Chapter 1: I Get Promoted To The Death Penalty, Technically
Chapter Text
The scent of blood lingered faintly in the air. Your usually sterile medical ward was crawling with the dying and the dead, and despite your attempts at a brave face, morale was hanging by a thread that was quickly thinning.
The last expedition had been disastrous. The mortality rate sat at a brutal 65%. The Scouts had been devastated — again.
“Time of death, 17:37,” you murmur to the nurse at the bedside, your voice low but final. “You can take your break now, Eliza. Thank you.” She offers you a tired, sad smile before stepping away.
The ward, though full, was emptying in all the worst ways. These soldiers were barely more than children — most hadn’t even seen twenty — and yet they were dying for nothing more than the faintest hope that life might exist outside the Walls.
And in moments like this, you couldn’t imagine how it could ever be worth it.
Sighing regretfully, you jot down the remainder of the information regarding the poor boy into your chart. It’s a bleak routine you have memorised by this point - name, age, squad captain, time of death, cause of death.
You’re not sure you spelt his name right.
You doubt anyone will correct it.
You drop his file onto a side table and gently close his still-warm eyes, taking a moment to murmur a soft blessing over his body. This life hadn’t been good to him, but maybe the next one would be. Next, you covered his tired, bloodstained body with a large cloth, and your heart pangs at the realisation that this will be the last time his body sees light until it’s cremated with the other soldiers.
“Klaus,” you beckon over. Klaus was a tall, lanky teenager who, unfortunately, had the grim title of ‘death runner’. His job was to inform the victims’ families of their losses through the post, and you don’t doubt that his role had taken its toll on him. In fact, he often had to travel with bodyguards to prevent grieving relatives from attacking him. It sounded unrealistic, but you’d seen the haunted look in his eyes any time he had to leave base.
“Matron,” he greets dully, eyes already flicking to his notepad. “More names?”
You give him a sympathetic nod, patting his shoulder. “I know. There’s…a lot, today. I’ve a couple more names to add.” he reaches for his notepad containing his grim to-do lists filled with the names of the dead, and you continue. “John Barsnov. Lukas Bauer. Hilda Lehmann. L-E-H-M-A-N-N, yeah. And Frank Jung.”
“You’re spoiling me, Matron, honestly,” Klaus attempts to joke, and you crack a small smile, if only to cheer him up ever-so-slightly.
You don’t chat for long. There are too many dead for that. Instead, you engross yourself in the usual routine of cleaning up what’s left of the day’s casualties. Every so often, you find little trinkets in their pockets while searching for identification. A heart locket with a pretty young lady pictured inside. A letter from a loving mother. A crushed daisy chain. Pocket Bibles. You find plenty, and feel the usual sense of guilt you get when you have to place said trinkets with their files instead of with the bodies they belong to. It’s just policy, you remind yourself. They might be flammable and make the cremation more complicated.
But still…that didn’t help the guilt.
You were almost finished up for the shift, mere minutes away from your break, when something strange happened. You had just finished preparing the dead as best you could and were carrying their files back to your office when you heard loud screams. Now, screams, you were used to. Part of the job description, basically. But these weren’t pained screams - no, these were hollow. Terrified. You glance around to find the source, and you quickly pinpoint a soldier with bandages covering her eyes. Or at least, where her eyes used to be. One quick glance at her chart told you all you needed to know - she had blinded herself after watching her boyfriend die during the expedition earlier that day.
“What’s wrong?” You ask the nurses already by her bedside, attempting to calm her down.
Only screams followed your question, and shaking hands pointed warily in your direction. “TITAN!!” She screams. “I can smell it from here! Oh, oh, my God…Help- HELP!!” she sobs.
You blink, confused, and you can tell you’re not alone in your confusion. The nurses comforting her look just as baffled as you, but continue with a practised confidence.
“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” Ruby soothes. “There are no titans here. I promise. You’re just pointing at the Matron.”
This, however, does nothing to calm the poor girl down. You recognise the symptoms almost immediately - PTSD-induced flashbacks. You take a step forward to try to calmly introduce yourself, and she screams louder. “IT- IT- IT’S COMING CLOSER, I CAN SMELL IT, SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!!"
Deciding this is a situation you’d rather not deal with right now, you send apologetic glances to the other three nurses calming her down, and Ruby mouths back that you leaving is ‘probably for the better’.
Shaking your head to clear it, you walk away, back to your office. But you can’t help but dryly remark to yourself that there was an ominous presence nearby, one that you had grown to recognise over the years - Levi Ackerman. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, The Unkillable Captain, and the world’s biggest dick, it would seem. He point-blank refused to be treated by anyone, instead choosing to pilfer through the medical supplies and fix himself up. You didn’t know if it was some kind of aversion to touch, or simply just an urge to maintain his aura of scariness- whatever it was, it annoyed you, because he always left the supply room arranged differently than it was before. Spotless and perfectly organised, sure, but confusing and time-consuming as a working nurse with a cartload of casualties.
Worst part?
Erwin allowed it.
Either way, you recognised the usual dark cloud over his head. Thankfully, none of his team, other than one, were too badly scraped up, and were recovering in the minor injuries department. He himself had a large gash on his arm, currently leaking blood. Sighing, you pack the rest of the files away and walk over to him.
“Captain, you can’t do that one-handed,” you tell him pointedly. “Let me help.”
He cast you a sideways glance. “Save the concern for someone who’s dying, Matron.”
In response, you raise an eyebrow and click your tongue. “Seriously. It’ll end up looking like Pyxis did it on a mid-week bender.”
Levi’s expression doesn’t change, nor does he look at you. “I said I’ve got it.”
Deciding to leave the man be before he decides to experiment on you with a fan with no cover, you shrug non-committally and leave him to it. It’s your day off tomorrow, anyway, and as much as you care about your younger nurses, you’re more than confident that they can fix the world’s most organised disorder that he leaves behind each time.
Well, either way, the night nurses had just arrived, ready to clock in just as you go on break. You greet each with a sombre bow of your head, knowing that many of them lost friends today. After briefly running through the lay of the land with them, you waved them goodbye and headed into the break room, collapsing into your lumpy armchair.
You’ve been in this job nearly ten years, you remind yourself. If only nineteen-year-old you could see yourself now. Despite all the hardships you’d had to overcome to get here, you were the best of the best at what you did. In fact, you were almost eerily good at your job. Then again, you’d been studying the human body ever since you were eleven, having joined a field medical programme that claimed to provide education, food, housing, and eventually, a job. It had seemed too good to be true back then, had felt like lies to the scrawny, dazed orphan girl with amnesia and nightmares. Who would take her? Yet you took the leap, showed surprisingly quiet prowess, and flew through the course. And sure enough, here you were, nearly twenty years later, head of the medical unit of the Scouts.
It had never been easy - You had only been Head for a few years, and it was rather draining, you had to admit. And, if you were honest with yourself, there were probably others with more qualifications for the role than you. But Erwin seemed to like you. You did your job well. Besides, it paid well, and you got to keep updated with the affairs of the Scouts.
Glancing at the clock, you breathed a sigh of relief. An hour of complete peace. Despite your hopes of making yourself something quick to eat, you couldn’t help the exhaustion that overcame you. Your eyes slowly slid shut.
-
Your sleep is short-lived. Barely even twenty minutes into your slumber, you’re awoken by frantic shaking.
“I’m up, I’m up…” you hoarsely manage, blearily opening your eyes. “The hell’s wrong now?”
Ruby’s face bobs into your vision. “Matron, we- you need to see this.” She’s pale, shocked, even. Immediately, you get a bad feeling about this. If Ruby, one of your most accomplished nurses, is shocked by whatever this is, then it can’t be good.
You hoist yourself up, following after her despite the exhaustion that presses hard into your bones. She leads you through the ward, stopping at the end of a curtained-off bed. Stepping past the curtain, your jaw drops.
Organs are practically spilling out of this man’s chest. The bedsheets are covered in his blood, and the gash exposing his innards probably can’t even be considered a gash. It looks like he’s had the front part of his body bitten clean off, which probably is what happened.
None of that is what surprises you. You’ve seen organs before. No, what frightens you is the fact that the man is sitting up, loudly demanding to be let out.
“God damn you all!” He exclaims. “I am perfectly fine. I don’t need clucked and cooed over. I am a grown ass man!!”
…yeah.
There is literally no reason for this man to be breathing. If the blood loss wasn’t enough to finish him off, then the hypothermia from the wind and rain outside that he had to be carried back in from should be.
“He was comatose and nearly flatlining three minutes ago,” Ruby whispers to you.
Then, all of a sudden, the man chokes on his own blood, which has made a sickening appearance, bubbling out of his mouth. He grasps at the air for help, and you and Ruby rush into action — but it’s too late. Your medical wonder is gone.
You gawp at the man, then at Ruby, then at the man again. “The hell was that??” You exclaim. “He should have been dead. That- I- impossible.”
“That’s what I thought!!” Ruby anxiously responds. “He was brought in nearly completely brain dead.”
You grab the soldier’s chart and begin investigating him, telling Ruby to send for Hange. You flip through, but nothing notable catches your eye. That’s alright. Charts didn’t mean everything. You have something better - someone who just so happened to be head of his squad.
“Ackerman,” you say, striding into the medical supplies closet. He looks up accusingly from a box of bandages that he appears to be organising from longest to shortest.
“What?” He asks, giving you a dirty look.
You point at him. “Noah Schmidt. He was on your squad, I believe.”
The Captain’s face darkens. “Was?”
You wince, realising your distaste. Your disbelief has left you perhaps a lot less tactful than you usually would be. “I…yes. I’m sorry for your loss.”
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, but eventually speaks up. “It’s fine. What about him?”
“He…was comatose when he was brought in,” you begin, fidgeting a little under his intense glare. “Nearly braindead. Not even two minutes ago, he was up, exclaiming about being fine and needing to be let out. He didn’t seem to notice the fact that his organs were on his lap. He just kept demanding to be let out of the ward. Eventually, he…well. He’s gone, now. But that man shouldn’t have been able to do that. He should’ve been dead even before he came into our care, as much as it must hurt to hear it.”
Levi just watches you. “What’s the point you’re making here? He’s dead. There’s nothing more to it.”
You scoff, indignant. “Do you not understand? That man, according to his chart, was completely average. He lived a completely normal life, well, as normal a life as you can get in the Scouts. Unless his chart is missing something, Noah Schmidt was a medical miracle. Adrenaline is powerful, but it’s not powerful enough to make a man block out the fact that his intestines aren’t in his body anymore. I need to know if you have any information on him. Anything out of the ordinary that might’ve slipped past his chart.”
The man sighs, already done with this conversation. “I didn’t know him well. I only recently picked him out. As far as I’m aware, he was completely normal. Skilled, but otherwise average.”
“..Right. Thank you anyway, Captain, and please refrain from reorganising my cupboards,” you respond, giving him a quick dip of your chin in thanks.
When you get back to Noah’s bedside, Hange is already inspecting his body. You’d met them years and years ago, and had grown closer and closer with them ever since. They were one of your closest friends - through thick and thin, Hange had been there. They were reliable in a way that many people weren’t.
“Are we sure he wasn’t just high off adrenaline and hallucinating being okay?” They ask you, frantically jotting the facts of the case down in their worn-out notebook.
You shake your head. “Was just telling the Captain that it’s not nearly powerful enough for that. Adrenaline makes you more aware of your surroundings and changes in your body. Even most gunshot victims have some kind of awareness.”
“Still,” Hange muses. “Your nurse said he was in a coma? Perhaps after waking up, he confused his dream state with the real world.”
“That’s a fairly reasonable explanation, I suppose,” you answer. “Even so. He didn’t notice the fact that he had no innards. Surely, surely, you’d notice that, right? Besides, I’ve never seen that level of hallucination in the entirety of my time here. People generally notice something being slightly off, and it snaps them out of it pretty quickly, but…I guess it’s not really a one-size-fits-all type of thing. We’ll probably never know what happened. Maybe he was just an anomaly.”
“You don’t mind if I take his in body for inspection?” The Section Commander asks.
“We’ll need to reach out to the family, make sure we’ve got consent,” you tell them. “But most families say yes. S’pose it just depends. Thanks for coming out, Hange. I know it’s late.”
They give you an uplifting smile. “Don’t worry about it, Matron. I was up anyway. Hey, you seen Levi anywhere?”
You roll your eyes. “Yes. He’s currently being a little freak and setting my nurses up for failure in the supply closet.”
“Who’s a little freak?” A dry voice asks from behind you, and you freeze. You blink at Hange, and they grin at you, amused.
Turning around, you offer the Captain an awkward smile. “Uhm. Nurse Eliza. She forgot to…sign off on someone’s discharge from the ward.”
Levi raises an appraising eyebrow at you, before shifting his gaze to the man lying on the blood-soaked fabric of the cot. “A real shame,” he mutters.
Hange gestures towards the bandage on his arm. In fairness, it’s impressively well done considering he only had one arm to work with. “What happened here?” They ask.
“Caught it on a tree branch,” he responds. “Wasn’t paying attention.”
“Oh,” Hange hums in recognition. “Anyway, I’ve been looking for you!! You said you’d help me look through those files for Erwin.”
“What files?” You ask. Generally, you were allowed access to more sensitive information - your position provided you with a lot of trust and respect from Erwin.
Hange opens their mouth, but Levi doesn't give them a chance to say anything. “None of your business.”
You frown. “What? But-”
“No buts. Direct orders from Erwin. Besides, don’t you have patients to get back to, Matron?” He asks coldly.
You narrow your eyes at him, before waving a small goodbye to Hange, who smiles sympathetically at you. Back to your break you go, hoping you can make the most of what little time you have left, having spent most of it investigating Noah Schmidt.
Behind you, Hange and Levi stand over Noah’s bedside.
“You need to be more careful around her,” he hisses. “You know what Erwin knows. She can’t find out yet.”
Hange’s lips twitch downwards, unpleased. “I don’t like hiding things from her. She’s not a bad person, Levi, I promise.”
“It’s not about what kind of person she is. I’m sure she’s an absolute card, but until we know more about what happened, you can’t tell her what’s going on. Just keep on finding out what you can. Everything you can discover about her is important,” he presses.
The ward is still quiet. A clock ticks. Two pairs of footsteps move towards the door. A soldier softly groans in pain, followed by a nurse gently soothing them. It’s the picture of post-expedition numbness, a kind of ache that only throbs harder with each new death. It can’t be described in words on a page, or through language, but everyone can feel it—a heavy blanket of an emotion no one wants to talk about. It’s in the stillness after the action that pain really comes to life. The dust settles, the sun goes down, but pain isn’t the type of thing that leaves a person. It always stays, and people just get strong enough to bear it.
-
Your break was over in what felt like an unfair amount of time. Despite your best efforts, you hadn’t managed to get back to sleep, too peeved off at Captain Dickhead’s exclusion of you to get some shuteye before the next part of your shift started. Besides, you had felt an all-too-familiar grumbling in your stomach that you would NOT like to have to deal with later on, so you made yourself a plate of buttery toast and a cup of tea.
It was nice, besides the fact that you didn’t get the chance to finish it. No, you were pulled out from your warm bubble of twice-cooked bread and milky leaf juice by another nurse to help her with a particularly complicated set of sutures. And you hadn’t been able to find the time to get back to your meal, either, repeatedly being called on again and again for this, that and the other. You lost track of how many pained yet relieved people you discharged and how many you sent to the basement to be chilled before their cremations with the other losses.
Eventually, after another gruelling two hours of sewing people up and praying that organ regrowth was a real thing in humans, your shift was finally over. Now, you sit cross-legged in the breakroom, absentmindedly munching on your cold, slightly soggy toast, flipping through a mildly boring book. You don’t take the words in properly, too tired to even care anymore. You flip back a few pages and shove the bookmark back in, deciding you’ll make an attempt to read it tomorrow. Sighing, you stand and wash your dishes, cringing when you notice the dishes of someone who didn’t quite know what a sponge was, before heading back through the chilly night to your barracks.
The members of the medical division thankfully had their own set of barracks. They were underfunded, yes, and the hot water was more lukewarm than anything else, but it was home, and had been for years, in your case. You yawn, leaning your head on either side of your shoulders, attempting to loosen up a tad. You trudge through the fairly clean hallways to your room in Block B.
You come close to making it inside, beyond ready to collapse face-first-still-clothed onto your bed for the night, when you feel a tap on your shoulder. Jumping, you turn around and stand face-to-face with the Commander of the Survey Corps.
Erwin smiles at you. “Evening, Matron.”
You manage a weary smile back. “Hey, Commander. Sorry, you scared me there.”
“Ah, apologies,” he responds, a little amused. “I didn’t mean to make you jump. Would you mind coming to my office in the morning?”
You raise an eyebrow, slightly interested. “Sure. What time?”
He informs you that you should be there by six. “And you may wish to bring a notepad,” he advises.
“Is this about my contract?” You ask, too tired to want to discuss legalities right now. “Listen, I know I need to renew it, I just haven’t had the time-”
“In a way, yes, it is about your contract,” Erwin answers musingly, adjusting his jacket. “But not to worry. We’ll sort that out tomorrow, yes? In the meantime, please get some sleep. You’re receiving some big news tomorrow, and I want you in your top form. Have you had dinner yet?”
Blinking at him slightly in anticipation, you return, “Yeah, I had toast a little while ago.”
The Commander tuts. “Go eat something in the mess hall. They should still be serving now.”
“S’alright, Erwin, honest,” you shrug, feeling exhaustion weigh into your bones like a second skin. “I’m a bit tired. I don’t think I can be bothered to go there and back.”
He frowns at you, but doesn’t comment on it. You’re beckoned into your room with a command to sleep well, and you don’t need to be told twice, kicking off your boots at the door and pausing only to let down your hair from where it’s been giving you a throbbing headache from your bun all day.
Sighing, you quickly shower and head to bed, a thrill going up inside you at the thought of falling asleep. God, how old are you, being excited to go to bed?
Sure enough, falling asleep takes you no time at all. You haven't been dreaming lately—perhaps your mind is too weary these days. Maybe you’re losing your imagination. Maybe it’s neither of those and you’re reading too much into it, but either way, the adventures that lined your slumber each night as a teenager are gone. You don’t mind. They weren’t particularly nice dreams.
Morning comes, and you groan into your pillow as the sunlight cracks through your curtains and smack dab into your eyes. You think that you’d rather die than get up just yet, but you have a meeting to get to, and you’d rather not be late.
Yawning and scratching your side where the label of your shirt itches against you, you push yourself out of the haven of your bed and stumble towards your shower. The water sprays ice onto you, and you wince, holding out hope that it'll heat up more. It doesn’t, but you don’t mind too much, glad to be woken up a tad.
Having checked the time, your fears of being late are soothed. It’s half five, which is already later than normal for you. Usually, you rise with the sun at around five for work, but it would appear that yesterday tired you out enough to wake up later. You trudge to the cafeteria for breakfast, absentmindedly smoothing down the bun in your hair as you go.
Breakfast is simple, as normal. You don’t eat much in the mornings anymore, usually too rushed off your feet to have the time for a proper meal. However, today, you take full advantage of your day off and indulge in porridge with a little drizzle of honey, and two cups of tea. You expect the negotiations over your contract to take a while, especially if what Erwin said was true and things would be a little different than normal, so you want to load up on energy from the caffeine while you can.
The minutes tick by a little too quickly for your liking. Soon enough, it’s ten to six, and you decide to wrap things up in the breakfast hall as others begin to trickle in. You begin your journey to Erwin’s office, dreading how today is going to play out. Erwin’s always been kind to you, and he’s never given you a reason to dislike him, but damn, does he drive a hard bargain. You always find yourself bound by another one of his legal loopholes. For example, the last time you renewed your contract, four years ago, you thought you were signing up for five days of work and two days off. Erwin, the bastard, managed to give you five days of work in ward, one day filing and filling in paperwork, and one day off. It was admirable in the worst way possible. You only hoped it didn’t happen this time around.
You tap your knuckles against his office door twice, and the gesture is received with a “Come in” from the Commander. You push open the door and smile amicably.
“Morning, Comma-” you cut yourself off in surprise when you spot the Captain in the room as well, leaning against the wall with crossed arms and eyes that were glaring at nothing in particular. That's…seriously unusual. Erwin was a stickler for confidentiality, so why the hell was Ackerman here..?
Erwin smiles back at you. “Good morning. Please, take a seat. We have much to discuss.”
You pull out a chair and sit down, eyeing Levi suspiciously. The Commander, of course, notices, and smiles again, amused. “Let's begin. Now, I trust you and Levi know each other?”
You shrug under his expectant gaze. “Sure,” you respond. Levi mutters something you can't quite hear.
Erwin hums, resting his head where his fingers are laced together. “Mm. Matron, how would you feel about switching departments?”
It takes a moment for the question to set in, and you blink at him, brows furrowed. “Excuse me? What do you mean?”
“He wants you to join my squad, dumbass,” Levi speaks up, fixing you under his intense glare.
“I…I'm not ODM trained,” you reply dumbly. What were they playing at? You couldn't join Levi Squad. That was reserved for elite soldiers, and you hadn't set foot outside the walls once.
“We want to test out a…merging of groups, if you will,” the Commander informs you. “We'll place one elite medic in each squad to assist with immediate first aid on the field. This should help to lower the workload for nurses in the ward, and will, in turn, reduce the mortality rate. You just so happen to be our best nurse, and Levi just so happens to be our best soldier. You'll be our experiment, and if all goes well, then we'll look into expanding the project. What do you say?”
This feels a little surreal. Erwin Smith must be dumber than he looks - no way in hell are you risking death on the regular. No amount of wage increase or respect from the higher-ups would ever change your mind.
“You get two extra days off a week,” He informs you, slowly pushing the contract towards you.
You sign your name without hesitation. “Hell yes.”
Chapter 2: I Meet The Children Born Of A Love Affair Between The Avengers And The Suicide Squad
Notes:
My laptop highkey crashed as i was writing this. um. which is very bad because i have all of my gcse revision on there. so. um. anyways!! managed to get it working again. already the signs are picking up to turn away from ao3 and never look back but tbh i’ve already written like five chapters and i cba to not post them!
i got too impatient and decided to post this on sunday instead. its quite a long chapter, and i hope you all enjoy!! see you next monday!!
Chapter Text
Okay, maybe acting that rashly wasn’t a great idea. It’s not like you’d be around to enjoy your days off if you died. Besides, you should’ve had more common sense than to sign yourself away like that. You knew the consequences - had seen them, treated them before - and gave up your comfortable position just like that???
You wonder if someone spiked your tea. Nope, you made it yourself. You were simply the only person to blame. Regardless, here you were, bound by the terms Erwin set out for you for the next six months.
“The first month,” he begins, “you will spend on a fast-track training course. We have to condense four years of information down into four weeks, so you obviously won’t be as skilled as the rest of Levi Squad by the end of it. But you’ll know the basics, and should anything go wrong in the field, Levi’ll keep you safe. Currently, as a test subject, you are crucial to the project’s progress, so you’ll have numerous security measures in place.
“The second month you will spend in two halves: half one, working with Levi Squad during daily life, half two, leaving the Walls on a trial run. It is not an expedition; just letting you get affirmed with basic skills in a more independent, higher-risk environment. By the third month, we have another expedition scheduled. We’ll be taking you along for that. Months four and five, we will let the soldiers recover, and you’ll be expected to work your required hours in the ward. Then, in month six, we have another expedition planned. After that, everything having gone well, we’ll get peer assessments of your work and activity, compare statistics to before your addition to the Squad, and then begin expanding the project to other Squads. Does this all make sense?”
Your pen struggles to keep up with both Erwin and your racing mind, scratching against your notepad. “Yes, Commander,” you nod, somehow managing to keep yourself from slamming your head into his desk. “What are my required hours?”
“You’re required to work in the ward at least three full days of ten hours, paid overtime, every week. In addition to this, you need to spend another day on paperwork, but that’s the usual for you,” he elaborates. “You’ll receive three days off each week. You’re also required to undergo at least an hour of training with Levi every day, including days off. Now, there are a few exceptions to this - after expeditions, you are not required to work your usual schedule for up to ten days after the return; however, you are not discouraged from it, either. Is this all acceptable?”
Everything sounds fine, other than…the obvious. Training with Levi?? Everyday??? That felt like a special kind of torture. You couldn’t picture yourself ever enjoying time spent with the man, and after a subtle, well-timed glance at him, he clearly wasn’t the most ecstatic about it, either.
“I suppose he’ll be taking my training during month one, then,” you guess, trying to keep the bitterness out of your tone.
“Levi? Yes,” The Commander confirms. “I’ll have the rest of the details of your new contract sent to your office. You start on Monday.”
You scrawl the rest of that information down quickly, trying not to look as miserable as you feel. You don’t really know why you dislike Levi that much. Could it even be classified as a dislike? One thing was for sure - he annoyed you. He had absolutely no regard for anyone but himself, didn’t seem to be fazed by your constant nagging to leave your supply cupboard alone, and was reportedly a terrifying boss. You weren’t sure you’d ever be a fan, but it wasn’t like you even had the option to stay clear of him now - what with training and being on his squad.
“Thank you, Commander, Captain,” you say, managing a polite nod, and rising to your feet.
“You’re not going anywhere,” the shadow in the corner of the room tells you sharply, and you halt, shooting him an appraising look. “You’re meeting my Squad.”
Even more of you dies inside. Today hadn’t been anticipated to be easy, but you weren’t expecting to meet new people. Well…they weren’t exactly new, per se, but you only knew them in passing, having previously spent time with them in the ward when they were injured. Still, it felt unreasonable not to have been given at least *some* time to prepare yourself for it. You itched to tell the two men that, but deciding to put your employment first, you cave. “Right,” you answer flatly. “Lead the way, then.”
-
Levi has a very strong gut feeling that this is a bad idea, and hadn’t hesitated to tell Erwin that yesterday.
“She’ll be a liability,” he had protested the night before, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “If what those reports say is true, she’s dangerous.”
The blond had just watched him from behind his desk. “She’s more in danger here. Hange can only do so much. However, if she’s under your protection all of the time, that gives us an advantage. Let’s say a titan encounter brings something up — I need someone reliable there to tell me what’s happened. Regardless, it is beyond essential that she’s safe, and base just doesn’t cover that requirement anymore.”
Levi felt his jaw twitch. “She doesn’t like me, Erwin. I can’t watch her all the time. She’s smart. She’ll figure something’s up.”
Erwin’s brow had raised. “Is this why you’re so reluctant? Is it because she doesn’t like you?”
The overwhelming urge to roll his eyes raced through the shorter man. “You’re missing the point I’m making. People don’t spend time with people that they don’t like. She won’t want me to protect her.”
“You’ll have to figure that out, then, Levi,” Erwin responded calmly. “I don’t care what you have to do. I don’t care what you have to say. But it is imperative that you keep that woman safe.”
The conversation he’d had with Erwin the day before flashes through his mind, and he glances at you from the corner of his eye. You follow close behind him, steps quick enough not to slow him down. Better than most. At least you didn’t trip over your own boots. You walked with a kind of quiet self-assuredness, nothing arrogant, but an aura of confidence in yourself. To be expected, Levi muses to himself. I’d be worried if our Head of Medicine wasn’t confident.
The others liked her—he’d seen it. So many smiles, so many thanks muttered when they thought no one was listening. Soldiers didn’t usually cling to medics. Not unless the medic had earned it, or was just soft enough to remind them of something they’d lost.
He isn’t sure which she is yet.
Levi glances back again. You keep your eyes forward, quiet, hands held at your sides like you were pretending at discipline. Tch. At least you weren’t running your mouth.
He’d see what the squad made of her.
-
Voices carry down the hall before you even reach the door.
“I’m telling you, I was this close!”
“You? You can’t even hit a target standing still!”
“Better than your form, you swing like a drunk titan.”
Levi didn’t bother sighing. He just pushed the door open.
The squad freezes mid-argument. Petra still has her hand on her hip, Oluo’s mouth hangs open, Eld looks guilty for no reason at all, and Gunther at least has the decency to look like he wants to disappear.
Levi steps aside just enough to let you through. “Your new medic. Don’t waste her time.”
Their eyes all dart to you, and you flash a quick, awkward smile. “Uh. Hi.” You tell them your name.
Petra’s face softens immediately. “Oh! Right, I’ve seen you around the infirmary. You stitched up Oluo’s leg last month, didn’t you?”
Oluo’s head snaps up. “H-hey, we don’t need to bring that up—”
Gunther snorts, amused. “You cried about the needle.”
“I did not—!”
Eld shakes his head with a tired smile, looking at you. “Don’t mind them. They forget how to act when there’s an audience.”
Petra elbows Oluo again and steps forward, offering her hand. “I’m Petra. Officially. It’s good to have you with us.”
You smile at her, shaking her hand. “Lovely to meet you.”
Levi cuts the moment short with a flat, “You all know why she’s here, and let’s not be idiots about it. I’ll be back in a minute; I need to finish up talking to Erwin. Try not to make her feel too out of her depth.”
At that, he turns on his heel and exits, leaving you alone with the rest of his squad. It’s not quiet for long, however—you’re immediately met with clamouring.
“How long are you with us?”
“Did Erwin have to bribe you?”
“Is it true the nurses get extra rations?”
“…You didn’t tell anyone that I cried when you stitched me up, right..?”
You blink at them, feeling very much like you were out of your depth. “…one at a time, please.”
You answer their questions (”What’s the worst case you’ve ever seen?” “I…can’t disclose that.” “Have you ever been outside the Walls?” “Very firmly no.” “Oooooooh…”), before asking a few yourself.
“How many times have you guys been on expeditions?” You ask.
Petra is the first to answer. “I think I’ve been on four, and so has Oluo. But Gunther and Eld both have five.”
You hum, impressed. Most soldiers didn’t make it through the first one. “..If I ask you guys something, you won’t tell the Captain, right?”
There’s a general consensus of “Sure” and “Alright”, capped off with a haughty “Depends” from Oluo, and you question, “Is he actually a bad boss? Like, obviously, he’s Humanity’s Strongest, but I’ve heard people say he’s kinda…mean.”
A ripple of laughter circles the room, and Eld responds, “He’s not so bad. Just a tired man with probably too much responsibility.”
Gunther seems to agree, adding, “He’s not so much unkind as he is blunt. He won’t sugarcoat. He’ll tell you how it is, which can be a little hurtful in training, but it’s almost always constructive.”
“Speaking of, when do you start training?” Oluo asks. “Because, not to brag or anything, but I can totally help you out with that.”
“I start on Monday,” you return, a little bewildered at the groan that just rose across the soldiers at the man’s words. “And that’s very kind of you, but I think Levi’s training me.”
Footsteps creak behind you, and you turn to see Levi enter. He raises an eyebrow, having heard his name. “What?”
You don’t drop his gaze. “I said you’re training me.”
He keeps his eyes on you for a moment (you feel almost…tested), before shrugging and sitting down. “Yeah. I am.”
You shoot a glance at Petra, who offers you an amused smile. He’s just like that, she mouths, and you sigh, sitting down with the rest of the squad.
The rest of the morning is spent going over routines, and you learn a little more about the people you’ll be spending the next six months with. Petra is warm, friendly, the type of person to know everyone’s birthdays off by heart. She’s also impressively competent, although you suppose that’s to be expected of one of the most elite soldiers of your time. Eld is steady and reliable, almost to the point of being boring — but the type of boring that soothes with ease, the type of boring that makes you feel safe. Oluo is almost amusingly pompous, puffing himself up every time he has the chance, although it's hard not to laugh when his mouth runs faster than his brain and he starts stumbling over his words. Gunther is mostly quiet, the type of person who could fade into the background, until suddenly he isn’t, sharp-eyed and making the most sensible comment of the whole meeting.
And then, of course, there’s Captain Levi. Hard to ignore, even when he’s not speaking. He sits so still it almost seems rigid, but there’s nothing passive about it—more like a blade sheathed but never out of reach. You tell yourself you’re just cataloguing him the way you had everyone else. Still, your focus keeps snagging on pointless details: the steady tap of his fingers against the table, the sharp cut of his gaze as it flicks to whoever’s talking, the neatness of his uniform that puts everyone else’s to shame. He’s infuriatingly composed, unreadable, and far too aware of everything around him. Worse still, there’s no ignoring the fact that—objectively—he is attractive. Not in a warm, approachable way, but in a way that makes you grit your teeth because you’d already decided you don’t like him. Which, of course, only makes it more irritating that you notice at all.
You’re allowed to leave after an hour or so. Now, the rest of the day is yours, and you decide to spend it with Ruby, unloading everything you were informed of this morning over to your best friend.
“And—ugh,” you lament as you sit in the cafeteria with her at lunch, head in your hands. “I don’t know what happened. I’ve literally signed myself off to die.”
“You don’t know that,” she muses over the top of her teacup. “I mean, this is Levi Squad we’re talking about here. And the Commander said he’d make sure you’re safe. Why would he pick the Corp’s best nurse if he wasn’t going to follow through on that promise? If he was uncertain in his plan, surely he’d pick a…damn, there’s no easy way to say this. Wouldn’t he pick a more disposable medic?”
“I…suppose,” you answer, miserable. “But, still. I have an awful feeling about this.”
Ruby snorts. “Babe. You’ll literally have the Levi Ackerman looking after you. I’m fairly certain you’ll be alright. Speaking of, what’s he like? Is he hotter close up?”
You groan, giving her a dirty look. “You can’t be serious.”
“Hey, I’m just saying..!” she laughs, holding her hands up defensively. “I never get to see him. He’s always holed up in that cupboard anytime he’s in ward, and you always kick him out before I get a chance to talk to him.”
“I have to kick him out,” you huff, flicking a pea off your plate at her. “He’s always…hoking and poking about my cupboards.”
“Not code, I hope,” Ruby mutters, before squeal-laughing as you flick swarms of peas at her like some kind of strange vegetable cannon. “Joking, joking! No, but, seriously, though. If I had the chance you had, I’d be flirting an embarrassing amount.”
“The Captain isn’t the type of man you can flirt with,” you tell her. “He’d probably just give you a dirty look.”
“Like you, then,” she considers teasingly. “See, you already have something in common.”
“I’m fairly certain he doesn’t like me,” you point out. “Besides, I’m not interested.”
“You have to admit, though,” Ruby grins, poking you. “He’s smoking.”
You roll your eyes, trying to hide how the topic hit almost too close to home. That…stupid awareness you had of him earlier…it freaked you out. It wasn’t normal. “…I mean, sure, I guess,” you grumble. “I could see why someone ELSE could like him.”
Ruby lets out a long, theatrical sigh, her words dripping with exasperated affection. “You’re absolutely hopeless, babe.”
-
Monday comes before you’re ready for it, and you’re summoned to the training courts, greeted by the other members of Levi Squad. You’ve never been here before, although you’ve walked past it plenty of times to get back to your barracks from the ward. It’s divided into two large halves: one of grass, one of stone bricks. Behind the main court, there’s an ODM practice set for soldiers to polish their skills in their free time.
The grassy half is periodically broken up by obstacle courses, climbing towers, and archery targets. You had seen soldiers train here before, mostly hand-to-hand combat, although it wasn’t limited to that, either. You knew they also ran laps, practised agility, and were taught basic survival skills, too.
The stone half was mostly used whenever heavy rain fell in autumn and winter, when the grass was too waterlogged to even consider training on. It was decorated with weapons tables on each side, kept locked up by the older soldiers to prevent any overzealous, high-energy new Scouts from getting a little trigger-happy—based on an unfortunately true story (you shudder, remembering that week in the ward).
Overshadowing the court is an ODM practice set. It’s essentially a large patch of huge trees with occasional landing platforms dotted between branches, and a large net, about ten metres off the ground. You spot a few Scouts already up there, zipping through the trees with ease. It’s simultaneously mesmerising and intimidating.
You were never ODM trained. None of the nurses were—your job was to stay at base and clean up the casualties after expeditions, not join them. Once more, you find yourself facing the daunting number of skills you’ll have to learn in such a short period of time.
Your spiralling is interrupted by Petra, who waves you over, smiling amicably. “Morning!” She chirps. “Beautiful day. You ever go on ODM?”
You shake your head, trying not to look too sheepish. “Nope. I only followed the medical path.”
“S’alright,” she assures you. “As long as your balance is decent, you’ll be flying in no time. Literally. Either way, you’ve got Levi training you. There’s no way you aren’t good by the end of your training!”
“You think?” You ask doubtfully, allowing her to lead you to the supply cabinet where the harnesses are kept.
Petra nods confidently, helping you step into one. “Oh, definitely. Like Gunther said the other day, he might be a little mean, but he’ll only do it to help you improve.”
“You like him, then?” You ask absentmindedly, helping her adjust the various straps on your harness.
You don’t mean anything by your question, but you could swear she tenses at it. However, her reaction is over before you have a chance to process it. “…He’s always been nice to me,” she comes up with, her tone even. “Nicer than with the guys.”
Deciding not to press further, you change the subject. “Any tips?” You say, half joking, light-heartedness, half genuine anxiety.
The other woman thinks for a moment, double-checking all of your buckles. “Hm,” she hums. “Probably…just trust your instincts. I know it sounds stupid, but seriously, once you know the basics, your body kinda takes control. Besides, should something go wrong, the net’ll catch you.”
You grimace-smile at that, accepting the fact you’ll probably have more than a few bruises dotted across your skin by the end of the day. Petra smiles back at you, apparently having a lot more faith in you than you do yourself. The gear weighs heavily on your hips, and you wonder how you’re supposed to move around as freely as the others do with this much extra weight on you.
“Okie dokie. I’ll go get Levi. He’s up with the guys,” she tells you, before shooting off into the trees with a practised ease.
Your eyes follow her until they can’t anymore, lost amongst the maze of branches, and you consider her for a moment. She’s sweet. You can’t imagine it’s been easy for her, the only woman in a group of men. Still, she’s brightly optimistic and friendly. You think back to the question you asked her. You like him, then? Her reaction was…interesting, to say the least, although you’re not entirely sure you didn’t just imagine it.
“Oi, Bandages, over here,” you hear a familiar voice bark, and you glance up to watch the Captain land gracefully on the ground beneath the trees. You make your way over to him.
“Bandages?” You inquire dryly.
He ignores you. “You’re starting on a lighter harness, but it’ll only get heavier from here. Yours, at the minute, is 6kg. The one the rest of the Scouts wear is 14kg, with the fully loaded scabbards and swords included, so don’t get used to the dinky little one you’ve got.”
“Right,” you mutter. “So how does any of this work?”
Over the next twenty minutes, he describes to you the various components of the gear. You have to hand it to him, he’s good at explaining things. He doesn’t spend so long on each topic that it gets confusing, but he doesn’t glide over things, either. You occasionally ask questions, and he answers clearly. It’s honestly impressive. You wonder how long he’s been doing this.
Levi’s eyes weigh heavily on yours. “Any more questions?” he asks flatly. You really wish he’d stop staring you down like that. When you shake your head, he beckons you over to the base of one of the trees.
“Try and get up to that platform,” he tells you, watching you expectantly.
You blink. Already?? Glancing down at the gear resting on your hips and at the empty sword handles in your hands. You take a deep breath, pray to whoever’s listening that nothing goes wrong, before pressing the button on the handles.
The effect is immediate. The gas hisses from the canister as you shoot off into the trees, having completely missed your mark. You swear loudly, very nearly crashing into a very disgruntled Oluo, before managing to grab onto a particularly thick tree branch, knocking the breath out of yourself. You dangle haphazardly from it, feeling your hands slip.
Levi’s on the branch in seconds, giving you a hand to pull yourself up into a standing position. “I believe I asked for the platform, not a branch, Bandages,” he mutters. “Listen. You fucked up your angle. Every single joint is important in getting where you wanna go. Next time, point your hips in the angle you want to go and push forward with them. Don’t jump; push.”
You spend the rest of your day in the trees with him. You fall into the net more times than you’d like to admit, and you lose track of how many times the Captain rolls his eyes at you, but eventually, you get a loose handle on directing yourself. Your take-offs and landings still leave much to be desired, and you’re still not very comfortable in the air, but you must be doing something right, because Levi allows you to come down.
“Good,” he tells you gruffly. “We’ll work on taking off tomorrow, but you’re a fast learner. Well done.”
You try not to think about how his praise, albeit begrudging, leaves your thoughts glowing. “Thank you,” you say, daring to give him a slight smile. “Same time tomorrow?”
He nods, before leaving you alone to wrestle off your harness. You walk to dinner with the rest of the squad, but sit with your friends from the ward. They’re a little strange with you today. Like…you’re no longer one of them. It’s nothing in what they say. They make the same inside jokes, discuss the same patients, complain about the same things. But…you just get a feeling.
Ruby, thankfully, is the same as always with you. She’s a sponge for information, desperate for anything interesting. You tell her about your failures, and she laughs them off with an easy grin. You tell her about your conversation with Petra, and she makes a few dry comments about how she wants to “steal your man”, which you quickly shut her up about. You tell her about Levi and his words to you at the end. She obsesses over that part, fascinated by what she had dubbed her “little case project”.
“Oh, come on, babe,” she huffs. “He was nice to you. He totally wants you.”
You roll your eyes so hard that you think they might roll back into your skull. “Ruby, he literally didn’t do anything. He just told me that I was a fast learner.”
“Ugh, but you’re oblivious,” Ruby snorts. “I guarantee it. Give it a few months. I mean, who wouldn’t have a thing for you?”
“My boss, who literally just needs an extra day off,” you say, glowering at her.
“You’re so defensive of him already,” she giggles.
-
The first week of your training flies by. You slowly but surely learn more. You learn to completely relax your muscles until it's just about time to land. You learn to change your grip and thus change your direction midair. You learn to dodge sudden obstacles. You’re still new to it all, and tend to fall back on old instincts when you stress yourself out, but you find yourself gradually adapting.
Levi seems pleased with you, too, not that he tells you that. He’s hard to read, you realise, but not impossible. His body language betrays him. The occasional nod means good. Fingers tapping on his crossed arms means questionable. A raised brow or side glance generally means you screwed something up.
The second week provides slightly better results on the Levi Body Language Scale. You pull through, having only found yourself subjected to the screw-up reactions fourteen times. Landing is no longer a gamble with your knees—no, now you can both take off and land with ease. You still stumble a little, but it's better than before. Levi teaches you how to drop and rise.
Week three provides a whole set of new struggles. Levi prompts you to go faster. Up until now, you’ve stayed at a fairly slow speed, not wanting to tempt fate. You hadn’t fallen since the middle of week two, and you would’ve liked to keep it that way. In addition to that, you’d moved up to the full weight, which definitely didn’t help matters. Still, with encouragement from the rest of the Squad, you push through, and find it…surprisingly freeing. You like the feeling of the wind against your face, the security of landing, the ease with which you could manoeuvre yourself. After you learn that, you are immediately put onto the Titan combat training. That in itself is hard enough, what with all the sudden movements you have to make and the heaviness of the gear, without the fact that you now also have to find time to switch out your blades without stopping movement.
Still, you can feel your endurance building. You’re still by no means perfect, and you still ogle at how graceful the other soldiers make it seem, but Levi curtly reminds you that they’ve had four years, and you’ve had three weeks.
“They spent years learning shit you had to learn in hours,” he informs you gruffly.
Week four is simultaneously the hardest and easiest week yet. It’s a recap week—you go over everything over and over again. You fall twice. You bruise yourself a lot more than that. Finally, it’s the night before your assessment.
You try not to think about the fact that if you fail the assessment, Erwin will have no choice but to make you repeat the first month, and by extension, delay the next expedition.
“You’re too valuable,” he had told you. “You need to be able to protect yourself.”
You’ve been up here for hours now. Circuiting the course again and again until you can’t get it wrong. Each time, you mess something up—a sloppy landing here, a too-late manoeuvre there—and you’re so focused on correcting yourself that you don’t notice when another person joins you on the course.
You stand on the first platform, panting heavily as you try and think through the route you want to follow through the trees. You only notice someone’s there when you hear the familiar whizz of ODM landing beside you.
“They’re not looking for perfection, Bandages,” the Captain tells you, and you jump, looking over your shoulder to spot him. “They need to know that you have basic skills, which you do. You’ll be fine.”
“You’re sure?” you ask him, still doubting yourself. “I keep stumbling over my landings.”
Levi moves to stand beside you. “Mind if I check something?”
You raise an eyebrow. “Sure, I guess.”
He kneels before you, fiddling with something on your gear. A subtle thrill darts through you, quickly swallowed by a wave of self-awareness. What was wrong with you? He was just checking your gear, nothing else. You swallow, busying your hands with the buckles across your chest.
“Yeah, thought so,” he mutters, more to himself than to you. His gaze picks up to meet your eyes. “Loose cog. You’ve been off kilter because of your gear.”
Relief floods you. So it wasn’t you, it was just crappy training gear. Suddenly, passing tomorrow seems a lot more achievable.
-
Levi stands from where he had kneeled, trying not to look too pleased with himself. He had to admit, you were…half decent, considering you had only been in gear for a few weeks. His eyes dart over your face, trying to read what you’re thinking. You look relieved. Levi didn’t like to think about how much time he spent wondering what you were thinking. If what Erwin’s reports on you had said was true, then you didn’t know who you were, or what you could do.
“Listen, Bandages,” he begins, a little begrudgingly. He didn’t want to be the one to tell you this. You were under enough stress as it was, and he seriously didn’t want to set something off. “Once you pass, we’ll be taking you out around the Walls for a bit. You need experience before an expedition. Don’t fuck tomorrow up, otherwise we’ll have to delay the actual expedition for a few months.”
He watches your face fall a little, regretting having to be the one to tell you that. See, that was the problem. You’re nice. Regrettably so. He doesn’t like putting too much pressure on you, since you quite literally are a subconscious ticking time bomb. Still, he opens his stupid mouth again.
“You’ll be fine,” Levi tells you awkwardly. “Just don’t try any acrobatics. Your spine would pop out of your throat like a really fucked up slingshot.”
Your face falls even further, and he cusses himself out mentally. It would appear that his joke didn’t land. “Not- Not that that’s likely,” he manages, before launching himself around the course at top speed.
His cheeks burn, and he spits out every swear he can think of. The hell was wrong with him? You clearly didn’t need his dumbass choking out low-level jokes at you, especially after he had just dropped the bomb on you that if you fail tomorrow, Erwin will have to delay a lot of stuff. He desperately hopes he didn’t look too stupid there.
-
Whatever relief you had just felt is quickly washed away, and you watch the Captain glide gracefully through the course, intimidated like your first day all over again. Why would he say that?? Was that even a possibility?
You groan, head in your hands. You can only hope tomorrow goes well.
Chapter Text
You don’t sleep. Like, at all. The fear of not being enough keeps you up, and Levi’s comment yesterday had been enough to put you even further on edge.
Still, you pull yourself out of bed and get ready. Can’t pass if I don’t go, you remind yourself miserably. The water is still cold in the bathroom, and it’s only getting worse, what with summer slowly being left behind.
You don’t eat breakfast, but you do sit with Ruby for a while in the cafeteria, where she repeatedly tries shoving bread rolls down your throat.
“You should never take an exam on an empty stomach,” she advises. “Especially practical ones. God, I remember totally flunking a practical back in med school ‘cause I was too nauseous to eat anything, haha!!”
You raise an eyebrow at her, sipping your tea. “Wow. You’re so helpful,” you mutter, trying to block out the noise of the bustling canteen.
Ruby just beams back at you. “Just doing what I can, babe!”
You’re about to reply when you feel a tap on your shoulder. Turning around, you find yourself face-to-face with Hange, grinning cheerfully at you. “Good to see you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!” They announce. “Levi told me you’re getting assessed today. I thought I’d swing by, y’know, see how you feel about it.”
You manage a queasy smile. “Just peachy.”
Ruby and Hange both snort at the same time. “You’ll be fine, my lovely,” Hange assures. “Ooh, by the way, I have an update on Noah Schmidt.”
You have to think for a moment to remember who they’re referring to—it’s been a long, busy couple of weeks. It only takes a few seconds before you’re hyper-alert, and you feel Ruby stiffen beside you. “Oh? What’s new?”
“We had an autopsy performed,” they inform you. “We found remnants of an unknown drug in his bloodstream. You were right, Matron. It wasn’t just adrenaline keeping him doped up. It was something else.”
Your jaw hangs open in shock. “That’s…that’s insane. I mean, I knew there was something wrong with that case, but…still. Were you able to study the drug?”
Hange shakes their head, lip curling inwards in disappointment. “It was too diluted by his blood, and it completely evaporated when exposed to air. So, unless one of your nurses is an evil pharmaceutical genius and drugged him when he came back to the ward, something very bad happened to him on that expedition—other than the obvious, of course.”
Ruby swears softly beside you, appearing just as shocked as you are. “..Have you asked Levi about any of this? Anything out of the ordinary happening on that expedition?”
“Nothing he could see,” is the answer. “But, then again, he made it very clear to me that he had been focused on the titans, not his Squad that day. He didn’t have any time to watch him.”
You frown, thinking over the details. All of your nurses were exceptionally good people, other than the whole…strange behaviour around you recently. You had chalked that up to the fact that you were now technically part of two factions within the Scouts and no longer entirely theirs, but what if there was something more sinister behind it..?
“Relax, babe, you’re overthinking again,” Ruby soothes you, but she looks just as freaked out as you do. “We can ponder over this after you smash that assessment, yeah?”
Hange nods vigorously. “Oh, definitely. I didn’t tell you that to ruffle your feathers. I’m in Sina with Erwin for a few days, proposing the next expedition, and I didn’t know if I’d be able to see you again before I leave. I just thought you should know, but again, you put me and my big mouth out of your head until after your victory.”
You give them both a thankful smile. “Thanks, guys,” you sigh. “I just hope I live up to expectations.”
“Oh, sure you will,” Hange scoffs. “Listen, if Levi is telling me about your skills, then trust me, you’ll be fine.”
You blink at them, and Ruby softly screams, grabbing your bicep. “See!!” She grins. “Further evidence supporting my project!!”
You flash her a dirty look, but not before Hange jumps in with a “Project? What project?”
Ruby immediately launches into a description of her dumbass obsession, and it leaves your other friend giving you a huge shit-eating grin.
“What did he say about her?” Ruby begs, desperately searching for crumbs of information.
“That she’s showing impressive progress for someone with no experience.”
“Oh my God.”
“And that he doubts she’ll fail.”
“Oh my God.”
“And that Erwin and I can finalise all the details because he’s expecting at least a merit from her.”
“Oh my God!!”
“You people are ridiculous,” you huff, trying to hide the way Levi’s apparent words made you feel. It doesn’t help that the tips of your ears have turned a slight red.
“She’s blushing!!” Ruby squeals, ecstatic, and Hange just beams at you.
“I think I’ll be getting in on this project action,” they announce, clapping your shoulder. “Anyways. I need to finish packing; I kept procrastinating last night. Listen, my darling, you’ll do great, hm? I expect to see you with a beautiful new cloak by the time I’m back!”
You stand and give them a quick hug, watching them walk away, waving at you and Ruby. When you sit back down, your friend is staring at you with the most slimy grin you think is possible.
“What?” you grumble over the rim of your teacup.
“You like him.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Sure you do.”
“I seriously, genuinely don’t.”
“Is that smoke I smell? Oh, no, babe, your pants are on fire!!”
“End it all, dumbass.”
-
Levi meets you at the training grounds. You don’t meet his eyes, afraid of thinking too hard about the things Hange told you he had said.
“Head up,” he mutters. “They look for confidence, and you look like you’re about to pass out.”
You push your head up just in time to spot two people walking toward you and Levi. “That’s them,” he tells you under his breath. “Think before you move. And remember. Push.”
You nod subtly to him, greeting the assessors with a brief smile. “Good morning.”
There are two of them—a tall, slim man who raises an eyebrow at you and Levi, and a shorter woman who shakes your hand. “Good morning!” She responds cheerfully. “Let’s not beat around the bush, hm? I’d love for you to do a quick circuit of the route you usually take. Don’t stress yourself out too much; consider it a warm-up.”
Levi nods once at you, and you swing yourself up into the trees, letting muscle memory take over. Petra had been right, all those weeks ago. Once you knew the basics, the rest came naturally. You land neatly on the first platform, resting only for a few seconds before launching off to the second, third, fourth and fifth platforms. You dodge a few overgrown leaves and swing to the side of netting and tree trunks with ease, eventually landing down beside them again.
Levi and the tall man seem to be telepathically exchanging death threats, and you wonder what’s going on with that, but you put it out of your head when the woman gives you your next direction.
“Lovely,” she nods, jotting something down on her clipboard, which she holds out of your vision. “Now, try and ‘kill’ the dummy titans we’ve had placed throughout the course.”
So you do. You miss a few, but swing through the course again to finish off the job. Your heart pounds as you land again, hoping you haven’t messed anything up, but Levi appears to have stopped glaring daggers at the other man and gives you a brief nod, which you take to mean that what you did was acceptable.
After that, you’re instructed through the rest of the course. It feels less high-stakes than you were expecting. You’re told to carry varying weights through it, told to scale a particularly tall tree in five or fewer swings, told to change your blades midair, and finally, told to follow the course as many times as possible until failure or empty gas tanks. You manage seventeen laps before coming down, the familiar squeaky hiss of the canisters a tell-tale sign that you’re running low.
“Wonderful. I think that’s all we need to see from you,” the lady smiles, and Levi beckons you away from the pair.
“They need time to confer,” he tells you when you raise an eyebrow at him.
“Was I okay?” you ask, picking at your fingernails subconsciously.
He gives you another small nod. “You were fine. You’ll pass. And if you don’t, they need their eyes checked.”
You manage a queasy smile, before remembering something. “Hey, the man. Do you not like him?”
Levi raises an eyebrow at you. “What’s it to you?”
“Just curious,” you huff.
“He’s a piece of shit MP.”
“What’s wrong with the MPs?”
“Think they’re better than everyone else.”
“They kinda are. They’re the top ten of each year of cadets. Besides, the lady seemed nice.”
He rolls his eyes at that. “I get that, dumbass. Doesn’t change the fact that they’re dickheads who wouldn’t survive an hour outside the walls. And she’s the worst of them. Harshest marker, too.”
You’re about to press further (and no doubt be faced with a scathing look and a blunt request to shut up) when you notice the pieces of shit MPs beckoning you over, and you and the Captain return to their sides. Dread coils in your gut. Despite Levi’s confidence in you, you’re yet to feel yourself reflect that. You know you’re not bad on ODM, but you’re not great, either.
“Now!” the lady smiles. “We’ve had a bit of a debate, and we’ve come to a conclusion. You need to work on your manoeuvres a lot more, and unfortunately, you lost a few marks for needing two runs to fall the dummies. Your gas conservation leaves much to be desired—you spend too much of it on movements that require far less, not to mention you hold your blades backwards.”
You feel sick. You totally failed. But what was wrong with your blades? That was how Levi had taught you to hold them. Luckily for you, he speaks up. “The blades are correct. That’s how I hold them.”
The lady’s smile doesn’t falter. “It’s incorrect on the specification, and she will be marked wrong as such.”
Levi stares daggers at her. “I’ve killed more titans than you’ve had hot dinners. Mark her right.”
“Just do it,” the taller man mutters darkly, clearly wanting to leave. Sighing, the woman adjusts something on her clipboard and continues.
“…Regardless, we’ve had more to consider in your case than in previous years. You’ve had to learn a lot over these past 28 days, and even I think it would be a little cruel not to give you at least a little credit for that. Thus, you have been awarded a distinction in ODM, with one hundred and thirty-six marks out of one hundred and fifty. Well done.”
You feel a heavy weight lift off your shoulders, and you release a breath you didn’t realise you were holding. Distinction. You only missed out on fourteen marks. You could cry actual, genuine tears of relief right now.
“We’ll send through your certificate within nine to twelve business days,” she continues, talking as if she has this memorised, “and it’ll be up to the Scouts to provide you with any new uniform, equipment, or badges that come alongside your position. Pleasure meeting you. Have a lovely day.”
You’re a little surprised at the abrupt end to your assessment, but can’t help the small smile that crosses your features.
“Told you so,” Levi drawls, starting the walk back to the barracks.
You scoff light-heartedly. “Don’t even start with that, Captain.”
-
Unsurprisingly, Ruby nearly evaporates when you tell her your results, but if you’re being honest with yourself, she’s probably even more excited about the fact that the Captain walked you all the way back to the nurses’ barracks.
“He’s walking you places now,” she groans into a sofa pillow. “It’s meant to be. Oh my fuck.”
“Ruby, he’s being a normal guy. Besides, his barracks are really near ours.”
Her head perks up at that, brows furrowed. “No, they’re not.”
You raise an eyebrow. “That’s what he said when I told him he didn’t need to walk me back.”
She grins manically at you. “Nope, they’re definitely not. I remember, ‘cause I had a day off a few weeks ago and I decided to help with deliveries, and I noticed that his room is on the other side of base. I remember noting it because I wanted to make a joke to you about distance making the heart grow stronger or some dumb shit.”
You can’t help but blink at her. The Captain had one hundred per cent told you his barracks were nearby. Either he had a really wack sense of distance, or he lied about a seemingly irrelevant detail. But for what reason? You don’t like to admit it, but…Ruby’s perhaps right to question his motives here.
-
“She achieved distinction,” Levi reports to the Commander. He refuses to look as freaked out as he feels after the stunt he just pulled. He can only hope that you don’t actually know where he sleeps.
“Mm, that’s good,” Erwin responds, flicking through his files for the ones he needs to bring to Sina with him. “I won’t need to delay the expedition after all. But—Levi. There’s something else.”
Well, shit. That bodes well.
“I’m not sure if Hange has informed you of this already,” he continues, pausing his rifling through paperwork to meet Levi’s eyes. “But Noah Schmidt was drugged.”
Levi’s eyes narrow, watching Erwin closely. “I’m aware.”
“We have reason to believe it occurred in the ward.”
Levi’s brows furrowed. His first assumption—that Noah had done it to himself the night before—suddenly rang hollow. The man was a notorious drunk, always bragging about whatever rotgut or powder he’d shoved into his system before expeditions. It was easy to blame recklessness. Too easy. “…What proof?”
“Hange says the compound evaporates in open air. Street thugs wouldn’t have the equipment to handle it. Labs would. Controlled labs.” Erwin’s tone was cool, matter-of-fact.
The more Levi thinks about it, the more he realises he missed on the first review of the case. Erwin was right. “Which Sina has,” he thinks aloud.
Erwin nods pointedly. “Exactly. And where do most of our medications in the ward come from?”
“Sina..” Levi ground out, blood chilling. “And only nurses have access.”
“Hence why we believe it was internal. I want a full review of Noah’s care that night—who brought him in, who signed him over, who treated him. The Matron may have reported it, but she isn’t exempt.”
Levi almost laughed. You? A killer? Absurd. And yet—he forced himself to take that step back. Getting comfortable was how you walked into traps.
“How do you expect me to get that kind of information without tipping her off?”
“I don’t,” Erwin replied smoothly. “I expect you to gain her trust. Keep her close. Hange was my eyes before. Now you are. Every detail you can glean is vital.”
Levi’s jaw tightened. There it was. Doing Erwin’s dirty work for him, once again. “So you want me playing watchdog and spy. I thought I was here to protect her, not corner her.”
“You’re still protecting her,” Erwin said, voice as steady as stone. “Besides, she isn’t my prime suspect. That title belongs to someone else. And if I’m correct, that’s someone who’s been operating far too well, for far too long.”
Levi frowns at him, taking a step forward. “Who do you think did it?”
Erwin fixed him under his icy blue gaze. “My suspect’s name is—”
-
The expedition takes place about two weeks after Erwin and Hange come back from Sina. Ever since you passed your assessment, you’ve been working your new contract hours. The ward is the same as ever, other than the nagging suspicion you’ve now developed of your co-workers. It doesn’t help that they’re still treating you like some kind of outsider.
It’s almost a relief, then, when training with Levi rolls around each evening. You’re still a little on edge around him, and he’s still rather blunt with you, but the transition from barely talking other than to boot him out of the ward to now seeing him every day was surprisingly smooth. He’s surprisingly easy to talk to. Not that you often have casual conversations with him, but if you have questions about your form or need help with something, he doesn’t seem to mind assisting.
Soon enough, you move on to hand-to-hand with him. He doesn’t go easy on you, but it’s evident he’s holding back considerably. He could seriously hurt you if he wanted to, you know that, but the most that he’s ever done is winded you and told you to toughen up more.
With each session, he adds more layers and things to know. It’s slightly overwhelming, what with your daily workload in ward and stressing about the trip outside the walls soon, but you somehow manage to keep yourself afloat.
Speaking of the trip outside the walls, it rolls around faster than you’d have liked. Before you know it, you’re sat on a horse in the centre of Levi Squad. Levi’s directly in front of you, beckoning the rest of the Squad forward towards the gate, which towers imposingly in front of you. On either side of you sit Petra and Eld, who both share cheerful words of encouragement. You don’t know how they’re so positive when death quite literally sits outside of those gates. Eld chats with Gunther behind him as you all ride forward, Oluo sitting behind Petra. The pentagonal position with you at the centre is apparently safest, according to Erwin.
“That way, there’s very little chance anything gets through to you, Matron,” he had assured you. Now, as the gate slowly creaks open, you can only hope he didn’t find it amusing to lie.
Still, you can’t help how your jaw drops as you ride out with your friends and view the astonishing landscape. It just….keeps going. Lush, rolling green hills, as far as the eye can see. If you strain your eyes, you can spot a towering treeline on the horizon, which is presumably a forest. There are a few trees in patches here and there across the grass, and more wildflowers than you’ve ever seen in your life under the hooves of the horses. You drink everything in hungrily, gulping down the air. It feels fresher.
It also feels familiar.
You don’t have a chance to think about that, as Petra tilts her head to you, smiling. “Pretty, isn’t it?”
You pick up your jaw and smile dazedly back at her. It’s almost too much. “Gorgeous. I never…I didn’t realise it went on so far.”
“No dilly-dallying,” Levi grunts from the front. “We have an hour. Let’s make the most of it.”
“Why are there no Titans?” You ask curiously. Inside your head, outside the walls would be a horrible place, full of flattened, dry land from the swarms of titans out there. Apparently not, because you don’t spot a single one.
“They tend not to come too close to the walls,” Petra explains. “Some do, but most of the time, they’re further out. Besides, there have been so many expeditions that start from the South gate that there just aren’t really all that many Titans left here anymore. If we were to go from the North Gate, there would be a lot more.”
You hum in agreement. “I see. That’s…good?”
“It’s never good to lower your guard,” Eld advises. “There could be one right around that bend, y’know.”
“There isn’t,” Levi drawls. “We’d have heard it’s fatass by now.” Oluo nods vigorously in agreement.
“Do we know where titans come from?” You question, suddenly curious.
“Not currently, no,” Petra sighs. “Hange’s been working on that for years, though.”
The horses’ hooves make barely any noise as your group moves around the wall. You all stay close, and you stop after 25 minutes or so to turn back. You're almost…disappointed. Almost.
On the journey back, you hear a thudding noise, just in front of you, hidden by the curve of the wall. Suddenly, everyone's stiffened, their backs as straight as humanly possible. Before you can register what's happening, Levi has shot his ODM hooks into a notch in the wall and swung around the next bend. There's another thud, louder this time, and a hiss of steam. Levi walks back, sleeves and blades doused in titan blood, which is steaming off of him.
“Shit..” you mutter, surprised at how quickly everything happened. “Are you okay, Captain?”
“Fine. Everyone stay alert,” he responds gruffly, wiping his blades clean on the side of a tree before sheathing them and hoisting himself back onto his horse.
You feel less buoyant from that point on. The titan is nothing more than a hunk of steaming, rancid-smelling flesh by the time your horses ride past it, and you stare at what's left of it with awe. It was clearly huge.
“First time seeing one?” Gunther whispers. “Consider yourself lucky your first one is dead. It only gets worse from here, not to, y'know, freak you out or nothin'.”
“You have a real knack for soothing people, y'know that?” you huff back.
Ruby is all over you when you get back. She’s evidently been crying, and it hits you that the only reason she’s been so nonchalant about all this is to keep you from spiralling. She’s been trying to take your mind off of it, to keep your head up, and you’ve been so stressed out you didn’t even realise it. You’re struck with a wave of affection for her.
Levi eventually drags you away from her to talk to Erwin. The Commander apparently wants to tell you about the upcoming expedition.
“We’ll be setting off in two weeks,” he informs you. “It’s a little earlier than previously expected, but we want an expedition before the rains start.”
You nod along. That all makes sense. “What’ll we be doing?”
“Your job is to help with any injuries as soon as possible,” Erwin informs you. You already know this, of course, but he’s made it very clear that you won’t be expected to slay any titans.
“That’ll be Levi Squad’s job,” he tells you. “You have a few emergency briefings to go to before then. It’s all simple stuff. What different colour flares mean, what to do if you lose your horse, what to do if you lose your Squad, etc. It’s not a long expedition this time. Just a few kilometres south, to the Titan Forest.”
“Will there be overnights?” You question, wondering how that works.
“Not this time. Not that it’s a problem on longer expeditions, either—Titans become inactive at night, much like humans. As long as you go to bed after dark and rise before the sun, there shouldn’t be any problems.”
“…Okay. Will I be provided with a medkit, or is that for me to supply myself?”
“You’ll be given a few basic pieces of equipment. Anything else you deem fit, you’re more than welcome to bring along.”
With all your questions asked, and with everything Erwin wanted to say out of the way, you’re allowed to leave for dinner.
“Hey, Bandages,” the Captain begins after a minute, walking by your side to the cafeteria together. “You still up for this?”
You shrug, trying not to think too hard about what could potentially be your death. “No backing out now, right?”
“Seriously. If…if you want out, I can convince Erwin.”
You stop, turning to face him. “…You would?”
He looks away, face set in a scowl. “Whatever.”
You give him a slightly surprised smile, but shake your head. “I’m not a wuss. Sure, I probably should back out while I still can, but I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I went back on my promise.”
You think he frowns. It’s hard to tell with Levi; his expressions range between seriously pissed off and only mildly pissed off. “You should be a wuss. You- never mind. I...Petra wants you to eat with us tonight.”
You raise an eyebrow. “Wow, actually? Uhm…I’m not sure, though. I don’t want my friends from the ward to think I’m abandoning them.”
“It’s not abandonment,” he scoffs. “It’s eating somewhere.”
You both reach the door to the canteen and enter. “Still,” you smile. “I don’t want to offend them. Thanks anyway.”
Levi doesn’t say anything more, simply walking over to his table. He’s the first there, and it’s almost amusing to see him sitting alone, scowling at everything that enters his eyeline.
Ruby seems to have noticed this, too. “Did he at least confess his love when he ripped you from my arms?” she mutters, huffing. “I was so worried today. Did you see any titans?”
You snort. “No, and yes.”
Her jaw drops. “Actually? Oh my fuck. What did it look like? Was it big? Did you kill it?”
Wrinkling your nose, you recollect the story to her, and she’s suitably grossed out by your description. “But your husband was hot covered in blood, right?” She asks anxiously, almost more concerned about that than about the titan. “Also. Why’s he so sad? And where’s the rest of his Squad?”
“Oh, they have the rest of today off. I think a lot of them are visiting family,” you answer absentmindedly, before suddenly sitting up straighter and staring at Ruby.
She blinks at you. “What, is there something in my teeth?”
“Ruby. Holy fuck. They’re visiting family,” you answer, eyes wide.
Your friend just raises an eyebrow at you. “…So?”
You grab her bicep. “He said Petra wanted to eat with me tonight. Petra’s not here. Holy fuck, he asked me to eat with him.”
Ruby barely has a chance to clamp her hand over her mouth before she screams, eventually grabbing you and continuing her banshee impression into your shoulder. “Do you believe me now?” She asks hoarsely.
You manage a shaky nod. “This is insanity. Wait, are we sure it’s not just because I’m technically in his Squad?”
Ruby scowls at you. “Shh. We’re having a moment. Don’t ruin this with being sensible.”
-
The next two weeks fly by. You find yourself watching Levi a little too closely. He doesn’t mention dinner, and you don’t either. It’s as if you and Ruby hallucinated it.
You and Levi don’t talk much until the night before the expedition, after training ends. You’ve downed the last of your water and stretch your arms, trying to relieve the tension stuck in your body.
“You ready for tomorrow?” He asks gruffly, using his shirt to wipe his sweat off his forehead. Damn, he looks good.
“Nope,” you respond simply. “But I don’t think I ever will be, to be honest.”
“The first time is always the hardest,” he shares after a moment’s silence. “Listen, Bandages, while we’re out there, you need to stick close to me. You have very little chance of survival otherwise.”
You wince at that. “Wowzers. Thanks. That inspires confidence.”
Levi just rolls his eyes at you. “It’s not meant to. The more anxious you are out there, the better. You catch more when you’re not blinded by your own confidence.”
“Are you anxious when you’re out there?” You question.
His expression darkens. “Every damn time.”
Notes:
can you guess what exam board i based the award system off? yup. abrsm...my clarinet HATES to see an exam coming. anyways!! thank you all so much for all the hits, kudos, and bookmarks!! it really means a lot to me that so many people like my silly little story. also, thank you to the lovely person who commented - it came at a really hard time for me, which only made me appreciate it more.
any advice is super appreciated. this is my first time writing fanfiction, and i fear i have a tendency to waffle on about irrelevant things and not go into detail about things that matter, so if you have any constructive criticism, please feel free to share!!
expect a really long chapter next week - in this household we only accept 4500+ word chapters! love you all so much. xoxo, raybansarecool
pagsabatas on Chapter 1 Thu 04 Sep 2025 12:31AM UTC
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raybansarecool on Chapter 1 Thu 04 Sep 2025 03:47PM UTC
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h (Guest) on Chapter 3 Sun 07 Sep 2025 10:08PM UTC
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raybansarecool on Chapter 3 Sun 07 Sep 2025 10:11PM UTC
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