Chapter Text
Felix stayed up late the night he met him. His angel. The devil. He’d only spent a total of two weeks in Seoul after leaving Australia and already found himself taking leaps like he’d never imagined back home. He blushed and laughed softly all the way to his apartment, his fingers feeling the dark mark on his neck. His first one. It felt like finally being free for the first time in his life.
Walking up to his new apartment, Felix carefully moved the collar of his shirt in an attempt to hide the mark on his neck. He knew his roommates weren’t in charge of him, but he didn’t know them well enough to know what kind of reaction they would have. And while Felix didn’t want to live in the same type of fear he had felt growing up, he knew how important it was to maintain a certain image with them. And his parents? All they needed to know was that he was still alive and maintaining a low-profile.
“Fine, go,” his mother had said finally after what seemed like an eternity of careful begging. “But don’t you dare bring attention to yourself.”
Felix had promised then, because, what else could he do? He had wanted this. Had wanted to follow in the footsteps of other sons and daughters of wealthy families and take a minute just to figure out who he was. To find out if he could think on his own. To breathe.
Living under his family’s name had been one of the reasons why he couldn’t breathe in Sydney. Those three small letters were like a chain around his wrists, keeping him from moving about freely and from defining words like creativity, freedom and desire. Desire? What did desire have to do with anything when you were raised having everything? And okay, okay, that’s the fucking cliche, right? Because if you have all the money in the world, but don’t know your mother and father’s love… right? Felix shook his head. He knew he wasn’t special. Kids like him existed all over the world, all of them straining at their leashes, gnawing at their golden cages, their hands clawing at the silk sheets and diamond rings they’d been given when they cried too hard for mommy.
But not anymore, Felix thought, pausing in the hallway outside of his door and taking a deep breath. He had flown the nest, escaped his cage and somehow landed on his feet and in the process had been caught by a devilish angel.
His fingers stumbled over the keypad to unlock his door, the soft beeping reaching his fuzzy hearing. The music at the club had been so loud. The drink he'd had right before leaving had caught up to him halfway home, but faded quickly. Perhaps that had been why he couldn’t stop thinking about a certain pair of soft lips? Butterflies filled his stomach as he thought about them again, a flush filling his cheeks. The door unlocked and Felix quickly trained his expression to the blank one he used when he had to speak to his father.
“Well, the prodigal returns,” came a snort from the living room couch. “I’m surprised you didn’t need to be carried home. I kept my ringer on and everything.”
Despite having the means and being told rather forcefully to acquire a nice apartment in the nice part of the city, Felix had chosen something a normal twenty year old would have been able to afford. Maybe. He didn’t quite know yet what normal kids his age could or couldn’t afford. And that was why this was such an important thing for him to do; to learn! To grow. To expand his knowledge of the world and all the social and economic norms that had been hidden away from him like some dirty secret. So Felix had chosen a small apartment with two roommates who had no idea who he was or how much the watch he kept buried in the bottom of his closet cost. They each had a bedroom and shared the small bathroom and took turns cleaning their sorry excuse of a kitchen.
Felix liked that the TV on the living room wall was on the smaller side and didn’t belong to him. He liked that the playstation setup also didn’t come from him. He liked that his shoes didn’t seem ostentatious in the entryway. Of course he had shoes that screamed wealth and money, but not these ones. Not the ones he wore when he went out to find himself. Both Jonghoon and Seungmin had fancier shoes than his by the door.
“What club did you go to?” The question came in a more polite tone, offsetting the initial comments directed at Felix. Seungmin had been polite from the beginning and had been polite to everyone, so Felix didn’t mind giving him a small smile despite still being essentially a stranger. “Must have been close since it looks like you walked.”
“It was called Wolfgang’s,” said Felix, realizing his words had come out normal. He wasn’t swaying on his feet either, having sobered up on his way home, but he still felt the phantom of tingles in his fingertips.
“Really?” Jonghoon looked away from the TV where he had been playing a game against Seungmin. “No wonder you didn’t get drunk, they have horrible drinks there.”
But they do have angels, thought Felix, using all of his self-control to keep himself from smiling again. He couldn’t comment on the quality of the drinks, because he’d had so few in his life. His father had told him when he finished university, he would introduce him to the good stuff. The expensive stuff. The wines, the whiskeys, and bourbon.
“But not until you’re done with your studies,” Mr. Lee had said in a tone of finality. “Drinking comes with our lifestyle, but you never have self-control when it comes to things of pleasure, so until you can learn to limit yourself on your own, you’ll wait until studying is done.”
And Felix hadn’t fought him on it, hadn’t said how he had no desire to become an angry drunk like him, or a messy drunk like his mother, or a sad drunk like his sister. He had simply bowed his head and said yes sir so he could move on from another dull conversation.
“Did you have a good time?” Seungmin asked, his own eyes leaving the television and looking to Felix.
“Yeah, I had a great time.” Felix allowed himself to smile then, knowing his cheeks probably went a little red, too, but he just slipped into his room and shut the door behind him. He stood in his room with his hands pressing over the left side of his chest. Just a few hours earlier, Felix had stood in that same spot, his body humming with nerves and determination. He felt like a different person.
Turning to the mirror on the back of his door, Felix pulled at the collar of his shirt once more. It was his first time seeing the mark bathed in a bright light, instead of the dim flicker of a club bathroom and he felt his eyes go wide. He knew the mark had been dark, but so had the shadows being cast around the room.
Thank you, my angel, Felix said to the image in his head. Lifting the fingers of his right hand to the left side of his neck, Felix thought for the first time that he had a favorite color.
Purple.
The revelation sent a jolt of electricity through his stomach and he clamped his mouth shut to keep himself from laughing out loud. He had done it, he thought to himself. He finally figured out something on his own; his favorite color was purple. Which shade? Felix leaned closer to the mirror, ignoring his round, brown eyes, his scattered freckles and his prettily shaped mouth that made his sister roll her eyes in envy whenever someone commented on how perfectly feminine it looked. Moving closer to the mirror shadowed his neck, though, blocking the light and keeping Felix from knowing.
He had met him in the bathroom. His angel. The devil.
Impulsively entering Wolfgang’s, choosing it simply because the line to get in had been the shortest and the wolf head howling on the sign caught his eye, Felix claimed it as fate. He went in with excitement and wide eyes. But then his one drink hadn’t settled right and the music didn’t catch his ear like he’d wanted.
He didn’t want to go back home so soon and admit that his roommate had been right; going out alone was pointless, but he really didn’t have much desire to stay. To have his first time out end in failure felt so overwhelmingly demoralizing. He had walked into the bathroom with his head down and his expression blank. Finding the room full of people had caused a feeling of dismay to creep up the back of Felix’s stomach.
At first Felix hadn’t even noticed him. He had been surrounded by a tight knot of people and they were all busy looking through a dark colored bag, several thick stacks of bills on the side. All their faces blurred together in a smear of anxiety.
“Well, hello there, pretty boy.” The voice came out so silky smooth, and Felix felt his chest expand a little just to hold onto the tone a second longer.
Their eyes met and Felix felt the collar of his shirt tighten. Dropping his gaze, Felix looked away. He did his best to keep the blank expression on his face, hoping it would make him invisible, or in the very least, keep him safe.
It didn’t seem to do either, however, as the man with the silky voice pushed himself to his full height, unfolding himself from where he had been hunched over the counter. His dark hair curled just enough to give it some sort of magical allure to make him appear as a romantic hero. Something poets would write about when describing beauty. The eyes Felix found himself staring into were dark and sharp, but his smile…
Soft, Felix thought to himself. His smile looks soft.
“I’ve never seen you around before,” said that same voice that had greeted Felix a moment earlier. Felix blinked slowly, taking in the sound. The blink must have amused the man talking, because the corners of his lips turned up again and he paused, leaning an arm against a bathroom stall and tilting his head at the stranger. “We don’t get many that look like you in here.”
“Okay,” said Felix, and just because he looked pretty didn’t mean he didn’t have a deep voice that he could keep from shaking, no matter the situation.
If it wasn’t his money pulling people’s attention, it was his looks, and Felix felt as powerless over those as he did over the golden spoon he had in his mouth. He had spent his whole life feeling forced against walls and into corners over things he couldn’t control. But he was learning to fly now. Things would be different now. He wanted to take back his power and embrace his own skin. He wanted to learn what made him feel good.
For that reason, he had decided not to bury his eyes under the brim of a baseball cap, but add a little highlighter to his cheeks and brush out his hair until the bleached strands shone like gold and twisted up at the nape of his neck easily. The highlighter had been a gift from his sister, a memento of the only meaningful way they had connected in the past few years; her trying out different subtle makeup techniques on him.
“How’d someone like you end up someplace like here?” The question came out low and breathy as the man stepped forward again, his eyes traveling from Felix’s all black ensemble, to the now slightly flushed expression on Felix’s face.
“I walked,” said Felix, his voice still holding strong, but god, how long would he manage that when in front of him stood an angel. This beautiful entity that had an aura Felix would never have, not after being raised in a cage. He sparkled with confidence and temptation, all while tied together with that beautiful fucking smile that wouldn’t drop. Felix felt terrified and enchanted.
A beat of silence, then a laugh that nearly knocked all the air from Felix’s lungs. Felix let his eyes wander, then, from the laughing face to the faces behind and the way they were all rolling their eyes and murmuring. From the little Felix knew about the world, he knew that bags that looked like that and stacks of money in the bathroom were bad. Don’t touch. Don’t associate. But then his eyes went back to the laughing angel and he swallowed hard.
“Do you need to use the bathroom?” the silky voice asked. “We’ll move and get out of your way.”
With a snap of his fingers, the laughing angel caught the attention of his friends and they all gathered their things. Pushing past the two young men who stood staring at each other, the angel’s friends shared knowing glances and tiny scoffs before leaving the two of them alone. Silence filled the room before Felix said,
“Thank you.”
And it came out deeper because otherwise Felix knew his voice would shake. His voice seemed to have had an effect on the man in front of him, though, because the eyes widened and lips parted, a small note of awe in the sound that left his mouth. Taking another step forward, the man stopped just shy of what Felix would call his personal space. Still, he stood close enough for Felix to smell the rich cologne that had been sprayed onto the smooth tan skin of the other man’s neck. Felix wondered if the stranger could smell his light perfume. He had gone for subtle, not wanting attention.
“That voice is extraordinary,” said the man in close to a whisper. “Find me when you’re done if you want, but just a warning; I don’t share.”
Before Felix could ask what that meant, the angel had passed him, his shoulder brushing his intentionally and leaving that rich smell that made Felix blink again. For a moment, Felix forgot where he was and why he had walked in there in the first place, too stunned by the exchange with the stranger. The sound of a loud voice outside the door and someone saying to get lost, the bathroom was busy, reminded him and he quickly hurried to take advantage of the empty bathroom.
When Felix opened the door to leave, he nearly ran into the back of a stocky young man who stood a couple inches shorter than him, but had the arms and shoulders of a bouncer. Felix stood still, watching as the man turned to look at him before giving him a nod. A curl of irritation bloomed in Felix’s gut as he remembered countless other times he had left rooms or opened doors to find spies or watch dogs sent to keep him safe and secure. But instead of giving Felix an order or a disappointed glare, the man simply walked away, allowing a string of frustrated men to finally push into the bathroom. Felix watched after him silently.
Making his way back toward the music, Felix found himself on the edge of the dance floor. He hung back, struggling to know what to do next. Did he order another drink? How many drinks could he drink before getting too far past tipsy and finding himself in dangerous territory? He knew his roommates had joked about waiting for his call to come pick him up when he couldn’t walk straight, but that hadn’t been Felix’s goal. If he had simply wanted to consume alcohol, there were so many easier ways than moving to a whole different country and sharing a small space with strangers.
What Felix wanted was life. Experience. Feelings. Freedom.
He felt a little stupid thinking he could chase a feeling at some rundown club, but he’d had to start somewhere, right? Next time he would go somewhere else and find a place that at least played music that gave him a chance to loosen up and dance amongst strangers. His eyes flitted around the dark room and he saw a few pretty faces and a few bodies that moved with the beat, but it all felt lackluster. He looked for the soft smile from the bathroom, but there were too many dark corners and the lights flashed too quickly.
Find me when you’re done if you want.
The invitation came back to him and Felix took another step into the room. Did he want? A simple thrill of anticipation shot through his heels and he stepped forward again. Fate had led him into that club and that bathroom for a reason. Right?
But just a warning; I don’t share.
Felix stopped. What did that mean exactly? What little he knew about strangers in the bathroom told him to be cautious. However, Felix had promised himself that if the latch to his cage ever lifted, he would leave caution behind. Could he flirt with the line between safe and insanity and be okay? Did he dare to try? Would he regret it if he didn’t?
Before he could puzzle over it any more, he heard a loud string of laughter and his eyes were pulled to the right. There he was; his angel, looking like a devil as he teased a group of girls that surrounded him. They were all gazing up at him as if he were some type of god and oh! Felix had already started walking towards him.
No. Felix stopped himself. Yes?
Regaining his composure, Felix continued walking closer, but he kept to the shadows. He would tempt fate. See if the connection that had sizzled between them when they first locked eyes would flash again. The song changed and Felix finally felt his body respond to the music. A group of two girls and two boys stood in front of him and noticed the way his expression changed with the song. Turning, they smiled at him, wordlessly inviting him to join their little group. Felix smiled. Okay. This was okay.
But then the group moved, bodies shifting and sifting and Felix suddenly looked up to see sharp, dark eyes staring in his direction. His breath hitched in his chest and heat spread through his face. He had never reacted that way to a stare before. The four friends still circled Felix and the girls still circled the angel, but the look in the latter’s eye made Felix step closer. Eyebrows lifted and smile widening, the stranger reached out his hand.
Felix stepped between the friends and took two steps closer. Then he stopped.
The girls around the angel grew agitated, noticing their affection and attention being ignored. Glancing over their shoulders, they searched for their competition. Angry furrows creased their brows as the man pushed past them and walked the rest of the way to Felix.
“You’re making me come to you?” the man asked, pressing his mouth near Felix’s ear, and the boy felt the silky tone in the pit of his stomach. “That’s not usually my style.”
“What do you mean by you don’t share?” Felix asked, pushing up on his toes to make sure his mouth came equally as close to the laughing angel. He felt long fingers curl around his arms, helping him stay steady in the sea of dancing people.
An amused and curious look spread across the man’s face as he pulled back to stare Felix in the eye. They studied each other, Felix doing his best to keep his expression blank. But then a finger hooked him under the chin and Felix let out a tiny exhale, his eyelids fluttering to a close as he heard the voice speak again.
“It means I want to keep you all to myself.”
Felix hadn’t opened his eyes after that. He simply leaned into the rich smell and followed his nose to the man’s neck. The scent didn’t smell like anything Felix knew from his past life. Not his father’s bitter musk, or his mother’s sickly sweet aroma, or the cleaning solution the maids used on his bedroom carpet, or the laundry detergent used on his sheets, or the air freshener in the cars. It was new. It was exciting. It was freedom.
I like this smell, thought Felix, and his mouth grew into a smile as he felt the man’s hands tighten their grip on his forearms. He pulled back and opened his eyes slowly to see an expression of enchantment on the stranger’s face. Felix’s smile deepened and the soft smile appeared.
“What’s your name?” Felix asked, lifting his voice to be heard over the music.
“Does it matter?” The teasing glint in the sharp eyes made Felix want to laugh.
“Shouldn’t I know, since you’re not going to share me tonight?” Felix cocked his head to the side, blinking his eyes slowly.
“You tell everybody you’re here with Hyunjin,” said the voice, but this time it came out closer to a growl, no silk to be seen.
“Hyunjin.” The name floated across Felix’s tongue.
“Tell me your name, angel.” Hyunjin pressed close again, his mouth moving against Felix’s ear and one hand slipping around to his back.
How interesting, thought Felix as he heard the name Hyunjin gave him. He called me angel.
“I’m Felix,” he said, making his voice as deep as he could and he felt Hyunjin’s hand on his back pull him closer.
“You’re staying with me tonight, Felix,” said Hyunjin, his lips falling from Felix’s ear to brush over his exposed neck.
And Felix did. He allowed Hyunjin to keep his hands on him, teasing at the hem of his shirt, pulling him against him with his back to his chest, ghosting his lips over his cheeks and forehead, holding his hands. Time passed in a blur of static building in Felix’s core. He turned around, hooked his arms around the neck of his laughing angel, stared up into his face, ran the tips of his fingers over the soft smile until Hyunjin captured his hand and kissed his palm so gently it made Felix stutter.
Songs that Felix didn’t want to dance to began playing and he felt Hyunjin tug him over to a table in the corner. He wrapped his larger hand around Felix’s, the size difference making Felix stare as he tried not to trip over someone else’s feet. He hadn’t stopped staring when they reached the table and he found a cold glass placed in his free hand.
“Drink.” Hyunjin grinned at him, tipping his own glass against his lips and swallowing down a brown liquid.
Felix did as he had been told, doing his best to take it all in one go, but it burned and he quickly set the glass down on the table before turning away, hiding his flushed face in his elbow as he coughed. Soothing hands wrapped around his shoulders, one patting him on the back lightly while Felix heard the same laugh he had heard earlier. Embarrassment crowded into his chest, but he felt Hyunjin turn him around and tug him into a hug, patting the back of his head while Felix tried to stop coughing, his forehead against Hyunjin’s collarbone.
“Oh, baby. Here, have a drink of water.” Hyunjin’s voice still held the edges of his laughter as he stepped back from Felix and gave him a different cup with clear liquid. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you used to the burn. Take it. Drink.”
Suddenly Felix felt very overwhelmed by the fact that he had left his gilded cage and escaped out into the great big world all by himself. He had flown away and found himself standing next to a stranger whose hands kept pulling at him and voice kept telling him what to do. Even beautiful angels could twist into devils who wanted to control him. Panic built up at the base of Felix’s throat and he stumbled back from Hyunjin.
“Whoa! Careful, angel.” Hyunjin reached out hastily to steady Felix on his feet.
“I-I should go,” said Felix, his voice thick. “I need to go.”
“Where are you going, baby? I’m not done having fun yet.” Hyunjin renewed his hold on Felix and tried to pull him close, but he felt the resistance and saw the way Felix’s eyes had gone wide. Immediately, Hyunjin’s expression changed as he removed his hands from Felix’s body and froze. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I need to go,” Felix repeated.
“What happened? I thought we were having fun?” Hyunjin watched Felix with his sharp eyes, a hint of dismay on his face. “Were you not enjoying it?”
But don’t you dare bring attention to yourself!
Felix felt like the four walls of the club were crashing in on him as his mother’s voice screamed at him in his mind.
But don’t you dare bring attention to yourself!
And there he was; definitely bringing attention to himself, dancing with an angel and allowing him to control him. Flirting with a fine line that he knew could wrap around his ankles and topple him to the ground. The music blaring through the speakers grated against his ears. Loud shouts erupted behind him in a fight and Felix felt a shock of panic spill out of him. Gasping, he clamped his hands over his ears.
“I can’t th-think!” Felix tried to steady his breathing, but all he could hear screaming in his mind was his mother.
FELIX!! Don’t you dare!!
Glancing around them quickly, Hyunjin wrapped an arm around Felix one more time and ducked with him through a doorway that led to a back hallway. The sounds of the club followed them, but the further Hyunjin led them, the less the noise crawled through Felix’s nervous system. Once they seemed to be far enough away, Hyunjin’s arm left Felix and he took several steps back, his gaze nervous as he watched Felix take deep breaths and lean against the wall.
“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked and he said it in a way that made it seem like he didn’t say those words often, that he didn’t need to. “I-I don’t know what happened, but I want you to know if it was something I did, I’m not like that. I don’t ever force things. I’m not… I thought we were both having a good time.”
Felix stared down at his feet, his cheeks hot. He felt stupid. His hands were shaking.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
“You weren’t having a good time?” Hyunjin’s whole demeanor seemed to deflate.
“I was having a good time,” said Felix, not lifting his eyes. How many steps to the exit? How many steps back to the safety of his home?
“But then…?” Hyunjin’s eyes never moved from Felix. “Did I… do something?”
“I don’t… no. No, you didn’t.” Not technically. Not yet. Felix peered up for just a moment before shaking his head. He couldn’t quite figure Hyunjin out. His hands had been so tight, so insistent. But now he stood there with apologies on his tongue like it mattered that Felix had felt uncomfortable. “This is on me. I… didn’t know it would feel like this. I-I don’t know what…” A beat of silence. “This is my first time.”
“First time…” Hyunjin waited for Felix to say something, and when he didn’t, he filled in the blank on his own. “With a guy?”
Oh. Yes. Felix looked up and nodded. But that hadn’t been the issue. He’d never been with a woman either.
“First time flirting with a stranger,” Felix added, thankful it felt a little easier to breathe now as Hyunjin stayed on his side of the hallway. “First time at a club.”
Breathe. Be brave. You’re free now.
“Oh.” Hyunjin’s expression showed his surprise and he stared back down the hallway at the door they had come through. “I guess… that’s a lot.”
“It wasn’t you,” Felix said more steadily this time. His eyes studied Hyunjin’s face. Who was this man? “I really was enjoying myself. I just didn’t know…”
“No, I get it.” Hyunjin lifted a hand and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.
“Thank you.” Felix dropped his head again.
“Sorry, I’m not very good at helping people feel better,” Hyunjin mumbled.
“No, you’re helping.” Felix gave Hyunjin a quick flash of sincerity. “I’m sorry for freaking out on you.”
“There’s no need to apologize. I should have been more aware. I guess I’ll see you aroun-…”
A burst of activity at the doorway startled them both and interrupted Hyunjin’s goodbye. In an automatic reflex, Hyunjin stepped between Felix and the intruders.
As the newcomers stumbled closer, Felix counted three men. At first they didn’t seem to notice Hyunjin and Felix, too drunk to even walk straight, let alone see the way Hyunjin stood just close enough to Felix to make sure no one bumped into him. The last one in the lineup stared for a beat too long, though, and his drunken face broke out into a smile.
“I saw you! You were dancing,” the man slurred and his friends stopped, turning around to see Felix and his golden hair huddled back against the wall, his hands reaching for Hyunjin, wanting to pull his human shield closer. “You’re a pretty one.”
“Get lost!” Hyunjin barked out, taking a quick step forward, as if scaring away a stray dog. The sudden motion made him aware of the fact that Felix had his fingers hooked onto the edge of his shirt. Reaching back with one hand, Hyunjin kept Felix behind him while he continued to glare at the men.
“Don’t be selfish! We can share!” huffed the drunk man angrily.
“I don’t fucking share!” A look of pure ire filled Hyunjin’s face as he snarled.
The two other men managed to grab their friend and haul him away. Hyunjin kept his eyes on them until they turned a corner. Turning around, he looked down to see Felix still holding onto his shirt.
“You okay?” Hyunjin asked, lifting his hand to touch Felix’s face, then remembering and taking a step back again. “You should be careful going out there by yourself.”
Felix blinked up at Hyunjin, a brand new feeling blooming in his chest. Closing the distance between them again, Felix stared up into those dark eyes. He could smell Hyunjin’s cologne and the scent soothed him.
“If I stay with you… you won’t let anyone bother me… right?”
“Of course.” Hyunjin kept his hands to himself, but let Felix step closer again.
“And you’ll never force me… to do anything?”
“Never.” Hyunjin’s angel face looked serious.
Felix didn’t know the proper etiquette for this type of situation. Did he need to beg? Joke it off? Or could he just stand there, looking up at his angel, and ask.
“Then I think I want to stay with you.”
“If you go back out there with me, it’s gonna be the same as before,” warned Hyunjin, but he let his hand sneak out and brush against Felix’s. “If it’s going to be too much again…”
“It won’t.” Felix shook his head. “Not if I know you’re going to take care of me.”
“Of course.” Hyunjin blinked in surprise at the words, then smiled. “That’s what being with me means, angel.”
“Okay.” Felix looked down and threaded his fingers through Hyunjin’s.
“I’m only going to say this one last time, if you go out there with me, you’re with me.” Hyunjin searched for any sign of hesitation in Felix’s face.
“I hear you.” Felix’s mouth tipped into a small smile. “If I go out there with you, I’m safe and you’ll take care of me.”
Hyunjin pressed their foreheads together, a smile sneaking on his face before he straightened.
“Okay, baby, let’s go.”