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Mixed Solutions, Shattered Silk

Summary:

When Severus Snape is disrobed in front of his peers, he vows to never find comfort in the presence of others. Then, after the school year ends, he arrives back at Spinners End to find his mother dead. With nothing holding him to the wizarding world, Severus turns to the muggle world and finds his own community. Finding love, acceptance, and family, he thinks he's the luckiest man in the world... and then tragedy strikes.

Follow Severus Snape on his journey from Childhood to young adulthood and the twists and turns he experiences along the way!

Notes:

Hello Everyone and welcome to Mixed Solutions, Shattered Silk (MS3)!

I have been writing this story for several months now, and recently finished it. THIS IS A FINISHED STORY! Chapters will be uploaded on Friday Nights until I have finished posting!

This story has been a labor of love for me, and was there for me through a particularly rough period in my life. A lot of what's written isn't canon or canon-compliant, but idgaf. I've made this universe my bitch and created/made up a lot of the magical system in this. So if you are a die hard HP fan, or you know a lot about it from fanfic/the movies, then some of this might seem a little foreign. I wrote this with little reference to the source media because I believe Jolf Rolking is a POS and I refuse to line her pockets with any of my hard earned money. In accordance with this, I took a lot of liberties when it came to dates/birthdays/wands/etc.

However, the cultural elements in this (the Iranian cultures and London alternative scene) have been well researched. I will be including some of these facts in the end notes of the chapters because I truly did do a lot of research. This is a disclaimer that I am a Lesbian Native American who lives in the USA and has never been to England... so if you are from London and there is a glaring inaccuracy, please let me know and I can edit it!

Finally, this was beta-read by my brother who is a gay punk and proud of it so the gay punk stuff is relatively accurate as far as I know. He's aided me in guiding the story through its course.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter Text

April 1968

 

Severus Snape ducked down as the glass soared above him, crashing into the wall and littering his hair with the shards. He jerked backwards, intent on making it out of the room with no injuries, though that prospect was looking more and more bleak by the second. 

“Come here you little shite!” his father bellowed. The man was pissed, one bottle deep, and angry. His mother had already been at the mercy of her husband’s ministrations, lying curled up behind the couch. 

 

His father lunged, and Severus took a moment to weigh his options. Likely, if the man grabbed hold of him just then, Severus would be worse off for a bit, but quickly forgotten. On the other hand, if he managed to get away, the man might stew in his rage and punish Severus when he inevitably came home later that night. Or he might just forget with time. There really was no telling.

 

With no good option, Severus chose to go with the one that didn’t result in immediate pain, and slithered away from his fathers heavy, calloused hands. He slipped out of the living room entirely, out the front door, and down the road, where a heavy rain washed away all of the dirt, soot, and smog coating him and this town. 

 

Severus stood in the rain for a bit, telling himself to calm his beating heart, taking a few deep breaths. Then he started walking. There was a tree at the park that would provide some reasonable shelter from the storm. If he was lucky, he might even get hit by lightning. But it wasn’t a thunderstorm, just heavy rain. He started walking. 

 

This was a common occurrence in the Snape household, but that didn’t mean that Severus enjoyed it any. 

 

.oOo.

 

May 1969 

 

There was a little girl, around six, who had started to follow Severus and Lily around a couple months ago. They were both nine, but Lily’s tenth birthday was coming up. Lily—endlessly patient Lily—had allowed the girl to follow them, despite Severus’ whinging those first couple of times. Her name was Donna, and she had golden curls that formed ringlets like Shirley Temple and had rosy cheeks. 

 

She was quiet—had only ever said her name a couple of times, actually. She liked to follow them around when they were at the park. The older two children would swing and talk and Donna would sit in the dying grass, pulling at the individual blades. Sometimes, Severus would catch her eating the grass and dirt. 

“Don’t eat that,” Lily would say. “It’s not good for you.” 

 

That day, Donna stared up at her from where she had plopped on the ground, dressed in a little blue dress with mary janes on. Her socks were white and ruffled. If not for the dirt smeared on her cheeks and the fistful of grass in her hand, Severus would have thought her a baby doll. He thought it strange that a child so well-dressed and chubby would be allowed to roam around the streets of Cokeworth without supervision for hours. Mr and Mrs Evans knew that Lily was out with Severus, and Severus’ own parents could care less. So why was Donna out here alone? 

 

The child ignored Lily and stuck the fist full of grass in her mouth, drooling all over it and dripping dirt on her pristine socks and smock. Lily jumped off the swing, ignoring her soft landing for the distance she jumped, and gently pried the child’s hand from her mouth. Donna whined in protest, but didn’t kick or scream as Lily gently removed the grass from the drool covered paw. 

 

She picked Donna up, and placed her on her hip. It was an odd sight, a scrawny ten year old carrying a chubby six year old. Severus got off his swing too, walking over to Lily. He wondered where they were going to go next, or if they were just gonna walk around. If he was lucky, they were going to the local shop where Lily would spend her allowance on sweets for them all to share.   

 

Lily led them north, and Severus grew hopeful. This was the way to the sweets shop! They chattered on, Donna remaining silent but for grunts and giggles when Lily tickled her chin. Finally they reached the store, where Lily got a bag of pick-n-mix. She paid at the register as Severus held Donna’s hand outside. The shop keeper didn’t like Severus for some reason, and would shout when he walked in. He probably thought Severus would steal. He had, but the shopkeeper didn’t know that. 

 

Lily returned, sweets in hand, and they walked with Donna in the middle until they reached the park. 

 

It was a lovely afternoon eating sweets and playing around. They made whistles out of the longer blades of grass, and Severus couldn’t help but smile at Donna’s happy shrieks and Lily’s pealing giggle. 

 

When dusk approached, Lily had to head home. Severus had no curfew, and knew he would still be out in a couple of hours so he took the responsibility of seeing Donna home. They both knew where she lived, afterall. Though neither of them had dropped her off, they had seen the little girl sitting on the porch steps, jumping up and following as the two older children walked by. Usually, Donna would have wandered off by now, going home of her own volition. But tonight seemed different. She seemed much more unwilling to follow him back to her home, and in the end Severus had to grab the little girl’s hand and drag her as she whined. 

 

When they reached the girl’s home, the streetlights had kicked on. It was a nicer street than Severus’, and was near Lily’s. He knocked on the door and a large bald man opened it. He smiled at the two and thanked Severus for returning his little girl home. His smile seemed too wide, and the manic look in his eyes unnerved him, but Severus didn’t have the words or the power to say anything. Severus watched with his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth as the man dragged Donna inside before closing the door. 

 

He felt a pit form in his stomach, but again couldn’t put a finger on the cause. 

 

Severus stayed out until the bars kicked all the drunks out and he stood at risk of being found by one of the many pissed men that stumbled their ways back home. 

 

.oOo.

 

It was a few days later that Severus was out alone. Lily had left with her family to visit an aunt, and so Severus kicked a rock down the street, conversing with himself. He was talking himself through one of the potions in his mother’s textbooks. It was a potion to cure boils, and it seemed pretty easy, a beginner’s brew. 

 

When he reached the park, he sat on the squeaky swings, twisting himself around and around, letting go, and twirling wildly. He did that a few times until the nausea and unbalanced equilibrium threatened to make him actually toss up. So he sat for a minute before standing. 

 

He got off the swings and wandered around the grassy field. He wondered if Donna was gonna come out, though he hadn’t seen her in a few days—since they had the pick-n-mix picnic. Severus didn’t want to admit it, but he liked the little girl. If Lily was his sister, then Donna would be their baby sister. Even if they had only known Donna for a few months. 

 

Grabbing a stick from a nearby tree, he whisked it around like it was a wand. He liked to pretend he could cast spells, that he was already at Hogwarts and away from Cokeworth and his father. Maybe he would make more friends there, and learn to become a renowned potions master. He had already started helping his mum with her potioneering when she allowed it and was in a good mood, and he was pretty good at it. But if he could do it as a job? Creating potions to help people? He would give anything. And making money and getting away from Cokeworth and his father for good? Well it would just be a great bonus. 

 

Severus grew closer to the tree line. Maybe he could scale one of the skinny trees in the small copse and be away from everything before he got too hungry and had to go home. 

 

It was there that he saw her. Little Donna lay there. Her lips were blue and she wasn’t wearing clothes. Her skin was grey and bloated. Her eyes stared blankly up at the sky. She was dead. 

 

Severus ran. 

 

He had to. He reached the street where the store was on, and threw up in the gutter. Tears blurred his vision and he had to focus on his breathing to stop the hyperventilation. He needed to phone the authorities. He had to, there was nothing else to be done. He would do it anonymously. He couldn’t get involved. There would be too many questions. Too many noses poked in their business. Tobias Snape would be furious. And Severus never knew what would set off his mother. His father was predictable, Elaheh? Not so much. 

 

So he needed to think rationally. 

 

Wiping his mouth off on his ragged dress-shirt sleeve, he searched his pockets for any change, and then went to the nearest phone booth. 

 

He slotted the coins in, dialled the emergency number, and then informed the police of a body at the park. He hung up before any further questions could be asked. Then, he sniffled, embarrassed at the tears spilling down his face, and started his journey home. 

 

What was he going to tell Lily? How could he tell her? Neither of them had ever conceived of something like this. They hadn’t realized such a thing could happen, especially to someone they knew. But it did. A small part of Severus was glad that it was just him that found the body. Lily didn’t need to see that. She was too innocent. She of course knew about things like Severus’ father, and the local nonces that they were all to stay away from. But she hadn’t ever seen a body before. Not like Severus when he watched his father wail upon his mother and wondered if suddenly his life was about to change for good. 

 

Without any good solutions, and feeling numb to everything, he opened the front door and stepped into the dim, oppressive environment that was Spinner’s End. 

 

His father was on the couch, bottle of whiskey in hand, and was dozing in front of the telly. Severus crept by, feeling glad that he wasn’t singled out and beaten, but feeling as though he deserved it, for not being a good enough brother, a good enough protector. 

 

He slipped under his bed, willing himself to sleep though the sun was still out. Covering himself under blankets, he hoped everything would go away, and tried to get the sight of Donna’s body out of his head, but the image was burned into his eyelids. 

 

.oOo.

 

September 1970 

 

Mr and Mrs Evans were kind people. The kindest. They didn’t mind when Severus came over for dinner, and they didn’t yell at him for influencing their youngest daughter, and they didn’t bring up the bruises, fat lips, and black eyes. They didn’t mention his thinness, or how generally unkempt he was. 

 

There was a distinct class difference between Severus and the Evans family, and the two were kind enough not to bring it up. Though he felt it like a chasm every time he removed his falling apart shoes when he entered the pristine house that Mrs Evans kept. His holey socks did not provide any cover on the plush carpet. 

 

He supposed maybe some part of them felt bad for him, or they felt better about themselves for helping someone at such a disadvantage. He was a charity case. A stray and abused animal their daughter had decided to let stick around. 

 

All throughout dinner, the family chatted amicably, broken up by Petunia lamenting over her best friend Susan being boy crazy over a lad named Brad. Mr. Evans talked about stocks. Mrs Evans talked about the sales at the local shops and knitting patterns she wanted to try out. Lily talked about the new flowers sprouting in the garden and the seeds that were on sale at the hardware store. Severus just watched, allowing it all to wash over him. 

 

When dinner had ended, Lily had insisted they go to her room to listen to music, and so that she could show Severus the new record her dad bought her. 

 

Lily’s room had a bright orange carpet, a white coloured chest of drawers with a large mirror, a twin bed with a white enamelled bed frame, a white wicker nightstand, and a record player. There was an overfull bookshelf with all of the Nancy Drew books amongst other mystery novels. The walls were covered in floral wallpaper, and she had a few posters of the Beatles and other musicians. A line of Teddy bears watched blankly from the quilted bedspread. 

 

“This bloke, David Bowie just released this album last November. Daddy got it for me yesterday, and I haven’t stopped listening since! The best song is definitely Space Oddity, but I think you’d like An Occasional Dream. Here, listen.” 

 

She put on the album and plopped on her bed, her favourite Teddy, King Richard in hand. Severus looked at the back of the jacket, examining the lyrics and credits as the music played. Lily kicked her feet behind her, singing and humming along—though neither of them could carry a tune. 

“I hope he puts out another album,” she stated. “I think I might like him more than the Beatles. Abbey Road is good, but I’ve been looking for a different sound, ya’know?” Severus nodded along. He never listened to music back home, and only knew what he did about music because of Lily and her obsession with collecting records. 

“It sounds wistful. Sad,” Severus surmised, looking at the front of the album where a shaggy blond boy stared sadly at him. The first song stopped and the next started playing. It was upbeat and ugly, angry and it wanted you to know it. Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed. It fit Severus to a tee. 

“Yeah,” Lily said. “I think I like sad music. Even though Bowie’s different from Beethoven.” 

 

Severus nodded. “I think I like sad music too,” he said. It felt good to listen to music that encapsulated how he felt, angry, sad, helpless, and ugly. 

 

And there’s blood on my nose; And my tissue is rotting; Where the rats chew my bones; And my eye sockets Empty; See nothing but pain. 

 

.oOo.

 

October 1970 

 

Lily had never asked Severus about Donna. He thinks it's because she knew he couldn’t talk about it. Not without freezing up. It had been in the newspapers, and Mr and Mrs Evans had been so upset when they read the headlines. It had been all they had talked about, lamenting about the death of the little girl. Lily had looked upset the next few days after the news had come out. She was pale, with dark smudges under her eyes. But she hadn’t asked. She had just looked at him, and seemed to come to her own conclusion. She was smart like that. 

 

The two didn’t go to that park anymore, Severus for what he found, and Lily for what she surmised. Instead the two kicked rocks and cans around the dilapidated streets near where Severus lived. There was a bag of pick-n-mix in hand—as always. 

 

“Oi, you two!” someone shouted from behind them. Severus could feel himself freezing up. The two of them turned around, seeing three older teens hanging around. Their hair was long and greasy, and they had grotty tattoos on their arms. They wore short trousers and stitched together suspenders. They were on the hunt, and Severus and Lily were their targets. Severus himself was wearing too big pants and a threadbare shirt from his mother, paired with utility boots that were a little too big for him. Lily was wearing a long red skirt and a sweater. 

 

Severus grabbed Lily’s arm, knowing that however this interaction ended, Lily could not get hurt. She didn’t deserve it. Severus was used to it. He sent her a look and the two started running. There was whooping and hollering from behind. The three boys were excited by the prospect of a good chase, like they were predators hunting prey. 

 

Severus let go of Lily’s sleeve, intent on letting them catch him instead of her. 

“Go on,” he urged. “Please!” Lily looked at him lost. 

“I’ll go fetch help,” she said, picking up her pace as she rounded a corner. Severus feigned a trip, and felt the back of his collar being grabbed. 

 

He was yanked back, the collar of his shirt ripping as it cut off his oxygen. He couldn’t help the yelp that he let out as he scraped his palms against the pavement under him as he fell. 

“Well look what we have here, boys,” one of them said. “Cheeky little bugger thinks he can just walk our territory without any trouble, huh? Ain’t that right, boy?” 

 

One of them kicked Severus and he gasped as the steel-toe boot connected with his rib cage. They were already a little tender after his father’s ministrations a couple of nights before. Another kick and he let out a whimper. But he would not beg for mercy. He already knew this lesson. He struck out, kicking one of the boys in the knee. The boy cried out before jumping back up, growling and angry like a rabid dog. Severus kicked again, but missed. 

 

Blows rained down upon him from several different boots as the boys above him sneered and jeered. His arms had come up to protect his head, knowing that one good knock to just the right place would spell his untimely end. He had read that in an anatomy textbook at the local library. If his nose was hit—or kicked—in just the right way, the bone would slide home, right into his brain. Or, a well placed kick could injure or snap his spinal column. Then it was Goodbye Severus. 

 

There was a shout, and the blows stopped. But Severus stayed in his position. 

 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched. But it was just Lily, telling him it was alright. He uncurled and looked up, seeing Lily and the shopkeeper behind her. The man didn’t look too pleased about the whole thing, but Severus was grateful nonetheless. 

 

They followed the man back to the shop where he handed them another bag of candy and two cans of Irn-Bru. Severus held his cool drink to his ribs, hissing at the sensation. 

 

.oOo.

 

5 November 1970 

 

It was Guy Fawkes day and all around the town people were bustling around, eager to join in on the bonfires and fireworks happening later that night once the sun was set. Mrs. Evans had made loads of sweets, including Buxton pudding, which Severus was partial to. Since it was a Saturday, neither Lily nor Severus were in school, though Severus tended to skip more days than he attended. Not because he got poor marks, but rather because the other children thought him odd with his long hair and lack of presentable uniform. The black eyes and bruised cheeks were part and parcel of life for many of the children in the area, but it was Severus’ femininity and his haughtiness—produced because of his magic ability—that ostracized him from his peers. 

 

Earlier that morning, he had tried to rouse his mum from bed. It had been a failed attempt, he had gotten a slap from his da, and an earful from his mum about disturbing her. Figuring it was just best if he left, he wrapped his only scarf around his neck, tucked his warmest shirt on, and made his way to the Evans’. If he was lucky, they could catch an episode of Doctor Who on the Telly. Lily preferred Dad’s Army, but Severus never found interest in the type of humor the show used. He was much more a fan of science fiction. 

 

He walked past a few streets until he was in the nicer part of town, then ran up to Lily’s door and knocked. Unfortunately it wasn’t Lily that answered. 

 

“What do you want, trash?” Petunia sneered. Severus felt his cheeks warm at the insult but gathered himself to answer. This would decide if he got to stay inside in the warmth or if he had to go around kicking trash down the lane until it got too dark and cold to stay out any longer. 

“Lily said I could come ‘round,” he replied neutrally. 

“Did she, now?” Petunia said, eyes narrowing. “Didn’t realize she was the authority on who was and wasn’t to come over.” 

“I didn’t say that,” Severus bit back, his own eyes narrowed in defiance. “You gonna let me in or what?” 

 

Petunia pursed her lips, almost certainly preparing to send him off. 

 

“Severus! How lovely, I wasn't expecting you until a little later, come in before you catch your death of cold!” Mrs. Evans said, bustling past Petunia who squawked in indignation before shrieking ‘Mum!’. “Petunia dear, why didn’t you let Severus in? Poor thing, come in, I’m just finishing up breakfast.” 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Severus replied, sticking his tongue out at Petunia when Mrs. Evans had her back turned to lead them into the kitchen. 

 

Lily came down a little later, half asleep and in a bright orange nightgown with white lace around the collar and cuffs. 

“Severus!” she shouted, jumping down the stairs to hug him. 

“Morning, Lily,” he replied back. 

“I’m so excited for tonight, are you? I can’t wait for pudding, and the fireworks are supposed to be really pretty this year. Uncle Dave and Dad are going to start their own bonfire a little later. Maybe we can make Parkins!” 

“Let Severus get a word in, Love,” Mrs. Evans said, panting a kiss on her hair as she set a full plate in front of her at the table. A thrum of jealousy ran through Severus. He wished he had this too. An actual real family. 

“Yeah, you berk,” Petunia cut in venomously, pushing her eggs around the plate petulantly. 

Petunia, apologize to your sister now,” their mother snipped. 

“No! I don’t want to!” Petunia cried, then threw her fork down and stomped back upstairs to her room. Severus just sat there, a wallflower to the family drama unfolding in front of him. 

 

Lily just huffed and delved into her breakfast, not wanting to acknowledge her sister’s unjustified anger towards her. 

 

.oOo.

 

The bonfire was held at an empty lot around the corner and another street from the Evans residence. Mr. Evans and his brother, nearly identical, were adding scraps of wood to the already roaring flames. 

“‘Ello you lot,” the brother greeted. 

“‘Ello Uncle Dave!” Lily shrieked, running over and abandoning Severus to hug her uncle. 

 

As family greetings were passed around, Severus felt much like an outsider. Aside from a couple of greetings, nobody really acknowledged him, especially when the puddings were done and allotted to everyone. Severus ate his Brixton pudding quietly as the fireworks started up, illuminating the dreary sky. He shivered and stepped closer to the fire. It warmed him up, and the pudding sat nicely in his belly. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad night, he thought as whistles and pops sounded through the air. 

 

.oOo.

 

10 November 1970 

 

It was Lily’s birthday, and she finally received her letter. 

 

She squealed in delight and opened it along with her other gifts, reading it out for the family. Petunia seethed and stomped out of the room, Mr and Mrs Evans fawned over her, and Severus sat there pleased with himself. It was him, after all, who had told Lily she was a witch. He had explained to her about Hogwarts and all the different classes. The four of them talked about when they would be going to Diagon Alley, and whether or not they’d get her an owl. 

 

Lily continued opening her presents, excited when David Bowie’s latest album Man Who Sold the World was unwrapped. She immediately jumped up from the table and dragged Severus into her room so that the two could listen to the album. 

 

Severus rather thought the last one was better, but he saw how pleased Lily was to be expanding her music collection. He wondered if she would be able to bring her records with her to Hogwarts. 

 

When the album had finished, they went back into the dining room for supper, and then cake. 

 

Lily had wanted a meatloaf, and Severus savoured the meal. He had only had a few snacks earlier when he had first arrived at the Evans’ house, and before that hadn’t eaten for a day. He didn’t eat it like an animal—though he desperately wanted to after the first bite. 

 

The cake afterwards was German Chocolate—Lily’s favourite. Severus savoured this too. He never got cake, not even for his birthday, so this was a special occasion. 

 

“Happy Birthday, Lily,” he said after dinner on the front porch. He shyly handed her the gift he had hidden. It was a scarf he had knitted. It wasn’t perfect—he was still learning—but he was proud of it. She hugged him tightly. 

“Thank you, Sev. Get home safe, okay?” He saluted her and walked off into the cold, dark streets. 

 

.oOo.

 

The thing was, Severus and his mother weren’t just English. Or he wasn’t just English. His mother is Greek and Iranian. They were Shahzade’s—Princes. His mother’s name was Elaheh Aspacia Shahzade, Ealaheh meant goddess, Aspacia meant welcoming. Severus’ name was Severus Tobias Snape, but the name his mother gave him was Siavash, meaning Possessing Black Stallions after his mother’s favourite story of a virtuous prince in the 10th Century. 

 

His father wasn’t too fond of this. Tobias Snape was a man only forty four but he looked closer to sixty. He had fought in World War II, had lost a brother in the second war too, and his father was a veteran of the first. Sometimes when he would scream and hit him, Severus could see in the glazed over look that his father wasn’t really there. 

 

His mother’s parents, her Iranian father and Greek mother, had fled Iran in the late twenties amongst political strife in the wizarding community. They had fled to England and established themselves as reliable potions makers and scholars. Elaheh in her youth had decided to rebel by running away where she had met a man seventeen years her senior. He had been handsome and charming, and she married him, excited by a life away from her overbearing parents. Disowned and newly married at seventeen, she had Severus at eighteen. Now at twenty nine, she was a shadow of her former self. 

 

Sometimes, Severus dreamed his grandparents would fly in and take him and his mother away from Spinner’s End and Cokeworth. But they never did. 

 

.oOo.

 

20 January 1971 

 

When Severus’ birthday rolled around in late January, he finally received his letter. It was addressed to Severus Tobias Snape. He tore the letter open, knowing what would be written on the thick parchment paper. He had seen his mother’s letter, and Lily’s, but this was his. Something he didn’t have to pay for. Something that he was owed, that was his birthright. 

 

He lovingly folded the letter back into its envelope, quick to hide it under a floorboard in his bedroom, but keeping the shopping list. 

 

His mother said they could dip into the dwindling trust fund she still had, but they would have to be frugal, and some of his supplies would have to be second-hand. That was okay with Severus, he could bleach the mould and mildew from the pages of old books if need be. But if it meant spending ten months away from home and his father’s ham-handed fists? He would gladly go without anything. 

 

He slipped out of the house and into the gentle drizzle outside. He had been scared to venture out after those boys had kicked the shite out of him, and the park was out, so he slinked around, careful to watch for anyone else out as he made his way to Lily’s. 

 

“Happy Birthday!” Lily squealed when she opened the green front door. She wrapped him in a hug that he gladly returned. 

“Thanks, Lils.” 

“Did you get it?” 

“Get what?” Lily smacked his shoulder. 

“Don’t play daft, it doesn’t suit you.” He snorted. 

“Yeah I got it, it’s back in my room. Didn’t want to lose it.” Lily nodded, understanding better than anyone what the letter meant. Not just to him, but to both of them. 

 

“Mum, Sev’s here!” she shouted as she led him to her room. “We’re going to listen to records!” 

“Alright Love!” Mrs Evans called from the living room where she was watching telly, knitting needles in hand. 

 

When they got to her room, Severus plopped down on Lily’s bed, grabbing Wentworth, an ugly white Teddy with blush drawn on by Lily when she was six. Lily collapsed next to him, legs on his lap. 

“How’s your birthday so far? You feel older?” 

“Quiet, and you know I don’t,” Severus snarked. 

“We’re going to Hogwarts,” Lily said suddenly, voice wistful. “Away from Cokeworth.” Severus swallowed and nodded. “What house do you think you’ll be in?” 

“Slytherin,” Severus replied. It had been all he had dreamed about lately. A green crest matching the one in his mother’s photograph. He had a lot of hopes and dreams, though he never voiced them. Fear of ridicule and disappointment was too high. Lily just nodded. 

“I think I would be a Ravenclaw or a Gryffindor.” 

 

Severus rolled until they were face to face. 

 

“Promise we won’t let anything or anyone get between us?” he asked, feeling pathetic. She put her hand on his arm. 

“Never. Pinky promise.” She took his pinky in hers, crooking the two. “There. Now it’s a forever promise.” 

 

.oOo.

 

1 September 1971 

 

The train was big, and red, and the chorus of goodbyes around them made Severus feel as though his skin were too big. 

 

His mother was there, with her too-big, dark eyes sunken into her skull. They stood silently. 

“Goodbye, my Siavash. Be good.” She had kissed the top of his head before turning around, apparating not a second later. 

 

“Severus!” he turned and Lily jumped on him, almost squashing him. 

“Hi Lily,” he replied. “You ready?” She nodded. 

 

She turned to her parents and Petunia, who was sullenly kicking at the pavement. They said their goodbyes, and Severus even got a handshake from Mr Evans and a hug from Mrs Evans. 

“We’re so proud of you both,” Mrs Evans sniffed. “Make sure to write, okay loves?” 

“Yes, Mum.” 

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Be good now,” Mr Evans said. Petunia glared at the two and stepped away when Lily attempted a hug. 

 

Trying not to look too dejected, Lily took her owl Archimedes and turned toward the train. Severus only had his one trunk that his mother had shrunk, so he stepped up to help Lily lug it on the train. 

 

He ignored the happy cries, shrieks, and general sounds of children tearfully saying goodbye to their loving families. They found an empty compartment and he helped Lily lift the trunk to the luggage rack above. They plopped down onto the cushioned benches. Lily fed the tawny owl a few treats as Severus pulled out one of the books he took from his mother. Potions not for the Weak. It was an interesting read with a foreword about the creator of the potions, who spent her life creating new recipes until one experiment led to her skin peeling off like a sloughed tomato. The woman lived on, but she hadn’t been quite the same until her death a year later. 

 

Severus was interrupted by the door of their compartment opening. A boy with golden skin and messy hair leaned in, he wore round golden glasses atop his nose. His clothes were made of high quality material. It took Severus less than a minute to surmise exactly the boy’s background. Pureblood wizard from an old family. 

 

“Hello,” the boy greeted in a posh accent. “I’m James, this here’s Sirius, may we sit with you?” His gaze rest solely upon Lily. He didn’t think James even noticed he was there. 

“Sure,” Lily said. “I’m Lily, and this is Severus.” 

 

He watched as James looked over and did almost a double take. Severus knew he wasn’t much to look at. His skin had a green undertone that made his complexion look sallow. His hair was too thick, and hung down in a curtain around his face. He got his mother’s Iranian nose, and her large black eyes. He got his father’s crooked teeth. He was also dressed in his nicest black robes, but they had been purchased second hand, and were ill fitting around the shoulders and showed his ankles.

 

James didn’t say anything about his presence, but instead of staying, they chatted with Lily for another minute before leaving. 

 

Little did Severus know that this would be the first interaction he ever had with who he would come to know as the Marauders. His tormentors for the next seven years of his life. 

 

.oOo.