Work Text:
Contrary to popular belief, Cameron knows that Ferris isn't real. He's always known, from when he was a very small child and Ferris first walked into his life. It was a rainy day, and as usual, Cameron was alone. Ferris appeared with as much charisma as the Cat in the Hat and Cameron was ruined for life.
Cameron spent most of his life alone. His father was always at work, his mother travelling. There was an endless stream of babysitters and nannies but usually after a few failed attempts to get Cameron out of his shell, they were always content to let Cameron stay in his room. Cameron never bothered to grow attached to any of them because they were just going to leave, like everyone else in his life.
The only exception was Ferris. Ferris, who was never content with mediocrity. Ferris, who burst out of his closet one day and has been a shooting star in his life ever since.
It was easy, early on, to have Ferris around. Nobody pays much mind to a shy, lonely little kid having an imaginary friend. It got worse, though, once he started having to go to school.
He could almost feel Ferris sitting in the seat behind him, whispering jokes in his ear and passing notes forward for Cameron to read. In Cameron's mind's eye, Ferris was always popular with lots of friends, but he only really had time for Cameron. Cameron was the only one he truly cared about.
As they got older, Ferris started telling Cameron about his life. It always sounded so idyllic to Cameron. Two parents that lived together and seemed to actually enjoy each other's company, a younger sister who Ferris enjoyed in equal measure to his annoyance with her. As they became teenagers, Ferris' biggest problem was that his parents gave Jeanie a new car while they only got Ferris a computer. No matter though, they had Cameron's car so they didn't need a second.
When Cameron’s mother officially moved out of the house in the woods into a nice one in the suburbs, he liked to pretend that's where Ferris lived. It was easier than accepting the fact that his mother had actually left, and besides, she was never there anyway. It was far too easy to pretend his parents were still together. He spent days decorating his assigned room like he pictured Ferris' would be. Lots of posters and knickknacks, a far cry from Cameron's own spartan bedroom at home. The parachute curtains were so perfect it hurt; Cameron couldn't stop himself from putting them up. When he was done, Ferris' room looked almost as full of life as the man himself. He even decorated Jeanie's room a bit, though he had no idea what a girl's room would look like. Ultimately it didn't matter because whenever Cameron went in there, Ferris would call him a pervert and drag him back to Ferris' room.
It was easy — far easier than it should have been. As long as Cameron never talked about Ferris, he could pretend. They were getting older, though, and Ferris started talking about college. Cameron never really gave it much thought. His grades were fine — nothing like Ferris', but still fine. He always just assumed he would go wherever his dad wanted and that would be that. When he said as much to Ferris, though, he got this pinched look on his face. It was a tense, concerned look that Cameron wasn't fully used to seeing, but it showed up every once in a while. It would show up when Cameron was actually sick and there was no one home to take care of him, or on the rare occasion when his Dad would get drunk and the usual neglect would take a violent turn. The look stayed for days after the retainer incident.
It was showing up more and more as Ferris would parade college brochures under Cameron's nose and Cameron would just shrug in response.
"Come on, Cameron, just look," Ferris complained, dropping another stack onto his bed. "College is your way out, could you at least seem a little enthused before I come to the conclusion that you're a lost cause and move on to someone else?"
Rolling his eyes, Cameron took a short sweep over the papers. "I just don't see the point of getting excited. It'll just be more of the same in a new place, that's all."
Ferris let out an exasperated growl and hit him with a pillow.
Sloane was the new girl in school. Cameron knew when he first laid eyes on her that she was the girl for Ferris. She had a sort of grace that permeated her every movement. She could be a rock in hurricane Ferris.
It was a lot harder to make Ferris agree though, and unlike Jeanie or Ferris' parents, Cameron couldn't just make it happen. She was a real person and couldn't just be bent to suit Cameron's fantasy....at least, that's what Ferris kept telling him.
"You know, if you just went to talk to her..." Ferris would start from his perch on the table beside where Cameron was seated in the cafeteria. "I mean, you're a senior, she doesn't know that you have no friends and don't like people...it could be a fresh start for both of you."
Shaking his head, Cameron took a loud drink from his cola before muttering, "You like her so much, why don't you go talk to her?"
"You know why," Ferris answered back, tossing a rolled-up paper ball in Cameron's direction. "Honestly though, I think she could be good for you. Good for us."
Lifting his sandwich to his mouth to try to hide the movement of his lips, Cameron said. "Just because she would be perfect for you, doesn't mean she wants to have anything to do with me. Besides, she has tons of friends already and I'm sure they would all warn her pretty quickly to stay away from me."
"You know, this is your problem, Cameron,” Ferris hopped down from his perch, pacing and gesticulating loudly, since he could get away with it. "You don't try, and then you wonder why you have no friends."
"Actually, I've never wondered why I had no friends," Cameron said matter-of-factly around his sandwich. "It's you who always seems to wonder why I have no friends,"
"That's because I know that you're awesome and I just wish you'd let someone else see that sometimes, too."
Rolling his eyes, Cameron chuckled before mockingly saying. "But the figment of my imagination thinks I'm cool."
"Ah, shaddup," Ferris growled, miming smacking Cameron upside the head.
In the end, Ferris did get Cameron to talk to Sloane, but in the most embarrassing way ever. Cameron was walking past Sloane's table and Ferris knocked his cup. Sloane ended up covered and Cameron wanted to die.
"Uh, I'm sorry, I uh...." Cameron felt like he couldn't breathe, like words wouldn't leave his mouth.
Sloane just smiled and took his hand, "No harm done," In front of everyone, she led him away to clean up. It was only after they left the cafeteria that Cameron realised that he had coke all over his pants too. Just when he thought it couldn't be worse.
"Hey, could be worse," Ferris smirked. "At least half the school saw your pour cola on your pants, so no one will think you pissed yourself."
Cameron just glared at Ferris behind Sloane's back as she led him down the hall. Sometimes he fucking hated Ferris Bueller. "I'm really sorry about the mess," Cameron mumbled, trying to fill the empty void that Ferris had left.
"Honestly, I don't mind. It was actually kind of funny. It's impressive how you managed to get both of us." Sloane grinned mischievously at him and Cameron couldn't help but smile back.
"Would it help if I told you that my imaginary friend did it?" Cameron looked sideways at her, gauging her reaction.
Surprisingly, Sloane's smile didn't fall away. "Well, I guess it would depend on whether your imaginary friend is as cute as you."
Cameron never got to talk about Ferris. Ferris was this elaborate, over-the-top illusion that resided entirely in Cameron's mind. He never realized how much he wanted to share until Sloane gave him that opening. "Oh, he's so much better." And it was like a dam had opened. For the rest of their lunch break, Cameron told Sloane all about his best friend Ferris.
If Ferris took issue with being the center of their conversation, he certainly didn't comment.
They worked, in a strange way. They certainly worked better than Cameron ever imagined they would. It was so easy to become friends with Sloane, Cameron almost didn't realize that's what they were until well after it happened.
There was a couch at school that very few people knew about. It was in the wings of the theater just off the catwalk. Cameron found it freshman year when he imagined that Ferris would star in every production and he started to explore the auditorium to get a better sense of it. This was where Cameron went when he skipped class, or during his free periods. At first it was so he could look down through the railings to watch Ferris portray Henry VIII or the Music Man at centre stage. Lately though, it was just somewhere quiet where Ferris and Cameron would come to crash. No one else had ever been up there, and Cameron couldn't help but assume this little alcove was a long-forgotten secret.
Once Sloane entered their lives, it was a secret shared between three. She would often climb up the ladder and slide onto the couch beside him. If it was anyone else, he would almost say that she flopped, but Sloane was far too graceful for that.
She would rest her head on his shoulder and they would just sit like that, for hours it seemed. They would stare up on the light bars criss-crossing the ceiling and they would just enjoy each other's company.
Often, Sloane would ask about Ferris, what is he up to? What's he doing now? Where is he sitting? She would ask about Ferris' plans for the future, how Ferris is doing in classes. Cameron would talk and talk, describe with laughter in his voice every foible and expression that crossed Ferris' face. Sloane never asked about Cameron's life, and for that he was glad.
It was during one of those visits, with Cameron and Sloane curled towards each other on the faded upholstery, that Cameron felt enough courage to bring up something that had been on his mind since before he'd even properly met Sloane and had only become more cemented the better he knew her. "Would you be Ferris' girlfriend?" he asked nervously, blaming the butterflies in his stomach on the fact that he was worried about his friend's feelings.
When Ferris' head snapped up with a choked cough from where he was sitting on the railings across from them, Cameron just ignored him. His eyes were on Sloane's, waiting breathlessly for her answer.
Sloane's eyes were shrouded in mystery. Never one to broadcast her thoughts at the best of times, Cameron didn't have a prayer at reading her feelings now.
The moment seemed to last too long and Cameron could feel the familiar disappointment sinking from his heart into his stomach. He looked away, pulling away from her. "That's okay, you don't have to—" Just then, Sloane turned his face back toward her. They were kissing— No.
Ferris and Sloane were kissing, Cameron was sitting across from them on the railings watching them kiss in front of him. Sloane kept her hand on Ferris' cheek as though to keep him there, though Cameron didn't know why Ferris would ever try to pull away from a girl like her.
When they finally broke the kiss, Sloane looked Cameron in the eye feeling a lot closer than their current proximity would indicate. "I would love to be Ferris' girlfriend," she said warmly.
Cameron grinned, feeling warm and safe. Sloane curled up beside him again with her head resting on his shoulder again in their familiar pose. Unable to contain his merriment, Cameron sent a wink in Ferris' direction.
Ferris smiled back from his precarious perch on the railings, and if his smile seemed to be a little sad...Cameron just closed his eyes and enjoyed the company of the two people he cared about most in the world.
Just as Cameron always imagined, Sloane and Ferris were perfect for each other. She balanced Ferris in a way that Cameron had never seen before. Perfectly collected in almost any situation, Cameron couldn't help but think of her as just perfect. He could see it in his mind's eye, her meeting Ferris' family. They would like her, he decided. They would appreciate the fact that their son had found such a mature young woman. She and Jeannie would get along well. It was only as an afterthought that he realized that they were in the same grade and immediately set a few of Jeannie's classes into Sloane's schedule. They weren't really friends before, but having shared classes gave them something to discuss over dinner.
As always, Ferris was the clown, entertaining them all with jokes and impersonations whenever he could get a word in edgewise. It's a wonderful and happy scene that Cameron enjoyed immensely.
When Sloane came over to Cameron's house, it's a very different picture. Cameron's house was dark, empty. Sloane would come over and there was only Cameron and Ferris there to greet her. Cameron told her all about meeting Ferris' family and how different it would be from meeting his own. Sloane just smiled and listened to the story with rapt attention.
They were all curled up on Ferris' bed, a movie playing on the small television on his dresser. The wall was cold against Cameron's back so he shifted to put a blanket between his thin T-shirt and the drywall. The movement caused Sloane to shift as well, making Cameron hyper-aware of how closely the two of them were laying on the small bed.
Feeling his pulse spike, Cameron suddenly felt intensely uncomfortable having his arms wrapped around his best friend's girlfriend.
Focussing his attention on the movie, Cameron decided to ignore what was happening between Ferris and Sloane on the bed. He curled his toes into the carpet and leaned back against the mattress, wishing he had a blanket to put around his shoulders but too nervous at what he might see if he turned to take one from them.
He could imagine Ferris' hand slipping under Sloane's shirt, and he could almost feel her soft skin against him palm.
Ferris is suave, charming. Another moment passes and Cameron can hear the rustling of Sloane's clothes. Her bra lands on the floor beside him. Cameron wraps his arms around his knees and keeps staring at the screen.
Sloane is breathing in soft sighs behind him as the mattress shifts with their weight. Cameron can hear the sloppy, moist sound of them kissing.
Cameron's own gasps seem to match Ferris' as he tries desperately to keep himself under control. He just needs to breathe; he just needs to watch the movie.
Feeling himself rocking back and forth, Cameron's skin felt like it was on fire and he couldn't breathe.
More clothes were thrown around them and the sounds of kissing intensified. Cameron couldn't take it anymore; he could feel this terrible feeling gnawing at his insides. Without a word or a glance behind him, he walked out into the hallway and sat with his back towards the door.
A long time passed and they were back in Cameron's room. Ferris must have put another movie on because Cameron was watching completely different people on the screen now.
The three of them were on the bed again, though this time Cameron and Ferris were in boxers and Sloane was wearing one of Cameron's T-shirts. Based on the clothes scattered around the floor, Cameron could easily assume that there wasn't much under the T-shirt, but he was too sated and content to be bothered. He was just happy to be in this nest of blankets, cuddling with his friends.
Cameron found himself nodding off, his head resting against Sloane's breast. As he slipped into unconsciousness, he couldn't help but wonder why Ferris was staring at him with that worried look on his face.
They never talked about it, but Cameron knew Ferris had lost his virginity that night.
"You can't keep doing this.” Ferris walked into Cameron's room and flopped down on his bed.
Rolling his eyes, Cameron closed his notebook. He could always finish his math homework later. "Doing what?" Cameron asked, swiveling his chair to look at his friend.
Ferris used his elbows to prop himself up so that he could look Cameron in the face. "Cameron, I'm not real," he said pleadingly, as though Cameron didn't already know that.
"Obviously," Cameron shrugged, not sure where Ferris was going with this.
Sighing, Ferris sat up. "I don't know what you want me to do!" He looked so stricken; it was so out of character.
Cameron sat beside him on the bed, sitting sideways so he could face Ferris with one knee bent under him. "I don't understand.” Not used to having to guess what Ferris was feeling, Cameron sat helpless trying to figure out how to make his friend feel better.
Ferris turned his head to look Cameron in the eye. "I can be anyone you want. I can do anything you want." He reached over and took Cameron's hand, intertwining their fingers. "You want a friend, I can be that. You want a lover, I can be that too." He lifted their joined hands and laid a light kiss on Cameron's knuckle.
Shivering, Cameron sat silently, letting Ferris continue.
"If you need me to date Sloane, I can do that.” Now the discomfort was etched into every feature on Ferris' face. "But I don't think it's helping you. If anything, I think it's making it worse."
“You are dating Sloane, that has nothing to do with me.” Cameron pulled his hand out of Ferris’ and turned to face the ceiling. “You guys make a beautiful couple.”
Rushing forward, Ferris grabbed Cameron’s face and made sure he was looking at him. “Cameron, I can’t date Sloane and have it have nothing to do with you; I don’t exist.”
Cameron had never seen Ferris looking so flustered, so upset. “Buddy, what’s the matter?” He hoped his tone was calming, but he’d never had to calm someone down before, so he wasn’t really sure.
In no mood to be calmed, Ferris brushed off his attempts and kept his face pinned in place with the same intensity. “Cameron, you lost your virginity and you don’t even remember!”
The world started to shift, followed by a spin. Blackness started creeping into the edges of his vision, and then nothing.
Cameron woke to fingers running through his hair and a soft voice murmuring song lyrics so quietly that he couldn’t quite make out their meaning. Opening his eyes, he realized that his head was in Ferris’ lap, and all he could see was Ferris’ face above him.
Ferris swallowed, his eyes shimmering slightly in the afternoon sun. “What are we going to do with you?” He asked sadly.
Cameron smiled and closed his eyes again, content to just rest and let Ferris play with his hair.
If anything, Ferris seemed more determined than ever to get Cameron to go to college. He would turn down dates with Sloane so that they could study, or insist that Sloane bring her books as well. He explained concepts over and over until Cameron finally understood them and kept detailed notes of all the due dates of Cameron’s assignments. For someone who never really had to put any effort into his own success, Ferris sure seemed to be making up for it in ensuring Cameron’s.
There was even one time during a pop quiz in Spanish class, Cameron choked and went completely blank. Careful not to be seen, Ferris leaned forward and very quietly whispered every answer in Cameron’s ear.
Thank God Ferris was so smart or Cameron probably wouldn’t have passed half his classes, let alone passed them well.
Tonight was prom though, and Cameron had very diligently made sure to get tickets for Sloane and Ferris to go. It was their senior year after all, everyone was taking the night off to go to the dance.
Despite Cameron’s best attempts to get Ferris and Sloane to go without him, they were both very insistent that they all go together. Cameron’s father even shelled out a little money on a limo for them, though that may have been because he thought Sloane was going with Cameron. Cameron didn’t bother to correct him.
Ferris looked amazing; he was in a white tuxedo with black satin accents. Not only did he look like he popped right off the cover of a fashion magazine, he also wore it with a grace and poise that Cameron could only ever envy.
Cameron’s tux, in comparison, was a muted brown. His tie was dishevelled and his hair would not lie flat, no matter how hard he tried. As Ferris and Cameron got into the limo, Cameron couldn’t help but hope that no one saw him tonight. In a moment of clarity, he realized that his suit actually matched the gym walls, so this might actually be possible.
Sloane was in a deep blue satin gown. From the moment Cameron laid eyes on her, he lost the ability to breathe. She was a vision, a work of art, and when she smiled, it was spellbinding. Ferris opened the car door and ushered Sloane inside.
Squished between the two of them in the long limo seat, Sloane barely paid any mind to them as she explored the limo – opening and closing the mini-fridge, stretching over Ferris and then Cameron to look out the windows, and picking up the phone to talk to the driver in the front.
Handing Cameron a coke from the mini-fridge, Sloane tucked her hand in the crook of his arm and snuggled into his side. Ferris laughed and leaned over too, creating a dogpile on Cameron against the door. Cameron couldn’t help the laugh that broke free at that. It was such a good night; Cameron didn’t even need to go to the prom. He would be perfectly happy just driving around with these two until sunrise.
They were on a schedule, though, and far too soon, they pulled up in front of the school.
Ferris gestured at Cameron to go out first. Once he was out the car, he had to take Sloane’s hand and help her out of the limo – anything else would have been rude. Sloane kept hold of his hand as they started walking towards the school while Ferris trailed behind pushing the two of them forward.
Cameron looked at Ferris in confusion and tried to pass over Sloane’s hand, but Ferris wouldn’t take it. He just smiled and kept them moving.
The school gym was decorated in an underwater theme. There were crepe paper fish and seahorses around. An occasional mermaid could be seen taped to the bleachers. Lastly, on one wall and near the ceiling, there was a yellow submarine with painted Beatles in the windows. That made Cameron snort as he poured some punch for him and Sloane.
...And Ferris, he also got punch for Ferris. Not that he needed to, because Ferris was lurking around the punch bowl trying to find the right moment to spike it.
Once he’d thrown their cups into the garbage, Cameron started ushering Sloane to their seats while they waited for Ferris to catch up.
Sloane took a detour though, and started dragging Cameron towards the dancefloor.
Cameron sent a desperate ‘please save me’ look towards Ferris, but he was pointedly looking in the opposite direction. Cameron would almost think Ferris was doing it on purpose if he didn’t know that Ferris would never just abandon Cameron like that.
It was all right that they were dancing, Cameron reasoned. Friends dance together all the time.
Cameron tried not to tense up as Sloane weaved her arms around his neck. This was fine, this was normal.
Sloane leaned forward and rested her head on his chest, pulling him closer in one quick motion.
Cameron was having trouble breathing. He was quickly scanning the room, desperate to catch Ferris’ eyes.
This wasn’t right. Cameron wasn’t supposed to be here.
Where was Ferris? He wasn’t by the punch. He wasn’t by the table. Cameron couldn’t see him anywhere.
Black spots started dotting his vision. He couldn’t get enough oxygen in. His throat was too tight. The world started to swirl...
…Cameron took a sip of punch. He didn’t mind waiting at the table while Ferris and Sloane rocked slowly to the music. Honestly, he really didn’t expect the night to go any other way. He flagged down a waiter and got some food sent his way. He might as well enjoy his time here.
A small smile made its way to his lips as he watched them dance. They really were the perfect couple. Sloane’s dark hair really popped against the white of Ferris’ suit. Her blue dress stood out even amongst the aqua tones of the gym around them. Cameron wished he had a camera; he wanted to capture this perfect moment.
The next song was a faster one and they danced to that one too. Ferris twirled Sloane so much Cameron was convinced she must be getting dizzy. It didn’t seem to matter, they stayed up for the next five songs, not that Cameron was counting.
When the sixth song started, and there was no sign that they were heading back to the table anytime soon, Cameron decided to step out and get a breath of fresh air. It was feeling stuffy in that overly crowded gym. The collar of his shirt felt too tight, and he just needed a break.
Cameron didn’t know how much time passed as he leaned against the railing of the upper walkway, staring blankly at the parking lot below.
After a long stretch, he felt Ferris step up beside him, matching his pose on the metal bar. “Hey,” he said softly, staring out into the night. “We missed you in there.”
Scoffing, Cameron refused to look at Ferris, though he knew that was what Ferris desperately wanted him to do. “I doubt you even noticed.” It came out more bitterly than he intended. He had been going for deadpan, just a statement of a fact…it wasn’t supposed to have anger behind it.
“You wanted me to dance with her, so I danced with her.” Ferris turned to face Cameron, trying again to get him to look back. “You wanted me to come to Prom, so I came to Prom. I don’t know what you want from me right now, Cameron.”
Rolling his eyes and scoffing again, Cameron still refused to turn. “Forget about it. I’m fine. You go back to your date. I’m sure Sloane is missing you.”
Ferris let out a breath of frustration. “Cameron, she is missing you. She wants to dance with you.”
“She’s your girlfriend—”
“Only because you are making it that way!” Now it was Ferris getting heated. “Cameron, look at me.” Ferris was grabbing his arm, trying to force him to turn — trying to force a connection that Cameron didn’t want right now.
“No.” Cameron pulled his arm away.
“Cam—”
“I’m going home.” Cameron pushed away from the wall and started walking away.
“What about Sloane?” Ferris called after him.
“You dance with her,” Cameron snarled over his shoulder, not slowing his pace.
It seemingly took hours for Cameron to get home. He had no memory of the walk, he just knew it seemed endless. It took so long that by the time he got to his door, the limo was pulling away having just dropped Ferris off.
That wasn’t right, they were supposed to be going to Ferris’ house after the Prom… Ferris wasn’t supposed to be coming here. Ferris was avoiding him though. The only sign that he was here at all was the headlights of the limo.
Cameron shrugged and decided to let Ferris hide. They would sort themselves out later.
Pushing open the door, Cameron heard a frantic rustling coming from the couch. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach. He never should have come home.
His Dad was home, for once, and was clearly taking advantage of his night without Cameron home.
Yup, there was the dumb blonde he had been fucking on the couch.
Mind you, Cameron didn’t think she was dumb because she was blonde…or because she was fucking his dad…though, that certainly didn’t speak in her favour given that she didn’t look all that much older than Cameron. No, he thought she was dumb because she had stood covering her nudity with the granny square throw blanket from the back of the couch, and when she realized who Cameron was…she let it drop in her rush to get her hand out to shake his. Dumb blonde…pretty, though. Cameron got an eyeful before she realized her blanket had dropped.
Cameron’s dad rushed her to get dressed and hustled her out the door.
Taking a quiet look around the room, Cameron counted the beer bottles. He stopped after a dozen because that’s all the information he needed. Tonight was about to get worse.
Part of Cameron was almost looking forward to it. Pain was something simple and straightforward, it lacked all the complexities that were currently haunting Cameron’s thoughts.
When his dad came at him, Cameron didn’t even flinch. He just let it happen.
The punch landed on his cheek, followed by another to his stomach. When Cameron went down, his dad started kicking him over and over.
Cameron curled up into a ball, trying to protect his organs while his dad’s blows landed on his ribs, back, and legs.
His mind was the clearest it had been in months and then it faded out.
When Cameron woke up, he was back in his own bed. The house was silent. His dad must have left.
There was an ice pack on his cheek and a blanket wrapped around him.
Cameron knew his dad wouldn’t have taken care of him, so he wasn’t surprised when Ferris pushed his way through the door. He was carrying a tray with some food, hot cocoa, and a bottle of Tylenol. When he saw Cameron was awake, he smiled. “Hey, Cam,” he said quietly, putting the tray down beside the bed and helping Cameron to sit up.
Accepting the help, Cameron managed to get his feet on the floor. “Hey, Ferris…I’m sorry about tonight. I was out of line.” He felt his face grow hot with shame. “Did Sloane have a good time?”
Ferris handed Cameron the pills and the cocoa, blowing on the top to cool it enough to drink. “Yeah, I made sure she had fun. I knew you would want me to.”
“Thanks.” Cameron sipped the cocoa and swallowed the pills.
Sitting beside Cameron, Ferris put an arm around him and pulled him into a side hug. This was worried Ferris.
Cameron hated to make Ferris worry.
“I’ll be okay, you know.” Cameron tried to be reassuring, but was pretty sure it just came out flat.
Ferris nodded against his shoulder. “I know you will.” He said it like a promise.
The next morning, Ferris stopped trying to convince Cameron to look at college brochures and he just started to fill out the applications himself without Cameron’s input at all. When Cameron asked about it, Ferris just waved him off, saying, “You’ll thank me one day.”
Sloane had been around long enough to know that Cameron being off school could mean nothing, it could just be another day where he just wasn’t feeling well enough to go to school… or it could mean something like this had happened. She didn’t rush over to check on him as soon as she realized that he wasn’t at school, she did call at her lunch though.
Ferris answered the phone, as he always did when Cameron was aching all over and couldn’t be bothered. “Hi Sloane,” he greeted cheerfully after he recognized her voice. Looking at Cameron, he gestured to the phone and offered silently to pass it over.
Cameron shook his head. He wasn’t ready for that right now.
“Yeah… he had a rough night with his dad.” That was code. They never talked about any of it, not specifically. “No, he’s okay. I’m taking care of him. You finish your day at school. You can come over after if you like.” Ferris turned away so that he could pretend not to see the look that Cameron was throwing at him, begging him to keep her away. “Yeah, we’ll see you later.” He hung up the phone.
Burying his head deeper into his bedding, Cameron groaned. “Ferris, why?”
“She’s worried about you.” He answered, coming to sit on the bed. “I’m worried about you too.”
Cameron peeked out of the blankets and up at Ferris. “I’m fine. This isn’t any worse than usual.”
Stretching out beside him, Ferris wrapped his arms around the lump that Cameron made on the bed. “That’s why I’m worried.”
Not knowing what to do with that, Cameron just let himself be held. The warm weight of Ferris’ arms around him was comforting. It soothed him better than any pills or cocoa. He didn’t even realize that the conversation between Ferris and Sloane had been strange until she arrived at his house.
Cameron could hear them at the door from his room. Ferris had left the door open.
“Who am I talking to right now?” She asked Ferris. There was a heaviness in her voice that Cameron wasn’t used to.
“Ferris,” he answered quickly. “Cameron’s in bed.”
“I see,” she said carefully. “I would like to see him, please.”
Whatever answer Ferris gave, it must have been non-verbal because Cameron didn’t hear anything until they made their way into his room.
He had been in a blanket burrito but when they walked into the room, Cameron found himself sitting above the blankets with Sloane beside him and Ferris sitting backwards on his desk chair.
“Cameron?” She asked carefully, watching his face intently.
He turned to look at her. “Yeah?”
She smiled gently, sadly. “I missed you last night, why did you leave?”
He couldn’t tell her the answer to that, he didn’t know why he left. “I just thought you guys deserved your night… you know?” That wasn’t why.
“It was your night, too,” she countered gently, reaching over to take his hand. “I wanted you there to share it with me.”
Pulling his hand out of hers, he stared at his feet. “You had Ferris, he’s better. He’s the perfect match for you.”
He had a feeling that if she knew where Ferris was sitting, she would have shared a look with him. As it was, her eyes slowly made their way all around the room before settling back on him. “I wanted you there to share it with me.” She repeated more firmly, taking his hand again.
Cameron looked at Ferris for rescue, but he only shook his head. “No, I’m staying right here.” He said firmly, wrapping his arms around the chair back. “You need to talk to her.”
“I’m not good, Sloane.” He kept his eyes glued to their joined hands, needing that to anchor him through this conversation. It would be so much easier to just let himself float away. “You deserve better…”
“Cameron, I want you… I love you.” Sloane wrapped her other arm around his shoulders and pulled him towards her.
For the first time in years, Cameron felt tears start to trail down his cheeks. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he held on tightly as sobs wracked through his body. He didn’t know why he was crying, but once the dam broke, he couldn’t stop. He cried for himself, for her, for Ferris, for his whole rotten miserable life. He cried for the little boy with no friends, for his broken family, for everything that went wrong.
Through it all, Sloane held him just as tightly and for a moment he realized that this is what it feels like to be loved.
It was really nice to know that the girl Ferris was dating could be such a good friend to him too.
After Sloane had gone home, Ferris dragged Cameron back to bed. He tucked the sheets around him tightly and reached to turn off the lamp.
Grabbing Ferris’ arm, Cameron looked at him curiously. “What did you tell Sloane at Prom?” He could tell that something was different between the three of them. Something had changed, though he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was.
Ferris waited a long beat before answering. He seemed to be looking for something in Cameron’s face, though he couldn’t even guess what it might be. Turning away, Ferris answered “Everything.”
Cameron blinked. “She already knew everything.” He certainly hadn’t been keeping secrets from her. From the very beginning, Cameron had been very up front about Ferris and him.
“No, she didn’t.” Ferris finished turning off the light and walked out.
Over the next few months, Ferris antics seemed more ridiculous than ever. He wasn’t just being his normal charismatic self; he was acting out. It was almost like he was getting desperate, like time was running out. In Cameron’s mind’s eye, the world was getting more ridiculous with him. It was bright and shiny in Ferris’ world. Much better than the bland reality Cameron usually inhabited.
Ferris was also getting more impatient with Cameron. Things that used to get treated with gentle coaxing or affection, were now treated with annoyance and frustration. Ferris didn’t encourage him to eat with a friendly joke anymore, now he just shoved the food in Cameron’s face. Ferris didn’t wrap Cameron up in blankets, he pulled him into headlocks and dragged him around the house. Ferris didn’t come over and coax him out of bed anymore, now he phoned and said that if Cameron didn’t get out of bed, he could find a new friend.
Cameron was home sick again. Nobody noticed, nobody cared. As he laid in bed, he couldn’t help but think of Ferris in the same position in his own bed. Ferris would be pale and sickly, squinting up at his parents who were scared to death that their precious child was sick.
A wink and a nod to Jeannie, reassured Cameron that Ferris was fine before he went back to moaning about not missing school and desperately wanting to get into a good college and have a good life. His parents insist that he stay home because they are so worried about how he is right now.
They hug him and kiss him. They give him their contact information and tell him that there is nothing more important than him, that he can call them if he needs anything at all.
Trying not to resent Ferris for his parents that actually care about him, Cameron pulled the blankets over this head and tried to go back to sleep. If they were both home from school today, it was only a matter of time before Ferris calls him. Hopefully he’ll sleep through it.
Ferris had a shower. He played the flute. He used his computer to hack the school mainframe. Cameron knew nothing about how computers work, but Ferris had one so presumably it couldn’t be too hard.
Principle Rooney hated Ferris, it was almost to the point of obsession. He probably wouldn’t have noticed if Cameron lived or died, but Ferris missed 9 days of school and Rooney was going to make sure Ferris paid. He wouldn’t succeed, of course. Ferris was too smart, and too loved. Every step of the way, Ferris would dance out of reach and laugh in Rooney’s face,
Cameron didn’t realize how much time had passed while his mind wandered, but all the sudden he was startled out of his reverie by the sound of his phone ringing. Shit, he was really hoping to miss this.
Ferris knew Cameron was awake, he wasn’t going to stop calling.
It took way too much effort to reach his arm out of the bed and press the button.
“Cameron Babe! What’s happening?” Ferris had way too much energy for this time in the morning.
“Very little” Cameron groaned, wishing that a hole would just open up and suck him into an abyss.
“How do you feel?” Ferris’ tone changed. Like he was getting ready for a fight.
“Shredded” Cameron let his eyes droop shut again, while he sighed against the inevitable
“Is your mother in her room?” Every once in a while, he and Ferris will pretend that his parents are still together. It’s stupid, but they do it anyway.
Cameron rolled his eyes. “She’s in Decatur. Unfortunately, she’s not staying.” It’s always Decatur. Cameron sometimes pretends she has another family there. It’s better than thinking that she just didn’t want him. “Where are you?”
“I’m taking the day off, now get dressed and come on over” Cameron could picture Ferris relaxing by the pool, drinking from the most over-the-top ridiculous tropical-style drink. He looked so fucking smug. Honestly, it was probably just iced tea.
“I can’t, stupid, I’m sick”
Ferris scoffed. “That’s all in your head, come on over.” The irony of Ferris in particular saying that everything is in his head was not lost on Cameron
“I feel like complete shit Ferris, I can’t go anywhere”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” There was steel in Ferris’ voice. “Now come on over here and pick me up!”
Hanging up the phone, Cameron let the dread wash over him. “I’m dying.” He muttered into the empty room.
“You’re not dying, you just can’t think of anything good to do”
Sometimes Cameron hated him.