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"This feeling... It's hard to put into words. I suddenly found myself with so many wishes... So much I want to accomplish before setting off."
"Then go do it, Cas!"
Her conversation with Tribbie seemed to be the only thing on Castorice's mind all day, despite both the memories Anaxa showed her and the possibility that she'd finally find the Titan responsible for her cold, accursed touch. She found herself worried by only a list of small, simple tasks, some being things she'd simply put off doing up until now, others things she'd considered for a while that became much more urgent given the circumstance.
It took what felt like the entire day and a thousand laps around the city to complete all but one objective on her list, and in the end, she found herself in the golden waters of the Chrysos Heirs bathhouse, where she sat and thought over the final task in her mind.
Another's touch. She wanted to feel another's touch.
While Aglaea's thread did a great job at making the feeling indirect, it was still just that, indirect; it couldn't offer the warm body Castorice longed to wrap her arms around, to hold, and to hug.
She knew it was a more than impossible task, perhaps even a pointless one; no one could fulfill her request without the risk of death. It was ironic in a sense; she'd soon be getting something she'd always wanted in her audience with Thanatos, yet their curse still prevented her from getting another thing she'd wanted just as badly.
Even still, she sat in the bath's waters and considered her options. Her first choice was Aglaea, given how she could use the threads to recreate the sensation of a hug, but the idea didn't last long, as any touch beyond the threads would put Aglaea at risk.
Perhaps Anaxa? No, that would put both him and the coreflame housed inside his body at risk, not to mention Cerses, who seemed to be leashed to his mortal body.
She considered Hyacine, but even despite her life-saving, sometimes miracle-working healing capabilities, surely it wouldn't be able to cheat death in the face of Thanatos.
"Cheat death in the face of Thanatos." The words fell from Castorice's lips, and her eyes went wide as she remembered someone she hadn't even considered up until then.
Someone who felt Castorice's touch and managed to be perfectly fine, even managed to make a few jokes out of it. The Trailblazer from another world.
Given Stelle had technically died upon her arrival to Amphoreus, Castorice had been able to touch her, once entirely accidentally when she hadn't even considered the potential consequences, and once purposefully, partially because there had been no consequences the first time, and to confirm the suspicions of Stelle being 'dead.'
Though as soon as the idea came into her head, doubts began to flood right behind it. Would it be an appropriate time to ask for such a favor? Would it not be greedy to take advantage of Stelle's 'death' to grant her one selfish request? Would she even be okay with such a thing?
Stelle already had to worry about saving her soul before it fell into Thanatos's clutches; surely she didn't want to be reminded of her situation, let alone fulfill a request that could only be fulfilled given that same situation.
Still, even with her doubts, she found herself unable to put the idea from her mind, the fact she could feel another's embrace was too much for her to ignore, even if only for a short while, and due to truly irrepeatable circumstances, she had to ask at the very least, and hope Stelle didn't take the request too poorly.
***
The short walk to Stelle's room felt longer than ever; the mere thought of her request was enough to make her hands shake and her heart race. She considered everything that could go wrong, and while most were usual fears from her curse, the very real fear of rejection lingered in her mind.
It was a greedy, selfish request, exploiting Stelle's current predicament. But it was the only way Castorice had to truly feel the touch of another, and she refused to let it slip away without even trying.
Her mind continued to circle the subject until she soon found herself outside of Stelle's door, having arrived without realizing it. She took a breath to calm herself and gave a gentle knock on the door. "It's me."
After a moment, the door opened to Stelle with a confused look on her face.
"I hope I didn't wake you." Castorice apologized, and Stelle shook her head.
"Don't worry, sleep is a luxury when you're my age." Stelle smiled, and Castorice chuckled. It was nice to see she was still able to joke around even under the circumstances. "What's up? Another request from Aglaea?"
"No, no, but it's good to see you're still as full of life as ever." After a short smile, Castorice cleared her throat and got straight to the point. "I'm here for more private matters, actually."
"Private matters?" Stelle tilted her head, and the look of confusion returned to her face, "Like what? Need my help with something?"
"I just had a request, if it wouldn't be too much to ask. At the grove when I accidentally caught you from falling, and a few days ago in the Garden of Life when I confirmed your circumstance, I touched you during both instances and-" She paused for a moment to consider her next words and how she should phrase her question. "Are you sure you didn't feel anything then?"
"Now that you mentioned it-" Stelle tapped her chin to mimic thinking, and Castorice waited with baited breath. "Hmmm, well, your hands were a little cold, but other than that, I'm still here moving around and talking to you, so I don't think what was supposed to happen did happen."
"Good. And we're sure you're still- well, that your soul is still-" Another pause, what was the best way to ask without directly asking?
Fortunately for her, she didn't have to think about it long. "Dead? I mean, I don't feel dead, I don't look dead, but if Oronyx themselves says I am, then I guess I am. Would I even be able to tell if my soul had returned or not?" Stelle answered with a shrug and thankfully took no offense at Castorice's question; her smile didn't falter.
"You wouldn't be able to tell, no, but that's not what I came here for. Those times I touched you, they were the only times I've ever been able to touch someone or something living without hurting them, and I was wondering. If it isn't too rude of me to ask." Castorice fumbled her fingers and glanced down as her face grew warm. "If I could maybe just touch you for a moment?"
"Touch me? Like you want a hug?" Stelle tilted her head to the side in confusion, and Castorice's eyes went wide. She immediately began to try to defend herself.
"If that's an appropriate thing to ask! I know it's a bit selfish of me to want, but- you're the only person I could come to for this, the only person who I've ever been able to touch without harming. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't so important to me." Her words came out in a stammered, panicked mess, and her face only grew hotter by the second.
"Oooh, I don't know Castorice, that's a pretty *big* request where I come from, that's like asking someone to hold their hand." Stelle joked, and she swore she'd never seen Castorice look this embarrassed, or adorable.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know-! I'm just- there are so many things I want to accomplish before we set off to find Thantos. I've finished all the other tasks on my list, and this is the only one left. And I really want to-" Castorice was interrupted by the sudden feeling of something on her shoulder, her body tensed, and she looked up to notice Stelle had reached out to put her hand there.
"Castorice, I was joking-"
"Miss- do you feel okay!" Castorice blurted as she instinctively stepped back with shaky hands and a worried look on her face.
Stelle made a display of pretending to examine her hand, then nodded. "As far as I can tell, I'm perfectly fine, and you aren't selfish to want a hug; if I can help with it, I'd love to." She assured, and Castorice finally calmed down, though a faint blush remained on her cheeks.
"Thank you. In that case, may I come in?" She asked, and Stelle stepped out of the way for her to enter, then went to sit on the bed.
Castorice sat on her knees on the opposite end, still with shaky hands that fumbled nervously in her lap. "You know you kinda have to get closer for a hug?" Stelle teased, and it only seemed to make the other woman more flushed as she moved closer to Stelle but remained an arm's length away.
"You're sure this is okay? That I won't hurt you or- you'll be okay with it? You can say no at any time." Castorice insisted, her eyes glued to the bed beneath her.
Stelle reached out to hold one of her hands, which drew a shaky breath from Castorice, but she otherwise stayed put. "Look at me, Castorice." Her voice came out softer than before, and after a moment of hesitation, she finally complied. "I'm holding your hand, and by the way it looks, I definitely don't think I'm dead- or more dead than I already was."
A smile finally appeared on Castorice's stained face. She then glanced back down at their hands to watch as her other one came up and her fingertips rested on the back of Stelle's palm.
Before she could begin to move, she could hear a drawn-out breath from Stelle and looked back up to meet her gaze as her hand retreaded. "Are you okay?" Even with the assurance, Castorice couldn't help but retain a bit of worry.
"Your hands are just cold," Stelle nodded as she spoke and noticed how Castorice's fingers retreated ever so slightly at the mention of her 'cold' hands. "Not that cold though, I'm okay, Castorice, really."
With a deep breath and a nod, Castorice's hand returned to slowly trace Stelle's, up the length of her fingers, and back down to her wrist. Being able to feel the warm, soft skin beneath her fingertips was such a small, simple sensation, but it made Castorice's heart race and her cheeks even warmer than they already were.
She was really doing this; she could touch someone without them being brought to an early death, and the pure joy that came with merely tracing Stelle's hand, the mere fact that she was able to do this, was enough to make her heart swell, her breath hitched and shaky, and her lips quiver as her emotions threatened to spill over.
Without warning, Stelle moved closer to break the arm's distance between them, which left the duo only inches across from each other. She lifted her free hand to cup Castorice's cheek and tilt her chin up to meet her gaze.
Castorice flinched from the initial touch but, after a moment, leaned into it and shut her eyes as her other hand joined Stelle's on her cheek. "Thank you, miss." She managed to finally say after a long moment of silence, though her voice came out soft and weak from the sheer wave of emotions that came with it.
"Just my name is okay, I think we're well beyond the formalities at this point." Stelle assured with a chuckle and traced her thumb along Castorice's cheek, "Now, do you still want that hug? I'm sure just being able to touch me is great, but I think maybe you want someone to embrace you?"
"Oh, um- yes- please mi- ahem, Stelle." Castorice fumbled with her words in a way that the Trailblazer couldn't help but find adorable, even more so when she saw how red her cheeks were.
Without a moment's hesitation, Stelle closed the distance that remained, her arms wrapped around Castorice's waist to pull her into an initially loose and warm embrace. An embrace that had Castorice's eyes wide open in awe at the sudden warmth, and her whole body shook as her emotions finally began to spill out.
She slowly lifted her arms to hug the other woman back, and it was enough to make the tears that had built up in her eyes finally fall down her cheeks. She held onto Stelle tighter and hid her face in the crook of her neck in an attempt to be as close to her as she possibly could.
Stelle felt the tremors of her body and heard a soft sob fall from her lips, which prompted her to hold the poor woman tighter. "Castorice?"
"I'm okay. This is just- a lot for me, I'm sorry," Castorice's voice was occasionally broken by quiet, drawn-out sobs, and her hands gripped the back of Stelle's shirt to try to ground herself. "I just- it's been so many long, cold years-"
"You don't have to explain it to me, just enjoy this for as long as you need." Stelle cut her off before she could start rambling and rubbed circles on her back with her fingers to help soothe her.
Ideally, Castorice would have an eternity to appreciate the warmth, comfort, and security she felt in Stelle's embrace, but she knew all too well that time was a luxury they didn't have. Still, she clung to the Trailblazer tighter as another round of sobs and tears left her, for she'd make the most of what she could.
After a few long minutes where every second was spent with Castorice savoring the embrace, her sobs finally began to subside, the tears had mostly dried up, she released her grip, and removed herself from Stelle's shoulders and neck, but kept her arms around her waist.
"I apologize for that, I wasn't expecting to be so emotional-" Castorice began, but Stelle simply shook her head and brought her own hand up to wipe away what remained of her tears.
"No apologizing, and remember no explaining, all that matters is I could help, that is kinda entirely why I'm in Amphoreus to begin with." Stelle chuckled, and Castorice could only nod. "Now, is there anything else you'd like? I'm sure we've got a little bit more time before we have to leave."
"Um- well-" Castorice hesitated as another thing she'd yearned for all her life came to mind, though her nerves were much stronger than before as she considered asking for something even more intimate.
But the feeling of Stelle's hands around her, and the fact that she was so willing to fulfill her original request despite its seemingly selfish nature, made her feel a little more confident in her decision, even if she could feel herself grow warmer and warmer from just the thought.
"Well-?"
"If it wouldn't be too greedy, or inappropriate, I'd like to kiss you, but-" Her voice cracked, and she shut her eyes, awaiting a negative reaction. "I understand if that's too much or you'd rather not and-"
It was finally Stelle's turn to blush while Castorice rambled on. Her face began to redden slightly from the proposition, but she quickly regained her composure, and a soft smirk replaced the surprised look on her face as she brought a finger to the other woman's lips to silence her. "Would I be your first kiss?"
The question only flustered Castorice more as she opened her eyes to find Stelle closer than they'd been before; the mere closeness of her face alone made Castorice's breath catch, and her heart began to race. "Yes. Um- that is if you'd- not mind."
"I would be honored, Castorice, if I knew I'd get to kiss a pretty lady from dying, I would have died earlier." Stelle giggled as she leaned closer, "And even if I wasn't dead, I'd still kiss you."
With that, Stelle closed the distance to press her lips to the other woman who, after a moment of shock, closed her eyes and eagerly returned it as she melted, and her heart skipped a beat from the sensation.
She could swear her heart had stopped for a moment, her breath hitched while her hands pulled Stelle in closer and held her as close as possible. It was almost as if time had slowed down as the kiss lasted, a seemingly infinite moment where she could only feel and think about the woman she was kissing.
After so many long, cold, lonely years, the Trailblazer had managed to give her something she never thought she'd get to experience in her life. Intimacy, the warmth of another body, and the embrace of a loving pair of arms. And the best part was, none of it would end with a tragic demise.
Stelle pulled away but pressed her forehead against Castorice's and cupped her cheeks while she recovered from the sudden rush of emotions. "I'll take it you liked that?"
"Yes- it was- very much yes." Castorice quickly nodded and stammered out her reply, unable to even get a full sentence out from the sheer bliss and how she was still reeling from the sensation. "Could I stay here for a while longer- just to savor this before we have to go?"
"You can stay as long as you need," Stelle assured her with a nod and a smile, after Castorice leaned in to embrace her, then rested her head in the crook of Stelle's neck, and felt her pull her down to the bed and hold her close.
With that, she'd completed every task on her list, even the one previously thought impossible. Even if she were to assume her divinity soon, she'd be able to do so with no regrets.
And if she ever got lonely, she could look back on this memory, look back to the Trailblazer from beyond the stars who'd made it all possible for her.
"Thank you for everything, Stelle.”