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“I thought…you were going…to keep her…safe…”
“She and James put their faith in the wrong person,” said Dumbledore. “Rather like you, Severus. Weren’t you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?”
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“Kill.” A scream tore from his throat. His blood froze in his veins as the snake’s fangs pierced his neck, as he failed to push the enchanted cage off himself, as his knees gave way and he fell to the floor.
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A face so similar to James Potter’s above him except for…the eyes.
“Look…at…me…” he whispered and then blackness.
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His skin was clammy and cold when he woke. His heart pounding in chest and a phantom sting in his neck.
What in the hell type of nightmare had that been? Lily -beautiful and magnificent - dead and then he was murdered too at the hands of the one that he was so soon to become sworn to.
Once his heart rate slowed, Severus made his way to the bathroom. He took in his ghostly pallor as he tried to regain his equilibrium.
Echoes of his friendship with Lily were replaying in his mind, ghostly reminders of a love that he didn’t deserve. It had been two years since he’d last properly spoken to Lily. Lily was dating James Potter. Lily was still so beautiful and brilliant.
He’d loved her since the day he met her, but he’d been sure that someone like her would never return his feelings.
And so he’d said nothing.
Terrified to ruin their friendship and in the end, it hadn’t mattered because it had been ruined anyway. And even though he tried to tell himself that the dream he’d had wasn’t real, couldn’t be real, he was heartbroken at the thought of a world without Lily Evans. Heartbroken that there would be no second chance, no time to repent and make it right.
He paused in his thoughts. The Severus in his nightmare - he had no hope of salvaging his relationship with her. But seventeen year old Severus Snape - unmarked by the Dark Lord - could try again. He’d stopped trying when she’d shut him down so completely, told him that he’d chosen his path and that she was choosing hers.
Why did he even choose that path?
Truthfully, because he was terrified. Everyone in his year group was fanatical about joining the Dark Lord after Hogwarts, to refuse was tantamount to death.
But what if he was going to die anyway?
What did it matter if he made it past seventeen if he’d die at the behest of the Dark Lord regardless of sworn allegiance?
What did it matter if the one woman he’d ever loved only scorned him and never forgave him?
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“Mr. Snape, it’s highly irregular that you should request a resort and on top of a private room. The Christmas holidays just ended, surely there’s no need - “ Slughorn started but Severus interrupted.
“Sir, I’m sure you’re aware that a great many of your students plan to serve the Dark Lord when they graduate?” Slughorn’s face paled as he nodded gravely. “I plan to refuse and once they find out that my allegiance is not with them…my life will be in danger. However, I’m sure that no one would want to room with me and thus my request for a private room.” Slughorn fidgeted nervously for a moment before sighing.
“Alright. Follow me Mr. Snape. I’ll take you to the headmaster and we’ll see what can be done.”
Severus followed him through the corridors to Dumbledore’s office. Once inside, Slughorn explained what Severus was requesting. Dumbledore hummed.
“Mr. Snape, I have a proposition for you. If you are already poised to join the Dark Lord - could I persuade you to become a spy?” Severus pondered this option for a moment while Slughorn gasped. He shook his head.
“I apologize, professor. If I am to - right some wrongs I will never be able to do that with the Mark on my arm.” Dumbledore gave him a knowing look. “You could…carefully approach Regulus Black. We’re not friends but I am under the impression that he is being forced to take the Mark by his parents. He could possibly agree though I would appreciate you not mentioning my name in your conversation.”
Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled and he clapped his hands together.
“Thank you very much, Mr. Snape. Now, here are your options. We can resort you and place you in a private room, that is no trouble. The issue lies in keeping this a secret.”
“That is not a problem. I don’t plan to keep it a secret.” Severus stated boldly. His heart beat a little harder at the thought, but there really wasn’t a way to keep a resort a secret. Dumbledore nodded and gestured widely.
“Well then Mr. Snape, would you be interested in some…dramatics?”
“Not particularly,” he responded dryly. It did nothing to dull Dumbledore’s twinkling eyes.
“Excellent. Horace if you would retrieve the Sorting Hat on the shelf behind you, I believe we can do this resort after dinner tonight.”
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Severus’ hands wouldn’t stop shaking as he tried to keep up appearances until the end of dinner. He kept shooting glances at Dumbledore, hoping that they could do this soon. He’d been shown his new room earlier and all his things had been removed from his dormitory by a house elf. He’d given it a password from a muggle tv show he’d watched as a kid. No pureblood Slytherin would ever guess it. But he still warded it with spells he’d learned in the restricted section and a few he’d invented himself.
Finally, Dumbledore stood. This caught most of the Hall’s attention as announcements were uncommon outside of fests for various holidays.
“Students, I have been approached by a student that no longer feels they fit with their current house. It’s not widely known but resorting is an option in these cases. If Severus Snape would please join me.”
Severus heard the murmurs break out across the Hall as he hastily stood and made his way on unsteady feet toward the teacher’s table and the Sorting Hat.
He heard the whispers.
Traitor.
Snitch.
Dead meat.
He swallowed. Remembered how real his dream felt. Lily dead. Himself dying. He fortified his resolve and kept walking. A cutting curse hit him. He winced as he felt blood welling up. His ear had been hit but he didn’t waver.
He distantly heard professor McGonagall reprimanding a Slytherin - no surprise there. That was only the beginning. He would need to be on guard for the rest of his time at Hogwarts. He cast a shield charm, one that was nearly invisible and continued up the stairs.
“Would you like me to heal that Mr. Snape?” Dumbledore offered, true concern showing on his face.
“Not yet.” Dumbledore nodded and Severus sat on the stool. Pointedly looking straight ahead. The hat slipped on his head.
“Ah. Mr. Snape! You’re a surprise!” The hat spoke into his mind.
“I would imagine so. You were quite adamant on Slytherin all those years ago.”
“Yes. A shame what that house has turned into. It was once great, you know? Now it’s been tarnished. However, I’m sure you will be happy to know that you no longer fit amongst them as you once did.”
“Thank Salazar.”
“Ah, ah. You might need to rethink that. You seem to be a good candidate for Ravenclaw, your mind is brilliant. I can see it. The spells you’ve invented. The potions you’ve perfected.”
“Send me there then,” Severus said eagerly.
“Oh no, dear boy. I think there’s only one place that someone who would see a glimpse of the future and take action so immediately. So determinedly. Only one place for those that would stand tall in front of those that seek to harm them. Only one place for those that would defiantly let blood trickle from their ear just to prove a point. Better be -”
“GRYFFINDOR!” The hat’s voice rang out into the stunned Hall. No one clapped. No one celebrated. Dumbledore removed the hat with a startled look on his face and Severus couldn’t help but chuckle. It carried throughout the hall.
“It’s nice to know you can be surprised, sir.”
“It’s always good for my students to keep me on my toes, Mr. Snape.” He replied genially and Severus felt like maybe Dumbledore was actually seeing him for the first time since he stepped into Hogwarts.
“Thank you, sir,” he said, sincerely. With that, he strengthened the shield around himself and walked out of the Great Hall. He took a convoluted path to his new rooms. It was a good thing he’d thought to ask for a private room. Surely Potter and Black would be livid if they had to share a room with him.
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It was the day of graduation. Severus had become used to the begrudging acceptance of the Gryffindors. He assumed it helped that he did help boost their house points. He had grown used to getting hexed in the hallway.
But as his name was called, he walked across the stage and was handed his diploma by Dumbledore, he smiled. An honest to god smile and he couldn’t remember the last time he did that.
Lily might never forgive him.
But he’d been brave and stronger than he’d ever expected and now he was free.
He would join the Order - as Dumbledore had offered and he would fight for what he’d always believed in - freedom.
“I’m proud of you Mr. Snape,” Dumbledore murmured.
“I am too,” he replied and walked off the stage.
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He was in an empty compartment on the train back to King’s Cross. He’d spared his energy and only cast a repelling charm and a ward that would prevent anyone with malicious intent from entering if they made it past the first.
He was alternating between reading and staring out the window when the compartment door slid open. His wand was in his hand in a moment as he whipped his head around only to be dumbfounded that Lily was standing in the doorway with her hands up.
“It’s just me,” she said with sad eyes.
“Sorry. It’s been…”
“A rough few months. I’ve seen.” He nodded. “May I sit?”
“Er, sure.” She slid the door closed and sat down across from him.
“Impressive work with the repelling charm. I’ve actually walked to this compartment four times, forgotten what I was doing and then turned back around. On the last time I finally realized what you’d done.” She explained with a laugh before turning more serious. “Severus, I’d like for us to be friends again, if you’ll have me. It was horrible when you called me…that, that day. But I never actually thought about what sort of pressure you were under. It never occurred to me that you would never turn on me.”
“I never did,” he whispered.
“I know that now. You were being bullied…you were upset. It doesn’t make it right, but you tried to apologize again and again. I’m sorry I didn’t accept it. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. Can we please be friends again?” She asked imploringly. He stared at her for a moment.
Her auburn hair was long and fell in big waves over her shoulders. Her face was so open, so sincere. But then his eyes flicked down, to her lips that were shining with a faint lip gloss and he shook his head.
“I don’t want to be friends,” he said. Her face fell, she stood as if to leave. He stood too and pulled her to him. “I don’t want to be friends,” he repeated. “I want to be more. I know you’re with Potter. I know this isn’t a convenient time, that you coming here wasn’t an invitation. But -” And he kissed her. Not like he’d always dreamed. He didn’t want to push her. He didn’t want to take advantage.
“I want more Lily. I want all of you. Being friends again…would be easy and safe. But I’ve been a Gryffindor for six months and I’m starting to think that maybe being safe is overrated.” He let her go. She stared at him, her shock was easy to read, and then left the compartment.
He wondered if he’d ever see her again.
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Severus started his Potions apprenticeship. He moved and warded his home high heaven and hoped that he’d survive when the Dark Lord found him.
He attended Order meetings. Supplied them with various potions. Potter and Black didn’t acknowledge him and that was okay. Lily was not in the Order. That was okay too. He missed her. He felt like he would always miss her.
The important thing was - she was alive. Hopefully she would stay that way.
Maybe one day he would know if the boy from his nightmare was truly her son. He’d been the last thing he’d seen in that dream. Her eyes, Potter’s face. A boy so young, and so scared . He wanted to hug him. What had been going on in that dream?
Years passed. Regulus Black did become a spy for Dumbledore. He came to a meeting with the grave news that a prophecy had been relayed to the Dark Lord. He had decided that Frank and Alice’s son was the one it referenced and was making plans to kill them. Severus had gasped. Something in him knew that this was what had originally led to Lily’s death. As far as Severus was aware, Lily and Potter weren’t married and were not expecting a child. Surely Potter would have said something. He heard a squeak that pulled him out of his thoughts. Pettigrew looked a bit…pale.
He waited until Dumbledore ended the meeting before approaching him privately.
“Sir. I was wondering if you could answer a few questions for me.”
“I shall try.”
“This is going to sound insane. Is there any other child that this prophecy could refer to?”
“Not that I’m directly aware of. Of course, it could always truly reference a child that isn’t even in Britain. But I’m afraid it won’t matter, if Voldemort has decided on the Longbottom boy, then they will have to make appropriate arrangements.” Severus nodded.
“I was also wondering…did you notice that Pettigrew was sweating profusely and extremely pale during the meeting?” Dumbledore looked at him appraisingly.
“I did notice it. I wasn’t concerned, he’s a sickly boy. Why did you notice?”
“He looked…stricken…when Regulus relayed that the prophecy had been delivered to the Dark Lord. I hate to even suspect him but…I’ve honed my skills in trying to deduce even the smallest shift in demeanor and…”
“You are suspicious.”
“Yes, sir.” Dumbledore sighed. He looked old and weary.
“I’ll look into it. Thank you for bringing your worries to my attention.”
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At the next Order meeting, Dumbledore began with news that Pettigrew had taken the Mark and was passing what information he was able to Voldemort. It was only the secrecy spells that Dumbledore had cast that had protected Regulus’ spy status.
Sirius Black had clenched his fists before hugging his brother for what Severus was sure was the first time in years. Potter and Lupin were holding hands tightly. Lupin’s eyes rimmed with red and Potter’s jaw set hard as he rubbed his friend’s back.
“This is devastating news but he has been taken to Azkaban. We have changed our plans for Frank and Alice’s safety.” The meeting carried on from there but Severus was distracted.
Lupin and Potter leaned on each other for the entire meeting. Closer than he’d ever noticed them before. After the meeting, Black caught his eye and approached him.
“I know you were the one that suspected Pettigrew,” he stated.
“I was. It’s unfortunate that I was right.”
“Yeah it fucking is, but I’m glad you saw what none of us did. He’d been trying to convince us that you and Remus were actually spies for the Dark Lord. When Dumbledore came to us and explained what he’d discovered it finally gave those two,” he gestured over to Potter and Lupin, who were still clutching each other, “the incentive to admit their feelings.” Black blew out a breath. “I’m just glad that pining is over. I thought it was bad when James and Lily were together but Godrick, Remus and James were on a different level.”
“What?” He stared at Potter and Lupin shocked as Potter leaned in and kissed Lupin - on the lips. Severus was not at all bothered but very much confused. “I thought Potter and Lily were still together?” Black looked confused.
“They broke up. Two years ago. On the train back to King’s Cross. I thought you and Lily were friends?”
“I haven’t - We haven’t spoken in years.”
“Huh,” Black said, thoughtfully.
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She honestly didn’t know why she’d waited so long to approach Severus. He’d kissed her and she’d immediately broken up with James. It was for the best. She was very aware that Remus was in love with James and she had suspected for a while that James had feelings for him as well but hadn’t noticed it yet.
After she was single, she’d focused on going to college - something important to her parents.
Before she knew it, two years had passed and she hadn’t seen Severus. She also hadn’t stopped missing him, hadn’t stopped remembering that one soft kiss.
James had owled her to tell her about Pettigrew. She’d been shocked that he had been a Death Eater right under all their noses. She was even more surprised when Sirius had invited her out to coffee at a muggle place near her apartment.
“What’s up, Siri? Not that I’m not happy to see you, but I know you’ve been busy.” He took a sip of his coffee.
“I had an interesting conversation the other day.”
“Oh?”
“With Snape.” Her breath caught.
“When did you see him?” She asked.
“He’s in the Order. He was actually the one that suspected that Peter was a fucking rat. He brought his suspicion to Dumbledore.” She nodded, her eyes wide. “I was thanking him for outing him and noticed that he was still under the impression that you and James are still together.” She cringed. “I was just as confused because I was under the impression that you had forgiven him and that you were going to be friends again.” She sighed and pulled on the sleeve of her cardigan.
“I talked to him on the train. I apologized and asked him to be friends again. And he said no.”
“He said no? Why the fuck would he say that?” Sirius looked enraged and she rushed to explain. “He said he wanted to be more than friends. And he kissed me.” Sirius stared at her for a moment before bursting out laughing.
“Damn, I would never have expected that Snape would have the balls -” She rolled her eyes at him and waited for him to calm himself. “Lily. When I told Snape that you and James were broken up and he saw James and Remus together - he looked heartbroken. Honestly, I’ve never liked him, but it even made me feel bad. So why haven’t you said anything Lily? Do you not want to be with him or is it something else?” Sirius asked. Lily huffed.
“You’re much smarter than you’re given credit for.” She stated. Sirius beamed.
“Thank you very much, madam. But you’re not changing the subject.”
“Fine! I was shocked at first. It wasn’t like I hadn’t realized that he fancied me. But then we weren’t friends anymore and I thought he was a terrible person. But I missed him…all the time. I didn’t understand why I missed him so much. I don’t even miss my sister that much. And then he kissed me and I…understood. I loved him too and I didn’t want to be friends either. So I left his compartment and broke up with James and then I…got scared.”
“Well then I think it’s high time you did something even though you’re scared. Don’t you?” Sirius asked, smiling at her. She gaped at him.
“Sirius Black! I can’t believe you, of all people, just talked me into dating Severus Snape.” Lily laughed.
“I’ve seen him enough during Order meetings. I know now that I was wrapped up in prejudice before he’s alright and I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s the reason Regulus is a spy. It’s still dangerous…but he gave me my brother back.”
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After a bit of begging and pleading, which Lily felt Dumbledore enjoyed far too much, Lily finally had the coordinates for Severus’ home. She apparated as soon as she was outside Hogwarts’ wards and was unsurprised that she was caught in a very impressive magical cage.
“Severus!” She called loudly. “Severus!” It was only a moment before he appeared, wand raised. He froze when he saw her before releasing her from the cage.
“L-Lily?” He asked, voice hesitant.
“It’s me.” She replied. He stood awkwardly for another moment before he seemed to shake himself and finally spoke again.
“Did you want to come inside?” She nodded and he led the way, allowing her through his protective wards.
“You’ve really got this place locked down,” she commented as they entered his small home.
“Had to. I’m pretty sure the Dark - well he isn’t very impressed that I didn’t take the Dark Mark. It’s probably only a matter of time before he does find me. I can only hope -” But Lily couldn’t hear anymore. What would she do if Severus died? It would be so much worse than hateful words and misunderstandings shaped through fear. She pressed her lips to his. He gasped but didn’t leave her hanging as he pulled her close to him and kissed her back. His hand coming to rest at her nape, fingers sliding into her hair as his other hand held her hip tightly. No kiss had ever felt like this one before. No kiss could compare. She’d never loved any of them before. She smiled as they deepened the kiss, their tongues meeting again and again. He tasted like tea which didn’t surprise her because Severus loved tea and his embrace felt safe and hot at the same time. When she finally pulled her mouth away from his to catch her breath she let out a breathless chuckle.
“Why didn’t we do that years ago?” She whispered, leaning back to look him in the eyes.
“I have no satisfactory answer. I was worried it would ruin our friendship if you knew how I felt and I ruined it anyway,” he responded just as quietly. She brought her hand to his cheek.
“I don’t want to be friends either.”
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Twenty years later
There’s a boy that walks across the stage, his green and silver robes flowing as he steps up to Headmaster Dumbledore to receive his diploma. He turns, knowing his mother will be poised with a muggle camera to snap a picture and proudly displays the tie - a clash of gold and crimson.
Harry Severus Snape didn’t look anything like the boy from Severus’ nightmare all those years ago. Except he had his mother’s eyes.
The end of the war had come two years after his birth. Born as the seventh month died, Voldemort had shifted his target from the elusive Longbottoms to the newly married Snapes. Severus had been absolutely terrified when the lives of his wife and child were threatened.
Once he and Lily had gotten together, it had become obvious that Sirius and Lily had shared an unlikely bond over estranged siblings and had become siblings of a fashion. He had been Lily’s man-of-honor, Harry’s godfather, their secret keeper.
Regulus Black had become aware of Voldemort's horcruxes and he and the Order had banded together to destroy them. It had taken two years of Lily, Harry and Severus in hiding before the task had been completed. Dumbledore had duelled him and won and ended his reign of terror in 1984.
Lily and Severus cheered loudly at their Slytherin/ Gryffindor son. The son of theirs that had been initially sorted into Gryffindor but had requested a resort in his fifth year and had been sorted into Slytherin where he’d thrived. The stigma of blood purity only a lingering stain on the house but nothing like the cruelty that Severus had experienced had existed for his son. He would know as he was the NEWTs potion professor and Lily was the Muggle Studies professor.
Beside them his little sister cheered just as loudly, Lily’s mini just as much as Harry was his and she adored her older brother in a way that he knew made Lily happy just as much as her heart ached for the lost bond with her own sister.
He smiled as he watched his son approach his best friend - Draco Malfoy of all people. Severus wouldn’t lie, he’d been apprehensive of their friendship. Lucius Malfoy had been sentenced to Azkaban when the war ended but Narcissa had never taken the mark and had raised their son on her own. Being related to Sirius, they’d introduced the kids, despite Draco being a few years older than Harry they had become fast friends and remained friends throughout the years.
He, Lily and Violet approached Harry but stopped as they overheard what Harry was saying.
“Draco, you’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember. And I know that this could ruin our friendship, but I’ve been informed that it might be worth it to take a risk rather than regret what could have been,” Harry said, only slightly rushed. Severus could see the confusion on Draco’s face before Harry leaned forward and kissed him. Beside him Lily squeezed his hand and he heard Violet squeal. Severus waited with baited breath, hoping that he would not need to comfort his son through his first heartbreak.
Harry pulled away for only a moment before Draco pulled him close and kissed him again.
“Okay!” Lily said loudly. “I think we should give your brother a moment,” she said to Violet.
“I knew it!” She declared brightly as they made their way to mingle with the other parents and professors. “He loooooves him so much and he tried to tell me he didn’t but I’m his sister, duh! I know these things!”
“You’re a very intelligent fifteen year old,” Severus said, only slightly sarcastically though his daughter still stuck her tongue out at him. He chuckled.
“You know…he must have gotten that bravery from you.” Lily whispered in his ear.
“Life with you has far outshined any fear I had about you not returning my feelings,” he said and kissed her as deeply as he could get away with when Violet loudly exclaimed, “Ew!” They broke apart, laughing.
All was well.
The end.