Chapter Text
Black.
Murky, inky, void, and shadow black. The surface was firm yet rippled under every step, like walking on water. There was nothing inside the endless expanse but the sound of dripping and brief mummers, none resembling the same voice. They were incomprehensible other than… something sharp, harsh; perhaps medical jargon. Something not meant for his ears.
He was walking along the watery ground, unable to tell where his feet ended and where the unbreakable void began. He was desperate to find anything or anyone, but all he could see were the endless ripples… until something formed in the distance.
Whether it finally breached his line of sight or manifested into thin air, he was unsure. Either way, something had caught his attention in the nothingness. He had tried to call out, but even he couldn't hear his cries for help. They were swallowed by the emptiness around him.
The silence drove his walk into a desperate sprint, the sound of splashing filling his ears. The closer he ran, the more distinguishable his form became; however, something about it was… wrong. He couldn't tell what, but it felt odd to see his body manifesting in the space he inhabited.
His mad dash only ended when the figure's back met his gaze. It was shorter than him, seemingly the source of all of the noise. It was all still so distant, growing even fainter by the moment.
That was, until, the silhouetted figure started to turn around. He felt an odd sense of comfort from their presence, like they were a beacon of hope in the middle of an endless sea of misery.
Comfort, from what? He didn't know. All he knew was that he desperately wanted it. All he knew was that everything burned and froze at the same time, a hellish communal abyss of sensation. The void he found himself surrounded by felt like it was suffocating him.
It was hard to think, it was hard to breathe and it was impossible to feel anything other than the strange scalding frozenness. That was, until, the strange figure turned around, their hands finding themselves placed on his shoulders.
They had to stand on their toes to reach him as they leaned into his ear. He was able to see that their face was a vague blur this way, but the words that left their mouth shocked him more than anything about their distorted appearance. They spoke with a hushed urgency like they were trying not to awaken something horrible.
“Now is not the time to die. Get up.”
As soon as they spoke, they released their hold on him and started to walk off. He was so stunned trying to process what they told him that he barely thought to pursue them. An ache flared up in his side as he tried to recall what they could be talking about. It burned so deeply that he couldn't force himself to try and remember anymore.
With the memory forced back into obscurity, all that remained was him and the wandering figure. They were walking towards a light in the distance, so bright it was almost blinding. He knew there was nothing else to do but follow them.
The harsh white light grew ever harsher as he pursued the mysterious stranger, desperate to find his way out of the darkness. Nothing existed before it and nothing existed in it. He just wanted to be something again.
The further he chased, the brighter it burned, to the point it felt like his eyes were giving out. Despite the pain in his skull and wracking his body, he carried on, knowing he had to get through to the other side.
Suddenly, his ears started ringing, the bright light subsiding as he jolted up, his hand instinctively going to rub at his throbbing head. He had pulled through, finding himself on a cot in a surprisingly dim room. The ringing gave way to a steady beep… one of the machines he was hooked up to. Heart monitor, that was the word.
There was somebody beside the bed; they had fallen asleep sitting up, giving him easy access to a familiar face. He didn't know how he knew them, but there was something warm that stirred in his chest at the sight of them. Something about their presence was comforting.
He finally took a look at himself, finding himself jolting at the sight of his hands and arms. The yelp he gave from the pain of the sudden movement woke his sleeping companion, making them look around with wide eyes. They directed their stare at him, a look of relief flooding their face as they saw he was awake.
“Oh, thank fuck, that would've all been for nothin’ if you croaked,” they grimly commented.
The cruel quip made him laugh a little, but he stopped as soon as the pain in his side set in again. The chuckle died into a loud hiss before he forced himself quiet with clenched teeth, his fists balled at his sides. He had to force himself to breathe again after that, the pain subsiding as he tried to stay still.
“Careful about movin’ around. You’re gonna be sore, given you just came back from the brink of death.” They warned.
He heeded their cautioning, but there was only one thing on his mind. That voice was the voice he heard in the darkness; The bits he had seen of them were familiar as well. That jacket was the same as the one the person in his dream wore.
“...Who are you?”
“Damn, you forgot me? That's no good... My name's Corvid.”
"That's a weird name.”
They squinted at him after he spoke, eyebrows furrowed with an annoyed look on their face. They didn't seem to take kindly to his pointing out his observation.
“As if yours is any better?” They remarked. “C'mon, I’m testing you, gimme your name.”
Why were they asking him that? They should know his name since they seemed familiar with him. His brain felt so scrambled it was hard to think, but he could remember…
“B-Benrey-”
Corvid looked confused at his answer for a second before they grabbed a clipboard and jotted something down.
“H-Hey, what are you writing?”
When he spoke, they looked up at him for a split second before they wrote down some more.
“You know that's not your name, right?”
Benrey's eyebrows furrowed in annoyance at the challenge. Of course, his name was Benrey, that's how he remembered it… the only other name he could think of pissed him off. He didn't want to think about it.
“O-Of course it is, don't be stupid.” He retorted, more snarkily than he wished. “...Sorry-”
Corvid seemed to be holding back something for themselves. They released the breath they'd been holding before they spoke again, skirting around the little interaction that just went down.
“How are you feeling?” They asked, trying to force their tone into neutrality.
Pain. He felt like he was in pain. But there was… something that almost felt like a tugging in his side. Like it was pulling in over itself; the searing agony was waning as it occurred, almost like it was healing.
“T-There’s somethin’...”
He didn't know how to articulate it, he was too tired and it was too impossible to think properly. He ended up gesturing to his hip; he wasn't the doctor here, he'd let them figure it out.
Corvid stood and shifted aside Benrey's surgical gown to get a look at the injury. The look of confusion didn't seem good, but it hurt too bad to move for him to try and get a better look. From the glimpse he could get, he could see it wasn't horrible at least.
“It's healing remarkably quickly… it almost looks like it's a week along…”
“Ooo, ‘s that good?”
Their brows furrowed again, seemingly questioning if it was.
“...I'd say it is.”
Their answer felt avoidant, but Benrey was too exhausted and racked with aching to question it at the moment. He'd take any good news he could get right now.
“Hah… awesome.”
He ended up lying back down, taking a moment to breathe and try and clear all of the noise in his head. He had so many questions but no energy to ask, or even an idea of where to start.
His eyes felt heavy. He desperately yearned to sleep, but he figured that wasn't the best idea yet. He had to see… whatever the hell had happened to him.
He made a shaking attempt to stand, but almost collapsed in on himself the second he tried. The only reason he didn't fall was Corvid catching him, holding onto him to keep him steady. He was about to say something, but he stopped as he stared at the hand pressed against his chest.
Their hands were robotic and cold, sure; but, something about the hold they had on him made his heart pound so hard he could hear it in his ears. The only thing he knew about them was their name, yet somehow they made him feel dizzy from such a simple touch. He gave a shaking breath as he looked at them, wracking his brain as he tried to find the words he needed.
“C-Can you… Help me get to the bathroom? I want to… um… look.”
They nodded, shifting his arm over their shoulder and a hand around his waist to help him walk. His breath had hitched a little as they changed their hold, the pain making itself more known. It was even more obvious as he started to walk, but he knew he'd have to power through if he wanted to start getting an idea of what to even question.
There was thankfully a restroom in the medical area, so he didn't have to go too far. He had immediately shut the door behind him as he stumbled over to the sink; He took a second to drink some water with his hand before he finally looked up at himself. He wished he hadn't, though, when he got a sight of his face.
He was entirely hairless, outside of some fuzz growing back in its place… surprisingly fast, but either way, it wasn't a pretty sight. His cheeks were gaunt, and he looked frail and sickly. He knew he wasn't supposed to look like this, but the real thing that threw him off was his eyes. He had to squint to see anything at all, with how blinding the light was.
…Were they always so blue? They're called whites, not cobalts. He didn't know what the hell was up with that, but… what were those lines under his eyes? They looked… like a second pair, yet closed. He had no idea how he was even supposed to open them, and all he could do was stare in disbelief.
The pointed ears, the sharp teeth he was greeted with when he opened his mouth… He wasn't human, was he? Nothing about his appearance suggested it. The thought made him recoil, but he knew it was true. He had backed up against the door, breath coming in quickening pants as the crushing dread started to set in.
What the hell had happened to him?! How had he gone from… whatever he was before to this? He couldn't remember what he was supposed to look like, but he knew his skin wasn't supposed to look so… corpse-like. He wasn't supposed to be so cold…
He couldn't stand to look anymore. Every second he stared into this mirror only flooded his mind with terror and hatred of what he'd found. He was a monster, and all he knew was that he wasn't supposed to be one. He stumbled out of the bathroom, breath rapid and frantic as he stared at Corvid.
“What- What the hell- What happened to me- Why am I- Why-”
He couldn't even form a coherent sentence, brain so scrambled from the terror and loathing of what he'd become that none of his thoughts made sense. There was too much, it made his head hurt more than the light did.
The shorter one looked at him with… sadness, something sorrowful, in their eyes. They didn't answer his question, simply glancing away before they moved to hold him again.
“Here… I'll take you back to your room, I'll tell you everything there.”
Their gentle touch seemed to melt away most of the chaos in his mind, something tranquil and soothing about their hands against his wretched form. He already knew he didn't deserve to have them hold him like this, even if it was just to help him walk. He silently bit down his urge to insist he could manage alone, knowing damn well he couldn't. He might as well let them help him.
He didn't even know them, aside from a deep sense of familiarity. It seemed like they were supposed to know each other, but all he even knew was their name. Their name, and the warmth in his chest that was inspired by how close they were to him. He just knew he wanted them to stay by his side.
When they made it to the room, they had helped him settle back on the gurney in a way that wouldn't aggravate his pain too much. Well, everything hurt, and anything touching him made his body ache especially worse. Even the fabric of the surgical gown against his skin was agonizing in a way he tried to focus on ignoring.
They had settled next to him, sitting back in the chair he first saw them in. Their posture was stiff, like they were trying hard not to curl in on themselves. Their voice shook a little as they spoke, the waver of somebody strong faltering under a heavy burden.
“...You'd been attacked on a mission gone wrong. Some… animal from Xen. You were infected with a parasite, and it just…“
They trailed off, their eyes hollow yet filled with fear. They weren't frightened because of him, clearly, but there was something that seemed to make them so uneasy. The way they spoke felt careful, like the wrong words would evoke the wrath of something beyond his comprehension.
“I don't… know how it even happened. How you turned out like this… I'm sorry-”
Wait, why were they apologizing? Probably just expressing remorse for what happened… right? The look in their eyes when they said sorry was haunted. There had to be something that wasn't being let on, but he couldn't figure it out. He was too exhausted and scared to even question it.
The silence that lingered between them was so thick with tension it could be sliced through by a knife. Suddenly, they rose to their feet, making their way to the door. He desperately wanted to beg them not to leave… But that'd be pathetic, like a scared kid asking not to be alone after a bad nightmare. He wished this was just a terrible dream, but he knew it was real. The pain was too real for this to be a terrific making of his brain.
They turned to stop at the door, looking like there was something they wanted to say. Their gaze slipped from his eyes to the floor, starting to say something they cut themselves off. What they did say felt restrained, like there was something more they wanted to say but couldn't.”
“...If you need anything, just press the little button on your bed. I wired it to where it'll send a message to my phone. Don't be afraid to use it.”
With that, the door clicked open before shutting behind them, and he was alone. He wanted to push the button so bad it ached, just to ask them not to leave him by himself. When he was alone, it gave him all the room in the world to think. His thoughts were so jumbled, but all he knew was he was fucking terrified.
He yearned for the strangers presence, for them to hold him like they had earlier when he needed help walking. It was the closest he'd felt to peace this entire time. He knew he couldn't call them in for that, so instead, he bunched up the blanket under him and held onto it. If he thought about it hard enough, it could be the comfort he wished for so desperately.
At least he wasn't awake for too long… despite all of the pain and unease, his exhaustion was a stronger feeling. He plummeted into a dreamless sleep with enough time. He would be grateful for the lack of imagery when he woke up… or maybe he wouldn't be. No nightmare could terrify him more than the reality he would wake up to once again.
He missed the life he couldn't remember having.