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"Oh..."
From which that frail mutter was from, was a boy. Surrounding him was fire everywhere. In his hands, a motionless corpse, a child, who lays still in the man whose cradling him. It's stinging, it's painful. It hurts worse than the death of his own.
"...kek." This action of his, that laugh, contrasts everything. His surroundings are no more than a blur, and Subaru can only let her down, gently shutting her eyes.
He cranes his head upwards, finding himself at the mercy of the Sun, he fantasizes, but he knows it is but a delusion. It's happened before, he recalls. That's right–
"–Go no further."
That ball of fire morphed into a red-haired man of unfathomable beauty, clearly one who had been loved by the world itself, but his face was seething in hatred, in resentment so indescribably.
That's right, who wouldn't hate Subaru? After piling sins upon sins, now no one, not even himself–no one hated him more than himself. His filthy, vile hands don't deserve to feel anything, his foul mouth don't deserve to call upon his parents, for if they could've seen him now, they would surely not come. He misses them, but he has no right to. That sword stationed near his chin was about ready to slit his throat, and Subaru scowled.
"Reinhard, van, Astrea..."
"It seems that I need not introduce myself. I do not have much to say to you after all, Sin Archbishop of Pride."
The voice drips, laced with venomous, intense emotions.
"It seems there's no need for me either!"
"Final words, if you may?"
Subaru's scowl further deepens at the interruption, he knows it's a failed loop, they have been failed loops, there was absolutely no legitimate way to defeat him. Even after Meilee, even Elsa, even Blue, even after many, many he had sacrificed! All the sacrifices had piled up just so that he could stand on even ground with the revered Sword Saint!
It had not worked.
His chest tightens, it hurts– his pride, it hurts! So he did what his instincts told him to, let it out, even if no one would be able to recall it afterwards.
"You were capable of feeling hatred after all! Resent me, detest me, but most of all, remember me!" Subaru's voice cracks, he knows the last part won't come true, but he demands with a tantrum rivalling that of a certain white-haired lunatic.
"Don't you know how much I've tried? How many times! I've counted, nine thousand! It's my gift! I've prepared it countless- countless times!" He screams till his voice turns hoarse, but the pillar of fire, the man stood in front of him continue to stare down at him. Looking down at him, humilliating him.
Reinhard's face morphed into that of confusion– Ah, right. He would not understand, he'd never understand. Only Subaru himself would. It infuriates him further.
Subaru had gone through every equation, every possible solution through the act of trial and error, he'd studied Reinhard extensively, stalkishly, obsessively. He had obsessively wanted to win. Yet, every single time that monster of a man had overcome the very plans he had crafted so delicately, that his ego has been crushed.
It was but in vain. He had no means to defeat this man.
"Don't bullshit me! Sword Saint! The Lugnica Kingdom's Sword! The knight who establishes the peace of the Kingdom! You are that accursed knight? It's funny, it's damnably laughable! What protection did you serve them? Nothing–"
Subaru can prattle all he wants, it's a failed loop in which he would die soon, so his emotions–like a dam, spills.
"...Why?"
It's like the voice of his own staggers, the voice he speaks is frail. He wants to screech, but instead he cries, the tears cascade down.
"Why are you so strong? So strong that I had lost them, and still unable to reach you? Why are you so far away? Why? Why!?" He desperately commands the red-haired man to answer, but to no avail.
It's a hiccup accompanied with pathetic, humilliating sobs, only causing the silenced Reinhard to stiffen up. Surely he had no clue what Subaru's brain contained, no way he knew. Not even Subaru knew, it was just confusing.
"I hate you! I love your strength, I envy it, I begrudge it, I loathe it! Why hadn't I obtained it, why was I being..." killed time and time again, was what he had wished to say but he couldn't continue lest he felt like his heart would get ripped apart.
It's been too long since he last cried, its blatantly hideous. Surely, the last time he shed tears was when he had been first brought to this world.
He couldn't alter shit, even with the help of others and a singular person did it by himself? It's utter crap!
He realizes, he says,
"Reinhard, you're enviable. I wanted to be you–"
"–I don't understand you."
It was as if time has frozen. His frankness had been so effortlessly discarded. Since when? Since when had Subaru been unrelatable madman. It's not his fault. It's all because of that love! That damnable love! That love that couldn't allow him a simple life, where he need not die again and again!
"Oh... right."
Now, in the most theatrical way possible, Subaru smiles, spreading his arms wide as he reintroduces himself.
"Witch Cult Sin Archbishop, representing Pride–"
He uses the last ounces of his strength to kick himself forward, towards the sharp blade of the sword. Reinhard, alarmed, tried to pull back, but Subaru is convinced he could feel the pointy end sink into the flesh of his throat. He'd rather be the cause of death then be the one dying because of that sickening man.
As a final performance in this loop, he reveals,
"–Subaru Natsuki! My authority,"
"–is that no one will truly understand me."
The wind does not blow.
_____________________________________________________
Subaru awakes, first of all expecting his arms to be holding onto that forsaken corpse of Meilee once more, but instead, an unfamilliar ceiling.
" ...What?"
He inches forward, only to be harshly pushed back by the chains that had imprisoned him in his slumber.
"Hey- hey... I didn't die? Don't fuck with me..." Subaru scrambles to observe his surroundings, it's a dungeon.
"That's correct, Pride."
A recognizable voice sounded and reverbrated of the prison walls, that detestable man. Subaru shot his head up.
"Reinhard van Astrea... you scummy bastard."