It's just a matter of time 'til you see the dagger (It's a special of mine to cause disaster)

by aiiikslv

Summary:

Pomni cannot sleep after the favorite character awards. Not when she knows who she wants to talk to.

 

READ WARNINGS ♡

Notes:

Hellooo peopleee mwhahaha I love writing angst and feels and its all inknow how to write for sure lmfao💔 I need those two to explode bc they're cannot speak :> IM CURRENTLY WORKING ON WRITING/BUILDING A TADC X THE GREATEST SHOWMAN AU FIC SO LOOK OUT FOR THAT!!! Im starting school next week so idk when that's gonna come but trust it will happen‼️‼️

"What would you do if I abstracted tomorrow?"

Silence.

"...I'd move on. And probably forget about you."

Her biggest fear, worded out loud for her ears to whisper back to her mind.

Cool. No big deal.

Except it was.

And Jax had only realised it after Pomni turned the gun on herself, her short form trembling when she pulled the trigger, shooting herself point blank in the head.

He doesn't have the weakest of stomachs, but he hurled later after Caine came to announce his victory.

---

She was dreaming. Her eyes shut closed, the darkness surrounding her until it wasn't. The circus was dark, her vision glitchy and the world distorted as she walked.

And then she was being dragged down. Like that dream she had the day she got here. She was reaching out to no one, the only one there a particular rabbit silhouette.

It turned to her, with that wide detached smile, staring through her soul as whatever was dragging her away was tearing at her skin and limbs.

"I'd move on. And probably forget about you."

Forget. She's being forgotten. No one will remember her after this. She no longer exists.

She fought and pressed to scream, but not a single croak escaped her, as if she had no mouth.

Pomni woke up in cold sweat, Jax's face painted inside the wrinkles of her brain.

---

After the favourite character awards and Pomni's conversation with Ragatha, she had made her way back to the circus with a mission.

And that was to make sure her tall rabbit friend was... okay, at least.

Her jester shoes tapped against the porcelain tiles of the circus floor, the darkness of the night contrasted by the moon's light illuminated over tall blocks and colorful decorations.

Even before the circus, she was a fan of the night. A night owl, if you will. The silence was never deafening, the noir of the night was always dimly interrupted by shine. It was just enough.

She paced down the living quarters, dark red walls and hyper realistic eyes in paintings staring back at her every move as she walked between her room and Jax's. She couldn't bring herself to talk to him.

She's still all too aware of the events of today's adventure, scrambled inside her thoughts like the silly strings that flew out of her body when she took the loss for the two of them.

Silly strings, huh? She had grown to dislike blood after urban exploring so much, always taking it as a bad sign. The lack thereof was disturbing nonetheless.

Jax's word kept ringing inside her head. She knew he was cruel on purpose, she knew he meant to hurt her when he snapped right at her. But it still stuck to her.

It was almost as if his face, that forced and crazed yellow smile he flashed her was painted on the inside of her eyelids every time she tried to get a blink of sleep.

Which is how she found herself out here in the first place, after a mortifying nightmare that brought back the newfound memory fully vivid.

Pomni needs to talk to him. She can't let this go. She can't move on, thinking about this every day.

Pulled by pure force of will, she turned her back on her own face of her door's room, frowning deeply, and faced Jax's that was grinning back at her mockingly. It was almost ironic.

She stepped towards it with a deep breath. Her gloved hand made its way up against the wood, knocking one, two, three.

Silence.

She waited in front of the door, her (nonexistent) ears outstretched for ant sign of life in there. Not a sound.

Once again; knocked three times, a bit more force to her hits this time.

Silence.

God, she fucking hated silence. The silent treatment was her worse enemy. That and the lack of emotions. The lack of care.

Why did he act like he didn't care?

"And probably forget about you."

That sentence she cannot let slide. She just won't accept it.

The jester groaned quietly outside the door, hitting her head against the bright wood. Goddamn him.

And there was still no sound from inside his room. How deeply does this purple rabbit sleep?!

As if the circus was listening inside her mind, a door creaked. She looked up, big eyes staring... at the illustrated Jax on the door. It wasn't his door... then whose?

She turned around with a small frown, ready to face whichever circus member she managed to wake up tonight, and apologize. She knew they didnt really need the sleep, but Pomni appreciated it all too much when she let her body shut down and forget of the circus for a little.

But none of her friends doors' were open. Not even a wink. She tip-toed towards the direction of the previous sound, towards Zooble's room.

A door of an abstracted circus member was slightly open, reflecting darkness inside the room.

Crap. How does that even happen?

She always knew better than to let her curiosity take control of her. So when she saw the door, naturally she walked right up to it.

Who cares, at this point? Anything can happen in this place. Except for death. And swearing.

The picture outside the door showed a green fro- oh. It's the door Jax showed her a few days ago. What was their name again? Ribbit...

She stared at the drawn image of a happy cartoonist frog, a red X ruining the positive feel that the smile emitted. She didn't wonder why. The reason was obvious.

She could hear someone from the gap in the door. Breathing. Someone's in there. Her eyes widened for a moment, as if she had to put all her focus on listening inside to whatever was making that sound. It couldn't be Ribbit. The others are asleep...

It's him, isn't it?

She felt her jaw loosen from the tension it was holding onto, and her eyes slowly followed. Pomni stared at the gap, the darkness looking back at her, and she turned away.

Something inside her brain, a little voice of reason, tells her that he doesn't want to see her. That he doesn't want anyone near him currently.

So she decides to do the next best thing, which is sit right outside the door, resting her back against the digital wood with a silent thud.

Staring at the darkness of the hallway, waiting, she found herself contemplating. There must be something pulling him back to this room, to this place.

Is it the lone feeling dragging him back to a familiar, home-like setting, or the guilt and agony that drags one back to a crime scene?

It almost made her want to ask him. Almost.

But she knew he wouldn't give her an answer, all too reserved and defensive at this current moment to even face her in something as small as sitting besides her in the favorite character awards.

She saved him that seat.

It was starting to feel as if the minutes were passing by all too slow at this point, dragging out in the silence and leaving her with her thoughts. Not the best.

Does he also feel that way?

Is she in any way capable of relating to even a fraction of who he is, inside? Or is he really what he claims to be?

Her mind chooses on the first.

Out of the back of her throat, humming starts to rumble, low and tranquil like the quiet before it, a chorus to the tune of soundless existing.

Daisy, daisy... give me your answer do...

Hell, if it worked to drag Zooble out of their room for Caine, could it work for her with Jax?

Besides, it's not like the song is random. Not to her, it's not. It brings back a fresh memory, newer than her digital mind and body, of stupid hijinks and singing with guns in hand, having a blast.

"What the heck are you doing-?" The lower voice from behind the door huffed with obvious annoyance at her humming.

There he is.

She smiled, the faintest of lines, staring down on her knees before she mumbled. "Waiting on you."

A scoff. "Go to sleep. You're wasting your precious time on dumb tricks."

It wasn't like she didn't expect his cold demeanor. Especially now. Especially when it was just the two of them. In front of the others, he's able to stay with his mask on, hold up his jerk front proudly and loudly, keep up his tricks.

But Jax is all too aware that she would always see right through those. As if they were faintly visible at the edges, and not the only thing he ever cared to showcase. So he doesn't try right now.

Not in Ribbit's room.

"Unfortunately for you... I've got all the time I want in this digital world. So... I won't." She hummed and leaned her head back against the door, like it would help. No it wouldn't.

Silence. Fuckkkk that silence.

Her mind laments on how to coax something out of him, anything, whatever will get him... even reacting. The jester spoke again, a little guarded, but her words vulnerable. "I keep getting the same nightmare. Over and over."

Behind the door, yellow scleras were flashed in the dark, wide open.

"I'm... glitching and going blind. Like... abstracting. And I'm being dragged down." The story continues, uninvited but welcomed either way, not a single response or objection echoing after it. She went on.

"Every time... I stare up, I'm being pulled down, and you're there... staring. Smiling and mocking. And... you start fading. And every time... I wake up in cold sweat."

Pomni stared down at her right hand, the one she hurt on her first day here when she tried to help Ragatha. She had reached out to help her, and it only got her hurt.

It almost feels tragic, seeing as that's exactly what happened this time, too.

"And what am I saying, then? Something like... «Oh my gosh, Pomni! Noo! I'm soooo sorry»." He speaks, attempting to sound sarcastic and exasperated, but his low tone and worn out voice aren't working out in his favour tonight.

Frowning, Pomni looks up at the ceiling, like she did in her dream, and he's not there staring down this time. She's awake. Right. Her frown grows and her speaking isn't too loud. "I'd move on. And probably forget about you."

No snarky comebacks. Not a word is uttered in response. Her gut starts to regret her choice of words, albeit being the truth.

The door creaked a little more, pushing her slightly as it opened a little more. She stood up, walking over to the opening. Now, for the first time, the dim light catches Jax's face, the dark lines under his eyes and his small square pupils, staring at the ground. Not on her.

She takes a risk. She steps in the room, sitting near him. Not next to him. She wouldn't try her luck that much.

Her eyes scan the surroundings, the best she can catch in the absolute black that's taking up most of her vision. There's rips on the wallpaper, the bed is ruined. Ribbit really had a tough time before they were gone, huh?

She notices Jax's defeaning silence. The defeaning part about it was how unfamiliar it felt. His voice seemed to always fill the void, linger in her ears and through her hearing tunnels without even intending to, a type of background noise to her everyday life.

And it's gone now. He doesn't speak to her. He stares in front of him, something on the ground.

It's- oh.

It's a picture of him and Ribbit.

She's starting to understand what's happening. Her brain is piecing this weird night together, and the verdict is clear, now. 

He's pushing her away, in fear of loss. He lost Ribbit, and he knows that could happen again any time. And judging from his earlier actions, today... he's not inclined to let that happen again.

Yet, here he is again. He's sharing a part of him with her. Intentionally or not, is not up for her to decide. He'll have to have that conversation with his own little guarded heart.

An idea of a smile warms up to her face, and she doesn't turn to show him, afraid it'll scare him away, remind him of other smiles and friends and ruined people he had just let in on his heart the day before.

They sit in the silence, as though it was all they were made to do together. Soundless encounters full of words hidden in the code and pixels that surrounded them.

That's until he speaks up from his seat on the floor. "You're unbearable."

Not as hurtful as other things, but ouch. She winces mentally, grimacing at his words. Her response is muted, but projected. "Are you sure I'm the issue?"

He scowls, violent, sudden, and guarded worse than a king's most valuable kingdom. And then it breaks. "I can't figure you out. One moment you're all shy and quiet and anxious, then you're nice and kind and boring and then... you're..." It lingers, but doesn't continue. Neither push.

He scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "I can't decide what you are. You're all these different things, and... it's bugging me the wrong way."

He knew he was obsessed with the matter, but he had to find it. He had to figure out who she was. What she was. What's her archetype.

Because he cannot face the inevitable and undeniable truth. He refuses to face the complexity of humanity, of everyone around him, of those who slipped right through his fingers.

Because if he accepts that, who knows what he'd face?

He's safe in this persona he's built. He can expect those around him to cower or argue and try to fix his damage after he leaves the crime scene.

But he can't expect anything from her. He can't read her. Jax can't get into Pomni's head.

At first, he imagined she was the empathetic one, who was there to pick up the other characters when they were down.

But she wouldn't fit quite right. She got furious at him and tried to beat him up, to cause a reaction out of him. She fit the role of the badass all too well on today's adventure. She's multi-faceted. And he can't stop staring right at it.

He could ignore all the other's complexity. Kinger's only sane once every full moon, Ragatha can't bust a fuse without bandaging it up right after, Zooble barely shows any softness, and Gangle... is a crybaby all the time.

And then there's Pomni. Every day, she shows a different detail from her soul and he can't help but stare at it bewildered, frightened. Frightened by how much she was like Ribbit.

He never believed in reincarnation. He still doesn't. But it crossed his mind on multiple occasions.

"Maybe... it's a work in progress. I don't... need to have it figured out now, what my archetype is. I can just... be me."

Pomni was a remarkable listener.

She had been let in on his archetype ideology, and it made everything he said and did make so much more sense.

She knew trying to shift his world view in a single night is not a possible or plausible aspiration. So... maybe she can go along for the time being, to an extent.

Maybe, by being the living definition of the exception to his rule, she can help him. She can show him that people here are people, and it's gonna be okay if he let's them in just a little closer than arm's length.

But... not tonight, it seems. Because he scowls deeply and turns to her, a type of anger in his eyes that she'd only seen one other time. Today.

"That's exactly what makes you so forgettable. You have nothing special about you."

Ah, there it is. Sabotage.

Pomni feels it like her heart was jabbed with a knife from the inside. Her smile falters and turns to a frown, treading the line between anger and disbelief.

He really knew the right words just to screw someone up for good, didn't he? Like a practiced and calculated cold blooded murderer.

Murderer of relationships, that is.

She stands up, and doesn't speak. She glares down at the purple rabbit sharing the same tone with her, and walks off and out the room. Deep down. In her heart, she's aware that was his exact goal.

But either way, a person can only take so much cruelty in a single day from the same person they're desperately trying to reach out to, as if their hand doesn't get third degree burns every single time it lingers closer than before.

Stepping inside her room, the jester shuts the door, quietly, even if she wanted to lash out her flame out something, anything, anyone.

She leans her back and head against the door and inhales deeply through the nose. Get it together.

Get it together.

Get it together.

And she does.

She's tried so hard for the day, but it seems that this feat won't be as quick and easy as others.

Bouncing back will be a bumpy road full of swerves and turns, stops and rushes. But she's willing to try and drive down it, leading him through.

For the sake of both of them.

Notes:

Ty for reading <3