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It isn’t often he wishes that his Warder’s cloak could actually make him disappear, but being stuck in the same room as the young man he could almost consider his own son and three young women as they confessed their mutual undying love and affection for each other is definitely one of those times.
What Rand was asking could kill Nynaeve, the very thought was like ice being plunged through his heart. What Rand was proposing to do with male half of the One Power could kill her.
Wishing he could be anywhere else he began an intense study of the inside of his pipe’s bowl as he desperately tried to ignore them. He didn’t dare really look at Nynaeve who was breathing heavily through her nose and looking like she was chewing a wasp as she had taken a two-handed grip on her braid and was giving it a steady pull. He wondered how close she was to going and finding the biggest stick she could to try to knock some sense into all four of them.
Did he need any more tabac? Or was there enough for one more smoke? If it was possible, why hadn’t they done this in the Age of Legends?
Distantly he heard Rand say that he would marry any of them. All of them! As he cringed internally it was apparently too much for Nynaeve to take as she collapsed into a chair shaking her head as she muttered under her breath about the Women’s Circle swallowing their tongues.
She could be burned out, or the taint could infect the female half of the One Power and she would go mad and rot from the inside out.
Determinedly he channelled all emotion into the flame until he was floating in the void of Ko’di. Eventually after an age of vicarious embarrassment thankfully the four of them left him and Nynaeve to discuss something that they did not want bother them with. What that was he did not want to think about.
As soon as the door clicked shut behind the four lovers, Nynaeve launched herself to her feet and began stalking around an angry cat tagging at her braid and muttering to herself about propriety, and how all four of them had lost their good sense as he remained frozen in his seat.
Light, they were going to share him?
After living amongst the Aiel the idea of multiple people being married to each other no longer surprises him and he wasn’t blind, any fool could have seen, did see, that Rand and Elayne loved each other. But part of him had thought that Aviendha had changed that and now Min too? All of them?! Now he’d had some pretty wild times in his youth but all three of them?!
Besides which Rand had appeared to have taken his words about how men like him and Rand radiated darkness, pain, death. That they could only bring death to the women they loved and the best way to protect her was to stay away from her to heart. That made him smile ruefully to himself as he glanced up at his still pacing wife. He hadn’t exactly taken his own advice.
“I don’t see anything to smile about, Lan.” She growled at him; she often used her anger as a bulwark against her own fear and uncertainty. “I don’t know how I’ll explain this to his father and the Women’s Circle back home.”
“Rhuarc, Amys and Lian managed to make it work.” He commented blandly which earned him a heated glare from her as she went back to pacing. He watched her pace but as he drank her in trying to make the warm glow of love he has for her thaw the icy grip that fear had on his heart.
“I know they love him.” She admitted begrudgingly as she settled back down in her chair. “Light it’s all I’ve heard them talk about from Tanchico to Ebou Dar and he was always a good boy.” She let out a long, tired sigh but her white knuckled grip belied her true feelings as she stared blankly into space. “I don't understand it but maybe the three of them..." She trailed off wincing. "Will help Rand stay Rand and not just the Dragon Reborn. But to share him?” she shook her head bleakly.
Would he be able to share Nynaeve with another? Myrelle had her other warders, the less though about them the better and Moiraine had had her loves, a lifelong one and her odd affinity for the gleeman and he’d never felt a pin pick of jealously.
But to share Nynaeve love with another man. He didn’t think so, not anymore. When he had believed there was no hope for a future together with her as much as he would have hated any man she married because it would not have been him, he would, burn it, he would have loved him forever as long as him made her happy. Sometimes Birgitte liked to tease Nynaeve about a man called Valan Luca who’d wanted to marry her, understandable any man who was not a wool-headed fool would want that, and how he had such nice legs which made jealously burn within him.
But…
No he told himself fiercely It is not the same. Nynaeve does not share me with Moiraine or Myrelle. It is not the same. Nynaeve has all of me, they had my bond, Moiraine my friendship that is all. As soon as we find Myrelle again, Nynaeve will have my bond, Moiraine all but promised me that and then…
Rising from his chair he crossed the room to her to kneel before her as he covered her hands in his, she gripped him almost as tightly as she gripped the chair. In her dark eyes the light of the amber and golden flames from the fireplace danced. “I love you.” He told her in a low voice. No, he’d never felt love like this before, this breathlessness. It was joy to the point of pain with its sweet sharp edges, like licking honey for the edge of a knife. He wishes he could she could feel it through the Warder bond, their Warder’s bond. He wished he could go back and kick himself for a fool. “You are the heart of my heart. Please never doubt that.”
I could lose her, It is all he can think as she affirmed his words. Rand could get her killed.
“This could kill you.” Breathing slowly to try to quell the rising fear he let himself sag until he could press his brow against their joined hands still resting on the arms of the chair. As much as he tried to state it matter of factly as he could, fresh pain flared as the ragged wound that Moiraine’s death had torn in his soul as it threatened to gap open again despite the sutures that Nynaeve’s love had managed to stitch his soul back together. “It could hurt you…”
“I know.” Despite the warm glow of the firelight her beloved face had gone pale, her full lips where set in a grim, thin line and she looked more frightened than he had even seen her. “But he’s suffering, Lan. They all are.”
Suffering. Even if Rand hadn’t been the Dragon Reborn, hadn’t been the boy she’d known from Edmond’s Field, she still would have helped him for no other reason than to stop another person from suffering. For her there was not choice to make. That was who she was and he loved her for it. For her belief that nothing short of death could be healed, that anything other than dying surrounded by your loved ones in your own bed was a waste. Light, how he loved her.
“Do you think it could work?” He found himself asking her more calmly than he thought was possible with them discussing her potential death. Why did she have to be so brave? She would always deny that she was, that she was only as brave as she had to be to do what had to be done.
Tai’shar Manetheren
For a long moment she gazed at him silently before a faint smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “I believe in Rand.” She stated with quiet certainty before she tossed her dark head in a short mirthless laugh. “Oh, he might be a wool-headed idiot and possibly a lecher. But the light help me, if he says it is possible then we have to try. We must try.”
Closing his eyes he nodded against her fingers. A part of him selfishly still wanted to wrap her up in cotton wool and cloister her as far away from danger. Wanted to plead with her not to do this and let someone else take the risk. But he had fallen for her because of her fire not in spite of it and to do so would only dampen her and he did not want to contain the woman he loved and make her less than she was.
Besides there was no one else. There was no one else strong enough. At least no one else strong enough that Rand felt he could trust as the sheepherder did not trust any other Aes Sedai other than his wife anymore. After all Nynaeve was Rand’s village’s Wisdom and he suspected that Rand still thought of her that way.
No, the light burn him, she might die, the taint might drive her mad, but he wanted her to burn as brightly as she could, brighter than the sun, so brightly that her light would never fade.
His world closed down to just them: Nynaeve was still here, she was with him now and despite her faith in Rand nonetheless she looked frightened. Without thought he embraced her and the relief was incredible – he hadn’t known how much he’d wanted to be holding her until her was. Until he was holding her, with her all strength, warmth and softness were pressed as close as they could get. In the firelight she was so beautiful it hurt him as she gazed up at him with so much love and worry for him shining in her endlessly dark eyes.
“I will not die.” She told him as fiercely as the warrior he had once compared her to be. Often, he had thought that a man could drown in the depths of those dark eyes and be grateful for it. After a lifetime alone, not when they had only just found each other. He would walk through fire for her, wrestle a lioness for her. “And I will not let you die, my heart.”
“I know, my love.” He murmured, mostly to himself as he traced her full lips with the barest tip of his finger as he stared into her eyes. She and Rand would free his gender from curse that had hung over them since the breaking of the world. If it were possible they would be the only ones with the will to do it. Her lips parted with a sharp intake of breath as though she’d read his mind and without another thought he leant down and kissed her, breathing her in, his lips brushing against hers as he murmured. “You are my life.”
As he kissed her again, he could feel her sharp intake of breath with his hands, clasped together at her lower back. She gasped almost a sob, but did not draw back, or away — he thought he would have died if she had — she leaned into him, her full lips opening under his. She was kissing him back. He tasted honey, smelt her familiar warm herbal scent. His hand slid up her warm cheek and into the soft fall of her hair dislodging her braid.
Her arms were twined around his neck, her fingers buried in his own hair. Her lush mouth opened a little against his, and the kiss deepened. He moved his hand to the back of her neck to bring her closer. Her teeth grazed his lower lip, and he couldn’t help it; he growled, and felt her tremble against him.
For a while all time stopped as it so often did when they were in each other’s arms. There was still much to do before they left to do what needed to be done but they had a little time.
It would work, he had to have believe that, it had to work.
Her faith in Rand was steadfast. But his faith in her was unshakeable.
mashithamel Mon 08 Sep 2025 12:17AM UTC
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swaneewhistleandkazoo Mon 08 Sep 2025 01:12AM UTC
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