Work Text:
Report date: 3 August 20XX.
Written by: Junior Investigative Reporter A
Background
A love war is happening with Makochi town as its epicenter. The subject is Sakura Haruka from Furin High School class 1-1, who came from outside of the town. It has been observed that there are various men who are after him and causing fierce battles and confrontations in Makochi town and less frequently, the streets in the neighboring towns. Even though it is summer, temperature can drop to below zero when these suitors happen to meet each other. Other times, temperature can go up beyond what is normal when they meet the subject and try to woo him. Thus, swift action is needed to mitigate this state of affairs.
Objective
This report is made to gauge the situation and get to know who the suitors are, particularly the prominent ones. This report is made as concise as possible to map the current condition and the people involved quickly.
Method
Observation and qualitative interview. Due to time availability and higher level of data priority, interviews below are taken from the suitors themselves.
Result
Suitor 1. Suo Hayato
Vice captain of Tamon first year. A strong fighter and strategist who never seems to break a sweat, but he can lose control if provoked too much. As Sakura's aide, he is always sticking around Sakura like a super glue. A guy who is always smiling and spouting childish lies that only the naive Sakura would buy. Despite that, he adores Sakura and is often telling him "I can't beat you" in a fond, exasperated voice. He doesn't say that to anyone else.
Testimonies:
Kaji: "A capable vice captain. He's very strong too. He's always hanging out with Sakura, teasing him and talking about whatever... Tch, I'd like to spend that much time with Sakura too."
Togame: "Oh, Eyepatch-kun? He talks politely and appears demure, but he's definitely a dangerous type of guy. Yeah, he is super strong as a fighter, but that's not all. People who always smile often have a wild side, and he has this menacing feel whenever Sakura is talking to someone else."
Suitor 2: Kaji Ren
Grade captain of Tamon second year. A quiet unsociable guy who is always eating candy and wearing headphones, but has more than enough skill to back his title up. Is infamous for going berserk like a monster during fights, although that doesn't happen often nowadays. As grade captains, he is close with Sakura and they are often seen having private chats somewhere at school. He really doesn't like any intruder when he talks to Sakura.
Testimonies:
Suo: "Kaji-san is not really a communicative person, but Sakura-kun always looks for him when he's troubled in school. No, maybe it's because they are similar in that way that Kaji-san earns his trust that much... I'm so envious of him."
Umemiya: "As a big brother, I am so happy to see my younger brother give his advice to his new younger brother. But whenever I see them together, I always get a nagging feeling inside my chest. I wonder what that is. Ah, Hiiragi gave me a weirded out look, too."
Suitor 3: Umemiya Hajime
Bofurin's Representative. Self-titled big brother of everyone in the school. Although cheerful most of the time, he is an incredibly sturdy fighter with an aura like a demon who pushes through everyone in his way. Very fond of Sakura, who is the youngest student and a stray cat-like outsider. Can be seen sharing just about everything to Sakura and throws himself into the younger's matters. Seems to be unaware of the true nature of his feelings.... Or does he?
Testimonies:
Suo: "Everyone here respects him. But he pampers Sakura-kun too much. If I'm being honest, it's a bit unbecoming of a representative to obviously play favorites like that. Not that I'll lose in the matter of cherishing Sakura-kun, though. Ah, I wonder if I can have his physique... I'd love to hold Sakura-kun up and carry him away so easily too."
Togame: "Ah, to be the sole target of Sakura's attention and worry... Umemiya is really a great person. I can never be like that... But to be honest, rather than a source of worry, I'd rather be Sakura's light of hope. Hehe, even I am allowed to have pride as a man, you know?"
Suitor 4. Togame Jo
Shisitoren's second-in-command. He previously fought Sakura one-on-one while looking like a sadistic Yakuza member. He called Sakura with a derogatory nickname "Othello-kun" after his hair, a fact that Togame is now ashamed of. Today, he openly admires Sakura and talks about him nonstop to just about everyone around him. Likes to invites Sakura to the bath house and food stalls. Thinks he will never be half as cool as Sakura, even when Sakura is at his worst.
Testimonies:
Kaji: "Dunno much about him, but Sakura asks for help from him. So he must be a trusted person. Ha? He stomped on Sakura's head? I'm gonna pun- Oh, it was from that duel? That can't be helped, if Sakura's fine with it already... Shit, I still don't like it, though."
Umemiya: "What do you mean you confide in Togame that much, Sakura??? Why didn't you come to Onii-chan??? I'm ready to listen to whatever your worry is!!! Not only that, I will also feed you delicious food too!! I won't lose to the food in Shishitoren's turf!! Sakuraaaaaaaa!!!"
Suitor 5. Endo Yamato
Furin's drop out. Second-in-command of Noroshi, a dangerous gang full of battle crazies. Does morally questionable deals and invaded Makochi town. May or may not have a criminal track record. Everybody hates him. The only one who does not is Sakura himself. He often invites Sakura for tea and gives him expensive stuff. Incidentally, he is also the first one to tell Sakura that he's smitten with him. Which makes everybody hate him even more.
Testimonies:
Everyone: "I'M GONNA ██████ HIM!"
Conclusion
These people are insane. Do your best, Sakura! Don't hesitate to ask us for help when you have enough of them!