Chapter Text
Nam-Gyu had a routine. He would wake up late, 5pm, because he worked at a club, so late at night. When he would come back from his long shift, fatigue would knock him up immediately for at least 10 hours. Sometimes more, because to bear his lazy-ass job he had drugs in his veins. Sometimes less, in this case he often wouldn’t sleep right away, having dirty thoughts and getting excited. And some other times he had to wake up early because he needed to buy more drugs and his dealer was some student with an opposite schedule.
So he had this routine. Getting ready 1 hour before leaving for the club, eating some food when he had the time - or peanuts from the counter when he was really late - brushing his teeth, showering. His life was quite boring actually, and the only satisfactions life gave him were : putting drugs in his body, jerking off and making fun of weird clients right in front of them. He didn’t even have any friends, only some people he would tolerate, his neighbour Min-su for instance, was an acquaintance. It was entertaining to mess with him from time to time, scaring him in front of the 125th mark on his door. Not too much though, he was the one providing the drugs.
Today, leaving his apartment was like usual. No need to rush, even his freshly clean hair was dry by the time he arrived at the Pentagon Club where he put on his little bartender’s apron as soon as he reached the “staff only” room.
Some chicks came to him pretty quickly, asking for some free drinks, with soft, honey-ish voices and sparkles in their eyes. He didn’t like women. Not even a bit. He almost despises them, because of how fake they were. Not all women were like that, but the only ones he would meet and speak to were the ones from the Club, who were as phony as his coworker Gyeong-su's dating skills.
Damn, he needed to smoke something and get high. He took a break, the others could pour some drinks for him or they could go fuck themselves. There was a lock on the main door of the bathroom which was broken and Nam-Gyu was forced to lock himself up in one of the stalls. There, he had swallowed something or maybe he had stuck a needle stuck in his arm ? If you were to ask him what he had taken, he wouldn’t recall, he was a junkie and he had tested a bit of everything.
When he returned to his post, he was quite relaxed. Later, maybe 15 minutes after his break, he took some time to observe the crowd while he was cleaning some cocktail’s sticky spot the man he had just served spilled on the counter. Brushing the club with his eyes, he saw a purplish haired-man entering with a loud mouth and a pretty girl in his arm.
He was aware of who the guy was. Everybody in this stupid town would know that. He was a rapper wannabe who had apparently signed up for a big production company - or whatever - not so long ago and wanted to celebrate that at the Pentagon. His boss had told him so many times to treat that guy right, almost instructing him to suck his dick, that it had pissed Nam-Gyu off. The guy had become his unofficial nemesis.
Thanos - it was the rapper’s name - ordered drinks for all his groupies, Gyeong-su even went to ask for an autograph and Nam-Gyu grinned when Thanos didn’t even look at him. Gyeong-su was one of the people he would tolerate, he wasn’t as boring as the others -or maybe the bartender was just hated by his other coworkers - and he was at least talking to him like he was a proper human being. But with Thanos in the Club, every staff member, even the ones who weren’t supposed to work that day, and especially Gyeong-su who was a super fan of his, went crazy about his arrival. Talking with him, making him laugh, everything to win his favors, probably for free tickets and red carpets.
Nam-guy found him ridiculous with his baggy jeans and his flashy graphic tee. He was hot, that was just a fact, but his childish appearance made him look like someone who would not keep his promises. And his coworkers were just fools who licked Thanos’ ass for nothing in return.
But maybe it was a challenge or a desire to be seen, loved maybe, to beat his stupid coworkers at their own game or maybe he was just too high to think properly. He sent Thanos a few free drinks that night, hoping he would get a smile or some kind of thankful gesture from the rapper. Not that he cared that much.
"The Legend Thanos asks for you" Gyeong-su told him, imitating the rapper’s mimicking. It was right after he was with the said-Thanos for 30min - he was ignored for 29min and Nam-Gyu assumed that the 1min left was only to give Gyeong-su that order. But it almost made the bartender’s face lighten up, had he won ?
"Nam-su my boyy, little birdie told me about your kindness and the drinks-"
"Gyu, it’s Nam-Gyu" He had been in front of the man for not even a second and it already didn't sound really good.
"What ? Erm whatever man. Free drinks are super nice so can you get the señorita over there a.."
Oh. Okay so Nam-Gyu was just there to help him make out by pouring free drinks for some fans. Asshole. Nam-Gyu didn’t even blink, only a sarcastic laugh came out of his mouth. He turned away. The guy wasn’t polite and that was a painful shame to be that handsome with such an attitude. Ok, maybe Nam-Gyu cared a bit, just a tiny little bit. Not because he had fall in love at first sight with that fucker, but because he thought he had won. Instead, Thanos was like his coworkers : he looked at him like he was some idiot whose value was lower than everyone else. Thanos remained as “nemesis” in the black-haired man’s imaginary list.
•••
Their next encounter was even funnier. As usual, Nam-Gyu had his routine and when he was too bored or too stressed or too sober he would go to the bathroom. But then as he opened the door–
"Fuck" said a loud voice. Thanos had his eyes wide open as he was clingering on the thick cross necklace he wore everyday over his flashy shirt, this time it was open and Nam-Gyu could see it was filled with tiny candies. The look on Thanos’ face was priceless though, like he had been caught killing someone, like he was actually scared to be discovered opening that necklace. "Nam-su ? What the hell, the door wasn’t fucking locked ?"
Before he could correct him, Nam-Gyu heard some noises coming from behind him. "Fuck" said Thanos again but this time in his mouth, though it was loud enough for the other man to hear it. The latter entered the room and simultaneously closed the door. Then, he pushed Thanos in the last stall, the one he had always used for his own affair, and locked the door.
Thanos looked at him confused, Nam-Gyu looked back. They held their gazes until the three guys, who were chatting behind them before the bartender entered the room, left the bathroom. Nam-Gyu was the first to break it, he was sneering, putting his hand close to his mouth to cover the sound of his laughs. The thought of someone else, maybe a fan, running into Thanos planning to get high was hilarious. Perhaps, if it wasn’t him who had opened the door, the rapper’s career would be over, burned to the ground because of a defective lock.
And even if he hated the man, he didn’t feel like destroying his life tonight. Instead, Nam-Gyu sat down on the floor and got out a small transparent bag with powder in it and made a line on the toilet seat. It was probably a bit disgusting to do that there, but he had done worse and right now he didn’t give a shit.
"Junkie" Thanos said while observing him sniffing the white line. Every one of his movements was carefully watched by the purple-haired man who was still standing, his back almost glued to the wall like he didn’t know how to act around the bartender yet.
"Speak for yourself"
The morning before Nam-Gyu had woken up early, messing up with his sleep but his routine was always like that, every Monday he had to wake up early. His neighbour and also dealer Min-su was a student who had to get ready for school around 6am which was 2 hours after Nam-Gyu came home from his long-ass shift. He didn’t really like that, but the drugs were great no matter the kind or the form, the transaction was easy since the 124 on his door was facing the 125 on Minsu’s door. Nam-Gyu was also a bit scary, with tattoos all over his arms and his mischievous face so Min-su had always let him pay less than the regular amount.
That morning Nam-Gyu had taken the little bag from him, not asking where it was from and paying less than the regular amount which ease the fact that he had slept 1 hour and was incapable of finding sleep again.
Nam-Gyu wiped off his nose and looked up to meet Thanos’ eyes again. Then, the latter, who seemed more relaxed, took one of the pills from his necklace and crushed it between his teeth. There was something intimate coming from this situation. Nam-Gyu never took drugs with someone else before. He was certain that Min-Su wasn’t a user, he was just some Trojan horse - because who would suspect some small cute guy to have drugs in every pocket of his school bag ? - Gyeong-Su didn’t seem like the guy, his poison was to listen intensively to rap music not actual drugs. He had a coworker once who used to smoke regular cigs from time to time with him, but she got pregnant and quit. And obviously Nam-Gyu will not ask a pregnant woman to get high with him, he wasn’t that crazy.
Nam-Gyu imagined for a sec the taste of the pill on his own tongue. What was it ? Ecstasy ? Ketamine ? He looked at Thanos for far too long and got embarrassed. If he wasn't high, his cheeks would probably have been red by now. Thankfully he wasn’t, so he unlocked the door and left without turning back. He hated that man, for his dumbass look, for his shitty memory, for everything.
Against all odds, Nam-Gyu was skilled while being high. Having to make some elaborate cocktails - while being shouted at - had caused him so much stress that his shaking hands had made things harder and worse. He had almost been fired 2 years ago because of that, and then he had discovered the fucked up world of drugs and never quit it.
Thanos left the bathroom a few minutes later, and when he rejoined his ‘friends’ he had a big smile on his face, was it because of the pills or because of how easy it was for him to fake that ? Nam-gyu had no clue. But, when during the night he looked at the black-haired man, the smile faded away and the same confusing face replaced it.
This time, Nam-Gyu didn’t offer him free drinks. Usually even while being high, he wouldn’t fall for people’s trap to get some free drinks but he almost yielded when a handsome guy sat at the bar. Instead, near the end of his shift he had taken a break again and left with him. Leading him to the bathroom, their hands interlocked, it coincided with the last time he saw Thanos that night. It was a quick eye contact but still. He thought about it while making out and only forgot about it once he fell asleep in his bed at the end of his workday.
The next day, Thanos wasn’t in the Club like he usually would be : he was noticeable because each time he would be loud, or be kissing some random girls who knew nothing about him except that one day he was going to be a super star, or he would be mocking Gyeong-su’s extreme rap obsession.
"Eh Gyeong-su, do you know where the asshole is ?" The black-haired man casually asked while they were cleaning some glasses at the end of their shift.
"Which one ? Are you talking about the guy you fucked with in the bathroom yesterday ?"
"What– no no we didn’t. And you wouldn't know what it’s like anyway. I was talking about your own lover actually" He looked at Gyeong-su without a smile on his face and carefully put the champagne glass on the counter. “I meant Thanos, idiot” As almost a reflex he put his hand on his face, exasperated by his colleague's stupidity.
"Ohhhhh, well haven’t you heard ? He is about to make the most delicious and amazing song with the Mi-na, so I doubt we will see him soon.”
No he hadn't. He never watched the news and the only time his TV was on was to play some video games, sometimes with Gyeong-su himself, mostly to beat his ass at Street Fighter. Because yes, sleeping was not the only thing he would do in his free time, sometimes he had fun too. Anyway, the bartender found this information pointless.
“Isn’t that exciting news ?” Gyeong-Su continued “But man, If I was him, I would never come back, bro got a supermodel who could sing."
Nam-Gyu wasn’t listening to his rambling anymore, he was quite satisfied not to see the man for a while.
•••
When Nam-Gyu thought about not seeing the man for a while, he hadn’t imagined it would be for two whole months, maybe 3 weeks maximum. He had grown a bit bored. At least when Thanos was there he was entertaining despite the annoyingly miscalling or the weird sounds that came out of his mouth, and Nam-Gyu was looking forward to see which one of his ‘señoritas’ - that he had previously charmed with his ‘rapping skills’ - he was going to devour in the Club.
However, not seeing Thanos was not the reason his routine had been shattered completely, it was a discomfort at last.
Like every Monday for the past year, Nam-Gyu had been waiting for his drugs in front of the 124th apartment; but Min-su didn’t show up. It was weird of course, the black-haired man knocked on the door - more banging actually - but without response, so he had left and promised to come back the next day. So that’s what he did. Tuesday he waited one hour, then two but Min-su never came out.
He wasn’t in withdrawal yet but he decided to write on a sticky note "Need my stuff asap. -124". Not a long declaration of war, not even a threat. If Nam-Gyu wanted his drugs he should be begging already because threats never worked well on the other man. He tried, he failed and even fought against his lesbo-girlfriend-thing and gave her neck a sore. She didn't really appreciate that and they had despised each other since but that’s the only reciprocate thing going on between them.
Anyways, three days had passed without any change. Maybe Nam-gyu was starting to feel frustrated. At the Club he made mistakes, for the orders or spilling alcohol because of his shaking hands. His boss told him to go home, Nam-Gyu was pissed.
He came home early for once. Dragging his own foot on the floor of the apartment’s hallway. By chance, Min-su was there too, unlocking his door, with that stupid short-haired girl who had piercings everywhere, which Nam-Gyu dreamed of ripping off her face.
"Hey, assholes" Nam-Gyu quickly joined them, putting his hand on the door to stop it from closing. "I know you saw the note on the door, it’s been 5 fucking days."
"Erm.. well.." He looked down, like a sad puppy or something. Nam-Gyu didn’t find that attractive at all, Min-su was a pathetic guy and perhaps if he was the only man left on earth and Nam-Gyu had lost his sight, he would hit that, but for now he was still pissed. The lack of drugs in his organism started to make him feel bad, irritated and clearly desperate.
"Where the fuck is my stuff Min-su ? And please do not tell me you use it for your own sick shit"
"No no..” he responded fast, waving his hands at him “the guy… erm, the one who gave me the drugs.. he had stopped ? Well, he has been arrested so I don't have anything left, I'm sorry…"
"What do you mean you don’t have anything ? Couldn’t you tell me that sooner, you fucking idiot ?” He grabbed him by the collar, and you could see how annoyed he was.
The girl arrived close to them and pushed Nam-Gyu on the floor, to defend her little protégé. She stood between them. “Stop being such a freak Nam-Gyu, leave him alone..”
"Don’t tell me what to do, bitch" He stood up and then brushed the dust on his jeans, in a frenetic way, like a maniac "So what now ?"
"He told me he will contact me when he gets out or if one of his mates takes over the business, but I have no idea when.."
"Fuck" he ran his hand over his face.
Nam-Gyu without drugs is like a human being without water. His weekend was terrible, he was depressed and his entire body was shaking as the thought of Thanos’ pills on the tip of his tongue. Nam-Gyu wasn’t an addict, he had gone through similar withdrawals before, he would be okay now, right ?
He searched his apartment, in every room to see if there wasn’t a needle or some mushrooms somewhere, in every corner, every drawer. His bedroom was soon a mess engendered by the chaos of the situation. He even considered calling Jun-Hee but her pregnancy probably forced her to stop and get rid of everything. But he couldn’t do the same. He couldn't bear to live without drugs, his life was meaningless and messed up, maybe Nam-Gyu was an addict. And to make things worse, even the simple act of being excited was unsuccessful. His dick simply wouldn’t cope and help him relax.
Also perhaps Nam-Gyu was too wretched to call someone, he didn’t really have friends after all. Even if he wanted he wouldn’t be able to, his muscles ached, he was anxious and his hands were once again trembling. He didn’t sleep during those two days, he simply couldn’t, he cried instead because of how awful he felt.
But when there are no drugs available or when he is unable to even please himself, Nam-Gyu can only rely on one small thing : being a real bitch to his clients. This time, however, when Nam-Gyu looked up for his next Monday victim, it wasn't just a regular customer who entered the Pentagon Club. It was Thanos alongside Mi-na, the singer. Nam-Gyu could tell who she was, he had done research when Gyeong-su told him about their "awesome and astonishing featuring" and well she was pretty. The atmosphere felt different, it was definitely not the same deal as when he was with one of his groupies.
"I can’t believe we are here with them," said Gyeong-su joyfully, his head resting on his palm while the rest of his body was completely slouched on the counter. “Honestly, when I heard about their single, I thought it would stay very professional since Thanos is clearly a fuckboy. But I understand.”
“Make your point.” the bartender breathed out.
“Well if i worked with a successful woman who was that hot, I would try to settle with her too.”
He quickly joined them and put them in the VIP section, along with fans who sneaked in. Nam-Gyu was staring the entire time like their other colleagues. But in their case the starring-thing was more likely related to the “winning over Thanos” untold competition, they were whispering about complimenting the soon-to-be hit of the year or his clothes while the black-haired man was thinking about what was underneath that. Nam-Gyu thought about the cross necklace with the candies he had been dreaming about since the first time, he was sweating.
He left whatever he was doing at the bar. His hands were hidden by his sleeves on purpose, he wanted to look confident in front of Thanos in order to achieve his purpose. He thought about what he would say to him, maybe he would directly beg for the necklace, knees on the ground and the same puppy eyes as Min-su. When he arrived in front of them, Mi-na was looking at him up and down, her hair twisted around her fingers. Nam-gyu opened his mouth, trying to let out a sound.
“Nam-suuuu my boy, what’s upp ?” Thanos greeted him with a vape in his hand, he didn’t care about his name being mangled right now.
“I need to ask you something” Seeing that nobody had moved he felt obliged to clarify his point. “Privately”
He grabbed Thanos and practically lifted him up off the couch he was sitting on. Nam-Gyu was holding Thanos’s wrist tight, afraid maybe that he would let go and that his dreams would be crushed as soon as he returned to the VIP section. But Thanos stayed still, not even debating from the other man’s grip. In a way, Thanos was in a position that had been see before, the one of the handsome boy Nam-Gyu allegably fucked with in the toilet. Thanos looked at Nam-Gyu’s hand closed on his own body and wondered if the other wanted to have sex with him right now on a toilet seat.
Nam-Gyu closed the door behind them which still can’t be locked. “Are you dating her?” He whispered even though they were alone in the room. He didn’t really care if he was dating her or not, only Gyeong-Su cared about that, not him.
“No”
“No?”
“No”. Meanwhile Thanos had opened his precious cross and a small pink pill was now being crushed between his teeth. Nam-Gyu looked at him with envy and like the second time they met Thanos was pushed into the last toilet stall. Their lips suddenly meet. Thanos didn't expect that -maybe a little-, he hadn’t even swallowed the drugs yet but Nam-Gyu’s tongue was all over his. One of the bartender’ hands was behind his neck and Thanos didn’t really know where to put his.
He didn’t expect either to actually be that into the kiss, of course he kissed tons of people before, even men, but the only thing he can feel in this one is craving. There is nothing romantic or gentle about it however, it’s rushed and brutal. He leaned forward to deepen the embrace, placing his hand on Nam-Gyu's back while his teeth were being licked by the latter, searching for residues of the pill. Nam-Gyu was grabbing Thanos' shirt tightly with his other hand. His despair pushed him onto Thanos as soon as that stupid necklace was opened and he was still afraid he would leave him there, completely sober in the dirty bathroom.
At the end of the kiss, Nam-Gyu tumbled on the floor, his hands brushing Thanos’ body as he fell but without really meaning to do so until he reached his shoes.
“I am sorry, the pills…erm-” It was embarrassing, Nam-Gyu’s words appeared to stick in his throat. He didn't want to look at the man he had declared weeks ago as his nemesis, not right after he stole him a kiss. Little did he know that Thanos didn't mind it at all, that guy was literally a male whore.
“You could’ve just asked” He squatted down in front of the other man whose hair was messy, even messier than Thanos’ spiky hair so he allowed himself to brush a string of hair behind the bartender’s ear. “Open your mouth”
Nam-Gyu just did as he was told to, and Thanos put one of the pills from his necklace on the tongue who was previously touching his. Nam-Gyu directly swallowed it. “Good boy” Thanos finally said before standing up, unlocking the door and leaving again, less high than he thought he would get. He was even unsure that he ate half of the pink pill he wanted to initially consume. And the other man was a creep, he knew that already, but seeing him beg for drugs was a pleasant surprise.
On the other side Nam-Gyu was a mess. First, he couldn’t recall the last time he masturbated since he was too struggling without drugs, and that contact with that hot bastard made him hard in his pants.Then, it’s been a week since he had drugs, he wondered if he should be relaxed or scared. In a way he found someone who would give him what he needed. But on the other hand, it made it dependent on the rapper and he hated that idea, especially since Thanos began to be more popular and making him come with him in those toilets in the first place was by chance. The next time -because it needed to be a next time- this won’t be as easy, and Nam-Gyu would probably end up strangling Thanos if he continued to call him ‘Nam-Su’.
When he was calmer, Nam-Gyu put back his apron and made some drinks. Thanos in the vip section was out of sight, which relaxed him. Maybe he really didn’t care about what Thanos was doing in that other room with that pretty girl he said he wasn’t dating, or maybe it was just the drugs.
•••
The next day Thanos wasn’t in the Club, Nam-Gyu didn't notice his purple hair in the crowd, nobody was screaming or acting childish and Gyeong-Su was doing his job properly instead of running after him for photos and autographs. For a second, the bartender imagined how bad he would turn out if that shitty guy didn't come back again, if yesterday was the last -and the first- time he tasted something this delicious. When he came home, it was already 4 in the morning and despite how late it was and how exhausting his shift was, he didn’t manage to sleep, eaten away by angst.
He looked almost dead when he reached the Pentagon Club, with huge sleeping bags under his eyes and when Gyeong-Su looked at him strangely, he didn’t even have the energy or the wish to mess with him right now. But today at last, he didn't have the energy either to be distracted by the crowd so he fought his internal demons and focused on his job for once.
“Hey Nam-Su, my boyy”
“It’s Nam-G..” before finishing his sentence he raised his head, realising who was talking to him, his tormentor if he could call this motherfucker like that.
“Can I have two whiskey sodas ?” while saying that he brushed Nam-Gyu’s hand, almost as if he was imitating the girls who would beg for free drinks earlier that night. But he didn’t grab or intertwine their hands together like a cheesy couple, instead Thanos put in it one of the pills. The bartender swallowed it immediately before turning to grab the alcohol and the sodas to mix them together. Thanos was watching him carefully, and Nam-Gyu could feel his eyes staring at the back of his head.
“What ? Is there something in my hair ?” he asked once he had finished the drinks, brushing his hair frenetically and then tucked it behind his ears.
“No, it’s nothing. Thanks Nam-Su, see you soon” He grabbed his order before blowing him a kiss. He then blended in with the crowd, probably to join his last girlfriend as Nam-Gyu watched him fade away.
“That’s not my name, asshole.” he whispered.
•••
Now Thanos was the one dealing him the drugs, at the bar or sometimes in the toilet stall, though maybe it wasn’t really dealing since - except for drinks - Nam-Gyung didn’t give him anything. Well maybe he should also count the times their bodies meet.
Once, it’s was a usual Friday Night, the shift was rushing a bit since there were so many people, they were dancing or chatting or almost fucking on the sofas, and Gyeong-Su was making his best to stop them from getting dirty. After a bit his coworker returned, a sponge in his hand, complaining about his shift. Between two moans, he announced.
“Also you have to go to the staff room, someone’s calling for you.“
“Look, I don’t give a damn fuck about what the others have to complain about me Gyeong-Su, let them wait for me.”
“It’s not one of our colleagues, it’s, erm, a… client ?”
“A client ?” He laughed in disbelief. ”Who do they think I am ? Some kind of slut they can ask for whenever they want?” He paused, talking, sneering and then thinking further about the situation “You know what… i’m gonna beat their shit out of them”
That weird ass meeting was the perfect excuse to be violent and Nam-Gyu’s smile grew more and more, like the creepy freak he is. Another thing Nam-Gyu liked was the reddish colour of blood, which suits his pale hands. Sometimes, violence was becoming one of his weird ways to cope with his issues, and he had a lot. However it was something more predictable than some old pervert who wanted Nam-Gyu’s ass. Thanos was standing in the staff room -which wasn’t really one, it had lockers for the staff, a broken coffee machine, and brooms and sponges that looked like the one his coworker had in his hand, it was more likely a closet than a real room to relax during breaks.
“Thanos ? What the fuck” He closed the door behind him. This room couldn't be locked as well so Nam-Gyu leaned against the door to block it from anyone who decided to come.
“Toilets were busy as fuck. Never seen so many people who wanted to have sex in such a small place. And you know..” He approached the black haired-man, with a casual silliness in his voice “We can’t let anyone know about what we're doing, right ?”
“Right”
It was a simple answer, Thanos didn’t expect more. He opened his precious necklace, took out a blue and a yellow pill before closing it up. Then he looked at Nam-Gyu who was staring at them. And maybe it was the flickering light bulb which partially illuminated the other man’s features, or his tight bartender uniform or perhaps it was the dopamine inside his head which was triggered before even consuming the drug. But he put both of the pills inside his mouth before facing Nam-Gyu’s body, nearly brushing his lips.
“Can I ?” He whispered, feeling Nam-Gyu breath against his. Though, It wasn’t as sexy as he wanted it to sound, since he had pills inside his mouth and he could not pronounce the question clearly, to prevent any pills from being consumed accidentally. The other man didn’t respond, Thanos didn’t expect him to do it right away. Nam-Gyu closed the gap.
The kiss felt like the first one. Still rough, but calmer, tender even. There wasn’t any more craving. For a second, Thanos could feel like it was a genuine kiss, not like the one he had had with fans. Nam-Gyu was probably there for the drugs only, though Thanos didn't really mind as much as he thought he would to share drugs with that guy. He was lonely despite being a jerk-ass extrovert, but he finally felt close to someone. The pills were being crushed by their tongues, mixing in that almost passionate kiss. When they pulled apart, they were breathless.
Thanos was the first to leave, happier than ever and euphoric “Bye my frienddd, have a great night Nam-suuu”
“It’s Nam-Gyu, you bastard.” He brushed his hair with his hand to make it tidier. He didn’t really know why he was attracted to those lips again but he guessed he was just too attracted to drugs to decline. It has always been about drugs anyway.
“I’m back. Oh my god Gyeong-Su ! I'm glad you didn’t burn the place to the ground while I was on my break.”
“Why is your tongue green ?” Gyeong-Su asked, staring at the other man’s face and absolutely not caring about Nam-Gyu's sassy comment. He could feel his cheeks burning.
“Shut up and focus on your drink, you are spilling shit everywhere”.
Chapter Text
Nam-Gyu got used to this new routine, the one where Thanos was there. He didn’t need to wake up early every monday and deal with Min-Su, that prick. And maybe it was pleasant to be around the rapper, who was no longer his unofficial nemesis. There wasn’t always a kiss during their encounters though. Once, the rapper grabbed Nam-Gyu’s ass, only to put a small bag with a pill in his pocket. The bartender blushed right away before thinking that the drug was probably being used as an excuse to be a freak.
Something new in Nam-Gyu’s mind was the fact that he also wanted to touch Thanos more and more. He had always been a clingy guy especially when he was younger, but being surrounded by people he was either hated by or he was slightly tolerating, meant he wouldn’t be like that often. He supposedly hated Thanos, but strangely felt comfortable around the other man and had grown desperate to hold him. Sometimes, when they were around people, he would grab his shoulders, or his hand, only they were alone.
There was this time when they were both in the VIP section, and almost got caught. It was a private night, without fans, only the rapper and his collaborator, Mi-na, who sat on the fancy couch and discussed music and fame. Nam-Gyu was there for a bit, standing in a corner, like a fucking piece of furniture, waiting for any of them to order a drink. When the girl left for the bathroom, Thanos took that opportunity to call him, waving his hands at him with that stupid smile which was always glued on his face. When the black-haired man walked towards him, the other one grabbed his apron to get him even closer.
Nam-Gyu almost fell on him, one of his knees was on the couch, right between Thanos legs, and a too sudden move would have led him to be all over him, whose smile had got bigger by looking at that position. The bartender got his drugs before the girl came back, but he left, almost creaming his pants.
•••
Nam-Gyu liked that routine. But well, there were times where he would feel nostalgic about a time before Thanos appeared in his life, before that weird relationship. Nostalgic about getting high with Jun-Hee, though it was only smoking weed outside the club during their breaks. Maybe it was why he had asked Thanos to smoke with him, not involving drugs this time. Their relationship was entirely based around the use of drugs - and their making-out sessions while being drugged as well - so it was a bit uncommon for them to be together sober for a prolonged time.
Nam-Gyu had led him through the door used by the staff, and they sat on the bitumen of the narrow street. It’s been a while since the last time he had been there, he hadn’t smoked a normal cigarette for quite a long time as well. He lit up one which had been stolen from Gyeong-su’s pack and then gave it to Thanos who was vaguely looking at scratched advertisements glued on the opposite wall. They were holding hands while passing the cigarette with their free ones.
They didn’t say a word, they didn’t need to and it was rather relaxing to have a break from their goofy talks. It was dark outside, however the weather was great and if they had paid attention they would have seen the stars. But the only star Nam-Gyu was thinking of, was sitting next to him. During those times - where Thanos was completely sober and not an over-friendly eccentric guy who tended to forget things he had done- Nam-Gyu would almost feel like he didn’t hate the man as much as he wanted to show, as much as he wanted to be affected. To his greatest misfortune, he had grown fond of the rapper. Even if taking drugs turned Thanos into a different person - while he was just a bit more relaxed - he was a nice companion. Nam-Gyu could have asked him to hangout outside the Club, but it felt like crossing a line, so instead he had chosen to share a cigarette with him.
“How come you don’t have drugs anymore ?” Thanos asked, breathing out smoke. “I mean, I saw you sniffing cocaïne, you lucky bastard. And it was cool as fuck. Like literally."
“My dealer is in prison or something. That dumbass” he laughed sarcastically. He ran his hand through his black hair before taking a puff.
“You know,” Thanos continued, unexpectedly serious “because of those free drinks, I believed you either wanted my dick or you were a fan undercover who wanted an autograph. So when you saw me taking those pills” He was lifting his necklace up while talking "I thought I was screwed and that you were going to expose me.”
“I don’t even like your music and knowning you, your dick is probably covered with some crazy tattoos, i would not be that intrigued” He had a big smile on his face “and well you are annoying as fuck maybe i should denunce you now.”
They laughed, debating how their tattoos were superior to each other’s. And after a while, the cigarette was entirely consumed. They still didn’t move, it was a rare moment of vulnerability for the two men. They talked for quite some time, about nothing, about everything, about their stupid routines in the morning - or for instance in the afternoon for Nam-Gyu.
“Hey before duties call.” Thanos said, they were not sitting anymore and the bartender was about to leave. He gently grabbed Nam-Gyu's left arms, and progressively put his hand under his sleeve to rid it up. Suddenly, the bartender freed himself from this touch like Thanos had become some poisonous snake. “Ohhh, are you afraid I might touch your less muscular arm, my friendd?”
“You are just acting so gay right now, what is this even for ?” He pointed out to the black feltpen that Thanos was holding which came from nowhere. He didn’t respond but offered his hand, probably waiting for the sacrifice. He gave him his other arm instead and Thanos wrote an address on the bare skin, next to some of his tattoos. During the writing process, Nam-Gyu had sweet comments for him like “Your handwriting sucks”, “Is this a 3 or a 9 ? Is this even a number ?”, “Hyung, are you even putting effort in it ?”
Thanos chuckled before finishing. Then, he admired his piece of art before returning his arm to his owner “If you need drugs.”
Back home, under the shower he looked at Thanos’ dealer address, mainly observing his crabbed handwriting rather than the actual information. When he was not completely fucked up by drugs, Thanos was actually a smart guy, calculating fast like it was a super power, but his handwriting translated that sillyness the guy would wear everyday like a shirt. He thought about how Jun-hee's unborn baby would, without a doubt, be able to write better than the rapper.
The bartender’s hair was wet and dripping on the floor of his living room. He wrote the number of the apartment and the building name on some receipt that was lying around on the table. The next day the fake tattoo had almost disappeared and Nam-Gyu quickly forgot about it, he wouldn’t get drugs from another person. Maybe it was because the drug was great or the transaction in the Club was easy or maybe it was because of how Thanos made him feel. All those kissing in the toilet stalls, the wandering hands under Thanos’ flashy shirts and the almost sensual atmosphere.
•••
Not even a week after that unexpected moment, Nam-Gyu was awakened by a bang on his door. Someone was waiting for him outside. He put on some random oversized sweatshirt which hid his hands and went opening his door.
“Ah, you must be kidding me” he exhaled with a sleepy voice. It was Min-su, that sweet and pathetic bastard. He was too tired to be angry right now but god that guy was getting on his nerves, he was definitely crossed out of his acquaintances’ list. “What?”
“The producer is out of prison so I have your drugs, but if you want to try something new I have that new thi- .”
Nam-Gyu grabbed his shoulders and rubbed them, interrupting the guy in his explanation. “Min-su look, I'd rather cut my own dick off than buying your drugs ever again, especially if that scary dog is still with you.”
Honestly he wasn’t mad anymore by Min-su who ghosted him a few months ago and his proposition was tempting even. But he had Thanos now, and the drugs were what kept them close. He slammed his door soon after and went back to sleep, to fulfil his routine.
When the rapper asked him some times after if he still was without great news from his dealer, Nam-Gyu answered with a sad expression that he was unfortunately still imprisoned somewhere.
•••
Thanos routine had changed too, and rumors were starting to grow in the small sphere of the Pentagon. Thanos had a girlfriend. Or that was what Gyeong-Su heard and told Nam-Gyu. He didn’t know the two guys have some sort of weird relationship but he loved gossiping about stars and especially his idol the Legend Thanos.
But people couldn’t doubt the legitimacy of those rumors, Thanos wasn’t fucking around anymore and even a rap newspapper had talked about his changing behaviour, despite being at the beginning of his career. Usually he had one or two chicks in his arms all night and took them home in his ridiculous vibrant green car, or at least that was what people would say. He had a reputation of male whore -some would call that a Don Juan- but male whore was definitely more appropriate. The worst thing was that he knew about the dating-rumor, it made him laugh his ass off.
People were almost sure that he was dating Mi-na, and the fact that he stayed alone with her in the VIP section some weeks after their song was released increases those theories. Though every time he had the chance he would escape to bother the bartender, asking for complicated drinks or more or less ice cubes, singing in his ears and making terrible jokes.
Nam-Gyu was exhausted, never in the past couple months Thanos had been so present, trying when there were few people to caress his hand or his back to disturb him. He was flushing and was acting as if his tongue wasn’t in the other man’s mouth the previous night. Though he liked that attention and the fact that it was Thanos who gave it to him. His coworkers were also red, but from anger, because the rapper never came to them for drinks except maybe Gyeong-Su during Nam-Gyu’s days off.
But the bartender became aware that the man was mainly coming in the club for him. He didn’t mind, he got his drugs and a victory over his shitty colleagues. Thanos became more and more careless, and to avoid more rumors he resigned to kiss some señoritas, dancing against them on the dance floor while sensual songs were playing. But his eyes were looking at the black haired-man.
Lately, Thanos was feeling weird about Nam-Gyu too. That guy was easy to be around with, he didn't have to pretend to be some god. He also started wishing that Nam-Gyu felt the same way about him. He wanted him, to lick his entire body and every tattoo on his arms. It was probably just a drug thing, but it drove him crazy and he wanted to enjoy it now while it last. However, Thanos was performing the next few days far away from the club which meant less of their weird ass meetings.
Their “weird ass” meeting that night, was taking place in the same bathroom stall as the first time they met. It was not a busy night, and at its end a lot of the remaining customers were washed out, sleeping on the sofas and throwing up in front of the Pentagon Club’s sign, and the last ones standing were too busy dancing to care about peeing. Nam-Gyu’s hands were under Thanos' shirt, feeling each part of his waist which gave the man shivers coming down his spine. Usually Thanos was too high to even care about his boner or Nam-Gyu’s, it could be a normal reaction to the drug use, but tonight something was different. The other man was more caring, more sweet, and last but not least they had forgotten to take the actual drug.
Nam-Gyu was always conscient about his dick hardening in his pants or the fact that sometimes Thanos was excited too, especially right now, which shattered the thought of him being distant with girls because he was taken. His hands get lower, touching his hip and then almost gripping the buckle of his belt. He looked at Thanos who whispered a ‘go ahead’ full for yearning. The next minute their pants were down, and Nam-Gyu was caressing both crotches. Nam-Gyu thought it was some kind of a way to help him since it had become clear that the other man didn’t have a chick to make him come. In reality; both were attracted to each other and were enjoying themself.
Thanos felt good, the other man’s grip felt good, the night was definitely going to be good. He had a loud mouth so were his moans, but he didn’t care. They were alone here, it was only them in a small bathroom stall, Thanos' head resting against Nam-Gyu’s chest. The latter had his back against the wall, breathing also loudly and Thanos dreamed of making him scream underneath him, like their relationship was something more than just two guys in a night club with a weird habit of sharing drugs and touching each other like some straight couple.
They were pressed against each other, Nam-Gyu definitely knew how to manipulate dicks. The two men came almost at the same time, they didn’t speak though, they were still breathless. Nam-Gyu had lost his gained confidence and Thanos was cleaning them up. “Shit”
The bartender looked at the other man “What ?” he followed the rapper’s eyes and saw his shirt covered with fresh stains “Oh shi-”
Thanos buckled his shorts and almost ran away. Nam-Gyu didn’t directly react, he had jerked off a guy who became terrified at the sight of cum. He felt embarrassed for a sec, it was his initiative and the other man literally escaped. Nam-Gyu had begun to imagine the worst case scenario in which Thanos was some homophobic straight guy but then he thought about every time he had kissed him on purpose. The sound of water running from the sink confirmed his theories. Thanos was rubbing his shirt like a madman.
“Bro, that was amazing” he said when Nam-Gyu came out of the stall, looking at him but still rubbing the piece of clothing. “Sorry that shirt was hella expensive, and fuck me, even with soap that shit wont come off. I need put it at least three times in the washer but i gotta be on stage in the morning, shit”
The edge of his shirt was wet. He was heading toward the door before suddenly shifting his way to Nam-Gyu. That dude will probably gonna check me -he would do that sometimes as if we were regular friends who hadn’t their tongue stuck in each other's mouth all the time - Nam-Gyu thought. Instead, Thanos kissed him before waving a “goodbye Nam-su”. That was even weirder than ejaculating together and in this moment of euphoria, they weren’t even high.
He wondered if Thanos would show up again after his concert and call him “my friend”. He
splashed water on his face before heading back to the counter.
“Ah Nam-Gyu, you just missed Thanos, I think he was looking for you and he seemed in a hurry because he told me to give you that back… I can’t believe he actually talk to me, these days i’m having the biggest luck ever”
Gyeong-su was too busy being a fanboy to bother looking at what he was holding to his colleague. It was Thanos’ necklace, and he had no clue what that meant. He turned around, his back facing Gyeong-su and opened the treasure.
The pills were still there, colourful and appetising, and unlike the other times there was a small folded note inside. It should have been there for a while now because it was covered with residue of pills. It said “Now you are the one sharing with me, Nam-su” next to an atrociously drawn smiley face. It was from Thanos without a doubt - despite the fact that he was the only one who would call him like that deliberately - Nam-Gyu could recognise his particular.. handwriting. Thanos had scribbled that in his apartment the same day, trying to find something neutral to say instead of the flashy “im hard in my pants just by thinking at your lips on mine”, and had given it to Gyeong-su before running to his car.
On his way home the rapper thought about it. Could that be considered as crossing the line ? No, definitely not. The real crossed line was when the other man had made him come, not some small and insignificant gift… He thought it was gay as hell nonetheless and tried to forget about it to focus on his songs. Relieved that he wasn’t the first to cross that line, the purple-haired man believed he must have been blessed by some gods for the timing. Little did he know that the gift was the worst idea he could ever think of, more or less a poisonous one.
You could imagine that Nam-Gyu’s routine wouldn’t change with those drugs, since he had them way before the necklace thanks to Min-su. However, he hadn’t tasted yet to the unlimited pills the jewel seems to contain. He didn’t have to be careful not to consume them entirely in one night. And well, he was a junkie, bored, stressed and everything who made impulsive decisions from the beginning of his life to this moment. The first night without Thanos he took two pills which feel like a blessing on his tongues, retirer heavy poids de la poitrine. Then the next couple of days without Thanos, he would take them more often, like snacks, to feel less like shit.
He would drag himself across the floor of his living room, almost rolling on his side and laughing alone like a madman when it was not even 10 in the morning. These days he had arrived late and completely stoned at work, inadvertently breaking champagne glass. Was it Monday, or Tuesday ? Nam-Gyu wasn’t sure anymore, he had lost track of time. It seemed like he hadn’t seen Thanos for years when he was gone for 5 days. Besides, the candies looked so appetising in his hand, never in his life had he been so changed by the drugs.
Someone knocked on the door on the fifth day. It could have been anyone, his landlord or one of his acquaintances but when he finally opened it after struggling to put the key inside the lock, he came face to face with purplish hair.
Thanos, who he had seen only in the club mostly drugged, was on his front door. And he was still hot as hell.
•••
Thanos’ heart missed a beat.
Never in his whole rapper-career-thing he has witnessed such a level of euphoria -not even when he was performing in front of hardcore fans and well without being biased he thought his songs were fire and deserved that treatment. "Dude you look like shit" he laughed, thinking that maybe Nam-Gyu hadn’t waited for him and was already high on his trip. But it was worse than that. "Gyeong-su gave me your address, hope it’s not too weird.” Everything was weird about their relationship, so no in fact it wasn’t, and he knew it that’s why he was in the bartender’s apartment. Yet no response, just eyes looking at each other, and pupils more dilated than the other. “Anyway, I found it weird that you weren’t working and stuff, but I get it. The place was busy as fuck, I wouldn't want people to saw us either.”
He reached for his necklace which was hanging around the neck of the other man in an attempt to join him in his trip. But by opening the box, he noticed how much the contents had diminished, so that it was almost empty.
"Nam-su what the hell ? Where is my drug?” But Nam-Gyu still didn’t respond. He didn’t want to or maybe he had nothing to say. Anyway, he was mute.
“Did you take them with other guys ?" Nam-gyu felt like he was emphasizing those last words, though Thanos was not. He mistook his questions for jealousy, when he just cared. He had his eyes wildly open by the thought of the bartender being that drugged, he really didn’t care about his health, did he ? Thanos had his hands on Nam-Gyu’s shoulders but the latter pushed him back.
"It’s not because I jerked you off once that we are exclusive partners. And don’t start to do that jealous shit because it actually pisses me off"
He missed being with Thanos, and it felt like shit admitting that to himself. He didn't even want to like any part of Thanos in the first place. But now it seemed like Thanos' behaviour had shifted and Nam-Gyu was welcomed like the guy wasn’t the one giving him the necklace. He wanted to throw up his guts.
"What ? No dude im dead serious, the pills are addictive like shit. And i don’t fucking care with who you do stuff with."
"Then why did you stop fucking with all those girls who clearly wanted you, but were moaning like a chick when i touched you. You loved me so much, that was embarrassing"
It became personal, not just something about drugs. And Nam-Gyu was too stoned to even realise what he was saying. He was the only one whose love for Thanos was embarrassing, the other man had just been nice to him, providing for his addiction. But his words were like swords cutting deep into the rapper’ chest. Nam-gyu was the first person he felt completely comfortable with. So ultimately he cared about him, maybe it was the drugs or maybe he really had a thing for Nam-Gyu. Though he would never admit it out loud. Not now. Not now that this man claimed it to be embarrassing.
"Give me the necklace back Nam-su, I shouldn't have given it to you in the first place, you couldn’t handle it."
Since the bartender wasn’t obeying, Thanos tried to snatch it away from his neck. But in its move, he was pushed by the other man, and Nam-Gyu’s hand had violently touched his face. The latter was mad at him for saying that he could handle it, he had handled it since the start of their relationship, he had, and that will go on.
"Oh fuck off, it’s Nam-Gyu you motherfucker. Yes, you were nice enough to give pills to the junkie faggot you were exited about. You deserve so much applause for your charity work."
The necklace was on the floor next to Thanos, maybe he punched him too hard because his lips started bleeding. The man acted like he cared for him but would even dare to pronounce his name correctly. Was it out of pity that he had received the pills or his presumably false accusation of him being in love was true ? He had liked violence in the past, but right now seeing the man he had kissed more times than he could actually count made him regret every action. Thanos bloody face was making him even more pathetic, Nam-Gyu felt like throwing up again.
"Erm.. you should leave"
He didn’t glance at the rapper but action spoke for itself. He stood up, negligently wiping off his swelling lips with his tattooed hands. At least the black-haired man had got the necklace back. And Thanos exited the apartment without looking back at him one more time.
It really felt like their weird ass relationship had ended. Thanos didn’t show up the next day at the club.
Notes:
A bit of spice, a bit of angst hihi, im feeling machiavelous rn. If you liked the fic, don't forget to leave a kudos, a comments or even share it with your friends fans of Thangyu, that would be adorable !! <3
I will probably posting the 3rd chapter tomorrow !
Chapter 3
Notes:
I'm sorry for what yall are about to read, or am I ?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Nam-Gyu wanted to apologize,and it was against every trait of personality he had : he was a bitch and that was the reason he never had any friends. At work, he was yelled at for missing his busy shifts. He honestly didn’t even know if he still liked his job, this place, his miserable life or every part of his fucking routine which make him live as a zombie.
During the rest of the night he was pouting like a child, and the drug still in his organism didn’t even help bear the sadness inside him. He was nearly laying down the counter, sighing. Even Gyeong-su's stupidity didn’t work. The guy was imitating some performance Thanos had done in the club weeks ago and it made him even more depressed. Thanos was still nowhere to be seen.
And well, he needed drugs. He felt dumb and was starting to imagine himself crawling back to Min-su and begging him for something which allowed him to be happy for a bit. Some handsome guy hitted on him but he didn’t even look at him despite the biceps, the tattoos and every small detail that reminded him of the rapper. He thought about the time where drugs didn’t interfere with their weird relationship and the receipt with the dealer’s address popped up in his mind.
When his shift was over he ran, he ran because his apartment was right next to the club so he would never take his motorbike, he ran because he needed to find that stupid receipt as soon as possible. At home, his lungs were burning, he was in pain but the reason was unknown but it was more likely a mix of many issues. The receipt wasn’t lost, but he nonetheless regretted not slicing his skin to keep track of Thanos’ twisted handwriting. During their argument, he had lost both the necklace and the note inside it, and that defeat had left a bitter taste in his mouth.
His anxiety never faded away when he drove his motorbike through the city until reaching the address, nor when walked near the door of the apartment. Would it be weird to show up unannounced ? Thanos hadn’t given him the dealer number, just an address scribbled on his forearm. He brushed the said-arm through the fabric, at the very spot where the mark had disappeared in the shower.
He rang at the door but no one came, and Nam-Gyu already saw himself waiting for hours just like he had done with Min-su. Though, it was his plan B before crawling back in front of his neighbour’s door. Eventually, it opened.
He found out instead Thanos. Thanos looked at him dazed. And well he wasn’t just looking at him, the correct word would be starring, like he would often do. Nam-Gyu, who felt undressed by his eyes, stared back, observing his purple dripping hair which revealed that he was just getting out of the shower.
"Nam-Gyu"
"It’s Na-.." it struck him that the man had said his name correctly for once. Their silences, which were so far really enjoyable, had become embarrassing.
"If you are here for the drugs, I can't"
"I’m not" He lied. Of course he came here for the drugs, but he didn’t expect to find himself in that awkward situation. After everything, it had always been a drug thing, it was an untold truth between the two. But it was also probably the last time he would see the rapper and he had the urge to kiss him again. Maybe if they weren’t both big junkies and they had met in other conditions, it would have been different. Now he was dreaming of that.
"I guess you can enter." he sighed.
Thanos’ place was like his car, flashy. It was messy as well, with energy drinks’ cans and scattered clothes everywhere while a big speaker crowded half of his living room. He swallowed, Nam-Gyu didn’t know what to say but at the same time his thoughts were racing in his head since he had so many things to say to him and so many excuses to make, for his immature behavior, for his hard words than were intended to hurt him or for mocking a reciprocate feeling.
Thanos put on a green hoodie which was lying on a bean bag near the speaker, and played with the strings as he waited for Nam-Gyu to speak. He wasn’t smiling or goofy or flirty like he always was, his face was neutral, like a stone statue. Nam-Gyu was afraid to find the right words and avoided sounding like a pathetic cheesy gay man who had abused substances and had clearly a thing for his drug-partner.
“Thanos, i-”
“We’re not in the Club, you can call me by my real name. Well, I mean… if you want, I have destroyed your name so many times, I would understand if you don’t want to. I’m not forcing you to call me Su-Bong, it feels right though.” Sober Thanos felt less confident, maybe he was just like that without drugs or maybe it was the thought of Nam-Gyu refusing to call him by his real name who made him fall a bit more into his distress. They were never casual, Nam-Gyu’s name was butchered by Thanos’ nickname and he was either calling him with respectful titles, his stage name or some insults that had tickled his tongue. And a friendship felt almost unthinkable.
“I am sorry Su-Bong” The rapper was thrilled, both for the apology and his name on Nam-Gyu’s tongue. He experienced the same distress Nam-Gyu had had when he saw the delicious candy in the rapper’s mouth. But this time it wasn’t for the candy.
“Erm.. I took all the drugs” He continued, he was incapable of looking at Thanos, he was a coward. Instead he looked at his hand who was fiddling with the too long sleeve of his sweatshirt.
“I know”
“By myself. Even if I wanted to, I'm not friendly enough to share drugs with anyone.”
“I know”
“I have a problem and I'm not sure I'm capable of ending this routine. I need it to even survive my boring life, without it it feels like I'm nothing, no one. I know it’s killing me, my social life…God I can't remember the last time I spoke to Jun-Hee. I’m not even a loner, people just automatically hate me or get on my nerves. And I..I just feel like shit all the time. I have a problem.”
“Me too, Nam-Gyu”
Eventually the man raised his gaze. He knew what the other man meant by that, it was no longer a question of giving drugs or not, but rather of being incapable not to see the other man again. Their weird-ass relationship was more than that.
“Can you call me Nam-Su again, and hold me tonight ?” It was as loud as a whisper. Being just Nam-Gyu in his heart didn’t feel right. What didn’t feel even right was what he asked. He was, at the end of the day, the mean guy, and now he was almost begging Thanos to take him back, to love him, even just one more time. He was holding back tears.
So that is what Thanos did, because, at the end of the day, he wanted to take care of Nam-Gyu whose state had become concerning. He dropped his nonchalant and stoic attitude to move towards him. He kissed him carefully, without the rush or the dread of being caught drugged in a toilet stall and Nam-Gyu was now sobbing. The rapper wiped his eyes with the palm of his hand and put his lips onto the black-haired man’s red cheeks. He felt like crying too.
The bartender removed Thanos’ sweatshirt and top and traced with his fingers’ tip his thin tattooed line until he reached his hand. He squeezed them so hard out of fear of the man fleeing away. But that déjà vu moment was swept away by Thanos, who was the one leading Nam-gyu and not the opposite. Thanos’ room appeared really Thanos-ish, like his living room but tidier, but Nam-Gyu didn’t really give a damn about the decoration, it wasn’t what preoccupied him right now. He kissed him again while running his hands through his wet hair.
Nam-Gyu had never been held so gently and Thanos couldn’t recall the last time he was that careful with someone. Nam-Gyu wasn’t made of sugar and was always the one spicing up their encounters, but it seemed like he needed softness right now, reassurance. The rapper was clueless, he was afraid of being too brusque or hasty, but it was the same for the bartender, like two highschoolers discovering what sex felt like for the first time. Eventually the black-haired was undressed too.
Thanos’ fantasies got the upper hand and he kissed every single tattoo on the other man's arms. When he reached Nam-Gyu's left one he discovered what the man previously wanted to hide, track marks. The bartender was feeling flawed, ravaged by his addiction, Thanos never found him more beautiful than while holding him. He kissed, licked, bit and caressed every angle of his body. Despite the gentleness of the embrace, they could feel blood coming from Thanos’ lips which had probably reopened due to the countless kisses, but it was the least of their worries.
Nam-Gyu was hard again. Thanos thought about his wish coming true, having the bartender in his arms in his bed, he was pretty hard too. The caresses carried on and both of their bodies were intertwined, Thanos leading for the whole night their acts with his painted nails . They were loud and shameless as Thanos continued his backwards and forwards movements on Nam-Gyu’s body. It was probably the third time they were completely sober and completely honest with their feelings and they were cuddling the entire time. It was almost as if their breaths would be interrupted if they were even separated from each other.
Nam-Gyu was grabbing the purple-haired man’s back where red marks would show up on top of his spine tattoo and he wasn't sobbing anymore. In addition to those traces, Nam-Gyu’s kiss had left purplish bruises on Thanos neck, next to some of his tattoos, matching with his hair. Every one of his touches would be colourfully seen in the morning and would probably feed the dating rumors. The rapper thought about how a passionate lover the man was, he loved it. It was better than the free drinks, the señoritas in the club or his forgotten cross necklace.
•••
“Morning” Nam-Gyu simply yawned when he joined Thanos in his living room, with a pretty jaded face as if he hadn’t had the best night of his life thanks to Thanos' skills. The latter was yearning for clues that might tell him that he was a god of sex or something to flatter his ego. So he fixed him like always. The bartender was wearing one of Thanos ridiculously expensive clothes, the sweatshirt which was pulled off the day before. Both men were about the same height, yet the sleeves were too big not to hide at least half of Namgyu’s hands.
They spend the morning together, fighting on Street Fighter and eating cold pizza on the rapper’s couch. They were more likely to look like friends than lovers at that moment. You could only tell by looking closely at the rare moments of affection which betrayed the nature of their relationship. Thanos wanted to keep what they have for himself, away from the fame, buried between cans of monster and condoms. It was the first time he was as committed to someone, it had scared him a bit but then Nam-Gyu had caressed his purple hair when his head was resting on his tights and he knew it would be okay.
Nam-Gyu left Thanos’ place at the beginning of the afternoon since the man had to work on his songs and Nam-Gyu’s presence kept him from focusing on anything other than the bartender’s hot body.
When the black-haired man reached his apartment there was a box in front of his door. He took it home, with no survival instinct but after spending time with Thanos he was relaxed and didn’t even care. The gift was from Min-su, an apology of some sort. His neighbour was probably haunted at night with his face. He threw it on his table before collapsing on his couch and forgot about it, like the receipt. Though laying on his couch all alone with time to think further about his night, he felt unsettled. He never thought that wanting a relationship was what would lead him to stop drugs, he reckoned that it would have been because of his own bankruptcy or perhaps because of an arrest for possession of illicit products. Though quitting drugs was far from an easy process, it had made his life unbearable and it wasn’t his first try. Every time, he would go to the club’s bathroom to cry, or be bitcher than usual, insulting customers and be threatened to be fired. Every time he had relapsed.
•••
Adding the fact that Nam-Gyu was struggling to be sober, Thanos was still being a dick. It pissed Nam-Gyu off, it wasn’t just a drug thing now, he had the right to be pissed off to see his unofficial boyfriend flirting around like he used to. Thanos didn’t want to take the man for granted but he had that need to keep the media away from what they had, in a way to protect Nam-Gyu from his growing fame which could harm him. Besides, his real him, his So-bong facade was only for himself and the man he liked. His flaws, his insecurities were not something the public wanted to see, and he didn’t want to show them either.
When Thanos was with girls, drinking or dancing with them, an obsessive and jealousive part of Nam-Gyu rose. It was another reason why he never had a real friend, he wanted to exclusively receive their love, gosh he was so lonely. But he was aware of why the other man was still behaving that way, he acted like he didn’t care but he lowkey did. At last, they would met often, at each other’s place fucking like wild animals or simply chilling on their counchs like two straight dude. Nam-Gyu’s routine changed again to include Thanos' constant invasion.
They were alike, just a different front and toxic traits that made them different. Nam-Gyu was still extremely clingy and Thanos just went with it, accepting the other man’s hand all over him. They met again at Nam-Gyu’s place, which was cleaner and more minimalist in contrast to Thanos' nerdy posters and albums which colored every wall, and had almost insisted on bringing a poster of himself to put it in his lover’s living room. “What a narcissist bastard” the bartender thought, but he then remembered that he was the first to leave his things at the rapper’s place. Some clothes, jewels as well as a brush for his bob.
Thanos moved directly to the fridge, grabbing two beers and tossing one to Nam-Gyu before slumping on the couch. He was getting comfortable and it was right, with the kind of relationship they had and Thanos wanted to know this tidy place by heart. The only mess in this apartment was the small table in the living room with empties, receipts from food orders, and cold cigarettes as a fuzzy reminder of the last time Gyeong-su and he hung out. There was no particular reason for that, he liked his place clean but that table was in a way the reflection of his mind, and he couldn’t resign to clean it, especially when Thanos took part in that mess.
He joined Thanos on the sofa where the other man was waiting for him. Thanos wanted to get freaky with Nam-Gyu so he drew himself closer, instead the man opened the lid of his can and beer splashed them both. “Oh fuck, this is all your fault, you monkey”. He drunk voraciously the head and the orangy-liquide which was getting out of the beer before heading to the kitchen to grab something to wipe that mess off.
Thanos genuinely laughed so hard it might have awakened half of the building and then he swallowed his own drink. He looked at the infamous table where a small box caught his eyes. It stood out in the disorderliness, he had seen it before, he was staring at everything in this goddamn apartment but nothing makes him more curious than that little box. He should have probably asked before reaching for it and opening it like it was his own but he didn’t, and he tore the adhesive tape up.
“Aw man, I thought we agreed on ditching everything.” It was something they had agreed on after the first time they fucked, when Thanos had accepted to call him Nam-Su again. ‘What should we do about it?’ he had told him, we, Nam-Gyu wasn’t sure that Thanos would stop using drugs but he turned a blind eye to that. At that time he didn’t care, Thanos’ hands were on his cheeks, staring right at his soul. It was warm under the covers, his cold feet pressed against the rapper’s calf and their legs intertwined. He would rather stay in a cocoon of lies and illusions of support. “If I knew you would keep stuff, I wouldn't have given my dog’s neighbour all my psychotropic pills.” Thanos continued.
Nam-Gyu had come back with a sponge and napkins to absorb the liquid. "You did what ?"
"I’m just kidding Nam-su, I am not that crazy and first of all I would never waste drugs to piss off my neighbour. He is rich but super old, like 50, and I'm sure he would kick my ass, and then yours and then mine again.” He paused to think about that scary Mr Hwang who lived on the first floor of his building, it gave him shivers. “But seriously where did you get that ? Did your ex-dealer escape from prison?"
"We could say that.. erm, I got it from my neighbour opposite who used to sell me all kinds of stuff. I guess that bow is an apology, the guy didn’t even give that face to face, he would have probably shit his pants just by seeing my aura" Nam-gyu bragged, he wanted to show how imposing he could be.
After a silence, Thanos stared at the box again and the needle which was inside it.
"We should try it." the rapper eventually said.
"What? Are you deadass?”
"I never tried to shoot up before, only pills and some cocaïne a while ago. I’m just super curious before my repentance dude"
"Alright" There wasn't any opposition, it was so hard not to think about the pleasure of the pills or the jab in the crook of his elbow. He went to his bathroom and came back with alcohol swabs. "I’m gonna show you how to do it, watch me" He completely took off his shirt and then he jerked his belt out to place it onto his arm, four fingers above the injection spot. He carefully cleaned his skin which would meet the needle with the swabs, he found a vein, took off the tourniquet, and focused. His tongue was sticking out, trying not to blow up one of his veins by accident and Thanos found his seriousness hot as fuck. The latter was too busy watching at the other man's face and his bare torso to even pay close attention to Nam-Gyu’s moves, he reckoned that perhaps if he smiled enough after that the bartender would be the one to shoot him up.
“Is it good?” He finally asked once the injection was over.
"Y-yeah"
Nam-Gyu felt relaxed, with his head full of dopamine, he had lost that sexy seriousness which didn’t stop Thanos from finding the other man hot as fuck. After a while of looking at the purple-haired man with a dumb smile, he felt sleepy. He wanted the man to feel like him, to join him in his euphoria like he had done before.
He stood up, Thanos didn’t really ask why, it was probably to grab something, more swaps or a glass of water. But the other man didn’t know either, instead he was confused and had a hard time staying awake. He felt like he was going to faint soon. Then it was his breathing, each gulp of air was sticking in his throat. He was struggling to breathe, he was tired, his chest ached.
"Nam-Su my boy, are you okay ?" But the words were blurring in his head. "Nam-su ?" The other man called him again, Thanos looked at Nam-Gyu whose pupil had shrunk like a cat’s in the light and his breathing became slow. Eventually he took two more unsteady steps before collapsing.
Thanos threw himself on him. "Nam-su what the hell ??" When he grabbed the bartender’s hand, it was cold, more than usual and he wouldn’t wake up. Thanos could almost think that he was dead, lying in his living room, the crook of his elbow red from droplets of blood, if the other man wasn’t still breathing. "Nam-Gyu wake up man, that- that’s not funny dude."
He was screaming his name in his ears, pressing his hand against his, but he wasn’t answering, Thanos even pinched his arm harder and longer to get a reaction from him, he was lying still. He kissed his cheeks, he felt like crying. He took his head in his hands, almost tearing his purple hair out, muttering “sorry” again and again. He needed to think quickly, to save the man from actually dying.
He put Nam-Gyu on his side to prevent him from throwing up and drowning in his own vomit. He went outside and knocked like crazy on the 125th door.
"I swear Nam-Gyu if it’s you I'm gonna kick-…" A senorita opened the door and Thanos doubted it was the coward which he had heard so many sweet things about.. "Wait Min-su, why is there a super star on your doormat?”
She was looking in the apartment, her hand was touching her on her pierced lips like a tic before the Min-su-boy came. He looked at Thanos in disbelief who was uncomfortable to see that people had recognised him as if the man wasn’t a loud mouth with purple hair, but right now the rapper looked like shit. He was sure that Min-su was the guy because of how puppy-like he looked, but of the two, Thanos was the one who looked more pathetic.
"Help him" He pointed to the 124th apartment where part of Nam-Gyu could be seen rolled up. "He use your fucking gift man, and now he is like that..i have no fucking idea what to do. I don’t want him to die”
"Holy shit" the woman said.
The rapper was truly scared for Nam-Gyu, and it was his idea. Deep down he knew he had to leave, he knew it. He had begun to rise, to be someone renowned and loved and that would be over as soon as the media heard about that drug-thing. So he watched the pierced-senorita and Min-su entered the room, rubbing the black-haired man’s chest, screaming things to do, calling an ambulance.
“Don’t get in my way” The girl had told him when he wanted to grab Nam-Gyu’s arm to feel him while she was trying to counter the overdose or something like that - he didn’t know, it was something new for him. Thanos felt useless so he left.
The rapper ran through the stairs, his car was still at the Pentagon, he didn’t go there to get it. Instead he ran, he ran until he couldn’t breathe correctly anymore. He stopped and he coughed more and more till his chest was raw. Sweat dripped from his colored hair. His breathing did not return to normal, it was changed by the big tears that rolled down his cheeks. He imagined Nam-Gyu in a coffin which felt unbearable.The guilt was drowning him, he was suffocating by his own actions. He needed air. He wanted to run again and came back to the apartment, to hold Nam-Gyu’s hand again, in the ambulance, in the hospital and at home once he would be okay. But he didn’t and he came back to his own apartment exhausted by all that running.
•••
Thanos couldn’t remember why he had given Nam-Gyu pills to begin with. He was intrigued by the creep that had stolen his drug, of course, starring at every of his moves even the more casual ones, but the rapper was also longing for a kind of drug-partnership. And almost desperate to find someone like him, he had held onto the loser bartender who happened to have a serious addiction problem and whose life was as shitty as his.
Now, the time where he once miscalled him -not on purpose- after being offered so many free drinks felt like a millions years ago. He thought about Nam-Gyu's cold hand and he felt like shit. He was in distress. In distress because his friend was perhaps in a coffin after he reckoned it would be a cool ideal to try an unknown drug. He was frightened because the bartender’s neighbours had recognized him. He secretly hoped that they were smart enough not to reveal that The legend Thanos was there.
The only thing he could do was wait. So he waited, and every time he was afraid that cops might show up at his door unprompted like Nam-Gyu had done some time ago. Afraid that some rap magazine would put a scoop in the frontline that Thanos’ actions had led to someone's death, someone he cared for, maybe a bit too much. Afraid to reach for the bartender and learn tragic news.
He didn’t go outside of his apartment, neither to fetch his green car which was still in front of the Pentagon nor to run errands. Every curtain was closed, his door was firmly locked and his phone was turned off. He was avoiding everything and everyone, especially the truth. The 3rd day cloistered at his place, he had finally accepted his fate if cops decided to put him in cuffs. He couldn't face the situation but he had been itching to call Nam-Gyu’s number - which was given by Gyeong-su like always. It had been a while since he asked his coworker for his personal information, but he never dared to call the bartender, because he thought that if the man heard his lousy and annoying voice over the phone he would block his number. To be honest it would have probably been true, Nam-Gyu had preferred when the rapper’s mouth was doing other things than bragging all the time.
These days Thanos was acting as cowardly as Min-su, so instead he called Gyeong-su. He talked to him a long time until he couldn’t pronounce words correctly and he hung up before his biggest fan could hear him cry on the line.
Sat on the floor of his apartment, he thought a lot about what was going to happen now. Thanos thought about ending his routine, to join Nam-Gyu. He needed to do that, to leave. He felt guilty, he should be the one there, along with Nam-Gyu. It was his idea which had led to the man overdose and without that idiocy he would probably be here with him. Still, he was unsure, it was a hard decision to make, leaving everything, his rising career, to join a guy he had met less than a year ago.
He did it nonetheless.
Notes:
Final chapter published tomorrow ! If you enjoyed it so far, please leave a kudos or even a comment, that would be awesome :)
Chapter Text
The facility was white. Barely whiter than a hospital, but somehow modern and you could feel that it wasn’t lacking in donations to maintain the buildings. It was Gyeong-su who had found him the rehab clinic which was apparently offering free treatments. It was odd, really odd because of how much information and papers he had to give to prove what kind of weirdo he was. But it was free, and at this point it was okay to get screwed over by some fake center, Nam-Gyu didn’t care how scammy it could be. It was
He was alive, not dead, despite the ache in his body which made it feel like it, he never had been more scared to die. “Those who seek life shall die” he had thought, but he had been saved. The black haired man had been transported quickly to the nearest hospital
where visits came one after another. The bartender loathed the fact that people would remember his existence when he had almost died, when the rest of the year he was by himself in his apartment, waking up only to go to work and seeing nobody.
Min-su and Se-mi were the first to meet him in his white hospital outfit, probably because Min-su was too scared to apologise later for giving him the needle or reprisals scared the hell out of him, the dealer probably started to wonder if the bartender had planned to initiate proceedings leading him to ended up like his producer. Se-mi, who was present only to defend her doggy, explained that it wasn’t his fault if Nam-Gyu couldn't handle a new product. She wasn’t in the wrong though.
Then his parents came. He hadn’t seen them in a long time. Both of them were fuck-ass failurs just like him. They had failed their marriage, their family life, everything. They had been separated for some time now but seeing their child in a hospital bed apparently had rekindled the flame. It was something that the black-haired man found absolutely stupid, they would probably break up the next week and his dad would say that “Mi-Nyeon was a crazy bitch and that he should never have married her in the first place”. Fortunately they left quickly since they were so passionate about finding each other again.
He had a text from Jun-Hee asking if it was okay to show up. He almost laughed. she had never recontacted him after finding out she was pregnant as if his fag ass was the one impregnanted her. She came though, the second day of his hospitalisation and he lowkey wanted to see her, he had no hard feelings. She explained that Gyeong-su had called her - that bastard would follow him until he actually died. She was holding her baby tight in her arms, hence the fact that she was way skinnier than he had expected. She was as sweet and bitchy as he could remember and she bragged for some time about how shitty their coworkers had been toward them.
Though the entire time she didn’t offer him to carry the baby. And after a while she left thinking she had successfully kept up the appearance and was relieved to survive that reunion. However it was clear for Nam-Gyu that she felt forced to see him out of pity and he didn’t mind, he couldn’t really blame her for not wanting guys like him in her new life. Gyeong-su came after Jun-hee, the last to arrive, with his handful of junk food. He was probably doing that to get rid of the status of acquaintance, he didn’t mind either. “Thank you Gyeong-su, you are a good friend”
However Nam-Gyu hadn’t heard from Thanos since the night he shot himself up, even the media were starting to wonder where he was, pointing out that no one had seen him for more than a week and his car hadn’t moved from the club’s parking lot. The guy who was constantly partying - nearly every night - and posting over and over on social media had disappeared. Maybe he vanished somewhere, because he was too ashamed to reappear, to tell Nam-Gyu that everything they had was some weird mistake and that he loved his career more than anything in the world so he couldn’t take the risk of being associated with a junkie like him. Not that he actually cared that much about the rapper’s life.
He stayed 4 days at the hospital, and he cried a lot. He cried in frustration in his bed when Thanos wasn’t showing up. He thought that perhaps that guy never really cared. He hated him, oh gosh he hated him. Like the first time he saw him, awakening his hatred like a muscle memory, except this time there were memories attached to it. He hated Thanos and he hated himself for hating him despite all the love still stuck in his heart.
When later he went back home, Se-mi was there too, afraid to have to resuscitate him and stab naloxone in his tight again, and to prevent him from ruining Min-su’s student job. Nam-Gyu bet it was just an excuse for bickering and squatting.
The 6th day after the overdose, Gyeong-su came to his apartment like anyone could waltz into his place as they pleased. His coworker saw he wasn’t alone since the bitchy neighbour was there too. Instead of explaining clearly la raison de sa venue, he didn’t manage to articulate coherent sentences - worst of all, he tried to flirt with Se-mi who had a look of disgust during the entire time. That guy was bad at flirting and would never have a date at this rate. It cheered Nam-Gyu up to mess up with him a bit. It was all funny until he handed him a rehab flyer. It cooled him immediately and in sec everyone was out. He heard through the door Gyeong-su asking Se-mi out while she just grinned at him before opening the 124th door.
That night, he could not sleep, haunted by the longing thought of Thanos’ caress on his body. He was hard but he wasn’t crying like the pathetic man he was, his eyes were too dry for that. He had taken the coldest shower known for a man before grappling the flyer, and had driven to the address when the first rays of sunshine broke through the curtains.
The man wasn’t even sure he really wanted to go to rehab, to purify his soul from what he had hung onto as if his life depended on it. He wasn’t sure he could handle living without drugs. But he wanted to prove to Thanos, to his stupid acquaintances, that he was better than them, probably to show that he could resist while the purple-haired man would suggest to stab a needle in his body because “he never had that kind before”. And he had been given free days off since he was fighting a sickness. He was satisfied. He wasn’t feeling like dealing with loud music, flashing lights and more chicks, Se-mi was already pissing him off enough.
He arrived in front of a huge center far away from cities. If you didn't know it was a rehab center, you'd think it was a hotel or a villa. He took off his helmet and scraped his feet on the bitumen. Deep down he knew that love wasn’t the thing that was going to prevent him from relapsing and weaning drugs off without medical advice had led him to almost die after an umpteenth relapse. However he knew that deep down he didn’t hate Thanos as much as he wanted. He didn't hate the man as much as he had shown for the past days, as much as he wanted to be affected. He was bitter because he missed the man not because he had left while he was being save by his neighbours-enemies, honestly he would have freaked out too and right now he wanted to slap him and hug him and probably fuck him as well.
•••
The facility was not some big scam like he thought it was going to be, it was pretty normal actually. Nam-Gyu only found it weird when he had to sign their big-ass confidentiality clause which sounded like he was some sort of celebrity, but the facility’s appearance gave the impression that he was one.
Most of the patients were old guys, eaten away by addiction, with black teeth or dark circles under their eyes as purple as Thanos’ hair. Some looked cleaner than that, almost fancy despite the casual clothes like a man named Sangwoo. He was some kind of celebrity or business man he had never heard of, but his parents who were about the same age would probably recognise him right away the first time their eyes landed on the man with the glasses. The bartender didn’t know what type of problem the man got, but he had a scary aura that screamed Nam-Gyu not to talk to him, as if he was in prison avoiding the murderers.
The facility wasn’t full of people in their fifties who had failed their life since the day they left the crib, he knew younger guys whose beauty hadn’t been shattered by their actions yet. Mg Coin, an internet celebrity known for bitcoin related stuff, who was treated for a gambling addiction was one of them. But it seemed like he had been dragged off, and he recalled seeing in the news that guy’s trial for some fraud - anyway he was the type of guy who would steal his pregnant girlfriend’s money before ghosting her till the end of her life. He had laughed, his hand hiding his smirke, because of how messy that guy’s life was, before getting caught by the reality of his, but at least he wasn’t there to escape prison.. Worse than having a life almost as bad as the influencer, despite the luxurious aspect of the facility he had to share a room with Mister bitcoin like teenagers in a vacation camp. Some initiative to create bonds between people living the same situation or some other bullshit.
Nam-Gyu could probably harass him enough to obtain investment’ advice and quit his lazy ass job, avoiding fuckup stars like Thanos for the rest of his days. The guy seemed boring, not an ounce of fun was running through his body. Though he was sure if he squinted enough he could perceive Thanos in his place.
The black-haired man was searching for comfort in the companionship of others. In fact it wasn't that he didn’t want friends but rather the fact that no one knew him enough to deserve the title. Gyeong-su deserved it because he cared for his coworker's health, Thanos probably had cared too once. Right now, he just wanted to be loved and within this center everyone was identical, fighting an addiction which eroded you day after day. Nam-Gyu felt more lonely than before and it was a struggle not to think about the pleasure he had had the past year with drugs and sex flowing like water.
His routine had become the same over and over, not changing much from his previous one, besides eating and sleeping he had frequent meetings with other guys like some sort of alcoholic anonymous reunion. He had seen a psychiatrist as well, though he didn’t like to tell her everything. She wasn't like the women from the Pentagon, phony and fawning, she was old and deadly boring. To stir Nam-Gyu’s liking up and in order to make him at ease to communicate, she would explain how her own son had to go through withdrawals, Nam-Gyu honestly didn’t care. Bearing to live without drugs was already hard enough to ramble about it to some old pain in the ass.
He also had a lot of free time, during which he would do his best to avoid the common spaces and deal with the 50 years old rotting men who were a painful reminder of his own appearance, in perhaps 20 or 30 years, if he relapsed again. But curiosity was stronger sometimes than any fear of social interactions with addicts in remission, he had not heard many news from the outside world since the only guy who called him was Gyeong-su that eternal virgin, only to listen to cries about how some chick at the counter make him give her free drinks without giving him the chance to have her number. So maybe 4 days after entering the program, once he was fed up enough by Mg Coin selfishness - the guy was not considerate of his roommate and was taking up their entire room - he gathered his courage and returned to the common area. Surprisingly the old pigs were outside probably playing on the tennis court - because yes the place was that luxurious.
The tv was already on, on a channel that Nam-Gyu reluctantly knew because it was the one Gyeong-su insisted on putting when they would hang out - that dude was too obsessed with rap and should have probably been the one trying rehab.
“Sad news for all the rap fans” He heard the presenter announce. “Yesterday, the up-and-coming star Choi Su-Bong known as the Legend Thanos had declared on social media taking a break for an indefinite time. What caused this sudden stop in his career ? The rapper had only briefly explained “health issues”. But fans aren’t really convinced since people, who had spent time with the rapper weeks before, stated that he was in perfectly good condition to suggest any big problems. Some suspected instead a weakness in the health of Thanos’ mysterious lover. Remember, during the last months Thanos, who had been known for winning the second place in Rap Battlegrounds and later joining a big label allowing him to work with the singer Mi-na, had been subject to dating rumours because…”
It was understandable why people were so insistent on the secret girlfriend thing, Nam-Gyu knew why people thought it was more likely to be true than the opposite : the rapper was a womaniser who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants, but all of a sudden he had appeared keeping it hidden under his ridiculously baggy short, and every kisses and dance in the world couldn't counter that fact. Nam-Gyu’s ears were buzzing nonetheless, he hoped deep down that it was true, not that Thanos was dying from an undiagnosed disease but that he took a break to take care of his mysterious gf. He wished to be her, but the lack of label put on their relationship was eating him away with doubt, Thanos had almost whispered that he loved him, one night under the covers.
“Nam-Gyu, i-” Thanos gazed at the bartender who was looking back. For someone loudly noisy who couldn’t stop talking and was making his own songs, words had been stucking in his throat because of the inexperience, he didn’t know how to express something so new. But they didn’t need words.
“I feel the same way” was all Nam-Gyu had responded, because well yes he loved Thanos, but he couldn’t say it out loud either. Still, that was enough, between them acts counted probably more than words, they were too stupid for that anyway and they didn’t need them to understand the other, it was like their last neurons were intertwined. They kissed after that in a passionate and prolonged way which just felt like them.
“Truth or myth, we wish the legendary Thanos a speedy recovery” the lady on the TV eventually said. It was the last thing the bartender had heard before heading back to his room, giving up on any attempt to watch another channel. He did care about Thanos’ life.
•••
“...Nam-su !!” Someone called him from behind when he was almost there. He turned around immediately when he heard this name. But it wasn’t some cute rapper, instead a woman came to him, she had run after him and almost knocked over the papers she was holding in her hands.
“My apologies for chasing you like that. You are Mr. Jang Nam-su, right ?”
“It’s Nam-Gyu”
“Oh my god, i am so sorry” She looked at the topmost paper in the stack, squinting at the small inscriptions on my admission file. “some writing mistakes, i will change it as soon as i get back to my desk. Anyway, It was to inform you that Mr Lee with whom you were inmates will be changing rooms, so someone new will be sharing that room with you. I wanted to let you know so you don't have to worry about having a new resident in your area.”
She smiled at him before disappearing with her pile of paper. He honestly didn’t gave a fuck, at least the fucker was gone. He saw in front of his door a black-haired man, he was taller than him by at least 5 or 6cm. For less than 2 sec he thought it was Cho Sangwoo because he fitted the description but he turned around hearing Nam-Gyu's feet scraping the floor. Maybe if he hadn’t been in love with him he would have not recognised him. It was Thanos or at least what was left of it. His outfit was too banal for him, no expensive shirts, no chains or crazy jewellery, only his earring was in its place. His colourful nails were flaking. Worst of all, his hair was entirely painted black.
Thanos didn’t care anymore if people knew about his affair with Nam-Gyu. Thanos' career was currently revolving around dating rumours that would probably never stop anyway. If he didn’t want people to know about them in the first place it was because it's none of their business, not because he wanted to cultivate this fuckboy image nor because he was afraid people would discover that he also likes dicks. That goes without saying, Thanos liked fucking probably even more than drugs, regardless of the gender. He would go for anything if it gives him enough pleasure to want to try it again. So he had left, saying goodbye to music gigs and the pressure of writing songs.
But just in case, he had underdressed and dyed his hair darker to be as unnoticed as possible. But Nam-Gyu had noticed him. He had stopped moving, frozen in place when he saw the other man. He didn't know how to react and without wanting to, his mouth was gaping. Yes he was back, so what ? Nam-Gyu had to fight the urge of putting his lips against his.
“What’s upp my friendd”
“Hyung what the-” Most importantly than touching him to know if he was real or a hallucination due to the drug withdrawals, he needed answers, apologies, something more to hold onto than him showing up in his rehab center. “What the fuck are you doing here”
It was pretty oblivious, but the bartender wanted to hear it from him, to show that in his messy looking apartment he thought about the other man. “Duh, you are not the only one with an addiction”
Oh, well yes he was aware, but he thought that perhaps …perhaps, Thanos was here for him. Nam-Gyu held his hand to prevent them from shaking and his eyes were avoiding the rapper’s direction as if the positive affirmations’ poster was the most gripping thing here.
“Ohhh, you wanted me to only care about you Nam-su” the bartender could feel in the voice of the other man that he was smiling. He had changed clothes and hair but he was being just as childish as before.
Nam-Gyu was raging mad,what he believed to be some cutie sweetie moment coming straight out of a movie was just full of shit. “Maybe, but what about the fact that you abandon me, or the fact that you don’t care about my life or the one that it's a bit late to check on me ? And even now you are acting stupid. Just go fuck yourself Su-bong” He responded so loud that the old men on the tennis court could have heard him. His anger had fed him, he was more alive than the Nam-Gyu who was gagging in front of the TV an hour ago. He pushed the previously purple haired-man with a shoulder nudge in order to access his room.
But Thanos wrapped his arms around the other man’s back, with a strong grip to prevent Nam-Gyu from disappearing into his room. The latter loved physical contact, but right now it was burning him, he felt like he was loving that too much and it disgusted him. He tried to free himself from the other man’s grip, but without success, and Nam-gyu’s eyes were beginning to sting. He was embarrassed to make a scene like that and then being hugged in the middle of the white corridor of the center even though it was completely empty. His hands swallowed by his long sleeves were hiding his ashamed face as he accepted the touch. “I'm sorry, I was just messing with you. Yes I am here to see my Nam-su” Thanos said more quietly while kissing the other man’s neck and holding him tight. It was unusual to see the rapper so affectionate in public with the bartender, but he let it happen.
“I guess you can enter.” Nam-Gyu eventually declared after staying a few minutes in his embrace, remembering the smell and the arms of his last lover. He missed him.
•••
Namgyu was weaker than he thought. He couldn’t resist some handsome boy kissing him, especially when it was Thanos. He wanted to punch him and then lick his face covered with blood as gently as possible, to touch every part of his body, scratching them, and hurting him with pleasure or pain. Thanos entered the room right after him but the bartender made sure to be as far away as possible. The rapper inspected the room, scanning every nook and cranny with his eyes before fixing them on Nam-gyu again. The latter was calmer than he was in the hallway, he even looked down, carefully putting strings of hair behind his ears and unable to look at the now black-haired man.
“So how the fuck did you know i was here ?” He said, then he continued to speak but in his mouth but was understandable enough to get a response. “I bet it was this motherfucker of Gyeong-su, again” He didn’t even hate Gyeong-su that much, he was more like a friend than anyone in his life even despite how dumb he could be, revealing the other man's address to his idol. In fact, the bartender should think about thanking him for bridging back the rapper every time, like a carrier pigeon or a cherub with his bow and arrows.
“Ehhhh, kind of. I was the one asking him to give you the flyer" The rapper chuckled.
“What?”
And so Thanos explained the subterfuge not without making jokes and acting like he always did, drugs or not. He was the one paying for Nam-Gyu’s treatment here, in that rehab center for Elites. He had searched for that kind of facility, away from curious journalists so that they can be together without being disrupted, mainly asking other stars he knew with addiction problems. When people had got too suspicious he would claim he wanted to get better spiritually instead of failing to control his sexual desires. It was a white lie, he missed Nam-Gyu and his hot body pressed against his, but it was less reprehensible than being a fat-ass junkie. Everything he did was to ease the pain he thought he had caused, but the bartender wasn’t angry anymore, he could never be angry at Thanos for a long time. Not after knowing he bribed his coworker - and new friend - to be the one suggesting the center so that he could get proper treatment. Thanos thought that perhaps if the man knew whose idea it was, he would give it up out of pride, in order to do nothing that was directly or indirectly related to the rapper, thus ignoring the treatment he deserved.
So yes Thanos had been a coward. But he hadn’t been afraid to come back into Nam-Gyu's life, living everything to stay. He wasn’t ashamed of his past like Jun-Hee. Thanos had loved him, despite the toxicity, the ugliness in the bartender’s body that his parents had never been able to bear in each other and which had caused them to separate a million times. Nam-Gyu thought about how that bastard was scoring points, moving up to the top of his imaginary list.
“I wonder,” Nam-Gyu simply said once the monologue of explanation was over, he was now sat on his bed gazing at Thanos “I knew that Gyeong-su was a big fan of your works so i wasn’t really surprise that the fucker would obey. But you said he accepted the bribe. So what did you give him then ?”
“I gave him something no man could say no to. A date with a senorita.”
“He gave you my privacy, my entire bloodline, my life for a chick ? Once I'm back at the Pentagon I might have to beat his ass” He runned a hand over his face completely hopeless.
“My boy got a date with Mi-na” Thanos added, moving his hands as he was talking, with a smile.
“No way she said yes”
“She was surprisingly okay, I guess senoritas like her love to be entertained. At best they actually get together. At worst, she will have had a good laugh and he will be so traumatized by rap that he will wean himself off it.“ He had an even bigger big smile on his face. His arms were now in the hair like he had presented some magic trick, even sober the man was a weirdo “Nahh, i’m just kidding i told her he was some super rich guy and i lent him my car. But honestly, it’s not like I've pushed him into a hole, leading him to his death… My boy will be fine”
Nam-gyu was gagged by the honesty, he laughed so hard he almost choked on his saliva. After coughing for a bit, with Thanos’ hand hitting his back, he asked : “Are you also the one who got rid of Myung-gi ?”
“No, it was just a happy coincidence, we should thank the amazing Myung-gi for reuniting us” He jumped on Nam-Gyu, who found himself pinned against the bed, covered with sloppy kissing on purpose.
So Thanos had settled down, brigging in his bag - in spite of the newly casual look - tons of expansive flashy shirts and sweaters which would end up worn by Nam-Gyu, not fighting the cheesy boyfriend allegations even after Thanos pointed out that it was hella gay. He lowkey liked seeing the man wearing his clothes, and especially taking them off. The latter had pushed the two beds together and the other patients could only hope that the walls were thick enough to survive a month of weaning with those two horny fuckers.
One night, it was late and Nam-Gyu’s head was full of thoughts. Thanos was laying on him, covering his naked body with his as the bartender caressed his tattooed back.
“Su-bong ?”
“Hmm ?” Thanos groans almost sleepily, his head tucked into the crook of Nam-gyu’s neck.
“There is a tennis court and I'm like a hundred percent sure you could ask for illimited steaks, ribs and wine every night. I saw some of the pigs doing it…How could you even afford two therapies here ?”
“Huhh, I'm definitely indebted. That’s fine though, i could, i don’t know.. sell a kidney or make music until my vocal cords break ? Or like, you probably have hair long enough to be introduced to the public as my ‘secret girlfriend’. I’m gonna exploit the rumors, they will never see that ‘she’ is actually my Nam-Su” He proudly said, his chin resting against Nam-Gyu's chest and looking straight into his eyes.
“Oh shut up” the other man responded, pinching his back before sticking even closer to his body.
Probably, in the future Nam-su and Thanos-su had a routine together. They would wake up late, 5pm, because Nam-Gyu worked at a club and Thanos was squatting at said-club, so they came late at night. When they would come back, fatigue would knock them up immediately for at least 10 hours. Sometimes more, sometimes less, because they would fuck likewild animals the previous night. But in that future Nam-Gyu never had to wake up early again because drugs weren't in the equation anymore, only love, his bratty attitude and some scribbling on a receipt forgotten on a messy table.
Notes:
This is the end !! I enjoyed writing it so much, searching for informations about drugs -opioïdes for Nam-GYu at the end, overdose symptoms or rehab. I would like to thanks once again my beta reader Alice, who had been a wonderful help :)
Also If you are considering quitting drugs, please seek for medical care instead of doing it alone, it can be dangerous. And remember, stay safe !!--> If you enjoyed the fic, feel free to leave a kudos or even a comments !! Bye <33
darlean on Chapter 1 Thu 28 Aug 2025 11:16AM UTC
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Virgul_e on Chapter 1 Thu 28 Aug 2025 11:34AM UTC
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Four234 on Chapter 1 Fri 05 Sep 2025 06:55PM UTC
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Virgul_e on Chapter 1 Fri 05 Sep 2025 07:49PM UTC
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