Chapter Text
“Please, spare me!” General Grimes cried out. It’s fucking hilarious how weak and desperate this man is. Just a few hours ago, Sage got the report of him making plans to overthrow me. Now, these aren’t really anything that can get me riled up. After all, these leeches couldn’t do anything if they tried. But what really got me was the comments he made about me. He called me unstable, unreasonable, petty and puerile. I don’t even know what that last word means, but I’ll show him who’s puerile.
Dangling him by the neck, surrounded by the bloodied corpses of his fellow traitors, I stared him down with an emotionless expression. “Oh I don’t think I can.” I growled without moving a muscle on my face, “You’re nothing but a liability!” I’m confident this would be the scariest thing he ever saw in his miserable life. Of course, for me, it’s just Tuesday.
He continued to plead, “Please, I have a wife! I have kids!”
“Oh, boo-hoo!” I sarcastically whined, “They’re gonna miss you so bad. I know, how about after I kill you, I kill them. That way you can all fuck each other while you’re burning in hell, does that sound good?”
Instead of crying more, I heard anger come out of his voice. He must’ve accepted defeat once he yelled, “You’re a sick man, you know that? Fuck, I can’t even call you human. You’re nothing but a monster, a being of pure evil meant to kill for pleasure. If I could go back in time, I would’ve made sure you—” Having heard enough of his bullshit, I put my other hand on his mouth, before squeezing his head like it was a balloon.
Something about his words got under my skin. I mean, nothing gets under my skin. I’m supposed to be impenetrable, physically AND psychologically. But the more I looked into his eyes, the more his fear turned into pure disgust. The more I thought about his words, the more they rang in my ears. It’s like, YEAH! I know I’m not human, I’m better than those shitstains. But the way he described it… it was almost like I was lower than him.
I dropped his body to the ground, letting him join the other military officials willing to betray this country for the sake of the rotting old remains it once was. But rather than just burn these remains and have them marked as “missing,” I just stood there, stuck in my own mind. I couldn’t even really think. I just stood there, head empty and heart cold.
Behind me, a familiar voice chuckled at the sight of the dead traitors. “You seem like you had a good time.” Sage remarked, stepping into the room and picking up a stack of documents I missed. Fuck, I forgot about those.
Putting my mask back on, I smiled and turned to the exit. “You knew what you were sending to them,” I told her, “what made you want to give them the worst fate?”
She shrugged, “Wanted to cut at the roots before anything could grow. And if there’s anyone who can go scorched earth… it’s you.” We glanced at each other for a brief moment, and it started to chip away at the paranoia that came from the general’s final words. Sage seemed like the only person who wasn’t terrified of me nor out to lick my boots clean. I don’t have anything against either, but none of those people seem to fully understand me. Sage, however, understands my struggle like nobody else can. Well, except maybe the person who wrote My Struggle, and the woman who introduced me to it.
After acquiring the documents, Sage laid them out and used her VPhone to scan them. Once they were all copied, she grabbed a match and lit them up. As we walked out, I tried my best to make some small talk. “So…” I awkwardly uttered, “How was your day?”
“Boring, as usual…” she sighed, “You gotta start talking to all those old white guys who fund us. Even lobotomies can’t make me tolerate them for much longer.”
I grunted, “Sage, you know I can’t talk to the shareholders. I’m a busy guy. Vought needs someone showing their might against these subterranean Starlighters, and I’m the one who does that. I’m the ungodly powerful, supersonic flying, impenetrable strongman, and I gotta use that. Do you wanna be doing all that?”
Sage shook her head, “Nah. That’s too much for me.”
“Exactly. You’re the intellectual, the sweet talker. You draft the plans, sway the crowds, and do all the nitty-gritty from behind. So let me do my thing and I’ll let you do yours.”
As much as she wanted to debate me, she knew she was poking the bear a little too hard. So she rolled her eyes like an immature teenager and nodded, “Alright then. But at the very least, I want you to record a video for the shareholder meeting. Is that too much?”
I shook my head, “No, not at all. I’m okay with that.”
“Perfect!” she hummed. We stopped at a water fountain to catch our breath. Additionally, she offered me a roll of paper towels to wipe the blood off my suit. As I cleaned myself up, she nonchalantly told me, “Oh, by the way, we’re adding a new member.”
My head turned around like an owl once she said that. “Adding a what?” I asked.
To my annoyance, not a hint of fear appeared on her face. She calmly explained, “Calm down, Homelander. It’s just a temporary spot. The shareholders have been getting antsy about how long the Seven’s gone without having seven members. To hold them over, I decided to call in a temporary hero to hold the spot until someone else can take this.”
“And you went through this without my permission?” I yelled, “You know I want Ryan to have that spot. Even if they’re just a temporary member, who knows how the public will react to them? You really think Vought doesn’t make heroes with the thought of them joining the Seven?”
“That’s the caveat,” she continued, “Vought didn’t create this hero. In fact, they’re not even from our universe.”
Within seconds, my face went from one of anger to one of shock and confusion. I know Sage had been rambling about the “multiverse” for a while, and that Vought’s writers had already been talking about it, but already? How is it even possible? After taking a moment to calm down, I stepped back and asked, “What do you mean ‘not from our universe?’”
Going straight into her hyperfixation, she circled me as she explained, “Since taking the reigns of Vought, I took the initiative of reviving our Multiverse Intercommunication Program. After recalculating formulas originally created by the late Dr. Cardosa, we were able to make contact with another universe. Shortly after, we negotiated for another Earth’s hero to come to ours as what essentially a cultural exchange program. In the meantime, you can figure out a permanent member, after which this hero will return to their original universe. Is that good?”
You know what? Fuck it. I’ll take what I can get. I know damn well that even if I try to argue with Sage, somehow she’ll end up back in my life. She’s got plans, so I’ll play along. “Okay then,” I resigned, “I’ll allow the new member.”
“Perfect!” She smiled, “We’ll be holding a big red carpet reveal ceremony for them tomorrow night. You’ll be introduced to them alongside the public.” Before I could even ask for more info, she walked off without a care in the world. I… may regret this.
#
My suit had been fancied up even more than it usually is. Now it shines even brighter than it once had, giving me a commanding presence from the rest of the Seven. I stood with Black Noir on my left and the Deep on my right. On the other side of the carpet, Firecracker was hosting the event and interviewing Sage about multiverses or whatever. A-Train, on the other hand, was still missing. I don’t know what’s gotten into that boy's head.
Just as I was about to disassociate, Firecracker and Sage walked over beside us. With a microphone in her hand, she announced, “Okay, Vought Nation! We are proud to introduce the first hero to be part of our Multiversal Exchange Program. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome… The Bark Knight!”
Bark Knight? What the hell does that mean? Before I could even get a mental image in my head, I saw something jump from a rooftop above. Landing in front of us was a short, stubby man who looked like he came straight out of a cartoon. As I took a closer look at him, I realized his head was that of a dog’s, hastily stitched onto a human’s body. His outfit consisted of a navy blue motorcycle helmet, cape and boots; a light blue onesie and goggles; and a bone as his emblem. A MOTHERFUCKING BONE.
Once he got out of his superhero pose, the creature turned to me with a dopey smile and offered a handshake. Knowing cameras were around me, I begrudgingly took his hand. “Woof woof ruff ruff.” He barked like it was some kind of sentence.
“I’m sorry, what?” I said in equal confusion and annoyance. I mean, seriously? How are we supposed to work with this guy if he can’t even speak English? And Lord knows I ain’t learning dog or whatever his universe’s language is.
Sage stepped beside me, speaking in a tone low enough that the microphones won’t pick up on it. “He said it’s nice to meet you Homelander.” she clarified, “His barks are considered a dialect in his universe, although he is usually nonverbal.”
This… thing nodded in response, still that stupid looking grin on his face. I mean, what? Is this the best Sage could find, a furry in blue? I wasn’t the only one surprised by the reveal. The Deep looked in shock as he scoffed, “That’s our new guy?”
His comment caught the attention of the new member, who turned his head in curiosity. Rather than start mauling him or whatever dogs do, the Bark Knight tilted his head and circled the Deep. He then sniffed his butt, so he’s doing something dog-like. And immediately, he smelt something awful. Can’t blame him.
The Bark Knight excused himself, allowing for Firecracker to step forward and tell the crowd, “We will be situating the Bark Knight into his new residency. We’ll reconvene for a press conference in twenty minutes. Until then, I’m Firecracker with Vought News, signing off!” Once the cameras were off and the press left, Firecracker shivered at the idea of our new co-worker. “Fucking weirdo.” she whispered under her breath.
And I can’t blame her either. This all went from peculiar to downright ridiculous in a few seconds. I tried to find Sage, but she was already lost in the crowd. So my attention then turned to the new figure I would be calling a co-worker. And yeah, I’m definitely starting to regret this.