Chapter Text
I will always love you.
Will you always love me?
You tread on a path I readied for you.
A path to bring you to me.
An eye appears before me, scribbled sclera and drawn pupils. Their pupils match the background of my closed eyes. They love me, I love them. I want to greet them, I want to thank them, but I realize my mouth isn’t opening- I'm asleep after all.
Genesis
They love me, and I reciprocate that love. I remember, long ago I hated them, I thought they were making me suffer over and over again as punishment for my sins. However, many years have passed, it dulled my heart and hardened my mind. I understand why they chose to do this now.
You can always try again
I gave you free will
although it’s probably in your best interest to do so,
better to suffer while you’re still alive,
and not eternity after.
I awaken in a plaza-like area, encircled by lamps. In my vision there are steel doors with locks akin to safes. It’s time to rest, that's what they would want me to do anyways, that run was especially long. The shopkeeper wouldn’t mind, I’m sure, though they never told me their name, or even spoke. They are kind, to me at least, I'm not too sure if they act like that to the others that came.
I remember the others, some told me their name and some did not. It doesn't matter in the end; I forgot them all anyways. Some were angels sent by them to assist me during my early days, some were men who thought they were perfect, sinless and pure. Others knew, knew that they had done evil, a terrible evil. So bad it disgusted even themselves, they wanted to repent so bad, so I joined them.
Some of them were kind people who had to do what they had to do, some were… questionable. They did and said strange things, not exactly kind but not rude either, though I always liked those kinds of people, I don’t know why. Very few I deemed pure evil, people who didn’t feel remorse for what they had done. What terrible people, I always tried to stay away from such people. Everyone always cried after their first death. I remember my first death was painful, I have grown a bit used to such pain now, but I always try to console them when they cry. It reminds me of my earlier days.
Now that I think about it, they never stayed longer than 5 runs. While I’ve done millions. That's something to think about. I remember long ago I once had a party of 10, it was my longest run I've ever had. There is no one with me right now, I'm very happy that the shopkeeper is still here. Their presence is silent but comforting, it’s nice knowing I have another person here.
Suddenly a strong breeze blows by that pulls me out of my thoughts. I shouldn’t rest for this long, it feels like an hour has passed, though my sense of time is skewed and I can’t confirm that since the moon doesn’t move, guessing is the only thing I can rely on to tell the time here. I wave goodbye to the shopkeeper and pitter patter towards the hallway. I walk carefully towards the instant room, feeling every step. I have little time to be in such a peaceful state after all, I must savor it. The door slams hard right when I fully step in. I can hear the locking mechanism turning and clicking, and suddenly, the floor opens up beneath me.
It’s almost time
When I awaken, I'm surrounded by dark maroon bricks, the air rushing past me. “I’m ready.” I whisper to them. Wind whips around my face as I speed up even more and land on the concrete floor. I silently dust myself off and start running.
Everything’s a blur, every motion is automatic. Every slide is practiced, every wall hop is instinctive, every jump I’ve already done. Every step is repeated, every crouch is swift, every door open has been done over and over already. Pink tentacles surround the edge of my vision. The rusted latch opens, MY VISION COVERED IN YELLOWS AND REDS, MY EARS RING SO LOUDLY.
The hatch closes behind me with a loud slam, I exhale shakily. I must push forward. Then I realize something. Goatman was there. The Goatman was there. It shouldn’t be here already, that was only the first hallway. The tutorial, the warmup. It shouldn't be here. Not now. It’s too early. They didn’t prepare a special lobby this time, they would’ve told me after all, and I didn’t make an edited lobby either. What's going on?
Should I ask them? But it might be too early to call upon them… They too have duties to fulfill, and so do I. Yes.. charge forward. There is no time to spare, suffer now before you suffer for eternity. Even now there is a terrible feeling settling in my gut. They told me to not doubt myself. They told me that they’ll catch me before I fall into the emptiness of death, and they have. To doubt myself is to doubt them. I do not doubt them.
Suddenly the next room isn’t there, only pitch black. When I open the door, there is only void on the other side. I didn’t even realize I left the safe room. Yet pink vine-like tendrils cover the side of my vision. There's no hiding spot, no yellow scribbles. There is only one way forward.
JUMP!
(I’m embraced by cold shadows, this doesn’t feel like theirs, where’s the warmth, the love?)
(It is frigid and rough, it feels like I'm floating in space. When I flail around, my arms don’t scrape against brick walls.)
(I’m carried by nothing. I feel nothing. I breathe nothing. There is no wind. All is quiet.)
(…)
(Wait, that's a lie, there is a strange voice…)
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