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my chatty,
it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me, huh? even longer since i’ve been entirely myself. well, i’m sorry it’s taken me so long, but i finally feel better!
i still have your mask. what’ve you done without it all this time? have you made do? have you accepted your scars like i have. i always found you beautiful, chatty. you were always so handsome, so charming. maybe i’ll keep it, even when i’m back, hehe.
i’m coming home, chatty. im hoping this’ll get to you just before i do. i’ve missed you so much. i have so many stories that i can’t wait to tell you. and when i get back, i’ll never leave you again.
~ cups.
chatterbox’s eyes scanned through the letter again. his chest rose and fell with a heavy breath, and his chin dipped. the end of the bandana tickled his neck, and he grunted as he adjusted it.
if he closed his eyes and thought long enough, he could almost conjure up her laugh in his head. it had been so, so long since he’d last seen her, the sound was barely a faint whisper in his mind.
“what’s it say?” tessa asked, kind voice gentle on his ears.
“doesn’t matter,” chatterbox grumbled.
“it’s from her, though,” she urged. she tilted her head forward, trying to catch his eye, but chatterbox kept his gaze on the table’s woodgrain.
“it’s been a year, tessa. who’s to say this is even from the real her?” he folded it with care, tucking it into his shirt pocket. “i can’t get my hopes up.”
tessa’s mouth formed a tight line. her hand rested on top of his. “you can’t give up either, sugar. just hang on a little longer, you’ll see.”
chatterbox kept his mouth shut, and eventually, tessa got up with a sigh. she squeezed his hand once before letting go.
“i’ll be close by. you know you can always call me if you need me.”
she shut off the hall light, and chatterbox was left in near darkness. the only light came from the oven, the little numbers glowing bright. the green light glinted off the bottle of whiskey on the counter.
chatterbox got up with a sigh, swiping the bottle on his way upstairs.
ray mond stared out the window, anticipation buzzing through her system. it had been a year since she left los santos. a year since she left with a clown mask and a broken soul.
and now she was coming home. still a little chipped, but mostly whole. her personalities no longer warred, instead in some semblance of peace and unity within her.
she’d travelled all the way across the country for this. she’d ended up in some small town in connecticut when it all clicked together, and she had cried in pure relief.
“excuse me, ma’am.” ray looked up, flight attendant smiling down at her. “would you like anything to eat or drink?”
she grinned. “do you have any champagne?”
“i’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t have any on this flight. i can offer you some sparkling wine, though?”
“that’s fine, thanks.”
the flight attendant nodded, reaching for one of her little plastic cups. “are you celebrating something?”
ray’s smile brightened. “i’m going home to my fiance! it’s been a year since i last saw him. i can’t wait to hug him and kiss him and- oh my god, i hope he still loves me.” she blinked. “sorry, i’ve always had this… rambling problem.”
she set the cup on ray’s tray. “don’t apologize for who you are. your fiance is a lucky man. i have no doubt he’ll be glad to have you home.”
“thank you,” ray told her, honest and relieved. the flight attendant nodded once, then moved onward.
silver eyes found the horizon line again, but she felt calmer. he had to still love her. after all, she still loved him.
“look, bud, you’ve gotta get out of the house,” kirk’s loud voice came through the phone. he had set it by his ear, not even on speakerphone. chatterbox never had trouble hearing him.
“why should i?”
“because i’m already outside. come on, i’ve got your keys in the ignition. let’s go steal somethin’.” his grin shone through in his tone.
“i’ve been drinkin’ since noon,” he objected, but chatterbox’s legs dragged him upright anyway.
“the adrenaline will sober you up.”
chatterbox hung up, then stretched his neck. his reflection was a ghost of his former self. dark circles plagued his undereyes, and his bandana was askew from the bottle he’d been nursing. still, he fixed the mask and went on down.
“there he is!” kirk smiled from the driver’s seat. “i’ll drive to the city, mainly because you suck at driving without any influence, but you’ve got the wheel on the way back.”
they rode with the windows down, and kirk chattered on while he drove. chatterbox stayed mostly silent. it had been their usual, though. kirk carried the conversation for both of them.
and they never ended up stealing anything, either. kirk and him walked aimlessly between alleyways, a joint passed between them. sometimes, they’d see other clowns. othertimes, they saw other gangs, and they’d stare each other down with grim expressions.
boyyuck, chatterbox would grumble. it was all boyyuck.
the clowns were a disordered joke, and he was a shell of their king.
he needed ray.
ray’s plane touched down, and she shoved off the plane. manners didn’t matter to her - she was home. her backpack was slung over one shoulder, one braid caught tight beneath. she didn’t care, though, just raced her way to baggage claim.
vinny waited with his hands in his pockets. he’d already pulled her bag off the track, the red one he’d sent to denver six months ago.
her arms wrapped tight around his neck. vinny caught her body weight with steady arms, something like relief in the sag of his shoulders.
“welcome home,” his voice sounded hoarse. vinny was the only one she had allowed herself to talk to while she was gone. of course she would ask him to pick her up from the airport.
“hi, vinny.”
“okay, kid. where to first?” vinny asked her like he already knew the answer. there really just one choice for ray, one place, one destination, one home to come back to. los santos was full of people she loved, and she wanted to see them all. but then, in that moment, there was only one person her bones ached for.
“grapeseed, vinny. i’ve got a promise that needs to be upheld.”
“alright. let’s go before they tow my car,” he grinned, grabbing her suitcase and towing it behind him. it felt weird, the simplicity. the blending in with the bustling people, all in their own worlds.
for a moment, she didn’t even feel like she was back. she wasn’t chang gang’s princess or the queen of the clowns. she was just her. two parts fragilely balanced together, a normal woman, unapologetically scarred.
the sun was just sinking, and los santos’ heat hit her like a brick. “shit, i forgot how hot it is here.”
“it’s been the hottest summer yet,” vinny grumbled, stuffing her things in the trunk. “can’t even commit crime in these conditions.”
“do they know i’m back?” quiet, hesitant.
vinny took a breath. “not yet. i didn’t tell anyone, but it’s just a matter of time before they find out.” ray stiffened, and he put a hand on her shoulder. “they feel awful about it all, ya know? they know it’s their fault.”
“i can’t do that all again,” she whispered.
“you won’t have to, i promise.” he kissed the top of her head. “come on, let’s get you to him.”
chatterbox drove his club car to the far edges of grapeseed, parked it at the foot of mt. chiliad, and got out with a heavy feeling. he’d moved the letter to his jacket now, and it weighed him down.
“are ya really coming home, cups?” he settled onto the hood of his car, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. chatterbox looked up at the sky, twinkling with faraway stars. “did ya mean it?”
why would she come home to you? the voice echoed in his head, dark and malicious. it had become a constant overtime after ray left.
“shut up,” he mumbled, eyes tight. he’d fought it hard. refused to let it take over. and as long as he thought of his cups, as long as he held onto a shred of faith in her promise, he could stay strong enough.
it’s been a year. she’s forgotten about you by now. what makes you think that letter is really from her? the voice snickered in his ear.
there was a time, before ray brought the sun in to his life, that that voice was part of him. it led him, acted through him. then the clouds parted with silver eyes and a spirit so fiery that he had to have her.
his thumb found the engagement ring, kept on a chain around his neck. “she said she’d get it back. she has to come back.”
she’s long gone. best you accept it now so we can get to work.
chatterbox didn’t respond. he flicked the top off the bottle and took a long pull. she had to come home.
he just didn’t know how much longer he could hold out hope for.
it was dark by the time vinny’s car was crunching down the gravel road. rae was a vibrating source of energy beside him, a livewire ready to explode. the funhouse was lit silver by the moon, the peaks of chilliad looming behind it. she leaped out of the car before it had even completely stopped, and the smell of dried wheat made her heart split open.
she stood in front of the path to the porch, her breaths shallow.
“you ready, ray?” vinny asked her, a gentle hand on her back.
“no,” she exhaled. “but i also can’t imagine staying away any longer.”
“do you… want me to come in with you?” he offered. it was awkward and unsure, but so utterly sweet.
“i’m okay.” ray looked to him with a smile, then down at the key she’d been fidgeting with for the whole ride. “what if it doesn’t work?”
“it’ll work.” vinny turned, popping the trunk and dragging her bag out. “i may not have always seen eye to eye with him, but i knew him. i saw what he was like with you. that clown was devoted to you. he worshipped you. he loves you too much to move on.”
he came back to her side, pushing the back to her. she wrapped her hand around the handle as vinny placed a kiss on the top of her head.
“thank you, dad,” ray whispered, throwing herself against him. she wrapped an arm tight around him, basking in the stability she had always relied on.
when they pulled apart, tears shone in vinny’s eyes. ray knew him. he wouldn’t let them fall, not when she was around.
“go on,” he jutted his chin in the direction of the house. “don’t keep him waiting.”
she nodded, putting on a smile. then she was moving, dragging that suitcase up the rickety steps. even in the dim light, she could see the paint peeling off the house, the spiderwebs in the corners of the porch.
her shoulders sagged with relief when her key slid into the door. she waved one last time to vinny before she opened it and stepped into the dark, quiet house.
the door swung shut with the grapeseed breeze, and ray became hyperaware of the stillness of the house. she fumbled for the hallway light. “chatty? are you home?”
the yellow light flooded the entryway and into the kitchen. it was then that ray saw the glint of brown bottles lining the countertops.
what have i missed?
his eyes flicked to the clock on the oven. glaring numbers stare back. 2:55.
“that clock’s still slow, you know,” ray said, voice soft and patient.
the darkness that haunted him melted from his body. chatterbox’s head turned to her, perched on the kitchen table. there she was, twin braids, tired but bright eyes, tattoo poking out from her under her sleeves. drunken feet stumbled forward, and he fell to his knees before her.
“cups,” his voice broke.
her hands, soft and cold, framed his face. her thumbs found their way under his bandana, and her touch on his skin made him shiver. “my chatty.”
“you’re home. you’re really here,” chatterbox breathed, in awe of her. her body looked stronger, healthier, and his hands roamed up her legs to her waist. “you’re actually here.”
“i am.” ray nodded, eyes watery. the tears made the gray look crystalline. “i told you i was in my- did you get my letter?”
“i did, i did.” one hand left her to retrieve the letter, in his jacket pocket. “i carried it every day. i didn’t let myself hope, but yuck, did i want it to true.”
ray smiled, beautiful and radiant, and her tears fell. “it was yucking true.” the harsh syllable sounded like a homecoming. like a bell chiming loud, signaling war had ended.
still, the tears made him frown. “don’t cry, cups,” he touched his glove to her cheek, catching a tear.
“they’re happy tears.” she held onto his hand, held it to her face. her lips grazed the palm of his glove. “i promise.”
“cups, i’m sorry.” chatterbox hung his head. how could he look at her after all he’d done? after he’d nearly given up on her? “i’m so sorry.”
“oh, chatty,” she whispered, shifting forward. she knelt on the floor in front of him, her shoulders against the table. here, she felt so much smaller than him. “what for? you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“i should’ve been here when you got back, should’ve- should’ve…” he trailed off. he was finally eye to eye with her, after all these years, and ray still looked at him with so much adoration.
“it doesn’t matter, chatty,” she shook her head, sad smile on her pretty face. “you’re here with me now. that’s what counts.”
he pulled her onto his lap, and she fit into the space against him like she was made for it. like there wasn’t a year long gap in their relationship. like they weren’t still just two broken people. he held her there, and she clung to his back. chatterbox thought that maybe, if she held on a little tighter, she could push the pieces of him whole again. he knew she would.
“i have your mask, if you want it,” she told him, lifting her head from his shoulder. her eyes traced the scars that peeked out from the bandana. “but i do like seeing this… you.”
she pulled it from the table, and chatterbox realized it had been there the whole time. it’s condition was perfect, even the red tufts of hair looked pristine. ray looked down at it, then held it toward him.
his hands moved simultaneously. gloved fingers wrapped around the latex mask at the same time his other hands hooked in the bandana and tugged it free. chatterbox set the mask down on the floor beside them.
“you know, cups,” he started. “you always had a way of makin’ me feel handsome - like i was more than just the scars.” he took the gloves off, too, let it all fall around them. it felt raw, like baring his soul. and in a way, he was.
ray looked at him with raw emotion, an awestruck smile shy on her lips. his scarred hands found her waist. they hesitated at the hem of her shirt, unsure of where he and her stood, but ray just nodded. she trusted him fully.
rough fingers slid along smooth skin. ray shuddered, his touch light enough to leave goosebumps on her. then, he felt it. that thin strip of tissue on her stomach, that jagged line from the time he first feared he lost her. his thumb smoothed over it, reverent.
memories, he had called them. he saw other small ones, on her hands and arms. stories to be unpacked at another time.
“thank you for bringing the mask back, but i don’t need it anymore. what i really care about is you.” he lifted his face up to hers, thumb pressing harder against her scar. real, tangible. proof that this was his cups.
“chatty,” ray whispered, a careful hand touching his cheek. fingers ran across his marred face, then across his lip. her silver eyes darted down, lingered there on his mouth. “chatty, i missed you so much.”
his other hand trembled as traced a braid up, resting his palm on the back of her head. chatterbox’s voice wavered, “cups, i was starting to think… that you might never come back. that you were done with me.”
ray pushed forward, replacing her fingers with her lips. chatterbox tightened his grip in her hair, holding her to him. it was gentle, filled with all the anxiety and tension she’d been carrying. her lips were so soft, and chatterbox knew then and there that he’d never let her go again.
“i could never be done with you,” she said, scratching nails through short, dark hair. “i would never, ever break a promise. lying is worse than cheating.”
“i love you, cups,” he breathed, marvelling in all she was. dark hair, blazing eyes, sharp wit and gentle soul.
she collided again with him. it was the same fire and passion and force she had once punched him with. ray sat up enough to tilt chatterbox’s head back, her mouth pushing hard down on his. each pass of lips or swipe of a tongue seemed to piece him back together, form him back into the great clown king he was, the man he was when he had a queen by his side.
“you’re all i want,” she breathed. her forehead pressed against his, solid and real. “i love you, chatty. i think i was terrified of loving you a year ago, but not now. i’m yours, chatty. forever.”
“forever.” chatterbox squeezed her waist. “come on, my queen, let’s get you unpacked.”
he held her hand the entire way upstairs, and he kept finding himself looking at her while they worked to put her things away. just to check she was real. he watched her lay out souvenirs on top of the dresser, telling him where she got them from and who they were for.
“this one’s for you!” ray turned with a smile. she held a little wooden carving in her hands. it looked like a miniature club car.
chatterbox dipped to kiss the top of her head. “thanks, cups. i love it.” i love you.
he ran his thumb over the wheels as she continued. they still had a long way to go, a lot to rebuild. boundaries to rediscover. chatterbox should’ve been worried, but his chest felt warm and light for the first time in a year. his light was home. the funhouse held life once more. whatever their future held for him and ray, he would be fine. they would face it together.
forever.