Work Text:
Tsuno didn’t like the way she looked sometimes.
Don’t get her wrong, she loves her superhero outfit, she loves the bright shades of pink and blue that colored her hair, and she loves her color of her eyes, but on some days, she’d get this uneasy, uncomfortable feeling in her chest whenever she stared at her reflection in the mirror, a voice in her head whispering to her all of her imperfections.
Usually she’d be able to shrug it off and continue her day as normal, but on more harsher days, when the voice spoke colder, she didn’t feel comfortable enough to wear her beloved uniform, opting for comfy hoodies and sweaters that hid her figure instead.
On even harsher days, such as this one, Tsuno barely got her eyes open before she was hit with a wave of nausea that intensified when she got up and caught a glimpse of her bare arms, scars flickering across her limbs for all the world to see.
The scars that she had brought upon herself.
Tsuno immediately recoiled, wrapped her arms around her chest and closed her eyes to try and dissuade the ickiness she felt about her body, reminding herself over and over that she’s fine just the way she is.
But she wasn’t fine.
She hasn’t been fine for a long time, not since she poisoned her veins with deadly substances, tainting her being and ruining any sense of self-worth she had about her appearance.
Her nails dug into the blankets and she threw it over her shoulders, trying to hide under the layers of soft, fuzzy, fabric, but the unease remained, clawing at her chest and arms, a heaviness she didn’t have the strength to move.
Tsuno only poked out of the nest of covers to reach out for the large lion plushie that sat on the side of her bed, pressing it against her stomach and chest and buried her face into its fuzzy rose-colored mane.
The multiple layers of blankets combined with holding a fluffy stuffed animal created this thick, uncomfortable heat in the air, sweat stuck to her skin but she refused on leaving the safety of the makeshift nest, in fear that the disgust she felt about herself would intensify.
She felt pathetic, curling into a ball with her eyes shut, clinging to her plushie with all her might, shaking as the voice in her head that cruelly mocked her scars and insecurities continued to torment her, no matter how many times she pleaded for it to go away, it remained.
Time passed for what felt like hours, though it could’ve easily been minutes until Tsuno heard a soft chime from her phone, slowly getting up, she reached a blanket covered arm out and pulled the device closer, her chest aching as she read the message that appeared on the screen.
Hama Ran: Hey, you’re not at the dining hall yet
Hama Ran: Is everything okay?
Guilt clawed at her ribcage as she remembered she and Ran were going to cook breakfast together, Tsuno should be scrambling to get dressed and out the door but the idea of going outside and having people see her made her tremble.
So with shaky hands, she slowly messaged back.
Tsuno Manami: Sorry, I don’t feel well :(
Hama Ran: That sucks
Hama Ran: You want me to bring you breakfast?
She hesitated, not wanting Ran to see her in such a pitiful and loathsome state, but Tsuno knew she had to eat, no matter how gross she felt about herself, she couldn’t neglect basic necessities like food.
Besides, Ran loved her, he wouldn’t make any comments or say she looked awful, so with a confidence she did not fully feel, she typed her response.
Tsuno Manami: That’d be great!
Tsuno Manami: Just take a few minutes, alright? Still waking myself up n.n
Hama Ran: You got it
She closed the phone, took a deep breath, and got up from bed, chest aching, disgust tearing at her limbs, yet she did her best to ignore it as she needed to get ready. First, Tsuno went through her closet and pulled out a large, oversized hoodie that Miki had gotten her. It didn’t completely dissuade the discomfort but putting it on made it more manageable for her to walk around.
The superhero then spent the next few minutes preparing her room, turning the AC up, brushing tangles out of her hair, making sure to avoid the bathroom mirror, knowing that if she caught even a brief glimpse of herself in the mirror, it’d make everything worse.
By the time Hama knocked on her dorm, she had nestled back into her pile of blankets, placed her lion plushie on her lap, with the increased chilly air making her set-up more bearable. “The door's open!” She called, tugging the blankets around her shoulders, bracing for impact.
When Hama entered the door, it felt as though she was anticipating a storm, which felt ridiculous, the demonologist had been to her dorm plenty of times, why did it feel so nerve wracking now?
The unease pricking at her skin reminded her why, and her grip on the blankets tightened.
“Hey.” He greeted, carrying a tray containing onigiri and apple juice, wanting to keep things simple since Tsuno said she wasn’t feeling well.
“Hey Ran.” The superhero greeted back, giving him a warm smile that never failed to brighten his day. “Thanks for bringing food.”
“No problem.” He placed the tray on her nightstand, it’s only right that he gets breakfast for his under the weather girlfriend. It worried him when he heard she’s not feeling well, so of course he’d do anything to make her feel better.
While he was in the room, Hama had begun to pick up a few odd things, the strange chilliness and the fact Tsuno was drenched in blankets, initially he assumed her heater was busted but a glance at the AC told him no, which only added to his confusion.
As he watched Tsuno reach for the breakfast, he noticed the way the blankets were draped around her shoulders, the oversized hoodie, the fact she had Mokusei, her lion plushie, nestled in her lap, which she only did when she was stressed out of her mind and needed something to hold onto.
It was like she was trying to hide herself from the world, and it worried him.
Hama waited until she finished eating before he spoke. “Manami?” She turned to look at him, he didn’t like seeing the nervousness in her eyes. “What’s going on?”
Tsuno initially dismissed him with a fake chuckle. “I’m okay, I just don’t feel well today, I’ll be feeling much better tomorrow, I promise!” But she still hid amongst the blankets, not quite meeting his eyes.
It scared him seeing her so withdrawn and shy, it didn’t suit her at all. “Did something happen?” He spoke again, his tone gentler. “You can talk to me if anything’s bothering you, I’ll listen.”
Tsuno hesitated on opening her mouth about the discomfort, the fact that she sometimes felt uncomfortable in her own body, that she couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed because everything was overwhelming and she hated feeling so disgusted about herself.
But she didn’t want to lie to him, she couldn’t, and she figured Hama should get an explanation for why she suddenly cancelled their breakfast plans, he deserved the truth at the very least.
She hugged her lion plushie close to her chest. “I just sometimes wake up and don’t feel… Myself.” Each word weighed heavily on her throat like bile.
Hama frowned. Yourself?” He took a seat beside her, yet made no gestures to move close, wanting to respect her space.
“I don’t like how I look in the mirror, my brain just keeps reminding me of how gross and ugly I look and that I completely ruined my body because of the stuff I did when I was younger, it’s fine most days but sometimes I just-” Tsuno sighed, taking a moment to brush away the tears that were building in her eyes. “It’s just… a lot right now, and I didn’t wanna go outside because I don’t want people to see me, I’m sorry for cancelling our plans out of the blue, I promise I’ll make it up to you I just-”
Hama held up a hand and she paused. “You don’t have to say sorry Manami, you’ve got nothing to apologize for.” His words felt soothing against the aches nestled in her heart. “You okay if I touch you?” She nodded, somewhat surprised by the request, but it didn’t bother her.
He slowly extended his arm forward, Tsuno jolted a little as it landed on her shoulder and he pulled her close, her head pressed against his chest and his arms placed protectively on her back.
A bubbly warmth filled her entire being from his touch, driving back the negative thoughts tainting her mind and infecting her skin, the warmth intensifying as his hands rubbed soothing circles into her back and she practically melted in his strong arms.
“I’m really proud of you for telling me what’s going through your head, that took a lot of strength.” Hama’s voice was soft and oh so sweet, like cotton candy. “If you need someone to talk to on those bad days, I’ll be there, you don’t have to deal with this by yourself anymore.” The sincerity in his voice brought tears to her eyes.
How'd she get so lucky having someone so sweet and protective?
Tsuno had the courage to glance up and meet his gaze, touched by the love and adoration she saw staring back at her. “Thanks Ran, that means so much to me.” She nuzzled into his chest, sniffling. “Love you.”
“L-Love you too.” He stammered like he always did whenever she said she loved him, it was adorable.
He continued to cradle her in his arms, she felt brave enough to shed the layer of blankets, leaning forward, Tsuno planted a kiss on the side of his cheek. “I feel a lot better with you being here.” It was easier to fight back against that voice of doubt, it couldn’t hurt her anymore, not with Ran by her side.
“I’m glad.” He certainly liked seeing her in a brighter mood. “You uh, mind if I get under the covers? It’s fucking freezing in here…”
She had forgotten she cranked up the AC, then again she was surrounded by blankets so it served as a barrier against the cold. “Right, sorry!” Tsuno got to work wrapping Hama in the same safety nest she had settled herself into. “Is that better?”
“Yeah, but you know what’d help make things warmer…?” There was a strange, yet mischievous glint in his eyes.
It took her more than she’d like to admit to realize what he implied, after-all she had done the same thing on several occasions. “Well I wouldn’t mind…” Tsuno hummed, closing the gap and pressing her lips against Hama’s own, his hands settled comfortably on her waist while her own hands settled on his back.
Heat flared on her face even though this was one of their more modest kisses, but the love poured into it was just as powerful and for the first time since waking up, Tsuno felt good about herself.
They parted after a while, a bit out of breath, but their hearts were content. She tilted her head down, pressing a few kisses against the side of Hama’s neck, he sputtered, his grip on her tightening. “Y-You gotta stop scaring me like that…” She glanced up and yep his face was yet again a blushing mess.
Tsuno giggled, then placed a kiss on his lower jaw. “But you like it when I surprise you.”
“You’re not wrong, but I ought to return the favor…” Hama retaliated by kissing her cheeks, her nose, and her lips, she felt her body warming up from each one, a sweet, fuzzy feeling encasing her chest and spreading to her limbs. “How’s that?”
“Perfect.” She whispered, nuzzling into the side of his neck, practically in his lap, their legs tangled together, a comfortable warmth shared between them.
Hama chuckled, kissing the top of her head. “I’m glad.” He then tugged the blankets closer and lied down, still keeping his grip on Tsuno as the two remained close. “You wanna stay like this for awhile?”
She responded by leaving one last kiss to his cheek, before resting her head on the top of his chest. “Yeah, I’d like that…” Tsuno murmured, feeling quite safe where she was.
There was still that lingering feeling of unease that haunted her nerves and gave her stomach nausea, but it felt less potent as she focused on Hama’s comforting embrace, his touch banishing those thoughts of discomfort.
Her eyes grew heavy, her grip softened, she felt a strong pair of hands trace gentle circles onto her back, the sound of a heartbeat from the one that loved and cherished her lulled her to sleep, her mind felt at peace.
So Tsuno rested easily, knowing that if those discomforting thoughts ever returned… Hama would be there to banish them once more.