Chapter Text
Shit hits the fan during a recording session, of all things.
It’s not like Felix is even moving around or trying particularly hard at his lines, he’s singing his lines the same way he sang yesterday. Sure, he’d had a fairly strenuous dance session, but not something that would explain this burning in his abdomen. He tries to say something, but the most he can manage are little pained huffs. The track cuts off.
”--lix? Hey, are you–”
Everything’s hazy, and he has to feel around for the stool they keep in the booth to avoid tipping into the mic instead. “These mics cost a fortune, so ask me if anything needs adjusting,” Chan had said all those years ago, in his familiarly accented English. Chan’s speaking in English and Korean now, cutting back and forth like they usually do together.
“--gonna be okay, alright? Breathe, please, you’re looking kind of gray? Hey! Can I get so–”
Four months before everything goes horribly wrong, Felix spends a rare mid-comeback day off with Minho.
“Head back, yes, perfect, Yongbokkie. This will be a little cold, alright?”
He keeps his head tilted back, scrunching his nose at the feeling of cool, thick gel being rubbed into his scent glands and unable to stop himself from slowly drawing his body back.
“I know, I know, almost done. Yah, Kim Seungmin! Take the jackets hung by the door out and spray them! Do a thorough job this time.”
“I’m sorry,” Felix says when he feels his hyung’s hands slow, “It just feels so– bad. Horrible. Thank you for doing it again.” If anyone could understand, Felix guessed it would be his fellow omega.
A hand tilts his head down so Minho can press a gentle kiss to his forehead.
“Shhh, it’s nothing. Anyway, I’ll grab the coverings, then let’s get our jackets on so we can get done and come back as soon as possible.”
Seungmin comes back in, laying the dancers’ freshly un-scented jackets across the back of their couch and taking Minho’s place. He rubs circles into Felix’s palm as he uses his free hand to gently tuck a few hairs that had slipped from their ponytail back. “I’ll grab a hat for you too, just in case. Maybe one of Innie’s.”
“Does he have any normal, subtle, not screaming-for-attention ones at this point?”
“Hyung, you’re wearing my shoes. You have no right to complain.”
Felix jumps as he feels something be pulled onto his head. He lifts a hand up to feel a beanie. He hadn’t developed eyes on his fingers in the past ten seconds, so he unfortunately can’t tell what color it is, but he doesn’t feel any embroidered design, which is promising.
Seungmin’s fingers begin retucking his hair. “Ugh, you couldn’t have found something clean?”
Probably his black dance practice beanie, then. Felix feels envious of Seungmin’s nose. All he can smell is the chemicals from the blocker smeared on his neck.
“Head up again,” he closes his eyes as Minho gently pats a paper wrap over the gel on his left side, pressing the adhesive edge into his skin. He counts down as it’s repeated for his right side. How could five seconds feel like such an eternity?
Felix hates being like this, the only one in the group who struggles with the scent-blocking gels they were sometimes required to use for doctors or company-mandated specialists’ ease in partial removal. He had grown used to the scent patches they normally used, so he supposed maybe if they had to use the gel more often he could as well, but the scent patches were just as horrible early on. Especially with the wreck he was post-presentation…
All that to say, normally Felix would flourish under the care of his three housemates carefully pulling his jacket on and looping a face mask through his ears, stroking along his cheeks and upper back to keep him calm, and quietly humming. As it is, Felix knows he’s about two seconds away from some sort of freakout if they didn’t move out the door immediately. He’s pretty sure they do too. If his brain was being rational, he’d probably recognize the hurriedness of their movements between their touches. It’s not, but he doesn’t need a mirror to tell that his face is rapidly becoming a grimace.
“I left the rice cooker on, as long as you eat within the next hour it should be okay. Come here, Yongbok-ah, the car should be arriving. Check the fridge, do not make a mess of my kitchen again. Watch the step, honey.”
The drive over is annoying. Somehow it’s impossible to lean into his hyung’s side in a way that doesn’t disrupt the paper of the blocker wrap and avoids pulling at his back, so he has to content himself with clicking through random colorful games on his phone and trying to dissociate.
He notices Minho typing on his phone, probably texting Chan. Maybe once they were done Minho would help sneak him over to the other dorm and he could curl up in Chan’s lap. They’d still be stuck in the living room, probably, since apparently no one was willing to forget that one, single time they– Yeah, he couldn’t blame them.
The living room had its advantages. Changbin would settle next to Chan and gently rub Felix’s scalp and Jisung might snuggle into his side, assuming he wasn’t busy tripping over himself to get to Minho, and Hyunjin would sit on the floor so they could press their wrists together, and no one would have scent blockers on. The only thing that would improve it would be their two youngest, but maybe they could sneak out too…
Finally, before Felix loses it to the point of trying to jump out the car door and blindly run to the other dorm, the car reaches its location: Gangdong Hematology Center and Fertility Clinic. It seemed like a stupid name for a place that mainly seemed to do birth control, but maybe it was for funding reasons or to prevent attacks for being a predominantly omega clinic.
Minho checks that his mask and hood are fully up then guides him out of the car and briskly up the stairs. The benefit to being part of a big company was that they could schedule their check in time in advance, so they’re able to pass straight through the lobby with a nurse.
“Sit here, okay Yongbok-ah?” Minho leads him to the plastic chair sitting by the side of the room and pats his head. “I hope you don’t mind starting with me? My packmate gets stressed.”
“Lee… Minho-ssi, correct? Hop up here, I’ll get started.”
Felix feels himself drifting slightly, but keeps his eyes on his hyung as the nurse checks his vitals, draws a small syringe of blood, and examines and swabs his glands.
“Lee Yongbok-ssi, if you’re ready?”
He takes Minho’s place, perched on a covered padded bench. Minho rubs at his wrist, and he feels himself relax a bit, even as they run through the same tests on him. They go fine, although he does shudder through his own gland examination.
“The doctor will be in shortly, although preliminarily everything looks fine.”
Shortly does apparently mean shortly for once, and a smiley, middle aged man knocks and enters not thirty seconds later. Felix doesn’t recognize him, but that was true of most of the staff. They seemed to cycle constantly.
“Afternoon, good to see you two!” He settles in a spinning chair. “Let’s see… Ahhh, okay. I will go over your checkup results, and then you two are both due for your suppressants, which… hmmmm.”
Hmmmm is never a promising thing to hear a doctor say.
“Yongbok-ssi, the suppressant we have you on at the moment was recently recalled. Ahhh, and you were moved off the standard because of symptoms, hmmmm…”
Felix feels his body fall through the bench, pulled down through layers of flooring and cement and soil into the molten core of the Earth. He dissolves, even as he sits very still and stares at the doctor. He was moved off the standard medication after he began taking pain medication for his back. Thankfully, there was a relatively new treatment available, so he could receive his dosage of suppressant every couple of months and go to practices and shows and be a kpop idol.
“--anything at all we could do?” Minho sounds frantic. “Could he get back on the standard? Just until it’s back?”
“Oh, no, he’s marked as ineligible in the system and it would take a lot of effort to bypass that.”
Is it possible to spontaneously combust? He was an omega, he was too much of a liability off suppressants. His stupid body and his stupid injury and his stupid mind for even thinking he could do what he loved, after all he–
“Is there a different treatment we could do, or could he just take the daily suppressant pills for a bit?” Minho’s standing, arms wrapped around him. Felix didn’t notice him move.
“No, that wouldn’t be safe, those really are emergency use only.”
Felix can feel tears start to form. He sniffs and Minho turns to him. He ducks his head.
“Please, is there anything at all?” Felix had never heard him this scared, except that time when he was eliminated, and that one time when Chan…
“Let me– Oh! Actually, it is your lucky day. There’s a new treatment I could squeeeeeze you into. This one would be every month instead, which looking at your chart does not seem ideal, unfortunately, but if I… Okay! If you come in as normal, I can send you home with a dose. Discretely. I’m really not supposed to be doing this, but I understand the pressures you’re under. Let me go fetch a nurse, Minho-ssi, and then I will be back for Yongbok-ssi.”
Felix sits in shock, remembering all those years he spent praying before bed. Maybe that was all worth it. Minho, meanwhile, uses his own sleeve to wipe Felix’s face dry of tears. His own eyes look red too. Felix feels a rush of affection and love for his hyung so strong he has to clench his fists so he doesn't wrap his entire body around him and explode into confetti or something.
He feels calmer as a nurse comes to inject Minho’s standard (because he's not a loser like Felix) suppressant. The doctor returns, giving them clear instructions to keep the second dosage refrigerated and hidden, before injecting Felix with his first dose. It goes in easy.
When Felix wakes up, it is to Seungmin’s warm body pressed against his as they lie face to face on the recording room couch, hints of the beta’s sweet lavender scent drifting lazily around the room from where he’s peeled the edges of his scent patch up. Felix is grateful.
“Lix? Hey. Do you remember what happened?”
“Nnnnngh,” is what comes out instead of no. He can feel Seungmin’s fingers on his shoulder, his left one. It aches slightly. It’s a nicer ache than he can feel in the rest of his body.
“Wait here a second, I’ll grab some water.”
Felix slowly pushes himself so he can slump across the arm rest of the couch, pausing to let the blood flow from his head. He drags himself up so his back is supported.
“Slow sips, okay?” Seungmin’s brows are drawn tight as he kneels beside him. Large, warm hands guide the cup to his mouth. His mouth feels off, like he’s piloting a character in a video game, but after a couple messy sips he coordinates his senses enough to remerge with his body.
Felix sits up, Seungmin supporting him. “What happened? I remember recording… something. Did I faint?”
Seungmin stares into his eyes. “Have you been fainting?” The switch to English sparks a hint of panic in Felix; Seungmin speaks in English the most when he thinks Felix is too out of it for Korean. Normally, he’d appreciate it. Now, it feels distinctly pointed.
“No– no. No, I just feel weird. Like, you know when you take a really good nap, and you wake up and everything tastes like dust and your head is all fuzzy? Like we used to do when we wanted to play League with my home friends so we’d stay awake at night, you know?”
Seungmin just stares. Felix tries a final ploy. “Can we still go for lunch? I know I left you waiting longer than expected, but you have until three, right?”
He sighs. “Nope, I am taking you to get checked out by the company doctor, as soon as you’re able to walk to the elevator without keeling over. Then I’m taking you home, watching you eat a full plate of food, and leaving you with someone before I go to my lesson, because I don’t trust you right now.”
The way he says it isn’t unkind, just tired and a little sad.
“I ate breakfast this morning, and I ate yesterday too. I really did!” Felix says, watching Seungmin’s eyebrow raise. “Come on, man, the pain meds take me out otherwise.”
Seungmin looks him up and down, slowly. “Take you out?”
“I meant in my stomach! It hurts. Not, like, fainting or anything,” Felix pouts.
“Okay,” Seungmin says, clearly unconvinced. “Let’s just get you downstairs.”
It’s a long walk down the hall to the elevator. Felix’s body is waking back up, but slowly, and he has to rely on Seungmin to support most of his weight. He’s grateful the beta is larger than him.
“I’m sorry, I really did eat this morning. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Felix pants, when they eventually make it into the elevator. It beeps for each floor they go down, four…… three…
Seungmin brings his head to rest on his shoulder, rubbing his knuckles over his scent glands softly, just enough to comfort. “Hey, it’s okay. You just… You make me worry. A lot.”
The elevator beeps as it stops. They’ve hit the first floor. “I love you, yeah?”
“I love you, Lix.”
Seungmin stays with him as the company doctor checks his weight (Seungmin asks if she can just tell him, but Felix still hears her murmur that it’s higher than expected. Felix has to look down, torn between vindication and shame), blood glucose level (completely normal), and eyes (no irregularities, responsive to light), as well as look in his chart for any discrepancies or changes. His temperature is slightly high, but not enough to worry her.
She asks him how far along on “his cycle” he is, but in an odd tone that paired with her muscles suggests to him she is likely an alpha. He tells her, looking down at the floor, even though he’s sure that’s marked in his file. At least she asks him instead of Seungmin, he supposes.
“I think it’s best we start doing these tests a bit more frequently, just to keep an eye on you, but it really doesn’t seem like anything is wrong with you, Yongbok-ssi. You’re up to date on your suppressants and haven’t had issues in the past, you’re evidently eating enough, you don’t seem concussed. I’ll get you on some electrolites, just make sure you stay hydrated and eat lots of protein, alright?”
Felix agrees, smiling and nodding, as they stand to leave. His body feels better now, still a little achy but much more present than it was before. However, as they head outside, he freezes.
“Sorry, doctor, I have one question– the long-term suppressants, the omega ones,” he tries to slow himself down, annunciate his Korean so she’ll take him seriously, “there are just two types, right?”
“Ah, yes… There are two prescription-grade types right now, the standard and the one you are on. They keep coming out with new ones every couple years, but they usually don’t make it past the clinical stages. Are you having an issue with your suppressant?” Her eyes bore into him.
“No! No, I– it’s fine. I was just– wondering.” He pulls Seungmin out the door with one final goodbye, shutting the door behind him. Seungmin opens his mouth, but Felix waves a hand.
“Later, alright? Once we’re back home.”
Their driver waves to them as they shut the car door, shouting thanks. Seungmin stays slightly behind him as they walk back home and helps him when he briefly misses the lock with his key. Felix feels like some stupid little kid, but he loves when he gets Seungmin like this, so he bears it. They pull off their scent patches, ignoring that they’re supposed to keep them on for the full day in favor of being able to drink each other in. After they’re bundled together on their couch, all knotted legs and arms bracing large bowls of soup, Seungmin gestures for him to speak.
“So, you know how I’m on that new suppressant? The one hyung injects sometimes?” Seungmin nods. “My last dose was three days ago, and I haven’t felt well since then. So…”
“You think it could be the suppressant.”
“Yep, and I–”
“Eat and talk.”
“It’s hot!”
“Here,” Seungmin blows on his spoonful, then feeds it to him. “Good?”
“Mmmmmmmm… Thanks Minnie.” He kisses his jaw and gets a kiss on his nose in response. “Anyway, I’m on a new one because apparently my old one is gone now? I can’t get it. And since I can’t do the standard one because of the whole thing with my pain meds, I have to be on this one. If I’m– here, see! I’m eating.” He swallows a hot bite of chicken and noodles and has to huff out the steam before continuing. “If I get disqualified for this one too… That’s it.” Felix feels his fingers give out, and his spoon falls into the bowl with a light splash.
“Oh my god. Seungminnie, that’s actually it for me.”
“Lix…”
“Minnie, if I can’t be on suppressants, I can’t be an idol. They’ll fire me. They’ll… I’ll have to go back to Australia. My work visa won’t apply anymore. And they’ll never let me back here. Since I’m an omega. A stupid, dumb omega, with a stupid, dumb body that just wants to ruin my fucking life!” Felix felt his tears start to run.
“You’re not stupid or dumb. You’re my best friend, and I love you. Come here,” Seungmin set his bowl onto the table too and opened his arms. He only huffs a little when Felix launches himself into him. “That’s… a serious issue, but it’s going to be okay, I’m sure we can figure something out. Maybe there’s something else you can take with it, to sort it out, and if nothing else, we can try more pain meds again, since you’re almost up for re-evaluation for the standard suppressants?”
Felix nods, rubbing his eyes into Seungmin’s shirt.
“She did also say I was running a little high, maybe it’s just… a fever. My body has been aching a little.”
“Come on, sit up for me. Whatever’s happening won’t get any worse by you eating lunch.”
Minho comes home to Felix draped across Seungmin, purring slightly as they both sleep. He’s happy to see two empty bowls sitting on the table in front of them. He was worried when his manager told him to head back home after dance practice, but the warm, sleepy scents of vanilla and lavender greatly overpower the slight off smell he can barely catch.
“Kim Seungmin, wake up,” if Minho shakes Seungmin gently, it’s totally because he doesn’t want to disturb Felix. Definitely not because his puppy always looks adorable when he’s asleep. And if he has a spark of regret that he didn’t snap a picture of him before his eyes opened, that’s simply out of wanting to have dirt on him.
Felix is fully knocked out for once, so he’s able to slide him off fairly easily, especially after Seungmin starts helping.
“Seungmin-ah, what happened? The managers and Chan-hyung are being tight-lipped. Did something happen again? Did Chan–”
“No, hyung, Felix passed out during a recording. I took him to the doctor already, nothing was wrong. But he was weirdly shaky even after he woke up, he couldn’t use his key to get in. I think it scared hyung, he called me in and ran away. I thought he was calling a doctor but no one showed up, so…”
Minho hums and sits next to Felix. His long hair is tangled, but otherwise he looks fine, the same beautiful man they live with.
Minho grabs Seungmin’s jacket. “You need to get going for your lesson. The car should still be outside, you might be able to get there just on time if you run.”
Seungmin sends him a disgruntled look but stands still as Minho pulls his jacket on (Seungmin takes a long inhale of his scent as he does, Minho notes) before he runs out the door. Minho watches his legs flex appreciatively until he’s out of sight.
Minho puts their bowls in the dishwasher and peels off his own scent patches. He returns to the living room, only to find Felix sitting up.
“Hi, hyung.”
“Hey, Yongbok-ah,” he leans in to rub their necks together, smiling as it sets them both off purring. “Kim Seungmin told me about what happened. How are you doing?”
“Ugh, achey. Still a little dizzy. It’s not bad, I just feel a little off. I’m sorry to drag you home.” Minho shushes him, pulling him into his arms on the couch. He notes the slight warmth of his forehead and the way he still seems a little hazy.
“It’s not your heat, right?”
Their suppressants gave them heats that were mostly removed, but the symptoms still leached through, sometimes giving them unrelenting pain and fevers.
Minho had very strong feelings about the whole thing, considering that non-long term suppressants lessened the side effects, at the small cost of a yearly heat or two, and other secondary designations weren’t even required to use suppressants in the industry.
He knew the rest of the group felt weird about it too, to varying degrees. Half the time it seemed like the only one who didn’t was his fellow omega, but he suspected it was really just out of trying to hide any hurt feelings. Minho understood that impulse.
“Nope, I got through the last one so that’s not due for a while.”
“Sometimes changing suppressants can throw things off, Bok-ah.”
Felix turns to fully face him. “Hyung, I’ve been on these new suppressants for a while. Wouldn’t anything… new have happened already?”
His hands are balled. Minho reaches out to relax them. “Hey, what happened last time won’t happen again, okay? He’s–”
“It’s not about that.” Felix still looks a little anxious, but now he’s sad too, his scent bursting in the way it does when he’s about to cry, or run out of the room, or rarely cuss someone out.
Minho kisses him, gently, until he sweetens again. His cherry blossom wafts out as well, mixing with Seungmin’s lavender and the hints of Jeongin still left in the room.
“I’m sorry, Yongbok-ah. I know you asked me not to assume, you’re just… mine to worry about.” He kisses his left shoulder as well, feeling that familiar urge to wrap his poor baby up in a blanket and take off to somewhere outside Seoul.
“It’s okay, I’m just a little stressed and a little scared from earlier.” Felix pauses, and Minho waits for him to finish. “Is it bad… Hyung, is it bad if I really hate being an omega? I just– I figure something out, I make it work, only for everything to come crashing down. I’m really scared.”
Minho holds him a little tighter, like squeezing him can somehow wring out everything that’s happened. Everything that’s been done to him. Like he could squeeze out the disgusting alpha-ness of the world they were living in until he was back to his happy, glowing self.
Minho does not tell him that when Felix presented, he cried. He cursed out whatever god might be out there for somehow making the both of them omega.
Minho instead says, “I know, it’s hard sometimes. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come,” and plans to call Chan later.