Love Me Different

by gekki23

Summary:

20-year old Amity Blight is about to enter her junior year of college at Rowan University. There’s only one problem: she just broke up with her girlfriend of almost four years. After spending the summer at home in almost complete solitude, she now has to go back to college and pretend like nothing is wrong. Back at school, she finds out one of her favorite local bands, The Hexsquad, is looking for a new vocalist…

Chapter 1: The Summer Ends

Notes:

CONTENT WARNING: minor reference of death/cancer diagnosis

“Do you even want any of this, Amity?!”
“Every time I want to see you, you can’t. Every time!”
“You act like a child sometimes.”
“You’re so ridiculous.”
“What, so that’s it then?!”

Amity woke up. She shot up and felt herself sweating, her mouth extremely dry. She’d forgotten to turn on her A/C overnight and the late August heat pierced through the windows, leaving the room stuffy and warm. Amity immediately opened the window so that the cool morning breeze could refresh her and hopefully stop whatever panic attack was oncoming.

It’d been two months since she broke up with Boscha after dating her for three and a half years. No, she hadn’t processed any of it. She was blissfully unaware she had anything to process, but that didn’t make her any happier. Amity had been caught in a loop of numbness and anxiety the whole summer. Outside, it felt just like how it did that night. She remembered the early June evening vividly that she told Boscha she wanted to break up with her. Low 70’s, a foreshadowing of autumn in the air, and barely a shred of humidity. Even though it was the perfect weather for Amity, it just had to be coupled with one of the worst moments of her recent memory.

Boscha’s voice haunted her from time to time. Declaring that Amity didn’t care, that she’d been acting like a child for so long, that she’d barely made time for her. That was the recurring theme during that whole argument: time. Boscha kept trying to convince Amity that all they needed was time and things could be fine. Her ex seemed to want things to stay, but with how she spoke, an outsider would’ve thought Boscha was the one breaking up with Amity.

I need water. I need to distract myself. I need to breathe. Amity’s mind raced. This was a once a week occurrence, but as her junior year of college approached, it became a lot more frequent. She tried to take deep breaths first, but when she could feel how dry her mouth was, she grabbed the bottle of water on her nightstand and felt herself chug the water. Half the bottle was empty by the time she was done. Amity flopped back down onto her bed, throwing the blankets off to cool herself down. Scrolling through her TikTok feed was the best chance she had at distracting herself. If she went downstairs, she’d probably be met with twenty questions from her dad. He was the morning person between the two.

“A new emo supergroup has hit the scene!” Right as Amity opened her TikTok feed, she was met with an excited content creator and a picture of a new band with multiple familiar faces. Three of the four members of this band were from Amity’s two favorites: Raine Whispers of Banshee Howl alongside Darius Deamonne and Eber Wulf of Abomobeast. Abomobeast had been on hiatus for a few years, but Banshee Howl had broken up almost fifteen years ago, so seeing one of her favorite guitarists finally playing in a new band was exhilarating news. She looked up at her wall at the posters she had of both bands, comparing just how much older the members were now to their youthful selves of the mid-2000s.

As the video continued, the creator showed clips from an interview with the band members. The lineup featured Darius on bass and vocals, Raine on guitar and vocals (the latter of which was very shocking), Eber on drums, and a younger woman named Katya on guitar. She was older than Amity, but definitely much younger than the other three, so likely in her mid-30s compared to the three middle-aged people.

“We’ve always loved collaborating with each other in our old bands, whether it be having one of us feature on a song or touring together,” Darius’s smooth speaking voice contrasted the harsh, gritty screams he’d contribute to a majority of Abomobeast’s music.

“It’d been a hot second since any of us had the chance to release music, so we wanted to come out with a bang. Coven Heads is trying to make metal the new pop music, y’know?” It was incredible to see Raine Whispers do so much talking in an interview. Back when Banshee Howl was around, it was most often their guitarist Eda Clawthorne or drummer Manny Noceda doing the talking. The two were the goofballs of the band, while Raine and Lilith Clawthorne (the bassist and lead vocalist) would keep them grounded. Amity was fond of all of their personalities; she'd taken up making TikTok edits of the band as a small hobby over the summer.

“Manny’s passing definitely had an impact on my writing,” Raine Whispers continued. A decade ago, Manny Noceda died of an unknown cancer diagnosis. After his passing, a lot of people suspected that was why Banshee Howl had stopped making music about three years prior, but the reasons were all still unclear. His funeral was the last time that the Clawthorne sisters and Raine Whispers were all seen together in public, so hearing Raine mention this was huge to a diehard fan like Amity. “In the time since, I've done a lot of my own self-reflection on myself and my past. A lot of it can be seen in the lyrics.

“Did you write all the lyrics on the upcoming album?” the interviewer asked.

“THEY’RE PUTTING OUT AN ALBUM?!” Amity screamed in excitement.

“Oh, yes! Most of them at least. Darius contributed a lot, too.”

Amity needed to listen to whatever this new song they’d just released immediately. The moment she opened YouTube, her recommended page knew exactly what she wanted: the music video for the new song “Rose of Sharyn” by Coven Heads. The song opened up with a sharp scream from Darius and the sound of fast, chugging guitars and drums. Darius Deamonne’s screams were as impressive as ever. In Amity’s opinion, they’d only gotten better with age. He sounded amazing live, too. When she convinced her dad to let her go to an Abomobeast show when she was in high school, Darius’ vocals sounded just like they did in their recordings. In addition, Raine Whispers was doing backup vocals, too! They’d only done vocals sparingly in live performances, so hearing it in a recording was wild.

The chorus and bridge of “Rose of Sharyn” hit Amity like a truck as Darius’ vocals soared, singing a stanza of emotionally charged lyrics:

“It won’t be long, we’ll meet again
Your memory is never passing
It won’t be long, we’ll meet again
My love for you is everlasting

I mourn for those who never knew you”

Based on the interview, Amity began to realize these lyrics were probably about Manny Noceda’s passing in some way. Banshee Howl was together for almost twenty years when they broke up, so that kind of loss must’ve taken a massive toll on all of the bandmates. She could feel herself tear up and appreciated that this new band wrote such a powerful song so many people could relate to. It deserved to be a huge hit! They could make metal the new pop!

Amity then played the song about seven more times before realizing it was almost 11 AM. She needed to eat breakfast.

 

During the late afternoon, Amity scurried down the steps to find her father. “Hey dad!” Amity looked over her shoulder as she grabbed her keys and slipped her shoes on, “I’m meeting up with Skara to go shopping, I’ll get myself something for dinner while I’m out.”

“Fun! Where are you off to?” Alador sat at the dining room table with his laptop on one side of him and his College Football Preview book on the other. Retirement was treating him well.

“We’re gonna hit up Arnold Ave in Point Beach, I’ve heard there’s a cute boutique there. Might as well do some back to school shopping.”

“Two days before you move in?” Alador chuckled at his daughter’s remark.

“Better late than never! Byeeeee!” Amity waved as she opened the door, just barely seeing her father smile and wave back.

The late August sunshine beamed and Amity pulled down her sunglasses. The weather felt so good that she was ready to blast whatever came up first in her megaplaylist of songs. Stepping into her car and starting her music, the first song that came up was “Dear Child (I’ve Been Dying to Reach You)” by Eda Clawthorne. This song was off of a small record the Banshee Howl member put out a year after the band broke up, but she never got around to doing a full tour for it outside of some small shows, nor did she record more solo music after. Amity wished she could’ve seen one of those live shows, but she was only about 9 at the time. That didn’t stop Amity from belting along to the lyrics as she drove down Route 71 to 35 from Manasquan to Point Pleasant Beach.

“I’ve been trying to reach you
But my extension cord wouldn’t reach that far
I’ve been patiently waiting
The indicator light is flashing on”

The views of the New Jersey Shore toward the end of summer were Amity’s favorite. She’d been living in this area since her parents divorced her freshman year of high school, but this felt more like home than the busier suburbs of New Brunswick. Even though the summers were always wrought with tourists, this time of year beckoned the arrival of both Local Summer and the eventual quiet months of the autumn and winter. Well, that’s at least what it was like when she was in high school. Now she’d be off in South Jersey for school at Rowan University. Being close to Philly was nice so she could have things to do with people, but now that was a bit tough with her…fractured social life.

Thankfully, she still found friends in Skara and Viney. Her friend group had been a whole group of ten or so girls, but the rest had all stayed friends with Boscha following their breakup. There was a whole bunch of drama among the girls as the effects of the breakup rippled among them, but Amity only really watched from the sidelines. Her numbness and depression made her mostly unaware of what anyone truly said or felt about each other. Speaking of Skara, Amity picked her best friend up from her parents’ beach house in Point Beach. Skara was originally from North Jersey in the Union County area, so Amity liked to call her “Benny” to mess with her.

“Hey, girlie!” Skara smiled wide at the sight of her friend, “it’s been forever!” Even though they were only 20 minutes away from each other the whole summer, Amity was truly a shut-in to everyone except her dad and siblings. She’d texted Skara plenty of times, of course, but her will to leave the house was non-existent.

“There’s my favorite Benny!” Amity masterfully avoided Skara’s reference to her isolation, “you said the place is on Arnold?”

“Yup! You can just park in that lot next to the little grocery store. Cops never check there.”

After gliding through the late summer traffic and walking down the sand-colored sidewalks, the girls spent some time at the new boutique picking out some cute, fall-appropriate clothes. Some of it was a little expensive, but Amity found a perfect off-white sweater and a deep orange and black scarf.

“I’m surprised you’re getting any of the stuff here,” Skara observed as Amity eyed up the jewelry, “your wardrobe is usually giving Emo-Girl-At-A-Concert.”

Amity chuckled at her friend’s remark, she was right. In fact, Amity was currently wearing a vintage Banshee Howl t-shirt that she fashioned into a crop top, a plaid skirt, fishnet leggings, Converse sneakers, and plenty of accessories on her wrists. “I like to indulge in white girl Autumn from time to time. Plus, it’ll get fashioned into something more goth in due time.” She already pondered on what to do with the sweater. Maybe some cute patches?

After doing some window shopping and browsing at a few antique shops and record stores, the girls stopped at a new burger place at Skara’s recommendation. Amity was thankful they had vegetarian options not only to fit her diet, but purely because she thought black bean burgers were infinitely better than beef.

“So, I don’t mean to just drop this question on you…” Skara asked after a moment of silence. Amity’s heart sank a little bit, knowing what the question would be about, but she also feared she could lose Skara at any moment. She knew the fear was irrational, but it was hard to stop it. “How are you holding up? Sure, we text almost every day and have called a few times, but this is the first time I’ve seen you all summer! How come two days before move-in day?”

Amity lingered on the question as she took a sip of her lemonade. “I…I don’t really know,” the regret festered in her heart, “I don’t really know much of how I’ve felt the last few months, and I’m really sorry about that.”

Skara put a hand out for Amity to hold, to which the goth reciprocated. “I forgive you, but there really is no need to apologize. I had a feeling it was all about…that, but I just wanted to check in while we’re face-to-face.”

“Yeah, I appreciate it,” Amity felt Skara rub her thumb against her hand, “I wish I could describe how I’m feeling better. All I did really was work, sit in my room, look at my phone…I’m really sorry for being so isolated.”

“What can I do for you?” Skara asked with a familiar sincerity. She’d always been the one to reach out to people, Amity couldn’t fathom why any of their old friend group wouldn’t want her around.

“Just be there for me, I guess,” Amity replied, “distractions have been helpful. I just need to get my mind off of it. Every time I really think about her, I can feel myself getting so anxious.”

Skara thought for a moment, then pulled out her phone to check something. “What’s the name of that band you really like?”

“Banshee Howl?”

“No, the one that plays at the house parties at Rowan.”

“Oh, Hexsquad?”

Skara turned her phone toward Amity, “they just announced they’re playing another house show the night of move-in day. Wanna g-”

“YES!” Amity leaned forward in excitement, barely letting Skara finish her question. Amity frantically pulled her phone out to see the post, she couldn’t believe she missed it! She’d become obsessed with them last winter and made sure every party she went to was one they were playing at. Their line up consisted of guitarist/vocalist Hunter, bassist Wyll, guitarist Gus, and drummer Luz, all of which seemed to be students at the school as well. Though, she never saw them around much, but none of them were English or education majors like her.

Skara giggled at her friend’s eagerness, “sounds like a plan then! Once we’re all finished moving in I’ll make sure we get you all nice and ready for the first party of the semester!”

“More like the first Hexsquad concert of the semester,” Amity corrected Skara as she sipped on her drink. “I’m surprised you follow them, I thought you weren’t into punk music?”

“Not really,” Skara bit down on a french fry, “it’s a fun vibe, though. Everyone gets so excited, I love it!”

Amity smiled, “I’m glad you’re still around. I’m excited to see Viney again, too.” The three girls were rooming together in the housing on Victoria Street, which was a rather new apartment complex right next to the businesses on Rowan Boulevard. Viney lived in South Jersey in Camden County, so even if Amity wasn’t a shut-in this summer, she wouldn’t have seen her much.

“She’s excited to see you, too! I’m glad we don’t have those other assholes around anymore,” Skara spoke about their former friends with a venom in her voice.

“What exactly happened that they all left you guys?”

“Boscha basically just politic-ed them all into staying friends with her, to put it briefly,” Skara rolled her eyes, “she made it seem like there would be some ‘lasting consequences’ or whatever. It was so childish.”

Hearing the word “childish” made Amity froze for a second, but she quickly kept her composure, reminding herself it wasn’t directed at her. “Yeah, sounds like something a high schooler would do…”

 

After dropping Skara off at her house, Amity took some of the backroads back home. She wanted to take in the cool summer night and salty ocean air before she’d be back at school. As Amity reflected more on Skara’s conversation, she thought about how Boscha had swayed the rest of her old friends to cut ties with her as if Amity had done something malicious. Well, she did break up with Boscha, but the way Skara described it made it seem like Amity would be a terrible friend to them or whatever the whole “lasting consequences” thing meant.

Once again, she needed a distraction. She turned up her car radio a bit, not caring if her music echoed across the quiet neighborhood. Her playlist had the acoustic version of one of Banshee Howl’s biggest hits, “Call It Karma” on, so thankfully it wasn’t too loud.

“Lose another day here
Lose another year here I’m with you
You are the fire on my apartment floor
Sixteen stories, I’d rather burn than fall
It isn’t fate that took us all by storm
It’s just the turn of a card.”

Lilith Clawthorne’s voice echoed and Amity could feel herself tear up as the bridge of the song came in. The guitars excellently complimented her voice as she sang of the end of some kind of a relationship. Whether it be romantic, platonic, familial, Amity could feel her heart resonate with the words while taking in the nostalgic sights of the place she called home. She’d often get homesick while at college, and now being single might make it worse since she and Boscha started dating in high school. The lyrics, though, urged her to push on.

“I’ll move on
You’ll call it fate, I’ll call it karma
We’ve had our time
It was fun while it lasted
I’ll look back
With honor and no regrets
I won’t be mad, won’t feel bad
These memories are never leaving
Don’t be sad, ‘cuz life goes on
It’s getting too late
Tomorrow is here.”

Amity pulled into her driveway when the final chords hit. Almost on cue she began to sob. Every emotion she held in all day was finally being let out. All the distractions were just that, distractions, and she realized she couldn’t keep going just distracting herself. She’d have to figure out a way to really move on. Maybe that could come in the next few days as she began the new academic year, but she knew she’d need more than just a change of scenery. She’ll see what happens when the summer ends.

Notes:

hope you all enjoy this fic! this is another lil side project i'll be doing, but it's a very personal one so i wouldn't be surprised if i end up giving more attention to it than i expect lol. i'll also be including the songs referenced in each chapter! here's this chapter's songs:

Love Me Different - Hayley Williams (fic title): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuRdeSZXdN0
The Summer Ends - American Football (chapter title): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cOQk6aE6wY
Rose of Sharyn - Killswitch Engage (Coven Heads' debut single): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgMsACFMIq8
Dear Child (I've Been Dying to Reach You) - Anthony Green: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsvqtTp2Bx8
Call It Karma (Acoustic) - Silverstein: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4uw2ySx98c

follow me on tumblr @gekki for fic updates!!

Chapter 2: Clairvoyant

Summary:

Amity moves back into school and attends the first Hexsquad house show of the semester with Skara and Viney. The night turns out to be much more eventful than she planned...

"Don't paint me black when I used to be golden"

Notes:

CONTENT WARNING: sexual harassment (only a short instance, retribution is swift lol), some underage drinking

September 1st, early morning. Amity strummed away on her guitar for her cat, Ghost, who always loved listening to her play. Amity never considered herself particularly good at guitar, nor did she ever make it a point to perform for people, but it was something that helped ease her mind and ground herself. She was picking the riff to “Clairvoyant” by The Hexsquad. It was a short acoustic track that she caught herself listening to frequently over the summer. If Bandcamp was tracking plays, she’d imagine her plays of the song would be up in the hundreds.

Amity knew all of the lyrics to Hexsquad’s songs. Granted, they didn’t have many out, but she even would listen back to her recordings of unreleased songs they played at house shows and memorized the lyrics from there. Words couldn’t describe how excited she was for the show that night. Her excitement cancelled out any other emotion last night as she had packed basically everything for move-in day then, so now she sat here in the morning, waiting for when she needed to leave.

Amity and her father got breakfast early at The Mariner’s Cove in Brielle, well before any other customers arrived for the day. She wished her siblings were around for breakfast, too, but they both already moved out of the house by now. Edric lived northward in the Montclair area studying theatre an extra year at Montclair State University and Emira began her master’s program in bioengineering at Penn State. It was always nice to spend some quality time with Alador, though. Amity quietly sang the last few lines of “Clairvoyant” to Ghost as the cat’s eyes fluttered awake. Stretching out her paws, Ghost hopped into Amity’s lap to continue her nap. Amity was thankful she didn’t have to leave for another hour, but wished she could stay in this moment forever.

Ghost woke up about ten minutes later, finally giving Amity time to straighten out the last things she needed to pack and move it down to her car with her dad’s help. She had about fifteen minutes to spare once her car was ready, so she wanted to spend the last bit of time with her father, especially to reiterate the nuances of caring for Ghost with him.

“Now, I know your ‘her favorite’ as you say,” Amity started, “but please make sure you’re not giving her treats as often as you did when I was gone last year.”

“Aw, c’mon now!” Ghost was already sitting in Alador’s lap as he protested his daughter’s directions, “how could I say no to this adorable face?”

“It’s a miracle she hasn’t gained, like, twenty pounds, dad.” Amity chuckled, reflecting on her dad’s uncertainty at the prospect of her getting a cat when they first moved into their house. Now, it was like Ghost was his fourth child, she wasn’t even his cat!

“Y’know…” Alador brushed off Amity’s concerns, “she always did remind me of you.”

“‘Cuz we’re both pale?”

“Well, yes,” Amity giggled at her dad’s admittance, “but also you’re both calm, sweet, and reminders of how fortunate I am.”

Amity was silent, smiling at her father’s kind words, “thanks, dad. I’m not really that calm, though.”

“I know it’s been hard for you the last few months,” Alador petted Ghost some more, “but you persevered through a lot more than you give yourself credit for. It made me happy to see you out and about with Skara the other day, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. No matter what you go through, you’re always a warming presence, and people love you for it.”

Amity could feel herself tear up, so she quickly wrapped her arms around her dad’s neck. “Thanks, dad,” she replied as he held her tightly, “thanks as well for calling Ed and Em when…the everything first happened. You played a big part in keeping me grounded at first.” Her twin siblings visited a week after Amity ended things with Boscha. She didn’t do anything really extravagant with them like a life-changing road trip, but being in familiar scenery with familiar people prevented what could’ve been a much worse couple of months.

“No need to thank me, Mittens. I’m just doing what I should do.” Alador checked his watch, “you might need to start heading out soon, especially if you want to beat potential traffic.” The ride to Rowan from Manasquan wasn’t particularly difficult. Taking Route 195 West onto 295 South was as easy as pie, but the former could be a bit of a coin flip at times. Heeding her dad’s advice, Amity gave Alador and Ghost one last hug goodbye before making her way out the door.

Before Amity drove off, she took one last look at her house. It was small, even if it was two floors, but it truly felt like a home. She saw Ghost lay her head down, perched on the windowsill and basking in the late morning sun, and her dad looking for the perfect angle to take a picture of the feline. Amity knew that she’d be receiving said picture in a group text with her and her siblings momentarily. Taking a deep breath, she started her car and made her way southbound.

 

“So, like, how much of your closet is Banshee Howl shirts, exactly?” Skara asked, sifting through the shirts that hung in Amity’s closet of their new dorm together.

“My guess is gonna be about 80%,” Viney cracked the joke as she laid down, arms behind her head on Amity’s bed. Amity sat to her friend’s left at the new desk, carefully donning her eyeliner. The girls weren’t leaving for the party for another hour, but Skara and Viney made it their mission to doll up Amity for tonight, hoping maybe she can find a new girl to court (or hook up with at the least).

“Lowkey…Viney’s probably right,” Amity laughed in a moment of self-awareness, “which one of ‘em should I wear tonight, Skar?”

“Girl, you wear Banshee Howl shirts every other day, you also have their music playing right now,” Skara motioned to Amity’s phone, which was blasting their 2007 album All of the Misery. It was Amity’s favorite and the one that really blew them up in the emo scene, featuring songs like “Call It Karma,” “A Favor House Atlantic,” and “The Music or the Misery.”

“And?” Amity raised an eyebrow and smirked.

Skara looked back at Viney. “You heard the woman,” the latter gestured for Skara to pick from the emo band’s merchandise. Skara sighed, but gave in knowing that Amity’s collection of Banshee Howl merch was her comfort wardrobe.

“What about…” Amity could see Skara ponder the different designs through her mirror, “this one!” Skara held up the shirt in the angle of the mirror.

The All of the Misery tour shirt. As much as she loved that album art, which featured the silhouette of an owl and a fox circling each other, there was a hole she needed to patch. “Eh, it’s a little beat up,” Amity dismissed it.

Next up: the bloody raven design from the merch line to promote their 2004 album, Gendered Curse. “That one’s sick, but a little edgy. I usually save that one for bigger concerts.” Another one down, twenty more to go.

Third time’s the charm: the rarest shirt from the 2013 tour to promote their last album, Unrelenting. Supposedly, the person she bought it from online bought it at their very last show at Riot Fest in Chicago that year, to which Amity paid an amount of money she will never tell anyone of. Amity spun around in her chair, pausing her makeup to take a good look at it. The design featured a group picture of the band walking together on the Brooklyn Bridge on a white t-shirt. That era of the band always made Amity emotional, she can’t watch the footage from that last show without sobbing like a baby. However, fuck was that a great shirt. “That’s the one, leave it on the bed.”

“Perf! Onto your legs: skirt or jeans?” Skara went straight to the lower drawers of Amity’s dresser.

“I recommend jeans for tonight,” Viney interjected, looking up from her phone. “The forecast says it’s gonna be in the 60s while we’re out, and we know how cold this girl gets.” Amity rolled her eyes, even though it was true. “By the way,” Viney continued, “do you plan on retouching your hair? That green is gonna be hella faded in like a month, dude. My cousin can do it for you, she’s a stylist a few towns over.”

Amity’s hair was a more sensitive topic than she expected it to be. Her mom was the one who influenced her hair color for most of her adolescence, insisting that the daughter she wanted to mold in her own image have the same bright green hair as her (even though both of the twins inherited the green naturally). Even after going no-contact with Odalia, Amity never really bothered to stray from her mother’s hair color. She hadn’t redyed it since the beginning of the year, though. The green lingered like an old lover that clung onto something that was hopeless, an artifact of a better time, fading and fruitless.
It sounds familiar to Amity, but she doesn’t understand it yet.

“Um…maybe,” Amity hesitated, “I might ride it out and let the brown come back naturally. I’ll let you know, though.”

“So which jeans?” Skara held up two pairs of black jeans: one ripped and one without rips. “I think the ripped look would give you that grungy look, lesbians love that shit…right?”

“I do, for sure,” Amity chuckled, “I’ll go with the rips, fuck it.”

Amity finished out her outfit with a black choker, red high-top Vans sneakers, and a red and black flannel. She couldn’t forget her plethora of accessories, of course. On her right hand and arm were her black ring, a black and red friendship bracelet Skara made for her years ago, and a bracelet that spelled out “BANSHEE HOWL.” Her left arm had two bracelets as well to match her right; one spelled out “ABOMOBEAST” and the other had the colors of the lesbian flag that she got at the Asbury Park Pride festival a year ago.

Skara went back to her room to get herself ready, leaving Amity and Viney alone as Amity finished her makeup. Viney didn’t take much time to get herself ready, she was the butch of the three girls, so she settled with her plain black t-shirt and cargo shorts. She turned over on Amity’s bed again to look at her friend, “I hope you don’t mind me asking: you doin’ alright, dude?”

Like Skara, Amity did text and call Viney plenty of times over the summer. It wasn’t as easy to see her, but last summer Amity took the drive to spend a weekend at Viney’s. They didn’t explicitly plan on doing it again this summer, but they had such a great time that it sucked that they didn’t get to for…obvious reasons. “I’m…not amazing,” Amity responded after a short silence, “but I’m not as bad as I was. Do you still have that really funny screenshot of me bawling my eyes out while I was FaceTiming you, by the way?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Viney had it on speed dial. She turned her phone around to show Amity the screenshot of her in tears, puffy-eyed and red-faced. “Why did you think watching Your Lie in April so soon after your breakup would be a good idea?” Viney laughed looking at the picture again.

“I don’t know!” The two were laughing hysterically. “All I remembered was you recommended it to me a while ago, but I had completely forgotten that you said it was really sad. I just saw these cute kids in love and was like ‘aw, maybe this could cheer me up.’ It did not!” Viney was in tears as she let out her trademark cackle. It felt so good to be around these two again.

 

The trio marched down the Glassboro streets to the party as the sun set. Hints of autumn blew through the air, inevitably leaving Amity shivering. Viney poked fun at her for it, but gave Amity her jacket to keep her warm. Even though it had that athlete smell, Amity was too focused on staying warm to be bothered by it. The house was familiar, it was the site of the last few house shows they went to the previous academic year and probably the best out of all of them. It wasn’t run by a fraternity, thankfully, but rather by a group of people that actually wanted to host music for the sake of music and not to just get more parties going on. Admission into the show was just a simple $5 and, even though The Hexsquad’s set didn’t start for another hour and a half, there were already a ton of people.

Walking into the house, Amity turned to her friends. “Alright, if either of you see Boscha, alert me immediately,” she handed Viney back her jacket. “Also let me know if she’s with anyone new.” Amity was not immune to gossip.

“I can stick by you, if you want. We all know Little Miss Flirt will be wandering around,” Viney offered as she nudged Skara’s arm.

“Hey! I’m not trying to hook up with anyone tonight! Maybe just a kiss and a dance,” Skara smiled, dreaming of all the potential scenarios for a meet-cute that night.

“Sure, sure. Go get yourself some vodka and we’ll see how that changes,” Amity joined in on the teasing. Viney laughed as Skara pouted and rolled her eyes, making a beeline for said alcohol.

Amity spent the first hour there glued to Viney’s side. She didn’t really have many friends outside of their old group, so she was making acquaintances with a few people from Viney’s club soccer team that were there. Even though it was a mixed-gender league, most of her teammates were guys. She did meet the new non-binary team member, but even though they were cute, they were just starting their freshman year. Amity couldn’t see herself dating someone just starting college as a whole. The casual conversation and fresh faces were nice, it certainly made up for the cheap beer and loud music. At this point, it was a matter of counting down the minutes until the show.

With a half hour left, Amity was beyond ready for the show. “Hey, Viney,” she interrupted her friend mid-sip of her drink, “I’m gonna head down to the basement for the set now, I wanna get a good spot up front.”

“Yeah, sure! Just be careful, OK?” Viney gave Amity’s arm a squeeze of reassurance, “don’t hesitate to call or text me if anything’s wrong.”

“For sure,” Amity leaned and gave Viney a small hug.

Amity snaked through the crowd to the stairs that lead down to the basement. The music above became muffled as she was met with the sight of the various speakers and the drum kit being set up. There were a few party-goers down in the basement on couches or against the wall seeking refuge from the crowded upstairs, but the space around the “stage” (a rectangular space that was marked off on the ground by blue masking tape) was empty. On the outside, Amity kept up her cool, mysterious persona, but she was internally screaming in excitement. She got the perfect spot right in front of the center mic that Hunter stood at.

After claiming her spot, she realized she’d be standing there for another twenty minutes. God, I probably look so awkward, she thought to herself, sipping on her beer. Thankfully, another person came out from a door past the stage to continue setting up. The dim lights covered their face, but soon Amity noticed the face: Wyll, Hexsquad’s bassist. Oh shit, he's right there. Do I say hi to him? Even though Hexsquad only had a local fanbase, Amity felt like she was in the presence of a celebrity. She’d never been this close for one of their shows, she would usually be off to the side at Boscha’s request, but now she didn’t have to limit herself.

“Hey, Wyll!” Amity’s voice moved on its own, “big fan! I’m excited for the show tonight.”

Wyll was fiddling with one of the amps when he turned to look back at Amity, bearing witness to her excited smile. “Thanks! I think I’ve seen you around, what’s your name?”

“Amity!”

Wyll paused, then nodded and smiled, “nice to meet you properly.”

He turned back around to finish what he was doing, but Amity didn’t want to stand around awkwardly for too long. “I saw on the band’s Insta that you started HRT a few months ago, congrats! That’s really awesome.”

“Aw, thanks!” Wyll turned back and gave a bigger smile this time. Shortly after that was when he walked away to meet back up with the band.

Amity’s heart was racing, she just talked with a member of Hexsquad! Holy fuck! She kept to her spot and stuck to scrolling through her phone to not stick out like a sore thumb. Slowly but surely, was when the rest of the crowd gathered in. Being up front was a little stressful. She could feel herself inching slowly toward the tape as more people packed into the basement like sardines. Amity couldn’t spot Viney and Skara as the show approached its start, so she sent out a quick text:

Amity: you girls down here yet?
Viney: i’m toward the back. Skara’s chatting it up with a cheerleader upstairs
Skara: :))))))

Amity smirked, chuckling at her friend’s drunken stupor. Skara was the epitome of a lightweight. Suddenly, Amity heard cheers from the crowd, which meant only one thing. Shooting her head up from her phone, she saw the members of Hexsquad walk out with their instruments, plugging them into the amps and checking their guitar pedals. Hunter, guitarist and lyricist of the band, was right in front of her. To the right of Hunter was Gus, the mastermind behind a lot of the band’s awesome riffs, and Wyll was positioned to the left. Behind Hunter was someone who always caught Amity’s eye: Luz, the drummer. At the first Hexsquad show she ever went to, she made a passing comment that Luz was really cute, but Boscha took extreme offense to it (despite the fact that Boscha had done something similar just a few days prior).

“How we feelin’ out there, gang?” Hunter spoke into the mic. Amity joined the crowd in a resounding cheer, which brought a big, gap-toothed smile to Hunter’s face. “We’re The Hexsquad, happy to be here again to start off the new year. We’re gonna start this off a little slow if that’s alright.” Another cheer echoed as Gus began playing the riff to “Clairvoyant,” the same riff Amity had just been playing to her cat earlier that day. How wonderfully things came together.

“I think you’ll notice when things become different
The good vibes in our lives won’t feel so consistent
And less becomes more ‘cuz the weight is too heavy
I swim in the water that’s breaking your levee

The way that you left me is alright, it’s alright
I argue the point, then we yell and we fight
And I won’t be home for the rest of the night
You might hate my words, but you know that I’m right
You know that I’m right”

Amity didn’t care how close she was to the band, she was belting those lyrics. Hunter seemed to be eating up everyone singing along, though, which only prompted Amity to sing along even harder for the next verse.

“This is your life, there’s no way to run from it
The doubt in your brain or the pain in your stomach
I only have but one complaint at the moment:
Don’t paint me black when I used to be golden

The way that you left me is alright, it’s alright
I argue the point, then we yell and we fight
And I won’t be home for the rest of the night
You might hate my words, but you know that I’m right
You know that I’m right

Don’t paint me black when I used to be golden.”

Amity sang the final line with her whole chest. In that moment, she felt like she truly understood the lyrics she sang along to and felt one with the crowd of people singing along. As Gus plucked the final notes, Hunter spoke into the mic, “alright, let’s pick this up.” With a quick 1-2-3-4 of her drumsticks, Luz kicked in the next song of the setlist titled “Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over,” which started off with a crashing series of chords from the two guitar players followed by a fast bass riff from Wyll.

The adrenaline rushed through Amity’s body as she began screaming along to the words and pointing her finger in the air. She could feel the crowd shifting behind her as the same adrenaline flowed through everyone else, but she kept her feet planted so as to not fall right into the band. Halfway through the song, though, she felt something disgusting. Suddenly, someone’s hands wrapped around her waist and grabbed at her chest. When her fight or flight activated, the only real option became “fight” as the adrenaline from the show pumped through her veins. “Get the fuck off of me!!” Amity yelled out and sent her elbow flying back into the chest of a guy almost a head taller than her.

“Hey!” Hunter screamed into the mic, stopping the song and staring right at the guy behind Amity, “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” The other band members stopped the song at different points, recognizing something was wrong.

“What, bro? Keep playing!” the voice behind Amity protested. She didn’t even want to turn around to see whoever this piece of shit was.

“No, not until you get the fuck out of here!” Hunter was still speaking into the mic, making sure everyone knew he meant business. He turned to talk to the crowd, “get this guy the fuck out of here, he was groping this girl right in front me! Make sure he leaves and never fucking comes back!” The crowd began booing as Amity felt the people next to her shove the asshole. He yelled something to Hunter, to which the singer responded, “do you wanna fucking fight, dude?!” Amity didn’t hear anything back. “Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought!

“Hey, are you alright?” Hunter leaned in away from the mic to speak to Amity.

“Yeah, I’m good.” She was shaking a bit, realizing what just happened. Amity was just thankful it was nowhere near as bad as it could’ve been.

“Sorry for bringing so much attention to that, I don't tolerate that shit. Make sure you stay here,” Hunter motioned at where she was standing, “if anyone else touches you, I’ll make sure they’re gone.”

“Thanks,” Amity smiled. She was also extremely thankful this band was looking out for her, someone they only just met.

Amity focused on the show to keep her mind off of what happened, and she’s glad she did. Being up in the front beat the side walls by a mile. Getting to sing along right in front of the band and to see their every move as they played was exhilarating. They played the other three songs off of their only release, an EP titled Wild Magic: “Things I Can’t Change,” “Nerve,” and “Hold Your Breath.” The latter half of the set was unreleased songs, some that Amity recognized and some that she didn’t (which she made sure to record so she could memorize the words). The show ended with a slower, new song sung completely by Wyll that Amity absolutely loved.

“Oh, hang me like roses
You can have something pretty
When I’m dried out and dead”

His voice had a towering belt to it much like Hunter’s, it was awesome to see the band exploring new territory and see all of their fans enjoy it.

“Thanks so much everyone,” Hunter thanked the crowd as the last chords hung in the air and everyone applauded, “we’ll be here again soon. See y’all around tonight, and happy fall semester.” As the band exited, Amity finally got around to checking the messages on her phone as she was too busy recording. It was only then she saw a series of texts from Viney, who connected the dots that she was the one being harassed at the beginning of the set.

“Yo! Amity!” Viney made her way through the crowd that was heading upstairs, “was that you?!”

“Yeah, it was.”

“I wanted to beat the ever-living fuck out of that guy, but he was too far from me,” Viney was pissed.

“I’m all good, trust me,” Amity put a hand on Viney’s shoulder, “still a little shaken up, but I think I’m still all hyped up from the show. I need to eat something and get some fresh air.”

“Stay by me, got it?”

“Got it.” Amity smiled as her friend grabbed her by the wrist and brought her upstairs.

 

Amity and her friends stuck around at the party for a while. She’d found a good spot to relax while Skara and Viney socialized. Viney insisted on sticking next to her, but Amity’s stubbornness outmatched her, as she didn’t want to hold back Viney from spending time with other friends of hers. Sitting on a couch in a loft upstairs, Amity sipped on her third beer of the night while snacking on a bag of chips Viney snagged for her earlier. She was a lightweight, but only a little tipsy because she knew how to pace herself, unlike Skara (who was still flirting with the cheerleader).

A new voice was heard from the stairs leading to the loft, “I’m using the pisser up here! Hunter’s been in there for, like, ten minutes!” Hearing the name of the Hexsquad vocalist perked Amity’s ears up as she witnessed none other than Luz the drummer enter her view. She wore a striped shirt under a dark green button-up, dark blue jeans, red converse, and a matching red beanie over her shoulder-length, brown hair. Luz’s face still glistened with sweat from the show, or it could’ve been from whatever she’d been drinking. She passed by Amity to use the bathroom a few feet away from her.

Amity: hey holy shit Luz from Hexsquad passed by me
Viney: the drummer girl you think is hot?
Amity: yeah
Amity: fuck me dude, do i say hi??
Viney: do it!!
Skara: GET HER NUMBER!!!!

Luz stepped out of the bathroom a minute later. Amity hadn’t thought of what to say or do, but they sure as hell made eye contact. Amity felt like a deer in headlights, but a smile reached Luz’s face. “Hey! You’re the girl who knew all the words to our songs!”

Fuck, I have a reputation. “Heh, you could say that, yeah.” C’mon Amity, just play it cool. You did fine talking to Wyll earlier. “You guys were great!”

“Thanks!” Luz walked over and sat herself down next to Amity. “Luz, nice to meet ya’.” She put a hand out.

OH FUCK SHE’S RIGHT NEXT TO ME. “Amity, a pleasure,” she shook her hand, “when’s the next show?”

“Probably…later this month? We like playing here a lot, it’s become home for us.”

“I’d really go anywhere to see you guys play,” Amity smirked, but on the inside she doubted that line big time. You sound like a stalker!! What the fuck, Amity!!

“Hell yeah!” Luz’s smile widened, much to Amity’s relief. “Hey, by the way, next time some douche tries touching you like that again, I’m hopping right over my kit and kicking them square in the nuts.”

Amity chuckled, “very kind of you, I can defend myself just fine, though. I heard a bit of a crack in his chest when I elbowed him.” Did that sound cool?

“Badass, Amity,” Luz smiled and nodded, “badass…” Amity was caught in her dopey expression to think of anything else to say. Luz’s face lit up soon after, though, as if she just had a grand idea. “Stay right here, I’ll be back in a second.” Amity quickly updated her friends:

Amity: aight so we started talking, she’s so goofy i need her
Viney: LET’S GOOOOOOO
Viney: did you get her digits too??
Amity: she went to do something but told me to stay here

As soon as she sent that message, Luz returned with a rolled-up, black t-shirt in hand. “So, we haven’t started selling these yet, but I wanted a true fan like you to have this.” Unfurling the shirt revealed a design with the band’s name in a varsity-style font with a cardinal sitting atop the “D” in Hexsquad. “Knowing all our lyrics was one thing, but the deep-cut Banshee Howl shirt confirmed to me that you’re a real one.”

“Oh my god, thanks!!” Amity stood up and blushed as she smiled wide. Holy fuck she complimented my shirt??

“What’s your Instagram handle? I’ll keep you updated on any secret happenings, just don’t tell anyone else,” Luz gave a wink.

Amity could feel her cheeks heating up as she showed the drummer which one was her among the band’s followers. “That one, @amity_blight.”

Luz hit the “request to follow” button and noticed something in Amity’s bio. “Yo!! Did you read Azura books, too?!”

You gotta be fucking kidding me. Amity’s bio included the quote “My path is my own: the stars, the moon, and all” from Hecate, the deuteragonist and her favorite character from the Good Witch Azura book series that defined her childhood. “I see I have a fellow witch in my presence,” Amity gave a sly smirk to hide her lesbian panic.

“You’re so cool, those books are the best!” Luz felt her phone buzz and quickly responded to a text, “I’ve gotta head out, sorry! The band’s leaving. Shoot me a text, we should hang sometime, Hecate.” The drummer gave another wink as she scurried down the steps.

Amity stood there in stunned silence. There was no way this could be happening. She just got an exclusive Hexsquad shirt? She had conversations with not one, but two of the members? A hot drummer girl called her HECATE??

Amity: girls, holy fuck

Notes:

the meet-cute of the century!! i'm so excited to write more of the Hexsquad, they're a bunch of goofs

here are the songs featured in this chapter:

from All of the Misery, Banshee Howl's fourth studio album:
- "Call it Karma" by Silverstein: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRaaxZx6KBg
- "A Favor House Atlantic" by Coheed and Cambria: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcrCoHFUML0
- "The Music or the Misery" by Fall Out Boy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-qC4HNOs8c

from Wild Magic, the debut EP by The Hexsquad:
- "Clairvoyant" by The Story So Far: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7FauV3MIUU
- "Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over" by Fall Out Boy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1knIxreHqY
- "Things I Can't Change" by The Story So Far: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3ARZTR_Ju8
- "Nerve" by The Story So Far: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOP5Po1EXG0
- "Hold Your Breath" by A Loss For Words: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL8i-1mJKqo

unreleased song by The Hexsquad:
- "Pretty Things" by Like Roses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t57irz7CYFI

follow me on tumblr (@gekki) for fic updates!! thanks so much for reading!

Chapter 3: The Glass

Summary:

The first day of classes begins and Amity is given an unexpected offer, one that puts in her in territory she'd never thought she'd be in...

"I made the best of what I thought was impossible..."

special thanks to my friend @flowercrownknight for being my beta reader for this fic!

The girls arrived back at their dorm safely that night. Skara needed a bit of assistance making it back, but she did, in fact, make it out with the kiss and a dance she hoped for. “God, you two should have seeeeeeeeen her!!” Skara flopped onto the couch in their dorm, her hands over her heart, “beautiful blue eyes, gorgeous and flowing brown hair, UGH! What a beauty.”

“Did you get her name or number?” Viney asked.

“I think her name was…Sarah? Savannah? I think I got her Insta? Oh well!” She turned over on her side, “I’m sure I’ll see her agaaaaaaain!” Skara hummed. Amity always thought Skara was adorable when she was drunk, just as long as she didn’t have to hold her hair back while she threw up from drinking too much.

“Soooo, Amity,” Viney turned to the goth as Skara shut her eyes and dreamt of the pretty cheerleader, “tell us all about Luz!”

“OHMIGOSH!” Skara sat back up, almost as if she sobered up for a brief second, “tell us!!”

Amity chuckled, she hadn’t talked about it much out of the shock of what happened. It felt so surreal and…magical? She hated being cheesy, but it was hard to find a different way to describe it. “She was so goofy,” Amity giggled once again, “I gave her my Instagram and she noticed the Good Witch Azura quote I had in my bio. Apparently she reads those books, too. Then, she gave me this,” Amity unrolled the Hexsquad shirt she had under her flannel, prompting ooh’s and aah’s out of her friends. “I don’t even know if I should be wearing this out in public. This is their first shirt ever apparently!”

“Are you, like, a groupie now?!” Skara hiccuped.

“Let’s not get crazy, it’s not like I’m throwing myself at Luz.”

“I’m sure you want to, though, right?” Viney raised an eyebrow.

“...a little,” Amity admitted, “I wanna take it slow, though! I’ll DM her tomorrow, keep it casual for right now.”

“If you need help, I GOT you, girlie!!” Skara hiccuped once more before throwing herself back onto the couch, closing her eyes again. Amity and Viney laughed quietly and slowly picked their friend up, bringing her back to her bed and carefully laying her on her side. As the two made their way back to their rooms for the night, Viney caught Amity’s attention.

“By the way, Blight,” Amity turned around at Viney’s remark, “do be careful, alright?”

“I don’t think someone like Luz from Hexsquad is gonna do the same shit some creepy white boy did to me tonight,” Amity laughed off Viney’s concern before noticing her friend was still staring at her.

“You know that’s not what I’m referring to.”

There was a pause and the two looked at each other. Amity knew exactly what she meant as she processed the solemn expression on Viney’s face. She felt herself match it. There was a brief moment in which she processed a fragment of all that she hadn’t. All of what she did, what she said. But, why truly process it when you can just forget about it, right? “I think I know.” Viney could sense the struggle behind Amity’s eyes and offered her arms out for a hug. Like a magnet, she flew right into her arms and buried her head into Viney’s shoulder.

“We don’t have to talk about it, but just remember to be careful at the very least, OK?”

Amity could only nod her head into Viney’s shoulder. If she said anything, then the tears carefully locked away behind her eyes would come rushing out. After a few seconds of silence, Amity pulled away and sighed. “I’m gonna get some sleep. Love you, Viney.” Expressing their love to each other was common for the girls. If Amity had platonic soulmates, these two girls were them, for sure.

“Love you too, dude.” Viney pulled her in for one more hug and kissed her head.

Back in her room, Amity slowly changed into her pajamas, pondering all that happened and was said that night. It was a tidal wave of good things after such a dreary summer, and yet it still felt like it wasn’t enough to patch whatever hole was there over her heart. That hole felt so hollow and she didn’t understand it. I need to get some sleep, she thought to herself, blaming her wandering mind on the remnants of alcohol still in her system. When she went to check her phone before charging it for the night, she was met with a message on Instagram:

Luz N: hope you got back to your place safe! hope to see you around campus, Hecate ;) we should get coffee at Angelo’s sometime soon

Amity hesitated to respond, she was so tired and didn’t want to rush things, but why the hell not?

Amity Blight: i did :) we totally should! i’ll let you know when i’m free, Azura :P

 

Classes started a few days later. Amity found herself in the student center lobby sitting at a small table as she waited for the hour to pass for her next class. Early on Tuesdays were her US Literature II and Queer Literature courses, then in the afternoon she had German II to complete her language requirements. Amity Blight was an excellent student: 4.0 GPA, always contributed to class discussions, and always completed her schoolwork early and often. With syllabus week, though, she took her time to lounge and people-watch in the student center. She’d usually be listening to some lo-fi study music to focus, but instead opted for, of course, whatever Banshee Howl album called to her that day. She opted to listen through their 2004 album Gendered Curse. Amity loved autumn, and felt it was the “most autumn” of their catalog in terms of vibes including songs like the fan favorite “Bite to Break Skin” and “War All The Time,” the latter of which she felt was incredibly underrated.

People-watching was one of Amity’s favorite hobbies, especially on the first day of classes. It was adorable to see some of the wide-eyed freshmen try to figure out where to go and how to navigate the student center for lunch. She was nervous about potentially catching Boscha’s attention if she somehow wandered into here, but the music in her headphones kept her nerves at bay. She turned to her laptop to scroll through Tumblr, liking and reblogging various posts about her favorite bands and shows. This distracted her, however, from the figure that approached and sat right across from her.

“Hey! Amity, right?” It was none other than Hunter from Hexsquad. It was odd to see him without a guitar strapped to his shoulders or a mic in front of his face. It was even stranger to see his face in actual lighting and not the dim string lights of a house party.

“Yeah, that’s me,” Amity smiled. She wasn’t surprised that he approached her. Amity and Luz had been talking a bit the last few days, sharing their takes on the Azura series or sending funny posts to each other. She didn’t tell much to her friends, but Luz seemed like the type to gush.

“Nice to formally meet you, how’s your first day going?” Hunter leaned against the table and put his backpack between his legs.

“Not bad, I have my last class of the day in about half an hour. You?”

“Not bad either. The ceramics studio was renovated over the summer, so I’m excited to go there next.”

“You’re an art major?”

“Yeah! I do a lot of sculpting and carving in my free time. Art/Education double major, to be specific, hoping to become an art teacher.”

“Looks like we’ll both be teachers. I’m an English and secondary ed major.”

“Nice!” Hunter held onto the word with a wide smile, “Y’know, when I saw you from afar, I wasn’t 100% sure it was you. I’m a lot more used to seeing you in much more punk attire.”

It was rare for Amity to not wear a band t-shirt or some kind of ripped jeans. Today, she wore a black tank-top with an eagle design and a black skirt. “I feel like this is more formal punk, y’know? You must’ve not seen the shoes, either,” she poked her foot out to reveal her white Converse high-tops.

“You make a great point!” he laughed, pointing at the aforementioned shoes. “Thanks for coming to the show the other night, by the way,” Hunter continued, “Wyll was telling me he recognized you from past shows, so it was nice to see someone as excited as you up front and center.”

Amity felt herself blush a bit, “aw, thanks! I hadn’t had the chance to until that night, so it was a long time coming.”

“Yeah, you gotta get there as early as you can. I always go to concerts early cuz I love being up front.”

Amity nodded, “me too. With the house shows it was more like my ex didn’t like being too up close, so since I was by myself I didn’t have to worry about being glued next to someone.”

“That’s good! You’ve got a solid singing voice, too” Amity noticed Hunter veering around the topic of Boscha. She hadn’t realized she brought that whole fiasco up.

“Thank you! I don’t know if screaming along counts as ‘solid,’ but I appreciate it.”

“Nah, you were definitely singing your heart out. A lot more on-pitch than anyone else in that crowd, too.”

Amity was floored to be complimented by a talented vocalist like Hunter. She could barely hear herself when the speakers were blasting, did she really sound that good? “You’re very kind,” she gave a shy smile.

“This is…a weird offer,” Hunter leaned forward, “and you don’t have to say yes: I’ve been wanting to find someone who could be a new lead vocalist for The Hexsquad and was wondering if you’d want to give it a shot.”

Amity froze, “you’re serious? Why?”

“I like doing it, but I’ve been struggling a bit when it comes to both playing guitar and singing. That and I don’t really have a whole lot of vocal training. I don’t know about you, but if I did that on a regular basis I’d be nervous about my voice getting blown out.”

“I…” would it be right to accept this? What did Hunter find in her that he couldn’t do? Sure, he had his reasons, but she was just Amity. “You really think I could be a frontman? Or, frontwoman, I guess.”

“Always worth trying something new, right?” Hunter smirked, “all I’m saying is: I heard you sing, and you’ve got some pipes.”

Amity tried to imagine it in her head: her standing on a stage with a microphone in head, hyping up the crowd, belting her favorite songs- no, belting her songs. It sounded so terrifying…yet exhilarating. “Sure, why not?” Amity once again kept up her cool persona. Internally, she once again was freaking out.

“Awesome! We usually practice on Thursdays at Wyll’s place, I’ll give you my phone number.” The two exchanged contact info and he texted her the address, it seemed that the bassist was already from Glassboro as the address was in the more suburban area of the city. “I’ve gotta head to my class, see you Thursday?”

“See you then, Hunter.” The blonde stood up and reached out a fist to Amity, to which she gave it a small bump as she chuckled. Hunter always looked so cool when performing, but after learning more about Luz, she’s not surprised Hunter was a dork, too.

Amity had about ten minutes until she had to get moving again. She stared at her computer blankly, mulling over what she agreed to. However, a rush of inspiration when “Seven Years,” her favorite track off Gendered Curse, began playing. Amity wasn’t sure if she’d have to begin writing her own lyrics, but something compelled her to take out a small journal she kept in her bag and begin writing.

“This body’s closed until further notice
Wandering too close will get you nowhere fast
I’m looking for an option that won’t involve you at all
Some help to hoist my sail off of its mast”

 

Amity’s classes finished for the week late Thursday afternoon. She didn’t have to be at Wyll’s until 6, so she got herself a small dinner and stopped at her dorm to change her outfit. She decided to switch things up with an Abomobeast t-shirt this time around. The other 20% of her wardrobe needed some love, too. This one was all black with the Abomobeast band logo: the band’s name written in an almost impossible to read font over an illustration of a kaiju-like monster.

“Lookit you, Hexsquad’s new vocalist!” Viney leaned against Amity’s doorframe, watching the goth fix up her winged eyeliner.

“Ehhhh, we’ll see,” Amity smiled through her uncertainty. She patted down her shirt and tucked it into her jeans, “how do I look?”

“Punk.”

“Well, yeah, but is this a good outfit for a band practice?”

“You think I have experience going to band practice?”

“AH!! Amity, you look so cute!!” Skara burst into the room and hugged Amity, “you’re gonna absolutely kill it today! I can’t wait to see you play at those house shows!”

“Provided you’re not flirting with more cheerleaders you barely remember, of course,” Amity teased as Skara pouted.

The drive to Wyll’s was only about fifteen minutes, he lived on the edge of town closer to Pitman in a cute ranch house. The house had a gay pride flag coupled with a New Jersey state flag hanging just outside the front deck. Whoever his parents were seemed awesome. When she rang the doorbell, she could hear the sounds of laughter and could see through the window a game of Super Smash Bros. on the TV. Shortly after was when the door opened.

“Hey there! Come on in!” Gus was the one to open the door.

Amity didn’t get the chance to speak with him before today, so she was excited to now have met all of them, “thanks! Nice to meet you, by the way. I love your work,” Amity didn’t intend for that last bit to come out, but she was obsessed with how well Gus wrote the band’s music.

“Aw, you’re too sweet! Hey guys, Amity’s here!” Gus led Amity into the living room. Everyone welcomed her in as she saw Wyll and Hunter on a couch together, Luz in a chair to one side, and Gus sitting himself down on the other side of the couch. There was another chair right next to Luz that Amity sat herself in.

“Good to see you, Hecate,” Luz didn’t look away from the screen as her and Hunter duked it out as the last two standing in the match of Smash Bros., but Amity was sure Luz could sense her blushing.
Wyll giggled at Luz, “you’re such a nerd. How was the drive, Amity?” Wyll’s arm was around Hunter in a manner that was a bit more than platonic.

“Oh, it was fine. It was a straight shot over here. Your house is so cute!” The interior of Wyll’s home was filled with pictures of him and his dads, colorful walls, antique figures scattered across the shelves, and a plethora of plants on the windowsills.

“When we finish this match, we’ll head down to the basement to practice. Unless you want in on this before we do so!” Hunter smirked, but quickly locked his eyes on the screen as he was down to his last life. He was playing as Ganondorf while Luz played as Cloud.

“Sure, I haven’t played these games in a long time, but it looks fun.”

“You can take my controller,” Wyll handed off the old Gamecube controller to Amity, “the rest of them are much better than I am.” Luz swiftly ended the match with a move off-stage and laughed in Hunter’s face. The two picked the same characters for the next match, Gus picked Mega Man, and Amity picked Pikachu (one of the few characters she recognized.) Even though she barely remembered the controls, the laughter and screaming from the bandmates was infectious and had her belly-laughing the whole time. Few people could ever get Amity to laugh this hard, so she already felt comfortable being around these people. Gus won the final match before the group gathered themselves and retreated to the basement.

Amity felt like she was walking into a restricted area as she bore witness to the Hexsquad’s practice space. It’s not like the room had a creepy or haunted vibe, the vibe was great! It was the fact that she came here to practice as part of a band. String lights lit up the room as the band picked up their instruments, plugging them into the speakers. Luz’s drum kit sat below a makeshift flag with the same logo on Amity’s new shirt.

“Is that also some upcoming merch?” Amity asked, pointing at the flag.

“Oh yeah!” Gus responded, “we’ve got that, the shirt, and a hat idea too, right?”

“Yeah, the hat has just the cardinal on it,” Wyll answered. Amity knew she needed both the flag and the hat as soon as possible.

“Alrighty, so,” Hunter started as he tuned his guitar, “from the impression I got, you basically have all of our lyrics memorized, correct?”

“Of your released material, yeah,” Amity wasn’t afraid to hide the fact that she was a fangirl. Her hyperfixation was actually helping her this time.

“Perfect, let’s try playing through Wild Magic front to back then, yeah?” He gave a thumbs up motion to the band and they all agreed, Amity included.

Gus turned to face Amity, “if you need help at any points, there are some cues for the vocals in my guitar riffs. I can let you know when they come up if you need any help.”

“Yeah, sure! I appreciate it.” Even though Amity had listened to every song numerous times, she understood performing the songs was a different beast than just singing along to them.

Gus let his guitar ring as Luz counted in the intro for “Things I Can’t Change.” Amity could feel the drums and bass in her chest as she began to focus hard, counting the beats and listening for the guitar riffs that began the first verse. Once the moment came, she put her all into it:

“This twitch in my fingers, love/hate it lingers
Sent it direct but the point must’ve missed her
Gave up and lost ‘cuz of timing and pressure
And now I’m gone”

Amity heard Luz yell “WOO!” as she played the drum fill that led into the chorus. A smile came across Wyll’s face as well.

“Lie alone, it’s all you can do now
And hear me drone about the things I can’t change
Lie alone, it’s all you can do now
And hear me, hear me drone on my own”

Amity’s confidence was increasing exponentially, which only improved her performance. At first, she was visualizing it almost like she was singing karaoke, but by the time the song ended she’d fully enveloped herself in the idea of performing on a stage for a crowd of hundreds. Would she ever get to that level? Who knows, but what mattered was that the energy she needed was there.

“Hell yeah! Good shit!” Hunter applauded for Amity and the rest of the band joined. Amity couldn’t help but smile and laugh, her cheeks redder than a tomato. “You wanna keep going?”

“For sure,” Amity took a quick swig of water and a deep breath. Her vocal range was in an alto range, so when the notes were high for Hunter to sing it was in a perfectly comfortable range for her. This allowed her to feel even more confident with putting her own spin on some melodies that the band seemed to enjoy. Once they’d finished playing through the EP with “Clairvoyant” at the tail end of it all, Hunter grabbed a notebook that sat on a chair next to him.

“These are the lyrics to some of the songs we haven’t released yet, wanna try one of these today? I noticed you’d picked up on some lyrics, so I can point out some of the melodies to you.”

“Definitely!” Amity felt herself perk up like a cat, “what’s the one that has the line ‘I made the best of what I thought was impossible’? That one’s probably my favorite, but I never catch the name.”

“‘The Glass’!” Luz pointed her drumstick toward Amity, “I fucking love that one.”

“It’s cuz she gets to play really fast,” Gus whispered to Amity, to which the latter giggled at the drummer’s enthusiasm.

Hunter spent some time going over how the words fit into the melodies of each part of the song, slowly adding more instruments in the band as they went along. It felt almost like putting pieces of a puzzle together. Amity felt herself navigating where each piece went, some much easier than others, but they eventually came together in one perfect picture.

“Your glare is the faintest, no brightness to show
I made the best of what I thought was impossible
And you were the spade I used to dig this hole
Blister my skin to the bone.”

“The Glass” was slowly becoming one of her favorites from The Hexsquad. She got distracted a few times by Luz’s drumming, there was so much passion behind every snare hit, every fill, even the little stick twirls she’d add in while she waited for the next big crash. It reminded her exactly of Manny Noceda from Banshee Howl, though it made sense considering that Luz was also a fan of the band.

“This might be one of your best songs,” Amity commented as the band started packing up their things. “Gus, I absolutely love that opening riff. It’s got such an intense feel to it that I can see crowds moshing to it immediately.”

Gus put his arms out and turned to the rest of the band, “see guys? I’m a fucking musical genius.”

“You’re acting like we were doubting your writing,” Wyll cracked back.

“You think I’m not gonna indulge in someone gassing me up?” The bandmates laughed as Gus turned back to Amity, “for real, though, I really appreciate that! I put a lot of work into it.”

“Amity, would you want to come to the recording studio in Wilson Hall tomorrow with Luz and I?” Hunter asked. Amity had rarely stepped foot in the music building aside from the occasional Student Government Association meeting in the Pfleeger Auditorium. “I was thinking maybe we could see how your voice could sound on a recording with our songs. My aunt’s one of Luz’s professors and helped record our EP, so you can meet her as well.”

“I’m done with classes for the week, so that sounds good to me!”

 

Amity met up with Luz and Hunter at their dorm in the Edgewood apartments on the north side of campus. Even though it was early September, Autumn was slowly creeping in and Amity had her full flannel plus jeans fit on to match the weather. As she waited for the two outside, though, the breeze kept sending chills down her spine. Fuck, I should’ve brought a sweatshirt.

Luz met her first, “Hunter will be out in a sec! He slept in a bit.” Luz paused and noticed Amity’s shivering, “oh damn, you’re freezing! Lemme get a jacket for you.”

“Oh, that’s-” Luz was already halfway up the stairs before Amity could finish her sentence. Amity felt herself blush in the past week more than she had in the past few years, there was something about that Luz…

“Here ya go!” Luz hopped down the steps with a black sweatshirt in hand, “I picked out a Banshee Howl one for you, too.” Amity opened the sweatshirt and instantly identified it.

“Holy shit, was this from the secret show at Starland when they released Lost in the Pinelands?” Amity was in shock. Banshee Howl frequented Starland Ballroom in Sayreville and used it as the location for a secret album release show for their fifth album, Lost in the Pinelands, in 2009. It was hard to find good quality videos of the show on YouTube, but Amity couldn’t count on her hands how many times she’d watched them anyway. “What I would have given to be at that show…”

“Hell yeah it is! And you thought you were the only one with rare merch,” Luz nudged Amity’s shoulder. The drummer reminded her so much of Viney.

The trio made their way to Wilson once Hunter arrived. Amity would’ve known he’d slept in even if Luz didn’t tell him as he departed with them wearing just a hoodie and sweatpants, but she guessed if this professor was his aunt then there was already a level of familiarity there. The dichotomy between that and Amity’s freshly washed flannel and new jeans bothered her a tiny bit, but she had more important things to worry about.

Amity had friends who had classes in Wilson, as the building’s classroom space was used beyond just the music programs, but it was first time seeing the building outside of Pfleeger. It wasn’t anything special, but as they approached the recording studio, she was excited to see what she’d be working with. Stepping inside, she was met with a well-lit room with a large sound table and a spacious area with plenty of mics and recording tech.

“Hey, kiddos! This the new girl?” Amity was too distracted by the studio to notice the figure sitting toward the end of the soundboard, but when she looked in the direction of the voice speaking to her, she couldn’t believe her eyes. A woman in her late 40s sat in a rolling chair sipping on coffee from a mug that said ‘30 & Flirty.’ Her hair was large, bushy, and grey with faint hints of orange still remaining. Her eyes shimmered like gold and matched the gold tooth that peeked out of her mouth. Amity knew that face and voice anywhere. No way it was her, it couldn’t be!

Edalyn Clawthorne: guitarist and backing vocalist of Banshee Howl.

It was then that Amity fainted.

Notes:

guess who's heeeeeeeeeere!! as usual, here are the new songs featured in this fic:

From Gendered Curse, the second studio album by Banshee Howl:
- "Bite to Break Skin" by Senses Fail: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTNVQf5EXjc
- "War All the Time" by Thursday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FP1xQ4Xaz8
- "Seven Years" by Saosin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKEQjxeD8d4

Unreleased songs by The Hexsquad:
- "The Glass" by The Story So Far: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-yt7yUNvlQ

the song that Amity began to write will remain a secret until the time is right hehe :)

be sure to follow me @gekki on tumblr for fic updates!