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If you asked Zayne, he would say that the first semester of college has been fun.
He found comfort in perfectly planned-out schedules and sought solace in repetition. Research papers on weekdays, accompanied by a coffee that contained a bit too much cream and sugar, just how he likes it. Then more books but with less demanding topics on weekends, such as the least confusing philosophy book and the least cringey teen fiction one could find in a library. Or perhaps movies from illegal sites—the only form of subscription he could afford as a student. A breather from all the biology he’s been reading throughout the whole week. Then comes Monday, and everything restarts.
He had one problem, though. Or would it be more correct to say that there are two of them?
The only decent housing near the campus he could find was a two-bedroom furnished apartment, just a fifteen-minute walk away from the campus. Kitchen was just okay, and there was a dining space, though whoever designed the layout must have struggled to fit the two chairs and one table into the cramped space. There were no issues with stuff like electricity or plumbing. They even provided a television, which sits in front of the broken-down couch in the living room with a shabby red rug that sticks out like a sore thumb.
The problem lies in how the largest bedroom is already occupied by two engineering students that he had to share the flat with, Caleb from mechanical and Sylus from electrical. They were a part of this band that apparently already made a name for themselves within such a short period of time by performing in crappy bars nearby every Friday and Saturday night before they went back to being walking zombies attending to countless assignments and labs on weekdays. Zayne had to settle for the smaller one, which was definitely far from spacious. Though it was just perfect for his small wardrobe, it was definitely a little too small for the books required for his lectures and enrichment. (Again, referring to his twisted idea of what fun means.)
They were, well, okay as roommates. Zayne doesn’t really get out of his room often, so he hasn’t given himself the chance to know them more than just exchanging awkward smiles. From the short conversation Caleb once ignited in a late Sunday morning where Sylus chose to sleep in, Zayne learned that they've known each other since high school. They were always out and about, and that was the reason why they thought sharing a bedroom wouldn’t be that much of a problem. They rarely run into each other anyway since they spend most of their time outside, and when they don't feel like sharing a bed, or when their ongoing projects pile up and took up the entirety of the left side, Sylus would just crash on the couch.
What Caleb said was true, though. They mostly spend their time outside, probably occupied with both their equally demanding majors and things like band practices and stuff. Zayne only ran into them on certain mornings, for instance, when they chose to skip class and watch pre-recorded football matches on television. Caleb would sit on the sofa, and Sylus would be watching from behind the kitchen island as he scraped the burnt part of the toast he made for breakfast.
So, where does the problem lie exactly, you may ask?
That’s the problem. Zayne had no idea what his problem was.
At first, Zayne thought that he was just too accustomed to loneliness that having to share his space with two people was too big of a problem. That’s why he had to confide in the only people he ever talked to in class, Greyson and Vivienne.
Nothing much can be told about how they ended up hanging out as a group of three. Greyson happened to be a typical studious guy, and it’s natural for both of them to stick together, though, well, you can say that Greyson was blessed with better social skills compared to the other. And Vivienne was the bubbly girl who started sitting next to the both of them during the second week, and eventually started inviting herself to lunch because apparently she enjoyed their company.
The conversation concerning his roommate troubles was first brought up during lunch on a regular Monday.
“Wait, are you saying it’s that Sylus and Caleb? The one from that something-space band everybody’s been talking about?”
“Deepspace,” Zayne replied, feeding himself another mouthful of the cafeteria’s famous caramel pudding he managed to lay his hands on, “Yeah, of course you know them. Everyone does.”
As much as he despised the fact, he knew more about Deepspace than he would like to admit. He has surface-level knowledge about the four members—Sylus, Caleb, a really chill dude from computer science named Xavier, and a very popular guy from English studies named Rafayel. He hasn’t got the chance to meet them in person, and he only heard about them from when his roommates decided to take their discussions about songs to perform to the living room, and he couldn’t help but overhear due to the poor soundproofing.
From those conversations, he could infer that this whole band thing was never serious. The girls just happen to like them, and they keep getting invitations to play a song or two at house parties, which eventually led to more offers from pubs and bars. They're just a bunch of dudes who hang out together and happen to play instruments. who never actually practiced for any performance. All of their jamming sessions in studios are purely done for fun, and the songs they play are decided by the shuffle button, taking one of the tracks in their combined playlist. Oh, Zayne also heard that apparently, people can pay them in booze.
“So, what exactly is the problem here?” Vivienne said, twirling the spoon with her fingers before stealing a bite from Zayne’s pudding. She giggled as a groan slipped through Zayne’s gritted teeth. “No, but, seriously! I mean, you could move out if it’s too much of an issue, but based on what you’ve told us… there hasn’t been… any issue?”
To that Greyson added, “Yeah, exactly. Seems like they’re trying to be friendly with you and they’re not necessarily being too much.”
And to that question, Zayne squinted.
“I guess you could say that, but—hey, Vi, if you wanted this so much, you should’ve gotten one yourself. ”
“Alright, alright sorry!” Vivienne quickly apologized before she succeeded in stealing another bite. That wasn’t the only reason why Zayne decided to give her the stink eye, though.
Perhaps it was also because he didn’t know the answer to that question.
What is it about them that made him so oddly irritated?
Okay, they could cause too much ruckus at times by bickering way too loudly in their rooms. Sylus would sometimes practice to songs of old pop punk bands using his drum pads, and Caleb sometimes would sing while playing his guitar in broad daylight. They would leave apologies using sticky notes after doing so, though. Then Sylus would give him some random snack he grabbed from the convenience store, and sometimes Caleb would even offer to make breakfast for him the next morning. Which was kind of sweet.
And, well, their room was… quite boyish. Zayne would take a peek whenever they ordered Chinese together to give Sylus his honey walnut shrimp and Caleb’s orange chicken, both with a side of cream cheese rangoons. It was far from being clean, with books and CD cases piling up on top of their desk. The floor would always be covered in Sylus’ favorite hoodies, along with Caleb’s wide variety of tank tops that he could barely see the surface. Even Caleb would stumble on his own steps whenever he walked to fetch their order, muttering a short ‘thank you!’ after almost tripping for the third time.
It usually only lasted for two weeks, before both of them eventually got fed up with all the scattered dirty socks and plaid flannels they hardly knew belonged to who anymore. Their room would be clean and they would neatly place the folded laundry in their wardrobe for a week, before it returned to its original state. Well, at least they tried to keep it clean, the best that they could.
So, no problem, right?
Right.
Then what was it exactly that made his heart race so fast whenever they tried to talk to him, and drove him to the brink of insanity as he tried to flip through pages of a book he hardly cared about?
***
It was midnight, and Zayne's eyes were glued to the TV screen.
He had stopped paying attention a long time ago, but he couldn't stop watching because he didn't have anything better to do. He finished his assignments early. On top of that, his professor rescheduled tomorrow's morning class to a later date, so there was clearly no reason for his stupid ass to drink coffee at 7 PM and end up with a random burst of energy for the rest of the night. With the remote in his hand, he mindlessly went through different channels, mourning his poor decisions as he struggled to find a half-decent late-night show.
He was about to give up and return to his room when he heard footsteps approaching. Sylus and Caleb were back.
They opened the door, and Zayne turned his head to find a wasted Caleb clinging onto Sylus’ shoulders for his dear life. Zayne forgot the rest of the details, but he could remember that they had mentioned the event was hosted by some guy from economics, and Caleb once said something about business majors being generous with the set of drinks they bring out at parties. He was probably making the most out of it, and that was how he ended up that way.
Before they left, they asked if Zayne wanted to tag along. It was probably done out of courtesy, since both of them knew what his answer would be. Although he was a bit curious about the band and wanted to check out what the rave is all about, he wasn't interested enough to drag his feet to a crowd where he didn’t belong.
He probably made a good choice by staying inside since just a bottle of beer would be enough to take him out, and he would end up putting Sylus through a lot more than he was facing now.
“He drank a bit more than usual,” Sylus said as he took off his leather jacket and revealed his slightly cropped black tank underneath, noticing that Zayne was staring. “Fuck, man, you’re heavy. Get off me for a sec.”
Sylus lightly pushed him to the side, and Caleb crashed on the couch, latching onto Zayne’s body. His head fell right to Zayne’s shoulders and made a place for himself at the crook of his neck as if it were the most natural thing to do. With the minimized distance between them, Zayne could smell a faint hint of booze and cigarettes on him. If he listened closely, he could also listen to Caleb’s steady heartbeats, not affected in one bit by the lack of personal space.
He was never this close with anyone before, so that must be why his heart was racing.
There was probably nothing more to it.
“Dude, I told you to get off of me, but that doesn’t mean you can be all over him.”
“Mm,” Caleb hummed in response, “I like this guy. He smells like cupcakes.”
Zayne could feel his cheeks heat up at the comment. He probably should’ve changed his cologne from long ago to something more age-appropriate, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so because he still liked the sweet scent of his old perfume. In his defense, it wouldn’t be a crime for a 20-year-old to smell like vanilla cake. Sure, he was right. It wouldn’t be a crime, but it definitely would be a bit embarrassing. And out of all people, Caleb has to be the person to point that out.
“Fine. Just bear with him for a minute.”
Before Zayne could ask what he should do with Caleb, Sylus disappeared to their shared bedroom. Judging by Caleb’s slouched back, he could slip away anytime, and Zayne was right—his upper body eventually slumped down. Almost folded in half, his head was now resting on Zayne's thighs.
He doesn’t usually wear shorts, but it’s been hot lately, and Zayne decided to wear them tonight because he thought he got the house all to himself. Sylus and Caleb usually return in the morning and Zayne thought he would be in bed before they’re back. So, he cursed himself for that choice as he could feel Caleb’s breath now—undeniably hot and heavy against his skin.
His heart was about to explode, and pretending like it wasn’t was the hardest thing he had ever done in his lifetime.
After what felt like an eternity, Sylus finally came back with cotton pads in one hand and a cleansing water in the other. He crouched down, now facing Caleb at eye-level, and shot a quick glance at Zayne.
“Hey, can you help me hold this guy’s head still?”
Zayne pressed a hand on Caleb’s head, who was now resting comfortably on his lap, and looked back at Sylus to ask for confirmation.
“Like this?”
“Yeah, good, or whatever. Would be better if you just hammer this guy’s head to the couch for being a pain in the ass, though. Thanks.”
It was something you’d easily miss, but Zayne paid more attention to both of them than he thought he did, and he could see how Sylus’ usually tense gaze always softened while looking at Caleb. The look on his face was the same look he saw when he peeked through the bedroom door they had left half-open earlier. They were helping each other get ready. Caleb spent minutes trying to make the strands on Sylus’ face fall in a chic way, and Sylus whined about him being too slow that he might not have time to do his makeup.
And now Sylus was wiping them off Caleb’s face. Starting from the smudged eyeliner, then to the sheer lip coat that was hardly visible.
Zayne wished he could look away, but he couldn’t help but stare.
A while ago, he was whining about having to drag Caleb all the way upstairs, but now he was strangely calm. No words were said. Just Sylus with a cotton pad on his hand, pressed against Caleb’s skin, trying to reach the curves and edges of his perfectly sculpted face.
Sylus must’ve noticed that Zayne’s eyes were fixed on him, so he glanced at him with one eyebrow slightly raised.
“Is something wrong?”
“No,” Zayne shook his head awkwardly in response to the question, “Just…you two must be very close. Good thing he has you to take care of him.”
“Well, yeah. I have known him for quite a while, so I have to. I’m the one his granny would call if things ever went down.” He shrugged. “And just so you know, we don't always wear make-up for this exact reason. Because one of us will be out drunk—it’s him for the most part—and the other will have to do the tedious work of scraping mascaras.”
“If you didn’t care, you would’ve just let him sleep in the makeup.”
Sylus glared at him.
“Sorry. I was just wondering.”
“Nah, I’m not mad. Just kind of freaks me out that you’re insinuating that I care about him. Not that I don’t, but it’s a given. Like I said, I'm the first person his pops would call if something happens. And the first person he'll yell at if he woke up with new pimples."
Zayne just nodded his head. He had no intention to push it further.
“Was tonight’s party something, like, special, then? Since you’re wearing makeup and flashy jackets and all. I noticed that you usually just wear the same fit you show up to classes in.”
“They just happened to have a theme tonight. Everyone was dressed like emos and we had to play a lot of alt-rock.”
“Was it fun?”
“Yeah, of course. This guy totally killed it. I didn’t catch it on camera or anything, so I don’t have proof. Too bad you weren’t there to witness it. We were pretty good.”
“No, but seriously, you smell really nice,” Caleb said out of the blue, his words slurring as if he were half-asleep.
“Are you hearing yourself? You sound like a creep.”
“I was, like, half-asleep already. But you decided to repeatedly poke my eyes. I’m convinced it was on purpose.”
Caleb shrieked when Sylus pinched him in the nose. Then he got up, gathered his things, and forced Caleb to take his hand. Although he was reluctant to, Caleb eventually took Sylus’ hand because he wouldn’t stop bumping his knee against his head. He struggled to stand on his feet at first, but he succeeded after a few more tries.
“We’re good to go. Come on, get up. Sleep on your own bed and stop bothering him.”
“Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Sy.”
Before Sylus dragged him away, Caleb turned his head to smile at Zayne.
“Thanks to you too, pretty nerd. You should come see us sometime when we play. Don’t sleep too late.”
Zayne felt his stomach churn.
He wasn’t sure if it was a good sign or the complete opposite.
Nothing anybody said or did ever made him feel that way, and it wasn’t like Sylus or Caleb did anything in particular. This was a common occurrence. They would show up intoxicated like this almost twice a week, and they would exchange a few banters if Zayne happened to be in the kitchen for a late-night snack. Probably just to be nice, or just because Caleb was just like a puppy who thrives off interaction with humans, and Sylus was the one holding him with a leash.
But it would just last for a few minutes. After that they would return to their room, and Zayne would just go on with his night like usual.
Except this wasn’t usual.
Even for someone as literate as Zayne, he found it difficult to find the right word for the whirlwind of emotions raging inside him. It wasn’t ache, yet it wasn’t ease. It was a mix of everything and nothing at the same time.
Whatever it is, it drove him crazy for sure.
That night, he ended up losing sleep over it.
He woke up late the following morning. After he quickly brushed his teeth and got dressed, he picked up his backpack and headed to the kitchen for a quick bite. He expected to see his roommates there, yet his heart still dropped anyway.
“Morning, Zayne,” Sylus greeted him with a cup of hot coffee in his hand, “Do you want some? I’ll put sugar in it.”
“Too much sugar is not good for him.”
“Well, he likes it that way.”
Zayne was supposed to run a bit late, but he made it to class on time.
He ran all the way from his place to campus as if a dog was chasing after him, all just because he thought having his heart race from a little exercise would be a little easier to explain.
It’s scientific. It’s logical.
Clearly made way more sense than the fact that his heart was pounding just because his roommates remembered how he liked his coffee in the morning.
***
It’s just a regular Tuesday for Zayne. Although his class finished at 4 PM, he thought it would be a great idea to stop by the library and browse through books, so he did exactly that and ended up staying out pretty late.
At a glance, it would seem like a deliberate choice. Even Zayne could’ve fooled himself. But as he tried to focus on the collection of short stories he was holding in his hands, his brain suddenly replayed Sylus’ raspy voice he heard during their little exchange about the leaky faucet this morning. Vivid images of Caleb joining the conversation, still in his pajamas with his bed hair popped up in his mind as if that wasn’t enough.
He knew that he was going insane.
It dawned upon him that he was unconsciously doing all this to avoid coming home. For such a silly thing. For something that’s possibly not real.
So, Zayne placed the book back where it belonged and headed home. He had something to prove. First, that he wasn’t crazy. Second, that his roommates weren’t bothering him at all. Third, that things are completely fine and the three of them could continue existing within the same space.
The entire walk home, he hoped that both of them would be elsewhere. Maybe somewhere fun, somewhere more fitting than being stuck at the house they had to share with some loser. Whatever it is, he prayed to whatever higher being out there that they’re anywhere but home. Parties, bars, studios, anything works as long as it keeps them away from him.
But it seemed like the entire time he spent living as a good boy never impressed the lady of fortune. Without her on his side, he could faintly hear a familiar laughter when he almost reached the door. He was greeted by the sight of Caleb and Sylus on their dirty couch, wearing nothing but a pair of washed-out jeans, holding a slice of pizza in one hand and a canned beer in the other.
In a more ideal setting, Zayne is a master at damage control. He hardly shows any emotions to begin with—and his friends can vouch for that—so you could never catch him slipping. Nothing anybody said could get past his calm and composed facade, and no matter how affected he was by one’s words or actions, he would always be careful to never let it show. However, this was a whole different case.
Who knows all it took to get an actual reaction from Zayne was to show him his roommates half-naked with no precaution?
Zayne knew that the redness on his ears was bound to creep all the way to his cheeks soon, so he tried his best to shift his gaze somewhere else. The first candidate was the electric fan standing next to the TV, directly sending the breeze to the two guys sitting on the sofa. But then he found his eyes wandering to their tan skin. They were glistening with sweat, and his head started spinning, so he chose to stare at the pizza boxes on the ground instead.
He crossed his fingers and hoped both of them saw him as that much of a freak and understood how he would stand awkwardly on the doorway, watching the floor as if it were the most interesting thing ever.
“Oh, Zayne. You’re back. Our landlord sent the maintenance guy for the leaky faucet, and he’s taking a look at our ACs, too, while we’re at it. Probably will take a couple more minutes.”
“Is that so? That’s pretty quick.”
“Yeah. This place’s such a gem, I don’t think I’ll ever leave,” Sylus chuckled before kicking Caleb with his left foot, forcing the guy to fall to the other end of the couch, leaving a vacant spot for Zayne to sit in the middle. “We got a huge discount for three boxes. We thought we were that hungry, but turns out we couldn’t finish it. Sit with us for a bit.”
It would be impolite to turn them down, and Zayne ran out of fake reasons to avoid prolonged encounters with them, so he decided to comply and fit in the cramped space.
They were watching the same crappy dating show as yesterday. And the day before, and also the day before. He always thought they just tuned in for the sake of giggles, but now that he thought about it, they never missed a single episode. They were probably more invested than he thought they were. Zayne focused on the screen, thinking that if he tried getting into it, perhaps he could understand why they couldn’t stop watching.
Turns out that it’s hard to keep your eyes on a sad-looking middle-aged man in a hot tub when you’re squished between two absurdly attractive guys.
He could distinguish the waft of milk mixed with honey far too well from this distance. Sylus and Caleb probably shared the same products. He noticed that, other than his, there was only one soap and shampoo in their shared bathroom. If that was the case, it only made sense that they would have the same scent—and, oh, God, why was he digging too deep into their scents? Was that improper? Would they be freaked out if they knew that the whole time he was thinking about their scents?
“So, was it a long day for you? You usually don’t come home this late.”
Like a cat that just got caught scratching its nails on a piece of furniture, Zayne stared blankly at Caleb.
It took him a few seconds before giving a response.
“Uh, yeah,” he replied, “Kind of. Yours?”
“Supposed to be. But I skipped my afternoon class because I wasn’t feeling like it and Sylus was already home.”
“My class finishes before lunch. I didn’t skip mine.”
“You’re not better than me because you didn’t skip, Sy.”
Sylus shrugged and took a sip of his beer. He glanced at Zayne as he leaned against the couch, hand resting on the armrest.
“What about you? Did your class finish later than usual?”
Sylus asked, and from this side, Zayne could get a clearer look at his piercings on one side. Two on his lobe, one on the cartilage, and he would get glimpses of the one on his tongue each time he opened his mouth when he talked. Wait, what? Why was he spending way too much time than necessary studying the slivers of silver all over his roommate’s face, whom he claimed not to care so much about?
“No. I came home a bit late because I stopped by the library. I don’t have anything better to do.” Zayne replied shortly. Of course he doesn’t.
“If that’s the case, you should’ve just joined us. We can watch this shitty show together. I wonder which couple you’d be rooting for.”
Zayne had grown to notice Caleb’s habit of having to maintain eye contact whenever he’s talking to someone. That alone is already a big challenge for someone so socially inept like him. This time, it’s even worse when he’s faced with a topless Caleb who changed his position to face him on purpose. He had no choice but to look at his body.
His faded tan lines. His perfectly sculpted abs. His nipples, pierced on both sides.
This is a painful death. It would be easier if God just made the earth swallow him whole this instant.
“Do we still have some coke?” Zayne asked after clearing his throat.
“Ah, sorry. I think I drank the last one. I’ll put it on our grocery list. We still have some beer if you’d like.”
Vivienne once said that when it comes to Zayne, even the term ‘lightweight’ is an understatement. For someone who could get drunk on a bite-sized liqueur chocolate, of course, beers are a no-go. Zayne just stood up awkwardly and waddled towards the fridge, using the chance to escape.
“No, it’s good. I think I’ll just have an iced tea.”
Zayne took a ceramic mug from the cabinet. He wondered if it was just because he was flustered or if he was actually out of his mind, but he couldn’t find the box of teabags at its usual spot. He could swear that it always sits on top of the microwave along with the maple syrup and some mason jars filled with jam.
Just when he was about to turn his head and ask, Caleb was already right behind him. His chest was right in front of his face, and it took every willpower in him to stare at the dog tag instead of the piercings as Caleb reached out for the top shelf of the cabinet. He retrieved a teabag and a plastic container with Sylus’ bold handwriting spelling out ‘sugar’ stuck on it, and placed it on the counter.
“Sorry. I was cleaning for a bit since the maintenance guy’s coming. I don't want the counters to be messy, so I kind of rearranged stuff. Sugar, salt, and other condiments are there. Flours, pancake mixes, and such are on the other one above the stuff.”
Before Zayne could say thank you, he accidentally knocked the container with his elbow. Caleb was quick to catch it, not giving Zayne the chance to at least try, and placed it carefully on his shaky hands with his classic charming smile painted on his face.
“Careful. Don’t drop it again. You can’t live without this thing.”
He was still trying to process what had just happened when Sylus sneaked behind him, making his way to the fridge with no sound.
“Oh, thank God we still got some popsicles. The heat is killing me.”
He pulled one from the freezer and tore the packaging. He threw it into the trash with one hand, using the other to hold the icy treat. Then Sylus said something, but it was kind of difficult to hear what he was trying to say. Zayne wasn’t sure if it was because he got his plump lips all wrapped around the watermelon-flavored popsicle, or if it was because he was just too dangerously close. He wished someone would just bury him alive.
Sylus snickered at his expression.
Then he twirled his tongue around it some more.
He decided it was a good idea to look at Zayne as he licked the sides to prevent it from melting and making its way to his fingers, and he was right. As much as he tried to deny it, Zayne couldn’t resist looking.
“You want one? You sure look like you do.”
Okay, fuck it.
The three things he had to prove? He got answers now.
He could hear loud, buzzing noises that you would hear in quiz shows when they give a wrong guess.
First, he wanted to prove that he wasn’t crazy. Wrong. Perhaps he wasn’t entirely crazy, but even just the slightest bit of crazy combined with the hormones of a young adult would be enough as a recipe for chaos. He could hear his heart beating against his ribcage, threatening to jump out of his throat if any of them ever decided to take a step closer.
Second, that his roommates weren’t bothering him at all. Wrong again. Zayne thought they never did anything and felt guilty about holding some kind of weird grudge against these unassuming people, and boy, was he wrong. It seemed like either their audacity grew even stronger as time went by, or it was all the courtesy of the summer heat that got to their brain. Whatever it was, they clearly knew what they were doing.
Third, that things are completely fine and the three of them could continue existing within the same space. Still wrong, and it’s a comical level of wrong, because Zayne does have a problem with his roommates and it would be hard seeing them every morning while having to pretend that he doesn’t.
And this is as real as it gets.
***
“Fuck, Zayne. Fucking 98 on biochem? You’re a fucking psychopath.”
The group was hanging out in the cafeteria for lunch as usual. They received the results for last week’s quiz before class was dismissed. All of Greyson’s attention was directed to his textbook, cross-checking his answers with the notes written on it and leaving his sandwich untouched. Vivienne was busy pestering Zayne with her excessive use of fucks, forcing him to take her as a disciple and reveal the framework of whatever witchcraft he was doing to keep getting perfect scores.
“There’s no sorcery. I just happen to read a lot these days.”
“Told you to just come clean. You must be secretly hiding a skull of a mountain goat in your wardrobe to do your shady rituals when the clock strikes twelve.”
“Told you to just leave me alone,” Zayne sighed, “I’ve been through enough.”
Vivienne paused. She took a good look at Zayne’s face and stroked her chin.
“Well, you do look a bit rough these days. Like you haven’t slept in ages. Don’t you think so, Grey?”
“Yeah, man. Those dark circles are concerning.”
“I can’t sleep these days, so I try to put the insomnia to good use. That’s why I’ve been reading a lot more than usual.”
“Right. You might not be a witch, but you are definitely a psychopath,” Vivienne said, “Your first choice of activity when you have trouble sleeping is to review your reading materials instead of going on YouTube like a normal person.”
“Let me be. I have my reasons.”
“What are those reasons?”
Zayne couldn’t tell them that since he declared a one-sided war against his hot roommates, he started seeing them in everything. He would find himself comparing Sylus and Caleb to cats from animal videos that regularly showed up on his feed. He once tried to drown those unwanted thoughts with music, but he just ended up playing songs they sang before dinner last night.
It was his turn to get groceries last Saturday, and he couldn’t go through the list without imagining Caleb cooking in the kitchen with nothing but his loose shorts and an apron, asking a sleepy Sylus to pass him the salt. He powered through the list with all his might, eventually making his way home only to be greeted by his roommates in sleeveless tanks, assembling the shelf they got from a nearby home decor store. No, that wasn’t all. The universe has a knack for messing with him in a million different ways, so of course, he had to trip over the cardboard. And of course, Sylus had to catch him just in time.
For the first time, Zayne thought falling flat on his face would be a far better option than a safe landing.
He dropped the grocery bag on the counter and ran away without unpacking. Images of Caleb holding a stupid drill in one hand and Sylus crouching down to browse through his toolbox were burned at the back of his mind.
He thought that the human brain was something similar to a labyrinth. However, after a few months of living together with Sylus and Caleb, Zayne suspected that it might have rewired his brain. They’ve turned it into a one-way street with a single direction.
He sees them anywhere. Anywhere but in Essential Biochemistry or Understanding Anatomy & Physiology. So if burying his nose in textbooks is what he has to do to escape them, then so be it.
“Not telling?”
Since Zayne still refused to give an answer, Vivienne asked once again.
“Is it about your roommates?”
Mastering the art of poker face has never been this convenient. Zayne just shrugged, pretended not to care, despite knowing damn well that just the drop of their name could easily wreak havoc in his mind.
“You know what? I think you have a crush, Zayne.”
Zayne almost choked on his salad when those words rolled off her tongue so casually.
He reached out for the strawberry milk next to his plate and took a quick sip.
“What do you mean?”
“You see, you’ve been wondering what it is that makes you so irritated and mad for no reason. Lately you mentioned that their scent was too overbearing and their music was too loud when you previously had no problem with it, and, you know. I think you have a thing for them, and you don’t want to admit it. That’s why you’re always pissed.”
“That’s one hell of a wild hypothesis.”
Zayne shot a glance at Greyson to ask for backup, but unfortunately, he seemed to be nodding his head to Vivienne’s words.
“God, not you too…”
“That makes sense, Zayne. You said that they always make unnecessary eye contact and you find it hard to keep staring. They get you all flustered and hot. You do have a crush.”
“I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to socializing. Eye contacts make me uncomfortable. There’s nothing more to it.”
“Exactly. You have a big fat crush and it would be too obvious because it’s written all over your face, so you look away! So, who is it? Sylus? Caleb? Both of them? Geez, those girls are going to be so angry if they knew that those boys are living under the same roof as such a greedy, naughty boy.”
Vivienne clapped her hands in excitement, stabbing the carrot slices with her fork and poking it repeatedly on the corner of Zayne’s mouth to taunt him.
It was poorly received by the victim, for obvious reasons, and he quickly finished his food to get out of the table as soon as possible. He took his tray and didn’t bother looking back. Even when they kept calling out his name to the point that it got increasingly harder to ignore, he just turned his head to face them and say ‘I’m going to the library’once as a final line.
Zayne didn’t go to the library.
Instead, he took a detour around campus. The sun had already shown up again after it had rained a while ago, but there were traces of it in every corner of the street. The bench at the park near the east hall was still half-covered in water droplets, and the wet tree leaves were still gleaming from the downpour. While trying to avoid the puddles, Zayne stared at his shoes and noticed how he had grown accustomed to looking down—the thing he always does to avoid locking eyes with Sylus or Caleb.
Zayne supposed that there was a bit of truth to his friends’ teasing.
They get you all flustered and hot. Well, no shit. It’s the Sylus Qin and Caleb Xia we’re talking about. They literally still look like Adonis incarnate even in bootleg band tees paired with horrendous jeans, so could you really blame him?
“Hey!”
Zayne would recognize that high-pitched voice anywhere. He let out a long sigh and turned his head to the left. Vivienne was headed towards him at full speed with Greyson following right behind her, waving the notebook she was holding in one hand from afar.
“You left your note!”
“Thank you. You can just return it tomorrow, though. No need to chase after me like that.”
“Geez. You’re still mad we teased you about your roommates?”
Zayne stopped in his tracks and took a deep breath.
This is going to be a long one.
“Here’s the thing. The reason why I don’t want to talk about my roommates is that, apparently, now they’re comfortable enough to roam around the house with no clothes on, or with one that shows their biceps on full display. It’s burned at the back of my mind, and I see it even when I eat, walk, or do anything outside of trying to understand science. So I keep reviewing materials after lectures, and I keep getting ridiculously high scores, and you guys keep pestering me about it. No, I’m not mad, but please refrain from bringing them up because I’m trying to stop myself from picturing my roommates half-naked all the time. Does that answer your question?”
Greyson and Vivienne stared at Zayne, then at each other.
“Damn,” they both said in unison.
“Indeed. Damn.”
“I didn’t know you wanted to get into their pants that badly.”
“Believe me, I also had no clue.”
“You know what. We should get some fro-yo and hang out. Maybe you can come over and we can watch movies, or binge-watch some series, whatever. We’ll choose a boring one so you can sleep,” Greyson said with a hand on Zayne’s shoulders, “I mean, it’s incredible that you’re thriving academically because you’re horny, but we mean it when we say that those dark circles are a serious issue.”
Another sigh, this time longer than anything anyone ever heard, successfully slipped through Zayne’s mouth. He took his phone from his pocket and typed a quick message.
“I already told them I’m staying at a friend’s place.”
***
Coming to terms with the fact that he might have a thing for his roommates comes with a price.
Lots of hours spent reading to numb the feeling, and lots of money spent on desserts to counter the bitter taste of denial with sweetness.
After spending hours hitting the books nonstop, he made a quick stop at the ice cream shop across the campus. The initial plan was just to get a single scoop and head back home, but it changed when Zayne noticed a new poster stuck to the window.
‘Special deal for our fourth anniversary! Four pints of our seasonal flavors, get one of the four seasonal mascot plush keychains of your choice!’
“Four pints for the fourth anniversary, huh? Good thing it’s payday.”
Zayne’s heart almost jumped out when he heard Sylus’ voice from behind. Next to him was Caleb, who was trying to hold back his giggles, finding Zayne’s overly honest reaction as the most endearing thing in the world. Wide-eyed, he stared at them in disbelief like a startled cat with puffed out tail and arched back.
“Oh,” Zayne muttered, “Done with your part-time job?”
They only mentioned this once or twice during a conversation, but Zayne has a perfect memory. He remembered that Caleb works at the gas station just a few blocks away from the campus, and Sylus works at a music store nearby. They finished around the same time, and Zayne was careful to avoid heading home at the same time their shift ended. It seemed to slip his mind today, though.
“Yup. These are really cute! Do you have anything you want in particular?”
Caleb asked, and Zayne scanned through the different mascots printed on the paper. They have a pink rabbit with a pink ribbon for spring, a lion with a pair of sunglasses for summer, a fox with a crooked scarf for autumn, and a seal with a silly hat for winter. Those plush animals were adorably round and fluffy, and it’s just stupid that he ever thought of getting one.
“The seal, maybe.” He said. “But I’m not buying four pints of ice cream for one stupid keychain.”
“But you’ll be getting stickers too. And a 40% discount for your next purchase, redeemable at all stores. Terms and conditions apply.” Sylus said, pointing at the additional gifts at the bottom of the poster.
“Okay, keychain and stickers. And discount vouchers. Still stupid. That’s triple the amount of stupid.”
“For a stupid keychain, you sure couldn’t peel your eyes off of it. Didn’t even hear me and Caleb calling out to you three times.”
“I was just spacing out. And you were probably too far away.” Zayne felt his cheeks heating up. “Two pints are doable. Three, maybe. But four is excessive. It’s just gonna sit in the fridge for God knows how long.”
“I mean, doable, if we finish it together for a few days. Not just by myself.” He quickly added, which caused another giggle to slip through Caleb’s teeth.
“Really? I can see you finishing all of them on your own, though.”
“Whatever. Since we’re all heading home, let’s just be quick so we can prepare dinner.”
“You sure you don’t want it?”
Sylus’ eyes were directed right at him when he asked, and Zayne knew that he was doing it on purpose. He knew that he couldn’t bring himself to lie, especially not when people were staring right into his eyes, so he just looked away and shook his head.
God, why would they care so much about this stupid keychain anyway?
“What a pity. I kind of want to get it for you, though.”
“It’s just some stupid, round, fluffy keychain. With stupid big black eyes. Stupid blushing cheeks. Stupid spots all over it. And stupid cheap faux fur that somehow would feel ridiculously soft when you brush your fingers against it.”
The seal’s eyes, made of a pair of shiny black beads, looked right through him as if begging for him to take it home. Zayne just stared at his feet as he tried to ignore how badly he wanted it.
“I mean, it’s cute. But I feel bad if I have to make you pitch in just for some stupid keychain."
“Who says anything about pitching in? We’ll get it for you. Told you it’s payday.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, you heard him.” Caleb nodded in agreement. “We’re getting that keychain for you. Can’t you see that we’re trying to bribe you into talking to us again? Just let us do this so you owe us this one thing.”
Zayne furrowed his eyebrows. What on earth is Caleb talking about?
“You don’t need some kind of bribe. I’m already talking to you everyday.”
“I mean talking talking. I don’t know if it’s something we did or if you’re just busy lately, but, well… we used to talk. I mean, not much, but you also weren’t avoiding us this much back then,” he sighed before continuing, “I wanted to apologize. Perhaps we were too noisy, or we got drunk way too often. Or that we make too much of a mess, especially when project deadlines are approaching, but it never came up in any conversation… and I kept feeling awkward if I brought it up first, so, um, Sy, you continue.”
“What we’re trying to say is that, sorry if we weren’t the best roommates. But we still hope you’ll stick around.”
“That’s all you have to say? When are you going to stop trying to one-up me by acting cool after I just made a fool out of myself?”
“Hey, it's not my fault that you’re uncool.”
“You… damn it.”
Looking at them bickering over something so trivial, Zayne couldn’t resist the urge to let out a chuckle.
He was probably just pushing his luck, but just in that moment, Zayne would like to surmise that they noticed. That they paid attention to him, even just for a little bit.
Up until now, he thought he succeeded in making it seem so subtle. He thought it wouldn’t even cross their minds that recently, Zayne’s initial response to any encounter with them was to flee, but they noticed. And it bothered them enough to make them apologize for something that wasn’t even their fault, but they somehow thought it was.
This wasn’t supposed to make the butterflies in his stomach act up, but here they go. Flapping their wings and bumping against each other like it’s some sort of circus routine.
“No need to apologize. If anything, I should be the one saying sorry. I didn’t mean to do that on purpose.” He smiled. “You’re right, I’m just a bit busy. And you guys are great roommates, don’t worry. I know how much trouble it would be to find a new roommate. Besides, I don’t have any reasons to leave anyway.”
“Figured you’d say that.”
“We’re cool now, right? I’ll talk to you, actually talk talk to you, so forget about the keychain.”
“If you feel that bad about us getting you the keychain, then why don’t you do us a favor?" Caleb said in his usual playful tone, “We’ll be playing in the usual bar. Friday night two weeks from now, and, well… a birdie told me that it would be your birthday.”
“By any chance, is the birdie’s name Vivienne?”
“Let’s say the birdie prefers to stay anonymous. That doesn’t really matter. I know you don’t like these kinds of events, but it would be cool to have you in the crowd. And I promise you it’ll be a lot of fun once you give it a try.”
“Told you he’s not gonna come,”
“I know, I just thought I’d ask.”
They probably thought Zayne couldn’t hear it, but their attempt at whispering and being discreet was quite bad.
Zayne thought about it for a few seconds and decided that he should accept the offer.
He probably needed more than just a few seconds since, well, it’s a bar located near campus, and it will be the night before the weekend. Everybody will be there. Sylus and Caleb must have known that he had a strong preference for peaceful evenings, rather than dancing to music and talking to drunk people. Though they weren’t that close, they probably were smart enough to conclude that from how he always rejected their offer whenever they asked if he wanted to tag along to yet another house party.
Zayne enjoys his peace. And nothing about hanging out with college kids on a Friday night screams peace. But Caleb asked because he wanted Zayne to have fun on his birthday, and he also said that it would be cool to have him in the crowd.
The only reasoning he could come up with was, ‘why not?’, and some stupid part of him declared that it was enough to seal the deal.
“I’ll come.”
***
The dreaded Friday night finally came around.
Zayne didn’t know how to act or where to put his hands. He thought he had already learned enough about students’ nightlife from Sylus and Caleb’s hungover-induced banters in the morning, but he was wrong. Definitely wrong.
The closest thing to a drunk crowd Zayne ever came in contact with was prom.
He planned to ditch the event, but his mom really wanted to see him in a prom suit. Zayne didn’t have it in him to rebel against her wishes, so he let her take a picture of him in his tacky suit near the doorway before driving him to prom. Upon arriving, Zayne made himself comfortable, hiding in the corner. He held a plastic cup with both hands as he watched chaos ensue. The students weren’t allowed to bring alcohol, but some guy probably spiked the fruit punch with a bottle of tequila he stole from his dad’s stash.
Everyone was starting to get tipsy, and that was when he decided to get out of the venue. Now he kind of regretted that he didn’t stay to witness them spiraling out of control. Perhaps that would teach him a thing or two about blending in with the people whose hands were occupied with beer bottles on the right, and some woman’s waist on the left.
He felt like he didn’t belong, and he knew this feeling like the back of his hand.
Tonight, he was wearing a black t-shirt he borrowed from Sylus since none of the clothes in his wardrobe was appropriate for a night out with drinks. It was loose and comfortable, nothing like the suit his mom rented for prom, yet he felt suffocated just the same. He already changed his glasses and grew a bit taller, yet it felt like he was eighteen, watching everybody with their feet swaying and their sparkly dress swept across the floor.
The face he was making probably shared a resemblance with the lonely kid who used to sit in the front row by the window, flipping through the pages of his favorite picture book in silence.
Greyson poked his arm, putting a stop to his train of thought to let him know that Caleb and Sylus were waving from across the bar. Zayne waved his hand awkwardly as a response, then they disappeared to get their instruments ready somewhere else.
“You should thank me if you three end up fucking tonight,” Vivienne said after taking a sip of her beer, “None of you would actually have the guts to do anything. They would never make a move if I never told them that today was your birthday. I gave them the right timing to ask you out.”
A scornful laugh slipped through the gaps of Zayne’s teeth.
He felt like a loser.
No, he is, in fact, a loser.
People of Sylus and Caleb’s caliber could easily find someone better to screw than just a sore loser.
Those guys went through all the trouble to invite him. Zayne knew that they were being genuine when they said they wanted Zayne here, and that’s why he still showed up. Despite knowing that being here serves as a reminder that he was out of place, he still tagged along. It was his fault he got his hopes up, thinking he had a shot, and this actually meant something.
Zayne asked Vivienne and Greyson to accompany him for mental support and alcohol intake supervision, but right now, all he wanted was to get away from them.
He felt bad for doing so since he was the one who dragged them here, but in the end, he still carried out his escape plan. When they weren’t looking, he made his way to the toilet and sat on the dirty floor with his knees pulled to the chest. He was content with the five minutes of peace before it was disturbed by moans and slurping sounds from the next cubicle. He found a bottle of whatever near the sink and chugged it down, then forced himself to look at his reflection and get his shit together before heading out with a double vision.
He downed more and more cups from strangers on his way back to his friends, walking sideways like a crab while gripping the wall so he wouldn't lose balance. When Zayne finally reached Vivienne and Greyson, whom he assumed were looking for him, their faces turned white as if they had seen a ghost.
“Damn, where did you go? Deepspace is up next—God, just how many drinks did you have?”
Zayne shrugged and stole the bottle from Greyson’s hand, drinking the liquid down to the last drop.
“Who knows. Screw the Deepspace. Screw my roommates. I’ll die a virgin.”
He had successfully learned a thing or two about fraternizing with loneliness.
Deepspace was the third performer of the night. They played a few pop punk hits—only a few Zayne could name, since though he wasn’t necessarily interested in the scene, everyone played those songs everywhere—and two of the instrumental tracks they wrote for a self-titled album in the making. Earlier, Zayne came here in Sylus’ car. Caleb was the one driving, and he told Zayne they’re playing to record a few songs for fun, but they might release it on a streaming service if they ever felt like it.
They were great.
The vocalist, Rafayel, was the one who got the most girls and Zayne could see why. His voice was more than just captivating. It was one of a kind. As he listened closely, he could feel as if he was submerged, drowned in some sort of magic that pulled him under.
Zayne also got to meet the bassist before they went on stage, and he was convinced that the guy he talked to before and the one he’s looking at right now were two different people. Zayne was far from being sober and he knew so little about music, but it only took him one glance to understand that Xavier was gifted.
They were great, really great. Probably too great just to be paid in booze.
Zayne tried his best to channel all of his attention to the other two members, but the song has a guitar riff incoming. The crowd was chanting Caleb’s name and it took him by surprise. He knew that everybody knew Caleb. They all love him, too. But it seemed like he underestimated his popularity.
Caleb flashed him a smile from the stage before he began playing the hook. Then he took a few steps back after a few seconds of spotlight, making his way to Sylus’ side. They looked so good next to each other. The stark contrast in their hair colors, the mix of black and red coating their fingernails, the beat and rhythm—everything complements each other, and they shine together, something akin to stars.
The brunette leaned close to whisper something to Sylus, and all the girls went wild when Sylus grinned as a response. He nodded his head, then Caleb returned to his position. The band played the rest of the song, headed towards the outro before it reached the end. Everyone cheered, and it just got even louder when Sylus tapped the microphone.
“So, yeah, a little PSA before our last song. Go easy on the alcohol tonight, pretty nerds.”
Zayne’s consciousness was slipping away. He definitely didn’t realize that Caleb and Sylus were looking at him. Vivienne quickly held him by the collar and pinched both of his cheeks.
“Zayne, I know you’re out of it, but they’re clearly hitting on you. You’re not going to die a virgin. You got this.”
Perhaps he was just too drunk to understand what was happening. Everything went like a blur, almost like montages in the movies they put solely for the cinematic value. Zayne could hardly make anything out of it. Maybe it was because his glasses were askew, maybe it was because his judgment was far more clouded than it has ever been before.
The next song sounds exactly like the previous, buzzing in his ears like a static noise. He didn’t know if Deepspace was still performing. The only thing keeping him from falling apart was Greyson’s white shirt that he was clutching onto, and Vivienne’s constant yelling that reminded him to get his shit together.
“You’re standing kind of funny, Vi. Your legs look kind of wobbly.”
“That’s because you’re drunk,” said a familiar voice from behind. Sylus was smiling at him, and Caleb was on his side, shaking his head in disbelief.
“No. I’m fine. I can spell the alphabet perfectly. Even backwards.”
“I’d like to see you try,” Sylus said.
“A, B, D… A, B… C… I’m dizzy. But ‘m totally fine. I can call a cab and get back home.”
“What do we do? The pretty nerd’s really drunk and it’s not even midnight.”
Before Sylus could come up with an answer for Caleb’s question, Zayne swiftly stole a vodka shot from Vivienne’s hand and chugged it down. The protests from people around him went down in flames along with the burning sensation in his throat. When Caleb took the empty glass to put it on the counter, he reached out for his hand. Confused, Caleb just let him study the lines on his palm for however long he wanted, and it wasn’t long before Zayne started giggling like an amused child.
“Alright, Zayne. You’re being really adorable now but that’s it.”
Good thing he was drunk. His face was flushed, and nobody could tell whether it was from the alcohol or the oh-so-casual praise that just rolled down Caleb’s tongue.
The redness made its way from his ears to his cheeks, and he whined quietly. He probably had way too many drinks.
None of this felt real.
“Nobody ever said that to me.”
“Really? How odd.” Sylus chuckled. “Then has anyone ever told you that you’re pretty?”
“God, Sylus, you should learn how to flirt better. That sent shivers down my spine.”
“You’re just jealous. Luke. Water, please.”
The bartender shouted ‘coming’ and handed Zayne a glass of water. Sylus was the one who made the order, but without further explanation, anyone would understand who needed it more than anything right now.
“Hey, Zayne. Drink this.”
“That’s water. I don’t want water. Hey, you, I don’t want this. Give me something else. Something strong,”
Zayne kept tapping his fingers on the counter to no avail. The bartender shook his head and sighed, shooting a bewildered look at his friends. Zayne grumbled in disappointment, his words slurring and stumbling against each other.
“Come on. I need something to get through this night. Made a fool out of myself, coming all the way here thinking I’d at least get a kiss for my birthday.”
Sylus and Caleb stared at each other for a long time.
“Um,” Caleb cleared his throat, “If you wanted one… you could ask.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Zayne sneered, “You said I’m adorable, I’m pretty, saying all those empty words while all you’ve been doing is stare at me from a distance. Like I’m some weirdo. Nobody even tried to touch me, let alone kiss me, and, and… and you’re not making me feel so pretty that way. You make me feel stupid.”
Caleb was about to reach out for Zayne’s waist, but Sylus beat him to it. The silver-haired man snickered through his teeth, and this wasn’t the most appropriate time to have a petty argument, so Caleb settled for just stroking the side of Zayne’s face. Gently, softly, as if reminding him to take it easy.
“Hey, Zayne. Drink this first. And we’ll talk about this at home.”
Despite Zayne’s endless complaints, Caleb still forced him to down a glass of water. He tried to tilt the glass by a few degrees so it wouldn't spill, but Zayne still refused to open his mouth. The clear liquid ran down his chin. Some of them fell to his jeans, some of them made their way to his neck. Under the warm lighting, the wetness on his exposed skin glowed. His eyes, half-lidded and fully drunk, were set on the men towering over him with shock written all over their faces.
“Mm,” Zayne mumbled, running his thumb over his glistening lower lip, “Spilled a lot.”
Caleb placed the glass on the cold, hard surface and sighed.
“Alright. Now you’re just straight up seducing us.”
He took Zayne by the hand and helped him stand up, then gestured for Sylus to lend a hand.
“Don’t get me wrong. That was really hot and I didn’t know you’re even capable of that, but you need to sober up first, okay? We’re heading back now. Sy, you drive.”
“Fine. But he’s sitting in the passenger seat.”
“No. He should be in the backseat with me, as I need to watch him closely so he doesn’t hit his head because you drive like a maniac.”
“You’re not gonna do any better than me either, so don’t tell me what to do and how to drive my car. You just can’t keep your hands out of his pants.”
“God, stop arguing and just take him home,” Greyson said. “This guy’s drunk as a skunk, you can put him in the trunk for all he cares.”
They left through the front door, making their way to the parking lot with Zayne’s arms flopping around Sylus and Caleb’s shoulders. The glimmering stars outside still looked beautiful, adequately bright in the dark shade of cobalt blue, despite being almost washed up by the pollution. The night was still young by their standards, but they knew Zayne was too drunk to keep up.
So Sylus turned the key and opened the door, letting Caleb carry Zayne’s body and lay it down in the backseat that was entirely his for the night. Then Caleb sat on the passenger seat, constantly checking Zayne through the rearview mirror to make sure he didn’t hit his head.
The engine was brought back to life, and soon the sound of slamming doors was heard. With the headlights tuned on, Sylus stepped on the gas to drive them away from the crowd. Caleb was about to pick a song from his playlist for the 20-minute drive, but then Zayne asked if they wanted to hear him recite the entire periodic table. He also added that he memorized it in fourth grade, clearly proud of his own accomplishment.
Caleb just sat back and told him to start.
***
Zayne woke up with an excruciating pain in his head.
He almost screamed when he realized that Sylus and Caleb were right next to him, limbs intertwined, chests heaving up and down with their eyes closed.
He looked down to realize that his clothes were still intact. He had no clue if he should be thankful or disappointed that theirs were still fully on as well.
Then he looked around, hoping to find out that there were clues scattered all over the room. Judging by the messy stack of books and circuit boards on the tiny desk, this must be Sylus and Caleb’s shared bedroom. Nothing much can be inferred from the unfolded laundry or vinyl record covers on the floor, though.
But when Caleb stirred in his sleep and extended one arm to cradle him back to sleep, everything said and done just came back to him.
Although he wasn’t sure if his recollection of what happened last night was complete or if it had a lot of missing parts, he sure remembered a few things. He remembered himself making his way to the wrong bedroom, stumbling on his own steps in the process. If Caleb wasn’t quick to catch up and open the door for him, he would already be hitting the frame and wake up with a concussion.
Zayne buried his face on the pillow when he remembered how he begged them to stay, babbling about how cold it was and how lonely it would be to spend the night on his own.
“Are you awake?”
His face grew hot and red, thick with shame. He pretended to be asleep, trying to make it seem as if he didn’t hear Sylus asking. Trying to make it seem as if his hoarse morning voice didn’t send all his blood down south.
“I know you’re up. Look at me.”
The rustling noises had woken Caleb up from his sleep. Cornered, Zayne had no other choice but to stop playing dead. He thought he had gathered enough courage to face them both. The corner of his eyes caught Caleb staring at him, using his inability to hold eye contact as a weapon against him. He tried to look in the other direction, avoiding Caleb’s gaze just to meet Sylus’. He buried his face in the pillow once again and blamed this on his poor decision-making skills that led him to this.
“I’ve made things awkward for the three of us. Sorry,” He said, voice slightly muffled, “For crashing into your bed and making you spend the night—wait, no, I mean for making you sleep with me… I mean, making you… accompany me… in bed… God, there’s just no way to make it not sound indecent, isn't it?”
“See. You’re really adorable.”
Caleb lightly tapped his shoulder, asking him to show his face. Before Zayne could save his dignity and start rattling on about how untrue that was, Sylus caressed his cheek and chuckled softly.
“You see, kitten. The initial plan was to woo you with our performance. Then we’ll get drinks, we’ll kiss you once we get the liquid courage, and we’ll see if you feel like getting out of there. However, you beat us to the drinks.”
Both their gazes were already fixed on him. Realizing he had nowhere to escape, Zayne just accepted his fate in silence.
“Sorry…”
“It’s okay. We’re at fault too. We probably should’ve given more attention to the birthday boy.”
Caleb ruffled his hair and pressed a kiss to his temple, which took Zayne by surprise.
He took the anticipating look on Zayne’s face as a green light and leaned in, close enough for their lips to meet. Zayne’s lashes fluttered as he welcomed the kiss. If he listened closely, he could hear how their colliding hearts were beating to the same rhythm.
Sylus grabbed the sides of Zayne’s face once Caleb pulled away, not strong enough to hurt but strong enough to make him look in his direction. Then he captured his lips, tender as the sunray that seeped through the curtain. His tongue easily slipped inside, and he laughed softly in between the kiss, realizing how badly Zayne had wanted this.
If only they weren’t stupid teenagers at heart. Then perhaps this could’ve happened months ago.
Caleb leaned in for another kiss and Sylus’ lips wandered elsewhere. He showered other parts of Zayne’s face with kisses before he returned to the corners of Zayne’s mouth. He traced air-kisses all over it, his lips eventually crashing with Caleb’s. Both tongues found their way to each other’s warm mouth and Zayne watched how Caleb devoured Sylus’ lips, watched how they kept going at it for seconds. Minutes, even.
He was sure his pants were the right size, he never had trouble moving in it, yet now it felt so tight and suffocating down there.
“Didn't forget about you,” Caleb whispered, “Open up.”
Zayne complied and welcomed another open-mouthed kiss initiated by Caleb. The last thing Zayne saw before his eyes were shut tight was a pair of purple orbs, staring at him with so much love it made his world spin. Just when he thought he was about to lose control, Caleb grabbed a fistful of his hair with enough force to keep him in place and deepened the kiss. Sylus nibbled on his lower lip, switching between lightly gnawing on it and licking it every few seconds.
By the time Caleb and Sylus pulled away, his lips were red and his cheeks were flushed. They gave him time to take in as much air as possible, yet Zayne couldn’t breathe. Not with saliva dripping down to his chin, not with Caleb’s hands under his shirt, and most definitely not with Sylus’ hand unbuttoning his jeans.
“How do you want to do this?”
God.
It’s really happening.
“How—” Zayne’s voice cracked when he tried to answer Sylus’ question, not out of hesitation but out of nervousness, “how do people usually do this?”
“You've never been with anyone?”
Zayne shook his head.
He couldn’t care less about it being embarrassing. He had no good reason to hide the truth, and he was never good at coming up with lies to begin with. Besides, it’s not like it would come off as a surprise anyway, right?
“Then let’s just do something quick. Something you’re probably more familiar with,” Sylus said after planting a kiss on his forehead, “We’ll take care of you, so no need to worry.”
The next thing Zayne knew was that his clothes were discarded on the floor.
Even though he wanted to complain about how he was the only one naked, he was too embarrassed to make a noise, let alone to make a demand. So he just tugged on the hem of Caleb’s shirt, hoping it would be enough to convey that he wanted it off, too.
The signals were well-received, as it didn’t take long for Caleb to throw them without care. Then Zayne mindlessly ran his fingers through the pieces of metal adorning his chest, as if he was trying to engrave the sight to the back of his mind. He shifted his gaze back towards Caleb’s face and found the man smiling.
A bit too cheeky, a bit too adorable in this light.
Then Sylus kissed him, trying to win his attention. He succeeded in doing so because Zayne couldn’t possibly look away from the sight of Sylus, who’s now half-naked, spitting on his dick with eyes fixed at him.
Great.
Just great.
His dick was on full display, and for some reason, his brain decided it was the right time to play flashbacks of that awfully hot summer day where Sylus was making eyes at him while sucking on a popsicle.
“I planned on just using my hands, but since it looks like you’re really excited, do you want my mouth too?”
This was way worse than chugging down an unusual amount of alcohol. His head was spinning and it was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. Usually, being dizzy doesn’t come in a package deal with losing the ability to speak, yet Zayne found himself completely tongue-tied. He could only whimper, dick twitching at Sylus’ word, and he was so embarrassed he could cry.
“Sorry, you’re just too cute that I can’t help but tease. I’ll see if you can handle this first, yeah?” Sylus pecked him on the cheek before continuing, “This is not the first time you ever jerked off, right?”
Zayne shook his head. Never in his wildest dreams did he dare to imagine Sylus asking this kind of question to him, but you know what they say. Life is full of surprises.
“What did you imagine? Something like this?”
Caleb asked, his hand feeling him up from the sides, slowly making its way to his chest. Zayne tried coming up with an answer, but then Sylus wrapped his thick fingers around his cock. He started stroking at a steady pace, watching how Zayne struggled to stay still.
“A-ah—”
He squirmed from the contact. Sylus kept his thighs in place with his other hand and kissed his neck, whispering ‘breathe’ right next to his ear.
He would if he could, but Caleb’s tongue just began wandering all the way to his chest, and he didn’t make it very easy for him to focus on anything other than the wet muscle brushing against his already hard nipples. His whimpers urged Caleb to tease him even more in the sensitive area, sucking as if his life depended on it just to drag more breathy moans out of Zayne’s mouth.
Zayne struggled to catch his breath, always failing miserably in each try. Sylus’ increasing speed almost caused tears to swell in his eyes. He bit his lips to prevent himself from making embarrassing noises, but Sylus was quick to pull him into another kiss. Then he peppered kisses all over his cheeks, neck, and stopped at his collarbones.
“Don’t hold back. Be loud for us.”
Something snapped in Zayne.
He couldn’t stop his hips from moving along, thrusting into Sylus’ hands, choked-out sobs forcing their way out of his mouth. He called out their names in such a soft voice that the only acceptable thing to do was to honor it with a kiss.
Then they just kept taking turns kissing. Kept taking turns teasing, kept taking turns teasing, kept taking turns until everybody grew impatient while waiting. Eventually, they just crashed their tongues altogether, dancing like bodies on the dancefloor pressed on each other. Sylus’ hot breath against the back of his ear, Caleb’s hand crawling to the small of his back—they all pushed him to discover places he never thought would make him feel good.
Both of them couldn’t stop talking about how much of a good boy he was. So pretty, so pliant under their touch. Those words float above Zayne’s head and he didn’t know what to do with them.
They kept coming and it got too much.
He reached his climax, with a loud moan and without warning.
He tried apologizing for coming without permission, but he felt too good and couldn’t come up with any coherent words. Thick ropes of white kept coming as he heard Caleb and Sylus praising him from left and right. His legs were shaking, his thighs were trembling, yet they still kept the compliments rolling. It was too much for him to handle, yet he couldn’t bring himself to complain.
Maybe he enjoyed it. Maybe he wanted more. Maybe it would never be enough.
Zayne was almost lost in his thoughts, but he quickly came back to his senses when he felt Sylus’ fingertips on his length. He was too overstimulated, but he couldn’t beg since not a single word could come out of his mouth. Sylus giggled at how Zayne’s body shivered at the touch and decided that he wouldn’t tease him any further.
Instead, he reached out for Caleb’s mouth. After pulling away from the short kiss, he replaced his lips with his digits.
He didn’t need to tell Caleb to do anything. The younger just opened up obediently, licked everything clean without wasting any single drop, and glanced at Zayne for a second to make sure that they have an audience.
“Pretty hot, right?” Caleb asked once Sylus retracted his fingers from his mouth.
“Yes, very. Sorry if that was too honest.”
“You’re still so polite. Seems like you never run out of ways to be cute,” He said before giving him a soft kiss on the lips, "Sylus will get you cleaned up. I'll whip up something quick for your hangover.”
“But, uh…”
Zayne found his brain malfunctioning once again as he tried to talk. None of them forced him to speak. They just sat there in silence with adoration in their eyes, waiting for him to continue.
“I… I haven’t done anything for you guys in return. And, I mean, not that I’m good at it, but… I mean, you could teach me.”
“You don’t have to. And even if you want to, we can pick up from where we left off later. We have time.”
Sylus ran his fingers through Zayne’s tousled hair as he spoke, and Zayne just sat there, basking in the warmth with his eyes shut. He opened them after a while, and they were still looking at him fondly. This is a first for him. Though he definitely could get used to it–to their loving stare and their comfortable heat—he was confused, and needed them to spell it out for him.
“So what does this make us?”
“Well, uh,”
Caleb left his words hanging. He certainly didn’t have anything prepared beforehand, so he shot a look towards Sylus, asking for assistance. But Sylus just shrugged, as if telling him to just continue and finish his sentence. He was the one who started it in the first place.
“We could, um, like, start hanging out more often. And you could come to our gigs, like, as our boyfriend or whatever.”
“And that, Zayne, is an extremely awful example of how to ask someone out,” Sylus sneered.
“Well, I’m nervous, dumbass. That’s why I asked you for help.”
Caleb threw a pillow at Sylus with hopes that it would shut him up, but he dodged it with ease. Annoyed, Caleb decided to take the matter into his own hands. He attacked what possibly seemed to be Sylus’ weak spot, his stomach, and began to tickle him mercilessly. Watching the two guys have their first quarrel of the morning, the corners of Zayne’s mouth formed a faint smile.
He definitely could get used to it.
“I like the idea of hanging out more often. And of course I’ll come to your gigs from now on. Just make sure I don’t touch any alcohol.”
Zayne’s reply successfully put their catfight to a halt. Caleb laughed at how ridiculous the squabble was and reached out for Zayne’s slim fingers instead. He kissed the back of Zayne’s hand before his lips made their way to his crooked smile. Zayne chuckled happily when Sylus suddenly held him from behind, engulfing him in his warmth as he buried his nose in his neck.
“The council has decided that our boyfriend is forever banned from drinking. Effective immediately.”