The Night Before

by Burdens

Summary:

Anthy isn't used to feeling much. But after Utena stops her from flinging herself from the chairman's residence, the walls between them come tumbling down.

Utena Tenjou is nothing, at first.

 

Anthy feels very little about anything these days, and her would-be princes are no exception. She’s watched too many of them come and go to get invested anymore. Some of them espouse noble goals while others have no such pretensions, but in the end they all want the same things from her.

 

Satisfaction. Status. The Power to Bring Revolution to the World.

 

All of them fall to the same hurdles, not a one of them capable of grasping something eternal.

 

Utena Tenjou is no different: full of the boldness of youth, determined to carve her own path, and hopelessly naive. That she is a woman hardly factors into the equation. 

 

Anthy might have found her compassion charming, once upon a time. But plenty of her suitors have thought themselves heroes at first, or been hesitant to lay their full claim to the Rose Bride. She’s had more than enough practice at playing the shy, helpless damsel in distress. It is always only a matter of time before a prince decides to take their reward.

 

Utena is certainly patient, though. With only a little help from Anthy, she manages to win duel after duel, valiantly protecting her claim each time. It is enough to catch even Akio’s interest.

 

But she only arouses Anthy’s interest when she eventually loses.

 

“Well, shall we go, Anthy?” Touga asks her in the wake of his victory, but Anthy finds herself watching Utena.

 

“Wait. Don’t take Anthy away, please. She wants to be an ordinary girl again. I have to do that for her. I don’t want the power to bring revolution to the world. Anthy needs me to help her!”

 

Anthy watches her impassively. She’s heard these kinds of protests before. These noble dreams are always born from selfish places, after all.

 

“Anthy?” Touga says.

 

“Yes?”

 

“You’re happy being the Rose Bride, aren’t you? You don’t need friends.”

 

“Yes, I am. I’m happy being the Rose Bride. I don’t need friends.”

 

She’s said these words countless times before, to countless princes past. She speaks them with the immaculate, unchanging smile of the Rose Bride. And yet…

 

“You like being alone, don’t you?”

 

“I like being alone.”

 

Anthy wonders why they leave a bitter taste in her mouth.

She has a few days to think about it. A few days of Touga’s philandering going from meaningless background noise to an active annoyance. A few days of hearing the ghost of Utena’s voice in every quiet moment. A few days to realize that she’s disappointed.

 

It’s meaningless, of course. That Utena is a little more dogged in her delusions of benevolence doesn’t change what she is, or that she failed just like all the others. It’s not as if the end result would be any different.

 

Anthy closed herself off to these kinds of notions a long time ago. They only ever bring her more pain.

 

It surprises her, then, when Utena finds her resolve and challenges Touga again. Anthy is sure it’s folly. Utena has already proven that she does not have the strength to win this battle, especially not when Touga knows so much better what it is to be a prince, and what it takes to truly wield the power of the Rose Bride.

 

Yet she wants Utena to win. This is the biggest surprise of all. How many times has she watched herself change hands in one duel after another? That she should care again after so much time is madness.

 

But it’s enough. Enough to sway her heart and the blade born of it, enough to sap the strength from Touga’s blows, enough to turn the tide. The bells ring out the duel’s conclusion as red flower petals shower the arena.

 

Anthy isn’t sure what she feels as she walks back to the dorm with Utena that evening, nor when she sees their tiny shared bedroom again. But she gets an inkling when Utena notices her hesitation and wraps her in a warm, fleeting hug.

 

“Goodnight, Anthy,” she says as she retires to the top bunk.

 

Lying sleeplessly in the bottom bunk hours later, Anthy begins to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Utena really could be her prince.

 

Something changes between the two of them after that. Though Utena is tenacious in her unwillingness to take advantage of Anthy, it’s just as obvious that she’s curious and craves affection.

 

So Anthy guides her, with the experience of one who has been touched in every way she never asked for. It’s a simple thing to twine her fingers with Utena’s more often. From there it’s only a short time until holding hands is a regular thing for them. She relishes the embarrassment and happiness Utena seems to feel in equal measure when Anthy leans on her shoulder the first time one quiet night. It’s not long from there before she no longer needs to prompt Utena to cuddle up to her most evenings. 

 

Anthy finds that she likes being close to Utena. But there is one barrier still between them. Night after night, even as they press up against each other under the covers, their clothes stay on. No amount of curiosity seems sufficient to push Utena into crossing this line on her own, and Anthy is loath to force the matter.

 

Even when Utena brushes up close against the front of Anthy’s pajama bottoms one night and feels what’s hidden there. She wonders if Utena will be upset, wonders if she’ll do something more. But though Utena’s cheeks tinge pink, she smiles and settles down all the same. “Goodnight, Anthy,” she says.

 

“Goodnight, Miss Utena,” Anthy replies. She’s not sure if this is a boundary they’ll ever cross together, but right now Utena is warm and close and reassuring in that strange way she’s grown to be, and Anthy can’t find it in herself to complain.

Akio’s plans proceed apace. Utena is the best hope he’s ever had, and Anthy is powerless to defy his will. She and Utena move into the chairman’s residence together, and Anthy watches.

 

Anthy watches as Utena shoots her brother bashful, sidelong glances. She watches as Utena’s admiration for this man who embodies all of her princely ideals grows and grows. She watches as Akio sweeps Utena off her feet and makes her his.

 

She is the Rose Bride. She watches and does as she’s told.

 

She stares at Utena in their bed every night, their joined hands across the middle feeling like a tenuous thread that stretches further and further with each passing day. Anthy has always known what would happen when she finally found someone with the power to bring revolution to the world, but never has she had to grapple with the fact that she might find something to lose in the process. This is why she’d closed herself off in the first place.

 

She is the Rose Bride. She bears the burden, not the responsibility.

 

Akio’s touches have long since stopped holding any meaning to Anthy. To be used and discarded by her brother again and again is simply a fact of life at this point. She is numb to it, comfortably so. But even through the haze she feels during these late nights with Akio she can recognize the expression of shock and hurt on Utena’s face when she discovers them. Yet she can do nothing, not even apologize.

 

She is the Rose Bride. It is not her place to speak for herself.

 

Anthy cannot choose her future for herself. But, she realizes, she can end it. She can bear the pain so Utena doesn’t have to. So it is that she goes to the roof of the chairman’s residence a few evenings later, intent on resolving this whole matter.

 

But Utena stops her, and the truth comes spilling out of Anthy like a breaking dam. More fool her for thinking her prince could ever let her come to harm.

Back in their bedroom together, Anthy is out of sorts. She isn’t sure how to be the Rose Bride now, not with everything laid out. She sits on the edge of the bed as Utena looks over her arm.

 

“How does it feel? I know it probably got pulled pretty hard…” Utena says, gently kneading at Anthy’s forearm where her nightgown sleeve’s been rolled up. Both of them are trying not to think about Anthy dangling over the precipice of the roof, Utena’s grip on her wrist the only thing keeping her from tumbling over.

 

“I feel fine, Miss Utena,” Anthy says with a smile.

 

But it must not be a very good one, because Utena frowns hard at her. “Anthy…”

 

The smile falters. “Yes, Miss Utena?”

 

“I thought we’d gotten past this. I don’t need the Rose Bride right now. I need you.”

 

Anthy isn’t sure she understands the distinction anymore. But after everything that’s happened, she can at least try for Utena’s sake. “It hurts. I think I may have pulled the muscle.”

 

The concern is clear on Utena’s face. “I thought so,” she says, and her fingers knead gently along the aching muscles. The pain recedes slightly in the wake of her touch. “You’ll need to rest it for a couple days.”

 

Anthy doesn’t see how any of this matters. She looks away and nods, if not in agreement then in acceptance.

 

Utena heaves a sigh and lets go of Anthy’s arm to sit next to her on the bed instead. Anthy can sense the direction of Utena’s thoughts in the awkwardness of her body language. “So… this… thing between you and Akio. How long has it been going on?”

 

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Anthy asks, too ashamed to look at her.

 

“Has he been hurting you?” Utena asks urgently.

 

Anthy laughs, humorlessly. “Nothing can hurt me anymore, Miss Utena.”

 

Utena’s fingers find her chin and guide her to meet her gaze. “That’s not true, Anthy. You can’t tell me that after tonight. Not after what you tried to do—almost did do. Please…” 

 

Utena’s eyes are watery, and Anthy can only think guiltily that she’s hurting her all over again. Anthy was a fool to ever think this girl would be just like all her other suitors. “How is it that you’ve come so far into this twisted world of ours without understanding any of it?”

 

“I wanted to help you. To free you.” Utena sniffles and wipes at her tears with the back of her hand. “I never wanted you to feel this way.”

 

Anthy shakes her head. “None of this is your fault. All of this came to pass long before you were here, and will continue long after you’re gone. It’s not your responsibility. So please, Miss Utena—”

 

“Just Utena,” Utena mumbles.

 

“Please, Utena,” Anthy says, smiling weakly at her insistence, “Run from this. It’s far too late for me to escape this, but you still can. I don’t want you to be hurt any further on my account.”

 

“And you think I can stand leaving you to get hurt all by your lonesome?” There’s anger in Utena’s voice, and a flash of determination in her eyes that washes away her tears. “I’m not going to abandon you, Anthy. Not ever.”

 

Anthy’s heart breaks knowing what Utena will be made to face. Utena is far too brave for this to end in anything but tragedy. Akio always gets his way in the end.

 

Her lips find Utena’s before she has time to think that she won’t know what to do without her. Utena lets out a muffled sound of surprise, though she doesn’t pull away until Anthy does, the two of them lingering very close together. “A-Anthy?” she says uncertainly, glancing between her eyes and her lips like she’s not sure which to look at.

 

“Isn’t this what you want?” Anthy asks softly.

 

“I’m just not sure if I should…”

 

Anthy lifts her hand to cup her cheek. “If tonight you don’t want me to be the Rose Bride, then please, I don’t want you to be my prince right now. I just need my Utena.”

 

Utena’s face flushes as she nods her understanding, and then she leans in to kiss her again.

 

It’s a different kind of feeling when both of them are on the same page. Utena has always been warm and inviting, but kissing her and being kissed by her draws a fire out of Anthy that is rarely kindled. The heat of it races down her body to settle between her legs, and as she deepens the kiss she guides Utena’s hand to her breast through the fabric of her nightgown.

 

She can tell Utena is still apprehensive about all this, so she lets her go at her own pace. Utena’s touches are exploratory at first, first cupping Anthy’s breast to feel the weight of it, then gently kneading it, then seeking out her stiff nipple where it pokes against the fabric. At an affirmative sound from Anthy she focuses on it, circling her fingers around the sensitive peak.

 

Anthy leans back to guide the both of them down to the sheets, her long hair splaying out around her head. Utena’s touches and kisses continue unabated until her weight shifts and she brushes against the growing tent between Anthy’s legs, making her jump and straighten up again. “U-uhm…” She fidgets, her eyes roving over Anthy’s body through the translucent fabric of her nightgown, stopping and fixing on the prominent bulge at her crotch. “I’ve… never met a girl who had a…”

 

“I understand if it’s… not to your liking,” Anthy says, though she looks away as she does.

 

But Utena shakes her head. “No, it’s not a problem at all. I guess we’re both not your typical girl after all, huh?” She laughs a little as she says it, settling down beside Anthy and pressing up against her side. It reminds Anthy of how they cuddled before their move to the chairman’s residence. She turns her head to see Utena smiling at her through her luminescent blush. “I guess I’m just a little nervous, that’s all.”

 

Anthy presses another kiss to her lips and offers her a smile in return. “We can do this as fast or as slow as you like. Or not at all, if you don’t want to.” She tries not to let any disappointment show at the thought of that possibility.

 

Once again Utena’s eyes give her a once-over. “Being nervous doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” With one more shy glance she lifts both her hands to continue exploring Anthy’s breasts, touching and kneading as her thumbs find her nipples. Anthy lets her eyes fall shut as she arches her back to push them further into Utena’s hands.

 

Utena jolts again when Anthy’s uninjured hand finds her leg where her bunched-up nightgown ends, caressing lightly up the back of her calf. Anthy pauses at that, but when Utena’s fingers start moving again moments later she takes it as a signal to continue. Her hand snakes up under Utena’s nightgown to work its way up the back of her thigh.

 

Utena’s hand begins to quest downwards over Anthy’s tummy, seeking the prize between her legs, but it stops short. Anthy opens her eyes to another look of uncertainty from Utena. “Is this… okay?”

 

“You can do anything you want to me, Utena,” Anthy says. Seeing the objection springing to Utena’s lips, she quickly adds, “Not… because I belong to you, but because I want you to.”

 

“Okay.” Utena’s eyes soften, and her hand finishes its downward journey, her fingertips finding and caressing lightly over Anthy’s dick where it hides beneath her nightgown.

 

Her touch is fumbling and uncertain, but it still sends electricity through Anthy. She buries her face in Utena’s neck, pressing kisses and soft bites to her skin while her fingers graze up and down Utena’s back.

 

Gradually Utena grows more confident in her explorations, wrapping her fingers around Anthy and stroking her in slow motions. “Is this right?” she murmurs, and Anthy can’t help finding the increasing breathiness of her voice exhilarating.

 

“Mhmmm,” Anthy replies encouragingly. “You can touch me under the nightgown if it’s easier. Or I could take it off.”

 

“Th-that would help.” Anthy reflects as she pulls back that Utena’s face seems to be just a little redder each time she sees it. She wiggles a little to pull her nightgown over her head and tosses it aside.

 

Though this is far from the first time Utena has seen Anthy naked, it’s clear that this is the first time she’s really let herself soak in the view. “Anthy, you’re— so beautiful,” she says, hesitating for a few seconds before she pulls her own nightgown off in turn.

 

“You’re quite beautiful yourself, Mi—” Anthy just barely catches herself. “...Utena.” Utena giggles at the near misstep, but they’re quickly stifled as Anthy closes the gap to kiss her again. Her hand takes Utena’s and guides it between her legs again, and Utena takes the hint to continue where she’d left off.

 

Her fingers stroke Anthy in an unsteady rhythm, and Anthy does her best to direct her with the soft noises she lets herself make in response. Her own hand finds its way back to Utena’s thigh, this time making its way up between her legs. Utena gasps when Anthy’s fingers make contact with her wet folds.

 

She seeks out Utena’s clit, stroking it in little motions with her thumb that make Utena shiver. Utena’s own touches start to become fumbling as she loses focus, but Anthy doesn’t mind. She’s spent long enough hurting Utena; she thinks it’s past time she made Utena feel good for once.

 

One fingertip delicately parts Utena’s folds to slip inside her, coaxing a delightful moan from her as Anthy starts to move it back and forth. It doesn’t take long to find the rhythm that drives Utena wild, and Utena practically clings to her as Anthy brings her nearly to the edge.

 

Utena is breathless when she comes down enough to realize that Anthy’s stopped short. “A-Anthy? How are you so good at this?”

 

Anthy feels a lump in her throat as she considers how to answer that. Likely seeing the complicated expression forming on her face, Utena quickly changes tack. “Actually, nevermind, that’s not important. I…” Her gaze trails down to where her fingers are still wrapped around Anthy, her cheeks as hot as ever. “Should I… should we…?”

 

“If you want to,” Anthy says softly. “If you think you’re ready.” At a questioning look from Utena, she adds, softer still, “I want to.”

 

Utena nods and, with a little prompting from Anthy, moves to straddle Anthy’s thighs, letting Anthy’s hardness slap against her tummy. Her fingers continue to stroke Anthy lightly as one of Anthy’s hands at her hips guides her in a slow grinding motion until Anthy’s length and inner thighs are thoroughly coated in Utena’s mess.

 

It’s with just a small amount of trepidation that Utena lifts herself up once they’re both ready, guiding Anthy to just the right angle before lowering herself slowly to take her in. Anthy can see and feel the shudder that runs through Utena as she settles into her lap. Utena lingers there for a moment, steadying her breathing, before she starts to move, taking it slow at first.

 

Anthy can tell from the noises Utena makes and from the way that she clings around her that the earlier teasing still has her very wound up. Anthy has to restrain herself from bucking up into Utena whenever she lowers herself back down, doing her best to let Utena control the pace.

 

“Anthy…” Utena says breathlessly as she bends over and braces her hands to either side of Anthy’s head. “I-I don’t think I’ll… last very long…”

 

Though Utena’s handiwork beforehand hadn’t been very articulate, Anthy finds she’s just as wound-up between her nerves and the way Utena is clinging around her. “I’m almost there too,” she says encouragingly.

 

Utena’s movements become increasingly frenzied as the both of them get closer and especially as Anthy wraps her good arm around her to pull them flush, chest to chest. “Please, Utena…” she whispers huskily into Utena’s ear.

 

Anthy feels the tremor pass through Utena inside and out as her climax washes over her, and Anthy’s follows hot on her heels, emptying jet after jet of sticky mess into her. Utena doesn’t seem to care as she locks her hips against Anthy’s, rocking against her in small motions until the last waves of pleasure subside.

 

Utena slumps against Anthy while the two of them catch their breath together. It gives Anthy the first moment she’s had to think since she started this, and for a moment she wonders darkly if she’s only made what’s to come harder for both of them.

 

But then Utena is looking at her, gaze determined despite the continued flush in her face. “Anthy… I know that you’re scared.”

 

Anthy stares up at her, for once unable to summon a reassuring smile. She is naked before Utena in every sense of the word, faltering for words where none suffice.

 

Utena’s hands come to caress both of Anthy’s cheeks. “I don’t know what it is that you expect will happen to me. But I know that whatever happens, we’ll push through it. I’m going to save you.” She leans closer until they’re nose-to-nose. “Not because I’m your prince. Not to bring revolution to the world. But because I love you, and that means your pain is my pain.”

 

Anthy shivers, tears pooling in her eyes, and nods. It’s all she can think to do in the face of Utena’s unfaltering resolve.

 

She doesn’t know if she can believe it, but as Utena’s lips press against hers with the kind of tenderness she’s never imagined she could deserve, she thinks that she wants to.