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12 July 2003
Hermione gasped and braced her hands on the sink in front of her. She took a few deep breaths, taking inventory of herself as she did so. It appeared she was back in control of herself. The other her was gone.
Hands shaking slightly, she sat down on the closed toilet, trying to get her bearings. She heard the crinkle of parchment when she sat. She glanced down and saw the letter sticking out of her pocket. Pulling it out, she unrolled it and began to read.
While Hermione had been mostly aware of the things that were going on when she’d been sharing a body with her other self, she hadn’t caught everything. It had been exhausting to concentrate and be as present as possible all the time so there had been times when she’d rested, even slept, and missed outside happenings. She’d tried to keep it to when the other Hermione was sleeping as well but that didn’t always work. Hermione was glad the other her had the foresight to leave a letter. She was even more glad that she would see Luna tonight. Because Hermione definitely needed to talk to someone about this.
There was a quiet knock at the door. “Hermione? Are you all right, love?”
“Fine,” she called back, hoping her voice didn’t waver too much. “I’ll be right out.”
Gods, what was she going to tell Neville? She knew if she told him about the other Hermione, he’d feel horribly guilty. He’d feel like he’d cheated on her or something. He hadn’t, not really. Hermione had been there the whole time. She was a bit embarrassed to say that she’d even sort of encouraged her other self to go ahead.
But after everything that had happened with the potions, she’d sworn no more secrets. He’d promised her the same. How could she keep this from him? Because she knew, no matter how hard she tried, he was going to notice something was off. He knew her too well not to.
She took a deep breath and let it out. Okay, she just had to act normally until she could talk to Luna. She could do this. She could.
Standing, she held the letter in her hands trying to decide what to do with it. She didn’t want Neville to stumble upon it if she decided not to tell him, but if she did, she might need it to convince him. Hermione waved her wand, transfiguring the letter into a hair band, then opened one of her drawers and placed it inside. She had so many, Neville wouldn’t think twice about it. Taking one last look at herself in the mirror, she left the loo and made her way to the living room where Neville waited.
He turned and smiled at her. Hermione couldn’t help it; she crossed the room quickly and wrapped her arms around him in a fierce hug. There were times when her other self was with her that Hermione had wondered if she’d ever get her own body back, if she’d ever be able to hug Neville herself, not because the person controlling her body decided to.
Neville’s arms came around her automatically. “You all right?” he asked after a few moments.
“Fine,” she said, telling herself to calm down. This wasn’t going to make him less suspicious.
“Hermione,” he said as he pulled back from her slightly. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing, I just,” she shrugged. “I needed a hug is all.”
He stared down at her, brow furrowed in concern. “Are you sure you want to go to Harry and Luna’s? Maybe we should just stay here and relax. Go to bed early.”
“No, I’m fine, really,” Hermione said. “It’s just this presentation. I just needed, I don’t know, reassurance I guess.” She smiled at him. “And you’re really good at that.”
He chuckled and leaned down to kiss her. “I’m glad you think so.” He sobered. “But if you’re tired or feeling stressed, I want you tell me, and we’ll leave. Okay?”
She nodded. “Okay.”
He kissed her one last time, then released her. He picked up the pot of Floo powder and held it out to her. Hermione took some and threw it in, called out for Grimmauld Place.
“Hermione, can you help me in the kitchen for a minute?” Luna asked.
“Of course,” Hermione said, glad that Luna had finally gotten them a few moments alone.
Neville had been watching Hermione like a hawk since they’d gotten here, not leaving her side. She knew he was concerned; she’d been an idiot before they left after all. But she was nearly bursting with the need to talk to someone, and Luna was the only one she could.
When they got down to the kitchen, Hermione collapsed into a chair, resting her elbows on the table and putting her face in her hands.
“You’re back then,” Luna said as she cast a privacy spell around them.
“Yes,” Hermione replied. “Gods, Luna. What am I going to do?”
“Why do you have to do anything?”
“Because Neville suspects something. After, after she…left, I wasn’t very subtle. I was so happy to see him with my own eyes and be able to touch him myself I just, I hugged him like I hadn’t seen him for days. I brushed it off as stress related to the proposal, but I don’t know if he believed me. You’ve seen him since we’ve been here. He hasn’t left my side the entire time. I wouldn’t be surprised if he came down here looking for me.”
“He won’t. Harry will keep him upstairs.”
“How do you know?”
She shrugged. “Because he will.”
Hermione didn’t ask. Luna knew things and Hermione had given up trying to figure out how.
“I don’t know what to do,” Hermione said with a sigh. “If I tell him, I don’t know how he’s going to react but if I don’t, I, he’s been so worried about me. I know he thinks something is going on. He even asked me, her, the other day if I was using potions again.” Hermione looked at Luna with tears in her eyes. “We said no more secrets but how can I tell him this?”
“Neville loves you.” Luna put her hand on Hermione’s arm.
“I know. And I’m not upset about what happened at all. I mean, I was there. I would have stopped it if I didn’t want it to happen. I should have stopped it. But he was already suspicious, and I just couldn’t, I didn’t want him upset anymore and-” she trailed off, tears running down her cheeks. “We promised no more secrets. I swore.”
How was she going to do this? How were they going to navigate this? Neville would feel like he cheated on her. Hermione knew he would. But he hadn’t, not really. It was her body the other her was in and Hermione had been there the entire time. A part of her felt like she’d sort of pushed the other Hermione to do it. Not exactly like that but, gods, she wasn’t sure really, only that she hadn’t been upset about it happening.
“Hermione, it’s all right,” Luna said. “If you feel like you need to tell him, Neville will understand. You’ll both be all right.”
“How do you know that?” Hermione asked, wiping at the tears on her cheeks.
“Because it’s Neville. And it’s you. And the two of you are supposed to be just like Harry and I are supposed to be.”
Hermione could only nod at that. She wanted to wait to tell him until after her presentation, but she didn’t know if she could. They were supposed to meet with his gran tomorrow about the wedding and how could she do that if he didn’t know about this? Besides, he would know something was wrong and if she didn’t tell him, he was going to jump to his own conclusions. There was no good solution.
“It’s time to be Hermione Granger,” Luna said. Hermione looked up at her in confusion. Luna didn’t say anything else, just drew her wand and cast a spell Hermione knew would erase the evidence of her tears.
Right. Hermione squared her shoulders and breathed deeply for a moment. This was Neville. And it was her. And they would get through this just as they had when she’d ended up in St. Mungo’s. They would talk about it, and she would explain, and it would all be fine. She wasn’t upset and even though Neville might be at first, she would make him understand that he hadn’t done anything wrong. They would be fine.
Luna smiled at her and Hermione followed her back up to the drawing room to Harry and Neville.
As soon as the women left the room to go to the kitchen, Harry cast a privacy spell around him and Neville. Neville’s eyebrows rose in question, but Harry fished a box out of his pocket and held it out to Neville.
Neville opened it and saw the ring, then looked up at Harry with a smirk. “I’m flattered, mate, but I don’t swing that way.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “It’s for Luna, you wanker. What do you think?”
Neville laughed, then looked more closely at the ring. He smiled. “I think it’s perfect.”
“Yeah?” Harry rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
“Yeah. Very Luna.” Neville took a drink of his beer. “When are you going to ask her then?”
“While we’re on our trip,” Harry said. “Not sure when exactly but sometime while we’re gone.”
Neville nodded. He glanced at the doorway, but the girls were still downstairs. “Have you seen Hermione much this week?”
“A couple of times at work. And she came with me to help pick out the ring.”
“Has she seemed off to you?”
“I mean, she’s got that presentation coming up so a bit stressed, yeah. Why?”
“I know the presentation is worrying her and she’s worked late a few times, gone in early, what she usually does. But I can’t help thinking there’s something else.”
“You don’t think,” Harry paused and swallowed. “You don’t think she’s using the potions again?”
“I asked her, and she said no. Swore she wasn’t. And I believe her, I do, it’s just, I don’t know.” Neville sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face.
“I, after we got back from the jewelers she seemed, I dunno, I asked her if she was okay and she just said she was tired,” Harry said. “I begged her not to overdo it, and she promised she wouldn’t. But it’s Hermione, right? We know how she gets when she’s got something big coming up. O.W.L.S., N.E.W.T.S., a presentation. She’s so focused, wants everything to be perfect. But Nev, if she swore she’s not using the potions again then I believe her. She wouldn’t do that again. Not to you, not to any of us.”
“I know. I know she wouldn’t. And like I said, I believe her. I just hate that I had to ask her again.”
“Was she upset that you did?” Harry asked.
“No. She told me that she understood. Said it was like when we all had nightmares after the war. That of course her doing this presentation was going to bring the feelings about all that up again. Gods, Harry, I just really wish she’d take the job at Hogwarts. I’m trying not to push about it but, I just keep seeing her lying on the floor in the bedroom and I can’t, I, fuck.” Neville raked a hand through his hair.
Harry put a hand on his arm. “Nev, she’s all right. She might be tired and stressed about it but she’s not going to do that again. You know Hermione as well as I do. If she promised, she’s not going to go back on that.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know you’re right. But I can’t help but think something is going on.”
“Then talk to her about it.”
“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Harry.” If she’ll actually talk to me, Neville thought to himself.
“Course,” Harry said, clapping Neville on the shoulder. He cancelled the privacy spell just as they heard Hermione and Luna come up the stairs.
Neville watched as the women walked into the room. Hermione seemed fine, she was laughing and smiling with Luna. Hermione walked to his side and put an arm around his waist, kissing his cheek. He smiled at her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him and kissing her temple.
The rest of the evening went as normally as dinners with Harry and Luna always did. They laughed and talked about Harry and Luna’s upcoming trip, Neville’s new job, and Hermione’s presentation. Neville watched her closely as she spoke about it, but she seemed perfectly fine. Still, there was something. Something under the surface that he couldn’t figure out. He was determined to get to the bottom of it though.
Hermione still hadn’t decided what she was going to do when they got home that night. The evening had gone well; she’d managed to put the situation with her other self to the back of her mind and just enjoy the night with her friends. Maybe she could wait until after her presentation. She was going to tell Neville but maybe now wasn’t the best time. She was under enough stress as it was.
Neville, however, seemed to have other ideas. As soon as he’d siphoned the ash from his clothes, he turned to her. “Can we talk?”
“Oh, of course,” Hermione said, trepidation back in full force.
Neville sat down on the couch and gently pulled her down next to him. He stared at her for a moment before he sighed. “Hermione, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Something has been different the last few days. I know that you’re worried about your presentation and that you’ve been working harder than usual, but it’s not just that. There’s something else.” He paused. “I’m not sure what it is exactly. I believe you about the potions and I don’t think it’s that anyway. The way you’ve been acting, it’s different than the last time. I just, please, please tell me what it is.”
He looked so worried, so anxious, Hermione’s heart clenched. She couldn’t do this to him, couldn’t keep him wondering, imagining the worst-case scenario. But how was she going to tell him what had happened? How would he even believe her?
She reached over and took his hand in hers. He looked up at her, eyes full of concern but love too. He squeezed her hand. “Whatever it is, love, we’ll figure it out. I love you, Hermione. You know you can tell me anything.”
She nodded. “I know,” she said, voice cracking. She cleared her throat. “I know. And something has happened. It’s just, gods you’re not going to believe it. I hardly believe it myself and it happened to me.”
“What happened? Are you all right? What is-”
She cut him off with another squeeze to his hand. “Yes, I’m fine. I promise you that I am. No matter what else you think once I tell you, I am all right. I swear it.”
“You’re really starting to scare me here,” Neville said, pulling her towards him and wrapping his arms around her. “Please just tell me.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath and pulled back from him. She took his hand again. “It’s a bit of a story and it’s probably better if you hear the whole thing all the way through before you ask questions. Can you do that?”
He nodded. “Whatever you want, love.”
“All right. A week ago, when you were at Hogwarts having your interview with Minerva, something happened.”
As Hermione told the story of her other self coming to inhabit her body, Neville’s grip tightened around hers, his eyes widened, his mouth dropped open in disbelief. She could tell that he wanted to interrupt several times, ask her questions, tell her she was mad, all of it. But he held his tongue.
As she told the story, she heard how fantastical it sounded and wondered how long it would take her fiancé to suggest they go to St. Mungo’s for an evaluation. Thankfully, she still had the letter, and she knew that Luna would talk to Neville, as would Padma if she asked. Hermione just had no way of knowing if that would convince him.
“This afternoon, before we went to Harry and Luna’s, she jumped again. It’s only me in here now. And I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, but we promised no more secrets, so here we are.”
Neville stared at her for a while when she’d finished. Hermione tried not to fidget under his gaze, but it was difficult. She just wanted him to say something. Anything.
“Hermoine, I,” he paused, running a hand through his hair. “Love, do you, I mean, you’re aware how this sounds?”
“I know,” she said. She gave a hysterical little laugh. “I know. But it’s the truth.”
Neville dropped her hand and Hermione bit her lip. He didn’t believe her. He stood and walked past the fireplace, then stopped and looked at her before pacing again.
Hermione watched him, her heart clenching painfully. She let him think, let him walk out his agitation, waiting for him to figure out what he wanted to say.
Finally, he stopped. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at her. “Hermione maybe, maybe we should go to St. Mungo’s. Just to get you checked out. Maybe it’s the stress or something.”
“Neville,” she said as evenly as she could given the pounding of her heart and the tremor in her voice. “I know this is hard. I know it sounds completely mad. But this is what happened to me. I have a letter that she wrote before she left. She wanted to tell me what had happened while she was here in case I didn’t remember anything once she left. You can read it if you like.”
“You have a letter?” Neville asked incredulously.
Hermione nodded. “Shall I get it?”
“No, I mean yes, I mean, gods, I don’t know!” He slumped down in an armchair, elbows on his knees and face in his hands. “This is…fuck.”
Hermione watched him for a few seconds unsure what to do. Finally, she got up and went to the loo. She pulled the transfigured hairband out of the drawer and turned it back into the letter.
“Here,” she said as she came back into the living room. “Maybe this will help.”
Neville looked up at her, then took the parchment delicately from her hand like it might explode. Hermione sat on the edge of the coffee table while he read it.
“This is your handwriting,” he said when he’d finished.
“Well, yes. I mean, she was me, so,” Hermione shrugged.
“Hermione,” he said carefully, quietly, like he was speaking to a small child. “Love, this is your handwriting.”
She bit back a sigh. “I know but I didn’t write it if that’s what you’re implying. Well, my body did I suppose but I wasn’t controlling it.”
“Are you listening to yourself?” he asked.
“Yes, Neville, but clearly, you’re not.” She was starting to get a little irritated. Yes, this was difficult to understand and believe, but she wasn’t lying.
“Let’s just, let’s just go to St. Mungo’s. Let them check you over. Maybe it’s a curse or maybe there was something in your food at work or something. We still have enemies, even this long after the war. Maybe someone slipped you something.”
Hermione could not go to St. Mungo’s. That much was certain. They wouldn’t find anything wrong with her and after Neville told them the story they’d lock her up for sure. No, she had to convince him.
“Why would I make this up? If I were going to lie to you about what was wrong, why would I make up a story like this?”
“That’s what I’m saying,” Neville replied. “That’s why I think you were given a potion or cursed or something.”
Hermione crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m telling you the truth. The other me is an Unspeakable. You were in the Department of Mysteries in fifth year, the same as I was. You saw all the strange things they had there. Why couldn’t they have something like this?”
“A device that not only jumps universes but puts you in someone else’s body? Or the fact that there even are other universes? Hermione, this sounds mad!”
“I know how it sounds,” she said with a huff. “But time-travel is possible. Why not this?”
“Hermione, I,” he sighed and rubbed his hands down his face.
“Luna knows,” she blurted before he could say anything else.
“What do you mean Luna knows?”
“She knew it wasn’t really me that night we went to dinner to celebrate you getting the professor job. She told the other me that everything was okay, that I was still here and that the other Hermione hadn’t displaced me or something. Luna told her that she would get home as soon as she found what she was looking for. And Luna said that she would be here to help me once the other Hermione left. Ask Luna if you don’t believe me.”
“Luna believes in Crumple-horned Snorkacks,” Neville said bluntly. “I love her but she’s not exactly a reliable source.”
Hermione forced herself to take a deep breath instead of snapping back at him. She knew how crazy this all sounded. She shouldn’t be angry with him because he couldn’t wrap his head around it.
She got up and knelt down in front of him, taking his hands in hers. “I know that none of this makes sense. I know that it’s not anything that anyone has seen before, even in the magical world. I understand why you’re having a difficult time with it. But I swear on my magic that I am telling the truth. If you won’t take Luna’s word, then how about Padma Patil’s?”
“What does Padma have to do with this?” Neville asked in confusion.
“The other Hermione went to Padma as soon as she could. Padma is an Unspeakable as you know. They work together in the other Hermione’s world and they’re close friends. Padma was the one that helped her try and figure out what to do differently with the device. Apparently she’s helped her in every universe she’s been in. I can Floo call Padma, and she can corroborate what I’ve said.”
Neville stared at her. Hermione could tell that he was starting to waver. The entire story was getting too convoluted for her to have made up. Especially as he could easily go to Padma to confirm what Hermione had said.
“Let me call her. She can explain.” Hermione squeezed his hands and looked up earnestly at him.
Neville seemed torn whether to follow through on her offer or just believe her. She knew that he was wondering if she’d be angry that he needed someone else’s word to convince him instead of just taking hers.
“I won’t be angry,” she promised.
“I, I,” Neville began, then looked at her, face full of distress.
Hermione squeezed his hands. “It’s okay. Let me call her.” She let go of his hands and stood, then walked to the Floo and threw the powder in, calling out for Padma’s flat. The other Hermione had helpfully included the Floo address in her letter in case Hermione needed it.
“Hermione?” Padma said as her flat came into view.
“Hi, Padma.”
“Are you, erm,” she trailed off, but Hermione knew what she was asking.
“I’m me again,” she said. “Original Hermione.”
Padma laughed lightly. “You’re all right then?”
“Physically yes. But I am having a bit of trouble I was hoping you could help with.”
“Of course.”
“Do you think you could just come through? It would be easier to discuss in my flat.”
Padma nodded. “I’ll be right there.”
Hermione ended the connection and stood to look at Neville. “She’s coming through.”
“Hermione, I’m sorry, I-”
“It’s all right. I understand. Truly.”
Padma stepped out of the Floo seconds later. She stopped short when she saw Neville in the room. Hermione hadn’t said anything about him because she hadn’t wanted Padma to refuse to come. “I’ve been trying to explain things to Neville but he’s having a hard time believing everything.”
“Hermione, I,” Padma glanced at Neville again. “I don’t think I should, well, I’m an Unspeakable.”
“But this wasn’t a project you were working on in your capacity as an Unspeakable. At least not as far as our Ministry is concerned.”
“Well, no but-”
“Then you don’t need to worry about your vow. And I’ve already told him everything, so it’s not like you’ll be giving him any information he doesn’t already have. I just need confirmation that I’ve told him the truth. He’s worried I’ve been cursed or potioned.”
Padma looked between them for a few moments before she sighed. “What do you want to know?” she asked Neville.
“It’s true then,” he said, swallowing thickly.
“That another version of Hermione came from another universe and took over this Hermione’s body for a while?”
Neville nodded numbly.
“Yes, it’s true.”
There was silence in the flat for a few moments before Neville spoke again. “What the fuck?”
Padma snorted. “I had the same reaction, trust me.”
“I’ve got both of you beat, I’m sure,” Hermione said with a smirk.
Padma chuckled and Hermione grinned.
“This isn’t funny!” Neville exclaimed.
“It’s not, I’m sorry,” Padma said. She turned to Hermione. “You’re sure you’re all right?”
“I feel fine, honestly. She left me a letter explaining everything, but I was aware for a lot of it.”
Padma nodded. “If you need anything or you feel like something’s not right, you’ll Floo?”
“I will,” Hermione agreed. “Thanks, Padma.”
Neville had sat there staring at them as they spoke, as if he couldn’t believe they could talk about it so calmly. Hermione couldn’t blame him. She and Padma had had time to get used to it after all.
“Is there anything else you want to ask me?” Padma said to Neville.
“How did, what did, how is this possible?” he asked.
Padma shook her head. “Honestly, it’s not something I’ve ever really thought about or encountered. And obviously I can’t give you any specifics, but I know about fifth year and your trip to the Department of Mysteries. Think of all the things you saw there and then tell me that this isn’t possible.”
Neville was silent for a few moments before he nodded. “Are you sure she’s all right?” He looked at Hermione when he asked.
“If she says she is, then she is,” Padma said. “I’m obviously not an expert; this is a first for me too. But I think we should trust Hermione.”
“Right, yeah,” Neville said. “Thanks.”
“We should get lunch soon,” Padma said to Hermione as she picked up the Floo powder.
“I’d like that,” Hermione said with a smile.
Padma waved and then disappeared back through the Floo.
Hermione turned to Neville. “You okay?”
“No,” he said immediately. “I just, I can’t, I can’t wrap my mind around this.”
“I know.” She moved towards him, settling herself on his lap. She ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry I just dumped it on you like this, but I really didn’t know how else to tell you.”
He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Hermione rested her head against his shoulder. “How did you do it? Weren’t you frantic?”
She nodded. “At first, yeah. I completely freaked out. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t control my own body or why the things I wanted to say didn’t come out of my mouth. I thought it was like possession or something, like Quirrell first year or when Voldemort took over Harry’s body at the Ministry that time. The other me was pretty freaked out too. Apparently, this was the first time she’s jumped into her own body. The other times, there were two Hermiones.”
They both fell silent. Hermione was just thinking how well Neville had taken everything, all things considered, when he pulled back from her.
“Wait. You said that that other you got here while I was at my interview with Minerva?”
“Yes,” Hermione said wondering where this was going.
“And she just left or jumped or whatever right before we went over to Harry and Luna’s?”
Hermione nodded. She was starting to get a bad feeling.
A look of dawning horror appeared on his face. “So, she was here when we, when I, when, oh gods.” He shifted her off his lap and rose abruptly from the couch, moving several paces away from her.
“Neville?”
“I, I, she, we, no, no, this is not happening. No.” He was shaking his head as if he were trying to force something from it.
“Neville, it’s all right.”
“It’s all right? It’s all right? No, it is not all right, Hermione! I kissed her, I, we, I had sex with her. I cheated on you!”
“No, you didn’t,” Hermione insisted. “You thought it was me. It was me.”
“No, it was you from a different universe. It wasn’t you.” He raked his hands through his hair, looking crazed. “Fuck, this is why my dad had that fit isn’t it? He knew it wasn’t you.”
“I don’t, I don’t know, but maybe.” Hermione bit her lip. “Listen, I know you’re upset but I’m not angry with you. I don’t blame you or anything. Please, please don’t say that you cheated on me. You didn’t. You had no way of knowing, I-”
“But I should have known!” Neville shouted. “We’ve been together since fourth year, Hermione! I should have known it wasn’t you! You were acting strange and off, and I just thought, I just thought it was the werewolf legislation. I just, I,” he trailed off, slumping back down on the couch and digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Fuck!”
“Neville,” she said quietly. She put a hand on his back, and he flinched. Tears stung her eyes. “Neville, it’s all right. Please, I can’t stand to see you do this to yourself. I’m not upset; I swear it. It makes perfect sense that you thought her odd behavior was because of the werewolf proposal. We both know how I get before presentations.”
“That’s not an excuse,” he insisted.
“How could you have known?” Hermione. “It was still me.”
“That’s like saying it would be okay if I slept with someone who Polyjuiced themselves as you because it was still your body.” He looked at her. “How can you not be upset about this?”
“Because it was still my body!” Hermione said throwing her hands up in exasperation. “I was still there. I knew what was going on. I could see, hear, feel all of it. It wasn’t like Polyjuice at all!”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Neville said. “You knew what was happening?”
“Well, yes. I mean, sometimes I got tired, and I’d miss things but for the most part, yes. That’s why I’m saying that I’m not upset. I was there too.”
Neville stared at her for a few seconds. “Could you have stopped it? Stopped her?”
“I, I’m not sure,” Hermione said, biting her lip. “I did try to do or say things sometimes, take control again, and it never worked so I don’t know.”
“Did you even try? When I was, when she and I, when I slept with her?”
“I…not really, no.”
He stared at her incredulously for a moment, then let out a choked laugh. He stood and walked to the door of the flat.
“Where are you going?” Hermione asked.
“I just, I need some air.”
“Neville, wait, please!”
But the door had already shut behind him, leaving Hermione sitting alone in the flat. She stared at the closed door for a few moments before she buried her face in her hands and cried.
Neville wandered aimlessly through the streets around their flat. He couldn’t believe what was happening. He’d had such a hard time wrapping his mind around this other Hermione thing that he hadn’t even thought about the implications of what had happened while she was here.
But when he’d gotten over the initial shock of it actually being true, he couldn’t think of anything else. He’d fucking slept with someone other than his Hermione. He’d never slept with anyone other than Hermione. And she didn’t seem concerned about it.
He tried to look at her from her perspective. It was her body, and she had been there when it happened. Which he understood. Sort of. But it had been someone else that had been driving her consciousness. It was like, like the Imperius. He might have had sex with his fiancée’s body, but she hadn’t been making the decisions.
Which was why he felt like he’d cheated. Because technically he had. He’d had sex with someone that wasn’t Hermione. It didn’t matter that it was another version of her. It wasn’t her.
The fact that she wasn’t upset about it almost made it worse. He couldn’t understand it. She had been trapped in her own body, unable to tell him or anyone else what was going on. But she’d been okay with this?
To be fair, it hadn’t been the other Hermione that had initiated anything, except the one kiss last night. It had always been him and her responding to him. But she hadn’t stopped him either. Which she could have easily done. All it would have taken was one no and he would have stopped. Immediately. He supposed never kissing him would have been harder to explain but still, she could have come up with something.
When he thought about it, he supposed she had sort of stopped things a couple of times. Last night after they watched that film, she cut off the kiss instead of proceeding like they normally would have. All those mornings she’d gotten up before him or the nights she’d supposedly worked late and come home after he was asleep. He realized now that she had been trying to avoid him as much as possible.
It still didn’t make him feel any less guilty. He’d known something was off; had known it in his gut but he’d just chalked it up to her presentation. Neville snorted. Even his father had known. A man whose mind was basically gone still knew that Hermione hadn’t been who he thought she was.
That was another thing. His dad had suffered through all of that because he’d known Hermione wasn’t herself. He was trying to protect his wife and his son from an unknown threat. And Neville’s mum had suffered too. She’d been so upset about his father’s outburst. He knew that the other Hermione didn’t do it maliciously and she couldn’t have known what would happen but still.
Neville reached a small park several streets over from their flat. He walked toward a bench and sat down with a sigh. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get past this. Besides the fact that it happened, he was really struggling with the fact that Hermione, his Hermione, hadn’t done much to try and stop it.
He knew that wasn’t entirely fair, he had no idea how much control she did or didn’t have over her other self. Obviously not all that much or Neville couldn’t imagine that Hermione would have just left her other self in charge the entire time. And she had said that she’d tried to make the other her do or say certain things and it hadn’t worked. If it had, she would have shoved the other Hermione to the background and tried to figure out how to get rid of her permanently.
A small smile ghosted his lips when he thought about that. He could just picture Hermione lecturing the other her about getting out of her body and back to where she belonged.
He sat there for a while thinking about everything. He wished there were someone he could talk to about this. Padma knew everything obviously, but Neville hadn’t spoken to her since Hogwarts and even then it wasn’t more than friendly greetings when they saw each other in the corridors or in class. He could talk to Luna, she appeared to know what was going on, but Neville wasn’t sure if she knew all the specifics of what had happened. He loved Luna but discussing his sex life with her wasn’t something he really wanted to do. He didn’t even know if he could if he were honest.
Letting out a sigh, his thoughts drifted back to Hermione. He couldn’t imagine how she had dealt with everything this past week. He didn’t think he’d be as calm about it if it had happened to him. Not to mention the fact that her presentation was on Monday and she hadn’t even worked on it herself. He had no idea if the other Hermione had even done anything with it. Likely not if she were an Unspeakable in her world. He was surprised his Hermione wasn’t more stressed about it.
He knew he shouldn’t have left like that; stormed out like an angry child. But this was all so fucked up. He was afraid if he’d stayed even longer, he would have said something he regretted. Not that it was Hermione’s fault. Of course it wasn’t. It was just, gods, he didn’t even know how to explain it. He just…he couldn’t believe she was okay with what had happened.
Still, he should have listened to what she had to say. Let her explain how she felt. They weren’t teenagers anymore, even if he were acting like one. They’d always been able to talk about things, work out disagreements. They always listened to one another. Except he hadn’t. He’d just walked out and left her.
Neville stood from the bench and glanced around. He didn’t want to take the time to walk back. He needed to talk to Hermione now. Seeing no one, he Disapparated back to their flat.
Hermione lay on the couch, spent after her round of crying, wondering where Neville was. She knew he would be upset but she hadn’t expected him to storm out. A part of her regretted telling him even if she knew that she’d done the right thing. She couldn’t have kept something this big from him. Eventually, it would have come out and it would have been worse if she’d kept it from him for so long.
What if he couldn’t get over this? What would happen to them? She couldn’t imagine losing Neville. Didn’t want to imagine it. They had to work this out.
Hermione sniffled, then sat up abruptly as she heard the pop of Apparition just outside the door to their flat. Seconds later, the door opened, and Neville walked in. She didn’t even think, just jumped up from the couch and flew into his arms.
Neville held her tightly to him and the tears started again. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, I’m the one that’s sorry. I should have listened. I should have let you explain.”
Hermione shook her head against his chest. “No, I should have tried harder, I should have-”
“Hey,” he said, interrupting her. He gently tilted her head up so he could look her in the eye. “Let’s just talk, yeah? Like we always do.”
She nodded. “Yes, okay.”
He took her hand, raising it to his lips and kissing her fingertips. Then he led her to the couch. He sat down beside her, then turned so he faced her more directly. He kept hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m sorry I ran out like that. It was just hard to process it all, and I couldn’t, I needed to do that on my own. But I should have explained that before I left.”
“It’s okay,” Hermione said. “I understand.” She took a deep breath and blew it out. “I need you to know that I tried to take control back from her, multiple times. But it was exhausting to even pay attention sometimes. I didn’t know what was even happening at first and even when I finally figured it out, I just, I wasn’t sure how to do it.” She looked at him earnestly. “But I wanted to. I wanted to get back to you so much, I,” her voice cracked and she trailed off, shaking her head.
“I know, love. I know.” He kissed her temple and then leaned his forehead against hers. He took a deep breath, like she had a few moments ago. “I just, how are you okay with what I did with her? I know it wasn’t your fault. I’m not blaming you, but you said that you didn’t really try to stop it. And I can’t figure out why.”
Hermione pulled back and saw the anguish in his eyes. She put her hands on his cheeks and titled his head up, so he looked at her. “Do not think for a second that it’s because I don’t love you as much as you love me or something equally as daft. It wasn’t anything like that at all.”
“Then why? I mean I understand if you couldn’t do anything about it if you couldn’t take control or something. But why aren’t you upset about it now? It’s like, like, you’re just okay that it happened. Or indifferent at the very least. I don’t know that I would be were the situation reversed.”
“Because you’re thinking about it like you went out and slept with some stranger.”
“But I-”
“No, just listen to me. Please?”
He nodded.
“Like I said, I tried to take control and couldn’t figure out how to do it. If I had been able to I would have in a heartbeat. I had no idea how long this was going to go on or if I’d ever get my body back. It was terrifying, quite frankly. When she talked to Padma the first time and explained everything that had happened, I relaxed a bit because I knew that the other me didn’t intend to stay here; that she wanted to get home as much as I wanted her to be gone.
But she also didn’t want to just jump again as she had before she came here. She could have, immediately after she arrived if she wanted to. But that wouldn’t do her any good. She needed to try something different if she wanted to get home. Which was going to take a little time, obviously. Padma had to examine the device and go over everything the other Hermione had tried so far. But knowing that there was an end date to all of this made me feel better. I was still scared but at least I knew that she was intending to leave.”
She took a breath and squeezed Neville’s hands. “The problem was, the longer that she stayed, the more she got integrated into my life. And that included you. And I missed you. I mean, of course, I was right there with her, but still, I missed you. And I knew that you were so concerned about my presentation and reliving everything that happened last time. I just, I needed you, you know? And I knew you needed me too.”
“Oh, love,” Neville said, pulling her into his arms.
“So, when things started to happen I didn’t try to stop it.” She sighed and pulled back, not able to look him in the eye. “In fact, I sort of…encouraged her.”
Neville was silent for a moment, and she glanced up at him. He looked a little horrified. “What do you mean by that? I thought you said that you couldn’t control her.”
“I couldn’t,” Hermione said quickly. “And if she had been completely against it, I know nothing I did would have convinced her to go ahead. It’s not like I forced her, I swear it’s not.”
“I, are you sure?” Neville asked swallowing thickly.
“I’m positive. I would never do anything like that to you. To anyone,” Hermione said, wrapping her arms around him. She hugged him tightly for a few moments. When she pulled back her brow furrowed in thought. “It was more like I just wanted, needed, to have something that was tangible, if that makes sense. I mean I could see and hear and feel everything, but she was still the one that decided when to talk to you and what to say, when to hug you or kiss you or just sit with you on the couch.
But this, this I could have too. Because it was almost like, like muscle memory or something. The way we are together, the way we move together, it’s like our bodies just know what to do. Instead of her dictating everything. Does that make sense?”
He nodded.
“And I, I needed that so much. I needed to still feel like we were connected; that even this crazy situation couldn’t pull us apart. And I missed you and I was still scared and I just, I just needed to be close to you. And I’m sorry because I know that’s not an excuse and I should have tried harder to not let her or something, I just, I-”
“Shh,” Neville said, cupping her face in his hands and swiping at the tears Hermione didn’t know had started falling again with his thumbs. “I understand.”
“You do?”
“I do. And I’m sorry that I was only thinking about myself and not how you probably felt about all of this. Fuck, Hermione, I can’t even imagine going through all of that and not knowing when, or if, it was going to end. You’re so brave, love, so strong, and I’m sorry I was an arsehole.”
“You weren’t,” she insisted.
“I was,” he said with a wry smile. “I was practically blaming you for something that wasn’t your fault. That you had no control over. You didn’t ask for this to happen. Neither of us did. It isn’t either of our faults. Not even the other Hermione’s really. If you’re not angry with me, I can get over this.”
Hermione lifted her hands and covered Neville’s where they still cupped her face. “I’m not. Not at all. I was there, Neville. Don’t think of it as cheating. Think of it like…a threesome or something.”
He stared at her then laughed incredulously. “Did you really just call it a threesome?”
“I mean technically there were three of us there.” She smirked. “And it’s the only one you’re ever going to have so I hoped you enjoyed it.”
“I cannot believe you just said that,” he said with a snort.
“Too soon?” she asked.
“Yeah, just a little bit.”
They looked at one another for a few moments, then both burst into laughter. Neville pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “I love you.”
She wrapped her arms tightly around him. “I love you too.” They sat that way for a bit before Hermione pulled back slightly. “So, we’re okay?”
He smiled. “Yeah, we’re okay.”
She leaned in and kissed him. Neville returned the kiss for a moment before he pulled back and looked at her.
“I promise there’s only one of me in here,” she said.
He chuckled and then kissed her again, deepening it as he pulled her into his lap, so she straddled him. He released her lips and moved to her neck. Hermione shifted and he groaned.
“No chance she’s just going to pop back in, is there?” he mumbled as he kissed down Hermione’s neck to her shoulder. He pulled her shirt over her head. “Because that would just be awkward right now.”
Hermione let out a breathy laugh as he unhooked her bra and pulled it off her. “Promise,” she said. “Hopefully, she’s back in her own world by now.” She reached down and pulled Neville’s shirt off as well, kissing him again as she started moving against him.
“Good,” Neville replied, then moaned. He grabbed his wand and waved it, divesting them of the rest of their clothes. “Let’s not talk about her anymore.”
Hermione hummed in agreement and kissed him once more. His hands were everywhere, and she reveled in the fact that she was back, and they were okay, and she got to have this for the rest of her life.
After a few more minutes, she maneuvered in his lap and sunk down on him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and began to move. Neville thrust up into her, kissing her as he gripped her hips, helping guide her movements.
Hermione pulled back from the kiss and met his gaze. “I love you. So much.”
“I, fuck, I love you too. Missed you. Missed this.”
She kissed him again as he reached a hand between them. The time with him while the other Hermione was in her body might have been enjoyable, but it was nothing like this. Hermione keened as she reached her peak, squeezing Neville’s shoulders even harder. He followed quickly, thrusting up into her as he shouted her name.
Hermione slumped against him, both breathing heavily as they came down. She kissed his chest, and he kissed her temple. He stroked her back with his fingertips and Hermione shivered but not from cold. She wasn’t sure how long they sat that way but long enough for Neville to slip from her and cast a cleansing charm.
“Let’s go to bed, love,” Neville whispered.
She nodded against his shoulder, and he stood, taking her with him. He carried her into their bedroom and placed her gently on their bed. He crawled in beside her and Hermione snuggled into his chest as he wrapped an arm around her.
“Love you,” he whispered as he pulled the blankets up over them.
“Love you more,” she replied, her eyes fluttering shut as she drifted off to sleep.