Goodnight, Dad, I Love You

by bikingszn

Summary:

In which Shoto Todoroki and Katsuki Bakugou tackle Shoto’s trauma

Chapter 1: Spill

Shoto had never viewed himself as ‘traumatized’ before coming to U.A.; he’d figured what he’d gone through was normal. A normal experience every child goes through to become strong and achieve their goals. That was until he met his classmates and their parents. They were nothing like what he expected. Calm, loving, bright smiles on their faces when they saw their children again during the weekends. Nothing like the scowls and harsh tones he avoided.

The breaking point for him came on a dark winter night when he once again spent his weekend in the dorms. However, he wasn’t alone this time. Katsuki was there, too. They’d become closer after the war, often seeking each other’s company. Shoto liked the blonde being there, watching him cook a meal for them in the dormitory assigned kitchen. He would be lying if he said it wasn't domestic, that their interactions didn’t hold romantic undertones. Katsuki was like a rock in a river with heavy currents to Shoto, someone he could rely on when his thoughts got just a little too harsh, when the nightmares became too heavy.

Shoto leaned against the counter, watching Katsuki handle the vegetables he cut like he’d studied for it in a previous life. He averted his gaze, staring down at the glass he held in his hands.

“Do your parents usually yell, Katsuki?”

He asked, voice slightly quieter than it usually was as his eyes came up to meet surprised crimson ones. Katsuki had pressed him about Enji before, about why he asked the blonde to meet in the common room in the middle of the night with tear-stained cheeks. Shoto never answered, buried it deep inside. He couldn’t hurt his father’s public image more than it already was.

“Duh, ‘course they do. Specifically, my ma, though, screams like a witch.”

He answered, putting the knife he was holding down to turn and face Shoto instead. It was clear he knew more was about to spill from Shoto’s lips.

“Did she hit you? Or your father?”

Were the words that came next, and Katsuki swore he could feel his heart sink when he heard those words. Sure, he’d suspected it since the start, but that didn’t make it less painful. Mitsuki often gave him smacks over the head, but he was fully aware that Shoto didn’t mean those kinds of hits. What was he even supposed to reply?

“..Did yours?”

Katsuki answered after a moment of silence, and Shoto looked back down at his cup in return, multicolored strands of hair falling in front of his face.

“I don't get it. I would never be able to do that to someone who wears my face.”

Shoto answered, and Katsuki couldn’t help but huff in return. Of course, Shoto couldn’t; he was a respectable human being. The blonde had his personal opinions on Enji, yes. He hated his guts more than most of the villains he knew.

“You don’t get it ‘cause he’s a monster and you’re not.”

Katsuki replied honestly, studying Shoto’s face for a second before turning back to his cutting board. It seemed like Shoto was done talking, and his suspicion was confirmed when the boy took a few steps closer, head coming down to rest on Katsuki’s shoulder. The shorter male brought his hand up, finding home in Shoto’s hair to give it a ruffle.

Chapter 2: Nightmares

Summary:

Is it normal for friends to share a bed? For them it is

Hours after their interaction, at three A.M., Shoto sat up in his bed while heaving. His hand came up to his chest, subconsciously clutching at the fabric of his shirt as he attempted to catch his breath. It almost seemed like it was no use; he already felt the wetness on his cheeks. He remembered every detail of the nightmare he’d had seconds ago, the way his father looked at him, the way he’d hurt his mother, who was now curled up on the floor. It was all too real. The noises, the smells, the familiar glare Shoto had received, the way his small body was unable to protect his mother, and he was punished for it. It was a memory turned into a nightmare.

Despite his several attempts to calm down, he simply couldn’t. Even his quirk had a physical response to his nightmare, his right arm covered in small patches of ice. He assumed it was because that was how he’d tried to protect his mother back then, much to his father’s disdain (who wanted him to use his left).

Shoto stood up from his mattress, for once leaving his sheets messy as his bare feet made their way to the door. Even in his panicked state, as if it were an automatic response, he slowly made his way through the halls to find Katsuki’s dorm. He lifted his hand, leaving a barely audible, soft knock on the wood. In return, shuffling noises came from the other side: no grumbling, no yelling, just a sign of his insomnia-suffering friend getting up from his bed.

Within the thirty seconds, the door opened, revealing a half-awake Katsuki. He was wearing sweatpants and a shirt that fell off his right shoulder, leaving his skin there to be bare. Maybe, if he weren’t feeling so fucked up, Shoto would’ve left his gaze to linger there for a second too long. Now, he couldn’t even let Katsuki speak. However, it didn’t seem like he had to. After Katsuki saw his face, he was quick to step aside.

“You wanna talk, Sho?”

The older male said, his voice gentle as he spoke. He followed after the taller male as he walked to the bed. Shoto shook his head in return, leaving Katsuki to shut himself up. Despite his curiosity, he knew better than to push. So, he settled for sitting down beside the other, crimson eyes locking with Shoto’s as he took his arm. Katsuki looked at the patches of ice, his right hand slowly running up and down the area. Due to the blonde’s quirk, his hand was warm enough to melt the patches that were made by Shoto’s.

Shoto only let out a small sniffle in return, watching as Katsuki’s rough, calloused palm touched him in the gentlest way the blonde could muster. He let out a sigh of relief at the gesture, leaning forward to bury his face into Katsuki’s shoulder. Katsuki didn’t flinch, didn’t move. He allowed Shoto to feel the safety of his presence before he placed both hands on the taller male’s shoulders. He moved Shoto enough to make his back hit the mattress softly.

Once Katsuki laid down and pulled the covers over both of them, Shoto was quick to scoot closer to him. The blonde didn’t mind as long as Shoto wouldn't have another nightmare, as long as he wouldn’t feel his heart break like he did when he opened the door. Katsuki shifted to face the other boy, letting their eyes meet in the darkness of the room. Their gazes were gentle, with Katsuki trying to tell him he was safe without opening his mouth.

Shoto’s eyes drifted down to Katsuki’s hand, letting his own find the calloused one. He intertwined their pinkies, and Katsuki intertwined the rest of their fingers in return before letting his eyelashes hit his cheeks.

For once, Shoto felt secure. Closing his eyes didn’t terrify him like it usually did. If he could, he’d spend every night in his best friend’s bed.

Notes:

note : the way i write shoto's trauma is partly based on my own experiences with CPTSD

Chapter 3: Breakfast And Reassurance

By the time Shoto woke up from his slumber, Katsuki had been up and running for hours. Literally running, he’d been on his morning run at around five A.M., and came back to the dorm at six to study. He’d stopped at around eight to leave the dorm once again and start making breakfast.

Shoto woke up alone, shifting around a little in an attempt to find Katsuki before realizing he wasn’t there and opening his eyes. He slowly sat up, looking around the room for signs of his friend. He noticed the open study books on the desk, reading glasses discarded next to them. It helped him figure that Katsuki would be back soon, given how he was naturally tidy.

As if reading his mind, Katsuki came in not long after, carrying a tray that held all the necessities for a proper breakfast. The tray held two glasses of orange juice and the basics of a Japanese breakfast: steamed rice, eggs for protein, and small bowls of miso soup. Shoto could see Katsuki had included some vegetables as well, which the older male had done just in an attempt to properly nourish Shoto.

“Hey.”

Katsuki said as he joined Shoto on the bed, nudging him to move a little so there was enough space for both of them to eat comfortably. Shoto obliged, eyes laser-focused on the tray of food. He was lucky to get some steamed rice at home as a child, nothing that looked like this. He almost forgot to reply to Katsuki before he felt crimson eyes burning through his skin.

“Thank you. It looks good.”

He replied, grabbing his soup spoon to start eating. He wasn’t much of a breakfast person, but he could never decline food that looked like this. Food that Katsuki spent his time on.

“What was it about?”

Katsuki suddenly said, still staring at the boy beside him. Shoto’s hand halted, leaving the miso soup mid-air as his eyes slowly locked on Katsuki’s. Once seeing his gaze, seeing he wouldn’t get out of this, he put the spoon back down in the bowl, sighing.

“It was about my father. I can’t place whether it was a memory or a nightmare, I just know something that was almost the same happened when I was a toddler. He was trying to push my body to its limits, using my mother as a ploy. It was after hours of practice, so my body couldn’t handle much anymore.”

He said, almost trying to justify his failure with his words, still feeling guilty about it to this day. Katsuki remained quiet, biting on the inside of his cheek as he listened to the taller male’s words.

“When he saw that I was weak, that I couldn’t muster to use my quirk to its furthest lengths.. He didn’t hesitate to use it against me and my mother. He hit her until she couldn’t get up anymore, saying how it had been my fault that he’d done that..”

Shoto said, voice growing more and more quiet the longer he spoke, the more he explained. A silence fell between them after that, Shoto’s gaze falling on the food in front of them. Katsuki’s eyes remained on him. He was contemplating how to reply. He knew what he really wanted to say, but he figured using vulgar words to describe Enji wasn’t going to fix how Shoto felt.

“Listen, he’s a prick. ‘Course it wasn’t your fault, you were just a kid. Even if you did have the strength, a toddler can’t win from a grown ass man. He was just looking for an excuse.”

Katsuki replied, his words a little more blunt than he’d like them to be. Nonetheless, he got a small smile in return from the boy beside him, which, no matter how much he wanted to deny it, made his heart stop for a second. Nobody denied Shoto’s beauty, but fuck, when he smiled like that, soft and genuine. It made Katsuki’s knees go weak.

“Eat something, your body needs it after last night’s shitshow your brain gave you.”

Was what left his mouth. Shoto picked up his spoon once again, this time without interruption. Katsuki started with his rice instead.

Confronting Shoto was one of the hardest things Katsuki had to do. Seeing his expressions falter, seeing his eyes grow dull, he hated it. Yet he also hated how Shoto still had these struggles, these nightmares, and panic attacks. So, he knew better than to pick his own feelings over the younger boy’s. Confronting Shoto, helping him talk about it, and reassuring him, he hoped it would start helping in the long run.

Notes:

i'm pumping out these chapters because i just love them too much

Chapter 4: Triggers

Notes:

(first?) 1-A mentions!!

Monday, 10:04 A.M.

 

The class had returned, the weekend was over, and the second period had just begun. The class knew about the tension within the Todoroki family. Hell, it had all been made public by his eldest brother mid-war. Shoto didn’t blame Dabi or Touya , for that. He’d done what none of them had been brave enough to do, even if his morals weren’t in the right place anymore. Even so, he blamed Enji more for Touya’s morals than Touya himself. 

 

Shoto wasn’t at all focused on the class. It was English, something he was good at and enjoyed. Yet he couldn’t help but worry, worry that he’d turn out like Touya had. They’d endured the same trauma, only Shoto hadn’t gotten out like Touya had. He hadn’t been forgotten. No, he was the reason his older brother had been forgotten, the reason their father had forgotten all of his siblings. Maybe– Maybe if he just hadn’t been brought on this earth at all, Touya would be a pro hero by now. 

 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a tap landing on his shoulder. Due to not paying attention, not seeing it coming, Shoto tensed completely. He froze up, a freezing cloud of smoke escaping his lips as he breathed out. He didn’t say anything, fingers digging into the sleeve of his uniform.

 

“Ponytail, give him some room.”

Katsuki said the second he noticed the scene, his eyes were glued on Shoto even when he was talking to Yaoyorozu. He had a feeling that it wouldn’t end well, but he couldn’t do much until Shoto himself asked him to, or at least gave him some sort of sign that he didn’t have his feelings under control. 

 

“I.. I didn’t mean to–”

Yaoyorozu started, only to be quickly interrupted by Katsuki.

 

“ ‘s not your fault.”

 

He said, leaving Momo to give a gentle nod before she took her distance from the male and went back to her own seat. Katsuki was still staring at Shoto, waiting for any reaction. That’s when it came: multicolored eyes meeting his own with an almost desperate gaze. The blonde bit the inside of his cheek, glancing over to his teacher, who sighed and nodded his head towards the door in return.

 

Katsuki gladly took the opportunity to take Shoto out of the classroom, standing up and walking over to the younger male’s desk. He waited for Shoto to stand up before he grabbed his wrist, walking him out of the room.

–

The class was silent for a while, however, it didn’t last long. Despite Aizawa’s efforts to keep them quiet, especially about what had just occurred with Shoto, they nonetheless spoke up. 

 

“Sensei, does it gotta do with the stream thing? With Dabi?”

 

Yellow hair spoke up first.

“Wow.. Did Endeavour really do the same to Todoroki, Sensei?”

 

As if called out to by her friend, an alien-looking girl quickly followed up.

“Yeah! How’s he allowed in the hero-pool after that?! Not really man-like..”

 

Kirishima said. It was always their clique that Shouta couldn’t keep from opening their mouths. They worked like clockwork, as soon as one spoke, the others followed faster than what he could keep up with. The older man sighed, realizing that even in his early-thirtees he already felt like retiring. 

 

“We all have our opinions. However, you’re all training to be heroes, aren’t you? Despite of what we may think of him, voicing those opinions won’t get you far in the popularity polls.”

He tried to explain to his students, and some of them only gave him a disapproving stare in return. Only one spoke up, and of course it was Izuku, the person in the class who’d played one of the biggest roles in the war.

 

“Sensei, we understand, but aren’t you worried about him? He’s been like this since we got back.”

Izuku explained, leaving Aizawa’s lips to form a thin line as he thought of what to say next. His class was right, he agreed with them. However, as their teacher, an authority figure, his job is to be neutral in situations like these so they can form their own opinions. That didn’t mean he wasn’t worried, and he wasn’t going to keep quiet about that.

 

He, as Shoto’s teacher, knew more than he let on. He did check-ups with all of his students for weeks on end when the war ended, but at one point, he couldn’t do more than what he was doing. Some of them needed professional help to process what they’d been through, including Shoto.

 

“..Of course, I’m worried, Midoriya. You’re all young, the war has taken it’s affects on all of you. I’m worried about all of you. But you can’t expect me to share private details about another student’s life. If he wants to tell you, he will.”

He said simply, not taking any new questions after that. Despite understanding their worries, and even sharing them, he wouldn’t give away Shoto’s past like it was his to share. 

–

Katsuki had taken Shoto to one of the bathrooms on the floor they were on. Due to the nature of having walked out mid-period, it was luckily empty. Shoto hadn’t spoken, not a word since he’d been touched. The older male decided not to push him, instead letting go of his wrist to look at him. Shoto’s eyes looked almost glassy, like he was only here physically, mentally elsewhere. 

 

“Touch?”

Katsuki asked, voice gruff despite his efforts of softening it for the situation he was in. Shoto didn’t reply, not with words, at least. Instead, he took a step or two closer to the blonde, leaning against him in complete defeat.

 

A sigh escaped the shorter male’s lips before he gently wrapped his arms around Shoto’s upper back. This was enough, he didn’t need Shoto’s words to be able to see what was going on anyway. Reading Shoto had once been hard for him, but once you get to know the candy-cane colored male, his emotions and actions were simple. 

 

Shoto was easy to read, despite of what he might try to make others believe. 

 

At least to Katsuki. 

Chapter 5: 1-A

Summary:

This one is class 1-A centric..

The class definitely developed a more family-like dynamic after the war (imo..), so here we go!

It took Shoto a day to leave his dorm after that. 

 

He was embarrassed over what had happened. It wasn’t like him to freak out like that, and he hadn’t meant to worry anyone. He didn’t even want the class to know what was going on, let alone let them witness it. 

 

He hated feeling so vulnerable, so weak. It wasn’t how a hero was supposed to act, was it? No matter how much Katsuki – or anyone else tried to reassure him, the thought had been drilled into his mind. Heroes didn’t cry; they didn’t show weakness.

 

---

 

5:36 P.M.

 

Shoto was roughly awoken from his nap. He'd become somewhat of a light sleeper over time, so even the notification from his phone that he'd forgotten to silence beforehand woke him up. He stretched his arms before rolling over to face his nightstand, taking his phone into his hands. He looked at the homescreen, at the familiar nickname he'd set for Katsuki. 

 

Kat :

You doing better? Made Katsudon for everyone, better join.

 

He stared at the text for a while before actually opening it. He sighed, not bothering to reply. He figured that Katsuki knew if he read it, he'd be there, anyway. So, he closed his phone and slowly slid out of his warm covers. If only he could stay in them forever, stay in bed forever. The thought of being lazy occurred to him, but he quickly brushed it off. He just got done fighting a war a few months ago; he wasn't lazy.

 

The hoodie he grabbed from his closet slid over his head with ease, covering his once bare torso. He was already wearing a pair of sweats that he didn't bother changing out of. After changing, it didn't take long for him to leave his room. He went barefoot through the halls, feet hitting the cold wooden floors of the dorm halls. He didn't care, not really. It wasn't like he wasn't used to a bit of cold now and then. When he reached the common room, some of his classmates were already holding a plate of food as they sat on the couch, another group of them sitting at the table. The sight was sort of comforting; it reminded him that he'd never truly be alone with them around.

 

However, there was one person Shoto wanted to see the most: Katsuki. He didn't hesitate before making his way into the kitchen, not even bothering to stop while he looked at his classmates. Once he spotted the blonde, he smiled a little, stepping closer.

 

"They seem to like it."

 

Shoto almost whispered, burying his tired eyes into Katsuki's shoulder from behind. There was a time when they refused public affection, but it didn't last long. Once Shoto got attached, got comfortable, he stuck to Katsuki like glue. Genuinely, there was absolutely no use in keeping them apart.

 

"Duh, I made it."

Katsuki replied, voice filled with confidence like it always was. It caused Shoto to giggle just a little, which in turn caused Katsuki to turn around with a huff, wrapping his arms around the other male.

 

"What's funny, huh? You literally only came down because I cooked. You're not provin' me wrong here at all, candycane."

 

Shoto couldn't help but relax in Katsuki's arms, leaning against him just a little with a hum. he did have a point; the blonde's Katsudon was the biggest reason he was down here right now. If it wasn't for the food, he would've just stayed in his warm and comfortable bed for the rest of the day.

 

"Give me some?"

 

Shoto asked, receiving a nod from Katsuki in return. Within a minute, he'd been given a bowl with a healthy amount of food. He smiled at Katsuki before he walked over to the couch, choosing to sit beside Izuku. Excluding Katsuki, he was the person closest to Shoto. However, he soon came to regret it, as before he even got a single bite of food in his mouth, Izuku already started talking.

 

"Todoroki! How are you feeling? Yaoyorozu is really sorry, you know? We all are; no one meant to startle you. Really, if you ever need anything, we're all here for you!"

That last sentence specifically resulted in a few nods from classmates around them who could hear the conversation. However, that didn't stop Izuku from talking.

 

"If you ever need a distraction or anything at all, we can always hang out! Ooh, we can check out that new pop-up store downtown! I heard they have really cool merch, maybe they even have some old All Might stuff.."



Izuku rambled on, eventually starting to talk more to himself than to Shoto. Shoto, however, politely kept listening, or at least attempted to listen. That was until a weight dented the couch cushion on his other side. Katsuki loudly sighed, loud enough to interrupt Izuku's rambles, who looked his way in return.

 

"Look, 's fine you all are worried 'n shit.. But overwhelming the shit outta him with support isn't gonna help him."

Katsuki grumbled, causing multiple frowns from several classmates. Shoto wanted to sink into himself. Really, this wasn't how he wanted to handle it, even if he was right. They were just trying to help; Shoto at least wanted to thank them. However, before his lips even parted, Kirishima spoke up.

 

"Come on, Bakugou! We can't really do anything else, we just wanna help."

That got the complete opposite reaction, receiving nods from their listening classmates. 

 

"It's okay. It does help me, I appreciate it."


Shoto said, finally feeling peace and taking a bite of his Katsudon. He leaned into the boy at his side, resting his head on Katsuki's shoulder.

 

"We really want you to tell us if you need anything, Todoroki."


Yaoyorozu followed, her eyes almost pleading as she spoke, resting on Shoto's face. Despite knowing that he most likely would not tell them, he appreciated the gesture. He nodded towards the girl, who seemed to calm down a little.

 

After that conversation, their talks returned to normal, teenage conversations. Shoto was happy with that; he didn't like it when all eyes were on him. For the rest of the time, he calmly ate his food, leaning into Katsuki the entire time. Once the blonde was done eating, which was way before Shoto, his arm draped around Shoto's shoulders, pulling him closer as he made snide remarks towards some of their classmates, who only laughed in return. Everything felt normal, everything felt like them. That was what Shoto needed; he just needed normalcy, a family. 

Notes:

to all the people who've bookmarked/left kudos:

I love you guys.. it really motivates me to write (which I sometimes very much need in order not to drop fics)

Notes:

this fic will have multiple chapters, idk how many yet..

college is starting soon save me