Daniel’s dick dribbled luscious drops of pre-cum onto the back of his hand.

“Fuuuck, Armand, I’m coming close”, he groaned, until he couldn’t speak words anymore but had to bite his palm not to scream.

“Don’t you fucking dare”, Armand panted, grabbing Daniel’s hand off his mouth. “I need to hear you, puppy, let it all out.”

And that was it – Daniel had to push himself against Armand’s thrust and he came with such blinding pressure that he screamed out meaningless words – maybe he called Armand baby, maybe master, maybe the love of his life. It was enough for Armand to grab Daniel’s ass with one hand, grab the back of the sofa with the other and really pound through their orgasms. He looked divine with his black curls as a dark halo as he finally came, spilling his load in deep thrusts.

Daniel lay there entirely spent, his eyes closed, but slowly all his senses returned with a bang. The delicious cedarwood scent of Armand filled his nostrils and he felt Armand’s cock shrink inside of him. His throbbing hole had to feel almost unbearably tight and sensitive, but Armand let Daniel warm his dick without any complaints – freaky fucker.

They let the panting die down a little before Armand leaned over to kiss Daniel – his cheek, his neck, his forehead, his lips. “Beloved”, he whispered and the word vibrated inside of Daniel, stroking every part of him, all the way to his toes. “Are you okay?”

“Fuck,” Daniel moaned, slowly opening his eyes. They looked at each other, Daniel tossed somewhere up to the moon by the orgasm, Armand languid and his perfectly controlled calm finally disrupted by the violent orgasm. His hair was a lovely mess. “I’ve never been fucked like that. And I’ve been fucked by you before.”

“Yeah? Not like that, though. But you should get used to it.”

“I just might.”

Armand smiled and rubbed his nose against Daniel’s.

---

Daniel slowly came to his senses on Friday morning in Armand’s embrace. His first instinct was to think he was still asleep, and it did take quite a while until Armand’s nose deep in his curls and the thick heartbeat against Daniel’s back convinced him that it was real and Armand had in fact (voluntarily!) agreed to be stuck with him.

“What are you laughing about?” the poor man slurred against Daniel’s shoulder when Daniel in his lap couldn’t contain the bliss, vibrating with a barely suppressed giggle.

“Nuthin’”, he replied, still trembling with excitement. He wouldn’t even bother trying to explain it to Armand, because words couldn’t possibly have conveyed the euphoria that raced through his body.

“Then stop it.” Armand buried his nose under Daniel’s jaw, forcing him to straighten his neck for a chance to slither as close as possible. Daniel felt him smile against his skin. For a second there Daniel managed to lie still before the trembling started again. “Boy, stop it.”

It took a small wrestling match before they settled their differences and Armand (after nailing Daniel’s wrists to the mattress) got him to shut up. Amnesty would probably have had some complaints about the ethicalness of his selected methods, but Daniel had no intentions to snitch – he was very eager to receive some cruelty.

After another violent orgasm, they slipped into the shower and set up a lazy breakfast at the table. They ate it naked because there was no one to complain about the lack of decency. Daniel suggested rawdogging on the table just to get back at Lestat, but that’s where Armand drew the line.

They rawdogged on the sofa instead.

The world outside was still quiet and serene, and inside the walls of Daniel’s home, they were safe. They played records and talked for weeks’ worth of shit. They drank orange juice (with pulp because they were civilized with good taste) and watched a movie, their still naked limbs entangled together.

Daniel was so filled with Armand’s presence that he realized having skipped his morning cigarette around 1 pm. They went for a smoke on the balcony, this time with thick winter coats and some jeans on, but ready to get naked the second they’d come in again.

The air was crisp and the dry, empty streets bathed in pale sunshine. Nobody was in a hurry to go anywhere.

“You know, it feels like everything in my life just fell back into place all of a sudden”, Daniel said slowly. There was only one thing still nagging the bottom of his stomach. “Except that I can’t help but wonder if Louis will ever forgive me.”

“Hmm.” Armand sipped his small espresso shot. In the morning light he was even more bony and beautiful than usual, to the point of it being almost intolerable. Like literally, how dare he? “I’d like to believe he will. We’re not even in our thirties – it would be a long grudge to hold for a crime like that. But of course there’s the possibility it might never happen. Still doesn’t mean you should give up trying.”

The honesty cut Daniel, but he did his best to swallow the hurt and put his big boy pants on. He wasn’t really ready to consider the fact that it might just be true; that Louis might never get over it.

Armand seemed to notice the shift in his mood and stretched his hand to brush Daniel’s bare ankle. “I don’t think he’s very happy with me either, if that helps at all. We can both be on the cancelled by Louis de Pointe du Lac -list.”

Daniel let out a pathetic attempt of laughter. “Yeah, maybe. But you weren’t exactly his friend when this shit started, and besides you weren’t the one to start it.” He took a long drag of his cigarette. “And it wasn’t like the stupid scheme was all he was mad about, or even his biggest issue. A lot of his frustration was about me fucking myself up and dragging everyone around me into that shit.”

Armand looked at him with a look on his face that couldn’t be described as anything other than gentle concern. “Have you quit fucking yourself up or should I be worried?”

“Nah, it’s over, man.” He saw a slight sliver of concern in Armand’s eyes and laughed, waving his hand. “The fucking up, I mean. Self-destruction. Self-sabotage. Self-harm. Whatever you might wanna call it. I’m through with it. If there’s something good about Louis’ reaction, it’s the fact that it really kicked that habit out of me. Eventually.”

“Good. Because I’d hate to see you sink into it ever again. But I’ll pull you out, if I have to. Even if I wasn’t there to do it this time.”

Daniel smiled. “Look, I really appreciate that, but I’ve gotta be a grown dude. Louis was so right about it – I can’t just glide through life waiting for someone else to save me. I wanna be good for you and him and even Lestat. I wanna take care of you guys, too.”

Armand slipped his hand into Daniel’s and squeezed tight. They sat there silent for a while.

“I feel really bad about being such a thick-headed mule who refused to even consider the fact that there could be something not-straight in me.”

“Right. I’ve been meaning to ask. How are you coping with that? Coming out of the closet, I mean.”

Daniel sighed and raised his feet to rest on the balcony railing. One slipper was dangling dangerously on his toes, but he had enough of a healthy self-esteem to believe he could save it if it came to that. “I mean, shit. Surprisingly well, I guess”, he finally said, slowly, and felt like it was actually true. “I feel like the physical side of me has been more at peace with that thing for a while now.”

Armand smiled. “Perhaps rather unsurprising as you kiss a fuckload of boys when you’re drunk. And not just that, but you gave me handjobs and straddled me and let me suck your – ”

Daniel interrupted with a sheepish grin: “Yeah, I get the point, dude. No need to list all my misdemeanors. But seriously. Somehow the idea of me giving you a handjob felt all right, but the idea of me falling for you felt terrifying.”

He was quiet for a moment and Armand let him have it, probably sensing that something was about to bubble up.

“Um. It’s not like I didn’t know any gay people in my life. Actually, there was this guy in my high school. We were kind of friends, I guess. I sat next to him in biology classes. He had a good sense of humour and we both liked DnD. But he was blatantly gay and got bullied – like rough. I was hardly at the top of the food chain either, but the shit I had to endure really paled in comparison to him.” He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling like he was close to crying. “He moved out before our last year, and come August, everyone was whispering about how he’d tried to off himself over the summer. I don’t know, maybe it was just gossip. Maybe his dad had gotten a job somewhere else. Maybe his mom had a mental breakdown and they got out. But, you know... Seeing the shit he got and where he ended up – didn’t feel like a route I’d be willing to take.”

Armand looked at him, blinked slowly. “But it does now?”

“No, not really.” Daniel laughed at the face Armand made. “Oh, don’t take it personally. I just mean that I don’t feel like I have any choice. I’m knees deep in – uh – feelings for you. So if I want to keep you, I’ll have to be brave about it. Right?”

Armand’s eyes softened. For a minute there, he looked like he was about to say something really stupid, like he loved Daniel or something. But eventually he opened his mouth, his words filled with affection: “You are. You’re being so brave.”

Daniel smiled, a stinging feeling in his eyes. “Thanks.”

---

Lestat walked in on them on Tuesday.

Most shockingly, they were not having sex on the couch (although they had been an hour earlier, so they did dodge a bullet there); the condemning position was lounging on the couch like lazy kittens, eating Nutella straight from the jar and watching The Muppet Christmas Carol. Daniel had referred to it at least three times over the weekend, because it had been the great comfort movie of his childhood (alongside Back to the Future I), which he had turned on regardless of the season whenever Mom and Dad had been at each other’s throats.

Armand’s foot was against Daniel’s neck, receiving small tender kisses on his ankle ever once in a while. Daniel nearly couldn’t believe the down-bad pathetic loverboy he had become. 

Although he had always been like that; completely ready to lose his mind the second he clicked with some girl. It had often ended either with him losing his interest or the girl growing tired of his need to meld completely together.

In a short time, Armand had proved that he wasn’t afraid of the obsessiveness or Daniel losing interest. He seemed to have some tricks up his sleeve, as one day Daniel had been wondering out loud where he’d fit on the top/bottom system. Armand had raised his eyebrows and said, casually: “Don’t take it too seriously. Or do you think I wouldn’t let you fuck me?”

His words had bewitched the soul out of Daniel’s body and he wasn’t entirely sure if it had made its return.

Lestat stopped in the hallway with a key in one hand and a suitcase in the other. He stared at them with wide eyes.

“Oh, heeey, man”, Daniel greeted, stoned and unsure of what the protocol was when the last time your roommate had left, you had broken up with two of the most important people in your life, and upon his return, you’d fucked one of them on the couch and the kitchen table (he’d had to work for it, but he had managed to convince Armand at last). “How was your Christmas?”

“Um. Fine”, Lestat replied curtly, staring at Armand as if he’d grown another head, even prettier than the last. “Yours?”

“Yeah, it was alright”, Daniel replied, ignoring the raised eyebrow Armand gave him. “So we, uh, we’re back together with Armand. Or, like, together, I guess, since we were never together back in the day, or like – ”

“Right”, Lestat interrupted. “I kind of figured.” Doubt began to creep into his gaze as he looked at their boxer-clad bodies and the couch beneath them.

“But we’re taking it easy”, Daniel rushed to reassure, still ignoring Armand’s even more prominent raised eyebrow. “Like super slow. We’ve barely even kissed.”

“Okay.” Lestat stood there for a moment confused, looking at the TV screen, where muppets were having an entire show, and then back at Daniel. “I think I’ll go to my room.”

“Yeah. You do that.”

“Byyye”, Armand called after him.

The door to his bedroom slammed shut. Armand and Daniel looked at each other before bursting into a fit of giggle as the muppets on the screen burst into another spontaneous song.

---

When Daniel came home from his shift one night, he was forced to come to a halt in front of a familiar pair of shoes. The sneakers that had been worn so much they’d turned gray and barely stuck together anymore were back in their spot in the hallway.

Daniel’s heart immediately plunged into an uneven gallop. If he tried really hard, he could smell the subtle scent of Louis in the air. It made him miss the man like a lunatic.

Daniel sat on the edge of his bed, still all greasy and sweaty from the long shift, but unable to go to the shower. He rubbed his hands together, trying to figure out a strategy. Should he knock on their door? Or would it interrupt their potential passionate lovemaking and just end up making Louis even more mad? Should he throw some small rocks into Lestat’s window and howl some apologetic serenade on the street? Should he lovebomb them with bags of weed and ale coupons to Pita Palace?

He was able to make it all the way to the kitchen to run in a circle and worry his lower lip. That’s where Lestat found him some ten minutes later, clearly surprised to see him and giving a suspicious glance at the door he’d just shut behind him. Only after he was certain Louis hadn’t followed, he dared to come closer to say hi. What a loyal creature.

“Hey”, Daniel whispered, glancing at the door as if it were a magical gateway to another dimension that both terrified and fascinated him. “Do you think I could – Wait, no. Can you tell me what’s the vibe? How pissed is he?”

“Well, he knew you’d be home and came over anyway.”

Daniel rubbed his cold palms together. “I wonder if I could… try and talk to him?”

Lestat thought about it for a long moment before he finally nodded, but slowly, like he still wasn’t entirely convinced. “Yeah”, he said quietly. “Okay. I guess so. He took the risk so maybe he kind of, I don’t know, wants it?”

“Oh, hell yeah. Thanks. Thanks man, I promise I won’t break him.”

Lestat smiled. “I’m not worried for Louis’ sake.”

Which wasn’t very reassuring. With his eyes closed Daniel mustered the courage to tap his knuckles against the door.

He only had to wait for a trembling inhale before Louis opened the door with a look that suggested he had been waiting for Daniel.

“Hi”, Daniel said, the courage having left his body the second he caught sight of Louis.

Louis really kept him waiting until finally replying: “Hi.”

“Look, I wanted to talk to you. Could I maybe come in or something?”

It was becoming a habit for him, standing at doors and begging to be let in to explain some of the mess he’d made.

Louis kind of tilted his head before backing into the room and taking a seat on Lestat’s ridiculously humongous bed. The room was larger than Daniel’s, with some genuinely antique-looking furniture. It had the aura of some Victorian brothel, probably due to the walls that had been painted in burgundy.

Daniel sat on Lestat’s desk chair, which was more ergonomic than his own, and took a deep inhale. He probably just needed to open his mouth and say something, anything, to get started and let his trainwreck of a brain take over.

“I don’t know if Lestat told you, but me and Armand are together”, he said, but continued before Louis could even consider replying. “Shit, I mean – it’s not like I want to make this about myself, but I just thought you should know that. And you should know that, um, you were right. It was all real and I’m really, really into him and we’re together. And I’ve thought about your words a lot, and I realized that I wouldn’t be at this point without you.”

Louis interrupted his monologue: “You wouldn’t be here without your stupid fucking plot either.”

When Daniel looked up, Louis’ expression was still serious, but the tone was not as filled with stinging anger as it had been in their last encounter. Daniel could breathe a little easier.

“Yeah, right. I wouldn’t. Maybe that’s the only good thing that came out of it. But if I lose one of my best friends, it wasn’t worth it.” He rubbed his hands together like he was freezing. “But maybe the Daniel of two months ago wouldn’t have believed that you can actually come to terms with your identity without fucking everything up. Or that you can get to know another person without building a fucking complicated plot around it. Or that you can be, I don’t know, bi. Just for no reason.”

He couldn’t believe his eyes, but the corner of Louis’ mouth actually twitched.

“Right, but I just... I wanted to apologize. And say that you were right. And assure you that I’ll take care of myself,” Daniel said, getting to his feet. “I’m trying really hard to be less of a bastard and more of the good person you’ve seen me as.”

As he was about to leave the room, Louis sighed. Daniel looked over his shoulder to see Louis sitting there, examining his hands and clearly struggling.

“You’re such a little shit”, he finally said, slowly, like he didn’t believe the words were coming out of his mouth.

Daniel’s heart jumped. It wasn’t derogatory; there was affection in Louis’ words. The air suddenly felt a bit less musty, a bit more breathable. He felt like Louis had opened the possibility for him to try some humour instead of groveling on the floor showing his belly and begging for forgiveness. “But I’m your little shit, right?” he said and dared to grin when Louis raised his eyes.

“No”, the guy snorted. “You really are not. I’ve got my hands full with Lestat’s shit.”

“Come oooon. You’re not being yourself, Louis. Am I not your little shit?” Daniel persuaded, his grin widening. “Just a little bit, eh? Am I not?”

There was a hint of a smile tugging Louis’ mouth. “No.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Right. ‘Cause you’re a little shit.”

“Ah ah ah! It’s your little shit, young man. Respect my name.”

Louis rolled his eyes, but it felt familiar in a way nothing had felt in the last few weeks. “Just get out while I’m in a good mood.”

Daniel grinned. “Right, of course. Louis, I – I will literally never ever fuck with you like that again. I’ll be so good from now on.”

Louis nodded, his brown eyes filled with warmth. “You better.”

Daniel closed the door quietly behind him and stayed outside just to breathe for a long while. His heart was pounding like after a marathon (which would never happen, not with his lungs), but he felt so relieved he really wanted to laugh and cry and call Armand immediately.

If there was even the slightest chance that they could all lay on the sofa and watch The Human Centipede 2 or something other as tasteful and smoke a joint, it all made sense again.

“Louis is the best person I know”, Lestat said quietly, making Daniel flinch. He stood there with his arms crossed – naturally the bastard had heard the entire conversation because Daniel had left the door ajar (just in case he’d end up needing first aid) and Lestat was an incredibly curious little snoop. “I think he’ll be able to forgive you.”

“Right. He did forgive you”, Daniel pointed out. “And I didn’t cheat on him.”

“Okay, let’s get back to you being a little shit, not some mistakes I might’ve made in my past.”

---

“Hey”, Claudia called out in the middle of lifting chairs on the tables. “Your boyfriend is behind the window staring at us like a serial killer.”

Daniel, crouched in front of a fridge he’d been examining, slammed the door shut so hard his fingers almost got caught between and reeled over the counter to take a look. And sure enough, there stood Armand in front of the window. He had his hands in pockets and a calm expression on his face, but it turned into a smile when he saw Daniel.

“I got the job done!” Daniel hurried to say, already pulling the plastic gloves off his hands. He definitely hadn’t got the job done, but come on, the fridge was shitty anyway. It wasn’t like there’d be more cases of food poisoning than there had been before. “I’ll see you next week, kiddo!”

“I’m grown!” Claudia yelled back, but Daniel had already yanked his jacket from the coat rack and hurried out.

The cold air greeted him in time with Armand, who took him into his arms: “Hi.”

“Hello”, Daniel said and poked his nose against Armand’s. “You’re early.”

“Yeah, I got out of class a little early. Yours or mine?”

“Yours. They’ll be going at it again tonight and I’m still too scared to complain about it.”

They trudged through the chilly evening towards Armand’s flat. There was some pita bread in Daniel’s backpack that they’d devour on the couch while watching a movie. Daniel was going to suggest Dune, even though he knew Armand held an inexplicable grudge against Timothée Chalamet.

(“Man, how can you not like him”, Daniel had grinned when he’d first heard of it. “He’s a bit like me but thinner and prettier and more charismatic and rich and a proper pussy magnet and probably not sensitive at all about his sexuality.”

Armand had looked at him, almost offended. “Don’t degrade yourself like that. That twig of a man is nothing like you, Daniel.”)

Armand was busy shooting his mouth off about some true crime podcast episode he’d been listening to and Daniel tried his best to keep up with the complicated plot twists of the case.

“Oh, by the way, I changed my method of murder”, Armand mentioned in passing in the middle of his monologue.

“Um – what? Who are we killing now?”

“Oh, no one, it’s just the way I’d kill my spouse. Remember, we talked about it on our first date?”

“Oh! Right!” Daniel grinned. “Man, was that our first date? Anyway, please, tell me. I should probably put it in my will in case my corpse is found at the bottom of the sea.”

“First of all, there’s absolutely no reason to kill you – you’re penniless and much more useful alive, beloved. Second of all, your body would not be at the bottom of the sea. See – ”, and he began unraveling a complex plot that involved a rope, a meat cleaver, some acid and a feather.

Daniel soaked up every word, every graceful gesture, every half-hearted glance Armand gave him as if he had been craving it all his life.

Which he supposed he had.

Shit. Felt good to finally bask in it.