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The fire consumed everything. Yunjin could only watch, only cry out as she fought against the police officers preventing her from entering the building. She was here to pick her girlfriend up, only to be met with the fire that had consumed the mall. The firefighters carried her lifeless girlfriend out on a stretcher, still alive, still breathing, clutching a charred velvet box to her chest. Right…?
Yunjin woke up with a start, sweat beading her forehead, only to find the cold sheets beside her, the pillow that once carried the warmth of her girlfriend’s body sat void of anything. Just cold emptiness. She sat up her eyes darting around the room to check for any signs of life. Nothing. Just a panic started to settle into her chest, a familiar head poked its way through the doorway.
“Breakfast is ready. Get up, sleepyhead.” Sakura’s tender voice filled the space. Thank god. It was just a dream, a stupid dream. The sound of her voice spilling into the space, filling the cracks in Yunjin’s heart that the dream had opened. Scrambling to her feet unsteadily, the brunette practically flung herself at the raven-haired girl, burying her head in the crook of her neck.
“Kkura… I…I thought…” she sniffled into the older woman’s neck, her tears now spilling freely.
“That dream again?” Sakura managed, her voice quieter now, less cheery than her tone before.
Yunjin just nodded against Sakura’s shoulder, the sobs falling from her lips muffled by the fabric that rested against the shorter woman’s body.
“Breathe, Yunjin. You know I wouldn’t leave you right?” But even as she said that, a shaky exhale left Sakura’s lips.
“Yeah.”
Helping the younger girl to the bathroom to wash up, she shed her apron, tossing it into the nearby laundry basket. Yunjin’s breaths came out less shallow, more steady as Sakura’s hand rubbed comforting circles on the brunette’s back.
“You’ll be fine by yourself?”
A nod.
“I’ll continue setting up the table. Breakfast should be ready by the time you’re done.”
Another nod.
Sakura could only remember the first time Yunjin crashed into her side like this, as tears spilled from those beautiful russet-coloured orbs. It hurt every time she saw Yunjin like this, every time she explained how vivid her dreams were. And she hated herself, hated how she could only watch as Yunjin dealt with all the pain, hated how she couldn’t tell Yunjin a single thing.
Setting up the table, she slid into her seat, waiting as the sound of footsteps padding over the wooden floor drew nearer, Yunjin walking out of the bathroom, her expression carefully neutral.
“If you’re not hungry, you don’t have to eat it, okay?” Sakura reached out, a hand cupping Yunjin’s cheek as she pressed a soft, tender kiss to her forehead. The brunette’s originally tense body softened, her body melting into Sakura’s touch.
“Okay.”
The food was scarfed down Yunjin’s throat, disappearing in a blink of an eye. Seemingly, food did the trick to distract Yunjin from the horrible dream that she had, her cheerful attitude returning, loud laughter returning to bounce around the house.
<:🌸🐶:>
Sakura swore Yunjin’s body had a clock. Everyday, at 3:19 sharp, she would ask Sakura if she was going to the graveyard with her. And each time, the older girl declined, because how else was she supposed to tell her wasn’t allowed to go out?
She never understood why Yunjin liked going to that gloomy place, because each time she came back, she said she didn’t see any gravestone with a name she recognised, so why? Why did she keep going back?
Again, today, the clock struck 3:19, and just like clockwork, the human incarnate of a golden retriever bounded up to her, asking if she would like to accompany her to the same, old graveyard. But the response was always the same, that ‘no’ that fell from Sakura’s lips like it was going to kill her if she stepped out of the house.
And again Yunjin went, to the graveyard it was, let the tears sting her eyes before coming home. To anyone, it would seem she was a fool for going back to something that had ‘no purpose’, maybe she was. Yunjin didn’t know what she was going back for. But she needed to go back, even if just for a second everyday. As long as she went back, that would be enough.
<:🌸🐶:>
Warmth enveloped her as she stepped into her apartment, the door closing behind her with a soft click. She welcomed the sight of her girlfriend sitting on the couch, slightly leaned forward, her tongue sticking out of her mouth in concentration.
“Argh! Stop being so useless!” The older shouted in frustration, throwing the controller onto the couch, a pout adorning her lips.
An effortless chuckle slipped off Yunjin’s lips, making Sakura’s wide eyes snap to the space on the couch she had occupied as the shorter girl picked the controller back up. The brunette shifted closer, a finger smoothing out the frown on the older woman’s face, leaning in to press a lingering kiss against the raven-haired woman’s lips. Momentarily stunned, Sakura melted into the kiss, the game forgotten.
She could feel the younger girl gently nudging her down so that her back would rest against the armrest, her teeth tugging gently at her lower lip, like she was seeking Sakura’s permission. The slight tug of her hair, the way Yunjin’s fingers laced its way in between the dark-coloured locks, eliciting a soft gasp from the older woman.
A slight hum vibrated its way up the brunette’s throat as she deepened the kiss, pressing Sakura even further against the couch. Hands scrambled to grasp at Yunjin’s jacket, pulling her closer, like the sliver of the gap between them was too large, too much distance.
The loud ‘Game Over!’ that sounded from the TV speakers shattered the moment instantly, Yunjin breaking away from Sakura, turning to glare at the television like it had personally offended her.
“Unnie… you could have turned it off…”
“Well, you didn’t exactly give me enough time to do that, did you?”
The younger girl pouts but doesn’t offer another protest, instead just slipping into the embrace that Sakura was offering her, inhaling the flowery scent that clung to her girlfriend, letting her body relax.
<:🌸🐶:>
The next time her eyes blinked back open, Yunjin was surprised to find that her body was still rested against Sakura’s, the shorter girl, her features albeit softer from sleep her mouth whispered words that the brunette was hardly able to hear.
“No… give me one more day… Just one.”
The words were cryptic, and Yunjin was unable to make any sense of them, but something about the way in which Sakura said it, so pleading, so desperate, like she was trying not to lose something precious. And it made Yunjin’s heart break, because whatever was going on in her mind right now to make Sakura beg like that was important. Because the truth was? Sakura never begged, ever.
Then before Yunjin’s train of thought could continue, the older woman’s facial featured softened even more, the tension leaving her face, replaced by what looked very close to relief. The corners of the younger girl’s lips curved upward, content at the now relaxed expression painted across Sakura’s features.
<:🌸🐶:>
The morning started out like any other morning, Sakura seeming to have no recollection of her ‘dream’ last night, just that Yunjin was being an extra clingy puppy, wrapping her arms around Sakura’s waist when she cooked breakfast, asking Sakura to feed her when they ate, and watching as Sakura fiddled with the controller as she took down opponent after opponent.
As usual, Yunjin’s graveyard visit came and went, with the younger girl snuggling up into the raven-haired woman’s side the moment she came back.
Then came a text from Chaewon, her best friend, asking her to come over the next morning to pick Eunchae up from the airport who was coming back from her studies abroad. Agreeing excitedly, Yunjin asked Sakura if she could come, only to which her girlfriend flashed a small, sad smile and declining Yunjin’s offer as usual.
The next morning, Sakura just left her with a small, lingering kiss pressed to the corner of her mouth and a small ‘have fun, babe.’ one that left too much sadness behind in its wake, one that held a finality, a finality that Yunjin wasn’t sure she could process, so instead, she let a crooked smile rest on her lips, shooting a playful wink before turning to head out.
The door had closed behind her, almost. And she swore she heard Sakura’s sob break free as she whispered in Japanese, “Arigatō, Yunjinnie. Sayonara.”
Yunjin should have turned back, she shouldn’t have dismissed it as her imagination, but for whatever reason she did.
Meeting with Chaewon, Kazuha and Eunchae though, pushed the disturbing thought out of her mind.
“It’s a pity that Sakura couldn’t come today.”
The three people that Yunjin was talking to froze instantly. Eunchae stopped mid-gesture, the words she was saying faltering, hesitation written across her face.
Kazuha, listening intently, also paused, sadness reflecting in her ebony orbs.
Chaewon practically transformed into a statue for a full thirty seconds before a she took a shaky inhale, then exhale. “What do you mean?”
“She decided to stay at home.”
Concern painted its way across their features, before Eunchae spoke up.
“Unnie… she’s gone…?”
Yunjin just frowned. “This isn’t a funny joke.”
“This isn’t a joke.” Kazuha’s voice cut in, sharp, steady.
“I-I saw her this morning! I swear!”
To the three of them, she sounded absurd, almost like she was going crazy.
“Maybe we should send you home.”Chaewon’s voice was filled with concern, but it did nothing to calm Yunjin’s heart. She was confused beyond words, and found that she had a lack of energy to fight against Chaewon who was now dragging her to her car.
The moment she reached the apartment complex, she practically sprinted out of Chaewon’s car back up to her apartment. Pushing the door open, the was greeted with a Sakura slumped on the floor, in the same spot she was in when Yunjin left the house a few hours ago. Concern bloomed in the brunette’s chest.
“Kkura-unnie. Kkura-unnie!”
The chocolate orbs that Yunjin fell in love with were now brimming with tears.
“What happened? Unnie?”
Surprise and shock etched its way onto the older woman’s features. “Yunjinnie? I thought you went out?”
“Thank god you’re still here. Chaewon, Kazuha and Eunchae told me—” her voice cracked before she could continue, and she just buried her head into Sakura’s shoulder.
There was a short pause. “Not for very long.”
“What?” Yunjin’s voice was loud, confusion fusing into her voice.
“I’ll probably be gone in a few minutes. But… hear me out. I was never real. Your dreams of me dying, those… weren’t dreams. It was real.” The older woman let that sink in before continuing, “I’m so, so sorry Yunjinnie. I’m no longer real, not for anyone, not anymore. But, I love you, so, so much. I hope you won’t forget that. Goodbye Yunjin, I will love you forever.”
A firm press of Sakura’s lips on Yunjin’s. And then, it was gone. The warmth of the room, gone. Just cold emptiness filling the room as the clock ticked to 3:19. And Sakura was gone. No. This had to be a joke. This had to be.
But when the three comforting arms wrapped around her as she wailed by her doorway, as she let the tears fall, she still felt cold inside, like a final goodbye. Like Sakura had taken the warm parts of her and just left.
And even as they brought her back to the familiar grave she went to every day, it still felt foreign. Because she finally let the name focus into sight.
Miyawaki Sakura.
The love of her life. Her everything. Her one and only.
And maybe, just maybe Yunjin would choose to stand in the debris, the debris of the world that had crumbled. And the last whisper to the ghost of the destroyed city,
“You should never have bought that ring for me… Kkura-unnie.”
I love you too. Too much for my own good. But she never said it. Because whispering to the dead city wouldn’t rebuild it.