Turn Around

by hypercatt

Summary:

Emu invites her friends to participate in their very first skating competition since becoming a club. Tsukasa aims to win, Rui wants to create a beautiful program, Nene hopes to feel comfortable on the ice again, and Emu just wants everyone to have fun.

Chapter 1: the stars - part 1

Notes:

based on heartorbit's figure skating au !!!! thank you for giving me permission to write this!!!! please check out their art it's so so goooood!!!!!
im so sorry i know so little about skating i went for basically the first time in my life for the sake of this fic jdhfkjsfs i just rly loved the idea i wanted to write it so bad!!!!!!! please i humbly invite all skating pros to come point and laugh at me
disclaimer for this one should probably be 'you don't have to know anything about figure skating but it might make it more fun if you don't-'
this was meant to be two oneshots but it got too long so now it's two oneshots but in two parts each!!!! yay!!!! have fun!!!!

There’s an announcement hidden within the fish.

Emu pushes her phone forwards so the three of them can see the tiny text box sitting inside the taiyaki case, the lights of the ceiling bouncing off the screen as Rui leans forward to look. The fans above them hum, mimicking the contemplative atmosphere in the room. It’s a simple but well made digital poster detailing an upcoming competition in a city a couple of hours from them in a few month’s time. 

“I found it last night!” Emu tells them as Rui looks up. “It’s not for a while yet, but doesn’t it look exciting? Look, the logo of the rink is so cute! I’ve never been there before but I bet it's a really fun place!”

It isn’t one Rui has heard of before, but it’s been a good few years since he last ventured into the world of competitive skating. It’s definitely nothing official, but it appears genuine and well thought out. There’s something strange about seeing a post like this and it actually being a possibility rather than just a passing what-if.

“It’s not any kind of serious contest, is it?” Tsukasa peers at the phone carefully. “The name isn’t familiar.”

“It seems to be an independent competition,” Rui says. “But there are quite a lot of comments, so it appears to have at least a decent amount of interest.”

“That’s right!” Emu nods. “And this competition is really special, because there are no restrictions on paired skates! Anyone can skate with anyone! Oh, but they still have singles too.”

“No restrictions…?” Nene frowns. “How is that even scored…?”

“They have a post about that too…um…” Emu scrolls a few times to the side, and Rui can see that she’s actually showing them pictures saved to her phone rather than a direct link. A post she didn’t want to lose. “See! You only get one program but the score doesn’t matter on who does what. Last year, two girls won the paired skate program!”

“Well, so long as they still have singles, it doesn’t really matter,” Tsukasa says. “I think it’ll be good to get back into the competition scene again! I have some new poses I’ve been wanting to show off!”

“And it’ll be the first competition since everyone joined!” Emu says. “That makes it even more extra super special!”

It’s a bold proposal, but definitely not an unwelcome one. Not an entirely unexpected outcome of Emu pulling them all into the closed cafe at the side of the rink before practice, but probably still not his first guess. Rui glances at Nene, trying to gauge her reaction. Of course, she seems worried, but not entirely unwilling. Tsukasa appears entirely fired up already, as expected. In terms of enthusiasm, Rui probably falls somewhere between the two.

“Um, but it’s okay if you don’t want to!” Emu says, her attention turning to Rui and Nene. “I just thought it might be fun because of the theme and also so to have something to work towards since we’re a proper club now! But if you don’t want to, don’t worry!”

“What’s the theme?” Rui asks.

“An ocean full of stars!” Emu announces, grinning brightly as she swipes onto the next image. “Isn’t it cute? And there’s a little picture of a whale in space!”

Rui puts a hand to his face as he observes. “Hm…” 

“That’s…” Nene starts.

“Perfect!” Tsukasa finishes, springing out of his seat with clenched fists. “A theme centered around stars? They must’ve known I was coming!”

“There’s a lot of fun programs to be devised with a theme like that,” Rui says, the connections already firing through his brain. “We could use different positions to mimic the changes in gravity…maybe combination jumps to add to the feeling of weightlessness…there’s a lot of different possibilities…”

“Right?” Emu smiles at the three of them. “That’s why I thought it would be a really fun idea to try!”

“Would you also like to try skating singles, Emu?” Rui asks. “I could help you choreograph a program if you wanted.”

“Mmmm…” Emu’s face scrunches up in thought, her eyes flicking to the side for a split second. “I don’t know yet! But we have lots of time to decide.”

“That’s right.” It’s just as well too, since he also has no idea what he wants to do. Even the thought of competing seems too novel, let alone trying to participate in an ice dance duo again. Emu is undecided, and he would never want to pressure Nene into doing anything she isn’t comfortable with. So that leaves just entering singles alongside Tsukasa, but somehow all the visions for choreography don’t feel right picturing himself as the star.

“I’m not sure yet either,” Nene says. “It does seem like a good event though…even if we just went to watch, that could be fun.”

“I’d definitely accept any offers of help for choreographing a program, Rui!” Tsukasa says.

“Oh?” It’s a little surprising for Tsukasa to want his help, since Rui knows his goal is to climb the ranks and consistently land podium spots, which is probably much more easily achieved through conventional choreography. “Well, I did have some ideas, if you want.”

“Of course! Ever since me and Emu watched your previous performances, I was thinking how interesting it would be to try out something similar!”

“...I wasn’t aware you did that,” Rui says, though now their initial insistence on him joining Emu’s club is making more sense. Nene laughs behind her hand.

“You have a fan club, apparently,” she says.

“And you too, of course, Nene!” Emu says, snatching the smug smile from Nene’s face. “Your skating is so wushwush-waaow!”

“I-I don’t know what that means,” Nene mutters, and it’s Rui’s turn to laugh, because he’s pretty sure he does. 

-

Deep in space…the endless twinkle of lights too far away…serenity, but emptiness too…is it better to view the endless expanse down from the safety of Earth, or to gaze back on home from a place of pure nothingness? Grasping onto something through the lack of gravity…a flip, or a combination as the meteors speed by…

“Are you sleepy, Rui?”

Rui pulls himself back to Earth, opening his eyes to see Emu staring down at him. That’s right. They haven’t even taken flight yet. He’s getting a little ahead of himself.

“He’s plotting a routine,” Nene says from beside her, bag sitting over her shoulder. Will she be joining their practice today, too? “It’s that look he always gets.”

“Plotting a routine?” Tsukasa’s head twists around as he starts skating over to the side. The rink isn’t busy today either. “Is it for me?”

“I don’t have anything concrete yet,” Rui says, because somehow it feels too obvious to simply answer ‘yes’. “I’d need to see your full capability before I can make anything for you. I know I’ve seen you skate a few times, but I need to know all the techniques you’re comfortable with first.”

“Then watch this!” Tsukasa swivels back around to the side with alarming speed, and Rui distantly wonders if he may have been a hockey skater in another life. Without slowing down, Tsukasa springs up in a triple salchow, landing easily on one foot and holding his arms out in a flourish. Emu claps excitedly.

“Amazing! You went so high!”

“You barely prepared yourself for that at all…” Nene says, but Rui can tell she’s impressed too. 

“I can do more!” Tsukasa exclaims. “Watch my camel spin!”

“Tsukasa’s skating is so fun,” Emu says as Tsukasa starts hurtling around, stretching his leg out behind him. “It’s like watching a magician at a big fancy party!”

“You mean over the top?” Nene questions.

“So?” Tsukasa abruptly stops, eyes boring into Rui. “How was that? Fantastic, right? Are you stunned by my repertoire?"

“It’s very impressive,” Rui says. There’s something a little endearing about the way he lights up at the word of approval, apparently so desperate for praise. A shooting star, a planet surrounded by a ring. “But can you go faster? Raise your leg higher?”

“Of course!” There’s no hesitation as he starts spinning again with even more force. Rui leans forwards.

“Is that as much as you can do?”

“I can do more! Watch this!”

“Yes, yes, like that! Show me the force of your true speed, Tsukasa!"

“Hey, you’re going to damage the ice,” Nene says as Tsukasa lets out what can only be described as a battle cry, turning into a blur. Rui sits back slightly, regaining himself.

“I can tell you’ve trained hard,” he says as Tsukasa comes to a halt. “But can you do more?”

“More…?” Tsukasa frowns, then his face moves to full determination. There it is, that expression Rui wanted to see. “Then, how about a quad? I’ll show you my toe loop!”

“You can land quads…?” Nene asks in disbelief.

“I want to see!” Emu cheers, and Rui sits up again as Tsukasa sets off. A comet. He pushes up again, and Rui narrows his eyes to catch the rotations. One, two, three- but the fourth is just too late, and Tsukasa stumbles to the ground. Still a very impressive attempt. There’s more than enough to work with here.

“I can land it properly if I go again-” Tsukasa says, only a little breathless. He’s less tired than he should be. How much is he capable of in a full program? Of course, an entire routine is far more exhausting than a couple of stray jumps, but the hypothesis that there’s far more to be done is one that he’s sure will be hard to disprove. 

“No, that was good,” Rui says. “You have good command over your movements.”

“Don’t I?” Tsukasa puts his hands on his hips. “That’s because you’re looking at a future gold medal Olympian!”

“I want to spin too!” Emu flicks off her skate guards and jumps onto the ice in that terrifying way that Rui is sure only she could land. “Teach me how to do quads too, Tsukasa! I wanna spinspinspinspin!”

“It’s not just about the rotations! There’s a lot you have to think about with those types of jumps- hey, watch where you’re going!”

“Are you sure you can make a program for someone like…that?” Nene asks beside him. “You know you’re probably looking at an injury waiting to happen.”

“You think so?” Rui watches the position of Tsukasa’s arms as he skates, a surprising amount of delicacy behind the movement despite having to battle for survival against the fireball of Emu. Her jumps are also very impressive, though perhaps not quite as refined as Tsukasa. “Hm…I wonder how high his extensions can go…do you think he can do an oversplit? He seems like the type, but I’d need to see more to be sure of his full flexibility…I wonder if there’s a way I can test it…”

“You’re saying some pretty concerning things right now, in more ways than one,” Nene says. Rui looks at her from the corner of his eye, unable to turn his head away from the ice.

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“No…” Nene shakes her head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I just never thought I would have an opportunity like this,” Rui says, smiling as the inspiration continues to blossom in the back of his mind. “I have so much to work with.”

For some reason, Nene gives him the same pitying look that one might give to a kitten learning to walk. “If you say so.”

“I bet the contest is gonna be so super fun!” Emu says, twisting around a few members of the public. “I can’t wait to see everyone’s performances! Are you excited too, Tsukasa?”

“Hm, of course I am!” Tsukasa raises his arms in the air again, though it’s perhaps not quite as high as they were before. He must finally be looking to take a break. “My goal is always first place or nothing! No matter who I’m working with, I always strive to do my absolute best!”

That’s right. Tsukasa is a competitive skater first and foremost. Still, this isn’t any kind of qualifying competition, so it’s probably fine for him to have a little bit of fun in the routine. 

-

“...You know the time limit is only four minutes, right?”

Rui looks up from the stack of paper he’s still adding notes to, seeing Tsukasa leaning over him with a raised eyebrow. The current strike of inspiration Rui had been following must have been longer than he thought, because only a few seconds ago Tsukasa was still warming up on the ice, but now he’s standing with skate guards on and arms crossed. Rui puts his pencil down.

“They’re not all definitive ideas,” he says, shifting to let Tsukasa take a seat beside him. “But I will admit I may have been…slightly overzealous.”

“Can I see?” Tsukasa takes the notebook from him, and it’s somehow nerve wracking to have someone else looking over his ideas, even if this is the entire reason for writing them. “Ohh, I like this one here! I‘ve been practicing this kind of combination a lot lately, so I think I could do it pretty well!”

“I was thinking so too,” Rui says. “But for that one, I placed it at the end of the program. Would that be okay? I wouldn’t want you to feel pressured into doing a difficult combination so late.”

“That’s no problem for me at all,” Tsukasa says, just as Rui had hoped. “Hmm, but isn’t the story a little sad?”

Alone and lost, a single figure swims alone in the vast empty sky. They search for a way to reach the hundreds of stars that surround them, but no matter how far they go, the lights still seem too far away. Finally, after struggling through space for so long, they stumble across another light, but when they reach out their hand, the fire is too strong to bear. The heat too intense, the glow too bright. As beautiful as it is, they have to accept the inevitability of staying alone and drift on through the universe. It doesn’t seem bad written down, but maybe it’s different through Tsukasa’s perspective.

“I can choose a different song, if you’d like,” Rui says. “I had ideas for the other ones you sent, too. I just felt this was most fitting.”

“Maybe in the ending, I could become one of the stars I so desperately long to reach!” Tsukasa suggests. “Hmm, though I’d still be alone.”

“It is singles, after all.” Rui places the notebook down on the bench and stands up, rolling his foot back and forth to ensure his laces are tight enough. “If you like this one, should I talk you through it? You can follow along with the book and then try mirroring me.”

“Oh, just like a real coach!” Tsukasa heads back to the rink, carefully removing his skate guards.

"What?" Rui makes a face. "You don't already see me as a real coach?"

"I do! I just meant- it's not like an official thing, right?"

"Would you like me to draft up a contract?"

"I'm a little scared what that would entail...but you're the most qualified out of all of us to be a coach, right?"

“Well, it’s been a long time since I was last coached by anyone…” 

Rui steps onto the ice, positioning himself at the side. It’s a good, spacious rink, well maintained despite its usual sparseness. It’s a place he’s been visiting sporadically for a while now, even before he met Emu and Tsukasa, but it remains eagerly waiting for the day when its public sessions reach full capacity. It’s a shame, because Rui is sure so many people could benefit from knowing its whereabouts. 

Tsukasa takes a place not too far from Rui, hands on his hips. He has a way of standing on the ice like he’s determined to take charge, stance wide in a manner that makes Rui surprised his legs don’t just slide all the way down into a split. 

“So?” Tsukasa calls, rolling his shoulders one at a time. “How does it start?”

“I’ll give you a demonstration first,” Rui says. “You can watch along with the notes.”

“Understood!” Tsukasa nods, grabbing the paper from where he’s placed it on the side, already eager to learn. That’s another thing, too. His entire disposition is so charged up and strong-willed that Rui had first expected him to argue with every suggestion he makes, but yet he continues to accept his ideas and thoughts with every practice session they’ve had. Every time he thinks he’s fully figured Tsukasa out, something else gets in the way. It’s a strange puzzle.

Even the song too, Rui thinks as he starts to act out the movements written in his notes. It’s a little unexpected to think Tsukasa would enjoy this type of intricate piano music, a little bittersweet and a little wistful. But it had been on the list Tsukasa had provided, and had worked perfectly for the vague visions Rui had been twisting around in his head. A paintbrush for the mess of colours he had waiting. 

He has to simplify a couple of the movements as he makes his way through the program, though he knows Tsukasa will understand what they’re supposed to be from the notes in his book. It’s not even that they’re exceptionally hard, but more that he’s out of practice. And skating solo is different from skating in a pair. That’s still something he’s trying to get used to, even after all these years.

By the time he hits the ending pose, his heart is beating hard, and he makes an effort to breathe through his nose instead of mouth as he turns to Tsukasa. It’s still lurking in the back of his mind, and he waits for Tsukasa to tell him it’s not really his thing actually, and that it might be best to stick to something more normal-

“I think I get it now,” Tsukasa says, staring hard at the paper before he looks back up. “Can I follow along this time? I want to try going through those jumps, too.”

“...Of course.” 

Rui lets Tsukasa take centre position, reminding him of the choreography when he needs to and watching his movements carefully. His skating style is strong and energised, but there’s something Rui is seeing now that’s much clearer than it had been in practice sessions. It’s almost too exaggerated. It feels rushed and the moves don’t hit the mark as they should. Rui narrows his eyes.

“You don’t need to raise your arms for that flip,” he tells Tsukasa. “Focus on your control first.”

“Hm? But anyone can land a jump like that. I need to add flourish and difficulty to make myself stand out!”

“You’re losing height and you’ve underrotated a few times,” Rui says. “Try it again with your arms in.”

Tsukasa doesn’t look entirely pleased with the request, but complies anyway on his next attempt. And it’s definitely more controlled, more stable, but- the issue is still there. It’s not just the jumps, it’s almost ingrained into every movement he makes, even just simple turns and steps. Maybe it’s a byproduct of being so new to the choreography? Rui isn’t sure.

“How was that?” Tsukasa asks after a couple more run-throughs. “Am I getting it?”

“...It’s okay,” Rui says, and doesn’t miss the way Tsukasa falters slightly. “Today is only the first day. We can practice more off-ice, too.”

“Maybe, but I think it’s better to do as much on-ice as possible,” Tsukasa says. “That’s where it really matters, right?”

“Even if you’re comfortable starting on-ice, you should still ensure you have the fundamentals down first.”

“Of course I have the fundamentals down,” Tsukasa says, skating to the side to grab his water. “I’ve been skating for long enough, after all!”

Rui wants to agree, because it’s obvious based on the way Tsukasa skates that he knows what he’s doing and is more than capable of landing the jumps and making his way through the choreography smoothly, but- it’s not quite right. Should he change the program after all/? But today is the first day, and every skater has bad days. It wouldn’t be fair to make an assumption based on a single session. 

“You guys!” A voice cuts through Rui’s thoughts, and he turns to see Emu and Nene entering from the top, Emu waving widely as she rushes over. “Are you practicing for the show? Did you decide on a program, Rui?”

“We’ve just been working on Tsukasa’s performance, for now,” Rui explains. Emu’s eyes light up.

“Really? Can I see?”

Tsukasa’s head snaps up. “I can-”

“We were just about to take a break,” Rui says. He notices Nene doesn’t have her skates on today. “But we’ll be sure to show you next time. Have you two decided on what you want to do?”

“Not yet!” Emu says. “But I was feeling kinda vivvywivvy so I thought I’d come skate for a bit! And I brought Nene too, just in case she wants to join in!”

“I’m still trying to decide,” Nene says. “I haven’t competed in a while, so…”

“This would be a good opportunity to get back into it, wouldn’t it?” Tsukasa says. “Since it’s only a local competition, it’s not like there would be any pressure to do well.”

“M-maybe.”

“Well, let me know if you have any tracks in mind for a program,” Rui says. “I’d be happy to offer a hand too, if needed.”

“It’s so cool that you make programs so much, Rui!” Emu says, hopping onto the ice. “I want to do a dance where I go upside down! And then I can do another one where I do a backflip!”

“All those moves are illegal!” Tsukasa scolds, then easily swerves out of the way as Emu hurtles towards him. “Hey! Can you watch where you’re going?”

“Paired skating is really exciting!” Emu continues. “There’s so many things you can only do with another person to help you! You can wuuush and flipflip and spinspinspin!”

“Do you even know the name of any of the techniques…?” Tsukasa asks with vague despair.

“I think competitions would be a lot more interesting with your commentary, Emu,” Rui says from the side of the ice, and Nene giggles beside him. It’s nice to see her here, even if she’s not set up to skate. There was a point where Rui had been sure Nene would never step foot in an ice rink again.

“I hope one day we can hold a big event here,” Emu says, and holds out her arms as she spins again. “Then the rink will be full of so many different types of people, and they’ll all get to see how much fun skating can be!”

“We’d probably have to fix some of the broken seats, first…” Nene says, glancing to the benches that are still in a state of disrepair. They’ve been working on it, but there’s still a lot to do.

“We’ll simply put on an ice show to entice people in and show them how great a club we are, no matter how dilapidated our rink is!” Tsukasa says, spinning easily as he glides back into a spot of safety away from Emu. “Let it be seen that a diamond can come from even the most run down, dust-ridden lump of coal!”

“Uh, aren’t you being too honest?” Nene asks. 

“Hm? What do you mean?”

Rui lets the conversation fade to background noise, focused once again on Tsukasa’s skating. Suddenly it seems much more relaxed and fluid, looking as though he’s working alongside the ice instead of against it. What inspired that abrupt change? Is it the presence of the other two, or maybe just the effects of taking a break? There has to be something more to it. Something else Rui can discover and understand.

“Are these all notes you made for Tsukasa?” Nene’s voice throws him back to the present, and he looks down at the papers still resting on the edge of the rink. 

“Some of them,” he says. “Why?”

“...It’s nothing,” Nene says. There’s a yell from the ice as Emu grabs one of Tsukasa’s wrists and starts spinning him around forcefully. A hint of a smile appears at the corner of Nene’s mouth. “It’s nice to see you so inspired again.”

“What do you mean? I’m always inspired.”

Nene shrugs, and there’s nothing really Rui can say to that.

-

It’s not just in his head.

The conundrum had continued to plague him even after several nights of contemplation, until he had given up and finally messaged Tsukasa asking him for any captures of his previous competitions or rehearsals to help with ‘understanding his personal style’, as he’d phrased it. Receiving back a very enthused response and an entire drive full of videos hadn’t been exactly what Rui was expecting, but it’s a welcome surprise, at least.

Except, all of these videos serve to confirm Rui’s suspicions. Certainly, there are technical faults that assist in dropping Tsukasa’s score just below third place time and time again, but that’s not the element of the skates Rui finds himself focused on. As the years pass, Tsukasa’s skating continues to fall deeper and deeper into what it had been the other day when rehearsing. It looks tighter, but not tight in the sense of having perfect control, but rather tight as if being squeezed by an external pressure. His expressions are so serious and focused, but there’s always something missing.

“This one is fourth place, too,” Rui mutters as he looks away from his phone, making another annotation in his notebook. He leans back, drifting a little further into the stream of cool air from his fan. Spending more time in the rink is making the heat of the summer feel even worse, and Rui pushes his hair away from his face as he keeps watching. “The step sequence here was good, but the first two jumps were overrotated…”

Is it strange to be pouring over these videos with so much scrutiny? It’s not as if the others hadn’t done it to him; they had already told him they had watched his previous performances, so it’s really no different from that. He’s simply trying to enhance his understanding of his teammate to coach him better for competition’s sake. Rui is about to move to the next video when a message pops up at the top of his screen.

‘are you going to enter singles alongside tsukasa?’

Nene must still be pondering her decision. ‘I don’t have anything planned yet. I don’t mind just coaching for now. Did you need help with anything?’

‘i was just wondering. emu hasn’t decided yet either’

‘You could always skate with Emu, if you wanted.’

The messages stop there. Rui smiles and minimises the chat, turning back to a video of Tsukasa performing in a junior cup at what looks to be middle school age. It’s the same as before, the strained movements, the tenseness in his limbs. Rui notices that he keeps looking off to the side, eyes consistently darting left and right no matter which way he turns. Is he trying to spot the scoreboard? Eye up the judges? No, it’s like he’s trying to spot someone in the audience. It’s most obvious at the end of the performance when his head turns to look across the clapping attendees, face clouded with concern despite a perfectly acceptable performance. He finishes fourth and doesn’t advance onwards.

The puzzle has more pieces than Rui had first realised. But that’s okay. It just makes it more interesting.

-

There’s nobody waiting outside when Rui arrives late in the afternoon. It’s to be expected; he’s early and their agreed meeting time isn’t for at least another thirty minutes. Staying waiting at home had become an impossible task, though, with all the thoughts of the routine on his mind. The latch on the door is still open, Rui can see it through the reflection of the glass. So Emu must still be inside. He could easily go in and start warming up, but part of him tells him it’ll be easier to problem solve when he’s staring at something other than the ice.

He settles down in a spot in the shade, the heat of the day starting to wind down but not entirely gone. There’s still warmth in the breeze that barely rustles the trees nearby, even as the sun begins to set. Rui takes out his phone and starts to play the music through his headphones once more. A lonely piano, determined to tell its story despite its solitude. Not joyful, but not quite sad either. 

The area outside the rink really is quite lovely. The building itself is a little unassuming, a place that one might easily glance over unless looking for it, but it’s always well cared for, inside and outside. Just looking at it evokes an image of Emu fervently sweeping the front and stretching up to clean the very top of the large glass doors, and Rui smiles at the thought. It would have been nice if he’d have known about this place long ago, but he’s glad to have found it now. No, not just have found it. He’s been invited in. Recruited. That’s a ridiculous thought.

Rui starts the music again and closes his eyes. Most of the songs Tsukasa had provided him with had been bold and energetic, similar to the style of music Rui has seen him skate to in all his past competitions. It makes sense, and it’s more than easy for Rui to conjure up an image of Tsukasa boasting around the rink to the loud declaration of fanfare. But this track isn’t as straightforward. The image is dark and hard to see, though Rui knows it must be there. If he could see it in person, see something that reaches that enshrouded vision, then it would certainly be…

“You’re asleep?”

Rui opens his eyes, looking up to see Tsukasa standing above him with a frown. The music keeps playing in his ears, and the vision trembles again. It’s both more real and more distant now. 

“I’m not asleep,” Rui says, and removes his headphones. “You’re rather early.”

“So are you,” Tsukasa says. “What are you listening to?”

“Your track,” Rui replies honestly, because it’s worth it to see Tsukasa’s pleased expression. 

“It’s a truly wondrous piece, isn't it?” He raises his head with pride, as if he was the one who wrote it. Then he hauls one of his arms up behind his head, apparently inspired to start his warm up stretches by just the mention of the music. Rui stares at his sleeves for just a little too long. “Which part are we going to work on today? The middle? Or the start? I wanted to show you the step sequence again, since that was one of the places you thought last time I was lacking refinement.”

“We can do that later,” Rui says, and looks back to the paused symbol on his phone. It’s like quantum physics, almost. He can’t quite tell if the vision in his head is real or not until he tries to bring it to reality, at which point it will have to be one or the other. It can’t be both, and that’s a troubling thought. “Why did you choose this song?”

“Hm?” Tsukasa pulls his elbow behind his head. “I mean, technically you chose that song.”

“It was on your list,” Rui says. “I wondered at first if you had put it there by mistake.”

“You think that poorly of my music taste?”

“I just wasn’t expecting it.” Maybe this is a good chance to increase his collection of puzzle pieces. “What does it mean to you? Why did you choose that specific song?”
 
“That’s because…” Tsukasa's eyebrows lower in thought. “I like it.”

Rui waits. “...Is that right?”

“Yes.”

“When did you first hear it?”

“At a competition.”

Maybe he’s looking too hard for something that isn’t there. “Was it one of the junior cups? I don’t remember-”

“No, at a piano competition.” Tsukasa seems to notice the question that emerges on Rui’s face. “My mom is a piano teacher so she taught me and my sister how to play. I heard the song as part of the opening ceremony at one of the contests we were at and we both really liked it. I learnt how to play it not long after. Well, of course, she can play it much better than I can! It seems like a very simple piece until you play it. Then you realise it’s a lot harder than it seems.”

“I see. I don’t really know anything about playing piano, so I wouldn’t know.”

“But it’s a lot of fun either way!” Tsukasa says, then the grin on his face slips a little as he drops out of his stretch. “I always thought it would be a good piece to skate to, but it seems like I haven’t been able to prove myself to you yet.”

He seems genuinely disappointed at this, and it makes Rui feel a little bad too. Is he being too harsh? Or is it his own failings of a coach that’s causing Tsukasa not to meet his true potential? He’s seen it in theory so there must be some way to apply it in practice. There has to be a way to bring the fantasy into reality.

“Should we go inside?” Rui asks, and Tsukasa brightens up again, switching back to determination. He’ll make it work. He’ll figure out the solution.

-

“Hold your leg higher, there’s still a bend at the knee. And remember to keep your arms straight! You’re losing refinement!”

Rui frowns as he leans over the side of the rink, watching Tsukasa move into the combination with apparent ease. He lands the jump without issue, no shakiness at the ankle, but it still doesn’t look right. Rui pauses the music and Tsukasa grinds to a halt, sparks of ice flying as he drags his skate to stop. 

“Wh-what’s wrong?” he breathes out. “I landed that fine!”

“It’s not that,” Rui says. “Your movements are still lacking. You’re focusing too much on the jumps. The story isn’t coming across as it should.”

“I’ll try it again!” Tsukasa restarts the section, and it’s fine, he would definitely receive a very good technical score, but- it’s not right. There’s no void of outer space or aching loneliness, there’s just someone on the ice jumping whilst music plays. The piano echoes off the walls of the rink, not through the expanse of space.

“That one was better, right?” Tsukasa asks, wiping the sweat from his brow. “I’m sure I went higher that time.”

“It was fine,” Rui says.

“Still only fine?”

“It’s just…stiff.” He’s not sure if that’s the right word. Maybe a better way to describe it would be ‘stuck’? A person pushing against the ice but not actually moving anywhere. “You’re just not connecting with the choreography.”

“You keep saying that, but I’m giving it all I’ve got! Is there something else I need to try?”

Is there? Rui isn’t sure. At this point it’s starting to feel as though this is just the way Tsukasa skates, and there isn’t anything he can do to change that. It’s just- it feels different to how it’s been when he’s not rehearsing a program. Could it be stage fright? No, that’s absurd.

“I think the choreography just isn’t well suited to your style,” Rui decides. “As I thought, I think the best thing for me to do is to change the program."

“No!” Tsukasa skates over to him, crossing his arms. “If there’s something you need me to change, just say so! I know I can do it, so whatever I’m doing wrong, tell me!”

“It’s…” Rui thinks back to those videos from years ago. “Tell me, Tsukasa. When you skate, what is it you’re thinking about?”

“What I’m thinking about?” Tsukasa frowns. “Doing well? No, doing the best I possibly can! Making sure I’m putting all my effort and skill into every movement and ensuring my speed and momentum is correct so I can get the score I rightfully deserve!”

“Is that everything”?

“Yes?” He seems confused. “Why? What am I supposed to be thinking about?”

“It’s not a matter of what you’re ‘supposed’ to be thinking about.” Rui takes a seat, glancing back to his notes. There’s quite a lot underlined. “I guess sometimes it just looks like you have something on your mind.”

“If you’re trying to say I’m not committed, then you’re completely mistaken. I can prove it to you-”

“No, I believe you.” Rui can feel Tsukasa’s frustration pulsing towards him from where he stands on the ice, and wonders not for the first time if it had been too presumptuous to try and coach somebody else. “You tend to miss the podium spots quite a lot when you compete, don’t you?”

“That’s…something that has happened to me before, yes. What, are you trying to say that you think I’m not good enough for this program?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“But it’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it?”

“It’s not that either.” The frustration is starting to get to him, too. “I just wonder if you maybe care too much what others think of you.”

“Of course I care what others think! Isn’t that the whole point of competing?”

“...I may not be the best person to coach you,” Rui says after a moment. “Our goals are too different.”

“What? You’re just going to give up?”

“That’s…not what I’m saying.” Rui stands up and takes a breath. “I’m going to get a drink. I think now is a good time for a break.”

Conversely, it’s a terrible time for a break, but Rui is worried if the angry tension gets any higher then the ice may start to melt. Back in the lobby, Rui selects a bottle of soda from the vending machine and slumps down next to the reception desk. The rink isn’t technically open right now so he doesn’t have to worry about anyone potentially disrupting his brooding. The can makes a hiss as he opens it and he keeps his phone balanced on his lap as he pulls up the junior cup video again.

Tsukasa must be overly aware of the audience watching him and it’s negatively impacting his performances. That’s the only explanation after putting all the pieces together. And it’s not his fault that their values don’t align. Wanting nothing but to make the top podium isn’t a bad goal, it’s just not one that Rui has ever particularly cared about. Maybe Tsukasa will choose to leave the club to better pursue his dreams. That’s fine. If it has to work out like that, then so be it. And based on the sessions they’ve had, it certainly seems it will turn out that way.

It’s just that expression at the end of the video that throws a wrench into the works. If a person was so worried about what others thought of them, why would they stare out into a crowd with such open anxiety? It’s not even that it appears Tsukasa is concerned with his performance; his face looks distracted as if he’s barely even registering the audience’s existence at all. Looking for something.

“You’re still watching those?”

Rui looks up to see Tsukasa standing over him, skates changed and jacket on. “You're finished?"

“I thought you’d already left.”

“I did say we were taking a break.” Rui doesn’t take his eyes off the phone as Tsukasa takes a seat beside him. 

“Listen, Rui- I didn’t mean to get angry before. I just wanted you to be honest with your feedback. I promise I can handle anything you tell me, even if it’s harsh. So if there’s something you need to tell me, just tell me!”

That’s not it either. “Did something happen on the day of this contest?”

“Hm?” Tsukasa follows his gaze, and smiles at the image of his past self. “Oh, I remember that! Hm, my jumps were really on point that day! And that was one of the last times I wore that costume…a fitting send off…

“Who are you looking for?”

“Looking for?”

“Here, at the end. It looks like you're trying to find someone.”

“Oh, I was trying to see if my family were in attendance. It turned out my sister fell sick and had to go back to the hospital, so they weren’t able to make it in the end. But she was fine eventually, don’t worry!”

A new piece. There are suddenly less gaps than before. “So you were sad they missed it?”

“No, I knew the reason they weren’t there had to be for something important. My sister tends to hide her sickness until she can’t anymore, so sometimes they have to go to the hospital very suddenly.” Tsukasa’s voice gets quieter. “I was just- worried at that time, because I had no way of knowing exactly how bad it was. I only knew that since they weren’t there, something must have happened.”

“Does your sister usually go to watch your competitions?”

“Well, she’s busy a lot nowadays, but she would always try to, yeah! We were both pretty into skating as kids, even if she couldn’t always participate.” Tsukasa’s fond expression turns to something more troubled. “She was so entranced by the ice show we saw as children, so I was always thinking ‘wouldn’t it be amazing if I could become a great skater like that too?’. Then I could make her smile that same way. Except, I’ve never been able to place higher than fourth place in a major competition. Sometimes it feels the harder I try, the more my score suffers. I can’t understand what I'm doing wrong. But you can see it, can’t you?”

Frustration, disappointment, desperation…it makes a lot more sense now. Those strained movements are the result of a person reaching out as hard as they can to grab something and still finding themselves inches too short. 

“Rui, I’m sorry if my skating isn’t meeting your standards. I don’t want you to think I’m not trying, because I really am. I don’t want you to stop being my coach. Your choreography is really interesting, even if it’s challenging!”

“I just fear I may be the wrong person to help you reach your goals,” Rui says, letting his phone fade to black. “I know you want to win first place, but I can’t guarantee that. For me, skating has always been about creating and telling a beautiful story.”

“I want to do that too! If I can’t entertain the audience, then I don’t even deserve that first place medal!”

“But winning is the thing you care about most.”

“Yes,” Tsukasa confirms. “Especially now. This is our first competition as a group. I don’t want to fail on someone else’s behalf. It clearly means a lot to Emu. And of course, it means a lot to me! So I need to be at my very best so that I don’t disappoint anybody, most of all myself!”

“...You’re putting yourself under a lot of pressure, like that.” So much so that it’s crushing him on the ice, the cracks visible as much as he tries to hide them. “Are you sure that’s what’s most important to you?”

“It is. When I skate, I want to win.”

He says that, but surely if he hadn’t looked around so much for his sister, he might’ve had a chance of placing higher. In that moment, it was obvious what really mattered most, even if Tsukasa doesn’t seem to recognise it. And that’s…something Rui wants to see more of. “I want to see you skate more honestly.”

“Hm?” Tsukasa eyes him warily. “I’m always honest.”

“Do you think your sister would only be happy if you won first place?” Rui asks. “Did she seem disappointed all those times you finished fourth or below?”

“...No, but that’s because she’s such a nice person. She would never let her disappointment show, but I’m sure she would be happiest if I won the highest award.”

It sounds like a lie, and Tsukasa seems to realise this too. Rui is sure these are expectations he placed on himself, not something anyone else asked of him. Somewhere the line of ‘wanting to put on a great performance’ and ‘wanting to score as high as possible’ must’ve become blurred.

“I think you skate best when you’re not thinking about winning,” Rui says. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do well, but you have to find a middle ground. You can be fuelled by pressure without letting it hold you down.”

“But I’ve never felt like it was.”

“If you hold something for a long time, eventually you may forget you’re even holding it. But the weight will still be there, whether you’re aware of it or not.”

“But isn’t that normal in a sport like this?” Tsukasa asks. “I’m sure paired skating must be the same. You have to stay focused at all times.”

“Skating in a pair is different to skating alone,” Rui says, glancing over at the rental skate area to the side. They look well worn and old. “You have to be completely in tune with your partner, even when you can’t verbally communicate. You have to be entirely at their mercy and they at yours. But the pressure goes both ways. You can’t have one person taking all the strain. The partnership would collapse.”

“I guess I never thought about it that much,” Tsukasa says. “I just know the guys are usually a lot stronger since they have to lift people up a lot.”

“It depends on who your partner is,” Rui says, and smiles at the memory. “Nene was my first partner and she was quite small, so it was never very difficult to lift her. But there aren’t any jumps or throws in ice dance. That’s something I never had to worry about too much.”

“Right…since the focus is more on your choreography and elegance…” He frowns. “Can you show me?”

“Excuse me?”

“Can you show me what it’s like?” He pulls himself up, leaving Rui staring with what must be a pretty blank expression. “If you say I focus too much on jumps, then show me what beautiful skating looks like without any jumps!"

“I can’t…show you paired skating by myself,” Rui manages to say. Tsukasa gives him a flat look as if he’s said something stupid.

“You’re not by yourself,” he says, and offers out a hand. Rui takes it almost unconsciously, just because he’s still trying to understand how the conversation took this turn. Weren’t they talking about Tsukasa and his mental block? Why is he suddenly asking to skate together with him?

“I only ever did ice dance with a partner,” Rui says, his mind thankfully catching up enough to remind himself to let go of Tsukasa’s hand once he’s stood up. “Your routine has a lot of jumps, so it wouldn’t translate properly into ice dance. It would be more suited to pairs, but I’ve never competed in that.”

“It’s okay if it’s not perfect. I just want to see how you skate in your most natural element!”

“Skating with another person can be more dangerous,” Rui continues. “I can’t show you any lifts or anything like that. It would just be- skating side by side. Not a real routine.”

“That’s fine,” he says easily, pushing the doors back into the rink open. The cold sheet of air catches Rui off guard and he barely suppresses the shiver. “If anything, it’ll help me learn my choreography better.”

“Of course.” It’s practical, then. It makes sense, logistically. He keeps telling himself this as Tsukasa re-laces his skates and steps onto the ice with him. It’s not nerve wracking at all, because why would it be? He used to do this every day. Except-

“I haven’t skated with anyone in a long time,” Rui says once they’re both in the middle of the rink. “I might be- out of practice.”

“It’ll come back to you once you start, I’m sure.” Tsukasa stretches out his arms, rolling his shoulders again. “Do you still have the music ready?”

“I do.” Rui suddenly feels a little helpless just standing there on the ice, opposite Tsukasa. “We wouldn’t usually start like this.”

“Hm? How do teams usually start?”

With their arms wrapped around one another, Rui thinks, but quickly pushes that thought away. It doesn’t matter if it’s exact. This is just a loose demonstration. And it’s training, too. Right, just training.

“Try not to think so much about what points you’re accumulating during your skate,” Rui tells Tsukasa. “Focus on the feeling and the story of the program. Don’t just instruct your muscles to make the movements. Invite your brain and your body to work together to show the audience the image you're aiming to create. You don’t need to come first place for others to enjoy your performance. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be moving.”

“Focus on the feeling…” Tsukasa’s eyebrows knit together, and he nods. 

Rui uses his phone in his pocket to set the music back up, then zips it away securely. Showtime, he supposes.

Alone in the universe, lost and afraid. But it doesn’t quite fit the same with someone else in the emptiness with him. It’s like they’re searching around each other, blind to each other’s presence. Well, all they’re doing is basically mirroring each other’s movements, after all. Catching Tsukasa’s expression is hard, but Rui is sure it seems unsure, uncertain of what he’s supposed to do. Of course. This is the first dance he’s ever tried.

Rui turns away, trying to mimic how this type of sequence would usually go in a paired skate. It’s not right, is it? Of course he’s imagined how this song would work as a dance, but those are thoughts that should probably stay in his head. The two of them should just stop now- but Tsukasa isn’t giving up. His movements are still hesitant, but there’s a firm resolve in his eyes. He doesn’t fully know what he’s doing but he’s trying anyway. He isn’t stopping to complain or ask to do something else. It’s like it’s- okay.

It’s okay…?

The music changes, a moment of contemplation in the piano as Rui turns to look across the galaxy. Worlds out of reach, too far away to ever grasp. But there’s something closer, isn’t there? If he just turns around to see the light behind him, that person who has always been searching just as fervently as him-

Rui spins back around, and suddenly all the ideas of how to plan this same routine as a paired skate come rushing back, fireworks exploding in his head. There could be a curve lift here, or a soft waltz across the ice. A double set of twizzles. No, Tsukasa could handle more. They would drift apart for a moment as the piano bridge starts, but then Rui holds out his hand and-

He’s getting carried away. Rui quickly retracts his hand, because this isn’t actually a paired dance and the person with him isn’t his partner. But before his hand can reach his side, Tsukasa grabs his palm and pulls his arm back out, holding tight as they pull away from each other. If either of them were to let go, they’d lose their balance, they’d go too far to one side, but they don’t. They’re both connected with one another. 

It’s a feeling of security that Rui has never felt before, and it’s a little scary, somehow. Touching that glow he’s chased for so long actually doesn’t hurt at all. The light travels up along his veins and the heat is searing, but none of it is painful. It’s making him glow too. Was there ever any need to feel afraid? It’s so warm.

When Rui manages to catch a glimpse of Tsukasa’s face, he’s grinning brightly back in his direction. And that’s so different that Rui really has no idea what to do with it. All his partners in the past always felt like someone he had to hold at distance, someone he knew couldn’t fully trust him. Even Nene, that net of security had only lasted so long until she had to leave too. He’s so used to being left alone that it feels this time has to be the same, but it isn’t. It’s unnerving, weird and unfamiliar. This person, this smile directing all this light back at him at such an intensity- it can only belong to a star, can’t it?

In a paired skate, Rui would usually hold his partner by the waist here- but this isn’t a paired skate. But if it was, then what?  It feels so much more intimate than any skate he’s done before for whatever reason. What’s the story at this point? How ironic that he’s spent so long chastising Tsukasa for the same thing and now he can barely concentrate. He’s supposed to be losing hope of chasing down the stars, he’s supposed to be accepting that this is the way things will always be. Tsukasa is skating like he had back at the first rehearsal, like he does whenever they’re just in a non-focused practice skate. So this is the final answer. It’s so obvious now that he sees it that it’s almost embarrassing.

Rui dares reach out his hand one more time as the ending of the track starts to swell, and Tsukasa grabs it once again with zero hesitation. It must be just because he thinks that’s what he’s supposed to do, and he’s not wrong, but- Rui lets out a breathless laugh anyway. It’s already too late. After this, there’s no way he’ll be able to skate alone ever again.

The last piano note echoes around them, and Rui breathes out, Tsukasa’s fingers still wrapped around his own. This has to be it now. He’s been given enough, so it’s finally time for the fantasy to end-

“That was- really fun!” Tsukasa exclaims, detaching his hand to brush the hair out of his eyes. “It’s a completely different feeling having someone else with you.”

“Yes,” he manages to say. Strangely it doesn’t feel awkward at all, even though it probably should. “You skated…more freely.”

“I did?” He seems relieved. “I was trying to connect with the story, but it got kind of hard towards the end. I mean, you were there, after all.”

“...That’s right. It doesn’t really…make sense.”

“It’s weird not having the jumps too. Usually I’m anticipating them so I can capture everyone’s attention, so without that, I felt like I really had to concentrate to make my other movements equally as captivating. It’s…unexpectedly hard.”

“Precision is important in ice dance. You have to match the music at every beat. Just because there aren’t any jumps, doesn’t mean it’s easy.”

“This might be what I need,” Tsukasa says thoughtfully. “Maybe I’ve been doing the same thing for too long and that’s why I’m stagnating so much. I know we wouldn’t be able to compete at any professional level as a pair, but don’t you think it might be a good way for me to improve my singles?”

“...Potentially. Sometimes approaching from a different angle can help solve the problem.”

“That’s what I think too! And if it’s only a local contest, we should at least try to have a good time, right? Do you want to, Rui?”

“...Huh?” Wait-

“If we change it to something like this instead. Then I can improve, right?”

“Like…this?”

Tsukasa gives him a look. “Do you not want to?”

It won’t go well. Tsukasa hasn’t done ice dance before and Rui hasn’t skated with a partner in years. All the partners he’s had in the past have struggled to get on with him and have always disliked his suggestions. He accepted long ago that if he wants to skate, he has to do so alone. The question is simply ‘do you want to doom yourself, or not?’. So the answer is simple.

“I want to,” Rui says before he can stop himself, and the look Tsukasa gives him stops any thought of retracting that answer. “But- there’s a lot of new elements I’ll need to teach you. Ice dance is very different from singles.”

Tsukasa nods. “Of course!” 

“The story will need adjusting,” he continues, starting to move again on the ice to try and settle his heart back down. “And we’ll have to significantly alter the choreography, though I already have some ideas for that. Of course, as the male partner you would usually be expected to perform the lifting, but if you’re skating with me, you might have to take the female role at times too.”

“Well, that’s not such a big deal.”

“Excellent! I'll be sure to include lot of exciting lifts and spins then."

“Of course- wait, lifts?”

“It’ll help you improve your core strength and be more aware of timing. We’ll have to practice off-ice first, of course.” Rui stops himself. “Unless you’d prefer something easier to start…?”

“No, I can do it!” The blaze in his eyes burns so strong that Rui can feel its heat. “So long as you’re willing to teach me, I’m willing to learn!”

“Then I’ll start making edits straight away,” Rui says. “I look forward to seeing what you can show me, Tsukasa.”

"I'll do my best!"

Rui smiles. So there's still something exciting to come, after all.

Notes:

tell me ur wxs pairs music picks....i wanna hear........
part 2 in a few days!!!! then emunene chapters after that 🫡

Chapter 2: the stars - part 2

Notes:

potatoes???? on ice????????

“Oh my gosh, Tsukasa, are you going to be an astronaut?!”

“What-” Tsukasa looks up from his notes to find a mess of pink hair leaning over him, Emu’s eyes wide as she stares. “Did you just see the word ‘space’ and assume astronaut?”

“Well, ours is about the ocean and we have a mermaid in ours.”

“Huh? Are you trying to say a mermaid and an astronaut are equivalent in some way?”

Emu tilts her head. “Of course! Because a mermaid has a tail and an astronaut has a helmet!”

Before Tsukasa can figure out if this reasoning has any rationale, Rui calls him over. “Are you ready, Tsukasa?”

“I am!” He stands up with vigour, hurrying to take his skate guards off and get onto the rink. It’s always fun when it’s all four of them here practicing at once, even if it means a little less room. Especially since today is finally the first day they’re able to practice their full routine on-ice. It’ll be good to have an audience to observe the wonder that is Tenma Tsukasa. 

“I wanna see you guys do your big woosh and wurl!” Emu says, pulling herself up to sit on the side of the rink in a way that Tsukasa is sure is absolutely not allowed. “It looked so cool when you were practicing the other day!”

“You guys are really going for a stacked routine, huh…” Nene says, drifting over to where Emu is sitting. “It’s not like this is the Olympics.”

“Even if it was, I still would remain at the same levels of focus I am now!” Tsukasa tells her proudly. “First place is still first place, after all!”

“Right, right…you’re still new to dance though, so you don’t need to overdo it.”

“Like I said, paired skating is so exciting!” Emu claps, swinging her skates dangerously close to the walls in a way that makes Tsukasa’s eye twitch. This place is already damaged enough; does she want to make it even worse? “I hope one day everyone can skate together however they want!”

“Well, it makes sense from a physical standpoint…” Nene says. “Guys are usually stronger and girls weigh less, so if you need to have someone getting thrown about…”

“Hm?” Emu hums. “But I can lift everyone up no problem!”

“Yeah, you might be a special case…” Nene says, and Emu looks pleased at this compliment. 

“Anyway, if we’re both warmed up, let’s not waste any more time!” Tsukasa skates into position. “Rui, please launch me as best you can!”

“Of course!” Rui smiles his way. Does he look nervous? He shouldn’t.

“Why do you guys have to make it sound weird…?” Nene mutters.

They’ve done this enough times off-ice, but it’s still a vague exhilarating feeling to skate alongside Rui knowing he’s going to be hauled up into the air. It’s strange knowing no matter what he does, it's only ever fifty percent in his control. Tsukasa pushes up to start his ascent, then Rui grabs his waist to lift him up further into the air. Instinct takes over as he straightens out his arms and legs into a pose, before falling back down to make contact with the ice again, a satisfying clack under his foot. 

“Wah, amazing!” Emu claps again, and Tsukasa laughs, holding his head up high.

“That was easy!” he says. “It’s actually easier on-ice than off. Was my tension okay?”

“Yes, good job,” Rui says, a satisfying level of approval in his tone. “Your leg position seemed slightly off, but we can work on that. Consider your position at all times, not just in the entry phase.”

“Understood! Let’s try that one again! Then we can start working on the rotational lifts.”

“You guys have those too?” Nene asks, staring at them in what Tsukasa is sure is mystified awe. “Do you actually spend any time on the ice?”

“Since the theme is space, I thought a strong anti-gravitational would work well,” Rui explains. “It’s nothing extreme, don’t worry.”

“This one was my idea!” Tsukasa adds proudly. “Though I’m sure I’m more than capable of performing something more complex. Can’t you imagine me upside down, being swung by nothing but a single leg?”

“As much as I want to see that, let’s just stick to this one today, okay, Tsukasa?” Rui says. “There’s no need to rush.”

“You could never even get any of your past partners to attempt a routine like this,” Nene says to Rui as she drifts past. “Lucky you found someone equally as insane to try anything. Good job.”

“Insane?” Tsukasa repeats. “You mean endlessly skilled!”

“Mmm.” Her face isn’t properly conveying her admiration. It’s probably a side effect of being shy.

“Ready, Tsukasa?” Rui holds out his hand and Tsukasa is quick to accept it, getting back into position. It’s much easier like this compared to their off-ice rehearsals. If he could do it there, he can definitely do it now. Same as before, Tsukasa pushes up, letting Rui lift him into a spin. It’s fast, but something about it feels off, not quite the same as before. The security that he’s always felt before wavers, gravity trembles, and then the side of his body crashes onto the ice.

“Tsukasa-!”

“Ow…” He blinks hard to try and stave off the pain in his arm, focusing just on the lines on the ice. The lines on the ice? That’s weird, why is he close enough to be able to see those? The cold is underneath him and he’s not moving anymore. Ah, then he lost his position and fell. That’s- embarrassing.

“I’m so sorry-” Rui’s hand touches his shoulder momentarily before it leaves again. Tsukasa shifts his arms away from his face to better see where he is. Rui looks weirdly panicked. For what reason? All he did was fall. “Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?”

“Do you need the first aid kit? I can get it!” Emu calls, and he can hear her skates clacking against the floor as she runs. Did she at least put on her skate guards…? It’ll damage the blades if not.

“I’m fine, don’t worry…” Tsukasa murmurs, pulling himself up as best he can. It’s tougher than it should be, and he's weirdly disorientated. Not a particularly great fall, then. “I think I just landed on my shoulder.”

“Does it hurt?” Rui asks. “I’m- so sorry.”

“Hm? It’s not your fault.” Tsukasa frowns, looking down at himself. Nothing seems out of place, no bones or joints in places they’re not supposed to be. Then it’s not a big deal at all. “I let my body go too slack.”

“No, my grip wasn’t secure enough,” Rui says. “It was fine in practice, so I thought it would be okay to try…”

“It’s fine,” Tsukasa tells him again, willing his voice to sound a little less shaken. If Rui is still looking at him like that, he must not be doing a very good job convincing him he’s okay. 

“That was a pretty hard fall,” Nene says from the side. “Are you definitely okay…?”

“You don’t have to keep rubbing it in,” Tsukasa says, making a face as his arm twinges in his pain as he moves into a kneeling position on the ice. “Falls are just a natural part of learning, right? I’m sure you guys have done the same.”

“But…” Rui almost looks like he’s in more pain than Tsukasa. Why? Did something happen to him too? It doesn’t look like it, so why does he look so troubled?

“I have the first aid kit!” Emu yells as the doors clack again and she hurries back to the edge of the ice. “Um, there’s bandages, and wipes, and an ice pack…hmm, is there any point in having one of those here…?”

“No, that’s good. We’ll take that.” Rui accepts the ice pack and Tsukasa hurries to take it off him, because if there’s one thing that’s more humiliating than holding an ice pack, it’s having someone else hold an ice pack for him. “Does anywhere else hurt?”

“No, I’m fine. I just need to skate it off.” He pulls himself up, unable to hide the flinch of pain in his arm when he uses his palms to push up. Even worse, he's slightly unsteady as he tries to regain speed. From one crash? This is pitiful.

“You should probably take a break, at least,” Nene suggests. “Trying to skate on an injury is just gonna make it worse.”

“My legs feel fine,” Tsukasa says, but based on the others’ expressions, he’s clearly alone in this judgement. “Okay, fine. I’ll take a break. But we’ll definitely get it next time! It should be easier to troubleshoot now that we’ve seen what doesn’t work. Right, Rui?”

“...Right.” As much as it looks like he’s trying to hide it, Tsukasa can still see a distressed cloudiness in his eyes. It’s frustrating to think Tsukasa is the cause, that his lack of ability has potentially caused Rui to lose faith in his skating once again. If they could try even just once more today, he’s sure he could maintain it no problem, but that possibility has already been torn from him. Tsukasa flexes his arm again once he’s back on the ice, and shudders. He’ll get it checked out tomorrow if needed.

-

“I am here!”

Tsukasa throws open the door with one hand, stepping forward into the chill of the room. He isn’t quite anticipating a cannon of confetti and a parade of balloons raining down from the sky, but he expects a little more than the stunned looks Emu and Nene offer him from the rink.

“Oh, you’re back,” Nene says.

“Tsukasa!” Emu skates over to the side of the rink. “How are you? Are your bones okay?”

“What’s with that kind of threatening greeting?” Tsukasa puts his bag down on a bench, unzipping his jacket to display his very much unbroken arm. “Observe! I am of course entirely unscathed! My doctor said it was simply a mild sprain and should be healed within two weeks of rest!”

“Wow! Amazing!” Emu spins around on the ice as Tsukasa poses proudly, ignoring that standing with his hands on his hips still hurts a little. “Thank goodness you’re all okay!”

“Of course I am! It would take something much worse than to take down Tenma Tsukasa!”

“I guess you’re dense in more ways than one…” Nene says, and Tsukasa gives her a suspicious look.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“But I’m glad you’re okay,” she continues, sliding to a gentle stop on the ice to give him a small smile. “I was worried you might have broken something after an accident like that.”

“Well, it happens, doesn’t it?” Tsukasa glances around the benches, only seeing two more bags in addition to his own. “Where’s Rui?”

“He didn’t show up today,” Emu says with a frown. “Hmm…I guess he thought you weren’t going to come either, Tsukasa!”

“Why would he think that? I told him I was fine.”

“I mean, didn’t your doctor say you’re supposed to rest?” Nene eyes his skates. “It’s been less than forty-eight hours.”

“The ban is only on heavy lifting, as far as I understood. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to fall again. I just won’t practice any jumps until it heals.” He takes a seat on the bench and frowns as he fishes out his phone. Now that he looks more closely, his message from last night is still unread. The last communication he had from Rui was the evening after his fall, just a mere ‘is your arm okay?’ with no response after Tsukasa told him he was completely fine. Tsukasa doesn’t hesitate to click the call button. 

“I remember I fell super hard when I was first starting to skate,” Emu says as the phone rings in his ear. “It didn’t even hurt that much, but I couldn’t stop crying until I got a biiiig hug from my grandpa! And now I can fall all the time! Like bang! Wup! Bang! Woosh!”

“I saw some pretty bad falls back in my middle school club…” Nene says, moving out the way as Emu crashes down on the ice next to her with a grin. “There was one guy that got too close to the boards whilst spinning his partner…I think they ended up calling an ambulance…”

“Huh, no way…!” Emu picks herself up from the floor. “That must be so scary…”

“Hello?”

“Rui! Took you long enough!” Tsukasa huffs, pressing the phone closer to his face. “Where are you? Practice has already started!”

“Huh…?” He sounds a little muffled, a little distant. “You're at the rink now? Aren’t you taking the day off?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Don’t you need to recover?”

“No! Like I said, it was nothing!”

“Ah, I'm glad to hear that.” He's still too far away. “But maybe today would be better as a rest day, just in case.”

“Hm? But I'm already here.”

“I think it would be good to ensure you're not suffering from any other dormant injuries. Serious injuries are most likely to happen after minor ones, after all. Also, I was thinking that we should also change the routine back to singles and have just you skate the program.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense-” Tsukasa stops. “Wait, what?! Go back to singles?”

“Anyway, enjoy the rest of your day off, Tsukasa! Goodbye.” 

“Wait, Rui-!”

The line cuts, and Tsukasa pulls his phone away to find an empty screen staring back. The other two are watching him, faces tinted with concern. That’s no good either. Why is everyone so worried? 

“What is he talking about?” Tsukasa stands up, clutching his phone tight in his hand. “He wants to go back to singles? Just because of one mistake?”

“I'm sure he's just a little freaked out because it didn't go well the other day,” Nene says. “Just talk to him next time he's here.”

“Mmm…” Tsukasa frowns, staring back at the ‘call ended’ notification. “If that's how it has to be, then fine…but I'll make sure Rui listens to what I have to say when I next see him! Simply giving up like this won't do at all!”

“You should probably still take today off, though,” Nene tells him. “You don't want to risk anything else happening.”

“Of course it wouldn't,” Tsukasa says, but has to concede defeat. “Fine. I'll use today to go for a jog to improve my stamina! But next time, I'll definitely sort things out with Rui.”

And so, the plan is set. Except, the next time Tsukasa turns up to the rink, Rui isn't there. And the next time. And the time after that too. Fourteen days pass agonisingly slow but even after his arm is fully healed, there's no sign of Rui. Every failed sighting increases the amount of frustration. They don't have forever. The contest will happen eventually.

“Again?!” Tsukasa cries as he walks into the rink to another devastating lack of Rui. “What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to practice my lifts alone? How am I meant to do that? Do I need to throw myself off the edge of the rink? Use a chair?”

“Hi, Tsukasa!” Emu skates over to him, waving widely with both arms in a way that makes him wonder how she doesn’t lose balance. “Did you come to practice?”

“Well, I was planning to…” He looks around again. “Nene isn’t here either?”

“She’s not here today!” Emu confirms, and even though she says it lightly, there’s something a little troubled in her face. Her skating seems a little aimless too, and she comes to a stop much more calmly than she usually does. “It’s been a little lonely lately, right? But at least you’re here now! Two is way less lonely than one!”

“Hmmm…” Tsukasa stares at the scratches against the ice. “Is this type of thing normal for paired skating? I would’ve assumed practising with your partner was a fundamental part of the training process.”

“I guess people just get scared sometimes,” Emu says, and pulls herself up to sit on the side where Tsukasa is leaning. It's eerily quiet without the sound of skates against ice. He would love to remove his guards and step out onto the rink, but something about it feels weirdly hopeless right now. Like he’s admitting defeat and returning back to solo skating. 

“I came all this way for nothing again,” Tsukasa says, and sighs. “If I’d known it was going to get to this point, I never would have let myself take that fall all those weeks ago! I should’ve styled it out! Pretended I was practising a new super-close-to-the-ice move!”

“I really wanted to see your full routine!” Emu says. “The first lifts you did were so amazing! It looks like so much fun to go up like that!”

“It’s pretty scary too, but- it is fun.” Tsukasa frowns. “But now I can’t practice anything at all…even if I were to ask you to lift me, the height difference is too different to make any practice meaningful.”

“Ah, I guess…” Emu’s legs soften in their kicking as she keeps staring out. “Do you think the contest was a bad idea?”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“Because everyone’s kind of…” Emu makes a gesture with her hands that reminds Tsukasa of miming songs about rain as a child. “I wonder if it was bad of me to have brought it up.”

“Of course not! As part of my journey to becoming a gold medalist, I need to partake in as many competitions as I can!”

“I just thought it would be really fun to go to an event together as a team!” Emu says, and smiles down at the ice. “I didn’t want anyone to get worried or sad.”

“I’m not worried or sad,” Tsukasa says. It’s mostly true, because even if the majority of his feelings sway towards irritation and confusion, he has to admit he is starting to get a little concerned now too. “I’ll be fine once I can speak to Rui. He’s just not even giving me the chance!”

“You really like skating with Rui, don’t you?” 

“Well, I like skating in general,” Tsukasa says. “But I do like skating with someone else. It’s different than skating solo. And I’ve improved, have I not?”

“You’re definitely different from before!” Emu smiles at him. “And Rui too. It looked like you were having so much fun together! Like you both had a super super special feeling!”

“Maybe for a bit, but Rui is a much more experienced pair skater than me.” Tsukasa sighs. “I feel like he’s lost faith in me.”

“I don’t think that’s it!” She sounds confident, at least. “I think you just need to skate together again!”

“That’s easier said than done…” Tsukasa makes a face, thinking of all the ignored messages and one word replies on his phone. “What about Nene? Is your routine going well?”

“It’s going really well!” Emu says, but she looks down again. “You really like competing, don’t you, Tsukasa?”

“I do! I love getting to hear the audience’s reactions to all my hard work! Getting a moment to prove myself when it really matters!”

“What do you do when you get scared?”

“Getting scared?” He wants to say he never has been, but he’s not sure that’s true. They’re not nerves in the typical sense, because he’s always prepared and always has a clear plan in mind, but it’s terrifying sometimes to watch the other competitors and realise he still hasn’t done enough. That his best won’t even come close. “Mmm…I guess you just have to power through no matter what. You have to put your trust in yourself and your audience to do the best you can do, and give them a performance worthy of that trust!”

“Huh…” Emu lifts her head up this time, looking up at the overhead lights. “Okay!”

“Why? Are you getting nervous, Emu?”

“Not at all!” She laughs, and kicks her legs again. Seriously, she’s going to ruin her skates if she keeps doing that. “You know, if you want to try finding Rui, you can come by whenever to see if he’s here! Even if it’s super early or late, I don’t mind!”

“But won’t you be closed?”

“That’s okay, I usually leave the rink open as much as I can anyway! A few times I even forgot to lock it overnight!”

“You left it open?! That’s so dangerous!”

“But I think everyone should be able to skate whenever they want!” Emu pushes herself off the side, hopping back onto the ice. “It’s a good way to think about things, but it’s also a good way to not think about things! We can just skate and skate and skate until we feel better again!”

“...I kind of get what you mean.” Tsukasa steps onto the ice too, thinking of all the jumps he still has to perfect. It’s not like there isn’t anything he can do alone, but there’s still a part of him that feels a little disappointed he doesn’t have Rui’s reactions to watch as he manages each clean landing. Disappointed, but determined too. There’s still too much he has to show him. Giving up just isn’t an option. Even if Rui never wants to skate with him again, he’s not going to let him escape their club that easily.

-

It’s another warm morning, but that might just be because he’s set off a little later than usual. The park paths are starting, and Tsukasa keeps to the side to move out of the way of a pram as he jogs past. At this time, he would usually be arriving at the rink, but his schedule is still stalled and his messages still unanswered.

This isn’t good. Isn’t good at all. The kitchen is wiped down, his bed made, body stretched, lunch and water bottle packed. His day is cleared for skating and yet he can’t go. Tsukasa picks up his pace, feeling his face tighten. How much longer should he wait before he gives up and goes back to working on his single routine? But then he’ll be back to the same problem as before. Stagnation and uncertainty. If Rui isn’t at the rink, there won’t be anyone to give him feedback. The tunnel that he’d finally cleared is collapsing back in again. 

Tsukasa lifts his head and tries to focus on the run instead. He still feels strong. He still feels capable! Something like this won’t bother him. His speed increases more, and he starts to overtake another jogger up ahead, someone who seems to be struggling a lot more than him. Their breathing is a lot sharper than his, to the point he’s about to ask if they’re doing okay before he realises it’s a person he knows.

“Nene!” he says, and Nene jumps, slowing down slightly as she turns her head.

“Wh-what-?”

“I didn’t know you came here to run too!” He’s about to slow down to match her pace, but she picks it back up again after the surprise fades. She’s struggling, but not stopping. As expected of someone in their formidable club.

“Sometimes,” she breathes out. “Training…at the rink…wasn’t enough. I thought this would- help too.”

“Of course! You have to keep your stamina and endurance strong, both on and off the ice!” Tsukasa follows as Nene turns a corner. “But you haven’t been coming to the rink as often, have you?”

“Not…as much.”

“But you know it’s important to train on ice, too.”

“I know.”

“Because there’s only so much improvement you can make whilst training without skates!” 

Nene doesn’t reply. Maybe she’s been running for a long time already. 

“But I don’t understand why you practice so much off the ice,” he continues. “You’re already more than capable of all those jumps I’ve seen you try! You clearly know exactly what you’re doing.”

“I don’t…know what I’m doing at all.”

He waits for her to expand, but then they start to climb a short hill, so he lets her concentrate, even though she’s not breathing that much harder at the top. Hopefully he isn’t distracting her from her goals. If this is her final push, maybe he should just leave her to it? 

“You haven’t placed in a national contest, have you?” Nene asks then, and he feels his shoes hit hard against the ground.

“Not yet.”

“But yet you’re still so sure you can get to the Olympics?”

“Of course I can.” His reply is instant. “The only reason I haven’t reached that level yet is because I miss the podium spots. And the margin I lose by is always extremely miniscule!”

Though, even saying that, he knows he’s still admitting to a loss. It doesn’t matter if the difference between third and fourth place is a mere half point. It’s still fourth place.

“Don’t you feel…discouraged by that?”

“I don’t,” he says. “Every time I fail to meet that goal, that becomes my motivation to push harder. It’s a reminder that I still have more to do.”

Nene doesn’t reply again, her gaze focused firmly on the path ahead. The sun is starting to catch their eyes between the shade of the trees, but she barely squints at all. It’s a very focused expression.

“Anyway, now that I have a club and a coach, I already know my future is growing even brighter!” he continues. “Observing everyone’s styles and finding new ways to skate…I’m sure I’ve improved more in the past few months than I have in the past few years! I’ve…become so aware of all my failings.”

“Isn’t that…frustrating?”

“It is.” He thinks of Rui’s disappointed expression. “But if I’m aware of them, that means I have the capacity to change! So I have to keep working harder and harder, every single day!”

They reach the end of the path, coming into the more open area full of flowerbeds and benches. Nene slows down to a stop, and Tsukasa does the same, taking a drink of his water. 

“Does your arm feel any better?” Nene asks after a moment.

“Yeah, it’s entirely fine now! It barely hurt that much to begin with.”

“That’s good,” Nene says. “And Rui is…?”

“...Still nowhere to be found.”

“Ah.”

“I know it’s my fault,” Tsukasa says, unable to stop the edge of frustration in his voice as he grips his bottle. “I already had to fight so hard for him to agree to stay and coach me, and now I’ve made a mistake of this magnitude…if he’s really given up on me, I don’t know how I can persuade him again…”

Nene looks at him. “You think you have to convince him?”

“You used to skate with him, right? Do you have any tips?”

“Um, I mean…that was a long time ago. And also…different to you. But, uh…Rui likes to have fun. He wants to tell stories and surprise the audience. I remember him saying something like ‘if we show them something they’ve never seen, won’t it be so fun to see the entranced look on their faces?’. But whenever I was competing, I never got the chance to look at anyone else…”

“Something unexpected?“ Tsukasa hums. “So I really do need to figure out how to do a quintuple jump…”

“Uh, no,” Nene says. “It’s not about the jumps, anyway. Ice dance isn’t about that. He just….wants to share the feelings behind the story, I guess. But his partners didn’t always like his ideas. Often, it’s easier just to stick with the conventional because then the judges know what to expect. It’s easier to get a good score when you’re showing them what they’re looking for.”

“Hmmm…but you’d never stand out doing that.”

“Not everyone wants to stand out.”

“Well they should! If you’re out there being watched by so many people, don’t you at least owe them the best you can offer? Offer them a glorious spectacle to behold?”

“...You kind of sound like Rui,” Nene says. “Anyway, he went through a lot of partners when he first started competing in pairs dance. I never learned the specifics of what happened, but it’s probably unnerving for him to be skating with someone else again.”

“Do you think he actually doesn’t want to?” Tsukasa frowns. “That’s why he told me to go back to singles…”

“No. I think he’s just trying to predict the future and stay one step ahead.”

“Well he’s wrong! That’s not what I see in the future at all!”

“Yeah, I…think he’s wrong too, honestly.” Nene shrugs. “I wouldn’t give up just yet. I really don’t think Rui is done skating with you. You might not think it, but he panics sometimes too.”

“Hmm…” Panic? “You know, Nene, the same goes for you too.”

“Huh?”

“Your partner is still all alone! Are you going to keep them waiting?”

“...I’m gonna go finish my stretches,” Nene says, abruptly turning away from him. “If you want to find Rui, you should try going to the rink after dark. That’s when he prefers to skate.”

“Oh?” But she’s already leaving, striding down the path with what could be the air of a lot of confidence, if it wasn’t for the red tint on her ears. It’s understandable, though. Today is a lot warmer than the forecast predicted.

-

Following the advice, Tsukasa returns back the next evening long after the sun has gone down, bag sitting on his shoulder. It’s not obvious at first, but it’s clear once he approaches the building that the lights are still on in the lobby, if a little dim. When he pushes the door, it opens with no problem. It’s not safe at all. Someone could break in. There could be vandalism. Tsukasa is exceedingly grateful for it. 

He creeps over to the doors to the rink, trying to peer in carefully through the small panel at the top. It’s not like there’s another exit, but he still doesn’t want to risk Rui somehow escaping if he’s in there. And, true to the tipoff, he is in there. Tsukasa breathes out a sigh, because it’s a relief to see Rui is still alive, still okay, still skating. He’s about to make his entrance, but stops with one hand against the door. 

Now that he thinks about it, he’s never really had a proper opportunity to watch Rui skate entirely by himself. There was the moment when Emu and Tsukasa had first seen him before asking him to join the club, but that had been with members of the public dotted around the rink as well. Even when he had been showing Tsukasa his singles choreography, it was simplified, constrained. But there isn’t anything obstructing him now, so Tsukasa stays watching through the glass.

It’s their program, he realises after a few moments. The spins and the movements are too familiar, and Tsukasa can practically hear the music in his head with each turn Rui makes. Yes, definitely their routine. It’s beautiful, his manner of skating so elegant and gentle, but- he’s not doing it right. Not just because he’s alone, but because he looks too forlorn at the pivotal point of the choreography. Did he forget this is the moment when the lost soul realises it’s not alone? He shouldn’t be looking out so hopeless like that. If he’s reaching out then he should be happy, but even though his arms are outstretched as he glides, he looks like he’s not expecting anyone to reach back. That’s wrong. After all, the person he’s supposed to be finding…the person who’s supposed to be alongside him on the ice-

“It’s me!” Tsukasa slams the door open, and Rui flinches enough that he nearly loses his balance before collecting himself. Predictably, Rui looks around as if searching for an exit, but Tsukasa is already storming his way to the edge of the ice. His skates aren’t on, but if he needs to, he’s more than ready to slide across the ice and restrain Rui by any means necessary. Nearly three weeks of evasion ends here.

“What are you doing?” Rui asks, slightly breathless. Tsukasa crosses his arms.

“What do you mean, ‘what are you doing’? What are you doing?! You’ve been avoiding me!”

“I haven’t been avoiding you.” Even as he says it, he’s drifting across the ice in the opposite direction of Tsukasa. Unforgivable.

“You don’t show up to the rink whenever it’s our scheduled practice time, but yet you come here after dark to rehearse by yourself? What’s the point in that? Aren’t I your partner? You’re supposed to skate with me!”

“I- I already told you, I think you should go back to singles-”

“No! Why? Because I fell once? And now you don’t trust me anymore?”

“That’s not it.” Rui twists away from him, eyes down.

“Then what is it? Because you think I’m not capable of it? Because I am-”

“Because I don’t think we’re in a place where we can safely perform a paired skate,” Rui answers, voice hard. “I told you, I haven’t had a partner in a long time and you’re still new to this. I was being too idealistic when I accepted your offer to skate together.”

“That’s not fair! We were doing fine, it was just one slip-”

“It could have been so much worse. Don’t you realise that? There can be- really bad consequences with those types of falls. It’s simply not worth the risk.”

“So let’s keep practicing so it won’t happen again!” Tsukasa clenches his fists when Rui skates over to the side, his face still one of firm resolve. “It was just an accident. This stuff happens! Do you know how many times I’ve fallen during practice for singles?”

“That’s different. You’re not understanding what I’m saying.”

“I understand that you’re saying you don’t want to skate with me anymore.” It hurts to say, even if it’s something that’s plagued his thoughts for the past month. “But I’m telling you, I can do better-”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Rui says, and his face is suddenly so sad that it catches Tsukasa off-guard entirely. “You say that it’s fine because it was only a minor injury, but what if you’d have broken something? What if you got a concussion?”

“Those things all heal,” Tsukasa says.

“You could get paralysed. You could die.”

“That applies to solo skating too, though.”

“You really don’t understand,” Rui says. “It takes so much trust to successfully do these types of lifts, but how can you trust me if I drop you? I would never forgive myself if something serious was to happen. You can’t- understand how it feels to have someone else’s safety at your control like that.”

Tsukasa stands firm for a moment more, then he turns away and lets his bag swing off his shoulder.

“Fine.”

He takes a seat and retrieves his skates, then bends down to fasten them up. Ahead, Rui is still watching him with a slightly wary expression, but Tsukasa pays that no mind. He yanks the lace up and ties it into a tight knot. After they’re fully secure, he stands up and steps onto the ice. Rui takes a tiny step back as Tsukasa skates up and halts when they’re face to face.

“Okay,” he says, and doesn't take his eyes off Rui. “Let me lift you.”

“Wh-what-?” Now he looks completely thrown off, even more than when Tsukasa had flung the doors open. He almost seems like he’s going to laugh before incredulity sets in instead. “What are you- talking about?”

“Let me lift you,” Tsukasa repeats. Isn’t this the most obvious solution? He has no idea why Rui seems so flummoxed.

“You mean- off-ice-”

“No, like right now. Nothing complicated or fancy. Just let me lift you up the same as you do to me.”

“No, that’s…too dangerous. You shouldn’t practice a lift for the first time on ice. Besides, our height difference isn’t suitable. It wouldn’t work.”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine.” Tsukasa pushes off in the opposite direction, leaving Rui standing on the ice behind him. He doesn’t move even as Tsukasa starts laps around the rink, only the sound of his blades against the ice interrupting the silence between them. In a way, it’s a little cruel. They’re finally back on the ice together and Rui is suddenly paralysed.

“...Why?” he hears Rui ask after a moment, and Tsukasa doesn’t slow down to reply.

“You said I don’t understand and that’s true. I’ve never skated in a pair before now so I don’t know how it feels to lift someone else like you always do. So if you want me to understand, you need to let me lift you.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Rui says. “Besides, don’t you think it’s a waste of time for you to keep learning ice dance with me? You know that professional competitions don’t allow same gender pairs.”

“Waste of time?!” Tsukasa’s head whips around. “How can you say such a thing? You really think I would dedicate so much of myself to something I believed to be a waste of time?”

“But your goal is to win,” Rui says. “And you have so much more experience in singles, so why not just stick to that?”

“You don’t get it,” Tsukasa says, pushing his foot down again. “When I skate with you, I understand what I need to do to improve. I know my goal is far away, but the first time I can see a map of the journey it’ll take to get there. I’m understanding my own skating more than ever before. And I’m so grateful for that! I want you to keep supporting me! And in exchange, I’ll do my best to tell those stories you want to tell in the most excellent way possible! It doesn’t matter if we’re not always dance partners, so long as you’ll at least stay beside me as my coach!”

“You…” Rui’s voice trails off, and Tsukasa lowers his speed to properly observe his expression. It’s the face of a person currently seeing ten thousand different possibilities, ten thousand visions of twists and turns. Visions surely involving him. Tsukasa wants to see them too. “And lifting me will help with that too…?”

“I trust you,” Tsukasa says, skating across the middle towards Rui. “I want you to trust me too.”

“I do…trust you.”

“Then there’s no issue, right?”

“...Can you even-”

“Of course I can!” Tsukasa cuts him off before he can even finish that terrible question. “You might be taller than me but I can guarantee I’m a lot stronger than you are!”

Rui goes silent again, so Tsukasa continues with another lap. It seems like such a lost cause that Tsukasa has already started to planning what he’ll say in their next session, or, failing that, in the next text message he sends-

“Okay,” Rui says. Tsukasa swerves to a stop.

“You will?!”

“If it’s the only way for us to proceed, then there’s no choice,” Rui says.

“If you really don’t want to, you don’t have to-”

“No.” Rui shakes his head. “I want to…understand, too.”

Tsukasa checks his face for any signs of dishonesty, but it’s clear. Nervous but not unwilling. Still determined. Tsukasa is sure it’s an expression to mirror his own. He skates up alongside Rui, and can’t stop himself from grinning a little at the thought of skating together again, even if it’ll only be for a few seconds. But he has to concentrate, or this might be the last time.

“I’ll lift you from here,” Tsukasa tells him as he puts his hands against Rui’s waist. “If anything feels off, I’ll lower you straight away.”

“...Understood.” 

“Is that okay?”

“It’s okay.” Rui’s eye soften, and Tsukasa realises now more than ever the notion of understanding a skate partner without needing to use words. Tsukasa thinks he’d be fine to just stay watching this expression, holding Rui’s waist with all thoughts of lifts and falls far behind them, but then he remembers they have work to do.

“Right.” Tsukasa tightens his grip as they push off across the ice, gaining just a little speed. Now that they’re actually doing it, he’s realising just how many questions he should have asked. Like, how is Rui going to know the exact moment when he’ll be lifted, and how will he know when to lower him? Should he call it out loud? When Rui lifts him, he usually secures his grip just a little in the second before, and Tsukasa has to pay close attention to when he’s ready to descend, so, maybe if he does those same things, Rui can-

Tsukasa’s fingers tighten as he starts the lift. Rui is lighter than he would have first assumed, so he’s glad they’re not going any faster. For a second, it feels as though there’s no way he can hold him all the way up, no way he can place Rui into such a precarious position, but- that’s the point, isn’t it? If Rui didn’t lift with all his force, the entire movement would collapse. So he has to do the same. 

It makes sense now. It is terrifying. It’s so scary to know for those short seconds, he’s entirely responsible for someone else’s safety. For their life, even. If his stance is wrong, if his timing fails, if he stumbles where he shouldn’t, it isn’t just himself who will get hurt. Tsukasa imagines how he must have looked crashing down against the ice back at their first rehearsal on-ice. His partner damaged by his own actions. It makes sense now. A lot of sense.

He wonders too if Rui is also feeling the same way as him whenever he’s in the air. Existing entirely in a weightless state with the knowledge that someone else will be there to ensure eventual safety. Depending on someone, and having them depend on you. 

It’s a shaky landing, and he can feel Rui start to veer dangerously to one side before Tsukasa steadies him and they come to a stop. Both still alive, both still upright. Tsukasa can sense his hands shaking against Rui, which is definitely embarrassing, but he’s not quite ready to let go again just yet.

“We did it,” Rui breathes out. “That’s…I didn’t know it would feel so- different. How fascinating.”

“I told you nothing bad would happen!” Tsukasa says. “But…I think I get it now.”

Rui looks at him in a way that makes him feel a little off balance again, but then he’s wrapped into a hug that’s so secure even an earthquake couldn’t shift him. Tsukasa isn’t sure if the pounding heartbeats he can feel are his own or Rui’s, but it’s comforting to know they’re being shared nevertheless. 

“I knew if I saw you again I wouldn’t be able to stop you from changing my mind,” Rui says against his shoulder. 

“I won’t get better if I’m not with you,” Tsukasa tells him. “Not in the same way.”

“I’m sure with your tenacity you’d find a way,” Rui says. “...But I’d still be enthused to be there to watch it happen.”

“I want you to keep pushing me further. Lift me as high as you can! Make my extensions even grander! Throw me across the ice if you have to! If it’s something you’re asking me to do, I’ll do it!”

Rui moves back slightly, a chuckle under his breath. “I don’t doubt you could do it, but at least try to keep the program regulations in mind.”

Tsukasa’s grip tightens on Rui’s arms. “Would you let me lift you again?”

“Hm?”

“We can do both for this routine, right?” he asks. “Then it’s more equal. You can lift me and I can lift you. They didn’t have any rules on stuff like that.”

“We could.” Rui’s eyes move away with a sudden sparkle, looking at a picture that Tsukasa can’t see yet but is sure he’s going to hear all about very shortly. “Maybe the story needs one more edit…the first half, maybe? No, actually, the part just after the middle where the piano starts to slow…”

“Let’s practice our usual program first, though,” Tsukasa says, squeezing Rui’s arms. “Or even just a warm-up! It feels like it’s been so long since I last skated with you! Oh, and I need to show you my quad again. I’m getting much closer to landing it!”

“Oh? Weren’t you supposed to be resting in the past two weeks?”

“I was! And, I mean, it’s been a bit more than two weeks anyway…my arm was fine after the first week…”

“Please try to take care of yourself,” Rui instructs, though his expression is still gentle. “For the sake of your fellow club members, at the very least.”

“Right…” He’s getting told off, but somehow it feels more than welcome. The first step into getting proper feedback again.

“But I look forward to seeing it,” Rui says, pushing off to skate away. It looks for a moment like he’s going to leave, but then he spins around and holds out a hand in Tsukasa’s direction with a pleased smile. And finally it’s fully his to take, no hesitation or doubt behind the grip that secures itself in his own.

“Shall we?”

“Of course!” 

Even if he falls, he’ll get back up again. Even if he falls, he has someone waiting for him to get back up again. This is the exhilarating change of being more stable than ever before. From here on out, there’s no slowing down, no stopping. He can finally live up to his true potential. It’ll definitely happen.

Tsukasa nods, then grins. “Okay! Let’s go!”

Notes:

i went skating again today and fell over no less than 50 times so this chapter feels very topical. thank you knee pads i will never be ice skating au tenma tsukasa
emunene side next!!!

Chapter 3: the ocean - part 1

Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, bubblegum. Sprinkles, syrup, gummy bears, marshmallows. Emu spins her spoon around in the cup and watches the different colours blend together. It starts off mostly white, but the more she stirs the more the mixture takes on a strange purple hue with random bursts of colours from the array of toppings. She stares intently as the colour continues to morph and wonders how long it will be before it settles.

“Are you trying to make a new flavour?”

“Rui!” Emu looks up from the cup, smiling as Rui stands above her. He’s so tall that when she’s sitting down like this and he’s standing up, he feels a bit like a tree. “You’re here early today!”

“I came to brainstorm, I suppose.”

“For the contest!”

“For the contest, yes.” He takes a seat beside her on the bench. “Is it a pre-practice snack, or post-practice?”

“Pre?” Emu glances at the ice cream again. It looks a little soupy. “But I think it’s too warm outside for ice cream! Maybe I should’ve eaten it inside the rink.”

“Then it might stay frozen forever.”

“Infinite ice cream…” Though she’s not sure she likes the idea of ice cream that never melts. It’s almost like she’s denying its purpose. “Oh! Do you want any?”

“That’s okay. I had breakfast not too long ago.”

Isn’t it almost noon? Maybe it’s a special kind of afternoon breakfast. Emu lifts the spoon to her mouth. It’s a difficult taste.

“Is something on your mind?” Rui asks, and Emu scrunches up her face, because she’s not sure how her brain wants to reply to that question. “Or maybe, have you perhaps decided what you’d like to do for your program?”

“I haven’t…one hundred percent decided.” 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to compete if you don’t want to.”

“I do, but…”

“Hm?”

“I was just wondering…” She stirs the mixture again. “If you made one for me- do you think you could make my program- really easy?”

“What do you mean?” 

“Um, like! Something that’s not too difficult to do?”

“I can definitely include some less advanced jumps, but would you mind if I asked why? You have excellent stamina, Emu. I doubt there’s much I could include that would challenge your energy and enthusiasm.”

“Maybe, but…! What if on the day I felt like I was super low on energy? Like, if I was someone that was so tired that they couldn’t do a lot of the difficult jumps even if on a different day they definitely could?”

Rui’s face shifts in a way that makes it seem like he’s understanding her. “You want a program where even a person who’s a little tired could still skate without any problems?”

“Yes! Like that!”

“Hmm. How about if I make it so both a person who’s full of energy and a person who gets a little tired could still do it?”

Emu sits up. “Yes! That would be good! Thank you!”

“Have you already picked your music?”

“I’m not sure…” That’s the other half of the conundrum. Emu scoops up the last of the sprinkles onto her spoon, though the cold sensation in her temples isn’t opening up the blockage in her brain. Next time, she’ll try combining lemon and mint. Maybe some mango on top! “You did a lot of paired skating before, right, Rui?”

“A long time ago, yes.”

“How do you ask someone to skate with you?” 

“I don’t really know, honestly.” His smile isn’t quite true. “Nobody ever asked me. We would usually just get paired together by the request of our coach.”

“Oh…” It’s a bit of a sad response. “But if they did ask you- what would be a good way to ask? Hypothetically!”

“Hm…I suppose just asking would be enough. So long as you’re confident it’s what you want to do, there’s nothing to be worried about. And if they don’t want to, they can always say no. There’s no shame in just asking.”

“Mmm…” It sounds easy. Much easier than landing difficult jumps and spinning not too fast as to crash into the sides. “Are you going to enter, Rui?”

“I’m also not sure,” he says, and Emu gets the impression they’re both not being entirely honest with their responses. That’s okay. They haven’t even opened up the train times scheduled for the day of the contest. There’s a long way to go, yet.

But, even though she knows this, it’s hard to keep the patience when she’s with the others during their group practice. Rui is already teaching Tsukasa his singles choreography. She can hear them talking and discussing it as she skates in loops around the rink. Tsukasa is going to become a shooting star and Rui is going to guide him to where he needs to go. That’s exciting! It’s so exciting! She can’t wait to see it. And, alongside that…

“That jump was so pretty, Nene!” Emu calls across the ice, waving as Nene glances across at her.

“No, it was just a double loop...”

“It was really good!” Emu insists, and Nene’s ponytail covers her face as she looks away. 

She really, really really wants to ask Nene to skate with her. Really really wants to! It’s been the only thing on her mind since she saw the sparkle in Nene’s eyes after Emu had shown them the post. But Nene likes to skate alone. Sometimes she comes to a session but she doesn’t skate at all. So Emu is sure that if she asks her, it’ll be way too much and too big and too scary and then Nene might not want to come back to the club at all. Which would be the worst possible thing. So there’s no way Emu can ask her.

But then- what if Nene wants to skate, too? That look in her eyes, the expression she gets whenever she steps onto the ice- that has to be someone who loves to skate the same way that Emu does, the same way that all of them do. Nene has done singles too, so doesn’t she want to do it again? Is there any way to ask? Is there any secret tunnel she can dig out to find the answer?

“The other two look like they’re having a lot of fun!” Emu skates in Nene’s direction, spinning lightly as she approaches. “Tsukasa is really giving it his all, like always!”

“Yeah, that’s definitely true…”

“Are you making a routine too?” Emu asks.

“Oh, no. I’m just practicing.” Nene puts one hand against the side of the rink, and Emu does a quick circle to make sure she isn’t getting too close. “What…about you?”

“I don’t know yet!” She spins again, holding onto the dizzying feeling. “I haven’t really seen a lot of competitions so I don’t know much about it.”

“Oh, that’s right…you haven’t actually competed before, have you?”

“Not yet! But it looks exciting!”

“It’s…” Nene makes a strange expression, something between a fond smile and a hurt frown. Whatever she’s thinking about it must be a complicated memory. “It can be, yeah.”

Emu opens her mouth to ask, then forces it into just a grin instead. Patience. Restraint. It’s more difficult than anything she’s ever done in her life. But, if Nene leaves the club…!

“I think I’m gonna take a little break,” Nene says, and Emu blinks, then nods quickly.

“Okay! I’ll stay here to make sure the ice doesn’t forget about you!”

“Huh?” Nene laughs, and skates back to the opening of the rink. She really looks so delicate and refined whenever she’s on the ice. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with her when she’s sitting at the side with her focus on her phone or when she’s trailing behind the rest of them on their way to the rink, but it feels like she’s seeing only the outside part. The most important thing is hidden inside. A clam is super cool, but a pearl is even shinier.

Emu turns around and stares at the mostly barren ice. Just a few families here today. The bright lights above and the blue hue always makes her feel home in a way her room can’t quite manage, and she smiles to herself as she glides across. It’s nice when she can see all the etchings on the ice that let her know someone else has been here too. She was holding hands with someone a long time ago, but the ice is still here even after she had to let go. But it’s not empty. Even if it was for a while, it’s not now. It’ll become a place where everyone can have fun just like it was before.

“Let me show you this bit with the music,” she hears Rui saying to Tsukasa across the ice. “It might be easier to understand the timing that way.”

“Please!” Tsukasa nods firmly and steps back to let Rui demonstrate. They’re only playing it through a phone, but it’s quiet enough that Emu can hear the piano echoing across the rink. It’s a pretty piece. It makes Emu think of a night time breeze, or the wait for someone who might never arrive. A little cold, a little hopeful. It’s a very good choice for someone trying to explore the stars. 

Would she pick something like this if she was skating with Nene? But the thought of her wading helplessly through space doesn’t feel right. She should be floating through the lack of gravity, not fighting against it. After all, Nene has long hair like a mermaid, so shouldn’t she be a part of the ocean? That was in the theme too. Something swishy and happy. A person who’s found the place they want to be.

There must be lots of songs like that. Emu could find a lot if she went home and tried! But then- what if she picks something Nene already wanted to skate to as a solo and accidentally steals it from her? Then she’ll never skate. But what if picking something like that inspires Nene to try? There’s no clear answer! She has to ask but she can’t ask! It’s a hedge maze with lots and lots of corners but no end. 

She dares a glance back to Nene, and her troubled face instantly swaps to one of surprise when she sees Nene is watching her. Watching her? Why? Tsukasa and Rui are doing fun things and turning and lots of cool movements. Emu blinks, and Nene smiles back, a little shy but certain. And at her. Definitely at her.

“Nene…!” Emu beams back, then jumps as high as she possibly can, letting the elation spin her in the air. It’s okay if she’s trapped in a maze, because the flowers are pretty and the weather is good. 

“Ah, watch-”

“Hey!” Tsukasa grabs her as Emu starts to crash into him, directing her to the boards. “I told you to watch where you’re going!”

“Sorry!” Emu laughs as she twists away, her skates clicking underneath her. It’s definitely not empty. Not in the slightest.

-

The number is still red.

It’s not quite as low as it was before, but the colour remains the same. Emu leans closer to the screen, scrolling up through the spreadsheet. There’s nothing obviously wrong. She just needs more time. But, there’s no way of knowing exactly how much she has before her brothers decide enough is enough. They’d told her a year, and it’s only been a few months, but what if they get bored of waiting? We can’t let a failed venue drain all our time and resources. That’s what they had told her. 

“It’s not failed,” Emu murmurs, as if the computer can hear her and might offer some solace by changing all the minus signs to pluses. Maybe if Rui tinkered with it, it could. But for now, everything stays firmly negative.

She swings around on the chair, eyes trailing across the office. It’s still pretty empty since they took out Grandpa’s stuff a long time ago. No more certificates or trophies on the wall. No photos of smiling teams and celebrations. She just needs more time.

All the lights are still on in the rink, and when Emu looks out, she can see Tsukasa still on the ice. It looks like Rui is still giving him instructions. They’re really working hard. They’re working so hard and Emu still doesn’t have any real direction on what to do. That’s not good. She pulls a face and hops up from the chair. Maybe she can ask them for advice. 

Except, she only makes it down the stairs into the lobby before she realises there’s more than two people here to rehearse. Nene is standing by the door, glancing through the window into the rink. Something on her face is a bit tricky.

“Nene?” Emu asks, and she jumps away from the door, blinking rapidly.

“Emu…? I-I didn’t know you were here.”

“I was upstairs!”

“There’s an upstairs?”

“Yeah, it’s where the office and everything is,” she says. “Oh, if you want to watch the other two skate, you should come up to see! The view up there is super super good!”

“B-but-” 

Emu hurries forward to grab Nene’s hand and show her the rest of the building. It’s so strange after spending so much time here over so many years to think there are parts of the building that aren’t known to other people. She’ll have to show Nene all the best spots for hide and seek, and the spinny chairs in the side room that go fast enough to nearly topple over. Oh, but. The office, first.

“Emu, seriously, wait-” Nene protests, and Emu slows down just a little as they approach the door. “Where are you taking me? Am I allowed up here…?”

“Of course you are!” Emu clicks the door back open and shows Nene inside. “See! This is the big office where you can see absolutely everything below! So you can watch the other two- oh, they’re gone.”

“I think they were arguing,” Nene says, following over to look out at the empty rink. “I didn’t want to go in since the tension seemed pretty high…”

“Arguing?” Emu frowns. That doesn’t sound right. Weren’t they having a good time the last time she saw them? “Maybe they just got tired and needed a break.”

“Maybe.” Nene shifts slightly in place. “Um, but the view here is really nice…”

“This is one of the first times I ever saw the rink!” Emu says with a smile, pressing a hand against the glass. “Even before I saw it up close. My family were all here for a meeting when I was really small. I couldn’t see over the top but my grandpa lifted me up so I could see everyone out on the ice!”

“That sounds nice.” Nene smiles softly. “You’ve really known this place for a long time, huh.”

“Of course! This is my favourite place in the whole world.” 

Nene steps away from the window to wander around the office, eyes moving across the squares on the wall where frames used to sit. It’s only when she catches sight of the computer screen does her face fully drop. Ah. Emu scrambles to close it, though it’s too late now.

“Th-that’s nothing! Just silly business stuff! It looks scary but I promise it’s really not!”

“But it’s…”

“You don’t have to worry, really!” Emu tries to smile as convincingly as she can so Nene knows there’s definitely nothing wrong. “My brothers set really mean targets but I know that next month we’re definitely gonna reach it!”

Nene still seems unsure, so Emu must not be doing a very good job. Maybe there’s something else fun she can talk about, like skating outfits, or the warm weather, or-

“What happens if you don’t?” Nene asks.

“Huh?” 

“If you don’t reach the target,” she says. “Next month.”

“Um…we try again the month after?”

“But eventually?”

“Eventually…” We can’t let a failed venue drain all our time and resources. “We might have to…go to a different rink instead.”

“...Oh.”

“But I don’t think that will happen!” Emu says quickly. “There aren’t many other rinks in this part of the city, and my brothers’ rinks all have focus on competitive training and clubs, but this is the only one where people can go just for fun and for casual events!”

She already has it planned out, it’s just a matter of getting the time. If they can net a certain amount next month, she can afford to do a night disco skate session, which isn’t just lots of fun but also is something she keeps seeing people looking for online. Then maybe she can start offering accessible classes for kids and adults so that everyone gets the chance to learn to skate. And then parties! And shows! So, as long as this time works out okay, everything else will too. Their club is the start of that. The proof that people still want to skate here.

“Did you come to practice some more?” Emu asks Nene, just so they can get away from all the uncomfy thoughts about profit and closure. It doesn’t seem to improve the mood, though.

“I don’t really know what I came here for,” Nene says. She pushes a strand of hair out of her face, but it falls straight back again. “I still don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s okay! I don’t either.”

“No, I mean…” She shakes her head, then her focus changes. “Oh, Rui and Tsukasa came back.”

“Ooh!” Emu hurries back to the glass. They’re both on the ice this time. Something seems a little different, though she can’t exactly place how. “Are they going to go through the choreography again?”

“It doesn’t look like that’s what they’re doing.” 

And she’s right, because before when it was just Tsukasa skating or Rui showing him the moves whilst Tsukasa watched, now they’re both skating at the same time. No, not just skating at the same time, but skating together. Dancing! The gestures they make are connecting to each other, communication clear with each push on the ice, each lift of their arms. Emu watches with wide eyes.

“...I can’t believe Rui is skating with someone again,” Nene murmurs beside her. 

“It’s so…sparkly.” They’re talking to each other through only their movements, expressing a message that Emu can read even all the way up here. It’s intrigue, and curiosity. Acceptance of a new kind of relationship. A little scared and uncertain but excited too. Skating with someone else. Not just being on the ice at the same time but really being there with them, sharing the experience. Offering the safety of a hand even if it’s not needed.

It had been so lonely coming back to the rink for the first time since that warm hand disappeared. Nobody to sit with her after and drink hot chocolate. Staring out across a sheet of ice that slowly got quieter and quieter until there was nobody left at all. Everything had echoed so loud. And then, eventually, her brothers told her the rink was being considered for closure.

But the rink isn’t empty anymore. And it’s especially not empty right now. It’s the same rink she’s always known but with new people and lots of new exciting stories to be told. She’s looking at one right now as her friends dance around the ice. They’re smiling so brightly. Emu has seen so many people skate over the years but this is the first time she’s seen this kind of emotion right in front of her. Beautiful. Really really beautiful. 

“Are you okay?” Nene asks, and Emu blinks away the tears in her eyes. When did they get there? Strange. “Emu?”

“Nene,” she starts, and turns to her. “Please will you skate with me?”

“...What?”

“Um- I mean-! Because you don’t know what you want to for the contest, and I don’t either, but I found a song you would really like about the ocean and also you’ve done paired skating before so I thought you might want to do it again but if you’re scared that’s okay and also if you’d rather ask someone else instead that’s okay too!” 

“Skate…together?”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to!” Emu says, and swallows. “I just- thought I would ask.”

“But I haven’t…competed in a while,” she says after a moment. “I barely even remember how to skate by myself.”

That doesn’t seem true at all, based on what Emu has seen, but instead she keeps her mouth pressed firmly shut to let Nene have all the time she needs to think about it. And it’s okay if she can’t reply now, or tomorrow, or three weeks’ time-

“I-if you really want to, I don’t mind,” she says. “I can’t promise how good I’ll be, but…well, maybe it’ll be fun to give it another try?”

Emu only remembers to put her hand over her mouth after she’s already gasped. “R-really? Really really? You can say no! You can definitely say if you want to say no! It’s okay if you want to say no!”

“When you say it like that, you make it sound like that’s what you want me to do,” Nene says. But she only seems amused, not mad.

“I don’t want you to say no!” Emu quickly clarifies. “But- do you want to?”

“Yeah.” And she smiles. “I want to give it another try.”

“Nene…!” Emu has to wrap her arms around her for just a moment, only because she might explode if she doesn’t. “I’ll ask Rui if he has any ideas for the routine! And we can pick a song together! Did you have any you liked? Were there any that I was going to steal from you?”

“Wh-what are you talking about? Steal?” Nene wriggles back from her, but she lets Emu keep her hands on her arms. “I mean, I have some I like, but it’s fine if you already picked something…”

“We can pick it together!” Emu tells her eagerly. “And Rui already sent me some ideas for the dance so I’ll show you that too!”

“You’ve been thinking about this for a while,” Nene says, and Emu would feel a little embarrassed at her realisation if she wasn’t so happy. “But if we practice, we should wait before we do anything on-ice.”

“Understood!” Emu salutes, nodding firmly. “I’ll do everything I need to do to be a proper duo pair skate dance partner associate!”

“That’s…too many words.”

“Duo partner associate?”

“You can just say partner.”

“Partner…” A very glittery title. Is she worthy of that already? Or maybe it’s a rank she has to prove herself deserving of keeping. “Okay! I won’t let you down!”

“I know you won’t,” Nene says, and there’s just a little hint in her voice of something not quite right. Maybe she has to prove herself to Nene too? That’s okay. She’ll do that too. 

-

Of course, it’s about a mermaid.

Floating in the waves, she comes across a lone yet strong swimmer who she’s instantly captivated by, having never seen a human before. They quickly grow to be friends, but the mermaid realises that as much as the human cannot hold their breath forever, she also cannot live up above the water. The human urges her to come to shore, but they can’t understand that a mermaid can’t do what seems so easy to them. Even if she’s half human and the air isn’t as poisonous as it seems. It’s impossible, it’s impossible and impossible until it’s not.

“And then I pick you up and spin around and around and around!” Emu says, twisting around on the ice with each word. “Just like a mermaid being rescued from the shore!”

“At least Rui left the lifts to you,” Nene says, flipping through the notebook Rui had given them. “I’m pretty sure I would collapse if I tried lifting up another person, off-ice or not…”

“Nene is light like a seagull, so it’s really easy to lift you!”

“A seagull…?” 

“So now we’ve warmed up, how do we start?” Emu asks, pulling her arms up above her. Nene taught her so many cool professional stretches that she feels extra bouncy now. Usually she just shakes herself up enough until she feels like a can of bubbles ready to pop. “What’s the first move we practice?”

“Um, let me see…” Nene glances at the page, and frowns. “Huh? What is this…? Why did he write it like this?”

“What is it?”

“No, it’s nothing…” She shakes her head, standing up in front of Emu. “Um, so for the first one, you’ll put your hand on my waist here and one on my legs, and I’ll have one arm around your shoulder whilst keeping my legs bent.”

“Hm?” Emu tilts her head. That’s a lot of instructions. Does she have that many arms? Does Nene?

“Uh, and I’ll have my other arm out like this.” Nene makes a vague gesture.

“Is it twirly?” she asks.

“It’s…” Nene makes a face, then glances back to the notes. “Swirly woosh...?”

“Oh, I know that one!” Emu smiles. “You should’ve just said so, Nene!”

“Oh, now I get it…” Nene murmurs to the page. “It’s a translation guide.”

“Hm?”

“Don’t worry about it. Okay then, um. Swirly swoosh. Is that okay?”

“One hundred percent okay!” Emu takes a step forward then grabs Nene with her arms, lifting her up into a big hug. “Wow, Nene, you really are easy to lift! So cuddly like a teddy bear!”

“W-wait, Emu-” Nene squirms, and Emu lifts her up to hold her in her arms like a groom holds a bride. “You need to tell me- and you’re supposed to lift me by the waist-”

“Oh, okay!” Emu carefully places Nene back on the ground. Then she reassesses the situation. Lift Nene up from the waist? And then Nene will do a cute pose whilst she’s there. Like a mermaid taken out of water! But…

“Um, why are you just staring at me like that…?”

“I’m going to lift you up?” Emu asks, gazing above her own head. “All the way up?”

“Well, technically the highest you can go in ice dance is the shoulder, but…yeah, I’ll be off the ground.”

“You’ve done that before?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s so super amazing!” Emu gasps, head still tilted back. “You’re so brave, Nene!”

“No.” Nene diverts her gaze, and her voice quietens. “I’m definitely not.”

That made her sad. Why did it make her sad? Emu scrambles for a fix. “Okay, let’s try again! I’ll lift you all the way up this time! And I’ll count down from three!”

It’s not difficult at all once she picks Nene up the second time. As expected, she’s much lighter than Emu’s brothers, and squirms a whole lot less. It’s like holding a plushie, or a kitten. When she puts Nene back down, she lands on one foot as though it’s second nature. 

“Amazing!” Emu claps.

“You really are strong…” Nene says. “I thought Rui was being overambitious giving you all these, but it seems fine after all.”

“Of course! I can lift Tsukasa and Rui too! But Tsukasa doesn’t like it very much. He always says boring things like ‘tell me before you’re going to do that’ and ‘don’t lift me up when I’m holding hot drinks’.”

“Well, that’s kind of understandable…”

“Let’s try again!”

They try a few different lifts, and with each one Emu feels her determination grow. Even if she is easy to lift, Emu has to remember that any lapse in concentration will affect Nene too, not just herself. It is a little scary, but it’s also so much fun. Getting to tell a story together, sharing their skills in a way that supports each other. She definitely has to tell Rui a big big big thank you for making such a special routine.

“Were you really little the first time you got lifted up like this, Nene?” Emu asks, taking a seat on one of the benches once they reach a good break point. Nene takes a bottle of water from her bag, leaning against the bench. She has far less keychains than Emu. Maybe she should gift her one.

“Not that little. Kids don’t usually start skating in pairs until they’re a bit older, since it has a bit more risk than single skating.”

“Oh…” Emu thinks back to when the ice was a lot closer than it is now. “Why did you start skating, Nene?”

“It was…” Nene sits down beside her. “To be honest, my mom was worried because I always used to spend a lot of time indoors and didn’t have many friends to play with. I was bad at all the other sports I’d tried, and it was near Christmas at the time, so she took me skating. Actually, I was so scared to fall that I clung to the board and cried for a long time…”

“Aww, poor tiny Nene…!”

“I was sad I couldn’t skate like everyone else, and when I went home, I kept thinking about it. I was watching videos, and I saw this one performer on TV...she was so pretty. She skated like it was nothing. And I was thinking- I really wish I could be brave like her. Not scared to fall or mess up at all. So I went back to the rink and let myself fall over a lot. And then I asked my mom to sign me up for lessons.”

“Wow, you went back even though you were so scared the first time!”

“Everyone else was a lot better than me,” Nene says, her smile embarrassed but fond. “But the first time I was able to fully move on the ice without falling or holding on…it was so wonderful. I felt free in a way I’d never felt anywhere else. I was always so scared to speak to anyone at home or in school, but on the ice I didn’t need to say anything to be heard.”

“That’s so lovely…” Emu smiles, remembering the warm feeling she had skating as a child, hand in hand with the person she loved most. “And then you met Rui, right?”

“Yeah…our parents introduced us since we were both taking lessons. He was already so much better than me, but he never made fun of me or left me behind. We used to watch performances online and talk about what we would do instead. Sometimes we played as if we were paired skaters, but we never actually competed together since we were too young.” Nene’s eyes dip a little lower. “Once we got older and started competing, we ended up not talking as much. I…joined the club at my middle school and did contests with them. Rui ended up moving to singles and stopped competing as much. I actually…didn’t even know if he was still skating until he asked me to join.”

“I’m really glad he did ask you!” Emu says, clutching Nene’s arm in a tight hug. “I found Tsukasa, and then we found Rui, and Rui found you! So we’re all connected in a big chain! And you’re the super secret special treasure, because we had to find everyone else in order to find you!”

“I was surprised he asked me at all,” Nene says quietly. “I thought you might’ve wanted someone better for your club.”

“What? No! Nene, when you skate you’re so cool and beautiful and pretty and woosh and sparkle and-”

“Okay, okay, I get it-” Nene wriggles away from her, standing up and turning to the side. “We should keep practicing.”

Is she sad again? No, she’s smiling. But it doesn’t seem like a very happy smile. Only a five on a scale of one to ten. There’s a definite note of worry there too. Why? Isn’t everything okay now?

“I really do want you here, Nene,” Emu tells her, just in case she needs to hear it again. 

“You’re too nice, Emu,” Nene says, and Emu can’t tell if that’s meant to be a good or a bad thing.

-

Today is a very exciting day. She’s done the routine entirely off the rink with Nene, and she’s done all her part alone on the ice again and again and again- but today they’ll finally both get to try it entirely on ice. It feels like it’s already been so long since they started practicing, even though it can’t have been more than a few weeks. But getting to see the story all the way from start to finish is bound to be a really wonderful moment. 

“Rui helped me set up the speakers so we can play it super super loud now!” Emu says, twisting around. The ice is fresh and new since getting resurfaced after the public session earlier. Perfect for a special debut.

“Don’t you get dizzy?” Nene asks as she joins her on the ice, and Emu stops spinning for a moment so she can tell where she is.

“I don’t think so!” 

“Your speed is amazing, too…it’s a little hard to believe you’ve never competed.”

“It’s because I used to race everyone around the rink when I was younger! And then when I was alone, I would race myself!”

“Race yourself?”

“Sometimes I won, but other times I would lose!”

Nene just looks confused. “Okay…um, should we…get started?”

“Yes!” Emu straightens up, positioning herself into the middle of the rink and holding out her hand for Nene. This is their starting stance, the beginning of the love story, but today Nene doesn’t look quite as sure as she accepts Emu’s hand. Hm?

“Let’s- let’s go.”

No, she doesn’t sound sure at all, but there’s no time to ask as Nene presses play on the music and the show begins. Maybe she’s worried about falling, or forgetting the choreography, but that’s okay because Emu will guide her through and make sure nothing goes wrong.

Except, Nene is fine. More than fine. She’s amazing, the same way she’s been in all their past rehearsals. There’s no falter in her moves and no shakiness when her skates reconnect with the ice after Emu lifts her. It’s a warm, happy feeling. They’re dancing together. Skating together! The mermaid ends up where she wants to be and can stay together with the one she loves. A nice, colourful story. 

She swings Nene around as the song starts to close, feeling her hands tight in her own. Paired skating is so vibrant and thrilling. Thinking of all the work that Rui put into making their routine, the effort of Nene to work alongside her, their club coming together as a whole to enter their first competition together…it’s so wonderful. She never knew skating could connect everyone so much, even if she always hoped it could. When things are like this, she can absolutely one hundred percent believe that the rink will be saved. 

They come to a stop, hands still entwined. Both of them are breathing hard, but Emu grins anyway as she twists on the ice, spinning Nene around with her again.

“That was amazing! It was so perfect! Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to spin you!”

Nene moves her hand away. “N-no…”

“It’s gonna be so amazing when we get to do that in the contest too!” Emu continues, the warmth continuing to bubble up inside her. “Everyone is gonna love our story so much! And we can make our costumes match too! Do you have any that look like a mermaid? If not, I have some old ones that are still a bit big for me but they should fit you fine! Or I could just get some more made! I once saw some super shiny sequins that look like water when the light hits and makes them go all sparklesparkle! We could use those too!”

Nene’s still breathing hard, but instead of slowing down, her gasps seem to be picking up. She’s clutching her hands towards her chest, and Emu comes to a quick halt, leaning down to try and look at her hidden face.

“Nene?” she asks. “Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”

She shakes her head, but now her breaths are more sharp and starting to hitch. Even her steps as she gets off the ice are shaky and laboured, and Emu hurries after her.

“Where does it hurt?” she tries. “I-I can get the first aid kit! We have one at the front, I’m pretty sure. Um, I can- go get it-”

“No.” Nene collapses onto a bench and starts tugging at her boots, but her movements are too hasty to loosen anything. If anything, they’re probably getting tighter. “I’m- I’m sorry-”

“Huh? Why? What’s wrong? Nene?”

“I can’t-” She shakes her head again and gives up on her skates, burying her head into her hands. “I can’t do this- I’m sorry- I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay! You don’t need to cry.” She suddenly feels helpless, torn between running to get the medical kit and staying here. But if she’s not hurt, would anything in there help? Would anything here help? “You were really good, Nene! You didn’t do anything wrong at all!”

But she’s still crying, and the sound of it hurts Emu’s heart. The special feeling is dissolving down into nothing, an invisible dust carried away with the wind. All she has is a packet of tissues in her pocket, a bottle of water, and a packet of gummy worms in her bag. She offers Nene all three. 

“If it was really bad, you don’t have to do it again,” she tries, hand hovering above Nene’s shaking shoulder. She brings it to her own chest instead. “I didn’t mean to force you. If it’s too hard we can change it, or if not we can just stop completely! I really- didn’t want to make you sad. I promise.”

“It’s- not that.” Nene sits up slightly, rubbing her eyes before taking one of the offered tissues. She looks at the packet of gummy worms sitting beside them. “What…?”

“They’re really good,” Emu explains. “The green ones taste like apples.”

“I-I just…” It takes her a moment to even out her breathing enough to speak. “I don’t want you to think- this is what it’s going to be like.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t know about the other two, but- I can’t do this when I perform. I won’t do it right when it matters.”

“Nene…”

“And- your rink- it’s all riding on us doing well at the contest. But I won’t be able to. I’ll mess up like I always do and everyone will look down on us and it’ll ruin your score too…it’ll make us all look bad…I can’t…I don’t want that to happen…”

“No, Nene!” Emu takes one of her hands. “That’s not it! I mean, of course I want more people to come to the rink, but that’s because I want them to have fun! The same way all of us do when we skate! Right, Nene? The important thing is that it’s fun, right?”

“It’s…” Her voice hesitates, and Emu feels the devastation crash down further inside her chest, steel beams collapsing all the way to her stomach. Has she been misunderstanding this much the whole time? Maybe Nene doesn’t want to be here at all.

“I’m sorry,” Emu murmurs. “I didn’t realise. I-it’s okay if you want to leave the club. We only invited you because we thought you would like it, but if you’re not happy, then…”

“I don’t want to leave the club,” Nene says, and the metal in Emu’s chest shifts slightly. It doesn’t sound like a lie. “It is fun, but- I just keep thinking about what’s going to happen when I fail. It’s not fair when you’re so excited, when everyone’s working so hard…I’m just going to ruin it again.”

“You aren’t ruining anything! Not at all!”

“Back in…my old club, I was chosen to be the female partner in our main paired performance…we had more girls than guys, so it was a really competitive slot. Everyone worked so hard to support us, my partner and my coach…but, when it came to the actual competition, I just…”

Nene winces as if remembering a terrible pain, something witnessed or even felt. It hurts Emu even to imagine it, and she has to stop herself from collecting Nene up into a big hug.

“The thing is, I should’ve known even before then,” Nene continues. “I let Rui down, too. If I’d been able to stick with pairs, I might’ve been able to convince him to stay at his own club. Maybe he would have kept creating programs. But I just gave up entirely. I couldn’t do anything. I destroyed so many other people’s dreams. How could I possibly dare to have my own? That’s unforgivable.”

“That’s not true at all! And Rui is skating again now! He’s having a lot of fun and making lots of dances. So you didn’t ruin anything.”

“I’m just going to cause problems for you, Emu. So that’s why…”

“But…you’re so good, Nene! The first time I saw you skate, I thought it was so so beautiful!”

“You don’t have to say that.”

“No, I’m being honest! Super honest! Nene gets this determined look on her face when she’s skating and it makes me feel like I can do anything! I can tell it’s difficult but you keep going anyway and it’s so amazing!”

“But that’s when we’re alone,” she says. “It’ll be different in front of a crowd. That’s what I’m saying. This rink is so important to you, I don’t want to ruin that.”

“But you’re important to me too! It doesn’t matter what score we get at the contest. I just wanted to do the contest because I thought it would be fun! But if you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. We don’t have to. We can just skate here, or you can skate alone, or you can even just watch!” 

“I want to perform, but…if I mess up again…”

“It’s fine! If you fall over, I’ll fall over too! If you freeze and can’t move at all, I’ll do the same and pretend we’re just robots who stopped working because it was too cold on the ice and all our wires went puffpuff!”

Nene laughs wetly. “Do you ever stop saying weird things?”

“I just really like watching Nene skate,” Emu says, and decides it’s probably okay to give Nene a hug now. Just a gentle one. The same force needed to pick up a patisserie dessert. “And I don’t want the ice to feel scary. I want it to be fun.”

“It is fun,” Nene says. “It’s a bit scary, but it’s fun too. And I really want to give it my best…even if I’m not sure if I can yet. I don’t want it to keep passing me by.”

“If you’re here, then you’re already doing your best!”

“You sound like a kid coach…” Nene smiles shakily. Not a fake smile, though. “And with the gummy worms too…”

“You don’t want any?”

“I-”

“Greetings, fans and friends!”

Nene jumps as the door slams open, and Emu looks up to see Tsukasa storming into the rink, bag slung over his shoulder with Rui following closely behind.

“Are you guys- practicing…” Tsukasa comes to a stop as he catches sight of them, blinking. “Oh, is something going on?”

“I hope we’re not interrupting anything,” Rui says. His face seems at ease on the outside, but Emu can see a hint of concern hidden beneath, especially as he glances at Nene.

“We just completed our routine for the first time entirely on ice,” Emu offers, smiling up at them. Maybe she can distract them if needed. Let Nene sneak away unnoticed.

“Oooh!” Tsukasa seems impressed. “Congratulations! Did it go well?”

“...It did,” Nene speaks up, and her voice suddenly sounds much stronger. There’s something there that wasn’t there before. “And you should be worried because we’re gonna be better than you two.”

“Excuse me?!” The fire is very easily lit as Tsukasa’s eyebrows quickly move down. “There’s no way! We’re going to get a podium slot at the very least! No, first place! World record!”

“Uh, there aren’t world records for same-sex pairs.”

“Not until we set one!”

“Remember that we’re performing as a team,” Rui says lightly. “There’s no need to compete against one another.”

“Ahh, right…”

“I wanna see everyone having fun!” Emu says, laughing. “Everyone’s gonna look so shiny out on the ice!”

“Of course we are!” Tsukasa holds his head up. “This is our club debut, after all! A chance for us to show the rest of the world what we’re made of!”

A chance to show everyone how much fun skating can be. All their experiences and emotions, the scary bits and the exciting things too- they can share it all with the audience and understand it together. Emu looks at Nene and grins. It’s definitely not lonely anymore. And hopefully, it’ll never be lonely again.

Notes:

just one more part to go!!! 😊

Chapter 4: the ocean - part 2

The train ride is only half as bad as Nene expects it to be.

Of course, there’s no real escape when trapped in a small space alongside the voice of Tsukasa, especially when Rui seems insistent on encouraging it rather than trying to stop it, but at least some of it had been entertaining. Having a seat next to Emu had been a bonus too, even if that meant that she was absolutely forbidden from falling asleep, lest risk her head falling onto Emu’s shoulder. That would’ve meant instant evacuation, no mind if the train was still moving.

But, they’re here now. They’ve checked into a hotel that makes Nene nervous just to think about the price per room, and their costumes and skates have safely made it across the country. Still, the relief doesn’t stop her from collapsing onto her bed as soon as they reach their room.

“Are you going to sleep, Nene?” Emu asks from the other bed. Nene doesn’t lift her head from the sheets.

“I’m just going to…not exist for a bit.”

“Okay! Sounds fun! Can I braid your hair whilst you do that?”

No is the obvious answer, and it’s the answer she would give literally any other person in the universe. “...Okay.”

She lets Emu crawl up onto the bed alongside her, perched up by her pillow. At least Nene can hide her face amongst the covers as Emu starts weaving her hands through her hair in a way that’s actually weirdly comforting. It’s hard to fully relax when she knows what’s coming tomorrow, but this is probably as close as she can get right now.

At some point, she hears Emu start to hum the song for their program tomorrow, and it makes her smile. She’s really geared up too, even if contests don’t quite mean the same thing to her. Of course, it’s not like they can really compete together again after today, but the additional presence is much needed. If she was alone, there’s no way she would be calmly lying on a bed the night before a performance. No, if she was alone, there’s no way she’d be here at all. 

“I saw pictures of the rink online,” Nene says, shifting her head so her voice isn’t completely muffled. “It looks pretty big.”

“Right? I think it’s a lot bigger than ours! They must do lots of other events here too.”

“...Do you feel nervous at all?”

“I don’t think so. It’s exciting. I’ve always imagined what it would be like to go to a skating event with a club full of my friends!” 

“Do you think any of your family will be there?”

“My sister said she would watch online!”

“...That’s nice.” She can feel Emu’s hands twisting around strands of hair, fast but not pulling at all. It might be best not to ask about her brothers. “What do you…want to do after all this?”

“After the contest?”

“After…in the future. Are you going to keep competing?”

“Hmm…well, skating for contests is nice, but what I really want to do is keep running the rink! I want to see lots and lots of people enjoy ice skating together and have big smiles on their faces every time they leave the ice! And maybe- once I do that, my brothers will finally take me seriously. Maybe they’ll even let me suggest ideas for their own rinks too!”

“...I hope that happens.” It makes sense that Emu doesn’t want to devote her future to ranking competitively. The love she has for maintaining and protecting her late grandfather’s rink is obvious over everything else. 

“What about you, Nene?” Emu asks. “What do you want to do?”

It’s been so long since she last competed anywhere. For years, just the idea of it was enough to make her curl up and shut out the outside world until the thought passed. Until Rui had asked her to join Emu’s club, she’d only been on the ice a handful of times since that day in middle school. And she had been so sure back then, with every day that passed she was watching her dream slip further and further away. Unravelling with each second until it had entirely left her grasp. 

“I really want to…try again,” Nene says, so quietly she’s sure only she can hear it. “I don’t know if I’ll keep to ice dance or try singles instead, but- I want to compete more. For as long as I can, at least. I want to see what I can do.”

“Nene!” Emu’s hands slide down from her head to squeeze her cheeks, and Nene tries to give her a displeased look. It fails. “I want to see it too! You and Tsukasa can both become super amazing shiny stars, and Rui will make everyone beautiful routines, and after I’ll invite you back to the rink and we can all skate together!”

Is that unrealistic? Maybe, but it sounds nice anyway. “I’ll look forward to that.”

She closes her eyes again, letting Emu complete whatever strange thing she’s doing to her hair. She’s almost sure it isn’t a braid, or not a normal one at the very least, but it’s fine. It can always be taken out if needed, but the risk of making Emu sad makes that a very unlikely option.

It’s only a little while later does Nene open her eyes, sitting up on the bed as Emu watches in curiosity.

“I…think I left one of my bags in the other room,” she says.

“That’s okay! Rui and Tsukasa are just across the hall.”

That’s not the issue. The other two had been enthusiastic enough from the start, but the past week they’ve been verging on completely insane. It wouldn’t surprise her if they had some complex eight-step sleep routine that already started two hours ago. Of course, they’ll want to be well rested so they can be in top condition tomorrow. It’s going to be so impossibly awkward if she wakes them up just to retrieve her toothbrush and a couple toiletries.

Still. Nene hesitantly raps against the door with the very tip of her knuckles, lingering in the hallway outside the room. Maybe, at the least, Rui might still be awake and he can just hand her her stuff-

“Come in!”

“Huh…?” She carefully pushes the door open, because that was definitely Rui’s voice, and- the lights are all still on. The beds are still completely made and undisturbed. Rui and Tsukasa are sitting side by side on the floor by the wall, surrounded by sheets of paper with a phone held up between them. She stares. “Uh, what are you doing?”

“Oh, Nene!” Tsukasa looks up with a grin. “Did you come to join us? We were just watching last year’s Grand Prix again!”

“It’s always useful to analyse other skater’s routines,” Rui adds. “No matter the placement, there’s something to be learned from every performance.”

“This is what you do the night before a contest…?” Nene asks weakly. “Isn't that going to make you nervous?”

“Of course not!” Tsukasa says. “This is the best way to prepare! Observe what is considered the very best and then strive to be even better!”

“It looks like you and Emu were having a nice time in your own room,” Rui says, and Nene absently touches a piece of her ‘braided’ hair before looking away. 

“I-it’s more normal than whatever you guys are doing. Anyway, I only came here to get my bag.”

“They got a deduction there,” Tsukasa says, pointing to the video on the phone. “But there weren’t any problems with the rotations or landing, right?”

“No, look again,” Rui says. “His hand briefly touches her torso there. That’s the reason for the deduction.”

“Oh, you’re right! I see it now.”

“Is that the silver medalists from last year’s duos?” Nene asks, creeping forwards slightly. “I really liked their music choice.”

“That’s right!” Tsukasa exclaims. “Do you want to watch too, Nene? After this we’re going to watch Nationals!”

“Y-you will sleep at some point, right…?”

“Of course. It’s very important to be fully rested before a performance.” Rui turns another piece of paper around and starts making more notes. He notices her expression. “It’s still early, so we have time.”

“I guess…”

“Don’t worry!” Tsukasa puts a hand to his chest. “I will ensure Rui sleeps at a reasonable time! Our alarms are already set!”

She thinks about Rui consistently being the last person still active on her messages before she sleeps. “Mm, good luck with that.”

“Nene-! Did you find your bag?”

The door bangs again as Emu hurtles into the room, connecting with Nene in such a smooth movement that Nene wonders if she might have magnets fitted inside her. She can loosen Emu’s grip enough to regain her lung capacity, but not quite enough to retrieve control of her arm.

“What’re you guys doing?” Emu asks, detaching herself to peer down at the papers. “It looks like fun!”

“We’re discussing last year’s competitions!” Tsukasa says, holding up the phone so she can see. “Look! The precision in that axel! Don’t you think I’m perfectly capable of achieving that too?”

“It was really spinny!” Emu says, hopping up onto one of the beds. “Are you going to compete in that contest too, Tsukasa?”

“Of course! I’ll do everything I can to reach that stage!”

“And you too, right, Nene?” Emu smiles up at her, and Nene feels herself flush slightly at the sudden attention of the room.

“M…maybe next year,” she manages. Emu’s smile is so bright that it almost hurts to look at. 

“I look forward to seeing you there!” Tsukasa says, and he says it with such confidence that Nene can almost see the vision in her mind. Walking into an arena full of people ready to watch each of them perform the best they can on a giant stage of ice. Tsukasa in men’s singles, her in women’s. At the side of the rink Emu and Rui will be watching, and it’ll feel like it’s supposed to, like it should have done all those years ago. Is that possible?

Tomorrow will be her first time competing since everything fell apart. It’s nice to think of everything going right, but- can it really? There’s another vision which seems much more real because it already happened. Knees against the ice, head down, music fading into distorted echos. She’s still the same person. Can it really work out? Is it going to be different at all?

“Nene.” Emu’s voice lifts her away from the thoughts, pulls her out of the empty rink she’d been standing in. Emu’s hand finds her own and squeezes in a way that somehow lets her know it’ll be fine no matter what happens. If you fall over, I’ll fall over too! And Emu never doubts anything she does. She saw her cry and yet she’s still here. 

No, it’s different. It’s definitely different than before.

-

The plan is to meet at seven in the hotel lobby the next morning, but at six thirty, all four of them are standing there with their gear in hand.

“I guess we were all a little excited,” Rui says with a light smile. He actually barely looks tired.

“Of course! If punctuality fails, then everything else does too!” Tsukasa nods his head firmly, and Nene has a feeling he probably spent more time on his hair than she did on her own, despite the difference in length. Is there any point when the audience will only see it for a few seconds before it’s knocked out of place? He seems pleased with it, at least. 

“And we can get there super early to warm up too!” Emu says, kicking her legs up in a way that suggests she doesn’t need to warm up at all. “And maybe we’ll get to meet everyone else in the contest!”

“Should we head out, then?” Rui asks.

“Oh, before we go-” Tsukasa unfastens one of his bags, taking a stack of folded fabric from the top. “The other night I was repairing the pleat on my costume-”

“Of course you were,” Nene mutters, because that thing is practically designed to get shredded every time he skates.

“-and I thought since I had some leftover fabric it might be a good idea to add some patches to these jackets so everyone knows we’re from the same club!” Tsukasa holds up the jackets for them to see. The colours are perfectly matched in a way that makes her sure that he definitely bought the fabric specifically for this reason, but- that’s kind of sweet, actually. And getting matching attire to show everyone that she’s here as part of something, that she’s representing their club along with everyone else- it’s unexpectedly wholesome.

“That’s so amazing!” Emu says, grabbing the jacket before hauling Tsukasa into a hug. “Thank you so much, Tsukasa!”

“You’re going to ruin my hair!” he yells, pushing her back slightly. “But, you’re welcome! Now we can show everyone what our club is truly capable of! I’m sure everyone will be so captivated that they’ll venture back to our rink to understand where true talent is born!”

“It’s a wonderful idea,” Rui says, retrieving his own jacket. “Let’s have lots of fun today, okay? Our first event as a team is a very special occasion. We should celebrate in everything that we do.”

“Right,” Nene nods, and takes the jacket with the green patch. Her heart starts beating harder as they walk towards the doors, and she wonders if she’ll really be okay. If her nerves are already at this point, how will it be when she’s actually on the ice? In the hush before the music starts. What if she’s shaking too much to move once the track begins, and Emu doesn’t even get the chance to skate?

Fingers wrap around her hand, and Nene lets the fist she’s been tightly holding relax to let Emu take hold. When she glances to the side, Emu is grinning at her. No, she can’t focus on the bad. She has to focus on right now. 

Though, it does become slightly more embarrassing when they reach the rink and Emu is still holding her hand. She could pull away, but she can’t deny it is kind of nice, and it would be mean to suddenly remove her hand after all this time, so…

“It’s a good size rink!” Tsukasa says, peering out across with one hand on his forehead. “The lighting seems adequate, too. We’ll definitely get some good shots in this kind of environment!”

“You two will be going before us, right?” Emu says to Rui and Tsukasa. “I can’t wait to see! It’s gonna be so shiny!”

“That’s right,” Rui says. “The dance category will be a little later on, so you can watch until then. We can do some group warm ups off-ice until it’s time to get changed. Remember, this is our first contest together, so we should try to take it easy when warming up once on the ice. It’s probably best not to attempt too many jumps so that we can stay calm for our actual performances.”

“Yeah…” It’s good advice, especially since she doesn’t need to do any jumps as part of her routine with Emu. Nene gives a final look around the rink, surveying the many seats that will soon be filled. Back with her original club back in middle school, she’d also had this feeling of trepidation and panic, but there had been nothing else to balance it out. Whereas now, if she focuses enough, the excitement is there too. Performing again. Skating.

“Okay, let’s go get ready!” Emu calls, and Nene is being dragged off before she can even register it. “And let’s have lots and lots of fun!”

She can hear Rui and Tsukasa enthusiastically agree behind them, and Nene presses down her smile as she follows on.

I’ll try my best.

-

“...Didn’t Rui tell us not to do any jumps in the warm up…?”

It’s not a huge deal, because he landed it, but Nene still feels like she’s watching an idiot on the ice as she sees Tsukasa lift up his arms again, landing with a flourish as his skate hits the ground. Doesn’t he realise how out of place he looks alongside everyone else skating so normally?

“Tsukasa’s skating is always so much fun!” Emu says from beside her. “He’s always so bangbang, but then sometimes he goes all glitteryglittery! Like wooshpow!”

“If you say so…” Though Nene can’t deny that his jumps are definitely catching the audience’s attention. She can hear the murmurs from the seats below and they don’t sound particularly negative. Hopefully it’s nothing Tsukasa can hear from the ice. The worst thing would be for his ego to get even more inflated.

“He’s so fired up today!” Emu laughs. “I hope Rui doesn’t get mad at him.”

“No, he seems…his usual self,” she settles on for an answer. Not that she can really see his face from up here. And anyway, would he really have expected anything different from Tsukasa? Though, watching how the crowd notices them…is there a possibility he might be…doing it on purpose? They’re an unknown club and not local to this area. Nobody will know who they are and therefore have no reason to pay attention to them. Tsukasa wants to protect their rink too, doesn’t he? Even if he constantly talks about it like it’s a piece of garbage. So maybe he does know how he looks to everyone else. Maybe they can let him off this time.

“It’s so amazing getting to see all the different pairs,” Emu says. “I know it’s still a contest, but doesn’t it feel kind of different? It’s like we’re just watching everyone skating for fun in their own rinks!”

Different…? The atmosphere definitely still feels like that of a competition, but she’s right in that it doesn’t feel quite as oppressive or strict as usual. It had been a surprise for her to see a couple names she recognised on the entry list, performing in categories they wouldn’t usually compete in. People are here to try something new, something different. To explore, and to have fun.

Rui and Tsukasa are the second to perform in their group. Even though she’s seen this performance so many times back at their rink, it feels so strange and foreign watching them now from the audience. The determination is striking even from such a distance. Of course, it’s not like they’re fighting for a place in a greater competition, and this will be their only chance to perform together anyway. So why do they both look so intense? 

It’s only when the music begins to play does Nene understand. They want to prove themselves to the audience, obviously, because they’ve worked so hard and they clearly know exactly what they’re doing and what they want to show everyone. But they also want to prove it to each other. There’s something about the way they move with each other that’s so connected, as if they’re entirely on the same wavelength as one another. Which is- kind of amazing, honestly. They’ve only been skating together for a short while, and it’s Tsukasa’s first time ever skating with someone else. Is that something that can be gained so easily through just practice, or is it…something else?

“There’s something different about them,” Nene murmurs. She doesn’t remember Rui ever looking like this with any of his other partners. Doesn’t remember Tsukasa skating so fluidly from what she had first seen of him on the rink. 

“I think they found something really special,” Emu says softly. Her expression is almost as captivating as the routine. “The stars found each other even after everything!”

Nene swallows her heart. “...Yeah, they did.”

It’s a good performance, especially considering their backgrounds. Their twizzles are so perfectly synced that it almost feels like she’s watching a mirror. Thankfully no drops or falls this time. They definitely didn’t make it easy for themselves with that kind of choreography, but she’s glad it ended fine. Based on their expressions, it looks like they’re happy with the performance too. It went fine for them, so it’ll be fine for her too, right?

“That was amazing, you two-!” Emu calls over the rails, standing up from her seat. Tsukasa turns and waves widely, and Rui smiles. “You were so wonderhoy-!”

“Emu, people are looking…” Though she doesn’t pull her down quite yet. 

“We should start getting ready soon, right?” Emu says to her once the clapping has died down. “I can’t wait to see Nene’s cute outfit again!”

“I mean, you’re the one who bought it…”

“But it looks extra cute on you!”

It’s still a mystery how Emu can say things like that so easily. Nene ducks her head away and tries not to think about it. 

-

By the time Nene is done in the changing room, Emu is already gone. It’s a little strange to walk out and be met with silence, instead of the ‘oh my gosh Nene wow look at you!’ that she’d been expecting. She lingers by a bench for a moment, but there are a lot of girls from teams she doesn’t know, and it’s too unnerving to listen to them talk about their planned routines, so she slips out into the hallways instead.

It’s too big, even out here. She’s not even fully sure she remembers her way back to the rink. Though she should probably wait for Emu somewhere easy to find…unless she got distracted by something and ended up chasing after it. Then finding her might be impossible. Maybe it’s best just to stand still and wait for Emu to barrel into her again.

“Oh, Nene."

The voice is a lot calmer than the one she’s looking for. Nene turns around to face Rui and tugs her jacket slightly. “I thought you were watching singles.”

“It hasn’t started yet,” Rui says, walking up to her. “Your outfit is very lovely. It’s very shimmery.”

“It belongs to Emu…though I’m kind of scared to be wearing something so expensive looking. It’s pretty far above all the handmade stuff I used to wear.”

“It suits you very well,” he says. “Are you feeling ready to perform?”

“I…guess.” The less she thinks about it, the easier it is to function. “It isn’t like it’s a hard routine, so…”

She wants to finish that sentence with ‘so it’ll be easy’, but the only thing coming to her mind is ‘so it’ll be even worse when I completely mess it up’. Nene turns her attention to the window outside, staring at the plants. It still looks hot out there. 

“It really is a lot of fun,” Rui says then. “I was surprised too.”

Nene doesn’t reply, glancing down at the sequins on her costume. They really are beautiful in the light like this. 

“When you know the person you’re skating with really wants you to be there, and that they believe in all the things you say to them…” The smile is clear in Rui’s voice. “I didn’t think it was possible, but it seems it is.”

How had Emu described it? Sparkle…sparkle. She knows Emu does want her there, but it remains a little confusing as to why. Is it because she thinks Nene is good at skating? She always tells her that she thinks her skating is beautiful, but- half the time, when she says that, Nene is barely doing anything at all. There’s no reason for Emu to be looking at her with that kind of look in her eyes, especially at times when she’s not even on the ice at all. So, can she really…?

“I know this is a big step for you,” Rui continues. “I’m proud of you for getting to this point. You should be too.”

“I…” Nene swallows. No. She can’t let herself throw away what’s been given to her again. She can’t let everyone just pull her along. She has to set her own pace and keep to it. “I’ll get better than this. I’m not going to get left behind again. This is- just my beginning.”

When she looks back at him, he’s smiling in a way that tells her he knows she knows he already agrees. It’s annoying, though she’s grateful for it. 

“Where’s your partner, anyway?” she says, crossing her arms. “I thought you’d be together.”

“Tsukasa offered to save us seats while I got drinks. You’re welcome to join if you’d like. Where is Emu?”

“I have no idea. This place is too big.”

Just as she says that, a note of Emu’s voice echoes around the corner. It sounds like she’s talking to someone. Maybe Tsukasa? Nene heads up the hallway to find her as Rui follows, but they stop just before the turn.

“I know,” Emu says, and she sounds a little quiet, a little subdued. “I know…you said that before…”

It’s a phone call. Nene glances at Rui. It’s wrong to eavesdrop, but it’s worse to interrupt. 

“But last month wasn’t that bad…! I know, but next time, it’ll definitely…”

They must be talking about the rink. Nene recalls the minus signs and red letters on the computer screen in the office, and lowers her eyes. It could be worse. It could be much, much better.

“That’s…maybe, but I-” Emu pauses. “Huh? N-no! No, I’m going to keep trying. I’ll show you we can do it! I know that, but I’m going to try anyway! Because it meant a lot to Grandpa, and it means a lot to me, and it means a lot to my friends too! So…”

Nene clenches her fists. Emu sounds so sure of them. It’s like it doesn’t scare her at all. It must do, there’s no way she can’t be shaken by it, but yet she speaks with such determination anyway. They have to try their best, too. Show the world how fun skating can be. Like her as a child, watching a beautiful woman soar across the ice on the TV. Finally, for the first time, feeling okay about existing somewhere with others.

“Huh?” Emu’s voice lifts. “It’s- it’s online! You can watch it online! You can look for us! We have matching jackets and me and Nene are going to perform soon! Yeah! Thank you! I will!”

It seems like a happy ending to the call at least, and Nene smiles. She’s about to say something else to Rui but underestimates the time it takes to hang up a phone call and turn a corner. Her body is being tightly squeezed before she knows it.

“Oh my gosh, it looks even better than before! It’s so so pretty, Nene!”

“I-it’s literally the same as the last time you saw it…” Nene fidgets but doesn’t fully force her away until she hears Rui laughing. She’ll have to kill him later.

“It wasn’t the same because now your hair is all fancy and your face gems are so sparkly!” Emu says. “And it matches mine too! So everywhere we go everyone will know we’re a duo!”

“Well, we’re going to be on the ice together anyway…”

“Shall we head back to the rink?” Rui asks, and Emu is nodding her head and grabbing Nene’s hand before she can reply.

“Yeah! We’re gonna have so much fun, right, Nene? It’s so exciting!”

“...Yeah.” If she can do it for Emu, she can do it herself too. They can keep fighting. It isn’t over until it’s over. “Yeah. It’s exciting.”

-

There are a lot of people.

Maybe it’s gotten more crowded since the morning, or maybe she just hadn’t noticed before, but there really is a big audience gathered in the seats. Even if she tries to stare down at the ground around her skates, she can still hear them. In just a moment, they’ll all be watching her. Every move she makes will be scrutinised by them, and if she makes a mistake, there won’t be anywhere to turn.

Nene sucks in a deep breath. Is she shaking? It feels like she’s trembling so much she can barely stand. Everyone is looking. Even Rui and Tsukasa are out there in the audience, watching her. The cameras will record whatever terrible thing happens and it’ll be immortalised online forever. It’s just a stream, but streams can be archived. Archives can be clipped-

“Are you okay?”

“I-I’m okay,” Nene mutters. It helps a little to hear her voice, and it helps a little more when she squeezes Nene’s hand again, but- is it enough? There are so many people.

“You’ll feel okay when you get on the ice,” Emu tells her as they walk forwards. “Just think of it like being back home! Like we can get ice cream after! We can get ice cream after anyway!”

After. Right, it’ll only last a few minutes. Then the day will be over. This is barely anything. How many times have they practised this now? Enough, more than enough. It’s just one more time.

They’re given the go ahead to enter the middle of the rink, and Nene is surprised when her shaking leg doesn’t immediately slide from beneath her as she skates forwards. Surely it must be the friction of her blades supporting her weight, because there’s no way she would be so stable otherwise. 

She should have said sorry one last time. Even if she knows Emu won’t be mad when she messes up. Nene looks up to tell her, to let her know in the seconds before they start skating-

Let’s have a lot of fun, okay? The words are clear as she looks into Emu’s eyes, the bright smile beaming back at her. Oh, that’s right. She doesn’t have to look at the audience. If she needs to, he can just keep looking at Emu. And everyone here, her teammates- they want her to do well. 

I want to do my best. I want to, but it’s okay if I can’t, for now. My best is being here. So I’m going to do that. I’m going to just be here.

The music starts, and Nene sets off. At the start, the mermaid is alone. All the ocean is so big and empty. So beautiful and vast, but so very lonely. There can’t be anyone here. There won’t ever be anyone here. Until she turns around.

It seems wonderful for a moment, but isn’t it doomed? Won’t the story always end up with a tragic ending? They’re so different. Nene can’t breathe out of water. And- even if she could- it’s not as though the human would accept her feelings. She’s so strange and foreign. The human has so many beautiful people on land to choose from, so of course they would never think to look her way. She’s someone who doesn’t belong with others. Both in her body and her nature- she can’t. 

So why isn’t the human letting her swim away? Even as her skates push against the ice, someone is grabbing her hand back. She has to look back and the shining pair of eyes that stare at her are so mesmerising that she lets them lift her from the ground, lets them lift her above the water to see the world she’s been afraid of for so long. It’s so beautiful, but there’s no way she can belong here.

You can!

Nene shakes her head, and tries to duck away once more.

You can!

It’s impossible. After so many years, isn’t it better if she just gives up?

You can!

Nene spins around again, and this time doesn’t pull away from the grasp. Despite everything, someone is still so insistent on her being here. And it makes her so happy to step alongside them, to feel wanted and loved. Maybe it’s true. Maybe she’s not lying. I can. I can!

The music finishes its last note, and Nene still has her arms wrapped around Emu. After everything, it happened so quickly. Is that really it? She can hear people clapping. Did she make any huge mistakes and not realise? Emu looks happy. Emu looks really happy.

“Nene, you were so amazing!” She lifts her up again, spinning her in a dizzy hug. “Just like a real mermaid!”

“Ah…” It’s really over. The real thing and she did it. “You…also…”

The human could pick anyone, but they chose her. The routine is over and they’re leaving the ice. Nene suddenly doesn’t want to let it go. Once the story ends, where will she go? 

“Let's get the biggest most fantastic ultimate super sundae ever!” 

“W-wait, we still have to wait for our scores…and the award ceremonies…” Nene stumbles out of the rink, unsure exactly of where she’s being led but happy to follow. 

They manage to make it to the award ceremony, at least. Their duo makes it to spot five out of twelve, a position much higher than Nene was expecting. It’s a simple routine, it has been since the start, but they barely made any mistakes. Next time she’s sure she can definitely get higher. Well- if next time- happens.

Watching Rui and Tsukasa take third place is an infinitely warm feeling, though. Kind of a good thing that there isn’t an option for male only pairs in the competitive world, because she’s slightly scared to imagine what kind of terrifying choreography they would think up next. Though, she’s sure Rui isn’t going to give Tsukasa an easy time with singles training, especially after this. 

She smiles as she watches them pose side by side on the podium . Yeah, it’s definitely something else. Which makes her think- does she want to pose with Emu like that? Would she have to be there by her side, or would it be enough just to know she would be somewhere, watching? Nene falters a little in her clapping. She…wants to be watched?

“Congrats!” Emu cheers as Rui and Tsukasa leave the rink and rejoin them at the side, medals in hand. Tsukasa’s head is pointed down, and he has a difficult expression on his face. 

“Are you okay…?” Nene asks. Is he upset because they only got third place…? Or…

“This is…” Tsukasa starts, before he looks up. Oh, he’s crying. “This is my first time making a proper podium…!”

“Ah…congratulations…”

“It was well deserved,” Rui says. “You really worked hard.”

“This is the start of a new chapter in my skating story!” Tsukasa holds his head up high, and Nene can see the blaze in his eyes. “Next time it’ll be gold! At the Olympics!”

“Uh, there’s a few more medals you need to get before that…” Nene tells him.

“But I’m sure with your stamina and focus, it’ll be more than achievable for you,” Rui adds with a smile. “We can practice more triples for your next singles routine. Does that sound good?”

“Of course!” He nods firmly. “Or even greater! I’ll be the first person to perform a quintuple jump!”

Emu gasps. “I wanna see that!”

“No,” Nene tells the three of them.

“I’d like to choreograph some more programs for you too, Nene,” Rui says then, a warm expression on his face. “It was very wonderful finally seeing you skate again. You’ve really improved so much.”

“Improved…?” Even though she still feels like such a beginner compared to everyone else. “I mean…if you want.”

“If you want to do more contests, I’ll find some for you!” Emu says. “Maybe next time we can put on one of our own! Then even more people will discover the rink!”

“And we can skate together again,” Nene says before she can stop herself. The flush is instant when she realises the other three are looking at her. “No, uh, I-”

“We can do that anyway!” Emu says with a grin. “Don’t worry, Nene! I won’t let you get lonely!”

“That’s very considerate of you, Emu,” Rui says, and Nene fights back to the urge to strangle him. “You wouldn’t want our dear mermaid to have travelled all this way for nothing, would you?”

“Definitely not!” Emu grabs her into a protective hug, and Nene decides she’ll have to poison Rui tonight. Peppers, maybe. 

“Anyway, it’s been a long day, so should we head back?” Rui asks. “I’m sure we have a lot to talk about, too.”

“We do!” Tsukasa agrees. “Did you see the paired duos at the start of the group before us? That throw was incredible! Do you think there’s a way to emulate that in a single routine?”

“You’d need some serious height to even come close,” Nene says. “I’d say it’s impossible, but…”

“So you’re challenging me? If so, then I accept!”

“No, that’s the exact reason I didn’t say that…”

“I’m sure we could learn some paired lifts too,” Rui says, his expression already dangerous. “It would increase your awareness and your stability…we could even try aiming for a twist lift…hm, that would be a very fascinating sight…”

“If it’ll help me improve, I’ll do it!”

“Do you want to try that too, Nene?” Emu asks, eyes so big that it almost makes Nene toss aside the risk of severe injury just to accept her offer. 

“M-maybe we can just stick to dance for now…”

“You’ll have to let me show you some of my ice show ideas, too,” Rui continues. “I know four isn’t very many, but I’ve figured out a few choreographies that I think may work well.”

“I wanna see!” Emu says. “Then we can all skate together!”

It seems the story hasn’t ended quite yet. Of course it hasn’t. There’s so much more to go. This is only the beginning. And for the first time in a very long time- she’s looking forward to it.

Notes:

wonderhoy happy birthday!! in honour of emu's birthday here is [checks notes] nene's....chapter.....wait no-
this was a fun time and i'm glad i got to experience ice skating due to this fic lol!!! thank you again heartorbit for letting me use your au!!!!
just a reminder if anyone has any fic ideas you'd like to see, you're welcome to drop me a message at my tumblr!!!
i can't guarantee i'll write everything but i love hearing ppl's thoughts and i'm always open to oneshots ideas if i think it's something i can do justice!!!!
thank you for reading!!!!!!! <33333