Chapter Text
Malcolm's pov:
I was just sitting in my bedroom listening to music and reading a book. But then I started coughing. Like for a whole 2 minutes straight. It's been going on for like a week now. And it's only getting worse. I thought I got a cold. But I was so so wrong.
I've never been close with my parents. I normally just stay in my room. My step mother doesn't like me and my dad often has work trips and he doesn't like me either so it doesn't matter. I almost never talk to them unless I need them to sign something for school. I have like no friends at school. I just have Nico and Annabeth. I'm quite close with Nico but Annabeth has her group of friends and a boyfriend. Nico also won't stop talking about this guy. His name is Will if you're wondering.
I feel like he'll leave me too once he gets together with Will. Though I doubt they will considering how dense they both are. I'm just hoping that it'll all work out. Also Conner, Conner Stoll. I don't know whether I love him or hate him. Cause on one hand he's funny, kind, always knows how to lighten the mood and he's cute which is a bonus. But then again he's not mine. And he also loves to prank and annoy me.
My phone went off. I picked it up. It's probably Nico renting about what Will did or something.
Nico ☠️
Nico ☠️:
Oh my gosh!!!! Help!!! Will asked me to hangout with him later. I'm panicking. What do I do???
Malcolm ☆:
Gosh. Chill out. Also idk? Say yes or something? Do what you want he's Your crush. Just try not to embarrass yourself then come to me after with your problems.
Nico ☠️:
Why are you never helpful. Tho your prob right. I need to text him back Brb <3
Malcolm ☆:
Ok. Just so yk you're really annoying.
Nico ☠️:
You're just as bad you're like "oh Conner is so annoying but I also love him so much" like hello?? Do you love or hate the guy??
Malcolm ☆:
Tbh both. Also you're the same with Will. So you can't be saying anything.
Nico ☠️:
Hey!! At least I try to talk to him. All you do is stare at him from afar. You're such a hopeless romantic
Malcolm ☆:
Stfu!! I hate you. I'm just going to go back to reading my book. Lmk how the hangout with Will goes tmr. Byee
Nico ☠️:
.. k I'll maybe tell you. And bye (I totally haven't forgot to text Will back)
I sighed. Nico is like my best friend and probably my only friend. Annabeth is more of a family friend. Her dad knows my dad that's how we even became friends in the first place. Wow I really need to actually talk to people more. Oh well. I'll think about this tomorrow. I picked up 'radio silence' by Alice Oseman. And continued reading it. It's a really good book. And it's by my favorite author. Which makes it even better.
I started coughing again. I coughed up flower petals. More specifically Aster flower petals. That's how I knew I've got it. Hanahaki. I've got the Hanahaki disease. I had 4 - 5 months at best. I don't know what to do. But I know I should find so cough drops though.
I walked into my kitchen. "Uh.. hey? Do you have any cough drops?" I asked my step mother. "No we don't. No one is sick why would we have any?" She replied. "If you need them go buy it yourself." I sighed and walked back up to my room
Nico ☠️
Malcolm☆:
Hey.. ik this is like super random but do you have any cough drops? My step mother told me to buy it myself except I don't have any money. They never give me allowance.
Nico ☠️:
Dam.. and yea I do. Do you need them now?
Malcolm☆:
If I could have it now I'd appreciate it but it's fine if I can't.
Nico ☠️:
I mean I'm with Will rn. So like come over to my house in like an hour.
Malcolm☆:
Ok. Thanks a lot.
Nico ☠️:
Yeah ofc you're my best friend. Also do you wanna stay over at my house?
Malcolm☆:
Yeah. Thanks again. Now go back to talking to your future bf.
Nico ☠️:
.. I hate you byee.
Honestly another reason I'm closer with Nico it's cause he never questions me if I ask for something. As long as it's reasonable. Annabeth always asks follow up questions. I personally don't think I want to tell anyone yet. Or ever honestly. I think there's surgery to get it removed but I love him too much. I'll love him even if i die from it. I always said that I don't understand love. And maybe because no one does.
I always thought I could never love. But that was before Conner came along. I don't even know how I fell for him. He's literally the opposite of me. He's one of the popular guys in my grade. And well me and Nico are the 'outcasts'. He's loud and talkative while I'm quiet and almost never talk to anyone. Well besides Nico and Annabeth.
Chapter 2
Notes:
!!!!! FYI this is a week before Malcolm's pov in chapter 1!!!!!
Also yes there'll be swearing in this chapter and the rest of the story too. If you don't like it I suggest you stop reading cause there's gonna be quite a lot.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Conner's pov:
Ok. I might be considered a prankster or a trouble maker by most. But truth is my brother wants it to happen and makes it happen. I just give him the ideas. Sure I know not much better. But school's boring we need something to at least make it tolerable. Being ADHD and dyslexic doesn't help either.
Oh and I'm Conner Stoll!
"Conner what are you thinking about?" Travis, my older brother snapped his fingers in my face. "None of your business." I retorted. He just rolled his eyes at me. "Conner, when are you gonna finally get a boyfriend or girlfriend?" Cecil decided to annoy me about the fact I'm the only single person in put friend group. "We all have a partner." Then Julia and Alice decided to speak up. (They're twins in this AU btw) "But me and Alice aren't in a relationship?" Julia replied to Cecil. "So? Conner should get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Also I don't think we count since we're only Freshman." Alice also decide to butt into the conversation.
"What about Mitchell? I heard he likes you. Maybe you guys would be cute together." Drew said. She might seem like a bitch to most people but she's actually really nice. You just need to get to know her. "You guys should leave Conner alone about his love life." Katie Grander came over and kissed Travis on the cheek.
"But it's fun to tease him about be single when literally everyone here has a boyfriend or girlfriend." Travis responded. I just rolled my eyes. "Fine. I'll get to know him and if I do end up liking him back then maybe I'll date him." I got up and walked over to Mitchell's table which included Lacy, Clovis and Lavinia. (There's more ppl I want in Mitchell's friend group but I literally can't remember their names help!!!)
"Hey." I waved. Mitchell instantly looked away from me. His friends just chuckled. "H-hey." He stammered. I smiled. "Hi, mind if I sit here?" I asked. "Sure, we don't mind." Lacy replied almost instantly.
I sat down and just talked a bit with Mitchell and Lavinia. I started sitting here more often. It might or might not be because I was kinda falling for Mitchell. Anyway I got put in a group project with this guy called Malcolm? I think that's his name. I'm pretty sure he's smart. It's a science project so I'm pretty much useless. Something about observing a plant.
Malcolm's pov:
"Hey, what's got you all smiley?" Nico was sitting under a tree. That's our hangout spot. It helps to avoid bullies. Okay, mostly my bullies. Nico is Jason's cousin. Jason is like really popular so no one really messes with him. Or any of his friends/ relatives. I snapped back to reality when Nico smacked me upside the head. "Ow! Also it might or might not be because I got paired with Conner Stoll for a group project in science. We're doing an observation on how a plant grows over the course of a month." I smiled brightly. Nico chuckled. "Ok. Well sit down before they see you and try to force you to do their homework again." He said, pulling me to sit next to him.
I sat down taking my sandwich out of my bag. We ate and sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Nico might seem really harsh or cold to most people but he's honestly really nice and just needs someone to talk and understand him. Oh we're also close friends with Leo Valdez but he has a boyfriend and he normally sits with him and their friends. Also his boyfriend is Nico's cousin, Jason.
"Hey!" I looked up to see Leo waving excitedly at us. I quickly gestured for him to sit down hoping the bullies wouldn't notice him waving at us. Leo ran over and sat next to me. "Sup." He grinned. I smiled slightly. "You idiot." I smacked him upside the head. "You could've gotten us, well more specifically me caught by the bullies you dumbass." I raised my voice but made sure not to speak too loud so they wouldn't hear us. "Sorry, sorry." He quickly apologized. Nico raised his head. "It's fine. Also how's Jase?" Leo smiled. "He's great. Oh and he's asking why you never sit with him at lunch. He's worried that you're lonely."
"I'm fine. I have Mal so I'm not really lonely." I smiled. "You know if you wanna sit with your cousin, that's fine right?" I asked. "Yeah I know. But I like really don't wanna spend too much time with Sunshine cause I feel like I'm gonna fuck up our friendship somehow. Also I literally start blushing every time I even look in his direction." I laughed. "Seriously? I swear all I hear when I sit with him is how 'oh does Nico hate me? Why does he always runs away from me when I try to talk to him.' Like I literally wanna run up to him and say what the fuck do you mean? He's been talking about you non stop for the last 6 months!!!" Leo complained.
"Shut up!!" Nico hit Leo on the arm. I just laughed. "Anyway how's it going with your crush huh?" Leo turned to me. "I don't think it's just a crush anymore at this point. You're literally just so in love with him I swear. All I hear everyday at lunch is 'oh he's so cute.' 'I wanna go talk to him but what if he thinks I'm weird.' Like just shut the fuck up and go talk to him." Nico shouted.
"Shhh." I hissed. "I don't need them to figure out I'm here." They both nodded and apologized. "Also you should do something about your crush. Apparently he like Mitchell. And if you didn't know Mitchell definitely likes him back." Leo whispered. "Hey Leo." We looked up to see Jason walking towards us. I waved at him and went back to reading my book. "So this is where you always sit. Why don't you just sit in the canteen with us?" Jason asked Nico. "None of your business. Also don't come find me." Jason sighed and walked off with Leo. "Isn't that a bit mean?" Nico turned to look at me. "He's used to it. And he knows I don't really like Percy much so he doesn't try to push it." I just nodded and went back to reading my book.
The bell rang and I walked to my next class which is math. I personally don't enjoy maths much but it's not too bad. I only have a few classes with Nico which is sad but it's okay cause I have a lot of classes with Conner. And yes it might just be more than a crush. I would honestly do anything to actually have a reason to talk to him but I mostly don't. So I don't talk to him.
Maths is only not too bad because I actually get to talk to him since I sit next to him in Maths. I sat down in my sit and read my book till I heard someone sitting down next to me. "Hey." I looked up from my book to see Conner grinning like an idiot at me. I blushed. "Um.. hi."
Oh my gosh!!! Malcolm why are you so stupid??? You should've at least try to say something else. Ugh!! Why can't I just talk normally with him? Or to anyone in fact. I literally always stutter when I talk with strangers. Oh well too late to fix the problem now. I just turned away from him and looked back down. I continued reading till the teacher came in and asked for silence.
Notes:
Yes. I'm sorry. I know this chapter is horrible and I apologize for that
I also forgot to mention that Leo, Nico and Malcolm are like best friends in this AU. Though Nico and Malcolm are closer. They all used to be a trio before Leo started dating Jason. But Leo will sometimes just go sit with them and tell them all the gossip in school cause both Nico and Malcolm are like the most antisocial ppl ever. And yes Malcolm doesn't really like maths. His fav subject is English. But Malcolm is quite good at Maths. Also yes I want there to be bullies. They're often mentioned but they don't actually appear a lot. Maybe in like 3 chapters or so.
Yes the bullies are scared of Nico bc he's quite strong even if he's short. Also bc Jason scares them so they don't mess with Nico.
Also the chapters will start to get very angsty soon lol. Also I'm bad at writing social interactions cause I'm really bad at socializing. Sryyy!!!
I tried my best with this chapter.
I hope you're doing well!! (better then me anyway) And thx for reading this. Have a good day/ night.
(Also go to sleep if you're reading this past midnight!!)
Words in chapter - 1329
Chapter Text
Malcolm's pov:
I just watched. I knew I fell in love with him. But he didn't love me back and I had to accept it. I had to accept that I'm dying. That love was my cause of death. I love him so much but he doesn't. This is why I said I never wanted to fall in love. Love is probably the most deadly curse of all. I hated loving. Loving someone so much that it hurt. Loving someone till you die from it. I wanted to say I hate him for causing me this pain. But it wasn't his fault. It was mine. For falling in love with him. For even looking in his direction.
He deserves better anyway but it still hurts. Like a knife being stabbed right though my heart. I knew I should probably tell someone. But I don't want their pity or comfort. I just want him. For him to love me like I love him.
Sure surgery was an option but I would probably need parental consent. Even if not I'd still need money. Which I do not have. And no matter if I did. I would never. I'd rather die loving him than to not love at all. He's my only love. Always and forever. Till death and beyond.
I hated the fact I loved him so much that it's gonna be the death of me. I wanted to hate him but I couldn't. I wanted to him to love me like I do. To hug and comfort me while I cried. To whisper sweet nothings in my ear when I'm sad. But at last his love isn't mine but someone else's. I love him but he doesn't love me.
I had to take cough drops every few hours to make sure I wasn't violently coughing during class. I tried my best to not cough up any flower petals. No one needed to know. It didn't work well. I started coughing in the middle of my maths class. And the teacher had Conner of all people take me to the nurse.
The nurse didn't do shit. She just gave me some cough medicine and told me to rest here for the rest of the class. Conner stayed with me which gave me so many butterflies in my stomach. He ran his hands through my hair while I sat reading a book. (as usual) I kept a straight face but I was about to start screaming. Stop making me fall for you more. I will never get over you at this point. He's actually gonna be the death of me. "Hey. Malcolm was it?" I nodded. He smiled. "You're the guy I'm doing the science project with." I started coughing again. "Sorry. And yeah I am. Also if you don't want to do anything for the project just say now so I wouldn't be waiting for you to do your part." He stared at me like I spoke another language. "Do other people do that when they do a group project with you? Also no, of course I'll help. Just tell me what I need to do." I smiled. "Yeah they do that. Well maybe besides my friends but I'm not in many classes with them." I shrugged.
"Dam. That's sad. Who are your friends?" He asked curious. "Nico di Angelo, Leo Valdez and Annabeth Chase." I replied. "Oh I know Leo. He's fucking smart. I always ask him for help with my maths and science homework. Also isn't Nico known for being an outcast or something." I glared at him. "I don't mean like I think that. Just like 90% of the school does. I always thought he looked kinda cool." He raised his hands in defense. I smiled. "I know the school does. He kept getting into fights for me. But I really need to learn how to defend myself." He laughed. And by the gods do I love his laugh. I bet I was blushing like a tomato at this point.
"He must be a good friend. Anyway if you ever get lonely feel free to sit with me and my friends at lunch. We don't mind." He rumbled on. "Oh my god you should meet my boyfriend. His name is Mitchell, I think you know him." He was right. I did know Mitchell. Why wouldn't I? The boy who stole Conner's heart. I was jealous of him sure, but Mitchell was generally a good person. And who am I to say Conner's deserves any less than that? He deserves someone who isn't an outcast and has like 3 friends. He deserves better than me and I'll be the one to say it, he does. He's kind, caring and funny. He's also adorable. And well I'm just me. A loser outcast who gets his friends into fights.
I just nodded knowing if Mitchell was there. There was absolutely no way I was gonna sit at the same table with him. I was jealous but not a shitty person so I wouldn't try and ruin their relationship. Even if I die loving him because he could never return my feelings.
The bell rang. I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you for putting me out of my misery.
Conner's pov:
I don't understand why I wanted to talk to Malcolm more. The way he talked down on himself made my heart hurt. Like I wanted to hug and reassure him over and over again. But I had Mitchell. So why do I feel like this? I shouldn't be feeling this for Malcolm.
I was still deep in thought till Mitchell came up to me. "Hey Con." I faked a smile and gave him a quick peck on the lips. I don't know why but it just felt wrong. Like our whole relationship was fake. Mitchell sat at my lunch table now. Which was great but I don't think I can ever see him more than a friend. But I also don't wanna break his heart. I really need to find someone to talk to. Maybe Nico? No he'll probably tell Malcolm everything. Also he's scary as fuck.
"Hey, Connie. Were you listening to us?" Travis, my older brother (aka the most annoying person in the world) snapped his fingers in my face. I looked up. "Huh? What? Also don't call me Connie." I asked confused. "Oh my gosh! Can't you listen to us for once?" Alice said dramatically. "Ok well it's not hard to repeat what you just said. Is it?" I replied.
Julia just rolled her eyes at me. "We were talking about going to hangout somewhere this weekend. Are you busy?" I shook my head. "Nope. Nothing planned." Alice smiled. "Great so I was thinking about going to the mall and going shopping or we could just hang out at the playground we always meet at?" I nodded along. "Sure. I don't mind. But I'm not paying for anything though." Drew laughed. "If we're going to the mall I'll pay. Don't worry." I smiled. "Ok good. Cause I'm kinda broke right now."
Travis laughed. "I know baby brother." I hit him on the arm. "Hey! I'm only one year younger than you." Everyone just started laughing and I did too. But I still can't seem to get Malcolm out of my mind.
Nico's pov:
Oh my god! What did Conner do to Malcolm? He's my best friend so I know something is wrong. But he won't tell me. He looked so heartbroken. I wanted to ask him but I didn't want to make him more upset than he already is.
"Hey." I looked up to see Leo sitting next to me. "Uh hi. What's up?" His smile dropped. "It's about Mal. Conner is dating Mitchell. Also I think he has Hanahaki. Well I'm not sure it's him but I saw bloody flower petals in the trash can. And it lines up." I stared at him. "WHAT?" I shouted. "Shh." He whispered. "We should try and talk to him. Also don't tell him I said anything. He doesn't want to worry us." I stared at him in shock. "So I'm just supposed to say nothing while one of my BEST FRIEND IS DYING??" I shouted the last part. "Nico please. He'll deny it even if you try to talk to him. Also we can talk to Jay. I think he knows Conner." He looked at me pleading.
I sighed. "Fine. Let's go find Jase." We walked off to find Jason.
Malcolm's pov:
They don't know I overheard their conversation. They know. Oh shit!! THEY KNOW!!! They shouldn't know this. Shit. I sat behind a tree while I silently cried. Conner can't know. What if they tell him. I used my hand to cover my mouth hoping no one can hear my sobs.
Notes:
And that's it for this chapter. I'm hoping to finish this story with at least 10 chapters. If not more. Also I know some of the stuff in the story doesn't really add up. And I'm sryy for that. I tried. Btw quick summary - Conner is starting to fall out of love with Mitchell. They won't break up for at least another 2 - 3 chapters. Might also get Mitchell to date Clovis. (Pls tell me I didn't spell his name wrong) Malcolm is falling even harder for Conner. So the Hanahaki is starting to progress faster. Also you'll see lots of Conner and Malcolm interactions cause I love them :D
And there's gonna be more Malcolm angst!! I love him tho
Thx for reading my shitty story. Have a good day/ night <3
Words in chapter - 1466
Chapter Text
Conner's pov:
I just got home from hanging out with my friends. I also just realized that I forgot to get Malcolm's number so we can do the project together. Oh well I'll have to ask him on Monday. He sits next to me in Maths with is first period. I'll ask him then.
"Hey, Con! I'm going to stay at Katie's house for tonight." Travis yelled from downstairs. "Cool. See you tomorrow morning." I shouted back. I heard the door slam shut. I continued to lay in my bed trying to stop thinking about Malcolm. Somehow he's the only thing I can think of recently. I should probably break it off with Mitchell. I can't really think of him as more than a good friend. And I feel bad about that. I'm just hoping that he'll take it well. Though I can't blame him if he doesn't.
I sighed giving up and going to scroll on my phone.
Malcolm's pov:
I wanted to pretend I was fine but I really wasn't. I might as well get beaten to death by my bullies and it'd be less painful than this. I could barely sleep with me coughing up flower petals and the nightmares.
My chest hurts. I already knew why but when I thought about it. It only makes it worse. I love him so, so much yet he could never love me the same. I've already fallen too deep to go back. I can't get rid of these feelings even if I tried. It feels like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. I'm not okay but I will never actually admit that. My phone dinged. I grabbed it to see who was texting me.
Nico ☠️
Nico ☠️:
Hey can we talk
Malcolm ☆:
Yeah sure what's up?
Nico ☠️:
Mal pls talk to us we know you're not ok
Malcolm ☆:
You know don't you? You figured it out
Nico ☠️:
Yes we know I'm sorry we didn't talk to you first but it's true isn't it
Malcolm ☆:
Yeah it's true and I didn't tell cause I didn't want to worry you guys
Nico ☠️:
I know but pls just talk to us about it can we call?
I called him and he picked up immediately. "Hey." I coughed again. "How long has it been going on?" Nico yelled into the speaker. I flinched. "Please don't be so loud. And like a week and a half ?" I replied.
I touched my cheek only to realize that I was crying. "Can you come over or do you want us to?" Leo asked into the phone. Wait Leo!? "L-Leo?" I asked. "Hey so can you like answer my question?" I took a breath. "I'll come over. My stepmom's home." I replied. "Alright just hurry up please." Nico told me.
I quickly got changed. I wore a grey hoodie and some jeans. I grabbed my phone and took some cough drops before leaving my house. I quietly closed the door as I left knowing my stepmom wouldn't notice if I didn't come home. Maybe I'll go to a pretty flower field if and when I die. Surrounded by Aster flowers, a reminder that love isn't always sweet. That love can be the light of someone's life yet the death of someone else's.
Okay maybe I shouldn't be thinking all too negatively considering I won't live anyway so I should really try my best to at least spend my days doing what I love. Though dying in a field of Aster flowers to remind me of him would be great. He hurt me but it's only me I can blame. Not him, not anyone. Only me...
I looked up just in time to not bump into a wall. I sighed. Okay maybe actually pay attention to where I'm going. By the time I arrived to Nico's house it was 5 pm. I rang the doorbell to his house. "Hey." Nico tried to smile but he wanted very successful. "Mal!" Leo ran up and tackled me in a hug which I didn't even know was possible considering our height difference.
"Okay come in we actually have to talk. Uh Will and Jason might be here so if you want we can go to my room." I nodded. "Yeah that's probably a good idea. I don't want them to know. You told Jason though. Didn't you?" I asked. "No we didn't both Will and Jason doesn't know anything. Only we do I promise." Nico reassured me.
"Okay let's go then." I followed them inside and to Nico's room. We sat down in a kind of circle. "Is it Conner?" Nico asked as soon as we sat down. I nodded. He sighed and hugged me. That's when I broke down crying into his shoulder. "I-I love him s-so much. W-why can't h-he just l-love me the same?" I sobbed into Nico's shoulder.
"Hey." He pushed me away from his shoulder. "He's just a boy you'll get over it." Leo said. I shook my head. "I-if he's just a boy then why is my love for him going to be the death of me?" Nico shot Leo a glare. "Not helping and we told you that when you cried over Jason. And you said it was bullshit." That seemed to shut him up real quick. "There's stuff we can do about this but do you want to get rid of your feelings for him. Cause I know you and if you don't there's no point even trying." I shook my head again. "N-no... I'd rather die loving him than no one at all." I started coughing again and coughed up blood covered flower buds and petals.
"Shit!" Nico ran down the stairs probably to get me more cough drops. "This was way worse then I thought it would be. Flower buds? Malcolm it's been like 2 weeks." Nico exclaimed once he came back upstairs. The pain in my lungs felt like there were thorns stabbing them.
"Here eat the cough drops." Nico quickly handed me the medicine. I nodded before eating the medicine. "T-thanks." I replied my voice hoarse. Leo handed me some water. "Drink it you idiot." I laughed but ended up just coughing again and coughed up more flower petals. I drank the water feeling a bit better.
"Just be careful around him, if you don't want him to know." Nico hugged me again. "So can we stay the night?" Leo asked with a small smile. "Yeah sure. My dad and stepmom are on a business trip for the weekend." Nico replied.
Notes:
Also any feedback or suggestions on my writing is welcome. Thank you!!!
Have a good day/ night <33
Words - 1086
Chapter Text
Conner's pov:
"Hey Con." I turned around to see Mitchell. "Can we hang out?" I nodded. "Yeah let me just get our friend group." I was about to walk away before he grabbed my wrist. "Conner." He looked at me with a serious expression that I haven't seen before. "I meant just us like a date." I blinked a few times. "Ohh. Yeah sure where do you wanna go?"
He smiled. "Maybe the park for like a picnic?" He suggested. I just nodded. "Yeah sure." He frowned. "Aren't you excited? It's like our first date since we started dating." I tried to smile. "Yeah I'm just tired sorry." He nodded sympathetically. "Yeah I didn't get much sleep either."
The second I got home I just laid down on my bed. I was so tired. I don't even know why. It feels like everything and everyone is just too much. Like I'm kinda just there? I don't know anymore. I love Mitchell but then again I don't. What is even wrong with me?
I absolutely don't have the heart to break up with him. He seems so happy. But I don't like him like that. Everything feels like it's going down hill and fast too. It's not even like I have anyone to talk to. Wait actually I just might. Ok never mind. I'll just burden him. He doesn't need anymore burden than he already has. I mean he's pretty though... I feel like he would get it. But why? I can't even talk to my own brother about this. I also just realized I still haven't gotten his phone number. Fuck. Oh well. I'll try to remember to ask tomorrow.
I sighed and picked up my phone to see Mitchell asking if he can come over. I knew I didn't want him to but I didn't want to upset him so I agreed. He was here in like 10 minutes. "Conner." I smiled though the smile didn't quite reached my eyes. "Hey come in." I lead Mitchell to the living room.
I barely got any sleep again and I was way too tired to listen to my teachers. "Hey, you okay? You seem more tired than usual." I rubbed my eyes to see Malcolm with a look of concern on his face. "Yeah just didn't get much sleep." I replied. Which wasn't exactly the truth but it wasn't a lie either. He patted my head. "Anyway can I get your number? We really need to actually do the project." I nodded and wrote my number out on Malcolm's hand.
"Just text me later. I honestly don't know what the project is even about but just tell me which part you want me to do." He nodded before he started coughing again. "You seem to coughing a lot, do you have a cold or something?" He shook his head. "It's non of your concern. I'm fine though I promise." He smiled and I felt myself genuinely smile for the first time in weeks.
I hid in the bathroom at lunch. I couldn't get myself to go out there and actually talk to people. But I hate peace and quiet. Cause that means I'm left alone. Just me and the voices in my head. They're telling me that I shouldn't even exist which is fair in all honesty. I'm a horrible boyfriend to Mitchell. I'm a horrible person for even thinking of liking someone else when I'm still in a relationship. What am I doing wrong? I feel like everything is just telling me that it'd be easier if I'm dead. If I don't have to exist. No one would care. They probably wouldn't even realize.
I cried. I don't know what I was doing anymore. I feel like the world's weight has been put on my shoulders and I can't keep doing this. Whatever this even is anymore. My arm was bleeding from the glass shards. I was tempted to just take one of bigger glass shards and just end it.
I don't even know what I was thinking when I grabbed my sharp pocket knife from my pocket and put the blade to my arm. 1 cut, 2 cut, 3... I dropped the knife once I realized what I had done. I collapsed to the floor sobbing in my hand so my cries were muffled.
No.. I didn't just do that. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal and happy like everyone else. It's not fair. Why? "C-Conner?" I looked up to see Malcolm of all people to be standing there. "I-I didn't m-mean to." I whispered not sure if I was telling him or me that.
"No one does, okay?" He spoke to me gently. He hugged me and helped me up from the ground. "Come on. We need to get those cuts bandaged up." He took me to the nurse's office and grabbed some bandages from the cabinet and started to bandage my cuts. He talk to me about the project and everything but nothing at the same time. I smiled and just told him about life and tried to ask about his friends. Which just ended up being him renting about how Nico thinks Will doesn't like him when it's as clear as day Will does like him back.
I just smiled and laughed with him. He made me feel safe. I haven't felt like this in years other than around my brother. Maybe I should talk to him more. The bell rang to signal the end of lunch. I walked with him to our next class. Which was science. I sat next to him cause we had to work on the project. We weren't at all productive. We just argued with each other the whole time but by the end of the class I almost completely forgot what I did earlier at lunch.
Malcolm's pov:
God! When I didn't see him where he normally sits at lunch I decided to see if he was in the bathroom. Which he was. He scared me.. I made sure to send that lunch time with him. I knew I shouldn't have. I was only gonna fall in love with him more but I wasn't gonna let him hurt himself. I'd die for him a thousand times over if it meant he was happy. And I'd come back to life a thousand times more if it meant I could be with him. But at last, his heart doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Mitchell and nobody else. He will never be mine.. all of these thoughts ran through my head as I was coughing up more flower buds and petals which were covered in blood.
Notes:
Thanks for reading my bullshit and have a good day/ night <3
Words in chapter - 1116
Chapter Text
Malcolm's pov:
I rented to Nico about Conner basically every lunch. And every 2 or 3 days Leo would give me updates on Conner. It doesn't make me feel any better but I'm glad they're trying to help. I've been coughing up more flower petals and buds lately but I haven't coughed up whole flowers yet so maybe, just maybe I'll live. Highly unlikely though.
My first reaction when Nico told me he finally asked Will out was 'oh my gods fucking finally!!' Then after a minute or two I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. Cause why the fuck can everyone but me have a good, happy relationship? Don't I deserve one too? Gosh I need help.
I wanted to cry but instead I just smiled and told him that it took him long enough. He started sitting at Will's table more at lunch which meant I'm alone. Both he and Leo told me to come sit with them at their table but I always said no. So can I blame them that I'm alone? No. Of course not. I always feel like I'm just boring so why would I sit with the popular kids? Maybe I'll see if I can sit with Conner.
I got up from my tree but then I saw Henry comes towards me. "Hey nerd." I took a deep breath preparing myself for the worse. Now I wish I'd taken up Leo and Nico's offer on sitting with them. Oh well, too late now. "Do my homework would you?" He asked, ok more like demanded. I shook my head. "Do your own homework." I muttered before getting punched in the face. I coughed. Oh thank god he only punched my face. I'll probably get a black eye but at least I won't be coughing up bloody flower petals in front of him.
"You're gonna do my homework and that final." He told me pushing me over after punching me one more time. Then he walked off like nothing happened. I sighed and made my way to the canteen, thankfully before another of the bullies found me.
I looked around the crowded canteen searching for Conner. When I met his eyes he smiled excitedly and waved me over. I smiled to myself and made my way to his table. "Mal! Can I call you Mal?" I giggled. "Sure you can call me Mal and hi." He turned towards his friends and started introducing them one by one.
Conor's pov:
I pointed to each of my friends and introduced them to Mal. "And guys this is Malcolm.. uh what's your last name?" He smiled at me. "Malcolm Pace, nice to meet you guys." I laughed at how formal he is. "No need to be so serious. We really don't care." He quietly apologized to me and just stoped talking for the rest of lunch.
After lunch ended, I saw him walking into the bathroom so I decided to follow him since he looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Mal?" I saw him jump, before he started coughing. "Oh shit! Are you okay?" He nodded but I didn't want to leave him. Then I saw him cough up bloody flower petals. My eyes widened. Malcolm, the guy who's a huge nerd and just reads books has the Hanahaki disease.
The rumors... who knows? "Just my close friends." I didn't realize I said that out loud. "Shit, sorry." He shook his head. "No it's fine don't apologize." I hugged him while he cried. I rubbed circles on his back hoping that it would help him calm down.
"Can I know who it is?" I can't say I wasn't curious about who hurt him so much. But I felt him tense in my arms and he shook his head. I took that as him not wanting to tell me. In the end I decided to skip class and comfort him instead. We talked and laughed and I realized that I've never genuinely smiled around anyone but maybe my brother before Malcolm.
Do I like him?
Malcolm's pov:
"Can I know who it is?" I felt myself tense at the question. We were sitting on the floor at this point and I was crying into his shoulder. I quickly shook my head and thankfully he dropped the question. I leaned onto his shoulder and we talked and laughed for the rest of the period, with me occasionally coughing up flower petals and a few flower buds but he didn't notice.
We also agreed to work on the project at his house cause I wasn't about to left him see how I get treated. We walked to his house since his house was only a 15 minute walk away. He told me to follow him to his room once I took off my shoes. I quickly followed him after putting my bag down.
His room was warm and cozy. He had posters of bands and musicals on his walls. I recognized there was Epic the Musical and Hamilton I couldn't make out more than that though. He told me to sit on the bed and he'd get some snacks. I nodded as he left. I noticed he had fairy lights hanging above his bed.
He came back with snacks soon enough. "I'm back." He announced. I laughed and told him we needed to get started. "So like where's the plant?" I knew I was forgetting something. "It's at my house. I've been taking care of it so it's fine I promise." I paused. "Let's just start on doing the poster showing how a plant grows in the course of 2 weeks. It needs to be handed in by Thursday and it already Tuesday."
He nodded as I explained what we have to complete in the next two days. "Damn that's a lot of stuff to get done in two fucking days." He complained. I laughed and we continued working in a comfortable silence. Talking about nothing and everything every once in a while. We got to know each other better and he tried to ask me about the flowers but it just ended up with me crying so he dropped it and apologized.
Notes:
I hope you enjoy this chapter tho. The story will have another 4 chapters at least before the story ends.
Should Malcolm get to live??? Cause i love the idea of Conner going to confess to Malcolm but realizing he was too late and Malcolm is dead. But what do y'all think tho???
Thanks for reading, hope you have a good day/ night <3
Words in chapter - 1031
Chapter Text
Malcolm's pov:
I sighed. "Hey, you good?" I opened my eyes to see none other than Will Solace, Nico's boyfriend standing in front of me. I gave a slight nod. I've been much weaker than usual. Not sure if it's because I'm dying or because I'm not eating or sleeping enough. I ate lunch maybe and slept 4 hours at most.
I normally stayed at Nico's house at this point since I didn't need my stepmom or anyone in my family knowing that I'm dying. They didn't care before, they shouldn't care now. Nico's sister, Hazel has been really kind to me too. No one really knows what's wrong. Well except Nico and Leo but they're not just anyone so they don't count.
Well Conner knows, but I don't think he's figured out it's because of him yet and I hope he never does. I saw him cutting himself just a week ago. I'm worried if he find out it'll get worse. Gods, do I love him. Seeing him hurting himself only makes my heart ache more. And it already hurts pretty bad. My lungs don't feel any better. I've started coughing up whole flowers and it's been like 3 weeks? 4 weeks?
I'm not sure but what I am sure about is that I'm going to be dead by the end of next week if my condition doesn't improve which it won't. It's only getting worse because I've been hanging around Conner more and gods he's making me fall for him even harder. I didn't even know that was possible. I always make sure his boyfriend isn't here or I'd never get though that lunch without coughing up bloody flower petals. Aster flower petals, his friends probably knows that's his favorite flower. And he's find out it's him. He can't know it's him. I'm still considering going to a field full of Aster flowers when I die.
Remind me how cruel love can be as I lay there, flowers filling my lungs. As I slowly die, painful and lonely. Tears falling down my face. That's how I imagine my death to be. I want it to be exactly that or maybe I'd survive and live my life happy with Conner. But that's never going to happen so I might as well just let go.
But I can't I want to let go, leave him behind. But he'll always, always be part of me. In life or in death. In life, the present and all the moments I've spent talking and laughing with him. In death, love being the cause and him being the reason. I'd die just for a chance at loving him and I'm doing exactly that.
"Hey, seriously are you okay? I've been trying to get your attention for 5 mins already." Will snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Sorry." I felt like crying in that moment but I didn't have the heart or energy to tell Will to leave. "Will? Oh there you are. Mal if you need anything you know where my room is and please eat dinner tonight." I agreed. Then Nico dragged Will out of the room, Will didn't even protest.
I laid down and cried into my pillow silently. "Mal?" Leo patted my head. "You coming to eat dinner?" I slowly got up to eat since I haven't eaten since yesterday at lunch. I walked with Leo to the dining room. "Oh good, you're actually going to eat something. You have t eaten since yesterday as far as I'm aware." I nodded at Nico's statement. He sighed and gestured for me to sit with him. I walked over and sat down. The food looked so good, especially if haven't eaten since yesterday lunchtime.
Conner's pov:
I tried so hard to quit but it felt so good. It feels like I'm punishing myself but it was something. Something other than the empty hollow feeling. I still haven't learned how to bandage my arms properly but I tried my best. It haven't gotten infected yet and it always stoped bleeding so I take it I did an okay job at bandaging my arms.
Tears ran down my face as I did it again. I've been doing it constantly since the first time I've tried and Malcolm caught me... every time I thought about him when I hurt myself. He looked like he was gonna start crying for me. I wonder how'd react if he saw me now.
I stoped for the two days Malcolm was at my house but after we had no reason to hang out alone anymore and I just went down a spiral. I needed to break up with Mitchell but I can't seem to bring it up to him.
I had a hoodie on to cover the scars. But I was dying inside considering it was like 20 degrees (celsius) outside. I sighed and walked over to my desk in maths. I had maths first period on a Friday. I sat and laid my head on the desk. I felt someone patting my head. I looked up to talk them to leave me alone before I saw it was Malcolm. "You look tired. Also aren't you hot?" I shook my head. "Don't ask..." before I added. "I'm fine for now." He pulled me into a hug. "Can I come over?" I looked at him confused. "Your house is like 10 minutes away from mine. Why do you want to go to my house?"
Malcolm's pov:
Nico told me he had art club after school so I had to find somewhere to stay unless I wanted to go with him. I decided to ask Conner. Why? I don't know. But it was him or Leo and Leo's house is a 10 minute drive from school and Conner's house is closer to the school so it'll be easier for him to pick me up after. Cause I hadn't got my drivers license yet but I won't need to I have a week to live at most.
"I'm staying at Nico's house, don't ask why. He has art club today so I need to stay somewhere for an hour and a half and your house is the closest to the school." I replied. He nodded. "Yeah sure." I thanked him then the teacher walked in and told us to be quiet.
Notes:
Heyyy!!! So thanks for reading this story (no it's not the last chapter don't worry) Still working on the other story. No I don't have motivation to do it so yeaa. Sryy. I'm also gonna do a Solangelo and Valgrace story using this AU. Lmk which one you want to see more.
Also just be prepared for the slow burn the next 2 chapters. :D
Btw asking for some advice. How tf do you know if you like someone. Cause I might have a crush on my best friend but uh idk if I actually like her or not. So like how do you tell. I mean I feel really safe around her and I always like to be in her presence. I could be having the worst day but the second I talk to her everything is fine again. So like do I have a crush on her?? (Yes I'm a girl for anyone asking)
Word in chapter - 1053
Chapter Text
Malcolm's pov:
Conner was running his hand through my hair. I wanted to stay like this forever. Never moving just the peace and calm away from the pain. But the peace was often ruined by me coughing up flower petals and buds every few minutes. Haven't seen too many whole flowers but then again if I see a lot of them then I may as well be dead cause no way am I going to live another day.
Conner was talking to me about his friends and his brother. I listen contently knowing I only had a few days at most so I'm going to enjoy the quiet moments with him while I still can. Nico told me that if I wanted he could bury me in a field full of Aster flowers. Since I mentioned it once as an off handed joke. I thanked him but told him it was unnecessary. I couldn't stop him if he did since I would be dead.
The door ball rang which snapped me out of my thoughts. "It's probably Nico." I told Conner, my voice was raspy so I took a sip of water before getting up to leave. He grabbed my hand and came with me to the door. "Bye!" He waved me goodbye with a grin that made me smile. "Bye." There was so much more to say but I couldn't say it or he'll never want to see me again.
I sat down in Nico's car. "You okay?" I shook my head. "This will be one of the last times I'll see him." I replied quietly as tears slowly fell down my face. "I love him, I'll miss him when I'm dead. You and Leo too. But him..." I trailed off. Nico nodded and tried his best to comfort me the rest of the way to his house.
I laid down in Nico's bed when we got back. Leo was there too. He patted my head and the three of us just talked until dinner time. I didn't feel like eating but Nico insisted that I eat something even if I was dying. I was too tired to argue with him so I just nodded and ate dinner with him, Leo and Hazel.
Conner's pov:
Malcolm seems so down lately but then again he's dying so I can't really blame him. I need to talk to Mitchell though. I think I've been spending more time with Mal than I ever had with Mitchell. I felt bad of course but Mal is dying and honestly I've had more fun with him than anyone of my friends.
I walked to the lunch room, seeing that Malcolm isn't there made me panic. "Hey." I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard Malcolm's voice. I grabbed his hand and we walked to the lunch table together.
He was talking about his books though I had no clue what the book is about I'm just happy listening to his voice. "Conner, can we talk?" Mitchell came up to me. I apologized to Mal and followed Mitchell to the library.
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked once we were alone. Though I kinda hoped he was going to break up with me. "I like Clovis." He blurted out. He slapped a hand over his mouth once he realized what he had said. "I'm so sorry, and we need to break up. I'm sorry can we still be friends though." I laughed at his words.
"It's fine, I was gonna break up with you anyway." He nodded. "So can we still be friends?" I nodded with a smile. "Okay, let's go back. I wanna talk to Mal." He laughed and told me he was going to sit with Clovis.
"Hey." I sat next to Malcolm and he put his head on my shoulder. "Hi." I frowned. "You seem tired did you sleep?" He shook his head. "Oh, guys!" Everyone's heads turned towards me. "Yeah what's up?" I took a deep breath. "Mitchell broke up with me."
Malcolm's pov:
"Mitchell broke up with me." Conner announced. I couldn't help but let my eyes let up with hope. And instantly scolded myself for being happy. I lifted my head off Conner's shoulder and hugged him. He giggled. "I'm not sad you know?" I looked up at him. "You're not?" He shook his head. "No, I was going to break up with him anyway. We're still friends though."
I gave him a smile before leaving and going to where Leo and Nico were siting with their boyfriends.
I think I collapsed half way there cause when I woke up I was in the nurse's office. "Oh thank gods you're okay." I could recognize that voice anywhere, Conner. "C-Conner?" My voice was shaking a bit. "Of course it's me you fucking idiot, I thought you died!" He exclaimed. I looked at him to see him crying. I hugged him. 'Gods you don't know how much I love you.' I thought.
I would do anything to be with you. But you don't like me... I want you to love me but you don't. Why are we so complicated? Maybe love is overrated. But it's too late for that now. Please just let him love me back, I silently begged whoever would listen to me to answer my stupid little prayer.
I froze when I felt him kiss my forehead. "Never scare me like that ever again." He whispered in my ear. I gigged but agreed.
This was probably going to be one of the last few happy moments I'll get so I'm gonna cherish them like a diamond in a beach full of sand, or like water in a desert. They mean everything to me. Nico, Leo and most importantly Conner.
I'd do anything for more time with them. More happy moments. More memories with them. But I can't live for any more than 2 days. Gods I love them and him, especially him. I'm literally dying for him. He means everything to me. Then Nico and Leo rushed into the room, screaming. And I sighed, this is gonna be a long fucking day isn't it?
Notes:
Last 2 chapters get ready for more angst :D Also what do we think about Clovis and Mitchell?
Thx so much for reading <3
Words in chapter - 1015
Chapter Text
Malcolm's pov:
I coughed up more flower buds and even more flower petals. I was beginning to cough up more and more whole flowers by the day... after collapsing I knew I had a few days at more. But Nico and Leo wouldn't let me go to school since the incident. I wouldn't even get to say goodbye. Not to Annabeth, not to Conner. Not anyone...
"Hey Con." I smiled hearing Leo's voice. They only want to protect me... "Hi!" I waved at him and Nico coming into the guest room which has basically become my room now. "Can I go to school?" Nico nodded. "Yeah, we both thought about it and if you want you can go to school tomorrow to say goodbye or something." I smiled and hugged him. Then Leo too, of course.
I barely slept. I realized I didn't want to say goodbye. I decided to just write some letters. I'll talk to them tomorrow. Maybe do everything I was too scared to do. Maybe I could stay over at Conner's house. Maybe I could be die peacefully in a field of beautiful but bloody Aster flowers. Maybe I'd even slit my throat just so I could die there. I'd be surprisingly alright with that. I wanted to cry but couldn't get myself to.
I'd do anything for one more day with Conner yet I just want to be put out of my misery, my pain. The heartache. I love Conner more than anything in this life. But I honestly just want to be at peace at this point.
I've accepted my fate. Love is the cause of my death. Like it couldn't get anymore tragic. I just shrugged and walked into school. I walked around for a while looking for Conner before I found him.
"Hey." I smiled and gave him a hug. He jumped at my voice and I laughed. He kissed my forehead. "You okay?" He looked concerned which made sense cause I was dying. Like 2 days away from death so I probably look terrible. I don't like how I know when I'm gonna die, if I'm being honest.
"Hello?" He snapped his fingers in my face. I giggled. "So are you okay?" He looked at me with a type of seriousness I haven't seen since the day he found out I had the Hanahaki disease. I just nodded. I didn't want to say goodbye. But I'll have Conner till the day I die, no matter what... I'll never stop loving him, even in death
Conner's pov:
Malcolm just looked sad today. Like he had so much he wanted to say but couldn't say it. It hurt me seeing him like this. Then again he likes someone and he's willing to die for them. Whoever they are. I hope you're fucking happy you're the reason he's dying, asshole.
He asked to stay over at my place and who am I to say no? I didn't ask anyone but I made sure to clean up the mess with my pocket knife... I quickly put it in a cabinet that I'm pretty sure he can't get to cause even I had to climb up to reach it. And he's shorter than me.
I walked back into my room. "You good? I heard you coughing a lot." I looked down at the floor and my heart just shattered. There was so many flower petals and flower buds. There was also lots of flowers and like whole flowers, not just petals or buds... "Shit!" I ran over to him. I had to make sure he was still breathing which thankfully he was. He hugged me and cried into my shoulder. I kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly till he let go of me.
"I-I'm sorry." He looked at me with these sad, empty eyes that made me want to kill whoever did this to him. Whoever caused this. "I m-made a mess s-sorry." I shook my head. "It's fine, Mal. You didn't do it on purpose." He just buried his head into my shoulder more. "Can you let go for a sec? I need to clean this up." He nodded and apologized again. Which I told him once again it was fine.
Malcolm's pov:
After Conner cleaned up the mess I made we sat on his bed cuddling. I was talking about Nico and Leo. I have like 2 days left yet he somehow managed to make me fall for him even more. The look in his eyes. He was watching me like the most important thing in the whole world. I just wanted to lean in and kiss him.
We talked till like 1 am. And I ended up falling asleep in his arms. I woke up to water running in the bathroom and the slight smell of blood. I walked into the bathroom to see Conner cutting his arms while crying. Seeing that just broke my heart.
"Con?" He jumped at my voice. "Please don't hurt yourself." I whispered as I pulled him into a hug. "I-I'm sorry." He muttered. I just hugged him tighter. He ran his fingers through my hair repeatedly. After a few minutes he stopped crying. "Let's get your cuts cleaned, okay?" I asked cautiously.
He nodded and I made him sit down. I looked around the cabinet and finally found the bandages. I ran his arm under cold tap water. He winced from the pain. I gently wrapped his arms in the bandages. Stopping to cough up petals every once in a while.
"You feeling better now?" I asked in a gentle tone. He nodded and hugged me again. "C-can we go back to bed?" I nodded before bringing him back to his bedroom. We laid back down on his bed and he wrapped his arms around me like it's the most natural thing in the world. I blushed but couldn't bring myself to tell him to let go. I wanted to text Nico or Leo but left my phone on his desk, which is on the other side of the room.
I have barely slept since staying over at Conner's house. I haven't been to school but I made sure to text Conner every day just so he knows I'm not dead. Yet anyway... I sighed and just focused on finishing my book that I've started just a week ago. It's called 'Red, White & Royal Blue'. I honestly love this book and I hope I can finish it since I only had like 10 pages left.
But I guess not, Fate is cruel. I text a quick goodbye to my friends and Conner. I was coughing up so many petals and flowers that I could barely breathe. My lungs hurt like a thousand thorns stabbing at them. The last words I said were 'I'll you till the day I die and even after...' I never got to finish my sentence as the world went dark and I stopped fighting to live. It seemed useless to fight now since he never even liked me, never mind loved me. And there was nothing I could do to make him like me...
Notes:
Heyyy!!! How do we feel now that Mal is dead? By the way next chapter is probably the last chapter of this story but I'm planning on making one on Valgrace in the same AU. So dw this isn't gonna be the last you see of this AU.
Btw do we all have this one friend who no one really likes but tolerates bc no one likes her so you feel bad for them. Just me?
Have a good day/ night, byee <33
Words in chapter - 1187
Chapter Text
Conner' pov:
Shit! What does he mean by this? I was about to run over to his house but then I remembered I've never been to his fucking house so I have absolutely no clue where it is. He stopped coming to school after the day he slept over at my house. But I knew he was fine since he texted me updates every few hours and we talked for ages after school.
He sent me one last text in math. 'You meant everything to me, Conner. Goodbye..' Those words kept replaying in my head countless times during math and into English. By the end of the day I looked and found Nico di Angelo and Leo talking to each other in the parking lot. They looked like they were about to cry.
I walked, ok more like ran over to them. "Hey." I waved at them but Nico just looked at me and slapped me across the face. I stood there stunned. "W-what did I do?" I asked quietly while clutching my cheek. "What did you do?" I could hear the anger in Leo's voice. "It's all your fault. You're the fucking reason Malcolm is dead." I felt tears falling down my face. There was no way. He can't be dead. "So you don't know? He's dead Conner, he's dead. All because of you. He fell in love with you. And look where that got him." Nico slapped me again but this time I think I deserve it.
I killed Malcolm and all because he loved me. In that moment I realized how cruel and twisted love was. It could mean everything to you but it could also kill you... love was never as simple as romantic gestures or loving words. It could be the death of you if not careful.
"Nico, sunshine." I turned my head around to see Will Solace and Jason Grace rushing towards us. I backed away in instinct. "Neeks, you can't just hurt someone for no reason or any reason at that." He pulled him into a hug. "H-he killed Mal." Nico probably didn't attend for me to hear it but I did. I froze in my tracks waiting for what will happen next.
"What?" Jason's voice was as cold as ice. I wanted to run, to leave. 'Anywhere but here' I told myself but it was far too late. Jason walked closer to me as if ready to kill me. Which in all honesty is far and I deserve it. I hurt Malcolm, I was the reason he died. It was my fault. If I just hadn't dated Mitchell, he would be alive right now. If I had just confessed to him all this would've been fine. But noo, I had to be stupid.
"If you're going to kill me to play for Malcolm, then please do." I whispered thinking no one could hear me but I was wrong. Jason looked at Leo and Nico then back at me. "You didn't know it was you?" Le's voice was softer than it had been. I shook my head. "But the petals..." Leo trailed off. "I never paid attention." I admitted. Leo gave me a hug. "We thought you knew and continued to hurt him anyway." He whispered in my ear. "I would never do it on purpose." I replied.
"You wanna see him? I'm guessing he's still at the house. Maybe if we could get him to the hospital." I shook my head. "He sent me the text 2 hours ago... he can't be alive at this point. But yes I want to see him." I whispered the last part.
I ran up to his room once Nico told me where it was. It was empty so Nico lead us to the bathroom. Only other place Malcolm could be, he said. I followed behind quietly while wiping tears off my face every few seconds.
"No..." I whispered. "No, no, no!" I collapsed at his side. Nico was right we'd find him in the bathroom. I wasn't at all prepared to see his dead body lying still on the floor, bloody flowers and petals surrounding him. I kissed his lips. They were cold as expected but it didn't make it hurt any less. "Please!" I whispered desperation in my voice.
"You were my reason to live. Why? Why would you leave me like this ?" I wanted to scream but couldn't bring myself to. He didn't know I told myself. It wasn't not his fault he's dead. It was mine and I would never forgive myself till I paid him back with my life.
The rest of the time at Nico's house was a blur. Tears were shed, condolences were given. By the time I got home all I wanted to do was die. I grabbed my pocket knife from my drawer since I left it at home for whatever reason.
One cut, two cut, three cut... with every cut I spoke one apology. With every cut I felt weaker as if I was slowly draining the life out of me. With every cut I was one cut closer to death. I didn't want to live anymore if I didn't have Malcolm with me. Especially not when I was the reason he's dead.
I apologize over and over again to him. For being stupid, for not noticing sooner, for hurting myself even though he told me not to, for killing him. I will never forgive myself even if I replay him with my life. It's not enough. The pain I put him through, he loved me and I was just too blind to see it.
Every cut felt like I was closer to dying. Every cut was me closer to replaying him. Tears were pouring down my face at this point. I laughed at myself. I didn't want to hold on any longer so I didn't. I let go and prayed that I would see Malcolm again somewhere in the afterlife. In another life maybe, Malcolm. I love you too... I wrote a note to Travis explaining how and why. So it will all be fine... everything went black after that.
Aphrodite' pov:
I looked at the two boy's lifeless bodies and pitted them. I looked back over to the two in this universe. The two were at Camp, laughing and having fun. 'In another universe, children. In another life, everything will be fine. I promise.'
In another lifetime they are having the time of their lives with each other, playing capture the flag and singing around the campfire. They'll be together, just not this universe, just not this life...
Notes:
How we feeling? I had to add Aphrodite at the end lol. I've been planing that since the start. I hope you like this fanfic and I'm working on the second one for this AU. And yea maybe in another universe Conner, where you aren't a stupid idiot.
Btw idk if I mentioned but Conner is actually taller than Malcolm in this fic. Cause normally I head cannon Malcolm as the taller one not Conner lol. But I only decided this half way through the story so if any of their interactions were kinda weird that's why.
Thanks for reading, have a good day/night. Byee <33
Words in chapter - 1121
Chapter 11
Notes:
Tw- mentions of suicide and self harm + suicide note
Does hospital/ talk abt death count as a Tw ??
But like death should've been expected but still
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Nico's pov:
We didn't tell his parents, they couldn't care less in all honesty. We threw his ashes in a field of Aster flowers like he wanted. That was his last wish, well that and to let Conner know he loved him. We couldn't refuse really. He meant everything to us.
I'm not proud of the confrontation I had with Conner, he didn't even know. He looked so heart broken when he saw Mal that I couldn't even bring myself to keep being mad at him. We searched and cleaned his room. We wanted to see if there was anything we could give Conner. Like a note or something.
And we found just that, letters. 4 of them, they were addressed to me, Leo, Annabeth and Conner. Of course, we brought them to school the next day just to not be able to see Conner. We ended up giving it to Travis for safe keeping.
Leo's pov:
I was basically unconsolable after Malcolm's death. The only comfort I really had was my boyfriend and best friend. Piper tried to help sometimes but I just couldn't look anyone in the eyes especially not Annabeth. She looks like Malcolm, so much that you'd think they're related if you didn't know them.
Honestly when we gave the letter we found to Travis cause we couldn't find Conner, he looked as if he was crying. With puffy red eyes and extremely messy hair. Like he hadn't slept in days.
Travis's pov:
When I got home after I went to Katie's house after school. It was unusually quiet. Conner normally would always be yelling at someone from playing an online game or chatting on FaceTime with one of our friends. But today it was quiet, not the peaceful kind that feels nice. Like the kind that gives you chills down your spine.
I did the most logical thing I could. Which was run up to my brother's room, only to find it empty. I thought 'maybe he's in the bathroom.' So I did what any logical person would I went to check the bathroom.
I knocked on the bathroom door and there was a metallic smell. It smelled like blood so I panicked thinking he hit his head and was bleeding but the door was locked. Shit. I looked in my room since we have a spare key for all the rooms just in case. We kept it in my room obviously. I finally found it in my desk drawer.
I ran back to the bathroom and unlocked the door. I felt as if time had stopped. On the bathroom floor was Conner, passed out and cut all over his wrists and arms. I grabbed my phone and called 911. I explained the situation to the operator on the other end. They told me to wait 10 minutes.
But Conner didn't have 10 minutes with the amount of cuts on his arms. I checked his pulse. There was none. He's already dead... why Conner? Why would you do this to me? I cried sitting next to him till the doorbell rang.
I got up and went to open the door for the medics. They followed me into the bathroom and quickly put Connor on a stretcher. "You can come if you want." One of the medics told me while rushing my brother to the ambulance. I ran to catch up.
We got to the hospital and doctors rushed him into the ER. I sat in the waiting room crying. Oh Conner I failed you, I'm so sorry. "Hey, are you Conner Stoll's relative?" I nodded. "I'm his brother." The doctor looked grim. "He was dead before he even came into the hospital. I'm so sorry. Would you like to see him?" I nodded.
I collapsed on the floor crying when I saw him. He looked peaceful. As if he's been wanting this. I failed as a brother. I couldn't even tell when my own brother was suffering. I'm a horrible fucking person.
After I got home, I called Katie and told her what happened. She came over 10 minutes later. "You wanna know why he did it?" I nodded at her question. "We can look around his room, he probably has some type of note written." She followed me into Conner's room. And on his desk laid a note address to me. I picked it up and read it.
Dear Travis,
If you're reading this that's probably because I'm dead. It's not your fault, I promise. I love you and our friends so much and I hope you'll explain this to them for me. (Cause I can't obviously.)
I've been thinking about this for a while now. The thing that broke me was Malcolm dying. I was stupid and didn't realize Malcolm liked me. (He had the Hanahaki disease if that explains anything.) He's dead because I thought he liked someone else. It's my fault he's dead. I killed him.
I'm dead because I own it to him. I hurt him... I love him so much. Yet I killed him. I own my life to him. I could kill myself a thousand times over and I still won't forgive myself. I love you Travis and don't blame yourself. I don't blame you. I only blame myself...
- Love Conner
I felt tears fall down my face. Oh Conner. You fucking idiot. Why would you do this? I love you too.
Notes:
Thx for reading and have a good day/ night. Byee I hope to see you in my next fanfic <33
Words in chapter - 900
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