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The first time it happens, it’s an accident, I swear. I didn’t intentionally forget to buy condoms. I thought I still had some at home. I forgot I took them all to Leeds with me because I didn’t want mum to find them in case she came in and cleaned my room or something. Not like she needed the evidence, anyway. She already knows we’re having sex. She’s even cool about it, treating us like adults, which is nice. It would probably have been better if she found them, because at least she would know we were having safe sex. But whatever. I got freaked out.
The point is, it’s an accident.
When I finally get into the station, it’s late and the only thing I want to do is get Charlie alone as fast as possible. Mum drove us home, but I sat in the backseat with him. It’s so nice to see his face and hold his hand and lay my head on his shoulder. We haven’t managed a visit for two months and it has been the longest two months of my life. For many reasons, not just lack of sex.
Mum seems to understand that we want time alone, because she pulls up and doesn’t even get out of the car.
“Have fun, boys. Be safe.” She gives us a wave and off she goes, to spend the weekend at my Aunt Diane’s.
We run up to my room, laughing and trying to make out and strip each other on the way up the stairs, leaving behind a trail of clothes I’ll have to remember to go get later. Finally, we’re both naked and in bed and Charlie immediately pins me down.
”I prepped at home,” he says. “Wanna have sex?”
”What kind of question is that? Of course I wanna have sex.” It’s all I’ve been able to think about all day.
“Then get a condom. I’ll wait.” Charlie doesn’t wait, though. Not really. He licks and kisses his way down my chest, over my stomach, then he takes me into his mouth.
“Fuck,” I groan. God, I’ve been thinking of this for months and I kinda forget what I’m supposed to be doing for a second, just enjoying the feel of his mouth on me. Charlie looks up at me, and– oh yeah, condoms– I stick my arm out at a weird angle to flail around in the drawer of my nightstand. I reach the lube and throw it onto the bed, but I can’t find any condoms.
And then I remember.
”Charlie,” I say. He pulls off, licking as he goes.
”What’s wrong?” he asks.
“You brought a condom, right?” I have a bad feeling about this, though.
”No,” he says. “Don’t you have one in there?”
I close my eyes. Fucking Christ.
Charlie leans over me and looks into the drawer himself. “Where the fuck did all the condoms go?”
”I brought them to Leeds,” I mumble.
“What?” He looks at me sharply.
“I didn’t want mum to find them and I thought that you’d be up to visit and I wanted to be prepared!”
“Well, fuck,” Charlie grumbles.
"We can just go to your place and get the ones there?” I ask it as a question because I’m not exactly sure there are any at his place, either. We made a game of trying to use the whole pack up before I left and I’m not sure Charlie would have bought more with me gone.
”I didn’t buy more.”
We’re both quiet for a second, until Charlie leans back down and starts kissing me. He must have a plan, maybe we’re just gonna do something else, even though I’m kind of disappointed. I was really looking forward to having sex and connecting with Charlie again. It’s not just sex to get off. It’s more than that, for us, and I really wanted that tonight.
Oh well. I resign myself to the fact that it’s not happening. Tomorrow morning we can walk down to the shop on the corner and buy more.
I get into it again, letting myself relax and enjoy having Charlie in my arms. I let my hands roam and get reacquainted with his body and he does the same to mine. I could never really forget it, but things have changed for us both, and we take the time to explore.
We’ve rolled a few times, and Charlie is back on top of me now. I feel him reach down to grip me. His hand is already wet with lube, I didn’t even know he was doing that, and then he lifts me up and lines me up. I gasp as he rubs the tip of my cock against him, right where I thought it wasn’t going to go tonight. I grip his hips immediately.
“Char, what are you doing?” It barely comes out; I know what he’s doing, obviously. I just can’t believe it.
”Can we please have sex?” He’s shaking a bit, from emotion or need, I can’t tell.
“Without a condom?” I check, because fuck. That is hot, but also a little bit scary. And new.
”Please,” he begs again. “I’ve been thinking about this for months. I really, really want this. I miss you so much. I don’t care about a condom.”
I think I might pass out from blood loss to my head, since it’s all in my dick right now. “Oh my god, yes, we can do it without a condom. Only if you’re sure.”
”I’m so sure. We can buy more later, if you want. It can be just this once. And you can pull out if you want. Okay? Please?” But Charlie isn’t waiting. He’s pushing himself backwards, bearing down onto me, and I can’t handle it, it feels so good. More than good. Overwhelming and tight and soft and warm and fucking fantastic.
”Wait!” I grip him again and he stops. He’s breathing hard and his face is flushed and fuck it, I know I’m gonna shoot off way faster than usual, but it’s impossible not to. I move my hips, just a bit, and he throws his head back and moans. It gives me space to get up there and put my face into his neck.
”How does it feel?” he asks me, breathless.
I can’t respond. I can’t talk. I’m clenching my jaw so hard, trying to keep control. I should pull out before the end, probably, and it’s coming soon.
He keeps working his way onto me, rolling his hips down and back. I love watching him do that, he looks so fucking sexy. But mostly I love when Charlie takes what he needs from me without being self-conscious about it. It took a long time to get here, but it was worth the wait.
He stills, and I wrap my arms completely around him, holding him tight on top of me. I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience. I didn’t realise how much condoms dulled the sensation until now. I can feel everything.
Charlie starts moving. It’s slow. He’s rocking back and forth and I let him, because I’m afraid that if I move, I’ll either hurt him or come. Probably should have had a strategic wank this morning, but it’s too late now.
“You okay?” he asks me, probably catching on that I’m just laying here doing nothing. His voice is soft and right by my ear, so I turn to kiss him.
“I’m okay,” I manage. “I’m just…it feels really good. I’m afraid I’m–” I gasp when he rocks down harder. “Char, Charlie.” I’m frantically gripping him to hold him still.
“It’s okay. Don’t want you to hold back.” Charlie throws his weight sideways, and I follow, rolling over him and then my body takes over and I fall down onto my forearms and move.
Charlie hooks his legs up around my hips and tilts his face up to try to kiss me, but I can’t do anything except breathe into his mouth. The heat and slide of it is incredible and I’m moving harder and faster than I usually do.
“Nick,” he gasps. “Come on.”
And that’s it. I don’t even think to pull out. I probably sound like I’m dying, because I might be. It feels like I’ve never come this much or this long before, and Charlie is still trying to move on me, while I’m gripping his hips and emptying myself inside him.
I didn’t even notice that he was touching himself, until I feel him clenching down on me, and then I’m moving again, trying to help him through it even though it’s sending tremors through my body from the overstimulation.
When it’s done, we both look at each other.
“Oh my God,” Charlie says, breaking the silence. “We should spend two months apart more often.”
“No,” I say, automatically. “I don’t ever want to be apart from you again.” I always get a little weird after sex, kinda clingy and quiet. Especially when the sex is really intense. Charlie doesn’t mind, though.
He pulls my head down to rest on his chest and I realise how sweaty I am. It’s also uncomfortable, because I’m still inside him, so I’m kinda contorted. I pull out, and the sound it makes surprises us both.
“Um.” I’m not sure what else to say. We’ve gotten very comfortable with each other in brand new ways since we started having penetrative sex. You kind of have to, really. And it’s good, because there’s no one in the world I trust more than Charlie, especially with all the stuff that could be embarrassing. With us, though, it’s just not. “Does that feel okay?”
“It feels kinda weird,” Charlie says.
I can’t help myself. I lean back, sitting on my knees, and push his legs open to look.
He laughs. “Nick,” he scolds. It’s playful, though, I can tell. If he really didn’t want me to look, I wouldn’t. But I’m kind of curious to see if I can see my cum leaking out. I know I’ve seen it happen in porn, but that’s not real life, right?
“Sorry,” I say, kinda disappointed when nothing comes out. “I thought, maybe, I could like, see it.”
He squirms a bit as I’m awkwardly staring directly at his ass. “You can’t?” he asks. Then I watch as he obviously pushes out, and a white trail slides down onto the sheets.
“Did you just do that on purpose?” I’m mesmerised. That’s me. I did that to him. I am inside him even when we’re not having sex. I reach out and touch him there, gently circling his rim, and he winces. “Sorry. Are you sore?”
“A little,” he says. “But mostly it just feels, like, wet.”
“It is wet.” And really, really hot, actually. But that would be weird to say, right?
Charlie gives me a funny look. “Do you like the fact that you just came inside me?”
I can’t even attempt to play it cool. I move up his body, settling back between his outstretched legs. He closes them to squeeze me. “I do like it,” I say, honestly. “I know you said it feels weird, and we don’t have to do it again. And this is gonna sound, like, so douchey, but it’s like now you’re really mine.”
Charlie doesn’t laugh or call me an idiot. He kisses me gently and I can feel myself melt into him. He never laughs at me when it’s serious like this. And this is so serious, because I really, really love how it feels to know that right now, there’s still a bit of me inside him. That his body is going to absorb my DNA and we will be together forever. Probably. I’m not really sure that’s how it works, but that sounds so nice.
I’m never saying that out loud.
“You are the sappiest person ever,” he says to me, as if he could read my mind anyway.
I smile. “You already knew that.”
“I did,” he agrees. “And I think I like it, too.” He says it like it’s a secret and I hardly dare to hope that we can do this again.
We kiss and kiss, and then I roll off him, and lay facing him. “So,” he starts. “It seemed like that felt really good for you. Without the condom.”
That’s an understatement. “It was really good. Kinda overwhelming. But so, so good.”
“Would you want to do it again?” He sounds hesitant, and I can’t read him.
“Would you?” I’m not gonna be the first one to say how eager I am to ditch the condoms permanently. But honestly, I’m not sure how I can go back after having this.
He smiles at me. “I asked you first.”
Okay, guess I am going to be the first one to say it. “Yeah, I really would. But only if you want to.”
“I want to,” he says.
We look at each other. Did we just agree to stop using condoms?
He kisses me heatedly and then says, “And I really want to try it with you, too. Being inside you without a condom. If you want.”
Oh shit. I’m definitely going to die here this weekend. “Now?” I ask, eagerly.
Charlie laughs, rubbing his hand down my shoulder. “I mean, not immediately. I do need a bit of a break. Though, probably not as long as usual, since it’s been so fucking long. Maybe we can have something to eat? And then we can try it.”
“Okay.” I get off the bed and pull on a pair of joggers, before reaching out to pull Charlie up to his feet. I hug him and he hugs me and we just stand there together until Charlie pulls back with another wince.
“I think I need a baby wipe.” He’s laughing a little at himself, legs spread open like he’s uncomfortable.
I look down to see that what he pushed out earlier is now running down his inner thigh, and it’s like something inside me just snaps. I walk him backwards until his knees hit the bed and push him down to sit. Then I push his chest, and he lays back.
“What are you doing?” he asks, laughing at me.
But I’m already on my knees in front of him. I grab his thighs and drag him to the edge of the bed and I think he gets the picture pretty fast.
“Nick!” he shouts. His hands fly to my hair, which doesn’t help how I’m feeling. I’m feeling like I could eat him whole.
I turn my face into his thigh and kiss. “Charlie, this is so hot.”
He looks surprised. “Really?”
“I can stop, if you want. But I really wanna feel it.” I bring my hands up closer, so he knows what I’m talking about. There’s a little voice inside me that’s saying to lick it, stick my tongue inside him and taste us together there, but I don’t. That would definitely be weird, right?
“I don’t want you to stop,” he says, scratching at my head.
I put his thighs over my shoulders, so I don’t have to hold them. I take my right hand and press my thumb carefully into him.
“Oh God,” he sighs.
“Can you do it again? Push it out?” I ask, softly.
“Nick,” he says, sounding a bit like he doesn’t want to. “It’s kind of gross, isn’t it?”
“No,” I insist. “It’s not gross. Nothing about this is gross. Please?”
He sighs, and I remove my thumb from inside him and wait patiently. I can’t tear my eyes away as he does it again, and more of my release slips out.
I suck at his thigh and use my middle finger to swipe up through it before I push it in, as far as I can. When I pull it out, more of my own release comes out with it.
“I wanna do it again,” I blurt out. “I wanna come in you again.” I’m almost hard enough to try. I will be, soon, if I keep doing this. Or if I suck him off.
“Okay,” Charlie agrees. He sounds breathless again, and I take a look up to see that he’s propped up on his elbows, watching me. His eyes are dark and his cheeks are flushed. He looks gorgeous.
“I can’t believe you’re mine,” I say. It’s true. He is way out of my league. But for some reason, he is all fucking mine.
Charlie smiles and caresses my head. “I’m yours. Officially now, I guess.”
I groan, and then I can’t help it. I drop my face into him and lick as he gasps in surprise and pulls at my hair, but not like he’s trying to get me to stop. It’s like he’s trying to pull me away but shove his ass into my face at the same time.
I can definitely taste myself, which I’ve never done before, besides just a hint on Charlie’s mouth when I kiss him after he goes down on me. I’ve never wanted to. But this is not about tasting myself. This is about tasting us.
Charlie’s legs bend over my shoulders and he sits up further, pulling me closer into him. I can feel him watching me, looking down at me, but I can’t stop. I can still taste it, me, and I use my hands to spread him open more.
“Nick,” he gasps as I lick all around his rim. There’s nothing of me left now, so I pull away, feeling a bit dazed.
I have no idea what to say to him when I look up to meet his eyes. I’m a little scared he’s going to judge me hard for this. It is the absolute dirtiest thing we’ve ever, ever done. By a longshot. I blink at him, waiting for him to say something.
Instead, he wraps his hands around my head again, and puts me back. I moan. I love when he’s like this, assertive and wanting me. I can see he's starting to get hard again, too, which only makes me get harder. Then, while I’m down there, I can feel him clenching and unclenching, and then another gush comes out of him, which I know he’s doing solely for my benefit.
I have to touch, so I swipe my fingers through it and then push it back inside and he throws his head back and groans. Ugh, why is this so hot? Probably because some caveman part of my brain thinks it’s passing on its genes.
“Nick,” he gasps. “This is so hot.”
“Yeah,” I say, feeling vindicated, before I curl my finger inside him to find the place that makes him lose his mind. I tap it gently, then swipe back and forth, back and forth, until he’s arching off the bed.
I’m definitely ready to go again, but I can wait longer if Charlie isn’t. “Char,” I say, letting up a bit so he can focus on what I’m saying. “Can I be inside you again? Are you ready?”
He looks at me. “Are you?” I can hear the doubt in his voice.
I know I’m blushing when I admit that I am. “Yeah. I told you, this is really, really doing it for me.”
Charlie, once again, doesn’t laugh at me. “Go rinse your mouth out so I can kiss you,” he says hotly. I get up and run across the hallway to the bathroom, and when I get back, he’s already on his hands and knees.
“Charlie,” I groan.
“Thought you’d be able to see better this way,” he says, looking back at me with a smirk.
I’m dying. Melting. Exploding. I shuck my joggers so fast, and then get right up behind him. “You don’t think this is weird?” I’m already reaching over for the lube.
“No, it’s not weird,” Charlie says. “Nothing that turns you on is weird. I wanna do everything you love.”
He fucking gets it and he gets me and he loves me and I want to watch myself drip out of him all fucking night.
I lean over him and kiss his back. “I promise I’ll last longer this time,” I say, slicking myself up, and then I’m pushing back inside. I didn’t expect it to feel exactly as good as it did before. It’s so good, but I’m in much better control of myself now. I’m gonna be sure to take better care of him.
I keep it slow at first. I touch him all over, enjoying the noises he makes. I know he likes this position because I can get a lot deeper, but I’m being a bit of a tease and not giving it to him yet. I will, eventually. But not yet.
He makes it longer than I thought he would before he starts begging. “Nick, please.” He’s reaching back, trying to grab my hip, but it’s not working. I pull back, out of his reach, and he collapses down onto his chest, groaning in frustration. A little more, and I’ve got just the head of my cock inside him, stretching his rim wide, and he really starts begging then. I love making him feel good like this, making him crazy and a bit wild. I use my grip on his hips to hold him still while I slowly push in all the way, until I’m right up against his gorgeous ass.
We both swear at the same time.
“Move,” he says, voice rough.
I do, almost all the way out and then right back in again. We both groan at that. Then, while I’m still deep, he starts rolling his hips on me, and I finally start to move the way he wants.
I start my mantra of his name pretty quickly, but he doesn’t even yell at me for it, so it must be good. I lean over so I can scoop my arms around him, hooking onto his shoulders, and use his body for leverage so I can go harder and harder. I can hear his short little huffs of breath at each thrust, and one of his hands comes up to grab mine at his shoulder. I always feel like I’m going to hurt him, but he always asks for more, even when he knows he’s going to feel it later, so I’ve learned to just trust him.
“Feel good?” he asks.
“Uh-huh,” I pant. Duh.
“Tell me.”
Oh. My brain is pretty much offline at this point, but I try to pull up some words to describe how it feels without losing the pace I’ve set. “Feels so good,” I say. “Hot and soft and so fucking tight. I swear, I can feel how wet you are inside.”
Charlie just hums at me, like he wants me to keep talking. “You feel so good, too,” he says shakily.
“I’m so close, Char, wanna come. Are you close?” I know I said I would last longer, but fuck it’s impossible. Maybe we actually should use condoms. Or maybe I’ll just get used to it. I kinda hope I never get used to it.
Charlie has one hand on himself now, and the one holding my hand has moved back to grip at my sides and my arm wherever he can, like he’s trying to pull me in more. “Yeah?” He sounds totally wrecked, which just puts me one step closer. “Wanna fill me up?”
I was not prepared. “Ugh,” I groan, pulling back to my knees. Something about that phrase just does it for me, and without thinking, I put a hand on his back, up between his shoulder blades, hold him down, and fuck into him with embarrassingly little control.
He’s just making noises now, and it’s so hot, and then he seems to remember how to talk. “Can feel how hard you are, just for me, want you to fuck it in so deep, make me take it, make me yours, baby, please, please—”
“Char–” This time it’s not a nickname. It’s all I can say before I completely forget how to speak. I can feel everything hit me all at once like a fucking freight train and then I’m coming and fucking into him and coming more and I’m shaking and shaking with how good it feels.
“Fucking–fuck, Nick, don’t stop,” Charlie grunts out, so I deal with it and keep going, even though each time I move makes me full-body twitch from oversensitivity. I don’t have to suffer long, though, before I can feel him tensing up everywhere, and I help by threading my fingers through his hair and pulling back hard.
“That’s it, Charlie, come on,” I encourage, and soon I hear his stuttered breath as he comes onto the bed.
I have to stop, then. I fall on top of him and he grunts at me, but lets me stay. I know that he doesn’t mind it right after sex. I can’t stay too long, though, or he’ll start to feel claustrophobic and knock me off.
When I feel like I can breathe again, I lean up a bit. I don’t want to leave him, though. I wish we could fall asleep with me still inside him. But I also kinda wanna see.
I take a few minutes to kiss my way around his back, wherever I can reach, while he’s still breathing hard into the bed. I love these moments, when we’re both piecing ourselves back together.
Finally, he stretches out a bit, which is my cue to give him some space. I straighten up, then grip his hips as I slowly pull out. This time, though, I’m watching closely, and holy shit.
“Nick?” Charlie asks, looking back at me.
I can only make a grunting sound, because holy shit.
Charlie laughs gently at me. “I think we’ve discovered a new kink.”
“Shut up,” I groan. “But also yes.”
“Now can we get food, or do you think you want another go?”
He’s definitely fucking with me, but I do want another go. And another and another. All night. But then I also want him to do it to me.
“I suppose we can go refuel.” I pull him down so we’re lying on the bed, facing each other, and we both lean in to kiss at the same time. Kissing is nice, but I can’t stop my hand from hitching up Charlie’s top leg so I can get underneath, to feel how wet he is.
“Fuck,” Charlie breathes, gasping a bit into my mouth. “God, that feels weird.”
I nuzzle into his neck while I keep dragging my finger back and forth over him. “Good weird?” I ask cautiously.
Charlie pulls away. “Let’s go eat and then you can find out for yourself.”